Zero to Zero

After a normal period of waiting since the last episode, we have made it to part 2 of the Flash. We learn all about this whacky weird world that Old Barry Prime has found himself in, and it turns out everything is mixed up! Eric Stoltz played Marty McFly?? Tom Cruise played who in what?? And on top of it all, there's no metahumans in this version of the timeline! Giga, Sam, and Val brainstorm how to make sure Cyborg's life is still changed forever. The Barrys also learn all about multiverses from Batman 2, who is not Batfleck, but Michael Keaton in a #wigwatch moment. Oh and did we mention Supergirl is here??? There's too much to explain here, you better just listen to the podcast episode. Val | Gigalithic | Sam Twitter | Cohost

They said it couldn't be done! They said it shouldn't be done! Sam has been dragged back kicking and screaming to once again watch a bad-looking movie: The Flash! Is this the worst-looking movie we've ever watched? Possibly! Should this movie exist? Absolutely not! Let's all grit our teeth and try to tolerate two simultaneous Ezras Miller as we investigate the mystery of the 100 CGI mothers and the crunchy purple guy who punched the Flash into last week, literally. Val | Gigalithic | Sam Twitter | Cohost

Supaidaman is back on the scene, ready to kick some ass! But only the asses of specific people who he finds worthy of the effort. This week Giga and Val talk Season 1 Episodes 3 and 4, featuring a truly bug-eyed monster and merman premonitions. Val | Gigalithic Twitter | Cohost

After 400 years, Val heard the telepathic messages Giga has been sending out, asking someone to watch the Spider-Man tokusatsu with them. So here we were! Two out of three of the old gang are back together to watch some more superpowered goofiness, and Spiderman (Japanese)(1978)(TV show) does not disappoint. This show is like taking a ride on the back of a superspeed motorcycle, AKA sick as hell!! This week we meet our main cast of characters, including the roguish Takia, who loves riding his bike and hopes nobody makes him pick up their centuries-long grudge, and Garia, from the planet Spider, who's probably a normal guy. We also meet Professor Monster, and I don't even need to explain his deal. You get it just from the name! This week, Spiderman becomes Spidered, we say hello and goodbye to Professor Yamashiro, and our hero fwip-fwip-fwips his way to victory over two of the funniest looking guys I've ever seen. Unlike our other seasons of Zero to Zero, watching along is highly encouraged. Val | Gigalithic Twitter | Cohost

Well, we finally finished Mystery Men, and the movie didn't get better since last time. In the third act, the Mystery Men gang do a mega whoopsie daisy and superkill the superhero they came to rescue. Oh no! Now it's up the them and their Chekov's Tank to defeat Casanova Frankenstein at his Frankenstein Casa. The hijinks that ensue can only be described as "not actually funny" and "improv'ed whole-cloth." This movie was not good, we're going back to directing commercials now. Jo | Val | Gigalithic Twitter | Cohost

Watch out, here he comes! The racism man is in town and really went bananas on the script for Mystery Men in this part. But that's not all, the movie also does some peak aughties humor that only guys who are NOT gay can pull off. Stay on the lookout for really, really funny jokes such as when a woman, or when a skunk humps someone's leg. It goes on for a long time. We also meet some new characters, some who we enjoyed, and some who are The Spleen. Don't forget to leave a five-star review on itunes if you learned something this episode! Sorry for teaching you the pervert terms, but the movie brought them up first. Jo | Val | Gigalithic Twitter | Cohost

Zero to Zero returns! That's right, everyone is here, Giga, Val, and... Jo??? The gang talks about the first third of the critical darling, 1999's "Mystery Men" starring Ben Stiller, William H. Macy, and Hank Azaria in only his second most problematic role that I can think of. We meet our heroes, villains, antagonistic other heroes, Tom Waits, who is horny for octogenarians, and much more! Val | Gigalithic | Jo Twitter | Cohost

At long last, we have completed this ridiculous project of ours! The Bladetastic Era of Zero to Zero has come to an end, and nothing could be more appropriate than the trash ending Fant4stic gave us. The Fantastic Four finally team up for the first time in this movie, but will it be better than their single team attack in the 2005 movie? Well, it depends if you even count this one as a team attack! Ah, well. It's mostly just a shame that we never got to meet Doctor Doom! Since it's my last episode I'm going to drop the Description Voice here to say thanks for listening to this stupid podcast! It's been a real weird journey that I never expected it to become when I asked if anyone wanted to watch Who Wants to Be a Superhero with me. Thanks to Val and Giga for doing this with me! It's been a lot of fun even though we only watched two good movies, and I look forward to hearing where they take it next. Excelsior! Sam | Val | Gigalithic Twitter | Cohost

We don't have to watch Blade: Trinity anymore! We may never know what really happened behind the scenes that led to this movie being such a disaster, but one thing we know for sure is that it made us sad. We'll always have "suckheads". Join us next week to find out if the third act of Fant4stic is any better than the third act of Blade: Trinity, a question nobody has ever asked before! Sam | Val | Gigalithic Twitter | Cohost

Part 1 of Fant4stic was kind of surprisingly okay, so they decided to take a hard left from generic action-adventure into tragedy and body horror! How will we ever get back to funny prank montages now? More importantly, how will Doctor Doom be the villain? I wish I knew, but unfortunately I'm no expert at pattern recognition! Sam | Val | Gigalithic Twitter | Cohost

We're in the second act of Blade: Trinity, and we've learned some things about this movie! Did you know? Dracula wasn't supposed to be in it! Good luck to us trying to make sense of the plot with that in mind. Meanwhile, Wesley Snipes was supposed to be in it, and allegedly he is! Sometimes! Against all odds, we wish we were watching Fant4stic. Sam | Val | Gigalithic Twitter | Cohost

What's up, wig watchers? It's time for a movie that's been hanging over this podcast for a long time: 2015's Fantastic Four, AKA Fant4stic! It's a more interesting movie than any of us expected, although that does not mean it's good! Victor Von Doom has his highest ever APM (accents per minute) but will it be enough to defeat the Fantastic Four? We'll find out eventually, when they exist! Sam | Val | Gigalithic Twitter | Cohost

Well, we knew it was coming! This week, we're starting Blade: Trinity and the rumors were true. Folks, it's not as good! Wesley Snipes clearly doesn't want to be here, and Sam clearly doesn't want Ryan Reynolds to be here. We've got an ill-defined group of villains digging up an ill-defined bigger villain, so thank goodness for Wikipedia to help us out there. Eh, it's fine. As long as nothing happens to Whistler, the movie can't be that bad! Sam | Val | Gigalithic Twitter | Cohost

We were warned about the ending of Rise of the Silver Surfer, but nothing could have prepared us for just how terrible it is! Why are the Fantastic Four such a terrible team? Good thing Galactus wasn't in this movie, because they'd have had a real hard time dealing with him! Hey, where'd Doctor Doom go? The ocean? Well, bye, I guess! Sam | Val | Gigalithic Twitter | Cohost

Movies are back! We finished Blade II, and it was basically good again! After a somewhat boring second act that was mostly guns and swords, we finally get what we come to Blade for: intrigue, character arcs (alive to exploded), badāsse one-liners, and guns and swords. Let's dive into the blood pool together and be rejuvenated. Bring some tissues and razor blades just in case! Sam | Val | Gigalithic Twitter | Cohost

We're back for more Rise of the Silver Surfer, and the misogyny is getting worse and worse! Did they literally forget that Sue is a scientist? Can she contribute anything to the story besides being Reed's hot girlfriend? Well, maybe after the Wedding of the Century, she'll finally become Reed's hot wife. That's right, it didn't even happen and it's still the only thing the news wants to talk about! Also, the world is ending! Whatever! Sam | Val | Gigalithic Twitter | Cohost

We're back in Blade II this week, and it's an action-heavy second act! Almost everything that happens in this viewing is one of two long action sequences, and we're not entirely thrilled with it. It's still a better woman than Catmovie, as they say, but it's not as good as Blade, as they also say. On the bright side, we're intrigued about the intrigue, so hopefully the third act will be good! Sam | Val | Gigalithic Twitter | Cohost

It's time for the movie of the century! We're starting Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer. So far, it's got all the worst qualities of Fantastic Four, with none of the charm! Our precious Stan Lee is here, of course, but they threw him off the roof for confusing reasons! Jeez! They can't let us have anything. Sam | Val | Gigalithic Twitter | Cohost

This week, we debut our new names as we begin watching Blade II. It's a ridiculous movie full of blood cocaine and guns, and no, I didn't forget a comma there! Hey, I bet Blade would really like the Silver Surfer! That guy could fly through all the vampires and kill them instantly. I wonder if he would be a good fit for the Bloodpack? I guess we'll find out next week! Sam | Val | Gigalithic Twitter | Cohost

Hey, look at us finishing movies two weeks in a row like a normal movie-watching podcast! Never mind how long ago we started them! This week, we finished watching Fantastic Four. A lot happens in the third act. Victor von Doom becomes Doctor Doom. The Thing becomes Ben Grimm. The Human Torch becomes [editor's note: fill in his character arc here when you remember what it was]. Most importantly, Mister Fantastic finally becomes Wolverine. We always knew he had it in him! Sam | Val | Gigalithic Twitter | Cohost

It took two full months, but we have finished Blade at last! It's an unsurprisingly great third act, complete with some extremely cool one-liners and more blood than you could possibly drink. The final battle was with the villain of the movie! Imagine that! They just don't make 'em like this anymore, folks. Good thing there's two more where that came from! People like both of them, right? Sam | Val | Gigalithic Twitter | Cohost

Act 2 of Fantastic 4? Geez, if I wanted to look at all these numbers, I'd go to a library and look up numbers in a book! But it's true, we did watch Fantastic 4 again. There's not a lot of superheroism to be found in this part of the movie, but there is some exquisite supervillainy and enough montages to make a montage of montages. And, perhaps most importantly of all,

Oops, we're back! We got so scared of Thing from the Fantastic Four that we slipped and fell off the Brooklyn Bridge and weren't able to record an episode for over a month. Finally, we're back to watch Blade again! What was happening in this movie again? I don't remember. Stream Chinchin by Bang wa Cherry. Sam | Val | Gigalithic Twitter | Cohost

Alright, I don't think it's a stretch to say that things got a little heated during our previous discussion of Blade. We got a little worked up because of how much this movie rocks, and we all said some things we regret. There's no reason to force a ridiculous format change on our podcast just because it feeled funny at the time. The important thing is, as long as we're all having fun, we're all the victor! Anyway, here's this week's episode. Sam | Val | Gigalithic Twitter | Cohost

Bleh, bleh! I vant to vatch a good movie for a change! Good thing we're starting our journey through the Blade trilogy! Blade is a movie of vampires, but we do the vampire voice less than you'd think. We're too happy to be watching it to think about that stuff! This is the breath of fresh air this podcast needed, and we're all very excited to watch these fantastic films. (People like all three of them, right?) Sam | Val | Gigalithic Twitter

Have we finished Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance? Yes... hell yes! In this breakneck third act, Moreau kills dozens of politicians while Nadya gets a hundred headshots and the devil does yoga. If that doesn't sound like a movie, well, I don't know what to tell you. This week, Nadya sniped. Next week, someone else Snipes! Sam | Val | Gigalithic Twitter

scrape scrape Huh, what's that scraping at the door? Could it be a new episode of Zero to Zero talking about Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance? This week is a week of transformations: an excavator becomes a devil, a man becomes a goblin, and the word vengeance becomes vongeonce. Will the movie transform into a good movie? Maybe if our new goblin can become enough of a bumbling sicko! Find out next week! Sam | Val | Gigalithic Twitter

Blackheart and his band of elemental goons have been defeated, but we're not done with Ghost Rider just yet! This time, we're heading to (checks Wikipedia) Romania for the sequel, Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance! It's grittier and grayer than before - but will we like it? Or is this going to be another Elektra situation? And, dear God, please, WHAT ARE OUR FAVORITE SANDWICHES?! Sam | Val | Gigalithic Twitter

We took a week off to mourn the deaths of Gramble and Alligator or whatever their names were, but we're back to finish Ghost Rider! In the thrilling conclusion, we will finally learn the true identity of Sam Elliott (the previous Ghost Rider?!?!) as well as Mack (a dead guy?!?!) Will Ghost Rider be able to defeat the increasingly pathetic villain? I hope not! We were just starting to like the guy! Sam | Val | Gigalithic Twitter

It took a little while, but we're finally at the part of Ghost Rider with Ghost Rider! Yes, Nicolas Cage's skin has flaked off to reveal a cool skull on fire. Will acclaimed director Mark Steven Johnson make the movie become epic when the action starts? We've got three element-themed bad guys to deal with, so I hope we get to see some classic earth stuff! If not, I'm sure we'll at least have a super normal chat about a guy made of water! Sam | Val | Gigalithic Twitter

Yee-haw! It's finally time for the rootinest, tootinest superhero movie around: Ghost Rider! Nicolas Cage has finally graced our podcast with his whole deal, and it's either good or something, depending on who you ask! We may not all have the same jelly bean drinking glass of choice, but there's one thing we can all agree on: Mark Steven Johnson is the director ever. Pull up a horse and enjoy - but watch out for flaming hoops! Sam | Val | Gigalithic Twitter

What a treat 2011 has for us: it's another third act CGI monster fight! Thank you, Green Lantern! Fortunately, the movie also gives us a fight between two human actors (covered in CGI and throwing CGI at each other!) Will the Green Lantern Corps have anything to do? Sorry, there's no room in the movie for that. We've gotta get one of the worst motivational speeches in movie history from Blake Lively! Why didn't they end up making this into a franchise? Next week, October will truly begin as our podcast gets haunted by a particularly mobile ghost! Sam | Val | Gigalithic Twitter

Do you like LORE?! This is the part of Green Lantern where Hal Jordan gets the Green Lantern Corps' knowledge database put in his head to save time on lore dumps. Naturally, we then get a bunch of lore dumps! Meanwhile, Hector Hammond's head is all weird. He feels great! Sam | Val | Gigalithic Twitter

At long last, we have arrived at the movie that was so disappointing, it delayed the official start of the DCEU: Green Lantern! Is it as bad as people say? Can it possibly be any worse than the actual start of the DCEU? Not really, but that's an extremely high low bar to clear! Keep us in your thoughts as we witness one of the least likeable protagonists we've dealt with so far. At least we've got some familiar faces (unrecognizable beneath the prosthetics and CGI) to keep us company! Sam | Val | Gigalithic Twitter

Thank god, it's our final viewing of Catwoman! Why was this movie so disgusting? In the third act, we're forced to contend with sloppy sushi slurping, smashing Sharing Stone, and a silly sexy sleuth. Still a better love story than Elektra! Next week, we'll be watching something that's been hanging over our heads for a long time now - hopefully we have the willpower to get through it! Sam | Val | Gigalithic Twitter

Despite a whole bunch of computer internet problems, we're back to discuss Catwoman once again! This is the classic part of any superhero movie where our protagonist discovers their powers, robs a jewelry store, rips up a precious gift from their best friends, and eats seven cans of tuna. It's truly a film like any other! Lastly, Sharon Stone lives up to her name - a joke I just came up with right now and wish I had said on the podcast! Oh well! (Thanks to the above mentioned Various Problems, Val's sound quality gets bad partway through this episode. It gets better though! Sorry!) Sam | Val | Gigalithic Twitter

After one of our classic unintended breaks, we're back with Catwoman! Will this movie be as historically terrible as everyone says? As long as it's not as boring as Elektra, I think we'll have a good time either way! We've got Hooba, we've got questionable basketball, what more could you need? Sam | Val | Gigalithic Twitter

Against all odds, we survived Elektra! Truly one of the worst movies we've ever seen, in or out of this podcast. Why are all the supervillains so easy to kill? Why is Elektra so incompetent that they basically have to do it themselves? Why was Mark Miller in the movie? We will never have the real answers to these questions, but we'll do our best to try to come up with our own. Next week, we're breaking the glass in case of bad movie emergency. Meow! Sam | Val | Gigalithic Twitter

Oh boy, we already didn't like Elektra but it's somehow gone downhill in the second act! The villains get worse and the movie gets more racist! We see three minor supervillains die in this part and Elektra didn't do any of it. Why is she even here? She's literally getting upstaged by a tree. Maybe next week she'll contribute something before the movie's over! Sam | Val | Gigalithic Twitter

Daredevil set the bar very high as a fun bad movie - can Elektra keep the momentum up? Or will it be a slow, boring, dark, miserable slog? Well, not to spoil things, but the character didn't appear on screen for over a decade after this movie came out! Could there be a reason for that? Let's find out! Sam | Val | Gigalithic Twitter

It took us way too long for how short the movie is, but we're finally wrapping up Daredevil! We've had a great time with it so far, but will it stick the landing? Or will Colin Farrell turn into a big CGI monster man? Was 2003 before movies became bad? I can't remember! Also, WILL VAL NOTICE JENNIFER GARNER'S WIG??? Sam | Val | Gigalithic Twitter

Remember when movies had a three-act structure? This week, we're reminiscing about simpler times as we watch act 2 of Daredevil! Elektra has arrived, and things are somehow very quaint and also horrifically weird at the same time. Matt loves to sniff! We've also got Wilson Fisk and Bullseye to round out the cast. Did you know Colin Farrell is Irish? Sam | Val | Gigalithic Twitter

The reviews are in! We're one third of the way through 2003's Daredevil, and this movie is officially Bad Ass! It's got Seether, and it's got Nickelback, and it's got some of the worst lawyering you'll ever see outside of Ace Attorney! Movies used to be fun! We're never watching anything post-2010 again! Sam | Val | Gigalithic Twitter

Sorry, this isn't Daredevil! We sat down to talk about it but we ended up reading and laughing at Screenrant for 20 minutes first. Giga will be out of town next week, so rather than post our first Daredevil episode and then take a week off, we decided to make the Screenrant segment its own mini-episode. Did you think Batman v. Superman was bad? Well, you're wrong! Thanks for correcting us, Screenrant! Sam | Val | Gigalithic Twitter

We are finally done with Watchmen! Well, they didn't do the squid. Do we care? Not really! We're focused on a change far more offensive than that: Themes! Who would have thought we'd have a problem with themes from the guy who wrote the Kents telling Superman to let people die? Oh well! That's another movie down. Next time we'll be taking our first daring step outside of the realm of DC Comics! Sam | Val | Gigalithic Twitter

Three quarters of the way through Watchmen! The movie continues to be a combination of gross, boring, and most of all, blue! In this week's viewing, Rorschach is unmasked and Nite Owl is un-underweared. Will we find a way to shoehorn a third conversation about food into this episode? Yes! But more importantly, we read some more ScreenRant! Sam | Val | Gigalithic Twitter

Against all common sense, we're back for more Watchmen! In this week's installment, we go to the Comedian's funeral for about an hour (spoilers: Comedian dies in this movie) and follow Doctor Manhattan to Mars where he reminds us of a great chapter from the comic book series Watchmen. With all the talk of war, sexual assault, nihilism, and nuclear armageddon, things get pretty heavy this week. Fortunately, Sam's favorite website ScreenRant is here to save the day! Looks like superheroes are real after all! Sam | Val | Gigalithic Twitter

We return once again to the Snyder Mines to experience the hit film of Watchmen 2009! Rorschach is here, and he's got his iconic mask, and the Comedian is here, and he's got his iconic button. Why isn't this movie iconic? It has all the ingredients! Doctor Manhattan even has his iconic butt and balls and penis! What more do audiences need? Beans, you say? Well, Zack has got you covered there, my friends! Content warning: this episode includes discussion of homophobic violence from 24:07-25:38. Also, this is Watchmen we're talking about, so general warning for mentions of sexual assault, homophobia, and domestic violence. Sam | Val | Gigalithic Twitter

On this topsy-turvy episode, we talk about the ending of The Suicide Squad! Sam liked it a lot and Val and Giga didn't! You never know what's going to happen on this silly podcast of ours. Join us for a look back on all the Ha Ha Funny dialogue, dramatically satisfying character arcs, and the useless Groots we met along the way. Also, we're now caught up with all the DCEU movies up to this point! Stick around to the end to find out what we're punishing ourselves with next! Sam | Val | Gigalithic Twitter

Great news for fans of The Suicide Squad: this whole movie is The Suicide Squad! We're watching the second part of it and things are heating up in Corto Maltese! We've got the hottest ships in town: Thinkmaker, Peacemaker x Reader, and maybe more! Looks like everyone wants a piece of Peacemaker... including Rick Flag! Hopefully that's all fine and nothing bad happens! Sam | Val | Gigalithic Twitter

They decided to give us another competently made movie! We're watching the first third of The Suicide Squad, and talking about all the things it does better than the original. Or, one might say, how it does all things better than the original! For example, there is a weasel named Weasel who is a weasel, and a shark named Shark who is a shark. Nice!!! Sam | Val | Gigalithic Twitter