Podcasts about navigate

My sober podcasting pal Casey Davidson, host of the Hello Someday Podcast, is back on the pod! Together we'll tackle a common sober first: your first sober work conference. Casey has had tons of experience at work conferences, both while she was drinking and while she's been sober, and she's full of advice. Casey will share about the conference experience that served as a wakeup call for her drinking. We'll talk about how unsafe women can be at these events when alcohol is in the mix. And Casey will share how she prepares for and navigates work conferences sober. Remember: a lot of time at conferences is your time! You don't have to go to every planned event. There are so many ways that you can create your own wonderful and unique sober conference experience. Community makes all the difference. Join The Sober Mom Life Cafe for 6+ Peer Support meetings each week and a private Facebook group to connect with sober and sober-curious women. Sign up for our next ‘Fresh 30' and ‘Beyond 30' cohorts. Learn more here! Get Your Copy of my book! The Sober Shift Join me on Substack: https://suzannewarye.substack.com/Follow on Instagram @thesobermomlifeSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Listen and subscribe to Money Making Conversations on iHeartRadio, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, www.moneymakingconversations.com/subscribe/ or wherever you listen to podcasts. New Money Making Conversations episodes drop daily. I want to alert you, so you don’t miss out on expert analysis and insider perspectives from my guests who provide tips that can help you uplift the community, improve your financial planning, motivation, or advice on how to be a successful entrepreneur. Keep winning! Two-time Emmy and Three-time NAACP Image Award-winning, television Executive Producer Rushion McDonald interviewed Paul Dashevsky. Serial entrepreneur and founder of Maxwell, a platform focused on Accessory Dwelling Units (ADUs), also known as tiny homes:

Listen and subscribe to Money Making Conversations on iHeartRadio, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, www.moneymakingconversations.com/subscribe/ or wherever you listen to podcasts. New Money Making Conversations episodes drop daily. I want to alert you, so you don’t miss out on expert analysis and insider perspectives from my guests who provide tips that can help you uplift the community, improve your financial planning, motivation, or advice on how to be a successful entrepreneur. Keep winning! Two-time Emmy and Three-time NAACP Image Award-winning, television Executive Producer Rushion McDonald interviewed Paul Dashevsky. Serial entrepreneur and founder of Maxwell, a platform focused on Accessory Dwelling Units (ADUs), also known as tiny homes:

Need some advice? In this edition of Dear Life Kit, we're pulling wisdom from the vast Life Kit archives to help you: -Avoid energy vampires -Set firmer boundaries with friends at work -Navigate your own success when others are strugglingHave a question for the Life Kit team? Write us or send a recording to lifekit@npr.org. Questions about money, health, home and family life, staying organized, sticky social situations -- we want them all. We may answer your question in a future episode. Follow us on Instagram: @nprlifekitSign up for our newsletter here.Have an episode idea or feedback you want to share? Email us at lifekit@npr.orgSupport the show and listen to it sponsor-free by signing up for Life Kit+ at plus.npr.org/lifekitSee pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for sponsorship and to manage your podcast sponsorship preferences.NPR Privacy Policy

Cathy Mazak just had the biggest launch of her career — $96,000 in two weeks, with 75 students enrolled. But until then, she had been stuck. Same email list. Same launches. Same program. The same 20-to-25 enrollments every time. Whatever you sell, if you've ever felt that flatline-launch frustration where the math just won't math, this episode is for you. In this conversation, Cathy walks Claire through exactly what she changed — the offer restructure (she changed the length of her program), the pricing experiment), the lead gen play that worked, and the mindset shift she now says was the real unlock. Cathy has been a Get Paid Marketing client for years, and Claire had a front-row seat to this entire turnaround. This Week on the Get Paid Podcast: How Cathy went from enrolling 25 students per launch to 75 in a single round — with the same audience and the same program The 3-tier pricing strategy she rolled out — including the re-enrollment price that brought back her highest-paying alumni Why Cathy ran THREE separate info sessions for one launch (one for each segment of her audience) The free workshop that did the heavy lifting on lead gen — and exactly how she used ads to fill it The mindset shift that snapped her out of "woe is me" thinking and into "what do I actually have to do?" The exact sentence Cathy said to herself one morning that changed how she ran the entire launch About Cathy Mazak: Cathy Mazak is the founder of Scholar's Voice, where she helps university professors publish their backlog of academic papers through her signature program, Navigate. Before going full-time in her business, Cathy was a tenured full professor at the University of Puerto Rico for 15 years. Today, she's built Scholar's Voice into a multi-million dollar business, hosts the top-ranked podcast Academic Writing Amplified (300+ episodes), and is a long-time Get Paid Marketing client. Want to work with Claire?

Preview for Later Today: Guest: Evan Ellis. Evan Ellis analyzes the political crisis in Bolivia, focusing on President Rodrigo Paz's attempts to navigate social unrest. Paz acts as a compromise between indigenous rights and skepticism toward traditional, lighter-skinned political elites.1951

In this powerful episode of The Greatness Machine, host Darius Mirshahzadeh sits down with Tania Khazaal, founder of The Renewal Collective™, to discuss the growing trend of family estrangement and the path to reconciliation. Tania shares her personal journey from cutting off her own mother to becoming an expert in helping families navigate estrangement. The conversation explores the difference between healthy boundaries and "cutoff culture," the importance of rewriting family narratives, and how emotional healing requires facing triggers rather than avoiding them. In this episode, Darius and Tania will discuss: (00:00) Introduction and Background (02:41) The Impact of Estrangement and Healing (05:47) The Journey to Emotional Healing (08:36) Understanding the Role of Therapy (11:46) Rewriting Family Narratives (14:19) Navigating Difficult Conversations (17:21) The Importance of Emotional Awareness (23:34) Processing Emotions and Finding Inner Peace (25:33) The Journey of Self-Awareness and Growth (26:50) Breaking Cycles of Distraction and Avoidance (29:06) Victimhood in Society and Personal Accountability (30:55) Navigating Family Dynamics and Energy Vampires (33:52) Teaching Resilience and Compassion to Children (36:57) Setting Healthy Standards vs. Boundaries (38:18) Rebuilding Relationships Through Consistency (41:45) Confirmation Bias and the Impact of Social Media (45:34) Moments of Victory in Family Reconciliation Tania Khazaal is a family estrangement and emotional healing expert who helps parents rebuild connection with their adult children. Drawing from her own experience as a daughter who once cut off her mother and later repaired that relationship, Tania developed the Emotional Baseline Strategy, a methodology blending psychology, neuroscience, and communication to heal family disconnection. She is the founder of The Renewal Collective™ and a #1 bestselling author featured on The Oprah Podcast, Fox News, Yahoo News, and more. Her message is simple: cutoff doesn't have to be the end of your family's story. Connect with Tania: Website: https://taniakhazaal.com/  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/taniakhazaal/  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/taniakhazaal/  Connect with Darius: Website: https://therealdarius.com/ Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/dariusmirshahzadeh/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/imthedarius/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Thegreatnessmachine  Book: The Core Value Equation https://www.amazon.com/Core-Value-Equation-Framework-Limitless/dp/1544506708 Write a review for The Greatness Machine using this link: https://ratethispodcast.com/spreadinggreatness. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When every other headline claims that the truth is being hidden from you...who can you REALLY trust? In this fascinating and timely conversation, Lauren Alessi and and her long-time friend Dania Montejo dive headfirst into the world of conspiracies—from the French presidency and Michael Jackson's controversies to UFOs and cloud-manipulating chemtrails. Together, they unpack how curiosity, group chats, and modern journalism fuel these conversations, but also how exposing yourself to these constant debates can impact your mental health.Find out why asking questions and staying open-minded matters, how to spot when a “good story” crosses into unhealthy territory, and where to set healthy boundaries—especially for your kids. With laughter, lived experience, and practical wisdom, Lauren and Dania  encourage you to enjoy digging into the unknown—without letting fear and mistrust run your life. Plus, they offer tips for handling heated family debates and staying calm when the truth feels stranger than fiction.Send us a voicemail! Support the showJOIN THE FAMILY BUSINESS WITH OUR NEWSLETTERSign Up for Our Family Business Newsletter and get more inside news from the Alessis + tips and strategies for a happier family! Get free access to the newsletterTEXT THE FAMILY BUSINESS DIRECTLYYou can connect with us via text to ask family questions and get updates on The Family Business! Text FAMILY to 302-524-0800CONNECT WITH THE FAMILY BUSINESSFollow Us on Instagram and FacebookSubscribe on YouTubeLeave a reviewMORE PODCASTS YOU'LL ENJOYListen to the Alessi sisters' daily devotional podcast My Morning DevotionalFollow Our New Podcast with Mary Alessi and her twin sister Martha MunizziWatch The Mary and Martha Show

Next week Ireland takes over the presidency of the EU Council. But what does that mean? What exactly is the EU Council anyway? How does this council and this presidency fit in among the numerous other European councils and presidents? And how is Ireland going to approach the challenges and opportunities the six-month position brings? To find out Pat Leahy talks to Jack Horgan-Jones and Jack Power. Would you like to receive daily insights into world events delivered to your inbox? Sign up for Denis Staunton's Global Briefing newsletter here: irishtimes.com/newsletters/global-briefing/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Eddie Lewis - Founder of TOCA Soccer - is changing the way that young soccer players train, while simultaneously building soccer's answer to Topgolf. He shares how he balances both objectives domestically and his plans for international expansion.   Timestamps: 1:50 - TOCA's Elevator Pitch 5:55 - TOCA Soccer vs. TOCA Social 8:15 - Youth sports 12:55 - The infrastructure of American soccer 16:50 - MLS Partnership 18:40 - International expansion 22:00 - Lessons from playing soccer 28:55 - Rapid Fire Questions     For more insights, visit our LinkedIn page or learn more about Navigate at https://nvgt.com/.

New research reveals that sea turtles use two completely separate magnetic sensing systems for navigation -- and radiofrequency fields can disrupt one while leaving the other intact. This groundbreaking study from Nature shows how loggerhead turtles learn magnetic signatures of ocean locations like a GPS system. But here's the key finding: wireless radiation selectively interfered with their compass navigation while their map-learning ability remained unaffected. What does this tell us about electromagnetic sensitivity in living systems? In This Episode How sea turtles create magnetic maps of the ocean Two distinct magnetoreception mechanisms in one animal Why radiofrequency interference matters for biological systems Featured Study Read the full study: Learned magnetic map cues and two mechanisms of magnetoreception in turtles See all studies at shieldyourbody.com/research

Dr Billy Garvey joins us on the show to help guide you though the difficult world of being a parent! We talk about the bird and the bees chat, how to guide your child though body image issues and the best way to deal with "Naughty" kids.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

It's YOUR time to #EdUpPCO In this episode, YOUR guest is Jackie Pichette, Policy Lead for Skills and Higher Education with RBC Thought Leadership. YOUR host is Amrit Ahluwalia⁠⁠.Some key questions we tackle:> What are the most significant headwinds causing concern in the Canadian postsecondary space?> How can Canadian colleges and universities ensure they're delivering value economically, socially and to its individual students?> What role can professional, continuing and online education units play in driving this kind of value? During this interview we referenced this paper written by Jackie Pichette and published in RBC's The Growth Project: Testing Times; Fending Off a Crisis in Canadian Postsecondary EducationTo explore the role PCO can play in addressing Canada's labour productivity gap, download Bridging Canada's Productivity Gap with Professional, Continuing, and Online Education.Listen in to #EdUp! Thank YOU so much for tuning in. Join us on the next episode for YOUR time to EdUp!Connect with YOUR EdUp Team - ⁠⁠⁠⁠Elvin Freytes⁠⁠⁠⁠ & ⁠⁠⁠⁠Dr. Joe Sallustio⁠⁠⁠⁠Join YOUR EdUp community at ⁠⁠⁠⁠The EdUp Experience⁠⁠⁠⁠!We make education YOUR business!

Boomer and Gio discuss Wyndham Clark's sports psychologist and how she may have helped him navigate the turbulence brought to the course by fans. Jerry also gets the guys discussing the Tkachuk reunion -- and why the Rangers didn't get involved.

Joe Dillon is a divorce mediator. He has sat with thousands of couples who are ending their marriage so he offers perspective on how to help people build a great marriage by navigating through the conflict that arises. If you are interested in his power up method, check it out here: https://powerupmethod.com/Mark also mentioned the free purpose community. Part One of The Purpose Mastermind begins in a couple of weeks. If you want to join in this free journey, here is the link to sign up: https://www.skool.com/purpose-mastermind/aboutSupport the show

Are you finally seeing the full picture of what you went through — and wondering how you ever missed it?If you've found yourself deep in YouTube rabbit holes about narcissistic relationships, replaying fights, or texting your ex just to feel more confused and enraged afterward — you're not broken. You're stuck. And there's a difference.What you'll take away from this episode:Why the smartest, most self-aware women end up in emotionally abusive relationships — and why "knowing better" has nothing to do with itThe real reason researching narcissism isn't giving you the closure you're desperately looking for (and what actually will)How to stop handing your ex rent-free space in your head so you can finally show up for yourself, your kids, and your life againIf he's already taken years of your life, don't let him take another minute — hit play and take the first step toward getting yourself back.QUICK LINKS FROM EPISODE:Schedule your free Intro Session: https://freeintrosession-pa.youcanbook.me/RESOURCES FOR YOUR HEALING:

Rachel and Liz demonstrate how built-in AI features in JAWS, ZoomText, and Fusion, including Picture Smart AI, Vispero Companion, Page Explorer, and AI Labeler, can help users better understand, navigate, and interact with inaccessible or complex digital content. Through real-world examples such as online calendars, Google Docs, email images, and grocery shopping websites, they show how these tools can simplify everyday tasks and improve productivity.

What if one minute was all it took to shift your mood, interrupt a stress spiral, and regain emotional clarity?In this episode of Things You Don't Know Your Mind Can Do, we explore the powerful 3-word reset: Notice. Name. Navigate. A simple framework that helps you become aware of what you're feeling, understand what's happening beneath the surface, and choose your next step with intention instead of reaction.Together, we discuss why brief moments of self-awareness can have such a profound impact on mental wellbeing, how this technique helps break cycles of anxiety, anger, and overthinking, and why emotional awareness may be one of the most valuable skills in today's fast-paced world.You'll also learn practical ways to pause when triggered, respond more consciously, and use a simple 60-second reset to find calm in challenging moments.Because sometimes the difference between a difficult day and a better one begins with a single moment of awareness.Notice. Name. Navigate. Your next reset may be closer than you think.Expert: Anu Krishna https://www.linkedin.com/in/anu-krishna-1172543bb/Host: Madhavi Sound: Mahesh R.Producer: Archita Puranik

India's next big consumer brands won't be built on taste. They'll be built on habits. In this episode of Khul Ke Scale, Shantanu Deshpande (Founder & CEO, Bombay Shaving Company) sits down with Rahul Jain (Co-founder, Beanly Coffee) and Samayesh Khanna (Co-founder, Beanly Coffee), along with industry veterans Shiv Shivakumar (Operating Partner, Advent | Ex-SVP, Nokia | Ex-CEO (India), PepsiCo) and Toshan Tamhane (Global Chief Operating Officer, UPL) to break down what it really takes to build a modern consumer brand in India.From coffee habits and convenience culture to product psychology, repeat purchases, distribution, and brand recall, this episode goes deep into why some brands become daily rituals while most disappear after the initial hype cycle.Beanly Coffee explains why they're betting on India's “on-the-go” lifestyle, how small product decisions influence consumer behaviour, and why building a habit is far more important than simply building a good product.At the centre of the conversation is a bigger question every founder struggles with: Why do consumers remember some brands instantly… while forgetting others completely?What you'll learn from this episode: • Why 25% of Indians skipping breakfast is a massive business opportunity • Why convenience is becoming India's biggest consumer trend • Why most D2C brands fail after their first growth spike • The real role of packaging, fragrance, texture, and recall in FMCG • How founders misunderstand consumer behaviour while scaling • What makes certain products become part of people's daily routinesIf you're building a consumer brand, D2C startup, FMCG business, or simply trying to understand where Indian consumer behaviour is heading, this episode offers a sharp breakdown of what actually creates long-term brand relevance in one of the world's toughest markets.Navigate your way through these chapters: 00:00 Coming Up01:40 Introduction02:25 How Beanly Started10:39 Question 1: Innovation, Scale, and Strategic Focus19:35 What Latin America Teaches About Coffee26:18 Question 2: Building the Right Omnichannel Mix34:38 Question 3: How to Think About ESOP Allocation44:00 Building a Strong Employee Value Proposition49:46 Question 4: Choosing the Right Investors and Capital Structure53:24 Shiv's Key Takeaways for Beanly59:41 Closing Thoughts

Some monsters meet, some ghosts haunt, some assassins fight, and we spend a possibly silly amount of time discussing, you guessed it, A Christmas Carol. Then we're smearing blood on our computers and vlogging for no one as we discuss We're All Going to the World's Fair! Navigate to video.com with us as we film a dumbass waterfall, ponder the life of a grown creep, and find time to argue about whether one of us has Empty Man'd the other.

Marshall Harris and Mark Grote were joined by Chicago Sports Network analyst Steve Stone to discuss the White Sox losing the first two games of their series to the Yankees in the Bronx. He also shared the White Sox's mindset as the trade deadline awaits later this summer.

Ever feel like your stepkids are living in two completely different worlds? The rules change from house to house, expectations don't always match, and somehow everyone expects the kids to make sense of it all. In this episode, I sit down with researcher, professor, stepmom, and former stepchild Bailey Oliver Blackburn, PhD to discuss new research on co-parenting with different values and what happens when children are navigating two households with very different beliefs, expectations, and parenting styles. Bailey shares insights from a recent study exploring how co-parents manage divergent values, the impact on children, and the communication strategies that help families reduce conflict and support kids without forcing them to choose sides. In This Episode, We Cover: • What happens when children are raised across households with different values and beliefs • The surprising challenges families reported beyond politics and religion • How parents can discuss values without putting kids in loyalty binds • Why high-conflict co-parenting and parallel parenting deserve more research If you've ever wondered how to protect your relationship with your stepkids while navigating differences between households, this conversation offers practical insights and plenty of reassurance that you're not alone. Resources Mentioned Bailey Oliver Blackburn: https://www.baileyoliverblackburn.com UA Little Rock Department of Applied Communication: https://ualr.edu/appliedcommunication/ Get our FREE 10 Essential Scripts for Stepmoms and get the exact words for your toughest stepmom conversations! https://stepfamilycertification.com/stepmom-scripts  Join the waitlist for our free Stepmom Summit happening virtually September 14th-18th, 2026: https://thestepmomsummit.com/  Love The Stepmom Diaries? Please consider rating and reviewing the show on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Your support helps us reach more stepmoms and blended families who need these conversations.

Watch the full episode with Brigit Esselmont here: https://youtu.be/k7DMepC_KCASupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/inspiredevolution. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Episode Topic: The Nature and Causes of WealthWhat are the fundamental mechanics behind global prosperity? Navigate the intellectual landscape of 1776 to witness how revolutionary ideas birthed modern economics.Featured Speakers:James Otteson, University of Notre DameRead this episode's recap over on the University of Notre Dame's open online learning community platform, ThinkND: https://go.nd.edu/065168.This podcast is a part of the ThinkND Series titled 1776: The Ideas that Made the Modern World.Thanks for listening! The ThinkND Podcast is brought to you by ThinkND, the University of Notre Dame's online learning community. We connect you with videos, podcasts, articles, courses, and other resources to inspire minds and spark conversations on topics that matter to you — everything from faith and politics, to science, technology, and your career.Learn more about ThinkND and register for upcoming live events at think.nd.edu.Join our LinkedIn community for updates, episode clips, and more.

Listen and subscribe to Money Making Conversations on iHeartRadio, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, www.moneymakingconversations.com/subscribe/ or wherever you listen to podcasts. New Money Making Conversations episodes drop daily. I want to alert you, so you don’t miss out on expert analysis and insider perspectives from my guests who provide tips that can help you uplift the community, improve your financial planning, motivation, or advice on how to be a successful entrepreneur. Keep winning! Two-time Emmy and Three-time NAACP Image Award-winning, television Executive Producer Rushion McDonald interviewed Paul Dashevsky. Serial entrepreneur and founder of Maxwell, a platform focused on Accessory Dwelling Units (ADUs), also known as tiny homes:

Ryan McCarthy — Board of Visitors Member at Virginia Tech — explains the power of athletics to bring positive global exposure to a university.   Smart investments in athletics have the potential for as much as $1B in ROI, and universities like Virginia Tech are wisely making those investments for the future.   Listen to the full episode here: https://nvgt.com/podcast?ppplayer=1e977ebc536a4f7840f232ca6e253547&ppepisode=344ead289d120de9f56f07165421bb56   For more insights, visit our LinkedIn page or learn more about Navigate at https://nvgt.com/.

Michal Petros | Founder, Cultural Strategist Spanning industries, continents and business objectives, the constant in my career has been cross-cultural communication. From my start as a nonprofit grant writer in Eswatini to building a creative practice alongside a corporate career in New York City, I enjoy connecting, creating and constructing fresh frameworks for understanding. Studio Hiwet is named after my aunt, Hiwet, who raised me to understand the value of art, community, and civic engagement. Her early passing taught me something else—to create with intention, and to honor life by living it fully. I'm a cultural strategist and documentary storyteller working across philanthropy, tech, and creative programming. I help organizations communicate across difference — whether that's a company building trust with underserved communities, a brand entering new cultural contexts, or an institution documenting identity with nuance and care. My background spans global engagement, communications strategy, and community storytelling. At Dropbox, I led global volunteer storytelling and international disaster relief communications while managing a network of 20+ employee ambassadors. At Blackstone, I developed engagement campaigns that broke participation records across global offices. Earlier in my career, I designed a $2M fundraising strategy in Eswatini and secured a $36K Japanese embassy grant supporting clinical operations at the country's leading HIV/AIDS clinic.   ______________________________________________________________________ The Edupreneur: Your Blueprint To Jumpstart And Scale Your Education BusinessYou've spent years in the classroom, leading PD, designing curriculum, and transforming how students learn. Now, it's time to leverage that experience and build something for yourself. The Edupreneur isn't just another book; it's the playbook for educators who want to take their knowledge beyond the school walls and into a thriving business.I wrote this book because I've been where you are. I know what it's like to have the skills, the passion, and the drive but not know where to start. I break it all down: the mindset shifts, the business models, the pricing strategies, and the branding moves that will help you position yourself as a leader in this space.Inside, you'll learn how to:✅ Turn your expertise into income streams, without feeling like a sellout✅ Build a personal brand that commands respect (and top dollar)✅ Market your work in a way that feels natural and impactful✅ Navigate the business side of edupreneurship, from pricing to partnershipsWhether you want to consult, create courses, write books, or launch a podcast, this book will help you get there. Stop waiting for permission. Start building your own table.Grab your copy today and take control of your future.Buy it from EduMatch Publishing https://edumatch-publishing.myshopify.com/collections/new-releases/products/the-edupreneur-by-dr-will

In this episode, real estate veteran Sam Islam shares insights from his 30-year career, covering everything from mortgage strategies to market trends and how to adapt in a changing industry. Perfect for agents, investors, and anyone interested in the New York real estate scene.   Professional Real Estate Investors - How we can help you: Investor Fuel Mastermind:  Learn more about the Investor Fuel Mastermind, including 100% deal financing, massive discounts from vendors and sponsors you're already using, our world class community of over 150 members, and SO much more here: http://www.investorfuel.com/apply   Investor Machine Marketing Partnership:  Are you looking for consistent, high quality lead generation? Investor Machine is America's #1 lead generation service professional investors. Investor Machine provides true 'white glove' support to help you build the perfect marketing plan, then we'll execute it for you…talking and working together on an ongoing basis to help you hit YOUR goals! Learn more here: http://www.investormachine.com   Coaching with Mike Hambright:  Interested in 1 on 1 coaching with Mike Hambright? Mike coaches entrepreneurs looking to level up, build coaching or service based businesses (Mike runs multiple 7 and 8 figure a year businesses), building a coaching program and more. Learn more here: https://investorfuel.com/coachingwithmike   Attend a Vacation/Mastermind Retreat with Mike Hambright: Interested in joining a "mini-mastermind" with Mike and his private clients on an upcoming "Retreat", either at locations like Cabo San Lucas, Napa, Park City ski trip, Yellowstone, or even at Mike's East Texas "Big H Ranch"? Learn more here: http://www.investorfuel.com/retreat   Property Insurance: Join the largest and most investor friendly property insurance provider in 2 minutes. Free to join, and insure all your flips and rentals within minutes! There is NO easier insurance provider on the planet (turn insurance on or off in 1 minute without talking to anyone!), and there's no 15-30% agent mark up through this platform!  Register here: https://myinvestorinsurance.com/   New Real Estate Investors - How we can work together: Investor Fuel Club (Coaching and Deal Partner Community): Looking to kickstart your real estate investing career? Join our one of a kind Coaching Community, Investor Fuel Club, where you'll get trained by some of the best real estate investors in America, and partner with them on deals! You don't need $ for deals…we'll partner with you and hold your hand along the way! Learn More here: http://www.investorfuel.com/club   —--------------------

Are you spending Father's Day holding it together for your kids — while quietly grieving the family you thought you'd have?If you're co-parenting with a narcissist, Father's Day is a yearly reminder of the teammate you never got, the inside jokes that never happened, and the family vacations that existed only in your head.You didn't sign up for this. And it hurts in a way that's hard to explain to people who haven't lived it.This episode will give you:Permission to grieve who he is even when you know you're better off without himSimple, doable ways to honor your emotions this weekend that don't require a therapist, a babysitter, or a full Saturday freeSimple body-based tools to move through anger or sadness without it swallowing your whole weekendIf Father's Day has you white-knuckling through the weekend, hit play now — you deserve more than just surviving Sunday.QUICK LINKS FROM EPISODE:Schedule your free Intro Session: https://tinyurl.com/freeintroseshpodRESOURCES FOR YOUR HEALING:

In this episode, co-founders Brandon Smith and Randy Hain share six key trends they're seeing across organizations, leadership teams, and in their executive coaching engagements—and, more importantly, what leaders can do about them. From the growing influence of AI and its impact on critical thinking, talent development, and Gen Z entering the workforce, to the increasing importance of cultivating meaningful relationships in an increasingly digital world, Brandon and Randy offer practical insights leaders can apply immediately. They also discuss the importance of accepting reality, making difficult decisions, and leading with clarity during uncertain times. Whether you're leading a team, developing future leaders, or navigating your own career growth, this mid-year conversation will help you focus on what matters most for the months ahead.

Are you seeing things in your marriage or a relationship that feel a little intense or puzzling…and you’re not sure if they're normal or actually signs of a toxic relationship? If so, it's important to pause and look at the pieces of the puzzle together to see what they might be telling you. To discover if you're in a toxic relationship take our free emotional abuse test. Here are five things that might seem “normal,” but aren’t: SIGNS OF A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP THAT ARE EASY TO MISS 1. HE WANTS TO MOVE THE RELATIONSHIP FORWARD QUICKLY When you’re in a relationship with someone who seemingly shares and cares about your values and interests, it’s easy to be swept up by the intensity of it all. Especially if the relationship seems to happen at the “right” time, and things move forward quickly. But this level of intensity and pace doesn’t give you time to slow down and really think about why you seem so compatible. 2. HE WANTS CONSTANT ACCESS TO YOU, BUT HE’S CLOSED OFF It might seem caring for your partner or husband to want to know where you are all of the time. But is it reciprocal or does it feel one-sided, like he needs constant visibility into your life, while parts of his remain just out of reach? Many women in these situations describe a quiet, hard-to-explain feeling that something isn't adding up. Like he's keeping close tabs on them… while also keeping options, information, or even other relationships carefully hidden. 3. HIS MOODS SHIFT SUDDENLY AND YOU DON’T KNOW WHY Think about it…in healthy relationships, partners are usually aware of the reasons why one partner isn’t in a good mood. They typically communicate about bad days at work or when they’re not feeling well. But in toxic relationships, that level of trust and communication often isn’t there, because one partner doesn’t want it to be. Everything's fine, until it's not, and then, it suddenly is again…And you're left trying to figure out what changed. 4. HE‘S UPSET OVER SMALL THINGS Things that don't seem like a big deal, suddenly are signs of a toxic relationship. For example, you miss a turn on the way to his best friend’s birthday party… and suddenly it's not about directions anymore. He's accusing you of being disrespectful, or doing it on purpose because you don’t want to go. Or you might simply ask him to help with the groceries, and suddenly he’s angry because, “you don’t respect his time and all the things he has to do.” 5. HE’S A DIFFERENT PERSON WHEN OTHERS ARE WATCHING Things feel tense, confusing, or even cold behind closed doors…but in public, he seems calm, kind, hardworking, and completely put together. For example, during counseling or around friends, he might appear thoughtful, patient, and willing to work on the relationship. He says the right things. He looks sincere. Other people may even be impressed by how hard he's trying. But when you're alone again, it's different. The warmth disappears. The tension returns. And you're left trying to reconcile the version of him everyone else sees…with the version you live with every day. If you relate and you need support, we’re always online to help you. Go to btr.org/group/ to see my daily support group schedule. TRANSCRIPT: EARLY SIGNS OF A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR HUSBAND Anne:  I did an interview with a member of our community. We’re going to call her Iris, She talked about how his toxic patterns showed up in her marriage and what happened when she started using the strategies she learned in my workshop. Here’s that interview. Welcome, Iris.  Iris: Thank you. Glad to be here. Anne: Let’s start at the beginning of your story. Can you talk about how you felt when you first met your husband? Iris: He was very charming, and he seemed extremely sincere. Now I understand that he was love bombing me and was trying to make things go fast. It was very intense. And he preyed upon me at a time when I was really ready to get married and have kids. Everybody was getting married and having kids. So he went right for what was the most vulnerable part of me. And we met through a young adult single thing in our group. He proceeded to be very attentive. Anne: When you say young adult, single thing, that sounds a little bit like my faith. What’s your faith background? Iris: it’s the Catholic church. It’s actually Theology on Tap, which is at a brew pub, and you can buy a drink and mingle. And then they have a speaker. Anne: Kind of Matt Fraddish. Iris: Yes. Anne: I actually know Matt Fradd in real life. Iris: And I don’t go to the Catholic church anymore. But that was a huge part of our marriage and, we were really in a circle of pretty devout people. Which also I think contributed to my willingness to submit to him. Anne: When you say submit, can you talk about that a little bit more? EARLY CONTROL DISGUISED AS CARE AND SHARED VALUES Iris: Hindsight, there were red flags before we married. There were early signs of coercive control. It dates me, but cell phones weren’t the norm yet. And he bought me a cell phone so he could reach me more easily. He was pretty volatile. He asked me to marry him within a month or two and I deferred and we dated longer, but he was just intense. Then he would be very sorry. He would cold shoulder me at points. He’d be angry for things that were weird, wasn’t very flexible. Now I know these were signs of a toxic relationship. We went through nine months of marriage prep. So many Christian circles focus on the idea that the man is the head. I saw that in my parents' marriage too. My dad made all the decisions. My mom was independent in some ways, but she still did what he wanted. I think I expected marriage to look like that. The husband leads and the wife follows. Even though I was independent, had a master's degree, was over 30, and had traveled, I still lived in a huge Christian community where that model of marriage was everywhere. NOT RECOGNIZING SIGNS OF A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP Anne: And you just mentioned nobody actually says that, but they actually do say that, it might not be in so many words. It might not be so directly, but they like actually say it. And if you call ’em out and say, “Hey, you said this.” They usually deny it. “Of course, I didn’t say that.” And you’re like, “What? You did.” That’s the part that’s really confusing. The therapists come in or the clergy comes in, or the friends and family, and they gaslight you too. It’s like, “You’re putting words in my mouth. I didn’t say that.” Especially when they find out what he is really like, and you’re like, “What?” “You told me this.” “Well, I never did.” And they for sure did. It’s almost like no matter what you do, you can’t win. There are friends of mine and maybe friends of yours too, who are amazing and they’re like, “Oh my word, I said the wrong thing.” That is so validating. I feel like when I meet people like that, it’s easy to be like, “It’s okay did the ‘wrong thing’ too. I was doing the best I could and I didn’t know that he was abusive. And I didn’t know what was happening, and didn’t recognize signs of a toxic relationship. So I can’t blame you either.” But, for the other people who continue to not believe us and deny that they said or did certain things. ‘That’s harder. Cause it becomes this almost group of unhealthy people that you’re dealing with, rather than just the one unhealthy person. Iris: Right. Signs of a Toxic Relationship: The Sudden Switch After Marriage Anne: Did you end up going to couple therapy? Iris: In the Catholic Church you do Pre-Cana, which is pre-marriage counseling, and they saw some things that were concerning. He was very intent that he could change things. They would categorize it like how we were different. I think she said to me, “Life might always be kind of hard for him.” ‘Cause that’s what she was seeing.. He works very hard, so he seems very sincere. And he met with the man in the couple we met with. And read books and was very sincere. They said to us, “Oh, we’ve never seen somebody work so hard to try to improve themselves so that they’re ready for a marriage.” He impressed them, and I remember feeling exhausted by that point. And it was a mask. I now know that these were signs of a toxic relationship. Anne: Like you shouldn’t have to work that hard. to be normal. They are hard workers, because it would be very hard to pretend all the time. Iris: Right, and that’s how he lives. He has a mask all the time. We had this huge Catholic wedding, like an hour and 20 minute long mass. And it was that night the switch flipped. And he was angry. He cold shouldered me. We’d waited till our wedding night, and he said things that were incredibly humiliating. Seeing THE SAME SIGNS OF A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP IN OTHER WOMEN’S STORIES Iris: Then the next morning he would hardly talk to me. And we left the beautiful hotel. We were to go to a morning brunch at my parents, with guests who were from outta town and our families. And he was furious because people had decorated our car. And he had to stop at a car wash to rinse everything off before we even got to the wedding brunch. Anne: I used this story in my book. Iris: You did? Anne: Yes, this story. Someone else had the same story. Iris: Isn’t that amazing? Like how these Chucks do the same thing to us and have all the same signs of a toxic relationship. Anne: ‘ Like Twilight Zone. Cause you never gave me that story. Iris: isn’t that amazing? I feel like that in group a lot. I’m like, “Oh, that happened to me.” Anne: BTR has been like me trying to fit all the pieces together. And as I’ve tried to fit all the pieces together, things became very clear. And I’ve become very good at seeing in the dark. So this piece of the puzzle I was trying to get it to fit. Like why did he do that? I’ve never met you before, but I spent a lot of time piecing just this piece. With the other pieces that I had of other people’s stories to say, what was this about? I’ve spent so much time with this story in my brain and what it meant. I’m like, holy cow. Iris: Thank you. Thank you for somewhere to tell it, because it was something that felt so shameful for such a long time, rejected, and humiliated. RECOGNIZING THE PATTERNS OF EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE PARTNERS Iris: So we went to that wedding brunch, and I knew he was on edge the whole time. Other people didn’t necessarily see that. We got back to the house we were making our home together, which was his house. And he was angry, he didn’t want to go on our honeymoon, but I was like, I’ve been planning a wedding. All I have been thinking of is being able to go rest on a beach. So he agreed to go, and it was a really a horrible week. He was just fighting. His anger and unreasonableness, were more signs of a toxic relationship. It’s so hard, because he can make it feel like I’m also participating. We finally came home after the week, and at several points I thought maybe I should just fly home,’because it was awful. How would I even ask somebody to come and pick me up? What would I say? What would I do? Feeling so humiliated, like we had this big wedding, we’d done all this preparation, so we finally came home and I remember the first morning after we’d gotten home. He got up, he didn’t even talk to me. He grabbed his mountain bike, and he went mountain biking all day. That was a pattern that repeats throughout our marriage, where he just does his own, yeah. Anne: I had a mountain biking all day incident as well that I wrote about in my book. All of a sudden I’m like, what is happening? This is Twilight Zone, yes. Iris: No way. The Chucks, it’s the Chuck thing, which has been the most powerful thing to learn. WOMEN HAVE DIFFERENT RESPONSES Anne: Surreal that they’re all the same. I think that’s one of the powerful things about our group sessions is that the women are so different. We all react differently and we’re all doing the right thing. Because all of our personalities are different. So some of us want to protect ourselves by being quiet and sitting back and that’s the right thing for us. Some of us want to fight the guy, because that’s how our personality is. But they do all the same things. It doesn’t seem the same, because we haven’t acted the same. And I think the thing that like really helps it all come together is when you realize they’re so transactional. That they’re going to manipulate you in whatever way works for you, all signs of a toxic relationship. So if you’ve been trying to protect yourself in a certain way, they’ve been countering your protection methods in a certain way. And then when you change up the way you’re trying to protect yourself, they almost become like a different person. But they’ve been that same exact person the whole time. It’s just that they’re so transactional that they’re like, oh, that’s not working anymore. I have to do this other thing. And this whole new set of problems comes out so they can be super, super nice or super aggressive. But the whole time, it’s manipulation and lies. Did he ever go through a time where he seemed like he was really great? WHEN PREGNANCY AND BAD ADVICE KEEP YOU STUCK WITH SIGNS OF A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP Iris: I got pregnant right away, so I probably would’ve left, but then I was pregnant and trying to navigate that. When I found out I was pregnant with my first baby, I went to therapy right away, and that therapist just didn’t have the skills to recognize an emotional cycle of abuse and really gaslit me. Then got pregnant again when my daughter was nine months old. So I had two babies, under 18 months old. That was another thing. In my faith, that I grew up with, you’re supposed to accept all babies. That was something that really kept me trapped. I knew once I was pregnant that I would always have to be linked to him. And that was incredibly devastating and terrifying. I think the Christian, and I’m going to say trope, I don’t want to make fun of anybody, but the trope of marriage that you just have to work hard enough and it will all be fine. That really was so damaging when signs of a toxic relationship are present. He did tell me early in our marriage that he had struggled with porn. He did the Every Man’s Battle stuff and everything like that. Also he confided in me that he’d used some at work. He has a security clearance and was about to be interviewed with a, polygraph. He was afraid they would ask him something like that. At the time, he was abusive our whole marriage, but it was the most intense. I didn’t even have the wherewithal to understand that. It was disturbing, it made me feel awful. But I didn’t have any brain space to process what to do with that. He downloaded it on me to get it off his chest. HE WAS Emotionally ABUSIVE ALL OF THE TIME Iris: After my second baby was born, he was probably seven months old, I tried to leave to go to a mom’s group. My ex-husband was angry with me because of my daughter, who’s my older one. I was working on potty training her. And I let her wear pants without underwear. She pooped and he was furious. He came up behind me in the bathroom and pushed me against the counter and said, “Next time, make sure she wears underwear.” So he was abusive all of the time, disrupted my sleep, and would wake me up in the night angry if I coughed. I had to sleep on 18 inches of the bed or less, without moving to not anger him. The reaction I had was to kick him to get him to back up. That’s when he grabbed me by the throat and started to strangle me. And I know now, but I felt terrible later. All I wanted to do was leave. I got my coat and I got in the car and I left. My children were still in the house with him. I just wanted to get away. I went to the mom’s group like everything was fine. But I was dissociated and in trauma. I had gone to my therapist then within a day or two and just poured everything out. And her response was, other women have it worse. And I was so humiliated, like feeling somehow I had caused this. Even though like I knew, I have education. I was in my thirties, I knew that wasn’t right. But the abuse had taken so much of my strength. That kept me so trapped for so long. It made it harder to open up. Therapists aren’t equipped to see signs of a toxic relationship Iris: And we went to so many marriage therapists, who just aren’t equipped. Because Chuck is charming, and they just don’t understand the dynamic except for one therapist who we did not go back to. They didn’t see the signs of a toxiC relationship. But she was crazy. So we went in, it was this dilapidated house. She was far back in the house. The door was open. We went in and sat down. Literally a dog with sores and the cone of shame came out, and she was like, I’ll be right there. Chuck was like, so wigged out. She came out and talked to us for a little while. She also had paranoid notes tacked up on her wall. Anyway, she talks to us for a little while, and Chuck is so wigged out, so Chuck is walking out. And before we leave she says, I want to give you something. And she hands me a page, and it has books on it. So I went home and ordered it, and then it came and I didn’t read it, like I couldn’t read it. I didn’t read it for the longest time, because it was just so painful. But that was the only therapist who saw the signs of a toxic relationship. And then I found out the next week she lost her license, in the newspaper. Anyway, she was the only one who saw the abuse and handed me a key. Anne: So she handed you a clue. When His “I Choose You” Doesn't Add Up Iris: A clue, and she was right. I had gone to other therapists over the years. I looked just crazy, because I would just cry. One therapist had different offices and I would always go to the wrong one. because I had no short term working memory available. Chuck disrupted my sleep. I’d be in the shower, he’d bring the baby in screaming and put them on the bath mat and I’d have to get out and take care of the baby. He’d drive angry, the list goes on and on. I just didn’t have the words to explain. We went to a mom’s group event where dads were invited. And he was angry at me the whole time, but only I knew that. And then I had to get in the car and drive home with him. So it was really intense. And then at about the seven year mark, he decided that marriage worked for him. It was such a delight, such a relief to have him gone for two weeks. He came home from a business trip. And he said, “I realized it’s been you the whole time. You’re really the one that I want to be married to.” Anne: Oh Iris: Right. Anne: Wait, he was having an affair. Iris: I don’t know. Anne: That sounds like something someone would say if they just broke up with someone. Because they’re like trying to choose between the person they’re having an affair with. In my book, I put the pieces together. FROM THE DAY WE GOT MARRIED, THERE WERE SIGNS OF A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP Anne: After interviewing over 200 women and hearing their stories. I’m pretty good at knowing what happened. I think in this situation, he’s having an affair and she breaks up with him. He’s feeling bummed about it. He might say out loud to you, I decided I want to be with you. Iris: Mm hmm Anne: You don’t have the context of the affair, of him breaking up with her. So this really weird out of the blue statement, “I’ve decided I want to be married to you.” When he’s been married to you for seven years is odd. It also feels like a relief, “Oh, maybe he just didn’t want to be married to me before, and now he’s choosing me.” But you don’t realize what a weird out of place thing that is, because he makes you feel better in that moment. I don’t know if that rings true to you, but it seems that would be the order of events that would precipitate out of the blue, telling you, “Oh, I’m choosing you now.” Iris: Yeah, it didn’t make me feel better, because from the day we got married, he was horrible. it was awful. Anne: So you’re like, great. Now this awful person really wants to be married to me. Iris: It felt like a lie. Now that I understand how Chuck works, like there was something he wanted, he didn’t really love me. Somebody who really loved me and realized they were wrong would’ve not said that. I think they would’ve said, ” I’ve been horrible. I can see why you wouldn’t even want to be married to me, but I realized I really want to be married to you. They would’ve said something to try to heal that. Anne: Some effort to repair. Seeing the Patterns and Signs of a Toxic Relationship Anne: Instead it was more signs of a toxic relationship. Iris: I think so. And I think that’s why it felt awful. Because he manipulated me. Which I don’t think I could verbalize at that time, but he manipulated again. Anne: Were you about to leave at that time? Was there anything about you that was different? Iris: He knew that I was unhappy, but he was abusive all of the time, yeah. Anne: Did you ever find out about explicit media use? Iris: He told me, in hindsight, he’d invited a single woman that he’d never met to our wedding. Which was weird. It was a last minute thing, and I feel like she was probably a backup. Anne: You’ve said three stories now that sound exactly like other stories. I have heard this before. Your story includes all the classic, down to the detail. Iris: Wow Anne: Of inviting someone else to the wedding. Iris: The Chuckness of it. Anne: You got a winner. Iris: He’s a doozy. He told me later that he didn’t actually want to get married. Then when I look at inviting this woman to the wedding, he didn’t admit that for many years. But when he did, I was like, oh, so she must have been the escape hatch. If he didn’t go through with marrying me, he would’ve had someone in the wings. FEELING HELPLESS Iris: I suspect he continues to use porn. He is in cybersecurity, and he always had three computers in his office. So I wonder if one of those he used. I don’t know. I’ve always been curious about what that was. I don’t think I was as tuned into that until I was leaving the marriage. And then there wasn’t much that I had access to. There wasn’t anybody that seemed to have that language who I could talk to. I just felt really helpless, and he was very manipulative and very controlling, the love bombing, he is very good at. The other part was that I was super reactive at that point. So I felt very guilty about my responses to his behavior. Even though it was less intense and further apart. But the reality is that those first seven years, in the bedroom, total coercion, marital rape, and everything now that I have words for, had happened. By that point, like there was very little he had to do to make me comply, to try to stay out of his way. I would try to have a separate life, while maintaining that Christian marriage appearance. It took me a long time to see these as signs of a toxic relationship. Anne: We would probably call it like survival mode. You are trying to survive and that’s why a lot of people use the word survivor when they talk about abuse victims, because every day you’re just trying to survive. Why Getting Help Feels So Scary at First Iris: Yeah, daily. Navigate all of the things that are happening that just don’t make any sense. And I don’t have the words for. I think during the pandemic, I started to see your Instagrams. And it was like, oh, that’s what’s happening, those are the words. That’s what this is. And beginning to be able to label things and feel like I’m not alone. Then, wanting to join group, but then being afraid. What if it doesn’t help, I don’t want Chuck to know I’m joining? Just feeling do I really want to do that? because I felt like if I go through that door, I can’t go back. Anne: Can we talk about that for a minute? because a lot of women have told me that. I followed you on Instagram, or I listened to the podcast, and I didn’t start attending group sessions because I knew it would change everything. What is it about BTR that is different in that way? It’s different than maybe therapy or something. Is it because you’re going to finally get help to look at it. Seeing the signs of a toxic relationship can be scary at first. Iris: This can make me cry. I think, because no one had helped. So I think there was an element of, I could try this and probably it’s still not going to help. By that point, looking for help for so long and thinking, I don’t know that anything will help. then being so vulnerable and beaten down. I think there’s a sense of like, does anybody really want to help me? Do I deserve help? because it certainly seems like it’s my fault. So being very afraid to join a group. Like it’s terrifying the first day. BTR FELT LIKE AN ANSWER TO PRAYER Anne: Once you did attend a group session? Were you surprised at what happened? Iris: Yeah, the first day I joined, you hear that zoom beep and you are in group and feeling so afraid. But I was so welcome. it was like I could take a breath, even though really I was crying so hard. Hearing everybody talk, hearing the coaches talk, feeling like the words made sense. I didn’t share that first time, but just crying afterwards. Like there’s somewhere that gets this. There’s somewhere where there are other women who understand this. I’ve never met anybody who knows what’s happening to me. In my story, something that’s amazing was that when my daughter was a baby, there was this show on daytime TV called Starting Over House. It was a reality show for women to go to this house and start over. They had two coaches, and I remember watching these women go, and they had all different kinds of problems that they were trying to grow from or whatever. All I wanted was to take my baby and join that house. It was a reality show. I’m sure it would not have been really super helpful. But I just wanted to have people love on me and help me figure out my marriage. That’s all I wanted. So when I came to Betrayal Trauma Recovery group, I’m not kidding you, two of the coaches looked like those two coaches on that show. It just felt like it was a prayer answer. HIS ANGER WAS THERE ALL THE TIME Iris: So Sharon and Renee, two coaches loved on me and made me feel like I wasn’t crazy. And helped me to slowly unravel what had been happening and what had happened to me, and find my voice. I joined in the spring, I was already starting to take steps in my marriage to not engage with Chuck. By July, he was angry with me all of the time. Which I’ll come back to in just a minute. But , before I had joined, he had done some really angry driving in the car. He’d been angry one day when I had locked the door to the master bedroom, because I like to pray and meditate. And then I had gotten in the shower without unlocking it. Because I just want privacy from two kids, a dog and a Chuck. He banged on the door for as long as I was in the shower, and I could hardly hear him, but it scared the pants off of my kids. I felt like I didn’t know what to do. When I joined group, I finally started to have some strategies and observe him. Sometimes I forget all the things that happened. Right before I joined in February, he bought a new car and asked for money from his father. Then he came to me and said, “I didn’t spend all the money on the car. I saved some, so either you can go to marriage therapy with me.”, which he’d been threatening, and I didn’t want to go to marriage therapy with him because we’d been many, many times. GROUP HELPED ME SEE THE SIGNS OF A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP Iris: He said, “Either you go to marriage therapy with me, and I’ll buy a car for our daughter, or I’m going to divorce you. Not long after that, I ended up joining group. Then he said, “I used that money to file for divorce. I hired an attorney, and how do you want me to serve you your papers?” At that point, I had enough skill to say you can have me served, thank you. And it was super calm. And then I actually jumped in group and was able to just process. One of the things that was so amazing was that everything happening to me in real time, I could then go in a group, get support, be in my closet, my car, or at the library. The more I went towards health and boundaries, the angrier he got. So he actually continued to ask me for two months how I wanted my divorce papers. I can see how divorce and emotional abuse were intertwined, he was using the threat of divorce to try to control me. I would say, “You can have me served.” And he would say, I don’t want to pay $400. He did that until I got a paper in the mail and I thought that I was being served. I didn’t think I could be served in the mail, which you can’t in my state, but it was actually that they were going to kick it out of the system. I took that paper to an attorney, because I had been interviewing attorneys. That kicked off the divorce process. Because I was served. Anne: That whole time he is asking, “How do you want to be served? And you’re like, “Just serve me.” DEALING WITH CONTROL WHEN HE FILED FOR DIVORCE Anne: He's trying to get you to do something to stop the divorce. He threatens you—if you don't toe the line, I'll divorce you. When you’re like, okay, go ahead and divorce me, then he’s escalating. Using all the tricks and signs of a toxic relationship that worked before. He reminds me of my ex, who said that. Then he didn’t file. Because he thought that would instigate me repairing. Or me doing the thing I was supposed to do. And when I didn’t do it, I don’t think he wanted to file for divorce. It’s just that he couldn’t figure out how to control me anymore. He was like, well, I guess I have to make these things happen. And it sounds the same in this scenario, where he’s trying to get you to do something. Because a normal person, if they’re like, how do you want me to serve you? And you say, oh, just serve me. They’d be like, okay. And they would serve you. Iris: Right, it was control. I was so thankful I could go back in group and have the framework, putting my lab coat on, doing one step at a time. Getting shored up so that I wouldn’t be bowled over by his behavior. I finally hired an attorney, and my attorney notified his attorney. Chuck came to me and said, “Well, that’s not fair. You didn’t tell me you had an attorney. And now we both have to decide to dismiss the divorce. I can’t just decide myself.” Anne: Like not to get divorced? After he’s filed, he’s like, wait. Now that you’ve responded to me serving you with divorce papers, we actually have to get divorced. Iris: Right. Anne: That sounds like my Chuck too. INDIVIDUAL SESSIONS HELPED ME GET READY FOR EACH BIG BATTLE Iris: Really, it’s like they’re all going by the same playbook. I think realizing that these are all the signs of a toxic relationship was huge. And it allowed me to understand that my job was to be strategic. Chuck does a lot of stupid as a strategy. That attorney he hired in July, by the time our status conference was in October, he’d used all of his retainer. Which was $5,000, and nothing had happened yet. Because he is a Chuck and likes to call his attorney to talk. So then right after the status conference, he fired the attorney and then went pro se for a while. I was so thankful that I had BTR, that I could do group. I could do the Betrayal Trauma Recovery individual sessions to get ready for each big barrier or battle with him, so that I went in calm and focused. It really allowed me, in my divorce process to understand that this was the best thing for me. Even though he was trying to control me. It was finally the door out. And he kept coming back to me and asking, “Do you really want a divorce?” And I would say, “You could move out.” But he never would. One of the other things was that understanding that there was going to be so much out of my control and really focusing on what was in my control. In my coaching sessions with Renee and with Sharon, being able to determine what my top priorities were. My priorities weren’t numbers. My priorities were big picture. And then I said, these are the things that are most important and this is what I want to work towards. And it helped me. I feel like things worked out well for me. WE SETTLED AN HOUR BEFORE COURT Iris: So having enough money to restart and go back to school. Having stability for my kids, not selling the house immediately so that my daughter could finish high school. Like those were the big picture things. And because Chuck just wants to fight, it was the 11th hour literally. He hired an attorney again, just weeks before our divorce was final. But we ended up settling like an hour before court. I was able just to hang on, to understand it was going to be like that no matter what I did. Like I didn’t have any control over him, and I really got up that morning not knowing what was going to happen. And being at peace in that, and that I was doing all the things that I needed to do, and to let go of that so that I wasn’t in a battle with him. That was incredibly powerful. Hard but powerful. So it’s been final for two years. And the post separation abuse continues, and BTR’s been incredibly helpful in that. I was able to stay in our marital home for a year till our daughter graduated, and then last year that sold. So I moved out and things just lined up. In part because he was so disorganized. I think that worked out in my favor. And I’m now in school finishing a post Master’s certificate in school counseling. And I got hired last fall as a school counselor. So I’m working full-time as a school counselor while finishing my certificate. Just having somewhere to work out the technical stuff and then the emotional stuff, to understand how to be strategic. RESTARTING MY LIFE Iris: Because I could stay in that place rather than be in his blender. Which is what it was for 18 years. I have been able to restart my life and feel so grateful and fortunate. That I’ve had the support, and he continues to be abusive. And my daughter now is 19 and my son is 17. And so being able to talk about that and how he behaves helped me. I know that at some point, I won’t have to interact with him as much. Or at all once my kids are bigger. But because of the type of abuser he is, because of the types of things he did to me, I know that I am at greater risk of him being dangerous to me physically. And so being able to unpack that, but also, understanding that I have a right to safety and that I can take steps to do that and not feel bad about it. He’s much sneakier now. He’s incredibly angry with me and feels like the divorce was unfair. Because his goal is control, he can’t control me anymore, I think is one reason why he’s angry. It is palpable when I’m around him. He seethes at me. Other people may not be able to see it because he’ll mask it until there’s nobody around. But I think it has been invaluable to me to have a community where I can process that and then take steps to be safe from all the signs of a toxic relationship. When I finally blocked him, which was scary to do, because we have two kids. And that was easier to be able to text and call. It was just another vector for him to get to me. BLOCKING HIM FELT SO EMPOWERING Iris: So blocking him and doing email only. It felt so empowering to make that decision and be able to unpack that in group and also get the support of “Yay, you finally blocked him.” Like I’d been talking about it for so long. And trying to figure out the signs of a toxic relationship, There are the big steps to leave abuse and there are smaller ones too. Sometimes it’s the little ones that felt really hard. Especially because then my kids would know that I blocked him. Moving away from abuse is hard. I left the house today because I have somebody cleaning my house, which I started hiring somebody. So that I can do all that I’m doing. because I’ve been in school and working full-time and parenting two teens, and it feels so empowering. When they walked in today, I was thinking, because I was coming to talk to you and I was like, they’re helping me leave abuse. And I can say that to you. I think you know that. But he was abusive with cleaning. He would wake me. He likes things clean. He’d wake the kids cleaning and it’s very controlling. But to have a clean house and not be abused, it’s hard to express. This is my safe space, and I get to decide how it gets clean. I get to decide how to spend my money. I get to make choices now that I couldn’t make before. I’m just so incredibly grateful that BTR, I can make choices and know that I can. Thank you. LEARNING THE STRATEGIES IS INVALUABLE Anne: You are so brave and so strong. Look at you. You’ve got a good job. You have enough money to be able to hire someone to help clean your house, and the lack of guilt. Because some people have the money, but they’re like, I still can’t. I should be able to, no, like look at all the amazing things that you’ve accomplished. When it comes to divorce, if people ask me my situation, I say I am proudly divorced. I am so happy divorced. And I also say things like abuse doesn’t work out for a lot of people, but it worked out so well for me. Because everything that I have gained from learning about the signs of a toxic relationship and the strategies of protecting myself, has been invaluable. Like our confidence just grows day by day. That little voice in our heads and that little like charge that feels like I’m doing something wrong or I can’t do this or I can’t do that just starts to fade away. And life feels so free and wonderful. I’m so happy for you. It’s wonderful. Good job. Iris: Thank you, thank you for starting BTR and your podcasts were such a beacon for me too. Before I started group of these voices saying, “You’re not alone, you’re not crazy.” Listening to your voice, I still probably need to hear that a lot, because he makes me feel crazy. So thank you. Anne: Well, thank you, without women like you who listen and come and use our services, we wouldn’t be here. So thank you. Our services are incredible. Our team is incredible. It’s such a safe place. THE DIFFERENCE WITH BTR SERVICES Anne: I’ve been thinking a lot about the difference between BTR and the difference in our services is that it’s so real. You really have women you can see who know your story. You can talk to them every single day in person . And they’re never going to blame you or judge you. It’s never going to be that you made some kind of soul contract, like the weird stuff that you might hear from people who somehow try to blame you. I’m like, there’s no reason to ever say any of it had anything to do with you. because you were surviving the best you could the whole time, and you were going for help, and no one gave you the right information. And none of that has anything to do with you. They are helping you deal with the signs of a toxic relationship. That’s the crazy thing about abuse. You’re doing every single thing right and you still can’t get the right information. Despite you trying to get it for years. Some people don’t believe it, because they can’t imagine that would happen. But it happens every day with so many women all over the world. Anyway, thank you for your support of BTR. Iris: It is really such a privilege to be in this community. I felt, loved on and prayed for fiercely. BTR GIVES US THE STRATEGIES THAT WE NEED Iris: I remember when I first started. I thought they’re giving us the weapons that we need to fight the battle. Almost under the cover of darkness. They sort of come into our homes, our cars, our closets, and give us the weapons we need to fight the evil that is happening to all of us. Like all of a sudden realizing the support, but also the education that BTR does, is invaluable, to help us recognize and deal with the signs of a toxic relationship. I could get out of my reactive brain and really start to think, “Oh, this is what’s happening. Okay, this is what I can do. Chuck is doing this. This is what I’ve always done, but I don’t have to do that. I can do this.” It changed everything. Anne: Well, I am so glad, thank you so much, Iris, for taking the time to share your story with me today. Iris: Thank you.

Dating after a divorce or significant breakup can feel confusing, exhausting, and deeply vulnerable.You may feel ready to put yourself out there- like you've spent enough time releasing your last relationship...And yet somehow, you find yourself attracting the same types of people, repeating the same dynamics, or wondering why dating still feels so hard.The truth is that most women don't struggle because they haven't learned enough dating strategies. They struggle because they haven't identified the unconscious patterns that are quietly running the show.In this episode, I share a radically different approach to dating after heartbreak - one that moves beyond surface-level advice and helps you understand what's really happening beneath your choices, attractions, and relationship experiences.We explore:Why time alone doesn't automatically heal relationship patternsThe hidden dynamics that keep women attracting the same experiences over and overHow your unconscious patterns influence who you're drawn toThe difference between genuine compatibility and familiar chemistryWhy dating can feel so discouraging when you're unknowingly operating from old woundsWhat it actually means to prepare for healthy loveWhether you're newly divorced, healing from a breakup, or have been single for years, this conversation will help you see dating through an entirely new lens.Because finding love isn't about becoming more desirable.It's about becoming more conscious.Ready to Go Deeper?I want to personally invite you to join me for my 3-Day Expanded Love Masterclass.For over 15 years, I've helped women uncover the hidden patterns that sabotage love, fulfillment, confidence, and the life they truly desire.The reality is that most women don't realize their patterns are leading. They think their circumstances are the problem. They think they need a better dating app, more confidence, more healing, or a different strategy.But what if the thing standing between you and the love you want isn't outside of you at all?Inside the Expanded Love Masterclass, I'll be teaching the 5 unconscious relationship archetypes that sabotage women from creating the extraordinary relationships and lives they're meant to experience.You'll discover:Why you keep repeating the same relationship dynamicsThe unconscious behaviours that block intimacy, connection, and loveHow your patterns show up in dating, relationships, work, friendships, and lifeWhat it takes to step into a new way of relating to yourself and othersHow to move from surviving love to truly experiencing itThis isn't about fixing yourself. It's about finally seeing what has been running your life behind the scenes. Because when your patterns stop leading, everything changes.Join me June 19–218:00 AM – 10:00 AM Pacific dailyLive on ZoomLINK TO REGISTER: https://www.theunscriptdwoman.com/offers/fwvzFt24?coupon_code=EXPANDXOOR the original link with : DISCOUNT CODE: EXPANDXOhttps://www.theunscriptdwoman.com/expanded-love-masterclass-3-dayThis work has changed thousands of women's lives, and I would love for you to experience it.If you're ready for deeper love, deeper freedom, and a deeper relationship with yourself, this is where we begin.About the Host:Kate Harlow is the founder of The Unscriptd Woman, the creator of The Expanded Love Coaching Method, and host of The New Truth podcast - ranked in the top 1.5% globally. With over 15 years of experience teaching, coaching and facilitating transformational retreats worldwide, Kate has helped hundreds of thousands of women break free from outdated relational patterns, old patriarchal ways of thinking and unspoken rules to live by.Her infallible methods guide women to release the deeply ingrained scripts that keep them stuck- empowering women to step into their highest, most magnetic, and fully expressed selves. Through her coaching, retreats, podcast and upcoming book The Unscriptd Woman, Kate is redefining what it means to be an empowered woman in today's world, showing women how to stop waiting for permission and start creating a life and love that aligns with their deepest truth.Known for her rare ability to see exactly where women are out of alignment with themselves, Kate offers a path back to unwavering self- trust, meaningful joy and true fulfillment. Her work is a revolution - one that liberates women from societal expectations and invites them into a life of radical authenticity, thriving relationships and unshakable self-worth.Website: https://www.theunscriptdwoman.com/Thanks for listening! It means so much to us that you listened to our podcast! If you would like to continue the conversation with us, head on over to our Facebook group, the New Truth Movement at https://www.facebook.com/groups/209821843509179/With this podcast, we are building an international community of The New Truth Movement.If you know someone who would benefit from this message or could be an awesome addition to our community, please share it using the social media buttons on this page.Do you have some feedback or questions about this episode?Leave a note in the comment section below!Follow the podcast If you would like to get automatic updates of new podcast episodes, you can follow the podcast app on your mobile device.Leave us a reviewWe appreciate every bit of feedback to make this a value-adding part of your day. Ratings and reviews from our listeners not only help us improve, but also help others find us in their podcast app. If you have a minute, an honest review on Apple Podcasts goes a long way! Thank You!Podcast Artwork Photo Credit: Photo by Tarja Ruuska https://www.instagram.com/tarjaruuska.photographyRoyalty Free Music: Bensound.com Artist/: Benjamin Tissot License code: 2S4NM4X7FZVPZP1E

From Season 2 – Do you have generational biases at work? Dr. Carrie Spell-Hansson shares how you can start challenging assumptions and having more meaningful conversations with colleagues across generations. Recorded at EA Ignite Fall 2023 and produced by the American Society of Administrative Professionals - ASAP. Learn more and submit a listener question at asaporg.com/podcast.

Laura House is a comedian, podcaster, and an Emmy Nominated TV Writer. CBS, HBO, the BBC, all on her resume. She also has a very helpful perspective on how to handle the times we're living through.

Ken Carman and Anthony Lima evaluate Andrew Berry's stance on a Deshaun Watson extension, deeming it highly unlikely given his current performance. They also examine the fallout from José Ramírez's injury and how it affects the Guardians' approach to the trade deadline. Additionally, they discuss the presence of celebrities like Timothée Chalamet in locker rooms and the personal rules regarding touching championship trophies. 01:53 - Watson Contract Extension Talk 06:14 - Miles Garrett Trade Fallout 11:27 - Jose Ramirez Injury Timeline 17:45 - Guardians Trade Deadline Outlook 30:20 - Celebrities In Locker Rooms 34:52 - Championship Trophy Etiquette

Unlock the hidden code behind human behavior—before it costs you opportunities, relationships, and influence.Most people think they're good at reading others. They're not. They project, assume, and misinterpret—then wonder why conversations stall, deals fall apart, and signals get missed. Behavioral Tells cuts through the noise and shows you what people are actually communicating beneath the surface. From bestselling author Patrick King, this is your field guide to decoding people in real time—without guesswork, overthinking, or relying on clichés like “just trust your gut.” You'll learn how perception quietly distorts everything you see—and how to fix it fast. How perceptual biases like the halo effect and projection silently sabotage your judgment The three perceptual positions that instantly sharpen your perspective in any interaction Why your expectations shape what you notice—and how to break that loop Practical ways to improve perceptual accuracy so you stop misreading people But reading people isn't just about what you see. It's about what you notice, how you interpret it, and how you respond in the moment. This book takes you deeper—into emotions, group dynamics, language patterns, and subtle behavioral signals most people completely miss. The ABC model for understanding why people behave the way they do Emotional granularity so you can distinguish nuance, not just “happy vs. angry” The SUE framework for asking questions that reveal truth without resistance How tone, word choice, and “meta-programs” expose hidden motivations Along the way, you'll learn why body language alone can mislead you, how attention flows in groups, and what everyday behaviors—like walking style, clothing, and even food choices—quietly reveal. Bottom line: This is not theory. It's a toolkit. Navigate conversations with precision Spot inconsistencies before they become problems Understand people faster than they understand themselves

Thinking about the parable in light of repentance for sin.

What if going back to him had nothing to do with love — and everything to do with chemistry your brain literally couldn't override?If you know it's a trauma bond and you're quietly beating yourself up wondering why you can't just leave and mean it, this episode is the explanation your nervous system has been waiting for.In this episode you will:Discover why going back isn't a weakness or a character flawLearn how the push-pull cycle of a narcissistic relationship creates a chemical dependency as real as any addiction (yes, actual withdrawal symptoms included)Feel equipped with a kinder, smarter framework for healing (one that doesn't require more willpower, more logic, or more shame)If you've ever whispered "I know better — so why can't I stop?" — hit play right now, because this episode might be the first time you finally feel understood instead of broken.QUICK LINKS FROM EPISODE:Trauma Bond Breaker Guide: 7 Micro-Shifts to Start Letting Go (Even If You're Still Hooked): https://www.brewolta.com/get-the-trauma-bond-breaker-guideRESOURCES FOR YOUR HEALING:

How Mentally Strong Runners Navigate Injury & Races with Claire BartholicLearn more about Brodie's Research Database & AI Assistant

There are moments in life when the old version of you stops working, but the next version hasn't arrived yet. A relationship ends, or a career changes direction. A long-held identity begins to crack. The things that once gave you certainty no longer fit, yet what comes next remains unclear. It's uncomfortable, disorienting, and most people do everything they can to escape it. According to my guest today, those in-between periods may be some of the most important moments of our lives. Today, I'm excited to share my conversation with Telfer McCognahay, founder of Ecotone Academy, whose work focuses on helping people navigate major life transitions and uncover the opportunities hidden within them. Telfer believes that many of us spend years building our lives around what he calls a "provisional identity": our job, accomplishments, social roles, relationships, or other labels we use to explain who we are. The problem is that these identities are often far more fragile than we realize. Growth often requires old stories, outdated coping mechanisms, and limiting identities to fall away so something more authentic can emerge. In this fascinating conversation, we explore what happens when life places us in what Telfer calls an "ecotone": a transition zone between who we have been and who we are becoming.  

Entrepreneurship does not come with a perfect instruction manual. You have to learn how to operate in the gray. In this episode of The Level Up Podcast, Paul Alex breaks down why embracing ambiguity is one of the most important skills a leader can develop. Let's be real… If you freeze every time there is no clear answer… If you need guaranteed outcomes before taking action… If you wait for perfect certainty before making a move… You are going to get left behind. In this episode, you'll learn: Why the rulebook disappears at higher levels of leadership How demanding certainty can destroy your ability to execute Why logic and data must guide you through uncertain situations How comfort in chaos separates true leaders from everyone else The truth is simple: Business is not always black and white. Markets shift. Problems appear. Technology changes. Clients evolve. And sometimes you have to make the best decision possible with limited information. That is leadership. Most people panic when things become unclear. High-level operators stay calm. They read the data. They trust their judgment. They move with discipline. And they build the framework while everyone else is waiting for instructions. Stop looking for the manual. Step into the gray. Navigate the chaos. Lead the way. And keep leveling up. Your Network is your NETWORTH! Make sure to add me on all SOCIAL MEDIA PLATFORMS: Instagram: https://jo.my/paulalex2024Facebook: https://jo.my/fbpaulalex2024YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGhDAD1JyGGzSQUPD9lc9HQLinkedIn: https://jo.my/inpaulalex2024 Looking for a secondary source of income or want to become an entrepreneur? Check out one of my companies below to see if we can help you: www.CashSwipe.com FREE Copy of my book “Blue to Digital Gold - The New American Dream”www.officialPaulAlex.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Beaches, like any public space, are shared. And as the temperature rises this summer, beach goers will be dividing towel space, and navigating thorny beach etiquette questions around speakers, umbrellas, and even PDA. Jeremy Schneider, NJ.com food and culture editor, discusses his article featuring 15 tips to make sure no one hates you at the Jersey Shore, and listeners share their biggest beach etiquette pet peeves. Photo by Kena Betancur/Getty Images: People take to the beach during Memorial Day weekend on May 26, 2019 in Seaside Heights, New Jersey. Memorial Day is the unofficial start of summer and this year New Jersey has banned smoking and vaping on nearly every public beach under tougher new restrictions.  Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

In this episode, I'm joined by intuitive guide and spiritual teacher Sean Nicole for a conversation about authenticity, self-trust, anxiety, control, and what it really means to reconnect with yourself.Sean shares her journey from living a life that looked successful on paper to building a life that feels deeply aligned from the inside out. Together, we explore how anxiety can sometimes serve as information rather than something to simply fix, why so many of us become disconnected from our true selves, and how Human Design, spirituality, travel, and life experiences can help us come back home to who we are.We also talk about:the difference between a life that looks good and a life that feels goodhow anxiety can signal disconnection from yourselfreleasing control and learning to trust lifewhy growth often requires moving through the messy middlethe challenge of letting go of old identities and expectationsfollowing your soul before you know the outcomeusing Human Design as a tool for self-trust and authenticitywhat it means to become your most essential selfIf you've ever felt like you've outgrown the life you've built, questioned whether you're on the right path, or struggled to trust yourself through periods of change, this conversation is for you.About Sean:Sean Nicole is an intuitive guide and spiritual teacher based in Mexico City, and the host of the podcast Getting Essence-ial. Through her signature Essence Reading, group programs, and Essence-ial Immersions, she helps high-achievers who've outgrown the life they built reconnect to who they truly are and become their most essential selves.Connect with Sean:Website: https://www.seannicolem.comInstagram: @_seannicole _✨ Take the Over-Functioning Archetypes Quiz✨ Ready to explore your patterns on a deeper level?Pattern Readings help uncover the subconscious beliefs and relational dynamics shaping the way you move through life, work, and relationships.Learn more or book here: Pattern Reading.Any questions? You can always email me at nicole@nicoleguenaconsulting.com

On todays episode, Betsy talks about healing, traveling back to her hometown and how to really choose yourself in the face of pressure and old dynamics. Transcript:  Welcome to The Art of Living Big, where we explore how to live intentionally and with more joy. I’m Betsy P, your host, master, coach, and creator of the Navigate Method. Here to help you listen in to your true desires, elevate your standards, and live life to the fullest. Now, let’s go live big. Hello, fellow adventurers. Hi, everybody. I am back home after a long weekend of being in Vermont. That’s where I grew up, in Vermont, and that’s where my dad still lives. He lived for a long time in Vermont and in Florida, and about a year ago decided to sell his home in Florida, and he’s just in Vermont full-time. So, um, he is 85 years old, and weirdly seems really young. And I know it’s not just me. I know it’s not just my bias view, because I saw so many of my friends from high school, and I’ll get into that, but they all were like, “Why does your dad seem so young? Like, he seems just like he did even 20 years ago.” It is a little unnerving. He’s like Benjamin Button, I guess. Rides his bike, goes to the gym three times a week. He’s very busy, and cognitively still really there. I don’t know. I know intellectually 85 is, you know, a- an advanced age, but I guess the older we get, the more young older age seems. And now 85 just doesn’t seem that old to me, but I know cognitively, I know that it, it is. So this past weekend- I went up to Vermont because my best friend growing up, I had a best friend named Heather, and her younger sister was just a year younger, so Linny. So Linny and Heather were my very best friends, and I spent every waking moment with them. Um, if you have been here for a long time, you may remember when my friend Heather’s mom died about five years, four years ago probably now. Um, and I went up to Vermont and just flew in, went to the hospital, and stayed a few days and then left. So I didn’t see anything in Vermont. It wasn’t like a real visit, but I went up for that. My mom and Heather’s mom were very best friends, so our families were very, very connected. And so a few months ago, Heather’s dad, Bob, passed away, and they were having, like, a celebration of life for him. And so I, I, I really don’t go, like, I’m using air quotes, home very often. I hadn’t been since before I was married, except for when, you know, to go to the hospital, when Michelle was in the hospital. So, you know, it’s… I really don’t go. I, I joke that the only thing that will get me to make the trek home is Heather and Linny. Um, but, you know, they needed me, and so of course I was gonna go, and Bob was such an important part of my life. It feels funny calling him Bob. That was his name. But Daddy Oved is what I c- I called him Daddy or Dad or Mr. Oved. Um, but when he passed away and they were having this celebration for him, then I really wanted to go, and it was really beautiful actually. You know, so many people came to the celebration. It was, like, at the legion hall there in the little town where I grew up. And so many of my friends from growing up were there. You know, people whose lives he had touched, and I think really importantly People who find Heather and Linney to be really important. You know, I think it was also such a beautiful example of the impact that they have on the world, you know, and on their, on their world. And so anyway, it was really nice. Um, you know, Heather still lives in Vermont, has lived a couple places, but she’s back in Vermont, and Linney is just outside New York City. So, you know, it was nice to have everybody come and to see so many friends. And, you know, seeing those friends from growing up, it, it’s like a light, nice little reunion, you know? I think that Mr. Ovitt was complicated, like a lot of our dads. Not especially emotional, but you knew that he cared about you. I remember, and my dad was mentioning this, and, and we talked about this a little bit, but when my mom died, Mr. Ovitt was the first one over at the house and just started cooking for everybody. And I remember actually sitting in my family room. Everybody was in the living room, and I had gone to, like, the family room to kinda, like, get away from all the people. I mean, I was, I was stunned. I was stunned and in shock. But I remember looking from the couch and seeing him leaning over the kitchen and, or over the kitchen sink and doing something. And, um, and yeah, it was just, he had an impact on, on all, on all of our lives. And then, of course, my dad still lives in Vermont, and so I made sure that I planned this trip also around visiting him while I was there, and that’s really kinda what I wanna talk about. You know, I think it can be hard sometimes to go back to the place where we were, who we were, and try and keep the version of us that exists today. I think this is why so many people, you know, fight at the holidays and all that, because we have changed or grown so much, and then you go home, and you are expected to be the same. You know, I wonder sometime if I do this to my own child, you know? I expect them to be a certain way ’cause that’s the way they are. And so in all of that, in trying to manage that experience for myself, I decided to stay at a hotel down the street from where my dad and his wife live. I thought this would be really nice for me so that I could have my own space. And, you know, I knew that going to have this visit was gonna be tricky. You know- I, I’m gonna guess that you all kinda know what I mean by that, right? Like, family dynamics can be really complicated sometimes, and sometimes you just need to have a plan. You know, you need to know how you’re gonna move through it without disappearing into it. And so, you know, the celebration of life for Bob was super nice, and, um, that was on a Saturday. I got there on, um, like the middle of the night on a Thursday. The flights, the flights from Atlanta to Vermont are not simple. Um, but I spent the day with my dad and his wife on Friday, and the celebration of life, and I stayed with my friend, and then went back to a hotel the following day. So all of it was really nice, but at, you know, at the end of the night, my, my family wanted me to stay with them. They wanted me to go get my stuff from the hotel and just stay with them. You know, just keep- Like, c- I, and I guess I understand this in a, in a way, right y’all? Like, we want our children under our roof. Like, I, I, I understand this. But that isn’t the kind of relationship that I really have with my family. And so I had to really decide which version of me is gonna show up here. Is it the old version of me? And really, it’s a version of me from maybe 15 years ago. I haven’t been there since before I got married, like, for a visit. You know, before all the things that I have looked at and healed over the past, you know, I would say 2010, I probably started my real heal- healing journey, so the past 16 years. You know, am I going, am I going to be the version of me who used to show up with them, or am I gonna be the version of me that has done the work? You know, am I gonna be the version of me that would’ve just folded and done what they wanted? You know, if they pressured me or asked me enough, I would’ve just said, “Oh, you’re right, I’ll just do it. It’s easier.” You know, she would have stretched herself thin and made herself available even though she didn’t have it in her. You know, it, I think that at the end of the day she would’ve resented them a little. She would’ve resented them for asking. She would’ve resented herself for doing what they wanted. And I think that in a lot of ways, and I’m gonna say something that’s gonna sound very dramatic, but it would have put me in the crosshairs for continued trauma. And I, I say this, and I know it sounds dramatic. We all have our things with family, so I’m not saying my thing is worse or better or, eh, you know, anything about the degrees of it other than my body and my nervous system interprets what’s happening as a layer of trauma. So what I noticed on this trip was that my body was really working to keep me out of the crosshairs of further injury, and it was a lot to navigate. It was a thing and a moment where I think I had to honor The version of me who was healed and recognizing when something didn’t feel right so that I could make a different choice in the moment. And I could feel it when I would make a different choice, and my whole body would relax. And I would say, “Okay, well, that was the right choice.” My nervous system was speaking to me so, so clearly. And I think when we have lived in a certain way for so long, and then we heal, and then we go back to the place where we used to be that old version of ourselves, it can be really difficult to stay in the version of us that lives our everyday life. You know, I think that when I look at my life in Vermont and the time that I had spent there, and, and really I left, I mean, I left right after high school and went to college, but I would come back. For the first year, I think, of college I went back to my dad’s house. After that, I didn’t go back. I would stay with my sister at her apartment when my dorm would shut down, you know? But, you know, we have continued cr- you know, interactions with our family even if we don’t live with them. And so I feel like when I was there this particular time as a healed person for the first time in 15 years, I could see so clearly my old patterns, the patterns of the people around me, and really why so many things felt familiar inside my marriage. Like, why I chose the way that I chose. Because those same things were actually inside my family dynamic, but I had never really noticed it before. I never noticed it because it was normal. It was, like, reality. I’m using air quotes. Like, reality. Those things were there the, the whole time. And then when I could see it so clearly, I could make a really different choice. So I wanna share with you sort of something that I did knowing going into this and how I kinda handled it. So before I got to Vermont, maybe, like, four or five days before, my nervous system started really reacting to what was coming, and my aura ring was like, “Hey, are you okay? You’re experiencing a lot of stress. You’re not sleeping. You’re in a sleep deficit. What’s going on?” And so I decided that I needed to have a, a real plan, not only for myself and, like, where my personhood was, where my body was gonna be, but also how I wanted to be thinking about this. And so, you know, I’m gonna share this with you in case this helps you, uh, because you’ll have things like this, too, right? It might be when you go home to family, but it might be other things, too. And so what I did was I sat down, and I imagined how I wanted to feel at the end of the trip, not how I wanted them to feel And I know that can be really hard, ’cause so many times we frame things around how we want other people to experience us. But what I wanted to do is I wanted to figure out how I wanted to feel inside my body, but also how I wanted to think about myself and how I moved through that experience. You know, inside the Navigate method, we talk about moving through your divorce with bravery and integrity, and I think that’s really what I brought into this. I really wanted to be in integrity with who I am, like, h- how I treat people, but most importantly, how I treat myself. And I wanted to be brave. I wanted to be brave enough to choose myself, and that word brave that, it sounds so d- I feel like I sound so dramatic. But, it, it is, it is an act of bravery to say no to a family dynamic that has always said yes. It can be difficult to make a different choice and to say, “I know I’ve always just gone with the flow. I know I’ve always done it the way they wanted me to do it, but I’m not going to this time.” And I’ll tell you, it was difficult because There was an ask for me to do something many times, and then when I said no, the ask was asked again and again and again, and the pressure mounted. And I had to remind myself of how do I wanna feel when I leave? Like, when I’m on the flight on the way home, when I look back on this experience, how do I wanna look at how I acted? And I wanted to feel light. I didn’t wanna feel small. I wanted to feel like I had sort of embodied my, my fullness, who I am. You know, I asked myself did I wanna feel proud of how I showed up, or did I wanna carry resentment home with me? And when I would make a choice, I would say which, which way is this gonna land? Am I gonna feel proud of this, or am I gonna feel resentful? You know, I asked myself, like, how did I want to honor what I actually needed, or did I wanna make myself just fit into, you know, the space that they had for me? And I decided in the end, before I even left, I, I did this, like, days before, that I wanted to feel like myself. And so when they asked me not to stay at a hotel, when they wanted me to do what they wanted me to do, I didn’t have to fight with them. I didn’t have to fight with myself either. I just had to remember the feeling that I had decided on, and I knew that if I felt in alignment, if I felt good about myself, if I didn’t have resentment, my relationship with them would be better. And so I said no so many times. I drove myself somewhere. I went back to my hotel. I decided to take a walk. You know, I honored what I had committed to myself, which was really taking care of myself. It was really listening. And you know, in those moments, I really, I really have realized something, that, that choice, the choice wasn’t It wasn’t hard because I’m selfish. It wasn’t hard because I don’t love them. It was hard because for so long the version of me that said yes was the version that I thought I was supposed to be, you know, to be loved or how, whatever it is that we think. That that was the person I believed I had to be in order to belong in that family dynamic, in order to be okay But the truth is, that’s not who I am anymore, and so many of you are likely not who you were last time you went home, or last time you went into an experience, you know, a- an environment. Maybe it’s with your former spouse and you’re doing a family thing with your kids. You know, you’re stepping into something and you’re like, “I’m not the version of me that I was when I was in this last.” And so every time I chose myself, even in the small moments, and there were small moments where I had to say, “I don’t want that. I want this.” “Uh, would you like a Diet Coke?” “No, thank you.” “Have a Diet Coke. I bought you the Diet Coke.” “I don’t really want a Diet Coke.” “You said you liked Diet Coke, so I bought it.” “I, I, I’m choosing not to have a Diet Coke right now.” I mean, like, it, it was a choosing of myself over and over and over again, and I knew, even in those little moments, I am building the version of me that doesn’t have to question whether she belongs here or whether she should do what they want. Do you see what I’m saying? It’s these, like, small choices. They’re not separate from big choices. They’re the same exact thing. It’s the same muscle. And, you know, over the last 15 years of, of healing myself, I have been able to witness these patterns instead of being inside them. You know, before I, I used to feel like I w- would go there, and I would w- be, like, inside a washing machine. Like, I was just being, like, w- waterboard, waterboarded and, and tossed around, and I couldn’t see what was happening while I was in it. I just knew it felt awful. But now, this time, I could step back. I could witness myself. I could see it. And when you can see something really clearly, you get to choose something different and feel more steady in it. And so that’s what happened in Vermont. I could see the pattern. I could see the old impulse to say yes and to shrink myself, and I could still choose differently. So here’s what I want you to try. This is a little tool for you this week. Before you walk into a situation where you know that the tricky parts are gonna show up, take five minutes, close your eyes, and imagine yourself at the end of that time. Not at the beginning, at the end, when it’s all over, when you’re on the flight home, when you’re driving back to your house, when you’re settled in your own bed that night. How do you wanna feel? Not how do you want them to feel, not what do you think you’re supposed to do, not any of those things. But how do you actually want to feel in your body, in your bones? And then as you’re moving through it, you’re not fighting anyone. You’re not white-knuckling through it. You’re calibrating towards a feeling, and you’re making decisions that move you towards the version of yourself that you decide on beforehand, and it changes everything. It’s not about being card, card… Ca- cold, cold or hard. That is my new word, card, trademark. Or selfish. It’s not about putting up walls. It’s just about knowing who you wanna be and letting that be the thing that guides you instead of letting everyone else’s comfort guide you. And I’m gonna say it again, but when we can be truly ourselves, our relationship with those other people can be better. And instead of old patterns, instead of the version of you that you thought you had to be, you get to show up as you, and then you feel good about that, and you don’t have resentment or carry any, you know, harmful feelings afterwards. And I think when you make a choice with yourself in the small moments, you’re not just choosing yourself. You’re saying something to yourself. You’re saying, “I see you, I hear what you need, and I’m gonna take care of you.” And for me, I think that was so huge. Like, I’ve have felt like, you know, perhaps the people around me had failed me in some ways, but I won’t ever fail me. I won’t ever fail me again. And I think every time you can do that, you start to build a version of yourself that knows she can trust herself, she knows she can make decisions, she can count on herself, and I think that is how you live a big life. That is the work. That’s the healing. And that’s what it looks like, you know, when you’re stepping into a version of you that you really wanna be. All right. Thank you so much for being here with me this week. I love you guys so much, and if I can do anything for you, be sure to reach out. Message me on Instagram. If you have a podcast suggestion, please let me know. And if you haven’t ever given this podcast a review, if you could do that, go to iTunes, give us a review. It would mean so much to me. I noticed that recently we got some new reviews, and I forgot how much life that brought me. You know, it’s hard sometimes doing this work on this end of the microphone, not looking at anybody or seeing anybody, and wondering if this is landing, like wondering if this is helping. So if you wanna give me a review, I would be forever grateful. I really do check ’em now, and, and I’m looking. So, all right. Thanks so much for being here. I’ll see you all next week Thanks for joining me on The Art of Living Big. I hope today’s episode sparked something within you, maybe pushed you to dream a little bit bigger and live a little larger. Don’t forget to subscribe. Leave us a review and share this podcast with someone you know who might need a little inspiration today. You can find me over on Instagram at Betsy Pay and on my YouTube channel. Remember, the world is vast. Your potential is endless, and your life, it’s yours to shape. Until next time, keep reaching, keep exploring, and keep living big.

Welcome back to another episode of the unSeminary podcast. Today we're joined by John Plake, Chief Innovation Officer and Editor-in-Chief of the State of the Bible research at the American Bible Society. With decades of experience as a pastor, missionary, professor, and researcher, John brings a unique perspective on how people are actually engaging with Scripture and what we should do about it. The “movable middle” is growing. // One of the most significant insights from recent research is the rise of what John calls the “movable middle”—millions of people who are open to the Bible but not yet engaged with it. This group has grown by approximately nine million people in recent years. They are curious, interested, and even positive toward Scripture, but they lack the tools, confidence, or guidance to engage it meaningfully. This represents a massive opportunity for churches willing to step in and help. People want a guide. // Through focus groups and research, John discovered that many people in the movable middle feel intimidated by the Bible. They struggle with language, context, and navigation. But perhaps most striking is they want help. Contrary to what some leaders might assume, they are not rejecting the church as a guide. In fact, many say, “If we can't trust the church to help us understand the Bible, what good is it?” This creates a clear invitation for churches to step into a more relational, guiding role in discipleship. A surprising discipleship gap. // One of the most sobering findings is that nearly half of weekly church attenders are not regularly engaging Scripture on their own. While churches invest heavily in preaching and programming, many people are not developing personal habits of Bible engagement. John suggests that churches often focus on delivering content rather than equipping people to engage Scripture themselves. The result is a gap between what happens on Sunday and what happens in everyday life. From teaching to equipping. // If churches want to close that gap, they must shift from being primarily content providers to equipping environments. This means helping people develop the skills, habits, and confidence to read and apply Scripture on their own. It also requires understanding the real barriers people face, like time constraints, confusion, or lack of community support, and addressing those barriers with practical solutions. A new tool for churches. // To help leaders take action, the American Bible Society has developed the “Next Step for Church” assessment. This free tool allows churches to measure spiritual health, Bible engagement, and key leadership behaviors within their congregation. Within a few weeks, leaders receive a detailed, data-driven report highlighting strengths, challenges, and suggested next steps. Data that leads to discipleship. // John emphasizes that data is not an end in itself; it's a tool for better shepherding. By listening to their congregation at scale, leaders can identify patterns, confirm instincts, and prioritize what matters most. The assessment surfaces both what's working and where growth is needed, giving churches a clear path forward. It also connects individuals to personalized Scripture engagement resources, helping them take their next step spiritually. Why Scripture engagement matters most. // Nothing has a greater impact on spiritual growth than a person's relationship with the Bible. In fact, Scripture engagement accounts for a significant portion of overall spiritual health. When people consistently engage with God's Word, transformation follows—affecting beliefs, behaviors, and relationships. Signs of hope for the future. // Despite broader cultural challenges, John sees encouraging trends, especially among younger generations. Millennials and Gen Z show increasing openness to Scripture, even if they are still exploring. While overall trends may appear flat, meaningful change is happening beneath the surface. For churches willing to engage this moment, there is real opportunity for impact. To explore the research further or access the free church assessment, visit church.nextstep.bible and begin discovering how your church can better equip people to engage Scripture every day. Thank You for Tuning In! There are a lot of podcasts you could be tuning into today, but you chose unSeminary, and I'm grateful for that. If you enjoyed today's show, please share it by using the social media buttons you see at the left hand side of this page. Also, kindly consider taking the 60-seconds it takes to leave an honest review and rating for the podcast on iTunes, they're extremely helpful when it comes to the ranking of the show and you can bet that I read every single one of them personally! Lastly, don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on iTunes, to get automatic updates every time a new episode goes live! Thank You to This Episode’s Sponsor: Risepointe Do you feel like your church’s or school's facility could be preventing growth? Are you frustrated or possibly overwhelmed at the thought of a complicated or costly building project? Are the limitations of your building becoming obstacles in the path of expanding your ministry? Have you ever felt that you could reach more people if only the facility was better suited to the community’s needs? Well, the team over at Risepointe can help! As former ministry staff and church leaders, they understand how to prioritize and help lead you to a place where the building is a ministry multiplier. Your mission should not be held back by your building. Their team of architects, interior designers and project managers have the professional experience to incorporate creative design solutions to help move YOUR mission forward. Check them out at risepointe.com and while you’re there, schedule a FREE call to explore possibilities for your needs, vision and future…Risepointe believes that God still uses spaces…and they're here to help. Episode Transcript Rich Birch — Hey friends, welcome to the unSeminary podcast. I am so glad that you have decided to tune in today. This is one of those episodes that there’s a great resource in it that going to want to make sure you engage with. There’s super helpful content. Plus it’s about an area that I know so many of us are thinking about, we’re wondering about, we’re asking questions about. Rich Birch — So super excited to have John Plake with us today. He is the chief innovator ah innovation officer and editor-in-chief of the State of the Bible Research Series, which comes from the American Bible Society. And they’re on a mission to make the Bible available to every person in a language and format each can understand and afford so that all may experience its life-changing message. ABS has really a whole bunch of different tools and approaches, and we’re excited kind of expose a little bit more about that today. John has been in ministry over 30 years. We’ll just call it over 30 years. And it served as a pastor, missionary, professor, researcher. John, welcome to the show. So glad you’re here.John Plake — Thanks so much for having me today. It’s great to be with you.Rich Birch — Why don’t you fill in the picture a little bit? Tell us a little bit about your background. You know, what brings you to your current work?John Plake — Yeah. Closer to 40 years now. Rich Birch — Nice. Yeah, yeah. That’s great.John Plake — It’s a little uncomfortable to talk about that.Rich Birch — That’s great.John Plake — Yeah. You know, I start out like a lot of people in ministry. I grew up in a home that ministry was central. Actually, both my grandfathers were ministers. My father was a minister. Ministry is kind of the family business in a way, but I really did sense a direction from God when I was about 15 years old to to pursue full-time ministry.John Plake — There was some detail around that. Ended up going to Bible college and and then started what turned out to be about nine years of full-time pastoral service. And I hadn’t been in that for very long before I realized that everything I learned in Bible College was preparing me to serve a generation that no longer existed in a culture that was gone. John Plake — And I thought, my goodness, I know God’s word pretty well. And mean, I’m a lifelong learner of God’s word. I love the Bible. And yet, didn’t really know culture very well. And I didn’t develop those tools until just years and years of practice, some missionary service, wonderful teachers at at Wheaton College and graduate school and and just a lifelong journey of learning.John Plake — So at American Bible Society, when I got here, the State of the Bible, program or this research project was already underway. And we’d been helped out by the Barna Group, which does some wonderful foundational work. And eventually it just kind of grew up and it got to a place where we had an internal team that was running it ourselves, now in collaboration with the National Opinion Research Council or NORC at the University of Chicago. We just do, I think, what is the largest ongoing study of Americans’ relationship with the Bible and faith and the church. And we get to talk about it all the time. Rich Birch — Yeah, I love it.John Plake — So, I mean, this is the best job in the world.Rich Birch — Yeah, that’s so good. It’s it’s great research, something that I think should be on the kind of list of things that we need to be paying attention to. It’s been a gift to the church for so long and something that we should continue to to pay attention through. Now, let’s talk about you specifically. You spent three plus decades. I didn’t want to say almost 40. You know, I’m not saying that. I’m not saying that. I could say that, you know, a couple years ago, I clicked across one of those numbers with a zero on the end as my birthday. And ever since then, I’m a little sensitive about the the age thing. Rich Birch — So anyways, As a ministry, missionary professor, researcher, you’ve done a lot. How does wearing all of those hats, what do you what does that bring to you as you come to the data? How does that impact you as you think about really the state of the Bible research?John Plake — Yeah, you know, I think research can be dull. You know, it can sound like it’s all about writing questions or it’s all statistics and numbers. But for me, the research is all about the people. Rich Birch — So true.John Plake — It’s all about the people in our communities and in our churches that we’re trying to understand better so we can serve them well with the gospel. I, for years, I’ve used the analogy that that being in gospel ministry is like being a human bridge across a river. I grew up not very far from the Mississippi River in the St. Louis area, and there was a big 100-year flood when I was early on in ministry. And I mean, none of the bridges worked anymore. You couldn’t get from one side to the other.John Plake — And I thought, you know, that’s a tragedy that I encountered sometimes in ministry where maybe I was deeply rooted in one bank of the river, the text, but I wasn’t necessarily deeply rooted in the other bank of the river, which was the context.John Plake — And it’s this lived experience of the people that I was I was serving. And that I wanted to serve in my community, but I needed to understand them better. So I wasn’t just spouting you know Aristotelian logic to them. Or I wasn’t just coming at them with the pat answers that I’d learned. Like I’d never heard anybody in my life walk into my office and say, Pastor John, you got to tell me, what can you describe hamartiology to me from. You know like I had to learn that in school, but that’s not what people struggle with. Rich Birch — That’s so true. Yeah. John Plake — They had totally different questions and I needed to love them and honor them enough to understand their questions and answer them responsibly and reliably from the pages of scripture.Rich Birch — Yeah, love it. Okay, well, we’re going to dig into a little bit of just a couple of the findings just to kind of, we’re trying to whet your appetite, friends, to take steps towards this. So the 2025 data showed, and we’ve seen this, a real bump in Bible engagement, particularly among millennials and men. If I’m reading it correctly, though, we saw 2026, a shift happen, maybe back down. And so what’s going on? Actually, I heard another sociologist in a kind of a related field that was about church attendance talked about the dead cat bounce, that it was like, you know, which I thought, oh, that’s a, but there’s a similarity going on here. Pull this, this finding apart. Help us understand this.John Plake — Yeah, apologies to cat lovers out there.Rich Birch — Yes, exactly.John Plake — We were we were hoping, you know, I think we were really hoping. We looked at 2025. We saw that men in particular were leaning into the Bible in ways we hadn’t seen recently. Millennials doing the same thing. There there were some interesting numbers in 2025. And so when the 2026 numbers came to my desk in late January, I thought, I hope we’re extending I hope it’s going to be a trend. But it wasn’t. It was a blip.John Plake — And there’s more to it, though, than just the fact that scripture engagement didn’t go up. It also didn’t go down. And the level of people in America who are Bible disengaged, meaning they never pick up the Bible on purpose at all, that actually didn’t go up either. What grew was this kind of curious explorer group in the middle that we call the movable middle. And over the last two years, it’s grown by 9 million American adults. Rich Birch — Wow.John Plake — And so what we do see is there’s there’s openness to the Bible. There’s experimentation with the Bible. But people are jumping in and they’re trying it and they’re not being able to get hold of it. And I think that’s largely because of us.John Plake — Because Bible people who are around them aren’t saying, please come do this with me. Let me help you. Let me honor you enough to to respect your questions, to ask what you’re dealing with, and help you explore those issues through the pages of Scripture.Rich Birch — I love that movable middle, man, that feels like the kind of group we want to connect with and reach out to in our community. Any other, when you, when you’ve been thinking about this movable middle, what are some other kind of characteristics of those people or other things that, you know, are kind of telltale signs of this group as we’re thinking about them as it, as it pertains to Bible engagement?John Plake — Yeah, they’re an amazing group, and we’re going talking more about them all year, but they are probably my favorite subject in America. There are 74 million American adults that are in the movable middle.Rich Birch — Wow.John Plake — 74 million of our neighbors who are like…Rich Birch — Wow.John Plake — …and here’s what they tend to say: They love the Bible. They think it’s a great idea. But if you handed them a Bible, they don’t know how to find what they’re looking for. They don’t know how to navigate it. They get confused by the language in in Scripture.John Plake — I remember doing a a focus group with a bunch of people in the movable middle. I was in Chicago. it was an area I was really familiar with. I used to pastor in that area. And we got them talking about their experience with the Bible. And we said, hey, does anything ever stop you or kind of you know make you check out because you’re struggling with what’s going on? John Plake — And one young lady at the table said, yeah, you know the language of the Bible is really really hard for me to understand. It’s it’s a really old book. It uses expressions I don’t understand. And a gentleman sitting across the table from her just kind of chuckled and said, yeah, what the hell’s a mustard seed? And everybody laughed.John Plake — I was behind the glass and I just about fell out of my chair because they didn’t teach me to talk like that in a Assemblies of God seminary.Rich Birch — Yes.John Plake —Things like that, you know, that’s just not the way we roll.Rich Birch — Yeah, yeah. Yes.John Plake — But it was so authentic and he wasn’t being mean.Rich Birch — No.John Plake — He was just saying, boy, I don’t I don’t get it. And then they said, you know, we really want a guide. Rich Birch — That’s good.John Plake — And so we pushed on that a little bit. At the time, there were some clergy abuse scandals that actually there were billboards up in Chicago about clergy abuse scandals that all of us lamented. And so we’re like, OK, listen, do you trust the church to be your guide? Because ee saw these billboards, you know, and it’s your city. And so what what do you think?John Plake — And they said, well, of course we do. I mean, it’s terrible when people in the church abuse their position and abuse others. And that’s not what they’re supposed to do. But if we can’t trust the church to help us understand the Bible, what good are they, really? And so, yes, we’re looking to you, church, to help us connect more deeply with the Bible, understand what it meant to the original hearers and readers and how we apply it to our lives today.Rich Birch — Okay, that’s yeah, that’s really cool. I look forward to hearing more about the movable middle in this coming year. Another thing that jumped out to me, which I feel like, man, I’ve seen this in my church. This is like you you named a group that I see, but it’s surprising, at least it’s surprising on its face. So nearly half of weekly church attenders, weekly church attenders, which is, that’s like really engaged, you know, are not regularly engaging, engaging scripture on their own.Rich Birch — Man, what, so what should we do about that? That’s an interesting, how does, how should that impact our discipleship strategy? What are you encouraging us to be thinking about? And these people that are with us all the time, but they’re not engaged with scripture.John Plake — Well, I think the first thing to do is to just recognize it. Rich Birch — Right.John Plake — You know, a lot of pastors that I’ve talked to, when we talk about scripture engagement, they tell me things like this: Everything we do is scripture engagement. I spend my whole week preparing a scriptural message. I’m, you know, we’re preparing small group curriculum and Sunday school curriculum and all of this stuff. It’s all about the, everything we do is about the Bible. John Plake — Well, okay. But I had a I had a young youth pastor come to me not that long ago and he said, John, look, you were me once a few years ago. If you knew then what you know now, what would you do differently?John Plake — And the answer is I would do everything differently, than the way I ought to do it. Because what, in my tradition, there was a lot of emphasis on the preaching event, and I put a lot of effort into those communication events, but what I didn’t put as much effort into is empowering people in my church to do what I was doing, which was dig into scripture, understand it for themselves, giving them the tools to do that.John Plake — And then in May, we’re going to be releasing a chapter, just in a few few days now, we’re going to be releasing a chapter all about parents. And one of the startling things is the time pressure that moms are under. I mean, it’s incredible. And so we need to understand where they’re coming from and where they have barriers, but also have some compassion on them and help to support them when they’re really facing struggles. Like they don’t have enough time. They don’t have the resources or the community coming around them to help them to engage God’s word ah more fulsomely, more transformatively.John Plake — We know how to do this stuff, but we’re not connecting the dots to everybody that’s coming to hear us talk every…Rich Birch — That’s good. That’s good. I know I’ve in my seat as an XP, um you know, I’ve overseen a lot of what we do on the programming side and what we do on the weekends. And I’ve, you know, it’s like, that i don’t think I’ve ever said this publicly. It’s like the kind of behind the scenes conversation. I’ve sometimes wondered, I’ve said, you know, like, what we do on the weekend to try to make the Bible understandable is so completely different than Tuesday morning in someone’s life. Rich Birch — Like, we pull out all the stops to make it interesting. We get like world class communicators, incredible graphics, you know, emotional music, all of this to try to… But then the question is, okay, so now on Tuesday morning when you’re tired and you haven’t had your coffee yet and you’re just about to go read scripture, man, like that feels like a long ways away. There’s like a gap there that I sometimes wonder maybe we’re making it worse. You know. Maybe we’re making it harder. I said that. You didn’t say that. Rich Birch — So maybe there’s pastors that are listening here and they read this kind of report. They read this kind of finding and they’re like, hey, that’s interesting. But like, how what do I do in my church specifically? So you know we want we don’t want to just leave people with a tough stat.Rich Birch — I think we see that in our church. There’s people in our church that are here all the time. They’re not that engaged. But you’ve actually developed a new tool or ABS has developed a new tool to help us think through that. Why don’t you walk us through it? Tell us a little bit about it. How’s it work? Talk us how it can help us.John Plake — Yeah, so recently we developed two tools that kind of work together. One of them you can find on the internet at nextstep.bible. And it’s just for anybody who’s like, hey, I’m on a spiritual journey. I’m kind of stuck. I don’t really know what to do next. Maybe you’re just getting started exploring what it means to be a Christian. Maybe you’re Jesus’ little brother or sister. Wherever you are in that journey, there’s always a next step for us.John Plake — And so what we’ve done is analyzed along about a million spiritual life surveys. Rich Birch — Wow.John Plake — And from this huge quantity of data, we’ve learned that people are at different places in that journey. They’re at different points on the map. And we want to make sure that they’re equipped to have the right thing at the right time. I think currently there are 21,000 scripture engagement resources available there.Rich Birch — Wow.John Plake — They’re absolutely free. They’re in English, Spanish, and French. So go check it out, nextstep.bible.John Plake — But if you’re a pastor or you’re a church leader, you’re probably wondering, well, what’s going on in my church, right? So I see all the national data, but I think our tendency is to say, well, we’re the exception, right?Rich Birch — So true. Well, that’s not our people. John Plake — I know I know everybody else is struggling, but we’re doing okay.Rich Birch — Yes.John Plake — And and so it’s good to check our assumptions a little bit. They used to say a really sad statistic that 10 o’clock on Sunday morning was the most segregated hour in America, which makes me sad. What makes me sad also is that 12 o’clock noon in America is the most dishonest hour in America. That’s the hour when pastors tend to start greeting their people after the church service closes and they hear all these comments: oh, Pastor, that was the best sermon I’ve ever heard. And it wasn’t. It just wasn’t. All right, let’s face it.John Plake — There’s somebody out there who preaches better than you do and better than I do. They’re available on YouTube. People don’t need you to be the best Bible teacher in the world. They need you to be the best pastor for them. Rich Birch — That’s good.John Plake — And the tools that are all about focusing on their relationship with the Bible, their holistic spiritual formation, and our leadership behaviors. And so for that, we built the Next Step for Church Assessment.John Plake — It’s actually standing on the foundation or built on the engine block, if you want a different metaphor, of the old reveal research that the Willow Creek Association had come out with. It’s no longer available. And we were able to acquire all of their historical learnings, but also add in things like human flourishing and e-pastoral leadership behaviors that lead to churches really being missionally effective and strong. Excellent stuff on Bible engagement and spiritual formation. John Plake — So the the big challenge we had, I was talking with Dr. Ed Stetzer about this because he was at LifeWay Research when the Transformational Church Assessment was being built. And it was always hard because analyzing this kind of data required a lot of human intervention. It’s very expensive to do. It’s very complicated to deliver. And even a small cost can be a barrier for churches that have strained budgets. It doesn’t matter if you’re a church of, you know, 2,500 25,000 or 250. There’s always more places to put your money than there are dollars that are available to do it.John Plake — And so at American Bible Society, we said, you know what, as a gift to the church, because we love the church, we need to make it completely free. And so you can go to church.nextstep.bible and you could sign up today. Literally, we’re recording this on a on a Thursday. You could go there today and by Sunday, you could be launching your survey. Two weeks later, you’d automatically have results in your own online dashboard. You’d get key highlights emailed to you. There’s a place for custom questions. There’s just all kinds of really, really rich information.Rich Birch — So good.John Plake — And it it doesn’t take the place of the kind of learning that you have as a pastor. You learn deeply in relationship with others. You’re observing what’s going on. You have a team that’s around you. But what it does is it provides this valid, reliable sift and sort function. It’s based on well, I don’t know even know how many, well over 3000 churches, well over half a million survey responses went into building this and making it a tool that that is a good benchmark for you to say, you know what, if we want to move from where we are today to where God is calling us, here are the things we need to focus on.Rich Birch — It’s so good. And friends, I want to encourage you to to go there. Just church.nextstep.bible. I know many of us have a heart for saying, listen, we want to measure more than just nickels and noses. The number of people that show up and revenue that comes in. And this a great way to kind of inject at something that’s at the core of what we’re supposed to be doing as a church. So why don’t we just give a little bit more detail?Rich Birch — What is it? You know, what’s it actually measuring? How is it? You know, how could it be helpful? How how could it kind of dovetail with some of the things we’re already tracking? Maybe give us, you know, what kind of insights are we going to gain from this if we if we put our people through this?John Plake — Yeah, maybe it’s worthwhile to just back up and say it’s based on a congregational assessment. So really this kind of work is all about just listening to your congregation at scale. So if you have 25 people coming to church, you can probably have this conversation with them if you know how to ask the right questions. Rich Birch — Right.John Plake — You can go to the website. You’re like, what’s in the survey? There’s a button you can click. You can read the whole survey. It’s fine. We’re not going to try and surprise you with anything. But really simple stuff. How’s your relationship with Jesus? How often are you interacting with Scripture? What difference is that making in your life? We ask the standard Harvard human flourishing questions. We ask about um how the pastoral team or the senior pastor, him or herself, is doing at actually modeling Christlike leadership for you. Rich Birch — It’s so good.John Plake — And all of that reporting then gets brought into a database. It’s all anonymous. So individuals don’t, they don’t have to tell you who they are. They can’t tell you who they are other than by characteristics. And you’re going to get this really good, robust picture of what’s going on at the church. John Plake — Now, what does it take for somebody to do that? It takes about 20 minutes of their time, and time is expensive, right? People always have too much to do. So in return for that investment, at the end of their survey experience, they will have already told us everything we need to know to match them to great resources at nextstep.bible.John Plake — And with their permission, not without it, they can click a button, pass that data over to the individual nextstep.bible platform. They can create an account and right away, they’re going to be finding things like YouVersion Bible reading plans that are just for them.John Plake — If you’ve got people in your church and they’re outliers, they’re they’re way more spiritually advanced than everybody else, or they’re just getting started and everybody else is way ahead of them, these kinds of tools create bespoke pathways for them so they know what to do next. All the while, the church leadership can sit back and say, okay, here’s our results. And as a team, now what do we need to do to serve the whole congregation well?Rich Birch — I love this. You know, this is what incredible tool that you’ve put together here for our churches to wrestle through and to, you know, not only help us as a church as we’re thinking about these issues, but then help individuals in our church. What what would be some of the ways that churches might use the data that’s generated to impact what we’re doing in our programming? How how could we use this to improve what we’re doing?John Plake — Sure. There are really three things we want everybody to do. First, just discover what’s going on. Just just check your assumptions at the door and and say, okay, what do the data tell us about what’s going on in our church life and in our people’s lives? That’s the first thing.John Plake — Second thing is it’s going to surface for you the top three things that you’re doing great. And it’s going to give them to you in the report. And you need to throw a party. Like there are people who make these things happen for you. No pastor is doing this all by themselves. And so plan a party, celebrate what’s going well.John Plake — The third thing it’s going to do is it’s going to give you suggestions about, okay, here’s where your congregation is today. It won’t surprise you, but it might inform you. I’ve never seen a pastor look at the report and go, ah you guys got it wrong. Rich Birch — Sure, right.John Plake — Usually they they see the report and they go, yeah, okay, yeah, you got me.Rich Birch — Yeah. Confirmed some hunches I’ve had. Yeah. Yeah.John Plake — Right? But we don’t we don’t have time. We don’t have the resources. We don’t have the expertise to be able to sit down and and kind of scientifically walk through this process. So we do that for you. We deliver the report. And then we’re going to give you two key action items that we think churches like yours in a similar place have done that have helped move them toward spiritual health and missional effectiveness.John Plake — And that’s really what it’s all about. We want your congregation to be spiritually healthy. We want your your church as a whole to be missionally effective. And when that happens, often there’s numerical growth. Often there’s financial growth. But there’s certainly more missional impact that’s coming through your congregation and its work.Rich Birch — Yeah, that’s cool. So if I’m like a church of a thousand people, let’s say, and just round number to picking out of the sky, how how what kind of percentage of my congregation would I need to take this to give me a reasonable, you know, statistical, you know, feeling good about the data for it? What what kind of number um should I be thinking about?John Plake — Well, the first thing is we’ve built in a tool that will tell you how to get to a margin of error of plus or minus 3%. Rich Birch — Love it.John Plake — And that does vary depending on the adult attendance that you have. So let’s say you’ve a thousand adults. And by adults, I mean anybody in high school or older can probably take this survey. Rich Birch — Yep.John Plake — And you can cut the data like by gender or by age. All of that live filtering is in the online platform. Rich Birch — Oh, that’s so good.John Plake — So if you’re the you’re the youth pastor and you’re like, well, wait, tell me about the young people that took the survey. You can just look right at them and compare them to the rest of the congregation, which I bet will be enlightening. But nevertheless, how many do you need if you’re a church of 1,000, it’s about 275.Rich Birch — Okay.John Plake — If it’s a smaller church than that, then you’re still going to need a pretty significant percentage. So if I roll that all the way down to a church of 100, you need 80.Rich Birch — Okay.John Plake — And if you roll that up to a church of 5,000, well, you don’t need that many more than 275.Rich Birch — Interesting.John Plake — So you’re going to report that out to you. It’s very, very doable. And, you know, I’ve pastored at large churches and I pastored a small church. And I’ll tell you, when I pastored a church of under 100, I could have gotten a census of the people, like everybody, to do a survey like this. They would have been glad to tell me these things. Rich Birch — Right.John Plake — And it’s not that I couldn’t have had a conversation one-on-one with most of the adults in the congregation. It was something different in that case. I actually didn’t know what to ask. I used to run into this when I was a campus pastor at a Christian university. And I would have young people walk into my office and I was like, I know I should be able to help them, but the challenge they’re facing is different than anything I’m familiar with. I don’t have any analog for this in my personal experience. And so this sort of takes the mystery away. We don’t ask fluffy questions. We ask research proven questions that are going to give you the information you really need so you can take action.Rich Birch — That’s amazing. That’s think this is such a great tool for people. I can see how, you know, it’d be so helpful for folks that are listening in to, you know, might be be able to plug in grab this experience for their people, help their church, help the folks that are attending. That’s, that’s incredible.Rich Birch — So, you know, you’ve picked an interesting vocation to be connected with the American Bible Society. And because, you know, this is such a critical and important part of developing people’s relationship, obviously, with Jesus; its core to all of it. And we have seen a long historical downward trend, and you’re pushing against that, which is amazing. But what gives you hope in the middle of all of that? What would it when you look at the church around you know, the country, where do you see flashes of just good things going on that are like, you know, when it comes to the relationship with scripture that even, you know, even when we see maybe the overall numbers are not as great as we want them to be, what are some kind of flashes of hope we should, that we could encourage folks with today?John Plake — Well, I’d like to maybe point to just three things that leap to mind. Rich Birch — Yep.John Plake — The first of them is I never talk to anybody in the church who says the Bible is a bad idea. Rich Birch — Sure.John Plake — Everybody likes the Bible. We’re all trying to figure out how to communicate its message better, to understand it more deeply. It’s transforming our lives, and we want to be able to share it with others. John Plake — And that’s great because, number two, there’s nothing that makes a bigger difference in somebody’s spiritual life than their relationship with the Bible. I mean, absolutely nothing. And I’m saying this as a researcher. I’ve tested it. I can’t find anything that makes a bigger difference. John Plake — In fact, when we looked at Christian college and university students, 60% of their overall spiritual health across lots of domains—beliefs, practice, putting faith into action, loving God, loving others, all these things, 60% of the variance in their spiritual health is solely accounted for by their relationship with the Bible.John Plake — So if we can help people have a dynamic relationship with scripture, we win. That’s all there is to it. It’s just that simple. And so that is really encouraging.John Plake — And then the third thing, ah the third thing is how I say this nicely? I'm I’m from Gen X and so to my Baby Boomer friends, I’m sorry, but you guys don’t have the influence that you once did.Rich Birch — Yeah, it’s true.John Plake — And that’s a good thing because there’s new openness among Millennials, and Gen Z and even younger Gen X um that we just don’t see among Baby Boomers. It’s like Baby Boomers made up their minds in the 60s and early 70s and said, this is what I believe and I’m not changing. And they haven’t. John Plake — That’s not to say that someone who’s a Baby Boomer can’t have a a spiritual experience and transformational experience. It does happen. But on the population level, like when we looked at the Bay Area of San Francisco, if you look at the scripture engagement, church engagement, love God, love others data in the Bay Area, it looks like what you’d expect, until you strip out the Baby Boomers. And then suddenly it looks better than every place else in America.John Plake — You’re like, what’s going on? Well, looks like all the unreconstructed hippies that moved to the Bay Area are actually holding a lid on the population numbers. And when you remove that and you go, oh, wait a minute, let me look under the headline and say what’s happening. There’s more going on than is easy to see. And I think this happens in big national trends.John Plake — Oh, is Scripture engagement up or down? Is you know church attendance up or down? Whats what’s going… big national trends. Yeah, okay, those are helpful, and we want those to change. But what’s changing first is below the fold. Things in Gen Z, things among Millennials, things in young men, those things are starting to change, and I think those are the first glimmerings that God is at work in a new way in America, and I can’t wait to see it.Rich Birch — Yeah, that’s that’s a great word. And that lines up with what we’re seeing, even just experientially talking to churches across the country. You know we’re so we’re seeing there is something going on with younger generations, which is great to see. I was I was born in 1974, the lowest birth rate year of the 20th century. I am classic Gen X. Like you know I am like statistic I’m the statistical average Gen X and has spent a lot of my time trying to hand stuff from the Boomers to the Millennials. And, yeah, there’s lots of encouraging news there, particularly with the younger generations. Rich Birch — I also want to speak to on the the work I’ve done in the church growth stuff that I’ve done and coaching I’ve done with churches, one of the things that’s just undeniable is churches that have a high view of scripture, that is, they’re trying to get people engaged with scripture. They they talk about it like it’s actually true. How do we say don’t know what’s the best way to talk about that? Those are the churches that are prevailing, and that actually works out statistically. You see that time and again. Talk to us about that dynamic, which is kind of co-related to the things we’re talking about today. From your perspective in the stats and all that, how how have you seen that work out as you’ve looked at churches across the country?John Plake — Yeah, I think you’re exactly right. The churches that are the healthiest in America, that are growing, that where where people are spiritually healthy, have a really dynamic relationship with Scripture. And it kind of it cuts across tradition. Rich Birch — Yep.John Plake — There are some traditional things going on. I was listening to Justin Brierley and his surprising Rebirth of Belief in God podcast, and it was from last season, and he he had someone on, he was interviewing, and what she was saying was there are the parts of the church that seem to be thriving are kind of the, the the older, the ancientness traditions, whether it’s Catholic or Orthodox, that what she called somewhat irreverently, the smells and bells side of of the church.Rich Birch — Sure, sure.John Plake — And on the other side, kind of my end of the swimming pool, I’m, from the Assemblies of God, so the Pentecostal and Charismatic side. And she said, what’s going on is that both ends of that spectrum are totalizing. John Plake — They’re saying, you know what, the the Bible places certain expectations and demands on people. Christ places certain expectations and demands on people. And these parts of the church aren’t sort of shy about talking about that from a biblical perspective. She said, what’s what’s dying is that part in the middle where we’ve reduced church to a PowerPoint and you know an Excel spreadsheet. And she said, that part of the church seems to be dying and no one’s coming to the funeral. Rich Birch — That’s good. John Plake — And I thought, you know okay, right?Rich Birch — Yeah. Yeah, that’s good.John Plake — So if we revitalize our relationship with God through scripture, there’s a next step for every church. It doesn’t matter what, you know whether you’re mainline or evangelical or, you know, Pentecostal or Orthodox or whatever it is, but but reviving our relationship with God through Scripture is really where it’s at.Rich Birch — That’s so good. i Yeah, I call that middle group the just because it rhymes doesn’t mean it’s true group. You know, like the, you know, were just like, it’s all my thoughts. No one wants to come and find us. They want to find God ultimately. Well, I don’t want to pick any fights with anybody that’s listening in, but I really appreciate today’s conversation, John. This has been great. So we want to send people to church.nextstep.bible.Rich Birch — The the promise of in two weeks, your church could have a comprehensive report on spiritual health, on where your church is, spiritual health is at, that’s a huge promise. And so again, this is go to church.nextstep.bible. Any kind of final words as we wrap up today’s episode?John Plake — You know, you might be familiar with Cally Parkinson. Cally was the co-author of all of the Reveal books, every single one of them. She was head of communications for the Willow Creek Association when they were running this. She’s probably had more conversations with pastors and church leaders about survey results like this than anybody I know, maybe than anybody alive. And Cally likes this so much. She said, John, I want to have a personal consultation with the first hundred churches that go through this.John Plake — And so if you want to be in that group, she’s going to offer to spend an hour with you and just walk through your results and help explain it. There are videos throughout the platform that will explain it as well. And you can’t beat talking to Cally. She loves pastors. She says you’re the salt of the earth. And she just really wants to serve you because the work that you do to save people is just so valuable to her. So anyway, just wanted to offer that. And I know you’d probably love to meet Cally.Rich Birch — Yeah, that’s fantastic. Well, appreciate you being here today. Thanks for the great work you do at the American Bible Society. John, appreciate you being on today. Thank you.John Plake — Thank you.

00:00:27 Behavioral Tells is the new book from Patrick King. 00:01:23 Watch Where Attention Flows 00:03:03 The VDR is a way to visualize attention 00:09:32 Understanding “Group Flow” 00:18:32 Here are the takeaways from today's episode. Behavioral Tells: Read the Hidden Signals Behind Every Action. What People Reveal Without Saying a Word. (How to be More Likable and Charismatic Book 46) By Patrick King https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0DYKN5V6H Unlock the hidden code behind human behavior—before it costs you opportunities, relationships, and influence.Most people think they're good at reading others. They're not. They project, assume, and misinterpret—then wonder why conversations stall, deals fall apart, and signals get missed. Behavioral Tells cuts through the noise and shows you what people are actually communicating beneath the surface. From bestselling author Patrick King, this is your field guide to decoding people in real time—without guesswork, overthinking, or relying on clichés like “just trust your gut.” You'll learn how perception quietly distorts everything you see—and how to fix it fast. How perceptual biases like the halo effect and projection silently sabotage your judgment The three perceptual positions that instantly sharpen your perspective in any interaction Why your expectations shape what you notice—and how to break that loop Practical ways to improve perceptual accuracy so you stop misreading people But reading people isn't just about what you see. It's about what you notice, how you interpret it, and how you respond in the moment. This book takes you deeper—into emotions, group dynamics, language patterns, and subtle behavioral signals most people completely miss. The ABC model for understanding why people behave the way they do Emotional granularity so you can distinguish nuance, not just “happy vs. angry” The SUE framework for asking questions that reveal truth without resistance How tone, word choice, and “meta-programs” expose hidden motivations Along the way, you'll learn why body language alone can mislead you, how attention flows in groups, and what everyday behaviors—like walking style, clothing, and even food choices—quietly reveal. Bottom line: This is not theory. It's a toolkit. Navigate conversations with precision Spot inconsistencies before they become problems Understand people faster than they understand themselves

Navigating the ups and downs of relationships can feel like learning a new language without a guidebook. When emotions run high, or misunderstandings arise, it's easy to get stuck in frustration or repeat patterns that don't serve us—or our partners—well. How do you ask for what you need, stay true to yourself, and keep the connection strong, all at the same time? In this episode, the discussion explores practical tools rooted in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) that help you strike a balance between self-respect, relationship wellbeing, and getting your needs met. Listeners will discover how to pause and choose more effective responses in moments of conflict, learn key strategies for emotional regulation, and find new ways to approach differences with acceptance and actionable change. Whether you're struggling to communicate a small annoyance or facing recurring arguments, this conversation offers concrete skills to foster growth and resilience in any relationship. Shireen Rizvi is a licensed clinical psychologist, board-certified in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Over the past 25 years, Shireen has conducted research and training in DBT. Her new book, Real Skills for Real Life, co-authored with Dr. Jesse Finkelstein, is available now.   Episode Highlights 03:35 Introduction to DBT therapy. 07:55 Learning relationship skills gradually. 10:49 Marcia Linehan's therapy development. 16:07 Embracing acceptance and change. 21:30 Balancing objectives and relationships. 25:33 Balancing priorities in relationships. 29:02 Understanding Emotion Regulation in DBT. 31:29 Understanding emotional dysregulation. 35:08 Managing conflict in relationships. 40:28 Using DBT skills for anxiety. 43:36 Book and resources overview.   Your Checklist of Actions to Take Identify Your Objective. Clarify what specific outcome you are hoping to achieve before entering a conversation or making a request. Consider Relationship Impact: Reflect on how you want the other person to feel about you and your relationship after the interaction. Prioritize Self-Respect: Decide how you want to feel about yourself based on how you handle a situation, ensuring you act in line with your values. Pause Before Reacting: When emotions run high, intentionally pause and consider your options before responding or reaching out to your partner. Practice Acceptance and Change: Acknowledge areas where acceptance is needed and where change is possible, aiming for a balanced approach in ongoing issues. Prepare Requests Clearly (DEAR MAN Skill): Formulate clear, specific, and assertive requests using tools like the DEAR MAN acronym to increase the likelihood of your needs being met. Monitor Emotional State: Regularly check in with yourself to assess your emotional regulation, especially before and during difficult interactions. Reflect on Interpersonal Patterns: Periodically review your tendencies in conflict (e.g., always prioritizing the relationship or objective) and adjust to create more balance and effectiveness in your interactions.   Mentioned Real Skills for Real Life (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book) Real Skills for Real Life (*Guilford Press link) (book) The High-Conflict Couple (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book) About Dr. Jesse Finkelstein (TheraHive) Marsha M. Linehan  Gottman Institute Shifting Criticism For Connected Communication (Free Guide)   Connect with Dr. Shireen Rizvi Website: shireenrizvi.com LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/shireen-rizvi-1a5544193 Co-author of the book Real Skills for Real Life: https://www.therahive.com/team/jesse-finkelstein   

As parents, control feels like protection. It feels like we can prevent our kids' mistakes, soften their pain, and steer them away from decisions that might hurt them. But here's the truth: control protects us, not the relationship. In this episode, we sit down with board-certified child psychiatrist Dr. Willough Jenkins to talk about one of the trickiest parts of parenting: helping our kids navigate friendships. In this episode:Is it developmentally normal when kids suddenly want to drop a friend?How to support a child with an anxious attachment style when friendship gets hard.When (and whether) to get the other kid's parents involved.What to do when your child is hanging out with kids who don't bring out their best and being honest that our kids aren't always angels either.How to handle mean girl dynamics if you have a daughter going through it.Signs that your child may genuinely struggle with making friends, and what you can actually do about it.Tactics for staying a safe, trusted place your kids will actually come to when friendship gets tough.LINKS AND RESOURCES:Follow Dr. Willough on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drwilloughjenkins/Dr. Willough's Website: https://www.willoughjenkins.com/LMNT: Free Sample Pack with purchase:  drinkLMNT.com/HERSELF HERSELF PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcastLet's connect!HERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcastMEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskieferMEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreenThis episode was brought to you by the Pivot Ball Change Network.