Torah of Conversation

Over the past 14 months, since we published our last podcast, we have been hard at work developing, applying, and teaching the pedagogy and skills of self-reflection and growth through language and finding voice. This will be the last episode of a New Conversation with Chanie and Peretz. Moving forward our podcast will be called the Torah of Conversation! This episode, recorded in front of a live audience, is a reflective conversation on our 21 years at Brandeis and our dream for the future. The conversation is skillfully moderated by the Jacob S. Potofsky Professor Emerita of Sociology, Shulamit Reinharz. We invite you to join us in upcoming episodes as we explore the torah of conversation.

Grab a drink of your choice and join us in the Chein living room! In this episode you will hear exactly what a conversation using the three steps of ‘let-it-land', ‘tell- me-more', and ‘name the thing' can sound like. Through a real conversation about concerns surrounding the upcoming Passover holiday, we move away from the abstract to explicitly model what happens when using these three tools and demonstrate how it can lead to a more productive conversation.

‘Naming the thing' is critical in taking a conversation to a new level and greater depth.  In this episode, we share what naming the thing has done to our relationships with others and each other. ‘Naming the thing' is about putting forward what is unsaid but fully present, taking up space, or weighing heavily on either of the participants. We explore what prevents “naming the thing” and what can happen when done well.

In this episode, we share three simple words that can make any conversation deeper, more thoughtful, and more productive: Tell Me More. When you invite someone to “tell me more,” you're inviting them to look within themselves and open up another layer to the conversation. The listener's role becomes less about offering advice or solutions to a problem but supporting the other's own exploration. Not only does this help the one sharing their feelings, but it also strengthens the relationship between the two in conversation.

Think about a recent conversation you had with someone. Did you find yourself formulating a response in your head before the other person finished their thought? In this episode, we talk about the value of “letting it land” - taking in what someone is offering to you in a conversation, pausing, and then engaging with a response.  We also discuss how important it is to have conversations with those you love, even when a relationship feels perfectly fine as is. It is about digging deeper and opening up a richness that can only be accessed through conversation.

What prevents someone from having a conversation? Often people want easy life fixes; they turn to self-help books or TED Talks or lectures telling them how to solve their problems. This keeps someone from looking inside themselves, considering their reality, and engaging with it alongside another person. In this podcast, we discuss these conversation preventers and others. Instead of turning to others for fixes, we encourage the practice of conversation.

Chanie and Peretz continue the conversation about approaching Judaism and life from a healthy, wholesome perspective. Chanie shares what has driven her to speak on this topic - her upbringing in a community that often demanded her identity be completely centered around Jewish expectations, as well as her current roles as a mother, a wife, and a mentor. Both also share how their approach to engaging students and adults with Judaism has evolved to allow a broader discussion not based on Jewish text alone, but around one's personal experience and one's whole, authentic self.

In this episode, Chanie and Peretz frame an ongoing conversation about what it means to consider the interplay of life and Judaism. They suggest that for many, the demands of life can take priority, relegating Judaism to the backseat. The opposite also occurs - Judaism is the only way one knows how to approach the world, which can prevent them from taking an honest look at the dynamics in their lives and their relationships. With these possibilities, how can one live Jewishly, so to speak, through their own lens? Chanie and Peretz suggest the best way of thinking about this question is through conversation that allows for deep and honest thinking about the role Judaism plays in our lives, and vice versa.  Read a full transcript of this episode https://anewconvo.com/navigating-the-intersection-of-life-and-judaism/ (here). Visit www.m54.co

The raw intimacy between a committed couple nurtures their overall relationship and also reflects it, for better or worse. In this episode we reflect on conversations we had with committed couples exploring this critical yet often insufficiently discussed topic. A video recording of this conversation can be viewed at https://anewconvo.com/wp-admin/www.M54.co (www.M54.co). We welcome your thoughts and feedback.

In this episode titled, 'Our Narratives', we begin a new series of conversations on topics we've explored with various groups, or as we call them pods, in M54.  Our narratives guide us through life and usually enter the room before we do. The narratives handed to us are layered with the ones we create on our own. Some we adapt and others we discard. Our navigation through them is perhaps the story of our lives. In this conversation we explore some of the dynamics that make up our narratives. A full list of topics as well as a video recording of this conversation can be found on the M54 website, https://anewconvo.com/wp-admin/M54.co (M54.co). If there is a particular topic from that list that you would like us to discuss, let us know! 

We've not published a podcast since the onset of Covid-19 in March. At first, like many, we were bewildered and living in a sort of haze. Then in the later weeks we began exploring something we've been dreaming of for some time. Here is that story. A video recording of this conversation can be viewed at www.m54.co.

Being in a healthy relationship with someone demands that the character of the people be present and vibrant. Paying someone to begin a relationship with Judaism taints the potency of it. In this podcast we discuss our drive and commitment to nurture people's characters in order to be in a healthy relationship with Judaism. *OT [Our Thoughts] are episodes in which Chanie and Peretz discuss the previous episode's conversation with a guest.

Rabbi Beryl Gershenfeld is a pioneer in Jewish college student engagement who introduced a new, yet old method, to engage college students in Jewish learning. Namely, to pay them. His success has spawned other organizations, including Chabad, to imitate it. We disagree with this approach and in this episode the issue is debated.

Community is deeply formative in people's lives and how we navigate it plays a large part in forming who we are. Identifying its complexities is vital in knowing how to harness its benefits and avoid its landmines. In this episode we explore it from our personal observations and experiences. *OT [Our Thoughts] are episodes in which Chanie and Peretz discuss the previous episode's conversation with a guest.

Listen to the story of a person belonging to a prominent Talmudic and Chassidic family, and deeply immersed in Torah learning and Mitzvot observance, whose Jewish void was filled by Chabad. For anyone who cares to understand Chabad beyond the hugs and chicken soup, his tale is a window into the undercurrent of Chabad. 

Engaging in an immersive Jewish learning experience can be transformative but at times also unhealthy. It also seems off putting to the average individual who desires to engage in immersive Jewish learning. An institution that can dance between being immersive but not yet transformative does not exist. It's hight time it does. Perhaps this will bridge the enormous gap between the huge number of students connecting to Judaism on college campuses and the relatively small number engaging in immersive Jewish learning. *OT [Our Thoughts] are episodes in which Chanie and Peretz discuss the previous episode's conversation with a guest.

The stampede towards a career begins with college graduation, and perhaps even earlier. Andrew Jacobson '19 stepped out of that rush and dedicated a year to Torah study.  What was his calculation? What does he fear about this decision? Why is he so unconventional amongst today's young adults?

A view under the hood of the making of a New Conversation with Chanie and Peretz as we conclude our first year and two seasons of podcasting.

Often, for both the frequent and infrequent visitors to the synagogue, it feels more like entering a classroom where you’re expected to follow the instructions of the Prayer Book and Rabbi, than a place of spiritual connection to the Divine. Listen to a new language that transforms the experience from a classroom to a playground. Have fun!

To renew is to be excited about life and ultimately to grow. A prerequisite though is commitment. With its combined power and pain it provides us the ability to bring our whole self forward in ways otherwise not possible. We share our reflections and personal experience on commitment and its impact.

In our desire to grow, and even become more attractive, we easily fall for the enticing assumption that it’s to be achieved by highlighting what seems appealing about ourselves. In fact though Teshuva teaches us that in the parts which we bury and hide is where the power for growth and life exists.

It's been two months since we last published a podcast. Though we had a number of episodes prepared for publishing we took an impromptu break as we experienced a personal and professional recalibration. In this conversation we discuss it.

Judaism is indeed about the mission of Tikkun Olam – and viewing it otherwise comes with consequences – only the Olam is not the conventional one.   Listen and share your thoughts at anewconvo.com or Facebook.com/anewconvo.  This podcast series was sponsored by Dana ‘14 and Tzvi Simpson. To sponsor future podcasts email chanie@anewconvo.com.

For adults, adapting Judaism needs to be an informed choice, otherwise the consequences are dire. We explore the reasons to buy in or not to buy in. Current efforts on the part of Judaism’s marketers (i.e. educational and outreach institutions) to make it more appealing are futile. We conclude with offering a new language and paradigm to view Judaism.

A pyramid begins with an expansive area that peaks at the top in a narrow space. Is Chabad similarly structured with the bottom being open to all, but as one reaches higher it becomes narrower and more exclusive? Listen as we create a new paradigm in understanding our structure and objective.

What impact does Chabad at Brandeis seek to have on students? How are they to live differently as a result? How is Chabad's objective different than Hillel, Maor, JLIC or other campus organizations? Listen as Chanie and Peretz, in their signature style, remove the curtain from this topic.

Recently we renewed our invitation to students to become Shareholders of Chabad at Brandeis. This was done most notably by dedicating a Shabbat Dinner for students who are Shareholders. The response to these efforts has exposed students' characteristics that as educators we failed to address sooner. Our unquestionable successes would easily provide us with the wool to cover our eyes, to use the metaphor, and assuage what we are experiencing. Instead, it has reinforced our determination to rise to the challenge and become more effective educators. This is the first in a series of new podcasts that will be conversations between us on a variety of topics. Your thoughts and feedback are welcome on our site, http://www.anewconvo.com (www.anewconvo.com), or on facebook.com/anewconvo. Thank you, Chanie and Peretz PS. You can learn about what a Shareholder is about at http://www.chabadshares.com/brandeis (www.chabadshares.com/brandeis)

A month ago Rabbi Avremi Zippel son of the Chabad Rabbi in Salt Lake City, Utah, and today himself a young Chabad Rabbi there, publicly shared how he was sexually abused from the age of 8 to 18. His story, published in Utah's Desert News created tremendous waves, and I am personally moved to speak with him in our latest podcast. Our conversation explores deeper nuances of what he experienced and its aftermath.  Summary: – Shame is a severe, if not worse, than the abuse itself. – The change I want to effect. – The intersection between Judaism and sexual abuse. Read Rabbi Zippel’s detailed story as published in Utah’s Desert News https://www.deseretnews.com/article/900054112/exclusive-a-utah-orthodox-rabbi-said-his-childhood-nanny-sexually-abused-him-for-10-years-heres-why-he-kept-it-a-secret-for-decades-and-he-decided-to-tell-his-story-for-the-first-time-elizabeth-smart-aly-raisman-me-too.html (here).

Guest: Joy Ladin, professor at Yeshiva University's Stern College for Women, and an award winning author and poet. Host: Peretz Summary: – Living without being seen. – The similarity between transgender and becoming religious. – Being accepting of transgender when tradition seems to reject it.

Guest: Jonathan Neumann, author of, “To Heal the World?: How the Jewish Left Corrupts Judaism and Endangers Israel.” Host: Peretz Summary: – Judaism has become a slave to liberal politics. – Traditional Judaism has failed to create a redemptive vision. – The book is very blunt and harsh, why? Click https://www.amazon.com/Heal-World-Corrupts-Judaism-Endangers/dp/1250160871/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1550022130&sr=8-1&keywords=neumann+jonathan (here) to purchase the book.

Guest: Chairman of a Fortune 500 Company Host: Peretz Summary: – From believing in public school and rejecting parochial school, to supporting Jewish Day Schools. – “Jewish continuity is important to me, why it's important I can't tell you.” – The challenges of wealth.  

Guest: Noah Rabinsky ’06, Principal of Summerfield Capital Management Host: Peretz Summary: – What’s the need for Judaism when doing good? – Why aren’t most people spiritual and givers? – Everyone should be a philanthropist.

Guest: Chanie and Peretz Chein Host: Yael Asen '08 Summary: – Paying students to Torah is akin to the oldest profession. – Making a critical pivot requires courage and humility. – What is the objective behind our podcasts.

Guest: Chanie and Peretz Chein Host: Yael Asen ’08 Summary: – What sets Chabad apart from all other Jewish organizations that can’t be mimicked? – We no longer believe in some of the assumptions we began with in our early years. – A new language needs to emerge and we are willing to engage with it.

The conversation continues from Part 1. Guest: Dr. Ariella Morrow '06 Host: Chanie Summary: – Shedding the shame – How G-d and faith nurtured self acceptance – Shame and sexuality in parenting Sponsored by: Dr. Ariella Morrow '06. To sponsor future podcasts email peretz@anewconvo.com  

Guest: Dr. Ariella Morrow ’06 Host: Chanie Summary: – Being sexually assaulted as a 17 year old studying in Israel. – The self blame and silence. – The drive to share it now.

Guest: See Part 1 of this episode. Summary: – The death of spirituality. – What I learned in a Mosque that I don’t find in a Synagogue. – The failure of parents and educators towards today’s youth.

Guest: A successful businessman who raised a beautiful family in an Orthodox community to which he is committed to. Yet he calls out the bigotry he finds within it towards the “other”, and welcomes the inspiration he finds in other religions and non-Jews . Summary: – I had a sense of superiority to my Jewish girlfriend who knew less about Judaism than me. – Though I understand the bigotry that possessed my parents, I reject it. – To Peretz, “Would you allow your children to marry a new-comer to Chabad or a convert to Judaism”?

Guest: See Part 1 of this episode. Summary: – Why she does not want the title Rabbi. – Her unique place at Yeshivat Maharat. – To Peretz, “What do you think about female Orthodox Rabbis?”

Guest: A young woman studying to become an Orthodox Rabbi at Yeshivat Maharat in NY; a trailblazing and controversial institution that ordains female Orthodox Rabbis. Summary: – Why does she want to become a Rabbi. – Lack of discussion about G-d at the Rabbinical school. – Revitalizing an outdated and failing context of Judaism.

Guest: See Part 1 of this episode. Summary: – What would he be missing if Judaism disappeared from the world. – Apathy to Israel amongst students, wishing there was even some anti-Israel activities at Brandeis. – Will you marry Jewish? Essay: An essay reflecting on the conversation titled https://anewconvo.com/blog/apathy-or-fear-or-maybe-a-bit-of-both/ (Apathy or Fear; or Maybe a Bit of Both). Students Talk: A video of a conversation with a group of Brandeis students about this podcast titled https://vimeo.com/294488665 (Zionism, Apathy and Fear on Campus).

Guest: A current student at Brandeis University completing his Freshman year. He grew up in an Orthodox Jewish home and while in High School rejected the Jewish observances he grew up with. Summary: – Conversations amongst students at Brandeis lacks substance and mostly revolves around personal feelings. – Replacing the Judaism he practiced growing up, with one he discovered in Israel. – The future of the Jewish People is in Israel not in the United States. Essay: An essay reflecting on the conversation titled https://anewconvo.com/blog/this-is-our-first-test-essay/ (Lowest Denominator Connects | Leaving Orthodoxy | Proud Jew | Only Israel). Students Talk: A video of a conversation with a group of Brandeis students about this podcast titled https://vimeo.com/293267822 (Tension in Judaism).