Your Partner’s Addiction

Has your partner said they want to change their substance use or behavior, but hasn't taken action on it yet? Today I'll talk about a common mistake you may be making when it comes to supporting your partner's journey. Support the showReady to implement what you're learning from the podcast? Click here to join the Your Partner's Addiction program.

It's not your fault that you've experienced trauma in your life - or in this relationship. But you may be holding yourself back from healing from that trauma with the way you're thinking about it. In today's episode, you'll learn:The difference between experiencing trauma and identifying with itA simple exercise to see what's actually going on in your relationship, and...Build the skill of listening your inner voiceMentioned in this episode:Follow me on Threads!Podcast episode: I'm Done Talking About AbuseClick here from your phone to text me for more info about the Your Partner's Addiction ProgramSupport the showReady to implement what you're learning from the podcast? Click here to work with Karilyn.

Have you ever felted forced to set a boundary or make a decision you didn't want to make about your relationship because of your partner's addiction?Today I'm going to share a client story to illustrate how this could be creating a lot of pain in your life. You'll learn how your brain is holding you hostage, what to do instead.Mentioned in today's episode:The Freedom of Choice in Addiction The Your Partner's Addiction coaching programSupport the showReady to implement what you're learning from the podcast? Click here to work with Karilyn.

In today's episode I'll explore how this one little phrase, "But, I love them" can become an excuse for you to give up the things you truly want in a relationship and in life. To register for this weekend's Create Your Boundaries workshop, text "workshop" to 971-257-1615 or click here: https://www.karilynivers.com/workshopSupport the showReady to implement what you're learning from the podcast? Click here to work with Karilyn.

Have you ever found yourself questioning if the problems in your relationship stem from you or your partner's actions? I share a story about a client who grappled with her husband's marijuana use, and how it affected their relationship. Throughout this episode, we discuss how to reframe the "is it me or them" question to focus on both partners' roles and the importance of setting healthy boundaries to maintain a genuine connection.To learn more about the Create Your Boundaries workshop, click here: karilynivers.com/workshopSupport the showReady to implement what you're learning from the podcast? Click here to work with Karilyn.

Today I'm answering your questions! We cover:Dealing with unpredictable behaviorLetting go when it's no longer good for youNot letting your life revolve around your partnerEncouraging your partner to be "productive"Is their addiction really worth the negatives?Support the showReady to implement what you're learning from the podcast? Click here to work with Karilyn.

Overwhelm is your brain's shut off valve. Helpful if you're trying to conserve energy, but not helpful if your relationship sucks and you need to do something about it. In today's episode you'll learn:Common thoughts that create overwhelmA simple shift to move into actionSupport the showReady to implement what you're learning from the podcast? Click here to work with Karilyn.

This week I interview special guest Dorothy Johnson, who specializes in helping people get over their ex. Tune in to learn WHY you're actually struggling to get over your ex, and how you can finally do it for good - then build a life that is bigger and better than the one you thought you'd have with them. Next week, November 1st-4th is a week of FREE coaching open to the public with me and guest coach Jen. Click here to register!

In planning for my maternity leave (early 2023), I've brought on an AMAZING guest coach to serve the Your Partner's Addiction group coaching program while I'm recovering and adjusting to life as a new mom. In this episode you'll meet your guest coach and find out exactly why I chose her as the perfect fit to coach you while I'm away. To sign up for a week of FREE COACHING with me and Jen in November, click here. 

Being self aware is what makes us human - it's what makes us different than all the other creatures of the earth. So it makes sense that building our self awareness is a main goal of life. In this episode, I'll share the Four Stages of Awareness so you can see where you are right now regarding your partner's addiction - and understand the FULL experience of what life can be like. To schedule a free consultation call with me this week, click here. For more information and the full show notes, visit karilynivers.com/podcast/s2e31

As a follow up to my most popular podcast episode (How to Deal With Lying), today I explore WHY your partner lies to you. Hint: there is only ONE reason. To schedule a free consultation with me this week, click here. For more information and the full show notes, visit karilynivers.com/podcast/s2e30

Do you feel guilt tripped by your partner in their recovery? Maybe they want more trust than they've earned simply because they've been sober for a while. My clients struggle with this often, and today I'm going to outline exactly how to handle this dilemma in a healthy way. To schedule a free consultation with me this week, click here. For more information and the full show notes, visit karilynivers.com/podcast/s2e29

This week I'm answering a question from one of YOU! If you struggle with not letting your partner's use ruin your whole day, tune in to learn what you can do about it now. To schedule a free consultation with me and learn more about the Your Partner's Addiction group coaching program, click here. For more information and the full show notes, visit karilynivers.com/podcast/s2e28

Sometimes it's obvious when someone has a "problem" with substance use. Other times, it's not so clear cut. In today's episode I'll talk about what's important when evaluating your relationship with someone who has questionable substance use, and what your options are when you realize their substance use doesn't work for you. To schedule a free call about the Your Partner's Addiction group coaching program, click here. For more information and the full show notes, visit karilynivers.com/podcast/s2e27

I LOVE when my mentors talk about THEIR mentors. The people they learned from and the impact they had on their lives. So today I'm going to share the 8 coached I've worked with in the last 4 years and exactly HOW they've helped me get from where I was to where I am today. For more information and the full show notes (including links to all the coaches mentioned in this episode) visit karilynivers.com/podcast/s2e26.To join the Your Partner's Addiction group program, click here.

For the second time on the podcast, you get to listen in as I coach someone on their thoughts about their relationship. In this episode you'll get insight around why you might have a hard time trusting your partner, why you feel the need to avoid being lied to or tricked, and how you can meet your own needs for certainty and safety in a healthy way. If you'd like to join the August round of the Your Partner's Addiction group program, click the link to schedule a free consultation THIS WEEK: karilynivers.com/work-with-karilynFor more information and the full show notes, visit karilynivers.com/podcast/s2e25

It's easy to spin out in fear and worry when your partner drink or uses (or even when they're sober). However, those emotions DO have a practical reason for being there. In this episode, learn how your fear and worry can HELP you and what to do about it. To join the next group of the Your Partner's Addiction group coaching program, schedule a free consultation here: karilynivers.com/work-with-karilynFor more information and the full show notes, visit karilynivers.com/podcast/s2e24

Why is it so scary to let go of controlling your partner's behavior? This week I'll give you the reason your brain compels you to control your partner and why it's actually safe to let go of this control. To join the Your Partner's Addiction group program, text the word GROUP to 971-257-1615 or visit karilynivers.com/work-with-karilynFor more information and the full show notes, visit karilynivers.com/podcast/s2e23

For the first time in 2 years of the podcast, you get to listen as I coach someone LIVE! In this episode you'll learn how you can start living your life on purpose instead of using your partner's addiction as an excuse to not make decisions.To pre-enroll in the Your Partner's Addiction group coaching program by June 13th, text GROUP to 971-257-1615 or click here: https://www.karilynivers.com/work-with-karilynFor the full show notes and more information, visit karilynivers.com/podcast/s2e22

You've been told that addiction is a disease, but deep down, you're not sure that's 100% true. In this episode, I'm going to suss out another option I've been wrestling with myself: that heavy substance use (any substance use, really) is a choice made for many different reasons - and there's one KEY element that must exist for someone to make a choice to reduce or quit their substance use. To pre-enroll in the Your Partner's Addiction program, text the word GROUP to 971-257-1615 or visit karilynivers.comFor more information and the full show notes, visit karilynivers.com/podcast/s2e21

In this second episode in my mini series about personal change, you'll learn what actually happens in your life after you commit to creating change for YOURSELF instead of waiting for your partner to change their addictive behavior. To pre-enroll in the Your Partner's Addiction group coaching program (and claim a 1:1 welcome call with me) click here: https://www.karilynivers.com/work-with-karilynFor more information and the full show notes, visit karilynivers.com/s2e20

You might think that it's your PARTNER who needs to change. After all, they're the one with an addiction. Except you can't afford to wait for them to change before you choose to create something new for yourself. In today's episode I'll explore how important it is for you to choose change for YOU, even if your partner isn't changing. Click here to pre-enroll in the group coaching program and claim your 1:1 welcome call with me! https://www.karilynivers.com/work-with-karilynFor more information and full show notes, visit karilynivers.com/podcast/s2e19

If you've ever tried to get your partner to come to an agreement with you about how they will change their addictive behavior, you know that it almost always ends in frustration and resentment.In today's episode I'll cover why agreements DON'T work, and what to do instead. Click here to text the word GROUP to join the group coaching waitlist.For more information and full show notes, visit karilynivers.com/podcast/s2e18

Your brain is always trying to keep you safe. If you struggle with codependency, you may notice that you want to say the right thing in order to keep your partner from getting mad at you or making you feel bad for your thoughts/feelings/boundaries. This coping mechanism has kept you safe in the past - but what happens when this strategy stops working?This week, I'll discuss:Why you want to say the right thingWhen it doesn't workWhat to DO when saying the right thing stops workingTo schedule a consultation to work with me, text the words FREE CALL to 971-257-1615.For the full show notes, visit karilynivers.com/podcast/s2e17

Lack of self confidence is a common problem for those who struggle with codependency. But it doesn't have to be! This week I'll teach you exactly what self confidence is, why you don't have it, and how to use your relationship as an opportunity to create more of it!To schedule a free consultation with me, text FREE CALL to 971-257-1615.For the full show notes, visit karilynivers.com/podcast/s2e16.

Many of you have a child with your partner (or ex) who struggles with addiction. Today I brought on co-parenting expert Jay Skibbens to talk about:Examining the way you view your co-parentHow to handle a high conflict co-parentSafety issues vs. personal preference when parentingFind Jay on Instagram @jayskibbensFor more information and the full show notes, visit karilynivers.com/podcast/s2e15

When you're wanting to end a relationship with someone struggling with addiction, you may be afraid that you'll never find another partner with whom you could have such a strong emotional connection. In this episode, you'll learn:WHY you have a strong connection with your current partner (or ex)How you can create an intense connection with ANYONE you wantHow to set yourself up for a healthy relationship To schedule a free consultation to work with me, text FREE CALL to 971-257-1615 or click here to the full show notes and link: karilynivers.com/podcast/s2e14

It's easy to stay in the "addiction world" when you have a partner in recovery - or when you've moved on from a partner who struggles with addiction. This week I want to give you a NEW resource - a coach you can go to when your relationship is GOOD, but you still have some trouble managing your mind. Katrin Berndt is the Grumpy Girlfriend coach and she's sharing her tips for how you can actually ENJOY your relationship.Visit Katrin's website at katrinberndt.comFor more information and the full show notes, visit karilynivers.com/podcast/s2e13

Healthy boundaries can save your relationship and even save your life. The problem is, you have no idea what your boundaries are, let alone how to set them. Many try and fail because of how their partner reacts to their boundaries. Join me for Boundary Week - you'll learn how to identify your boundary, communicate it to your partner (the right way), and follow through no matter how your partner reacts to it. To register, text “boundary week” to 971-257-1615 or visit karilynivers.com/boundaryweek.For more information and the full show notes, visit karilynivers.com/podcast/s2e12

This week you get to hear Katherine's story. A client of mine who implemented a simple boundary that ultimately led to what has become a fulfilling, positive relationship with her partner. For more information about coaching and the full episode show notes, visit karilynivers.com/podcast/s2e11

When we've gone through an unwanted or traumatic experience, the last thing we want is to take responsibility for it, because that implies that we've done something wrong. But what if that's not the case at all? In this episode I'll lay out why claiming responsibility for unwanted experiences is an EMPOWERING choice to make every time. For more information and the full show notes, visit karilynivers.com/podcast/s2e10

This week my client Lana is joining me to tell us about the FIRST real boundary she ever set in her relationship. Boundaries are a personal choice - different for everyone. That's why this will be an ongoing series so you can hear from different people what their first boundary was, what was difficult, what was surprising about it, and how they felt after finally being successful with boundaries!For more information and full show notes, including the link to sign up to work with me before the end of 2021, visit karilynivers.com/podcast/s2e9.

It's time for you to hear the beautiful truth about addiction. Not that it's a disease, or a choice, or a life sentence, but in fact it's a portal to the most important human experience: creating more of who we really are. Get ready to feel a deep resonance with the ideas discussed here today, hopefully spoken in a new way that can open up more possibilities for you.Visit Drew Wild on Instagram @drew_wild. For more information and the full show notes, including a full transcript, visit karilynivers.com/podcast/s2e8.Chapters:0:38 Beginning of Interview1:53 Drew's Experience of Addiction24:44 Drew's Philosophy on Addiction39:46 What to do when YOU'RE doing the work and your partner isn't42:42 What you CAN do when your partner is in active addiction53:50 Drew's thoughts on the "disease model" of addiction

The way our society spends so much time talking about what we hate is exhausting. In this episode I'll explain why I'm no longer going to talk about abuse in my content and what I'll be doing instead. For more information and full show notes, visit karilynivers.com/podcast/s2e7

Today's podcast will answer questions about how to come to terms with your family being disconnected by addiction, how to stay focused at work instead of worrying about your partner drinking and lying about it, and the biggest obstacle we face when setting boundaries. For more information and the full show notes, visit karilynivers.com/podcast/s2e6

Have you been told that you won't be able to heal unless you leave your relationship? Many of my clients have been told this by therapists - and yet, that didn't help them heal. In this episode I'll walk you through how I coached someone on this very topic, and some things you may want to consider when asking yourself this question. To request to work with me 1:1, click this link and text me the word "invite".  (If the link isn't clickable for you, simply text "invite" to 971-257-1615)For more information and full show notes, visit www.karilynivers.com/podcast/s2e5

I have a life changing book recommendation for you today. Yes, LIFE CHANGING. If you have struggled with understanding why you choose the partners you've chosen in your life, and wondered HOW to change your unhealthy patterns, this is the only book you need to gain a full understanding and learn practical steps to know what to do differently now and in the future. *This is NOT a paid review, I have no affiliation with the author or publisher. For more information and full show notes, visit karilynivers.com/podcast/s2e4

Feeling an intense connection with someone feels AMAZING. And yet, it doesn't always mean what we think it means about the relationship. In this episode, you'll learn:A new way to think about connectionWhat true compatibility isWhat to do if you're not in a compatible relationshipFor more information and the full show notes, visit karilynivers.com/podcast/s2e3

When you're experiencing an intense connection with someone, it feels like the love you have for them makes up for all of the other crap in the relationship. I certainly felt this way. In this episode, I'll read an excerpt of my old journal and compare that with how I see relationships now. You'll learn:When love isn't enough to sustain a long term relationshipWhat to do when the partner you love isn't showing up in a healthy way Enrollment to work with me opens August 2nd! To request an invitation to work with me 1:1, text "invite" to 971-257-1615.For more information and full show notes, visit karilynivers.com/podcast/s2e2

In the Season 2 premiere, I answer your questions about being in a relationship with someone struggling with addiction. I'll cover questions about boundaries, to fears of making your partner's condition worse, to dealing with disapproving family. For a list of each question with clickable links to jump to the question you'd like to listen to, visit karilynivers.com/podcast/s2e1 and click the "bulleted list" icon in the podcast player. 

In the Season 1 FINALE, I interview four of my current clients so you can hear what practical success looks like when you're in a relationship with someone struggling with addiction. Sometimes success means setting your first boundary. Sometimes success means leaving for good. It's different for everyone, and it's never perfect - so enjoy listening to stories from real humans who are in the midst of their experience just like you. For more information and full show notes, visit karilynivers.com/podcast/5000:01:18 - Introducing themselves00:06:06 - Before and after coaching00:28:20 - Biggest boundary wins!00:53:03 - Advice for my listeners01:03:58 - How to work with me

Death from addiction and other mental health issues is not discussed out in the open very often because we're not really sure what to say or what to do when we experience the death of a partner. Even if you haven't lost a loved one to addiction, you experience grief in your relationship. In this episode, I'll walk you through how to process grief. For more information and full show notes, visit karilynivers.com/podcast/49

What is the point of this relationship in your life? Only you get to decide. In this episode you'll learn how to discover your relationship's purpose, step by step. For more information and full show notes, visit karilynivers.com/podcast/48

The world usually frames things as either "right or wrong", creating a lot of existential angst and perfectionist trauma for many of us. In this episode, I'm going to explore the idea that mistakes don't really exist, and why that's a phenomenal thing for humanity. For more information and full show notes, visit karilynivers.com/podcast/47

It’s so fascinating that we think we need to hide our emotional experience so that we don’t “rock the boat” in our relationship. We think we’re creating more connection, but really we’re creating DISconnection by not being honest about what’s going on inside of us. Are you consciously (or unconsciously) hiding your real emotions in your relationship? Learn what you need to overcome and how to do it in order to show up as a more authentic version of yourself.For more information and full show notes, visit karilynivers.com/podcast/46

One of the most common issues among my clients is lack of boundaries around finances. If you struggle with resentment after loaning money and not getting it back, or if you find yourself skimping out on your own needs just to help your partner pay their bills, this episode is for you. For more information and full show notes - including link to sign up for the upcoming boundaries workshop, visit karilynivers.com/podcast/45

Many of us are so focused on the challenge we see right in front of us that we miss out on the bigger picture of life. Every decision feels like life or death, every partner needs to be "the one", every pivot feels like a failure. None of this is actually true. Even if your choices aren't the most "efficient" in getting to your life goals, in this episode I'll show you why they're perfect anyway. For more information and the full show notes, visit karilynivers.com/podcast/44

Has your partner relapsed recently? Is there a part of you, even a teeny tiny part, that feels kinda guilty or responsible for your partner's relapse? Well, you're not alone because A LOT of us do. In this episode I'm exploring the ROOT CAUSE of why we feel like this and how to change it. For more information and full show notes, visit karilynivers.com/podcast/43

Obsessive thinking is a VERY common trap for all of my clients who are in relationships with someone struggling with an addiction and even those who have recently ended their relationship. In this episode, you'll learn:What obsessive thinking isHow it creates a thought trap in your brainWhat to do about it For more information and the full show notes, visit karilynivers.com/podcast/42

I have a bit of a different opinion on the whole "narcissist + codependent" thing than most of the internet these days. In this episode, I'm going to explore how we tend to think of narcissists and how that affects US and our own healing. You'll learn:What actually matters when discussing narcissism and what doesn'tHow you may be negatively impacting your own healing How to correct that ;-) 

If you're like most of my clients, you hate conflict. Or, conflict takes over your relationship on a daily basis. In this episode, you'll learn WHY it's so crucial to lean into the discomfort of conflict, how it will improve your relationship, and how to do it. For more information and full show notes, visit karilynivers.com/podcast/40