Podcasts about risk aware consensual kink

In this in‑depth solo episode of Kinks on a Platter, Raven Black breaks down the RACK framework—Risk‑Aware Consensual Kink—from its 1990s origins to practical, scene‑by‑scene applications. You'll learn how to:- Create a comprehensive Risk Inventory that maps out tools, techniques, and emergency plans- Structure a three‑phase consent process with pre‑scene negotiation, in‑scene check‑ins, and post‑scene debrief- Walk through a sample sensory‑deprivation and candle‑wax scene step by step- Troubleshoot unexpected risks, emotional overwhelm, and safeword misfires- Adopt best practices for ongoing education, equipment upkeep, and self‑careWhether you're exploring kink for the first time or deepening an existing practice, this episode equips you with the confidence and clarity to make every scene both thrilling and responsible.

Send us a textBDSM and kink can be thrilling and deeply rewarding, but it's important to remember that these practices come with inherent risks. In this episode, we dive into safety reminders specifically for submissives, with a focus on understanding and navigating those risks. We'll break down key safety acronyms like R.A.C.K. (Risk Aware Consensual Kink), P.R.I.C.K. (Personal Responsibility In Consensual Kink), and S.S.C. (Safe, Sane, & Consensual). We'll cover essential topics like communication, safe words, consent, and aftercare, as well as physical and emotional safety. Whether you're new to the lifestyle or experienced, this episode will remind you of the importance of staying informed and prepared while enjoying your kink journey. Thanks for listening! Be sure to catch us on all of your favorite platforms, and as always, stay kinky! https://linktr.ee/kinkistofficial

Pup Cylon, Pup Tango & Coop Mythos aka Burly_Beast talk Risk Aware Consensual Kink - we go deep into some risky naughty play, this is definitely an adult explicit podcast for sexually adventurous and curious adults over the age of 18, our stories are told through the lens of queer adult content creators, and may make many very uncomfortable so please listen with caution… not just another gay podcast!! This is the link and fetish podcast your friends listen to, but are afraid or embarrassed to admit it…all o links -> thempups.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/them-pups/message

Curious about the difference between mainstream porn and ethical porn/feminist porn? Do you even know where to find it? Who better to ask than the engaging and dynamic Sonya JF Barnett, RP.  It's rare to find an ethical porn producer/director, turned intimacy coordinator, (yes, we'll talk about that) turned sex therapist! Show Notes:0:24  Playboy Magazine02:06 Risk Aware Consensual Kink RACK02:39 Hump Film Festival07:05 Intimacy Coordinator IC and the Me Too Movement02:44 Dan Savage04:18 Feminist Porn and Ethical Porn 06:36 Erika Lust08:19 HBO10:34 Modesty garments16:18 Kink Fantasy and Kink Protocols18:27 Sasha Grey20:37 Co-founder of Slut Walk Toronto21:51 Viewing porn and shame23:35 Anxiety about watching porn24:05 Sex Therapist27:22 Sue Johanson, Dr. Ruth Westheimer, and Sex with Sue 37:47 Produced By Katie Jensen at Vocal Frye Studios  Ethical Porn Recommendations Vetted by Sonya JF Barnett Disclaimer

Today we present Gary Swift's essay on why he coined the motto RACK in order to update SSC's Safe, Sane and Consensual. Swift says, "Nothing's perfectly safe. Crossing the street isn't perfectly safe." He also challenges the notion, "The sane part of SSC is very subjective. Who's making the call?" This is an interesting look at the origin from the one who created RACK. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/bdsmunited/support

All BDSM should be done using a safety motto such as RACK, an acronym meaning Risk-Aware Consensual Kink. In this episode of our Sex Magick series we look at aspects of safety to consider when joining BDSM with magickal practice. We deal with many topics such as fluiding bonding of ritual containers and practicing safety in your sacred space. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/bdsmunited/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/bdsmunited/support

Risk Aware Consensual Kink sometimes comes due. Drinking and kinking is surely a freedom among consenting adults, but how much work do you have to do before your drink? Uncle Creepy stops by to share some lessons learned as well. End show song is "Little Miss H"

On this episode of Monogam-ish Podcast, Justina and Kenji welcome Mistress Saskia and Mike Charming to talk about BDSM and running The RACK room here in colorado. Mistress Saskia graces us with her decade's insights being a professional dominatrix, like how to remove someone who's passed out on a cross safely. Mike Charming tells us of how he started in DC and brought his experiences to Colorado. Make sure to check out the RACK Room by visiting their website here. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/monogam-ishpodcast/message

Risk Aware Consensual Kink und ist eine der zwei Leitphilosophien für BDSM-Beziehungen und Aktivitäten. RACK ist als Gegenentwurf zum Prinzip SSC (Safe, Sane, Consensual) entstanden, da sich mit letzterem viele BDSM-Anhänger:innen nicht ausreichend identifizieren konnten. Da es entstehungsgeschichtlich jünger ist, ist es weniger verbreitet als SSC. Beide Prinzipien dienen als Modell und Basis für die Ausübung sadomasochistischer Praktiken und die Abgrenzung von strafrechtlich relevanter Gewalt. Was es über RACK zu wissen gibt, erfahrt ihr in dieser Folge. Den dazu passenden Magazinartikel gibt es hier: https://www.deviance.app/rack/ Wir sind Deviance, einen Kennenlernen-Plattform für BDSM- und Fetisch-Anhänger:innen. Unsere Mission ist es, BDSM, Kink und Fetisch aus der Schmuddelecke zu holen, dem Lifestyle ein neues attraktives Gesicht zu verpassen und die Entstigmatisierung voranzutreiben. In diesem Podcast erklären wir euch die wichtigsten BDSM-Begriffe. Kurz, snackish und ausnahmsweise auch schmerzlos. Mehr über Deviance erfährst du hier: https://www.deviance.app/ https://www.instagram.com/deviance__app/ https://twitter.com/devianceapp

SSC steht für Safe, Sane, Consensual und ist neben R.A.C.K. (Risk Aware Consensual Kink) eine der zwei Leitphilosophien für BDSM-Beziehungen und -Aktivitäten, wobei SSC sowohl in Handhabung als auch Beachtung älter und verbreiteter ist. Beide Prinzipien dienen als Modell und Basis für die Ausübung sadomasochistischer Praktiken und die Abgrenzung von strafrechtlich relevanter Gewalt. Den dazu passenden Magazinartikel gibt es hier: https://www.deviance.app/ssc/ Wir sind Deviance, einen Kennenlernen-Plattform für BDSM- und Fetisch-Anhänger:innen. Unsere Mission ist es, BDSM, Kink und Fetisch aus der Schmuddelecke zu holen, dem Lifestyle ein neues attraktives Gesicht zu verpassen und die Entstigmatisierung voranzutreiben. In diesem Podcast erklären wir euch die wichtigsten BDSM-Begriffe. Kurz, snackish und ausnahmsweise auch schmerzlos. Mehr über Deviance erfährst du hier: https://www.deviance.app/ https://www.instagram.com/deviance__app/ https://twitter.com/devianceapp

In this short but hot bonus episode, you'll  hear the juicy Fleshlight masturbation of Major Woody.  Major Woody is a BDSM and Kink Coach and Trainer, who came out as a gay teenager right after the Stonewall riots in New York City in the very early 70’s. He has been part of the Leather and Kink community ever since. He teaches and trains people from all parts of the rainbow safe, healthy, RISK AWARE CONSENSUAL KINK. If you want to go deeper into your kinky sexual spiritual journey discovering what really makes you tick, you can find your Master at majorwoody.comAdditional contact info: sir@majorwoody.comSocial media: Twitter @majorwoody7x8Instagram: @major_woodyIf you want to ANONYMOUSLY tell your own stories, fantasies, sex confessions, or just share an orgasm for our listening pleasure, email me at naughtyaudioformen@gmail.com!   Don't forget to SUBSCRIBE and LEAVE A REVIEW!  Podcast Music: Youtuber "SPEAK OF THIS TO NO ONE"Swiss Navy Silicone Lubricant: https://amzn.to/3g1mwYaSwiss Nay Water Based Lubricant: https://amzn.to/323eB47Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links.  If you make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you.

EPISODE 47 - HARMFUL SEXUAL FANTASIES: 22 TERRIFYING SEXUAL FANTASIES THAT MUST BE TALKED ABOUT BY ALEXANDER CHIVES Twitter @BadAlexCheves and visit blog, The Beastly Ex-Boyfriend.  THIS LINK WILL TAKE YOU TO ALL MY STUFF DISTORTION IMDB Feeling kinky? Memorize SSC and RACK. SSC stands for “Safe, Sane, and Consensual.” RACK stands for “Risk Aware Consensual Kink.” Your sex play must meet these requirements — no exceptions.  Not every fantasy or fetish is safe, legal, or right to act upon. “Safe, Sane, and Consensual” was the universal safety mantra until we admitted that some acceptable sex practices are implicitly not “safe,” although their risks can be alleviated by playing smartly. Then RACK — “Risk Aware Consensual Kink” — was coined.  Are you interested in fisting, suspension bondage, gut-punching, ball-busting, or heavy BDSM? That’s fine. You can do these things as long as you do them consensually and fully prepared for the risks. SSC and RACK draw a hard line at consent. You’re not allowed to cross this line. Ever. You may never do anything to anyone without their permission. While these rules sound obvious, they exist for a reason. There are many terrifying fetishes in the world — fetishes that fall far outside these limits. Acting on them will land you in prison, hurt you, hurt others, or worse.        SOURCE: https://www.advocate.com/sexy-beast/2017/4/21/22-terrifying-sexual-fantasies-must-be-talked-about#media-gallery-media-1    

Deze keer gaan we een wat heftiger onderwerp bespreken: edgeplay. BDSM-spellen waar iets meer risico’s bij komen kijken. Wat is edgeplay nou precies, en welke spelvormen vallen daar onder? Samen met Bas bespreken wij dit allemaal, en nog veel meer. Bas staat in de BDSM-scene bekend als een bekende edgeplayer, ook omdat hij workshops geeft over o.a. knifeplay en breathplay. Deze twee spelvormen bespreken we uitgebreid. Ook hebben we het over RACK, Risk Aware Consensual Kink. We zijn benieuwd hoe jij over edgeplay denkt en natuurlijk wat je van deze aflevering vindt. Laat het ons weten in de comments op onze site, vinden we leuk! Wil je rustig nog eens nalezen wat er allemaal gezegd is, dan kan je dat natuurlijk doen via onze podcast transcriptie.

Viktor Devonne and Vonka are cozy in Vonka's room and chat a lot about sex work, BDSM, and stripping. ... Vonka is a fetish model, burlesque performer, pro-domme, instructor, and sex work entertainer. She recently was a featured performer at the New Jersey Burlesque Festival in 2018, and has toured all over the country. Content Warning: we get pretty explicit and Vonka speaks very matter-of-factly. Please consume with that in mind. ... topics: Vonka's Red Room of Pain, Truth or Dare, lying about sex activity, machismo and pick up lines, rebellion, sex performer, Ice-T and Coco, Amber Rose, stripper stigma, an episode of CSI, emerging as kinky, A Professional Fetish Delivery System, psychology of sex work, getting the woman on your side, beating people all night long, Spice Girls, hard femme and terminology, femme4femme, reading as queer, Furiosa, Fantastic Beasts, Kinky Boots, explaining it to dad, bdsm as a marathon, waterboarded in their own blood, hook suspension, the best scruff, acupuncture, shibari, numbness, SESTA/FOSTA, sex trafficking, clips for sale, learning from porn, tease and denial, permission and negotiation, after care and follow-up, failure to communicate, edgeplay, Risk-Aware Consensual Kink, the red tag, checking in ... recorded: 5-19-2018 ... shoutouts: Lydia Vengeance, Essence Revealed, Conduit Enterprises, Fierce ... notes: upon reflection of Vonka's femme terminology, Viktor asserts Posh Spice is a high femme. ... Support us on Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/weburlesque and get bonus material incl. 50 extra minutes of Broody Valentino from the episode 14 and 15 sessions ... you can see White Elephant Burlesque every Wednesday at Rockbar NYC - see http://www.weburlesquenyc.com for more ... Now on Second Tuesdays: #WEBoylesque at Bizarre Bushwick ... WEBurlesque returns to Roxy and Dukes Roadhouse on July 6, 2018 ... intro/outro music: "On A 45" This Way to the Egress (http://www.thiswaytotheegress.com) ... used with permission ... download it at: https://www.amazon.com/This-Delicious-Cabaret-Explicit-Egress/dp/B005D1GROO ... interlude music: "Jazz Brunch," Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/ ...

We interview @Kinky_Engineer, a kinky educator who has been practicing elements of BDSM and kinky play his whole adult life. His personal play style draws on a professional and martial arts background, and is imbued with a strong focus on safety, Risk Aware Consensual Kink and a joy of playing near the edges. We interviewed him about his experience as an engineer designing and creating kink gear and equipment. Essentially, what’s useful for doing rope bondage - besides rope?! He tells us: * How growing up on a farm makes you kinky! * His Western bondage versus Japanese bondage experiences * Why he prefers a suspension ring to carabiners and how that led him to design a better suspension ring * The best cutting tool to buy * His very surprising choice to answer ‘if you could only have one piece of non-rope gear in your kit, what would it be? * Where suspension equipment tends to fail most, and how to prevent this * How best to check hard points in a new venue to you

Please enjoy again: Sex Spoken Here: BDSM and Power Exchange   Welcome to my virtual therapy room!  I am Dr Lori Beth Bisbey and this is Sex Spoken Here. Remember that this podcast deals with adult themes so if you don’t have privacy you might wish to put on your headphones.   Last week I explored the practicalities for beginning to explore BDSM and Power Exchange.  This week I explore basic rules for events and resources for BDSM online and in the community.    If you haven’t heard the first four of the BDSM and Power Exchange Series, I suggest you download them.  The first two include interviews with Dr Kevin Boileau and cover some of the theory and emotional issues, the third in the series includes an interview with Pharoah Khaf Ra and Empress Nahara who are a lifestyle dominant couple and last week I started with practicalities like figuring out if you are dominant or submissive. I have talked about getting ready to step out and explore BDSM and power exchange whether you are doing it in private or in public.    But many people have no idea where to begin to look to meet people, for events or for clothing and accessories.  First I want to highlight that you don’t need to spend lots of money on special clothing and toys.    Most events have a dress code but most of them also will accept scant clothing (as close to nakedness as is legal in that jurisdiction) or being dressed all in black.   The dress code is supposed to encourage people to make an effort to get involved, look and feel sexy and to discourage those people who come along to gawk.  Gawking is different from watching when you are a proper voyeur.  Gawking is when someone comes to watch all the strange people and has no intention of getting involved in any way and when someone doesn’t observe basic courtesy either.  Basic courtesy includes: Don’t interfere in someone else’s scene.  If they are doing something you find interesting, watch from an appropriate distance.  That means don’t watch from 2 inches away.  I was once involved in a scene with a woman where I was performing oral sex on her and a man came and sat so close too watch that his face was almost between my mouth and her pussy.  He was told very firmly to move away.  When people are using floggers, whips and canes if you get within the circle of the stroke you will get injured and really annoy the person who is doing the beating.  Also, when people are in a scene, it creates a bubble and they are likely to be unaware of the outside world.  When someone blunders in, they break the bubble and the distraction can ruin the entire scene because it interrupts the energy flow.  Energy builds in a scene to a peak just like it does in sex when it builds to orgasm. No means no. Just because someone is at a public event does not mean they are there to play with everyone.  If someone says no, please respect it. Observe protocols.  Even if you find it strange to have to ask someone’s Master or Mistress to talk with them, please follow their protocols.  It is a means of demonstrating respect.  You can ask about reasons or the origins of the protocol but ultimately following it is the best way to show respect. Don’t spend time talking or asking questions in active areas of play.  This disrupts the energy and disrupts the scene.  There are usually conversation areas and people are usually happy to answer questions after the scene.  Remember that after care is part of the scene. Don’t make assumptions about role, gender, sexuality, sexual orientation.  Ask instead of assuming. Where to meet people online: There are lots of resources to meet people online.  Fetlife.com  is a social media site for people who like fetishes including BDSM and power exchange.  There are lots of different groups once you have joined.  You can join a group for events near your location to find out who might be close by.  You make a profile and people can search profiles in a number of ways, send emails and reach out to you via the groups you join. OK Cupid! has a large number of people who enjoy kink and BDSM.  You make a profile there in the same way you would on any other dating site. Facebook:  There are lots of BDSM and power exchange related Facebook groups.  Some are secret.  Others are just private.  Check group rules to see if looking to meet people is OK. Fester.com  is relatively new and apparently most folk are 30 or under. Collarspace.com  is mostly for hook ups.  Reviews are very mixed. BDSM.com is a space for talking about things as well as hooking up. Chained.org is site for meeting folks. Where to meet people offline besides events and parties: Going to a local munch is a great way to meet people in your area.  Munches are usually held monthly in a restaurant or pub.  People come dressed in normal clothing and are usually welcoming to newcomers. You can find munches listed on places like FetLife.com.  There are fetish markets in many cities.  London, UK has one every month.  There are lots of items for sale, usually short presentations and stage shows and lots of space to mingle and meet folk.  There is also usually a play party afterwards and the ticket prices are reasonable.    Finding toys and supplies: For bondage using rope: There are lots of online sites.  I recommend checking out https://www.twistedmonk.com This is the best site for different types of rope, rope care, how to videos etc. http://www.esinem-rope.com Excellent UK site for rope, tutorial DVDs. If you want to learn to make your own tools and toys: Check out the blogs on Kinkly.com For floggers, whips, restraints: http://www.detailstoys.com http://www.whipsbywolf.com/handmade-leather-floggers/ For gay men – hard core toys https://www.regulation-london.com Get recommendations from people you meet at events.  Of course you need not spend much money at all.  There are many ‘pervertables’ in most homes.  A pervertable is something that is ordinary that you can turn to a kinky purpose.  For example: Belts are extremely pervertable to use for a beating.  You can use wooden spoons (ouch!), spatulas.  Lots of things in the kitchen are pervertable. For restraints you can use ties, belts, scarves. For blindfolds – ties, scarves. It’s easy to go wild and spend a fortune on beautiful toys and restraints and then rarely use them.  I recommend starting with pervertables and then making the purchase of any tools or toys something that you do with lots of thought.  Pick out one or two special pieces.   Clothing Fetish clothing varies depending upon your interests and roles.  Leather can be used for a variety of things.  Some people love the feel, touch and smell of leather.  There is also the leather lifestyle.  People who identify as part of the leather lifestyle are engaged in power exchange relationships (often Master/slave or Mistress/slave) and follow certain codes.  Most codes include honor, honesty, respect) and most observe a variety of rituals.  Leather for these people is not only sexy and hot but is earned and a means of recognising service.    Some people like the feel of rubber or latex.   For latex clothing: http://www.houseofharlot.com https://www.pandoradeluxe.com https://www.atsukokudo.com/Home/ For leather: http://www.fetishwear.com/Welcome.htm http://www.leatheraddicts.com https://www.mr-s-leather.com Good informational sites Jack Rinella’s Leather Views – leatherviews.com  Jack Rinella is a free lance author and leather man.  He has written a number of well respected books on various aspects of leather and BDSM. Race Bannon’s site : bannon.com Race Bannon along with Guy Baldwin, MS co-founded Kink Aware Professionals which is a list of helping professionals and legal professionals who are kink aware.  He has spoken at over 400 events, is a founder and board member of a number of leather associations. National Coalition for Sexual Freedom http://ncsfreedom.org Planet Midori http://www.planetmidori.com  She is a most amazing person and author who has expertise in bondage and power exchange. Society of Janus is San Francisco based and is an organisation that offers BDSM education and support. https://soj.org Carter Johnson Leather Library http://leatherlibrary.org  An amazing collection of leather history, reading materials covering kink, BDSM, LGBTQ. Leather Archives and Museum  Incredible collection also ‘dedicated to compilation, preservation and maintenance of leather, kink and fetish lifestyles.’ http://www.leatherarchives.org http://www.drkdesyre.com/meetppl/orgs/orgs.html They keep listings for BDSM and power exchange groups Exploration is designed to be fun.  It is more likely to be so if you remember some basic rules.  Keep yourself safe  New things are really exciting and this stuff can be even more exciting than most new things.  Don’t let the excitement make you forget our basic safety rules.  If you have just met someone online, don’t give them too much personal information.    If you are arranging to meet for the first time, do it in a public place and let people know where you are going.    If you feel something is off, trust your gut and leave.    Don’t talk yourself out of trusting your gut because you think you need to give people second chances.    Don’t meet people at your home and don’t go to their home alone until you are sure that they are safe.  Avoid taking recreational drugs.  Making clear choices is important when you are playing in areas that are risky.  Keep your head clear so you will make good choices.  Limit your alcohol consumption for the same reason.  I choose not to drink and play and I prefer to play with people who are sober. Pace yourself.  Don’t try to do everything at once.  Take your time and savour the experience.  Give yourself the space to process your experience afterwards and make sure you have support for when you need it. Remember your social skills.  Use your best social skills – be polite, friendly, listen lots.  Sometimes people get so excited they forget! Understand consent and apply it properly.    Don’t touch anyone without getting consent first.  This includes spontaneous hugs, putting your hand on someone’s shoulder.   Understand that people in this world can have different protocols.  Some are very strict.  Don’t assume that everyone will engage with you.  Some people may not be free to do so.  Don’t speak to someone else’s partner without checking first.  If you can’t check and you don’t get a response, don’t assume the person is being rude.  They may not be allowed to talk with anyone.  Think of it like meeting a monk or nun who is under a vow of silence. Take the time to learn how to do things properly.  Many activities that you will engage in if you are exploring BDSM and power exchange will involve an increased level of risk.  If you don’t learn how to do things properly, you have a high risk of injuring yourself or someone else.    There are two acronyms regularly used by people who engage in BDSM to describe risk.  The first is Safe, Sane and Consensual.  People who work to this protocol do things in the safest way possible, they don’t take short-cuts and highlight consent.  The second is Risk Aware Consensual Kink.  These folks highlight the fact that all activities have risk and that you must be aware of the risk level of things you are choosing to engage in.  They also highlight consent. Finally, maximise enjoyment.  Do everything you can to raise the probability that you will have a brilliant time. Thanks for joining me this week for Sex Spoken Here with Dr Lori Beth Bisbey.  Write to me with suggestions for the show, questions you want answered at drbisbey@the-intimacy-coach.com, follow me on twitter @drbisbey.  For a free 30 minute strategy session with me, head over to https://the-intimacy-coach.com and click the button that says Schedule Now!  If you have enjoyed the show, please leave a review on iTunes or Stitcher and subscribe!  The top three reviews will receive a copy of my eBook A Consumer’s Guide to Online BDSM Resources.  Join me next week when I will be starting a series on sex toys.

Ok so after the initial 14 minutes of needle and hook pull play conversation (you've been warned) we got into some pretty real stuff. Processing through social programming into BDSM, Boogie SCREAMS foul judgy hatred to people that are pigs with no basic manners and then a very somber talk about a BDSM related death that hit very close to home. Risk Aware Consensual Kink is REAL. End show song is "Thumby the Frog"

Viktor Devonne and Vonka are cozy in Vonka's room and chat a lot about sex work, BDSM, and stripping. ... Vonka is a fetish model, burlesque performer, pro-domme, instructor, and sex work entertainer. She recently was a featured performer at the New Jersey Burlesque Festival in 2018, and has toured all over the country. Content Warning: we get pretty explicit and Vonka speaks very matter-of-factly. Please consume with that in mind. ... topics: Vonka's Red Room of Pain, Truth or Dare, lying about sex activity, machismo and pick up lines, rebellion, sex performer, Ice-T and Coco, Amber Rose, stripper stigma, an episode of CSI, emerging as kinky, A Professional Fetish Delivery System, psychology of sex work, getting the woman on your side, beating people all night long, Spice Girls, hard femme and terminology, femme4femme, reading as queer, Furiosa, Fantastic Beasts, Kinky Boots, explaining it to dad, bdsm as a marathon, waterboarded in their own blood, hook suspension, the best scruff, acupuncture, shibari, numbness, SESTA/FOSTA, sex trafficking, clips for sale, learning from porn, tease and denial, permission and negotiation, after care and follow-up, failure to communicate, edgeplay, Risk-Aware Consensual Kink, the red tag, checking in ... recorded: 5-19-2018 ... shoutouts: Lydia Vengeance, Essence Revealed, Conduit Enterprises, Fierce ... notes: upon reflection of Vonka's femme terminology, Viktor asserts Posh Spice is a high femme. ... Support us on Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/weburlesque and get bonus material incl. 50 extra minutes of Broody Valentino from the episode 14 and 15 sessions ... you can see White Elephant Burlesque every Wednesday at Rockbar NYC - see http://www.weburlesquenyc.com for more ... Now on Second Tuesdays: #WEBoylesque at Bizarre Bushwick ... WEBurlesque returns to Roxy and Dukes Roadhouse on July 6, 2018 ... intro/outro music: "On A 45" This Way to the Egress (http://www.thiswaytotheegress.com) ... used with permission ... download it at: https://www.amazon.com/This-Delicious-Cabaret-Explicit-Egress/dp/B005D1GROO ... interlude music: "Jazz Brunch," Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/ ...

Welcome to my virtual therapy room!  I am Dr Lori Beth Bisbey and this is Sex Spoken Here. Remember that this podcast deals with adult themes so if you don’t have privacy you might wish to put on your headphones.   Last week I explored the practicalities for beginning to explore BDSM and Power Exchange.  This week I explore basic rules for events and resources for BDSM online and in the community.    If you haven’t heard the first four of the BDSM and Power Exchange Series, I suggest you download them.  The first two include interviews with Dr Kevin Boileau and cover some of the theory and emotional issues, the third in the series includes an interview with Pharoah Khaf Ra and Empress Nahara who are a lifestyle dominant couple and last week I started with practicalities like figuring out if you are dominant or submissive. I have talked about getting ready to step out and explore BDSM and power exchange whether you are doing it in private or in public.    But many people have no idea where to begin to look to meet people, for events or for clothing and accessories.  First I want to highlight that you don’t need to spend lots of money on special clothing and toys.    Most events have a dress code but most of them also will accept scant clothing (as close to nakedness as is legal in that jurisdiction) or being dressed all in black.   The dress code is supposed to encourage people to make an effort to get involved, look and feel sexy and to discourage those people who come along to gawk.  Gawking is different from watching when you are a proper voyeur.  Gawking is when someone comes to watch all the strange people and has no intention of getting involved in any way and when someone doesn’t observe basic courtesy either.  Basic courtesy includes: Don’t interfere in someone else’s scene.  If they are doing something you find interesting, watch from an appropriate distance.  That means don’t watch from 2 inches away.  I was once involved in a scene with a woman where I was performing oral sex on her and a man came and sat so close too watch that his face was almost between my mouth and her pussy.  He was told very firmly to move away.  When people are using floggers, whips and canes if you get within the circle of the stroke you will get injured and really annoy the person who is doing the beating.  Also, when people are in a scene, it creates a bubble and they are likely to be unaware of the outside world.  When someone blunders in, they break the bubble and the distraction can ruin the entire scene because it interrupts the energy flow.  Energy builds in a scene to a peak just like it does in sex when it builds to orgasm. No means no. Just because someone is at a public event does not mean they are there to play with everyone.  If someone says no, please respect it. Observe protocols.  Even if you find it strange to have to ask someone’s Master or Mistress to talk with them, please follow their protocols.  It is a means of demonstrating respect.  You can ask about reasons or the origins of the protocol but ultimately following it is the best way to show respect. Don’t spend time talking or asking questions in active areas of play.  This disrupts the energy and disrupts the scene.  There are usually conversation areas and people are usually happy to answer questions after the scene.  Remember that after care is part of the scene. Don’t make assumptions about role, gender, sexuality, sexual orientation.  Ask instead of assuming. Where to meet people online: There are lots of resources to meet people online.  Fetlife.com  is a social media site for people who like fetishes including BDSM and power exchange.  There are lots of different groups once you have joined.  You can join a group for events near your location to find out who might be close by.  You make a profile and people can search profiles in a number of ways, send emails and reach out to you via the groups you join. OK Cupid! has a large number of people who enjoy kink and BDSM.  You make a profile there in the same way you would on any other dating site. Facebook:  There are lots of BDSM and power exchange related Facebook groups.  Some are secret.  Others are just private.  Check group rules to see if looking to meet people is OK. Fester.com  is relatively new and apparently most folk are 30 or under. Collarspace.com  is mostly for hook ups.  Reviews are very mixed. BDSM.com is a space for talking about things as well as hooking up. Chained.org is site for meeting folks. Where to meet people offline besides events and parties: Going to a local munch is a great way to meet people in your area.  Munches are usually held monthly in a restaurant or pub.  People come dressed in normal clothing and are usually welcoming to newcomers. You can find munches listed on places like FetLife.com.  There are fetish markets in many cities.  London, UK has one every month.  There are lots of items for sale, usually short presentations and stage shows and lots of space to mingle and meet folk.  There is also usually a play party afterwards and the ticket prices are reasonable.    Finding toys and supplies: For bondage using rope: There are lots of online sites.  I recommend checking out https://www.twistedmonk.com This is the best site for different types of rope, rope care, how to videos etc. http://www.esinem-rope.com Excellent UK site for rope, tutorial DVDs. If you want to learn to make your own tools and toys: Check out the blogs on Kinkly.com For floggers, whips, restraints: http://www.detailstoys.com http://www.whipsbywolf.com/handmade-leather-floggers/ For gay men – hard core toys https://www.regulation-london.com Get recommendations from people you meet at events.  Of course you need not spend much money at all.  There are many ‘pervertables’ in most homes.  A pervertable is something that is ordinary that you can turn to a kinky purpose.  For example: Belts are extremely pervertable to use for a beating.  You can use wooden spoons (ouch!), spatulas.  Lots of things in the kitchen are pervertable. For restraints you can use ties, belts, scarves. For blindfolds – ties, scarves. It’s easy to go wild and spend a fortune on beautiful toys and restraints and then rarely use them.  I recommend starting with pervertables and then making the purchase of any tools or toys something that you do with lots of thought.  Pick out one or two special pieces.   Clothing Fetish clothing varies depending upon your interests and roles.  Leather can be used for a variety of things.  Some people love the feel, touch and smell of leather.  There is also the leather lifestyle.  People who identify as part of the leather lifestyle are engaged in power exchange relationships (often Master/slave or Mistress/slave) and follow certain codes.  Most codes include honor, honesty, respect) and most observe a variety of rituals.  Leather for these people is not only sexy and hot but is earned and a means of recognising service.    Some people like the feel of rubber or latex.   For latex clothing: http://www.houseofharlot.com https://www.pandoradeluxe.com https://www.atsukokudo.com/Home/ For leather: http://www.fetishwear.com/Welcome.htm http://www.leatheraddicts.com https://www.mr-s-leather.com Good informational sites Jack Rinella’s Leather Views – leatherviews.com  Jack Rinella is a free lance author and leather man.  He has written a number of well respected books on various aspects of leather and BDSM. Race Bannon’s site : bannon.com Race Bannon along with Guy Baldwin, MS co-founded Kink Aware Professionals which is a list of helping professionals and legal professionals who are kink aware.  He has spoken at over 400 events, is a founder and board member of a number of leather associations. National Coalition for Sexual Freedom http://ncsfreedom.org Planet Midori http://www.planetmidori.com  She is a most amazing person and author who has expertise in bondage and power exchange. Society of Janus is San Francisco based and is an organisation that offers BDSM education and support. https://soj.org Carter Johnson Leather Library http://leatherlibrary.org  An amazing collection of leather history, reading materials covering kink, BDSM, LGBTQ. Leather Archives and Museum  Incredible collection also ‘dedicated to compilation, preservation and maintenance of leather, kink and fetish lifestyles.’ http://www.leatherarchives.org http://www.drkdesyre.com/meetppl/orgs/orgs.html They keep listings for BDSM and power exchange groups Exploration is designed to be fun.  It is more likely to be so if you remember some basic rules.  Keep yourself safe  New things are really exciting and this stuff can be even more exciting than most new things.  Don’t let the excitement make you forget our basic safety rules.  If you have just met someone online, don’t give them too much personal information.    If you are arranging to meet for the first time, do it in a public place and let people know where you are going.    If you feel something is off, trust your gut and leave.    Don’t talk yourself out of trusting your gut because you think you need to give people second chances.    Don’t meet people at your home and don’t go to their home alone until you are sure that they are safe.  Avoid taking recreational drugs.  Making clear choices is important when you are playing in areas that are risky.  Keep your head clear so you will make good choices.  Limit your alcohol consumption for the same reason.  I choose not to drink and play and I prefer to play with people who are sober. Pace yourself.  Don’t try to do everything at once.  Take your time and savour the experience.  Give yourself the space to process your experience afterwards and make sure you have support for when you need it. Remember your social skills.  Use your best social skills – be polite, friendly, listen lots.  Sometimes people get so excited they forget! Understand consent and apply it properly.    Don’t touch anyone without getting consent first.  This includes spontaneous hugs, putting your hand on someone’s shoulder.   Understand that people in this world can have different protocols.  Some are very strict.  Don’t assume that everyone will engage with you.  Some people may not be free to do so.  Don’t speak to someone else’s partner without checking first.  If you can’t check and you don’t get a response, don’t assume the person is being rude.  They may not be allowed to talk with anyone.  Think of it like meeting a monk or nun who is under a vow of silence. Take the time to learn how to do things properly.  Many activities that you will engage in if you are exploring BDSM and power exchange will involve an increased level of risk.  If you don’t learn how to do things properly, you have a high risk of injuring yourself or someone else.    There are two acronyms regularly used by people who engage in BDSM to describe risk.  The first is Safe, Sane and Consensual.  People who work to this protocol do things in the safest way possible, they don’t take short-cuts and highlight consent.  The second is Risk Aware Consensual Kink.  These folks highlight the fact that all activities have risk and that you must be aware of the risk level of things you are choosing to engage in.  They also highlight consent. Finally, maximise enjoyment.  Do everything you can to raise the probability that you will have a brilliant time. Thanks for joining me this week for Sex Spoken Here with Dr Lori Beth Bisbey.  Write to me with suggestions for the show, questions you want answered at drbisbey@the-intimacy-coach.com, follow me on twitter @drbisbey.  For a free 30 minute strategy session with me, head over to https://the-intimacy-coach.com and click the button that says Schedule Now!  If you have enjoyed the show, please leave a review on iTunes or Stitcher and subscribe!  The top three reviews will receive a copy of my eBook A Consumer’s Guide to Online BDSM Resources.  Join me next week when I will be starting a series on sex toys.