Asking for Myself

STIs, Herpes, Genital Warts, and Taking Control of your Sexual Health This episode was born out of an Instagram DM, “was on a second date...he says: “I have genital warts” and feel like if it's heading in that direction it something you need to know” and I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. No one has ever prepared me for that moment except in middle school the teachers saying stay away from people with STIs, but like what is the correct thing to do/say???" (~50 min mark) So, I went directly to the experts to get an answer. In this episode, I was delighted to be joined by Laureen HD — sex educator and sexual health advocate and Melody G — artist, educator, and creator of WTF is HPV. What do we discuss? What are some of the common misconceptions about HSV and HPV? Has COVID helped us become more mindful of community health and openly discussing our sexual health/STI status? What is a herpes outbreak like? What can you expect if you've recently been diagnosed? Can doctors determine which strain you have of HSV and/or HPV? What's the difference and why, if at all, does it matter? Should you ask to get tested for HPV? How about HSV? Should you disclose your status to someone and if so, when? What is an ideal response to being told a potential partner has an STI?  Is it okay to turn someone down who has an STI? What is a compassionate way to handle this conversation? What is the best way to disclose your positive herpes diagnosis? Is it misleading to use the term HSV vs. herpes? What encouragement would you give to someone who feels the need to settle because they have an STI?  How can you navigate dating with a positive diagnosis and not feel doomed? Products mentioned in today's episode! IHD (Innovative Health Diagnostics) for convenient, at-home STI testing - make sure you use our link! Semaine Health Urinary Cleanse Supplements for protection against UTIs. Use code TABU for 20% off! Uberlube, you already know. Go on ahead and use code TABU for 10% off your order! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/askingformyself/message

Self-love, body image, and self-pleasure Today I am joined by the one and only Cat Lygate, the founder of UNGIRL. UNGIRL is a platform to educate and empower people's sexuality and self-confidence. Cat dropped so many gems this episode!

Welcome back to Asking for Myself, where I ask all the questions you're too afraid to. Today we're talking about a topic that's near and dear to my heart, sexual trauma. This episode contains content about a topic that is understandably highly sensitive for many people. If this topic is triggering for you, it may be difficult to listen to this episode. That being said, the goal of this episode is to be a guide and a warm hug to all survivors of any form of trauma. If it's too much for you, you can listen in chunks or skip it entirely. We don't go into any graphic detail, but rather focus on coping strategies for healing and guidance to partners and friends or family who want to support someone they love.

How does your attachment style impact your relationships? Welcome back to Asking for Myself, where I ask all the questions you're too afraid to. Today I am joined by Dr. Betsy Chung and Nicole Walker We're taking it back to where it all began…our childhoods. We talk about the buzzy topic of attachment styles and how we can meaningfully understand our pasts to inform a brighter future, particularly when it comes to our relationships. So here's what I asked: What are the different attachment styles and how are they informed? How early do your experiences begin to shape your identity and impact your future relationships? Do people who aren't used to being in a securely attached relationship find themselves getting bored with a securely attached partner? Is it common to have a different attachment style with your friends vs. your partners and why? Are women attracted to men like their fathers and are men are attracted to women like their mothers? Does the same hold true in same-sex partnerships? Do certain attachment styles tend to attract each other? Are certain attachment styles less compatible? How do you navigate the anxious-avoidant dynamic in a relationship? How much weight should you give to someone's attachment style? Is it in some ways self-fulfilling? How do you trust yourself but also let go of patterns that aren't serving you? As you listen, you're gonna want to give your inner child a big hug.

Being Single, Getting on Apps, and Learning How to Communicate Welcome back to Asking for Myself, where I ask all the questions you're too afraid to. Today I am joined by Ilana Dunn, host of the podcast Seeing Other People, and Stevie Bowen, author and creator of The City of Dating. Today we get into my least favorite topic…dating apps. Of course, I had a lot of questions, including the following: What is it like dating with a public “persona”? How do you resist the urge to social media stalk before a first date? Is it ever worth it? What's the breakdown of the dating apps? What should I use if I'm actually looking for something serious? (check out the last episode if you're looking for something that's not!

Casual Sex, Hookups, and Building Sexual Confidence Welcome back to Asking for Myself, where I ask all the questions you're too afraid to. Today I am joined by sex therapist-in-training training and host of the Handy Mandy Podcast, Amanda Pahl, and sex and relationship coach Dr. Tara, host of the Luvbites by Dr. Tara podcast. Here's what we get into on the episode: How do you get comfortable having sex with new people after a breakup? How do you not think about your ex during sex and stop comparing them to every new sexual partner? How do you not take it personally when someone is just not that into you? How can you leave a hookup when you're no longer into it? Are one-night stands worth it? How can you make them more pleasurable? Should you wait a certain number of dates to have sex with someone? Is it okay to bring a sex toy to a hookup? How can you introduce your kinks and desires with a new partner? How much is too much when it comes to having sex under the influence? How do you get someone to wear a condom? This was such a fun episode and I loved every minute of it. I hope you do, too! A huge shout out to today's sponsor, Uberlube, the ultimate luxurious lubricant. If you haven't tried Uberlube yet, you are seriously missing out. Moisturizing, silky smooth, and silicone-based for some added oomph. Only the best for you, my darling. Grab yourself a bottle (or several) at uberlube.com and get 10% off with code TABU.

Couples Counseling, Navigating Conflict, and Sex Therapy Welcome back to Asking for Myself, where I ask all the questions you're too afraid to. Today I am joined by sex therapist Kaycee Polite and relationship coach Shula Melamed to talk all things couples counseling. What do I ask this week? What is the difference between therapy and coaching? What is sex therapy and who is it for? Is it ever too early or too late to seek couples counseling? What can couples expect from therapy or coaching? What does a typical session look like and how long is the therapeutic relationship meant to last? What can you do if one partner doesn't want to be in therapy and the other does? If you are in couples counseling, should you also seek individual therapy or coaching? What is the difference in terms of format and expectations? Where does defensiveness come from and what can you do when you notice it showing up, both within yourself and within your partner? Are we responsible for our partner's emotions? When is it time to call it quits vs continue working on the relationship? What can couples do when there are dips in desire and mismatched libidos How do you build sexual intimacy with your partner and get creative in your sex life over time? What if your partner is resistant to trying new things or intimidated? So yes, a lot of questions!

Resentment, Anger, and Jealousy in a Relationship Welcome back to Asking for Myself, where I ask all the questions you're too afraid to. Today we're talking all things conflict and communication. I had the privilege of being joined by Jayda, aka your Sex Positive Asian Auntie, and Adam Maurer, your “straight-friendly” sex-positive relationship therapist. So, what do we talk about? How do you notice when resentment is starting to show up in a relationship? Is it possible to overcome resentment? How and when can you address issues in a constructive way that doesn't feel “naggy”? How does contempt show up in a relationship and what we can do about it? How can you step back when conversations/arguments start to turn sideways? How can you address perceived imbalance in a relationship? How does emotional labor and mental health factor in? What can you do when you're in therapy and/or working on yourself but the people in your life aren't willing to meet you in your self-growth? How do you grow together and how do you handle when you're growing apart? How do you handle jealousy and overcome relationship insecurities? Can we really expect “everything” from one partner? How can we outsource our emotional needs? Why do we place romantic relationships on such a pedestal and often de-prioritize our friendships? I was definitely asking for myself on this one!

Masculinity, Mental Health, and Body Image for Black Men Welcome back to Asking for Myself, where I ask all the questions you're too afraid to. Today we're talking all things men and mental health. In this episode, I am joined by investor, community builder, and mental health advocate, Rollins Stallworth III, and Broadway actor, sexuality educator, and phenomenal dancer slash chef, Tyrone Davis Jr. And you know I've got a lot of questions. Such as? How does sexual liberation have an impact on mental health? What is the connection between our sexuality and mental health? What aspects of the “male experience” prevent men from receiving help when they need it? Is “toxic masculinity” a constructive or inclusive term to invite men into the conversation? Is there space to hold compassion for incels while holding them accountable? How can we approach male aggression and violence with an empathetic lens? How has the myth of “doing it alone” played a role in your life and your relationship with masculinity? How do we create vulnerable spaces and community for men to talk to each other? How do we build relationships between straight men and queer men? What barriers exist to cultivating these relationships? What body image insecurities have you had to overcome or work through? How has this been impacted by your identity and experience as an athlete/actor? What stereotypes exist for Black men are harmful (or perhaps, advantageous)? How do you prevent burnout while advocating for against oppressive systems that personally harm you (protesting as a Black man)? Rollins' action plan Today's episode is brought to you by Uberlube, the ultimate luxurious lubricant. Grab yours today at uberlube.com and get 10% off with code TABU. Calling all therapist and coaches! Build your digital storefront with Niche, the marketplace for mental health. ····· Suicide resources: Text ‘HELLO' to 741-741 for the Crisis Text Line or call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) for the National Suicide Lifeline. For LGBTQIA+ youth under 25, get 24/7 crisis intervention & suicide prevention lifeline support with The Trevor Project. Text ‘START' to 678678 or dial (866) 488-7386. Self-care & mental health resources: Express Yourself Black Man CBT Thought Diary youfeellikeshit.com getmoodfit.com wysa.io --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/askingformyself/message

Herpes, Mental Health, Suicide, Stigma Welcome back to Asking for Myself, where I ask all the questions you're too afraid to. Today we're talking all things herpes and mental health. In this episode, I am joined by Courtney Brame, the the Founder and Podcast Host of Something Positive for Positive People. This conversation is as much about herpes as it is about mental health and compassion. That being said, we do discuss suicide. If that is something you are sensitive to our triggered by, please proceed with caution. Why does your work focus so much on mental health? How have you navigated advocacy alongside self-compassion and care? How do you talk about suicide while balancing your own mental health? Why does the herpes stigma exist? Why is it considered so much “worse” than other STIs? Why do doctors not always recommend testing for herpes? What is the protocol and expectation for sharing a positive status? What is the responsibility on each of us to get tested? What could a more empowering experience look like for receiving a positive herpes diagnosis? Is it healthy or worth it to find “closure” on who you contracted herpes from? How can we support someone who has received a positive herpes diagnosis? How has COVID impacted STI testing, if at all? Suicide resources: Text ‘HELLO' to 741-741 for the Crisis Text Line or call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) for the National Suicide Lifeline. For LGBTQIA+ youth under 25, get 24/7 crisis intervention & suicide prevention lifeline support with The Trevor Project. Text ‘START' to 678678 or dial (866) 488-7386. Self-care & mental health resources: youfeellikeshit.com getmoodfit.com wysa.io Herpes-specific resources: Something Positive for Positive People Laureen HD YouTube Channel SexELducation Instagram --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/askingformyself/message

Sexual Communication, Fantasies, and Cultivating Desire Welcome back to Asking for Myself, where I ask all the questions you're too afraid to. Today we're talking all things sexual desire and communication. In this episode, I am joined by world-renowned sexologist Dr. Jessica O'Reilly. And you know I've got a lot of questions. Including? What is consent beyond yes/no and how does consent lead us to more pleasure? How do you keep desire alive in a long-distance relationship? Can you bring back that initial spark? How do passion and risk play a role in our relationships? Is passion necessary for a relationship to thrive? How can you explore a fantasy when your partner isn't interested? (e.g. threesomes) How do you open up your relationship when one partner isn't interested? What is the line with power dynamic fantasies and fetishes that cross a certain line (e.g. race play)? Can a vibrator de-sensitize your clitoris? Is the G-Spot real? Is everyone capable of squirting? This conversation is sooooo good. Talking about sex can be …awkward. So, on theme with this episode, huge shout out to our sponsor Awkward Essentials, the brand behind dripstick, the original after-sex cleanup sponge. Awkward Essentials makes personal solutions to hella personal problems. And of course. We're back at it again with our amazing partners in sexual play and wellness, Honey Play Box. Today's magical find? Honey Play Box's clitoral orgasm-inducing

Vulva Insecurities, Oral Sex, and Orgasm Land Welcome back to Asking for Myself, where I ask all the questions you're too afraid to. Today we're talking all things oral sex. In this episode, I am joined by sex therapist Casey Tanner and sexologist and educator Goody Howard. And I've got a lot of questions. Including? How can people overcome their vulva insecurities? Are vulva insecurities heightened when both partners share the same parts? What's up with the oral sex gap? Why are blowjobs more normalized than going down on someone/cunnilingus or whatever you want to call oral sex on a vulva? Can we have a healthy sex life if we aren't comfortable in our own bodies? What the heck is compersion and why is it important for sexual pleasure? How do givers get more comfortable receiving? Is it okay if your partner doesn't want to go down on you? What can you do in this scenario if it's an issue? Why is there an oral sex taboo in the Black community? Why isn't oral sex seen as “real sex”? Trust me, you're gonna want to tune into this juicy conversation.

Penis Pleasure, Size, and Dysfunction Welcome back to Asking for Myself, where I ask all the questions you're too afraid to. In this episode, I am joined by urologist Dr. Justin Houman and sex writer Bobby Box to discuss all things penises.

Vaginas, Periods, Birth Control, Culturally Competent Care, and Racism in Healthcare Is my vagina normal? Is birth control bad? How do I find an affirming gynecologist? Welcome back to Asking for Myself, where I ask all the questions you're too afraid to (well, hopefully not for long!). Today's episode is about all things vaginal & vulvar care. If you have a uterus, chances are, you haven't always had the most affirming care. Whether it's problems with your period, hormonal imbalance, or unaddressed pain, there are any number of questions you may have for your gynecologist. In this episode, I am joined by Dr. Heather Irobunda, MD FACOG (@drheatherirobundamd) and Dr. Staci Tanouye, MD FACOG (@dr.staci.t). So, what do I ask in this episode? What is a gynecologist vs. OBGYN? What is it like to be a doctor on TikTok/Instagram? What are the benefits of social media education and what are the limitations? Are there alternatives to birth control? How do we get to the “root cause” of a medical issue? Is there such a thing? What does consent look like in a medical setting? How can we access sex-positive, trauma-informed care and advocate for ourselves in the exam room? How can we trust our gut but also our doctor when we don't feel affirmed as a patient of color or other marginalized identity? When is it time to find a new doctor and how can you find the right one for you, especially when most of us are reliant on insurance? What if I don't have insurance? Is my vagina normal (and what do I do if it's not)? Yes, we cover a lot of ground. You're gonna want to take notes.

Sexual Shame, Abortion, Religion, and Pleasure Welcome back to Asking for Myself, where I ask all the questions you're too afraid to. If you're anything like me, you grew up with religious influences — namely, shame. In this episode, I am joined by Irma, CSE from Dirty South Sex Ed (@sexedwithirma) and creator of the Purity Culture Dropout™️ Program, Erica Smith, M.Ed. (@ericasmith.sex.ed) to discuss purity culture, religion, and sexuality. So, what do I ask in this episode? What is the impact of growing up in the church and receiving abstinence-based education or any shame-based messaging? How can people, particularly people with vulvas or conditioned as women, become more comfortable with masturbation? How can we explore pleasure in a healthy, positive, shame free way? How can we access sex-positive, trauma-informed care? Why as a society are we so obsessed with abortion? Why is it abortion such a heavily debated and politically charge topic? What options exist for teens who want access to birth control, emergency contraception, and/or abortion care? Do they need their parents' consent? How much do things cost? Where can they go? What are crisis pregnancy centers and why should we avoid them?

What They Definitely Do Not Tell You About Pregnancy Welcome back to Asking for Myself, where I ask all the questions you're too afraid to. In this episode, I am joined by April Davis of The Vagina Blog (@thevaginablog) to, of course, discuss all things vaginas. We exactly did we talk about? Feeling empowered and advocating for yourself as a patient in healthcare settings Birth control and reproductive healthcare shaming What to expect when you're not expecting, but you know, also when you are expecting - pregnancy and childbirth are a trip! What a doula is and how it's different than a midwife (and, how to find the right fit for your birthing needs) How to recognize when something's going wrong during childbirth and what your options are in the moment Epidurals and if they're necessary Body image and sexuality postpartum and during pregnancy How the partner of a pregnant person can feel more included in the process and embrace their partner's evolving body How to become more comfortable naked and taking sexy photos This conversation is not for the faint of heart, but wow was it super eye-opening for me! Let's get into it. This episode is brought to you in part by ONE® Condoms. ONE products are uniquely designed for safe, healthy, enjoyable sex. With myONE® Perfect Fit, you have more than 60 sizes to choose from. Find your perfect fit and get 15% off using code TalkTabu. There's more? But, of course. We're back at it again with our amazing partners in sexual play and wellness, Honey Play Box. Get 25% off your purchase with code TABU. Today's magical find? Honey Play Box's ✨ Kong ✨ Get your pleasure on! Ready to start #AskingForYourself? Join us on Instagram @asking4myself! --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/askingformyself/message

Therapy, Instagram, and Instagram Therapy Welcome back to Asking for Myself, where I ask all the questions you're too afraid to. In this episode, I am joined by Amanda White, LPC (@therapyforwomen) and Todd Baratz, LMHC (@yourdiagnonsense) to discuss what it's like to be a therapist on Instagram and how reliable "Instagram therapy" is. We cover quite a lot of territory. Such as, you might be asking? Balancing the personal with the professional Establishing boundaries with your followers The responsibility of mental health professionals to set an example and publish reliable, trustworthy, accurate content — is there an added expectation or obligation? Building anti-racism into your life and practice as a White clinician Navigating titles and credentials on Instagram — how to know who is "legit" Tips for creating content that is personally fulfilling and beneficial to your audience Mental health challenges that come along with using Instagram as part of your business model Pretty saucy stuff. Let's get into it! This episode is brought to you in part by Awkward Essentials, personal solutions for hella personal problems. Check out dripstick, their after-sex cleanup sponge that broke the Internet at awkwardessentials.com! There's more? But, of course. We're back at it again with our amazing partners in sexual play and wellness, Honey Play Box. Get 25% off your purchase with code TABU. Today's magical find? Honey Play Box's ✨ Radiant ✨ Get your pleasure on! Ready to start #AskingForYourself? Join us on Instagram @asking4myself! --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/askingformyself/message

Navigating Ethical Non-monogamy Welcome back to Asking for Myself, where I ask all the questions you're too afraid to. In this episode, I am joined by Jo Encarnacion aka @gofitjo and Gabrielle Smith to discuss all things polyamory and ethical non-monogamy. What exactly do we talk about? Defining ethical non-monogamy — what is it? Are polyamory and ENM the same thing? What does "ethical" mean? How to explore non-monogamy and how to know if it's right for you The relationship escalator and how to hop off if it's not working for you Opening up conversations about jealousy and other fears/insecurities with your partner(s) Values and practices of ethical non-monogamy that can benefit monogamous relationships Sex-positive parenting and how to talk about ethical non-monogamy with your kids Yes, we cover a lot of tabú territory! Let's get into it. This episode is brought to you in part by #open, the polyamorous dating app for couples and singles who embrace ethical non-monogamy—from polyamory to threesomes, kinky dates, and more. #open is dating, updated. Download #open on the App Store or Google Play Store today! That's right! We're back at it again with our amazing partners in sexual play and wellness, Honey Play Box. Get 25% off your purchase with code TABU. Today's magical find? ✨ The Explosive ✨ Get your pleasure on! Ready to start #AskingForYourself? Join us on Instagram @asking4myself! --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/askingformyself/message

Masturbation, Orgasms, Mindfulness, and Selfish Sex Welcome to the first episode of Asking for Myself, where I ask all the questions you're too afraid to. In this episode, I am joined by Portia Brown, the Founder of Froetic Sexology, and Celine Manning aka Coach Baddie, the CEO of Sex With Baddies. Trust me, you are in for a serious treat with all the gems dropped this episode! Some of the topics we cover: How growing up with religion can impact your sexuality When sex is "over" and how you can keep it going if you want to Why the orgasm gap (people with vulvas experiencing fewer orgasms than people with penises) exists and what we can do to close it How to find the clitoris (where it at tho?) The benefits of masturbation Why the best sex is "selfish" sex How to gain confidence in the bedroom (and elsewhere in your life) What might be going on and what you can do if you simply can't orgasm Overcoming distractions and insecurities during sex Yes, we cover a lot of tabú territory! Let's get into it. This episode is brought to you in part by Lorals, the world's first oral sex panties. Lorals gives you the power to LoveOralAlways. Use code TABU for 15% off your first purchase! What's that? Another amazing sponsor? Shout out to our partners in sexual play and wellness, Honey Play Box. Get 25% off your purchase (+ other goodies you'll love) with code TABU. Today's magical Sex Toy Fairy