Worth Recovery

Today, December 2, 2022, I celebrate 10 years sober.  In this episode I talk about some of the thinking that had to change for me to achieve this accomplishment and how believing is seeing when it comes to our recovery.

Continuing our Worth Reading series, I share one of the books that was fundamental to my mindset work.  I was struggling with my people pleasing behaviors when my therapist recommended this book.  In this episode, I share the pieces of this book that had the most influence on me. The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz  

In this second part, we continue our discussion about the 12 dimensions of courtship including intimacy, touching, foreplay, intercourse, commitment, and renewal.  These later stages of courtship are some of the hardest things we do in relationships.   These dimensions come from "Facing the Shadow" a workbook on sex addiction from Dr. Patrick Carnes.  

The goal of sex addiction recovery isn't sobriety.  Sobriety is a tool we use.  But the actual goal of sex addiction recovery is that you have amazing relationships! Relationships that bring renewal and energy to your life!  Relationships that fill you and become an asset to you.  These types of relationships require an understanding of what Courtship is and the different dimensions that courtship can follow.  Thankfully, Dr. Patrick Carnes has outlined these dimensions and given us a pattern we could follow to help us learn new skills.  Using these dimensions I discuss where we can sometimes get stuck and what skills we need to get ourselves unstuck as we work to improve our relationships.

For decades we've been viewing addiction through the disease lens.  Before that, it was a moral failing.  What is next as we increase our knowledge and understanding about what addiction exactly is and how it starts in our lives?   In this episode I share how my view of addiction has changed over time and how I gauge what is helpful in my own recovery from addiction.

Worth Reading is a series of podcasts where I share my review of books that have had meaning to me throughout the recovery process.   Today I reflect on "Ready to Heal: Breaking Free of Addictive Relationships" by Kelly McDaniel.  Kelly does a beautiful job explaining some of the unique considerations that need to be made for women in recovery from love, relationship, or sex addiction.  I share some of the most meaningful insights she provides and expand on how they impacted me in recovery.    

In December 2021, I celebrated my 9 year sobriety anniversary.  Wow!  9 Years Sober!  One of my clients asked me, what has changed in my life since becoming sober?  In this episode I share my top 10 changes in my life with longer term sobriety and recovery.  I hope this helps you think about where you're going in recovery and what longer term sobriety and recovery and help you achieve!

Evolution is a necessary part of life.  As we grow and change, it is necessary to reevaluate our recovery and our life.  Our beliefs, practices, thinking patterns and perspectives need to change and keep up with our growth. In this episode I discuss how evolution happens and how we can evaluate our recovery to level up.   You can download the episode worksheet here.  

Happy New Year!  Welcome to 2022! After a long hiatus of podcasting, I'm at it again.  January is my favorite month of the year.  I simply LOVE New Year's, and every year make a major plan with goals, accountability charts, and even a PowerPoint presentation for motivation! In this episode, we explore how to implement a change in a way that will last.  Vision + Skills + Incentives + Resources + Action Plan = Sustainable Change You can download the diagram here.      

Sexuality is unique for each person. However, abuse is never a healthy part of sexuality. In this episode, I explore the connection between BDSM and abuse with Kristal Garcia.  Kristal is a self-identified recovering sex and love addict.  Her story can be found on a previous episode of Worth Recovery. Here we define and discuss what exactly BDSM is and the challenges of this community.   More information about Kristal can be found here:  https://www.openheartsunite.org/  

Motivation.... how do you get it? how do you keep it?  how do you refuel it?  This is one of the most common questions I get!  So in this episode I share with you my ideas on how to find and keep motivation.  I spell out a three part plan and share some of my own experiences.  Remember:  Motivation comes to me from the inside, I am my own motivator! Until next time, Amy   Episode 001:  My Recovery Plan

New Series Announcement!  I'm super excited to start a new series this month - Worth Reading.  The 4th week of every month this year we will discuss or explore a book that had significant impact in my own recovery journey.  We will start today with Alcoholics Anonymous - Big Book.   In this episode I discuss my love for reading and why reading has always meant so much to me.  Then we explore the history of the Big Book and how it paved the way for so many of the recovery resources available today.  Last, I go chapter by chapter and share with you some of my favorite quotes and how they impacted my recovery.     What books have impacted your recovery?

One of the questions people consistently ask me is about the ONE THING that made the difference in my recovery.  That is an impossible question to answer, of course.  And I give my best attempt in this episode.  Let me share with you part of my journey to self-awareness. 

Continuing my work to get more and more women's recovery stories out there - que Lisa.  She is amazing. I was truly inspired by her compassion and empathy towards those she encountered on her road to recovery.  I am honored to bring her story to you.  Remember, when we share our story or hear the stories of others, a new piece in our own life heals.  That was definitely the case with Lisa.  I'm forever grateful for her willingness to share so much with us!

2020 was not my best year.  While I learned a lot and had some great opportunities and wins, there were many things that didn't happen.  I'm calling it the year of false starts.  It took a toll on me and on Worth Recovery. However, I'm doing the work to change that.  In this episode I discuss how shame and guilt have kept me frozen and not moving forward and how learning to love myself through the process has been the most rewarding.  

What an amazing opportunity to have Kristal Garcia on the podcast! I was inspired by her radical self-love and forgiveness. I was challenged by her confidence and boldness. I was changed by her story.  Every time I hear the story of another woman, a little piece of my heart heals. That was definitely the case here. You can read about Kristal and hear here stories here:  https://www.kristaldenisegarcia.com/ The video that inspired me that I cite on the episode is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wUPLBdWyHL8

Emotions.  They are beautiful and make us human AND they are difficult and can make us fearful.  In this episode I share with you a recent problem I had with tending to my own emotions.  I hope you take some time today and tend to your emotions.  

I love having guests on the podcast. I love it even more when they are women sharing their own recovery journey.  Rosario is a brave young woman sharing her battle with sex and love addiction.  She discusses her struggle with religion and relationships.  She shares how bad it got and what made it better.  She talks about how self-compassion is the way she started to find healing and what her recovery looks like today.   I'm on a journey to share as many women's stories as I can during the rest of 2020!  Do you want to share your story?  It doesn't matter where you are in your recovery journey - at the beginning or many years in - your story is important and can make a huge difference for people.  I'd love to have you on the podcast!  Reach out!  amy@worthrecovery.com and let's make it happen!

Connection is such a necessary part of life. Yet, for so many reasons it feels scary and unsafe. With everything else going on the world right now - pandemics, civil unrest, social distancing, protests, etc. - connection is every more essential than ever.  Why?  Try this Ted Talk by Johann Hari   Or this one by Brene Brown In this episode I discuss why we need connection and the offer four invitations for you to connect. 1. Worth Recovery Women's Stories Series 2. The Worth Circle - online FaceBook support group 3. Recovery Coaching 4. Call and connect with me - go to the Recovery Coaching page and schedule a call with me.  I'd love to connect, even if you're not interested in coaching.              

There is a whole lot going on right now.  As we grasp for information we don't have a whole lot of expectations are being put on us and how we should be responding to this pandemic.  Truth is we're living in unprecedented times.  Times that have never before been experienced by anyone currently alive.  It's important, now more than ever, that we truly understand ourselves, our position, and our pace.  I burnt out quickly the first few weeks of quarantine and was a mess by week 3.  In this episode, I share some of the thinking that helped me pull myself together again.  I hope it's helpful for you.  And a reminder:  Always stay kind.   Poem referred to in the episode:  https://www.oprahmag.com/entertainment/a31747557/and-the-people-stayed-home-poem-kitty-omeara-interview/ Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs: https://www.simplypsychology.org/maslow.html ======================== Announcements: I’d love to connect with you!  If you want to talk about coaching, the worth circle, online sex addiction groups – OR if you just want to talk to someone who gets it – schedule a time with me here:  https://worthrecovery.com/recovery-coaching/ Interested in learning more about the Worth Circle?  Awesome, I’d love to tell you.  You can either schedule a time to talk to me above or check out the website with more information here: https://worthrecovery.com/worthcircle/ Want to join my sex addiction groups for women starting in May, 2020?  I’d love to have you!  You can email me, schedule a time to talk or read more here:  https://www.healingpathsrecovery.com/events/ You can always email me:  amy@worthrecovery.com

Alice Taylor is the author of "Restored: A Women's Guide to Overcoming Pornography", a book full of amazing, practical tools to help you in your recovery.  She generously agreed to share her story with us as part of our Women's Stories series.  I'm grateful for her courage.  You can read more about her story and order Restored at her website:  https://thegracespot.com/ =============================== Announcements: I’d love to connect with you!  If you want to talk about coaching, the worth circle, online sex addiction groups – OR if you just want to talk to someone who gets it – schedule a time with me here:  https://worthrecovery.com/recovery-coaching/ Interested in learning more about the Worth Circle?  Awesome, I’d love to tell you.  You can either schedule a time to talk to me above or check out the website with more information here: https://worthrecovery.com/worthcircle/ Want to join my sex addiction groups for women starting in May, 2020?  I’d love to have you!  You can email me, schedule a time to talk or read more here:  https://www.healingpathsrecovery.com/events/ You can always email me:  amy@worthrecovery.com

Free Fall is an opportunity to reorganize your life really quickly. In a matter of moments/days/weeks things can look really different.  At least it has the potential to.  But we must look at falling with intentionality and not fear. In this episode I share one of my first moments of free fall when I got laid off from a job in 2015 and the impact that had on my life.  There was an exercise I did that helped me to be intentional about what I let fall into my life and what I let fall out of my life.  I hope it is as helpful for you as it was for me. =============================== Announcements: I'd love to connect with you!  If you want to talk about coaching, the worth circle, online sex addiction groups - OR if you just want to talk to someone who gets it - schedule a time with me here:  https://worthrecovery.com/recovery-coaching/ Interested in learning more about the Worth Circle?  Awesome, I'd love to tell you.  You can either schedule a time to talk to me above or check out the website with more information here: https://worthrecovery.com/worthcircle/ Want to join my sex addiction groups for women starting in May?  I'd love to have you!  You can email me, schedule a time to talk or read more here:  https://www.healingpathsrecovery.com/events/ You can always email me:  amy@worthrecovery.com  

How many days have you been alone in your house?  Or at least felt alone, whether you actually were or not?  Have you struggled with loneliness during other times in your life?  Me, too.  In this episode, I share my current thoughts on where our world is, and three of the strategies that helped me learn to work through my own loneliness. In addition - I'd love to connect with you! Schedule a 30 minute window to talk here:  https://worthrecovery.com/recovery-coaching/Feel free to schedule - even if you're not interested in coaching - I'd love to just connect with you. Join the Worth Circle here:  https://worthrecovery.com/worthcircle/ Awesome things are coming here at Worth Recovery!

In the conclusion of Natalie's story, we hear more about her recovery journey, the groups she attended, the problems she has faced in finding help, as well as more about her current relationship.  Each time I hear stories of others a piece of me heals.  I definitely found that to be true with Natalie. I hope you find that to be true for yourself as well. There are great resources available for women in the UK.  Natalie generously compiled a list of for those seeking help: Domestic abuse help for woman Welsh women’s aid https://www.welshwomensaid.org.uk Womans aid UK https://www.womensaid.org.uk  Abuse help For men Men's advice line https://mensadviceline.org.uk For any gender Live fear free helpline https://gov.wales/live-fear-free National abuse helpline https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk Safe line https://www.safeline.org.uk Sexual assault / abuse help Sexual Assault and Referral Centres https://rapecrisis.org.uk/get-help/ The survivors trust https://www.thesurvivorstrust.org New pathways http://www.newpathways.org.uk NHS information and help line https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/sexual-health/help-after-rape-and-sexual-assault/ Addiction recovery support  CAIS (the living room Cardiff and other centres in wales) https://www.cais.co.uk 24 hr Support  The Samaritans 24hr support line https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/

Part 2 of Natalie's Story:  Another brave woman coming forward to share her story!  I'm always so honored when women are willing to share their story with us!  Natalie is from the UK and is an amazing trauma survivor and recovery addict.  I've had the privilege of knowing her for just over three years and am continually impressed with her resilience and engagement in recovery.  In this 3 part story, Natalie shares her family history, trauma story, and her brave recovery journey.  Every time I hear the story of another woman, a new piece of me heals. 

Another brave woman coming forward to share her story!  I'm always so honored when women are willing to share their story with us!  Natalie is from the UK and is an amazing trauma survivor and recovery addict.  I've had the privilege of knowing her for just over three years and am continually impressed with her resilience and engagement in recovery.  In this 3 part story, Natalie shares her family history, trauma story, and her brave recovery journey.  Every time I hear the story of another woman, a new piece of me heals. 

I have a love/hate relationship with boundaries.  At least, I used to. Boundaries are what keep us safe.  Having good boundaries can be life changing.  We never really know just how life-changing until we start to live with good boundaries.  In this episode, I partner with Jackie Pack from the Thanks For Sharing Podcast to discuss boundaries.  Jackie and I work together as One Layer Deeper.  We'd love to spend a year exploring Boundaries with you.  Learn more about the boundary box here:  https://onelayerdeeper.com/the-boundary-box/

It's a new year, it's close to my sobriety anniversary, and it's my birthday!  All these things happen within a few weeks of each other.  This provides a great opportunity to evaluate my "bottom line" behaviors, or my sobriety definition, or my Level 4 behaviors, or whatever it is that you call the things you don't do anymore! Many times, at the beginning of recovery, we're not sure exactly what we need to do in order to get sober.  We're not sure what counts or doesn't count as a slip or a relapse.  The reality is that you need to make that determination.  As I just celebrated my 7 year sobriety anniversary, I thought it was a good time to evaluate my Level 4 behaviors.  In this episode, I walk you through the tool I've created and use with my coaching clients to define my sobriety and how that has evolved over time.   Download the worksheet here!

It's a new year and it's my annual time to evaluate my life and decide what the next step looks like for me.  My goal for this year is to be OPEN.  In this episode I share with you how our lives in recovery can end us in isolation and make us feel closed off. To move to our next level of recovery requires us to be OPEN.  Can't wait to share that with you!

As you evolve, everything in your life must evolve.  If your evolution during recovery doesn't flow out to the other areas of your life, you could wake up one day and wonder what is going on?!?!  In this episode, I talk about some of the evolutions I've had to make in recovery and how they have impacted my life.

We recently celebrated Memorial Day here in the USA. This is a day we recognize all those who have made sacrifices for the freedoms we live with and enjoy. This amplified the recent thoughts I've been having about the price of freedom - not political freedom - personal freedom. In this episode I share some of the prices I've paid for the freedom I have from addiction as well as the current struggle I'm facing to pay the price for the next level of freedom and recovery I want for my life. How about you? What is the price for your next level of recovery? All my love, Amy

You've heard the phrase - If it's worth doing, it's worth doing well.  And while that applies in almost all cases, I also think if it's worth doing, it's worth doing poorly.  In this episode I'll give you some examples of things worth doing, even if done poorly. And hopefully, give you some encouragement to get you through. 

I know you've heard the term: compartmentalize.  Maybe you've even heard it glorified and bragged about by people. I'm so good at compartmentalizing my life!  And while it can be an effective coping strategy - that is all it is a copying strategy. It helps you survive. However, I'm tired of surviving.  I want to thrive.  In this episode, I share how I keep mindful of the danger of compartmentalization and a few strategies I've used to become a more integrated, congruent person.  

You asked - I'm answering.  You wanted to know how I do an evaluation of my life, how I make connections, how I know there is something off and how do I dig deeper into what that is and find clarity.  In this episode, I share with you two of tools I use to identify what is off in my life.  These tools have helped me for years in identifying where I need to put my focus and energy.  I hope they help you as well!

I'm resurrecting an episode that had gotten lost in the archives. Family relationships are hard! We enter recovery thinking that they will get better - that everything will get better!  We don't always realize that things don't get better right away.  We have to work through so much of the patterns and cycles that we've been in for a long time!  Many people ask me how I can still have a relationship with my family when things are so dysfunctional?? Here is my answer!

Jackie and I are EXCITED about what we are doing with One Layer Deeper (1LD). Are you looking to go one layer deeper in your recovery? Then maybe one of our intensives or webinars is right for you!  In this episode we talk about how our family of origin contributes so much to our relational template.  This template is the foundation from which we operation. It is the template for how we engage with others around us.  When this relational template is damaged, it takes hard work to change it and thus dramatically transform our relationships. You can do it!  We want to help! http://onelayerdeeper.com  

The first step of connection is departure.  - Delta Airlines We change, we have to, or we spend the rest of our lives fighting the same battles!- Captain James T. Kirk (Star Trek: Beyond) What do these two quotes have to do with each other? They are two quotes that have resonated as truth with me the last few weeks. The beginning of the year is always a reflective time for me and as I've been thinking about you, I've thought a lot about what departures I need to make in my life.  I hope this helps you connect!

Let's keep talking gaslighting!!  In this episode we will continue our conversation about what gaslighting is, how you know if that is happening to you, and how to get out!!  That is the most important - how you get out of this situation.  

Have you heard the term gaslighting? Do you know what it means? Are you currently or have you been a victim? In a recent coaching conversation, I was reminded of just how dangerous this behavior is and how damaging it can be to our lives.  In part 1, I share a few examples from my own life of gaslighting and define what gaslighting is and where the term comes from.  In part 2 - next episode - we will dig into the details of how it manifests and what to do about it!  

Do you ever feel like everyone is pulling you down or holding you back?  Yeah - crabs do that.  Learn what crab mentality is and how it shows up in recovery as Amy shares some of her crab moments. Let's be builders!

Every semester I give the same "speech" to my math students as we begin class together.  This fall, as I was sharing it again, it hit me just how recovery minded the whole thing is! Hard to believe I didn't catch that before.  I share it with you to help you build hope for the big task that is recovery and as insight into what exactly we are all working to recover from!  

Getting current is one of the first skills we can gain in recovery. In learning how to share our current reality, we learn how to accept where we are.  Once we accept where we are, we can actually make changes. Change can only happen when we accept our current situation. Getting current is how we begin to do that. In this episode, I share the importance of getting current and the obligation we have to do that in healthy adult relationships. Also - I want to get current with you on what has been going on for me the last few months.  

Continuing our deep dive into Step 10, Amy discusses the third concept from Step 10 - When we were wrong, we promptly admitted it.  Step 10 is the time we really start to focus on the present moment and our present life. We have cleaned up a large portion of our past and are ready to really focus on the present.  This means we become more and more aware of our actions in the moment and how they are impacting ourselves and those around us.  Step 10 gives us tools to build awareness and how to mitigate the impact of our current actions.  We stop fighting with people and we start admitting we are wrong. 

Everyone has a right to speak their truth. If others don't agree with you, that doesn't invalidate your truth. If you don't speak your truth, it becomes toxic sitting inside of you. These are three realities that I've experienced over the last several months. Especially the last one. When I don't speak the truth of what is going on inside of me and what I'm experiencing, I end up at the bottom of a shame pit I dug for myself.  That is where I'm at today and that is why I need to speak that out loud.  It helped me so much. I hope it helps you as well!

Did you know that Self-Care was finally added to the dictionary? You now have a legitimate resource to help you prioritize taking care of yourself. If it’s in the dictionary – it’s real! Now, we need to look at what the definition of self-care is and what areas of our life we need to maintain and upkeep ourselves. It’s so much more than a pedicure or a night out with friends. Listen to Amy discuss what she is doing on a daily basis and how to re-define self-care for yourself. 

The Implementation Dip is a massive part of the change process.  It has been studied in education for decades and is a massive part of the strategic planning.  It shows us that when we first start to change and put in maximum effort, we aren’t going to see the result we want right away.  In fact, we will see a dip in our performance and results.  In this episode, Amy explains what the implementation dip is, how it effects us in recovery, and shares her methods for navigating this dip.  Links to additional insights about the Implementation Dip:  This one includes graphs for you to look at!!!  http://www.saspa.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/Fullan_The_Six_Secrets_of_Change-1.pdf  http://www.ghaea.org/files/IowaCoreCurriculum/Module1/Mod1-FullanChangeLeaderArticle.pdf   https://books.google.com/books?hl=en&lr=&id=fYSBCwAAQBAJ&oi=fnd&pg=PA212&dq=the+implementation+dip&ots=OjMjIzTZyW&sig=4e9VF2PgCQxMaDp1PDVDih16oVo#v=onepage&q=the%20implementation%20dip&f=false  https://insights.sei.cmu.edu/devops/2016/09/three-strategies-to-minimize-the-implementation-dip-in-devops.html 

Continuing our look at Step 10, Amy dives into what exactly “Personal Inventory” is and why we need it in our recovery process.  The ability accurately self-appraise comes with practice and in time, yet it is a skill that can make the difference in the progress of our recovery. 

Marnie Feree is one of the pioneers of sex addiction recovery for women. Having been in addiction recovery for over 20 years - she was one of the first to ever show up in the 12-step circle as a woman. She conintues her work for women at Bethesda Workshops (http://www.bethesdaworkshops.org/), the first outpatient intensive program for women in sex addiction.  In this episode, Marnie shares some of her own story and the amazing work she does for women and teens in recovery.  

We need our emotions. They keep us alive. They make the world worth living.  If we couldn't feel pain, joy, fear, anger, or love what would we do with ourselves? We need them. AND we need to keep them in perspective and in their proper place. And that place is NOT in the driver's seat!  In the concluding episode on this series, Amy talks about how we EVICT the emotions from the driver’s seat and take back the wheel. She offer 6 great ways to get emotions OUT of the driver’s seat and back where they belong.

Picking up the series on the 12 steps of recovery, Amy discusses Step 10: We continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it. When we reach step 10 in our journey, we have done A LOT of work! So much work! And there can be a tendency to back down the intensity of the work that we have done. Step 10 is a call to action – listen to Amy describe some of the things we must Continue to do if we are going to continue down the road of recovery.    

We need our emotions. They keep us alive. They make the world worth living.  If we couldn't feel pain, joy, fear, anger, or love what would we do with ourselves? We need them. AND we need to keep them in perspective and in their proper place. And that place is NOT in the driver's seat!  Listen to Amy talk about where our emotions need to be - and how you can figure out who's driving your path.