Savage Lovecast

A married woman in a poly relationship is planning to visit a boyfriend who lives in a different city for a month. But since they made these plans, she started seeing yet another man. Should she tell the guy she plans to visit about the new guy? Should she do it before the trip so he can pull the rip cord if he needs to? Can you peg your dom? She is a switch, so she knows both sides of the dom/sub dynamic. Her dom wants her to peg him, but she worries she'll slip into dom mode. Dan coaches her on how to stay submissive in her head. Our guest this week is Jeremy Alder. The former fundamentalist Christian pastor made a U-turn and became a comedian instead. Their loss is our gain- Alder is dryly funny, sweet and bold in the face unkind, hypocritical Christianity. He and Dan talk about the disaster of homeschooling, buying guns for loved ones, and having a slutty phase after leaving the church. And, a gay man has been getting together with a guy for 10 years in a casual, friends-with-benefits style arrangement. Nobody in his life knows about this relationship. But after 10 years, the guy is suddenly not responding to any of the caller's texts. Is this a cruel, cowardly break-up? Or much worse? Q@Savage.Love. 206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Hims, providing affordable access to ED treatment, online. Start your free online visit today at Hims.com/Savage. Foria is an all natural health & sexual wellness company with product lines using the power of plant actives & CBD to effectively enhance intimacy, sexual pleasure, daily wellbeing, and relief from discomfort. Get 20% off your first order by visiting ForiaWellness.com/Savage This episode is brought to you by Betterhelp.com: Making professional counseling accessible, affordable, and convenient – so anyone who struggles with life's challenges can get help, anytime, anywhere. For 10% your first month, go to Betterhelp.com/savage. Dan Savage is a sex-advice columnist, podcaster, psychic cartographer, author, and creator of the It Gets Better Project. From rosebudding, to watersports, hankie codes to harnesses and with a dose of progressive politics, Dan Savage has been cultural force for sex positivity for a long, long time.

A man in Nashville keeps having great dates, but then they reject him afterwards. Is it because he's a liberal Jew? A woman is in a new, fun, casual relationship, just like she wanted. But he will be moving away in a few months, so there's a clear end date. How can they enjoy themselves knowing the end is nigh? On the Magnum, put on your pink glasses...it's Randy Rainbow! Rainbow's political, musical theater-based parodies are what the world needs now, more than ever. He and Dan talk about his children's book ("Randy Rainbow and the Marvelously Magical Pink Glasses,") as well as being Randy Rainbow in a world full of haters, the special relationship between gay men and their grandmothers and how to have noisy sex without infuriating your uptight neighbor. This interview basically kicks off gay pride this year, so it's required listening. And, a woman and her husband are going to try a sex party for the first time. Besides all the conversations around expectations and boundaries, she wants to know: What are the fashion do's and fashion don'ts? Q@Savage.Love 206-302-2064 Subscribe to Magnum⁠ for the full interviews, chats with Dan, and more! This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. They make it easy to build a website or blog. Give it a whirl at Squarespace.com/Savage and if you want to buy it, use the code Savage for a 10% off your first purchase. This episode is brought to you by Skims Men- find super comfortable, super sexy underwear, socks, t-shirts leggings and more at Skims.com. This episode is brought to you by OneSkin, the world's first skin longevity company. Keep your skin looking and acting younger for longer with OneSkin's topical supplements. Get 15% off at OneSkin.co with code LOVECAST. Dan Savage is a sex-advice columnist, podcaster, trickster, author, and creator of the It Gets Better Project. From pegging to polyamory, BDSM to abstinence and with a dose of progressive politics, Dan Savage has been cultural force for sex positivity since the 1800s.

A man in a queer group chat saw that folks were talking about going to a bathhouse in their city for the first time. The caller explained what goes on there, how consent can be slushy, and trans men might not feel welcome. This shut down the conversation. Was he wrong to tell it like it is? A divorced woman with a 4 year old daughter is friendly with her ex-husband but not close. Her daughter is asking why mommy and daddy are not married and don't live together. She's never explained divorce to her daughter. How can she phrase it? On the Magnum version of the show, Dan speaks with Katie Simon, sexuality journalist and the author of the upcoming book Tell Me What You Like: An Honest Discussion of Sex and Intimacy After Sexual Assault. They discuss how survivors take many varied paths to healing including for some, going through a "slut phase." For anyone going through recovery from sexual trauma, or supporting someone who is, Simon's book is required reading, and this convo is a great place to start. And a gay, pre-op trans man has a troubling pattern. He can't have anal sex because of health issues, so penetrative sex for him involves his vagina. He gets together with gay men, explains his situation and his biology explicitly. But afterwards, his lovers flip out and reject him because they no longer feel like "gold star" gays. The experience is shredding. How can he find men who will work for him? Q@Savage.Love. 206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Helix Sleep. Right now, Helix is offering 27% off site wide plus, a FREE Bedding Bundle- that's, a Sheet Set, and Mattress Protector- with any Luxe or Elite mattress order. Go to HelixSleep.com/Savage. With Helix, better sleep starts now.  This episode is brought to you by Dipsea: an app full of hundreds of short, sexy audio stories designed by women for women. Get an extended 30 day free trial plus 25% off an annual subscription when you go to dipseastories.com/savage.  This episode is brought to you by Beam's Dream Cocoa Powder- packed with all-natural ingredients to help improve sleep. For a limited time, Beam is offering my listeners up to 40% off. Go to shopbeam.com/SAVAGE and use code SAVAGE at checkout. Dan Savage is a sex-advice columnist, podcaster, news junkie, author, and creator of the It Gets Better Project. From apps to abstinence, unicorns to underpants and with a dose of progressive politics, Dan Savage has been cultural force for sex positivity since the 1800s.

HA man briefly dated a guy who only bottoms, and collects a variety of giant dildos. The caller worries that his natural size would never satisfy a man like this, and wonders if this is just the standard psychology of power bottoms. A straight woman tends to be attracted to gay and bisexual men, though she's never dated one. She would be interested in dating a bi man, but she requires monogamy, and worries that precious few bi men would be able to commit to her. Is it reasonable to ask a bi man to forgo wieners to be with her? For our guest this week, we are thoroughly chuffed to welcome Christine Wenc to the show. Wenc is the author of the new book "Funny Because It's True: How The Onion Created Modern American News Satire." Wenc was a member of The Onion's original staff. She was also one of the first editors of The Stranger in Seattle where Dan got his start. The two talk about the Onion's history, how it influenced both mainstream journalism and comedy, fake news, and she and Dan reminisce about the old days. She also answers a couple of sex questions, and issues this important PSA: "The clitoris is much more than just a little button."- NOT fake news. A queer woman presents as masc, and non-binary folks recognize her as one of their own. But she's attracted to dudes. Should she alter her look to turn that male gaze in her direction? Q@Savage.Love 206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Helix Sleep. Right now, Helix is offering 20% off all mattress orders. Go to HelixSleep.com/Savage. With Helix, better sleep starts now.  This episode is brought to you by Hims, providing affordable access to ED treatment, online. Start your free online visit today at Hims.com/Savage. This episode is sponsored by the iRestore Professional, for regrowing hair using light therapy. For a limited time, get a HUGE discount on the iRestore Professional when you use code Savage at iRestore.com Dan Savage is a sex-advice columnist, podcaster, town crier, author, and creator of the It Gets Better Project. From infidelity, to iglooing, gay rights to icy Mikes and with a dose of progressive politics, Dan Savage has been cultural force for sex positivity since the 1800s.

Oh boy! A threesome might be brewing! A woman just connected with a hot guy through an app. He has another woman he sees, and the three of them plan to get together. But the caller is convinced that the other two are way more attractive than she is, and she worries she'll feel insecure and inadequate. How can she get over this stinkin' thinkin'? A woman has been in a casual friends-with-benefits relationship. The sex is fantastic. But then he started showing up less and less, and she discovered he gave her an STI. He feels terrible about it, so he's backing away. But she still wants his succulent D! Should she ask him to keep the "benefits" coming, or has she just been friend-zoned? Yes, being friend-zoned is tough stuff, but have you ever been unjustly incarcerated for 4 years in an Italian jail? No? This week's guest Amanda Knox has, and she offers her perspective on relationship problems with humor and grace. She and Dan talk about her prison hustle- how she got by in such hellish conditions, the value of awkwardness, and how to protect yourself when new relationship energy clouds your thinking. Amanda's new book "Free: My Search for Meaning" is out now, and highly recommended. And, a woman has stocked up on abortion medication in case her kids or kids' friend ever need it. But does it expire? Should she find a way to give her MnMs to someone else? Q@Savage.Love 206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Liberator: makers of pillows, shapes and furniture for new exciting sex. Go to Liberator.com/Savage or type “Savage” into the search bar for private VIP access to deals that are too good to announce on this podcast! Foria is an all natural health & sexual wellness company with product lines using the power of plant actives & CBD to effectively enhance intimacy, sexual pleasure, daily wellbeing, and relief from discomfort. Get 20% off your first order by visiting ForiaWellness.com/Savage This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at BetterHelp.com/SAVAGE and get on your way to being your best self. Dan Savage is a sex-advice columnist, podcaster, author, shaman, and creator of the It Gets Better Project. From poppers to MnMs, slut-shaming to SSRIs and with a dose of progressive politics, Dan Savage has been cultural force for sex positivity since 1972.

Ooh la la! A young Canadian woman has been living in a European city, making friends and... having group sex. She doesn't speak their language- her friends are usually accommodating and speak English around her. But sometimes when the gang is banging, they revert to their native tongue and she feels left out. Should she let it slide, or let her lovers know she needs dirty talk translation? A woman with high libido has always been monogamous...until now. She reconnected with an old friend who confessed that he had a crush on her. He is in a poly relationship, and has also created a harem of women who he considers his "sluts." Should she let herself be recruited? It sounds hot to her, but a more traditional voice in her head warns her off. On the Magnum, it's the nightmare scenario: A woman's 11 year-old son snooped on her phone and found a cache sex pics starring his mother. Dan brings on Dr. Debby Herbenick, author of "Yes Your Kid" to talk about how and when to get a good conversation going with your kids about sex and privacy. And, it's time for an After Action Report! Andrew and his husband tried going to a jack shack for the first time together. Hear all about it. Have you tried something new recently? Was it great? Was it terrible? Just meh? Super-weird? Send us an email (with the subject line: After Action Report,) and we might contact you to be on the show. Q@Savage.Love 206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. They make it easy to build a website or blog. Give it a whirl at Squarespace.com/Savage and if you want to buy it, use the code Savage for a 10% off your first purchase. Dan Savage is a sex-advice columnist, podcaster, healer, author, and creator of the It Gets Better Project. From slut harems, to monogamy, womens rights to parenting and with a dose of progressive politics, Dan Savage has been cultural force for sex positivity since the 1800s.

My what a busy friend! While a woman and her boyfriend were going through a painful, temporary separation, she confided in and was consoled by a male, bi friend of hers. He helped her through the difficult time. But he was also propositioning her ex-boyfriend at the same, damn time! Now that she is back together with her boyfriend, can she trust this friend again? A woman gives a compelling defense of faking orgasms. Will Dan Savage accept it? On the Magnum, Dan welcomes back the thoroughly delightful comedian Zach Zimmerman. They discuss the word "daddy." Is it an honorific that one hurls at another? Or a pre-negotiated, agreed upon role? They also talk about anger in comedy, and the real meaning of tolerance. Zach's comedy special SURPRISE ME debuts on April 22. And, a woman is dating a new guy after ending her old relationship. She is still struggling with the break-up, but she isn't sure how much to reveal to her new guy about this. When he asks “How are you doing?” should she be honest about missing her ex? Q@Savage.Love 206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Hims, providing affordable access to ED treatment, online. Start your free online visit today at Hims.com/Savage. This episode is brought to you by Blueland. Going eco has never been easier. Revolutionary, refillable cleaning essentials eliminating single-use plastic. Right now, get 15% off your first order by going to Blueland.com/Savage Unlock your best skin with iRestore. For a limited time, our listeners will enjoy HUGE savings on the iRestore Illumina Face Mask with code Savage at iRestore.com. Dan Savage is a sex-advice columnist, podcaster, author, neologism generator and creator of the It Gets Better Project. From pegging, to tolyamory, GGG to santorum and with a dose of progressive politics, Dan Savage has been cultural force for sex positivity since Columbo was on TV.

A chill married lesbian is a little annoyed to hear that her consistently straight friend, engaged to a man, has announced that she is pan. She is pan, but she plans to remain monogamous with her husband. What's more, she is throwing herself a coming-out-as-pan party. When the caller came out as lesbian, she got kicked out of the house. Is she an asshole to feel less than exhilarated by her friend's new sexual identity? Yikes! Hear the unpleasant tale of the woman who shut her boyfriend's son's dogs in a room for so long, that they did what dogs do when shut in a room all day. Oh, and as she was cleaning the mess, she saw that the 20 year-old son had a sex toy. On the Magnum, should you be stockpiling poppers? Dan brings on our favorite poppers expert, Adam Zmith, author of Deep Sniff: A History of Poppers and Queer Futures. He explains why gay men use them, a bit of their history, and what to do now that they're in the crosshairs of JFK Jr's FDA. A submissive woman mistakes the swoony feelings she experiences during sub space, for genuine emotional connection. But she doesn't want emotional connection. She just wants to have some tied-up fun. How can she stop her heart from getting all hot and bothered? Q@Savage.Love 206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Helix Sleep. Right now, Helix is offering 20% off all mattress orders. Go to HelixSleep.com/Savage. With Helix, better sleep starts now.  This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. They make it easy to build a website or blog. Give it a whirl at Squarespace.com/Savage and if you want to buy it, use the code Savage for a 10% off your first purchase. This episode is brought to you by Dipsea: an app full of hundreds of short, sexy audio stories designed by women for women. Get an extended 30 day free trial when you go to dipseastories.com/savage.  Dan Savage is a sex-advice columnist, podcaster, father, author, and creator of the It Gets Better Project. From poppers, to parenting, kissing to ghosting and with a dose of progressive politics, Dan Savage has been cultural force for sex positivity since days of old when magic ruled the air.

A gay man and his boyfriend are in an open relationship. His boyfriend forbids the caller from messing around with anyone in their friend group. But this friend group is super-kinky and super-horny, regularly propositioning the caller for naughty fun. It's getting hard to say no... A trans guy still has "female" on his birth certificate. He wonders if it's too dangerous to try to get it changed at this perilous moment, and also if he should be stockpiling testosterone. Dan brings on Diana Adams- the Executive Director of Chosen Family Law Center, to discuss strategy for trans folks. On the Magnum, a promising study just came out about a possible risk reduction for bacterial vaginosis that treats...wait for it...men! Dr. Jen Gunter, an OB/GYN and expert in vulvovaginal conditions is on to talk about this study- a tiny bit of optimism for women's health. A man just got dumped by his new girlfriend. Why? Because he invited her to the Hump! Film Festival. Sounds like he dodged a bullet... Q@Savage.Love 206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Liberator: makers of pillows, shapes and furniture for new exciting sex. Go to Liberator.com/Savage or type “Savage” into the search bar for private VIP access to deals that are too good to announce on this podcast! Foria is an all natural health & sexual wellness company with product lines using the power of plant actives & CBD to effectively enhance intimacy, sexual pleasure, daily wellbeing, and relief from discomfort. Get 20% off your first order by visiting ForiaWellness.com/Savage This episode is brought to you by Dame Products, Sex toys designed by Women, For Women. For 20% off your first order, go to Dame.com and use offer code SAVAGE20 Dan Savage is a sex-advice columnist, lover, podcaster, author, and creator of the It Gets Better Project. From trans rights, to BDSM, feminism to polyamory and with a dose of progressive politics, Dan Savage has been cultural force for sex positivity since the Fonz jumped that shark.

A woman has made a new exciting friend! But this friend ditches her other friends and treats them as disposable. Is the caller next? Here's the kind of pragmatic question and answer you've come to expect from the Savage Lovecast: Is it safe to douche with non-potable water? On the Magnum, folks have been asking for a menopause expert for a while now, and we've got her. Dr. Stacy De-Lin has been a proud member of the Planned Parenthood team since 2013. She gives us the basics on peri-menopause, menopause, and how to mitigate the negatives. Women have been chronically under-treated, and there are medications that can help. And, a man living in New Zealand is dating a guy in an open, long-distance relationship. The boyfriend lives in a repressive country where he can't safely be out. The caller enjoys their low stakes, open relationship, but wonders if he should invite him to live together in New Zealand to help him to get a visa and escape. Q@Savage.Love 206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. They make it easy to build a website or blog. Give it a whirl at Squarespace.com/Savage and if you want to buy it, use the code Savage for a 10% off your first purchase. This episode is brought to you by Helix Sleep. Right now, Helix is offering 20% off all mattress orders. Go to HelixSleep.com/Savage. With Helix, better sleep starts now.  This episode is brought to you by Hims, providing affordable access to ED treatment, online. Start your free online visit today at Hims.com/Savage. Dan Savage is a sex-advice columnist, podcaster, author, and creator of the It Gets Better Project. From omni-amory, to monogamy, kink to asexuality, and with a dose of progressive politics, Dan Savage has been cultural force for sex positivity since disco made it's debut.

A man chanced upon his wife's journals when he was cleaning the closets. He simply couldn't help himself. He read some of them, and learned about her erotic desires in a way he hadn't known before. It made him fall in love with her all over again. But now what? Should he tell her what he did? Blindfold magic! A woman had a transcendent experience when her boyfriend blindfolded her and then...removed the blindfold. There he was! And he was suddenly more beautiful than ever. On the Magnum, Dan welcomes writer, and actor Jeffery Self. What do two introverted, homosexual men have to talk about? Plenty, it turns out! Self's new memoir is deeply personal and fearless. He and Dan chat about the pros and cons of male sex work, why straight men are so jealous of gay men, and the deep dread the words "gay cruise" inspire in them both. Also, they take a call from a woman whose boyfriend is unaware of how stinky his balls are. So you don't want to miss that. And, a woman's boyfriend is wracked with guilt when she gives him deep, gag-inducing blowjobs. She loves it, but he can't get over the misogynist associations. Q@Savage.Love 206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Dame Products, Sex toys designed by Women, For Women. For 20% off your first order, go to Dame.com and use offer code SAVAGE20 This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/SAVAGE and get on your way to being your best self. This episode is brought to you by Beam's Dream Cocoa Powder- packed with all-natural ingredients to help improve sleep. For a limited time, Beam is offering my listeners up to 40% off. Go to shopbeam.com/SAVAGE and use code SAVAGE at checkout. Dan Savage is a sex-advice columnist, podcaster, author, and creator of the It Gets Better Project. From polyamory, to BDSM, gay rights to sexual health and with a dose of progressive politics, Dan Savage has been cultural force for sex positivity since the 1800s.

Squarespace This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. They make it easy to build a website or blog. Give it a whirl at Squarespace.com/Savage and if you want to buy it, use the code Savage for a 10% off your first purchase. Helix Sleep This episode is brought to you by Helix Sleep. Right now, Helix is offering 20% off all mattress orders. Go to HelixSleep.com/Savage. With Helix, better sleep starts now.  Feeld This episode is brought to you by Feeld, a dating app where the open-minded can meet the like-minded. Download Feeld on the App Store or Google Play. Dan Savage is a sex-advice columnist, podcaster, author, and creator of the It Gets Better Project. From throuples, to adult babies, women's rights to tantric sex and with a dose of progressive politics, Dan Savage has been cultural force for sex positivity since the Kennedy administration.

A woman is seeing a guy who only grudgingly goes down south. Sex for them always begins with her giving him a BJ, but because they have a Dom/sub dynamic, he feels he doesn't owe her anything. Here's a fun word scramble game that astute Savage Lovecast listeners can play! Unscramble these letters to form the acronym that will give the caller clear direction on what to do: TMAFD A man is curious, confused, and bewildered about what lesbians mean when they say they have sex.  On the Magnum, Dan's been talking about bisexual men quite a bit on the show. Are they the luckiest bastards ever, or do they have a rough row to hoe? For this very special "What Are You Doing?" segment, Dan brings on Sam Lent who self-identifies as "A shameless woman who seeks bi men to fuck." How does she search for them? How do bi and straight men differ? And why are the men of Denver so very into pegging? Sam thinks bi men are a national treasure, and we think Sam is pretty awesome.  A woman's pal has an OnlyFans account. Sometimes this friend stays overnight at the caller's house. The caller saw that her buddy had filmed a session from her house and put it up as content without consulting the caller first. Is it prudish to feel like her home is off-limits? Q@Savage.Love 206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Blueland. Going eco has never been easier. Revolutionary, refillable cleaning essentials eliminating single-use plastic. Right now, get 15% off your first order by going to Blueland.com/Savage This episode is brought to you by Hims, providing affordable access to ED treatment, online. Start your free online visit today at Hims.com/Savage. This episode is brought to you by Dame Products, Sex toys designed by Women, For Women. For 20% off your first order, go to Dame.com and use offer code SAVAGE20 Dan Savage is a sex-advice columnist, podcaster, author, and creator of the It Gets Better Project.From polyamory, to BDSM, gay rights to sexual health and with a dose of progressive politics, Dan Savage has been cultural force for sex positivity since the 1800s.

Age gap relationships! Sometimes they are a-ok. Sometimes they are not. A woman is having an argument with her boyfriend about whether his previous relationship was dicey because of the 9-year age difference. She dated a younger person too, but the circumstances were different. Dan Savage (who knows from age gap relationships) weighs in. A man in a throuple with two ladies can't sleep because their bed gets too toasty at night. Somebody call 911!  On the Magnum, we welcome back sex & culture writer Magdalene Taylor to talk about gooning, and the gooners who goon all day long. (Gooning is obsessive porn use.) She and Dan talk about conspiracy theories around keeping young men on their phones and disgruntled. And, she and Dan discuss a call from a woman who wants to make sure her NEXT boyfriend wants to have as much sex as she does.  A gay man was in a casual relationship for 9 months. His hook-up wouldn't ever host because he said he had a "roommate." Guess what! That roommate was actually his husband. Now that the caller is over the burn of being lied to, he's considering letting the sessions continue because the sex is so good. Should he?  Q@Savage.Love 206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. They make it easy to build a website or blog. Give it a whirl at Squarespace.com/Savage and if you want to buy it, use the code Savage for a 10% off your first purchase. This episode is brought to you by Helix Sleep. Right now, Helix is offering 20% off all mattress orders. Go to HelixSleep.com/Savage. With Helix, better sleep starts now.  Foria is an all natural health & sexual wellness company with product lines using the power of plant actives & CBD to effectively enhance intimacy, sexual pleasure, daily wellbeing, and relief from discomfort. Get 20% off your first order by visiting ForiaWellness.com/Savage This episode is brought to you by Adam & Eve. Right now, go to AdamAndEve.com/Savage and pick any 4 sex toys for just $20! This is such a great deal- go to AdamandEve.com/savage without delay Dan Savage is a sex-advice columnist, podcaster, author, and creator of the It Gets Better Project. From adult babies, to thruples, trans rights to pansexuality and with a dose of progressive politics, Dan Savage has been cultural force for sex positivity since the 1800s.

A woman's 74 year-old father has started dating a 19 year-old woman, and no one in her family besides her is batting an eye. She is horrified and refuses to meet the lass or speak to her father until the relationship ends. Is she being too harsh?  A British poly man has an American girlfriend who comes to visit now and again. She asked him to take her to a sex party, but there's a hitch. She screams to kingdom come during sex. The caller is worried that his more reserved British sex party compatriots will find her conduct unseemly.  On the Magnum, Dan simply couldn't resist bringing on Sunshyne for a "What Are You Doing?" Sunshyne is a shaggy haired, muppet-faced adonis! He models for multi-national corporations AND has a fin-dom hustle on the side. He and Dan talk about his work, how he got there, and whether women or men give better head.  A gay man and his boyfriend do not agree about sex. His boyfriend wants monogamy and routine, unadventurous sex. The caller yearns for more sex, and more variety. His boyfriend reluctantly agreed to let him see other people, but only if he uses a condom and tells him every time. But when he does tell, his boyfriend freaks out. So the caller has been sneaking around, seeing sex workers, without using condoms. How can they reconcile?  Spoiler! They probably can't.  Q@Savage.Love      206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Dame Products, Sex toys designed by Women, For Women. For 20% off your first order, go to Dame.com and use offer code SAVAGE20 This episode is brought to you by Feeld, a dating app where the open-minded can meet the like-minded. Download Feeld on the App Store or Google Play. This episode is brought to you by Blueland. Going eco has never been easier. Revolutionary, refillable cleaning essentials eliminating single-use plastic. Right now, get 15% off your first order by going to Blueland.com/Savage Dan Savage is a sex-advice columnist, podcaster, author, and creator of the It Gets Better Project. From sex parties, to pegging, gay rights to monogamy and with a dose of progressive politics, Dan Savage has been cultural force for sex positivity since the 1800s.

Pages and pages of escort ads. That's what she found on her boyfriend's phone when she was looking for concert tickets. He insisted he wasn't actually contacting anybody, but was using them for his spank bank. Should she believe him? Is this a problem?  A man recently come out as bi, and has a boyfriend in an open relationship. He sees all the gay orgies that are available to him, but wants to get in on some straight sex party action. Where can he find them? How do they work? Hello?  On the Magnum, we welcome back fellow advice-slinger Meredith Goldstein of the "Love Letters" advice column and podcast. They talk about how to keep your cool when in the throws of new relationship energy, a mistreated unicorn, and whether choosing a girlfriend based on her anatomy makes you a superficial jerk or not.  A woman has found a fascinating new partner. He had a spontaneous full-body orgasm at the cafe on their first date. Then, when she bedded him down, she saw that his genitals feature a deeply concave area that gives him a lot of pleasure. She's having a blast! But what's up with him?  Q@Savage.Love.   206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Hims, providing affordable access to ED treatment, online. Start your free online visit today at Hims.com/Savage. This episode is brought to you by Feeld, a dating app where the open-minded can meet the like-minded. Download Feeld on the App Store or Google Play. This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. They make it easy to build a website or blog. Give it a whirl at Squarespace.com/Savage and if you want to buy it, use the code Savage for a 10% off your first purchase. Dan Savage is a sex-advice columnist, podcaster, author, and creator of the It Gets Better Project. From unicorns, to monogamy, womens rights to sexual health and with a dose of progressive politics, Dan Savage has been cultural force for sex positivity since the 1800s.

A married gay man is newly poly with his husband and boyfriend. Simple question: Who should he celebrate Valentine's Day with?  A non-binary AFAB person frequents a sex club where women pay much less than men or couples. And there's a dress code...men must be naked, and women must wear lingerie. The caller wears the damn lingerie to snag the discount and to get access to men. But they don't want to be addressed as female in dirty talk or recognized as female in any way. Discuss. On the Magnum, Dan brings back his old college sweetheart, Mike Pesca of The Gist, Not Even Mad, and his new comedy show Funny You Should Mention. Pesca has been covering politics (and sports) for a long time and these two have chemistry! They talked about having sex with Trumpers vs. maintaining familial relations with Maga folk, hot footballmen, and eliminating the penny. And butt sex.  A woman ended things with a guy she had been seeing for a couple of months, because he felt swoony and she felt "meh." But as time passed, she thinks about him more and more. One year later, she's considering reaching out to him again. Will this just break his heart again?  Q@Savage.Love   206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Feeld, a dating app where the open-minded can meet the like-minded. Download Feeld on the App Store or Google Play. This episode is brought to you by Dame Products, Sex toys designed by Women, For Women. For 20% off your first order, go to Dame.com and use offer code SAVAGE20 This episode is brought to you by Helix Sleep. Right now, Helix is offering 27% off site-wide with a mattress order + 2 FREE Dream Pillows! Go to HelixSleep.com/Savage. With Helix, better sleep starts now.  Dan Savage is a sex-advice columnist, podcaster, author, and creator of the It Gets Better Project. From polyamory, to bondage, trans rights to sex education and with a dose of progressive politics, Dan Savage has been cultural force for sex positivity since the 1800s.

A straight man was accidentally paired with a trans man on a hookup app. When the trans man found out his match was a straight dude, he tapped out. But that got the caller thinking...should he hunt for pre-op trans men in the hopes of connecting with people still had their female parts? Any problems here?  On the Micro and Magnum it's a sneak peek of this week's Sex & Politics with political analyst Tim Miller. He and Dan took a call from a straight man who has recently discovered the kind of pleasure his own arse can give him, and his enthusiasm cannot be contained.  On the Magnum, Dan chats with writer Manuel Betancourt, about hooking up with strangers. His book "Hello Stranger: Musings on Modern Intimacies" goes into gay romance, and the allure of chance encounters. He and Dan talk about how "threelationships" can sneak up on you, how the gays (once again) pave the way for honest communication in open relationships, and the WAR between monogamous and polyamorous folk.  And, a woman is seeing a trans man on the weekends once per month. She heard through the grapevine that he was planning to get bottom surgery. The caller isn't interested in a penis of any kind. Should she say something?   Q@Savage.Love       206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Helix Sleep. Right now, Helix is offering 20% off site-wide with a mattress order + 2 FREE Dream Pillows! Go to HelixSleep.com/Savage. With Helix, better sleep starts now.  This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. They make it easy to build a website or blog. Give it a whirl at Squarespace.com/Savage and if you want to buy it, use the code Savage for a 10% off your first purchase. Foria is an all natural health & sexual wellness company with product lines using the power of plant actives & CBD to effectively enhance intimacy, sexual pleasure, daily wellbeing, and relief from discomfort. Get 20% off your first order by visiting ForiaWellness.com/Savage Dan Savage is a sex-advice columnist, podcaster, author, and creator of the It Gets Better Project. From open relationships to BDSM, trans rights to polyamory and with a dose of progressive politics, Dan Savage has been cultural force for sex positivity since the 1800s.

A straight man worries that his one-on-one OnlyFans interactions are a form of infidelity.  A divorced man is out dating and learning about tantra. A couple of women he's seen were both mothers, and although he found them attractive and his dick got hard, he couldn't come with either of them. They both blamed themselves for having changed postpartum bodies. Who is the culprit- the ladies or his dick?  On the Magnum, Dan chats with cultural historian Kelly Coyne about off-kilter domestic arrangements- married couples who live apart, stay at home dads, and married couples who sleep apart. (Spoiler: it's the snoring!) As usual, straight folks have a lot to learn from gay arrangements.  And, a woman used to pin her orgasms on cuckold fantasies. But ever since she got into poly relationships, and the thought of her partner sleeping with other women was no longer taboo, her fantasies fail to get her there. How can she rewire her erotic inner life and start to come again? This episode is brought to you by Hims, providing affordable access to ED treatment, online. Start your free online visit today at Hims.com/Savage. This episode is brought to you by Feeld, a dating app where the open-minded can meet the like-minded. Download Feeld on the App Store or Google Play. This episode is brought to you by Liberator: makers of pillows, shapes and furniture for new exciting sex. They're offering an additional 10% off site-wide; exclusively for our listeners! Go to Liberator.com, and use promo code ‘SAVAGE.' Dan Savage is a sex-advice columnist, podcaster, author, and creator of the It Gets Better Project. From cuckolding, to bisexuality, jealousy to sexual health and with a dose of progressive politics, Dan Savage has been cultural force for sex positivity since the 1800s.

A gay man is mourning the loss of his hair. He shaved it all off, but doesn't like the new look. Are there any other options? How can he learn to love the new bald version of himself?  "Big poly mess in aisle 4!" She started seeing a married man who was new to poly. He has a kid, and mere months in, the caller formed a bond with the child. Then he went and fell in love with yet another woman. His wife is divorcing him, but the caller remains friendly with his wife. Can she continue to see the kid?  Dan chats with sex educator Claire Perelman about how to maintain your libido for the next 4 years. On the Magnum, it's a new "What Are you Doing?" with Doc Chocolate. He is a former pastor turned porn star and the host of the BULLS & QUEENS show. Doc Chocolate can make all your cuckold fantasies come true. He is also very clever and funny.  The caller is aunt to a 23 year-old trans woman. But the niece's dad (the caller's brother) refuses to accept that she is trans, and uses the wrong pronouns and her old name. How can the caller help to bring him around? Q@Savage.Love     206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. They make it easy to build a website or blog. Give it a whirl at Squarespace.com/Savage and if you want to buy it, use the code Savage for a 10% off your first purchase. This episode is brought to you by Helix Sleep. Right now, Helix is offering 20% off site-wide with a mattress order + 2 FREE Dream Pillows! Go to HelixSleep.com/Savage. With Helix, better sleep starts now.  This episode is brought to you by Feeld, a dating app where the open-minded can meet the like-minded. Download Feeld on the App Store or Google Play. Dan Savage is a sex-advice columnist, podcaster, author, and creator of the It Gets Better Project. From cuckolding, to Dom/sub, gay rights to sexual health and with a dose of progressive politics, Dan Savage has been cultural force for sex positivity since the 1800s.

A very happy Feast of The Ass to you all! We asked you to send us your carols and boy, did you ever deliver. Hear a smattering of our picks, and we unearthed an olde choral piece that you and your family will surely treasure.  A man has been dating a woman for two months. It's going well, but her body type is too thin to turn him on. He tries to feed her extra food, but should he flat out ask her to gain a little weight?  On the Magnum, everyone is talking about Babygirl- the new erotic thriller starring Nicolle Kidman. Dan brings on author and podcaster Rebecca Woolf, who has written about women who have been societally shamed or stigmatized for their sexuality, infidelity, and/or refusal to subscribe to social norms. They dish over the movie and argue about the ending. Spoiler city.  And, a woman's boyfriend makes orgasm noises that repulse the caller. Is there anything to be done?  Q@Savage.Love   206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Blueland. Going eco has never been easier. Revolutionary, refillable cleaning essentials eliminating single-use plastic. Right now, get 15% off your first order by going to Blueland.com/Savage This episode is brought to you by Feeld, a dating app where the open-minded can meet the like-minded. Download Feeld on the App Store or Google Play. Foria is an all natural health & sexual wellness company with product lines using the power of plant actives & CBD to effectively enhance intimacy, sexual pleasure, daily wellbeing, and relief from discomfort. Get 20% off your first order by visiting ForiaWellness.com/Savage Dan Savage is a sex-advice columnist, podcaster, author, and creator of the It Gets Better Project. From polyamory, to BDSM, gay rights to sexual health and with a dose of progressive politics, Dan Savage has been cultural force for sex positivity since the 1800s.

Everyone is feverishly preparing for The Feast of The Ass on January 14! Consequently, many of you have questions, such as "What is the proper Feast of the Ass greeting?" And "Shouldn't the official Feast of the Ass dessert be the Tunnel of Fudge?" As always, Dan has the answers.  A woman's brother just got engaged...again. This is the third time, and he has been dating his current girlfriend for a scant 6 months. What's more, the fiancé has been pestering the caller to be best friends, texting her all day long. The caller has been through this before. Is she a jerk for feeling a little skeptical about her's brother's relationship?   On the Magnum, it's the return of the Funny Dom! Our favorite Australian sadist is back to help a woman and her boyfriend concoct the perfect mix of BDSM, femme-domming and to get some dang dishes done besides.  And, a cautionary tale: when you're flying on Molly, and you coquettishly ask "What could I do to be sexier for you?" Beware! He just might answer honestly.  Q@Savage.Love        206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. They make it easy to build a website or blog. Give it a whirl at Squarespace.com/Savage and if you want to buy it, use the code Savage for a 10% off your first purchase. This episode is brought to you by Hims, providing affordable access to ED treatment, online. Start your free online visit today at Hims.com/Savage. This episode is brought to you by Helix Sleep. Right now, Helix is offering 25% off site-wide with a mattress order + 2 FREE Dream Pillows! Go to HelixSleep.com/Savage. With Helix, better sleep starts now.  Dan Savage is a sex-advice columnist, podcaster, author, reviver of Midieval Catholic holidays, and creator of the It Gets Better Project.From polyamory, to BDSM, gay rights to sexual health and with a dose of progressive politics, Dan Savage has been cultural force for sex positivity since the 1800s.

Happy New Year! Here's the interview we did with Esther Perel back in September. We hope you like it.

 Here's a little friendship drama to start the New Year: A woman and her pal "Jill" are going on a skiing trip in Japan with a group of people. Two of the men approached Jill to tell her they each had crushes on the caller, and asked her to broker a connection. Jill wants nothing to do with this, and the caller is bewildered. Why is Jill so angry? And how should she proceed?  A man has a 22 year-old nephew who he suspects is gay. The lad is immersed in conservative Christian culture, and if he is gay, has let no one know. Should the caller broach the subject and try to inspire him to find a version of Christianity that will accept him? Or keep his avuncular mouth shut?  On the Magnum, Dan welcomes back Tawny Lara, aka The Sober Sexpert, and the author of Dry Humping: A Guide to Dating, Relating, and Hooking Up Without the Booze. She is on to talk about partying like a sorority sister without all the champagne or cocaine. And she encourages an embrace of Damp January- you know, drink a little less maybe?  And, woman has been hooking up with a man for a few months, having great sex. But he never lets her sleep over at his place, and she's never met his friends. Then he dropped the bomb that he is about to become a baby daddy. Their relationship will surely change. But should she disregard the red flags here?  Happy New Year one and all! Q@Savage.Love   206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. They make it easy to build a website or blog. Give it a whirl at Squarespace.com/Savage and if you want to buy it, use the code Savage for a 10% off your first purchase. Dan Savage is a sex-advice columnist, podcaster, author, and creator of the It Gets Better Project. From polyamory, to BDSM, gay rights to sexual health and with a dose of progressive politics, Dan Savage has been cultural force for sex positivity since the 1800s.

Happy holidays micro listeners!  We are releasing this interview with Ezra Klein from February of this year as a thank-you for listening.  From Dan, Nancy and the Tech-Savvy At-Risk Youth™ - we wish you a sweet holiday season.

Dan Savage is bringing back a forgotten Catholic holiday. On January 14, let us all celebrate the Feast of the Ass.  A woman's beloved twin sister isn't dating, isn't getting on the apps, isn't looking for a relationship. Should the caller keep trying to set her up with great guys from work? Or leave her be?  A woman used to be a sex worker when she was younger. She has since built a new career, and loves her life. She got into BDSM, and when she told her new dom about her past, he lost his mind. He feels her sex worker history takes away his power. He demanded that she fill out a questionnaire spelling out her entire sexual history. The list goes on and on and on. Why does her past matter to him? What should she do about it?  On the Magnum, take a sexy, sexy journey back to medieval times, to hear about the origins of Christmas, St. Valentine's Day and the Feast of the Ass. Basically, the medieval church knew how to party. Those of you who are horny to hear about the counter reformation are going to GET OFF on this convo. Dr. Janega is a hoot, and she and Dan belong together.  And, lube lube lube! This caller is sick of hearing that women just need to lube up when they aren't wet enough for sex. If they aren't wet, it means their lover hasn't done the job yet. Right? Right??!!! Right.  Q@Savage.Love       206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Adam & Eve. Right now, go to AdamAndEve.com/Savage and pick any 4 sex toys for just $20! This is such a great deal- go to AdamandEve.com/savage without delay This episode is brought to you by Dipsea: an app full of hundreds of short, sexy audio stories designed by women for women. Get an extended 30 day free trial when you go to dipseastories.com/savage.  This episode is brought to you by Feeld, a dating app where the open-minded can meet the like-minded. Download Feeld on the App Store or Google Play. Dan Savage is a sex-advice columnist, podcaster, author, and creator of the It Gets Better Project. From polyamory, to BDSM, gay rights to sexual health and with a dose of progressive politics, Dan Savage has been cultural force for sex positivity since the 1800s.

A gay man was dating a closeted cop for 4 years. Then he found out that the cop WASN'T closeted, and WASN'T single (he has a live-in boyfriend,) but IS a big fat liar. Now the caller wants closure.  A straight man just got dumped by his girlfriend after 1 1/2 years. His crime? He followed some thirst trap accounts on Instagram. She felt "betrayed and repulsed." Now sad and bewildered, he'll get a rousing pep talk from Dan Savage. On the Magnum, a poly woman has been told by her girlfriend that she isn't allowed to kiss her children for fear of giving them herpes. Dan brings on STI expert Dr Ina Park to dish out some herpes facts and to try to lower the fear level. They also talk about the success of the HPV vaccine and what it might mean to have someone who is hostile to vaccines in charge of Health & Human Services. Ok folks. Put your neologism thinking caps on. We need a new term to replace "Eskimo brothers." So what's it gonna be?  Q@Savage.Love       206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. They make it easy to build a website or blog. Give it a whirl at Squarespace.com/Savage and if you want to buy it, use the code Savage for a 10% off your first purchase. This episode is brought to you by Helix Sleep. Right now, Helix is offering 20% off all mattress orders + 2 FREE Dream Pillows! Go to HelixSleep.com/Savage. With Helix, better sleep starts now.  This episode is brought to you by Feeld, a dating app where the open-minded can meet the like-minded. Download Feeld on the App Store or Google Play. Dan Savage is a sex-advice columnist, podcaster, author, and creator of the It Gets Better Project. From polyamory, to BDSM, gay rights to sexual health and with a dose of progressive politics, Dan Savage has been cultural force for sex positivity since the 1800s.

A trans guy just can't break into gay male spaces. He feels ridiculed and rejected, and ends up sitting in a corner alone while the sweaty dance party goes on around him. He used to be confident before his transition. How can he get a little of that male swagger and bed a hot twink?  A female used to date "bad boys"- the kind of guy who turned her on sexually but made terrible partners. Now she's with a sweet man who treats her well, but the heat isn't there. Can she train him to turn her on?Can she train herself to be turned on by him?  On the Magnum, what happens when you invite chatty, blabby podcasters to your sex party? Will they kiss and tell...everyone? Dan brings on comedian Ashley Ray to talk about this, and her obsession with the ancient JonBenét Ramsey murder. The plucky comedian has studied the case intensively and her long Substack piece about the crime and its coverage roped in a curious Dan Savage. C'mon amateur sleuths! Let's crack this case already!  And, a woman with a few lovers met a new guy who introduced her to kink, and opened up a whole new erotic world for her. Then he unceremoniously ghosted her. Now, when she tries to explore this kink with others or even on her own, she breaks down sobbing. It feels like she got rejected by the kink itself. How can she take the good of what the guy gave her and leave the feeling of rejection behind? Q@Savage.Love       206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Liberator: makers of pillows, shapes and furniture for new exciting sex. Just for Black Friday, they're offering an additional 10% off site-wide; exclusively for our listeners! Stack that on top of their incredible Black Friday deals for the best savings of the year. Go to Liberator.com, and use promo code ‘SAVAGE.' This episode is brought to you by Hims, providing affordable access to ED treatment, online. Start your free online visit today at Hims.com/Savage. Foria is an all natural health & sexual wellness company with product lines using the power of plant actives & CBD to effectively enhance intimacy, sexual pleasure, daily wellbeing, and relief from discomfort. Get 20% off your first order by visiting ForiaWellness.com/Savage Dan Savage is a sex-advice columnist, podcaster, author, and creator of the It Gets Better Project. From polyamory, to BDSM, gay rights to sexual health and with a dose of progressive politics, Dan Savage has been cultural force for sex positivity since the mid-1800s.

"That's so gay!" So said a 10 year-old boy and got himself punished by the teacher who overheard him. The boy's father is calling for advice on how to explain why saying "That's so gay" as a pejorative is hurtful.  A man with a big ole wiener sees his long distance girlfriend once per month. When they see each other they go at it, with a frequency and intensity that will make many of you blush. The problem? It's causing her a lot of pain. Is there a way to make love, not lacerations?  Speaking of pain, Dan brings on Leigh Cowart, science journalist and author of "Hurts So Good: The Science and Culture of Pain on Purpose" They talk about masochism, how the experience of pain can be transmogrified into pleasure, how every masochist has a sadist's imagination, and finally- how to safely kick a man in the nuts. Cowart is such a superb thinker, and a delight to listen to. A little is on the Micro and the whole thing is on the Magnum. And, in one of our all time weirdest calls, a married man with kids thinks he's having a psychic connection with someone he's met. The synchronicities are off the charts! Is he having some kind of profound spiritual flowering, or is it just garden variety mid-life crisis?  You decide.  Q@Savage.Love     206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Helix Sleep. Right now, Helix is offering 20% off all mattress orders + 2 FREE Dream Pillows! Go to HelixSleep.com/Savage. With Helix, better sleep starts now.  This episode is brought to you by Dipsea: an app full of hundreds of short, sexy audio stories designed by women for women. Get an extended 30 day free trial when you go to dipseastories.com/savage.  This episode is brought to you by Talkspace- online therapy that makes it easy to get extra mental health support. For $80 off your first month, go to Talkspace.com/Savage, and use the offer code Space80.

A straight man confesses to lurking on Discord and masturbating to the pretty female voices he hears there. Nobody knows he is doing this (except all of us now.) Must he stop?  With a new hostile regime about to take power, it's more important than ever for queer and trans folks to get their papers in order. Our very favorite lawyer, Diana Adams from the Chosen Family Law Center, is on to talk about these issues, and to advise a married gay couple on how to find a surrogate mother in unconventional ways.  On the Magnum Dan welcomes comedian Bonnie Klopfer to talk about their shared hatred of gin. Like, they both really really hate gin. (Hey, in this day and age, whatever can bring people together is A-OK.) They also answer a question about an ex taking on the hobbies and interests of the caller after they broke up. Bonnie rules and you will love her.  And, a gay couple together for 7 years have brought in a lucky third. But the third is already becoming jealous and possessive. ("My couple! Mine!") How can they gently explain to the dude that they will need to move slowly, and might see other people?  Q@Savage.Love  206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Liberator: makers of pillows, shapes and furniture for new exciting sex. Just for Black Friday, they're offering an additional 10% off site-wide; exclusively for our listeners! Stack that on top of their incredible Black Friday deals for the best savings of the year. Go to Liberator.com, and use promo code ‘SAVAGE.' This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. They make it easy to build a website or blog. Give it a whirl at Squarespace.com/Savage and if you want to buy it, use the code Savage for a 10% off your first purchase. This episode is brought to you by Talkspace- online therapy that makes it easy to get extra mental health support. For $80 off your first month, go to Talkspace.com/Savage, and use the offer code Space80.

We open with a somewhat disturbing call from a woman whose white boyfriend visits "wack shacks" when he travels. He hires Asian sex workers to submit to race play and degradation. She approves of him indulging his various kinks outside of their relationship, but this?  It's the classic conundrum: the caller has a big wiener and his boyfriend has a small one. A dildo is not quite a penis. What can they do? Our guest is the fiery, foul-mouthed, anti-cheating avenger Tracy Schorn a.k.a Chump Lady. The hideous experience with her ex-husband set her on a crusade against deceit. She and Dan spar over cheating, and divorce. A rival neologist, she calls Dan's word "tolyamory" "Orwellian dipshitery." Dan has finally met his match, and the polite but spirited debate calls for a big ole bowl of popcorn. A little on the Micro, the whole thing on the Magnum. See you there.  And, a woman mulls over the rancorous end of her previous relationship, when she asked her girlfriend's family to quiet down during a noisy 3am party. Her girlfriend's brother lit into her, and an all-family brawl ended the relationship. Now, years alter, the ex wants to apologize and reconnect. Was the caller wrong to speak up at that fateful holiday gathering?  Christmas is going to be SO wack this year.  Q@Savage.Love           206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Liberator: makers of pillows, shapes and furniture for new exciting sex. Just for Black Friday, they're offering an additional 10% off site-wide; exclusively for our listeners! Stack that on top of their incredible Black Friday deals for the best savings of the year. Go to Liberator.com, and use promo code ‘SAVAGE.' This episode is brought to you by Helix Sleep. Right now, Helix is offering 25% off all mattress orders + 2 FREE Dream Pillows! Go to HelixSleep.com/Savage. With Helix, better sleep starts now.  Foria is an all natural health & sexual wellness company with product lines using the power of plant actives & CBD to effectively enhance intimacy, sexual pleasure, daily wellbeing, and relief from discomfort. Get 20% off your first order by visiting ForiaWellness.com/Savage

First off, we hear from a neglected third in a poorly executed threeway hook-up. He failed to advocate for himself, and the other two guys weren't asking if he was ok, sitting on the couch, looking at his phone. How could this have gone better? And how can he get over the waves of insecurity he feels when he connects with these same guys again?  A woman in an open relationship with a nine year-old daughter wonders how to explain daddy's frequent absences.  Our guest this week is the soothing, clever and cussing Jeff Guenther a.k.a Therapy Jeff. Somehow Dan convinced him to come on the show and give him (and all of us really,) some free therapy around the grief we are all feeling. Self care? Sign us up! And of course Jeff sticks around to answer sex questions too. A little is on the Micro and the whole thing is on the Magnum.  And, listen in as a woman goes over the details of why her friendship is coming to an end.  It really must end.  Q@Savage.Love 206-302-2064  This episode is brought to you by Hims, providing affordable access to ED treatment, online. Start your free online visit today at Hims.com/Savage. This episode is brought to you by Dipsea: an app full of hundreds of short, sexy audio stories designed by women for women. Get an extended 30 day free trial when you go to dipseastories.com/savage.  This episode is brought to you by True Nutrition. Protein powders and supplements to match your fitness goals. Get 15% OFF your order at TrueNutrition.com with the promo code Savage.

We're giving you a break from whatever stressful stuff is going on this week to bring you some of the more...interesting calls we've collected.  A man's girlfriend wants to try saline injections on her breasts for a "24 hour boob job." The question is, can he safely do the injecting?  A woman's cat is grieving the loss of her longtime companion, a small dog. Now the kinky feline is demanding unspeakable rough treatment and her "owner" is neither G, G, nor G and does NOT consent.  Happy Soft Cock Week to all who celebrate! Our guest is "professional cuddler" Michelle Renee who is helping to launch a worldwide celebration of the penis in repose. She offers a kind and loving perspective on a topic that really needn't cause so much anxiety.  On the Magnum, Dan chats with Paul Rosenberg- founder and manager of Rain City Jacks, a private, non-profit jack-off club in Seattle. As we speak, men are gathering to masturbate together. Dan and Paul talk about the 20 year history of the club, how a whopping 10% of the patrons are straight, and how communal masturbation brings people together in the best way. Also, what happens to all the jiz?  And, in the darker corners of Salt Lake City, there are kinky parties going on with bizarre contraptions meant to deliver a world of forbidden pleasure. Unfortunately, it just made the caller puke her guts out.  You ok SLC? Q@Savage.Love       206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Helix Sleep. Right now, Helix is offering 25% off all mattress orders + 2 FREE Dream Pillows! Go to HelixSleep.com/Savage. With Helix, better sleep starts now.  This episode is brought to you by Talkspace- online therapy that makes it easy to get extra mental health support. For $80 off your first month, go to Talkspace.com/Savage, and use the offer code Space80. This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. They make it easy to build a website or blog. Give it a whirl at Squarespace.com/Savage and if you want to buy it, use the code Savage for a 10% off your first purchase.

A poly guy lives in a rural area with his fiancé. He is building his own house, and hires laborers to come live with him while they build. One of the laborers started hooking up with the caller's girlfriend without consulting the caller or gaining his consent. Now what? This guy is living in his own damn house, having sex with his own damn lady??? True or False: Gay men who were bullied as kids often hook up with their former bullies. On the Magnum, the worlds collide when Dan Savage, notorious sex proponent chats with asexuality educator Cody Daigle-Orians. They do a deep dive on ace issues. Are ace folks queer? Are micro labels helpful? At what point in a relationships should ace people come out? Daigle-Orians, creator of “Ace Dad Advice” explains asexuality with clarity and patience to the sex-crazed Savage. Their new book The Ace And Aro Relationship Guide is out now. And, a gay tourist was snapping pics of some hot men, when a family saw what was going on, and took umbrage. Outrage ensued. Is it so wrong to take pictures of people out in public? This episode is brought to you by Feeld, a dating app where the open-minded can meet the like-minded. Download Feeld on the App Store or Google Play. This episode is brought to you by Helix Sleep. Right now, Helix is offering 20% off all mattress orders! Go to HelixSleep.com/Savage. With Helix, better sleep starts now

A woman has been dating a man from Ghana for 4 months. She just learned that he has a wife and kid back home, that he married out of familial/cultural obligation. Should the caller hold out to see if he chooses her over his overseas family?  A married woman has a one year-old kid. She and her husband are monogamous, but she's getting into performing burlesque at local bars and it's making her want to try...other things. How far will she go? How much will her husband allow?  Our guest is Irish comedian Des Bishop. He and Dan get into some straight guy topics: like straight guys into butt sex, straight guys into dicks, and how to surprise your straight guy with an awesome sex move. The (very gay) Dan Savage and the (very straight) Des Bishop got along like a house on fire. Some of this conversation is on the Micro, and all of it is on the Magnum.  And, we can't phrase this delicately: She smells. A woman's girlfriend is so very beloved to her. But lately, she's been letting her hygiene slip and it's getting dire. How can the caller tell her sweetheart that she kind of stinks?  Q@Savage.Love 206-302-2064 Des Bishop's special Of All People, is out now, here. This episode is brought to you by Feeld, a dating app where the open-minded can meet the like-minded. Download Feeld on the App Store or Google Play. This episode is brought to you by Helix Sleep. Right now, Helix is offering 25% off all mattress orders! Go to HelixSleep.com/Savage. With Helix, better sleep starts now. 

A lesbian couple has been together for a couple years, and things are still hot between them. But they wonder if they should check out a sex club just to add a little spice. They are monogamous, and have no interest in contact with other women. Their friends say it's impossible to remain exclusive with each other at one of these spaces. Is that true? Would they be welcome?  A man with "anxious attachment style" (hot!) has been seeing a woman for 6 weeks, and things are moving fast. She told him she was going to have a drink with a friend. He asked if she had ever slept with him. At first she denied it, but then called him back and admitted that she used to have a friends-with-benefits relationship with him, but that they were just platonic now. Should he believe her? Should he be upset? Should he cling as hard as he possibly can?  On the Magnum, Dan chats with humor writer Eli McCann from the Salt Lake Tribune about "The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives," and what to do when the obnoxious gatekeeper in your life is your own damn son.  And, a woman has freed herself from her abusive ex-boyfriend. But they still share one thing...the dog! Who gets custody? She had promised him that if they ever broke up, he could keep the dog. But he is in no position to care for it. Who gets the poor little pooch?  Q@Savage.Love 206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Hims, providing affordable access to ED treatment, online. Start your free online visit today at Hims.com/Savage. This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. They make it easy to build a website or blog. Give it a whirl at Squarespace.com/Savage and if you want to buy it, use the code Savage for a 10% off your first purchase. This episode is brought to you by Dipsea: an app full of hundreds of short, sexy audio stories designed by women for women. Get an extended 30 day free trial when you go to dipseastories.com/savage. 

An apology is required! But who is in the wrong here? An NB person got so, so sick with the covids. They had already made out with their boyfriend, so he was exposed. When they asked him to come over, deliver some food and offer bit of comfort, the boyfriend only agreed to drop off food outside the door. Should he have come inside and been more supportive? Or was it too much to ask to have him risk exposure? On a much heavier note, a woman's dad was discovered to have a three year-long affair. Then he died days later. The caller's mom is grieving, angry and bereft, and the caller is cynical.  Rejoice! Randy Rainbow is back. Our favorite parodic chanteuse is here to promote his new book "Low Hanging Fruit," and to dish with Dan about pregnancy fetishes, evangelistic nudists, and how very weird straight people are. A little is on the Micro, the whole salacious thing is on the Magnum.  A man has been with his husband for 9 years. The caller is enjoying their newly open relationship, but his husband neither wants to cat around himself, nor approves of the caller's exploits. Can a slut and a demisexual make it work together?  They've gotta try! Q@Savage.Love         206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Helix Sleep. Right now, Helix is offering 25% off all mattress orders! Go to HelixSleep.com/Savage. With Helix, better sleep starts now. 

A man was flirting with a woman online, but his girlfriend found out. She threw him out, and messaged all their friends and family about the incident. Police were involved. Should they get back together? Dan calls him up to get all the salacious details, and you get to listen.  A man has a wonderful fiancé, and they have a child together. He loves her very, very much. The problem? He is one kinky motherfucker, and she is NOT interested in dominating him.  On the Magnum, Dan chats with comedian Caleb Hearon. They talk about the perils of performing masculinity, but also how some gay men really are masculine. Calebs says "I don't want to do any of this exclusive, essentialist weirdo shit- I just want to have fun and enjoy myself." Hallelujah. Also, they arbitrate a petty fight from a caller over who should pay for a couch.  Oh, and you have to become a Magnum sub and listen to this interview in order to understand the headline.  Some three-way condom etiquette is in order. She and her husband are going to invite another man to join them. Naturally, they will insist that the lucky lad wear a condom. But should her husband wear one too just for parity?  Q@Savage.Love     206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Talkspace- online therapy that makes it easy to get extra mental health support. For $80 off your first month, go to Talkspace.com/Savage, and use the offer code Space80.

She slept with a lad who didn't wear a condom when he said he would, came inside her and wouldn't help pay for Plan B. The hitch? He's great in bed, and she is hard up. Should she sleep with him again, if he promises to be a good boy?  A caller challenges Dan on his personal dislike of massages. "How can this possibly be?" asks the caller.   Our guest this week, is the brilliant psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel. Dan and Esther talk about infidelity, how monogamous relationships can turn into police states, and the difference between sex and eroticism- among many other things. We put a chunk of this conversation on the Micro, but there's a lot more on the Magnum.  It's the classic bait n' switch. A queer man met his wife via Feeld where she claimed to be interested adventurous sex. Now that they're married, they are monogamous, vanilla and the caller is tearing his hair out. They are doing all the therapy. What they aren't doing is having amazing kinky sex.  Q@Savage.Love 206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Helix Sleep. Right now, Helix is offering 25% off all mattress orders AND two free pillows! Go to HelixSleep.com/Savage. With Helix, better sleep starts now.  This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. They make it easy to build a website or blog. Give it a whirl at Squarespace.com/Savage and if you want to buy it, use the code Savage for a 10% off your first purchase. This episode is brought to you by Dipsea: an app full of hundreds of short, sexy audio stories designed by women for women. Get an extended 30 day free trial when you go to dipseastories.com/savage. 

Oh no! He broke the flirting rules. He kissed a lady and lied about it. (He lies a lot apparently.) But now, it makes her sick to look at him. What now? A man and his boyfriend just bought a house together and they are setting up one of the rooms as a nursery...because they are both adult babies. What should they tell visitors if they ask what the locked room is for? On the Magnum, it's the triumphant return of "What Are You Doing?!" A cuckold relationship with a femme-dom twist, you say? Do tell! Meet John and Maria, a seemingly "normal" couple that get super-freaky where it counts. They explain how they met, and gradually morphed into an amped-up sexual relationship. If you are interested in cuckolding, Dom/sub relationships or just want to peer in, have a listen. And, a woman heard that if her husband gets a vasectomy his semen will lose the delicious flavor she so enjoys. Is it true? Or maybe...not? Let's ask science! Q@Savage.Love          206-302-2064

A man and his girlfriend are well-matched. Except...she doesn't like to kiss and he NEEDS to kiss to get his erotic motor running. Whatever can they do?  The good doctor Barak is back... but this time he's here to share his political giving strategy for this election, where your dollar is mightier than ever. And of course Dan ambushes him with a gnarly sex question.  On the Magnum, what happens when a man is jealous of his...mother? Dan chats with whip smart writer Jill Filipovic about millennial/boomer divide and the seething resentments within.  And, a man and his husband are finally having three-ways after 30 years of marriage. They get more excited to be with their special guest stars than they do with just each other. Is this a problem?  Call us with *your* problem. (Even if it isn't a problem.)  Q@Savage.Love      206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Helix Sleep. Right now, Helix is offering 25% off all mattress orders AND two free pillows! Go to HelixSleep.com/Savage. With Helix, better sleep starts now.  We're partnering with NOCD to raise awareness about OCD. Imagine having unwanted thoughts about your relationship stuck in your head all day no matter how hard you try to make them go away. That's OCD. Breaking the OCD cycle takes effective treatment. Go to NOCD.com/savage to learn more.

Git along little doggie! A gay man in academia has always been into cowboys. But he fights his brain, due to the inherently problematic nature of this fetish. Can (or should) he scrub these fantasies from his mind?  A woman in Berlin would like to go to Folsom Europe. But would she be welcome? Dan chats with kink educator AJ Berlin about gay male sex party spaces, and who is (and isn't) welcome.  On the Magnum, Dan chats with a true unicorn- a monogamous gay man. Don Martin is an author, podcaster and prolific THIRST TRAPPER. He's been with his husband for 18 years in a very happy exclusive relationship. They talk about accepting yourself as gay, going the distance with monogamy, escaping body dysmorphia and so much more. They had a wide-ranging conversation and you are invited to listen in.  And, are there any foot fetishists out there who are ladies? Anyone?  Call! Tell us about it!  Q@Savage.Love 206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Dipsea: an app full of hundreds of short, sexy audio stories designed by women for women. Get an extended 30 day free trial when you go to dipseastories.com/savage.  This episode is brought to you by Talkspace- online therapy that makes it easy to get extra mental health support. For $80 off your first month, go to Talkspace.com/Savage, and use the offer code Space80. This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. They make it easy to build a website or blog. Give it a whirl at Squarespace.com/Savage and if you want to buy it, use the code Savage for a 10% off your first purchase.

Workplace intrigue ahoy! A gay trans man who passes completely, is out to some of his co-workers but not all. Over drinks, one of his bosses told him he was bi, but not attracted to male genitals. So was this his way of acknowledging that the caller is trans, and flirting with him? Or was it cluelessly his way of saying he *wasn't* interested? Confusing! What should the caller do?  A straight man loved giving his previous girlfriend multiple orgasms. But now that he's single and knows how good it can be, he feels pressure to give multiple orgasms every time, to all his lovers. Is this a new expectation for men? How can he have good sex without his self-critical brain ruining everything?  On the Magnum, you may recall a few weeks ago, a woman asked about cross-dressing men. She wanted to understand the difference between cross-dressers, trans women and drag queens. Nancy Rose is a cross-dresser with a very masculine side when she's in man mode and a very feminine side when she's in "Nancy mode." In this conversation they explore the mushy Venn diagram of these queer identities.  We know you're sick of hearing this question over and over, but if you are an adult baby diaper lover, and a recovering meth addict, and you've discovered that injecting meth into your penis shrinks your dick in a way you find affirming, how can you find a better, less addicting way to achieve a baby-like wiener? Ho hum.  Q@Savage.Love        206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Helix Sleep. Right now, Helix is offering 25% off all mattress orders AND two free pillows! Go to HelixSleep.com/Savage. With Helix, better sleep starts now.  This episode is brought to you by Hims, providing affordable access to ED treatment, online. Start your free online visit today at Hims.com/Savage.

A woman is starting up a new relationship. Her previous boyfriend was a dom who introduced her to kink. She loved it but found it all too contrived. How can she take the parts of Dom/sub dynamics she likes and leave the scripted parts behind? It used to take her soooooo long to come. But then she discovered suction toys, and blam! Her husband learned how to get her off orally, but then they divorced. Now she's back to square one and worries it will take another 6 years to train new lovers to get her off. How can she give them a crash course in how her body works?  On the Magnum, a severe strain of Mpox is on the rise in Africa. Dan brings back the wise and calm Dr. Carlton to discuss this and other anal health issues. Dr. Carlton shares his handy, (if sacriligious) technique to open up for anal sex without poppers. And they spell out use of Truvada, Doxy Pep and other meds on the scene. If you use your butt for sex, you'll want to tune in. A single mother and breast cancer survivor needs a little cash. She would like to set up an OnlyFans account, but worries that the scars from her mastectomy will hinder her chances or attract unwanted fetishists. Should she do this?  206-302-2064     Q@Savage.Love Find Dr. Carlton: Instagram, Threads and Tik Tok @DoctorCarlton X: @Doctor_Carlton Podcast: Butt Honestly with all social handles @butthonestlypod This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. They make it easy to build a website or blog. Give it a whirl at Squarespace.com/Savage and if you want to buy it, use the code Savage for a 10% off your first purchase. We're partnering with NOCD to raise awareness about OCD. Imagine having unwanted thoughts about your relationship stuck in your head all day no matter how hard you try to make them go away. That's OCD. Breaking the OCD cycle takes effective treatment. Go to NOCD.com/savage to learn more.

A straight man was horrified to discover that he wasn't attracted to his hook-up when she took her clothes off. She extracted a confession from him, and he was honest about his sudden repulsion. Was this the right thing to do?  A woman would like to help her 70 year-old mother choose and navigate dating apps. Dan calls up Joan Price, author of Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex to give the run-down. On the Magnum, Dan chats with our new favorite dom- "The Funny Dom," a 24/7 Daddy Dominant based in Melbourne, Australia. They discuss how to vet a dom, how straight male doms come under more scrutiny than femme doms, and how kink employs creativity to process trauma into something wonderful, cathartic and sexy. We love the Funny Dom and so will you.  And, can we talk about celery juice? Does it make come taste sweet? Q@Savage.Love 206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Dipsea: an app full of hundreds of short, sexy audio stories designed by women for women. Get an extended 30 day free trial when you go to dipseastories.com/savage.  This episode is brought to you by Helix Sleep. Right now, Helix is offering 20% off all mattress orders AND two free pillows! Go to HelixSleep.com/Savage. With Helix, better sleep starts now.  Get a 4-week trial, free postage, and a digital scale at https://www.stamps.com/savage. Thanks to Stamps.com for sponsoring the show!

We start the show with a simple question. Should she sleep with the gardener? Her marriage has become sexless, and though her husband swears he would be into a three-way, she wants to audition the hot gardener first.  Some questions require a medical opinion. Some questions are so gnarly that only the most intrepid medical experts will suffice. There is only one man who can fill this role. And that man is Doc Barak.  On the Magnum, Dan brings on your next favorite guest, Jeff Guenther a.k.a "TherapyJeff." His new book, Big Dating Energy is out now. They talk about dating apps, scheduled sex and how capitalism destroys relationships, Also, Dan self-diagnoses his attachment style, and Jeff makes a sacred promise. And, a near virgin has asked our brave caller if she would relieve him of his virginity. She thinks it could be fun and a mikvah. But is there anything she should be aware of or look out for?  Q@Savage.Love        206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. They make it easy to build a website or blog. Give it a whirl at Squarespace.com/Savage and if you want to buy it, use the code Savage for a 10% off your first purchase. This episode is brought to you by Talkspace- online therapy that makes it easy to get extra mental health support. For $80 off your first month, go to Talkspace.com/Savage, and use the offer code Space80. This episode is brought to you by Hims, providing affordable access to ED treatment, online. Start your free online visit today at Hims.com/Savage.

Hear the modern tale of the single mom, who is so committed to raising a "theybie" that she won't let her best friend babysit, lest she take a peek down below while changing diapers.  A woman is worried about her brother. He has been sober for a couple years after a traumatic childhood. Now he is dating a woman who just broke up with his pal, who still drinks. They are keeping their relationship under wraps. Will the secrecy and sordid nature of it all suck him back into using?  On the Magnum, do you like your comedy dry? Dan brings on stand-up comedian Emily Catalano to talk about the orgasm gap, intentionally bad blowjobs, and the quirkiness of releasing a comedy album on vinyl. And, a rumination on crossdressers: What is the difference between crossdressers, drag queens and trans women? Dan breaks it down. And to all the crossdressers out there- we want to hear from you! Q@Savage.Love    206-302-2064 Foria is an all natural health & sexual wellness company with product lines using the power of plant actives & CBD to effectively enhance intimacy, sexual pleasure, daily wellbeing, and relief from discomfort. Get 20% off your first order by visiting ForiaWellness.com/Savage Get a 4-week trial, free postage, and a digital scale at https://www.stamps.com/savage. Thanks to Stamps.com for sponsoring the show!

A woman with the best intentions wants to secretly hire a sex worker for her depressed, newly divorced friend. Any downsides here? Speaking of divorce, Dan gives a long pep-talk to a man struggling with how to get over his.  On the Magnum, Dan chats with Dr. Sara Glass, author of the fantastic memoir "Kissing Girls on Shabbat." Dr. Glass was raised in a hyper- religious Hasidic Jewish community. She later came out as queer and completely changed her life. Dan and Dr. Glass had a raw, heart-felt conversation talking about the zap religion can put on a child's head, and how coming out is difficult but so worthwhile.  And, a 16 year-old boy is eager to get into the pup lifestyle/community. But he can't join most of these spaces because of his age. What can he do besides wait and howl at the moon?  Q@Savage.Love    206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. They make it easy to build a website or blog. Give it a whirl at Squarespace.com/Savage and if you want to buy it, use the code Savage for a 10% off your first purchase. This episode is brought to you by Helix Sleep. For the month of May, Helix is offering up to 30% off all mattress orders AND two free pillows! Go to HelixSleep.com/Savage. With Helix, better sleep starts now. 

A man's new boyfriend had an adult circumcision, and now can't come very easily. He wants to help his boyfriend come, but doesn't want to pressure him. How can he thread the needle and start gobbling?  A straight man is in a brat/dom dynamic, where his girlfriend "misbehaves" and then gets "punished" by the caller. They all love it, but now she is also seeing a different man who leaves marks on her body. She showed the caller a photo of herself as a way to elicit his punishment. But he suddenly feels jealous! Not sexy! How can they alter their dynamic so everyone gets what they want?  On the Magnum, it turns out that Dan is a medical mystery! Why can't he find his own car in a parking lot? Why does he meet people over and over again without recognizing them? In an attempt to get a clear diagnosis, Dan brings on the charming and hilarious science reporter Sadie Dingfelder. Her new book, "Do I Know You? A Faceblind Reporter's Journey into the Science of Sight, Memory and Imagination," should offer clues into Dan's...condition. They talk about swiping right or left when you can't register a face. And how does masturbation work when you don't have a visual imagination? It's wonderfully weird!  And, a newly divorced man is dating again. He was a stay-at-home dad, as he is independently wealthy. But now, when women hear he doesn't have a job, they reject him. He doesn't want or have to work. What gives?  Q@Savage.Love    206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Dipsea: an app full of hundreds of short, sexy audio stories designed by women for women. Get an extended 30 day free trial when you go to dipseastories.com/savage.  This episode is brought to you by Hims, providing affordable access to ED treatment, online. Start your free online visit today at Hims.com/Savage. This episode is brought to you by Helix Sleep. For the month of May, Helix is offering up to 30% off all mattress orders AND two free pillows! Go to HelixSleep.com/Savage. With Helix, better sleep starts now.

It's the "Overthinking It" episode!  "I'll give you $100 if you spit in my beer." This offer was made by a random gentleman in a sushi bar to an unsuspecting lady. She declined. Would you do it? Is anything wrong here? Overthinking it? Meanwhile, a man wonders if the dubious ethics he saw in a porno plot renders said porno too problematic to enjoy. Overthinking it!  On the Magnum, we're delighted to welcome Andy Richter to the show. He's best known for his years as Conan O'Brien's sidekick, and now hosts The Three Questions podcast. He and Dan talk about replacing the term "body count" (the number of sex partners you've had) with something more...upbeat. And, they talk about they dynamics of the "relationship escalator."  And, hear the tale of woman who has an orgasm every time she sees a masseuse. Is there a consent issue here, or is she...overthinking it? Have a question for the show? Don't think too hard- just ask!  Q@Savage.Love         206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. They make it easy to build a website or blog. Give it a whirl at Squarespace.com/Savage and if you want to buy it, use the code Savage for a 10% off your first purchase. This episode is brought to you by Helix Sleep. For the month of May, Helix is offering up to 30% off all mattress orders AND two free pillows! Go to HelixSleep.com/Savage. With Helix, better sleep starts now.  Get a 4-week trial, free postage, and a digital scale at https://www.stamps.com/savage. Thanks to Stamps.com for sponsoring the show!

Man we're tired. So we went on vacation! No show this week, but we'll back at you on July 9.