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Aye what's all that fun yall having over there?? Gunther bout to put a stop to that immediately!!! That's right yall the Yeet era is over, but the Truth shall set us free!!! Ron Killings made Nick Khan get on the phone and say we messed up, Naomi finally won Money in the Bank... Wait will Trips beat the allegations?? Is Mr. Iguana the most over person in wrestling?? Are the fellas excited for a Nikki Bella return?? Find out Now on Dragonball.... I mean LET ME BOOK THE TERRITORY!!! 

 Karen Saves The Universe: Part 2Can a strange marriage survive?Based on a post by LingeringAfterthought, in 3 parts. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories.I want you, Red. I need to make you mine; mine forever. I've never felt like this before; I know I never will again. Marry me." Cal pleaded."I;” Karen murmured, glancing around their group to make sure she wouldn't be overheard, "I don't know what to say. You're wonderful; and you've done so much for me, but this has all been so fast. We're still just getting to know each other; and half the time it doesn't even make sense to me why you would want me; but I; I just; can I just finish school?" she asked."How you can even think about school when someone like me is ready to give you everything you ever wanted, to take care of you completely, it's just crazy;” Cal murmured, sliding his hand up between her legs and brushing along the edge of her panties.Karen blushed and squeezed her thighs together, looking around embarrassed. "I just; I just worked so hard to get in. Juilliard's been my whole life for so long," she said, looking up into his eyes pleading.Cal looked at her through hooded eyes, "Keep looking at me like that and we won't be waiting for anything." His eyes heated as he pulled her closer, dominating her with a hungry kiss while she squirmed self-consciously. The couples around the table smirked as Cal grew even more bold in his explorations.When he released her, Karen hid her face in his neck as the others cheered. They were his friends, happy to see him happy. Cal glanced at a waiter nearby and gestured for more drinks for the table. The opening act on the stage below finished its last set, but the crowd refused to let the show end. Cheers filled the club, with the crowd demanding an encore.Castor, the lead singer, waited for the crowd to quiet with a grin, then his eyes drifted upward and his face lit with excitement. "Thank you, thanks guys, you're a great audience. For an encore, we'd love to give you a taste of our next album. We've been banging it out in the studio and I can't tell you how excited we are for it to be released. Problem is, it's got this insane keys part that can't be played by just anyone, but I think I see our studio angel in the audience tonight. Kare, baby; will you come help us out?" he asked, reaching upward to where Karen sat.Cal's friends turned to look at Karen in surprise. "You play? Like, for real?" Cal's friend Tony yelled across the table to her in surprise. Karen nodded in embarrassment, glancing at Cal.Everything suddenly froze as Karen rose and walked over to the table, standing over her younger self looking at Cal's face. "Look, you little dummy; look at it! It's right there!" she yelled at Young Karen."What's there?" Holland asked, craning his neck to try to see what she was yelling about."Cal, for all his big words, rich gifts, and grand gestures; he hadn't told his friends anything about me; because nothing of who I really was mattered to him. Only the things he wanted about me mattered to him ; that I was shy, and submissive, and just grateful to have someone pay attention to me. And here ; look at his face! It fell!" she yelled, gesturing to where Cal sat, leaning back in his chair."His face appears still to be attached, to me;” Holland said, doubtfully."It's just a phrase. His face didn't actually fall, but his eyes; look, he's still smiling, but you see it in his eyes. He's not happy for me. He's not happy because the moment stopped being about Cal and how he was the great boyfriend spoiling his new stupid girlfriend on her birthday. Once the moment became about me; that I was asked up on stage; that I could do something his friends admired; ugh, why didn't I see it?" she moaned."What happened?" Holland asked.Karen rubbed her eyes with her hand. "I was young. I was asked to do something. I was asked for help. I was a stupid ninny that had absolutely no ability to say 'no' without thinking the world would end; so, I went up and played with the band.""Oh; was that bad?" Holland asked."No, it wasn't bad. It was a great song. I played well and I was just tipsy enough to not feel all the eyes that were looking at me, making my skin crawl. And you know; some part of me; I wanted to do it. I wanted to show myself that I could play for people; outside a quiet studio," Karen admitted. "Everyone always went on and on about how I needed to get over being so self-conscious and how it would hold my career back. That, and part of me wanted to show Cal's friends that I was more than just another girl in the long line of girls that he had gone through; that I was worth something.""Sometimes I wish our crew would see that I was worth something more;” Holland said, ruefully."Yeah; it's hard when you're young. You're dying to show the world what you're worth, how you're special, but they mostly just need you to work hard and do as you're told," Karen sighed, looking around the club. "Some people will never see what's special about you. They see what they want and they really don't care about the rest. It's those people that see who you really are; without wanting anything from you; those are the ones you need to hang onto."Karen turned her back on the club and the room re-formed into her Newark apartment. The intercom buzzed and Dana rolled out of bed to answer it. "What's up?" she asked."Hey; um, I don't have my keys. Can you buzz me in?" Karen's voice shakily asked through the intercom. Dana frowned in confusion and pressed the button to allow her entry. Soon, she opened the door after Karen's tentative knock."What happened, Kare? I thought you'd be gone all weekend," Dana said, taking in her roommate's appearance. Karen looked unharmed, but her face was puffy and her makeup was streaked from crying and trying to wipe it away."I; uh; I played at the club tonight. Castor Graham was the opening act and he asked me to come up for the encore, so I did.""You played in front of rowdy drunk people? That's fantastic! How did it feel?" Dana asked, offering her back for Karen to lean on while she took off her heels."I was scared; but after a while it was fun. The keyboard was facing the crowd and after a while I looked out over the people and; they looked happy. They liked it. It felt good, then.""God, I wish I'd been there. I'm so proud of you! What did Cal and the entourage say?""Um; I; don't know," Karen blinked and looked around the apartment. "When, uh; when I um; when I got back to the table, they were all gone." Karen wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and cleared her throat."Wait, what?" Dana said, her tone darkening like a storm cloud, threatening imminent destruction. "Say that again. You get called up on stage to perform, you play in front of all those people; like the freakin' keyboard genius you are; and when you got back, those motherfuckers were gone?""I; I think they were gone? The table was empty from what I could see; and the, uh, the security guy; he couldn't let me into the area. He really only knew Cal, and um;” Karen choked and turned her face away, trying to breathe through it and stop herself from crying."Karen; that's not; wait, how did you even get home?" Dana asked, unzipping Karen's dress and grabbing a pair of yoga pants for her."Well, my purse and phone were gone from the table, so I couldn't call anybody and I didn't have any money;” Karen choked. "The security guy was really nice and said I could use his MetroCard if I returned it, so;”"Oh, Christ On A Crotch-Rocket!" Dana yelled, throwing a sweatshirt at Karen, who caught it and pulled it over her head. "Kare. You gotta stop dating this guy. He's a piece of shit. Trust me. I didn't know it when I sent you over there to play, but he's walking excrement;""It's probably just a misunderstand;""And believe me, I'm sure he'll come back with some half-assed explanation, because that's what they all do;""And he tells me all the time that he;""Yeah. He ‘tells ‘; you pretty stuff. He ‘buys ‘; you pretty stuff. Problem is, words and money are nothing to him. Where the hell is he when you're walking home in fuck-me club clothes from the train station and trying not to lose your virginity, huh? Kare. I know you've been through hell, but you are worth more than this. You need a guy that walks you down the sidewalk and puts himself on the traffic side; just in case, because that's who he is. You deserve that. Don't you get it?" Dana asked, taking Karen's hair down and brushing it out, gently."Cal isn't; it's probably just; something;” Karen whispered, biting her lips closed.Dana stopped brushing and wrapped her arms around her roommate, squeezing her hard. "There is real love out there, Kare; and if you don't deserve it, I don't know who does. Someday, you're going to meet a guy that actually loves you and it's going to blow your mind when the games and bullshit are gone. It's like; when a guy is in love, gravity changes for them, or something;”Holland jumped up and pointed excitedly at Dana. "She's right! When I met the Zendayans, my tongue swelled up and;""Are you listening to my story at all, or are you just fantasizing about pretty girls?" Karen huffed."Um; both?" Holland replied, smirking. "I mean, you and Dana were really pretty; and there's just one bed here, and;"Karen shot him an exasperated look and he shrank back behind the bulkhead. "Anyway;” she said.The room dissolved and re-formed, both girls sleeping in the queen-sized bed they shared, morning sunlight streaming in through the dirty window, when the buzzer sounded. "Day, c'mon time to go," a man's voice sounded from the intercom. Karen's head peered out from under the blanket and she ran over to the intercom, tripping over some bottles of wine that they (mostly Dana) had consumed the previous night, trying to rid Karen of her birthday misery."Um; she's almost ready!" Karen replied, then ran to the bed and shook her hungover roommate awake. "Day, someone's here for you; they say it's time to go."Dana grunted and turned over, away from Karen. "Go do it for me; just say you're me again," Dana grumbled into her pillow.Karen swallowed nervously, but gamely grabbed Dana's dress, quickly got ready, and ran out the door. Upon leaving the building, she stumbled into the guy waiting outside. "Um; I'm ready! I'm ready! Dana Stevens. Thanks for waiting;” she panted.The man gave her a quick considering look, then walked her to a large extended-cab pickup truck that looked ridiculously out of place on the streets of Newark. "Miss Stevens," he said, opening the passenger side door and offering his hand to help her up into the vehicle."Thanks. Thank you;” she said, precariously climbing up the runner board in her heels until she settled herself up onto the seat."Just wait there, a bit," he said, after closing the door. Walking back to the building, he selected a key from his collection, opened the building door and walked in. Not long after, he emerged from the building carrying Dana over his shoulder and carrying a bag stuffed haphazardly with clothes. Opening the door behind Karen, he dumped Dana unceremoniously into the back seat and tossed the bag of clothes on top of her. Dana, still in her pajamas, put the bag under her head and turned away from the sunlight streaming into the cab."Dean, this is Karen. Karen, my brother Dean," Dana mumbled, as she draped a pair of sweatpants over her head to block the light."Oh; um, sorry," Karen said, flushing red as she glanced over at Dean's face. "I didn't mean to; um, I'll just go;""Lock the doors, and get us out of the city, Dean. She's coming with us," Dana ordered. "She's on asshole detox!"Karen jumped as the truck's doors locked and Dean wordlessly pulled out into the street and started out. She clasped her hands in her lap nervously. She hadn't packed anything. She had no phone. She didn't have time to let Dana drag her to West Virginia for a visit. Dana had been trying to talk her into coming with her to where she had grown up with her grandparents, but in the excitement of her birthday, Karen had forgotten the trip was this week. She knew better than to say anything, though. Dana wouldn't care, and Dean; who knew what Dean Stevens the brother would think. He didn't say much, but he obviously knew better than to argue with hungover Dana, which was something they had in common."She knows where we're goin?" Dean asked, checking his mirrors as he merged onto the freeway. Dana grunted in assent. "Why ain't she singin' it, yet?" he rumbled, seemingly amused."Because She's Not A Drunk College Kid, Idiot!" Dana howled, holding her head in pain.Dean smirked and started humming "Country Roads" to himself."I hate you so much;” Dana growled, pulling the bag of clothes over her head again. Dean only laughed.After a few miles of road, Karen looked at her roommate in the back seat, and unbuckled her seatbelt. She began to turn to lean over the front seat when Dean reached over and pushed her back down and pointed at her seatbelt. "Um sorry; I just;” Karen trailed off, horrified that she had done something wrong. She couldn't finish her sentence and sat back down, blinking back tears as she put her seatbelt back on.Dean glanced over, looking her up and down for a moment. With a sigh, he put his turn signal on and pulled off the road into a gas station at the next exit. "Do what you need to do," he said, curtly.Karen jumped up, turned around and loosely buckled the seatbelt across the sleeping Dana's hips, then turned, sat down again, and buckled her seatbelt. "Thank you," she mumbled. Dean turned to the back seat where his sister continued sleeping and his face softened. He looked at Karen a second time, sitting with her hands in her lap again, clenched like she expected a tongue-lashing from him for delaying the trip. His eyes drifted down to her feet, where her cold toes were turning pink in the strappy, uncomfortable-looking heels she wore when she came running out of the apartment building on his sister's fool errand. Reaching back, he grabbed a pair of thick socks that had fallen out of the bag of clothes and tossed them to her. Smiling gratefully, Karen removed the strappy heels and pulled on the warm socks as he pulled out onto the road again.The road stretched on. The scenery gradually becoming more rural, the traffic less crowded. Karen found herself relaxing and breathing more slowly as the land passed by. She occasionally glanced at the gas gauge and compared them to the passing road signs to try to discern when they might be pulling over to refill the tank. The third time she did it, Dean shook his head. "Bedford, hon," he chuckled. "You know, you could just ask me. I might be a longshoreman, but I don't bite.""Not like Dana, then," Karen replied, biting her lips so she didn't smile."Hm. Sounds like a story," he said.Karen nodded. "The first time we met, I was waiting to audition for our agency and I was almost going to leave, I was so scared. Day asked to see what I was playing and I handed her the music. Instead of looking at it, she took my hand and bit me. Said it was 'for luck,'" Karen said, laughing to herself."It worked, too. Kare needed to get of her head. She plays better when you throw her off balance, first," Dana said, rising to a sitting position and running her fingers through her hair."Is that so?" Dean asked, looking over at Karen."Yeah. I think too much. My teacher always said I played things perfectly, but he could hear me thinking about it the whole time. Day's a true performer, though. She doesn't think at all - she plays with her feelings, and that's what an audience connects with," Karen said, smiling proudly at Dana."Thoughtlessly playing with feelings; sounds about right," Dean said, chuckling when Dana punched him in the shoulder. "Speaking of, we're coming up on Bedford. Let me know if you need anything."Dana growled at this but said nothing as Karen blinked in confusion. Soon, Dean pulled off the interstate into a gas station and up to a gas pump. Dean hopped out of the truck and began filling the tank. After noticing the bug-splattered windshield, Karen changed back into her strappy heels and walked over to where the island held the squeegee and mop. Dean watched, bemused, as she diligently scrubbed the dried carcasses of insects off the glass while dressed to the nines. Karen finished and climbed back into the truck, only to have Dana grab her shoulder and start whispering in her ear and pointing at the convenience store. Karen, appearing distressed, blushed and said something back to Dana, who gestured emphatically.Dean kept watching as Karen seemed to screw up her courage, took her purse, and walked quickly into the store. He shot his sister a flat look. Dana only grinned, stretched, and put her feet up on the front seat. Shaking his head, he followed into the store."And what would you be needing all those for, hon?" the guy at the till asked while ogling Karen, who looked like she wanted to disappear under the rug."Um; it's uh;” Karen stammered."I need to ask for state regulatory purposes," the guy continued, as he put a large box of condoms on the counter and rang it up."They're for me," Dean said, as he tossed some drinks, chips and cookies on the counter. "Uncut and hangs to the left. Anything else the state needs to know about my cock?" The till guy cleared his throat and began ringing up the additional items and bagging them without further comment. Annoyed, Dean grabbed the bagged items in one hand and took Karen's hand in the other and left the store. "You know, you don't have to do everything my little sister tells you," he said under his breath as they walked to the truck."Then why'd you buy them? Seems like you can't tell her 'no' any more than I can," Karen replied, a little surprised that she had the guts to argue with him.Dean laughed, "I don't want her knocked up any more than you do." He helped her up into the truck and tossed the bag of items to his sister.Dana went digging through the bag and retrieved the box. "Wait a minute, these are just regular. Didn't they have lubricated?" she complained. Karen swallowed uncomfortably, searching for an answer as Dean pulled her seatbelt out and buckled it around her."Don't need lubricated if the guy does his job right," Dean said, grinning at her cheerfully. "Raise your standards and you won't need so many, either.""Hum; lower yours, and maybe you'll actually need some," Dana retorted, opening the package of cookies. Karen just shrank in her seat and covered her flaming cheeks as they pulled back onto the freeway.The scenery turned into wooded hills with mountains growing in the distance. Steering down the curved roads, Dean sighed quietly, a peaceful smile on his face. Karen leaned forward in her seat, trying to see everything as it passed, excitement lighting her face. Dana had fallen asleep again.Near evening, Dean turned the truck down a long, dirt road and reached behind him to shake Dana awake. "Watch for him, Day;” he said. Dana sat up, suddenly alert and scanning the darkening woods around them."What are we looking for?" Karen asked.

 Karen Saves The Universe: Part 2Can a strange marriage survive?Based on a post by LingeringAfterthought, in 3 parts. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories.I want you, Red. I need to make you mine; mine forever. I've never felt like this before; I know I never will again. Marry me." Cal pleaded."I;” Karen murmured, glancing around their group to make sure she wouldn't be overheard, "I don't know what to say. You're wonderful; and you've done so much for me, but this has all been so fast. We're still just getting to know each other; and half the time it doesn't even make sense to me why you would want me; but I; I just; can I just finish school?" she asked."How you can even think about school when someone like me is ready to give you everything you ever wanted, to take care of you completely, it's just crazy;” Cal murmured, sliding his hand up between her legs and brushing along the edge of her panties.Karen blushed and squeezed her thighs together, looking around embarrassed. "I just; I just worked so hard to get in. Juilliard's been my whole life for so long," she said, looking up into his eyes pleading.Cal looked at her through hooded eyes, "Keep looking at me like that and we won't be waiting for anything." His eyes heated as he pulled her closer, dominating her with a hungry kiss while she squirmed self-consciously. The couples around the table smirked as Cal grew even more bold in his explorations.When he released her, Karen hid her face in his neck as the others cheered. They were his friends, happy to see him happy. Cal glanced at a waiter nearby and gestured for more drinks for the table. The opening act on the stage below finished its last set, but the crowd refused to let the show end. Cheers filled the club, with the crowd demanding an encore.Castor, the lead singer, waited for the crowd to quiet with a grin, then his eyes drifted upward and his face lit with excitement. "Thank you, thanks guys, you're a great audience. For an encore, we'd love to give you a taste of our next album. We've been banging it out in the studio and I can't tell you how excited we are for it to be released. Problem is, it's got this insane keys part that can't be played by just anyone, but I think I see our studio angel in the audience tonight. Kare, baby; will you come help us out?" he asked, reaching upward to where Karen sat.Cal's friends turned to look at Karen in surprise. "You play? Like, for real?" Cal's friend Tony yelled across the table to her in surprise. Karen nodded in embarrassment, glancing at Cal.Everything suddenly froze as Karen rose and walked over to the table, standing over her younger self looking at Cal's face. "Look, you little dummy; look at it! It's right there!" she yelled at Young Karen."What's there?" Holland asked, craning his neck to try to see what she was yelling about."Cal, for all his big words, rich gifts, and grand gestures; he hadn't told his friends anything about me; because nothing of who I really was mattered to him. Only the things he wanted about me mattered to him ; that I was shy, and submissive, and just grateful to have someone pay attention to me. And here ; look at his face! It fell!" she yelled, gesturing to where Cal sat, leaning back in his chair."His face appears still to be attached, to me;” Holland said, doubtfully."It's just a phrase. His face didn't actually fall, but his eyes; look, he's still smiling, but you see it in his eyes. He's not happy for me. He's not happy because the moment stopped being about Cal and how he was the great boyfriend spoiling his new stupid girlfriend on her birthday. Once the moment became about me; that I was asked up on stage; that I could do something his friends admired; ugh, why didn't I see it?" she moaned."What happened?" Holland asked.Karen rubbed her eyes with her hand. "I was young. I was asked to do something. I was asked for help. I was a stupid ninny that had absolutely no ability to say 'no' without thinking the world would end; so, I went up and played with the band.""Oh; was that bad?" Holland asked."No, it wasn't bad. It was a great song. I played well and I was just tipsy enough to not feel all the eyes that were looking at me, making my skin crawl. And you know; some part of me; I wanted to do it. I wanted to show myself that I could play for people; outside a quiet studio," Karen admitted. "Everyone always went on and on about how I needed to get over being so self-conscious and how it would hold my career back. That, and part of me wanted to show Cal's friends that I was more than just another girl in the long line of girls that he had gone through; that I was worth something.""Sometimes I wish our crew would see that I was worth something more;” Holland said, ruefully."Yeah; it's hard when you're young. You're dying to show the world what you're worth, how you're special, but they mostly just need you to work hard and do as you're told," Karen sighed, looking around the club. "Some people will never see what's special about you. They see what they want and they really don't care about the rest. It's those people that see who you really are; without wanting anything from you; those are the ones you need to hang onto."Karen turned her back on the club and the room re-formed into her Newark apartment. The intercom buzzed and Dana rolled out of bed to answer it. "What's up?" she asked."Hey; um, I don't have my keys. Can you buzz me in?" Karen's voice shakily asked through the intercom. Dana frowned in confusion and pressed the button to allow her entry. Soon, she opened the door after Karen's tentative knock."What happened, Kare? I thought you'd be gone all weekend," Dana said, taking in her roommate's appearance. Karen looked unharmed, but her face was puffy and her makeup was streaked from crying and trying to wipe it away."I; uh; I played at the club tonight. Castor Graham was the opening act and he asked me to come up for the encore, so I did.""You played in front of rowdy drunk people? That's fantastic! How did it feel?" Dana asked, offering her back for Karen to lean on while she took off her heels."I was scared; but after a while it was fun. The keyboard was facing the crowd and after a while I looked out over the people and; they looked happy. They liked it. It felt good, then.""God, I wish I'd been there. I'm so proud of you! What did Cal and the entourage say?""Um; I; don't know," Karen blinked and looked around the apartment. "When, uh; when I um; when I got back to the table, they were all gone." Karen wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and cleared her throat."Wait, what?" Dana said, her tone darkening like a storm cloud, threatening imminent destruction. "Say that again. You get called up on stage to perform, you play in front of all those people; like the freakin' keyboard genius you are; and when you got back, those motherfuckers were gone?""I; I think they were gone? The table was empty from what I could see; and the, uh, the security guy; he couldn't let me into the area. He really only knew Cal, and um;” Karen choked and turned her face away, trying to breathe through it and stop herself from crying."Karen; that's not; wait, how did you even get home?" Dana asked, unzipping Karen's dress and grabbing a pair of yoga pants for her."Well, my purse and phone were gone from the table, so I couldn't call anybody and I didn't have any money;” Karen choked. "The security guy was really nice and said I could use his MetroCard if I returned it, so;”"Oh, Christ On A Crotch-Rocket!" Dana yelled, throwing a sweatshirt at Karen, who caught it and pulled it over her head. "Kare. You gotta stop dating this guy. He's a piece of shit. Trust me. I didn't know it when I sent you over there to play, but he's walking excrement;""It's probably just a misunderstand;""And believe me, I'm sure he'll come back with some half-assed explanation, because that's what they all do;""And he tells me all the time that he;""Yeah. He ‘tells ‘; you pretty stuff. He ‘buys ‘; you pretty stuff. Problem is, words and money are nothing to him. Where the hell is he when you're walking home in fuck-me club clothes from the train station and trying not to lose your virginity, huh? Kare. I know you've been through hell, but you are worth more than this. You need a guy that walks you down the sidewalk and puts himself on the traffic side; just in case, because that's who he is. You deserve that. Don't you get it?" Dana asked, taking Karen's hair down and brushing it out, gently."Cal isn't; it's probably just; something;” Karen whispered, biting her lips closed.Dana stopped brushing and wrapped her arms around her roommate, squeezing her hard. "There is real love out there, Kare; and if you don't deserve it, I don't know who does. Someday, you're going to meet a guy that actually loves you and it's going to blow your mind when the games and bullshit are gone. It's like; when a guy is in love, gravity changes for them, or something;”Holland jumped up and pointed excitedly at Dana. "She's right! When I met the Zendayans, my tongue swelled up and;""Are you listening to my story at all, or are you just fantasizing about pretty girls?" Karen huffed."Um; both?" Holland replied, smirking. "I mean, you and Dana were really pretty; and there's just one bed here, and;"Karen shot him an exasperated look and he shrank back behind the bulkhead. "Anyway;” she said.The room dissolved and re-formed, both girls sleeping in the queen-sized bed they shared, morning sunlight streaming in through the dirty window, when the buzzer sounded. "Day, c'mon time to go," a man's voice sounded from the intercom. Karen's head peered out from under the blanket and she ran over to the intercom, tripping over some bottles of wine that they (mostly Dana) had consumed the previous night, trying to rid Karen of her birthday misery."Um; she's almost ready!" Karen replied, then ran to the bed and shook her hungover roommate awake. "Day, someone's here for you; they say it's time to go."Dana grunted and turned over, away from Karen. "Go do it for me; just say you're me again," Dana grumbled into her pillow.Karen swallowed nervously, but gamely grabbed Dana's dress, quickly got ready, and ran out the door. Upon leaving the building, she stumbled into the guy waiting outside. "Um; I'm ready! I'm ready! Dana Stevens. Thanks for waiting;” she panted.The man gave her a quick considering look, then walked her to a large extended-cab pickup truck that looked ridiculously out of place on the streets of Newark. "Miss Stevens," he said, opening the passenger side door and offering his hand to help her up into the vehicle."Thanks. Thank you;” she said, precariously climbing up the runner board in her heels until she settled herself up onto the seat."Just wait there, a bit," he said, after closing the door. Walking back to the building, he selected a key from his collection, opened the building door and walked in. Not long after, he emerged from the building carrying Dana over his shoulder and carrying a bag stuffed haphazardly with clothes. Opening the door behind Karen, he dumped Dana unceremoniously into the back seat and tossed the bag of clothes on top of her. Dana, still in her pajamas, put the bag under her head and turned away from the sunlight streaming into the cab."Dean, this is Karen. Karen, my brother Dean," Dana mumbled, as she draped a pair of sweatpants over her head to block the light."Oh; um, sorry," Karen said, flushing red as she glanced over at Dean's face. "I didn't mean to; um, I'll just go;""Lock the doors, and get us out of the city, Dean. She's coming with us," Dana ordered. "She's on asshole detox!"Karen jumped as the truck's doors locked and Dean wordlessly pulled out into the street and started out. She clasped her hands in her lap nervously. She hadn't packed anything. She had no phone. She didn't have time to let Dana drag her to West Virginia for a visit. Dana had been trying to talk her into coming with her to where she had grown up with her grandparents, but in the excitement of her birthday, Karen had forgotten the trip was this week. She knew better than to say anything, though. Dana wouldn't care, and Dean; who knew what Dean Stevens the brother would think. He didn't say much, but he obviously knew better than to argue with hungover Dana, which was something they had in common."She knows where we're goin?" Dean asked, checking his mirrors as he merged onto the freeway. Dana grunted in assent. "Why ain't she singin' it, yet?" he rumbled, seemingly amused."Because She's Not A Drunk College Kid, Idiot!" Dana howled, holding her head in pain.Dean smirked and started humming "Country Roads" to himself."I hate you so much;” Dana growled, pulling the bag of clothes over her head again. Dean only laughed.After a few miles of road, Karen looked at her roommate in the back seat, and unbuckled her seatbelt. She began to turn to lean over the front seat when Dean reached over and pushed her back down and pointed at her seatbelt. "Um sorry; I just;” Karen trailed off, horrified that she had done something wrong. She couldn't finish her sentence and sat back down, blinking back tears as she put her seatbelt back on.Dean glanced over, looking her up and down for a moment. With a sigh, he put his turn signal on and pulled off the road into a gas station at the next exit. "Do what you need to do," he said, curtly.Karen jumped up, turned around and loosely buckled the seatbelt across the sleeping Dana's hips, then turned, sat down again, and buckled her seatbelt. "Thank you," she mumbled. Dean turned to the back seat where his sister continued sleeping and his face softened. He looked at Karen a second time, sitting with her hands in her lap again, clenched like she expected a tongue-lashing from him for delaying the trip. His eyes drifted down to her feet, where her cold toes were turning pink in the strappy, uncomfortable-looking heels she wore when she came running out of the apartment building on his sister's fool errand. Reaching back, he grabbed a pair of thick socks that had fallen out of the bag of clothes and tossed them to her. Smiling gratefully, Karen removed the strappy heels and pulled on the warm socks as he pulled out onto the road again.The road stretched on. The scenery gradually becoming more rural, the traffic less crowded. Karen found herself relaxing and breathing more slowly as the land passed by. She occasionally glanced at the gas gauge and compared them to the passing road signs to try to discern when they might be pulling over to refill the tank. The third time she did it, Dean shook his head. "Bedford, hon," he chuckled. "You know, you could just ask me. I might be a longshoreman, but I don't bite.""Not like Dana, then," Karen replied, biting her lips so she didn't smile."Hm. Sounds like a story," he said.Karen nodded. "The first time we met, I was waiting to audition for our agency and I was almost going to leave, I was so scared. Day asked to see what I was playing and I handed her the music. Instead of looking at it, she took my hand and bit me. Said it was 'for luck,'" Karen said, laughing to herself."It worked, too. Kare needed to get of her head. She plays better when you throw her off balance, first," Dana said, rising to a sitting position and running her fingers through her hair."Is that so?" Dean asked, looking over at Karen."Yeah. I think too much. My teacher always said I played things perfectly, but he could hear me thinking about it the whole time. Day's a true performer, though. She doesn't think at all - she plays with her feelings, and that's what an audience connects with," Karen said, smiling proudly at Dana."Thoughtlessly playing with feelings; sounds about right," Dean said, chuckling when Dana punched him in the shoulder. "Speaking of, we're coming up on Bedford. Let me know if you need anything."Dana growled at this but said nothing as Karen blinked in confusion. Soon, Dean pulled off the interstate into a gas station and up to a gas pump. Dean hopped out of the truck and began filling the tank. After noticing the bug-splattered windshield, Karen changed back into her strappy heels and walked over to where the island held the squeegee and mop. Dean watched, bemused, as she diligently scrubbed the dried carcasses of insects off the glass while dressed to the nines. Karen finished and climbed back into the truck, only to have Dana grab her shoulder and start whispering in her ear and pointing at the convenience store. Karen, appearing distressed, blushed and said something back to Dana, who gestured emphatically.Dean kept watching as Karen seemed to screw up her courage, took her purse, and walked quickly into the store. He shot his sister a flat look. Dana only grinned, stretched, and put her feet up on the front seat. Shaking his head, he followed into the store."And what would you be needing all those for, hon?" the guy at the till asked while ogling Karen, who looked like she wanted to disappear under the rug."Um; it's uh;” Karen stammered."I need to ask for state regulatory purposes," the guy continued, as he put a large box of condoms on the counter and rang it up."They're for me," Dean said, as he tossed some drinks, chips and cookies on the counter. "Uncut and hangs to the left. Anything else the state needs to know about my cock?" The till guy cleared his throat and began ringing up the additional items and bagging them without further comment. Annoyed, Dean grabbed the bagged items in one hand and took Karen's hand in the other and left the store. "You know, you don't have to do everything my little sister tells you," he said under his breath as they walked to the truck."Then why'd you buy them? Seems like you can't tell her 'no' any more than I can," Karen replied, a little surprised that she had the guts to argue with him.Dean laughed, "I don't want her knocked up any more than you do." He helped her up into the truck and tossed the bag of items to his sister.Dana went digging through the bag and retrieved the box. "Wait a minute, these are just regular. Didn't they have lubricated?" she complained. Karen swallowed uncomfortably, searching for an answer as Dean pulled her seatbelt out and buckled it around her."Don't need lubricated if the guy does his job right," Dean said, grinning at her cheerfully. "Raise your standards and you won't need so many, either.""Hum; lower yours, and maybe you'll actually need some," Dana retorted, opening the package of cookies. Karen just shrank in her seat and covered her flaming cheeks as they pulled back onto the freeway.The scenery turned into wooded hills with mountains growing in the distance. Steering down the curved roads, Dean sighed quietly, a peaceful smile on his face. Karen leaned forward in her seat, trying to see everything as it passed, excitement lighting her face. Dana had fallen asleep again.Near evening, Dean turned the truck down a long, dirt road and reached behind him to shake Dana awake. "Watch for him, Day;” he said. Dana sat up, suddenly alert and scanning the darkening woods around them."What are we looking for?" Karen asked.

 Karen Saves The Universe: Part 1Desperate aliens kidnap a Karen to save their world!Based on a post by LingeringAfterthought, in 3 parts. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories.On the starship Onan, the Priamites dubiously watched the screen display the creature. Dr. Fehr's algorithm had brought them trekking across the galaxy to a smallish, blue planet around an unimpressive star. While there was no denying the power emitted by the angry, festering organic matter before them, the thought of containing it and bringing it back to Priam was daunting. Still, the fate of their world hung upon the success of their mission."Do we have; uh; audio yet, Lieutenant Cavill?" Captain Hemsworth said, pausing briefly to joylessly ejaculate into his cumsuit, which quickly reclaimed the essence he emitted and channeled it into one of the suit's containment pouches to be resorbed as nourishment.Ever since the people of Eros had unleashed their horrific weapon on them, the Priamites orgasmed almost constantly. The Eros Curse, which seemed like a gift at first, became a tool of enslavement and oppression as the great Priam civilization devolved into listless people who passed the time sitting and staring at nothing in particular. Even special holidays were simply spent gathered in each other's' houses, grunting intermittently. The children of Priam, spared by the curse of Eros by living in growth pods, were never exposed to the disease or its effects until the seemingly arbitrary age of 18, so at least there was no trouble with the censors. The demands of orgasming so frequently took its toll on the Priamite's bodies. Dehydration, muscle spasms, and fatigue were common. The effects on the mind were worse. It wasn't until the invention of the cumsuit, which not only reclaimed the fluid loss and prevented dehydration, but also reduced arousing sensations until the wearer was nearly numb, that it was possible for them to journey out into the stars in search of a cure.Guided by the ancient journals of the revered Dr. Fehr, the Priamites had come to a small planet where it was foretold that there was a force of great and terrible power. It was hoped that this force could be used to break free of the cruel Eros Curse, but time was running out. Even wearing the cumsuits, the crew of the Onan, who were the most stoic, intellectual and sexless men of Priam, felt themselves progressively weakening to the Curse. It was only a matter of time until they lost all sense of duty and simply went adrift through the universe."No audio yet, Captain. The resonant frequency is so shrill that if we don't modulate the pitch; uh;” Lieutenant Cavill replied, closing his eyes and shaking as he orgasmed, then collapsed and stared blankly at the control panels as he recovered.Another crewman took over at the panel, "Captain, I can give you audio, but only for a short time. Even on their planet, they; they; oh; oh fuck;” the replacement said, stiffening as he spurted inside his suit, then shook his head to clear it and looked to their leader for orders. Captain Hemsworth braced himself in his chair and nodded for him to activate audio.A horrendous braying screech filled the bridge, “ No Idea Why You People Can't Even Take An Order Right! I Ordered The Cobb Salad With Extra Avocado! I Don't Care If It's Not On There Or Not! Fix The Damn Menu! I Have Been Coming Here For Over 15 Years And I Know For A Fact That You People Had Cobb Salad On There Two Years Ago When You Were Called Baker's Pie;"Another voice interjected, soft and conciliatory, "Oh, yes, ma'am; I see the confusion. The Baker's Pie that was here went out of business. This restaurant is Snooker's, now, so we don't have the same menu, but our club salad is very similar to;""Are You Actually Interrupting Me? Get. Me. A. Cobb. Salad. Extra Avocado! Do You Understand? Extra Avocado! Mucho Amortado! Comprendo Estupido?"Even in that short interlude, most of the Onan's bridge crew had begun bleeding from their ears and collapsing onto the deck. Captain Hemsworth, a man of rare tolerance and stamina, struggled past their unconscious bodies to the control panel and lowered the volume until it was barely audible. "Computer, disburse caffeline into bridge life support systems, 15 parts per million," he mumbled, leaning on the control panel for support as the strong stimulant hissed into the room. He didn't like to use the drug, because the heightened energy it gave often led to periods of prolonged involuntary masturbation, but he couldn't afford to waste time for the crewmen to awaken naturally. Not when conditions were so dire on Priam.Lieutenant Cavill groaned and rose weakly, climbing back into his console chair and checking the readings. "What happened, Captain? Our scans showed a primitive civilization on the planet without any meaningful defenses. What was that? Some kind of weapon?" he asked.Captain Hemsworth did a double-take at the crewman in wonder, but he said nothing. All around him, he watched the rest of the crew slowly getting to their feet and going back to their positions. All the men were alert, aware, and focused on their duties. Several of them were talking to each other; in full uninterrupted sentences. No one drooled, no one's eyes rolled back; not one of them stared off into space, as if dully re-living the curse that had infected their brains. He, himself, had not even felt the urge to sexually relieve himself once, even with the high levels of caffeline in the air. Indeed, he had not felt anything below the waist; not since he heard that voice. He doubted whether he would have the urge to orgasm ever again. They had finally done it."That was no weapon, Cavill; it is what we came here to find. It's the cure that Dr. Fehr told us was here all along. Contact High Command and tell them; tell them we found it. Tell them we have found; The Karen.The man-eating woman.After straightening out the incompetent waiter on her order, Karen Carmichael excused herself from her prayer group's table and walked to the restrooms, incensed. What kind of man actually cries when taking an order for a salad? Probably gay; or whatever kids were calling themselves these days. Was there such a thing as "gay" anymore, when people "identified" themselves as whatever the hell occurred to them? What was the point of picking a sexuality when people didn't even have a species anymore?Of course, Travis the Waiter had to play the victim about it, too, making the entire restaurant gawk over at their table like they were monsters. He probably knew they were a nice church group and went out of his way to make trouble. Sure, they all scream for "tolerance," but their types couldn't wait to attack nice people of faith like her who showed the world what it was to be decent and pure of heart. Well, he could just kiss his tip money goodbye! Tipping had gotten ridiculous anyway; a generation of whiny babies feeling entitled to extra money just for doing their jobs. ‘If ‘; they did their jobs. She couldn't even get a salad; and, by God, if the Manager didn't make things right, her Yelp review on this place would burn a hole through people's screens!Karen pushed on the door to the restroom tightly clutching her can of pepper spray, because sexual predators were always trying to rape women like her in public restrooms, and she nearly screamed when the door opened. Wet paper towels were everywhere. The garbage bin was overflowing, and some slob had splashed water all over the sink area! Now, she'd have to make the Manager take care of this, too! More drama, when she just wanted to have a nice lunch with her friends. And, of course, the Manager would just try to ‘handle ‘; her; as if she was some unreasonable bitch just for wanting to use a facility that wasn't absolutely disgusting! Then looking near her, but not at her, the Manager would apologize in that fake-nice voice and offer to comp her meal; offering her even more of what was bad in the first place. Managers and their fake apologies. They weren't sorry. The soulless jerks never meant it. They just wanted her to go away; acting like she was a scamming thief instead of someone who just wanted to be treated decently.She settled on the toilet and tried to calm herself. Lately, half the time she wanted to cry, or scream, or tear out her hair; but it wouldn't matter. Nothing would change. Everything changed around her, though. Menus; her children; hairstyles; prices; everything changed. It felt like everything had just left her behind. She looked everywhere for the things she used to love, but she couldn't find them anymore; and if she did find them, they weren't the same as they once were. Nothing made her feel her joy like she used to. That was it. Maybe she was done; that her turn at having any real joy was over. Now, the only time anyone tried to make her happy, or even looked at her, was when she screamed at them.Karen opened her eyes to a rattling sound at the door of her long, handicapped-bathroom stall. "Occupied!" she called out. To her dismay, the dial holding the sliding bolt turned all by itself and the door unlocked. "Hey! Get out!" she yelled, grabbing her pepper spray and holding it in front of her while she tried to stand and pull up her yoga pants."Nice human; good human;” a vaguely disembodied male voice said as a dark, hooded figure in a bizarre form-fitting spacesuit stepped into her stall holding what looked like a staff with a flexible loop affixed to the end of it. It slowly stepped toward her, as cautiously as one might approach a spooked animal. "Human want a nice piece of kale? Yes you do! Yes you do! Who's a good human?" it asked, holding out a curly dark green leaf to her and shaking it temptingly."What the hell?" she yelled, fumbling with the pepper spray can and trying to figure out how to make it work, just as the loop at the end of the staff went down over her head and around her neck, cinching tight.Karen choked, clutching at the loop with one hand, trying to loosen it so she could breathe, and with the other she emptied the can of pepper spray into the hooded face of her attacker. She struggled wildly, but the staff with the loop effectively controlled her and prevented her from landing any punches or kicks on her attacker. As darkness started creeping in on her vision, the last thing she saw was the figure deeply inhale the cloud of pepper spray and hold its breath, then say in a choked voice, "Ready for transport, sir; and man, they've got some good shit down here;”The forgotten leaf of kale fell down next to where Karen's cheek was pressed against the filthy bathroom floor, and with what she feared was her dying breath she choked out, "I want; to see; the; Manager;”Karen's ne victim."I used kale, Sir. Worked like a charm. It's one of the most nutritionally dense materials on the planet, so naturally, it was irresistible," a larger Priamite said to Captain Hemsworth, as he stripped out of his protective suit in a small enclave, bathed in an undulating light.Captain Hemsworth nodded. "Good work, Commander Momoa. Decontaminate for a full four cycles and I want protective measures in place for all personnel. God knows what this thing is capable of when it wakes."Karen heard garbled voices nearby, but kept her eyes closed and tried to steady her breathing. What had happened? The air smelled odd; almost crackling with ozone and energy, like a storm coming. The ambient sounds of the room told her she was not in Snookers anymore. Probably human traffickers. She saw a whole show about it. The bastards kidnapped her and were going to sell her into sexual slavery; except that she wasn't a teenager. She was 51 years old. Nobody would pay for sex with her, much less risk a felony conviction for it. Any ransom demands sent to her husband were going to have disappointing results, as well. So, what was going on? Why was she here? The kids were in college and wouldn't even notice she was gone until Christmas came. Her friends; her passive-aggressive competitors, if she was being honest; they'd just assume she left in a huff and stiffed them on the lunch check. The cold, hard truth was: nobody cared about her anymore and she knew it. That meant, if she was going to get out of this, she would have to do it herself. Her cheek hurt where it had hit that disgusting bathroom floor and she reached her hand up to touch it. The voices yelped in alarm and Karen opened her eyes to see two figures backing away from the enclosure she was imprisoned in."Who the hell are you, and what have you done with my purse?" she yelled, pushing herself to her feet. She walked toward them, crossing her arms and glaring. "I want whoever is in charge over here right now! I mean it!" she yelled, pointing as she walked toward them. One of the figures screamed, clutched at his ears and doubled over, staggering around the room dramatically. The other, larger one she recognized from the restaurant bathroom was in some tanning-booth-looking-thing, half naked and gorgeous in a likely-sexual-predator kind of way. Rather than flailing around the room, he seemed to have gone into a catatonic trance. God, people were useless. "You! Himbo!" she shouted, pointing at him. "Where is my purse? Did you even think to get it when you kidnapped me, or am I going to miss my Ozempic shot? I hope to God you assholes have good lawyers!"The beefy kidnapper in the tanning booth wobbled, then vomited loudly. Karen snorted as he slid down to the floor, unconscious. Pathetic. The smaller figure dove toward a panel on the wall next to her enclosure and pressed a few buttons and she heard the ambient noise of her room change, like it was encased, somehow."I've muted it. It's become even stronger than before;” Captain Hemsworth gasped, helping Commander Momoa to his feet again."How are we going to get it back to Priam? We could choke it out again every time it awakens; give the privilege out as a reward to the crew?" Commander Momoa suggested eagerly."No," Captain Hemsworth said, coming closer to the force field separating him from the angry Karen still yelling and pointing from inside the enclosure. "The cumulative effects of throttling it constantly might affect its functioning. We need The Karen at full power if we are to rescue Priam. We need to keep it conscious. We must feed it, provide it breathing gasses, and keep it clean; it appears to be constantly decaying. That reminds me ; cleaning duty goes to Ensign Holland. He's still on my shit list after the incident with the Zendayans.""Aye, sir."Captain Hemsworth cleared his throat and pressed another button on the side panel. "Hail Karen, bringer of blessed flaccidity, destroyer of abhorrent lust, and banisher of all erotic thought. We are men of the planet Priam. We mean you no harm. We come to you seeking aid, and we come in peace. Actually, until we found you, we would come almost constantly. It was disgusting. Everything was sticky. You see, our enemies from Eros sent us the most perfect pornographic images disguised in an innocent-looking email attachment. Once they were seen, they could not be unseen. They were burned into our brains, cursing us with perpetual arousal. The first wave of Priamites were taken by surprise once they activated the link. The next wave fell victim when the first wave posted the link on their social media because it was just so unbelievably; anyway, after the rest of our population fell out of curiosity or boredom, our civilization was nearly destroyed. We have been searching the stars for a cure, but to no avail. Then, just as all hope seemed lost, we found you; we heard your voice; and our loins finally withered. You are now a guest on my ship, The Onan, en route to my homeworld Priam. There, we will deliver your noxious, strident sounds to everyone, freeing them from their intransigent arousal. Then, after we are assured that all have been cured, we shall return you to your home."At this, Karen made an unpleasant face and began breathing on the clear wall of her enclosure, fogging it. Then, she quickly wrote a short message. "What does it mean?" Commander Momoa said, squinting at the squiggling lines she had made.At this, the computer made a chirp and began speaking, "The message, from the American dialect of the language English translates to: Why didn't you just make a recording?"Captain Hemsworth's shoulders slumped and he closed his eyes with a sigh. Commander Momoa's eyes went wide and he clapped his hand over his face in exasperation. "Fuck;” Momoa said in realization. "A recording;”"Dammit. We didn't have to take her at all, did we?" Captain Hemsworth groaned.Karen glared at them and wrote another word on the wall. As certain as Captain Hemsworth was that he did not need or want the translation, the computer was already on the job. "'Dumbasses,'" the computer cheerfully intoned, "a colloquial phrase, plural of the insult 'dumbass,' meaning 'a foolish or stupid person.'""End translation. Yes, Karen, if we had thought to record your voice instead of kidnapping you, this might have been a much shorter story, and considerably less inconvenient, but as it is, we are closer to Priam than Earth at this point, and our course is set. We will bring you to Priam and then return you home. Perhaps kidnapping you was not the most well-considered solution, but I defy you to think clearly after constantly watching porn for eons and let me know if you do any better."Karen's new calling.Great; as if getting old wasn't insult enough, I've actually become an intergalactic sexual repellent, Karen thought to herself as she paced around her cell. A lifetime of trying to do things right, and this is what it gets me. She wasn't so surprised that there were aliens in the universe, or that they had somehow weaponized porn, but that with all their advancements they were still so stupid!Sighing, she closed her eyes and listened to the ambient sounds of her cell. Life had been so noisy, the last 30 years. Everyone needing her, pulling on her for one thing or another. No peace. Lately though, with the kids gone and Cal; otherwise occupied; life had gone silent. The silence that she had wished for held no peace when it finally came. It just reverberated with the memory of things that had left her behind, making her anxious to fill the emptiness with noise. Nothing came to lure her mind away from the silence, no pleasurable temptations; her duties were done and it felt wrong to do, or even think about, anything else. My god, she had been kidnapped, was flying through the galaxy, and was surrounded by beefcake aliens and she was still thinking about that stupid loose tile in the master bathroom; she needed to get it fixed before the house was sold.A slight sound outside her cell drew her attention. "Who's there?" Karen asked, softly, opening her eyes.A wide-eyed figure peered around the edge of her cell, moving with cautious curiosity. It seemed younger than the other ones. It moved with a sense of barely-restrained eagerness, adorable and earnest. It also held a curved sort of wand in its hand."Honey, if you're here to anally probe me, I'll pass. I already had a colonoscopy this year, I'll have them send you the records;” she murmured, not expecting an answer.After a pause as the figure listened to the translation, its large eyes got even wider. "Is that how you poop?" he asked."What?" she asked, looking more closely at the young alien."I'm supposed to clean your cell when you poop; but you haven't pooped yet; wait, do colonoscopies make you poop?" it asked, scandalized.Karen closed her eyes and shook her head, "No. Colonoscopies put a small camera up your ass so that we can pay a doctor to do what we were afraid aliens like you would do to us if we got drunk in cornfields too much. They don't make us poop. In fact; well, never mind;” she trailed off, embarrassed.She still had vivid memories of her first colonoscopy earlier in the year, drinking gallons of preparatory laxatives, and the resulting quality time with her phone on the toilet. It was an odd experience; not awful, but not one that she could talk to anyone about. Her friends only talked about their kids and their successes, or whose husband cheated on them with some young thing, viciously salivating over their friends' misery with barely concealed glee. Forget about talking through her fears about it with Cal; that wasn't something he was interested in. Not anymore.After the procedure, she had been scared and disoriented from the sedation. For whatever reason, Cal hadn't shown up to give her a ride home. The stupid clinic wouldn't let her leave until someone could drive her home and take care of her. She just sat there getting more and more anxious. Eventually, she called an Uber and begged Xabiib the driver to pretend to be her neighbor; or just someone who cared about her. She spent the ride home trying to say his name correctly while he chuckled and repeated it for her. It was so horrifyingly embarrassing. It's one thing to have no one care about you, but another thing to have the whole world know about it when you were helpless and confused.Tears had rolled down her cheeks and she absently wiped them off with her hand. The young alien sat up and craned his head to look at the liquid on her hand. Karen snorted, "At ease, Holland. It's not poop. You're not getting anything out of me unless you have some heavy-duty magnesium supplements or yogurt."Holland's eyes went wide, "Are humans telepathic???" he gasped. "How did you know my name? Wow, that's so cool! Do it again! What am I thinking about now?"Karen suppressed a smile. Closing her eyes, she pressed her fingers to her temples and swayed from side to side, mysteriously. "I see something; something in the mist; something about; could it be; no, it makes no sense. Is it; a Zen; Zendayan? Does that make any sense to you?" she asked.Holland dropped his curved instrument in shock. "Yes! Yes! We just met them! We negotiated with them for supplies! I was there to carry stuff and; and;” he paused, shrinking in on himself a bit. "They are so beautiful. The Zendayans? So beautiful; and super nice; and just; like wow; I was supposed to just stand there until they were done with the talking and bowing and stuff, but they were just like so beautiful.""Well, what happened?" Karen asked."Captain introduced me and I bowed to them. I was feeling dizzy because, you know, their beautifulness just keeps radiating off them. Then; then; the most beautiful of them; she smiled." Holland stared at nothing, immersed in the memory, then wobbled, tipped over, and lay on the floor staring at the ceiling.Karen bit her lips in amusement. "I see. What did you do then?""I; I; I started talking and then I just couldn't stop because I was just trying to say how beautiful she was and how it just made my mind explode when she smiled and then I might have peed on the floor.""Oh dear," Karen said, cringing in sympathy. "We don't always put forward the face we want to when we are in our feelings, do we?" she said, quietly."Yeah; I've been cleaning poop ever since;” Holland sighed. After a while he sat back up, picked up the curved instrument and began twirling it in his hands. "So, like; what about you? Have you always made horrible noises?" he asked.Karen huffed, but then she saw the oblivious earnestness in Holland's face and sighed. "No; I wasn't always; like this. In fact, until about 30 years ago, I made beautiful noises. I was a pianist," she said."But, wait, they said you were a female;” Holland said, confused."Pee, an, ist," Karen repeated slowly. "I played the piano. It's an instrument; I was a musician. I was a student at Juilliard. It's a school on Earth; it was like a dream to even get in. I was on a scholarship, living in this shoddy apartment with my roommate Dana;” she trailed off, thinking about those days when everything seemed possible."Wait! Are you remembering?" Holland asked, breaking her reverie. "Can I remember it, too? Nobody wants to remember with me ever since the Zendayans, so I'm just left with my own memories and it gets so boring.""What are you talking about?""Well, it's kinda like; um; let me just show you. Computer, scan The Karen and project her memories," Holland ordered. A humming noise filled the room and a beam of light shot out of the wall and passed over her several times. Suddenly, her cell transformed into her shoddy apartment in Newark, New Jersey."Oh my gosh; it's just like it," Karen gasped looking around."Humans dream of getting into this?" Holland said, scrutinizing a cockroach scurrying along the floor."No, silly. This was our apartment across the river. We lived here when we weren't at school. Dana and I moved off campus in our second year. We took jobs on the side through an agency. That was when;” she sat down and a phone in the apartment's bedroom began ringing.A long, pale arm reached out of a pile of blankets on the bed and grabbed the phone. "Hullo?" Dana mumbled. A voice on the phone sounded irate. "Yeah, I'm almost there," she said and hung up.

 Karen Saves The Universe: Part 1Desperate aliens kidnap a Karen to save their world!Based on a post by LingeringAfterthought, in 3 parts. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories.On the starship Onan, the Priamites dubiously watched the screen display the creature. Dr. Fehr's algorithm had brought them trekking across the galaxy to a smallish, blue planet around an unimpressive star. While there was no denying the power emitted by the angry, festering organic matter before them, the thought of containing it and bringing it back to Priam was daunting. Still, the fate of their world hung upon the success of their mission."Do we have; uh; audio yet, Lieutenant Cavill?" Captain Hemsworth said, pausing briefly to joylessly ejaculate into his cumsuit, which quickly reclaimed the essence he emitted and channeled it into one of the suit's containment pouches to be resorbed as nourishment.Ever since the people of Eros had unleashed their horrific weapon on them, the Priamites orgasmed almost constantly. The Eros Curse, which seemed like a gift at first, became a tool of enslavement and oppression as the great Priam civilization devolved into listless people who passed the time sitting and staring at nothing in particular. Even special holidays were simply spent gathered in each other's' houses, grunting intermittently. The children of Priam, spared by the curse of Eros by living in growth pods, were never exposed to the disease or its effects until the seemingly arbitrary age of 18, so at least there was no trouble with the censors. The demands of orgasming so frequently took its toll on the Priamite's bodies. Dehydration, muscle spasms, and fatigue were common. The effects on the mind were worse. It wasn't until the invention of the cumsuit, which not only reclaimed the fluid loss and prevented dehydration, but also reduced arousing sensations until the wearer was nearly numb, that it was possible for them to journey out into the stars in search of a cure.Guided by the ancient journals of the revered Dr. Fehr, the Priamites had come to a small planet where it was foretold that there was a force of great and terrible power. It was hoped that this force could be used to break free of the cruel Eros Curse, but time was running out. Even wearing the cumsuits, the crew of the Onan, who were the most stoic, intellectual and sexless men of Priam, felt themselves progressively weakening to the Curse. It was only a matter of time until they lost all sense of duty and simply went adrift through the universe."No audio yet, Captain. The resonant frequency is so shrill that if we don't modulate the pitch; uh;” Lieutenant Cavill replied, closing his eyes and shaking as he orgasmed, then collapsed and stared blankly at the control panels as he recovered.Another crewman took over at the panel, "Captain, I can give you audio, but only for a short time. Even on their planet, they; they; oh; oh fuck;” the replacement said, stiffening as he spurted inside his suit, then shook his head to clear it and looked to their leader for orders. Captain Hemsworth braced himself in his chair and nodded for him to activate audio.A horrendous braying screech filled the bridge, “ No Idea Why You People Can't Even Take An Order Right! I Ordered The Cobb Salad With Extra Avocado! I Don't Care If It's Not On There Or Not! Fix The Damn Menu! I Have Been Coming Here For Over 15 Years And I Know For A Fact That You People Had Cobb Salad On There Two Years Ago When You Were Called Baker's Pie;"Another voice interjected, soft and conciliatory, "Oh, yes, ma'am; I see the confusion. The Baker's Pie that was here went out of business. This restaurant is Snooker's, now, so we don't have the same menu, but our club salad is very similar to;""Are You Actually Interrupting Me? Get. Me. A. Cobb. Salad. Extra Avocado! Do You Understand? Extra Avocado! Mucho Amortado! Comprendo Estupido?"Even in that short interlude, most of the Onan's bridge crew had begun bleeding from their ears and collapsing onto the deck. Captain Hemsworth, a man of rare tolerance and stamina, struggled past their unconscious bodies to the control panel and lowered the volume until it was barely audible. "Computer, disburse caffeline into bridge life support systems, 15 parts per million," he mumbled, leaning on the control panel for support as the strong stimulant hissed into the room. He didn't like to use the drug, because the heightened energy it gave often led to periods of prolonged involuntary masturbation, but he couldn't afford to waste time for the crewmen to awaken naturally. Not when conditions were so dire on Priam.Lieutenant Cavill groaned and rose weakly, climbing back into his console chair and checking the readings. "What happened, Captain? Our scans showed a primitive civilization on the planet without any meaningful defenses. What was that? Some kind of weapon?" he asked.Captain Hemsworth did a double-take at the crewman in wonder, but he said nothing. All around him, he watched the rest of the crew slowly getting to their feet and going back to their positions. All the men were alert, aware, and focused on their duties. Several of them were talking to each other; in full uninterrupted sentences. No one drooled, no one's eyes rolled back; not one of them stared off into space, as if dully re-living the curse that had infected their brains. He, himself, had not even felt the urge to sexually relieve himself once, even with the high levels of caffeline in the air. Indeed, he had not felt anything below the waist; not since he heard that voice. He doubted whether he would have the urge to orgasm ever again. They had finally done it."That was no weapon, Cavill; it is what we came here to find. It's the cure that Dr. Fehr told us was here all along. Contact High Command and tell them; tell them we found it. Tell them we have found; The Karen.The man-eating woman.After straightening out the incompetent waiter on her order, Karen Carmichael excused herself from her prayer group's table and walked to the restrooms, incensed. What kind of man actually cries when taking an order for a salad? Probably gay; or whatever kids were calling themselves these days. Was there such a thing as "gay" anymore, when people "identified" themselves as whatever the hell occurred to them? What was the point of picking a sexuality when people didn't even have a species anymore?Of course, Travis the Waiter had to play the victim about it, too, making the entire restaurant gawk over at their table like they were monsters. He probably knew they were a nice church group and went out of his way to make trouble. Sure, they all scream for "tolerance," but their types couldn't wait to attack nice people of faith like her who showed the world what it was to be decent and pure of heart. Well, he could just kiss his tip money goodbye! Tipping had gotten ridiculous anyway; a generation of whiny babies feeling entitled to extra money just for doing their jobs. ‘If ‘; they did their jobs. She couldn't even get a salad; and, by God, if the Manager didn't make things right, her Yelp review on this place would burn a hole through people's screens!Karen pushed on the door to the restroom tightly clutching her can of pepper spray, because sexual predators were always trying to rape women like her in public restrooms, and she nearly screamed when the door opened. Wet paper towels were everywhere. The garbage bin was overflowing, and some slob had splashed water all over the sink area! Now, she'd have to make the Manager take care of this, too! More drama, when she just wanted to have a nice lunch with her friends. And, of course, the Manager would just try to ‘handle ‘; her; as if she was some unreasonable bitch just for wanting to use a facility that wasn't absolutely disgusting! Then looking near her, but not at her, the Manager would apologize in that fake-nice voice and offer to comp her meal; offering her even more of what was bad in the first place. Managers and their fake apologies. They weren't sorry. The soulless jerks never meant it. They just wanted her to go away; acting like she was a scamming thief instead of someone who just wanted to be treated decently.She settled on the toilet and tried to calm herself. Lately, half the time she wanted to cry, or scream, or tear out her hair; but it wouldn't matter. Nothing would change. Everything changed around her, though. Menus; her children; hairstyles; prices; everything changed. It felt like everything had just left her behind. She looked everywhere for the things she used to love, but she couldn't find them anymore; and if she did find them, they weren't the same as they once were. Nothing made her feel her joy like she used to. That was it. Maybe she was done; that her turn at having any real joy was over. Now, the only time anyone tried to make her happy, or even looked at her, was when she screamed at them.Karen opened her eyes to a rattling sound at the door of her long, handicapped-bathroom stall. "Occupied!" she called out. To her dismay, the dial holding the sliding bolt turned all by itself and the door unlocked. "Hey! Get out!" she yelled, grabbing her pepper spray and holding it in front of her while she tried to stand and pull up her yoga pants."Nice human; good human;” a vaguely disembodied male voice said as a dark, hooded figure in a bizarre form-fitting spacesuit stepped into her stall holding what looked like a staff with a flexible loop affixed to the end of it. It slowly stepped toward her, as cautiously as one might approach a spooked animal. "Human want a nice piece of kale? Yes you do! Yes you do! Who's a good human?" it asked, holding out a curly dark green leaf to her and shaking it temptingly."What the hell?" she yelled, fumbling with the pepper spray can and trying to figure out how to make it work, just as the loop at the end of the staff went down over her head and around her neck, cinching tight.Karen choked, clutching at the loop with one hand, trying to loosen it so she could breathe, and with the other she emptied the can of pepper spray into the hooded face of her attacker. She struggled wildly, but the staff with the loop effectively controlled her and prevented her from landing any punches or kicks on her attacker. As darkness started creeping in on her vision, the last thing she saw was the figure deeply inhale the cloud of pepper spray and hold its breath, then say in a choked voice, "Ready for transport, sir; and man, they've got some good shit down here;”The forgotten leaf of kale fell down next to where Karen's cheek was pressed against the filthy bathroom floor, and with what she feared was her dying breath she choked out, "I want; to see; the; Manager;”Karen's ne victim."I used kale, Sir. Worked like a charm. It's one of the most nutritionally dense materials on the planet, so naturally, it was irresistible," a larger Priamite said to Captain Hemsworth, as he stripped out of his protective suit in a small enclave, bathed in an undulating light.Captain Hemsworth nodded. "Good work, Commander Momoa. Decontaminate for a full four cycles and I want protective measures in place for all personnel. God knows what this thing is capable of when it wakes."Karen heard garbled voices nearby, but kept her eyes closed and tried to steady her breathing. What had happened? The air smelled odd; almost crackling with ozone and energy, like a storm coming. The ambient sounds of the room told her she was not in Snookers anymore. Probably human traffickers. She saw a whole show about it. The bastards kidnapped her and were going to sell her into sexual slavery; except that she wasn't a teenager. She was 51 years old. Nobody would pay for sex with her, much less risk a felony conviction for it. Any ransom demands sent to her husband were going to have disappointing results, as well. So, what was going on? Why was she here? The kids were in college and wouldn't even notice she was gone until Christmas came. Her friends; her passive-aggressive competitors, if she was being honest; they'd just assume she left in a huff and stiffed them on the lunch check. The cold, hard truth was: nobody cared about her anymore and she knew it. That meant, if she was going to get out of this, she would have to do it herself. Her cheek hurt where it had hit that disgusting bathroom floor and she reached her hand up to touch it. The voices yelped in alarm and Karen opened her eyes to see two figures backing away from the enclosure she was imprisoned in."Who the hell are you, and what have you done with my purse?" she yelled, pushing herself to her feet. She walked toward them, crossing her arms and glaring. "I want whoever is in charge over here right now! I mean it!" she yelled, pointing as she walked toward them. One of the figures screamed, clutched at his ears and doubled over, staggering around the room dramatically. The other, larger one she recognized from the restaurant bathroom was in some tanning-booth-looking-thing, half naked and gorgeous in a likely-sexual-predator kind of way. Rather than flailing around the room, he seemed to have gone into a catatonic trance. God, people were useless. "You! Himbo!" she shouted, pointing at him. "Where is my purse? Did you even think to get it when you kidnapped me, or am I going to miss my Ozempic shot? I hope to God you assholes have good lawyers!"The beefy kidnapper in the tanning booth wobbled, then vomited loudly. Karen snorted as he slid down to the floor, unconscious. Pathetic. The smaller figure dove toward a panel on the wall next to her enclosure and pressed a few buttons and she heard the ambient noise of her room change, like it was encased, somehow."I've muted it. It's become even stronger than before;” Captain Hemsworth gasped, helping Commander Momoa to his feet again."How are we going to get it back to Priam? We could choke it out again every time it awakens; give the privilege out as a reward to the crew?" Commander Momoa suggested eagerly."No," Captain Hemsworth said, coming closer to the force field separating him from the angry Karen still yelling and pointing from inside the enclosure. "The cumulative effects of throttling it constantly might affect its functioning. We need The Karen at full power if we are to rescue Priam. We need to keep it conscious. We must feed it, provide it breathing gasses, and keep it clean; it appears to be constantly decaying. That reminds me ; cleaning duty goes to Ensign Holland. He's still on my shit list after the incident with the Zendayans.""Aye, sir."Captain Hemsworth cleared his throat and pressed another button on the side panel. "Hail Karen, bringer of blessed flaccidity, destroyer of abhorrent lust, and banisher of all erotic thought. We are men of the planet Priam. We mean you no harm. We come to you seeking aid, and we come in peace. Actually, until we found you, we would come almost constantly. It was disgusting. Everything was sticky. You see, our enemies from Eros sent us the most perfect pornographic images disguised in an innocent-looking email attachment. Once they were seen, they could not be unseen. They were burned into our brains, cursing us with perpetual arousal. The first wave of Priamites were taken by surprise once they activated the link. The next wave fell victim when the first wave posted the link on their social media because it was just so unbelievably; anyway, after the rest of our population fell out of curiosity or boredom, our civilization was nearly destroyed. We have been searching the stars for a cure, but to no avail. Then, just as all hope seemed lost, we found you; we heard your voice; and our loins finally withered. You are now a guest on my ship, The Onan, en route to my homeworld Priam. There, we will deliver your noxious, strident sounds to everyone, freeing them from their intransigent arousal. Then, after we are assured that all have been cured, we shall return you to your home."At this, Karen made an unpleasant face and began breathing on the clear wall of her enclosure, fogging it. Then, she quickly wrote a short message. "What does it mean?" Commander Momoa said, squinting at the squiggling lines she had made.At this, the computer made a chirp and began speaking, "The message, from the American dialect of the language English translates to: Why didn't you just make a recording?"Captain Hemsworth's shoulders slumped and he closed his eyes with a sigh. Commander Momoa's eyes went wide and he clapped his hand over his face in exasperation. "Fuck;” Momoa said in realization. "A recording;”"Dammit. We didn't have to take her at all, did we?" Captain Hemsworth groaned.Karen glared at them and wrote another word on the wall. As certain as Captain Hemsworth was that he did not need or want the translation, the computer was already on the job. "'Dumbasses,'" the computer cheerfully intoned, "a colloquial phrase, plural of the insult 'dumbass,' meaning 'a foolish or stupid person.'""End translation. Yes, Karen, if we had thought to record your voice instead of kidnapping you, this might have been a much shorter story, and considerably less inconvenient, but as it is, we are closer to Priam than Earth at this point, and our course is set. We will bring you to Priam and then return you home. Perhaps kidnapping you was not the most well-considered solution, but I defy you to think clearly after constantly watching porn for eons and let me know if you do any better."Karen's new calling.Great; as if getting old wasn't insult enough, I've actually become an intergalactic sexual repellent, Karen thought to herself as she paced around her cell. A lifetime of trying to do things right, and this is what it gets me. She wasn't so surprised that there were aliens in the universe, or that they had somehow weaponized porn, but that with all their advancements they were still so stupid!Sighing, she closed her eyes and listened to the ambient sounds of her cell. Life had been so noisy, the last 30 years. Everyone needing her, pulling on her for one thing or another. No peace. Lately though, with the kids gone and Cal; otherwise occupied; life had gone silent. The silence that she had wished for held no peace when it finally came. It just reverberated with the memory of things that had left her behind, making her anxious to fill the emptiness with noise. Nothing came to lure her mind away from the silence, no pleasurable temptations; her duties were done and it felt wrong to do, or even think about, anything else. My god, she had been kidnapped, was flying through the galaxy, and was surrounded by beefcake aliens and she was still thinking about that stupid loose tile in the master bathroom; she needed to get it fixed before the house was sold.A slight sound outside her cell drew her attention. "Who's there?" Karen asked, softly, opening her eyes.A wide-eyed figure peered around the edge of her cell, moving with cautious curiosity. It seemed younger than the other ones. It moved with a sense of barely-restrained eagerness, adorable and earnest. It also held a curved sort of wand in its hand."Honey, if you're here to anally probe me, I'll pass. I already had a colonoscopy this year, I'll have them send you the records;” she murmured, not expecting an answer.After a pause as the figure listened to the translation, its large eyes got even wider. "Is that how you poop?" he asked."What?" she asked, looking more closely at the young alien."I'm supposed to clean your cell when you poop; but you haven't pooped yet; wait, do colonoscopies make you poop?" it asked, scandalized.Karen closed her eyes and shook her head, "No. Colonoscopies put a small camera up your ass so that we can pay a doctor to do what we were afraid aliens like you would do to us if we got drunk in cornfields too much. They don't make us poop. In fact; well, never mind;” she trailed off, embarrassed.She still had vivid memories of her first colonoscopy earlier in the year, drinking gallons of preparatory laxatives, and the resulting quality time with her phone on the toilet. It was an odd experience; not awful, but not one that she could talk to anyone about. Her friends only talked about their kids and their successes, or whose husband cheated on them with some young thing, viciously salivating over their friends' misery with barely concealed glee. Forget about talking through her fears about it with Cal; that wasn't something he was interested in. Not anymore.After the procedure, she had been scared and disoriented from the sedation. For whatever reason, Cal hadn't shown up to give her a ride home. The stupid clinic wouldn't let her leave until someone could drive her home and take care of her. She just sat there getting more and more anxious. Eventually, she called an Uber and begged Xabiib the driver to pretend to be her neighbor; or just someone who cared about her. She spent the ride home trying to say his name correctly while he chuckled and repeated it for her. It was so horrifyingly embarrassing. It's one thing to have no one care about you, but another thing to have the whole world know about it when you were helpless and confused.Tears had rolled down her cheeks and she absently wiped them off with her hand. The young alien sat up and craned his head to look at the liquid on her hand. Karen snorted, "At ease, Holland. It's not poop. You're not getting anything out of me unless you have some heavy-duty magnesium supplements or yogurt."Holland's eyes went wide, "Are humans telepathic???" he gasped. "How did you know my name? Wow, that's so cool! Do it again! What am I thinking about now?"Karen suppressed a smile. Closing her eyes, she pressed her fingers to her temples and swayed from side to side, mysteriously. "I see something; something in the mist; something about; could it be; no, it makes no sense. Is it; a Zen; Zendayan? Does that make any sense to you?" she asked.Holland dropped his curved instrument in shock. "Yes! Yes! We just met them! We negotiated with them for supplies! I was there to carry stuff and; and;” he paused, shrinking in on himself a bit. "They are so beautiful. The Zendayans? So beautiful; and super nice; and just; like wow; I was supposed to just stand there until they were done with the talking and bowing and stuff, but they were just like so beautiful.""Well, what happened?" Karen asked."Captain introduced me and I bowed to them. I was feeling dizzy because, you know, their beautifulness just keeps radiating off them. Then; then; the most beautiful of them; she smiled." Holland stared at nothing, immersed in the memory, then wobbled, tipped over, and lay on the floor staring at the ceiling.Karen bit her lips in amusement. "I see. What did you do then?""I; I; I started talking and then I just couldn't stop because I was just trying to say how beautiful she was and how it just made my mind explode when she smiled and then I might have peed on the floor.""Oh dear," Karen said, cringing in sympathy. "We don't always put forward the face we want to when we are in our feelings, do we?" she said, quietly."Yeah; I've been cleaning poop ever since;” Holland sighed. After a while he sat back up, picked up the curved instrument and began twirling it in his hands. "So, like; what about you? Have you always made horrible noises?" he asked.Karen huffed, but then she saw the oblivious earnestness in Holland's face and sighed. "No; I wasn't always; like this. In fact, until about 30 years ago, I made beautiful noises. I was a pianist," she said."But, wait, they said you were a female;” Holland said, confused."Pee, an, ist," Karen repeated slowly. "I played the piano. It's an instrument; I was a musician. I was a student at Juilliard. It's a school on Earth; it was like a dream to even get in. I was on a scholarship, living in this shoddy apartment with my roommate Dana;” she trailed off, thinking about those days when everything seemed possible."Wait! Are you remembering?" Holland asked, breaking her reverie. "Can I remember it, too? Nobody wants to remember with me ever since the Zendayans, so I'm just left with my own memories and it gets so boring.""What are you talking about?""Well, it's kinda like; um; let me just show you. Computer, scan The Karen and project her memories," Holland ordered. A humming noise filled the room and a beam of light shot out of the wall and passed over her several times. Suddenly, her cell transformed into her shoddy apartment in Newark, New Jersey."Oh my gosh; it's just like it," Karen gasped looking around."Humans dream of getting into this?" Holland said, scrutinizing a cockroach scurrying along the floor."No, silly. This was our apartment across the river. We lived here when we weren't at school. Dana and I moved off campus in our second year. We took jobs on the side through an agency. That was when;” she sat down and a phone in the apartment's bedroom began ringing.A long, pale arm reached out of a pile of blankets on the bed and grabbed the phone. "Hullo?" Dana mumbled. A voice on the phone sounded irate. "Yeah, I'm almost there," she said and hung up.

After a wee heatwave there for a couple of weeks at a balmy 21 degrees, the taps are back on. Aye it's probably gona rain till September now, but fear not intrepid listener, Glesga Da brings you his guide to surviving the Scottish weather!Also, he really did run that car to 208k miles

We continue our campaign to #EndNeurophobia, with the help of Dr. Aaron Berkowitz. This time, Aye presents a case of behavior change, headaches, and blurry vision to Vale. Neurology DDx Schema Aye Chan Moe Thant (@AyeThant94) Aye graduated from University of Medicine, Mandalay, Myanmar, and has been working with her mentor neurologist, one of only… Read More »Episode 395: Neurology VMR – Behavior change, headaches, and blurry vision

To be, or not to be? Aye, there's the central question at the heart of the classic work “Tommy Boy” the 1995 broad comedy starring the late Chris Farley. This movie is more than a work of staggering childish genius. It is also a sophisticated adaptation of “Hamlet,” as in, the Shakespeare one. Joining Tess for a close reading of “Tommy Boy” through a Shakespearean lens is the comedian and podcaster Lisa Chanoux @LisaChanoux. Listen to BBC's “In Our Time: Hamlet” Listen to the Hardcore Literature podcasts' Hamlet episode. Follow Pop Mystery Pod on Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok @popmysterypod Pop Mystery Pod is written and produced by Tess Barker @tesstifybarker. Produced by Tyler Hill. Theme song by Rick Wood @Rickw00d.Support independent pop journalism and join us on Patreon at Pop Mystery Pod. Get access to ad free episodes, bonus content, and polls about upcoming topics. patreon.com/PopMysteryPodFollow Tess's other podcasts Lady to Lady and Toxic: The Britney Spears Story wherever you get your pods. Make sure to leave us a review! And tell a friend about the show! See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Cult War In Edo - Police Arrest 95, Govt Seals PDP Chiefs' Hotel, Househttps://osazuwaakonedo.video/cult-war-in-edo-police-arrest-95-govt-seals-pdp-chiefs-hotel-house/03/05/2025/#Nigeria Police Force #EsioririErah #Iduoriyekemwen #Illeh #Inegbineki #Okpebholo #Police #Uromi ©May 3rd, 2025 ®May 3, 2025 11:49 am Edo State Police Command of Nigeria Police Force has confirmed the arrest of 95 persons in connection with the killing of more than 15 people between April 25, 2025 and now in the renewed deadly and bloody apparent supremacy secret cult war in the state among members of the Black Axe Confraternity aka Aye, Maphite Confraternity aka Great Men and Eiye Confraternity aka Airlords which started with the killing of a physiotherapist, simply identified as Alex, and another individual at the University of Benin Teaching Hospital, UBTH back gate, Ugbowo, in Benin, with the Edo State Government led by Governor Monday Okpebholo launching a retaliatory war against businesses and individuals allegedly aiding secret cult killings in the state; thus, sealed off Eterno Hotel, planned to demolish the hotel owed by Peoples Democratic Party, PDP Chieftain, Honourable Matthew Iduoriyekemwen, who was the Director General of Asue/Ogie Campaign Organisation in the last Governorship election in the state, on the ground that a particular secret cult group members gathered at the Eterno Hotel to plan their recent killings in the state, and in addition, the Edo State governor also sealed off and marked a residential building for demolition also owed by a PDP Chieftain, Francis Inegbineki. #OsazuwaAkonedo

Aye captain!!!This week we be spinnin a yarn about shirts -a- puffin, low talkin maidens and tassel wearing news anchors….If you think you can help, call 5-SEINFELD-6 Be sure to follow us on social media and please, leave a five star review anywhere you can! Or not… the ball is in your court. But seriously, 5 stars would really be great.You can also Join our discord and yada yada yada your brains out.All it takes is a monthly donation to “The Human Fund”https://patreon.com/Ruiningseinfeld?utm_medium=clipboard_copy&utm_source=copyLink&utm_campaign=creatorshare_fan&utm_content=join_linkFind us on Instagram:John (@surrealfeld)Adam (@seinfeldepisodes) The show (@ruiningseinfeld)www.ruiningseinfeld.com Coming soon!Here's to feeling good all the time.*This is the order we follow… https://thetvdb.com/series/seinfeld/allseasons/dvd

In this episode of The Skeptical Shaman podcast, host Rachel White (of TOTEM Readings), chats with the lovely Mark Phillips of The Mind's Aye: medium, psychic, and avid student of all things Woo! Not only does Mark have a beautiful Scottish brogue-- and the arcane abilities of mediumship and psychic communication-- but he has also been attending incredible classes and workshops at the real life Hogwort's: The Arthur Findlay College in Great Britain.Mark shares his awesome journey to accepting his own psychic abilities, and how he gave (and continues to give) himself permission to pursue his Woo passions. Mark is a prime example of an otherwise "normal" person with a day job and a family that also wants to help clients connect to their dearly departed-- and to the other side!Rachel's LINKS:Rachel's Website: https://www.totemreadings.comTOTEM Readings Substack: https://totemrach.substack.comRachel's Other Links: https://linktr.ee/totemrachOur Sponsors' LINKS:The TOTEM Flower Essence Deck: https://a.co/d/gw16LsGThe TOTEM Tarot Deck: https://www.amazon.com/TOTEM-Tarot-Deck-Rachel-White/dp/0578980126The TOTEM Flower Essences: https://www.etsy.com/shop/TotemReadingsATXTOTEM Spiritual Transformation Coaching: https://www.totemreadings.com/coachingTOTEM Business of Woo Mentoring: https://www.totemreadings.com/business-of-wooMark's LINKS:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themindsaye/Please note: The views and opinions expressed on The Skeptical Shaman do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of the podcast. Any content provided by our guests, bloggers, sponsors or authors are of their opinion and are not intended to malign any religion, protected class, group, club, organization, business individual, anyone or anything. And remember: sticks and stones may break our bones, but words—or discussions of religious or spiritual topics-- will never hurt us.

Hist Gia Worthy (@classicallygia) is joined by the podcasters of "Aye, Who All Gon' Be There?!" (@AyeWhoAllThere) to discuss the mergatory episode of Survivor 48. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Aye up, like. It's us! Doing this! This week we discuss taking snuff, revisit the topic of how much personal responsibility should be considered compared to systemic forces, how Cat would shame a man on a train, and how Guy tried to stop someone from working in the arms industry. We also discuss Guy's recent Revelation, which genuinely shocked Cat's little socks off. 07/10/1978 https://web.archive.org/web/20170715031647/https://www.gocomics.com/garfield/1978/10/07

Episode description: We continue our campaign to #EndNeurophobia, with the help of Dr. Aaron Berkowitz. This time, Sebastian presents a case of confusion to Aye. Aye Chan Moe Thant ( @AyeThant94 ) Aye is a physician from Myanmar and now working as a clinical research team member at the Department of Neurology, Washington University in Saint… Read More »Episode 386: Neurology VMR – Confusion

In the middle of recording this podcast, I realized that the microphone wasn't plugged in. Aye yai yai! So I had to go back to the top and start again. That's what happens with modern technology, sometimes things go smooth and sometimes, well, it's back to the drawing board. For today's podcast English lesson, let's look at some idioms and phrases that we use to talk about doing something again from the beginning. We'll start from scratch! Join my Podcast Learner's Study Group here: https://learn.myhappyenglish.com/transcriptVisit my website for over 3,000 free English lessons: https://www.myhappyenglish.com/

A Walk In the Park  & Aya's Finest Hour.Book 3 in 18 parts, By FinalStand. Listen to the ► Podcast at Explicit Novels.Professional, conscript, or volunteer, they all have run away from battle.A Note on terminology and the metaphor of Cael's WorldThe terms Weave of Fate and 'Weave ' are interchangeable. Weave expresses the intersection ~ the sieve that all the possible futures entered to create what we perceive as this 'now'. Fate is the keeper of the sieve. The Present is what is happening right now. It is that infinitesimal which we interpret as Reality.The Legend is what happens when the present is pulled back through the weave and becomes the past. It is called the Legend because, as the former presents fade into the past, they blur; each becomes less precise and more open to interpretations. (It is as if you were looking at one thing through a prism; as you shift your stance, what you see appears to change.) Within the Legend exist mystic creatures, divinities, demons, spirits, all the Paradises and Hells.The Endless Black Sands is the final resting place for all failed legends. It is the place where all is forgotten until even former realities break down into the Black Sands. That Alal found a way to cheat this doom and retrieved Shammuramat, was truly remarkable; even though Fate 'balanced accounts' with him by sending Ajax and his war band along that path as well.If you wonder how that was a balancing, consider this:The only people Alal cares for (in his own brutal fashion) are Shammy, now Sakura, and his only true offspring in 5,000 years, Cáel.Fate sent Ajax.With Ajax available to test Cáel, how could Alal resist the temptation to place one of the planet's greatest killer on a collision course with both of his loves in order to test Cáel?The Veil is a function of the Weave that protects sentient perception from perceiving the Weave and disguises the otherness of creatures of legend, unless they willingly allow themselves to be seen, which they usually do only so they can 'physically' interact with the Present. Some sentient minds, through horrific trauma such as the Augurs' self- poisonings, through the quirks of Fate via Holy Men, Mad Prophets and Doomsayers such as Temujin, or through the touch of legends such as Ishara, can sense the fluctuations in the Veil and the things behind it. Cáel, in truth, has been shaped by all three vehicles (Ishara, the Augurs and Temujin's legend.)Oblivion is what awaits Reality if the Weave ever fails beyond its ability to heal itself. This threat is what keeps the creatures of legend from constantly traversing the Weave. They have to weaken the Weave to do so or to use powers in Reality, the greater the distortion they create, the greater the weakening that occurs.End Note(Two days ago, with thirty days left)"That was fantastic, Lady Yum-Yum," I sighed."What did you just call me?" she panted softly. We were naked in one of our Task Force bedrooms that was actually used for sleeping, and now sex. I was still pressed against her reposed body, despite our recent exertions. She was on her stomach, arms stretched down her sides.She was sweaty and short of breath. She still had her wits about her and an awareness of our situation: victory sex, me still aroused and her fingernails scratching my thighs and buttocks. My equally sticky body was pressing down on her, even though I supported my weight with outstretched hands placed on either side of her shoulders."Lady Yum-Yum," I mumbled as I kissed the back of her head. "That was the first thing that sprang to mind when you introduced yourself." I could see her working that through her highly complex mind."When writing your memoirs, please remember to me refer to me that way," she began to flex her thighs and abdominal muscles, so that her ass was pumping against my hips."Only if this helps persuade you to give me a repeat performance.""I'll consider,," she purred, then paused to catch her breathe. "You are in phenomenal shape, young man. Do any of your other lady-loves have pet names?""Nope," I grunted as I withdrew.She had teased me with anal sex hints repeatedly, yet never delivered. She liked the game and the power she wielded. My body being on top of hers was only an illusion of a tactical advantage. She knew me pretty well already. I wasn't the kind of guy who would use physical strength to overwhelm her vulnerable position. This being so, a cerebral skirmish only excited her more.We waged a war that was based on intakes of breath, the shimmying of muscles and the trembling of fatigued flesh. The prize for me was the winning. Lady Fathom Worthington-Burke played tricky-clever, but I was better. And at times like this, she admitted it. She gave me what I wanted. I rolled her.Straight, face-to-face fucking. The Lady's pulsar gaze trapped my vision. She smiled, grudgingly at first, then more and more sensually as my glans returned to her g-spot that it had scouted out earlier. This was 'surrender by the Fathom method'. She gave me what I wanted, so I took what I wanted, and pleasured her at the same time."Mmm, you are a bad, bad boy," she lapsed into her trashy West-End Londoner accent. It was perfect and an erotic whiplash when added to her native, refined manner of speech. This wasn't a trick this time, it was a treat. It was a gift, reciprocated. The tactile sensation of her cervix becoming a soft, spongey chalice for my final penetrations was icing on an all-so-luscious cake.I tendered her a tribute worthy of my first love, Dr. Kimberly Geisler. It was strange to find a woman like her. Outside of Kimberly, I had found only one other woman who graciously offered her ultimate pleasure paean to the hundreds of lovers who had become before. That other woman, it still floored me, was Buffy Du, no, Buffy Ishara, First of my House."Oh!" and several heartbeats later, "Cáel!" several hissed series of breathes and then, "Goddess! You are better than good!"Two thoughts collided within me:A) I had never seen a more controlled orgasmic explosion in my life. I was going to have to tell Buffy about this, once we were safely in bed. If it was office talk, she'd punch me through a window and that would make Aya cry. I couldn't have that.B) Goddess? I thought she was Anglican. This needed further study. This treatment was really nice. I leaned in, kissed her. Lady Yum-Yum smiled. "Take me to the shower. Play time is over, Cáel," and she was back to all business."You are treating me like a fleshy vibrator," I pointed out."But you are a very finely-trained, fleshy vibrator, you wonderful boy," she stroked my cheek. "Shower! Now!" So, like a Good Boy, International Merchant of Death and Chosen Son of a Divine Amazon Goddess, I slid off her, then cradled her in my arms as I rose from our totally trashed mattress.I didn't smile when it was confirmed that I wasn't carrying her out of any romantic after-coitus gesture. She couldn't walk. Woot! It took a bit of effort to get us into the walk-in shower and to get the water just perfect, all while keeping her cradled. She helped out by keeping her arms tightly around my neck."Cheeky bastard," she whispered in my ear. "You are gloating." Then she nibbled on my earlobe for good measure."Damn right," I did gloat as I let her slide down to her feet. "You are pretty sweet for an Old Chick." She wasn't angry, oh no."If you were trying to get me to say, 'I'll get you next time," she licked, nipped and sucked on my nipple as if I was the one with the mammaries in this relationship, "it worked." Double-Woot! I was going to get that damn four-way! I did coax a vigorous shower-quickie out of my Lady. Afterward, she shifted herself so she could get under one of the steaming showerheads."Cáel, why didn't you use a condom," she mused. Gak!"You aren't on Birth Control?" I panicked. She laughed at me."No. I've never been a fan of hormones replacement. I like the way I am. Do you expect the women to do all the anti-pregnancy measures?""No," I gulped."Don't' be so worried," she laughed. "We had unprotected sex one time. The odds are astronomical that an 'oops' happened, right?" Yes, it was a single sexual encounter, but included three firings of the one-eyed hydra, sigh."You are asking a man who has five children on the way, Fathom," I cautioned her."Oh, I'll update my files and make an appointment to seen a local, reliable O B G Y N," she slipped back into her unflappable British resolve. "Get along. I need to get cleaned up," she cupped my scrotum, ", again. So scoot." I scooted.I had updated my condom supply despite the forbiddance Dot Ishara, my Matron Goddess, beamed to me from the Other Side. She could only complain so much. I'd upped my selection of fortune cookies and added a fresh raisin chocolate brownie for my next visit with her. I had to get over to the other side of the floor to get a fresh shirt, and boxers.Yum-Yum had ripped off my shirt (a little kinky) and boxers (a little painful). I wasn't going commando, so I decided to quick step it before something important happened that required me to yank yet another solution out of my sexually-fueled creative imagination.How Lady Yum-Yum and I ended up in bedThe Secret Societies' long awaited war had begun in Africa and in India. The Amazons couldn't effectively reinforce these two homeland regions. No, my people's edge came from my stupid stunts (e.g., the fight outside that club in Chicago), the judicious application of a few kind words and a whole lot of targeted killing on my part along with that of my Amazons.Those actions convinced the Booth-gan (aka the Thuggee, but we no longer say that because it irritates them) and the Coils of the Serpent to toss in their lot with their local Amazons. They did the whole 'hostage exchange' thing as well. Two children from each side. That was a no-brainer on my part. All three concerned parties were willing to let their adults die if necessary. Their children were another matter.In Asia, the Seven Pillars had made only minimal progress. We now suspected the 7P had planned to roll over the three of the 9 Clans that were in their Sphere of Influence, the now 6 Ninja Families, the Black Lotus and the Booth-gan in rapid succession. A preemptive strike against both the Khanate and the Ninja were supposed to cripple those two factions.Against the Khanate, that had been a dismal failure. In Nippon, the Ninja were in dire straits and would be decades recovering from the original 7P blitz. But the combination of US black ops help and the infusion of Amazons and Okinawans had staved off extinction for the moment. Strategically, these failed actions were tying down 7P resources that the largest Secret Society had planned to move elsewhere.In China, the Black Lotus exhibited the same resilience and deceptiveness they'd shown in combating the Seven Pillars by themselves for the past 65 years. The chaos gripping the PRC was a blessing from the Ancestors, the four sacred spirits (lung/dragons, phoenix, unicorn and tortoise), and the nine entities (I now really had to know this stuff.) Word that a 'dragon' had appeared in the West had only heightened their desire to aid in our new alliance.Those factors meant a reprieve for India. As the 7 Pillars began ramping up their operations; increasing racial tensions, minor terrorist action and military and industrial sabotage; the Booth-gan and Amazon united resources and purpose. The Booth-gan would assassinate 7P operatives and pawns while the Amazons would hit 7P front companies and businesses based out of the People's Republic of China. (This activity also helped ratchet up India-PRC tensions and anti-PRC public sentiment in India.)In Africa, the Condotteiri had squandered precious hours reallocating resources before launching their assaults. Like everyone but the 7P, they had been caught flat-footed by the renewal of the Secret War. The Coils of the Serpent had never been overly antagonistic toward the Condos, since their interests rarely collided. The same went for the Coils and the Amazons.Two factors inspired a deep Amazon-Coil bond. They were both groups with deep African roots and a shared Central-Western African spirituality. Added to that was the growing power of the Coils of the Serpent in the past fifty years. Their main opponents had been the Illuminati who had a Eurocentric view. Pan-Africanism was in the Coil's best interest, but ran contrary to European economic interests.Long term, allying with the African Amazons was a good investment for the Coils. The 9 Clans relationships had already proved to be advantageous on multiple occasions in the past. The leaders of the Coils knew their power was rising with the fortunes of Sub-Saharan Africa. To them, the rise of the PRC and the Seven Pillars was a looming threat in the East.They had been handed a golden opportunity to deal with this enemy before the enemy was ready to deal with them. They had been 'gifted' with over 2000 highly-skilled, fanatical Amazon warriors as stealthy muscle to add to their own, more subtle arsenal. For the Amazons, it was access to continent wide clandestine intelligence network that could unmask their enemies' hiding places.The Condotteiri wiped out an Amazon freehold in Cameroon and a few Coils safe houses in Lagos, Nigeria. In the Republic of Mali, over 250 Condo mercenaries were slaughtered at a 'secret' installation and their armory was looted. Ebola kept breaking out in the West. The dominant regional powers, the Republic of the Congo and Nigeria, were tottering as a result of decades of economic mismanagement, civic, ethnic, tribal and religious strife, corruption and unreliable militaries.The scene was ripe for a secret conflict as well as public carnage. For the Joint International Khanate Interim Taskforce (JIKIT), this presented a dilemma. They were involved with a growing global struggle that went far beyond the Khanate and Central Asia. Their secret society allies strenuously objected to bringing any more 'outsider' people into the group.Handing over covert intelligence to other governmental agencies in the US and UK, then telling them they wouldn't divulge their sources went over like scuba diving with cement goulashes. Explaining to upper level bigwigs that they had a 'trust-based' team went nowhere. Those officials didn't care about a bunch of domestic/international criminals' sensibilities.They wanted names and faces. They wanted addresses, phone taps and bank account numbers. It would all be 'Secret', 'Top Secret', or 'Eyes Only'. It would all be vulnerable to all kinds of governmental subpoenas too. No threats were made from 'my' side. They'd killed more people than the Black Death and the lives of a few thousand bureaucrats (and their families) in London and Washington D.C. didn't mean shit to them.Selena did offer to kidnap some family members to get the message across. Javiera put her hands over her ears and began singing 'la-la-la' as she stormed out of the room. Lady Fathom suggested that we arrange a private meeting with the UK Prime Minister and the US President. It took a few seconds for Mehmet and Javiera to realize she wasn't kidding.That was a nearly impossible task, which on this taskforce meant we had to give it a shot. Let's just say that the US Attorney General, Eric Holder and Chairman John Jay of the British Joint Intelligence Committee thought their respective representative had lost her God-damn mind. I went to the Khanate for help.Twenty-four hours later Azerbaijan, Turkey, Tajikistan, Armenia and Georgia (yes, two tiny Christian nations) joined the Khanate. The integration of the first two nations had been in the works since the formation of the Turkic Council in 2009. For me, Temujin upped the time table strictly for our benefit. Turkey and Azerbaijan became the two newest states within the Khanate.The third, Tajikistan was different and the shakiest addition. The unoccupied title of 'Khwarazm Shah' was created, suggesting the Iranian Tajiks had a special status inside the Khanate. 'Khwarazm' referenced the Khwarazmian dynasty that ruled the last of the great, Persian-led, Iranian Super-States and dated back to the 13th century AD. 'Shah' was Persian for King.The announced status of Armenia and Georgia was quite a bit different. They become 'Protectorates', i.e., semi-autonomous states within the Khanate who were 'vassal' states, responsible only to the Great Khan and his personal representative in the region (ah, that would be me.)So, the first three entries made sense, strong geographic, ethnic and/or religious ties, plus this was part of the Khanate's agenda anyway. But Armenia and Georgia? That was the doing of the other regional secret society, the Hashashin.The Caucasus Mountains were the backyard of the Hashashin. They knew who to blackmail, pinch and kill to make the 'take-over' possible. The main stumbling block was the long Khanate-Hashashin history: the Mongols had destroyed the historical stronghold of the Hashashin, Alamut, in 1256 CE. In a way, that disaster had transformed the sect, making it move away from their strict Nizārī Ismaili roots and into a more ethnically and religiously diverse group that was centered in the Caucasus region.Temujin made it clear to this group that he was making a deal under my auspices. Both Armenia and, Georgia (as well as the future Kurdistan, his plans for the creation of that last state were told to me under condition of secrecy) would be part of my palatinate principality (along with Hungary, if we ever got there). Riki Martin defined the terms for me: I was the voice of those three regions in the Khan's court.They wouldn't have to deal with Muslim Khanate officials. They would deal with me and 'my officials'. If the Khanate had a problem with my principality, they came to me to resolve the issue. That translated to me giving a nod to the existing regimes ruling in Armenia and Georgia (along with the infusion of a few Hashashin supporters.)Publically the future of those three political and ethnic entities would be confirmed later. The existing governments knew three things.1) I was that madman who had led the charge in Romania, clearly a man of bravery and humility. The odds were good that I was going to be a man they could rely on to adequately represent their interests with the government that currently mattered the most (aka The Khanate.)2) The Great Khan thought the world of me and in this nascent New World Order that meant way more than membership in NATO, or begging the United Nations to apply sanctions of dubious value.3) There would be a change of leadership by about 2040. Children of excellent ethnic parentage would succeed me in this ceremonial role in the region. These new princes and princesses would be the scions of the line of Nyilas and representatives of the various states (translation: I was going to be sexing it up with Georgian, Armenian and Kurdish members of the Hashashin).That would establish the three 'cadet' branches of House Ishara (Nyilas) (which I've listed because all three alphabets are so freaking beautiful) that could weave the Amazons, 9 Clans and the varying ethnic identities into a quilt that could stand together as a force in the Great Khan's inner circle. This new spate of aristocratic, 'Archer'-themed lineages would be:1.       Moisari, in Georgia.2.       Aġeġnajig, in Armenia.3.       Ram- alsham, in Kurdistan.This fiction made the key named entities happy. The combination of all these events applied another jolt to the heart of the global power structure (after all, Turkey was in NATO) and made the US and UK governments back off.By tidying up the world map, we'd brought our governmental chiefs to the chilling revelation that their sole conduit for insider information regarding the ongoing global calamity had reacted to their intransience by simply letting them be blind-sided by events. After the fact, Javiera and Lady Fathom relayed that message very clearly.

Aye! Happy St. Pats! Netflix Book Club number 243 is Michael Collins! Join the usual suspects @dennisrooney7 and @_miketoohey as they chop up this historical Irish drama. Follow the pod to see the entire upcoming schedule @netflixbookclubpodcast!

Aye, You Hired Me!

Anyone new to Australia can appreciate how important it is to keep your mother tongue alive. Language is integral to your culture and Australia's Indigenous languages are no different, connecting people to land and ancestral knowledge. They reflect the diversity of Australia's First Nations peoples. More than 100 First Nations languages are currently spoken across Australia. Some are spoken by only a handful of people, and most are in danger of being lost forever. But many are being revitalised. In today's episode of Australia Explained we explore the diversity and reawakening of Australia's First languages. - Raan cë piac bën në Australia alëu bë aleec gam kë thiek yen yic ago thokduon muk cok. Thoŋ ee kë thiekic në ceŋdu yic ku Thook ke kɔc ke Australia acie wuɔ̈ɔ̈c, ee kɔc rek ke piny ku nyïny de kɔc thɛɛr. Aye wuɔ̈ɔ̈c de kɔc ke Australia nyuɔɔth. Thook juëc wär 100 ke Paan tueŋ aye keek jam në ye mɛn në Australia ëbɛ̈n. Kɔ̈k aye keek lueel në kɔc lik, ku kä juëc aye tɔ̈ në riääk yic bïk määr akölriëëc. Ku kɔc juëc aye keek dhuɔ̈kciëën. Në yekölë ke cë Australia Explained leek wuɔk cë pïïr de kɔc juïc ku pïïr de thook tueŋ ke Australia yök.

It's nearly spring. And at Trader Joe's, that means new products popping up like flower buds after an early thaw. In this episode of Inside Trader Joe's, we're getting up close and personal with a baker's dozen of our favorite new (and returning) things for spring. Looking for Easter candy and treats? You'll find them here, and you'll be impressed not only with how they look, but how they taste. A new Mini Sheet Cake that happens to be gluten free? Oh. Yes. Potato chips made with Irish potatoes and butter? Aye. A new blend of greens to elevate your salad game and a pasta sauce that's simple, elegant, and extraordinarily delicious? Well… yes. Would you believe a wine made with oranges? You should believe, and you should try it. One last thing… no bunnies were harmed in the making of this episode. Transcript (PDF)

When a photographer (Faye Dunaway) begins seeing through the eyes of a murderer, she'll have to take her eyes off of her career. But does the police lieutenant (Tommy Lee Jones) who's been keeping his eye on her only have eyes for her? Aye-yai-yai! Crank up the Barbra Streisand, it's Eyes of Laura Mars (1978)! Questions, comments, requests? Write us at: WriteHWGW@gmail.com

The Tooth Fairy isn't leaving as much $$ as she used to. Turns out life, really IS like a box of chocolates! And why a couple had to sit next to a corpse on a plane! (Aye!) That's what Paul Layendecker is BuZzin' about today on The Daily BuZz!!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Tooth Fairy isn't leaving as much $$ as she used to. Turns out life, really IS like a box of chocolates! And why a couple had to sit next to a corpse on a plane! (Aye!) That's what Paul Layendecker is BuZzin' about today on The Daily BuZz!!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

No we did not in fact go all out as suggested and lost to a pretty determined Hull City after Patto had.. a moment.. resulting in our first loss in the league at home this season, and likely the end to any hope of automatics without assistance from the rest of the division. What's the crack? Aye that was shite. The mistake was shite and the response was also. That being said, does this present an opportunity to build momentum for a playoff run? Wembley or bust; we're doing it the hard way again, lads and lasses. Think of the scenes though. Patto and that fumble; he's not exactly helped himself there but why isn't he taking command of the situation or his area? Does he need real competition? If it ain't broke; The way we've set up all season has got us this far, so is it fair to say we need to simply find our rhythm again, get back to basics even? If it's all about the sides above falling to pieces to let us pass, it's probably best we ignore all that now and focus on ourselves isn't it. Aye it is.Ha'way the Lads!#SAFC #EFL #EFLChampionship Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

On this week's podcast:Game overview: Aye...Shout outs:  Thanks and cheerio, PhilGround rules for the NARSA chatMelbourne City Loyal RSC cultural event: https://www.facebook.com/groups/110256592359769/?multi_permalinks=9074145052637500&ref=share Convention Update - We really need your help. If you are planning on attending the convention, please book your event tickets ASAP107 days / 15 weeks!!!Convention Tickets On Sale: https://narsa.ca/tickets/Room bookings: https://narsa.ca/kissimmee-2025/Communications: Gers Guide Gaz StyleExclusive offer from Rangers Review: https://www.rangersreview.co.uk/subscribe/narsa25/ International Coaches Convention 2025: https://www.rangers.co.uk/article/rangers-international-coaches-convention-returns/2G1eVp9rGXAvxrsdsMW5WmPlease share with your membership. This will also be shared on our WhatsApp group, and via our social media too. https://narsa.ca/

Listener discretion is advised (language). References: Abdo WF, Heunks LM. Oxygen-induced hypercapnia in COPD: myths and facts. Crit Care. 2012 Oct 29;16(5):323. Bonilla Arcos D, Krishnan JA, et al. High-Dose Versus Low-Dose Systemic Steroids in the Treatment of Acute Exacerbations of Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease: Systematic Review. Chronic Obstr Pulm Dis. 2016 Feb 17;3(2):580-588. Fawzy A, Wise RA. Pulse Oximetry Misclassifies Need for Long-Term Oxygen Therapy in Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease. Ann Am Thorac Soc. 2023 Nov;20(11):1556-1557. Goldberg P, Reissmann H, Maltais F, Ranieri M, Gottfried SB. Efficacy of noninvasive CPAP in COPD with acute respiratory failure. Eur Respir J. 1995 Nov;8(11):1894-900. Jennifer T. Thibodeau, Mark H. Drazner. The Role of the Clinical Examination in Patients With Heart Failure,JACC: Heart Failure, Volume 6, Issue 7, 2018, Pages 543-551. Kartal M, Goksu E, Eray O, et al. The value of ETCO2 measurement for COPD patients in the emergency department. Eur J Emerg Med. 2011 Feb;18(1):9-12. Ni, H., Aye, S., Naing, C. Magnesium sulfate for acute exacerbations of chronic obstructive pulmonary disease. Cochrane Database Syst Rev. 2022 May 26; 2022(5):CD013506. Pertzov, B., Ronen, M., Rosengarten, D. et al. Use of capnography for prediction of obstruction severity in non-intubated COPD and asthma patients. Respir Res 22, 154 (2021). Pu X, Liu L, Feng B, Wang M, Dong L, Zhang Z, Fan Q, Li Y, Wang G. Efficacy and Safety of Different Doses of Systemic Corticosteroids in COPD Exacerbation. Respir Care. 2021 Feb;66(2):316-326. Tyagi D, Govindagoudar MB, et al. Correlation of PaCO2 and ETCO2 in COPD Patients with Exacerbation on Mechanical Ventilation. Indian J Crit Care Med. 2021 Mar;25(3):305-309. van Gestel AJ, Steier J. Autonomic dysfunction in patients with chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD). J Thorac Dis. 2010 Dec;2(4):215-22. doi: 10.3978/j.issn.2072-1439.2010.02.04.5.

Episode description: We continue our campaign to #EndNeurophobia, with the help of Dr. Aaron Berkowitz. This time, Aye presents a case of double vision to Vale. Aye Chan Moe Thant ( @AyeThant94 ) Aye is a physician from Myanmar and now working as a clinical research team member at the Department of Neurology, Washington University… Read More »Episode 379: Neurology VMR – Double Vision for One Day

Aye, look—Fear ain't nothin' but a mental block, a limitation we place on ourselves. It's like holdin' a bag full of liabilities when you should be stackin' assets. The key to Diminishing Fear is exposure—educatin' yourself, takin' calculated risks, and leanin' into discomfort till it don't shake you no more. See, fear thrives in uncertainty, but when you put knowledge and experience on your side, that fear starts shrinkin' like a bad investment. So stop playin' defense with your life—start movin' with confidence, ‘cause closed mouths don't get fed and scared money don't make money. Diminishing Fear | Wallstreet Trapper (Episode 130) Trappin Tuesday'sBEST OPTIONS COURSE EVER: https://www.optionswithtrap.com/

Multiple organs are played at the All Saints Sunday Eucharist.A Series in 17 parts, By Blacksheep. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories. It's been a while, but now we return to our good friends at Saint Michael's CE church;"Dear Brothers & Sisters," Reverend Simon Morris stood in the pulpit and began his sermon."Well first of all, special thanks to Gordon for that fine voluntary and hymn, and to My wife's cousin, Miya, for playing the Gloria. We have an organist and an organist-in-training! As I'm sure you're aware, my wife Jenna, has kindly agreed to stand in for Raymond Wilson, the organist at Oakwood Road Methodist Church, who is recovering from surgery.Also as you may have noticed, we are joined by Reverend Horatius Fletcher, an old friend who mentored me back when I was studying for my degree in theology many, many years ago!"The man in question was sat behind the vicar, at the side of the organ and clad in full robes. He looked a lot older than he probably was. He smiled and nodded. "You were a good student; well, most of the time!"A chorus of sniggers erupted from the assembled congregation."Did he step out of a Dickens novel?" someone whispered. "He's got the perfect name for one.""From the look of him, he was an old 'un when Queen Victoria were a mere slip of a girl!" came the witty reply.The fella in the pew behind them added; "Aye, he listened to one too many sermons. That's what we'll look like by the end of this service.""And now we turn to events in the Christian calendar.” Reverend Morris continued. “We've entered November, & the month of remembrance: All Saints, All Souls, and, of course, Remembrance Sunday. It is always necessary to remember important events which have gone before, because, as has been said, those who don't remember history are doomed to repeat it. This year we studied on Sundays, and in our Bible reflection group, the Book of Exodus;“There was much coughing and shuffling of feet as the congregation braced themselves for another of the vicar's famously long and tedious sermons.Over at the organ loft, Miya was thinking some less-than-holy ways of spicing up this dull part of the service."I was so nervous playing the Gloria," she whispered to Gordon, who was sat next to her on the organ stool. "My first time playing in front of the congregation."In the four months she'd been practicing, Miya had learnt a lot, but there was still a heck of a long way to go."You were fantastic," Gordon replied, reassuring his much-younger girlfriend. "I knew you could do it.""The next hymn;” Miya paused. “I'm not sure if;“"Want me to play it?" Gordon offered her a break."If you don't mind.""No worries." Gordon adjusted his music sheets. The next hymn was The King of Love My Shepherd Is, set to the tune of St Columba."Think I need to relax my fingers a little," Miya continued. "All that pressing down; I need something to squeeze. My palms have gone sweaty and hot." Her right hand slipped over to his thigh and squeezed it."Now lass," Gordon muttered. "Why do I get the feeling you're itching to play a different organ?"She gave him that grin; the one that meant serious naughtiness. How he loved that grin.Meanwhile, the vicar's sermon continued. "As St Paul wrote in Ephesians 2: 'Jesus is our peace, who has made the two groups one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility, His purpose was to create in himself one new humanity out of the two, thus making peace, and in one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross.' The Cross of Christ makes peace possible. The Cross of Christ can make brothers out of enemies."With one hand, Gordon pushed her closer and slid his tongue into her mouth. Miya could feel his hands trailing the skin of her arse, exploring under her skirt.Her gasp was soft, but keen. Gordon's lip twitched in amusement.She lead his fingers further into the wetness underneath her knickers."Oh, Gordy-pie, I want you in me;“ Miya moaned in delinquent need.With an arched brow, the organist huskily whispered, "Oh yes? Which part of me do you reckon?" Miya giggled.He slid one broad finger into her velvety wetness and twisted in her, prodding her delicate fondness. Clearly the soft groan she emitted was not a sign of complaint."Hmm; so wet already." His voice was deep and playful. He proceeded to glide one more finger into her and goaded her clit with his thumb. His fingering orchestrated gratifying sounds from her.Miya released a ragged breath. "Oh, Gordy;“Reverend Morris raised his hands. "Another lesson we've learnt from the Book of Exodus is that God cares for all who are oppressed. I'm reminded of something I read online the other day, concerning the terrible conflict that is currently occurring in the Holy Land. Brothers and sisters, we are not to be so heavenly-minded that we are no earthly use; nor are we to be so focused on the world that we forget in whose image we have been made;“Norman the churchwarden stifled a yawn and leant against a pillar. He preferred to stand rather than sit, given that his buttocks were frequently tender due to repeated whippings from Mrs. Wilcox. He checked his watch and couldn't help but sigh to himself as the vicar droned on and made his weekly request for everyone to "pray for peace." It seemed rather futile, given the depressing news headlines he'd watched this morning. Still, one had to keep the faith.A tap on his arm brought him to his senses."Thought you'd like to know, Norm dearie, that I've ordered some certain little items off the interweb. You and I are going to have a day at the races.""Can't wait Gladys! Tuesday's out though - remember you agreed to hold the Parochial church council meeting at your place.""Haven't forgotten that," the old lady replied, and winked at him. He bit his lip, wondering what she had planned. A day at the races? That was sure to involve that trusty riding crop again. What on earth had she been buying online?"You know Gordon; when I see you wearing that black gown, it always does it for me." Miya's voice trembled as he created persistent strokes that intensified her squelching sounds. "I; ah; it makes you look like Severus Snape. You know, from Harry Potter?"Gordon wasn't familiar with much of the franchise. "Never got into that. Harry and the Chamber Pot of Afghanistan or something; think that film was repeated on TV recently. You'll have to; enlighten me. Glad you like the robe; it's less restrictive than a surplice, given what you have in mind!"He shifted on the stool and brushed the open-fronted gown off his thighs to give her a clear view of his crotch bulge. His fingers kept diligently working in her, keeping a nice stable rhythm.Miya's eyes widened as she unzipped his black trousers and freed his cock from his y-front underpants. "Gordy, why does it seem bigger than ever in church?" She wrapped her hand around his shaft, barely closing her fist on his girth. His tip glistened with precum."Made to compliment your holy mouth," Gordon remarked saucily. This earned him a squeeze on his shaft and a teasing lick on the head."Ah," he sucked the air between this gritting teeth as Miya tended him with both hands. Stroking. Circling her thumb on his tip. She seductively licked her lips and smiled. Gordon glanced warily at Reverend Morris, who was still in full flow with his sermon. It was fortunate that no-one sat in the pews could see the organist when he was sat at the organ, save for the very top of his head. But from his elevated position in the pulpit, if the vicar were to turn to his right, he'd get a grandstand view."Relax, he's only half-way through the sermon," Miya said. When I was staying at the vicarage, I used to hear him reciting them. They seemed to go on for hours. So boring; even Jenna confessed she dreaded him reading them out to her. Anyways, let's see if you're right about my holy mouth.""Fu; uhm; pardon me," moaned Gordon, halting an expletive due to being in church.He put his hand on Miya's face, gently nudging her along. She took him in carefully, his raging member not fitting entirely in her; . and that's what made it more exciting. She relaxed her throat and managed to take more than half of him. Even though she'd done this many times ever since their relationship began back in June, the rush of excitement every time her mouth touched his cock hadn't dimmed at all. He'd had sex in the church countless times in the past, mostly with the vicar's wife, but never during a service. This was his first time being pleasured during the Sunday Eucharist. That fact served to excite him even more. It was so; wrong, so naughty; so; sinful."Deary, you're so beautiful; especially with me in your mouth," Gordon chuckled. His hips buckled slowly to push his meat deeper into her. Miya winced a little, her gag reflex massaging his girth. "Mmm;“Reverend Fletcher wanted nothing more than to stand up and stretch. His back was aching. The old wooden chair he was sat in was torture, and provided no support."Oh Simon, you never did learn the value of truncating your sermons," he sighed to himself. "When will this bloody lesson endeth?" Being sat further back, behind the pulpit, he had a good view of the choir, who were mostly looking miserable, particularly the younger members, two of whom were furtively glancing at smartphones.He turned to his right and did a double take at what he saw at the organ."To join God's family; in whose image we are made; is not just to take His name, but to start acting as He acts! We are, as Jesus said, to: 'give to Caesar what is Caesar's, and to God what is God's.' Amen!"Reverend Morris ended his sermon, and never had the congregation been more grateful."Miya;“ Gordon stammered, watching his girlfriend's head in his lap, working diligently. "The sermon's over; I'll have to start playing the hymn."Miya moved her hands to unbutton her blouse and revealed her nice perky breasts with pale pink nipples. She plopped his member out of her mouth and rubbed her breasts between them. "Do it then," she smiled."Oh God; I'm not sure I can," Gordon moaned."Please stand for our hymn, The King of Love Our Shepherd Is," Reverend Morris said."Do you like that?" Miya whispered as she licked slowly down Gordon's cock again."Humph; yeah, just like that; right, uh, must play;“ he fumbled with the music sheets. The slight pause before he started was missed by the congregation, as was the wrong note during the first line of the hymn.Gordon licked his lips and tried his best to concentrate on playing. It was difficult for him to press down on the organ's pedalboard due to Miya's head being in his lap and her hands on his thighs. Not to mention, his fingers were wet with her cunt juices.Reverend Fletcher had an even better view now that he was standing up. He watched, mesmerized, as Miya's head bobbed up and down, sucking Gordon's cock almost in time with the music. Glancing at the organist, who by now was red-faced and sweating, he chuckled at the enormous amount of effort he was putting in, in order to remain composed."By jove, two organs being played at once!" He remarked, feeling his ancient cock throb and stiffen back to life. A bigger comeback than Lazarus was occurring under his robes. Reaching into a pocket, he pulled out a smartphone. "One must record such an event; eh, for the good of the church of course." Using the loose sleeves of his robes for cover, he began filming;Reverend Morris came down the steps of the pulpit and failed to noticed the spectacle that had transfixed his mentor. Completely oblivious, he headed over to the altar, to prepare for communion.By the hymn's fifth verse, Gordon's focus was crumbling, as Miya dragged him helplessly towards orgasm.Thou spreadist a table in my sight;thy unction grace bestoweth;and oh, what transport of delightfrom thy pure chalice floweth!"Damn, soon my cum will floweth," Gordon muttered through gritted teeth. These lyrics weren't helping one bit. He was panting and groaning, and luckily the sounds from the mighty pipe organ were masking his expressions of delight.Miya teased the head of his cock and stroked his balls.That touch of hers pushed him over the edge.A kiss on the underside of his shaft was too much.Oh, bloody hell. He was cumming.The final verse of the hymn was marred by several wrong notes played by trembling fingers, as Gordon came. "Ah," he groaned.Thick sprays of warm cum filled Miya's mouth and throat. Fuck, she loved it so much. She felt him twitch in her, and she swallowed every salty, tangy drop.Gordon almost fell backwards off the organ stool, but managed to steady himself in time.Miya kissed the tip of his cock and crawled next to him, trilling softly at the nook of his neck. He tightened his arm around her and stroked her cheek.He whispered. "That was bloody fantastic. I love you so much.""Love you too, my Gordy-pie. I'm so glad I got to play your organ at the Sunday service."Reverend Fletcher stopped filming."Must change these underpants when I get home.""Think Gordon's been on the whiskey," Norman muttered to Mrs. Wilcox, as they sat down. "Not his best performance. He usually plays so perfectly.""Are you sure it wasn't Miya playing?""No, it was definitely Gordon. I can see the top of his head. Can't see Miya sat next to him; maybe she's gone to the loo?""Either that or she was playing a different organ," the old lady smirked."Gladys! You dirty old girl!"Ponyplay and Advent calendars.Monday morning had arrived, but Reverend Fletcher was in no hurry to get up. He lay back on his bed and sighed. His hand fell to his crotch, rubbing his hardening cock. The soft material of his pajamas felt good on his shaft, making him harder, soft groans escaping. He was widowed and lived alone.Closing his eyes, Reverend Fletcher removed his clothing. His hand drifted up and down his cock as his mind imagined beautiful women pleasuring him; one woman in particular. The pretty little thing he'd filmed blowing the organist at St Michael's a few weeks back. Who was she? He simply had to find out. And was Simon Morris aware of what was occurring at his Sunday service? Now that his three week placement as a speaker at a Christian organization in Cardiff was over, he could focus on less holy matters. He was glad to be back home at last."I simply must visit Simon's church again, even though it's a long drive."Meanwhile;Gordon let out a groan as the clock radio switched on and the bedroom was filled with the dulcet tones of Jonah Louie's "Stop the Cavalry.""Mum; bloody Christmas songs! It's only 4th December; uh!" He reached out and switched off the radio. He yawned and rubbed his eyes. Next to him, Miya began to stir. Her arm was draped across his bare chest."Is it time to get up already?" She groaned."Afraid so, me chucky egg," he whispered, planting a kiss on her head. He sighed. He was warm and in a nice, comfy position, although his bladder quickly reminded him that he needed to relieve himself."Looks like it's going to be a cold one today." He slid out of bed, scratched his belly and walked over to the window. Opening the curtains, he shuddered as he noticed the front lawn completely white over with frost. Putting his hands on the radiator, he relaxed as he felt warmth. The central heating had behaved itself and come on normally for once."Did it snow?" Miya asked, rubbing her eyes."Nah. Just very frosty out there. The kind of weather that freezes your bollocks off. Hope the car starts okay. Nice and sunny though. Nice day for a walk over the hills if you're wrapped up. Shame we have to go to work eh?"Gordon's main job consisted of repairing organs, as well as playing one every Sunday. His occupation was a specialized one, and he'd been doing it for nearly thirty years now. During the week, he often drove long distances. He had Wednesday mornings off, in order to play at the short midweek service at St Michael's."Where are you off to today then, Gordy?""Got an organ that's being restored in Lancaster. Nice little two manual one. Lovely sound.""Oh well that's not too far.""I can give you a lift to work. Don't want you hanging around that minging bus stop in this weather. How are you settling in at your workplace?""Thanks! And yeah, it's pretty good. They're a nice bunch. It's interesting hearing where people want to go on their travels."Miya had quit her cleaning job at the vicarage and landed a full-time but temporary job at a local travel agent. It was decent pay and would serve her purpose, whilst she continued her driving lessons."Not long now. I'm sure I'll have that driving license in time for Christmas! Got another lesson tomorrow. I just hope;“Gordon sat on the bed and slipped his arm round her. "You'll pass with flying colors. You've got heart and initiative. I really do admire that; as well as; your other talents!" He winked at her and she knew at once what he was referring to."Mmm. I wish we could have a lie-in," she whispered, teasingly slipping her hand down his y-fronts. Oh well.""Plenty of time for that tonight, you naughty thing! Right," he stood up. "I desperately need to point my organ pipe at the porcelain. My bladder waits for no-one!"She chuckled as he hurried off to the bathroom, then sighed."I wish Mum would accept him," she said. Gordon was the loveliest, nicest man she'd ever met. He was funny, sexy and clever, and made her feel cherished and safe. And she was loving learning to play the pipe organ."Just because he's so much older than me, she thinks he's a bad person. Jenna's cool. Dad is cool with him now. But Mum doesn't even give him a chance. We have so much in common, despite the huge age gap."Miya stood up and began to get dressed. Would her mum ever come round?Cloistered CumReverend Fletcher's small bedroom was filled with the soft slapping of his hand pumping his cock, the low grunts of a man edging closer, and the smell of male arousal. His moans grew as the pressure in his balls and cock did. With a deep grunt from him, thick cum shot from his cock.As the reverend's hips bucked slightly from the orgasm, spurt after spurt of cum continued to shoot forth."Ah. Praise be to God. And that lass from St Michael's;“Special Delivery"About time!" Mrs. Wilcox exclaimed, as she spotted a delivery van pulling up outside. "Those articles I ordered online for us. I was beginning to think they'd be lost in the post forever. It's been three weeks! The website said they were dispatched, and I've sent so many emails. I should've got Dwaine to chivvy them up a bit;“"You mean threaten them, more like. I know that grandson of yours. Bit of a wide boy." Norman cautiously sipped a cup of tea."He's a good lad, really. A bit of GBH, buying on the dark web, hacking and benefit fraud in the past. But he's moved on. Runs his own gym. And he's so good with computers.""Aye. Good with his fists. Anyways, you can't trust these online sellers," he muttered. He was both nervous and excited at what awaited him in the package.There was a knock on the door."I'll go," Mrs. Wilcox, said, standing up with surprising speed. "Finish your cuppa. You'll need it;“A few moments later, she returned to the living room, carrying a large box."Can you manage, Gladys?" Norman asked."Oh quite easily, Norm. "It's lighter than I imagined. Let's get it open with all haste!"She giggled like a naughty schoolgirl. Norman fetched a craft knife and began cutting the brown parcel tape off the box."Now the fun begins," Mrs. Wilcox smiled, flinging aside a layer of bubble wrap. "Here we have a;“ She pulled out a My Little Pony advent calendar."Oh that's cute," Norman replied. "A job lot of advent calendars! A bit girly for my tastes, but I bet the Sunday school kids will adore them; even though we're already in December, so they're out of date. Funny, when you said we were going to have a day at the races, I thought you had something rude in mind!""What the devil; thirty My Little Pony advent calendars? I didn't order these!" the old lady gasped. "Oh no, there must've been some sort of mix up at the sorting office or something.""There's a folded up piece of paper down the side," Norman said, picking it up. "Hmm, it says that these calendars were purchased by the Mother's Union. Wait a sec; Old Rectory Road? Oh blimey, that's the address of our church!""Oh dearie me; then there could be some red faces in the church hall;“"Gladys; just what exactly did you buy online?""Well; a selection of lubricants, some bondage equipment, whips, horse penis-shaped dildos, masks, that sort of thing, ponyplay items; by sheer chance I came across this site called Happy Pony Fantasy.""Let me guess. There'll be an invoice in the box of stuff that's ended up at the church hall; with your name and address on it?""Address yes; um, but I used your name. I've been a very bad girl."Norman slapped his head. "Oh Gladys! I'd better rush over there right away and try and intercept that parcel!"To be continued in part 2. By Blacksheep. For Literotica

The unaccounted-for dildos.A Series in 17 parts, By Blacksheep. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories. At St Michael's church hall, Jenna was making the most of her day off from work. That was the good thing about being part-time. Getting Mondays off. The downside? Monday was the day her husband started writing his sermon. In desperation, she'd agreed to help the ladies of the Mother's Union out at the church hall. It was more interesting than listening to Simon read out long paragraphs. The MU ladies were elderly, but fun to talk too. And boy, did they love to gossip. As a vicar's wife, she'd become privy to all sorts of information. However, Jenna wasn't one for such tittle-tattle, and would just politely humor the nosey old dears."Excuse me, a stressed-looking delivery man said, knocking on the church hall door. Parcel here for St Michael's Mother's Union?""Hi! I'll take that off your hands," Jenna said. "I have a feeling this is the box of long overdue advent calendars everyone's been moaning about.""Nothing to do with me," the man replied. "Blame the guys at the other end. We're short-staffed.""I understand," Jenna replied, signing for the parcel. "You're doing a wonderful job. Have a wonderful Christmas!""Uh; cheers," the man muttered, not used to compliments."No use selling these at the Christmas Fair seeing as that was yesterday, and we're four days into December." Jenna said, as she set the box on a table. "What can we do with thirty advent calendars? I know. I could extract all the chocolate pieces, recycle the packaging; put the chocolate in a big bowl and the children could help themselves at next week's service;“She opened the box and got a shock at what was contained within."Holy; she;“"I say, Mrs. Morris, whatever's that?"Jenna jumped as one of the Mother's Union members returned from the hall kitchen."Er, hello Mrs. Grimes it's a;“"A horse's saddle? What ruddy great twerp donated that?""Um;“"We've had some strange donations over the years, but this! It takes the biscuit! Just look at this!" She rummaged in the box and pulled out a riding crop, mask and blinkers. "A job lot of horse tack! Did Frankie Dettori donate it?""Perhaps?" Jenna replied, trying to keep a straight face as the elderly woman held up an enormous purple dildo, shaped like a horse penis, and looked at it in utter confusion."This must be for giving liquid medicine to horses.""Last year, someone donated a bus stop sign, a chamber pot and a false leg," another woman piped up. "The bus stop sign was really popular. We got fifty quid for it.""How ridiculous!" Mrs. Grimes replied. "We can't sell this at the Advent tombola. No horsey folk round here. You might as well take it down to the charity shop; or mail it to Aintree racecourse;“"Er; I'll stick to the charity shop, Mrs. Grimes. Think of the postage cost.""Ah, yes. Good thinking. Right, well, I'll leave it up to you then.""I'll get rid of it," Jenna said, then spotted an invoice. Unfolding it, her eyes widened. "Shit; I must get this stuff to Norman before anyone else sees it and realizes what it actually is!" She chuckled. "I bet Gladys is behind it! Absolutely shameless!"Jenna admired the old lady. "I hope I can have fun like that if I live to be as old as her. She's got the right attitude."Hurrying out of the church hall with the big box, she didn't look where she was going and bumped into someone."Oh, I'm so sorry!" she spluttered, as the box fell to the ground, some of its contents tumbling out."That's quite alright, you look loaded up," the man replied. "Ah! Simon's dear wife. Nice to meet you again, my dear!" He shook her hand."Oh; Reverend Fletcher! If you're looking for Simon, he's at the vicarage, writing his;“ She froze as he bent down and picked up a horse mask and dildo."My, my. Is this a Secret Santa for the good vicar, eh?" Reverend Fletcher chuckled."It's not mine," Jenna replied quickly. "It was delivered to the hall by mistake.""I bet it belongs to the organist, am I right?" Reverend Fletcher gave her a wink, but behind the jolly old man facade, lay a less pleasant character, and Jenna was immediately on her guard. She reached into her pocket."I've no idea who this stuff belongs to, but it's not Gordon, I can assure you," Jenna replied. "Either a mix-up or a prank. We do get people donating adult-themed items to church jumble sales for a laugh."Reverend Fletcher wasn't fooled. "Oh come, come, dear Mrs. Morris. I think it's just the sort of thing the organist; and that little; filly who was helping him play the organ, would enjoy! I didn't get a chance to speak to the filly; do you know her name?"Jenna didn't give anything away. "Reverend Fletcher, Gordon's private life is none of my business. And if you're hinting he was doing something inappropriate during the Sunday service, well you're mistaken.""Is that so?" The old vicar pulled out his smartphone and showed her the video he'd filmed."Now I may be old, but I know fellatio when I see it, my dear. Is your good husband aware of what the church organist is getting up to?"Jenna tried to remain composed. "Reverend Fletcher. I had no idea this had occurred, and neither has Simon. I will inform him immediately and he will have words with Gordon. Thank you for bringing this safeguarding concern to my attention. We will ensure this never happens again. Now, if I could ask you to delete that piece of video footage.""I think not," Reverend Fletcher replied. "I think I'll hang on to it for now. Unless of course, you know the name of the lass in the video? I'd quite like to meet her.""I've no idea who she is," Jenna replied. "Never seen her before. Gordon tutors many people. He's single and it's no secret that he's had a lot of dates. Look, there's a privacy issue here, Reverend. It's in your best interests to delete that video;“ She racked her brain, wondering how to deal with this escalating situation. What a creep this man was!"First time he'd ever done that whilst playing the organ, I'm willing to bet? Lucky fella. Some men have all the luck. During the church service too. I've dreamed of something similar happening to me. Do you know, I woke up this morning, with the most powerful hard-on I'd had in years;“"Did you really?" Jenna replied, an idea forming in her mind."Yes. In fact I'm getting hard again, just talking about it." He wasn't lying. Jenna noticed the bulge tenting up his black trousers.God, that's impressive, she thought. This man was horrid, but was pitching one hell of a tent. I wonder if; well I have to try. I can't have anyone trying to harm Gordon or Miya. It was time to take one for the team."Reverend Fletcher," she began, running her hand down his face. "Forget the little thing playing Gordon's organ. If you were to attend our Wednesday service; I could worship you in ways that'll make you thankful God made you a man. I give you my word."The reverend's eyes widened in wonder. The vicar's wife; actually trying to seduce him? This was too good to refuse."My God; I'll be there! What do you have in mind?" He was almost salivating with arousal."Well you'll have to wait and see, won't you? But first;“ she snatched the phone from his hand and deleted the video."No!" He exclaimed. "Oh okay, fair enough, you win. Can I have it back now?""No Reverend. I'll just hang on to it until after the Wednesday service. Just two days. I'm sure you can manage without a smartphone for two days. You have a landline phone at home don't you? Because you phoned Simon from it last night.""Yes I do; but the smartphone is the only way I can access the Internet! I don't have a laptop or tablet at home. I use that smartphone for everything! It's got private stuff on there. My internet banking app!""Don't worry, I won't look at anything. We'll just log out of the app and everything will be just fine. There. All done! If you need to go online, the library is open. I promise you'll get it back after the Wednesday service. You'd better be there.""Mrs. Morris; please!" Reverend Fletcher yelled.Jenna hurried to her car as fast as she could. So far, so good. She'd spared Gordon and Miya any embarrassment."Of course, the dirty old goat could've uploaded the video to PornHub, made backups. I've got to pay a visit to Gladys' grandson Dwaine. He's an absolute tech ace. He'll be able to check if that video is truly deleted; and if it's floating around porn land;“She sped out of the church hall car park. "Good thing I recorded all that on my own phone too." She pulled her phone out of her pocket and switched it off."I am still curious to see that cock of his," she said to herself as she drove through the town center. "The Devil makes work for very frustrated, horny men;“It had been far too long since she'd brought salvation to a different man of the church.A Christmas Miracle.It was Christmas Eve, and the fourth Sunday of Advent. At St Michael's church, the morning service was being led by Reverend Fletcher; who unknown to him, was about to give the most stimulating sermon of his life;"What's this old padré doing here again?" Gordon muttered, as he noticed Fletcher head up to the pulpit."Jenna told me that she'd personally invited him back in order to do the sermon today. Because Simon's sermons are so boring," Miya whispered."Ah! That makes perfect sense!" the organist replied. "Good old Jenna, always thinking of ways to make this church more enjoyable, eh?""Yup, that's my cousin. Full of Christian mercy!"They both giggled, unaware of the real reason Reverend Fletcher was here. And the service, for him was about to get a lot more interesting."Brothers and sisters, it gives me great;“ the reverend paused as he felt something - or someone fumble under his purple vestments."pleasure, to be addressing you all today."And then the sound of the zip on his trousers being pulled down.He twitched nervously, trying to retain his composure.As the congregation sat in the pews, lost in prayer and contemplation, a single bead of perspiration trickled down the Rev. Fletcher's brow. It wasn't from the Advent candles burning nearby, but from the passion that burned within him. He now knew that today's sermon would be unlike any other he had ever delivered, and it wasn't just because of its unique message of love and acceptance. The old vicar didn't dare move from the pulpit, as all eyes were on him. He'd just have to tough it out;In the cramped space inside the pulpit, Jenna was impressed as she pulled down the old man's white boxer shorts, revealing the thick, meaty length of him, already half-hard with anticipation. Quite a tasty-looking cock, she had to admit. She wrapped her lips around the tip, feeling the warmth and weight of him fill her mouth. Reverend Fletcher's voice grew hoarse as he continued to read, his hips starting to move involuntarily, pushing himself deeper into her mouth.The Reverend Fletcher was old, really old, but his cock was something to behold. It was as if time had stopped at his groin, leaving him with a magnificent, thick shaft that seemed to defy the laws of nature. Jenna couldn't help but continue to be amazed as she sucked him harder. As bad as this chap had been, his impressive cock deserved her full attention.Over at the organ, Gordon was impressed by this far more interesting sermon."Well he might resemble something from the Pickwick Papers, but he writes a much better paragraph than our Reverend Morris! I guess it's because he's older and more experienced?""Yeah, I liked that bit where he said there should be only good vibes at Christmas and Jesus being born in a stable because the NHS waiting lists were too long. That was funny!" Miya whispered back."The old boy looks to have high blood pressure," Gordon mused, noticing the sweat running down the vicar's forehead. "Reminds me of something; hell, it's bloody freezing in this church, but he looks like he's been sat in a sauna."Reverend Fletcher's voice trembled slightly as he continued to enthrall the congregation with a Christmas-themed sermon like no other. They assumed his wavering composure was normal for him."This guy is on fire," Miya said, also captivated. "He knows how to entertain an audience!""Looks to me like he's rather entertained himself! Look how he's gripping the pulpit there - his fingernails have turned white. And the way he's thrusting slightly; looks like he's humping the thing!""Gordy, you have a naughty mind!""Hmm, I wonder where I get it from?" He stared at the old vicar again. "It might be just me, but he doesn't look well;“In front of the pulpit, Reverend Morris was listening intently to his mentor's words. I truly learned from the best, he thought. Thanks to Horatius, I am able to write wonderful sermons! It was so nice of Jenna to invite him to conduct our morning service. He glanced at the seated congregation, and saw no sign of his wife anywhere.That's odd. I swore I saw her sitting at the front before. She's missing this amazing sermon. Maybe she had to go to the ladies;As Reverend Fletcher's climax approached, his heart raced with an unfamiliar urgency. The words on the page of his sermon began to blur, and he felt a warmth spreading through his body. He looked down, only to see Jenna the vicar's wife, her lips wrapped around his cock, her eyes locked on his. It was then that he realized his heart condition had worsened, and the pleasure of the moment was quickly replaced by fear.With a loud gasp, he slumped forward onto the pulpit, his weight pulling Jenna away from him. She looked up at him, concern etched on her face, as he struggled to catch his breath. And then, with a final heave, he staggered towards the pulpit steps, then collapsed on the floor, motionless.Someone screamed."Oh my God! Call 9 9 9!"Norman the churchwarden quickly pulled out his phone and called an ambulance. Everything seemed to unfold in slow motion for a few moments.It was then that Gordon sprang into action, leaping over the shelf at the side of the organ like a gazelle. His black, open-fronted gown billowed behind him like a superhero's cape."I'm a trained first-aider," he yelled. "He's gone into cardiac arrest!"As Gordon began performing CPR on Reverend Fletcher, Miya watched in stunned amazement. Some small children at the front of the church started crying, and were led away by anxious parents."Please God, don't let him die," Reverend Morris begged, praying quietly, as they waited for the ambulance to arrive.The entire church was in uproar, and the churchwarden struggled to calm the panicking congregation."Ladies and gents please, I must ask you to sit quietly or if you wish to leave, please can you do so in an orderly manner. In the chaos, Jenna managed to creep out of the hollow in the pulpit, unseen, and hurry off."Oh this is a nightmare," Reverend Morris sobbed, wiping away tears, as the organist continued giving chest compressions. "On Christmas Eve as well, and the defibrillator we had installed got stolen just a few days ago!"Seconds later, Jenna suddenly appeared at his side. "Oh Simon," she panted."He's breathing!"A chorus of cheers erupted.The sound of a siren outside the church was heard. Norman directed the paramedics into the church."Dear God, have our prayers been answered?" Reverend Morris asked his wife.Jenna bit her lip. "I sure hope so." She turned away. I don't want to have that on my conscience. The fact I killed a man by giving him a blowjob, she thought.As the paramedics carried the stricken Reverend Fletcher into the ambulance, everyone turned their attention to Gordon."Where's our organist?" Norman said. "The guy's a bloody hero!"Gordon was sat on the organ stool, resting, after his successful first aid."That was amazing, what you did just then," Miya said, her arm round his shoulders.He shrugged. "Just basic first aid," he muttered modestly."But you were so calm.""Inside I was screaming. I don't think I've been as afraid as that since; can't remember when. You know, being confronted with the harsh reality of death - right here in the church.""But you got his heart going again. He'll be okay.""Aye, let's hope so. Could still have another heart attack, or end up with brain damage if starved of oxygen for too long.""No Gordon, he'll be fine." Miya continued. "He's a vicar. God will keep him safe."He wasn't sure if she actually believed that or if she was just saying it to make him feel better. It did make him feel better, though."Mmm, you're right." He pulled her onto his lap and hugged her."I think my hero organist deserves a reward. How about a kiss for starters?" She flung her arms around him and kissed him full on the lips. The kiss developed into a full-blown snog, and just as Gordon was getting into it, they were interrupted."Here he is!" Norman shouted. "Oh; are we interrupting?"Gordon broke the kiss and looked embarrassed. "Er;“"Just giving my guy a hero's reward," Miya replied."Well done, Gordon," Reverend Morris said, shaking his hand. "Your quick actions there may just have saved Horatius' life."He's not just a talented organist," Miya interrupted. "He's my Gordy-pie!"Later;Reverend Fletcher slowly opened his eyes. There was an oxygen mask on his face and his vision was a little blurry."Uh;“"Horatius. It's me, Simon.""Who are you?""Your friend and former student, Simon Morris.""Are you really? Well that's jolly lovely! I didn't know I had a friend called Simon Morris.""What's up with him?" Jenna asked, cautiously approaching his bedside."Erm, he seems a bit confused. Maybe it's the after effects of what's happened to him.""Who's that?" Reverend Fletcher mumbled, straining his eyes to look at Jenna."This is Jenna, my wife.""Oh how nice for you, she looks a lovely lady.""He appears to have developed retrograde amnesia," Jenna said. "I wonder if it's just temporary?" Secretly, she was relieved."It's the strangest of things," Reverend Fletcher continued, becoming more aware of his surroundings. I can't remember what happened. But I was in a church of some sort. I was reading something. Then I saw the face of an angel. A beautiful angel, kneeling before me; very beautiful, a bit like your wife. Then, nothing but a bright, white light. It must've been the light of Heaven. But obviously God wasn't ready for my soul just yet. And so, he sent me back to Earth.""A near-death experience?" Reverend Morris said."I truly have seen the light. I've been given a second chance. A chance to become a better person, and live my life to the full. It's a miracle!""A Christmas miracle!" Jenna smiled.Outside in the hospital corridor, Gordon was anxiously waiting, along with Miya."Well; how is he?""Doctor says he should make a full recovery. But he'll need a pacemaker. He's been damned lucky, and your quick actions today saved his life. Apparently he's suffered from a dodgy ticker for years.""When he was reading the sermon, I got the feeling he wasn't well, Gordon said. "He was sweating profusely and trembling. And his voice was shaky. All classic signs of an imminent heart attack."Reverend Morris nodded. "There's one thing that the paramedics did mention, and it may be inappropriate to say this, but; well, when they removed his robes and examined him, he had a raging erection."Gordon burst out laughing. "Ah well that explains the heart attack then. Not enough blood to go round. It had all rushed to his knob! Well I suppose if the worst had happened and he'd snuffed it, he would've died happy, eh? Dying with a raging hard-on, not a bad way to go.""I wonder what on earth gave him an erection?" Miya wondered."Good speech? It was a very passionate sermon. Reminds me of that scene from the first Police Academy film. Ever seen that? The scene where the prostitute gives oral to the old copper whilst she's hiding in a podium. Only the old copper sees another bloke crawl out of the podium and thinks he did it.""I remember that film," Reverend Morris replied. "Ha-ha yes, that was a funny scene. I don't think that happened to the good Horatius Fletcher, although he claimed he saw the face of an angel before he collapsed."Jenna, stood beside her husband, just smiled and said nothing.Later still;"What a day," Gordon said, as he and Miya arrived back from dining out at the Scabby Horse, a country pub dating back to the 17th century."That restaurant was lovely. I've really enjoyed our first Christmas Eve together. It's been magical."Gordon removed the Santa hat he'd been wearing. "I'm so glad. After the trauma of this morning, then having to speak to the local press, it was a relief to finally relax!""Uh-oh," Miya groaned, noticing a car pulling up in front of the house. "Don't relax just yet. Mum's just arrived. She'd better not cause a scene! Oh why can't she just accept us? Your mum was really nice when I met her the first time."Catherine Leesmith was a fun-loving eighty-two year old, who'd welcomed her son's much younger girlfriend with open arms."Don't panic, maybe she just wants to talk," Gordon replied. "Good evening Mrs. Dickinson!""Oh my God! I watched BBC Northwest earlier." She turned to Gordon. "You were on the news. You; saved that vicar's life. Well done!""Well, I kept him alive until the paramedics came, yes." He awkwardly shuffled his feet.Miya's mum walked right up to him. "Gordon. I've said; some things. Things I regret. And whilst I still think the age gap between the two of you is far too wide, I;“Gordon and Miya held their breaths."I can see how happy you are together, so if you're happy, then I'm happy. You're a good man, Gordon. You've certainly brought out the best in Miya."Gordon smiled. "Thanks so much, Mrs. Dickinson.""Kathleen.""Um, right. Kathleen. Er, Miya, tell your mum the good news!""You're not pregnant are you?""No Mum! I've just passed my driving test!""Oh congratulations, love! All thanks to Gordon as well I suppose?""No, I'm not taking any credit," he said. "She did this all on her own and worked damned hard. I provided encouragement, that's all. Right, come in and let's all have a cuppa; or if you want something stronger, we've got mulled wine, gin, beer; anything you like."Miya hurried in first, thrilled that her mum had finally accepted her boyfriend."Gordon, I think Santa will be delivering a four-wheeled present tomorrow morning. I know you and my husband have been planning it for a while.""Oh yes," he replied, tapping his nose. "Shush. She doesn't suspect a thing."They all entered Gordon's house, and Miya's mum couldn't help but admire her daughter's boyfriend; or man-friend, as she preferred to call him.He's not my type, but quite attractive. And he has charisma, there's no doubt about that. There's something about him. He does cut a dashing figure in a suit and organist gown;At the ParsonageReverend Morris and Jenna decided to have an early night."I've always believed that you see something; otherworldly at the point of death," he said as he climbed into bed. "I just can't stop thinking about what Horatius Fletcher said. You know, about seeing an angel. Sorry to keep going on about it.""An angel must appear to reassure dying people that everything will be alright. Or in some cases maybe it takes the form of the dying person's loved one?" Jenna replied."Hmm, yes. Hard to fathom when you've never experienced it yourself. Oh well. At least we know Horatius will be okay. Not much of a Christmas for him, being stuck in hospital, but at least he's alive.""Yep," Jenna smiled, snuggling up to her husband.And with any luck, she thought to herself, he'll never fully regain his memory. He doesn't remember anything about filming Miya and Gordon, or how I took his phone and got Dwaine to erase it. He doesn't remember me inviting him to do the Sunday service either; or me sucking his cock. If he does eventually remember, people will just think he's round the bend;"Merry Christmas Jen.""Merry Christmas Simon."They kissed.The vicar fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow, but Jenna wasn't quite ready to fall asleep just yet. When she was sure that her husband was well and truly in the arms of Morpheus, she slipped out of bed and picked up her smartphone off the bedside table. She hurried into the bathroom and shut the door. Switching on the phone, she opened a password-protected secure documents folder."Oh Gordon. I really do miss sucking that delicious thick cock of yours," she sighed as she fingered herself whilst watching the video of Miya and Gordon that Reverend Fletcher had filmed. So it hadn't been completely deleted after all. Dwaine had still been able to recover it using his expert coding skills; and transfer it to Jenna's phone. (For entirely personal use of course)!By Blacksheep. For Literotica

Yezzziiiir, just like that we back with another season. Straight from a new residence at the Spotify studios. Aye, bet, let's get into it. The parlay way with a lot to get through, starting with our kicks of course. Then we did our best to cover all the amazing events and it was a lot. We couldn't get to the music on this one but on the next one for sure. Enjoy. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Gordon is reunited with an old crush. Based on a post by Blacksheep, in 2 parts. Listen to the ► Podcast at Steamy Stories.   The monthly Mother's Union meeting was taking place at Gladys Wilcox's bungalow. There was much to discuss, mainly tomorrow's Easter Sunday service. However the main topic of conversation was the vicar's phallus. "He was just standing there, starkers! Swinging, I tell you, swinging. It was like a boa constrictor poking out of a tree. I didn't know where to look!" Mrs. Harris exclaimed. "Wish I could've been there," Mrs. Wilcox replied. "Really, Gladys!" "Well at our age there's not much opportunity for those sorts of thrills is there?" She grinned and glanced at Norman the churchwarden, who said nothing and awkwardly sipped his coffee. Being the only man there, he felt uncomfortable sitting through this, but Mrs. Wilcox had insisted he attend. "How come he was naked?" Another woman asked. "Said he'd been having a shower, but I know a lie when I see one. If you ask me, him and his wife had been; you know;" "Having a quickie?" Mrs. Wilcox replied. Norman almost choked on his coffee, remembering that 21st birthday surprise the vicar had arranged for Jenna in the church, sixteen months ago. "Yes, exactly!" "You know something, Maureen, I was chatting to Maud Finch, on the bus the other day. Now she lives on Haddock Street, in one of those council houses that overlook the railway line. She tells me that groups of drunk young men are forever going up on that opposite embankment and mooning at passing trains." "Has she made a complaint?" "Why on earth would she want to do that?" Mrs. Wilcox spluttered. "I said to her, I'll call round later this week and I'll bring a pair of binoculars!" Over on the other side of town, at 64 Stovepipe Avenue, Gordon Leesmith yawned and sat up in bed. He squinted at the alarm clock. It was ten thirty. "Oh Gord, you lazy bugger," he said to himself, stretching his arms. He hadn't intended on having such a long lie-in. Myah had gone to work hours ago. She'd been working Saturdays the past few weeks, covering for Kate, a work colleague who was recovering from major abdominal surgery. Gordon staggered out of bed and scratched his belly as he peered out of the window. The weather seemed reasonable today. The past week had seen some very unsettled conditions, with sunny spells and frequent heavy showers, so typical of British springtime. "I'd better get a move on. I promised Myah I'd cook tonight and there's not a bite of food in the house." Gordon didn't relish the prospect of going to the supermarket during the Easter weekend. Every shop was crammed. Besides, he wanted to head to the church and spend an hour practicing on the organ ready for tomorrow's special service. He'd have the church all to himself for once. He relished this temporary period of calm. Easter was always busy for the organist. As well as his full-time job repairing organs, he'd had to play the Wednesday Eucharist, the Maundy Thursday service, yesterday's Good Friday evening service and on Sunday, it was the big one. At least he could rest his fingers on Monday's bank holiday. "Can't wait to jet off next month," he muttered, as he hurriedly dressed himself and brewed a cup of tea. He'd booked a week's holiday in Tenerife for himself and Myah. Their first holiday together and they were really looking forward to it. Gordon wasn't one for culture, eco-tourism or trailing round ancient ruins. Sun, sea and all-inclusive hotels were his idea of paradise. Myah had never been to the Canary Islands. He hoped she wouldn't be too bored just lounging on the beach or by the pool all day. He'd booked an adults-only hotel, the four star Golden Vista in Playa de las Americas. It had excellent reviews on TripAdvisor. Meanwhile, at the vicarage; Reverend Morris was in turmoil. "Maureen Harris has got a right mouth on her. Who needs social media when you've got a pensioner who's Britain's answer to Hedda Hopper?" "Simon, you're worrying unnecessarily," Jenna said. "You've not done anything wrong. You were in your own home and you didn't know she was there." "Oh, I don't know. I'm the parish vicar and I just accidentally exposed myself in front of an elderly member of my congregation. Can't say I'm too thrilled about that." "Maureen shouldn't have walked in. She was in the wrong. Said she knocked, but when nobody answered, she should've given up and gone." "And I should've locked the front door! I bet she's told everyone at the Mother's Union that she saw me nude!" Jenna shrugged. "So, she saw your cock. I bet many other ladies wish they could've been so lucky!" Gordon parked up on the Tesco Express car park. As expected, the place was heaving with people rushing to get last-minute groceries. Tubs of cut-price garden fence paint were piled up outside the store. As he was looking at these, he heard someone call his name. "Gordon? Gordon Leesmith. Is it you?" He spun round in surprise. A tall, slim woman, late sixties at a guess, and with silvery hair cut into a sleek bob, was stood next to him. She was dressed in a long, pale grey coat with fur-lined collar. Underneath, a skirt or dress of some sort, black tights and ankle boots. "Uh, hello? Yes, I'm Gordon Leesmith. Who are you?" The woman chuckled. "Oh dear. I really have changed haven't I? You don't remember me, do you?" Gordon blinked as he studied her face carefully, then he let out a gasp. "Harriet; Harriet Fairfax?" "Guilty!" Gordon was too stunned to speak at first, but he quickly composed himself. After so many years, here was the woman he'd lost his virginity to, way back one summer night in 1985, when he was just eighteen. His former piano teacher! "Oh God! I can't believe it! I; I, it's so wonderful to see you again! I always wondered what happened to you, Harriet. The last time we met was in 1988, when I'd just got my ARCO diploma. After that, you; well, vanished." "That's a long story. Come, let's go and have a coffee. We've both got a lot to catch up on. I'm only here until Tuesday, then I'm flying back home." "You live abroad?" "I emigrated to Australia when I got married." "Blimey. I think I need more than a coffee. I know a good place." He took her arm in his and they headed across the road. "You certainly have grown in confidence," Harriet smiled. "I always knew you would." At a small pub in the town center, Gordon sipped an overpriced beer and listened intently as Harriet filled him in on her life story. He felt a lump in his throat as she told him of her marriage to Graham, an Australian musician she'd met shortly after Gordon's fateful night in Blackpool Tower. "I suppose my head was well and truly turned. I was blinded by love. You have to remember back then in the Eighties, a single woman, mid-thirties and childless, well I was seen as being left on the shelf. Graham seemed the perfect man; and as I was never close to my parents, I figured here was my one chance to have a new start. New country, new job. So we settled in Perth. I started work as a music teacher. Loved it. Work was bliss. Unfortunately, marriage to Graham was anything but." "Was he unfaithful?" Gordon asked. "No. I would've preferred it if he was. He was abusive. It's because of him that I have partial hearing in my right ear. The beatings got so bad; he beat me black and blue. Even when I was pregnant." Tears pricked Gordon's eyes. "Bastard. Oh God, Harriet. I'm so sorry. Tell me you managed to leave him?" "Didn't need to. He took it upon himself to commit suicide one evening. I came back from work and found him swinging in the garage. August 11th, 1997. What a day to remember, eh? He'd always been a heavy drinker. I found out he'd run up massive debts, got himself fired." "Dear God. How did you cope?" "Well friends and neighbors rallied round. I'm lucky. I'm one of those people who makes friends easily. I had a good support network. Besides, I had to stay strong, for the sake of my boys, Daniel and Ryan; only got Ryan now." She paused and Gordon wondered whether he should press her further. "Daniel; died. He was twelve. A total sweetheart. You see, he was born with Down's Syndrome. Graham never coped with it. He was the loveliest, most gentle boy. Everyone who met him just adored his sunny nature. He loved animals and music. But Graham ignored him. Ryan came along three years later. He's able-bodied. Actually that's why I'm over here. I've been visiting Ryan. He's thirty now. Works as a concert pianist. I'm so proud of him. He's fiercely independent. Doesn't need me fussing over him, but we're still close. This is the last time I'll be flying here. I can't handle these long haul flights any more, now that I'm almost seventy-four. Never did like flying. He'll be the one flying over to see me next time." "You look amazing," Gordon quickly blurted out, wiping his eyes. "Heh, thanks." "I'm so sorry you've had to endure all that, Harriet," Gordon sniffed, placing his hand on hers. "Thanks for being a good listener. Hey and I'm a survivor. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?" "So; you didn't re-marry?" "Nah. After Graham died, I focused on being a mum. I got used to being single. Although ten years ago, I met Ray. He's widowed like me and a few years older. He's a total gentleman, bless him. I can't say he excites me sexually. I hope this doesn't sound too mean; he's a bit boring, but at my age, I'm past all that. It's just nice to have someone who's dependable and kind." Gordon nodded. Looking at Harriet, he thought she still looked very attractive. She'd aged well, despite the heartache she'd gone through. A surge of excitement rushed through him. "Anyways Gordon, I've prattled on about myself for too long! Tell me what you've been up to all these years!" Without wanting to bore her, Gordon gave a rundown of his life. From his marriage to Marjorie, to her cheating on him and then divorcing him, to becoming organist and choirmaster at St Michael's church, to meeting Myah. He chose to omit any mention of Jenna, the stunning vicar's wife who he'd bedded countless times before Myah arrived on the scene. "She's very attractive," Harriet said as Gordon showed her a photo on his smartphone. "You look so happy together. Do you'll think you'll have children in future?" "It's a possibility, given that she's much younger than me. Marjorie was adamant she never wanted children. I respected that. I confess I've never given much thought to becoming a dad. But if Myah does want to become a mum, then I'll be up for it." "About the age gap. It's a large one. Has that presented any problems?" "It did at first. Her parents were furious. Some hurtful things were said, but her mother and I eventually came to an understanding. Most people at church have been okay but there were a couple of exceptions. It upset me when my cousin Barry called me a "borderline nonce." He was only joking, but it hurt. She'll be twenty in July. Myah was the one who pursued me, not the other way round;" "Perhaps Barry was jealous of you. But yes, that was a crass thing to say. Well Gordon, there's one thing I want to experience before I head back Down Under." His eyes widened. "Really? What's that?" "I want to see and hear you play a pipe organ! You showed such skill and talent way back in 1985;" she winked at him and he felt that surge of excitement again. "Funnily enough, I was planning to have a practice at church today. Tomorrow's a big day, being Easter Sunday. We've got two choirs singing. Care to join me on a trip to St Michael's? It's only a five minute walk from here." The Mother's Union meeting was drawing to a close, but poor Norman could bear it no longer. Mrs. Wilcox was still questioning Mrs. Harris on a certain part of the vicar's anatomy. "Ladies, please excuse me; I really need to; er, relieve myself. Thank you for your company and I'll see you at church tomorrow!" "Oh yes, take care Norman!" they replied, oblivious to his embarrassment. "That's a fine lodger you've got yourself, Gladys. Now I tend to view men as nothing more than useless articles, but he is a true Christian." "Oh he truly is, Maureen. We have such wonderful times together. He was very easy to train!" At St Michael's church, Gordon gave Harriet a quick tour, before leading her to the organ. "This is a beautiful church," she said. "That's one thing I miss about living in Australia. All of the churches there are recent by comparison. There isn't the history. Oh there are some lovely ones, but it's not the same. This one goes back to medieval times. I love old buildings." "Yes, it's a nice church. Good community here too. I get on so well with the vicar. Reverend Morris is a good egg. His sermons are rather tedious, but nobody's perfect, eh?" He sat on the organ stool. "Here she is! What do you think?" "She's a beauty, Gordon. Three manuals, and the pipework is incredible. A large organ for such a small church." "Aye, she's a grand old lass. I gave her a complete overhaul in January. Replaced some of the big flue pipes. Now she sounds better than ever." He switched on the lamp above the manuals. "Very handy having an organist who can fix organs as well as play them. That's a very specialized job, isn't it?" "Pretty much. Right; what would you like me to play?" Harriet removed her thick coat and slid onto the stool next to him. "Hmm. It's an overplayed piece of music, but I've always liked The Entertainer. You played that for me when you used to come for lessons, remember?" "Ah yes. I remember!" As he began to play, Harriet glanced at her former student, no longer a gauche, skinny teenager but a stocky, fifty-six year old man, with silver hair. He had a paunch, but it suited him. He'd grown into his looks and actually looked better now than when he was eighteen. She ran a finger across her chin, and carefully considered her next move. He truly had become a very gifted organist. Gordon was halfway through playing, when a hand on his thigh made him play a wrong note. He stopped and looked down. "Umm;" "No-one must find out about this." Harriet whispered. "Well Myah's at work; and I don't think Ray can see what we're up to from the other side of the world;" Gordon stammered. He couldn't believe history was repeating itself. "An old girl like me can still get all hot and bothered seeing an attractive younger man," she teased. Her thigh was pressing against his and his cock was starting to respond. "Uh; Harriet," Gordon mumbled, and once again he was transported back to 1985, and was that shy, awkward teenager again. "I; just want you to know. You were my first major crush. Well; I'd fancied other girls, but you; well you just; did it for me." "I'm so glad to hear you say that, Gordon. You were the only student I ever felt attracted to. Truth is, at the time, I was feeling rather sorry for myself and unattractive. When I found out you had a crush on me, it was an incredible turn-on. To be desired by a much-younger man. I knew the whole time." "Guess I wasn't that good at being discreet," Gordon replied. "Not at all. You were shy and went bright red every time I spoke to you. Which was very endearing. I just had to make your first time a memorable one. During the pandemic, I did a lot of thinking. I started looking at old photos. I had one of you taken at your graduation. I started wondering what became of you. So I started trawling the Internet. I checked Facebook. There were a lot of Gordon Leesmiths on there, but not the one I was seeking." "I don't use social media," Gordon said. "Never have. Don't like the idea of it. I'm too old for the likes of Thick Tock or whatever it's called. " "That's fair enough. By chance, I came across a post made on the Facebook page of your church. It mentioned an organist called Gordon Leesmith. I clicked the link to the church's website and on the list of clergy and laity, there was a photo of you! I knew at once it was you." "Ah. So you were able to hunt me down with ease?" He smiled. "I'm glad you did; I've never forgotten that night in Blackpool." She leaned in closer and kissed his cheek. "Gordon; how about I give you a present? For old time's sake and all?" Her hand brushed his crotch and she could tell at once that he'd got a hard-on. "My, my. Seems like I haven't lost my touch!" "You're still beautiful, Harriet." He kissed her back. "I'm all yours;" She smiled and unzipped his trousers. As she freed his erection from his y-fronts, Gordon closed his eyes, savoring the sensation of her hot breath on his skin. He felt her lips wrap around him, and a shudder of pleasure ran through him. She began to bob her head, her mouth moving up and down his length in a rhythm that was both masterful and irresistible. Her tongue danced along the underside of his shaft, teasing and taunting him. "Oh God; oh shit, yes," he moaned. He was producing a lot of precum. Gordon considered himself an over-producer of the stuff. It was a bloody nuisance when one's underpants got wet from being horny all the time, as he usually was. The sounds of their breathing filled the empty church, the rustle of Harriet's skirt and the creak of the organ bench provided a steady beat as she continued her ministrations. Her grip on him was firm, but gentle, and she seemed to know just how to stroke him, how to tease him, how to drive him wild with desire. "Ahh," Gordon grunted. His hand caught one of the manuals and a few wrong notes disturbed the quietness. As she bobbed her head, Gordon could feel his control slipping away. He arched his back, letting out a low groan, his fingers digging into the sides of the organ stool. Harriet knew just how to use her tongue, teasing him mercilessly with it, driving him to the edge of release before pulling back and starting again. Her grip on him tightened ever so slightly, and he felt a surge of desire course through him, making his muscles tense and his heart race. With a groan that was equal parts pleasure and desperation, Gordon tensed, his hips bucking forward as he lost control. He felt the first spurt of hot seed erupt from his cock. Harriet didn't pull away, but instead opened her mouth wider, letting his essence flow over her tongue, down her throat. The sensation was almost too much for him to bear, and he let out a hoarse cry as he released himself fully into her mouth. As his orgasm subsided, Harriet slowly pulled back, her lips still wrapped around him, her eyes shining with pride and satisfaction. "That was wonderful, Gordon," she whispered. "Just wonderful." "Just like old times," came his breathless reply. Jenna Receives a Special Easter Egg. "You're quiet, Gordy!" Myah said as noticed him slumped on the settee, idly running his finger down an empty cup. "Oh! Sorry love," he muttered, quickly composing himself. His mind was still reeling from that fateful encounter with Harriet. He took a deep breath. "Hard day at the organ?" Myah giggled, leaning over the settee and kissing his forehead. "Got myself all prepared for tomorrow's service," he said quickly. "Erm, I have a confession to make; I er, was so wrapped up with practicing, I totally forgot to get some food in. But; worry not. Because you and I are dining out tonight! How do you fancy trying out that new Italian place? My treat. A working girl needs pampering." "Aww, yes!" Myah replied. "You're the best, my organ boy! Right, I'd better go and get changed!" She hurried upstairs and Gordon was alone with his thoughts once more. "Glad I got to see her one last time," he said to himself. "Goodbye Harriet." Next morning; The daffodils were in full splendor. A sea of yellow had erupted on the grass verges flanking the road to St. Michael's Church. A bright sunny sky greeted worshippers on this glorious Easter Sunday. Inside the church, it was bustling. Reverend Morris hurried about, making sure everything was just right, a music stand here, some extra hymn books there. "Where's Jenna?" He asked the churchwarden. "Why, in the vestry of course, with the rest of the choir. She's wearing robes this time, Vicar! Plus, Gordon and that Guild Voices chap will want to give a pep talk before they start." "Oh yes of course, silly me. Thanks Norman." "Do try to relax, it'll turn out fine. I have a feeling this Easter service is going to be unforgettable!" "Hope so, Reverend Morris replied, hurrying back down the aisle. "Right time for some more meet and greet;" A wrinkled hand grabbed the sleeve of his cassock as he passed a middle row of pews. "Good morning Vicar. I trust you weren't ignoring me?" "Ah; good morning to you, Mrs. Harris. Er, no I genuinely didn't see you there." "Of course, there are some things that cannot be unseen," the old lady replied, leaving him in no doubt has to what she was referring to. He cringed. "I'm so very sorry about that." "No need to apologize. You're lucky it was me and not Gladys Wilcox who saw you showing off everything the Lord gave you. Her reaction would've been rather different to mine." "Uh; I see," the vicar coughed, feeling his cheeks burning with shame. "Makes you sick doesn't it?" Mrs. Harris continued. "Just the thought of it." "The thought of what?" "Senior citizens lusting after younger men." Reverend Morris was unsure how to respond to that, but luckily Josh the curate intervened. "Would you believe it?" He said. "That flower arch around the door is absolutely infested with greenfly. Most of the flowers are already dead." "What? It only went up last night!" In the vestry, everyone was crammed in like sardines. Gordon had taken charge of the St. Michael's choir, whilst Derek was organizing the Guild Voices. "Oi, Luke, get that surplice on the right way round!" Gordon yelled at a choirboy. "Hannah, put that smartphone away!" He shook his head. "Honestly, it's like herding a bunch of cattle." "A shame about the lack of space," Derek remarked. "I keep forgetting what a small church this is. Morning Jenna!" He winked at the vicar's wife. "Hello Derek." The choirmaster lowered his voice. "Need a quick word with you alone; where can we go that's private?" Jenna glanced round. "Come with me." He discreetly followed her as she slipped out of the vestry and to a tiny storage area by the side of the organ pipes. There was no door, just a curtained archway. The room little more of an alcove, and the two of them could barely fit inside it. "Cozy," Derek smiled. "Got a little Easter present for you, Jenna," he said, rummaging in his jacket pocket. He handed her a small box. "Aww, thank you," she said. "That's really thoughtful." "Go on, you can open it now." "Oh that's cute," she smiled, holding up a little plastic yellow and green Easter egg on a pink silicone cord, and assumed it was a decoration of some kind. "Does it have chocolate inside?" Derek gave a mischievous grin. "Nope. You see; it's meant to go inside you! I was wondering if you could; wear it for me during the service? I'll enjoy an interesting little Easter egg hunt later; if you get what I mean." Jenna smiled back. Derek was more adventurous than she'd first imagined. "Why certainly, Derek. Maybe after the service, He will have Risen; and I'm not talking about Jesus there." She winked and hurried off to the toilets. "Naughty girl," Derek chuckled. "I hope she's in fine voice. Now the fun begins!" Shortly after, Jenna returned and took her place among the other Guild Voices choir members at the front of the church. Gordon began playing the voluntary, whilst the church choir did the usual procession down the main aisle. Reverend Morris stepped up to the pulpit and glanced at his wife. It seemed odd seeing his wife wearing a cassock and surplice, but she wore it well. He puffed out his chest with pride, noticing all the full pews. His church had definitely beaten St. Peter's. "Brothers and sisters, a very warm welcome to you all on this joyful Eastertide! I ask you to take the joy and hope of Easter and let it be your light and your life. Tell people that there's hope. In the driest valley, there is the resurrection. In the darkest night, there is the resurrection. In the worst moments you ever go through there is the resurrection, there is the promise of life, there is Jesus whispering into your ear saying that it's okay because death has lost its sting. There is the resurrection. Death is defeated. He has done it. He is risen. Hallelujah! We're very honored today to be hosting the Guild Voices Choir, led by the talented Mr. Derek Blackledge, who has put together a fantastic medley of holy music, along with our own equally talented organist, Gordon. He is, of course, ably assisted by his partner and organist-in-training Myah, who will be playing a few pieces for us. Now, without further ado, let us stand for our first hymn, Thine Be the Glory!" Just as Jenna was about to take a deep breath and focus on the music, she felt the egg she'd inserted into her womanhood begin to vibrate uncontrollably. Then, she noticed Derek, fiddling with his smart watch. His expression was one of mischief and amusement, and she knew instinctively that he was the one responsible for this unexpected distraction. The strains of the mighty organ filled the church as Gordon began playing the hymn. Jenna gave an awkward jolt, but was determined not to lose control during this situation. Well played, Derek, she thought. Well played. The choirmaster was waving his baton, and concentrating on the choir, but every so often, he made eye contact with Jenna, who was stood on the front row. Her voice was a little shaky, but it wasn't noticeable, thankfully. As the vibrations increased, Jenna struggled to maintain her composure. The sensations were overwhelming, and she could feel herself growing warm all over. She tried to ignore the egg, focusing instead on the beautiful music and the sacredness of the occasion. But try as she might, she couldn't help but be affected by the relentless vibrations. Her breath grew shorter, her cheeks flushed, and her body trembled with each passing moment. "No more we doubt thee, glorious Prince of life; life is naught without thee; aid us in our strife; Make us more than conquerors, through thy deathless love: bring us safe through Jordan to thy home above! Thine be the glory, risen conquering Son, Endless is the vict'ry, thou o'er death hast won." The hymn ended, and quiet descended on the church. Everyone sat down, and that didn't make it any easier for Jenna, as she squirmed awkwardly on the chair. "What's the matter with the vicar's missus, she got fleas or something?" One of the old ladies on the front row of pews whispered. "Well you know what young people are like, Maud. They can't sit still for five minutes can they? Probably suffering from smartphone withdrawal." "Either that or she's bursting for the toilet!" Sitting through the readings was bad enough, but the sermon was to prove far worse. Derek had obviously been planning this ever since their encounter on Wednesday night. The devious choirmaster was loving this! She gritted her teeth as she noticed him fiddle with his watch again. He wasn't finished with her yet. Just as she thought she had regained control, it started to vibrate again, this time more insistently than before. It seemed to have a mind of its own, dancing against her clit with an unyielding determination. Jenna bit back a moan, her cheeks burning red as she fought to maintain her composure. She closed her eyes and concentrated on the next piece of music in the book, trying to ignore the sensations building inside her. "We all make mistakes and mess up. The way you �be� a good Christian is to have faith in that cross and empty grave, in what Jesus did there. Because our faith is the one where God comes to us to give us hope and defeat the powers of sin and death for us, out of love!" After what seemed like an eternity, Reverend Morris finally ended his sermon. It was time for the next hymn, The Old Rugged Cross, but first, there was a piece of music to be performed a cappella by the choir. Gordon left his place at the organ and stood alongside Derek. He adjusted his open-fronted black gown and nodded at the choir. He noticed Jenna and smiled at her. She looked a bit uncomfortable, which he assumed was down to her singing in front of an audience for the first time. As the singing began, Derek subtly pressed his watch again. Jenna's voice went from low to impossibly high. Her eyes closed and as she sang, she felt a newfound strength welling up inside her. It was a strength born of passion and desire, of the need to express herself fully and without restraint. Gordon was amazed at her vocal range, then again, he didn't need to remind himself that the stunning vicar's wife had many talents; some he was no longer privy to, but her cousin had more than made up for. As she belted out the final chorus, her body trembled with the effort. Her breath came in ragged gasps, and her heart pounded wildly in her chest. The egg vibrator continued its relentless dance against her sensitive flesh, sending waves of pleasure coursing through her veins. She could feel herself growing closer and closer to the edge, the release just out of reach. Gordon continued to watch her. Blimey, she's really putting her heart and soul into this performance. He thought. It's almost as if; she's about to have an orgasm! He scolded himself for thinking about sex yet again. Yet he could not shake the image of her desperate to climax. Under those robes, Miss Kitty could be sopping wet. Mmm, a nice thought. He took a deep breath as he felt his cock starting to twitch, and quickly put that out of his mind. The last thing he needed was to develop a hard-on in front of the entire church. The a cappella piece ended, and it was time for Gordon to return to the organ and play the next hymn. As he did, he stole one last glance at the vicar's wife. Maybe it was just nerves. He sat down on the organ stool and began playing The Old Rugged Cross. Jenna glanced around, hoping no one had noticed the effect the egg was having on her. But everyone seemed to be too focused on singing of the hymn, their faces glowing with pride and accomplishment. Jenna bit her lip, as she fought to control the egg's relentless movements. She closed her eyes, trying to focus on something, anything, other than the sensations building inside her. But it was no use. The loud notes of the organ, the church, passages from the Bible; all seemed to feed the fire burning inside her. She was about to come, and there was no stopping it. She closed her eyes, her fists gripping her hymn book tightly as she surrendered. She started moaning gently as the pressure within built up. As the hymn's final verse was sung, Jenna climaxed with an almighty yell and her body shuddered as her orgasm spewed forth her juices and then there was a pop. She gasped as she felt the egg vibrator slip loose and fall to the stone floor. The silicone cord broke free, and the egg rolled away, under her chair. There was no way she could bend down to retrieve it. Her intense behavior had not gone unnoticed by Edna Draper, who was stood next to her. "I take it you like that hymn a lot? You were really giving it your all!" "Yeah," Jenna said, getting her breath back. "I've been practicing so hard!" Meanwhile, the egg was still rolling along the church floor. It came to a stop by the side of the organ stool. "Hello, what do we have here?" Gordon said to himself. When the vicar took to the pulpit again, the organist discreetly bent down and picked up the egg. It was warm, wet and glistening with clear goo. He knew at once what it was. "Now which naughty little Easter Bunny does this egg belong to? I think I can guess." He gave it a sniff, wiped it with a tissue and placed it in his jacket pocket. Looking over to the choir, he noticed Jenna fidgeting on her chair. "I knew it! She was getting herself off when I was conducting the choir!" The Easter Sunday service drew to a close. Reverend Morris ended it with some uplifting words. "Brothers and Sisters! Before we all head off to the church hall for tea, coffee and chocolate eggs, let me ask you one more time. Are you filled with hope today? Then go out and take it with you! This is the best news you'll ever be able to give anyone. That He loves you enough to rise again, to give you hope. And no power on earth can stop us if that is the message we're bringing to people this Easter. Amen!" Based on a post by Blacksheep, for Literotica.

But she finds new Uses For Old Organ Pipes.A series in 17 parts, by Blacksheep. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories. The third Sunday of Lent had arrived. Reverend Morris was counting down the days until Easter in the same way a prisoner counts down the days until their release. He was dreading today's morning Eucharist after the embarrassment of last week."I still can't believe I was stupid enough to mix up that erotic story with my sermon!" He exclaimed. "Why did I print it out?""Ah relax Simon. It was a fantastic first attempt, and that vicar from Manchester seemed to enjoy it!" Jenna replied, making herself a coffee."Yes I know but, well I suppose you're right. Nobody made a complaint. I'm just glad the youth & children were already dismissed to their classes. I'd have had a load of outraged parents begging for me to be defrocked!""No damage done," Jenna smiled. "And you truly do have hidden talents. I had no idea you were so good at writing erotica. You should try it again sometime!"This Sunday's service passed without incident, and most of the congregation were no doubt disappointed that the vicar's sermon had returned to its familiar, boring self. Afterwards, Gordon peered over the top of the organ and smiled as he noticed Jenna."Morning!" He said."Hello Gordon!" Jenna replied. "How are you getting on with, you know?" She winked."Ah that," he laughed. "You weren't kidding when you said use lots of lube, were you? It's fun, but," Gordon lowered his voice. "It doesn't match up to you. I miss our organ lessons.""Me too. We're halfway through Lent. Stay strong. You'll get through it!""I'll try my best! Oh, are these of any interest to you or Simon?" He handed her two tin organ pipes, one smaller than the other. "I know you're into arts and crafts. Thought you might have some use for these. Some of the old pipes have been replaced.""These are nice!" Jenna said, holding up the pipes. "Great condition.""They make great wall ornaments. I see loads of them for sale on eBay. Some go for really high prices.""I'll see if I can get creative. It'll be a fun spring project for me. Thanks Gordon! Oh before I forget, you couldn't do a favor for a member of the church, could you?""Certainly!""Gladys asked if you could call round and fix a new door handle on her kitchen door. I know you're really good at D I Y; you fitted new wall sockets in the church hall."The organist's face fell. "Um, oh right. Yes. I'm sure I can.""Great! She'll be thrilled. Right, I'd better get going. Simon's taking Christopher out for some father-son time, so I'll be home alone. I'll see if I can get creative with these old organ pipes!"Gordon gulped. The thought of calling round to see Mrs. Wilcox terrified him."My God, the old girl will pounce on me like a lioness ambushing a gazelle!" He noticed the churchwarden heading up the aisle. "Norman! Could you do me a favor?"Jenna arrived back at the vicarage, wondering how to spend the rest of the afternoon. She looked carefully at the two organ pipes, running a finger down the smooth, dull metal."Hmm, this larger one, it could be just the right size!"Up in the bedroom, Jenna lifted her skirt and pulled her panties down to the floor and stepped out of them. Feeling horny, she imagined Gordon walking in and catching her with her legs spread with an organ pipe buried deep in her cunt. The larger pipe measured about 11" long from pointed tip to end of the tapering foot. She remembered what Gordon had told her about organ pipes.Flue pipes are also known as labial pipes. The foot is the bottom portion of the pipe, usually conical. At its base is the toe hole, through which wind enters it."Ooh yeah." Jenna reached between her legs and discovered that she was already dripping wet. She fingered her cunt and clit. Damn, she needed to be filled. She took her time greasing up the organ pipe until it was dripping lubricant."Ah!" Jenna began sliding the pipe into her well-lubed cunt, one leisurely inch at a time. When she'd taken about six inches inside, she began slowly pushing it in and out, coating the pipe with her juices.Her fingers rubbed her clit softly and covered it in her essence. The pressure and speed of her fingers built. She imagined Gordon's thick fingers deep inside her, whilst she lay naked on the organ stool in the church,Jenna wanted more, wanted it harder. She increased her speed and moved the organ pipe in and out faster. Suddenly, her whole body tensed, the sweet feelings of ecstasy were almost torture. She need to come but wanted the pleasure to last longer. She was almost there, almost tipping over the edge of orgasm. She pushed the pipe still deeper into her womanhood, then reached for the smaller one,Norman's SubmissionNorman Winstanley turned into Rosebay Gardens, the quaint little cul-de-sac where Mrs. Wilcox lived."Nice place for old folk," he mused, parking up in front of the small bungalow. He picked up the small tool bag, headed up the drive and knocked on the door.Glancing round, he was amused by the pair of garden gnomes on the front lawn. They were dressed in bondage gear.The front door opened and Mrs. Wilcox appeared. "Oh, hello Norman! What are you doing here?""Here to fix your kitchen door, my dear!" Norman replied. "Gordon sends his apologies but something came up.""Dearie me," the old lady replied, not fooled for a moment. "Oh well, you'll do nicely! Right this way!" She ushered him inside and gave his arse cheeks a squeeze.Norman raised an eyebrow, but ignored her actions. After all, the old bird was eighty-six."God, this feels so amazing!" Jenna gasped as she thrust the small organ pipe up her arsehole. She moaned loudly, her cunt pulsing hard around the larger organ pipe. Her whole body shook with the force of her orgasm."Fuck, yes!" The vicar's wife screamed out as she found a new use for the old organ pipes."Don't forget to polish the sideboard, dearie!" Mrs. Wilcox smiled as Norman entered the living room and brought her a glass of sherry. He was naked apart from a frilly apron."Right you are, Gladys," the churchwarden replied. This was more of a thrill than he ever imagined.And here I was worrying how I'd survive six weeks without sex from the vicar's wife! He thought."Norman!" Mrs. Wilcox snapped. "I asked for a schooner! This glass isn't a schooner! I'm afraid I'll have to discipline you. Turn around at once!"Norman did as she asked and she struck his bare buttocks with a riding crop."Ouch!""You're a very naughty boy!" Mrs. Wilcox said. "What are you?""I'm a very naughty boy!" Norman replied.Jenna Breaks Her Lent Vow, In Order To Aid The Bishop.Bishop George lay in a hospital bed between sleep and vague drowsiness. He was hot, frustrated and uncomfortable. Waiting. Waiting for the nurses to bring him food. Waiting for them to change him. He loathed being dependent on others like this. He'd always gone his own way, not caring whom he offended. Then again he was lucky to be alive, and boredom and frustration were the least of his worries. His leg had been reset, but he was very much troubled by the thought of infection developing.Bishop George closed his eyes and wondered if he'd be well enough to attend the Easter service at St Michael's Church. He'd been looking forward to it for ages, and it was only two weeks away. Reverend Morris had just departed, having spent an hour with him. The visit had lifted the bishop's spirits and he was thankful for the vicar's kind words."That bloody cyclist! He shouldn't have been on the pavement in the first place!"He'd been walking down the street and had been sent flying when a careless cyclist had crashed right into him. His right leg had been broken in three places. It had been a terrible ordeal, but he didn't expect to remain in hospital for long. You were soon booted out these days.Bishop George sighed. He wasn't looking forward to his sister Anne, coming to care for him whilst he recovered. Anne was notoriously bossy.Meanwhile, back at St Michael's Vicarage, Jenna sipped a coffee and idly ran her finger down the cup."Poor George," she said, as Reverend Morris returned from visiting him in the hospital. "You know something, why don't we let him stay with us while he recovers? We have two spare bedrooms, one for when Christopher stays over, but the smaller room would be ideal for George. It's got a foldaway bed."Reverend Morris thought for a moment. "You're absolutely right, Jen. You're a true Christian. The Bishop has been very good to me since I took over at St Michael's. We could provide all the care he needs. Whilst his sister might mean well, she's a rather, fierce individual!""I only met her once. She scared me!" Jenna admitted.The vicar nodded. "Besides, having him staying with us will help keep my mind off, er, you know. I've been struggling recently with what we've given up for Lent."Jenna smiled. "I know Simon. You've done really well. Not much longer now. When Easter comes, He will rise, I'm not just talking about Jesus, by the way,"Reverend Morris bit his lip. "He might be rising already, Oh! I can't wait to have sex again, must restrain myself. Right, I'll go call George, and prepare the spare bedroom for him."The bishop was more than delighted when Reverend Morris arrived to collect him from the hospital, the next day."You're quite sure about this, Simon?" He said as the vicar pushed his wheelchair down the aisle. "I don't want to be a burden to you and Jenna. Busy weeks ahead for you, what with Holy Week and so on. And your son, doesn't he stay over on Fridays?""Think nothing of it, George. We have two spare bedrooms at the vicarage. There's room for everyone. Jenna and I are glad to have you staying with us. It'll be peace of mind knowing that you'll be safe and well-looked after."Bishop George smirked to himself. He was definitely looking forward to perhaps getting some special therapy off Jenna. He remembered the little birthday ceremony he'd taken part in just before Christmas,"Must say, I'm glad to be out of that hospital," he muttered, as he was helped into the car. "The bloke in the bed next to me, he lay there for two hours before someone realized he was dead. Poor sod. I said a few prayers for him.""That's awful," Reverend Morris replied. “But on the bright side, the soul enjoyed a very prompt wake, with no less than the bishop presiding!”George finally chuckled at the realization of his good service.Changing the subject, Simon added; "Well hopefully, you'll find the vicarage a lot more relaxing, and our meals a lot more edible. We both enjoy cooking."He drove out of the hospital car park and headed for the motorway. "The nursing staff said you were a difficult patient." Simon probed."I see. Quite the compliment." Bishop George said. "I'm sure they were exaggerating. Any news from church?" Is Jenna still learning to play the organ?"The traffic noise was loud, as rush hour was approaching."Oh yes! She's made remarkable progress there. Gordon is a fantastic teacher. She's of a good enough standard to stand in for him, on the rare occasions he isn't able to do the Sunday service.""I'm sure," he replied.She is very talented indeed at playing a man's organ too! George thought to himself."Our churchwarden Norman Winstanley has started spending a lot of time helping one of the older members of church around the house. Gladys Wilcox, she's in her eighties, widowed and lives alone. Her grandson helps where he can, but he works full-time so can't be there on weekdays. I can tell Gladys really enjoys having Norman call round. She's a sweet old lass, been at the church before I was even born. Her husband used to play the organ before Gordon took over.""That's nice. Not many want to take the time to help the elderly these days."‘Samaritan' ServicesBishop George soon settled in at the vicarage. The bed was far more comfortable than the one in the hospital."I think I'll be just fine here," he grinned."We're glad to have you here with us, George," Jenna said, as she brought him a cup of tea. Anything you need, don't hesitate to ask.""I wouldn't mind the touch of your healing hands," he whispered in Jenna's ear as she prepared to leave."Oh, no can do, Bishop," Jenna replied. "I've given up sex for Lent! Poor Simon, he's been sleeping in the other spare bedroom ever since Ash Wednesday. It's been a struggle for both of us, but we've stuck to it."Bishop George looked as if his recovery had taken a turn for the worse!On Monday night, Reverend Morris was called to administer last rites to someone at the local hospice, leaving Jenna alone in the house to care for the bishop. As she sat reading something on her phone, she heard him moaning in pain. George was still on opioids, but weaning off. Jenna had just given him his 2nd pill after dinner. He was agonizing for the pill's relief to kick in."Poor George. His leg keeps aching. He must be so miserable. I suppose I could cheer him up a little, but I made a promise." She thought for a moment. "But it's justified if it speeds up his recovery."Bishop George was half-asleep, when he heard Jenna entering his room. She sat down on the chair beside his bed.His eyes shot open as he felt the bedsheet over his groin being lightly pulled down. His heart beat faster. "What, are you doing?""Aiding your recovery."Excitement only increased further as the full reality of the situation dawned on him. Soon, he felt warm fingertips moving up his thigh. Bishop George's heart was pounding."I thought you'd given it up for Lent?""I have, but just this once, I'll make an exception for you. Promise you won't tell my husband? I've put him through so much suffering, denying him the pleasure.""Oh my lips are sealed," Bishop George replied. "Besides, he's as fit as a fiddle. He'll have to suck it up and cope. I've had a terrible trauma. Any help you can provide, you know I'll be beyond grateful, my dear Jenna."He was already semi-erect.Jenna's hand went further, seeking holy treasure. She gently unfastened the restraining snaps of his pajama bottoms and exposed his heated erection.Bishop George put his hands together. "For what I am about to receive, O Lord, make me truly thankful."Jenna gently teased and examined his shaft and foreskin, bending down close to breathe in the heavy, sweaty musk of his balls. Then she took his shaft between thumb and forefinger and begin to pleasure the older man with slow, deliberate, sensuous movements.Unable to remain composed any longer, the bishop murmured. "Oh my God,"Jenna continued to stroke him, experimenting with the rhythm and pressure. After a short while, he felt her lips start to trace up and down his cock, ever so lightly. Starting with his balls, and then moving upwards, she started to apply a series of delicate licks and kisses. Sweet Lord! What joy! It was so slow, so tender and intimate, and he knew at once that this was exactly the kind of healthcare he needed.Bishop George was desperate to release, and Jenna placed her hand reassuringly in his. One long caress of his cock almost made him come. A little precum leaked out, and Jenna gathered it up with her tongue.At last, she took the tip of his cock into her mouth, slowly and carefully. Her warm wet mouth felt incredible, and the bishop couldn't help but cry out in joy. Jenna descended right down to the base of his shaft, completely deep-throating him. Some final, wanton tongue action brought him over the edge, and he could take no more.Bishop George's whole body trembled, as he climaxed and spent."Oh my, Jenna!" He cried as he erupted in a powerful ejaculation. Pulse after pulse of his issue hit the back of her throat. She swallowed it all. The glorious, joyful spurting continued. The vicar's wife continued her masterful manipulations.He fell back on the sweat-drenched pillow, his face gripped by sheer joyful release. Jenna let him recover for a moment and catch his breath. After a short while, he raised his hand and placed it gently against her cheek. Gathering his strength, he heaved himself up and brought her lips to his in a lingering kiss. She responded by slipping her arms around him."Are you feeling better now?" She whispered."Much better! I'll sleep like a log tonight, and I just know I'll be up and walking around in no time!""I'm so relieved that it's only your leg that was injured, George. Thankfully, what matters is still in fine working order."Suddenly, the sound of the front door opening, brought them to their senses."Better get some sleep, George." Jenna whispered, giving him a final kiss. “Oh, George, is it true? Gordon says that the same Greek word that Tyndale translated as ‘communion', is also translated as ‘intercourse'?George was shocked, and marveled. “I think the word is ‘koininia'. And yes, only the context provides the distinction.” They are both conduits for ministering life, aren't they?Jenna beamed. “I've always viewed my sexuality as part of God's providence, and I feel I have a responsibility to not be selfish. Sleep well, my good man."I will, and thanks again for your special worship. And don't worry about breaking your Lentil promise, it was only a little bending of your own pledge, God won't mind. You were aiding my recovery after all," He relaxed and fell into a blissful, drug-aided sleep.Jenna could still taste the bishop's cum on her lips as she headed down the stairs."Ah, Jen! Is everything alright?" Reverend Morris said, hanging his coat up. "I hope George didn't give you too much trouble?""Oh no trouble at all. The old boy is sleeping like a baby."Jenna's Threesome In The Church HallA close encounter with an old, bitter enemy, and a blessed miracle! And Gordon the organist is a big softie deep down,This joyful Eastertideaway with sin and sorrow!My love, the Crucified,has sprung to life this morrow.Had Christ, who once was slain,not burst his three-day prison,our faith had been in vain:but now hath Christ arisen,arisen, arisen;but now has Christ arisen!"On this, the most holiest of days, we celebrate the risen Lord!" Reverend Morris began, as the Easter Sunday service at St Michael's began. As expected, the church was packed, much to the vicar's delight. In the four years he'd been in charge of this humble little parish, Reverend Morris never expected to see such an increase in the congregation. It warmed his heart.Though, he secretly admitted, the fully-stocked pews weren't the only thing making him smile. With the arrival of Easter Sunday, Lent was finally over. His wife's ban on sex had expired. He could hardly wait until this evening, when he and Jenna would finally get some time to themselves.Over at the organ, Gordon was also hoping he'd soon be able to resume giving Jenna "organ lessons.""Look at her, sitting at the front in that floral print dress. She looks every inch the respectable vicar's wife, but the way it clings to her curves, a subtle hint at the delicious raw sexuality underneath," the organist sighed, feeling a stirring in his groin, when he should've been concentrating on the service."Oh God, she's beautiful and I am so bloody horny," Gordon muttered, slipping a hand under his black robe and rubbing himself."Please stand for our hymn, Thine Be the Glory." The vicar announced, and the congregation dutifully did. There were a few awkward coughs and shuffling of feet as the organ remained silent."Our hymn, Thine Be the Glory!" The vicar repeated."Oh!" Gordon spluttered, and slammed his fingers down on the manuals so hard, the entire church seemed to vibrate."Goodness me, he's pounding those pipes," one of the elderly ladies of the congregation muttered. "For the first time in years, I don't need to turn up my hearing aids."After the hymn, the curate took over the reading of the notices. Reverend Morris slipped over to the organ."Bit of a ten on the tension scale there, Gordon!" He whispered. "Having problems with your instrument?" It wasn't the first time the organist had appeared a little distracted during a service."Sorry about that, Vicar, this upper manual does require a bit more pressure these days!"Reverend Morris chuckled. The organist was just as guilty as he was for thinking irreverent thoughts during the service."We may rejoice now that the Lent period has ended.""Aye, I fully intend to," Gordon replied, rearranging his music sheets."You never said what it was that you gave up.""Umm, think it was whiskey. What did you give up for Lent, Vicar?""Err, chocolate." He glanced at Jenna, sat in the front aisle. "I'm going to pig out and eat out a, err, eat a lot of it later."Gordon nodded, as the reverend returned to the pulpit. "He's even worse at lying than I am."The service ended and everyone headed over to the church hall for tea and coffee. Instead of the usual plain biscuits and cake, Reverend Morris had asked everyone to do a "Jacob's Join" and bring some Easter eggs along. There was enough chocolate to fill a room, much to the delight of the younger members of the congregation, who wasted no time in helping themselves."Do help yourselves to some delicious hot cross buns," Jenna smiled, walking around the hall with a tray, and the buns went down a storm with the older folk.After a longer than normal gathering, it was time to clear away the chairs and tables."Where's Norman Winstanley gone? He's usually here to move these tables." Reverend Morris wondered."Oh I have some chores lined up for him so he had to hurry back to my place, Vicar," Mrs. Wilcox said, as she began sweeping the hall.Gordon raised an eyebrow. "Is he your personal slave Gladys? He never seems to be away.""Well you seemed reluctant to fill that particular vacancy dearie, so I had to look elsewhere. I must say, dear Norman has proved a most willing and able subject,"The way she emphasized the words ‘willing and able', it intrigued Gordon. He cast his mind back a few weeks to the embarrassing incident with the fleshlight.The old girl wasn't shy when it came to sucking my cock, but surely she's not doing that on a regular basis to Norman, is she? Norman's never said a word, but he seems to enjoy calling round. Or is it all perfectly innocent and he's just helping her with the housework?"Hello, earth to Gordon," Reverend Morris said. "Could you give Jenna and myself a hand and help us move these folded chairs into the storeroom?""Right you are, Vicar. Sorry, I was miles away.""Daydreaming?" Jenna winked at him."Perhaps."The three of them headed to the far end of the hall and down a corridor, where the storeroom was. Jenna smiled as they went in. Haven't been in here since last October, when I seduced Josh the curate and took his virginity. The room was still as untidy as ever."One of these days, we really must make time to sort this room out," Reverend Morris said. "It's a disgrace and I'm ashamed I've let it get such a mess.Gordon placed the chairs in the corner. "Get Oakwood Road Methodist Church to clear out all their junk first. They've been sharing with us for years. Isn't it about time they got their own storage place?""Hmm, yes. I'll have to have a word with Reverend Ewing."Jenna rearranged some of the box files. "While we're here, we could straighten a few things, argh, there's a massive spider on the wall!""It'll be more scared of you than you are of it," Reverend Morris said."Simon, that doesn't make me feel any better! You know I hate spiders!""Where is the offending arachnid? I'll squash it with my shoe.""You'll do no such thing, Gordon," the vicar interrupted. "It's one of God's creatures and it's Easter Sunday. Let it live. See look, it's scuttled into the air vent up there. It's gone. Nothing to worry about, Jen.Amidst the uproar over the spider, none of them noticed or heard the storeroom door being pulled shut and locked."Now the fun begins," a voice sniggered, opening an app on an iPhone."Right, well I've had enough re-arranging for today," Gordon said. "It's time for another cuppa and a rest." He tried the door. "Hey, what? This door is locked!""What?" Reverend Morris rushed over. "I don't believe it, how is it locked? It can't be locked without a key.""Some silly bugger's gone and locked the door without realizing we're in here!" Gordon groaned. "I bet its old Jack Bradley, thinks of himself as caretaker for the church hall. Daft sod is always locking up and forgetting to turn the lights off. I really think Norman should be given the job of locking up in future.""Wait, so we're trapped in here?" Jenna said."For the moment, yes. Oh don't worry, it's not like a bank vault or anything. We won't run out of air. I'll just phone Josh the curate. I know he keeps a spare set of keys." Reverend Morris reached in his pocket. "My smartphone, where is it? Oh damn, I left it in the car. I always do that when it's the Sunday Eucharist. I have a phone-free morning. It's my little rule.""Really helpful, Rev," the organist groaned. "Don't you have a hotline to God 24 7? Maybe a prayer or two will unlock the door. Luckily, I have my smartphone on me. He pulled it out of his pocket and swiped the screen."Oh.""Problem?""Um, looks like the battery's dead. I swear there was 5% charge still on it but guess I was wrong.""Boys, worry not. I have my phone, and it's always fully charged," Jenna said, lifting her smartphone from her handbag. "Ta-dah. Fully charged." She called the curate. After a long period of ringing, it went to voicemail."This must be the first time ever that Josh's phone has gone to voicemail," Reverend Morris said. "The lad needs that phone of his surgically removing."Okay well for whatever reason, he's not picking up. He could be driving. I've left a message. We'll just have to wait. But what's the rush to leave?" Jenna grinned. "If you ask me, we should make the most of our time here."The vicar and organist looked at each other. "What do you mean, Jen?"That familiar naughtiness appeared on her face. "Well you both know I gave up sex for Lent, right?"They cleared their throats. "Yes.""Lent's over. Let's have some fun.""Jenna, what are you suggesting?" Reverend Morris spluttered."I think your lovely wife is suggesting a threesome, Vicar." Gordon replied, fully up for it."How about it? It's nice to share, yes? Like we all did when it was my birthday?"Reverend Morris was his usual reserved self at first, but there was no denying, like Gordon, he was as horny as a rutting stag."Well, um, there are no security cameras in here, are there?""As if," Gordon laughed. "There's nothing worth nicking in here, apart from old furniture and dusty hymn books. No cams, but there is rising damp on that lower left wall."Jenna began unbuttoning her dress. "Naturally, my dear husband gets to go first. After all he is my holy man. You don't mind, you do Gordon?" Jenna then laid on her back, across a long narrow banquet table."Oh, not at all," the organist said, rubbing his crotch. "Don't keep me waiting too long though, eh? The Wurlitzer is already rising,"The sinister scandalIn the passenger seat of a parked car, the unknown person with the iPhone stared at the screen and observed the antics in the storeroom, thanks to the hidden cam that had been installed."Well I never. I knew there was something going on with the organist and the vicar's wife! Looks like the vicar himself is prepared to overlook some of the Ten Commandments. Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery? Thou Shalt Not Covet?""Hopefully it'll be the downfall of that little tart once and for all," the driver of the car replied. "I've never forgiven her for bringing her filth and depravity to this church a year ago. Marries the vicar, whilst carrying on with the organist on the side. She managed to break up my marriage, and I can't wait to send this footage to the tabloids.""Oh Patricia, you're not going to go that far are you, dearie?" Jenna's a lovely girl really. I thought we were just going to have a bit of fun. That's why I asked my grandson to install the camera and set up this app thing so we could watch. I wanted to make the organist sweat a little."Mrs. Norris narrowed her eyes. "I haven't set foot in that church since the vicar married her. This sordid carry-on can't be allowed to continue!""Oh look, things are getting a wee bit steamy in there!" Mrs. Wilcox replied, gawping at the smartphone. "Good heavens, my glasses are steaming up! Look where Gordon's putting his tongue. He's such a skilled organist,""Disgusting behavior," Mrs. Norris fumed. Yet she continued to watch intently.Gordon opened his mouth again, and ran it from Jenna's belly to her chin. She began moaning. On the next lick the organist started even lower, right on her clit. Jenna moaned loudly as his tongue slowly climbed up her, stopping briefly at her chest. He went back to between her thighs again, and then he began fingering her cunt. Jenna began to moan loudly as she climaxed.When she glanced up at him, she noticed he was fully aroused. She rolled over, onto her belly while he dropped his trousers and underpants, and presented his large, engorged member to her."Did you miss my organ pipe?""God yes!"The organist's entire body shuddered under Jenna's touch. With that, she propped herself up on her elbows on one edge of the table. He ass hung over the opposite edge. She grasped his cock with both hands and began rubbing hard, enjoying the reaction she was getting from him. She decided to take it a step further, and started to lick his cock, all the while continuing jerking him off. She licked up and down the thick shaft and finally stopped at the head. Precum oozed from the tip. With one fluid motion, she deep throated the head of his penis as far as she could. Gordon cried out in joy."Fuck yes, I've missed this so much!"At the same time, Reverend Morris unzipped his trousers and approached behind his wife."Whilst you are playing the organist's organ, I shall now enter your Holy Temple, which has been closed off to me since the start of Lent."He pressed his member against her cunt. Jenna gasped as her husband applied pressure, and slid his cock into her."I've missed your Holy Rod, my love."He slowly thrust in and out of her, which drove her wild. She reached one hand down to rub her clit, which stimulated the already overwhelming pleasure. simon sped up his thrusting, his cock ramming against her cervix. She moaned. A few minutes later Jenna bucked harder and faster as she felt her orgasm build up. Reverend Morris did the same as his cock twitched in her."Ah, oh God, yes!" The vicar's wife threw her head back and screamed as she came. Her cunt walls contracted tightly around her husband's cock as her love juices leaked out of her. His own orgasm hit shortly after, and he shot a huge load of warm seed deep into her."Bloody hell," Gordon gasped. That had to be the most intense orgasm he'd ever seen Jenna have. He felt a brief moment of doubt, fearing he wouldn't be able to match the pleasure her husband had given her. Something tugged at his heart, a nagging ache. He shrugged it off, but it remained. He didn't want to think about the fact he was starting to fall deeply in love with this red-haired beauty who'd seduced him so skillfully last September, with a blowjob whilst he sat on the organ stool.This was always meant to be just a bit of no-strings naughty fun, he thought to himself. But it's gone way beyond that. I never imagined she'd have this effect on me,Reverend Morris gently pulled out of her and Jenna rolled over & sat up, cum oozing from her throbbing womanhood."Don't keep Gordon waiting, Jen," he whispered to her. "He needs more than a quick blow of the organ pipe."She nodded, kissing him. "I won't. I intend to make this just as special for him as it was for you."Gordon brightened up. "What, you mean I'm getting the full Monty?""I really enjoy that organ pipe of yours inside me, Gordon," she winked.He was more than happy with sloppy seconds.Sitting him down in one of the metal folding chairs, Jenna straddled him, and in one motion, plunged herself down on his hard cock. His hands found her breasts, and she squirmed on his lap deliciously. Gordon began to thrust himself into her, slowly at first, increasing speed gradually, until they were fucking for all they were worth.All the pent-up desire that Jenna had been holding inside throughout Lent, all the desire for this older man, was unleashed. Much as she loved her husband, she'd also had a thing for Gordon, way more than all the other men of the church she'd bedded. He was special. Those daddy vibes. They'd never gone away.When he paused for breath, she pulled him up & onto his back on a table and mounted him again. Ever so slowly, she undulated on his cock, and, eyes closed, fingered her clit while he moaned beneath her at the sight. When she started to shake and groan, the sight became too much for the organist and he knew he was joining her, whether he wanted to or not.With a yell, Gordon grabbed her hips and shot spurt after spurt of thick cum into the goddess above him."Wow, now that's the kind of worship that truly comes from the heart!" Reverend Morris said, amazed at the organist's stamina. "That's what I like to see; Jenna fully satisfied!""Oh Gordon," Jenna sighed, when they'd finally recovered. She kissed him softly on the lips. "That was wonderful." She noticed he had tears in his eyes. "Hey, are you alright?""Never better Jen," he mumbled. "Bit dusty in this room, eh? Think it's irritating my eyes a bit.""We're the two luckiest men in the world aren't we?" Reverend Morris said, sensing Gordon's awkwardness. "To be both loved by this amazing woman. God has truly smiled on us. It's all part of His plan.""And I love you both," Jenna said, slipping her arms round the two of them.Gordon felt himself filling up, but he held it together.Gladys watches"Utterly vile," Mrs. Norris cringed, still watching on the iPhone with Mrs. Wilcox. "All three of them should be cast out of the church and prosecuted.""Prosecuted?" The old lady replied. "Dearie, I think what we've just witnessed is a very modern love story. Gordon is in love with Jenna. Jenna loves him. The vicar knows that she loves them both.""How the hell can you say that? He's a dirty old man if you ask me.""When you're as old as I am, you just know these things. Human nature's a fascinating thing. And you're never too old to have fun either. I'm so glad that Norman Winstanley called round to fix my kitchen door!""So you're not going to give me the footage?" Mrs. Norris snapped."No dearie, I'm not. I'm deleting this video right now.""No don't!"But it was too late. The recording on the phone was deleted, along with the app. "I've remotely shut down the camera in the storeroom too," the old lady smiled. "I'll get my grandson Dwaine to remove and destroy it.""You treacherous old bag. You tricked me!" Mrs. Norris yelled, eyes bulging behind her horn-rimmed glasses. There was a knock on the car window and she almost jumped out of her skin. The hulking figure of Dwaine appeared."Everything alright, Gran?""Oh fine, dear," she said, getting out of the car. "I'm ready to go home now. It's been a rather eventful church service! But first, I need to pop into the church hall. I think I've forgotten to switch off a light, "Her plans to destroy Jenna thwarted, Mrs. Norris accepted defeat and drove off, away from St. Michael's church forever.Jenna, Reverend Morris and Gordon had just finished getting dressed when the door of the storeroom was unlocked."Oh Vicar! I'm so sorry! How careless of me! I'd finished sweeping up and thought you'd all gone home. Jack left me in charge of locking up. Blame it on a senior moment. I had no idea you three were in the storeroom!" The four of them walking into the hallway."No worries, Gladys, there's no harm done. We were only in there half an hour."As they all headed out of the hall, Josh the curate came rushing inside, out of breath."Jenna! I just got your message! I'd just driven Bishop George home when I read it. Oh I'm glad you all got out of there!""Not the end to the Easter service I was expecting, but it's something we can laugh about in years to come!" Reverend Morris said and he turned to Jenna and Gordon and grinned. "Come, let's all go back to the Vicarage and have a drink. Mrs. Wilcox. Your grandson is most welcome to join us too."The vicar, his wife and the organist remained blissfully unaware of how close they'd come to having their passionate threesome revealed to the entire world. Once again, peace and happiness remained at St. Michael's Church, and it seemed Jenna's amazing way with bringing joy to the lives of church men was stronger than ever,One month later"We now we look forward to Ascension tide," Reverend Morris said, a few Sundays after Easter. “The Feast of Pentecost follows.”Jenna returned from the church toilets. She'd been feeling off-color for the past couple of days and now knew why."Simon, I must speak with you and Gordon," she said, as the church began emptying."What's wrong Jen? You don't look too good."Gordon was tidying up his music books and switching off the organ, when the vicar appeared."Jenna has something to tell us," Reverend Morris said. "She says it's very happy, but life-changing news."The organist put down his books immediately. This sounded serious, and he felt his stomach jump. "What's up?""Well you two, how do I break this to you gently? It seems there's been some sort of miracle. My contraceptive pill has failed. I'm pregnant. And, well”Both men's jaws dropped.Gordon spluttered, terrified. He feared his future was in for trouble. He feared his two best friends over this. He feared the gossip. He loved his church and didn't want anything to change. He was barely able to process this information.Simon embraced his wife and beamed. “The child is mine. I take great joy in the arrival of a life. My opportunity to raise a child in a wonderful home, with the wife God has blessed me with. Perhaps God will give us more, in years to come!”Jenna beamed. She turned to Simon and asked; “Simon, have you ever been a godfather?”To be continued.By Blacksheep, for Literotica.

Aye! Where your man at? A great question and not only is it great, it's very necessary. It's imperative that we have the correct answer when the question is raised. Come on in, we gotta chat about this thang! Did you know...? Yolanda is an award-winning author with over 15 written works? Including magazine articles, writing collabs, and novels? Are you looking for some Great Reads? Novels & Novellas with Dramatic storylines full of surprising & shocking Twists & Turns? If so, jump into Yolanda's Books! Book of the Month! Another Chance at Love by Author G. Fay https://www.amazon.com/Another-Chance-at-Love-Novella/dp/B09WQ899QS/ref=sr_1_1? For more updates, follow G. Fay on her website @ www.gfayauthor.com Synopsis Jazmine Wright is ready to take on the world after graduating from college and marrying the love of her life, Noah. She has always considered herself strong and able to handle any challenge she comes across, until she is faced with one dramatic event after another. Noah is egotistic, arrogant, and maybe even a little conceited. He's also sensitive, intelligent, and his charming ways entices her. Noah's distant behavior is disturbing as Jazmine tries to accept that he's dedicated to his work. But she is convinced there is more to why he's not standing by his word and keeping the promises he made. She becomes exhausted and overwhelmed in trying to keep her marriage together, when she runs into an old classmate, Marcus. Marcus has several flaws and Jazmine offers her support as he is determined to change for the better.Sometimes life brings about a change with an unexpected love which can open our eyes to no longer accept unnecessary heartache. Will Jazmine settle and accept that some people never change, or will she embrace another love that patiently awaits her?

A slightly abridged version of the missing reaction to Burnley here if anyone is desperate to hear Gav and Martin defend our Wilson Isidor and.. praise Wilson Isidor and.. mention at least one other player following that decent point away last weekend. What's the crack?Aye you guessed it. It's the penalties. They talk about the penalties.Wilson Isidor has fully embraced Sunderland since arriving and some people can make right ****s of themselves; Enzo Le Fee's debut - what did the lads make of his performance? How did we view the game generally before preparing to take on Derby? Did the lads get their predictions right? Did we mention how mint Wilson is enough? Good. Aye as we said, this is basically just catching up. For new current chatter about… Wilson Isidor… you'll find our Derby reaction just above this episode, complete with rage at the injustice of it all! Ha'way the Lads! #EFL #EFLChampionship #SAFC Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

So it turns out Reg didn't really give a shit, and neither would we if we hadn't gone and lost Aji Alese to injury. So what positives can Gav and Chris take from that forgettable fixture? What's the crack? Aye we lost it's terrible and very sad we're obviously devastated... but fear not, it's not a league game so it doesn't count. Is it bad that we'd rather focus on the league? We don't think so. Aleksic got a goal for his troubles which only a few of us will remember admittedly but who else stood out? Did any of our young lads impress? A bad day for Dan Neil in particular, which is rare nowadays, but did he really need to be on the pitch? Enzo Le Fee got a nice reveal at a fairly empty and freezing Stadium after the announcement the night before the game; it looks like we may need a few other faces though. Aji Alese went down and had to be stretchered off the pitch in considerable pain; it's not looking great for the lad and we're gutted for him, so what do we do in the meantime? Last of the summer Wynn; Chris gets wistful and nostalgic about the magic of the FA Cup again but he has good reason to. It's just not the competition it was... All this more! Burnley next! Ha'way the Lads! #EFL #EFLChampionship #SAFC Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Aye we've been gone a month, it's complicated. Back to business though, our Gav and Chris return just in time to welcome and chat about Enzo Le (pretty hefty) Fee as he undergoes his medical at the club to reunite with former boss Regis Le Bris, as well as look back on some FA Cup third round excitement of ye olde days and try not to talk about the really important test against Burnley after this break from league action against Stoke City. What's the crack? It's been a decent start to the New Year hasn't it? Chris gets aggravated by belated new year greetings, but the football has been alright so there's that. What will Reg do against Stoke City on Saturday? We're looking at a fair few changes surely so who is likely to make an appearance and who do the lads think should get a break ready for next Friday? Welcome Enzo! A player Regis Le Bris rates extremely highly and a much sought after talent secured for the second half of the season; what do the lads make of him? Is this yet more good but highly predatory business from the club? Gav keeps reminding Chris how old he is, which makes everyone older than Chris feel class aye, cheers marra. Again trying to talk about Stoke is a bit difficult looking ahead to the coming league fixtures, but do the lads give a shit? Does the club? Do you? All this and more! Ha'way the Lads! #SAFC #EFL #EFLChampionship #EmiratesFACup Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Episode description: We continue our campaign to #EndNeurophobia, with the help of Dr. Aaron Berkowitz. This time, Dr. Sebastian Green presents a case of generalized weakness to Aye. Neurology DDx Schema Aye Chan Moe Thant ( @AyeThant94 ) Aye is a physician from Myanmar and now working as a clinical research team member at the… Read More »Episode 372 : Neurology VMR – Generalized Weakness

Aye, matey - ‘tis time for a discussion with Skeleton Crew pirate Vane!! Actor Marti Matulis is Vane in The Mandalorian & Skeleton Crew, he is in this year's new Christmas movie Red One as the vulture-like Slap-Fight Judge, and he is in many Star Trek films and TV series. We discuss the artistry of creature makeup, how he emotes under the mask, and acting in general. Matulis is a 20+ year veteran in the business and we loved picking his brain. Follow him on instagram and YouTube channel.   Today in Star Wars History - 12/23/1977   A special Star Wars holiday ad is placed in local newspapers to promote the ongoing release that reads, “Happy Holidays and may the Force be with you throughout the new year.”         SPONSORS   Small World Vacations is an official sponsor of Skywalking Through Neverland. Contact them for a no obligation price quote at www.smallworldvacations.com. Tell them Skywalking Through Neverland sent you.   SUPPORT THE SHOW   Find out how you can become a part of the Skywalking Force and unlock bonus content.   CONTACT US   Instagram: http://instagram.com/skywalkingpod   Twitter: https://twitter.com/SkywalkingPod   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/skywalkingthroughneverland   Send emails to share@skywalkingthroughneverland.com and follow us on Facebook.   If you dug this episode, click over to iTunes | Stitcher | YouTube and leave us a review!   Never Land on Alderaan!  

Aye, matey - ‘tis time for a discussion with Skeleton Crew pirate Vane!! Actor Marti Matulis is Vane in The Mandalorian & Skeleton Crew, he is in this year's new Christmas movie Red One as the vulture-like Slap-Fight Judge, and he is in many Star Trek films and TV series. We discuss the artistry of creature makeup, how he emotes under the mask, and acting in general. Matulis is a 20+ year veteran in the business and we loved picking his brain. Follow him on instagram and YouTube channel.   Today in Star Wars History - 12/23/1977   A special Star Wars holiday ad is placed in local newspapers to promote the ongoing release that reads, “Happy Holidays and may the Force be with you throughout the new year.”         SPONSORS   Small World Vacations is an official sponsor of Skywalking Through Neverland. Contact them for a no obligation price quote at www.smallworldvacations.com. Tell them Skywalking Through Neverland sent you.   SUPPORT THE SHOW   Find out how you can become a part of the Skywalking Force and unlock bonus content.   CONTACT US   Instagram: http://instagram.com/skywalkingpod   Twitter: https://twitter.com/SkywalkingPod   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/skywalkingthroughneverland   Send emails to share@skywalkingthroughneverland.com and follow us on Facebook.   If you dug this episode, click over to iTunes | Stitcher | YouTube and leave us a review!   Never Land on Alderaan!  

Send us a textFirst, a look at the Florida where Senate President Ben Albritton, newly installed in his leadership role, exhibits his penchant for being a political butt-weed rather than an upholder and defender of the Constitution and the rights of the People, by denying even so much as an honest evaluation of an open carry bill simply because the Florida Sheriffs Association doesn't like open carry. “I trust my law enforcement officials, and that's where I stand" was his pathetic comment.So, I guess the free exercise of our rights here in Florida only happens at the whims of the Sheriffs Association?Then, a look at another political animal in Florida named Randy Fine and his hypocritical grandstanding regarding the Marjorie Stoneman Douglas Act of 2018, one that he voted "Aye" for, but now claims he's going to rectify his mistake. Royce proves that this is nothing more than Fine's attempt to garner the vote of 2nd Amendment Americans, whom he poo-poo'd when their ire was enflamed towards him in 2018.Support the showAskari Media GroupBuy Paul Eberle's book "Look at the Dirt"Paul Eberle (lookatthedirt.com)The Deadly Path: How Operation Fast & Furious and Bad Lawyers Armed Mexican Cartels: Forcelli, Peter J., MacGregor, Keelin, Murphy, Stephen: 9798888456491: Amazon.com: BooksVoice of the Blue (buzzsprout.com)

Aye! Meaghan is on Christmas Break so that means it is time for a couple of new episodes! She is kicking things off with an unsolved case. Sara Anne Bushland was a 15 year old girl who was last seen at the end of her driveway one afternoon after school. Did she runaway? Was she met with foul play? The family has been asking these questions and many more for nearly 30 years. This case is full of speculations and theories so get ready.

Let's be honest it could've easily been 5 or 6 for young Tommy Watson but our Jack Clarke regen decided to let Stoke off a little bit on Saturday by scoring just the two of his first senior goals for the club. Maybe he's saving some for our visitors on Tuesday night? What's the crack? We won a game for the first time in what feels like forever, so another one this week will do us nicely, cheers Reg. A brace for a brilliant young talent: he's not really flying under any radars here is Tommy. Especially not announcing himself on Sky repeatedly. Just how many goals could we have won that game by exactly? Should Mayenda get more of a chance midweek or does Connolly have a shout for a place? Is Patrick Roberts just misunderstood? Are people not seeing what he offers us or is he not offering enough of what we need? How much rotation will we see from RLB on Tuesday when we face a Bristol City side with a decent away record... Who starts in that back line and who gets dropped? Does Luke O'Nien make way for Ballard and Mepham or does Ballard sit the game out? Will this decision mean anything longer term? Martin goes full ragebait, Gav has some plugs for you and the lads try to find something significant to complain about. Aye. All this and more. Once again - please and only if you can - donate to our annual SCSK Christmas fundraiser by clicking on this link or heading over to the Roker Report site for more info! If you can't donate then a share will do! Thank you! #EFL #SAFC #EFLChampionship #SoupKitchen24 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

He is reincarnated, he is stargazing, and he's looking for vengeance because he's angry. K Dot released a new album called GNX on Friday, and everybody was talking about it. But today, I want to have a different conversation about what this album means. Aye, Kendrick, if you're watching by any chance, please sit. I have a couple of questions. Links: https://www.instagram.com/ericcurryiii/ https://www.instagram.com/artsblockpodcast/ https://linktr.ee/ArtsBlock?fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAabJYlak5RB1Yq9V2YK47d9oiclBLFoJq7ajHsVix0oaZMitcoYiQgpapb4_aem_J5B-2lKd0kEfbTN5KVlDmA --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/eric-curry-iii/support

Episode description: We continue our campaign to #EndNeurophobia, with the help of Dr. Aaron Berkowitz. This time, Bayan presents a case of headache and seizure to Aye. Neurology DDx Schema Aye Chan Moe Thant ( @AyeThant94 ) Aye is a physician from Myanmar and now working as a clinical research team member at the Department… Read More »Episode 366: Neurology VMR – Headache and Seizure

Aye after a short but some might say blessed period where their editor lost his hearing and everyone lost their shit (it was peaceful my end at least) the lads returned to talk about how much they hate these breaks, before sort of contradicting themselves a bit whilst trying to look back on the last few fixtures with a little bit of perspective and of course ahead to December. What's the crack? Club before country - Have we mentioned how much we hate not just international breaks, but international fixtures? Aye that hasn't changed at all. Safe to say reaction not just to Coventry, which the lads discuss a fair bit here, but just to the last few draws has cast a bit of a shadow on our achievements so far; Are Gav and Chris as concerned? Does this say more about the rising expectations that come with our position in the league? The Coventry draw was definitely a situation where two points were lost, but is it a sign of anything significant besides just being a bit too relaxed coming back out and a few slices of luck for them in that second half? Injuries - Apparently Romaine Mundle is looking at a while out and Browne won't be available for a little while either so which players would be looking to take advantage of this? Ahead of Millwall and the puzzle presented to Regis Le Bris given Jobe Bellingham, Trai Hume and Patrick Roberts are suspended.. what are we expecting Regis to do? Will he actually look at a different formation and setup? Would he consider a switch to three at the back? Luckily it's not up to us like…All this and more! Ha'way the Lads! #SAFC #EFL #EFLChampionship Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome to Front End Chatter, Britain's nerdiest motorcycling podcast with him Martin Fitz-Gibbons, and him, Simon Hargreaves, supported in our double century of biking chatter by Bennetts, the UK's best bike insurance bods of whom let it not be said by any man nor woman nor anyone in between that they take the money and thank you very much. Bennetts put more back into biking than any other insurance company by an absolute country mile, and that's a fact. For example, there's BikeSocial.co.uk, the website with the news, reviews and booze, and Bennetts' mighty YouTube channel with tons of cool consumer content, and bikeclub.bennetts.co.uk – a forum to ask your questions and find your answers.  Right, welcome to Episode 200 – or not, as it turns out – of the podcast... and to be honest, it's a tough listen. For a start, we're both a bit under the weather, and then we completely geek-out over a three-cylinder Honda concept bike for like, about an hour, of informed speculation (him) and idle ignorance (me). And if it's going to make any sense at all you really need to be looking at the pics of the bike while we natter, and have watched the video of which we speak. Here, if you're interested (and I really don't blame you if you're not) are some links to where you can find this stuff:  Video is here: https://youtu.be/nkv9CGYHdik?si=SIwQ7Fw2rCBguMUm Pics are here: https://global.honda/en/newsroom/news/2024/c241105ceng/image_download.html?from=newslink_media We encourage you to look at them as we speak – otherwise everything we say makes even less sense than it would otherwise.  We also mention a few other things, like Suzuki's wonderful new (no, they really are) DR-Z4 and DR-Z4SM – a pair of deliciously simple green-lane and urban supermoto 400cc singles. Yes please.  We also natter about KTM's ongoing financial woes, plus the revamped 1390 SDGT and 390 Adventure. And a few other new bikes, and more musings from the FECsack – please keep your missives, thoughts, queries and offers of help with the garden coming to:  anything@frontendchatter.com Thank you for making it this far, and fingers crossed we won't be quite so ill and tedious on the next one. Aye! @SimonHbikes @Mufga

Episode title: Episode 359 Neurology VMR – altered mental status Episode description: We continue our campaign to #EndNeurophobia, with the help of Dr. Aaron Berkowitz. This time, Vale presents a case of altered mental status to Aye. Neurology DDx Schema Aye Chan Moe Thant Aye graduated from University of Medicine, Mandalay, Myanmar, and has been… Read More »Episode 359: Neurology VMR – altered mental status