The Neon Movie Bunker

Ahoy there, matey! I offer ye a choice: voluntarily submit to an hour of service on HMP Neon Movie Bunker, or find yourself shanghaied into an hour of service on that selfsame vessel. But, oh, there are delights herein! John and El'Ahrai provide reviews of "Final Destination: Bloodlines" and "The Damned"! Plus talk from Cannes, Kevin Costner has issues, and more! So sign the muster roll and listen! And that's why, in a straight fight, a shark would probably beat a Dracula.

The boys have referred to the second weekend of May as the "death slot" more than once in the past. This week, the crop El'Ahrai and John see fit to review are "Clown in a Cornfield" and "Paddington in Peru"! (Ooh, alliteration!) Plus a newsbit or two, some other idle discussion, a bit of foolishness, that sort of thing. Listen and enjoy! Hey, its all about the hair. Don't you forget that. Especially when you become some big hotshot lawyer. Those professional types think its all about brains and ability and completely ignore the do.

Well, the summer movie season has arrived in its inexorable way. As such, John and El'Ahrai are here, with reviews of "Thunderbolts*" and "Andor: Season 2"! Yay? Plus tariff talk, a review of a format, and all the rest! So download and listen! Or stream and listen! Just...just listen, OK?  Listen, you hormonal vulgarian, that woman deserves your respect, not your erotic speculation.

But, soft! What light through yonder Zoom window breaks? It is the east, and Cati Glidewell is the sun. Yes, the Blonde in Front joins El'Ahrai and John this week to talk about "Sinners" (yes, again), "The Accountant 2" and "The Legend of Ochi'! Plus: an unexpected sequel arises! all this and more are waiting for your ears, so listen! I haven't been anywhere. Well, Cancun--not my proudest moment.

Oh, it's a GOOD one this week. John and El'Ahrai are here to review movies and chew bubblegum, and chewing bubblegum into a live microphone sounds awful. "Sinners" and "Motorpsycho!" are on the docket for today, so listen up and listen good. There is also a prolonged discussion about the direction of the Star Wars franchise, and if you listen closely and run the last ten minutes backward at 8x speed, a recipe for a nice butter-poached lobster. You should listen! If punching a policeman is a sin, we may as well just pack up and go home.  

Welcome, one and all! El'Ahrai and John are here to deliver only the finest film reviews imaginable (please don't imagine very hard). This week, "Drop" and "The Monkey" come under the microscope, so prepare yourself! Plus some bits of news and so much more! You should listen! Our old schoolmarm got her throat slit by a fast moving tumbleweed.

Time marches on! New releases march on! John Philip Sousa...died in 1932. But his music marches on! In that spirit, John and El'Ahrai are here to give you reviews of movies: this week, it's "The Friend" and "One of Them Days"! Plus discussion of all the CinemaCon goings-on, and all the usual foolishness, so give a listen! I've been called a son of a you-know-what plenty of times, but I've never been called a son of God.

A is specter haunting Hollywood--the specter of labor unrest. This week, El'Ahrai and John draw back the curtain on the Hollywood Labor Relations Story Corner (sponsored by Oven Mitts). Also, newstalk about Sundance's new home! Plus reviews of "Death of a Unicorn" and "Moana 2", home video picks, and more!  I'm dying, how are you?

It could be argued, of course, that no piece of art is truly "necessary". That said, some do seem to be less necessary than others. In that spirit, John and El'Ahrai are here to offer reviews of "Snow White" and "The Electric State". Was that opening a hint? Maaaaaaaybe. Also: news bits, video picks, and the usual silliness, so listen in! This is gonna be fun. You're gonna meet kids today you can borrow money from the rest of your life.

Oh, we have a good one indeed this week, as El'Ahrai and John slink into your podcast feed with reviews of "Black Bag" and "Daredevil: Born Again". How's that for terrific?! Plus news, home video picks, and more of that special sauce to which you've developed a tolerance! So you should listen! Do they teach beauty queens how to apologize? Because you suck at it!

The fine gentlemen of the Neon Movie Bunker have returned, and they've brought reviews with them! This week, John and El'Ahrai deliver "Mickey 17" and "Companion" for your consideration. Plus! Newsbits, home release picks and...do you remember DivX? You will. So listen in! Oh, this is the worst-looking hat I ever saw. What, when you buy a hat like this I bet you get a free bowl of soup, huh?

Well, the Oscars are done for this cycle, and we've finally got some winners. On the other end of the spectrum, El'Ahrai and John are here with reviews! This week, "My Dead Friend Zoe" and "Elevation" are up for examination! Plus the boys rehash the Oscars for your delectation! So listen in!  I remember one Christmas, I was like 6 or 7, my family bought me the cutest little Barney doll, that I would take with me everywhere. And one day I put it inside the tub with me, to give it a bath...and it just stopped working. It stopped singing the "I Love You" song. And I was just so upset. The world can be a cruel place.

One week remains before the Oscars and our live coverage thereof on Twitch! Cool your anticipation with this week's episode! John and El'Ahrai are here with reviews of "Universal Language" and "The Gorge"! Plus the last round of precursor awards, and the usual yakkety yak (though you should feel free to talk back). We'll see you Sunday night at The Neon Movie Bunker on Twitch for the livestream! If you are sad and like beer, I'm your lady.

I can't tell you if you will ever see another butterfly, but I can tell you that there is another episode! This week, El'Ahrai and John review "Captain America: Brave New World" and "The Wolf Man"! Plus: BAFTA winners, home video picks, and more! Also: join us in our event space Sunday, March 2 to listen to our live reactions to the 97th Academy Awards! I got something kinda big, but I can't hold it very long. On my signal, run like hell, and if I tear myself in half, don't come back for me.

There is, in fact, a new episode...and here it is! This week, John and El'Ahrai review "Love Hurts" and "Luther: Never Too Much"! Plus awards talk, movie cancellations, home video picks, and the proverbial "more", so listen in! You know what I say when I'm asked how my Son's doing? I say "Your guess is as good as mine!"

Hark! A podcast! This week, El'Ahrai, John, and everyone's favorite guest Cati Glidewell are here to review "I'm Still Here" and "Heart Eyes"! Plus a discussion of the Siegel estate's claim to Superman, home video picks, and so much more! So listen and enjoy! You're right. Good taste has undoubtedly deprived me of any number of friendships.  

Well, would you look at that, it's another episode! This time around, John and El'Ahrai review "Presence" and "Hundreds of Beavers"! Plus! They react to the Oscar nominations! They are put on the spot about directors they love! They talk about home video picks! Come join the conversation and LISTEN! Normally, when people hit things with their car, there are skidmarks on the pavement. A brick wall is a pretty good reason to use the brakes, turn the wheel. You didn't do that.

2025 is settling in for what seems like it'll be about a year, and we're back to regular shows this week! El'Ahrai and John are here with reviews of "The Room Next Door" and "Beneath the Valley of the Ultra-Vixens"! Plus the last inhale before six weeks of Oscar coverage, awesome video picks, and more! So listen, you'll like it! What you don't understand is the importance of what we do here, okay? This place is for people who need it, okay? People who aren't accepted anywhere else. You are not one of those people, Troy. You are not one of us.

As 2024 recedes from view, the time has come to discuss 2025 in earnest. As such, John and El'Ahrai provide you with lists of their Top 5 Most Anticipated Movies of 2025! (They're both all about "The Housemaid".) Plus! Reviews of "The Last Showgirl" and "Kraven the Hunter"! So strap in and listen! Look, I heard you the first time, Bobby. I ain't mute.

Grab some snacks and a beverage, because at long last, it's here: THE 2024 NEON MOVIE BUNKER YEAR-END SPECTACUGANZA has arrived! It's big and beefy and packed full with amazingness! Join El'Ahrai, John, and the everlasting delight herself, Cati Glidewell, as they count down their lists of the Top 10 movies of 2024! Become amazed at the wildly strong showing for "Ricky Stanicky"! Plus! Reviews of "September 5" and "The Brutalist"! Plus newsbits, home picks and...the Bruckheimer Award. So listen! And thank you for all your support throughout the year! We hope you continue to listen for years to come. Like, sure, Mom, you got a job to do. You're doing great. But let me ask you something. You put this kid to bed, who's gonna watch over Poughkeepsie?

2024 has wound down, and we're marking the occasion with the first of our annual set of three--yes, John and El'Ahrai are giving you their lists of The Worst Movies of 2024! (Take that, "Moana 2"!) Plus! Reviews of "Nickel Boys" and "What If Season 3"! So listen and got your Best-Of choices in for nevt week! So nice when diabolical evil lives up to the hype!

It's the holidays! El'Ahrai and John make almost no menion of it, but they do review "A Complete Unknown", "Transformers One", and "Babygirl"! Plus a production company in hot water with the WGA, casting news to last you until we meet again, and sequel talk! Plus, get your choices for Worst and Best of 2024! Spectacuganza impends! It's a poor excuse for picking a man's pocket every December the 25th. But as I seem to be the only man who knows that...take the day off.

Christmas approaches. This, of course, makes things perfect for...vampires? John and El'Ahrai are here to review "Nosferatu" and "Venom: The Last Dance"! Plus the usual foolishness. Also, one of them is aging. You can't hurt me more than I'm hurt already.

You know what they say: two's company, three's a significantly better epsiode. With that as our guiding rule, we're pleased to welcome Cati Glidewell back to the show! Join Cati, El'Ahrai and John as they discuss "Nightbitch", "Flow", and "Y2K", plus the economic downturn to the UK from leaving the Schengen Zone as a result of Brexit--I mean, end-of-year awards announcements. So listen! The Cati shows are always better! What do you think the Devil is going to look like if he's around? He will be attractive! He'll be nice and helpful. He'll get a job where he influences a great God-fearing nation. He'll never do an evil thing! He'll never deliberately hurt a living thing... he will just bit by little bit lower our standards where they are important. Just a tiny little bit. Just coax along flash over substance. Just a tiny little bit. And he'll talk about all of us really being salesmen. And he'll get all the great women.

It's December! It's December! Celebrate the King of Months with John and El'Ahrai as they review "Gladiator II" and "The People's Joker"! Doesn't that sound like a thing you could do? Plus newsbits, video picks, and more. Also! We're approaching the end of the year, so let us know your choices for the best and worst of the year through one of the usual channels! Sometimes I do what I want to do. The rest of the time, I do what I have to.

Thanksgiving impends, which means Black Friday (and holiday shopping) are close behind! And as a public service and certainly not a wish list for themselves, El'Ahrai and John are here to give your their very own Holiday Buying Guide for the Movie Lover In Your Life! Please your film nerd and listen! Plus! Reviews of "Wicked Part One" and "Smile 2"! I've talked to God a lot about you over the years. He said He broke the mold when He made you. Says you're sure entertaining to watch, but way too much trouble.

Continuing on with the unkillable tenacity of army ants is its own kind of resistance. In that spirit, John and El'Ahrai have returned this week to review "A Real Pain" and "Cuckoo"! Plus newsbits, questions, home video picks, and the rest! This world's a treasure, Don; but it's been telling us to leave for a while now.  

They're back, and they're ready to review movies! El'Ahrai and John subject "Anora" and "My Old Ass" to the scrutiny of their steely gaze! Plus newsbits, questions, video picks and arguably less overt despair than you might expect! So listen! You couldn't have heard. I kind of write donut jokes on the side. It's one of my many talents.

Enjoy this episode recorded before Election Day, ahead of the Fall. This week, John and El'Ahrai review "The Best Christmas Pageant Ever" and "The Apprentice". Plus some assorted talking and stuff and oh, what's the point? Nothing matters any more. Do you still think you can control them?

There are matters liturgical and biographical on the docket this week, as El'Ahrai and John review "Conclave" and "Piece by Piece"! Plus home video picks, questions, and the boys demonstrate more courage than the owners of the Washington Post and the Los Angeles Times! Would I block you? I would spend every cent I own, and all I could borrow, to block you. There are people who think of Johnny as a clown and a buffoon, but I do not. I despise John Iselin and everything that Iselinism has come to stand for. I think, if John Iselin were a paid Soviet agent, he could not do more to harm this country than he's doing now.

Well, because of what you did, the show has returned again. This week, John and El'Ahrai review "We Live in Time" and "Terrifier 3"! Eros and Thanatos, get 'em here! Plus the usual stuff. You should listen! Isn't all mankind ultimately executed for a crime it never committed?

A slightly more standard-sized show this week, as El'Ahrai and John review "Saturday Night" and "Hellboy: The Crooked Man"! (One of them is good, and one has Hellboy in it!) Plus all the usual newsbits, home video picks, questions and weird silliness (or is it silly weirdness) that is endemic to the brand! So listen! Dr. Manning, suck my ectoplasmic schwanzstucker!

Carve out a bit of time, because this one is big and beefy! John, El'Ahrai, and the ubiquitious Cati Glidewell are setting course for your earholes with reviews of "Joker: Folie à Deux", "Salem's Lot", "Killer Rental", and "The Substance"--can you guess which one is praised by two-thirds of the panel as one of 2024's best? Plus! Newsbits, home video picks, and...El'Ahrai saw "Megalopolis". So listen, and tell your friends to listen, too! It was supposed to be a tribute to Beyoncé, but people did not take it that way.

After a bit of...unpleasantness, we are back! Yes, El'Ahrai and John have returned to your earholes to terrorize the studios and champion the weird, all for reasonable rates! This week, they bring reviews of "Megalopolis" and "Wolfs", and one of them is a review unlike any in 18 years of experience! Plus newsbits and questions and home video picks and all the rest! It's great to be back, so you should listen! That's the bravest thing I've ever seen a vegetable do.

Due to a terribly rude invasion by real life, The Neon Movie Bunker will be going on a brief indefinite hiatus. When we know when will be back, well let you know. Thank you for your understanding. His digestive system is extremely simple. This processor dispenses a rudimentary paste that sustains his organic systems.

Well, there we go again. John, El'Ahrai and special guest Cati Glidewell review not one, not two, not three, but FOUR movies! "Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice", "The Front Room", "Trap", and "Reagan"! Plus! Talk of the Oscar race starts! So please, sit down, sit back and enjoy the dulcet tones of our voices. So women aren't supposed to feel the same things that a man feels? I mean its wrong for them to talk about it? It's okay for a man to say "I'm horny. I'd like to get laid." This is not okay for a woman to say?

Well, we're rounding into the home stretch of 2024, and El'Ahrai and John are here to share their lists of the Top 5 Most Anticipated Movies For The Rest of The Year! (One day, their will be dueling epic poems about the battle to select "Moana 2".) Plus! Reviews of "Between the Temples" and "Harold and the Purple Crayon"! Throw in some festival news and other stuff, and you've got a show going! I ate my grandma! And it took a week cause she was absolutely humongous.

OK, we know there are some audio issues during the review portion of this week's show. The person responsible will be flogged until he doesn't like the flogging any more (we could be here a while). Anyway! Join John, El'Ahrai, and Special Guest Star Tim Conw--I mean, Cati Glidewell as they discuss "Blink Twice", "Sugarcane" and "Oddity"! Plus naughty trailer creators, home video picks, and the usual jackanapery. So listen! When you can't trust the lawyers and the advertising men, what the hell's America coming to, huh?

Can I interest you in some movie talk? Perhaps...a Count/Pointercount review of "Alien: Romulus" with a bonus chaser of "Borderlands" slander? Well, do El'Ahrai and John have a show for you! There's also some talk about the apparent resurrection of one of the most notorious films of the past 60 years, and...I dunno, a DVD gets mentioned. So listen in! Like sauerkraut, it's good for you! You do things someone else's way and you take your life into your own hands.

If there is any mercy left in this universe, by the time you read this, the sun will have extinguished. If, on the other hand, the universe continues onward in its infinite indifference, here is a new episode. "Didi" and "The Bikeriders" are up for review. There are other discussions. None of it matters. Nothing matters. There is no harmony in the universe. We have to get acquainted to this idea that there is no real harmony as we have conceived it. But when I say this, I say this all full of admiration for the jungle. It is not that I hate it, I love it. I love it very much. But I love it against my better judgment.  

El'Ahrai and John are back, and they, too, will be doing this until they're 90! "Kneecap" and "Sing Sing" are on the review docket this week, so listen up for that! Plus! There is extended discussion of the Marvel announcements out of Comic-Con's Hall H, and--to continue the Marvel-y fun--some talk about the manner in which "Deadpool & Wolverine" has rewritten the box office record book! Doesn't that sound like good, clean fun? You should listen! It's probably just a wedding somewhere nearby. They like to shoot off guns at weddings here. You get it, you're from Florida.

Well, we've reached (perhaps) the final big hitter of the Summer Movie Season 2024. This week, John and El'Ahrai deliver a Count-Pointercount review of "Deadpool and Wolverine"! Thrill to all the Robert Bresson references, both in the movie and the reviews! Did we hear a single? Find out! Plus all the usual stuff. I remember signing a contract, to play ball not to be put to sleep by some two bit carney hypnotist!

It's July, so grab hold, Miranda! This week, El'Ahrai, John, and fifth Beatle Cati Glidewell review "Twisters", "The Fall Guy:: Extended Cut", and "Widow Clicquot"! Plus rumblings of dissolutions, home video picks, questions, and more! Tell me and you and everyone we know to listen! I don't want to have to do this living. I just walk around. I want to be swept off my feet, you know? I want my children to have magical powers. I am prepared for amazing things to happen. I can handle it.

The slow downhill...slide? crawl? descent? to the end of 2024 has begun. Let John and El'Ahrai be your guides on this trip into darkness, with movie reviews and stuff! This week, "Longlegs" and "Fly Me to the Moon" await the judgment they are due. Plus all the usual delights. So download and listen! A family tiff seems to be developing. I don't know if we should leave, but I definitely advise skipping the fish course.

Guess who's back! Back again! Cati's back! Tell a friend! That's right, The Blonde in Front has returned to grace our filthy airwaves with the delight of her presence! And it's a special one, as this week, Cati, El'Ahrai, and John name their Top Five Movies for 2024 So Far! (I'm not going to lie to you, they all said "Kung Fu Panda 4" for all five slots.) Plus! Reviews of "Maxxxine", "Beverly Hills Cop: Axel F", and "Daddio"! You know you want to listen, so...like, do that. That is awesome! I mean, it's disturbing, but it's awesome!

A great big number like 350 deserves a great big show, and by gum, we've got one for you this week! Author and Contributing Editor at Vanity Fair Maureen Ryan graces John and El'Ahrai with her presence to discuss her new-in-paperback book, "Burn It Down". It's a wide-ranging interview, and a good one! But wait, there's more! Reviews of "Kinds of Kindness" and "A Quiet Place: Day One", plus a stop by the Hollywood Labor Relations Story Corner (sponsored by Oven Mitts), home video picks, questions, and more! So give a listen! Say this one time with me: "Would you like that in a pump or a loafer?"... Good. Now memorize it, because starting tomorrow, the only job that you're going to be able to get is selling SHOES!  

It is often said that into each life, a little rain must fall, and this is cerrtainly true. However, even the rainiest lives have their days of sun, and one must be aware and ready for those when they arise. (Don't worry, there are jokes in the episode, promise.) This week, El'Ahrai and John review "The Bikeriders" and "Thelma"! Plus newsbits, video picks, and the usual unusual. You should listen! We both know I'm not above killing children, but I'm not wasteful.

The movie world this week was all about "Inside Out 2", so why should we be any different? John and El'Ahrai review "Inside Out 2" and "The Watchers" (respectively), plus there is some newsy discussion of box office success! Also! The other weird dumbness and dumb weirdness that has marked this show from Day 1! So strap in! Let me tell you, Falk. We live in perilous times. You got to keep alert for these things. You don't want your life to wind up as black-and-white newsreel footage scored by a cello in a minor key.

We're back for another week toiling in the mines of criticism and entertainment journalism! El'Ahrai and John bring reviews this week of "Bad Boys: Ride or Die" and "MoviePass, MovieCrash"! Will they unearth gems, or will it just be ton upon ton of virtually worthless bauxite? Find out for yourself! It's true! You get colonized! Your native culture gets driven out, and it's replaced by stuff that you don't like and don't even want to know about. It's true! You get colonized! Your native culture gets driven out, and it's replaced by stuff that you don't like and don't even want to know about.

Oyez! Oyez! A bit of a post-Memorial Day Weekend lull on reviews, but there is news a-plenty on the subject of Netflix's various nefariousness, among other things. John and El'Ahrai provide reviews of "Ezra" and "The First Omen", among all the other stuff...and things. Plus! Do you notice an upgrade in sound quality? Let us know! I move around a lot, not because I'm looking for anything really, but 'cause I'm getting away from things that get bad if I stay.

It's a jam-packed show this week, as El'Ahrai, John, and everyone's favorite Blonde in Front, Cati Glidewell, come to you with a round of reviews of "Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga", "Babes", and "In a Violent Nature"! Come and listen! Find out who was disappointed and who was wrong! (Those are probaby both John.) Plus all the usual other stuff! That's a question I'll never be able to pluck up the courage to ask but as he's me best friend I will.