A Little Nonsense

What was Star Wars bad at, and why are parents bad at watching movies, what mead is, and who survives the coming nuclear apocalypse?  This week on ALN!

How do you know if you're a ghost? Do ghosts have safe-words? What CAN'T you do on a holodeck, really?  Just some of the critically important questions asked and answered this week on ALN!

This week we learn what Joe does for a living, and propose some cyberpunk eyewear.  Sean gives a rave review to a show eight years too late, and we tackle the import questions regarding Star Trek TNG.

Mike's out sick this week, so Joe and Sean have a fundraiser for him.  During it Joe learns about Pippi Longstocking, and both boys talk about The Book of Boba Fett.

What kind of person is the most bat-like? Do fanboats actually have captains?  Speaking of captains, STAR TREK!  More holodeck fucking!

We talk about the two types of zombies: the magic kind and the science kind. And for some reason, Ian Ziering is heavily featured in a lengthy, bee-centric discussion. Finally, more video games should make you feel like a badass.

Space is all fun and games till you realize what you're drinking and eating. Equally disappointing, Mike learns that beloved shows from his youth were flagrant cash grabs. And finally, we talk about gaming's biggest developers and the arc of either overreach or redemption commonly seen in the industry.

We're asking the important questions again! Like “What is Numbers?”, “What kind of incest is better?”, “Is taking over the world too much admin?”, and  “Do you remember tapes?”

Joe witnesses something scandalous, which leads discussion into familiar territory, such as the pros and cons of being the front end of a human centipede. Also, why is smoking still bad for you? We can make self-driving cars but we can't figure out a healthy cigarette? Nonsense.

Bigfoot is REAL... apparently.  Who says so? A SCIENTIST.  Also minor Dune spoilers like:  Paul Atreides does NOT have sex with his own mother, despite Sean's desires.  "What are you doing step-kwisatz haderach?"

Mike's normally bald, but today he's moreso somehow.  Which is fun!  Jingles are fun too, but poison isn't... But it can be!  And we still don't know the SOAD song yet... :-(

How will current-day movies be seen in 100 years? Did murder used to be more fun? Is Joe a serial killer? Just a few of the important questions on this week's episode!

This week, we give Rob Schneider and the Wayans brothers the Renaissance no one asked for. We also discuss the brands hardest hit by spokesperson cancelations, especially the criminal ones. Let's just say the Jared diet hasn't aged well. And finally, did Game of Thrones take place on an alien planet? Sean doesn't care

Three men discuss assault! There's literally less Joe.  Not in the episode though (Sorry, Joe-critics).  Subrosa is the worst TNG ep

What happens in Vegas stays... immortalized in audio form in this podcast, apparently. We talk about Disney World, Game of Thrones, Star Wars Legends, and the absurdity of being an atheist in a fantasy setting.

Hot from ALN Studios is the scary-new scary-holiday single from Sean Keller!

This week we hit the 90's hard with talk about Tim Allen and JTT (Who is just like... a guy now).  Remember Homestar Runner?

Mike's in good shape when compared to Sean.  He's in GREAT shape when compared to Joe.  Joe trimmed his beard though, so that's something.  Robots are very effective at killing the elderly.  And Children.  STAR WARS!

We ask the important questions like "Would Chris Farley have done drama?" and "Are introverts real?"  (No, and yes respectively)  Joe's audio craps out around 24 minutes, but he hangs on.  It's been at least 2 episodes since we've had an audio issue, so we were overdue!

The guys discuss the importance of exposition of porn, and breakdown the itinerary of the new Star Wars: Galactic Starcruiser resort at Disney!

This episode got pretty drunk.  Mike started that way, but Joe and Sean catch up before the end.  Walks down memory lane, who has the worst organs, and how both LifeAlert and LifeLock work/worked.

The show starts with another Jurassic Park discussion, which we caught before the show even really started.  It's off the rails after that with ghosts, picking a person to finger your butt for health, and what is moons?

Which came first, the elevator or the skyscraper?  Did George Washington Carver invent them?  So many questions this week, not the least of which is "When the hell is Joe going to see Jaws?"

The UFO report is here: Aliens, humans, or humans… from the future? The best of the cereal mascots duke it out in a battle for supremacy. And what is the deal with Humpty Dumpty? What a fancy eggman.

The grisly reality of Spider-Men(Persons); Harrison Ford and Danny DeVito are pretty spry for their age; the obsession with murder porn in the zeitgeist; and a wild but somehow true (because Florida) tale of baby tossing.

We don't exactly hate the new Mortal Kombat movie (spoilery details), Sean downplays the epidemic of suicide and drug overdose (hilarious), somehow we squeeze in more love for that weirdo Tom Cruise, and we share some details about our time as roommates.

We dive into a very specific portion of Jurassic Park and its famous director, which leads us into a discussion about whether Harrison Ford is a jerk. We also consider a Mission: Impossible / Bond crossover and delve once again into the scientific certainty that we're living in a simulation.

This low energy episode covers surprise ancient religious rituals, second puberties, and whether or not sex-gnomes have day jobs.

Klingon currency and delicious garbage.  Do you think games used to be easier? No, Sean, they did not.  Do you think movie composers used to be better? Yeah, they kind of did.  BY MENNEN!

Our 100th episode, celebrated by celebrities and regular humans alike! See who stops by! And who loves Joe's beard! *EDITED BY MIKE PERRETTO*

Mike's temporarily dead, so sitting in for him is the mostly alive Patrick Passafiume.  He's got a list of grievances, which we somewhat address, but mostly ignore.  Because who cares about crap like that when the moon is getting faster!?

Joe is possibly being haunted... by the living.  And to whom do we owe thanks for making sci-fi and fantasy budgets bigger?  Do people remind you of people, and some people don't?  That's basically a quotation from this show... Jesus...

We feel a little sorry for women actually named Karen. We also talk SPACE, in a surprising turn of events, followed by a robust discussion of prestidigitation and other forms of illusion.

Do COVID vaccines grant superpowers? We talk about lesser and greater X-Men—X-People, more accurately. We also try to find sources of income for broke superheroes. How are you broke? Try harder.

The disparity between violence and nudity in American television, Sean and Joe get surprise Star Wars-related presents from Mike, we address casting announcements for the Obi-Wan series, and we rank the Star Wars movies! Basically… let's talk Star Wars! Again!

We talk about recasting, particularly in the case of Batwoman and Black Panther, the popularity of various superhero shows, and we finally delve into the Snyder Cut. Tensions are high, passions are burning, and words are slurring.

The merits and demerits of Justin Long and Ace Ventura are both discussed at much too much length before we quickly devolve into a frank and serious talk about Superman's jizz.

Heath Ledger: Sympathy Oscar, or performance of a lifetime? We also compare the travails of our favorite hobbits and address the hottest drugs in town: the COVID vaccines and WandaVision.

Joe and Sean scheme to torture Mike for having interests, and a lot of dicks get blasted before an earnest discussion about business etiquette and movie franchises.

Sounds from space! Or IS it space? Mike disagrees. Can a moon have a moon? On the entertainment front, Sean has opinions on Tenet, we have man crushes (men crush?) on Michael Sheen, and de-aging technology still sucks.

We talk about our college years, the heavily censored edition. We also discuss WandaVision, good shows, bad shows, and the value of ending a story on a high note.

Aphantasia is about 14% as real as fibromyalgia. Having a twin is either great or horrible, depending on whether you're Sean. Also, the late-night Jimmys are either made of teflon or there's some kind of anti-cancel conspiracy going on there. We get edgy this week.

Sean gets his first gaming computer and, unrelated, becomes an important piece of a salacious criminal investigation. We also talk about beer nearly as much as we drink it.

We investigate supernatural goings-on at Sean's workplace via the testimony of one codename Madame Xanadu. Unrelated, we also discuss volcanoes and the unbearably slow rate of discovery in science.

The guys reminisce about being children of the ‘90s. What was the internet like during those early years? How did people get their fix of adult content? What the hell was Altavista? All answered.  

Wayne's World, pasties (the pies, pervert), an Indiana Jones video game, cheerleaders, marching band, John Philip Sousa, and, obviously, the sousaphone: AKA, the wearable tuba. We spend more time talking about tubas this week than any other podcast in history.

We ring in the New Year with a (literally) sober discussion about Among Us, Cyberpunk, failed video game launches, and jettisoning people from airlocks. Importantly, can you land a 747 in Greenland, and how much do spiders weigh? Ballpark.

Here's a surprise: We talk about Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, and video games! Darth Vader's only vulnerability, the surprise game of the year: Hades, and then obviously we talk about… prostates?

Directors who learn from their mistakes, the elaborate and ridiculous politics of the Star Wars prequels, neckbeards, simps, and Uruk-hai! Oh my!

Endure the first Christmas single produced entirely by S.C. Keller, Biotic Warlord of Happy: "What Even Is Christmas Is to Me?" A Billboard Top 4,815 record. According to THIS IS SUPER DUPER REAL NEWS I PROMISE dot com

We discuss the art of language in fantasy and sci-fi (which is more interesting than it sounds), crappy local commercials and their perpetrators, animals that hate their owners, and of course [BABY YODA'S REAL NAME]! A lot of nonsense this week.