Forgotten Failures

It all leads up to this. We’ve done Power Rangers episodes…. we’ve done episodes about movies… but until now, with one possible exception, there was not a Power Rangers movie. AND NOW, though some may accuse it of being a Breakfast Club reboot in disguise, and it does not feature Finster OR Scorpina OR the … Continue reading Episode 55: POWER RANGERS (2017)

This week MikeD selected another classic of Canadian terror, filmed in a Mississauga office park. Who can brainwash better than a brain? Nobody. But so many other questions are raised. What is the brain’s goal? How can it float around on a spinal column? What is the professor’s goal? Will he be decapitated like he … Continue reading Episode 54: The Brain (1988)

It’s all about brains over brawn in this episode. Apparently the Power Rangers represent “brains” and Bulk and the Putties are “brawn”. Meanwhile Jason takes his nephew to the beach, introduces him to “the famous bully, Bulk” and they accidentally defeat Scorpina with a mirror. And Tommy isn’t in this one for some reason. And … Continue reading Mighty Morphin Forgotten Failures 26: Sloppy Joe Pizza

Lindsay found another gem for MikeR and Darrill’s enjoyment. After 1 minute of the trailer we could tell it has the best dubbing since Catman In Boxer’s Blow, and the best kung fu action filmed in Watts in 1974. Guess what, folks. We’re hooked on the Brothers. * * * [mp3] Download or play this … Continue reading Episode 53: The Dynamite Brothers (1974)

When you defund schools, you end up with the Angel Grove high school play, featuring the school’s largest student as Rumpelstiltskin, and students forced to bring in their grandmothers’ antique spinning wheels as props. Kimberly’s grandmother’s antique spinning wheel gets destroyed, and then Kimberly’s grandmother’s antique spinning wheel disappeared, and nobody seems to understand why … Continue reading Mighty Morphin Forgotten Failures 25: Kimberly’s Grandmother’s Antique Spinning Wheel

The reviews are in! “I mean, I can understand why people, you know, don’t like it at all” – Darrill “So simultaneously we have Digital Underground being really funny, and we have Chevy Chase fighting an old man with a bedpan on his foot, and we’re like, let’s just watch Digital Underground for the rest … Continue reading Episode 52: Nothing But Trouble (1991)

Jason. Tommy. If you want to win the inane spectacle of confusion that is the Team Ninja Finals, you’re going to need some Gung Ho. You’re going to need to learn how to Gung Ho. Rita and Finster and the Putties have mastered Gung Ho and thus created Super Putties! They are putties, but with … Continue reading Mighty Morphin Forgotten Failures 24: Gung Ho!

Trancers has so much great stuff. Time travel, Honda Elite scooters, Helen Hunt’s elf outfit, the punk version of Jingle Bells, Police Chief McNulty. But we just think something’s missing. And that thing is… one-liners. It looks like a Troma movie but the script is like a TV movie. And what is so bad about … Continue reading Episode 51: Trancers (1984)

It’s time for the Angel Grove High School Masquerade. Everyone’s in the costume you would expect, except Alpha 5 who is attracting ALL the ladies in his Alpha 5 costume. Rita and Finster spend most of this episode getting the Putties to assemble a giant flying meatball. Meanwhile, Lindsay, Mike, Mike, and Darrill discuss Zack’s … Continue reading Mighty Morphin Forgotten Failures 23: Frankenstein’s Party

Many years ago… three people, and some other people, watched a movie called Megaforce. And this, more than any other ridiculous movie, inspired them, and one other person, to create what is now known to many as Forgotten Failures. And now… after 50 full-length episodes of wall-to-wall wackiness… we stand before you, discussing Megaforce. AND … Continue reading Episode 50: Megaforce (1982)

In this episode Kimberly and Tommy share a harrowing experience (watching Putties rough up Kimberly’s award-winning miniature parade float), which only deepens their burgeoning romance. We discuss how Angel Grove apparently hosts a nationally televised parade; the increasingly bold behavior of the Putties (appearing INSIDE the Gym and Juice — is nothing safe?), and Finster’s … Continue reading Mighty Morphin Forgotten Failures 22: The Spit Flower

As Ep 50 approaches, Lindsay, Darrill and Awesome Mike chose this week’s movie via Random Movie Generator. And we won’t tell you what it is until you listen! Hint: It’s the greatest Danish superhero movie we’ve seen since Russian Terminator? And our greatest dubbed movie since Catman In Boxer’s Blow? And our greatest movie about … Continue reading Episode 49: ??????????????? (2013)

We watched Alpha 5’s Magical Xmas! How is this Christmas special so utterly terrible? It’s like Power Rangers for an audience of four-year-olds in 1890. Marvel as we discuss: Alpha 5 and Zordon’s dreary home life Speculations about Alpha 5’s religious beliefs Alpha 5 selfishly makes Christmas all about himself. What a diva. The Power … Continue reading Mighty Morphin Festive Failures: Alpha 5’s Magical Xmas

Big shakeup in Rita’s management team: Finster may be out of a job because Babboo created this week’s weapon, a potion turning Billy and Kimberly into those most hated of all creatures: Punks. MikeD, MikeR and Darrill were appalled at the depiction of punks, but were intrigued by a glimpse into Zordon’s past as a … Continue reading Mighty Morphin Forgotten Failures 21: Punks and Cannibalism

The cameos burst forth in this tour de force debut from Insane Clown Posse’s cinematic department. Dolemite … Rerun … Mick Foley … the Misfits hanging out in a donut bar … not one but BOTH Jerky Boys … dinky 70s instrumental music looping behind every scene … brilliant characters like Green Willie, Lil’ Poot … Continue reading Episode 48: Big Money Hustlas (2000)

Spiders, statues, HipHopKido, and Billy’s new pet mouse add up to a somewhat nondescript episode.  Meanwhile Darrill, MikeD and MikeR discuss how the Green Ranger is like a relief pitcher, how the Black Ranger abandons his students to go relax in his car, and we finally come up with a T-shirt slogan. * * * … Continue reading Mighty Morphin Forgotten Failures 20: Zords Out For Harambe

True 90s Kids rejoice! It’s the movie you think you saw on SNICK at Halloween 2000, but really you just heard people talking about it years later. As a movie, Cry Baby Lane is an excellent episode of Are You Afraid Of The Dark, with 100% less Canadians. Worms! Wormholes! Funeral home guys! Jim Gaffigan! … Continue reading Episode 47: Cry Baby Lane (2000)

There are movies with excessive narration — there are movies with obnoxiously excessive narration — and at some point, it goes beyond narration into full-fledged DVD commentary. Watching Bullseye! for Episode 41, we were struck by Michael Caine’s bad American accent. And then by his bad Michael Caine impression. And then by how he would … Continue reading The Michael Caine Rambling Incoherently Episode

Babboo and Squatt continue undermining Finster with the glorious monster you see before you. Toka from Ninja Turtles II was cool, but he’d be cooler with a traffic light. Meanwhile Zordon teaches Trini the lore of the flowers of the Hope Mountains which helps because the turtle traffic light monster cursed her to run forever. … Continue reading Mighty Morphin Forgotten Failures 19: The Turtle Traffic Light Monster

The credited director of Don’t Be Scared is Master P. Before watching, we figured a real director made the movie and then Master P took credit. After watching… we are sure Master P really directed this. It is that bad. There are at least three scenes where blood is located in the wrong place. Happy … Continue reading Episode 46: Don’t Be Scared (2006)

THE DRAGONZORD AWAKENS. And the new Megazord  is black and he’s proud. The final outcome of the Green Ranger Saga is a fait accompli, with Rita and Scorpina wasted on space sangria and Tommy more interested in PUA mind games with Kimberly than beating Kimberly up. And finally, the Green Ranger and his ocarina of … Continue reading Mighty Morphin Forgotten Failures 18: THE GREEN RANGER IS NOT A JERK

In the tradition of Russian Terminator, Mutant Hunt, and Exterminators of the Year 3000 – films with no terminators, mutants, or exterminators – comes Laser Mission. Guess how many lasers it has! Brandon Lee is Jimmy Bond, Debi Monahan is a high-pitched woman, and Ernest “BASEketball” Borgnine is a simple-minded laser genius in this tale … Continue reading Episode 45: Laser Mission (1989)

Things are heating up in the Green Ranger saga, as the Green Ranger goes mano-a-mano with a fired-up Alpha 5. Finster gets jealous as Rita blots out the sun to render the Megazord helpless. The Megazord is solar-powered? The Power Rangers save Bulk and Skull from being squished in a school bus, and FINALLY AT … Continue reading Mighty Morphin Forgotten Failures 17: Green With Evil 4: Bus Of Terror

Since childhood MikeR has yearned to watch Dudes. From defender of punks Penelope Spheeris, it stars Jon Cryer as a punk dressed like a cowboy and the guy who played Jay Leno in The Night Shift as a punk dressed like a Native American. A road-trip comedy, a revenge thriller, a showcase for Daredelvis, and … Continue reading Episode 44: Dudes (1987)

Everyone with a Twitter account knows more about wrestling than us, but after watching the Hulkster save Christopher Lloyd’s marriage, we shared some WWF memories. Note: when MikeD says “there were two guys from the late 80s…”, he was thinking of The Fabulous Ones. Just look them up. And Rick The Model Martel. * * … Continue reading The Wrestling Episode

The Hulkster’s first family film, this takes the unusual approach of ignoring the kids completely and focusing on wacky/struggling parents Christopher Lloyd and Shelley Duvall. The Hulkster is an intergalactic warrior! Pursued by bounty hunters! He learns to skateboard! He helps mimes! He steals Larry Miller’s architecture trophies! What a weird movie. * * * … Continue reading Episode 43: Suburban Commando (1991)

The Green Ranger takes over Goldar’s job tormenting Jason in the 420 sex dungeon. But the real story is Rita calling up her old frenemy Scorpina to help. Actually no, the real story is the producers ran out of material and stuck a dance-off in the middle of the episode, to really heighten suspense. Yes. … Continue reading Mighty Morphin Forgotten Failures 16: The Scorpina Experience

Maybe you know the MTV documentary produced by Johnny Knoxville, but have you seen the original West Virginia Public Television shows about Jesco White, that spread throughout Hollywood in the early 90s, even reaching the desk of the starmaker himself, Tom Arnold? This guy is pretty cool but he threatens to kill people all the … Continue reading Episode 42: The Dancin(g) Outlaw (1991-94)

Rita told the Green Ranger to blend in and bide his time, so he instantly starts insulting everyone and threatening them with green eye lasers. The MMPRs get Alpha up and running, but Zordon is still stuck in the phantom zone. Finster fears unemployment, and Goldar gets thrown into a sex dungeon with Jason, where … Continue reading Mighty Morphin Forgotten Failures 15: THE GREEN RANGER IS A JERK

Watch another comedy, they said. It can’t be worse than Splitting Heirs, they said. It has Michael Caine and Roger Moore in it – they’ll be fun together. Michael Caine can’t be THAT bad at American accents, they said. It’s some guy on Twitter’s guilty pleasure, they said. So we watched Bullseye! Guess how that … Continue reading Episode 41: Bullseye! (1990)

There’s a new kid in school. He’s really good at martial arts and he wears nothing but green. Rita Repulsa announces repeatedly that he’s going to be the Green Ranger. Trini and Kimberly are both wearing fly new hats. All these signs point to the possibility… that this guy might be… the Green Ranger. Wait … Continue reading Mighty Morphin Forgotten Failures 14: THE GREEN RANGER APPEARS

Special guest Spencer from the Tune In Tonight podcast brings us Tuff Turf, in which James Spader stars in ten 80s movies at once. Morgan Hiller is a rebel. A loner. A man apart. A jokester. But troubled. A preppie who talks like a dad. In a leather jacket. On a Schwinn. And he’s about … Continue reading Episode 40: Tuff Turf (1985)

In the last pre-Green Ranger episode, Power Rangers has gone bonkers. Not a single good clown? ONLY evil clowns? Why so many evil clowns? Why did Rita Repulsa organize a whole carnival? Why does it take a clown to turn Trini’s niece into cardboard? Why would a clown turn into a pineapple octopus? Why are … Continue reading Mighty Morphin Forgotten Failures 13: No Clowning Around

The day has finally come. Darrill has been talking about the greatness that is Omega Cop since long before Forgotten Failures was a gleam in anyone’s eye. This week we all got introduced to the crotch-kicking, woman-collecting, oldies-listening, baseball dugout-residing, dadly adventures of John Travis, a futurecop who wants gangsters to stop selling sex slaves … Continue reading Episode 39: Omega Cop (1990)

The Power Rangers put excitement and combat on hold for this episode as Zack mopes around in the badlands because everyone forgot his birthday.  But they didn’t really! They were just pretending. And they were trying to get the Cake-O-Matic to work. Finster sends down Nasty Nate to attack, but his heart isn’t in it. … Continue reading Mighty Morphin Forgotten Failures 12: Happy Birthday Zack

This week we took failure fan Abby Denson’s advice and watched cult favorite (never on DVD, 123K views on YouTube) Get Crazy! It stars Malcolm McDowell, a young Daniel Stern, Stacey “Halloween III” Nelkin, some other woman, Lou Reed, an old guy, a short guy, Ed Begley Jr., John Densmore, Lee Ving, a sentient joint, … Continue reading Episode 38: Get Crazy (1983)

Remember Mr. Ticklesneezer? Oh boy, if you don’t, you must have repressed the memory. Mr. Ticklesneezer is an unforgettable character. A real tragic archetype, like Lennie in Of Mice And Men. Meanwhile Rita Repulsa laments her rigorous childhood, Billy wastes his genius on a pathetic volcano, and Trini auditions for Puppet Master VI. * * … Continue reading Mighty Morphin Forgotten Failures 11: For Whom The Bell Trolls

MikeR brings in another True 90s Kid classic. Between TMNT 2 and 3, New Line Cinema put out this OTHER super rad, gnarly ninja vehicle starring Ernie Reyes Jr., Rob Schneider, Tone Loc, Kelly Hu and Leslie Nielsen. It’s got elements of Gymkata, doo-wop, clairvoyant Game Gear consoles and San Jose Sharks fandom. Note to … Continue reading Episode 37: Surf Ninjas (1993)

This episode is one third The Snizard, two thirds Kimberly trying to land her uncle’s plane under the expert guidance of Alpha 5. But we tire of The Snizard, and move on to discuss the increased non-Japanese, non-Gym and Juice content in recent episodes. And! the amazing career of the guy who voiced Alpha 5. … Continue reading Mighty Morphin Forgotten Failures 10: Uncle Steve

This one is too new to be truly forgotten, but when Lindsay discovered the saga of Panty-Man versus Wednesday Osbourne, Goody-Two-Shoes Man, and Slenderly-Fit Man, she had to show it to us. His origin story is thinking panties are a mask. He inherited dominatrix powers from his mom. He thwarts suicide attempts with his balls. … Continue reading Episode 36: Hentai Kamen – Forbidden Super Hero (2012)

So the Blue Ranger cloned himself, overalls and all, and now his young ward is entering a virtual reality rollercoaster in the school science fair, against top contenders Disintegration Ray and Funky Fashion Machine. Meanwhile we FINALLY see Bulk in a dress, and Rita enlists the services of Eye Guy. You can’t miss him, he’s … Continue reading Minisode: Mighty Morphin Forgotten Failures 9: I, Eye Guy

We return to the 90s as MikeD brings in a supposed Sci-Fi Channel movie (with plentiful swearing and nudity?) that’s like a combination of Society, Airborne and Ferngully. Balthasar Getty stars as a high schooler whose dad mutated him to withstand UV rays and mutated his house to be a jungle of pheromones. There’s a … Continue reading Episode 35: Habitat (1997)

So the new gritty Power Rangers costumes are being unveiled? Back in our day the Power Rangers was about spherical pig-beasts, food fights, wacky body-switch shenanigans, and dog-faced genies wearing giant earrings and wielding silly string. Plus: we introduce you to the guy who played Zordon! * * * [mp3] Download or play this episode … Continue reading Minisode: Mighty Morphin Forgotten Failures 08

This week Darrill brings us the best Mexican wrestler movie ever to feature both Dracula and a baby-faced seductive wolf man. Pitted against these terrifying adversaries, and Eric, is a professor and various women who live with him, his magical knife, and Santo and Blue Demon! But Eric wants Dracula’s gold! * * * [mp3] … Continue reading Episode 34: Santo y Blue Demon vs Drácula y el Hombre Lobo (1973)

Today we are introduced to the Power Eggs. What is the significance of the Power Eggs? Who knows. This is an episode of firsts: The first news broadcast about the MMPRs, the first time the Putties accomplish something, and the first time the the MMPRs form an unholy pentagram. But mainly it’s an episode about … Continue reading Minisode: Mighty Morphin Forgotten Failures 07

The Avenging Fist was supposed to be the Tekken movie, but ended up as Double Dragon meets Torque meets The Fifth Element meets Dragonball Z meets Sammo Hung in a metal fedora meets circa-2001 CGI at its finest.  Martial arts fans hate it because it includes about 90 seconds of actual martial arts. Nonsense fans … Continue reading Episode 33: The Avenging Fist (2001)

Episode 6 (Food Fight) has two plot elements. First is the food fight. Every food in the school food festival costs $20, and nobody wants to buy but everyone wants to throw. Second is Finster’s worst creation ever, as he admits — a deformed Madball-shaped pig-creature sent to eat all of earth’s food. Finally, Darrill … Continue reading Minisode: Mighty Morphin Forgotten Failures 06

This week Lindsay brings our most obscure movie yet. Did you know Pauly Shore starred in a down-to-earth small-town crime dramedy that premiered on The Movie Channel? We love Pauly Shore, but had many criticisms of this. He’s one of two unfunny Garths without a Wayne. Ned Beatty is a fun Old West tycoon. And there’s … Continue reading Episode 32: The Curse of Inferno (1997)

Rita has a new plan, to harness the power of music via new favorite character the Naughty Gnome (Gnarly Gnome?). Rita always has a new plan, inspiring us all. When will this plucky gal catch a break? When will stoner bro Finster get down to business? And where are Alpha 5 and Zardoz? * * … Continue reading Minisode: Mighty Morphin Forgotten Failures 05

Our second selection from listener Cliff’s big box o’ VHS is our second Italian post-apocalyptic whatnot. Exterminators has less sci-fi and than Warrior Of The Lost World, but… it has less of everything really, except drunken boy robots and awkward dialogue. And only one exterminator. Can Trash, Alien and Papillon trust each other and find … Continue reading Episode 31: Exterminators Of The Year 3000 (1983)