Conversations With My Dummy

This is it folks. The final CWMD podcast. Why? Listen to this 5 minute show that explains why Steve is hanging it up. No joke.

This is Steve's penultimate podcast. One more and he's outta here. He explains why on his next podcast. But for now, Steve gets locked in Harry's Trunk. He also tries to find a last name for him. And Bobby Braddock, Spike jones and a song from That Was The Week That Was is played (probably a Tom Lehrer song).

Steve uses Harry's head to play an ocarina. Plus Harry wants to add some more monkeys. How about Smell No Evil? And Spike Jones, Homer and Jethro and Dayton Allen. I should note that there are only two more shows before I end this podcast.

Harry brings in a Giant Banana. Plus Junk Food Junkie from Larry Groce. Emo Philips and Spike Jones, too

Harry is wearing his flippers and talks about the illustrious history of the footwear. Did you know George Washington was wearing flippers when he crossed the Delaware? Also Jerry Lewis, Brown Bag Blue Band and John Cleese and David Frost. Also Molly Mason is Steve's guest singing with Harry.

Harry is going to a Music Festival...for dogs! Also Spike Jones, Fats Waller and Jimmy Durante.

It's a potpourri of stuff. Burns and Allen, Wes Harrison and a few skits with Harry.

The theme is Mules. Literally. Utah Philips, Robin and Linda Williams, Chris Holder, Purly Gates, Molly Mason, The Fendermen, and of course...Harry. They all have their say.

Harry's up to doing impossible things again. I know, I know, he can't do them because they're impossible. Never stopped him before. Plus NPR's Elaine Segal.

It's a potpourri of goofy stuff. Steve's cult following, the ventriloquial syndrome, Harry is a banjo mover (opposed to a piano mover). Plus a bunch of humorous songs like Steve's Cupcake Song, Goober Peas and The Monopoly Song. Plus...Proctor and Bergman, Alice McGill and something called Soup, Soup.

You like slapstick comedy? Neither does Steve but he's stuck with it. Plus Lou Del Bianco sings a song about being a little bit clumsy and Harry sings an oldie "I'm satisfied". Oh...there's also an untrue facts segment. All the facts on this segment are guaranteed to be 100 percent untrue. Call it fake news if you must.

Harry comes in as a man from Jupiter. Bob Berman, the famed astronomer, talks about why he doubts there are aliens visiting Earth. Harry wants Steve to fill out his intergalactic ID card in case Steve gets swept up by creatures from Betelgeuse. And they both sing a song about having the Blues from Earth.

Harry is going to play Romeo. Hilarity ensues. Besides that it's a show with all things Shakespeare. Milt Kamen gives us a synopsis on Hamlet, Bob Newhart does his thing. And Steve reads from Bill Bryson's book with some amazing facts about the bard. If you didn't like Shakespeare before this podcast, you'll hate him even more after it.

Steve can't think of an idea for the podcast. Wait, isn't that an idea? Also if you've never been turned on to Spike Jones, this is your chance. And an hilarious phone call from Steve Allen to Arthur Goldstein's mother. And we top it off with Ogden Edsel's "My face is Covered with Hummingbirds"

Steve discovers a painting has been stolen from the podcast studio. Now who could have taken it? Certainly not Harry. Bruce Ackerman is a guest playing guitar on a song about NYC in the 1970's (written by Steve). Also the fastest Maple Leaf Rag ever played by Wally Rose. And the Question Man with Steve Allen.

Just what the title says. It's all about black. Big black hats (Rolf Harris) the airplane's black box (Jaspar Carrot) black holes (Bob and Doug Mackenzie), baa baa black sheep (Harry) and a black belt in a bikini (Steve's original song). And Bob Berman, the astronomer, talks about the color black in space.

This podcast teaches you how to do stuff. How to play tennis, meditate, play chess and write a funny song...all with Harry's twisted bent on things. Plus Jimmy Dickens tells us how to catch an African Skeeter, Proctor and Bergman teaches us how to improve our memory and Ray Stevens is teaching his girlfriend how to drive.

You believe in reincarnation? How about laughing about reincarnation? Steve has three guests on the show. Mikhail Horowitz with Jazz Haikus (there are two four letter words in these Haikus which is why I'm labelling this show explicit, but it's really not that big a deal) and Jay Ungar and Molly Mason sing "You can't get to Heaven". Harry and Steve talk about Harry's past lives. You know, as a chandelier, a church door with other profound insights.

The theme is home. We don't mean Steve left the podcast at home...that's the theme. And to help him they have the great blues musician Paul Geremia singing "Devil in his own hometown".Plus Harry sings a Woody Guthrie song and there's Spike Jones, Ray Stevens and other nonsense. In other words...hilarity ensues.

Mikhail Horowitz is Steve's guest. They're singing a round using the ten Chinese words that are recycled to name every Chinese restaurant in the country.Harry sings "One Meatball"Myron Cohen talks about the Stage DeliBob Warren sings about Fred's DinerPhyllis Diller is having trouble with a Japanese Restaurant. And Steve wants Harry to be a waiter

Steve and Harry open up a Pawn Shop. 'Nuff said. Hilarity ensues. It's hard to explain.Also Steve sings the Australian classic "The Pub with No Beer" but since it's America it's now "The Bar with No Beer"And Dave Van Ronk sings an oldie "Yankety Yank.

Mikhail Horowitz is Steve's guest. He's becoming a regular. His essay is about "Not so Great Expectations". Hilarious.Also Harry is set on performing impossible tasks. And he does them! You want a nail hammered in with Jello? You wanna hear Maple Leaf Rag played on Steve's arm by a dummy who's never played piano in his life and has wooden fingers? Then you've come to the right podcast. Steve also plays "We Are Americans". It's funny, it's original, it's a protest...sort of. And Emo Philips, one of the best stand up comedians ever is featured from the Hasty Pudding Theater. 

Mikhail Horowitz is back and we got 'em. He's doing a parody on the blind men and the elephant. Only it's unexpurgated. A little spicy so beware. Also Harry wants to point out that we don't celebrate things we should. Like the 10,000th time we've blinked our eyes. Or the 5,000th time we've brushed our teeth. Now that would be a  brushing with all the bells and whistles involved. And to tie it all up, Cathy Fink and Marcy Marxer sing "The Therapy Fund". Do your kids need a college fund? Nope. You need to save for their therapy fund! 

Lyn Hardy and Diane Senabria are Steve's guests singing an oldie "Beware Ladies, Take Care"Also the comedy inspector arrives. He has to make sure Steve's comedy license is up to date. Guess what? It isn't and Steve and Harry are in serious trouble. No jokes until it's updated and passes inspection.Also Bob Warren sings "I Want Some Quiche, Lorraine." (Lorraine is the waitress's name)

Bill Keith, the great banjo player is playing Old Joe Clark with Steve. Harry emulates the sculptor Christo, the one who wraps buildings, bridges and put up beautiful flags in Central Park several years ago. Granted, Harry has to start small by wrapping the recording studio's pencils and CD player but, hey, it's a start. Also an oldie, Frank Crumit doing "The Song of the Prune."

Mikhail Horowitz is back with Haikus from Japan about baseball. We LOVE Mik and Harry LOVES the guitar and turns everything into one. And we mean everything. Also Washboard Jungle singing a nutty version of "Momma don't Allow" and Libby Riddles with Fishhead stew. Also if the midwest is America's Heartland, Harry wants to know where the Liverland is.

The theme is romance. Crazy Romance. To start it off is Ed Sanders (From the Fugs) doing "The Belle of Avenue A". A story song about a truck driver in the 60's on the Red Ball express heading into the East Village to get some hippie noogie. It satirizes the hippie movement beautifully. Then Les Vegas sings his original song "I'm in Love With A Big Blue Frog". The same one that Peter, Paul and Mary had a hit with.Harry's girlfriend is a broom and he wants Steve to make her talk.And Allan Sherman sings a parody of 5'2 Eyes of Blue only this girl is from outer space.

Harry really, really, really wants to be a dog. Eventually an operation is in order. And keeping up with the dog theme, is Thieme. Art Thieme that is singing a tall tale "The split dog". And Harry sings "Hound Dog". You wanna hear a bunch of dogs barking out "Jingle Bells"? Then you're at the right site.

Mikhail Horowitz is back, right in the front of the show talking about the acts performing at the 50th anniversary of Woodstock. I'll give you just one band that's playing: Asleep at the Wheelchair.And Steve is dried up. He can't come up with anymore ideas for the podcast. So Harry goes to work. First order of business, make sure Steve's no long dried up by getting his brain hydrated. It's funnier than it sounds. We also got Uncle Floyd doing "Deep in the heart of Jersey" and Andy Breckman singing "How I met your Mother." 

Dollars? I used to live in Dollars. Dollars, Texas. In other words it's all about the almighty dollar folks.  Livingston Taylor is singing an Andy Breckman song. Harry and Steve perform an old vaudeville routine that Abbot and Costello stole first. And we got Oscar Brand as well.

Mikhail Horowitz is Steve's guest again! He and Steve sing a Tibetan Sea Shanty called "Bonny Lama". Mik is going to become a regular guest if he's not careful. Also Harry has various jobs. He's working in a store where he's over a guy named Under but he's under a guy named Over. Then he becomes a cloud inspector rating all the clouds from G to X rated. And finally he has trouble finding the right profession. A baby sitter? Who wants to sit on babies! A Naval surgeon? Who wants to operate on bellybuttons! Well, you get the idea.There's also Gracie Allen talking about her Uncle Amazon Allen and Skiles and Henderson doing a bit as well.

Harry convinces Steve he has a superpower, comedy! And he should become Comedyman to foil thugs. Yep, it's as stupid as it sounds. But funny. Kind of. That's because Steve IS Comedyman! There's also a Burns and Allen recording and other nonsense.

Mikhail Horowitz is Steve's guest again. This time doing an homage to Lord Buckley called "Swingin' Cicadas" And Steve's thrown in a Lord Buckley recording as well for those who never heard of him (shame on you). And Harry explains to Steve how on the podcast, special physics apply. Normally 1 and 1 is 2, but not on CWMD! Here, 1 and 1 is 5. And then he proves it. Newton's law of inertia doesn't apply either. Stuff just moves spontaneously without the benefit of an outside force...well you get the idea. There's also a Strange Facts segment and Steve sings a song he wrote called "Oh My Darling Porcupine". 

Steve always wanted to have a band called "Double Entendre". Every song would be, well, a double entendre. Since he never pulled it off, he did the next best thing. He used GarageBand creating a podcast where all the songs sung by Steve and/or Harry on one level are G rated, nothing risqué about them, looked at another way, the songs are quite spicy. Helping him in his task is Bessie Smith and Dinah Washington.

Harry has a chemistry set. Do I really have to tell you the shenanigans that go on? You can imagine. Also Robin and Linda Williams are guests singing an original song about being on the road. Burns and Allen too!

Harry has a new business. Instead of repairing stuff he breaks things cleanly and expertly with style and panache.  Also Camille West is singing about the time she and her friends broke into a factory in Paris and liberated the escargot.There's a strange facts segment and a featured comedian's classic routine. 

It's all about baseball folks. An old song called "I Love Micky" is featured (Micky Mantle makes a guest appearance on the recording) and Steve teaches Harry how to play baseball with disastrous results...of course.Steve has his most esteemed guest Mikhail Horowitz (who is responsible for 20 arts organizations losing their federal funding). He introduces a new take on Casey at the Bat with a hip 50's style twist. It's a cool version and you'll feel cool listening to it.  Don't applaud, snap your fingers in approval.

It's all about Harry's allowance. He needs one! Also the great Paul Geremia is a guest singing "My Money Never Runs Out". Soupy Sales is talking about the day he asked all the kids to send him money on his TV show. And Jimmy Durante's A Dollar a Year Man". In other words, it's a money show. 

The Aliens have landed and they want bananas! Harry brings them to the studio. Cue the hilarity. Plus more on...bananas! I Like Bananas because they have no Bones, Harry sings Chiquita Banana and When Banana Skins are Falling.

Harry is into folding paper airplanes...like you've never seen before. Steve sings "Heaving on a Jet Plane".  There's a strange facts segment about airplanes. Harry calls up an airline thinking he's reached a Ferris Wheel company and wonders why a ticket onto the Ferris wheel is going to cost him $700 and go 35 thousand feet into the air. Also Wes Harrison, the great SFX man does a bit about Duck Hunting with a jet. And Oscar Brand sings one of Steve's favorites when he was a kid "Teterboro Tower". That, along with Homer and Jethro makes this podcast chock full of hilarity.

Harry is silliness personified and for this podcast he pulls out all the stops. The podcast also features Ed Kohn singing "Six". No matter what the math problem, the answer is always six. and John Twomey plays "The Stars and Stripes" on his hands which sounds a lot like farting. It really is one of the funniest things you'll ever hear. And let's not forget Harry's version of Hi Heel Sneakers with Steve on piano.

Harry's bummed out. No matter what Steve does he can't convince Harry to come out of his trunk to do the podcast. He entices him with all kinds of craziness with no luck. Harry's sulking, man!Also Jay Ungar and Molly Mason (and Steve) perform a song from one of Steve's albums called "Michael Finnegan".

For those who know about the CWMD store you know you can buy anything. This place makes Amazon and Walmart look like a little mom and pop shop. You need sheet music for your chicken who's learning flute? You want a feeblevetzter? A doohickey? A square balloon? Do you want to be king of Siam? It's all in stock. Also the Rude Girls are singing "I can see your Aura and it's ugly".

Trout Fishing in America play "It's Better Than That" a Peter and Lou Berryman song. Betty Walker does her great stand up act with her friend Ceil. Plus Steve and Harry play "Goober Peas" an old Civil War favorite. And of course Harry brings in his collection of Large Objects. You gotta hear it to believe it.

Vladimir Zero is a hero to some, to others a bum. Harry thinks he's a genius. Who else would create a composition with his orchestra conducting a piece of cheese on the end of his baton, waiting for a mouse to nibble through rope that drops a hammer onto a giant gong. Or the Yawning symphony. Mikhail Horowitz and Gilles Malkine play Separation Blues, a song about the separation of church and state. And Emo Philips does his stand up routine on how to escape death. 

Harry always has fun bringing in Alternative Facts, Fake News or as he likes to call it Untrue Facts. He also discusses plurals such as  one post on a fence is a fent.  Trout Fishing in America play "Dead Egyptian Blues" and Peter and Lou Berryman sing "Your State's Name Here". Steve and Harry sing the old Lovin' Spoonful song "Bald Headed Lena".In other words it's business as usual with all the antics included.

Steve and Harry read letters from listeners. Harry demands a salary and they compare living in NY or LA. They also sing "Bully of the Town".Two great performers are featured. "Amoeba Hop" by Christine Lavin and "College" from the great standup Emo Philips.

According to Harry, everyone should change their name to match their profession. A farmer should be Barney, a fireman- Bernie, a telephone operator- Gabby, and a comedian- Josh. Well, you get the idea. He has hundreds of them. Plus, Christine Lavin is Steve's guest singing about a great big bug in the bathroom, and Steve plays Piano Roll Blues on the...duh...piano. 

When Orion's belt loosened and his pants dropped to his knees, all the other constellations laughed at him. There's a fake news segment and Robin and Linda Williams are guests. Emo Philips, the great stand up comic is featured, as well. In other words, the podcast is chock full of hilarity. 

The store is open again! It's hard to describe how much stuff this store sells. Suffice to say, it makes Walmart look like a little mom and pop shop. Amazon is a little start up company compared to this store. No point describing what they have, you gotta hear it for yourself. Also, Andy Breckman is doing a hilarious song called "Railroad Bill," and Steve and Harry sing "Side By Side" as a duet.

It's Steve and Harry's 100th podcast and they've decided to celebrate by having a podcast about celebrations. The backwards birthday party with Tom Chapin, The Perfect Couple about a wedding night told by Betty Walker. Harry gives Steve the keys to a vintage car etc.etc.etc.