The Good Sex Project

Shame thrives in silence, and nowhere more than in the territory of sex and sexuality. This final episode makes the case for why talking about the taboo isn't just cathartic but quietly radical: a way of dissolving isolation, dismantling shame, and discovering you were never as alone as you thought. We reflect on what happens when people finally say the thing out loud: in therapy, to a friend, on a podcast. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Twenty years ago, Dr. Peggy Kleinplatz had a seven-and-a-half-month waiting list of couples stuck in the same story: one partner wants sex, the other doesn't, and both feel broken. So she stopped studying what goes wrong and started studying what goes right - interviewing people having the best sex of their lives to find out what it's actually made of.The answer breaks down into eight components, and technique isn't one of them. In this bonus episode, Dr. Kleinplatz - Professor at the University of Ottawa and co-author of Magnificent Sex - talks with Melody about why "natural and spontaneous" is a myth, and why the couples who never fight might be the ones most at risk. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What separates good sex from sex that's genuinely transformative? This episode starts with a challenge: one couple's New Year's resolution to pursue 365 orgasms (for her) in a year, and what that commitment unlocked for them about pleasure, communication, and each other. Then we go deeper with Dr. Peggy Kleinplatz, whose landmark research into "magnificent sex" found that the best lovers aren't who you'd expect - and that what makes sex extraordinary has almost nothing to do with technique. An episode about what we're actually reaching for when we reach for more. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Comedian and actress Brynley Stent (Shortland Street, Taskmaster, 7 Days) joins Melody Thomas for a candid, funny chat about love, singledom, and why finding "the one" doesn't magically fix everything. They talk about the vulnerability of putting a relationship on camera, the pressure of visas and biological clocks, and why friendship might matter just as much as romance.Content note: frank discussion of sex and dating, some swearing. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Five writers. Five letters to their libido. Equal parts filthy, funny, and unexpectedly profound - a bonus episode to balance out this week's heavier one.This is a bonus episode with a different shape: five writers - Nadine Hura, Sam, Joseph Trinidad, Emily Writes and Melody - read the letters they wrote to their libido for TGSP's live launch event. Inspired by Jessie Casson's Letter to My Libido project, these are funny and tender pieces of writing about desire, identity, faith, grief and reclaiming your own body. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sexual trauma doesn't end when the event does. Its effects ripple forward - into how we see ourselves, how we move through intimacy, how we flinch or freeze or dissociate in moments that are supposed to feel safe. This episode explores the long aftermath of sexual trauma: the ways it reshapes identity, trust, and the body's relationship to pleasure, sometimes for years or decades. We speak with Jimanekia Eborn, sexual assault and trauma expert, who brings both clinical insight and deep personal honesty to the question of what survival actually looks like and what it takes to move beyond it. This isn't an episode about victimhood. It's about the slow, nonlinear, often surprising work of reclaiming yourself. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

New Zealand's Gender Attitudes Survey shows a sharp rise, particularly among young men, in adherence to rape myths and the belief that gender equality has gone too far. Rebecca Stringer, associate professor in gender studies at Otago University, joins Melody to make sense this troubling trend, and unpacks why this isn't as new as it feels (hello, 90s political correctness backlash), what's different this time around (the monetisation of misogyny by people with real skin in the game), and why disenfranchised young men are directing their very legitimate economic anxieties in entirely the wrong direction. They also get into what it takes to counter far-right rhetoric in the classroom, and how the left might actually win some of these guys back. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Divide your age by two and add seven. It's the rule nobody made up officially, yet somehow everyone knows it. But where did it come from - and does it actually mean anything? This episode pulls apart the age-gap conversation: when a difference in years is genuinely a red flag, when it's simply nobody's business, and how the calculus has shifted across generations and cultures. We look at the power dynamics that can quietly distort relationships with significant age differences, speak with a couple who have navigated the raised eyebrows and the real challenges, and ask what we're actually worried about when we worry about age gaps - and whether those concerns are always applied consistently, or only in certain directions. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Madelaine Thomas had her intimate images leaked without consent while working as a dominatrix - and couldn't find any technology that would have helped her identify the culprit. So she built it. A bonus conversation about Image Angel, deepfakes, the shame that lingers even when you did nothing wrong, and funding an anti-abuse startup with sex work. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sex work is often called the world's oldest profession. It's survived moral panics, technological leaps, a global pandemic, and endless political debate. This episode looks at the state of sex work in Aotearoa New Zealand - one of the few countries where it's fully decriminalised - and asks whether legal protection translates to real safety, dignity, and wellbeing. We hear from workers about the realities of the mahi: the parts that are misunderstood, the parts that are genuinely hard, and the disruption to old models of working. And we examine how stigma, even in a decriminalised environment, continues to shape workers' access to housing, healthcare, and community - and what it takes to live a full life when your work is still, for many, unspeakable. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Social Psychologist and author Bella DePaulo is 72, single by choice, and has spent decades proving that single life isn't a consolation prize. In this conversation she shares the research on why married people aren't actually happier, how single people get quietly punished, and why "growing old alone" is her fantasy, not her fear. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

From Bridget Jones to #SoloGlowUp, the story of singleness has had a rebrand. But is it liberation - or just a better-looking waiting room?Melody Thomas meets two people sitting with that question. Beth is 42, an extrovert, and someone who loves hard - sometimes too hard. After a five-year relationship that slowly stripped away her sense of self, she's reassessing what she actually wants from a partnership. Then there's Scott - non-binary, gay, and seven years into single life. Not always lonely, but not untouched by it either. Comparison creeps in. So does the ache of going without touch.And threaded through both stories: the question of whether our structures - social, legal, cultural - are quietly penalising people for being on their own. Psychologist Bella DePaulo has a name for that. She calls it singlism. And she has an entirely different way of thinking about love. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Tom Scott - musician, father, and one of Aotearoa's most compelling voices - joins Melody for a wide-ranging conversation about love, loss, and what it actually takes to change. Tom's album Anitya is the jumping-off point: a record split between the wreckage of a decade-long relationship and the unexpected arrival of new love. But the conversation quickly goes deeper, touching on addiction and sobriety, the cycles of trauma we inherit from our parents, what real accountability looks like (hint: it starts at the bottom of the well), and why yearning is severely underrated. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What makes some relationships survive betrayal while others collapse over something small?John and Anna built a life over fifteen years together - then nearly lost it all. Not in one moment, but slowly: new parenthood, creeping distance, alcohol, silence, and eventually repeated infidelity. This episode follows their story through the idea of rupture and repair - the quiet, unglamorous work of mending a relationship not all at once, but crack by crack. What does it take to stay, when leaving would be easier? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You don't have to do anything to become a victim of image-based sexual abuse. AI can now fabricate intimate images from a single photo - and the shame, fear, and coercion that follow are just as real as if it had actually happened. Melody talks to Netsafe's Sean Lyons about deepfakes, sextortion, nudify apps, and the organised crime networks behind them. Essential listening - especially if you have kids online.Make a submission to the deepfake digital harm and exploitation bill here Get in touch with Netsafe here Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Your data knows who you're attracted to. Your apps are learning how you love. And somewhere, an AI is waiting to be your perfect partner. Dr Rebecca Saunders talks to Melody about sex bots, relationship mediators, and the very human desires fuelling a very profitable industry.Dr Rebecca Saunders' Book Bodies of Work can be bought here Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Meet the new third wheel in modern dating: a chatbot. This episode digs into AI in our sex and love lives - Helen uses it to game the dating apps, until it works a little too well… and Rob turns to AI roleplay to explore his sexuality. But whose interests does it really serve - and what is it shaping us to desire? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Eight episodes diving into the tricky topics - age gaps and AI, betrayal and repair, singleness and shame, sex work and saying things out loud, and the question of what it takes to become an extraordinary lover. Honest, human, funny and sometimes uncomfortable - It's gonna be a ride! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We meet Charlie, who charts a course through a restrictive childhood, people pleasing, mirroring, and an abusive relationship to thriving as a solo non-monogamous person living with various mental and physical health issues. Can rejecting the ‘rules' of monogamy help you feel safer, freer, and more yourself? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Jasmine and her husband, together since their teens, had just started to reconnect and really learn about intimacy after having kids when Jasmine got a shock diagnosis. While they navigate Jasmine's health journey, they continue to connect in ways that surprise them. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

When he was 14, Chris made a list of the attributes of his dream girlfriend. But as time ticked by, no-one made the grade. He was happy to wait until she appeared… but at some point he realised he was the only virgin on campus. And then M came along - who ticked almost none of his boxes, but was super fun and incredible. What should Chris do? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

After three kids dulled their once-magnetic sex life, mid-40s couple Sarah and Lane throw out expectations and pressure, un-learn old patterns, add some new tantra tricks to the repertoire and rebuild connection through weekly ‘naked nights'. Find Libido Liberation on Insta - @libidoliberation Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Good Sex Project will be back in 2026, and we're still looking for some people with specific experiences and stories to speak to. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In association with Ensemble and live from The Village in Auckland, Melody is joined by intimacy and relationship experts Nic Beets and Verity Thom to discuss the vital role of having and re-centering pleasure in our lives.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Bonus alert! In this mini episode, Chloe - who shared her list of "f**keries" in season 1 - leaves a voice memo with a surprising update. Let's stay connected!  Instagram Facebook TikTok       Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this special bonus episode of TGSP, we introduce you to Jemma Bennett, an extraordinary therapist based in Tauranga who goes by 'The Māori Therapist' on Instagram. Jemma shares her deeply moving life story, alongside her professional insights into the cycles of abuse and the complexities of intimate relationships. This episode is a raw, touching, and enlightening exploration of resilience, healing, and the importance of pleasure, connection, and cultural identity in overcoming trauma. If you or anyone you know needs support, please reach out to one of the following helplines.  Women's Refuge 0800 733 843  Safe to Talk Sexual Harm Helpline free call 0800 044 334 anytime. Shine Free call 0508 744 633 between 9am and 11pm (for men and women) 1737, Need to talk? Free call or text 1737 to talk to a trained counsellor. Kidsline 0800 54 37 54 for people up to 18 years old. Open 24/7. What's Up 0800 942 8787 (for 5 to 18-year-olds). Phone counselling available Monday-Friday, noon-11pm and weekends, 3pm-11pm. Online chat is available 3pm-10pm daily. Youthline 0800 376 633, free text 234, email talk@youthline.co.nz, or find online chat and other support options here. If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 111 Let's stay connected!  Instagram Facebook TikTok       Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Horny stories are having a moment. What is it about them that's got us so thirsty? What makes a good horny storyline good, and a bad one... dismal? And is erotic media just for fun, or does it have the potential to impact our actual sex lives? Melody speaks with "kooky, spooky" romance writer Steff Green, erotic audio maker Ryan Mairs aka Marisyy and Intimacy coordinator Ita O'Brien (Normal People, Sex Education, I May Destroy You) about the power of stories in fueling sexual desire and breaking taboos.  Let's stay connected!  Instagram Facebook TikTok       Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Gynaecologist Dr Olivia Smart and Clinical Psychologist Nic Beets talk about some of the physical, sexual, and mental health effects of ageing, including in depth discussion of peri, post, and menopause, and how to support your partner through these changes. They also touch on changes in the male body, and explain why getting older doesn't have to mean the end of a happy, thriving sex life - if you don't want it to. Let's stay connected!  Instagram Facebook TikTok       Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sex and ageing, we explore the intersection of sexuality, ageing, and personal transformation. Host Melody Thomas delves into stories from those experiencing newfound freedoms and adventures in their later years. From touching accounts of midlife crises to the joy of rediscovery, this episode sheds light on navigating sexual health, menopause, and ultimately, embracing a fulfilling and vibrant life at any age. Let's stay connected!  Instagram Facebook TikTok       Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Journalist and author Anke Richter shares her personal journey through the world of neo-tantra and reveals how easy it can be to become entangled in high-demand groups. Tune into this bonus episode for an eye-opening conversation that spans personal diary, investigative journalism, and critical advice on how to navigate these complex dynamics. Let's stay connected!  Instagram Facebook TikTok       Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Is it possible to have sexual joy and spiritual faith? This episode of The Good Sex Project delves into the impact of purity culture. Phil and Lavinia share their journey from conservative Christian upbringings to embracing a different path for their family. We'll also hear from Chrissy and Mark, whose lives are intertwined with profound lessons about love, faith, and sexual freedom. Let's stay connected!  Instagram Facebook TikTok       Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Inspired by Lisa Taddeo's book, 'Three Women,' this episode follows the intimate journeys of Tracey, Leah, and Naomi through their experiences of love, desire, and identity. Navigating the deep waters of sexuality, societal expectations, and personal transformations across different generations, tune in for candid conversations that challenge norms and offer insights into the complex tapestry of female desire.  Let's stay connected!  Instagram Facebook TikTok       Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What if we took it slow? In this episode we join one woman on her search for profound love and mind-blowing, soul-melding sex, travelling from scepticism to a deep, fulfilling relationship built on respect, patience, and divine slow-sex. You'll hear about real techniques to slow it down and up the pleasure from Alissa Resnick of OMGYes. If you're curious about taking your intimacy to a lush new level, this episode is a must-listen. Let's stay connected!  Instagram Facebook TikTok      Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this extended interview, Melody Thomas talks with renowned sex educator and author Emily Nagoski. They explore the neuroscience behind desire and pleasure, debunk cultural myths, and discuss Emily's latest insights on creating lasting sexual connections. Tune in for actionable wisdom and transformative advice that could elevate your intimate life to new heights. Let's stay connected!  Instagram Facebook TikTok       Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Come with us and explore the myths and truths of maintaining a satisfying sexual connection long-term. From dealing with mismatched libidos to sex after babies, we explore what it takes to sustain meaningful relationships and thriving sexual connections, with real stories from real couples and expert advice from world-renowned author and researcher Emily Nagoski ("Come As You Are" and "Come Together"). Whether you're single, coupled or somewhere in between, join us on this insightful journey to better understanding what makes our hearts and minds tick. Let's stay connected!  Instagram Facebook TikTok       Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Are you unsure how to address sensitive topics like sex and pornography with your kids? Join host Melody Thomas in this special bonus episode, where experts Yumi Stynes and Dr Jane Cherrington share practical advice, personal anecdotes and crucial insights to help parents navigate these challenging conversations. Learn why it's essential to maintain open communication, the impact of peer pressure and how to empower your children with accurate information and critical thinking skills. This episode offers a must-listen guide for fostering a healthy attitude towards sex and relationships in today's digital age. Let's stay connected!  Instagram Facebook TikTok       Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What happens when sex education falls short? From finger-blasting to pick-up artists, this episode follows three people who took learning into their own hands, including return guest and disability advocate Etta Bollinger's experience with sex workers and a young man's near-miss with incel culture. There's plenty of trial and error, as well as joyful discoveries and pleasure. We're also joined by Yumi Stynes, podcaster (Ladies, We Need to Talk) and co-author (Welcome to Sex) as we discuss the critical need for comprehensive sex education. This episode is a deep dive into what we learn, what we miss, and how to fill in the blanks. Let's stay connected!  Instagram Facebook TikTok       Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Would you like some pleasure with your politics? In this episode of The Good Sex Project, we explore how societal structures and cultural narratives impact sexual joy and freedom. We discuss the impact of ableism on sexuality with writer and disability activist Etta Bollinger, and chat to founders of a Māori ecosexuality kink zine (PARU) about reclaiming indigenous sexual joy. Join us in exploring who gets access to lives they desire and the transformative power of pleasure. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Episode 1 of The Good Sex Project Season 2 embarks on a journey through different decades, unearthing diverse personal experiences that shaped people's relationship to pleasure. Featuring heartfelt conversations, painful confessions, and joyful revelations from the stories of Sophia, Porte, and Mary - no one's journey has been a straight line. Tune in for a thought-provoking episode that underscores the universal yet deeply personal quest for pleasure and satisfaction. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Buckle in and get ready for a fresh new season of The Good Sex Project! Hosted by Melody Thomas, this series delves deeper into the heart of what makes sex and relationships thrive. The first two episodes, ‘It's My Pleasure' and ‘Pleasure is Political,' are out July 9! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Good Sex Project season 2 is coming and we are on the lookout for people with a story to share. Experiencing pain, shame or embarrassment around sex? Recovering from infidelity in your relationship? Finding it hard to communicate what you want?  Or have you managed to work through these kinds of issues, gaining valuable insight along the way? If this sounds like you, we'd love to hear from you. Click here to get in touch! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sometimes, relationships are better off ending. We figure out when it's time to call it quits, how to break up amicably, and how endings make way for new beginnings. We also consider how aging plays into a person's sexuality and how it's never too late to find pleasure. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Pop culture and religion have told us that our soulmate - ‘the one' - is out there. That our life partner should be our best friend, co-parent, confidant, intellectual sparring partner, sexual muse and all the things in between. But what if it works better when there's more than two in a relationship? We speak to people who are engaging in ethical non-monogamy, swinging, and long-distance, label-less love. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this bonus episode, Melody Thomas held a live 'Masterclass' with clinical psychologist and family therapist Nic Beets and together they took questions from our listeners. This episode is packed with expert advice on relationships, why some of them work and why some of them struggle, as well as practical tips and tools. Have you got something you've been wanting to know? Email thegoodsexproject@stuff.co.nz Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Extra listening for the extra interested! In this bonus episode, Melody speaks with renowned American sex educator and researcher Emily Nagoski, who's mission in life is to teach women to live with confidence and joy inside their bodies. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Extra listening for the extra interested! In this bonus episode, Melody speaks with Wanaka-based somatic sexologist Sonia Waters about topics ranging from desire and libido in long term relationships, to recovering from trauma, to managing jealousy and watching pornography. Sonia is certified with the Somatic Sex Educators Association of Australasia and is doing her Masters degree in psychology with Massey University - her thesis is about embodied self pleasure.   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Long term love can be hard. We speak to couples who've got insight into how they make it through the tougher periods of their relationships, including having young children. We also get some guidance from experts including Dan Savage and somatic sexologist Sonia Waters. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We delve into the biochemistry of those first tingly feelings for someone, and how all those raging chemicals can cloud our better judgment and lead to some toxic relationships.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What does good, healthy & happy casual sex look and feel like in the age of dating apps? We speak to people who've negotiated their way into some pretty sexy situations using their open and honest communication skills. We also look at how mainstream porn has infiltrated our sex practices, and at what we can learn from the world of kink and BDSM.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's the point in sex positivity if the sex we're having is bad? We speak with South Auckland musician Pati AF, who grew up a "holy girl" in the church before kicking off her "hoe phase" - by claiming her own body and sexuality back with explicit Instagram posts and random dating app hook-ups. She was empowered. So why wasn't she having a great time?   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this bonus episode, we meet the two Alices who share their later-in-life coming out stories. There's Alice Soper, one of New Zealand's foremost voices on women's rugby. She'd always told herself she was super straight - that is, until her OE to London changed everything she thought she knew. And comedian and writer Alice Snedden, funny, irreverent and in denial about her love life - until she wasn't. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices