Brunch and Bombs

Armageddon might be a controversial choice, but, despite the fact that you remember it from your childhood as a good movie, it's really not. In this episode, we delve into the confusing decision to send untrained (and mentally unstable) oil drillers into space, Ben Affleck's infamous hate-fueled DVD commentary, and Critter Cookies™. Listen at brunchandbombs.buzzsprout.com.

Sausage Party left us with a lot of questions, but the biggest is definitely "Why weren't those hot dogs refrigerated?"

Yes, Hope made us watch Soul Plane. She said she had no idea how bad it was, but we think that was a trap.  However, this 2004 movie does have the universally liked Snoop Dogg, the late, great John Witherspoon,  Academy Award winner Monique, a 32-year-old-but looked-23-years-old Sofia Vergara giving it her all, and a few other decent moments here and there.  If you choose to watch this, just a warning - you'll never be able to eat a baked potato again.

Begin summer 2022 with that beloved classic about sharks we all love - that's right, Sharknado. If you want to understand the science behind this cult classic, we've got good news. We brought in experts in meteorology, physics, and - no, just kidding, it's just us talking about some dumb movie, as usual. But if you have unanswered questions like "Do sharks work like that?," "Does water work like that?," "What's behind Tara Reid's emotionless mask of a face?" or the biggest question of them all - "What did Fin  DO???" - then listen in as we discuss and dissect this prime example of a good bad movie.

The iconic 1995 Power Rangers Movie - Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie - is bad, but fun. The 2017 reboot is just bad. This movie sees the return of Rita Repulsa and her hubby Zedd, as well as a new villain in the form of Ivan Ooze (played by  prolific English actor Paul Freeman, who acts his ass off), whose evil power is really just capitalism. All in all, a fun watch. 

Our latest movie stars that tough guy rapper turned actor who is as cool as ice. We all know who we mean here - that's right, it's Vanilla Ice. He and his crew ride around on crotch rockets and cause mostly lighthearted trouble (except for the time that he almost killed his love interest in an attempt to impress her), until a bike malfunction has them staying at Pee-wee's Playhouse, where they dance around and make peanut butter-pickle-sardine-mustard-pineapple sandwiches. Vanilla Ice's "Johnny" keeps trying to impress the pretty straight A high school student of his dreams, and somehow, eventually succeeds. But it's a twisting, confusing, and hilariously bad road to the conclusion, full of bumbling criminals, 12-hour dates in the desert, and impromptu rap performances.

Men in Black worked so well, so Warner Brothers was sure they had a hit with Wild Wild West. They were wrong.  U.S. Secret Service agent Artemus Gordon (portrayed by Kevin Kline) is somehow an exact doppelganger for the man he's protecting, U.S. president Ulysses S. Grant (in a weird flex, also played by Kline). The villain of the piece, Dr. Arliss Lovelace, is a biological marvel who, despite not having a lower body, is constantly horny. And much of the humor relies on referring to the rampant racism of the Reconstruction era. The salt in the wound is that the song "Men in Black" is an absolute banger, and "Wild Wild West" just isn't.

Wanted is bad, but watchable - especially with your best friends. Yes, I'm talking about mimosas. Angelina Jolie is at her Angelina Jolie-est, and a pre-fame Chris Pratt is a great doofy villain to James McAvoy's wannabe Tyler Durden - but the star of the show is definitely the loom.

Truly one of the worst movies we've watched for the pod. An mid-2000s Jennifer Lopez vehicle with a boring romance, no chemistry, and...a happy ending? Don't watch the movie for this one, y'all, just listen to us trash it.

Problem Child is a 1990 family comedy starring big 90s names like John Ritter, the late, great Gilbert Gottfried, and Seinfeld's Michael Richards as a...serial killer? It's a movie that doesn't know what it wants to be, and the why behind the confusion is a tale we've heard before. The creators wanted it to be a darker movie, the studio wanted it to be family-friendly. So we get Problem Child, a movie that isn't quite The Omen, but you can see how it was inspired by it. 

We wanted to know: Is The Faculty a terrible movie? Or is it not any worse than any other 90s teen movie? To find out, and to wrap ourselves up in some cozy nostalgia, we watched The Breakfast Club with Aliens.

As an action movie, Demolition Man is bad. As a satire, it's still bad, but thoroughly enjoyable!The main thing we took away from this movie is that the future sucks.

There's a new argument among  us here at Brunch and Bombs - which Shaq movie is worse, Kazaam or Steel? Steel actually makes less sense than a movie about a rapping genie, so it's a tough call.

Because the 2022 Winter Olympics are happening right now AND Jamaica is competing in the four-man bobsled event for the first time in 24 years, this episode is especially topical. Cool Runnings is a beloved classic - but is it good? Here's one thing we'll tell you - it's only 0.00009% a true story.

"I'm in Love With a Church Girl" could be considered a terrible movie, religious propaganda, or both - but the fact that mainstream media bombarded it with bad reviews, and Christian media loved it makes me think it's both.  We're all for freedom of religion here at Brunch and Bombs, so we have to say if this is your thing, you might actually like this movie. It's got an overall wholesome message or whatever, but it's just...not good.  And while the relationship between the two leads follows Vanessa's religious beliefs, I can't say it's very healthy. They both seem pretty unhappy.I personally took away two things from this movie 1.) Ja Rule's real name is Jeff Atkins (JEFF, y'all) and 2.) This movie was executive produced by God. #blessed

Batman and Robin is a Brunch and Bombs fave, but it's still just as funny the 5th time as it was the first time we watched it years ago.George Clooney's stoic portrayal of Batman (even in action-packed, high-adrenaline scenes) is a stark parallel to the over-the-top acting of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Uma Thurman. And Chris O'Donnell and Alicia Silverstone, bless their hearts, aren't doing much at all.With the costumes and the strange gangster-inspired accents, we have to wonder:"Is this an attempt to go back to the campiness of the original Batman TV series?"If it is, we like it. It just didn't quite work.

Our final holiday film of 2021 is A Madea Christmas. I made a promise to myself to never watch a Madea movie, and Hope has made me break that promise. A "collection of scenes" joined by strange PowerPoint-esque wipe transitions of Christmas trees,  wreaths, and candy canes, A Madea Christmas takes place at a modern day one-room schoolhouse/small-town mayor's office and a family "farm" that is really just a house and a cow.Find out what we think about the Madea character, who the villain of the piece is, and what the expression "joined the circus" means.

Christmas with the Kranks is a movie with an unconvincing premise and characters that seem to make some truly bizarre choices - but we could accept that if it were even the least little bit funny. 

We watched Home Sweet Home Alone and I wished we'd just re-watched Home Alone 3 instead. That's how bad the new Disney+ sequel is. There were a few interesting throwbacks to the original, and Ellie Kemper is giving it her all, but the main kid is too unlikeable to make this movie work. 

For our Thanksgiving 2021 episode, Hope made us watch A Family Thanksgiving, a Hallmark Channel Original Movie that came out in 2010 but was probably written in 1950. Most Hallmark Channel movies are about how a woman needs a man to be happy, but this one is different. It's about how a woman needs a man AND kids to be happy! Jerry gave it a million mimosas, but listen to find out what Hope and Summer's mimosa ratings are, and how a magic lady can come into your life unasked, ruin your career and saddle you with a man you have absolutely no chemistry with, and two kids. WOW!

We watched the 2006 video game movie DOA: Dead or Alive, and boy, did we have a blast (well, two thirds of us did--check out our mimosa ratings for more details). This movie has everything--mixed martial arts, pro wrestling, gravity-defying moves, a self-destruct button, an explosion, and of course, a beach volleyball scene. oh and Imperial Japan, I guess?This is truly a good-bad movie. Lots of fun. 

For our Very Special Spoo0o00oky Halloween Special, we watched the 2018 movie Slenderman. If you don't know the history of Slenderman or the real-life crime it inspired--don't worry, because this movie has very little to do with it. 

We know by now that a bad movie can actually be entertaining--especially one that's aware of itself like Fantasy Island. Blumhouse's reboot of the classic TV show turns it into a suspense of sorts. And it's, you guessed it, not the worst thing we've ever seen.

I think by now you can figure out who chose what movie. Drive was Jerry's pick and maybe a bit of a controversial one--it has a 79% audience score on Rotten Tomatoes. But some of the schticks are annoying as hell. Buckle up and take a ride with us. 

Watch the movie Jerry calls "50 Shades of Garbage." Or just get the juicy details from us. (We really should have watched this five episodes ago, huh?)

For episode 54, we watched the terrible Jennifer Lopez movie The Boy Next Door.  We discovered that this "erotic thriller," which was neither erotic nor thrilling, is actually from Blumhouse, so it's a....horror....movie...? Which unfortunately makes this piece of crap the first horror movie of the Halloween season for us

Probably the height of the great art form that is "athletes trying to act," Kazaam is a study in how to NOT make a movie. And we love it for that. If you like to see Shaq being over the top (who doesn't?), plot points that don't make any sense, and really bad "raps," check it out today.

We bowed down to our corporate overlords and watched Space Jam 2: A  New Legacy. This movie is all about corporate greed--Warner Brothers tries to convince Lebron James to do some dumb shit for a bunch of money (they didn't succeed, but they, of course, did succeed in real life). Then WB attempts to insert every (and we mean EVERY) character they own into the movie for really no reason at all. Except Pepe Le Pew. There were some actual rapists, and murderers there, but not Pepe. He's cancelled.Overall, this movie was fun to watch and even more fun to talk about. But bad. Oh, so bad.

2 Fast 2 Furious was another movie that was ok to watch but great to talk about over drinks. We talk about how terrible of an undercover agent Eva Mendes is, how quickly Paul Walker went from protecting and serving to a life of crime, and the notable lack of family. In fact, we had so much to talk about, that we didn't even get around to how bad the acting is. Definitely a Brunch and Bombs recommendation. 

We love Nic Cage here at Brunch and Bombs, but we know that his movies can be hit or miss. Willie's Wonderland is definitely a hit. If you love cheesy horror movies, small-town archetypes, and movies that are aware of themselves, this movie is for you.Cage manages to give the ultimate Nic Cage performance, with...some limitations. We won't say more, because you should watch it for yourself, immediately! 

This movie opens up with two of our favorite bad movie things crammed into the first 60 seconds--awkward, forced exposition and a plot that makes absolutely no sense. Demi Moore is Erin Grant, a single mother who lost her job and now must dance in a strip club called The Eager Beaver to try to get custody of her daughter. While on stage, Erin Grant goes by the stage name of...Erin Grant. Can Erin prove that she's a stable mother and get her daughter back from her pill-addicted criminal ex-husband? Will Shad the bouncer achieve his dreams of getting rich through a false lawsuit? Will Congressman Dilbeck achieve his dream of "settling down," with his wife, and one, steady mistress?We highly recommend this one, y'all. Striptease is good, family fun. 

Literally one of the best movies we've ever seen. This is a bad movie, but an extremely enjoyable one. J.Lo is the sexy but smart Latina, Jon Voight is the mysterious stranger (with an even more mysterious accent), and Ice Cube is Ice Cube.  Oh yeah and Owen Wilson is there, too, but you barely notice. But the real star of this movie is the amazingly bad looking animatronic snake. The only thing that could have made this movie better is if Danny Trejo had had a bigger part.

I recently saw this movie for the first time, and then watched Goodfellas for the first time, later that same day. The fact that Robert De Niro is in both of these is mind-blowing.  But let's not dwell on De Niro's wasted talents. Perhaps, as he got older, he was ready to try something really fun. And this movie is fun. It's pretty bad, the grandpa's fking terrible, and there is absolutely NO chemistry between Zac Efron and his love interest, but Aubrey Plaza's hilariously weird performance saves this movie. I'll never watch it again, but, as we say often on the pod, it's not the worst thing I've ever seen.

Cellular is one of the few movies that we've watched for the pod that we actually all enjoyed. It was bad, but it fun. A pre-Captain America Chris Evans proves that attractive white people can get away with anything, as his character Ryan commits a spree of crimes all over LA (to be fair, in an effort to  save a kidnapped family). We couldn't decide what was more unbelievable, Kim Basinger's Jessica hotwiring a heap of electronic rubble into a working landline, or the 4k video and sound quality of Ryan's Nokia 6600.The best performance is definitely from William H. Macy, who was funny and weirdly charming as a soon-to-be-retired cop who just wants to open up a day spa with his wife. Whether they meant to be or not, everyone is hilarious (except the totally forgetful patriarch of the Martin family tbh) and this movie is a great watch. 

Our last selection for Animated Movie Month, Food Fight, is available in its entirety for free on YouTube, which is a testament to how terrible it is. Food Fight has a bizarre and sad history behind it--producer Lawrence Kasanoff founded his own animation studio, and planned to come after Pixar. $65 million later, Food Fight briefly showed up in UK cinemas and went straight-to-video in the US. It boasts well-known names like Charlie Sheen, Eva Longoria, and Christopher Lloyd--and you have to wonder if it's one of those "they weren't shown what the movie would look like until after they signed the contract" scenarios. Sure, the character design and animation are both bad, but it's the strangeness of the plot and lack of world building that leaves you feeling confused and violated.

Everything about this movie is unbelievable, but the most shocking "I can't even fathom" is that it stars a young Brad Pitt.Frank (Pitt) is stuck in Cool World after he bullied his mom into taking a motorcycle ride of death. He somehow escapes not only death, but all the consequences and self-blame of an accident was, let's face it, kind of his fault.  You can't fully blame Pitt for the way he performs. It's always difficult to act opposite someone who's not actually there (in this case, badly animated characters including the overtly sexual  Holli Would, a "doodle" who is literally DTF any "noid" that will have her), but it's evident from the terrible looking massage he gives his cartoon girlfriend Lonette  that he wasn't given the best direction.Holli doesn't care that having sex with a human will destroy both worlds, she just wants to be Kim Basinger IRL. Frank is in a long-term (60 years?) relationship with a Doodle who he can't sleep with, for fear of destroying the fabric of their worlds. Essentially, this movie is about blue balls.

For our second Animated Movie Month viewing, we watched Planes. Set in the Cars universe, Planes just makes you wish you were watching Cars. The replacement Mater character made us miss Larry the Cable Guy, and that's truly saying something. Find out our theories on the origin of the sentient vehicle race, what delicious first-class meal Hope cooked, and why we gave Planes a 4 mimosa rating. 

With a 49% Rotten Tomatoes rating, Bee Movie is much better received than most of the movies we've watched for the pod. The production value is good and there's an all-star cast (including several cameos from A-listers like Oprah and Sting), but it's just...weird. Renee Zellweger's character (Vanessa Bloome, a florist

Video Game Month ends with a bang--or a thwomp rather--with Super Mario Brothers.At this point, we've been disappointed so many times that we should be used to it, but this movie takes the cake. With a weird storyline that doesn't make a lot of sense, a lot of talk about dinosaurs and "de-evolution," and Princess Peach's notable absence, SMB is so unlike its source material that Bob Haskins has said that it wasn't until weeks into production  that he realized his character was the same as Nintendo's iconic Mario. Though,  to be fair, he has also admitted to being drunk the whole time.

With classic characters and terrible special effects, MK2:A made us feel like we were kids again, rushing in the house after school, grabbing some chips and Coke (Ok, Sam's Cola), and settling in for the wonder that was Power Rangers. Too bad Mortal Kombat 2 doesn't compare. Jax's constant quips give out some seriously out of place buddy cop movie vibes, they brought in a different actor to play Johnny Cage just to kill him off immediately, and Raiden's edgy bleach-blond makeover is the worst. The plot is all over the place and...well, just one word: dragons. The effects alone make it worth watching, but we recommend a minimum of three mimosas. 

Our second Video Game Month movie is Street Fighter. Jean Claude Van Damme stars as a definitely American Colonel Guile, an underutilized Chun Li is a reporter for some reason, and every single freaking Street Fighter character shows up as version of themselves that makes no sense, complete with weak backstories. The star performance is Raul Julia's M. Bison. He's the only one who seemed to know what kind of movie they were making.

It's the game Doom, except it feels and looks nothing like it, you barely get to see Mars, and the storyline is completely different. Excepting a ten minute first-person shooter scene toward the end of the movie, Doom is a letdown for fans of the iconic game. But we got through it--with the help of BFDs (Big F***ing Drinks).

For our last Romantic Movie Month episode, we watched Shallow Hall--a movie with an insane premise only supported by cruel and unfunny fat jokes. Find out why we liked the first 15 minutes, what was most upsetting, and where you can find the best deep-dish pizza in Austin.

Our next romantic movie episode debuts on V-Day itself, so we had to watch Valentine's Day, a shameless (and terrible) ripoff of Love Actually. To its credit, it was the first of a string of terrible Love Actually ripoffs, so it's original in that. Valentine's Day is exactly what you think it is--a bunch of intertwining stories of romantic and not-so-romantic things happening to pretty people. This movie sucked, but, hey, we got to have yummy fondue and a V-Day cocktail (Cupid's Arrow), so there's that.

Romantic Movie Month starts with a bad movie from our teenage years, 50 First Dates. This could be cute (albeit unrealistic), but it's just gross and depressing. But at least we got to have poke bowls and a cute and tasty V-Day cocktail!

I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry...tries. Maybe the characters are so TERRIBLE at first to highlight how they change to become "better" people by the end. But are you really a better person if you finally address society's homophobia and your own internalized homophobia, if you realized it's bad *only* because it happened to you?...Maybe that's a little deep for this "film," but that's just one of the ethical questions this movie raises.

In episode 33, Hope makes a delectable Shakshuka for brunch, Jerry learns about cosmetology school, and Summer finally figures out how to pronounce Israeli. We watched You Don't Mess with the Zohan, and it's just as offensive as we thought it would be, i.e. Rob Schneider wears Brownface.

Adam Sandler Month continues with Pixels, a video game movie Jerry deemed not good enough for Video Game Month (coming March 2021 y'all!) It's not the absolute worst, just formulaic in that Happy Madison way--Sandler's a doofus who wins acclaim and gets a girl much too good for him.

Little Nicky, whose mother is an angel and father is Satan himself, has no interest in dear old dad's "family's business"--but it looks like he might have to save it from his two older bullying brothers. Can Nicky restore the balance of good and evil on Earth? Which Emo band frontman inspired his haircut? And why does Adam Sandler have this weird thing about giving his on-screen love interests double V names?? (Veronic Vaughn in Billy Madison, Virginia Venit in Happy Gilmore, Vicki Vallencourt in The Waterboy, Violet Van Patten in Pixels, Violet Valentine in Hubie Halloween, and in Little Nicky, Valerie Veran).

Merry Christmas! Our Christmas gift to you is our final holiday episode, four days early! (That's what you wanted, right?) This Jack Frost is the Michael Keaton family comedy, not the horror movie. But don't get us wrong, it *is* horrific. Please, please watch this, or at least listen to us delight in its absurdities. Need something to listen to while you wrap those last minute gifts? Go ahead and pour yourself an eggnog spiked with bourbon (or rum, I guess...no judgment), smash that play button, settle in, and get ready to laugh.

Jerry loves horror movies so much, that a whole month of them in October wasn't enough. His pick for Christmas Movie Month was A Christmas Horror Story, a 2015 Christmas horror anthology featuring four different stories, all woven together by the antics of an alcoholic radio DJ, played by William Shatner. Yeah, it's pretty amazing. We highly recommend it.