Roar-Aholics Anonymous

Impossible Lomas Productions is off to a very Lions-like start to the season, having posted our preseason episode after the regular season has already started. But ... Whatevs. Deano Blandino, Uncle Brother Ted, and Impossible Lomas reunite to kick off Season 4 of Roaraholics Anonymous. We do so not with a sense of joy and anticipation of good things to come, of course. Nay, we do so out of inertia and an unhealthy sense of duty to ... The Ghost of Bobby Lane? We know not. And yet, here we are, once again on the precipice of another shitty season. We provide brief updates on our various goings on since the end of last season. We take a hard look at Hard Knocks, concurring that the Lions come across as not just a struggling franchise low on talent, but also as kinda dumb. We look ahead to the regular season with a mix of indifference and morbid curiosity. How average will Goff be? How bad will the defense suck? Can Jeff Okudah get any worse? Is the O-line actually good, as is oft rumored? We're about to find out. God help us.

Matty Staff's Super Bowl Dream Words and music by Uncle Ted, Deano Blandino, and Impossible Lomas Growing up in Texas You had a Super Bowl dream and a rocket right arm Won a chip in high school, they said Hey boy, you're gonna go far Packed it off for Georgia Worked real hard and honed your craft In fact you got so damn good you were the #1 pick in the NFL draft The only thing that could destroy your dream Was winding up on the Detroit football team Matty Staff You're a Super Bowl champ at last Though we know you took a long road to get there For twelve long years Shed a lot of blue and silver tears But you persevered now you've won the Super Bowl Playing in Detroit Empty stats guy on a nowhere team Yeah they called you Pad Statford Folks sure can be mean Took a lot sacks, threw a lot of TDs Postseason rolled around, you were watching on TV Yard after yard week and week All the haters said you were past your peak Matty Staff You're a Super Bowl champ at last Though we know you took a long road to get there For twelve long years Shed a lot of blue and silver tears But you persevered now you've won the Super Bowl Finally, you had enough, up and demanded a trade Said won't you please send me to a team that'll make the grade So they shipped you to LA, Hollywood Hills and the Walk of Fame Playing for Coach McVay, finally got a chance to prove your name Suddenly things are looking up Throwing TDs to Kooper Cupp Matty Staff You're a Super Bowl champ at last Though we know you took a long road to get there For twelve long years Shed a lot of blue and silver tears But you persevered now you've won the Super Bowl Rolled through the Cards, then you went down to Tampa, where you slayed the GOAT Up against the Niners, gutsy comeback, you made every throw First half of the Bowl, you were on a roll, threw a couple TDs But then the kicker missed an extra point, and OBJ went out with a knee Looked like it was gonna be Burrow's day Clock's ticking down and your chances are slipping away Matty Staff, down four points, time for a comeback Need one more dose of your fourth quarter magic Got no running game, half of your receivers have come up lame But we never worried, cause we know you're not gonna panic Everybody sees it's down to you and number ten It took fifteen plays, and brother in the end … Matty Staff Into the end zone you whipped that pass Grabbed the lead, like it was your fate Confetti rained down Now you're wearing the Super Bowl crown There ain't no doubt, you're an all-time great Matty Staff You're a Super Bowl champ at last Though we know you took a long road to get there For twelve long years Shed a lot of blue and silver tears But you persevered now you've won the Super Bowl

John Matthew Stafford is a Super Bowl champion. In case reading the above sentence made your brain explode right through your skull, pick up the pieces, reassemble, and read it again: MATT STAFFORD IS A FUCKING SUPERBOWL CHAMPION! The stars and planets aligned, the football gods smiled, Cooper Kupp hauled in the winning TD, and now ... Matty $taff has won the Super Bowl. In his first shot at the crown with a team that does not suck. In this very, very special episode, live from South Haven, Michigan, we mostly marvel at what has occurred, paying homage to Staff, his smoking hot wife, adorable twins, and the entire Rams organization. Even though Matt didn't win MVP, he was the engine that drove the Rams to Super Bowl glory, time and time again saving the Rams with laser throws and unflappable leadership. I could go on, but suffice it to say that we end with a mighty, 3-part Ram Jam. ALL HAIL MATTHEW STAFFORD, SUPERBOWL CHAMPION!

What? A February episode of RAA? That's right bitches! Thanks to the mighty hand and outstretched rocket right arm of our savior, John Matthew Stafford, we have survived to pod another day, well into the stretch of time and space known as Super Bowl Week. In this unprecedented episode we celebrate the Lazarus-like resurrection and redemption of Matty Staff, who has emerged from the Lions wasteland to lead the Rams to the fucking Super Bowl! We offer mea culpas to Staff, who we have repeatedly maligned on this pod for not being top-tier and quite good enough to get the Roar over the hump. Sorry, Matt! We are thrilled to admit that we were stone cold wrong. It's not you who sucked donkey balls. It is, of course, the Lions, a franchise so putrid and wicked that it has forced several of the best ballers of all time--we see you, Barry & Megatron--to quit at the peak of their powers rather than play another down for the Ford family. We talk about a bunch of other related stuff, but suffice it to say this pod is a Matthew Stafford love fest. It's well worth mentioning that the proceedings are much enlivened by a guest appearance from Fantetti, whose thick stache and vast store of trivial knowledge, combined with a seething hatred for the Lions and grudging respect for Staff, take the whole thing to another level. With Fantetti on board, we end with a marvelous 4-part harmonized ROAR! LET'S GO MATTY STAFF! YOU'RE IN THE GODDAMN SUPER BOWL! WIN THIS MOTHERFUCKER FOR ROARAHOLICS NATION AND FOR YOUR SMOKING HOT WIFE AND ADORABLE TWINS! LET'S FUCKING GO!

Well, ladies and gents (exclusively gents, actually), once again the RAA crew has run into a wall of Lions sucktitude and decided that this will be the final episode of this sorry, sorry season. After our requisite 9-week mental health break, we reconvene and recap what's been going on during our long period of silence. Deano Blandino has leaned fully into bowling, getting high on the sweet smell of his weirdly scented bowling ball and piling up 200+ games ... Impossible Lomas has earned top marks from the RAA board of directors for really not giving a single fuck about the Roar this year ... and Uncle Ted has grown a frothy beard and also dug deep to exorcise the demon Lions from his mortal soul. We contemplate the parallel suckiness of both the Lions and Pistons, whose combined ineptitude has apparently opened a portal into another dimension where everything sucks grotesquely mutated donkey balls. We ponder the rise of the Lions lone "bright spot," wide receiver Amon St. Rah (or whatever the fuck his name is) and laugh mirthlessly at the notion that the Roar are poised for a successful rebuild. We also bust out an acapela version of "Ball of the Donkey" and end this episode, and the 3rd season of RAA, with a filthy, broken down 3-pat harmonized ROAR! And so, fellow Roaraholics, we bid you adieu until next season. Stay strong, work the steps, and never forget that, no matter who they draft, no matter who's the coach, no matter if the good Lord above decrees otherwise ... the Lions will always suck.

The general tone of this episode is gobsmackedness ... Insofar as Impossible Lomas, Uncle Ted, and Deano Blandino are utterly gobsmacked that the Roar pulled off a first quarter onside kick and not one but two (2!) fake punts, and of course still lost ... We spend a lot of time pondering what other sorts of trick plays the Lions can pull out from the trunk of their collective clown car (many of them involving superlative punter Jack Fox punting the ball directly into the balls of A) an onrushing defender, or B) the opposing coach standing on the sidelines) ... We are joined by Gedaliah, aka Jedediah, son of Brad, who despite his youthful vigor and innocent and buoyant demeanor, is a shambles of a human specimen, hopelessly infected by the virus of roaraholicism ... We do briefly remark on the fact that the Lions D did not suck the largest donkey balls on offer, instead opting for a slightly less bulbous pair ... And we pay homage to Matty Staff, who once again played like the best QB in the league ... In song parody news, we lay the groundwork for an "Eye of the Tiger" knockoff, working title "The Balls of the Donkey" ... After passing the two hour mark, we close with a customary three-part roar ... But wait, there's more! If you listen to the very end, your ears will be baptized with the world premier of Impossible Lomas Productions latest release, and the newest addition to the RAA liturgy, "Oh Lord, the Lions Will Always Suck!"

Impossible Lomas Productions is proud to present the latest addition to the RAA liturgy.

In this heartfelt episode, Deano once again bares his soul and, in the tone of a man whose spirit has been good and fully crushed, wonders aloud why the Lord has afflicted with Roaraholicism ... Impossible Lomas makes a triumphant, be-robed comeback as Lomas, who catches ya'll up on how he's been dealing with Covid and tells tales from yesteryear about what it was like to be on really shit Lions teams back in the day ... We--or, at least, Uncle Ted and Imp Lomas--revel in yet another masterful performance from Matty Staff and glorious Rams victory ... And then, we sort of wonder what else there is to talk about regarding the 2021 Lions. They are, by design, either the worst team in the league or one of the two worst teams (the Texans also suck major donkey balls), stripped bare of talent to the point that if they don't end up with the worst record and therefore the 1st pick in the draft, it will be a major upset. The games themselves don't offer up much in the way talking points. And so ... We've reached that point in the season when we switch from mostly Lions stuff to mostly non-Lions stuff, including (but not limited to) song parodies, original songs exploring the night of the dark soul that is this season, guest appearances, buco bowling updates, and who knows what else?

The Roar lose on yet another last second, 50+ yard field goal, for the second week in a row, becoming the only team to undergo such humiliation and gut punch madness. We are ... nonplussed? After literally a lifetime of Lions sucktitude, it's hard to get too worked up about one more loss, no matter how bizarre. Deano admires Coach Campbell's manly tears during the post-game presser and his ability to get this group of low-talent rejects to play really hard. We fantasize about how cool it would be if the Roar keep losing on ever-longer, game-ending field goals, until by season's end opposing kickers are lining up at the back of their own end zone. Impossible Lomas floats the theory that the Fords were involved in the assassination of JFK, given that the Ford Family bought the Lions in 1963 on the exact same day that JFK got his head blow off. How else to explain the curse that's infected this franchise ever since? Uncle Ted revels in Matt Staff's bounce-back victory over the Seahawks, and we unanimously agree that getting traded to the Rams was the best thing to happen to $taff since getting drafted by the Lions (trumping even his wife's surgery to remove a brain tumor). Deano commits to laying down more lucre, betting against the Roar in next week's tilt against the not-so-mighty Bengals. Impossible mourns the season-ending injury to Quintez Cephus, the Roar's best receiver, who was poised to have a breakout year. We one again fuck up the concluding roar, requiring a second take to deliver a surprisingly gentle and heartfelt three-part RAA salute.

The RAA crew--Uncle Ted, Deano Blandino, and Impossible Lomas--don't spend much time breaking down the Lions expected loss to the nearly as horrible Bears because, really, what's there to say? The Lions suck donkey balls of the exact shape, size, texture, and most likely taste that we all predicted during the pre-season. Instead, Uncle T regales us with the tale of watching the game with his brother-in-law on his in-laws majestic TV, indulging in a game to see which franchise sucks hardest and longest. (Spoiler alert: it's not even close.) Deano, in the aftermath of his youngest son's bar mitzvah, deliver a heartfelt plea to the powers that be, begging to be released from the curse of caring about the Lions. (Spoiler alert 2: it'll never happen.) Further compounding Deano's doldrums, he has let his bowling lessons slide, just as he was learning the mysteries of the hook shot. On the positive side, Deano's '80s/'90s cover band has put together a solid set list. Meanwhile, Impossible Lomas spent most of this episode getting impossibly transported by puffing on the chronic, pausing just long enough to opine that the Roar's sucktitude has entered a new realm of darkness--one utterly without hope for the future, barring the Roar braintrust nailing the next 5-6 drafts and somehow landing a generational QB1 (the statistical odds of which are approximately 0.0000000000000002.) Our concluding Roar is marred by Uncle Ted starting on too high a note, requiring a second take, which got the job done. Until next time, we remain lost souls searching for a way out but only succeeding in digging ourselves in ever deeper.

Uncle Ted, Deano, and Impossible Lomas once again meld their minds to deliver to you, our devoted listener, another penetrating, scintillating, and enervating episode of RAA. We debate the proper level of Rams/Matty Staff fandom ... We marvel at how Dan Campbell and the Lions coaching staff seem to have this JV-level squad playing hard and actually trying, as demonstrated by their almost win against the might Ravens ... We also marvel that the Roar have discovered yet another way to lose, this time via a record-breaking, 66-yard boot off the crossbar ... Deano reveals that he's not only taking bowling lessons but is in an 80's/90's rock cover band ... And, to conclude, we attempt a few variations of our traditional three-part harmonized Roar, with varying degrees of success.

In this riveting episode of RAA ... Impossible Lomas, Uncle Ted, and Deano Blandino review the Lion's desultory and entirely predictable loss to the Packers on the road, remarking on how thrilled the Pack must have been to welcome the Roar to town after getting bitch slapped last week by the Saints ... We duly give props to Jared Goff, who only sometimes sucks donkey balls, and to the Lion's run game, which ironically is actually pretty good (ironic insofar as the Roar waited until after trading Matty Staff to build a decent rushing attack) ... We marvel at TJ Hockenson's astonishing head of frothy lettuce and woodsman beard ... And we continue to marvel at the level of immense sucktitude of the defense. Deano's ongoing bowling vision quest goes unremarked upon (we'll catch up with it next week) ... Meanwhile, Matty Staff and the Rams remain awesome, even if Staff's performance was slightly less awesome than last week ... And we conclude by unleashing several takes of a new and improved multipart-harmonized ROAR!

Opening the show with a bold, nay, STUNNING gambit, Uncle Ted reveals an astonishing rebrand of RAA: Rams Are Awesome! Blindly following Ted's lead, we revel in Matty Staff's auspicious debut in a Ram's uni (dude bro posted the best QB rating of his damn career!). On the flip side, we reluctantly submerge our collective self back into the muck and shit of Roardom ... We marvel at the televised sideline humiliation of Poor Jeff Okudah, whose very public dressing down by his position coach will surely be enshrined in the NFL TV hall of fame ... We also speculate that tearing his achilles and missing the rest of the season (and possibly the rest of his career) may be the best thing that's happened to Poor Jeff in a while ... We express mild concern at the Roar's 4th quarter comeback, leavened by the probability that the 49s had stopped trying sometime near the middle of the 3rd quarter ... We welcome our first guest of the season, Air Low, who gallantly debased himself by watching the Lions - 49rs suckfest. Deano regales us with another chapter of his bowling odyssey (Blandino's learning to roll a hook, ya'll!) ... We conclude the episode with a solemn blowing of the Shroarfar, ushering in another Lions season that shall surely be written into the Book of Suck. Gmar chatima roara!

The RAA crew--Deano Blandino, Uncle Ted, and Impossible Lomas--are back for Season 3! Deano tells the sordid tale of being emasculated by a bowling pro shop proprietor, signing up for bowling lessons, and unlearning everything he thought he knew about rolling. Uncle Ted ships out his daughter to European parts unknown. Impossible L is just trying to keep his shit together as we begin the long dive down the fetid, foul-smelling shithole that is this upcoming Lions season. Speaking of which ... The guys identify mighty few reasons for even a hint of optimism ... Although we are somewhat excited for Matty Staff and intrigued to find out whether the best QB in modern Roar history was a stud stuck on a shit team, or if he'll turn out to be who we thought he was: a B/B+ dude-bro with a cannon arm and an 5 - 87,983 record against teams with a winning record. And zero playoff victories. Big question: Can the Lions become the first team to go 0-17? Here's hoping! Also, some incredibly moving musical interludes.

Another hot Impossible Lomas production ... Music by Paul Simon Lyrics by Uncle Ted

Just when we thought we were out ... they drag us back in! For once, the Lions Football Club does something unpredictable and arguably smart, namely moving on from the Matt Stafford era. The only way to respond to such epic news was to host an epic RAA struggle session. And by jove, we deliver. Uncle Ted, Deano, and Impossible Lomas react to new Lions coach Dan Campbell's macho press conference. We're soon joined by Matt Fantetti and Adam Air Low-y, who flatout bring it. We ponder Staff's future and wish him well ... We try to figure out of Jared Goff is good ... and generally applaud the Roar for rolling the dice for once and getting a pretty sweet haul in return for the best QB we've ever had. Will any of this make one bit of difference in the Lion's fortunes? Probably not. But, as always, we're on board for the long haul. So, this is most likely the last episode of this fucked up season. But you never know.

The RAA crew grudgingly reconvenes for one last pod to eulogize another season that, much like a crippled and ailing dog, desperately needed to be put down and put out of its misery. Should the Roar move on from Matt Stafford, the best Lion's QB of the past 50+ years (and maybe ever)? Will whomever the new coach and GM turn out to be make much of a difference? Will the "braintrust" somehow find a draft sleeper who will turn the franchise around? Will the Fords magically transform into owners dedicated to building a winning franchise?* Anyhow, despite a season crammed with lowlights and depressing outcomes, we had a lot of fun plumbing the depths of a franchise that, despite everything, continues to have a grip on our hearts and minds. I'd like to say that RAA has truly worked and that we won't be back next season ... but you know we will. Until then, Godspeed and good luck. *Yes; probably not; highly unlikely; not in a gazillion years.

One of the few things that could have brought the RAA crew out of retirement actually happened ... the long-awaited sacking of Matt Patricia and Bob Quinn! And yet, we fail to muster much glee. The general tone of this episode is best described as glum and resigned. We do experience a few moments of levity. The news that Amazon is apparently interested in building offices on the site of the former Pontiac Silverdome leads the guys to speculate that, should Amazon actually do this, it will surely lead to the company's downfall--a bitter but just price for having dared to settle on cursed ground. Anyway, not even Deano is of a mind that whomever the next GM and head coach may end up being will make much of a difference. And, to be honest, none of us particularly give a shit. RAA has once again worked its magic, walking us through the steps until, almost without knowing it, we achieve a kind of serenity of having genuinely given up on the Lions ... I really want to say "given up on the Lions forever!" but we all know that's not true. Despite our better judgement, we'll be back next season. And so will you. Roar.

This dark and dreary episode gets off to an appropriately inept start when Deano--who had one goddamn job!--sends the Zoom link 55 minutes late. By the time the crew finally logs on, Uncle Ted is extra irritated, Deano is extra clueless, and Impossible L is only half paying attention. Uncle Ted shares the depressing tale of watching the game alone on a billboard-sized TV in his in-law's basement. Deano reveals that even Lions superfan Little Deano gave up on this game. Impossible is pissed because he actually made a point of designing his day around listening to Possible Lomas call the game and was treated to a good, old-fashioned beatdown that not even Possible could make palatable. The crew agree that the only good thing about this loss is that it left little to the imagination. After exhausting the little there was to say about this emasculating shit show, the guys bitch and moan about life generally, once again hate on the Ford Family, and conduct a half-hearted, semi-deep dive on what superior football club ownership looks like. In the end, the guys don't even bother to make predictions for next week's game and conclude with an appropriately atonal, desultory Roar.

We officially add Matt Fantetti's prayer to the liturgy ... In the aftermath of a wild, stupid, and utterly predictable last-second comeback win against the Falcons, the RAA crew is forced to actually talk about the game ... Uncle Ted decrees a "no watching YouTube videos during the podcast" rule ... Impossible Lomas describes the experience of listening to Possible Lomas call the game on WJR ... Deano once again manages to keep his shit together ... We contemplate the psychological and physical challenges of enabling the opposing offense to score a touchdown ... Uncle Ted suggest the Roar hire a hypnotist to persuade Matty Staff that it's always less than a minute remaining the 4th quarter with no time outs ... We hatch a plot to travel back in time to prevent the Ford family from buying the Lions in 1960, using our future knowledge of the stock market to amass a fortune and buy the Lions ourselves, and use our future knowledge once again to draft a team of NFL hall of famers ... We conclude, as is our wont, with a melodious three-part harmonic ROAR.

The crew is so excited to welcome special guest Matt "Fatnose" Hoff that we forget to say the Serenity Prayer ... Matt demonstrates a still-impressive knowledge of college football mascots ... Impossible Lomas forces the guys to watch replays of the Roar getting jobbed by the refs near the end of the 2014 playoff loss to Dallas, as well as grainy footage from the Lion's deep past ... We actually do talk about the Roar's win against an extremely terrible Jags squad, albeit without much enthusiasm ... Deano manages to keep his shit together, at least for now ... We get the inside scoop on the shady business practices of Matt Fantetti's Bar & Grill ... Realizing that we skipped the Serenity Prayer up front, we dial it in at the end, after which Matt brings us to tears with a heartfelt, impromptu prayer that immediately enters the official liturgy. See you fools next time!

Deano comes crashing back to earth after the Lions latest loss ... Impossible Lomas gloats just a little for having nearly perfectly predicted the score (IL predicted Saints 35 - Roar 27; Actual score Saints 35 - Roar 29). Uncle Ted provides a news update on Deano's whereabouts ... Deano regales us with the gory details of his post-loss journey to the bottom ... We contemplate the artistry of losing and honor the Roar as one of the greatest innovators of the medium ... We look ahead to the bye-week with fear in our hearts and confusion clouding our minds.

Deano is officially off the wagon, folks ... In the wake of the Lion's improbable victory against the Cardinals, Deano goes full Blandino, hootin' and hollerin' about the glorious resurgence of the Honolulu Blue and Silver brigade. Uncle Ted and, especially, Impossible Lomas are genuinely concerned about Deano's mental state and more generally about the larger implication's of the Roar's first win of the season. Impossible L touts the virtue and honor of the Lakers and Heat in contradistinction to the Lion's utter lack of said qualities. Uncle T admits to not fasting on Yom Kippur and, on the contrary, enjoying an Impossible Burger in a random BK parking lot on the holiest day of the Jewish calendar year. We conclude the pod with predictions for next Sunday's home tilt against the declining Saints (spoiler alert: Deano is extremely bullish on another Roar triumph) and end with our ritual 3-part harmonized ROAR!

Impossible Lomas Productions presents: "Same Old Lions"

Deano Blandino, Uncle Ted, and Jer, from now on known as "Impossible Lomas", find comfort in knowing that the season is essentially over. Ted proves as much with a chart showing that teams that lose their first two games have only an 11% change of making the playoffs. The guys don't discuss the game much, largely because nobody watched that sad excuse for a professional football contest. The crew is joined by longtime friend and arch nemesis Dr. Steve, who provides some hearty belly laughs and off-color commentary. Impossible Lomas debutes a brand new song that sums up the season and how the guys feel about it. We end with a roof-raising "Roar Gedolah"! in honor of the Jewish New Year!

Where to begin? Uncle Ted deliberately (and without much arm twisting) not only does not watch or listen to the game but begins recording without any knowledge of the horror the unspooled at Ford Field. Lucky bastard. Ted "interviews" Jer (who listened) and Deano (who watched) about what went down ... Jer and Deano do their best to recount the briefly inspiring ups of quarters 1-3 and the all-too-predictable 4th quarter collapse, culminating in the dropped game-winning TD pass that will haunt our collective dreams until the end of days ... Jer self-medicates with a large plastic cup of ginger ale and vodka ... Deano breaks out his best play-by-play ... And so we head into the season of the Jewish high holidays with heavy hearts, thankful at least for our weekly Roaraholics therapy session.

We're back, ya'll! Season 2 of Roar-Aholics Anonymous ... with Dan "Deano" Shere, Uncle Ted Lowy, and Jeremy "Baghead" Shere, all of us struggling to stay on that rickety wagon, knowing full well that as soon as the 2020 version of the Roar take the field, we're falling off. In this episode we get a surprise visit from one of Deano's students (yes, Deano has been entrusted by the vaunted University of Michigan to mold the minds of young, aspiring screenwriters) ... we contemplate the return and relevance of sports in the era of COVID ... we basically agree that, despite some "expert" prognostication that the Roar might win their division, the Lions will once again be horrible ... we speculate on how long "Fat" Matt Patricia will last ... and end with win-loss predictions. Enjoy!

Our final episode of a truly stupid and shitty season. True to form, we struggle mightily to simply begin recording, causing Ted to sweat through his shirt and sell his eldest daughter into sex slavery. Deano takes a piss (literally) while recording. Ted plays with his cat. We also look back over a season that began with a disheartening tie, then seemed to maybe kinda sorta be trending in the right direction, then took a giant dump all over Roar Nation. Deano relates an anecdote wherein he and his youngest son are labeled the rudest people ever to board an airplane. We ponder whether the Roar ought to cut ties with Matty Staff and draft a potentially stud QB1. This will absolutely not happen, but still ... We decry the 94-year-old Martha Firestone Ford's leadership and cast shade on her plan to save the franchise by trading for Jim Thorpe. All in all, while the season truly sucked, we had a blast doing the pod. See ya next season. Roar!

So, because there wasn't much Lions stuff to talk about (they lost to the goddamn Redskins), we pretty much just wing it. We dive deep into the Simon and Garfunkel discography. Ted delivers a stunning version of "America" with lyrics repurposed to channel the Lions' putrid legacy. Ted also accuses Brother Jer of "cheating" for dipping into Paul Simon's solo work. The dispute remains unsettled. We attempt to match various NFL teams with appropriate rock songs and consider devoting the rest of our lives to this task. We listen to a bit of "Kick Out the Jams" by the MC 5, which ends up being mostly inaudible on the recording. We wonder if it's worth bothering to watch the Thanksgiving game. We almost end the pod with a three-part harmonized Roar but then go on for another 20+ minutes throwing around a whole bunch more nonsense. We are collectively thankful that the Lions' season has sunk to the point that there's no longer any reason left to care, freeing us to actually enjoy Thanksgiving for a change. Life is good.

Jeremy jumps out with a scorching hot take and is then literally knocked off the podcast by the force of Deano's rebuttal. In J's absence, Ted and Dean go deep, plumbing the depths of Lions fandom and achieving what can only be described as an astonishing and profound breakthrough. The pod has perhaps at last found its true purpose as a beacon of hope to beleaguered Lions face across the land. Also, we debut new cover art and a surprise outro song.

Well, the season is pretty much over. So, what's the point of doing this podcast? Whatever. In this episode, we pretty much don't talk about the Lion's loss to the Bears, because, well, you know. Lomas makes a tentative reappearance on the pod, only to get punked once again by Deano. Lomas has vowed revenge, but he's probably too nice of a dude to follow through. We wonder what it would be like if concussions resulted in players developing extraordinary abilities. We toss around the idea of the Lions tanking the rest of the season (why not?) and think about how fun it would be if they ran an offense consisting entirely of trick plays. Might as well, at this point. We once again run into massive technical difficulties, proving beyond a doubt that we are the Lions of podcasting.

The pod welcomes a new contributor: representing the West Coast, Bay Area, it's Todd's brother, Adam. Welcome, Air Low. You're just in time to join the podcast as our thoughts turn dark and we begin to turn on each other. Things get a bit heated as the guys turn on poor, kind-hearted and ever-positive Lomas. Lomas and Deano have pod beef, which could get physical if Deano doesn't watch his mouth. Brother Dan goes all in on Matty Staff and flaunts his indulgence in toxic Lions fandom, which runs completely contrary to the spirit of this podcast. Brother Adam almost immediately laments his decision to join the podcast. We ponder what a football version of the Harlem Globetrotters would look like. We spit some well deserved venom at a Lions team that continues to disappoint. The defense sucks bigger balls than even Deano.

Yes, we are the Detroit Lions of podcasting. We keep running into technical difficulties, making it harder to edit the episode, in turn making it more difficult to publish episodes in a timely manner. If it sounds like I'm (Jeremy) bitching and moaning like a little baby, well, that's because I am. I am a little bitty baby who wants his bottle and his mommy. Anyhow, in this episode, Brother Dan describes the atmosphere inside Ford Field (he took his youngest kid to the game for his birthday), Brother Jeremy calls the Lions a "below average team" despite the (unconvincing) win, and Uncle Ted proclaims that Deano sucks balls. What?

The Lions got beat by a better team on a winning streak. Kirk Cousins has the highest QB rating (can't remember which rating exactly) among all NFL QBs. He's legitimately playing at a high level. And while Matt Stafford had another really good game, it just wasn't enough. And the Vikings ran the ball all over the Lions. As we discuss, it's one thing to lose. It's another thing to get beat in your own house. And it's yet another to get run on the way the Lions got run on. There's something emasculating about it, because you're literally getting pushed around and knocked on your ass. Getting run on means you got beaten down. Anyway, Lomas returns to the pod to provide the kind of insight and positive attitude that only he can. And Barre Sanders makes his Roaraholics debut. For those who haven't heard Barre speak in a while, be prepared.

Yes, we're aware we're posting this episode a little late in the day. But Jewish holidays got in the way again. Anyhow, in this super long episode we try to wrap our collective minds around what happened this past Monday night. Are the Lions cursed? Are the refs out to get them? Maybe both of those things are true. We get way down in the weeds. Also, Jeremy debuts his Lomas Brown imitation and give well-deserved props to the Lions radio duo of Dan Miller and Lo Brown, who are excellent. And we fondly recall the Eric Hipple experience and the '80s era of QBs taking an absolutely horrific amount of punishment.

It's a bye week, ya'll! In this episode we discuss the pros and cons of the bye week for Roaraholics. Todd takes use down a statistical rabbit hole, and brother Dan digs up some old emails from the John "Jesus" Kitna era. We decline to make any predictions concerning the disaster that is sure to unfold Monday night against the Packers. God help us all.

Are the Lions sorta, kinda, just maybe ... not a total dumpster fire? Is it even remotely possible that the Lions are ... good? After all, they more than held their own against the mighty Chiefs. Stafford had his third strong game in a row and matched Mahomes drive for drive. If not for that weird, fluky fumble return ... Stop. Just stop. Please. Stop! Enough of this. Time to grow up. Last year the Roar beat the Patriots early in the season and nevertheless proceeded to suck balls thereafter. A couple weeks from now, the Lions play the Packers at Lambeau. On Monday night. All eyes will be on the Lions, whose recent record on the road against decent teams is approximately 2-864. So, yeah. Let's revisit the "Are the Lions better than we thought" theory after their journey to Green Bay and see where things stand. We're not holding our breath.

The Detroit Lions won on the road, against a team with a supposedly good quarterback. True, the Eagles played like shit and the Lions did their classic "fail to put the other team away when you have a lead" routine. But still, a road win's a road win, right? Right? Actually, reading too much into the last two wins would be naive. Beginning to actually believe that this team might be better than we thought--that's a sign of psychosis. Which is exactly what Roar-Aholics Anonymous is for. We feel your pain and confusion, and we're here for you.

Why on earth are we doing this podcast? The truth is, we're doing it against our better judgement. The three of us--Jeremy Shere, Dan Shere, and Todd Hasak-Lowy, all grew up in the metro Detroit area, and we're all long-time, long-suffering Lions fans. For years, we've endured one crappy season after another and coped by exchanging long, elaborate emails and texts trying to make sense of it all. Existential questions abound: Why do we care? Why do we keep allowing the consistently worst football team of all time lure us back in to keep giving more fucks when we already know how it's gonna end (with yet more heartbreak and self-loathing, obviously)? Why can't we just renounce the Roar once and for all and truly, honestly, and according to all that is good and holy, sweat off the pestilence that is Detroit Lions fandom? Our failure so far to even come close to answering these questions and our apparent inability to stop giving a shit is why we're doing this podcast. Because we know we're not alone. Anyone who grew up in metro Detroit and become trapped into rooting for the Lions knows exactly what we're talking about. We feel your pain, and we're here for you.