Podcasts about Jacuzzi

Miracle On Route 34: Part 2 Virginia and Santa face extreme danger together. Based on a post by BiscuitHammer, in 3 parts. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories. Someone attacked Santa with a wicked-looking spiked hand-axe, something out of a sci-fi movie. He batted the weapon aside and clapped his open hands across the man's ears, busting his brain. Before he dropped, Santa grabbed the corpse and swung it around in a wide arc, smashing it into the foes surrounding him and knocking them back. "Shit!" Ginny squealed as one of the targets landed near her. "It's like the fucking Matrix in here!" As he threw the corpse away, he paused very briefly and glanced at her. "Since you happen to be right there, how about a little mood music?" "What?" "I'm just saying some music would be nice if we're going to be doing this," he called. "You're next to the entertainment system, how about putting something on?" "You’re shitting me, right?" she almost complained, wincing as she heard something delicate-sounding and expensive smash behind her amidst the wild brawl. She stared at the multimedia system, flapping her arms in frustration as she tried to focus through the noise. This couldn't be happening. She clutched the sleeves of her plush robe for a moment, trying to concentrate on its soft, fuzzy texture and center herself. She'd almost forgotten the large nerf gun in her hands but ignored it now, fixing her gaze on the mp3 playlist. She pressed a button. "Silent night; Holy night;" Bing crooned through the room. "Not really what I had in mind!" Santa mentioned loudly as he rammed his knee into a man's chin. "Try again!" Ginny bit her lip and pressed the button again, this time rewarded with Gary Glitter singing 'Another Rock And Roll Christmas'. "Still not quite there," he said as he snapmared another foe. "Better, but not quite!" "Well I don't know!" she shouted in exasperation. "What kind of music do you put on while Santa kills things in your living room?" Santa turned sideways and thrust his foot out, kicking an intruder in the chest and sending him sprawling backwards, rolling head over heels until he thumped into the entertainment system, jolting it and skipping the player. "I am a bitch. How do you want me? From behind, or on my knees? I am a slut, please hold me down, I'll be your noise, This shit will fuck you up!" "Perfect!" he declared as he fought, swarmed once again by foes. "Seriously?" Ginny yelled. "Combichrist is Santa's fucking fighting groove?" "I'm trying to figure out why you have it on your playlist," Santa replied. "I don't remember you liking aggrotech!" "Why the hell do you of all people even know what it is?" she shot back, wincing as she watched another body sail into the opposite wall with a sickening crunch before dropping to the floor and leaving a huge, crumbling dent in the stone. 'This Shit Will Fuck You Up!' "I prefer the term 'Hellektro' myself," he added. "And I know all songs, silly. I remember when the Dayglo Abortions wrote that 'Hey Santa!' song back in the '80's, they didn't get presents for” "I didn't ask, why are you answering?" she hissed. "Kill! Kill!" All the while, the pounding rhythms of the music filled the room. "I am a bitch. How do you want me? From behind, or on my knees? I am a slut, please hold me down, I'll be your noise, This shit will fuck you up!" "Well, at least we know why it's on your playlist, anyway!" he mentioned as he broke someone's back over his knee. "Very funny, red man!" Ginny hissed, scowling. She ducked wildly as another assailant flew overhead and landed in the Jacuzzi, his neck slamming against the hard edge with a snap noise and then tilting at a strange angle, his eyes wide and unseeing. "Fucking hell," she muttered. "These guys eat too much red meat!" Santa smashed two heads together before punting a third man in the chest, sending him staggering back until he fell against the entertainment unit, right next to Ginny, his eyes spiraling in his head. She scowled down at him for a moment before smashing the pitcher of nog on his cranium and sending him to the floor. Every single intruder stopped and turned to look at her suddenly, their eyes narrowing and turning very yellow. "Eep;" Ginny said quietly, going pale. They all howled and lunged toward her, even as Santa fought to reach her first. She shrieked in fright. "Darn it, Ginny!" he shouted in what almost sounded like irritation. "I told you not to do anything!" "You said not to use the stupid nerf gun!" she shot back as she dodged wildly and began to run around, evading her pursuers. "I meant don't do anything to get yourself noticed!" he growled as he bulldogged one man's head into the floor. He sprang to his feet and grabbed another man by the back of the head, ramming his face into the stone wall, creating a small crater from which the body slumped only slowly and wetly. "How the hell did they not notice the mostly naked girl in the room?" she yelled, sprinting around the circumference of the room, being chased by yellow-eyed foes. "They're mostly quantum, they don't always perceive real-state things or beings until they're interacted with!" he answered. "They weren't looking for you until you announced yourself!" "Oh, you and your weird physics shit!" she groused, her robe coming more and more undone as she ran. One of her tits was exposed, bouncing annoyingly and the nipple hardening as a cold wind from the endless holes in her walls and windows blew into the room. "Now what?" "Well, since they know you're here, you might as well use the gun," he answered as he tackled a small knot of them who were looking to cut off her avenue of escape. "At least then you can defend yourself if you're careful!" "The fuck am I supposed to do?" she shouted angrily as she clutched the ridiculous, useless gun. "Nerf them to death? Hope I shoot one foam dart down a throat and hope the bastard chokes and dies?" "Didn't you just let me inside all of your orifices?" he pointed out as he spun low, sweeping one foe's feet from under him and then taking him by the ankles to slam him off the floor. "Trust me, Virginia!" "Dammit!" she spat, steeling her nerve, hoping her resolve was harder than her nipple currently was. Taking a deep breath, she stopped running and spun, pointing the gun and pulling the plastic trigger; She yelped in astonishment as coruscating arcs of lightning crackled and lashed out from the muzzle, enveloping several foes, who wailed in glowing agony before disappearing from view. "Jesus H Fucking Tesla!" she exclaimed in amazement as she gaped down at her toy. "Virginia, language!" Santa warned. She rolled her eyes and pointed at another man rushing her, pulling the trigger and watching him explode in a shower of scintillating particles. "This shit will fuck you up!" blared the speakers. The wall splintered next to Ginny and several terrifying creatures barged in, causing her to shriek in fright, they were easily Santa's size, vaguely humanoid but covered in a greyish, segmented carapace, with insectoid heads, evil-looking mandibles and huge claws at the end of four arms. They hissed as the lunged for her. "Fuck fuck fuck!" cried out as she began running. "Fucking hate motherfucking bugs!" She fired wildly behind herself without looking, managing to strike one of the new creatures but only slowing it down. Ginny raced for the stairs, stampeding up them only to find more of the yellow-eyed humanoids waiting for her. "Santa!" she cried out in terror. "Help!" He glanced her way and grimaced at her predicament. "Aw, hell;" With a strength born of the desperation to protect one of his precious children, he surged forward, shoulder-blocking his way through a knot of assailants, springing through the air with astonishing agility, alternately using the wall and railing of the stairs to get to the upper floor, twisting and executing a flying kick that downed a foe about to attack Ginny. "Good thing I wore my enhanced parkour boots tonight, eh?" he muttered as he glared at the foes crowding to get up the stairs or down the hallway at them. "I don't even know what that means." Ginny snapped, backing up warily as the horde coming for them grew in numbers. "If that's some sort of geek speak, then we, are you getting bigger?" "I guess I am," he replied, grimly, glaring at their foes. "I don't expect what I'm saying to make sense, but the other iterations of me, my other selves, they're all coming here, merging with me to help meet the threat." "You're; consolidating?" she asked in disbelief. "That's one way to look at it," he said, his blue eyes flashing. "It's gonna make finishing the Christmas run tight if I get held up here much longer." "Oh, terribly sorry if I'm inconveniencing you, your highness." Ginny said, trying to not sound too snide. He put his body between her and her foes, backing her up against the wall. "They can't come through the wall you're up against, it's the South wall," he said quietly but with a sense of urgency. "You're safe from that angle. You can fire your gun past me or over the rail at the guys down below. Since they're trying to reach you that means they've solidified enough that they can't do crazy things like jump seven meters up to reach you, they'll have to use the stairs." "I thought they were after you." Ginny said hotly. "They were, until you announced yourself with a jug of nog," he pointed out. "Now they want to destroy you to hurt me." "Oh. Sorry." Ginny mumbled somewhat sheepishly. "You can make it up to me later!" he said as he surged forward suddenly, bulling his way through the approaching crowd, clotheslining several at once. Shouts went up and the fight was on again. Santa punched, kicked, elbowed, kneed and wrenched his way through the enemy horde. Ginny swore he was indeed bigger than he had been earlier. His already hard body physique was almost bulging with muscles now, like a California beach bodybuilder. Black blood glistened on his flawless skin as he maimed the attackers. Droplets that hit the carpet sizzled and ate through it, burning the hardwood floor beneath. "No!" Ginny wailed in despair. "Not the hardwood! I loved that feature!" She glared and gritted her teeth as she leaned over the railing and pointed the nerf gun down at the endless crowd on the main floor, pulling the trigger. The crackling arcs of energy enveloped several foes, who wailed and vanished. Same as before, the giant insectoids rarely disappeared but seemed slowed or staggered by the attack. Santa fought his way forward, forcing the attackers back from Ginny. Try as they might, no one got by him, even if it meant that they could strike at him instead. He took their assaults resolutely, using his body as a shield to protect her. Before long, the floor of the hallway was littered with bodies, some barely stirring, others not moving at all. Still, the foes swarmed up the stairs. One of the bug-things swiped at him with its vicious claws and he ducked under the blow before kicking his boot into one of the reverse-jointed legs, snapping it. The bug screeched and tumbled and he leapt onto its back, grabbing hold of one of the large, wet-grey chitinous plates that armored its back and pulled, it tore away with a mushy crack and the beast's keened agony as it shuddered and thrashed. Without pausing, Santa whirled around and slammed the exoskeletal plate across several men's heads, dropping them. Ginny kept firing the nerf tesla gun, wondering what sort of sociopath would invent a deadly weapon that looked like a famous kid's toy. She pushed it from her mind, realizing that she wanted to live and didn't care at the moment about the social mores of the issue. Santa was using the huge chitin plate almost like a shield, driving his foes back with it to the stairs. It finally cracked in half and he punched through the mess, unwilling to give the enemy time to regroup. He spun one man around with a fist across the jaw before grabbing his arms from behind and ramming his knee into the man's back, lifting him off the floor and letting him slam his spine onto the stairs. Without waiting, Santa launched himself through the air, knee raised and smashed it into the face of a man on the stair's corner landing. The foe's head went back through the wall with a loud crunch and he hung there limply, no longer part of the battle. "Ack!" Ginny squawked as the nerf gun sputtered and let out several impotent flashes and then died. "Not now! No no no!" One foe had broken through the cordon and now raced toward her. She yelled loudly and smashed the butt of her nerf gun into his face, staggering him for a moment. She glared at him angrily, waiting for him to fall, but her didn't, so she kicked him in the crotch with her instep. He groaned and sunk to his knees, holding himself. Ginny was practically jumping up and down on top of him by the time he stopped moving. "Stay; the; fuck; down!" she shouted angrily as she turned his ribcage into powder. She failed to notice the one last foe who rushed up behind her. But then Santa was at her side and he delivered a devastating haymaker to the man's thorax. Stunned, the intruder staggered back against the railing. With a growl, Santa grabbed him by the face and ruthlessly bent his back over the railing before leaping over and slamming his elbow across the man's neck as he went down to the main floor. The lifeless form crumpled next to him as he looked around, glaring. No foes remained standing. Aside from the music, all was quiet. "It is safe?" Ginny called from the gallery. "Are the scary guys and bug-thingies all gone?" "No," Santa said warily. "And the next wave is even bigger." "Great!" Ginny complained, tossing the useless nerf gun over the side. "And according to you, there's no one that can help us!" "I didn't say that," he countered, beckoning for her to come down the stairs and be near him for protection. "I just said there was no Easter Bunny." "No Superman either, apparently," she grumbled as she approached him, letting him put a huge arm around her possessively. He was, indeed, bigger than ever. She was practically child-sized next to him now. "So who the hell is there to help us?" "If help's arriving it had better get here soon," he said, taking her to the remains of her big glass bay windows and back door. The wind was howling as snow drove into the living room. What was left of it, anyway. Which was nothing. "It's now or never. Can you see them?" She peered into the darkness outside and a chill ran down her spine, hundreds of red and yellow glowing eyes could be seen in the darkness. And they seemed to be getting closer. "Do; do they see me?" she asked, swallowing nervously. "I'm sure they do," he said, grimacing. "Not going to take a chance and assume they don't. I'll do everything I can to protect you, of course." "Is; is that going to be enough?" She could hear the angry hisses and an evil chanting outside clearly now, getting closer with each moment. It pained Santa that he couldn't lie to her. "I don't know, Virginia." She sighed and smiled weakly. "Well, at least I know there's a Santa Claus now. And he gave me the night of my life before it all ended." He returned the smile, trying to feign a cheerfulness he didn't feel. "I don't;" Ginny faltered, trying to find the words. "I don't suppose that you'd; well; that you'd be willing to kiss me one last time? You know, before the end?" He turned to look down at her, his hands holding her arms with an unreal gentleness and a warmth in his eyes that comforted her even now. "Nothing would make me happier, Virginia." She smiled and closed her eyes. "Merry Christmas, Santa." "Merry Christmas, Virginia;" he said softly as he leaned down to kiss her. Then the night was filled with high-pitched shrieks, a noise that made her eyes snap open. She'd heard noises like that before, once a long time ago in grade school. It sounds like the hissing passage of meteors above, and getting closer. Or what she imagined artillery sounded like when it was incoming, like in all those war movies. Santa's head turned and an almost evil grin crept over his face as he listened. "That's more like it!" he declared, standing tall and pointing at the blackness of the night. "Watch the sky, Virginia;" She looked up and noticed glittering points of light, dozens of them, seeming to get closer. The hissing shriek was indeed their approach and they seemed to be aimed right at them. She felt Santa's hand squeeze on her shoulder, almost in excitement. His blue eyes were blazing ferociously. Finally, what looked like dozens of giant icicles, each larger and longer than a semi, lanced out of the night sky and slammed into the earth around her house, shaking it as they buried their tips in the frozen ground and came to a stop. Several impaled the intruders as they came in, while others kicked up a covering spray of snow as the enemy stopped and looked around in confusion. Then doors or portals opened on the sides of the titan icicles and tall, lithe beings began leaping out of them, wearing weird, form-fitting armor and carrying space-age guns and swords or axes. Their armor and long hair was a riot of colors that was reflected by the snow and ice. Wild, ululating war cries pierced the air. And a savage, bloody battle began on her property. "Who the hell are they?" Ginny almost yelled in astonishment as she watched. They moved with inhuman grace and speed, the ones not wearing helmets revealing long, beautiful facial features that were often frightening because of the wrath they displayed. The helmets were all tall and peaked, showing fearsome designs and glowing eyes. Weird runes pulsed and throbbed with light all over their armor. Guns hissed and shrieked while swords hummed as they slew. "My elves," Santa said, clearly pleased and also eager to fight but not willing to leave her side yet. "They got my call and converged on my position." "Those are elves?" she exclaimed in amazement. "Aren't they cutesy little toy-shop people?" "Cute myth, but no, not these ones," he replied, watching as several elves wearing bone-white armor with feminine features raced past, throwing themselves into a knot of the hulking bugs. They screamed and the masks of their wild-maned helmets gave off vibrations that shook Ginny's teeth in her head as it melted their foes' faces off. "No, a lot of my elves are warriors, meant to help me fight Krampus. They keep Christmas safe with me." "What the hell are they wearing?" she asked in disbelief. How could this weird night get any weirder? Santa sighed. "Truth? They've been spending way too much time playing Warhammer 40k and they; appropriated armor, weapons and tactics from the Eldar faction. They're space elves." "Wow. Gay;" she muttered, shaking her head. "Well, they're certainly earning their keep tonight." He nodded. "Been a long time since Krampus moved against us this hard. Apparently he got bored and was feeling uppity. That or he just forgot what a good thrashing felt like." Ginny watched as three elves, clad in scary black armor and wearing helmets that looked like peaked skulls, marched relentlessly forward, firing little rockets from elaborate launchers they carried in their hands and on suspensor harnesses. The rockets punctured the bugs' chitin shells and exploded inside them, sending shards of exoskeleton and stinking goo in every direction. Ginny squeaked and hid behind Santa as some of the nasty effluence landed right where she'd been standing only a moment before. Beams of super-heated plasma and tiny, shuriken-like projectiles hissed and whizzed by them, the remains of her lovely house now the center of a battleground while the winter storm raged on. Warriors in green armor, carrying weapons that looked like a horrifying hybrid of sword and chainsaw, tore into a knot of foes, slicing them to bloody ribbons. As savage as the battle had been earlier, when it had just been her and Santa, she suddenly appreciated its relative civility. "They need my help," Santa said finally, cracking his knuckles, his expression grim. "We have to finish this off or Christmas won't come on time." "I thought you said there was plenty of time." Ginny protested, frowning up at him. "There was," he admitted. "But in order to defeat Krampus' minions, I summoned every single quantum iteration of myself back to here to help me fight. No one is delivering presents anywhere at the moment. I can't change real-time if I'm here in my entirety." He turned and looked at her. "Hopefully we're keeping them busy enough that they don't worry about you. Stay against the wall and work the music, will you?" "Manning the music station," she said, nodding, focusing on giving herself a task. "Music for Santa and his homicidal elves to kill by. Got it;" She watched as Santa leapt through the shattered remains of her bay doors into the howling storm and crashed into a knot of foes, savaging them. She watched in disbelief for some time, trying to figure out how Santa could kill anyone. I mean, even serial murderers got presents in prison, didn't they? Maybe they didn't, she had no way of knowing and chalked up thinking about this to what could only be described as the weirdest night of her life. She squealed and dodged out of the way as a body came flying through the doors and landed next to her. She scrambled over to the entertainment center and stood in front of it, trying to figure out what the hell she should play. "Okay;" she breathed, trying to focus. "Mass slaughter music; mass slaughter music;" What constituted mass slaughter music? Death metal? Panic At The Disco? Teletubbies music? She had no playlists, so she began cycling through the radio, hoping to find anything that might suffice. Oldies; Christmas music; hip-hop; trance; disco; "Son of a fuck," she muttered. "This is harder than it looks." She finally came across a station playing 'Jailhouse Rock' and decided that was good enough, she was sick of looking. She winced, trying to ignore another splintering crash as a body came through her wall. She hugged herself but then felt her robe. She frowned as she looked down at it, realizing it had been thoroughly shredded in the fight earlier. Those shuriken-thingies had been cutting it real close. Ginny grumbled as she pulled it off and threw it away, standing there completely naked, it hadn't been keeping her warm in its current condition and she was thoroughly beyond giving a shit at this point about who saw her naked. They were all too damn busy tearing one another apart anyway. And that sort of pissed her off. She was buck-naked and no one seemed to care. She'd shaved her cunt for this? "And I thought my night sucked before," she sighed to no one in particular. "Not getting my cunt pounded had been my biggest complaint before this hack!" She never saw the menacing shadow that had slipped up behind her. Santa picked one of his foes up overhead and hurled him into a cluster of foes, bowling them all over. He then punched another man as he tried to run by, knocking him off his feet and into his back. A quick stamp on his solar plexus made sure he stopped moving. The huge man thrust his fist in the air and shouted loudly. "Clear!" he thundered, indicating no other enemies surrounded him. His elves responded in kind, many of them gathering in a tight ring about him, weapons facing out as they sought to protect him. Hundreds of bodies lay strewn across the landscape, some burning from plasma blasts, other shredded and blown apart by rockets or sliced into bloody jerky. The storm seemed to be abating, no longer a blizzard so much as a stiff wind and swirls of snow. "Sire, we detect no enemies in the immediate vicinity," one elf wearing blue armor with a tall, crested helmet announced, striding up and saluting by thumping his gauntleted fist over his heart. "This attack has been defeated." "Maybe," Santa said, looking around warily. "But that doesn't mean anything just yet. We have to secure the area, make sure Virginia is alright and then get back to” "Kringle!" "Damn," he muttered to himself. "I thought this was too easy." He made several complex gestures, sending his elves fanning out in a wide arc as he began trudging forward through the snow, heading toward where the voice had come from out of the night. The winds and squalls of snow continued to die down until there was an almost deafening silence, the moon shining brightly overhead and revealing the sheer carnage of the battle that had been waged, the snow and ice glittered with frozen blood. "Kringle!" snarled the inhuman voice angrily. "I'm coming, I'm coming!" Santa said loudly, scowling. "Don't get your panties in a bunch!" He stopped in a clearing on the other side of the house, glowering at who confronted him, the beast was not as tall as he was, nor as muscular, but horrifying in aspect. The backward-jointed, hairy legs ended in wicked hooves. The skin not covered in coarse black fur was almost as dark and criss-crossed with innumerable scars. The vascular chest was crowned with a strong neck and sitting atop it was a blasphemous head, a demonic goat's visage from which grew four evil, twisting horns. The red eyes blazed like wrathful coals and sharp teeth glistened wetly inside the hateful mouth. Krampus. And in one of his powerful, clawed hands, he held Virginia by the neck, who looked like a rag doll. "Hi, Santa;" she said weakly, looking very apologetic. Santa kept walking forward, clenching his fists. "By all means, Kringle, keep coming forward if you mean to slay the child." Krampus growled, starting to squeeze and causing Ginny to shudder in fear. Santa stopped dead in his tracks, his eyes narrowing. His elves had now cast a tight net around the scene, hemming in Krampus. One circle of warriors faced inward, pointing their weapons at the abomination while another behind them faced out, prepared for any further attacks. Santa didn't move. "Let the girl go, Krampus," he said levelly. "This doesn't concern her." "Oh, I beg to differ," said the beastman in an almost non-chalant tone. "It's always about the children, isn't it?" "Hey!" said Ginny angrily. "I am not a child, jerk! I'm twenty, Gurr!" "Oh, do stop talking, you're such an annoyance." Krampus said, giving her neck another warning squeeze. "Let the adults work this out." "There's nothing to work out, Krampus," Santa growled, his blue eyes flashing. "You'll let the girl go." "I think we both know that's not happening," intoned the vile intruder. "She is my victory over you, and you know it. Revenge is not only a dish best served cold but often. And not often enough for me." "About this cold revenge dish thing," Ginny said, squirming slightly. "Couldn't; couldn't I just find you a nice tin can to chew on instead?" "Shut up, girl!" Krampus said harshly while several elves could be heard to chuckle and even Santa smirked at her jest. "I hold your life in my hands, to dispose of as I please." His foul breath crackled in the cold night air. His touch was uncomfortably warm, almost hot and strangely kept her body from freezing in the winter night. His touch felt evil and her skin crawled in revulsion. His strength was terrifying. "It wasn't enough that I slaved in coal mines for you, giving you carbon lumps to deliver to naughty children," Krampus growled, glaring at Santa. "It wasn't enough that I found the worst of them and brought them to you in the night so you could lecture them." "Hey, nobody asked you or ordered you to do the coal thing, pal," Santa said angrily. "And the whole kidnapping kids thing was your idea. I decided to let you have some creative control and look what happened. When it didn't work out, you decided that beating naughty kids with reeds was the answer. You're damn right that wasn't good enough!" "Silence!" Krampus snarled loudly, stamping one of his clawed hooves and making the ground shake dangerously. "Your kind-hearted foolishness with these puny mortals changed nothing about their behavior! Your failure to recognize their inherent selfishness was why our efforts were doomed!" "These puny mortals?" Santa countered. "You used to be one of them, Pete, remember? You were a well-behaved boy once." "Shut up!" growled Krampus. "Well-behaved, but not good," Santa continued. "You followed the rules and wanted everyone to follow rules. You were a control freak. I brought you north to show you what kindness could do, but you hated the cheer and the happiness and you fled to the coal mines in Greenland, hiding in the dark where the light of Christmas couldn't touch you! And when making kids feel bad with coal didn't bring them into line, you started the whole whipping them with reeds thing. Good job there, Pete!" "I'm warning you, Kringle;" Krampus said dangerously. "Oh, he really gets your goat, doesn't he?" Ginny sneered, causing several elves to laugh loudly. Krampus now snarled furiously and lifted her into the air by her neck, causing her to cry out in pain. Santa watched warily, knowing better than to make a move. "We seem to have an impasse," Krampus said, an evil smile playing over his slavering mouth. "You cannot harm me, because you know I can slay the child, but I cannot as yet slay her because she is my bargaining chip. But my need to hurt you, old man, is so very strong." He lowered Ginny down until her feet were just touching the snow-covered ground. She frowned as she heard a wet slithering sound she could not identify. "And there are other ways to hurt you than slaying the poor dear, aren't there?" Ginny felt something slimy touch her leg and then start to crawl up it, wrapping around her smooth skin. She shuddered and squirmed in horror as she realized exactly what was happening. The snake-like appendage wound up her thigh and then behind her. She gasped as it slid between her ass cheeks and then underneath to her cunt. She felt the blunt head split her lips and then move upward again. "Don't do this, Krampus." Santa said, trying to figure out what to do without hurting Ginny. "And why not?" replied the qliphotic abomination. "Don't you have a present for me? Then I guess I'll have to give myself one." Krampus' organ continued to slither its way around her body, leaving a glistening trail on her skin. She stiffened and moaned as his appendage wrapped around her tits, squeezing them, the head pausing and teasing the nipples. "Hey, asshole, dinner and a movie first!" she spat angrily. Ginny was about to say something else when the large, grayish cockhead snaked up in front of her face and then plunged into her mouth, causing her to gag and go silent. Her eyes widened and she thrashed furiously, but to no avail. He was simply too strong. "Language, young lady." Krampus chided, still staring at Santa. "Hasn't Santa taught you anything?" "This isn't gonna end well for you, Pete." Santa said, his tone dire. "Christmas never does, Kringle," replied the demon, his cock sliding in and out of Ginny's mouth. "I'm just hoping to make the holiday every bit as awful and intolerable for you as it is for me. After all, misery loves company." He brought her body close to his head and his other hand reached over and stroked her cunt lips, which were glistening. He leered at his foe, knowing Santa was helpless to get closer. "Is she good down here?" Krampus said mockingly. "Nice and wet and tight for you? Was she the best one ever, in the endless list of good girls you have fucked?" Santa said nothing, just glaring at Krampus. His knuckles were white as he clenched his fists. "Sharing your toys is the spirit of Christmas, isn't it?" Krampus said evilly, finally pulling his cock out of her mouth. Ginny coughed and sputtered, tendrils of resinous spittle and worse trailing away from her lips. She glared at Krampus but was still immobilized. "Just get this over with and fuck me already, whip-cock," she spat. "You won't be my first egotistical disappointment, trust me." Krampus' eyes blazed red and his tongue sped around her naked form blindingly quickly while he released her from his clawed grip. The tongue wrapped and immobilized her arms, holding them out straight while still encircling her tits. It then snaked around her waist and legs, pinning those as well while his long cock, swaying about like a cobra, came to a stop in front of her swollen cunt lips. The head teased and tapped against the opening, causing her to moan and squirm. "As you wish, child;" The head forced itself through her lips, sliding deep inside her. Ginny cried out in a mixture of shock and indescribable pleasure. She felt the tip of his pointed tongue probe trailing around her nipples. The python-like length of his cock churned inside her cunt. The blinding light behind her eyes finally receded and she lifted her head, looking out into the night, feeling his tongue constricting around her neck. She could dimly see a huge being in red pants and black boots watching nearby, his powerful chest exposed. The startling blue eyes flashed in the darkness of the night. She could tell he wanted to rescue her but didn't dare come closer. She gasped and shuddered as Krampus' cock pushed still deeper inside her. She felt fuller than she had imagined possible, the slithering appendage stretching her wide. The sticky, squelching noises were hardly to be believed. "Ew, gross! Hentai noises!" she thought in revulsion. "Krampus;" Santa warned. His elves all pointed their weapons menacingly but he held up his hand, staying them. "The child is naughty," Krampus said, smiling through pointed teeth. "Very naughty. Such a sordid past." "Hey, back off, she was young and needed the money!" Santa snapped defensively. "That thing with the midget and the donkey was” "You're not helping here!" Ginny shouted, blushing furiously, even as Krampus violated her. "Wicked child," growled the vile demon, shoving his cock in and out of her, the peristaltic actions of its length causing her to writhe and squirm in his grip, her breath coming in ragged gasps. "Shameless. Even though I violate her, she finds a way to be concerned about how you perceive her. I find it; titillating." "Oh, do I make you horny?" she sneered, turning her head to smirk at him. "Couldn't tell, looking at that head of yours." "Silence!" Krampus hissed, spittle flying from his jaws, his eyes flashing angrily. "I hold your life and death in my hands." "How would I know?" she shot back. "Hope you're better with your hands than you are with your cock, Billy G." He plunged his cock deeper still inside her. She went rigid and cried out. "That all you got?" she rasped, trying not to faint as she felt popping inside her hips while he stetched her. "My brother got in deeper than that when we were little!" "Insolent!" Krampus snarled savagely, bouncing her up and down and he fucked her harder than ever, pulling on her arms and legs, stretching her joints til they creaked. She felt a deep, wet heat building inside her and in spite of the horror she consciously felt about the situation, even more dire was her need to cum. She felt her cunt squeezing around his cock. His snake-like tongue probed her ass and wriggled inside, further adding to her desperation. "Intholent bith, you will be punithed!" "What was that?" Santa asked, turning his head slightly and putting his hand to his ear. "I couldn't understand you, it's like you have a lisp or something." "Don't mock meef!" Krampus said angrily, his tongue whipping out of Ginny's ass, causing her to yelp suddenly. "I'll kill her, Kringle!" "Not before I cum, damn you!" Ginny panted, her body flushed and covered in sweat as she twisted and writhed in his grip. "Uh, so close, goddammit!" "Language!" Santa and Krampus both snapped at her. "Aw, c'mon!" she wailed. "You two are total pains in the ass! Do it, Billy! Show me what a bad boy you are!" Krampus glared at her and began fucking her harder than ever. "As you wish, child!" "Krampus!" Santa shouted, reaching out his hand in alarm. "Don't!" Krampus grinned evilly at Santa, his teeth clenching as he drew close to climax. His cock seemed to swell along its length, stretching her wider still. She threw her head back and gritted her teeth, straining as she was overwhelmed by sensation; Santa's fist slammed across Krampus' jaw with a powerful crack. The demonoid's eyes rolled into his head and he crumpled to the ground. Ginny wailed in frustration as his cock pulled out of her and retreated back to his body, like a wet, slimy Stanley tape measure. She collapsed to her hands and knees in the snow, panting and shaking, her eyes wide. Santa raced up and knelt next to her, his eyes shining with concern. "Fuck;" Ginny whispered, gasping for air. "Motherfucker;" She looked up at her rescuer now, her eyes flashing accusingly. "The hell? Couldn't you have let him make me cum first?" Santa paused. "What?" "I was so damn close!" she hissed, standing up and stamping her foot. "I was within half a second of the orgasm of my life and you had to choose that moment to intervene and play the hero! Don't expect a thank you card!" "Uh, Virginia," Santa said, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly, trying to figure out what to say. "If he had brought you to orgasm, it would have killed you. When Krampus climaxes, his appendage you were so attached to bursts into spikes, basically killing you from the inside while denying you your orgasm." She paused and then deflated. "Holy cobra dildos. What a bastard." Ginny then pointed a finger at her savior. "But you still owe me an orgasm, then, pal. You may have rescued me from certain death, but that doesn't mean I don't need relief." Santa looked really confused. "What, here? Now?" "Damn straight," she said firmly, suddenly remembering she was buck naked in a snow-storm. In spite of the no-doubt freezing weather, her body was still warm and very wet with need. She put her hand down her cunt and felt around for a moment before presenting her sticky palm and fingers to Santa for inspection. "Do I look satisfied to you? You've already fucked me, Screamo the Goat Boy just fucked me, who cares if your freaky gay elves watch us? I need satisfaction now and I already am aware that you can't say no." Santa sighed. "It's gotta be quick, Virginia. I'm really behind, now that I'm completely temporal in one location." "Whatever, just get me to the promised land, man." Ginny replied, shrugging. "Who knows, maybe your entourage might enjoy a show." "Oh, right, about that," Santa said, standing up tall and shouting loudly. "About; Face!" As a single unit, the elves all turned around smartly on their heels, still arranged in a protective ring around their liege and his companion, weapons ready as they scanned the darkness for trouble, their eyes glowing menacingly inside their helmets. Santa strode up to Ginny, towering over her and ignoring the prostrate form of the still-unconscious Krampus, snuffling nearby. She smiled up at him, somehow warmed by his presence, in spite of the icy night she should have frozen to death in already. He pulled her into his arms and kissed her deeply. She moaned into his mouth as she felt her already molten core getting even more heated in response to his touch. Tongues tangled and played as he took her ass cheeks in his hands and squeezed them, making her shiver. Ginny's hands fumbled with his large black belt until it fell away and then pulled down his red pants. He pulled her onto his powerful thighs, resting her on them. She hooked her legs behind his waist and began grinding her wet, eager cunt against his hardening cock, which swelled readily. Her head was almost spinning, she was so horny. "Hmm, give it to me, baby," she purred, feeling the head of his cock touch her cunt lips. "Make me cum hard and fast." She sighed loudly as he pulled her close, penetrating and sliding deep inside her. Ginny moaned shamelessly as Santa once again began to pump back and forth inside her. His huge cock stretched her cunt wide, but not in the violent, violating way Krampus did. This felt warm and utterly perfect. She nipped at the skin of his chest while he moved in and out of her. "Yes," Ginny breathed as he began to moved faster, pumping strongly and rhythmically. She could feel her wetness trickling down between her cheeks, her cunt clutching at him hungrily, greedily and unwilling to let go until it was somehow sated. "Oh, God, just what I needed. Yes, fuck me, Santa!" He gripped her tight and thrust into her, picking up his pace just the way she wanted. She was gasping and yelping now and he squeezed her cheeks, one of his fingers poking inside her puckered knot. She clenched her teeth and groaned at the intrusion, murmuring that she loved it. She grew warmer and warmer, her body tingling with an exquisite fire that rippled out from her core. Santa turned her around and set her feet on top of his boots, bending her forward and pulling on her arms. She cried out as he fucked her harder, his hips thumping against her ass cheeks. Her hands clenched wildly, her breath coming in gasps as his overwhelming strength dominated her. "Oh, God!" she panted, beginning to shudder uncontrollably, almost drooling. "Uh, cum in me, dammit! Fucking cum in me!" Santa pulled on her arms even tighter as his thighs slammed into her. Ginny strained, craning her neck, teeth clenched as she tried not to scream, but it was no use, she wailed loudly as he came inside her, filling her once again in a way she could not describe. Her orgasm shook every last atom of her being, transporting her to a world of nothing but pleasure, edged with mint. She buckled, hanging loosely in his arms, exhausted. She'd been fucked hard at least five times tonight and had a dreadful suspicion that this experience would only make her libido even more hyperactive. She sighed as Santa scooped her naked form into his arms and cuddled her against the cold. Ginny purred and traced a fingernail across his broad chest. "Thank you," she said quietly. "Just what the doctor ordered. That quenched the flames, for now." He finally put her down and she looked at the remains of her ruined chateau, which was completely leveled and now on fire. "Poor Oatmeal," she murmured. "Where am I going to live?" She scowled down at the still supine Krampus, anger flaring in her. "It's this jack wagon’s fault. You should totally napalm his face." Santa looked down at her in shock. "Did you just say I should jerk off in Krampus' face?" "Damn right, he'd deserve it too." Ginny announced. "That and shove your sleigh up his ass." "I am not jizzing in Krampus' face." Santa said, clearly repulsed by the suggestion. "Fine, leave a woman to do a man's job," Ginny said testily, striding over to Krampus and putting one leg on either side of his head. She stuck three fingers inside her cunt and managed to tease out considerable amounts of Santa's minty cum, which she smeared all over Krampus' face and into his fur with glee, even giving him a glistening white moustache. "Take that, asshole!" She looked like she might have been done desecrating the unconscious form, but then she paused and squatted over him, peeing on his body and face, the stream steaming in the cold night air. She grinned evilly as she thoroughly baptized him. "Teach you to mess with me." Ginny muttered as she walked back to Santa, nodding. The huge man had a wide smirk on his face and shook his head slowly. "I can't believe you just pissed all over Krampus," he said, hugging her to him. "However, you're going to freeze to death at this rate;" He held out his hand and one of his elves dutifully brought him a large, velvety red cloak, which he wrapped around her. She blushed and smiled gratefully at his consideration, but only until he slid it off her, revealing that she was now wearing some ridiculous 'Hot Christmas Elf' outfit, complete with striped stockings and high heels. She looked like a Yule whore. "Seriously?" she asked, unimpressed. "This is your solution to my naked issues?" He shrugged. "I liked you better naked, but you would freeze quickly." "Whatever," she sighed, looking down and appreciating the considerable lift it gave her cleavage. It was incredibly warm, in spite of how scant it was. "So now what? I still have no damn home, you and Goatse here blew it up with your little barnyard brawl." Santa looked around warily. "That might be the least of your worries. The wind's picking up again, which means that another assault is coming. We need to get out of here." "Sire!" said one of the armored elves, thumping his fist to his breastplate and bowing his head. "We will cover you. You must go while you still have a head-start and the dark one is unconscious." Santa nodded. "Yeah, he's not gonna be happy when he wakes up and he's really gonna want revenge on you, Virginia." She felt her mouth go dry at the notion of another battle and Krampus waking up to even the score. "So; now what?" Santa shrugged. "I'd say it's fairly obvious. I've still got to make my rounds before the night is over and I'm not leaving you here;" She gaped as he put his hands on her shoulders and looked down into her eyes. "Virginia, you're coming with me and you're going to help save Christmas." Chapter 3, Christmas Wishes "How the hell do you drive this thing?" Ginny called in a panic, her eyes wide as she held onto the reigns, twisting them wildly as she tried to steer. Up ahead of her, eight large reindeer squealed and thrashed their heads. The sleigh corkscrewed while it hurtled through the cold night air, the moon shining down on them. "Well, first of all, stop panicking," Santa replied as he stood on the back of the sleigh, atop his huge red sack of toys. He was more or less back to his original size she had become accustomed to, now that he had sent his other 'iterations' of himself out over the globe to deliver presents. "That would be an excellent start." "Easy for you to say," she snapped, scowling back at him for a moment since taking her eyes off her designated path seemed to make no difference to how she was doing at navigating. "You're used to doing this!" "Trust me, between the two of us, you're the one with the easy job right now and I'd be happy to trade," he called back as he ducked wildly. A comically large rocket thundered by, with an evil-looking man strapped to the bottom of it, swinging a weapon wildly to hit Santa. "Try to keep her steady!" "While dodging psychos on rockets, no problem!" she grumbled, trying to ignore the howling wind and roaring projectiles. "Have I mentioned Krampus is a gigantic asshole?" "Repeatedly," Santa answered, watching warily. The sky was threaded with jets of fire as their enemies kept coming about in ponderous, elliptical arcs and heading back towards them, intent on their destruction. They had only just pulled off from the smoldering remains of Ginny's country chateau when the assault began. Krampus was nowhere to be seen, but his minions were clearly determined to avenge him. "Maybe urinating on him wasn't such a good idea. He never did take humiliation well." Ginny squawked in alarm and ducked as a rocket streaked right at her. Santa jumped in the air, doing the splits to avoid the projectile and landing back on top of his present sack. Another tried to pull up alongside them but Santa grabbed the harness the man was wearing and wrenched the rocket off course, sending it speeding into one some distance away. Both rockets (and presumably their pilots) exploded in a violent orgy of noise and flashing lights. "Really hope people just think those are fireworks," Santa muttered as he looked glared balefully at yet another rocket considering approaching. "Fireworks right in the middle of the world's most spastic meteor shower. Sure, they'll buy that;" "Funny part is I can't tell if you're serious," Ginny said loudly. "If they don't believe that narrative, then they've gotta accept that Santa Claus was engaged in an epic air battle over their town with quantum men strapped to rockets." "Truth is often stranger than fiction," Santa agreed, nodding. "Fighting these jerks off is taking too much time!" "Well, don't you have anything in your back of tricks there?" Ginny asked. In spite of the sleigh being open, it seemed to have some weird form of climate control and she'd been getting rather warm. To that end she'd pulled down her top, exposing her tits to cool herself off. The breeze allowed through made her nipples tingle delightfully, but not enough to distract her from driving the sleigh. After all, she often drove ninety minutes to her job wearing a vibrating insert in her panties, so she knew for a fact she could orgasm and still control a vehicle. A wheeled one, at least. She wasn't so sure about a sleigh doing Mach Three at twenty thousand feet. "You mean a weapon?" Santa asked. "In the bag full of toys for kids?" "You gave me a nerf gun out of that bag and it turned out to be some sort of doomsday device, didn't it?" she pointed out. "Scary lightning bolts everywhere. I refuse to believe you don't have some other goodies in there." Santa shrugged and squatted down to look inside the bag, getting narrowly missed by another rocket that shot over his head. The pilot cursed and came around again, aiming directly at the chassis of the sleigh from the side. Ginny's eyes widened in fright as she saw him approach. She jerked the reins to one side and the sleigh tilted ninety degrees, presenting its wide, flat red underside. The rocket slammed into it and exploded. Whatever it was made of or whatever shielding was in place, Ginny only heard the detonation and felt a rumble, but there was no damage aside from that. "Ha!" Santa said, standing tall and holding an electric guitar in the air, its black body gleamed in the moonlight. He put the strap around his neck and took several seconds to tune it, ignoring the aerial mayhem that swirled around him. "The hell are you going to do with that?" Ginny asked, scowling as she looked behind to see what he was up to. "You said to find something, I found something," he said simply as he checked the pickups. "Now let's see what we can do here;" He took the pick in hand and strummed it across the strings, a screeching pulse of sound blared out from the instrument, heading in all directions. It struck several rockets nearby, which exploded brightly. Other were knocked off course, spiraling around crazily as they fought for control. Santa laughed loudly, apparently enjoying himself. "Quit laughing and kill, red man!" Ginny yelled, nonplussed by his amusement. "I want to survive the night and I've had several close calls with death already!" "I'm working on it, Virginia, patience." Santa chided, adjusting the tuners momentarily. "Near-death experiences make you cranky." "No shit, Sherlock," she grumbled as he blasted out another screeching wave of sound. "Do you plan to play anything or just keep shrieking out that one sound?" "As you wish," he said cheerfully, pleased to be doing as she asked. Making her happy was all he cared about. He began playing a heavy metal version of Wagner's 'Ride of the Valkyries', the pulsing walls of sound thundering out and striking every foe within hundreds of

Miracle On Route 34: Part 2 Virginia and Santa face extreme danger together. Based on a post by BiscuitHammer, in 3 parts. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories. Someone attacked Santa with a wicked-looking spiked hand-axe, something out of a sci-fi movie. He batted the weapon aside and clapped his open hands across the man's ears, busting his brain. Before he dropped, Santa grabbed the corpse and swung it around in a wide arc, smashing it into the foes surrounding him and knocking them back. "Shit!" Ginny squealed as one of the targets landed near her. "It's like the fucking Matrix in here!" As he threw the corpse away, he paused very briefly and glanced at her. "Since you happen to be right there, how about a little mood music?" "What?" "I'm just saying some music would be nice if we're going to be doing this," he called. "You're next to the entertainment system, how about putting something on?" "You’re shitting me, right?" she almost complained, wincing as she heard something delicate-sounding and expensive smash behind her amidst the wild brawl. She stared at the multimedia system, flapping her arms in frustration as she tried to focus through the noise. This couldn't be happening. She clutched the sleeves of her plush robe for a moment, trying to concentrate on its soft, fuzzy texture and center herself. She'd almost forgotten the large nerf gun in her hands but ignored it now, fixing her gaze on the mp3 playlist. She pressed a button. "Silent night; Holy night;" Bing crooned through the room. "Not really what I had in mind!" Santa mentioned loudly as he rammed his knee into a man's chin. "Try again!" Ginny bit her lip and pressed the button again, this time rewarded with Gary Glitter singing 'Another Rock And Roll Christmas'. "Still not quite there," he said as he snapmared another foe. "Better, but not quite!" "Well I don't know!" she shouted in exasperation. "What kind of music do you put on while Santa kills things in your living room?" Santa turned sideways and thrust his foot out, kicking an intruder in the chest and sending him sprawling backwards, rolling head over heels until he thumped into the entertainment system, jolting it and skipping the player. "I am a bitch. How do you want me? From behind, or on my knees? I am a slut, please hold me down, I'll be your noise, This shit will fuck you up!" "Perfect!" he declared as he fought, swarmed once again by foes. "Seriously?" Ginny yelled. "Combichrist is Santa's fucking fighting groove?" "I'm trying to figure out why you have it on your playlist," Santa replied. "I don't remember you liking aggrotech!" "Why the hell do you of all people even know what it is?" she shot back, wincing as she watched another body sail into the opposite wall with a sickening crunch before dropping to the floor and leaving a huge, crumbling dent in the stone. 'This Shit Will Fuck You Up!' "I prefer the term 'Hellektro' myself," he added. "And I know all songs, silly. I remember when the Dayglo Abortions wrote that 'Hey Santa!' song back in the '80's, they didn't get presents for” "I didn't ask, why are you answering?" she hissed. "Kill! Kill!" All the while, the pounding rhythms of the music filled the room. "I am a bitch. How do you want me? From behind, or on my knees? I am a slut, please hold me down, I'll be your noise, This shit will fuck you up!" "Well, at least we know why it's on your playlist, anyway!" he mentioned as he broke someone's back over his knee. "Very funny, red man!" Ginny hissed, scowling. She ducked wildly as another assailant flew overhead and landed in the Jacuzzi, his neck slamming against the hard edge with a snap noise and then tilting at a strange angle, his eyes wide and unseeing. "Fucking hell," she muttered. "These guys eat too much red meat!" Santa smashed two heads together before punting a third man in the chest, sending him staggering back until he fell against the entertainment unit, right next to Ginny, his eyes spiraling in his head. She scowled down at him for a moment before smashing the pitcher of nog on his cranium and sending him to the floor. Every single intruder stopped and turned to look at her suddenly, their eyes narrowing and turning very yellow. "Eep;" Ginny said quietly, going pale. They all howled and lunged toward her, even as Santa fought to reach her first. She shrieked in fright. "Darn it, Ginny!" he shouted in what almost sounded like irritation. "I told you not to do anything!" "You said not to use the stupid nerf gun!" she shot back as she dodged wildly and began to run around, evading her pursuers. "I meant don't do anything to get yourself noticed!" he growled as he bulldogged one man's head into the floor. He sprang to his feet and grabbed another man by the back of the head, ramming his face into the stone wall, creating a small crater from which the body slumped only slowly and wetly. "How the hell did they not notice the mostly naked girl in the room?" she yelled, sprinting around the circumference of the room, being chased by yellow-eyed foes. "They're mostly quantum, they don't always perceive real-state things or beings until they're interacted with!" he answered. "They weren't looking for you until you announced yourself!" "Oh, you and your weird physics shit!" she groused, her robe coming more and more undone as she ran. One of her tits was exposed, bouncing annoyingly and the nipple hardening as a cold wind from the endless holes in her walls and windows blew into the room. "Now what?" "Well, since they know you're here, you might as well use the gun," he answered as he tackled a small knot of them who were looking to cut off her avenue of escape. "At least then you can defend yourself if you're careful!" "The fuck am I supposed to do?" she shouted angrily as she clutched the ridiculous, useless gun. "Nerf them to death? Hope I shoot one foam dart down a throat and hope the bastard chokes and dies?" "Didn't you just let me inside all of your orifices?" he pointed out as he spun low, sweeping one foe's feet from under him and then taking him by the ankles to slam him off the floor. "Trust me, Virginia!" "Dammit!" she spat, steeling her nerve, hoping her resolve was harder than her nipple currently was. Taking a deep breath, she stopped running and spun, pointing the gun and pulling the plastic trigger; She yelped in astonishment as coruscating arcs of lightning crackled and lashed out from the muzzle, enveloping several foes, who wailed in glowing agony before disappearing from view. "Jesus H Fucking Tesla!" she exclaimed in amazement as she gaped down at her toy. "Virginia, language!" Santa warned. She rolled her eyes and pointed at another man rushing her, pulling the trigger and watching him explode in a shower of scintillating particles. "This shit will fuck you up!" blared the speakers. The wall splintered next to Ginny and several terrifying creatures barged in, causing her to shriek in fright, they were easily Santa's size, vaguely humanoid but covered in a greyish, segmented carapace, with insectoid heads, evil-looking mandibles and huge claws at the end of four arms. They hissed as the lunged for her. "Fuck fuck fuck!" cried out as she began running. "Fucking hate motherfucking bugs!" She fired wildly behind herself without looking, managing to strike one of the new creatures but only slowing it down. Ginny raced for the stairs, stampeding up them only to find more of the yellow-eyed humanoids waiting for her. "Santa!" she cried out in terror. "Help!" He glanced her way and grimaced at her predicament. "Aw, hell;" With a strength born of the desperation to protect one of his precious children, he surged forward, shoulder-blocking his way through a knot of assailants, springing through the air with astonishing agility, alternately using the wall and railing of the stairs to get to the upper floor, twisting and executing a flying kick that downed a foe about to attack Ginny. "Good thing I wore my enhanced parkour boots tonight, eh?" he muttered as he glared at the foes crowding to get up the stairs or down the hallway at them. "I don't even know what that means." Ginny snapped, backing up warily as the horde coming for them grew in numbers. "If that's some sort of geek speak, then we, are you getting bigger?" "I guess I am," he replied, grimly, glaring at their foes. "I don't expect what I'm saying to make sense, but the other iterations of me, my other selves, they're all coming here, merging with me to help meet the threat." "You're; consolidating?" she asked in disbelief. "That's one way to look at it," he said, his blue eyes flashing. "It's gonna make finishing the Christmas run tight if I get held up here much longer." "Oh, terribly sorry if I'm inconveniencing you, your highness." Ginny said, trying to not sound too snide. He put his body between her and her foes, backing her up against the wall. "They can't come through the wall you're up against, it's the South wall," he said quietly but with a sense of urgency. "You're safe from that angle. You can fire your gun past me or over the rail at the guys down below. Since they're trying to reach you that means they've solidified enough that they can't do crazy things like jump seven meters up to reach you, they'll have to use the stairs." "I thought they were after you." Ginny said hotly. "They were, until you announced yourself with a jug of nog," he pointed out. "Now they want to destroy you to hurt me." "Oh. Sorry." Ginny mumbled somewhat sheepishly. "You can make it up to me later!" he said as he surged forward suddenly, bulling his way through the approaching crowd, clotheslining several at once. Shouts went up and the fight was on again. Santa punched, kicked, elbowed, kneed and wrenched his way through the enemy horde. Ginny swore he was indeed bigger than he had been earlier. His already hard body physique was almost bulging with muscles now, like a California beach bodybuilder. Black blood glistened on his flawless skin as he maimed the attackers. Droplets that hit the carpet sizzled and ate through it, burning the hardwood floor beneath. "No!" Ginny wailed in despair. "Not the hardwood! I loved that feature!" She glared and gritted her teeth as she leaned over the railing and pointed the nerf gun down at the endless crowd on the main floor, pulling the trigger. The crackling arcs of energy enveloped several foes, who wailed and vanished. Same as before, the giant insectoids rarely disappeared but seemed slowed or staggered by the attack. Santa fought his way forward, forcing the attackers back from Ginny. Try as they might, no one got by him, even if it meant that they could strike at him instead. He took their assaults resolutely, using his body as a shield to protect her. Before long, the floor of the hallway was littered with bodies, some barely stirring, others not moving at all. Still, the foes swarmed up the stairs. One of the bug-things swiped at him with its vicious claws and he ducked under the blow before kicking his boot into one of the reverse-jointed legs, snapping it. The bug screeched and tumbled and he leapt onto its back, grabbing hold of one of the large, wet-grey chitinous plates that armored its back and pulled, it tore away with a mushy crack and the beast's keened agony as it shuddered and thrashed. Without pausing, Santa whirled around and slammed the exoskeletal plate across several men's heads, dropping them. Ginny kept firing the nerf tesla gun, wondering what sort of sociopath would invent a deadly weapon that looked like a famous kid's toy. She pushed it from her mind, realizing that she wanted to live and didn't care at the moment about the social mores of the issue. Santa was using the huge chitin plate almost like a shield, driving his foes back with it to the stairs. It finally cracked in half and he punched through the mess, unwilling to give the enemy time to regroup. He spun one man around with a fist across the jaw before grabbing his arms from behind and ramming his knee into the man's back, lifting him off the floor and letting him slam his spine onto the stairs. Without waiting, Santa launched himself through the air, knee raised and smashed it into the face of a man on the stair's corner landing. The foe's head went back through the wall with a loud crunch and he hung there limply, no longer part of the battle. "Ack!" Ginny squawked as the nerf gun sputtered and let out several impotent flashes and then died. "Not now! No no no!" One foe had broken through the cordon and now raced toward her. She yelled loudly and smashed the butt of her nerf gun into his face, staggering him for a moment. She glared at him angrily, waiting for him to fall, but her didn't, so she kicked him in the crotch with her instep. He groaned and sunk to his knees, holding himself. Ginny was practically jumping up and down on top of him by the time he stopped moving. "Stay; the; fuck; down!" she shouted angrily as she turned his ribcage into powder. She failed to notice the one last foe who rushed up behind her. But then Santa was at her side and he delivered a devastating haymaker to the man's thorax. Stunned, the intruder staggered back against the railing. With a growl, Santa grabbed him by the face and ruthlessly bent his back over the railing before leaping over and slamming his elbow across the man's neck as he went down to the main floor. The lifeless form crumpled next to him as he looked around, glaring. No foes remained standing. Aside from the music, all was quiet. "It is safe?" Ginny called from the gallery. "Are the scary guys and bug-thingies all gone?" "No," Santa said warily. "And the next wave is even bigger." "Great!" Ginny complained, tossing the useless nerf gun over the side. "And according to you, there's no one that can help us!" "I didn't say that," he countered, beckoning for her to come down the stairs and be near him for protection. "I just said there was no Easter Bunny." "No Superman either, apparently," she grumbled as she approached him, letting him put a huge arm around her possessively. He was, indeed, bigger than ever. She was practically child-sized next to him now. "So who the hell is there to help us?" "If help's arriving it had better get here soon," he said, taking her to the remains of her big glass bay windows and back door. The wind was howling as snow drove into the living room. What was left of it, anyway. Which was nothing. "It's now or never. Can you see them?" She peered into the darkness outside and a chill ran down her spine, hundreds of red and yellow glowing eyes could be seen in the darkness. And they seemed to be getting closer. "Do; do they see me?" she asked, swallowing nervously. "I'm sure they do," he said, grimacing. "Not going to take a chance and assume they don't. I'll do everything I can to protect you, of course." "Is; is that going to be enough?" She could hear the angry hisses and an evil chanting outside clearly now, getting closer with each moment. It pained Santa that he couldn't lie to her. "I don't know, Virginia." She sighed and smiled weakly. "Well, at least I know there's a Santa Claus now. And he gave me the night of my life before it all ended." He returned the smile, trying to feign a cheerfulness he didn't feel. "I don't;" Ginny faltered, trying to find the words. "I don't suppose that you'd; well; that you'd be willing to kiss me one last time? You know, before the end?" He turned to look down at her, his hands holding her arms with an unreal gentleness and a warmth in his eyes that comforted her even now. "Nothing would make me happier, Virginia." She smiled and closed her eyes. "Merry Christmas, Santa." "Merry Christmas, Virginia;" he said softly as he leaned down to kiss her. Then the night was filled with high-pitched shrieks, a noise that made her eyes snap open. She'd heard noises like that before, once a long time ago in grade school. It sounds like the hissing passage of meteors above, and getting closer. Or what she imagined artillery sounded like when it was incoming, like in all those war movies. Santa's head turned and an almost evil grin crept over his face as he listened. "That's more like it!" he declared, standing tall and pointing at the blackness of the night. "Watch the sky, Virginia;" She looked up and noticed glittering points of light, dozens of them, seeming to get closer. The hissing shriek was indeed their approach and they seemed to be aimed right at them. She felt Santa's hand squeeze on her shoulder, almost in excitement. His blue eyes were blazing ferociously. Finally, what looked like dozens of giant icicles, each larger and longer than a semi, lanced out of the night sky and slammed into the earth around her house, shaking it as they buried their tips in the frozen ground and came to a stop. Several impaled the intruders as they came in, while others kicked up a covering spray of snow as the enemy stopped and looked around in confusion. Then doors or portals opened on the sides of the titan icicles and tall, lithe beings began leaping out of them, wearing weird, form-fitting armor and carrying space-age guns and swords or axes. Their armor and long hair was a riot of colors that was reflected by the snow and ice. Wild, ululating war cries pierced the air. And a savage, bloody battle began on her property. "Who the hell are they?" Ginny almost yelled in astonishment as she watched. They moved with inhuman grace and speed, the ones not wearing helmets revealing long, beautiful facial features that were often frightening because of the wrath they displayed. The helmets were all tall and peaked, showing fearsome designs and glowing eyes. Weird runes pulsed and throbbed with light all over their armor. Guns hissed and shrieked while swords hummed as they slew. "My elves," Santa said, clearly pleased and also eager to fight but not willing to leave her side yet. "They got my call and converged on my position." "Those are elves?" she exclaimed in amazement. "Aren't they cutesy little toy-shop people?" "Cute myth, but no, not these ones," he replied, watching as several elves wearing bone-white armor with feminine features raced past, throwing themselves into a knot of the hulking bugs. They screamed and the masks of their wild-maned helmets gave off vibrations that shook Ginny's teeth in her head as it melted their foes' faces off. "No, a lot of my elves are warriors, meant to help me fight Krampus. They keep Christmas safe with me." "What the hell are they wearing?" she asked in disbelief. How could this weird night get any weirder? Santa sighed. "Truth? They've been spending way too much time playing Warhammer 40k and they; appropriated armor, weapons and tactics from the Eldar faction. They're space elves." "Wow. Gay;" she muttered, shaking her head. "Well, they're certainly earning their keep tonight." He nodded. "Been a long time since Krampus moved against us this hard. Apparently he got bored and was feeling uppity. That or he just forgot what a good thrashing felt like." Ginny watched as three elves, clad in scary black armor and wearing helmets that looked like peaked skulls, marched relentlessly forward, firing little rockets from elaborate launchers they carried in their hands and on suspensor harnesses. The rockets punctured the bugs' chitin shells and exploded inside them, sending shards of exoskeleton and stinking goo in every direction. Ginny squeaked and hid behind Santa as some of the nasty effluence landed right where she'd been standing only a moment before. Beams of super-heated plasma and tiny, shuriken-like projectiles hissed and whizzed by them, the remains of her lovely house now the center of a battleground while the winter storm raged on. Warriors in green armor, carrying weapons that looked like a horrifying hybrid of sword and chainsaw, tore into a knot of foes, slicing them to bloody ribbons. As savage as the battle had been earlier, when it had just been her and Santa, she suddenly appreciated its relative civility. "They need my help," Santa said finally, cracking his knuckles, his expression grim. "We have to finish this off or Christmas won't come on time." "I thought you said there was plenty of time." Ginny protested, frowning up at him. "There was," he admitted. "But in order to defeat Krampus' minions, I summoned every single quantum iteration of myself back to here to help me fight. No one is delivering presents anywhere at the moment. I can't change real-time if I'm here in my entirety." He turned and looked at her. "Hopefully we're keeping them busy enough that they don't worry about you. Stay against the wall and work the music, will you?" "Manning the music station," she said, nodding, focusing on giving herself a task. "Music for Santa and his homicidal elves to kill by. Got it;" She watched as Santa leapt through the shattered remains of her bay doors into the howling storm and crashed into a knot of foes, savaging them. She watched in disbelief for some time, trying to figure out how Santa could kill anyone. I mean, even serial murderers got presents in prison, didn't they? Maybe they didn't, she had no way of knowing and chalked up thinking about this to what could only be described as the weirdest night of her life. She squealed and dodged out of the way as a body came flying through the doors and landed next to her. She scrambled over to the entertainment center and stood in front of it, trying to figure out what the hell she should play. "Okay;" she breathed, trying to focus. "Mass slaughter music; mass slaughter music;" What constituted mass slaughter music? Death metal? Panic At The Disco? Teletubbies music? She had no playlists, so she began cycling through the radio, hoping to find anything that might suffice. Oldies; Christmas music; hip-hop; trance; disco; "Son of a fuck," she muttered. "This is harder than it looks." She finally came across a station playing 'Jailhouse Rock' and decided that was good enough, she was sick of looking. She winced, trying to ignore another splintering crash as a body came through her wall. She hugged herself but then felt her robe. She frowned as she looked down at it, realizing it had been thoroughly shredded in the fight earlier. Those shuriken-thingies had been cutting it real close. Ginny grumbled as she pulled it off and threw it away, standing there completely naked, it hadn't been keeping her warm in its current condition and she was thoroughly beyond giving a shit at this point about who saw her naked. They were all too damn busy tearing one another apart anyway. And that sort of pissed her off. She was buck-naked and no one seemed to care. She'd shaved her cunt for this? "And I thought my night sucked before," she sighed to no one in particular. "Not getting my cunt pounded had been my biggest complaint before this hack!" She never saw the menacing shadow that had slipped up behind her. Santa picked one of his foes up overhead and hurled him into a cluster of foes, bowling them all over. He then punched another man as he tried to run by, knocking him off his feet and into his back. A quick stamp on his solar plexus made sure he stopped moving. The huge man thrust his fist in the air and shouted loudly. "Clear!" he thundered, indicating no other enemies surrounded him. His elves responded in kind, many of them gathering in a tight ring about him, weapons facing out as they sought to protect him. Hundreds of bodies lay strewn across the landscape, some burning from plasma blasts, other shredded and blown apart by rockets or sliced into bloody jerky. The storm seemed to be abating, no longer a blizzard so much as a stiff wind and swirls of snow. "Sire, we detect no enemies in the immediate vicinity," one elf wearing blue armor with a tall, crested helmet announced, striding up and saluting by thumping his gauntleted fist over his heart. "This attack has been defeated." "Maybe," Santa said, looking around warily. "But that doesn't mean anything just yet. We have to secure the area, make sure Virginia is alright and then get back to” "Kringle!" "Damn," he muttered to himself. "I thought this was too easy." He made several complex gestures, sending his elves fanning out in a wide arc as he began trudging forward through the snow, heading toward where the voice had come from out of the night. The winds and squalls of snow continued to die down until there was an almost deafening silence, the moon shining brightly overhead and revealing the sheer carnage of the battle that had been waged, the snow and ice glittered with frozen blood. "Kringle!" snarled the inhuman voice angrily. "I'm coming, I'm coming!" Santa said loudly, scowling. "Don't get your panties in a bunch!" He stopped in a clearing on the other side of the house, glowering at who confronted him, the beast was not as tall as he was, nor as muscular, but horrifying in aspect. The backward-jointed, hairy legs ended in wicked hooves. The skin not covered in coarse black fur was almost as dark and criss-crossed with innumerable scars. The vascular chest was crowned with a strong neck and sitting atop it was a blasphemous head, a demonic goat's visage from which grew four evil, twisting horns. The red eyes blazed like wrathful coals and sharp teeth glistened wetly inside the hateful mouth. Krampus. And in one of his powerful, clawed hands, he held Virginia by the neck, who looked like a rag doll. "Hi, Santa;" she said weakly, looking very apologetic. Santa kept walking forward, clenching his fists. "By all means, Kringle, keep coming forward if you mean to slay the child." Krampus growled, starting to squeeze and causing Ginny to shudder in fear. Santa stopped dead in his tracks, his eyes narrowing. His elves had now cast a tight net around the scene, hemming in Krampus. One circle of warriors faced inward, pointing their weapons at the abomination while another behind them faced out, prepared for any further attacks. Santa didn't move. "Let the girl go, Krampus," he said levelly. "This doesn't concern her." "Oh, I beg to differ," said the beastman in an almost non-chalant tone. "It's always about the children, isn't it?" "Hey!" said Ginny angrily. "I am not a child, jerk! I'm twenty, Gurr!" "Oh, do stop talking, you're such an annoyance." Krampus said, giving her neck another warning squeeze. "Let the adults work this out." "There's nothing to work out, Krampus," Santa growled, his blue eyes flashing. "You'll let the girl go." "I think we both know that's not happening," intoned the vile intruder. "She is my victory over you, and you know it. Revenge is not only a dish best served cold but often. And not often enough for me." "About this cold revenge dish thing," Ginny said, squirming slightly. "Couldn't; couldn't I just find you a nice tin can to chew on instead?" "Shut up, girl!" Krampus said harshly while several elves could be heard to chuckle and even Santa smirked at her jest. "I hold your life in my hands, to dispose of as I please." His foul breath crackled in the cold night air. His touch was uncomfortably warm, almost hot and strangely kept her body from freezing in the winter night. His touch felt evil and her skin crawled in revulsion. His strength was terrifying. "It wasn't enough that I slaved in coal mines for you, giving you carbon lumps to deliver to naughty children," Krampus growled, glaring at Santa. "It wasn't enough that I found the worst of them and brought them to you in the night so you could lecture them." "Hey, nobody asked you or ordered you to do the coal thing, pal," Santa said angrily. "And the whole kidnapping kids thing was your idea. I decided to let you have some creative control and look what happened. When it didn't work out, you decided that beating naughty kids with reeds was the answer. You're damn right that wasn't good enough!" "Silence!" Krampus snarled loudly, stamping one of his clawed hooves and making the ground shake dangerously. "Your kind-hearted foolishness with these puny mortals changed nothing about their behavior! Your failure to recognize their inherent selfishness was why our efforts were doomed!" "These puny mortals?" Santa countered. "You used to be one of them, Pete, remember? You were a well-behaved boy once." "Shut up!" growled Krampus. "Well-behaved, but not good," Santa continued. "You followed the rules and wanted everyone to follow rules. You were a control freak. I brought you north to show you what kindness could do, but you hated the cheer and the happiness and you fled to the coal mines in Greenland, hiding in the dark where the light of Christmas couldn't touch you! And when making kids feel bad with coal didn't bring them into line, you started the whole whipping them with reeds thing. Good job there, Pete!" "I'm warning you, Kringle;" Krampus said dangerously. "Oh, he really gets your goat, doesn't he?" Ginny sneered, causing several elves to laugh loudly. Krampus now snarled furiously and lifted her into the air by her neck, causing her to cry out in pain. Santa watched warily, knowing better than to make a move. "We seem to have an impasse," Krampus said, an evil smile playing over his slavering mouth. "You cannot harm me, because you know I can slay the child, but I cannot as yet slay her because she is my bargaining chip. But my need to hurt you, old man, is so very strong." He lowered Ginny down until her feet were just touching the snow-covered ground. She frowned as she heard a wet slithering sound she could not identify. "And there are other ways to hurt you than slaying the poor dear, aren't there?" Ginny felt something slimy touch her leg and then start to crawl up it, wrapping around her smooth skin. She shuddered and squirmed in horror as she realized exactly what was happening. The snake-like appendage wound up her thigh and then behind her. She gasped as it slid between her ass cheeks and then underneath to her cunt. She felt the blunt head split her lips and then move upward again. "Don't do this, Krampus." Santa said, trying to figure out what to do without hurting Ginny. "And why not?" replied the qliphotic abomination. "Don't you have a present for me? Then I guess I'll have to give myself one." Krampus' organ continued to slither its way around her body, leaving a glistening trail on her skin. She stiffened and moaned as his appendage wrapped around her tits, squeezing them, the head pausing and teasing the nipples. "Hey, asshole, dinner and a movie first!" she spat angrily. Ginny was about to say something else when the large, grayish cockhead snaked up in front of her face and then plunged into her mouth, causing her to gag and go silent. Her eyes widened and she thrashed furiously, but to no avail. He was simply too strong. "Language, young lady." Krampus chided, still staring at Santa. "Hasn't Santa taught you anything?" "This isn't gonna end well for you, Pete." Santa said, his tone dire. "Christmas never does, Kringle," replied the demon, his cock sliding in and out of Ginny's mouth. "I'm just hoping to make the holiday every bit as awful and intolerable for you as it is for me. After all, misery loves company." He brought her body close to his head and his other hand reached over and stroked her cunt lips, which were glistening. He leered at his foe, knowing Santa was helpless to get closer. "Is she good down here?" Krampus said mockingly. "Nice and wet and tight for you? Was she the best one ever, in the endless list of good girls you have fucked?" Santa said nothing, just glaring at Krampus. His knuckles were white as he clenched his fists. "Sharing your toys is the spirit of Christmas, isn't it?" Krampus said evilly, finally pulling his cock out of her mouth. Ginny coughed and sputtered, tendrils of resinous spittle and worse trailing away from her lips. She glared at Krampus but was still immobilized. "Just get this over with and fuck me already, whip-cock," she spat. "You won't be my first egotistical disappointment, trust me." Krampus' eyes blazed red and his tongue sped around her naked form blindingly quickly while he released her from his clawed grip. The tongue wrapped and immobilized her arms, holding them out straight while still encircling her tits. It then snaked around her waist and legs, pinning those as well while his long cock, swaying about like a cobra, came to a stop in front of her swollen cunt lips. The head teased and tapped against the opening, causing her to moan and squirm. "As you wish, child;" The head forced itself through her lips, sliding deep inside her. Ginny cried out in a mixture of shock and indescribable pleasure. She felt the tip of his pointed tongue probe trailing around her nipples. The python-like length of his cock churned inside her cunt. The blinding light behind her eyes finally receded and she lifted her head, looking out into the night, feeling his tongue constricting around her neck. She could dimly see a huge being in red pants and black boots watching nearby, his powerful chest exposed. The startling blue eyes flashed in the darkness of the night. She could tell he wanted to rescue her but didn't dare come closer. She gasped and shuddered as Krampus' cock pushed still deeper inside her. She felt fuller than she had imagined possible, the slithering appendage stretching her wide. The sticky, squelching noises were hardly to be believed. "Ew, gross! Hentai noises!" she thought in revulsion. "Krampus;" Santa warned. His elves all pointed their weapons menacingly but he held up his hand, staying them. "The child is naughty," Krampus said, smiling through pointed teeth. "Very naughty. Such a sordid past." "Hey, back off, she was young and needed the money!" Santa snapped defensively. "That thing with the midget and the donkey was” "You're not helping here!" Ginny shouted, blushing furiously, even as Krampus violated her. "Wicked child," growled the vile demon, shoving his cock in and out of her, the peristaltic actions of its length causing her to writhe and squirm in his grip, her breath coming in ragged gasps. "Shameless. Even though I violate her, she finds a way to be concerned about how you perceive her. I find it; titillating." "Oh, do I make you horny?" she sneered, turning her head to smirk at him. "Couldn't tell, looking at that head of yours." "Silence!" Krampus hissed, spittle flying from his jaws, his eyes flashing angrily. "I hold your life and death in my hands." "How would I know?" she shot back. "Hope you're better with your hands than you are with your cock, Billy G." He plunged his cock deeper still inside her. She went rigid and cried out. "That all you got?" she rasped, trying not to faint as she felt popping inside her hips while he stetched her. "My brother got in deeper than that when we were little!" "Insolent!" Krampus snarled savagely, bouncing her up and down and he fucked her harder than ever, pulling on her arms and legs, stretching her joints til they creaked. She felt a deep, wet heat building inside her and in spite of the horror she consciously felt about the situation, even more dire was her need to cum. She felt her cunt squeezing around his cock. His snake-like tongue probed her ass and wriggled inside, further adding to her desperation. "Intholent bith, you will be punithed!" "What was that?" Santa asked, turning his head slightly and putting his hand to his ear. "I couldn't understand you, it's like you have a lisp or something." "Don't mock meef!" Krampus said angrily, his tongue whipping out of Ginny's ass, causing her to yelp suddenly. "I'll kill her, Kringle!" "Not before I cum, damn you!" Ginny panted, her body flushed and covered in sweat as she twisted and writhed in his grip. "Uh, so close, goddammit!" "Language!" Santa and Krampus both snapped at her. "Aw, c'mon!" she wailed. "You two are total pains in the ass! Do it, Billy! Show me what a bad boy you are!" Krampus glared at her and began fucking her harder than ever. "As you wish, child!" "Krampus!" Santa shouted, reaching out his hand in alarm. "Don't!" Krampus grinned evilly at Santa, his teeth clenching as he drew close to climax. His cock seemed to swell along its length, stretching her wider still. She threw her head back and gritted her teeth, straining as she was overwhelmed by sensation; Santa's fist slammed across Krampus' jaw with a powerful crack. The demonoid's eyes rolled into his head and he crumpled to the ground. Ginny wailed in frustration as his cock pulled out of her and retreated back to his body, like a wet, slimy Stanley tape measure. She collapsed to her hands and knees in the snow, panting and shaking, her eyes wide. Santa raced up and knelt next to her, his eyes shining with concern. "Fuck;" Ginny whispered, gasping for air. "Motherfucker;" She looked up at her rescuer now, her eyes flashing accusingly. "The hell? Couldn't you have let him make me cum first?" Santa paused. "What?" "I was so damn close!" she hissed, standing up and stamping her foot. "I was within half a second of the orgasm of my life and you had to choose that moment to intervene and play the hero! Don't expect a thank you card!" "Uh, Virginia," Santa said, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly, trying to figure out what to say. "If he had brought you to orgasm, it would have killed you. When Krampus climaxes, his appendage you were so attached to bursts into spikes, basically killing you from the inside while denying you your orgasm." She paused and then deflated. "Holy cobra dildos. What a bastard." Ginny then pointed a finger at her savior. "But you still owe me an orgasm, then, pal. You may have rescued me from certain death, but that doesn't mean I don't need relief." Santa looked really confused. "What, here? Now?" "Damn straight," she said firmly, suddenly remembering she was buck naked in a snow-storm. In spite of the no-doubt freezing weather, her body was still warm and very wet with need. She put her hand down her cunt and felt around for a moment before presenting her sticky palm and fingers to Santa for inspection. "Do I look satisfied to you? You've already fucked me, Screamo the Goat Boy just fucked me, who cares if your freaky gay elves watch us? I need satisfaction now and I already am aware that you can't say no." Santa sighed. "It's gotta be quick, Virginia. I'm really behind, now that I'm completely temporal in one location." "Whatever, just get me to the promised land, man." Ginny replied, shrugging. "Who knows, maybe your entourage might enjoy a show." "Oh, right, about that," Santa said, standing up tall and shouting loudly. "About; Face!" As a single unit, the elves all turned around smartly on their heels, still arranged in a protective ring around their liege and his companion, weapons ready as they scanned the darkness for trouble, their eyes glowing menacingly inside their helmets. Santa strode up to Ginny, towering over her and ignoring the prostrate form of the still-unconscious Krampus, snuffling nearby. She smiled up at him, somehow warmed by his presence, in spite of the icy night she should have frozen to death in already. He pulled her into his arms and kissed her deeply. She moaned into his mouth as she felt her already molten core getting even more heated in response to his touch. Tongues tangled and played as he took her ass cheeks in his hands and squeezed them, making her shiver. Ginny's hands fumbled with his large black belt until it fell away and then pulled down his red pants. He pulled her onto his powerful thighs, resting her on them. She hooked her legs behind his waist and began grinding her wet, eager cunt against his hardening cock, which swelled readily. Her head was almost spinning, she was so horny. "Hmm, give it to me, baby," she purred, feeling the head of his cock touch her cunt lips. "Make me cum hard and fast." She sighed loudly as he pulled her close, penetrating and sliding deep inside her. Ginny moaned shamelessly as Santa once again began to pump back and forth inside her. His huge cock stretched her cunt wide, but not in the violent, violating way Krampus did. This felt warm and utterly perfect. She nipped at the skin of his chest while he moved in and out of her. "Yes," Ginny breathed as he began to moved faster, pumping strongly and rhythmically. She could feel her wetness trickling down between her cheeks, her cunt clutching at him hungrily, greedily and unwilling to let go until it was somehow sated. "Oh, God, just what I needed. Yes, fuck me, Santa!" He gripped her tight and thrust into her, picking up his pace just the way she wanted. She was gasping and yelping now and he squeezed her cheeks, one of his fingers poking inside her puckered knot. She clenched her teeth and groaned at the intrusion, murmuring that she loved it. She grew warmer and warmer, her body tingling with an exquisite fire that rippled out from her core. Santa turned her around and set her feet on top of his boots, bending her forward and pulling on her arms. She cried out as he fucked her harder, his hips thumping against her ass cheeks. Her hands clenched wildly, her breath coming in gasps as his overwhelming strength dominated her. "Oh, God!" she panted, beginning to shudder uncontrollably, almost drooling. "Uh, cum in me, dammit! Fucking cum in me!" Santa pulled on her arms even tighter as his thighs slammed into her. Ginny strained, craning her neck, teeth clenched as she tried not to scream, but it was no use, she wailed loudly as he came inside her, filling her once again in a way she could not describe. Her orgasm shook every last atom of her being, transporting her to a world of nothing but pleasure, edged with mint. She buckled, hanging loosely in his arms, exhausted. She'd been fucked hard at least five times tonight and had a dreadful suspicion that this experience would only make her libido even more hyperactive. She sighed as Santa scooped her naked form into his arms and cuddled her against the cold. Ginny purred and traced a fingernail across his broad chest. "Thank you," she said quietly. "Just what the doctor ordered. That quenched the flames, for now." He finally put her down and she looked at the remains of her ruined chateau, which was completely leveled and now on fire. "Poor Oatmeal," she murmured. "Where am I going to live?" She scowled down at the still supine Krampus, anger flaring in her. "It's this jack wagon’s fault. You should totally napalm his face." Santa looked down at her in shock. "Did you just say I should jerk off in Krampus' face?" "Damn right, he'd deserve it too." Ginny announced. "That and shove your sleigh up his ass." "I am not jizzing in Krampus' face." Santa said, clearly repulsed by the suggestion. "Fine, leave a woman to do a man's job," Ginny said testily, striding over to Krampus and putting one leg on either side of his head. She stuck three fingers inside her cunt and managed to tease out considerable amounts of Santa's minty cum, which she smeared all over Krampus' face and into his fur with glee, even giving him a glistening white moustache. "Take that, asshole!" She looked like she might have been done desecrating the unconscious form, but then she paused and squatted over him, peeing on his body and face, the stream steaming in the cold night air. She grinned evilly as she thoroughly baptized him. "Teach you to mess with me." Ginny muttered as she walked back to Santa, nodding. The huge man had a wide smirk on his face and shook his head slowly. "I can't believe you just pissed all over Krampus," he said, hugging her to him. "However, you're going to freeze to death at this rate;" He held out his hand and one of his elves dutifully brought him a large, velvety red cloak, which he wrapped around her. She blushed and smiled gratefully at his consideration, but only until he slid it off her, revealing that she was now wearing some ridiculous 'Hot Christmas Elf' outfit, complete with striped stockings and high heels. She looked like a Yule whore. "Seriously?" she asked, unimpressed. "This is your solution to my naked issues?" He shrugged. "I liked you better naked, but you would freeze quickly." "Whatever," she sighed, looking down and appreciating the considerable lift it gave her cleavage. It was incredibly warm, in spite of how scant it was. "So now what? I still have no damn home, you and Goatse here blew it up with your little barnyard brawl." Santa looked around warily. "That might be the least of your worries. The wind's picking up again, which means that another assault is coming. We need to get out of here." "Sire!" said one of the armored elves, thumping his fist to his breastplate and bowing his head. "We will cover you. You must go while you still have a head-start and the dark one is unconscious." Santa nodded. "Yeah, he's not gonna be happy when he wakes up and he's really gonna want revenge on you, Virginia." She felt her mouth go dry at the notion of another battle and Krampus waking up to even the score. "So; now what?" Santa shrugged. "I'd say it's fairly obvious. I've still got to make my rounds before the night is over and I'm not leaving you here;" She gaped as he put his hands on her shoulders and looked down into her eyes. "Virginia, you're coming with me and you're going to help save Christmas." Chapter 3, Christmas Wishes "How the hell do you drive this thing?" Ginny called in a panic, her eyes wide as she held onto the reigns, twisting them wildly as she tried to steer. Up ahead of her, eight large reindeer squealed and thrashed their heads. The sleigh corkscrewed while it hurtled through the cold night air, the moon shining down on them. "Well, first of all, stop panicking," Santa replied as he stood on the back of the sleigh, atop his huge red sack of toys. He was more or less back to his original size she had become accustomed to, now that he had sent his other 'iterations' of himself out over the globe to deliver presents. "That would be an excellent start." "Easy for you to say," she snapped, scowling back at him for a moment since taking her eyes off her designated path seemed to make no difference to how she was doing at navigating. "You're used to doing this!" "Trust me, between the two of us, you're the one with the easy job right now and I'd be happy to trade," he called back as he ducked wildly. A comically large rocket thundered by, with an evil-looking man strapped to the bottom of it, swinging a weapon wildly to hit Santa. "Try to keep her steady!" "While dodging psychos on rockets, no problem!" she grumbled, trying to ignore the howling wind and roaring projectiles. "Have I mentioned Krampus is a gigantic asshole?" "Repeatedly," Santa answered, watching warily. The sky was threaded with jets of fire as their enemies kept coming about in ponderous, elliptical arcs and heading back towards them, intent on their destruction. They had only just pulled off from the smoldering remains of Ginny's country chateau when the assault began. Krampus was nowhere to be seen, but his minions were clearly determined to avenge him. "Maybe urinating on him wasn't such a good idea. He never did take humiliation well." Ginny squawked in alarm and ducked as a rocket streaked right at her. Santa jumped in the air, doing the splits to avoid the projectile and landing back on top of his present sack. Another tried to pull up alongside them but Santa grabbed the harness the man was wearing and wrenched the rocket off course, sending it speeding into one some distance away. Both rockets (and presumably their pilots) exploded in a violent orgy of noise and flashing lights. "Really hope people just think those are fireworks," Santa muttered as he looked glared balefully at yet another rocket considering approaching. "Fireworks right in the middle of the world's most spastic meteor shower. Sure, they'll buy that;" "Funny part is I can't tell if you're serious," Ginny said loudly. "If they don't believe that narrative, then they've gotta accept that Santa Claus was engaged in an epic air battle over their town with quantum men strapped to rockets." "Truth is often stranger than fiction," Santa agreed, nodding. "Fighting these jerks off is taking too much time!" "Well, don't you have anything in your back of tricks there?" Ginny asked. In spite of the sleigh being open, it seemed to have some weird form of climate control and she'd been getting rather warm. To that end she'd pulled down her top, exposing her tits to cool herself off. The breeze allowed through made her nipples tingle delightfully, but not enough to distract her from driving the sleigh. After all, she often drove ninety minutes to her job wearing a vibrating insert in her panties, so she knew for a fact she could orgasm and still control a vehicle. A wheeled one, at least. She wasn't so sure about a sleigh doing Mach Three at twenty thousand feet. "You mean a weapon?" Santa asked. "In the bag full of toys for kids?" "You gave me a nerf gun out of that bag and it turned out to be some sort of doomsday device, didn't it?" she pointed out. "Scary lightning bolts everywhere. I refuse to believe you don't have some other goodies in there." Santa shrugged and squatted down to look inside the bag, getting narrowly missed by another rocket that shot over his head. The pilot cursed and came around again, aiming directly at the chassis of the sleigh from the side. Ginny's eyes widened in fright as she saw him approach. She jerked the reins to one side and the sleigh tilted ninety degrees, presenting its wide, flat red underside. The rocket slammed into it and exploded. Whatever it was made of or whatever shielding was in place, Ginny only heard the detonation and felt a rumble, but there was no damage aside from that. "Ha!" Santa said, standing tall and holding an electric guitar in the air, its black body gleamed in the moonlight. He put the strap around his neck and took several seconds to tune it, ignoring the aerial mayhem that swirled around him. "The hell are you going to do with that?" Ginny asked, scowling as she looked behind to see what he was up to. "You said to find something, I found something," he said simply as he checked the pickups. "Now let's see what we can do here;" He took the pick in hand and strummed it across the strings, a screeching pulse of sound blared out from the instrument, heading in all directions. It struck several rockets nearby, which exploded brightly. Other were knocked off course, spiraling around crazily as they fought for control. Santa laughed loudly, apparently enjoying himself. "Quit laughing and kill, red man!" Ginny yelled, nonplussed by his amusement. "I want to survive the night and I've had several close calls with death already!" "I'm working on it, Virginia, patience." Santa chided, adjusting the tuners momentarily. "Near-death experiences make you cranky." "No shit, Sherlock," she grumbled as he blasted out another screeching wave of sound. "Do you plan to play anything or just keep shrieking out that one sound?" "As you wish," he said cheerfully, pleased to be doing as she asked. Making her happy was all he cared about. He began playing a heavy metal version of Wagner's 'Ride of the Valkyries', the pulsing walls of sound thundering out and striking every foe within hundreds of

Miracle On Route 34: Part 1 Ginny gets a wonderful Christmas surprise. Based on a post by BiscuitHammer, in 3 parts. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories. Author's Notes: Someone asked me to write a funny and erotic Christmas tale, but since I can't be normal, it is taking on a radical twist that I hope people will find amusing. I've tried to make Santa awesome but also give him some flaws that the ladies will find both charming and irksome all at once. I wasn't going to call it anything lame like 'Here Cums Santa Claus' (in spite of my love of Elvis) so I eventually settled on ripping off a classic and beloved Christmas movie, naming it 'Miracle On Rural Road 34'. Couldn't help myself with the 'Yes, Virginia' quip, of course. As for Superman, Oatmeal and the Easter Bunny, well, get used to more groaners like that, because I like them. Merry ho-ho and keep your stick on the ice! , Management Chapter 1. Ginny Hale sighed forlornly as she sat on her chesterfield in the dim room, the only light provided by the crackling fireplace and some scented candles spread around to make the house smell like gingerbread. She'd made gingerbread cookies earlier, but they were predictably burnt and now her kitchen smelled like a Christmas elf's ass. She took another sip of red wine from her oversized glass, unable to decide who or what to be mad at, the weather, for bringing this god-awful blizzard on Christmas Eve, her so-called friends for ditching her after she'd gone to all this work to put together a nice party, or herself for going crazy and buying this (admittedly nice) chateau way out here in the boondocks. Still relatively new to her negotiator position, Ginny had landed a huge deal for the company she worked for and the payout bonus was one of the biggest ever seen in-house. Though she had an office, she had often worked from her cramped apartment downtown, where a glorious chaos only she understood reigned. But the payout had been large enough for her to purchase a very pretty home in the country, not more than ninety minutes from work. Her boss was so pleased with the deal that he said she only had to come in once a week, to pick up whatever she needed to work on. It had seemed like a great idea at the time, but now she found she was quite lonely. Few people were will to put forth the effort to come out and visit her. In fact, only three had since the summer when she bought it. Hell, even her boy-toy, Chad from Accounting, could not be bothered and was now just fucking Lily in the secretary pool instead. Bing Crosby was singing 'White Christmas' to her while she moped. The big bay windows to her back porch showed the fury of the storm outside. Driving snow had been battering the countryside for two days now and her boss had called her to just stay safe and not try to come into the city. He was a nice old man and she liked him. He'd actually taken a chance and given her the job, after she'd fucked him. She hadn't invited him to her little soiree, because his miserable old bat of a wife was hovering around him constantly these days, certain he'd been tipping on her. But even without Old Man Reese, she'd invited upward of twenty people and none of them had shown. Not even Claire, her best supposed friend, had made it out. She was probably too busy being pinned and screwed by her boyfriend anyway, Guido or Nunzio or whatever his name was. Dean Martin came on, singing 'Marshmallow World'. Normally this was one of her favorites, but tonight it just reminded her that she was alone for Christmas. Again. With another sigh, she drank the rest of the wine in her glass and reached for the bottle, turning it over. It was empty. Damn. She'd have to open another one. She walked slowly into the kitchen, wearing her ratty old fox-themed footie pajamas, having decided that if she didn't have to dress up for anyone, she was dressing at all. She took a deep drink of spiked egg nog from the jug of it she'd prepared while she found another bottle of zinfandel and burped very loudly. She wrestled the cork off of the bottle and poured most of the contents into her oversized glass, muttering that she didn't have to answer to anyone about what she did, she was a big girl. She slumped back down on the couch while John Lennon asked her what she'd done for Christmas from the stereo system. "Up yours, John;" she said testily as she drank more wine. She stood unsteadily, blinking for a moment to try and clear her head. She might have had a bit of a wine fog going on, since she'd nearly polished off two bottles of Old Vine Zinfandel in under two hours. Convincing herself that walking was not a bad idea, she tottered over to the bay windows, reaching a hand out in front of herself to make sure it encountered the glass before her face did. "Will you look at that shit out there;" she muttered to no one in particular. After all, there was no one around to hear her. Well, almost no one. "Hi, Oatmeal," she said sweetly, grinning lopsidedly at the bearded dragon that sat in a terrarium near the bay doors. "Looks like you're my Christmas date; again;" The tiny lizard said nothing but assumed a darker shade of purplish brown. "Same to you too, bugface." Ginny muttered sourly, annoyed at being spurned by a reptile with a brain smaller than a sugared peanut. She lumbered back to the kitchen, trying unsuccessfully to eat several pieces of the Turkish Delight she'd tried to make, but they were sticky and runny, most of the reddish-pink mess ending up stuck to the front of her pajamas. "Son of a fucking reindeer!" she spat, attempting to remove the pajamas, her sticky fingers having trouble with the zipper. She finally kicked the thing off and left it in a corner of the kitchen, now wearing nothing except her panties and a halter top. She stomped back into the spacious living room, thoroughly annoyed. While the music played, she looked around for something to do, taking another pull from the egg nog jug she'd brought with her. The hot tub. It sat near the bay windows, set into the floor and was large enough for five or six people. She'd been hoping that maybe a few people of the dozens she'd invited would show and maybe they could have a fun pool party. She'd even told everyone in the invitations to bring their swimsuits. But of course, no one showed. She was beginning to suspect she could live in Buckingham Fucking Palace and still no one would come to see her. This was, literally, the fifth Christmas she'd spent by herself. The timing for friends never worked out and her parents were always off in Monaco or some such place, avoiding the weather. Her mom had already called earlier that night, so she wouldn't hear any more from them for a few days now. She sighed yet again and pulled off her underthings, stepping into the water. She was drunker than she wanted to admit, though, missing her footing, squealing and tumbling into the tub with a splash. Ginny came to the surface, sputtering and hissing in outrage. Why couldn't anything work out? Oatmeal just stared at her impassively. "You win this time, gravity;" she growled, displeased with her inelegant entrance. Well, at least she'd been smart enough to put down the jug of nog before trying to get in. She turned on the jets and retrieved her beverage, taking another big pull as the tub rumbled to life. Ginny laid back her head against one of the padded rests and tried to relax, to let her frustrations go. She turned on the jets and allowed one to massage her lower back while sipping at a glass of wine. She tried to put the frustrations of the holiday behind her, to let go of the feelings of rejection and somehow not belonging. "Why did I but this new fucking home if no one was interested in visiting? Everyone said they thought it was so great, but months later, still no visitors. Do I really not matter that much?" It annoyed her to think not only that she was alone, but that doubtless most of the people who had ditched her were at home getting laid. Claire was doubtless face down and ass up on her bed, getting plowed from behind by Guido. Even Mr. Reese, the old geezer, was probably getting some, either from his wife or maybe one of his secretaries. She sighed heavily and sat up, putting her now-empty wine glass aside and deciding that just because she was alone on Christmas Eve didn't mean she wasn't owed at least one good orgasm. She leaned forward and rested her forearms on the padded edge of the hot tub, positioning herself so that one of her jets, the one she'd named 'Juan', was right behind her. She felt the flow of water begin to caress her and she rested her head on her forearms as she wiggled further back, feeling the jet more strongly now as it pushed against her ass and her cunt. With a sigh, she found the perfect distance and pressed her face down into her arms, letting Juan work his magic. Water pressure massaged her cunt lips, strong enough to part them and to tease her clit, sending thrills through her. She shuddered and sighed loudly, forgetting, for now, how much men sucked. She bit the knuckle of her index finger, lost in reverie. God, if only it were a man fucking her. "Alone; on fucking Christmas; where's, ah!, where's the justice in that?" She was sweating now and panting as the relentless jets battered her nether tinglies, the sensations overwhelming her steadily. She clenched her teeth and her fists, straining as she fought to hold on a little longer. She moaned very loudly, her whole body shaking as Juan delivered a wonderful orgasm. She panted and groaned shamelessly, knowing that no one was around to see her in her pent-up, frustrated lust, expending it on her Jacuzzi jets. The scintillating lights behind her eyes, however, were over all too quickly and the climax subsided, replaced by a juddering sensitivity that made Juan's caress too much to bear. She collapsed against the edge of the hot tub, moving her ass away from the jet. "Alone; again;" She may have needed the orgasm, but it did nothing to improve her mood. It didn't help that the song 'This Christmas' by Shoes had begun playing as the cumming ended. When it finally felt like her legs would work again, she turned around and slumped into a corner of the tub, as far from Juan as possible. Ginny stayed still for some time, until her feet and fingers felt that annoying level of pruny that made everything awful to touch. With the heat of the water and all the alcohol she'd drunk, she was feeling rather light-headed, so she turned off the stereo and shut off the lights. She found a plate of her fucked-up and burnt gingerbread cookies and left them on a table near the fireplace along with the jug of nog before beginning to head upstairs to bed. "Yeah. Fuck this day. And fuck tomorrow too. Maybe if I stay drunk enough it'll just fly by. Fuck Christmas." The second floor was an open space in the middle, looking down onto the main floor. A set of stairs led up on either side and the bedrooms were spaced around the gallery. She'd loved the design when she bought it, but this only increased her frustration when no one ever came to visit. "Gorgeous fucking house; ten acres of beautiful nature filled with deer and ugly-ass wild turkeys; a fucking pond people could skate on; shit, I even found a patch of landrace back there! What's not to love about my new home? Why aren't people shitting themselves in jealousy?" She reached the master bedroom, sighing at how big it felt since she had no one to share it with. She stood in front of the mirror, looking at her naked body and sighing. She was trim and fit, with nicely-sized boobs, she kept her cunt shaved smooth and her full lips were simply made to suck cock. Her skin was fair and even and her dark brown hair was long enough to pull on if you were fucking her ass or taking her from behind. So what the hell was wrong? The bed was certainly big enough for two (or maybe her and two guys who didn't mind getting close), but she plunked herself down into it and stared at the ceiling, waiting for the room to stop drunk-spinning. It took longer than she wanted it to, but things finally slowed down an she breathed deeply. She reached over with her hand and fumbled around inside the drawer of the nightstand. She finally withdrew an elegant glass dildo, a barely opaque white with bright red stripes curling around it to simulate a candy cane. It had been a Christmas gift from Claire, who had jokingly given it to her until she found a man for herself. That bitch. "Well, Frosty," she sighed, examining him. "Looks like it's you and me tomorrow. I promise to not get out of bed except to go to the bathroom or get more booze, okay? Because I'm here for you;" And with that she kissed the dildo and put it aside. She turned out her lamp and sighed deeply as she lay in the dark, waiting for sleep to take her. "Fuck Christmas;" A noise from downstairs. Her eyes snapped open. She was sure she'd heard something. Her heart pounded in her chest. She took deep breaths to try and calm herself, reasoning that she'd been drunk and it might just be hangover noises. Maybe just something like branches scraping on the roof or across the walls? Ginny felt a flush of anger and slowly rose, getting out of bed and putting on a plush yellow robe. There were definitely sounds downstairs. She grabbed her rape whistle and her high-school field hockey stick off the wall before quietly opening the door and proceeding out of the room. Her cheeks flushed with fear and anger. How dare someone invade her house? And in this fucking weather! "Burglars? Ruffians? Escaped cons?" "Well, at least if they see you they might have their way with you and break your dry spell." She shook the vile notion from her head, wondering where the hell that'd come from. Could she be that desperate to get laid? Ginny walked as quietly as she could, hearing noises on the roof. Raccoons? Looking to get in from the cold? Fucking trash pandas. She rounded the corner of the gallery and put her foot on the top step, her hockey stick ready. She crept down the stairs, still hearing the noises. They seemed to be coming from her living room. Her eyes narrowed as she tried to identify anything that might be amiss. Then she saw him, a symphony of red trimmed in white, the huge ass swaying back and forth as the intruder was bent over her at the base of her Christmas tree, doing God only knows what to it. He seemed to be humming to himself. She walked up silently until she was maybe ten feet away from him, her hockey stick over her shoulder, ready to swing. He didn't hear her or took no notice of her. "I don't want to hurt you," she growled through clenched teeth. "But you'd best get the fuck out of my house or I'll hit you so hard Google won't be able to find you." The person in red paused in their activities and then stood up slowly. After another moment's pause, they stood up and turned around slowly. He was slightly taller than average and quite a bit fatter than societal norms allowed. He had a fat face with dancing blue eyes and red cheeks. Beneath the tapered red hat was long, silvery-white hair and a very full beard and moustache. The intruder looked at her and grinned. "Shouldn't you be in bed?" he asked with a voice that could only be described as jolly. Ginny said nothing. She seemed to be rooted to the spot. She wanted to say something, anything, but she seemed to have been robbed of the power of speech. "W, who;" she finally managed to stammer. "Yes, Virginia," the visitor said quietly but pleasantly in a soothing voice. "There really is a Santa Claus." She blinked and shook her head, trying to articulate a coherent thought. The big man in red chuckled, clearly amused by her predicament. "Your egg nog was very good," he mentioned as he walked forward a little. "Your cookies needed a little work, but I appreciate the effort. Maybe a cookbook next year?" "Stay still!" she snapped, suddenly coming out of her stupor and holding the hockey stick behind her head as if she was winding up for a hit. "I'll deck you, old man!" "Oh, there's no need for that," he said cheerfully, totally unconcerned by her threat. "It's been a rough year for you, hasn't it, Ginny?" "Why do you know my name?" she asked, her eyes narrowing in suspicion. "Of course I know it," the man claiming to be Santa said jovially. "I'd be pretty lousy at my job if I didn't, right?" "If you're really Santa," she said tightly, still not understanding why she hadn't knocked this guy's head off his shoulders yet. "Then what was I doing the night of October seventeenth last year?" He tilted his head to the side a little and pursed his lips. "Are you sure?" "C'mon, you haven't got all day." "Very well," he said, sighing. "You were sitting in McPhearson's Pub, waiting vainly for Greg from IT to show up, because you'd given him a blowjob in the bathroom earlier that day and promised him more. But he went off with Becky from Accounts that night instead of meeting up with you." She blushed furiously at the memory. "I; that wasn't the day I meant! I meant the sixteenth!" He shrugged. "You had the day off and were really frustrated. You slid a condom over that very field hockey stick and used it on yourself, just to see what it was like." Ginny dropped the stick very suddenly. "How the hell do you know that, you perv?" The man shrugged. "I know all about you, Ginny. And every other boy and girl in the world" "Don't give me that horseshit!" she hissed, glaring at him. "I had too many Christmases where I didn't get what I want to buy into that cockamamie story!" "Well, you weren't exactly the most exemplary child, were you?" he reasoned. "I mean, you weren't horrible, it's not like you were out kicking puppies into woodchippers, but you spent more time in the naughty column that the good column, didn't you?" "What did I ever do that was so naughty?" she demanded hotly, her fists bunched up at her sides. "You and your brother could get rather friendly, couldn't you?" the man calling himself Santa pointed out. She faltered for a moment. "Lots of siblings play doctor. And those atomic booty bombs where I kept jumping in the air and landing on him were just playful." "While naked?" Santa asked, raising a bushy white eyebrow. Ginny blushed. "But that wasn't what landed you on the naughty list," he added. "What got you blacklisted was that you lied about doing your homework or cleaning your room while you were messing around with your brother. Your mom and dad would ask you to do your math and you'd slip away to play doctor instead and tell them you'd finished your homework after. Lying is naughty, right?" "Woah, hold the phone here," she said loudly, holding her head as if she was suddenly dizzy from a revelation. She didn't seem to notice that her robe had opened slightly, exposing her cleavage. "Are you fucking kidding me? Fibbing to my parents kept me from getting the gifts I wanted?" "Were the rules unclear?" Santa asked. "I thought the songs on the subject were so easy to follow." Ginny pinched her eyes in exasperation and then scowled at him. "I'm drunk," she concluded, trying to convince herself none of this was real. "I'm drunker than Sarah Palin and you're not really here. I'm still in bed and this is all bullshit." Santa shrugged. "I was putting stuff under your tree until you arrived and enjoying the nog. I won't mind if you go back to bed." "No, you're not getting off that easily," she said in annoyance. "You broke into my house in the middle of the storm of the fucking century and I want answers, dammit!" He shrugged. "Fair enough. Ask away." Her eyes narrowed again. "Aren't you on kind of a time crunch? Unless I'm the last person on your delivery list, don't you still have a shit ton of houses to visit? Say, a few hundred million?" He waved it off. "I've got it covered, I promise. I have all the time in the world for you, Ginny. I always have." "What, so you sub-contract out?" she said snidely. "Got FedEx making the rounds for you? Or maybe your 'Elves'?" She mentioned the last bit with air quotes. "Goodness, this has been a bad year for you, hasn't it?" he said sympathetically. "But to answer your question, I am capable of being many places at once." "Oh, so now you're the Kwizatz-Haderach?" she asked archly. "Hey, it's not just cinnamon I put in my Christmas cider." Santa chuckled. "It's rather complicated to explain." "So do you, like, clone yourself?" she asked, her guard seeming to slowly come down. "No, not at all," he said, shaking his head. "It involves Cherenkov Radiation, a Holmes field, a Gellar field and, to quote a friend of mine, 'a lot of wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey; stuff.'" "So it's some sort of deep quantum shit?" she asked, her body finally relaxing. He nodded, smiling. "Yes, it's very temporal and quantum. I can be many places at once. It's why I don't have to pay for billions in window repairs every year by going supersonic around the world." "So even while you're talking to me, you're delivering presents?" she asked, the sheer depth of the conversation hitting her now. She walked over to a stool and sat on it. "Like I said, it's difficult to explain without breaking out the chalkboard and calculator," he answered. "The magnetic lines between the poles help, especially the one that emanates from the Fortress of Solitude." Ginny blinked. "Fortress of Solitude? As in Superman? You're friends with Superman?" "Of course not!" the jolly man laughed. "There's no such thing as Superman, silly, he's a comic book character. Had you going, though." "Holy shit, Santa's a troll," she exclaimed, looking at him in bewilderment. "Well, okay, let's assume that this is all real and not a vivid hallucination resulting from a brain tumor. If I've been such a brat all these years, how do I make up for it? How do I get off the naughty girl list?" "Well, a little restraint would be a start," Santa suggested. "I'm not saying go out and become a Carthusian nun or a Buddhist priestess or anything, but you might try laying off the rampant promiscuity." "Why is that so bad?" she demanded. "What's so wrong with wanting to get banged?" "Nothing," he said simply. "But inevitably you get yourself into some kind of weird situation and end up lying your behind off and lying is a naughty thing to do. So try keeping your legs bolted together a little more." "Really;" she said, clearly not impressed. "Celibacy lessons from Santa Claus. Now I've heard everything." "According to my report here and speaking frankly, it's taken guys a lot less attractive than me a lot less effort to get you out of your clothes." Santa mentioned. "This coming from a guy who could clearly use a few P90-X sessions!" she shot back hotly, standing up, her robe opening further as she stomped toward him. He looked down at himself for a moment and guffawed. "Oh, right, I keep forgetting about that; hang on;" The man held his hands out to his sides and began to glow. The luminous display lit up the room progressively and Ginny held her hand in front of her face when it became too bright to look at for several seconds. When the light finally died away, leaving them once again in the softly lit living room, Ginny gaped in shock at what she saw. He was tall, powerfully built, with chiseled muscles, an eight pack and flawless, healthy skin. He'd removed his coat but the red pants remained, stretched tight over muscular thighs. Long, wavy, copper-colored hair fell past his shoulders and the full beard was reddish-gold. The sapphire-blue eyes stared down at her, still glittering with mirth. "Holy Jesus on a pogo stick;" she breathed, her voice little more than a whisper. "You're a total lumbersexual;" "This is what I really look like," he said, spreading his hands out to the sides and showing her his body. His chest rippled as the muscles flexed with the motion. "But kids react to the fat old man disguise better." "I'll bet mothers don't," she murmured, coming forward as if compelled and reaching out to touch his chest and washboard abs. "It's like you're Photo-shopped." He smiled as her hands caressed his abs. "You make me want to not get off the naughty list." "I think I know what you really want for Christmas;" he said slyly. Ginny paused and looked up at him in disbelief. "Are you kidding?" "No, I can't lie." the man in red pants replied. "I thought it was Superman who couldn't lie." "Well, the writers had to get that idea from somewhere, I guess." Santa mused. "In any event, if you want, you could end up on the good girl list by being rather naughty." She stared at him. "So; get laid by Santa for Christmas?" He shrugged. "There might be some other goodies in the bag for you, but I think we both know what Ginny really wants and needs for Christmas." "This is crazy, this is crazy, this is crazy!" she thought to herself, wrestling with her sensibilities. "If this is all just a dream, then I can fuck hunky Santa and have no regrets. If this is real, I can fuck sexy Santa and remember it in the morning! It's win-win!" "Well, this is super-easy," she declared. "Santa, I want you to fuck my brains out for Christmas." "With pleasure, Ginny!" he said, laughing merrily. "Whatever you like, however you want it. I have to keep the kiddies happy." "Good, but just don't say 'kiddies' anymore, because that's kinda creepy," she said, throwing her caution to the wind. She knelt down in front of him, putting her hands on the oversized silver belt buckle and undoing it. Letting it drop, she put her fingers on the front of his pants, caressing them over the crotch. Her mouth went dry. "That'd better not be a secondary present sack you're teasing me with;" Ginny hooked her fingers into the top of the velvety pants and pulled them down, revealing his cock. She drew in her breath slowly, her eyes widening. "Jesus," she muttered. "You're hung like a fat kid's Christmas stocking;" "Thanks, I make due." Santa said cheerfully, watching her admire his cock. "By the way, shouldn't I call you something else?" she asked, looking up at him while her hand reached up to take his huge shaft, wrapping around it, barely. "I mean, most people call you Santa Claus, but isn't your name Nick or Kris or something?" He shrugged again, grinning. "Nick, Kris, Klaus, Pelznickel, Joulupukki, Kanakaloka, Dun Che Lao Ren, Weihnachtsmann, Swiety Mikolaj, Hoteiosho, Jultomten, I don't mind, Ginny. I just like hearing you say my name the way you think of me." "Hmm, Santa;" she replied, smiling as she stroked her hand along his shaft, eyeing it hungrily. How the hell was she going to fit that all in her mouth, forget her aching cunt? "Ah, don't use that word," he chided, holding up a finger. "Some words are still naughty, even when you're an adult." "Stay out of my mind then, creeper." Ginny said as she leaned forward and swirled her tongue around the fat head of his cock. She flicked it around the tip and then slowly took it inside her mouth, tongue rolling against it. "The hell? How can his cock taste like mint?" "Just wait til you taste my cum." Santa said, leering. "Fine, but it better not taste like turkey gravy or we're gonna box." Ginny said as she pulled her mouth back for a moment. She pumped her hand gently along the shaft, studying her quarry intently. It was definitely the biggest cock she'd ever taken on, and the best-tasting. She'd been experiencing trippy magic all evening, maybe she could fit this monster in her mouth this one night; She put the head back in her mouth and relaxed, slowly pushing down the shaft. She moaned as she felt him slide to the back of her mouth and then to her throat. She felt him tremble and lay a huge but gentle hand on the back of her head. "Holy shit; I'm deep-throating Santa Claus;" Ginny took a deep breath through her nose and then tried to relax. Her whole body was tingling with excitement and the whole minty cock thing was throwing her off. Her tongue undulated along the underside of his shaft while the fingers of one hand formed a ring around the base of his cock and the other cupped his balls, fondling them. Ginny was proud of her cocksucking skills and if there was anyone she ever needed to impress with them (aside from her 11th Grade math teacher), it was probably Santa. She calmed herself and began pulling her mouth back along his length, humming and letting her lips vibrate softly on his sensitive skin. "Now I know why Mister Bondi gave you that A in math," Santa chuckled. "You're a very naughty girl, Virginia." "Hmm, only for you, Santa baby;" she cooed as she pulled her mouth off his cock long enough to respond, stroking slowly and swirling her tongue around the head again. She then slid back down the entire length, moaning in pleasure. She could feel her nipples getting hard and her cunt was very, very wet beneath her robe. Both his hands were on the back of her head now and holding her gently but firmly. She began to slowly bob back and forth, thrilled at how she was able to take this enormous beast of a cock all the way in her mouth. Sure, maybe there was some weird physics involved that compressed space and time or some shit, but she didn't care and he certainly didn't seem to mind. "Hmm, very good, Virginia;" he said softly, stroking her hair. No one ever called her Virginia and she didn't know why it gave her a tingle when he did. His cock was very full and very hard now, like a pulsing iron rod covered in mint-flavored velvet. She almost giggled at the thought of how crazy this all was. She really hoped it wasn't a dream. Her thumb began to squeeze along the underside of his cock as her hand followed her mouth up and down his length. The shaft glistened wetly and the mint was making her drool. She undid her robe and let it fall away, the air of the room kissing her flushed skin. Her hands now took hold of his powerful thighs and she began moving back and forth along his cock more quickly. She could feel his hands flexing in her long, dark hair, caressing her skin. Breathing through her nose, she moaned as she sucked ardently, her cunt almost aching with desire. She was hoping he would last long enough to fuck her when he went rigid suddenly and groaned, gripping her head tightly and his hips shuddering. Ginny's eyes widened as she felt him began to cum inside her mouth, spurting strongly. She began swallowing hastily, almost in a panic as Santa pumped his hips against her face. "Holy shit! Fucking eggnog?" He kept cumming and she was sure she might actually drown when he pulled his huge cock out of her mouth and pumped it furiously in his hand, spattering her tits and stomach with his glistening load. She'd never seen so much cum in her life. It tingled on her skin. Finally, Santa relaxed, allowing Ginny to put her mouth back around his cock and suck the rest of his cum from him. He was sighing and breathing rather heavily, apparently having enjoyed himself. She eventually released him and smiled up at him wickedly. "So," she cooed, winking while she gently pumped his cock with her hand. "Am I back on the good girl list?" "Oh, I'd think so," he said, grinned. "But it's not like I've given you your whole present yet." "Jeez, you can still go?" she asked almost in disbelief but also delighted. She really needed to be fucked hard now. "Your cock taste like mint, your cum tastes like nog, your ass probably tastes like hot cocoa or nutmeg and you can keep it up all night?" "Up all night is kind of my thing, at least once a year." Santa said cheerfully. "So how would you like for me to give you the rest of your present, Virginia?" "Well, golly, Santa," she mused, making a show of thinking while she stroked his cock. "Since you seem to be the gift that keeps on giving, how about we just wing it?" He nodded and she stood up, keeping hold of his cock and gently led him over to the large chesterfield, hoping it would hold his rather muscular frame. She knelt on it, resting her arms along the raised back and smiled at him, wiggling her behind. She wouldn't believe how wet her cunt was. "You gonna hurry down my chimney, Santa-baby?" she asked, smiling slyly. "I can't believe you just said that!" he laughed jovially. He may not have been older, fatter Santa, but the laugh still definitely suited him. He stepped up behind her and took gentle hold of her hips. She could feel him press against her ass and she shivered in anticipation. He slid his massive cock up and down between her ass cheeks, teasing her until she was writhing in desperation. He seemed to know instinctively what she loved most. Which only made sense, since he was Santa. "Ready, Virginia?" he asked as he pressed the huge mushroom head against her sticky cunt. She nodded eagerly, unwilling to speak. He slid the head in, parting her lips and penetrating her. She groaned loudly as he began to stretch her inner walls. With a slow, steady push of his hips, he pushed the entire length of his cock deep inside her. It robbed her of her breath, she'd never felt so full in her life, even that one time she'd been so horny she'd fucked her parent's bedpost. "Ah; uh;" she gasped, eyes wide. The sensations were like nothing she'd ever experienced. His cock completely filled her to a delightful stretch that didn't hurt except in the good way. His iron shaft throbbed in time with her heartbeat. It was wonderfully warm but also strangely cool all at once, tingling, like mint again. How the hell could her cunt taste peppermint? "Language, Virginia;" he chided again as he pressed in just a little bit further. By right his cockhead should have bruising her brainstem, but there was no doubt some weird physics shit involved that she decided not to think about. She was getting fucked by Santa, after all. She pressed her forehead against the back of the couch and tried squeezing her cunt around his titan cock or pressing back against him, squirming her ass against his hips. She shuddered in delight, loving how he felt inside her. His hands reached under her body and squeezed and massaged her tits, sending delicious thrills through her. He began to move slowly back and forth, pulling back until just the tip was inside her and pushing in steadily, almost robbing her of breath. She began to feel like a blacksmith's bellows very quickly. The feel of his cock sliding inside her, stretching her and touching deep inside in ways she hadn't known were possible; "Oh my god;" she gasped, fingers digging into the back of the couch. "You're tearing me apart and I love it;" "Only the best for my Virginia," he said, his ruddy cheeks taking on a flush tone as he fucked her. Her fingers squeezed the meat of her thighs and hips or flexed on her ass cheeks. His heavy balls slapped against her cunt as he drove inside her. Strong yet gentle, forceful and commanding yet accommodating. She felt dominated yet exalted somehow. His hand wrapped in her hair and she groaned loudly as he pulled on it, craning her neck. She shuddered in pleasure, feeling her spine almost accordion as he thrust inside while pulling her head back. Her could feel the pulse of his cock through her whole body. Her nails scratched along the couch, almost clawing it. "Uh, you're gonna make me cum so fucking hard;" she wailed, feeling the sweat forming on her skin. "Oh my gawd;" "You're going to make me cum hard too," he panted, thrusting deep inside, thumping his hips against her ass. "You feel wonderful and tight, Virginia;" "Oh, God, he's gonna cum in me;" she realized. "Santa's gonna fucking cum in me and he's not wearing anything! Will my birth control work? Shit, will my kids always smell like mint?" "Oh, God, cum in me!" she panted, thrusting herself back against him and grinding shamelessly. "Fucking cum in me, Santa!" "Ya want me to cum in you?" he hissed, his body beginning to tremble. It felt like his cock was getting bigger inside her. "Want my cum in you?" "God, yes!" Ginny squeaked, clenching her teeth. "Fucking cum in me and make me scream!" They strained against one another desperately and then she cried out as a massive orgasm crashed over her. It battered her senses as she felt his hot-yet-tingly-cool cum bathing her insides relentlessly. Her cunt was making greedy sucking sounds as she came, her whole body shuddering almost uncontrollably. She squeezed and clenched and rippled her tight tunnel round him, reveling in the way he stretched and penetrated her ever more deeply. She collapsed against the chesterfield, panting heavily, her body drenched in sweat. His massive, hard cock was still deep inside her, pinning her to him. She felt like she was made of lead, an exquisite exhaustion while pleasure crawled over her languidly. That was beyond anything she had ever experienced. But he didn't seem to be done with her. His powerful hands took hold of Ginny and turned her around so she was squatting on the couch, her knees spread wide and her arms slung across the high back. She looked up at him in weary astonishment as he nestled himself between her legs and pressed his cock against her sopping cunt again. "Ah!" she wailed as he slid deep inside her again, his huge cock splitting her wide. Her nails dug into the couch again and she clenched her teeth as she sucked in her breath. Ginny tried to regulate her breathing while Santa began sliding in and out slowly, looking down at her with those penetrating blue eyes. "Jesus," she grunted, feeling almost like a rag doll in his hands, which gripped her hips. "Gonna fucking kill me with that thing!" "Oh, let's hope not," he replied, thrusting into her strongly. "I'm nowhere near done with you." She gazed up at him, trembling as he fucked her good and hard. She bit her lip as he squeezed her thighs, before moving his hands up to squeeze her tits, pinching her nipples. She groaned shamelessly as the delicious sting electrified her senses. She tried to squeeze herself around him, baffled by how big he felt inside her. She gasped and whimpered as he slapped her cunt lightly. She reached forward and raked her nails over his powerful chest, leaving red marks along the defined muscles. She ground her hips against him wantonly, thrilling to the look of pleasure on this face. "Uh, fuckin' wreck me;" she gasped, feeling another massive climax building inside her. "Make me cum on that beautiful cock, Santa!" "I'll take 'Things Virginia Never Thought She'd Ever Hear Herself Say' for a thousand, Alex!" he laughed. He reached down and took her ass her hands and pulled her closer, smiling warmly yet wickedly into her eyes as she sank further onto his cock, which penetrated her to the deepest depths yet. She could feel the head pressing against her womb. It didn't hurt, but she felt fuller and more stretched than ever. She felt him squeeze her ass cheeks while he thrust into her. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and held on tight, bumping up and down on his powerful thighs. She moaned loudly and bit his shoulder, trying not to shriek. She tried to squeeze herself around him again, finding that she could barely control her muscles, let alone fuck. She bit down as the warmth spread through her, tears of pleasure in her eyes. He thumped his hips against her even more strongly and they strained against one another. Then he growled and released himself, pumping her once again full of his tingling cum. She shuddered and cried out loudly, her head spinning from the unreal ecstasy. Crushing herself to him, Ginny held on desperately, like a ship battered by an unrelenting storm. They both slumped onto the couch, breathing heavily. She felt small and almost cocooned in his embrace. She was covered in a heavy sheen of sweat and could feel the thrilling tingle of his cum trickling out of her cunt. It wouldn't be a stain on her couch, it was a mark of honor. Their hearts pounded in rhythm as the orgasm passed over them and slowly flowed away. "Holy shit;" she whispered, her body still limp in his arms. "I think you've ruined me for sex. I should be mad;" "You have to admit, it makes sense that I'm better at gift-giving than anyone else on the planet." Santa reasoned, smiling and stroking her hair while she sat in his lap. "I'd say you were a little pent up there." "Mild understatement," she moaned, finally raising her head and smiling up at him. "Thank you, first of all. That was the best thing I've ever felt in my life." "I aim to please," he said cheerfully, caressing his thumb across her cheek and enjoying the shining look in her eyes. "Kinda my thing, after all." "So," Ginny purred, walking to fingers up his broad chest. "Is there a Mrs. Claus?" He shrugged. "There has been, of course." She paused suddenly and looked up at him, her smile replaced by a deadpan look. "What do you mean, there has been?" He seemed somewhat confused by her change in demeanor. "Well, there has been a few in the past, of course, there was Seeki first, then there was Ahoop, followed by Annalina, then Layla, Martha, Juliana, Gretchen and Jessica, Santarina, Kasey, Mary;" "I see," she said stonily. "You've had more wives than Elizabeth Taylor had husbands." "Well, to be fair, they've been spread over a long period of time." Santa replied. "And they were all special to me." "So then I'm not special." Ginny said flatly. "Well of course you are," he said, not understanding her mood swing. "You're my Virginia." "And Becky down the street is your Becky, and Sarah in the blue house is your Sarah and Hilda in Dusseldorf is your Hilda," she concluded. "Everyone's equally special to you, aren't they?" He didn't know what to say. "I'm sorry, I'm not being fair," she sighed. "I just; well, I thought maybe this; ya know, tonight, was truly special. And clearly you're not good at lying." "Well, no, not at all." Santa agreed, still holding her and wondering how he could comfort her. "I can't lie." "Like, literally can't?" she asked, now curious more than anything. "It's part of your genetic makeup that you can't lie?" "No, nothing like that," he admitted. "But after spending centuries with kids and teaching them to always tell the truth, I haven't tried telling a lie in so long I don't even know how to do it." "You don't know how to lie?" she mused. "If I did, it wouldn't be the least bit believable," he said. "Like, if I said right now that your breath smells wonderful and not like old eggnog and vomit, I somehow doubt you'd believe my lie." "No shit," Ginny replied, giving him a stony look. "You're a horrible liar. You've got the subtlety of a cement truck. Good thing you're Santa and don't have to date to charm a girl." He held her close, hugging her tight to comfort her. She sighed deeply, still impaled on his hard cock, which showed no sign of abating. "God, I can't believe you've still got wood after cumming like a fire hydrant three times," she said, her mood softening. She was having the best sex of her life, she reminded herself not to ruin it by being crazy. "How long can you keep going?" He shrugged his muscular shoulders. "How long do you need me to?" "Actually, it doesn't surprise me that's your answer." Ginny said, smirking. "If you've got the time, I've got another itch that needs scratching." He grinned. "So you haven't broken in that hot tub yet, have you?" "Oh, Santa;" she purred, leaning in and biting his earlobe. "Like you don't make me wet already." He picked her up and carried her toward the Jacuzzi, deftly turning it on with his foot and bringing it rumbling to life. He stepped down into the churning water, setting her one of the seats. As he stood up, she leaned forward and hungrily took his enormous cock into her mouth, sucking ardently. She moved forward and knelt in the water, her hands on his hips again or stroking his balls. He picked her up bodily and turned her upside. Ginny squeaked in surprise at first but found his hips in front of her and began sucking again on his tool without delay. He buried his face in her cunt, tongue snaking deep inside her and she groaned gutturally, Holding her in place with one powerful hand, her teased her taint and then pressed a finger into her ass. "Jesus!" she gasped, almost choking on his cock as he wormed the finger down into her tight tunnel. "Oh, fuck! Your finger is bigger than some dicks I've fucked!" She attacked his cock again eagerly, bobbing back and forth like her life depended on it. She squirmed in his grip as he lashed her cunt with his tongue and fingered her ass. Her fingernails dug into his thighs and her knees locked around his neck. His cock throbbed in her mouth, still thrilling her with its unique and incredible taste. He turned her around again and paid her on the edge of the hot tub, spreading her legs wide. She looked on wantonly as he pushed his tongue back inside her again. He gripped her thighs to hold her in place and she groaned and squirmed, squeezing her tits and pulling on her nipples. Her breath came in ragged gasps as he drove her to the limit of her sensations. Ginny shook and thrashed as she cried out loudly, cumming on his face. He didn't let up, lapping at her essence eagerly. She lay like a dead thing for several seconds before her chest began to rise and fall. Her eyes opened, gazing back at him. She couldn't feel her limbs, just floating on a tingling ocean of deep colors. Santa looked up at her and smiled, pulling his tongue out of her cunt and kissing her clit gently. She shivered at the touch. "One hole left, Santa," she breathed, her body glistening. "Got any left in you to perfect my Christmas?" "Always for you, Virginia." Santa said warmly, standing and raising her gently into a sitting position. He settled down into the water on one of the seats and then pulled her onto his lap, facing away from him. She moved her hips around until she found his rock-hard cock, waiting for her. She placed her puckered knot against it, giggling as she thought about what he was about to do to her. She took his shaft in her hand and held it steady while she sank down, very slowly. Ginny gasped and shivered as the head pushed aside the tight ring of muscle, popping inside her. Then she sighed as she lowered herself, feeling his massive cock stretching her tight tunnel wide. God, she felt so full it was unreal. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, her ass cheeks pressed to his lap. He was all the way inside her ass and her held her closed as she settled back against him, purring in sensual pleasure. "Umm, it's never felt this good in my ass before," she said softly, her arms reaching back to curl around his neck. She gyrated slowly on his lap, moaning softly. "A gal could get used to this." His muscular arms wrapped around her and caressed Ginny's body, massaging her tits. She loved how she felt pinned to him. She had finally found the measure of her body and began to squeeze her tight ass around his cock. She squirmed in slow circles on his lap, wishing she had some music to fuck him to. Her stereo system suddenly came on and began playing 'It's Cold Outside'. She giggled and squeezed his neck gently at his thoughtfulness. "You think of everything, don't you?" she purred, lost in her pleasure. "I can't wait to make you cum again." He smiled wickedly and pulled gently on her nipples, causing her to groan at the welcome sting. She pressed her ass back into his lap, squeezing again around his throbbing shaft. The water bubbled and churned around her waist, the heat leaving her skin shining. She began to pant as she moved her hips faster, stopping the circular motions and started to move up and down, his cock sliding in and out of her. Santa took hold of her hips and let her bounce on his lap. Ginny leaned forward, gasping as she fondled her tits, overcome with a liquid heat as his cock impaled her faster and faster. Water splashed around them as the fucking took on an almost frantic pace. Ginny had never felt anything in her ass like this before, nothing even close to this good. She could very easily become an addict. "Uh, fuck!" she grunted, slamming her ass down on him while one hand snaked down and began massaging her cunt and clit. His hands steadied her and helped moved her up and down. She could feel his hips trembling beneath her, his fingers flexing and squeezing her skin. Her panting became a long, drawn-out keening. She clenched her teeth, shuddering and straining as she tried to prolong the fucking; Ginny screamed and pushed herself back against his massive chest violently, thrashing as she clenched his cock inside her ass while he came. His cream flooded inside her, the unreal hot-cool tingling transporting her. He growled in her ear, almost crushing her comparatively tiny frame against himself. She collapsed, utterly exhausted, her chest rising and falling as the world spun around her. She felt him holding her gently, caressing her body in unique ways that seemed to; regulate her blood flow and nerve sensations, making the post-orgasmic bliss she was feeling last as long as possible. She felt herself smile and hum at his consideration, understanding this this is who he was and what he was meant to do. Ginny then did something she almost never did during sex, she leaned her head back, pressed her lips to his and kissed him deeply and with great affection. She held it for as long as she could and then sank back into his embrace, sighing in contentment. "Wish you were advertising for a Mrs. Claus at the moment," she said softly. "I could get used to this." "I like things the way they are," he replied, hugging her. "Every year I get to reward you for being a good girl. What could be better than that?" "True, I guess," Ginny agreed. "I'm only human, all this sex could kill me." "Hey, I'm human too, you know," he chuckled. "Just because I'm immeasurably older than you and subject to quantum laws even my smartest elf couldn't explain doesn't mean I'm a member of some other species." "Okay, that's fair, although I'd still fuck you if you were an alien or some extra-dimensional being." Ginny admitted. "You've come in me a lot tonight, daddy. Do I need to” "No," he said cheerfully. "I'm not sterile, but you can't get pregnant unless I decide you will and I've never allowed it." "I wonder what a Santa kid would be like," she mused. "More like you or the mom?" "No idea," he confessed. "There's not exactly a manual, so I've never taken a chance." She slowly leaned forward and began to rise, shivering as she slid off his long cock and it popped out of her. She knelt and turned around to face him, not sure she could stand yet, looking up at his still hard cock and giggled, pressing her finger against the head. "Well, I think you can take him off duty, sir," she said sweetly. "I'm pretty sure that I'm all fucked out for the night, if not the whole season." He chuckled and let his cock soften, looking into her eyes and caressing his cheek. "Hopefully that was what you needed for Christmas." "Definitely, Santa." Ginny said, giggling. "Is it greedy to want the same present again next year?" "Not at all," he replied, grinning. "It cuts down on elf-labor hours if I can give people a gift mysteriously." Santa paused in speaking, going silent and looking around, as if listening for something. Neither of them touched the controls, but the motor for the jets turned off and all that could be heard was the howling roar of the winter storm outside. Ginny looked at him in confusion, wondering why his features hardened and a scowl crossed his normally jovial face. "That's no storm," he said in a low, growling voice. "Not a regular one, anyway." "What does that mean?" she asked, his reaction worrying her for reasons she couldn't readily explain. What the hell was a 'not regular' storm, according to Santa, or anyone else for that matter? He stood up and strode out of the hot tub, taking her by the hand and pulling her out with him. Their naked bodies glistened with water but this was the farthest thing from her mind. "What's going on?" she asked, his consternation beginning to frighten her now. She watched as he tossed her the robe she'd been wearing earlier and then started pulling on his pants and sturdy black boots. "It's just a winter storm! Isn't it?" "I wish that were true," he replied, his expression grim. "Listen to me very carefully, Virginia. I'll need you to follow me instructions precisely. Do you understand?" She nodded. "Okay, but” "Good," he said, cutting her off, his eyes flashing. "It's very important to your safety." "Can you at least tell me what's happening?" she pleaded. "Krampus." Santa muttered darkly as he wrapped bright red straps around his wrists, tightening them. "I should've been more careful." "What's Krampus?" she asked, going pale and she paused in putting on her robe, one of her tits hanging out. "Krampus isn't a what, Krampus is a who," he said, his eyes scanning the layout of her expansive living room. "He's also called Black Pete in some places and legend says he's supposed to be my evil henchman who punishes wicked children." "I take it that's not true, then?" she asked, looking around like he did, wondering what he was searching for. "Not even close," he growled. "Pardon my French, but Krampus is an evil sonofabitch. He was, at one time long ago, my dedicated helper, but he turned down the path of darkness, becoming twisted and diabolic. Forget punishing children, he wants to destroy Christmas, like it never happened." "What's that got to do with us here?" she asked, trying to keep her voice from trembling. "Can he reach us in this storm?" "This storm is his doing, I recognize it now," Santa said, striding over to his huge Christmas bag and beginning to rummage in it. "A massive storm always precedes his arrival. It can be mistaken for a regular winter storm if you're not paying

Miracle On Route 34: Part 1 Ginny gets a wonderful Christmas surprise. Based on a post by BiscuitHammer, in 3 parts. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories. Author's Notes: Someone asked me to write a funny and erotic Christmas tale, but since I can't be normal, it is taking on a radical twist that I hope people will find amusing. I've tried to make Santa awesome but also give him some flaws that the ladies will find both charming and irksome all at once. I wasn't going to call it anything lame like 'Here Cums Santa Claus' (in spite of my love of Elvis) so I eventually settled on ripping off a classic and beloved Christmas movie, naming it 'Miracle On Rural Road 34'. Couldn't help myself with the 'Yes, Virginia' quip, of course. As for Superman, Oatmeal and the Easter Bunny, well, get used to more groaners like that, because I like them. Merry ho-ho and keep your stick on the ice! , Management Chapter 1. Ginny Hale sighed forlornly as she sat on her chesterfield in the dim room, the only light provided by the crackling fireplace and some scented candles spread around to make the house smell like gingerbread. She'd made gingerbread cookies earlier, but they were predictably burnt and now her kitchen smelled like a Christmas elf's ass. She took another sip of red wine from her oversized glass, unable to decide who or what to be mad at, the weather, for bringing this god-awful blizzard on Christmas Eve, her so-called friends for ditching her after she'd gone to all this work to put together a nice party, or herself for going crazy and buying this (admittedly nice) chateau way out here in the boondocks. Still relatively new to her negotiator position, Ginny had landed a huge deal for the company she worked for and the payout bonus was one of the biggest ever seen in-house. Though she had an office, she had often worked from her cramped apartment downtown, where a glorious chaos only she understood reigned. But the payout had been large enough for her to purchase a very pretty home in the country, not more than ninety minutes from work. Her boss was so pleased with the deal that he said she only had to come in once a week, to pick up whatever she needed to work on. It had seemed like a great idea at the time, but now she found she was quite lonely. Few people were will to put forth the effort to come out and visit her. In fact, only three had since the summer when she bought it. Hell, even her boy-toy, Chad from Accounting, could not be bothered and was now just fucking Lily in the secretary pool instead. Bing Crosby was singing 'White Christmas' to her while she moped. The big bay windows to her back porch showed the fury of the storm outside. Driving snow had been battering the countryside for two days now and her boss had called her to just stay safe and not try to come into the city. He was a nice old man and she liked him. He'd actually taken a chance and given her the job, after she'd fucked him. She hadn't invited him to her little soiree, because his miserable old bat of a wife was hovering around him constantly these days, certain he'd been tipping on her. But even without Old Man Reese, she'd invited upward of twenty people and none of them had shown. Not even Claire, her best supposed friend, had made it out. She was probably too busy being pinned and screwed by her boyfriend anyway, Guido or Nunzio or whatever his name was. Dean Martin came on, singing 'Marshmallow World'. Normally this was one of her favorites, but tonight it just reminded her that she was alone for Christmas. Again. With another sigh, she drank the rest of the wine in her glass and reached for the bottle, turning it over. It was empty. Damn. She'd have to open another one. She walked slowly into the kitchen, wearing her ratty old fox-themed footie pajamas, having decided that if she didn't have to dress up for anyone, she was dressing at all. She took a deep drink of spiked egg nog from the jug of it she'd prepared while she found another bottle of zinfandel and burped very loudly. She wrestled the cork off of the bottle and poured most of the contents into her oversized glass, muttering that she didn't have to answer to anyone about what she did, she was a big girl. She slumped back down on the couch while John Lennon asked her what she'd done for Christmas from the stereo system. "Up yours, John;" she said testily as she drank more wine. She stood unsteadily, blinking for a moment to try and clear her head. She might have had a bit of a wine fog going on, since she'd nearly polished off two bottles of Old Vine Zinfandel in under two hours. Convincing herself that walking was not a bad idea, she tottered over to the bay windows, reaching a hand out in front of herself to make sure it encountered the glass before her face did. "Will you look at that shit out there;" she muttered to no one in particular. After all, there was no one around to hear her. Well, almost no one. "Hi, Oatmeal," she said sweetly, grinning lopsidedly at the bearded dragon that sat in a terrarium near the bay doors. "Looks like you're my Christmas date; again;" The tiny lizard said nothing but assumed a darker shade of purplish brown. "Same to you too, bugface." Ginny muttered sourly, annoyed at being spurned by a reptile with a brain smaller than a sugared peanut. She lumbered back to the kitchen, trying unsuccessfully to eat several pieces of the Turkish Delight she'd tried to make, but they were sticky and runny, most of the reddish-pink mess ending up stuck to the front of her pajamas. "Son of a fucking reindeer!" she spat, attempting to remove the pajamas, her sticky fingers having trouble with the zipper. She finally kicked the thing off and left it in a corner of the kitchen, now wearing nothing except her panties and a halter top. She stomped back into the spacious living room, thoroughly annoyed. While the music played, she looked around for something to do, taking another pull from the egg nog jug she'd brought with her. The hot tub. It sat near the bay windows, set into the floor and was large enough for five or six people. She'd been hoping that maybe a few people of the dozens she'd invited would show and maybe they could have a fun pool party. She'd even told everyone in the invitations to bring their swimsuits. But of course, no one showed. She was beginning to suspect she could live in Buckingham Fucking Palace and still no one would come to see her. This was, literally, the fifth Christmas she'd spent by herself. The timing for friends never worked out and her parents were always off in Monaco or some such place, avoiding the weather. Her mom had already called earlier that night, so she wouldn't hear any more from them for a few days now. She sighed yet again and pulled off her underthings, stepping into the water. She was drunker than she wanted to admit, though, missing her footing, squealing and tumbling into the tub with a splash. Ginny came to the surface, sputtering and hissing in outrage. Why couldn't anything work out? Oatmeal just stared at her impassively. "You win this time, gravity;" she growled, displeased with her inelegant entrance. Well, at least she'd been smart enough to put down the jug of nog before trying to get in. She turned on the jets and retrieved her beverage, taking another big pull as the tub rumbled to life. Ginny laid back her head against one of the padded rests and tried to relax, to let her frustrations go. She turned on the jets and allowed one to massage her lower back while sipping at a glass of wine. She tried to put the frustrations of the holiday behind her, to let go of the feelings of rejection and somehow not belonging. "Why did I but this new fucking home if no one was interested in visiting? Everyone said they thought it was so great, but months later, still no visitors. Do I really not matter that much?" It annoyed her to think not only that she was alone, but that doubtless most of the people who had ditched her were at home getting laid. Claire was doubtless face down and ass up on her bed, getting plowed from behind by Guido. Even Mr. Reese, the old geezer, was probably getting some, either from his wife or maybe one of his secretaries. She sighed heavily and sat up, putting her now-empty wine glass aside and deciding that just because she was alone on Christmas Eve didn't mean she wasn't owed at least one good orgasm. She leaned forward and rested her forearms on the padded edge of the hot tub, positioning herself so that one of her jets, the one she'd named 'Juan', was right behind her. She felt the flow of water begin to caress her and she rested her head on her forearms as she wiggled further back, feeling the jet more strongly now as it pushed against her ass and her cunt. With a sigh, she found the perfect distance and pressed her face down into her arms, letting Juan work his magic. Water pressure massaged her cunt lips, strong enough to part them and to tease her clit, sending thrills through her. She shuddered and sighed loudly, forgetting, for now, how much men sucked. She bit the knuckle of her index finger, lost in reverie. God, if only it were a man fucking her. "Alone; on fucking Christmas; where's, ah!, where's the justice in that?" She was sweating now and panting as the relentless jets battered her nether tinglies, the sensations overwhelming her steadily. She clenched her teeth and her fists, straining as she fought to hold on a little longer. She moaned very loudly, her whole body shaking as Juan delivered a wonderful orgasm. She panted and groaned shamelessly, knowing that no one was around to see her in her pent-up, frustrated lust, expending it on her Jacuzzi jets. The scintillating lights behind her eyes, however, were over all too quickly and the climax subsided, replaced by a juddering sensitivity that made Juan's caress too much to bear. She collapsed against the edge of the hot tub, moving her ass away from the jet. "Alone; again;" She may have needed the orgasm, but it did nothing to improve her mood. It didn't help that the song 'This Christmas' by Shoes had begun playing as the cumming ended. When it finally felt like her legs would work again, she turned around and slumped into a corner of the tub, as far from Juan as possible. Ginny stayed still for some time, until her feet and fingers felt that annoying level of pruny that made everything awful to touch. With the heat of the water and all the alcohol she'd drunk, she was feeling rather light-headed, so she turned off the stereo and shut off the lights. She found a plate of her fucked-up and burnt gingerbread cookies and left them on a table near the fireplace along with the jug of nog before beginning to head upstairs to bed. "Yeah. Fuck this day. And fuck tomorrow too. Maybe if I stay drunk enough it'll just fly by. Fuck Christmas." The second floor was an open space in the middle, looking down onto the main floor. A set of stairs led up on either side and the bedrooms were spaced around the gallery. She'd loved the design when she bought it, but this only increased her frustration when no one ever came to visit. "Gorgeous fucking house; ten acres of beautiful nature filled with deer and ugly-ass wild turkeys; a fucking pond people could skate on; shit, I even found a patch of landrace back there! What's not to love about my new home? Why aren't people shitting themselves in jealousy?" She reached the master bedroom, sighing at how big it felt since she had no one to share it with. She stood in front of the mirror, looking at her naked body and sighing. She was trim and fit, with nicely-sized boobs, she kept her cunt shaved smooth and her full lips were simply made to suck cock. Her skin was fair and even and her dark brown hair was long enough to pull on if you were fucking her ass or taking her from behind. So what the hell was wrong? The bed was certainly big enough for two (or maybe her and two guys who didn't mind getting close), but she plunked herself down into it and stared at the ceiling, waiting for the room to stop drunk-spinning. It took longer than she wanted it to, but things finally slowed down an she breathed deeply. She reached over with her hand and fumbled around inside the drawer of the nightstand. She finally withdrew an elegant glass dildo, a barely opaque white with bright red stripes curling around it to simulate a candy cane. It had been a Christmas gift from Claire, who had jokingly given it to her until she found a man for herself. That bitch. "Well, Frosty," she sighed, examining him. "Looks like it's you and me tomorrow. I promise to not get out of bed except to go to the bathroom or get more booze, okay? Because I'm here for you;" And with that she kissed the dildo and put it aside. She turned out her lamp and sighed deeply as she lay in the dark, waiting for sleep to take her. "Fuck Christmas;" A noise from downstairs. Her eyes snapped open. She was sure she'd heard something. Her heart pounded in her chest. She took deep breaths to try and calm herself, reasoning that she'd been drunk and it might just be hangover noises. Maybe just something like branches scraping on the roof or across the walls? Ginny felt a flush of anger and slowly rose, getting out of bed and putting on a plush yellow robe. There were definitely sounds downstairs. She grabbed her rape whistle and her high-school field hockey stick off the wall before quietly opening the door and proceeding out of the room. Her cheeks flushed with fear and anger. How dare someone invade her house? And in this fucking weather! "Burglars? Ruffians? Escaped cons?" "Well, at least if they see you they might have their way with you and break your dry spell." She shook the vile notion from her head, wondering where the hell that'd come from. Could she be that desperate to get laid? Ginny walked as quietly as she could, hearing noises on the roof. Raccoons? Looking to get in from the cold? Fucking trash pandas. She rounded the corner of the gallery and put her foot on the top step, her hockey stick ready. She crept down the stairs, still hearing the noises. They seemed to be coming from her living room. Her eyes narrowed as she tried to identify anything that might be amiss. Then she saw him, a symphony of red trimmed in white, the huge ass swaying back and forth as the intruder was bent over her at the base of her Christmas tree, doing God only knows what to it. He seemed to be humming to himself. She walked up silently until she was maybe ten feet away from him, her hockey stick over her shoulder, ready to swing. He didn't hear her or took no notice of her. "I don't want to hurt you," she growled through clenched teeth. "But you'd best get the fuck out of my house or I'll hit you so hard Google won't be able to find you." The person in red paused in their activities and then stood up slowly. After another moment's pause, they stood up and turned around slowly. He was slightly taller than average and quite a bit fatter than societal norms allowed. He had a fat face with dancing blue eyes and red cheeks. Beneath the tapered red hat was long, silvery-white hair and a very full beard and moustache. The intruder looked at her and grinned. "Shouldn't you be in bed?" he asked with a voice that could only be described as jolly. Ginny said nothing. She seemed to be rooted to the spot. She wanted to say something, anything, but she seemed to have been robbed of the power of speech. "W, who;" she finally managed to stammer. "Yes, Virginia," the visitor said quietly but pleasantly in a soothing voice. "There really is a Santa Claus." She blinked and shook her head, trying to articulate a coherent thought. The big man in red chuckled, clearly amused by her predicament. "Your egg nog was very good," he mentioned as he walked forward a little. "Your cookies needed a little work, but I appreciate the effort. Maybe a cookbook next year?" "Stay still!" she snapped, suddenly coming out of her stupor and holding the hockey stick behind her head as if she was winding up for a hit. "I'll deck you, old man!" "Oh, there's no need for that," he said cheerfully, totally unconcerned by her threat. "It's been a rough year for you, hasn't it, Ginny?" "Why do you know my name?" she asked, her eyes narrowing in suspicion. "Of course I know it," the man claiming to be Santa said jovially. "I'd be pretty lousy at my job if I didn't, right?" "If you're really Santa," she said tightly, still not understanding why she hadn't knocked this guy's head off his shoulders yet. "Then what was I doing the night of October seventeenth last year?" He tilted his head to the side a little and pursed his lips. "Are you sure?" "C'mon, you haven't got all day." "Very well," he said, sighing. "You were sitting in McPhearson's Pub, waiting vainly for Greg from IT to show up, because you'd given him a blowjob in the bathroom earlier that day and promised him more. But he went off with Becky from Accounts that night instead of meeting up with you." She blushed furiously at the memory. "I; that wasn't the day I meant! I meant the sixteenth!" He shrugged. "You had the day off and were really frustrated. You slid a condom over that very field hockey stick and used it on yourself, just to see what it was like." Ginny dropped the stick very suddenly. "How the hell do you know that, you perv?" The man shrugged. "I know all about you, Ginny. And every other boy and girl in the world" "Don't give me that horseshit!" she hissed, glaring at him. "I had too many Christmases where I didn't get what I want to buy into that cockamamie story!" "Well, you weren't exactly the most exemplary child, were you?" he reasoned. "I mean, you weren't horrible, it's not like you were out kicking puppies into woodchippers, but you spent more time in the naughty column that the good column, didn't you?" "What did I ever do that was so naughty?" she demanded hotly, her fists bunched up at her sides. "You and your brother could get rather friendly, couldn't you?" the man calling himself Santa pointed out. She faltered for a moment. "Lots of siblings play doctor. And those atomic booty bombs where I kept jumping in the air and landing on him were just playful." "While naked?" Santa asked, raising a bushy white eyebrow. Ginny blushed. "But that wasn't what landed you on the naughty list," he added. "What got you blacklisted was that you lied about doing your homework or cleaning your room while you were messing around with your brother. Your mom and dad would ask you to do your math and you'd slip away to play doctor instead and tell them you'd finished your homework after. Lying is naughty, right?" "Woah, hold the phone here," she said loudly, holding her head as if she was suddenly dizzy from a revelation. She didn't seem to notice that her robe had opened slightly, exposing her cleavage. "Are you fucking kidding me? Fibbing to my parents kept me from getting the gifts I wanted?" "Were the rules unclear?" Santa asked. "I thought the songs on the subject were so easy to follow." Ginny pinched her eyes in exasperation and then scowled at him. "I'm drunk," she concluded, trying to convince herself none of this was real. "I'm drunker than Sarah Palin and you're not really here. I'm still in bed and this is all bullshit." Santa shrugged. "I was putting stuff under your tree until you arrived and enjoying the nog. I won't mind if you go back to bed." "No, you're not getting off that easily," she said in annoyance. "You broke into my house in the middle of the storm of the fucking century and I want answers, dammit!" He shrugged. "Fair enough. Ask away." Her eyes narrowed again. "Aren't you on kind of a time crunch? Unless I'm the last person on your delivery list, don't you still have a shit ton of houses to visit? Say, a few hundred million?" He waved it off. "I've got it covered, I promise. I have all the time in the world for you, Ginny. I always have." "What, so you sub-contract out?" she said snidely. "Got FedEx making the rounds for you? Or maybe your 'Elves'?" She mentioned the last bit with air quotes. "Goodness, this has been a bad year for you, hasn't it?" he said sympathetically. "But to answer your question, I am capable of being many places at once." "Oh, so now you're the Kwizatz-Haderach?" she asked archly. "Hey, it's not just cinnamon I put in my Christmas cider." Santa chuckled. "It's rather complicated to explain." "So do you, like, clone yourself?" she asked, her guard seeming to slowly come down. "No, not at all," he said, shaking his head. "It involves Cherenkov Radiation, a Holmes field, a Gellar field and, to quote a friend of mine, 'a lot of wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey; stuff.'" "So it's some sort of deep quantum shit?" she asked, her body finally relaxing. He nodded, smiling. "Yes, it's very temporal and quantum. I can be many places at once. It's why I don't have to pay for billions in window repairs every year by going supersonic around the world." "So even while you're talking to me, you're delivering presents?" she asked, the sheer depth of the conversation hitting her now. She walked over to a stool and sat on it. "Like I said, it's difficult to explain without breaking out the chalkboard and calculator," he answered. "The magnetic lines between the poles help, especially the one that emanates from the Fortress of Solitude." Ginny blinked. "Fortress of Solitude? As in Superman? You're friends with Superman?" "Of course not!" the jolly man laughed. "There's no such thing as Superman, silly, he's a comic book character. Had you going, though." "Holy shit, Santa's a troll," she exclaimed, looking at him in bewilderment. "Well, okay, let's assume that this is all real and not a vivid hallucination resulting from a brain tumor. If I've been such a brat all these years, how do I make up for it? How do I get off the naughty girl list?" "Well, a little restraint would be a start," Santa suggested. "I'm not saying go out and become a Carthusian nun or a Buddhist priestess or anything, but you might try laying off the rampant promiscuity." "Why is that so bad?" she demanded. "What's so wrong with wanting to get banged?" "Nothing," he said simply. "But inevitably you get yourself into some kind of weird situation and end up lying your behind off and lying is a naughty thing to do. So try keeping your legs bolted together a little more." "Really;" she said, clearly not impressed. "Celibacy lessons from Santa Claus. Now I've heard everything." "According to my report here and speaking frankly, it's taken guys a lot less attractive than me a lot less effort to get you out of your clothes." Santa mentioned. "This coming from a guy who could clearly use a few P90-X sessions!" she shot back hotly, standing up, her robe opening further as she stomped toward him. He looked down at himself for a moment and guffawed. "Oh, right, I keep forgetting about that; hang on;" The man held his hands out to his sides and began to glow. The luminous display lit up the room progressively and Ginny held her hand in front of her face when it became too bright to look at for several seconds. When the light finally died away, leaving them once again in the softly lit living room, Ginny gaped in shock at what she saw. He was tall, powerfully built, with chiseled muscles, an eight pack and flawless, healthy skin. He'd removed his coat but the red pants remained, stretched tight over muscular thighs. Long, wavy, copper-colored hair fell past his shoulders and the full beard was reddish-gold. The sapphire-blue eyes stared down at her, still glittering with mirth. "Holy Jesus on a pogo stick;" she breathed, her voice little more than a whisper. "You're a total lumbersexual;" "This is what I really look like," he said, spreading his hands out to the sides and showing her his body. His chest rippled as the muscles flexed with the motion. "But kids react to the fat old man disguise better." "I'll bet mothers don't," she murmured, coming forward as if compelled and reaching out to touch his chest and washboard abs. "It's like you're Photo-shopped." He smiled as her hands caressed his abs. "You make me want to not get off the naughty list." "I think I know what you really want for Christmas;" he said slyly. Ginny paused and looked up at him in disbelief. "Are you kidding?" "No, I can't lie." the man in red pants replied. "I thought it was Superman who couldn't lie." "Well, the writers had to get that idea from somewhere, I guess." Santa mused. "In any event, if you want, you could end up on the good girl list by being rather naughty." She stared at him. "So; get laid by Santa for Christmas?" He shrugged. "There might be some other goodies in the bag for you, but I think we both know what Ginny really wants and needs for Christmas." "This is crazy, this is crazy, this is crazy!" she thought to herself, wrestling with her sensibilities. "If this is all just a dream, then I can fuck hunky Santa and have no regrets. If this is real, I can fuck sexy Santa and remember it in the morning! It's win-win!" "Well, this is super-easy," she declared. "Santa, I want you to fuck my brains out for Christmas." "With pleasure, Ginny!" he said, laughing merrily. "Whatever you like, however you want it. I have to keep the kiddies happy." "Good, but just don't say 'kiddies' anymore, because that's kinda creepy," she said, throwing her caution to the wind. She knelt down in front of him, putting her hands on the oversized silver belt buckle and undoing it. Letting it drop, she put her fingers on the front of his pants, caressing them over the crotch. Her mouth went dry. "That'd better not be a secondary present sack you're teasing me with;" Ginny hooked her fingers into the top of the velvety pants and pulled them down, revealing his cock. She drew in her breath slowly, her eyes widening. "Jesus," she muttered. "You're hung like a fat kid's Christmas stocking;" "Thanks, I make due." Santa said cheerfully, watching her admire his cock. "By the way, shouldn't I call you something else?" she asked, looking up at him while her hand reached up to take his huge shaft, wrapping around it, barely. "I mean, most people call you Santa Claus, but isn't your name Nick or Kris or something?" He shrugged again, grinning. "Nick, Kris, Klaus, Pelznickel, Joulupukki, Kanakaloka, Dun Che Lao Ren, Weihnachtsmann, Swiety Mikolaj, Hoteiosho, Jultomten, I don't mind, Ginny. I just like hearing you say my name the way you think of me." "Hmm, Santa;" she replied, smiling as she stroked her hand along his shaft, eyeing it hungrily. How the hell was she going to fit that all in her mouth, forget her aching cunt? "Ah, don't use that word," he chided, holding up a finger. "Some words are still naughty, even when you're an adult." "Stay out of my mind then, creeper." Ginny said as she leaned forward and swirled her tongue around the fat head of his cock. She flicked it around the tip and then slowly took it inside her mouth, tongue rolling against it. "The hell? How can his cock taste like mint?" "Just wait til you taste my cum." Santa said, leering. "Fine, but it better not taste like turkey gravy or we're gonna box." Ginny said as she pulled her mouth back for a moment. She pumped her hand gently along the shaft, studying her quarry intently. It was definitely the biggest cock she'd ever taken on, and the best-tasting. She'd been experiencing trippy magic all evening, maybe she could fit this monster in her mouth this one night; She put the head back in her mouth and relaxed, slowly pushing down the shaft. She moaned as she felt him slide to the back of her mouth and then to her throat. She felt him tremble and lay a huge but gentle hand on the back of her head. "Holy shit; I'm deep-throating Santa Claus;" Ginny took a deep breath through her nose and then tried to relax. Her whole body was tingling with excitement and the whole minty cock thing was throwing her off. Her tongue undulated along the underside of his shaft while the fingers of one hand formed a ring around the base of his cock and the other cupped his balls, fondling them. Ginny was proud of her cocksucking skills and if there was anyone she ever needed to impress with them (aside from her 11th Grade math teacher), it was probably Santa. She calmed herself and began pulling her mouth back along his length, humming and letting her lips vibrate softly on his sensitive skin. "Now I know why Mister Bondi gave you that A in math," Santa chuckled. "You're a very naughty girl, Virginia." "Hmm, only for you, Santa baby;" she cooed as she pulled her mouth off his cock long enough to respond, stroking slowly and swirling her tongue around the head again. She then slid back down the entire length, moaning in pleasure. She could feel her nipples getting hard and her cunt was very, very wet beneath her robe. Both his hands were on the back of her head now and holding her gently but firmly. She began to slowly bob back and forth, thrilled at how she was able to take this enormous beast of a cock all the way in her mouth. Sure, maybe there was some weird physics involved that compressed space and time or some shit, but she didn't care and he certainly didn't seem to mind. "Hmm, very good, Virginia;" he said softly, stroking her hair. No one ever called her Virginia and she didn't know why it gave her a tingle when he did. His cock was very full and very hard now, like a pulsing iron rod covered in mint-flavored velvet. She almost giggled at the thought of how crazy this all was. She really hoped it wasn't a dream. Her thumb began to squeeze along the underside of his cock as her hand followed her mouth up and down his length. The shaft glistened wetly and the mint was making her drool. She undid her robe and let it fall away, the air of the room kissing her flushed skin. Her hands now took hold of his powerful thighs and she began moving back and forth along his cock more quickly. She could feel his hands flexing in her long, dark hair, caressing her skin. Breathing through her nose, she moaned as she sucked ardently, her cunt almost aching with desire. She was hoping he would last long enough to fuck her when he went rigid suddenly and groaned, gripping her head tightly and his hips shuddering. Ginny's eyes widened as she felt him began to cum inside her mouth, spurting strongly. She began swallowing hastily, almost in a panic as Santa pumped his hips against her face. "Holy shit! Fucking eggnog?" He kept cumming and she was sure she might actually drown when he pulled his huge cock out of her mouth and pumped it furiously in his hand, spattering her tits and stomach with his glistening load. She'd never seen so much cum in her life. It tingled on her skin. Finally, Santa relaxed, allowing Ginny to put her mouth back around his cock and suck the rest of his cum from him. He was sighing and breathing rather heavily, apparently having enjoyed himself. She eventually released him and smiled up at him wickedly. "So," she cooed, winking while she gently pumped his cock with her hand. "Am I back on the good girl list?" "Oh, I'd think so," he said, grinned. "But it's not like I've given you your whole present yet." "Jeez, you can still go?" she asked almost in disbelief but also delighted. She really needed to be fucked hard now. "Your cock taste like mint, your cum tastes like nog, your ass probably tastes like hot cocoa or nutmeg and you can keep it up all night?" "Up all night is kind of my thing, at least once a year." Santa said cheerfully. "So how would you like for me to give you the rest of your present, Virginia?" "Well, golly, Santa," she mused, making a show of thinking while she stroked his cock. "Since you seem to be the gift that keeps on giving, how about we just wing it?" He nodded and she stood up, keeping hold of his cock and gently led him over to the large chesterfield, hoping it would hold his rather muscular frame. She knelt on it, resting her arms along the raised back and smiled at him, wiggling her behind. She wouldn't believe how wet her cunt was. "You gonna hurry down my chimney, Santa-baby?" she asked, smiling slyly. "I can't believe you just said that!" he laughed jovially. He may not have been older, fatter Santa, but the laugh still definitely suited him. He stepped up behind her and took gentle hold of her hips. She could feel him press against her ass and she shivered in anticipation. He slid his massive cock up and down between her ass cheeks, teasing her until she was writhing in desperation. He seemed to know instinctively what she loved most. Which only made sense, since he was Santa. "Ready, Virginia?" he asked as he pressed the huge mushroom head against her sticky cunt. She nodded eagerly, unwilling to speak. He slid the head in, parting her lips and penetrating her. She groaned loudly as he began to stretch her inner walls. With a slow, steady push of his hips, he pushed the entire length of his cock deep inside her. It robbed her of her breath, she'd never felt so full in her life, even that one time she'd been so horny she'd fucked her parent's bedpost. "Ah; uh;" she gasped, eyes wide. The sensations were like nothing she'd ever experienced. His cock completely filled her to a delightful stretch that didn't hurt except in the good way. His iron shaft throbbed in time with her heartbeat. It was wonderfully warm but also strangely cool all at once, tingling, like mint again. How the hell could her cunt taste peppermint? "Language, Virginia;" he chided again as he pressed in just a little bit further. By right his cockhead should have bruising her brainstem, but there was no doubt some weird physics shit involved that she decided not to think about. She was getting fucked by Santa, after all. She pressed her forehead against the back of the couch and tried squeezing her cunt around his titan cock or pressing back against him, squirming her ass against his hips. She shuddered in delight, loving how he felt inside her. His hands reached under her body and squeezed and massaged her tits, sending delicious thrills through her. He began to move slowly back and forth, pulling back until just the tip was inside her and pushing in steadily, almost robbing her of breath. She began to feel like a blacksmith's bellows very quickly. The feel of his cock sliding inside her, stretching her and touching deep inside in ways she hadn't known were possible; "Oh my god;" she gasped, fingers digging into the back of the couch. "You're tearing me apart and I love it;" "Only the best for my Virginia," he said, his ruddy cheeks taking on a flush tone as he fucked her. Her fingers squeezed the meat of her thighs and hips or flexed on her ass cheeks. His heavy balls slapped against her cunt as he drove inside her. Strong yet gentle, forceful and commanding yet accommodating. She felt dominated yet exalted somehow. His hand wrapped in her hair and she groaned loudly as he pulled on it, craning her neck. She shuddered in pleasure, feeling her spine almost accordion as he thrust inside while pulling her head back. Her could feel the pulse of his cock through her whole body. Her nails scratched along the couch, almost clawing it. "Uh, you're gonna make me cum so fucking hard;" she wailed, feeling the sweat forming on her skin. "Oh my gawd;" "You're going to make me cum hard too," he panted, thrusting deep inside, thumping his hips against her ass. "You feel wonderful and tight, Virginia;" "Oh, God, he's gonna cum in me;" she realized. "Santa's gonna fucking cum in me and he's not wearing anything! Will my birth control work? Shit, will my kids always smell like mint?" "Oh, God, cum in me!" she panted, thrusting herself back against him and grinding shamelessly. "Fucking cum in me, Santa!" "Ya want me to cum in you?" he hissed, his body beginning to tremble. It felt like his cock was getting bigger inside her. "Want my cum in you?" "God, yes!" Ginny squeaked, clenching her teeth. "Fucking cum in me and make me scream!" They strained against one another desperately and then she cried out as a massive orgasm crashed over her. It battered her senses as she felt his hot-yet-tingly-cool cum bathing her insides relentlessly. Her cunt was making greedy sucking sounds as she came, her whole body shuddering almost uncontrollably. She squeezed and clenched and rippled her tight tunnel round him, reveling in the way he stretched and penetrated her ever more deeply. She collapsed against the chesterfield, panting heavily, her body drenched in sweat. His massive, hard cock was still deep inside her, pinning her to him. She felt like she was made of lead, an exquisite exhaustion while pleasure crawled over her languidly. That was beyond anything she had ever experienced. But he didn't seem to be done with her. His powerful hands took hold of Ginny and turned her around so she was squatting on the couch, her knees spread wide and her arms slung across the high back. She looked up at him in weary astonishment as he nestled himself between her legs and pressed his cock against her sopping cunt again. "Ah!" she wailed as he slid deep inside her again, his huge cock splitting her wide. Her nails dug into the couch again and she clenched her teeth as she sucked in her breath. Ginny tried to regulate her breathing while Santa began sliding in and out slowly, looking down at her with those penetrating blue eyes. "Jesus," she grunted, feeling almost like a rag doll in his hands, which gripped her hips. "Gonna fucking kill me with that thing!" "Oh, let's hope not," he replied, thrusting into her strongly. "I'm nowhere near done with you." She gazed up at him, trembling as he fucked her good and hard. She bit her lip as he squeezed her thighs, before moving his hands up to squeeze her tits, pinching her nipples. She groaned shamelessly as the delicious sting electrified her senses. She tried to squeeze herself around him, baffled by how big he felt inside her. She gasped and whimpered as he slapped her cunt lightly. She reached forward and raked her nails over his powerful chest, leaving red marks along the defined muscles. She ground her hips against him wantonly, thrilling to the look of pleasure on this face. "Uh, fuckin' wreck me;" she gasped, feeling another massive climax building inside her. "Make me cum on that beautiful cock, Santa!" "I'll take 'Things Virginia Never Thought She'd Ever Hear Herself Say' for a thousand, Alex!" he laughed. He reached down and took her ass her hands and pulled her closer, smiling warmly yet wickedly into her eyes as she sank further onto his cock, which penetrated her to the deepest depths yet. She could feel the head pressing against her womb. It didn't hurt, but she felt fuller and more stretched than ever. She felt him squeeze her ass cheeks while he thrust into her. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and held on tight, bumping up and down on his powerful thighs. She moaned loudly and bit his shoulder, trying not to shriek. She tried to squeeze herself around him again, finding that she could barely control her muscles, let alone fuck. She bit down as the warmth spread through her, tears of pleasure in her eyes. He thumped his hips against her even more strongly and they strained against one another. Then he growled and released himself, pumping her once again full of his tingling cum. She shuddered and cried out loudly, her head spinning from the unreal ecstasy. Crushing herself to him, Ginny held on desperately, like a ship battered by an unrelenting storm. They both slumped onto the couch, breathing heavily. She felt small and almost cocooned in his embrace. She was covered in a heavy sheen of sweat and could feel the thrilling tingle of his cum trickling out of her cunt. It wouldn't be a stain on her couch, it was a mark of honor. Their hearts pounded in rhythm as the orgasm passed over them and slowly flowed away. "Holy shit;" she whispered, her body still limp in his arms. "I think you've ruined me for sex. I should be mad;" "You have to admit, it makes sense that I'm better at gift-giving than anyone else on the planet." Santa reasoned, smiling and stroking her hair while she sat in his lap. "I'd say you were a little pent up there." "Mild understatement," she moaned, finally raising her head and smiling up at him. "Thank you, first of all. That was the best thing I've ever felt in my life." "I aim to please," he said cheerfully, caressing his thumb across her cheek and enjoying the shining look in her eyes. "Kinda my thing, after all." "So," Ginny purred, walking to fingers up his broad chest. "Is there a Mrs. Claus?" He shrugged. "There has been, of course." She paused suddenly and looked up at him, her smile replaced by a deadpan look. "What do you mean, there has been?" He seemed somewhat confused by her change in demeanor. "Well, there has been a few in the past, of course, there was Seeki first, then there was Ahoop, followed by Annalina, then Layla, Martha, Juliana, Gretchen and Jessica, Santarina, Kasey, Mary;" "I see," she said stonily. "You've had more wives than Elizabeth Taylor had husbands." "Well, to be fair, they've been spread over a long period of time." Santa replied. "And they were all special to me." "So then I'm not special." Ginny said flatly. "Well of course you are," he said, not understanding her mood swing. "You're my Virginia." "And Becky down the street is your Becky, and Sarah in the blue house is your Sarah and Hilda in Dusseldorf is your Hilda," she concluded. "Everyone's equally special to you, aren't they?" He didn't know what to say. "I'm sorry, I'm not being fair," she sighed. "I just; well, I thought maybe this; ya know, tonight, was truly special. And clearly you're not good at lying." "Well, no, not at all." Santa agreed, still holding her and wondering how he could comfort her. "I can't lie." "Like, literally can't?" she asked, now curious more than anything. "It's part of your genetic makeup that you can't lie?" "No, nothing like that," he admitted. "But after spending centuries with kids and teaching them to always tell the truth, I haven't tried telling a lie in so long I don't even know how to do it." "You don't know how to lie?" she mused. "If I did, it wouldn't be the least bit believable," he said. "Like, if I said right now that your breath smells wonderful and not like old eggnog and vomit, I somehow doubt you'd believe my lie." "No shit," Ginny replied, giving him a stony look. "You're a horrible liar. You've got the subtlety of a cement truck. Good thing you're Santa and don't have to date to charm a girl." He held her close, hugging her tight to comfort her. She sighed deeply, still impaled on his hard cock, which showed no sign of abating. "God, I can't believe you've still got wood after cumming like a fire hydrant three times," she said, her mood softening. She was having the best sex of her life, she reminded herself not to ruin it by being crazy. "How long can you keep going?" He shrugged his muscular shoulders. "How long do you need me to?" "Actually, it doesn't surprise me that's your answer." Ginny said, smirking. "If you've got the time, I've got another itch that needs scratching." He grinned. "So you haven't broken in that hot tub yet, have you?" "Oh, Santa;" she purred, leaning in and biting his earlobe. "Like you don't make me wet already." He picked her up and carried her toward the Jacuzzi, deftly turning it on with his foot and bringing it rumbling to life. He stepped down into the churning water, setting her one of the seats. As he stood up, she leaned forward and hungrily took his enormous cock into her mouth, sucking ardently. She moved forward and knelt in the water, her hands on his hips again or stroking his balls. He picked her up bodily and turned her upside. Ginny squeaked in surprise at first but found his hips in front of her and began sucking again on his tool without delay. He buried his face in her cunt, tongue snaking deep inside her and she groaned gutturally, Holding her in place with one powerful hand, her teased her taint and then pressed a finger into her ass. "Jesus!" she gasped, almost choking on his cock as he wormed the finger down into her tight tunnel. "Oh, fuck! Your finger is bigger than some dicks I've fucked!" She attacked his cock again eagerly, bobbing back and forth like her life depended on it. She squirmed in his grip as he lashed her cunt with his tongue and fingered her ass. Her fingernails dug into his thighs and her knees locked around his neck. His cock throbbed in her mouth, still thrilling her with its unique and incredible taste. He turned her around again and paid her on the edge of the hot tub, spreading her legs wide. She looked on wantonly as he pushed his tongue back inside her again. He gripped her thighs to hold her in place and she groaned and squirmed, squeezing her tits and pulling on her nipples. Her breath came in ragged gasps as he drove her to the limit of her sensations. Ginny shook and thrashed as she cried out loudly, cumming on his face. He didn't let up, lapping at her essence eagerly. She lay like a dead thing for several seconds before her chest began to rise and fall. Her eyes opened, gazing back at him. She couldn't feel her limbs, just floating on a tingling ocean of deep colors. Santa looked up at her and smiled, pulling his tongue out of her cunt and kissing her clit gently. She shivered at the touch. "One hole left, Santa," she breathed, her body glistening. "Got any left in you to perfect my Christmas?" "Always for you, Virginia." Santa said warmly, standing and raising her gently into a sitting position. He settled down into the water on one of the seats and then pulled her onto his lap, facing away from him. She moved her hips around until she found his rock-hard cock, waiting for her. She placed her puckered knot against it, giggling as she thought about what he was about to do to her. She took his shaft in her hand and held it steady while she sank down, very slowly. Ginny gasped and shivered as the head pushed aside the tight ring of muscle, popping inside her. Then she sighed as she lowered herself, feeling his massive cock stretching her tight tunnel wide. God, she felt so full it was unreal. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, her ass cheeks pressed to his lap. He was all the way inside her ass and her held her closed as she settled back against him, purring in sensual pleasure. "Umm, it's never felt this good in my ass before," she said softly, her arms reaching back to curl around his neck. She gyrated slowly on his lap, moaning softly. "A gal could get used to this." His muscular arms wrapped around her and caressed Ginny's body, massaging her tits. She loved how she felt pinned to him. She had finally found the measure of her body and began to squeeze her tight ass around his cock. She squirmed in slow circles on his lap, wishing she had some music to fuck him to. Her stereo system suddenly came on and began playing 'It's Cold Outside'. She giggled and squeezed his neck gently at his thoughtfulness. "You think of everything, don't you?" she purred, lost in her pleasure. "I can't wait to make you cum again." He smiled wickedly and pulled gently on her nipples, causing her to groan at the welcome sting. She pressed her ass back into his lap, squeezing again around his throbbing shaft. The water bubbled and churned around her waist, the heat leaving her skin shining. She began to pant as she moved her hips faster, stopping the circular motions and started to move up and down, his cock sliding in and out of her. Santa took hold of her hips and let her bounce on his lap. Ginny leaned forward, gasping as she fondled her tits, overcome with a liquid heat as his cock impaled her faster and faster. Water splashed around them as the fucking took on an almost frantic pace. Ginny had never felt anything in her ass like this before, nothing even close to this good. She could very easily become an addict. "Uh, fuck!" she grunted, slamming her ass down on him while one hand snaked down and began massaging her cunt and clit. His hands steadied her and helped moved her up and down. She could feel his hips trembling beneath her, his fingers flexing and squeezing her skin. Her panting became a long, drawn-out keening. She clenched her teeth, shuddering and straining as she tried to prolong the fucking; Ginny screamed and pushed herself back against his massive chest violently, thrashing as she clenched his cock inside her ass while he came. His cream flooded inside her, the unreal hot-cool tingling transporting her. He growled in her ear, almost crushing her comparatively tiny frame against himself. She collapsed, utterly exhausted, her chest rising and falling as the world spun around her. She felt him holding her gently, caressing her body in unique ways that seemed to; regulate her blood flow and nerve sensations, making the post-orgasmic bliss she was feeling last as long as possible. She felt herself smile and hum at his consideration, understanding this this is who he was and what he was meant to do. Ginny then did something she almost never did during sex, she leaned her head back, pressed her lips to his and kissed him deeply and with great affection. She held it for as long as she could and then sank back into his embrace, sighing in contentment. "Wish you were advertising for a Mrs. Claus at the moment," she said softly. "I could get used to this." "I like things the way they are," he replied, hugging her. "Every year I get to reward you for being a good girl. What could be better than that?" "True, I guess," Ginny agreed. "I'm only human, all this sex could kill me." "Hey, I'm human too, you know," he chuckled. "Just because I'm immeasurably older than you and subject to quantum laws even my smartest elf couldn't explain doesn't mean I'm a member of some other species." "Okay, that's fair, although I'd still fuck you if you were an alien or some extra-dimensional being." Ginny admitted. "You've come in me a lot tonight, daddy. Do I need to” "No," he said cheerfully. "I'm not sterile, but you can't get pregnant unless I decide you will and I've never allowed it." "I wonder what a Santa kid would be like," she mused. "More like you or the mom?" "No idea," he confessed. "There's not exactly a manual, so I've never taken a chance." She slowly leaned forward and began to rise, shivering as she slid off his long cock and it popped out of her. She knelt and turned around to face him, not sure she could stand yet, looking up at his still hard cock and giggled, pressing her finger against the head. "Well, I think you can take him off duty, sir," she said sweetly. "I'm pretty sure that I'm all fucked out for the night, if not the whole season." He chuckled and let his cock soften, looking into her eyes and caressing his cheek. "Hopefully that was what you needed for Christmas." "Definitely, Santa." Ginny said, giggling. "Is it greedy to want the same present again next year?" "Not at all," he replied, grinning. "It cuts down on elf-labor hours if I can give people a gift mysteriously." Santa paused in speaking, going silent and looking around, as if listening for something. Neither of them touched the controls, but the motor for the jets turned off and all that could be heard was the howling roar of the winter storm outside. Ginny looked at him in confusion, wondering why his features hardened and a scowl crossed his normally jovial face. "That's no storm," he said in a low, growling voice. "Not a regular one, anyway." "What does that mean?" she asked, his reaction worrying her for reasons she couldn't readily explain. What the hell was a 'not regular' storm, according to Santa, or anyone else for that matter? He stood up and strode out of the hot tub, taking her by the hand and pulling her out with him. Their naked bodies glistened with water but this was the farthest thing from her mind. "What's going on?" she asked, his consternation beginning to frighten her now. She watched as he tossed her the robe she'd been wearing earlier and then started pulling on his pants and sturdy black boots. "It's just a winter storm! Isn't it?" "I wish that were true," he replied, his expression grim. "Listen to me very carefully, Virginia. I'll need you to follow me instructions precisely. Do you understand?" She nodded. "Okay, but” "Good," he said, cutting her off, his eyes flashing. "It's very important to your safety." "Can you at least tell me what's happening?" she pleaded. "Krampus." Santa muttered darkly as he wrapped bright red straps around his wrists, tightening them. "I should've been more careful." "What's Krampus?" she asked, going pale and she paused in putting on her robe, one of her tits hanging out. "Krampus isn't a what, Krampus is a who," he said, his eyes scanning the layout of her expansive living room. "He's also called Black Pete in some places and legend says he's supposed to be my evil henchman who punishes wicked children." "I take it that's not true, then?" she asked, looking around like he did, wondering what he was searching for. "Not even close," he growled. "Pardon my French, but Krampus is an evil sonofabitch. He was, at one time long ago, my dedicated helper, but he turned down the path of darkness, becoming twisted and diabolic. Forget punishing children, he wants to destroy Christmas, like it never happened." "What's that got to do with us here?" she asked, trying to keep her voice from trembling. "Can he reach us in this storm?" "This storm is his doing, I recognize it now," Santa said, striding over to his huge Christmas bag and beginning to rummage in it. "A massive storm always precedes his arrival. It can be mistaken for a regular winter storm if you're not paying

Karina vous dévoile les décisions de justice les plus improbables.Hébergé par Audiomeans. Visitez audiomeans.fr/politique-de-confidentialite pour plus d'informations.

Welcome back to the Building Your Money Machine Show! In this episode, I'm shining a light on one of the most overlooked keys to financial freedom: the smartest order to invest your money. If you've ever felt like you're doing everything “right”—saving, investing, being responsible—but you're still not getting ahead, you're not broken. You've just been taught the wrong sequence. Today, I break down my Wealth Priority Ladder—a proven, step-by-step approach to hiring your dollars for the right jobs, finally giving you clarity, confidence, and control over your financial future.I dive into the common mistake that keeps people stuck. It's like trying to build a house by starting with the rooftop Jacuzzi! Instead, wealth is built systematically, and every dollar needs a job description—just like every employee in your business. When you master the right order, your money flows with purpose and resilience, rather than wandering aimlessly or causing financial stress.Finally, I talk about the Affluence Phase, where you shift your focus to legacy and generosity and your money machine is running in the background, empowering your life and mission.IN TODAY'S EPISODE, I DISCUSS:Why most people lose money by investing in the wrong orderThe Wealth Priority LadderBuilding an unshakable foundationWhy debt repayment and wealth creation should happen togetherThe strategic steps for investingHow to fit big one-time purchases into your wealth-building journeyLegacy, affluence, and generosityTake the next steps with my Financial Freedom Zone quizRECOMMENDED EPISODES FOR YOUIf you liked this episode, click here to enjoy these and more:https://melabraham.com/show/It Sucks, But It'll Skyrocket Your Net WorthIt's Happening Again and What EVERYONE is MissingAccountant Explains: How to Invest Your First $10,000The 3 Net Worth Milestones That Change EverythingIf You Don't Understand The K-Shaped Economy, You'll Never Get RichRECOMMENDED VIDEOS FOR YOU If you liked this video, you'll love these ones:It Sucks, But It'll Skyrocket Your Net Worth: https://youtu.be/NDDBwDrkg_cIt's Happening Again and What EVERYONE is Missing: https://youtu.be/sGaGRH396msAccountant Explains: How to Invest Your First $10,000: https://youtu.be/8spO7HPBvDQThe 3 Net Worth Milestones That Change Everything: https://youtu.be/M4PRKP092UkORDER MY NEW USA TODAY BESTSELLING BOOK:Building Your Money Machine: How to Get Your Money to Work Harder For You Than You Did For It!The key to building the life you desire and deserve is to build your Money Machine—a powerful system designed to generate income that's no longer tied to your work or efforts. This step-by-step guide goes beyond the general idea of personal finance and wealth creation and reveals the holistic approach to transforming your relationship with money to allow you to enjoy financial freedom and peace of mind.Part money philosophy, part money mindset, part strategy, and part tactical action, these powerful frameworks will show you how to build your money machine.When you do you'll also get over $1100 in wealth resources & bonuses for FREE! TAKE THE FINANCIAL FREEDOM QUIZ:Take this free quiz to see where you are on the path to financial freedom and what your next steps are to move you to a new financial destiny at http://www.YourFinancialFreedomQuiz.com

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Saturday pod! Brad had a great Thanksgiving, Jake watched Wicked, and Timon has no idea what he's been up to. Donate to Healing Waters International here! https://give.healingwaters.org/campaign/734554/donate https://mainstreetroasters.com/?utm_campaign=healingwaters&utm_source=shareable_link Check out Signature Pest Control if you're in the SLV area and tell them you're a Ghostie! www.signaturepestpro.com Check out Good Ranchers and use code GRKC http://bit.ly/3KV86YU Check out Main Street Roasters and use code GRKC at check out for a 10% discount! https://mainstreetroasters.com Ghostrunners merch: https://bit.ly/399MXFu Become a Patron and get exclusive content from Jake & Brad: https://bit.ly/2XJ1h3y Follow us on Instagram: http://bit.ly/33WAq4P Leave us a voice memo and ask a question: https://anchor.fm/jake-triplett/message Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Barak Jacuzi pulled up and shared the story behind his boxing fight with Lumu, why the nomination for Content Creator of the Year means so much to him, and more.This conversation is full of energy, insight, and big moments from one of the most entertaining personalities in the culture.The voting lines are officially OPEN, show love and support by voting for your favorite artist here:https://tinyurl.com/msxpf262Purchase your tickets to the gala show here;https://unkuthiphop.hustlesasa.shopSpotify Playlist; https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7MzhTancPtivS6ffhONsr8?si=0dfa8e4c0ca04a76YouTube Playlist; https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PL5yFZMqIXMMYoD9x1f9t-SpRomhTBrpiI&si=S_bTnhDeYEPFSvfpAdo Veli Podcast Season 15, Episode 22 (Episode 386)

vous aussi vous êtes sacrificiel.les quand vous invitez des gens ?Pour venir assister à un enregistrement cliquez super fort sur ce lienCalme toi :Laura Laarman : directrice de production et direction techniqueAntonia Louveau : community managementLucie Meslien : illustration animation Lou Poincheval : chargée de productionCaroline Bérault : illustrations Manon Carrour : vignette Joanna & Gaspar : générique Tali Grandin : make up Esteban De Carvalho : montageMk2 : Isis Hobéniche : directrice de projetEmma Moschkowitz : directrice de production événementielleEtienne Rouillon : directeur de production audiovisuelleVincent Desormeaux : directeur mk2 BibliothèqueJoao Carta : régisseur Philippe Leroy : régisseurMenad Mahiou : régisseur Hébergé par Acast. Visitez acast.com/privacy pour plus d'informations.

Christian College Sex Comedy: Part 26 A New Student (tribal) Council   In 30 parts, By FinalStand. Listen to the podcast at Explicit Novels.             If you can't look in a mirror and laugh at yourself, cut off the light             "Can we put other restrictions on you?" Simone Brady prodded.   "This is not the 'Zane' show," Virginia Goodswell interjected. "We need to decide when the new Student government will meet, I suggest Tuesday nights, and how we are going to conduct business."   "We can start by deciding where we meet," Chastity spoke up. "I vote for Zane's place."   "What's wrong with the Assembly Hall, where we've always met?" Rhaine countered.   "Rhaine, you are drinking a Doctor Pepper, KayLeigh, you are drinking a grape juice, and Joy was eating a bowl of vanilla ice cream with chocolate syrup when I got here," Hope snickered. "You have hot plates and microwaves too, if needed."   Rhaine, Joy, and KayLeigh, all Traditionalists, looked guilty. They also looked like they treasured their creature comforts because they weren't running for the door.   "It is a nice place," KayLeigh admitted.   "And you don't get to come back up here otherwise," Rio grinned evilly. "This floor is devoted to the freshman class."   "There are a lot of upperclassmen up here right now," Rhaine pointed out.   "Those are what you would call 'friends'," Rio sneered. "If you weren't freaking evil, you might have some."   "Please don't put it that way," I requested of Rio. Rio had every reason to be cranky. Mercy looked even more exhausted sitting at her side.   "Zane will arrange the room to fit your needs," Christina finally spoke, "I guarantee it."   "You think you can control him?" Rhaine shot back.   "I'm not afraid of him; he's not some wild beast. I ask him to do things for me and he does," Christina chided Rhaine. "He is like any other freshman; it is that simple."   "He's rather mouthy for a freshman," Hannah joked.   "Well, maybe if you put my mouth to other uses," I bantered back. There was a moment of silence followed by Dana Gorman taking up her bottled water and walking over to me. She smiled down at my seated form while she poured out the remaining water onto my crown.   "Cool off, Casanova," Dana cautioned me playfully before returning to her seat.   "Exactly why do you keep her around again?" Rio slapped my shoulder.   "Can you imagine how insufferable Christina would be if Coach didn't keep her in line?" I smiled. Christina rolled her eyes while Rio chuckled. Virginia stood up and cleared her throat.   "I want to make sure that all the ladies, plus Zane, plan to make this experiment work. It is rather pointless to proceed if any of you can't be honest now," Virginia, my Spiritual Advisor, poled the audience. Most of the girls looked around to see who would do what but no one jumped.   "I think it is safe to say that we students will stay true to the Vice Chancellor's plan, though this is not an endorsement of Zane, his conduct, or even his continued presence here," Rhaine spoke for the group.   "With that settled, we can call it a night," Doctor Kennedy declared. "Ladies, consider what issues we need to deal with so we can bring them up next Tuesday night, 9 pm."   "Who do we send the itinerary to?" Simone inquired.   "Zane," Hudson Lane volunteered me.   "I nominate Faith De Young (of Christina's inner circle) to be our Secretary of Record, if she wants the job," I said. Faith looked completely taken off-guard but nodded quickly.   "I'll do it," she made clear. The meeting broke up soon after with most of the student leadership departing. Dana, Hudson, and Christina & company hung around a little longer.   "Not the Glamorous Gremlin?" Rio teased me on my choice of Secretary. She gasped and nearly fell over right after that. Iona smiled softly and shook her head. She realized that she was still a freshman and her day would come.   "Ah, here's one of the controllers," Heaven gave a devilish smile as she handed the device over to Rio. Miraculously, the other three sexual wonders were also handed over, ending the threat of torture for the day.   "I see a spanking machine in you bitches' future," Rio snarled at Chastity, Hope, Heaven, Faith, and Christina.   "I swear, I tried to get one of those damn things all day long," Valarie griped. "You would think that after setting this up, someone would have given me one, but no, I am a freshman so I don't get to play the game."   "It was you!" Rio screamed, and lunged at Valarie, who comically batted her away as Vivian and Mercy intervened.   "Yes," Val laughed, "but it was Iona who figured out how to have captured your days by enlisting the aid of classmates with video phones. I can tell today's footage is going to be a classic."   "Why did you do it?" Vivian asked Valarie.   "I had revenge on Rio and made Mercy ecstatically happy; it was a win-win," Val grinned vindictively. It was a credit to Rio's berserk nature that no one asked what Rio had done to warrant revenge; everyone automatically assumed that Valarie was justified.   "Everyone's sympathy is under-whelming," Rio grumbled. "Come on, Mercy, let's get these things off."   "Do we have to?" Mercy pleaded softly. Hell, I imagine she could barely stand but apparently, her limit to sexual overstimulation was unconsciousness. Rio used one finger to hook Mercy's collar and pulled her close.   "How dare you talk back," Rio whispered, but I was close enough to hear. "I was going to settle for the vibrating nipple clamps that arrived today but now I'm thinking a few dozen paddle blows, to each cheek, are in your future, you annoying little bitch."   Annoying was Mercy and Rio's code word for 'love'; Rio simply couldn't stand the 'L' word.   "Vibrating nipple clamps?" Christina was both confused and amused. "Where do you people come up with this stuff?"   "Adam and Eve," Rio shot back without batting an eye. "Wait until I have Mercy's nipples and lips pierced; then the real fun begins."   "I don't think Mercy should have her lips pierced," Vivian suggested forcefully. "They'd be glaringly obvious." Rio groaned and sighed.   "Not those lips," Rio clarified. "The other ones, you know, labia, cunt lips, cunt etc." There was a pregnant pause in the room. "Attach vibrator wires to those bad boys and Wow! Let the magic begin."   Mercy and Rio really were made for each other; they were both salivating at the prospect. Thankfully, I saw Cassandra hovering around and looking ready for me to start playing towel boy.   "Ladies, one last duty to perform and then my day is done," I attempted my exit.   "Zane, is it alright if I spend the night?" Hope ambushed me.   "Of course," I smiled, because I'm a fucking idiot who is an embarrassment to the very concept of the mentally challenged and a parody of every teen boy date flick. I was already spending time with Iona, Paige, Barbie Lynn, and now Hope.   Maybe I can find a way to have a secret government space array shoot an earthquake laser at my feet so a pit opens up underneath me and I plummet to a fiery death at the Earth's core. Maybe I watch too much bad TV.   "Iona, did my Viagra arrive yet," I teased my buddy. "I'm going to need a pill tonight."   "Oh, Zane, I don't think we have any but I'll go online and see what I can get for you," Iona replied in all seriousness.   "I know some guys who smuggle them in from Mexico," Valarie offered. "I'll make some calls."   "That is so cool!" Barbie Lynn clapped her hands. "Now he'll never go down. I can ride him all night long." She hugged me while a fearful vision of my desiccated, sperm-drained husk lying open-eyed and lifeless on my bed danced before my eyes.   "Zane?" Cassandra called out.   "Oh, yes, towel boy and bikini selection," I muttered. I gravitated her way, took her hand, and led her to my room.   "What's that about?" Vivian mused.   "Handmaiden's Duty," Iona informed the ladies. "He picks out a bikini for her and acts as pool boy while she's in the Jacuzzi."   "I hope someone cleans that thing from time to time," Faith shuddered.   "Every morning at ten o'clock it is drained and cleaned, and the filter cleaned every Monday," Iona droned on without even looking up. The rest of that exchange was lost as I retreated to my bedroom.   What followed could be blamed on Cassandra accidently dropping her drink in the Jacuzzi and me having to retrieve it; it was an unopened soda can. Or maybe it could be blamed on the surprisingly conservative (for my room) white and black striped bikini she wore. Whatever was the catalyst, inside five minutes I had Cassandra out of her suit, front to front, her crotch pressing me against the side of the Jacuzzi with my head barely above water while she rode my face in a pattern and energy that reminded me of Hawaii's North Shore.   Cassandra was pounding the back of my head against the wood wall as she drove her cunt over my lips and tongue again and again.   "Oh, Baby, you are so much better than my fingers," she communicated with an erotic growl. "Keep it up, keep it up!" She was the one in the control of the sexual rhythm so I was not sure what else I might do but keep licking and sucking as hard as I could.   I was finally able to run a hand along her chocolate flesh until I managed to push against her sternum and got her to roll her shoulders back. That allowed me to start massaging and stroking one of her breasts while my other hand got between her legs from behind and gently penetrated her cunt.   "Za, za, za, Zane!" she screamed out. Note to self: Add earplugs to my Must Have List.   Cassandra slathered my nose, lips, and chin with her rather scalding, light to the tongue and tasty fluids. If she wasn't still trying to give me a concussion with her hips I might have enjoyed it more. As her orgasm dissipated, she slid down my body with a sated sigh. Her legs were outside mine so as she descended, her cunt came to rest on my Speedo-encased cock. Saying that my cock was hard would be like saying snow is cold or the English love their soccer; pretty much a given.   Her eyes grew wide when she realized where she rested. She's a senior and a virgin in a Christian Girl's school, she began humping me, of course. Being Cassandra, she began humping me hard and thumping her way to another climax.   "Zane, I am totally rethinking you being allowed on campus," Cassandra panted.   "Is this a good thing or a bad thing?" I wondered. At this time I had one finger lightly in her cunt as my other hand tenderly tweaked one of her nipples.   "Oh, I think every junior and senior should have their own personal freshman boy to keep under control with a strong hand," she grinned while she kept working my rod over with her cunt.   "Wouldn't it be nice if we developed a peaceful, platonic relationship based on mutual trust and respect?" I suggested hopefully. Cassandra gave a deep, throaty laugh.   "You're funny, but no," she grinned evilly. "After all, if that was the case, I couldn't do this: Zane, suck my other nipple, suck it hard, while I play with your fat phallus." Oh yeah, I love the way this is going (insert internalized weeping).   She worked out my cock painfully fast and began rubbing it deeply between her labia, to the point I felt the tightness of her vaginal walls on my cockhead.   "Zane, you know a whole lot about the sex stuff," she stated. "What's a cock ring?" Oh, HELL No! I have enough difficulty ejaculating as is. The last thing I need is something that allows another to make the prospects of my ejaculation even dimmer.   "It's a device, a ring, that is placed over the base of the cock to restrict blood flow, thus allowing longer erections," I grudgingly confessed. "Thinking about getting one, as a Christmas present, for someone out of state?"   "So, you could have intercourse, for a long time, and not ejaculate, so a girl would be, safe, in fucking you raw?" Cassandra's voice was becoming more strained.   "Technically, yes, but a little music, some hand-holding, and dinner at McDonald's would suffice in getting me aroused," I tried to explain. "There is no need for, something like that."   "Zane, clearly God put you, on this campus as a test for, true believers," Cassandra related, "And every woman here needs, to be tested, A Lot!" she screamed out her second orgasm of the night.   My hands raced down to grab each luscious buttock before her spasms caused her to slip down my cock and make her virginity a thing of the past. When my cock slapped against my stomach, I held Cassandra tight until she calmed down.   "You need to stay on campus during the weekends," Cassandra moaned with content exhaustion, "so we can use you more often."   "Why do you think I flee campus every weekend?" I thought. If she had her way, I'd be walking around with an IV in my arm and popping Viagra like M&M's. I chose life! If you think I am a coward, step up and take my place. I'll sneak back into the cemetery at night and put a flower on your headstone. You can take that permanent smile etched on your face to your grave, He-Man.   "I have to ask: What brought this on?" I inquired.   "I received one of Mercy's controls and we shared the next class," Cassandra confessed. "She glowed with such pleasure I thought she would pass out. I was suddenly curious."   "I had nothing to do with that," I groaned. "I swear, it wasn't me." Cassandra placed one hand on each side of my face.   "Zane, it wasn't you, I know that," she smiled, "but it is your presence that allowed something like that, her ability to experience that level of pleasure, that I want to experience. I have to go now. I need to report to the other girls what it was like so we can figure out what to do with you next."   You know, if I had been paranoid, I would have been right, people are plotting against me. Cassandra stood up and stepped onto the bench so that I was once more facing her puffy, somewhat abused cunt lips before she swung one leg over me and exited the tub. I closed my eyes and let my head hang over the side, facing up.   "Towel boy," Cassandra taunted me. I looked at her. Cassandra was dripping wet and she was extending a towel my way. I pulled my own tired ass out of the Jacuzzi and tenderly buffed her excellent body until she was dry. She gave me one last kiss, dressed, and virtually skipped out of my domain, happy, arrogant and plotting my demise.   I cleaned up, dealt with the Jacuzzi, and took in my surroundings. The only witnesses to my congress and conversation with Cassandra were Dana Gorman and Hudson Lane, my voyeuristic adult female 'friends'.   Dana pulled me over as I walked passed her. Hudson Lane had gone off to get some drinks.   "You and Gabrielle, ?"   "You have no respect for my survival instincts, do you?" I chuckled.   "Not really," Dana smirked.   "Fine," I groaned in feigned annoyance. "She wanted to talk so we talked, nothing else happened."   "She beat you up, didn't she?" Gorman persisted.   Another deep sigh on my part came out before I confessed, "Yes. Why do you ask?"   "I wanted to smack you around from the first day I met you," Dana laughed. "I think Ms. Black has done admirably not beating you black and blue before now."   "Has yet another girl beaten Zane up?" Hudson angled around to sit next to Dana. "The consistency of the femdom attitudes at this school is frightening."   "Don't throw stones, Ms. Lane," Dana warned her. "You, Zane, and Ms. Messier, the lawyer Ms. Buchanan hired to help Zane when he went to jail, I was head of security when it happened and I know when Ms. Messier arrived on campus, where she stayed, and when she, and you, left this dorm."   "You never said anything to Chancellor Bazz?" Hudson worried.   "No," Dana responded. "You three are adults, and ruining your career here wouldn't have made expelling Zane any easier. I wasn't the sex police."   "Thank you," Hudson smiled. "I now have another reason to be happy Zane championed your cause with the Board of Directors." She touched Dana on her thigh.   "It's not going to happen, Lane," Dana informed the lawyer while opening her V-8. "I've had a long time to figure out that I'm not attracted to women." Wow, Dana knew that Hudson was bi-sexual and didn't care. That was another big plus for Dana in my book.   "That's what Brigitte Messier thought as well," Hudson winked. "It turns out a little bit of Zane goes a long way to loosening up a girl's morals and expanding their horizons."   "I repeat, it is not going to happen," Dana shook her head. "Zane's a student and I'm a teacher. Perhaps the day he graduates, I'll kidnap him for a long, frustration-relieving weekend. I haven't had sex in eight years and watching him work really stresses my resolve."   "You could always join me in the hot tub," I offered. I wasn't sure how serious I was. I also wasn't sure how bad a concussion Cassandra had given me.   "Zane, do you have any idea of what I would do to you if I focused all my pent up sexual fury onto that body of yours?" Dana threatened. I gulped.   "Does it start with me tying you down?" I suggested sweetly. Hudson was looking really intrigued by this. I was beginning to believe she had this erotic attraction to 'turning' straight girls, most likely mirroring her own Law School experiences.   "What do you think?" she glared. Dana was becoming seriously aroused.   "I guess my only other question is if I can outrun you," I joked. Dana kept staring.   "Zane," Hudson snickered, "do you realize that your swimsuit is basically transparent when wet?"   "No, I didn't," I gulped once more. My package was less than a foot from Dana's lips. "Sorry, I'll be going to bed now," I backed up.   "That's a really nice ass," Dana sighed as I turned away.   "It is even nicer to touch," Hudson commented.   "It's not happening, Lane," Dana grumbled.   "Oh, you will come around," Hudson Lane laughed softly. "I have faith in Zane." Dana growled in rebuttal.   When I rounded the first cut-back leading to my bedroom, I heard and smelled sex, suddenly, sneaking off to Gabrielle Black's place and hiding out for the night sounded like a good idea, barring her killing me, of course. I sorted out the noises as I moved around until the room came into full view.   Reminder number one: Check the God Damn air filters!   Where the fuck do I begin?   On the far side of the bed, Mercy was on her knees, head down on a pillow with her painfully ecstatic face looking toward me. That was how I could tell she had been gagged. Her wrists were handcuffed behind her back, she was moaning and sweating up a storm, and her whole aura emanated with tantric excitement.   In case you might be wondering where her Mistress was: Rio was straddling Mercy's back, ass resting on Mercy's neck (by the tension in her thighs, Rio wasn't pressing down hard thankfully) and facing her playmate's highly vulnerable posterior.   "Hold out a little longer, my slut," Rio egged Mercy on quietly as she paddled those beautiful exposed ass cheeks, apparently in a random fashion.   And now it gets weird(er): Behind Mercy, facing Rio, wielding a strap-on with firm, slow, and steady strokes, was Paige. For the love of the Almighty, should I be quarantined as an immorality contagion? It wasn't like Paige was an angel but she was taking a few giant steps to proficiently wielding an artificial cock into a bound girl's bunghole. The fact that Rio and Paige despised each other continued warping my perception of events.   Barbie Lynn (farthest away in the closest group), Vivian, and Valarie were on the near side of the sheets. They weren't actually having sex but were talking in low voices with the occasional running of a hand through a companion's hair or tracing a finger from hip to thigh. It was sensual without being pornographic. It also appeared to be something they all three were enjoying.   In the middle section of my sleeping platform (it is an awesomely big bed) was Iona and Hope, who were doing a little more than cuddling together in quiet conversation. Hope stroked Iona's head compassionately as Iona gently teased and suckled on Hope's left breast. Every ounce of my experience cried out to me that Iona had initiated the sexual contact. That boggled the mind, right up there with Hope allowing a near stranger such intimate contact.   "Hey, Lover," Barbie Lynn gifted me with a sultry leer, "are you going to take that off or are you going to allow him to bust out on his own?" Bathing suit, cock, raging erection; got it. I yanked off my speedo fast enough to make my skin burn. I wrapped it up in a towel before tossing them in the clothes hamper.   I quickly plotted out my journey, figuring out where I was supposed to end up. I was giving up the illusion that I controlled events because if I was created in God's image and that was the reason God wanted men to rule over women, then I think God was really Goddess and Heaven's soul had it right, change sides.   Valarie gave me a fearless grin as I climbed over her on my way to the middle. She shifted so that her breasts swayed from side to side. I took in the view before kissing her and moving on.   "Try to settle things down by eleven, Zane," Vivian requested. I nodded and then kissed the tip of her nose, which she returned by kissing my forehead. It was very motherly of her, barring the fact that the sheets barely covered her pubic region and every exposed bit of her looked scrumptious.   My last hurdle was Barbie Lynn, and that was an obstacle in more than just the physical sense. She knew how to stretch and yawn just right for making my blood boil with lust and my vision cloud with desire.   "You will come back to me, Zane," she said with brazen tenderness. "Now go on and take care of the others who need you now." Best Blonde Bombshell ever.   As I settled behind Hope who was still facing Iona, I took it slow to let her instincts understand that I wasn't a threat but desirous of her.   "What's going on here?" I inquired delicately. "Hope, I didn't think you liked Iona all that much? And Iona, you have become much more confident in the past month; I like it."   "Zane, Iona is one of the bravest freshmen I've ever met. She's never backed down from a challenge and is smart enough to fight the battles she can win and send others to win the one's she can't," Hope explained. "I have admired her for some time."   "I know you wanted Hope to be put at ease," Iona related. "She's surrounded by people she has minimal familiarity with. I reasoned that I could help her adjust by doing what you do."   "Sexy, clever, lethal girls; this is definitely going on my Santa Wish List," I grinned. I was trying to settle in behind Hope when she wiggled around onto her back and indicated she wanted me to move between her and Iona. I was hardly in the mood to refuse and soon, both ladies were nestled in my arms. I was thinking about the next step when the situation around Mercy increased in energy and volume.   Hope pushed halfway over my chest and Iona turned away from me so they could watch the proceedings. Mercy was shivering like a leaf in a thunderstorm. Rio moved up so that her face was inches away from Paige's. I could see Paige contemplating her next action before she leaned into Rio. They each placed a hand behind the other's head to keep them close as they kissed.   "You smart-ass hooker," Rio snickered. "What flavor is that?" Mercy was cresting toward her orgasm unattended while Rio made small talk with Paige.   "Mango, lip balm and mouth wash," Paige beamed triumphantly. Rio snorted.   "Really start hammering the bitch," Rio ordered/requested. Paige nodded. She slowly drew back until only the tip of the fake phallus remained in Mercy's rectum before savagely slamming it all the way in as hard as she could.   Mercy squealed through her gag and began to violently spasm. Rio dismounted Mercy and flopped beside her partner's head.   "Don't you dare lose it, Cum-Bunny," Rio pressed Mercy. "Disappoint me and you will get nothing until the weekend. I won't let you touch anyone, even yourself. Are we clear?"   Mercy sobbed and nodded while her body teetered on the precipice of total collapse. Paige was displeased with Mercy's resistance and began spanking her thighs and buttocks hard enough to leave imprints. Rio kept stroking Mercy's hair and urging her to hang on. At the pinnacle of the moment I knew Mercy could not go on, Rio spoke softly into her ear.   "You annoying whore," she said, "I am so proud to be with you. Don't ever leave, now cum." Mercy's resulting climax was so powerful that her muscle spasms knocked Paige back on her heels knocking the strap-on mostly out of her ass. Mercy squirted, really squirted, onto Paige's lap, with even more juice shooting and coating Mercy's thighs and my sheets.   Up front, Mercy was cursing up a storm through her gag, grinding the fabric between her teeth with tears streaming out of her clenched eyes. Before her thrashing subsided, Rio had pulled the gag off and was kissing her fiercely on the lips, again and again. Mercy curled into a ball and Rio immediately wrapped her arms and legs around her Sub, keeping her presence light but comforting.   Rio saw our attention being directed their way and mouthed: 'Best Bitch Ever!' using her eyes to exaggerate the force of the words. Paige was still looking over the sticky mess that she had become.   "Put the contraption to soak in the big sink and take a shower," I suggested. Paige could see no flaw in my suggestion so she gave me a wink, unstrapped the device, and made her way out of the room.   When my eyes snapped back from watching a naked Paige exit, I saw that Hope's focus was on me.   "That looked fun," Hope stated clinically. "It is not for me but it definitely looked like they all felt, cleaner in a spiritual sense when they were done. I would never have suspected. In fact, I thought being bound was debasing and weak."   "It is called bondage and it is part of a sexual practice called BDSM, bondage, discipline, sadomasochism," I explained. "It definitely isn't for everyone, and certainly isn't as bizarre as Iona's furry fetish."   "Zane," Hope glared, "I saw a CSI episode on furries and you can't be an Asian or Asian-American high school girl in the United States and not know about cosplay; Iona and I are not into either one of those lifestyles I'm pretty sure."   While Hope was distracting me with her knowledge of other sexual subcultures, Iona snuck a hand beneath me and pinched my right ass cheek.   "Ow," I jumped. "What was that for, Beautiful?" I pleaded to Iona.   "I wanted to?" she responded meekly.   "That sounds like a perfectly good reason to me," I smiled. I would be somewhat offended if it was someone else but Iona was special; like Rio, she would always have my back, but unlike my chaotic fiend, she never abused my trust (or so I thought).   "Do me a favor?" Iona requested.   "Sure, anything for you," I answered right off the bat.   "Make her happy," Iona's eyes sparkled as the flickered to Hope. "Tickle my ear when you finish."   "Sure," I sighed with feigned regret, "if I have to."   "Thank you, Iona," Hope snorted in amusement, "I've got it from here."   "Nite-nite," Iona yawned, then rolled over and pretended to drop off to sleep. Like that was going to happen anytime soon!   "What no-, Hope got out before I rolled on top of her. I used one leg to wedge hers open, then settled between them as I lowered my body down. Hope looked at me quizzically.   "Touch me wherever you like," I instructed. I showed her what I meant by kissing her cheek, then edging around to suck on her earlobe.   Hope led off with her fingertips running along the muscles of my forearms and following a twisted trail up to my shoulders. With equal care, she began rubbing her toes along my calves, up to my knees and lower thighs. This had the added benefit of rotating her hips so that her pubic hair scratched along the veins of the base of my cock.   "You know this is going to make field work with you far more difficult," Hope murmured.   "Now you know what I've been going through for a month," I teased her back. "Now you know how I feel naked under your touch and so do I."   "You touch yourself much?" Hope giggled. Iona did her best to smother her own mirthful reaction.   "Maybe you should come to my bed more often to keep my hands otherwise occupied," I suggested. Hope arched her back, thrusting her breasts into my chest and laughed lyrically.   "Touch ," Hope conceded. "I wondered if I was imposing on your hospitality, wanting to spend tonight with you. Now I'm feeling as if I've been lured in and seduced by your masculine wiles."   "Zane, manipulating somebody!" Valarie gave a comedic gasp. "Well, there is always a first time for our ham-handed Lothario to launch a plot that doesn't involve him getting an extra fish stick for dinner."   "Ham-handed," Barbie Lynn mused. "His fingers are smoking but hardly ham-like," which she emphasized by rubbing her hand over her crotch.   "Do you often stick smoked country ham between your thighs, Barbie-Baby?" Valarie taunted.   "Only when your magic tongue and fingers aren't available," Barbie Lynn volleyed right back.   "Oh, you did not say that!" Valarie choked. She vaulted on top of Barbie Lynn and the two started wrestling. Vivian scooted toward the edge and fended off the combatants from rolling over her.   "When we graduate and drag you back to our dungeon to live, are you going to miss other bed partners having these mid-coital conversations?" Hope smirked.   "You underestimate your ability to focus my attention," I countered. When you are in bed with someone, you are in bed with THAT person, or so I believe. Hope's look sizzled, her body heated up, and she pulled me so close and tight, I couldn't make out any details beyond her eyes.   "I hate them," Hope purred.   "Who?" I worried. You don't want one good friend to hate another good friend. You really don't want a good friend with marksmanship skills out the ass not liking someone you have become attached to.   "Christina and Heaven," she sighed, but I knew she wasn't serious. "Christina because you would rather be with her and Heaven because she has you."   "Hope," I maneuvered so I could stroke her cheek, "I can't promise you or anyone else anything beyond this school year. Neither one of us qualifies as 'normal' by any definition of the word. I certainly like being with you, if that matters, and not just in bed. You are beautiful, intense, and serious in a way we shouldn't be."   "Serious is not the most intimate of descriptions," Hope joked, "but I think I know what you mean. As chaotic as your life is, I think we balance each other out." I didn't need words to agree with that; I let us return to our game of touch, kiss, and lick. We were getting back into a playful tempo when the fight between Valarie and Barbie Lynn ended.   There was no hot, spontaneous lesbian eruption; it devolved into Valarie having Barbie Lynn pinned with her wrists on the pillow held over her head. Valarie was trying to administer a 'Wet Willy' (sticking a finger, or tongue, into your opponent's ear) and finally succeeding.   "I give, I give," squealed Barbie Lynn. "Anything, just stop."   "Anything?" Valarie prodded suggestively. Barbie Lynn's very ample bosom heaved with each deep breath she took, which had the effect of rubbing them in circles against Valarie's dangling breasts.   "Come with me to the Southwest this summer," Valarie demanded. Barbie Lynn was still giving it serious thought when Paige came traipsing back in, drying her hair.   "Where in the Southwest?" Paige inquired. Valarie sat up on Barbie Lynn and looked over her shoulder at the albino lass.   "West of Laredo, East of the Pacific, South of Denver and North of Mexico," Valarie answered. "Sant Fe, Vegas, the Painted Desert, places like that." I didn't see coming what happened next.   "Valarie, would you consider allowing to me come along?" Paige asked politely.   "You really want to impress Zane that much?" Valarie divined Paige's intention.   "That, and he's most likely going with Rio as well," Paige responded, "so you are going to need all the help you can get." Rio didn't respond verbally, Mercy was still recovering, but glared with venom.   "What do you add to our little expedition?" Valarie asked.   "I'll do it," Barbie Lynn interjected. "I wasn't sure what I was going to do after graduation but seeing more of the world will do me good, and I hear it is cold in the desserts at night and I don't want Zane to catch a chill," she adds with a smile.   "I speak Spanish, plus a strong understanding of electronics, botany, and computers," Paige continued with a twinge of annoyance toward Barbie.   "Fine, both are in. We are getting our rides tomorrow afternoon at five," Valarie announced.   "Zane," Hope whispered, "I appreciate the silence of our first date now more than ever."   "We can go back to your place?" I offered.   "Oh, Chastity would love that," Hope snickered playfully. "I'm afraid if you don't ravish her in the next few weeks, she is going to rape Heaven."   "I'll keep that in mind, but right now I want to be where I am, with you," I kissed Hope's nose.   "Can I try something, Zane?" Hope turned serious and introspective.   "Of course," I said.   "Paige, come over here with me," Barbie Lynn suggested. The blonde wiggled over so that Valarie fell to the far side and indicated that Paige should join her.   "You only want to sex up my body," Paige accused Barbie Lynn, as she hopped onto the foot of the bed and put her fists defiantly on her hips.   "But of course I do, Paige-shugah," Barbie Lynn licked her lips, "now get over here and give me a taste."   "Oh. In that case, Paige scampered over and reclined next to the dynamite blonde. Barbie Lynn had a strong, subtly alluring persona while Paige was constantly aggressive.   "A naked Paige Zeller sexual molesting an equally naked Barbie Lynn Masters will go down as yet another thing I never thought I'd see," Hope mused.   "Be careful who you think is molesting who," I cautioned Hope. A few seconds later Paige shook and fluttered. Barbie Lynn had slid a stealthy hand between Paige's thighs.   "Oh, someone's been a bad little kitty," Barbie Lynn cooed, "A bad, soaking wet little kitty." Paige hiccupped, then shuddered again. "Does kitty need to be petted," Barbie asked as she stroked Paige's love box, "or does kitty need to be spanked?" And Barbie Lynn spanked Paige's cunt lightly, making Paige jerk.   "Master, I stand corrected," Hope nodded her head to me in respect of my sexual insight.   "You wanted to do something?" I brought Hope back on track.   "Yes, Zane, yes I did," Hope smiled. "Please lie on your back and close your eyes." It was my turn to nod as I complied with her wishes. She settled her haunches on my crotch and waited a moment.   First was a kiss, followed in slow progression by a finger, nose, earlobe, toe, two fingers coated in her juices, two fingers coated in Paige's juices, a nipple (most likely the right), her other nipple coated in Barbie Lynn's juices, Valarie's tongue (given away by the movement toward me), Hope's tongue, her other big toe, and ending with her lips and tongue. The anticipation of what was coming next was fun. As Hope reclined on top of me, Mercy finally began to stir.   "Were you a good little tramp tonight?" Rio panted hungrily at her partner.   "Yes, I, was I?" Mercy rasped. She was fighting to stay awake, her fatigue a heavy burden to bear.   "The Slut will say 'Yes Mistress; yes I was allowed to be good tonight'," Rio nuzzled Mercy's neck, ear, and jaw.   "Yes, Mistress," Mercy purred. "My wonderfully annoying Mistress allowed me to be good tonight." Rio spanked Mercy's burning hot ass flank hard. Mercy flinched and cried out in pain.   "Did I tell you to adlib, you annoying, frustrating skank," Rio taunted her, "or is my whore clever enough to sneak in an undeserved spanking?"   Mercy buried her face in a pillow but I could swear she was smiling.   "Nipple clamps for you in the morning, and I'm getting those bitches pierced on Saturday, got it?" Rio clarified the point by rolling each nipple between her forefinger and thumb. Mercy nodded but kept her face in the pillow. "Fine, let's get underneath the covers. Snuggle up with me to keep me warm, and you had better suckle my nipples.   Rio took up her normal sleeping area, avoiding the wet spot, with Mercy at her side, her tongue playing with Rio's left nipple.   "Mercy," Rio whispered. Mercy kept tongue-flicking the nipple but looked up.   "You rock," Rio said even softer. Mercy pulled more of her weary body over Rio as the nipple play continued and Rio began stroking her paramour's hair lovingly. In that relationship, it was getting harder to determine who the 'better' half was.   I searched around blindly for some lube, which had 'mystically' migrated under Barbie Lynn's pillow.   "Hope, put some oil on my cock and on your ass cleft," I told my Korean princess. She barely broke her iron mask of indifference before taking the bottle and doing as directed. I caught sight of Valarie, Vivian, and Barbie Lynn all peeking my way.   I imagined it was the curiosity about my apparent decision to 'break' Hope in anally.   "Hope, point my cock up and mount it," I directed. In theme with the game the two of us played, Hope took my commands without question, even to the point where her virginity was in question.   "Push it back," I stopped Hope's decent as it contacted her rather moist slit. She pushed back a little. Being a virgin, she probably wasn't sure where in the cunt, a cock should penetrate. "Farther back," I insisted, then again, "no, still farther." I felt my rod separate her ass cheeks as Hope slid on down. Only when her now soaking mound settled on my pubic bone did she figure out the game.   "Ah, that's cold," Valarie whispered to Vivian and Barbie Lynn.   "No ass sex for Hope tonight," lamented Barbie Lynn. My precious blonde really loved anal sex. I put my hands on Hope's hips to support her.   "Now ride me, Hope," I smiled. "Give me everything you've got."   Hope started out slow, working out a rhythm that pushed my shaft and cockhead as deep along her ass crack as possible. She even stopped for a moment and applied more lube. Soon she was thrusting hard back and up quickly, then allowing a long, leisurely ride back to my crotch. She bounced down on me again and again, her resounding impact on my crotch becoming a wetter, smacking sound.   Hope was powerful, vibrant, and strong; she needed little of the guidance provided by my hands on her hips. I decided to move my right hand to her finely groomed pubic hair, then to her soft pubic flesh itself. I alternated between splitting her lips open and massaging her clit. With my left hand, I coaxed stimulation from her right areola and nipple.   This time, instead of scarring me, Hope wrapped her fingers in her hair. She gave a few desperate convulsions, then her whole body tensed backwards.   "Zane! Oh, fuck!" she screamed. Her ass cheeks tried to squeeze my cock in a steel-tight vise but fortunately, the lube caused it to pop free before those buns of steel could turn my man-meat into ground beef (sometimes I visualize too graphically).   "I wouldn't believe it if I wasn't seeing it with my own eyes," Vivian sighed. "A girl comes to a boy

When it comes to grand gestures, painting your entire city in the one colour is quite something. So much for painting the town red. How about pink? Jaipur beckons as one of India's most enchanting destinations, where the Old City is harmoniously bathed in the same pink hue. The elegant capital of Rajasthan was painted in pink stucco in 1876 to welcome Albert Edward, the Prince of Wales, who was the son of Queen Victoria and later became King Edward VII. Jaipur's Maharaja chose the colour because pink symbolises hospitality in Rajput culture, and the gesture impressed the Prince so much that he nicknamed the city the "Pink City." The name – and the stucco - has stuck ever since. A year later, a law mandated that all future buildings in the Old City must be painted pink. As I swept into Jaipur on a private holiday Wendy Wu Tours, there's no denying how that welcoming palette sweetly seduces even the most jaded of travellers. Jaipur effortlessly casts you under its spell, as you delve into its rich history and treasury of enticements. There is an unmistakeable magic about the place. Nearly 300 years ago, an enlightened maharajah with a penchant for jewels and a keen eye for architecture built this planned city, wedged between the arid hills of northwest India. Built in the form of a rectangle, Jaipur was divided into nine blocks, seven for public use and two reserved for the state's most prestigious palaces and buildings. The entire city was girdled by a formidable protective wall. Called Jaipur after the city's founder, Jai Singh II, the planned city soon gave rise to astonishing royal palaces and vast workshops of artisans recruited to establish a new commercial hub. These days, gem cutters, jewellery designers and garment-makers are still doing a flourishing trade in Jaipur. And the royals still occupy a wing of the majestic City Palace, while gleaming mid-rise towers and a new subway system anchor Jaipur's forward march. But for all the contemporary progress, it's the architectural grandeur, proud sense of place and thriving craftwork traditions that make this destination so infectious. Street markets are splashed in colour and handicrafts, and Hindu temples can be found nearly every 100 metres. Though the streets heave with beeping and belching traffic, aimless tourists and dung-dropping cows, there is a charm and charisma to the carnival of commotion. Close to City Palace, my wonderful Wendy Wu Tours guide Vipin treated us to some sizzling old-school retail therapy. We walked under the peeling pink porticos of the roadside bazaars which were emblazoned with everything from puppets to pyjama pants; passing by carts of fried chickpea cakes, and marble-lined shrines with statues of Hindu gods. Garment-hunting was high on the agenda, for gifts to take home. Vipin led us to his favourite shop, where an explosion of colourful fabrics heaped in piles and stacked to the ceiling soon greeted us, as attentive staff served us Masala chai. Whether you're after local, authentic t-shirts, shirts, trousers, scarfs, saris, rugs, cushion covers, towels or table-cloths…this is textile and garment-shopping heaven. As my sister snapped up some sensational saris, I haggled down the price on a sublime tablecloth with block-printed red elephants. The other boom retail business is jewellery, because Jaipur is a global centre for cutting and polishing precious and semiprecious gems. Head to Jewels Emporium's stately white building and take a tour of the workshops, where cutters shape facets, and men at workbenches adorn gold settings with jewels, and rinse the gold dust from their hands in wash basins. That water is later sold to extraction companies. The quality of the workmanship is second to none, true Rajasthan's abiding legacy. Jaipur's Pink City bragging rights is best epitomised by the Hawa Mahal, or Palace of Winds. We stopped by to pose in front of this five-story palace façade, constructed from pink sandstone. Built in 1799, its iconic facade features 953 small windows which allowed royal women of the court to observe street processions without being seen while also creating a natural cooling effect. The palace's architecture is a blend of Rajput and Mughal styles, ornately designed with protruding bays of lattice stonework and cupolas mimicking Krishna's crown. Could there be a more glorious façade in the world? City Palace is a stirring complex to leisurely explore, peppered with mouth-watering architecture, tranquil courtyards and lush gardens. The prize draw is the Palace of the Breeze, a triumph in building design, whereby the air circulates so efficiently that it keeps the occupants cool even in the extreme summer months, when the mercury can nudge 50 degrees. The on-site museum is studded with royal treasures, costumes and curiosities. Out in the courtyard, I admired some massive silver vessels that carried the Maharaja's drinking water from the Ganges River to London in 1902 for Edward VII's coronation. You can see the royal reception rooms that are still in use, where Jaipur's royal family entertain guests in an ornate dining room and parlour, where chairs have silver lions for armrests. The walls are painted with gold dust and extracts of rubies and emeralds. Yipin pointed out where the royal family reside. There's a lot of tabloid tattle about Jaipur's current Maharaja, Pacho Singh. He's only 27, quite the polo-playing playboy and is currently living in the palace with his French girlfriend. But it's fully expected he cannot marry her, in deference to royal tradition and Rajasthan's adherence to arranged marriages and astrological alignment. Beyond the Old City, no visit to Jaipur is complete without savouring the sky-piercing magnificence of the four-hundred-year-old Amber Fort. (Pronounced Ah-meer.) Sprawling across the upper reaches of a hillside like a scene out Return of the Jedi, this fortress was previously the seat of power for the Rajput kings from 1599, before relocating to Jaipur's Old City just over a century later. En-route to the fort, Vipin led us to the most dreamy viewpoint, on the shores of Lake Maotha, where we gazed up in awe at this hilltop colossus. Brightly dressed elephants lumbered by, readying to carry visitors up the slope to the fortress. I had previously taken an elephant ride up to Amber Fort, but I've put weight on since then and am more mindful of animal welfare. We opted for a jeep ride through the skinny lanes snaking their way up to Sun Gate. From here, we marvelled over the China Wall-esque fortifications, the Amber Wall, riding across the ridgelines as far as the eye can see. ( It's 12km in length.) But this Rajput stronghold hooks in the tourist hordes principally for its gobsmacking array of palatial buildings and extravagant ornamental gardens. In shades of honey and rose stone, white marble and gilt decor, it's a frothy fusion of ornate Hindu and Islamic design. Amber Fort's exquisite craftsmanship is best exemplified by the Mirror Palace, or Sheesh Mahal. Candlelight dinners would have been next-level. A single lit candle spangles the beautifully cut Belgian glass panels and mirror mosaics that festoon the walls of the banquet room, transforming the space into a night-sky kaleidoscope across the walls and ceiling. Apparently, this room was made by the Maharaja so that the Maharani (queen) could see the stars at night, as she was not allowed to sleep in the open. Other highlights include the many-pillared Diwan-i-Am, the Hall of Public Audience; the Jal Mandir, or Hall of Victory, which features carved marble panels, a mirrored ceiling, and expansive views over the ramparts of the fort. The Sukh Niwas, the Hall of Pleasure, is another drop-dead-gorgeous marble room that was cleverly cooled with water. Here, the Maharaja reportedly relaxed with his ladies. Amber Fort is a resplendent blockbuster, reverberating with the glory days of Rajput rule in Rajasthan. Jaipur residents are rightly proud of their architectural showstoppers. One of the signature attributes to the city is the fact that some historic palaces, no longer required for the affairs of state, have been reimagined as beacons of hospitality. But I stayed at a brand-new luxury build that is a grand triumph of contemporary construction, fully inspired by Jaipur's landmarks and Rajasthani finesse. Introducing Anantara Jewel Bagh Jaipur. Whether it's for a big bling-bling Bollywood wedding or for immersive luxury experiences away from the heaving throng of Jaipur's tourist spots, this hotel delivers a tour de force in lavish Rajasthani living, with a contemporary take. It is splendour defined. As our Wendy Wu Tours driver pulled into the entrance, a troupe of Rajasthani dancers and costumed drummers serenaded our arrival in spectacular, effervescent style. Unfurling over 5.5 lush acres, the grand hotel's money shot is its sensational main façade, drawing rich inspiration from Amber Fort and Rajasthan's royal palaces. Features include majestic arches, intricately designed jharokhas (bay windows), and graceful chhajjas (overhanging eaves) and detailed carvings. It was thoughtfully painted in the same colours as Amber Fort's walls during golden hour. Rajputana history and heritage permeates the hotel. You'll notice it in the materials—yellowstone from Jaisalmer, marble from Banswara and Makrana, and locally sourced timbered. There's the treasury of sublime artworks, notably including portraits of Rajput warriors and royalty. Peek inside the Rang Mahal ballroom, where the walls are completely covered with celebratory nods to the state's heritage. It was handpainted over two-and-a-half years by third-generation artists. Delicate thikri glasswork, hand-carved wood accents, and intricate gold leaf detailing abound across the hotel. Amer Bagh garden venue unfurls like a verdant blanket at the base of the hotel – and is a stirring outdoor venue. Jai Bagh (victory garden is the main outdoor space for guest and I was absolutely enthralled delving into the daily bazaar that is staged here in the afternoon, complete with puppeteers, block printers, bangle makers and astrologers. Anantara's core DNA is to create hotels steeped in local elements and the Jaipur addition excels at delivering exactly that. You can even go chowk-hopping, vegetable shopping and cooking with local women. The hotel boasts 150 rooms and suites, layered across five categories, with most overlooking the inner courtyard or Jai Bagh. We stayed in the Anantara One-Bedroom Terrace Suite, which is kitted out with its own outdoor Jacuzzi and expansive terrace. I was transfixed here watching muscular monsoon thunderstorms tear up the sky and soak the land! Guestrooms do not skimp on celebrating the sense of place, with sumptuous comforts and artful design elements, from the zardozi on the pillows, thikri work on the headboards, wooden jharokas by the window nooks, and Mughal miniature art on the walls. If that's not enough to tempt you, Anantara's first outpost in India will enchant you with its gastronomic verve. Led by Executive Chef Sunil Jajoria, Sheesh Mahal is a pinch-yourself jewel box of a venue, to experience the true essence of Rajasthan with exquisitely fitted out with glittering mirror mosaics, dressed in 350,000 pieces of glass, inspired by the legendary Mirror Palace. Coud there be a more wondrous place to savour the true essence of Rajasthan's culinary brilliance? The menu marries traditional Rajasthani delicacies with global influences, paired with signature cocktails like the Jewel of Jaipur. Jajoria, a Rajasthan native, has been researching local cuisine for the last seven years. Perfected over 20 trials, his menu dives deep into how maharajas entertained. His tasting menu kicks off with hummus that tastes like Bikaneri bhujia, moving on to ker sangri kebabs, besan kebabs mimicking paneer (as there was no paneer in the history of Rajasthan, says the chef), and Shekhawati maas tacos. The menu is handwritten by the chef himself, on vintage paper he has been collecting since his he was a boy. Pair this menu with the ‘Echoes of Distillation' spirit tasting of heritage liquor from the royal family of Mahansar. It's mixology at its finest, with no shortage of artful theatre thrown in. Another cracking experience is Amrit Mahal, the vibrant all-day dining venue, which presents a diverse array of international and Indian specialties. There were too many highlights to recount, but the lamb baos, edamame truffle dimsums, lotus root on fire, Cantonese buttermilk prawns, soba noodles, and Japanese caramel cheesecake were all pleasurably devoured. The buffet breakfast here is like a royal banquet! The spa experience is a signature feature pillar of any Anantara property, and resident experts were brought in from Thailand to train the Jaipur team. The treatment repertoire remains consistent with their global spa menus—a mix of Ayurveda, Thai massages, and western therapies. I deployed my sister to the spa for some personal panel-beating and she is still buzzing about the deep tissue massage she savoured. She rates it as the best massage of her life, “life-affirming, age-reducing and liberating.” Another starring attribute of the hotel is its genuine sense of connection with the community. As a part of their grassroots outreach, the hotel works with local women to make the rotis on their menu on a chulha or traditional clay stove. You can take an early morning trip to the flower market or a guided farming experience. Even better, take a private visit to Hathi Gaon, which is a community of rescue elephants residing in their natural habitat. Or partake in a local culinary class. I was particularly impressed that the hotel takes care of their staff's accommodation needs, building nearby apartments to ensure they are well-housed. Hospitality is as sparkling as the palace-like hotel itself - faultless, ultra-attentive, charismatic and truly unforgettable. Treat yourself to a remarkable Jaipur escape at Anantara Jewel Bagh. You'll be royally treated from the moment you arrive. You will not want to leave. www.anantara.com Delve into India and the Golden Triangle with the award-winning tour specialists across Asia and beyond. I chose a tailor-made Classic India private holiday, that enables you optimise your itinerary and accommodation preferences, as much as you wish. The itinerary can be as active or as laid back as you are, with full flexibility over included meals and excursions. You'll be in the best of hands with Wendy Wu Tours. www.wendywutours.co.nz/india From New Zealand, it's just a one-stop connection to a multitude of destinations in India, including New Delhi, with Singapore Airlines, on their various daily services from Auckland and Christchurch to Singapore. Enjoy well-timed connections for an easy transit in Singapore. Across all classes of travel, the award-winning carrier has not only fostered a world-beating reputation for its exceptional customer service and in-flight product, but also its innovation. Become a KrisFlyer member and enjoy complimentary in-flight WiFi. For best fares and seats to suit head to https://www.singaporeair.com Mike Yardley is our resident traveller on Jack Tame Saturday Mornings.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Christian College Sex Comedy: Part 14 Wagers In 30 parts, By FinalStand. Listen to the podcast at Explicit Novels.             An army is one man's courage and a thousand men's discipline    "Oh! Pay up, pay up," Opal called out. "Damn," bitched Rio. "I keep hoping my boy Zane will develop some standards, but oh, well." "They were betting on you bringing me back for sex?" Paige whispered, but her desire was glowing bright. I shook my head and chuckled. "Don't worry about it; I still see you as a whirling vortex of passionate lust," I assured her. We passed around the Chinese screens that separated my area from the rest of the floor and I was relieved to see everyone but Barbie Lynn had left, and Barbie had curled up on the near side of the bed and was still asleep. As we moved around the bed, Paige's resolve began to falter. "Sit down, let's talk," I said softly. Paige was clearly confused. "The most powerful tool in sex is the brain," I continued. "I want to know you a little better first." "I should be great at this," she replied. "How many boys have you kissed?" I asked as we sat down. She looked surprised by the question. "Two," was her curt response. "Zane, I want you to take my virginity." Now it was my turn to be surprised, but I was only put off for a moment. "Tell me about those two times," I persisted. Paige had started tugging her shirt out from her skirt and was clearly not pleased with my request. "Zane, didn't you hear me? I want you to pop my cherry, break me in, fuck my cunt, whatever you want to call it," she told me. "Yes," I nodded, "and I'm looking forward to that, but answer the question please." "I, I've been kissed by two boys, one kiss per boy," she replied, but I could tell there was more to it. "Do I have to play twenty questions with you?" I gave an exasperated sigh. Paige flushed with anger. "Fine, damn it," she growled. "The first boy, I paid to kiss me on the lips. He did so, and he looked at me like he wanted to throw up." That looked like it hurt her to admit. "The second time, it was a joke, a dare. I closed my eyes, he kissed me on the lips, and then I heard the applause. They congratulated him for kissing the freak," she recited with anguish. "They laughed at me while I ran away." She looked furious and miserable at the same time. I tilted her head up toward me. I let my first kiss barely brush her lips. I let her study my reaction, and then I kissed her again. The third kiss pressed our lips together, and on the fourth, our tongues touched. The fifth saw her wrap her arms around me and hold me tight for nearly a minute. She was panting for breath when we came up for air. I used that moment to pick her up and place us both farther into the bed. "Eep!" she exclaimed, then she started to giggle. I straddled her and dove in to nibble her neck. Paige beat at my chest with her fists but couldn't stop laughing. "That tickles!" We fell back into kissing for a while; Paige didn't need to rush into sex despite her declared desires. "Shouldn't we take our clothes off?" I responded to that by sitting up, grabbing her shirt in both hands over the breasts, and ripping it open. Buttons went flying everywhere and Paige's eyes expressed her shock. I reached for her bra but Paige's hands flew to mine. "Wait," she gasped. "It unsnaps from the front." I even let her open the bra for me, exposing her ghostly breasts and pale pink areolas and nipples. I shifted down Paige's body and latched my lips to her left breast, causing her to cry out in pleasure. "Oh, damn," she purred, "this is so much better in real life." I wasn't sure I knew what that meant, or that I even wanted to know. I feasted on each nipple and breast in turn until they were fully engorged and bright, rosy pink from my attention. She'd spread her legs wide open and was humping her hips up against me. I pulled away long enough to get my shirt off before descending on her for kisses once more. In the midst of that, we rolled over where she grabbed me by the side of the head and covered my face with butterfly kisses. "I've always wanted to do that," she beamed pure joy at me. I moved my hands down her ribs, waist, and hips until I was able to pull up her skirt and grab her ass. Paige aggressively humped me in response, smiling at me and breathing heavy. Without any urging, Paige pushed up my body until she dangled her breast against my lips. I greedily sucked one in, teasing her nipple with my teeth. Paige yelped but followed me down without comment, cradling my head into her chest and rocking me back and forth. "Careful, Honey, he's addictive," Barbie Lynn sleepily intervened. "He's going to take my virginity," Paige exulted. "Is he now?" she grinned at me. "She's asked; I'm considering it, but I want to know she's really ready for it first," I mumbled back between mouthfuls of tit. "Wait," she panted, "you promised me." "Paige, Rule #7 for guys: when sex is involved, we lie," I informed her. "Oh, what lie did you tell Barbie Lynn?" Paige inquired. "He forces me to orgasm so he can bask in my post-orgasmic bliss," Barbie Lynn sighed dreamily. "Besides," I said, as I ran my hands through her fine white hair and tucked a few locks behind her ears, "I am not saying we won't do it, but you are an incredibly tough read and we aren't going to do something I don't think you need." "How come you get to decide?" Paige sounded annoyed. "I'm the only guy you've approached who you didn't find on an escort service website; we are in my bed; and, oh, yeah, I've had sex hundreds of times and you are in all ways a virgin," I listed off the reasons. "Paige, you only get to do this 'first time' once, and I would like it to be something you love and want to do again and again." "Well, I know what I want. I am in your bed and you're half-naked already," she emphasized by grinding her pelvis into me. "I'm also on top and I don't think you can get rid of me that easily." "This one is a little firecracker," Barbie Lynn chuckled. "She's that," I commented, "but you should always be leery of someone who thinks they are always right." My words didn't stop me from pressing my cock up against Paige's twat. "We could always have a little butt-sex instead," I teased. "No!" Paige squeaked. "You are huge and my asshole is tiny." "Oh, God," I laughed. "You actually looked at your ass in a mirror." Paige blushed furiously. "Listen, Paige, trust me on this. You can go into town and find some college guy who will jump at the chance to screw you. What you have to wonder is how much he'll care about you and your needs as well as how good he is at sex. Let's get naked." "Finally," Paige mocked. She rolled off and shed her clothes so fast they left angry red tracks down her legs. I took my time but Paige didn't seem to mind. She reached out and ran a hand over my bicep and shoulder. "He's real enough," Barbie Lynn assured her quietly. "How did you know what I was thinking?" Paige mused. At least she only implied Barbie Lynn was stupid. "Paige, sweetie, how many of us FFU girls expect to be able to choose our man, much less one worth having? And don't you be disparaging of Zane, now, either. I can smell your arousal from here," Barbie Lynn said with a sexy curve to her lips. Paige was thinking of her retort when she gasped as I caught her distracted and slipped two fingers along the folds of her cunt. When her razor sharp focus latched onto me once more, I pushed her onto her back and mounted her. Her legs splayed out to either side and the location of her hips against my stomach reminded me of how narrow her hips were, narrower than even Iona's. She still did her best to wrap her legs around me as she placed her hands on my shoulders. "Are you going to make me scream?" she asked nervously. "Every girl is different so don't worry about it," I grinned. "Besides, I can tell you'll be really good at this." "How can you know I'll be any good at sex?" Paige snapped. Yes, that was the sore point I was looking for. "Your eyes sparkle when you touch me, you react instinctively to my touch, you are in good physical shape, and you're very sensitive all over your body," I explained. "What you saw as fooling around was me mapping out how your body works and where your erogenous zones were. No two women are the same and I love exploring. Now I'm getting back to it." I began placing kisses along her sternum, down toward her navel. Her stomach pulsed when I kissed the belly button. "Oh, aha," Paige moaned. I licked and stroked the area around her navel, causing her torso to gyrate from the sexual stimulation. "Umm, that feels nice." Unlike previous encounters with other women where I avoided the cunt while I worked around it, I instead placed one hand immediately to the area, squeezing two fingers into her cunt and wiggling them around. I left the clit alone for now because I was encouraging a slow boil, not a flash burn. I wanted Paige in an erotically charged high before I challenged her vaginal virginity. Paige's skin had this false translucent quality to it that was exciting to watch. You could track the arousal of a touch by the blood rushing to the skin around the excited area. Physically, she could conceal nothing, and she was far from sexually experienced enough to stifle her vocalizations of pleasure. "I just want to be fucked," she moaned," I just want to be fucked, aha, oh." Her words said one thing but her body expressed its desire for more excitement. "No, she groaned as she ground her hips against my lips. When I stabbed my tongue to her clit, she acted like a jolt of electricity arched through her body. Now, when I've performed cunnilingus on a girl, I expect a bit of movement; I'm doing something wrong if she lays there. Paige was all over the place, pulling away then thrusting back as well as rolling her hips rapidly side to side. At the moment her thrashing turned into trembles, I withdrew my lips and fingers, causing Paige to whimper and look down at me. "Huh?" she pleaded. I gave her a mischievous grin, then blew on her clit. Paige hiccupped, then threw her head down on the bed violently. I began sucking on the inside of her thighs for about one minute, letting her settle down, then leapt on her clit with my tongue once more. "Oh, God!" Paige squealed. I moved my tongue off, trading off with two fingers parting her labia and flicking her clit with my thumb. I alternated back and forth over five minutes until I noticed Paige was sobbing and tearing up the sheets with her fists. "Have mercy, Zane," Barbie Lynn whispered. I gave a quick nod before placing my lips around Paige's clit and sucking on it with growing intensity plus twirling the tip of my tongue along its tip. I also made tiny fucking motions with two fingers into her cunt. She didn't last thirty seconds. "Oh, my, God, Zane!" she growled. She wasn't loud but she rumbled her orgasm from deep in her chest. It was kind of surprising, coming from such a lithe, ephemeral being. Paige was sucking down further sounds internally so that they were merely sobs. I crawled up to her side, rested sidewise, propped up by an elbow, and placed a hand on her stomach as I watched over her. When she started gasping for air, her eyes locked with mine once more. Paige feebly pushed on my chest so I let her push me on my back. She struggled to rise over me, then collapsed on my chest. "I, that was, you still didn't fuck me," she wheezed. I sighed in frustration, pulled Paige on top of me, chest to chest, and then began playing slap-happy with her ass. "Ow,ow, ow, ow, ow," she squalled. "Stop that; I bruise easily," she added, with tears in her eyes. "Damn it, woman, is it going to kill you to accept that I know what I'm doing?" I responded angrily. "Since you are clearly clueless, what we just did was foreplay. I wanted to relax your body before we moved to the next step." Paige had enough common sense to look embarrassed but not enough to keep quiet. "Well my ass still hurts," she pouted. "What?" I questioned. "Did you say you wanted me to hurt your ass?" I grabbed each ass cheek and pulled them apart. "No!" she squeaked, "You are too big." She grabbed my hands in her smaller grip and tried to pry them off. We rocked back and forth until we rolled over. She struggled but I soon ended on top of her, Paige on her stomach, and my legs prying hers open. "No, no," she pleaded as she felt my cock resting on her ass cleft. "Relax," I whispered into Paige's ear, "have you ever heard of doggy style?" "You aren't, going to have anal sex with me?" she gulped. I pushed my body up and after a moment, Paige followed, pressing her back against my torso once more. "I'd never do anything to you that you didn't want me to," I assured her, "though I am going to have you begging me to bugger you before this semester is over." "Uh-uh," Paige assured me, "not going to happen," but she did wiggle her ass against me playfully, testing my resolve. I balanced on one hand so I could use the other to pull her hair away from one side to the other. Her neck, ear, and the side of her face were now revealed. I sucked on her shoulder while I repositioned my cock so that it slid down her ass, past her anus and cunt, so that it pressed along her pubic mound from below. Paige began humming pleasurably and gyrating her hips against me. I put my free hand on her breast and massaged it as well. "Promise me you won't keep me waiting this time," she murmured. "Promise you'll take me." "Of course I will, Paige. You have to relax and enjoy yourself and not get worked up about us having sex," I comforted her. She rocked against me and I pushed back. "Nice and slow," I cautioned her. "I'm not going anywhere." With a little effort, she did as I requested. I kept running my hand down from her breast to her stomach, each time going a little farther down. She'd tilted her shoulders and neck so that we could kiss but she also found my lips on her neck to be tantalizing. I was tricky enough that I had my cockhead parting her puffy lips before she realized it. In fact, I had three separate penetrations that elicited moans, then she looked up at me. "Don't be afraid," I told her sympathetically. "Remember the faces of all the girls you've seen me with while we are having sex and know that it is going to be just as good for you." Paige looked down at the mattress and nodded her head. She pushed back but it wasn't easy. Her entrance felt like a vice restricting my entrance. Even totally wet, her vaginal muscles were blocking my progress initially. I patiently kept at it, incrementally advancing with each coaxing touch. When I brushed against her hymen, Paige didn't even recognize the moment had come. I subtly brought my arm down to her stomach and wrapped her up in my arm while teasing her ear with my teeth. "Yip!" Paige exclaimed as I pierced her virginity. "Oh, God, it burns," she sobbed. I gave her a few seconds to adjust before penetrating even deeper. "No," she moaned, and tried to pull away, but I didn't let her. "Zane," she pleaded for me to let her go. "It hurts." I kept at it. "I never thought it would hurt this bad, please." She gave one final gasp as I pressed the final inch into her, then we remained there, locked in sexual congress while she wept and trembled underneath me. I considered it a minor miracle Paige had remained on her hands and knees as we reached this point. Now I had to get her past the stage where pain dominated pleasure. "We'll move when you feel you are ready," I instructed her. Paige nodded, then nothing else for some time. She caught me off guard when she flexed her grasp on my cock. "Umm," she purred. "Did you feel that?" My groan was my reply. Paige pulled away a tiny bit until the pain kicked in and she stopped. Seconds later she repeated the process, withdrawing several inches, then reversing the procedure and allowing me deeper in once more. "It hurts less," she admitted. A moment later as she shifted to a faster rhythm, "it is really quite nice." "You might want to ask Zane how he is doing," Barbie Lynn chided Paige. "But I honestly don't care," Paige noted. "If you want to do this again, you might want to start caring," Barbie informed her. I winked at the blonde sex angel. "Zane, do you like having sex with me?" Paige asked in a much kinder tone than normal. She must have been truly appreciating the lovemaking she was receiving. "It feels like you are trying to rip my cock off," I ground out. "You are damn tight, then you are adding those contractions on top of that. I may not be able to have sex for a week." "Paige, I like you, but if Zane is telling the truth, I going to seriously rearrange your anatomy," Barbie Lynn promised with dangerous intent. "I apologize," Paige pouted. To prove how sorry she wasn't, Paige rotated her hips down then back up several times rapidly. So that's how she wanted to play it. I placed both hands on her shoulders and let her make a few more tentative moves before slamming my member all the way in. "Oh, fuck," she gasped. I slowly drew back my full length, then rocketed back in time and time again. Paige was sweating and panting from earlier exertions but now she was barely hanging on. Slap, slap, slap, my hips mashed against her ass. Paige gave a breathless grunt each time I drilled her, and that was followed by a relieved sigh as I pulled back. By the desperation in her voice, I knew she wouldn't last much longer. "Oh! My! Fucking! God!" she growled loudly. I now knew what it felt like to have put my cock in a fire hose and had some asshat turn the water on. Paige's cunt juice had been plentiful the first time she had an orgasm. This time they were copious and forceful, and my cock was simply in the way; what got past stung the hell out of my ball sack. Normally I have really good control over my sexual climax but I was being sorely tested. Worse, I couldn't simply pop out of Paige because that would cause her pain. The odds of her using birth control were next to nil and none, so it fell to me to find something to center my mind and not ejaculate. "Zane, are you okay?" Barbie Lynn said in a hushed, worried tone. I could only nod. Paige was erratically pushing up and down on my cock, to the point where I grabbed her hips in order to not have a nasty accident when her muscles relaxed and my overstimulation ended. "Don't, move," I panted painfully to Paige. Paige didn't quite comply but I didn't blame her because her arms gave out and she slumped forward. I held up her rear by my hold on her hips. I carefully let her slide off my cock and finish splaying out on the bed. I sat back on my heels, breathing deeply and fighting for control. "Come here, Baby," Barbie Lynn ordered, picking up on my distress. I moved over Paige's leg toward Barbie and she joined me by turning around, meeting me half way. "I've got this," she purred, as she wrapped my cock in one hand and placed her lips over the head. Despite Paige's vaginal fluids and some blood, Barbie loved it. She bobbed up and down twice before my resolve finally crumbled. "Cumming," I gasped. Barbie Lynn shot me a quick grin, then pumped and sucked with renewed vigor. When I started ejaculating, Barbie Lynn made some half-hearted swallowing efforts but I knew she was holding something back. I smiled at her as I ran my hand through her honeyed locks. When I finished unloaded into Barbie Lynn's mouth, I pulled her up, she leaned into my body, and we kissed. I tasted my semen on my tongue as we swapped fluids. Barbie Lynn licked her lips in a highly sensual manner as we broke our kiss. She gave me a little wink, acknowledging how much I'd changed her in our short time together: kinky, sexy, and beautiful. "Whoa," whimpered Paige as she opened her eyes and looked in our direction. "That was intense." She sighed and took a deep breath. "I should have mentioned this earlier, you didn't need to pull out. I had, issues when I was little and my ovaries were removed. I'm never going to have children." I switched back to Paige and kissed her on the forehead. This was probably time for some sympathy, if Paige had been anything approaching a normal girl. "You fucking wait to tell me this now?" I chided her. "Do you have any idea the panic attack you put me through? I was stuck inside you and you were so damn hot I nearly lost it. I was trying to figure out what I was going to tell your father, damn it!" "Father?" she seemed confused for a second, then, "Oh. Why would I ever marry you?" "I'm a billionaire philanthropist genius playboy," I joked. "You are Iron Man?" she mocked me. "Or Batman, your choice," I volleyed back. "If you hadn't made me feel so fantastic right now, I'd recode your computer to operate in Mandarin," she snickered. "Iron Man is one of my heroes and I will not have him mocked by the likes of you." "Clearly, the first round of spanking didn't work, but I'm nothing if not persistent," I glowered. Paige's hands flew to her vulnerable and still rather red backside. "Don't you dare," she threatened. I pivoted, she flinched, then I leaned down and kissed her ass cheek. "What?" she murmured then I kissed her again and again. I slowly pried her hands away and soon had planted little signs of affection all over her tender, sore flesh. "Kiss ass," Paige teased. I had to wonder if she was taking social lessons from Rio. "Tell me something: how did you get to be so quiet? I'm normally pretty good at not letting anyone sneak up on me but you have done it to me twice already," I asked. "That's not a totally stupid question," Paige answered. "I have been basically friendless most of my life, if you don't count the internet. I was small, different, and was picked on. I learned to be quiet and go unnoticed," she explained. "I admit to having a harder time with you than with most people." "Because I lived out in the jungle and became more observant?" I queried. "No," she sighed in exasperation. "Because I've wanted to grab you and drag you back to my room since I first laid eyes on you, Zane. Mentally, you are unremarkable, but physically, you scream out 'Sex, sex, sex!'" That observation made Barbie Lynn laugh out loud. My pained and confused expression only caused them to laugh louder. Someday I'm going to come out on top of one of these exchanges. Then I'm going to run away from school because I want to leave on a high note and I'm not likely to ever win a second time. Girls, Relationships and the Chancellor too. "Zane? God Damn it, Zane!" Raven screeched at me as she barged into my room. What could I say? Barbie Lynn was halfway under the sheets but her tumultuous breasts were clearly exposed. Paige was totally naked, face down on the other side of me but had clearly been fucked thoroughly and her tight pale ass spanked hard. Oh, yeah, and I was kneeling between the two, totally naked as well. I vaulted over Barbie Lynn (who was closer to the entrance and Raven) because I didn't want to hurt her injured knee, snatched up my robe, and put it on. "Very complicated, long story, we can laugh about it later," I dazzled Raven. I took her by the elbow and headed her out of my bedroom. "Why don't we study on the far side of the main Solarium?" The look of betrayal in Raven's eyes destroyed any doubt that she was crushing on me in a big way. For the love of God, I really needed to find some lesbians to hang out with because these straight chicks were driving me crazy. Before we could leave, Iona nearly piled into us. "I'm sorry, Zane. She slipped past me," Iona apologized. "I only wanted to talk with him and, and he was in bed with yet another girl," Raven bitched. "I'm still ready to study with you," I offered. "How can we study if you are always having sex with other women?" she stomped her foot in frustration. Iona shot me a worried look. I put a hand on Raven's shoulder and made eye contact. "Raven, I promise you we will get this project done, you'll get your good grade, and I'll carry my part of the project. I'm here for you," I assured Raven. "You, you aren't giving any thought about us, our project together," was her accusation. "What do you want me to do?" I asked evenly. "I, I think I should go to Ms. Goodswell and request another partner," Raven sighed. I looked to Iona who looked to the living area past the Jacuzzi. "Ms. Goodswell is right over there," Iona indicated our teacher who was sitting with Dana and five other teachers who had come in while I was, busy. "Your place has controlled access," Iona answered my unasked question as to why I had so many other educators in my place. "Bazz's people can 'accidentally' step in." Raven was not deterred by the other teachers hanging around Virginia as she made a beeline across the room. At least she was polite enough to wait while Virginia disengaged from the others so she could talk to us. "Raven, Zane, how can I help you?" Ms. Goodswell inquired, yet I had a sneaking suspicion that she was way ahead of the situation. "Ms. Goodswell," Raven started, "I really need to get a new project partner." "Why is that, Raven?" Virginia asked. "We simply aren't working out," she sounded exasperated. "And, I think the other girls were right; I don't feel safe around him," she tacked on. I lowered my head and sighed. This sucked. "Very well. Zane, do you want a new partner?" Virginia turned to me. "Sure, whatever. If Raven doesn't feel safe, she deserves someone new," I shrugged. "Alright, then, but I want you two to know a few things," Virginia began. "First off: Raven, I don't like being lied to." She held up a hand to forestall Raven's protest. "You were so uncomfortable with Zane's presence that you came up to his dorm uninvited, asked his whereabouts, and went into his bedroom unescorted. At what point in time did you feel unsafe?" "He was in bed with two girls, Barbie Lynn Masters and Paige Zeller," Raven said angrily. "Did you ask Zane what was going on or did you simply assume something and storm out?" Virginia stated. Raven opened her mouth, then shut it. "Now, do you think I assigned you to Zane solely because you answered one question incorrectly?" "You mean why I didn't want Zane as a partner initially?" Raven suggested. "Precisely. Raven, you scored the tenth highest placement score for English. That is why you are in my room, I have the top twenty freshmen in my class. Do you know what Zane's placement rank was?" "I don't know," she finally admitted. "He was second," she informed Raven, and me. I had no idea and really, such things don't interest me. "Raven, I didn't place you with Zane to help out Zane; I put you with Zane to help you." "Oh," Raven said in a small voice. "I didn't know." "What you have committed is reverse discrimination," Virginia explained. "Everyone assumes that since Zane is attractive, that he's not too bright. It is the same way most guys perceive bubbly blondes with big breasts, mentally insignificant." "Finally, your real problem with Zane is not his intelligence, his self-control, or the time he is willing to spend with you; it is his libido," Ms. Goodswell instructed. "You may want to ask yourself why you are upset with what Zane does with other students in his spare time and discuss this with him. He is standing right next to you, after all, and he could be elsewhere if he desired." "Very well," Raven conceded, "I'll work with Zane as long as he agrees to not get distracted while we are together." She looked to me for confirmation. "Agreed, I mean, I will try," I responded. Raven didn't seem totally satisfied but she allowed my promise to stand. "Let's get started." "Good," she said, but then she hesitated while she looked around at the other girls in various groups in the Solarium. "Let's go back to my room," I suggested. Seeing her skeptical look, "I need my tablet and then we can pick out a place and start studying." "Why do I need to come with you?" she glared. "With you, I'll be safe," I informed her. "Sometimes the ladies can forget I am here to get a degree and you help remind them of that with your seriousness." Raven shrugged and followed me back to my room. When we got there, Barbie Lynn was sitting on the edge of the bed, pulling up her socks. She was otherwise dressed. Paige was spread-eagled on the middle of the bed, staring up at the ceiling. "Hey, Zane," Paige smiled. "Are you finished?" "We came back for his tablet, Paige," Raven growled. "We haven't started yet. Stay where you are; we have work to do." Paige's mouth dropped open in shock and outrage (Raven is a freshman, after all). I was happy Raven didn't call Paige a slut because I knew that was actively on her mind. I grabbed my backpack, retrieved another bathrobe from the wardrobe, and walked over to Paige. "Here you go. Take a little time in the Jacuzzi," I suggested. "I have nothing to wear," Paige rolled her eyes at my stupidity. "Go naked; you have a beautiful body that's a pleasure to behold," I told her. Paige studied me, weighing my dare to her. Barbie Lynn shot me a smile and a wink for me pressuring Paige. "Zane, we need to go," Raven insisted. She took hold of my elbow but didn't try to move me. "As you wish," I bowed to Raven. As we turned to leave, Paige called out, "The Princess Bride!" she laughed. Raven looked at me to make some sense of that. "It is a movie I like; it's old," I explained. We trecked out but I deviated from our course long enough to grab Rio, who was publically molesting Mercy. "Take it to an alcove, you two," I said softly. Rio challenged my stance but then we both started chuckling. "I can't promise to keep it quiet, Bro," she winked. "Stuff your panties in her mouth," I suggested. "I'm not wearing any," she grinned. "Put her panties in her mouth, then," I told her. "She's not wearing any either," Rio teased me. "Fine, I give up," I threw up my hands and continued off with Raven. "Was it like this for you, before you came here?" Raven asked me once we sat down in an isolated area. "It was different but similar. After a few weeks everyone knew everyone else, so it wasn't like us kids weren't aware of one another," I explained. "So you've always lived like this?" Raven sounded incredulous. "Raven, how would you describe your relationship with your parents?" I began. "I'm not sure what that has to do with anything but my father died of cancer when I was twelve and I have been raised by my mother ever since," Raven explained. "We are pretty close and we've both worked to raise my brother, who is four years younger than me." "So you had a partnership of sorts," I filled in. Raven nodded. "My parents and I were very close; we did almost everything together, and I was a part of their lives for as long as I can remember. When they died, I went to the far side of the globe to guardians who didn't want me hanging around, yet expected me to act in a very restricted moral way with no training or incentive." "My Uncle only had enough time for me to punish me for not living up to his moral code while my Aunt parroted his beliefs. I guess it was only natural that I formed my own code of ethics and relationships. I had a strong sexual curiosity and personality that drove me to express it," I added. "Where is this going?" Raven sighed. "It means I have no serious understanding of monogamy outside of marriage. Worse, I have little respect for restrictive authority. Mindless discipline strikes me as unnatural. Don't get me wrong, though; I don't really care how you, or anyone, choses to live, as long as you respect that right in others." "Couldn't you have conformed to what the rest of us want at this school?" Raven countered. "This is a Christian Girls School and we shouldn't be having sex." "I think we have a fundamental misunderstanding here," I nodded. "We both accept that I want to have sex, but why do you assume that some girls here don't?" "That is not what matters," Raven declared. "What matters is that they wouldn't be succumbing to temptation if you weren't here." "That, I have to agree with you there," I admitted, which stunned Raven. "I doubt any of the girls I am with now would go trolling the local college for guys to score with." "So you see what a problem you are and how you shouldn't be at FFU," Raven concluded. "Belief without temptation has no merit," I quoted. "A promise to abstain from boys is nothing more than empty platitudes if there are no boys around." "Zane, we came here because no boys are allowed. Our pledge is a declaration of solidarity with our fellow students," Raven stated. "But the pledge is voluntary so you should respect their decision to do something else if the situation changes," I suggested. "A lot of girls here treat me nicely but aren't jumping my bones, girls like you." Raven didn't comment for several seconds. "I only wish more girls felt like I did," she said weakly. "Well, I'm glad you feel that way about me," I told her, as I pulled my legs up to a lotus position, adjusted my robe, and got ready to work, "because I find you very attractive and that would make things difficult." "Yes, that would make things difficult," Raven muttered sadly. It didn't really matter how Raven ended up beside me, her legs curled up under her and her head poised at my shoulder looking over our choices of works to read through. She didn't have Iona's insightful genius but she had a dedication to detail that was remarkable. She was apparently impressed with my ability to link Irrelevant Detail A with Curious Reference B. In two hours, Raven was excited over the progress we'd made. "Of course you are happy," I teased her; "you expected nothing from me so everything you get is a bonus." "I apologize," she said softly. "Don't worry about it," I chuckled, "you are hardly the first girl on this campus to think I'm an idiot." No sooner had I spoken those words than Paige hopped over the seat behind me and took the armrest of the chair opposite Raven. "You are a moron, not an idiot," Paige corrected me. "Now, it has been two hours and I've finished my homework. Let's go." "Hey!" snapped Raven. "Excuse me, but did we have plans?" I addressed Paige crossly. "You have been sitting over here for two hours with this bimbo. If she hasn't finished working with you by now, she's even duller than she looks," Paige informed us. "Bimbo!" responded Raven as she stood up to confront Paige. "Paige," I cautioned, "why are you doing this? This is way beyond your normal anti-personnel skills." "I don't like her, and I like her spending time with you even less," Paige declared. "At least I didn't have to spread my legs to make him spend time with me," Raven retorted. That seemed to upset Paige so I intervened. "That's not true," I told Raven. "I hang out with Paige because she is intriguing and smart, like you. Anything else is a private matter between her and me." "I don't like her," Raven replied. "You suck up oxygen that would be better used by mewling infants," Paige countered. "Enough!" I snapped. I turned, cupped Raven's jaw, and kissed her on the lips, leaving her shocked. I turned to Paige and with my countenance, I let her know she'd gone too far. I walked off, looking for somewhere else to be, but the floor was pretty occupied by freshmen now, in their little groups studying and relaxing. I even caught sight of Rio playing pool with Valerie and enjoying herself. Iona was with a group of students I recognized but Barbie Lynn and the teachers were gone. Only Dana remained, an isolated island of calm, watching her television and drinking her beers. I slouched down on the seat next to my former coach. "You are not getting a beer," she told me. "Do I look like I want a beer?" I sighed. "No, you look like you need a beer," she chuckled, "which is worse." "Man, that is a sad assessment of my situation," I groaned; "accurate, but sad." "You need to say 'No' occasionally, Zane," Dana observed. "Since I can no longer keep these girls safe from you, you need to keep yourself safe from them. If you don't set some boundaries, there is going to be trouble." I digested that for a minute. "You are laughing at me on the inside, aren't you?" I remarked. "Pretty much, yes," Dana winked. "This is some twisted plot of yours to make me take some responsibility, damn you," I continued. "Yep," she quipped. "You would think that having so many girlfriends, or potential girlfriends, would be a great thing," I stated. "My problem is that there are so many wonderful girls to meet and I want to get to know them, and it isn't like I get to know someone in one hour, or one day, or even one year, really." Dana laughed out loud so hard she started to cough. "Who would have thought you were a romantic," she snorted. "If you limited yourself to one-night stands, your life would be far easier." "I frankly don't think that is a possibility for me," I shrugged. "Even Paige?" Dana asked, "I know she annoys the crap out of you and she's a total stalker." "She is not," I defended Paige. "She's different but I like her intensity." Dana smirked and a set of arms wrapped around me from behind. Paige rested her head on my shoulder and kissed my ear. "I came back to bitch you out for taking Raven's side over mine," she said softly, "but now I think I'll simply forgive you and be done with it." "Damn it, Paige," I snapped nervously, "would you stop sneaking up on me?" "No," she responded after a moment's introspection. "I want you to be somewhat afraid of me." "Paige, you might want to consider what the hundred and some other girls are going to do to you when they learn you want exclusive rights to Zane," Dana grinned. "We don't have to be exclusive," Paige informed her, like I wasn't even there (this happens to me way too much). "He only needs to be available when I need him. We'll work out other arrangements for us by the end of the semester." "Paige, you accept me on my terms or we don't get together at all," I warned her. "Part of your appeal is that you do so many other things so well," I continued. "You don't need me." "Zane, I gave you, she reminded me with a mixture of anger and sadness. "Paige, you were my first, too," I enlightened her. "I've never taken a woman's virginity before." "It was special to me," she whispered. I turned my head and shoulders far enough around to kiss her. "It was special for me, too, but I know it meant more to you. What I did can't compare to what you went through," I related. "It is not meant to. I haven't forgotten my first time; that doesn't change the fact that I love someone else and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. It has nothing to do with you or any of the other girls. I feel she is the one for me and it doesn't make rational sense," I explained. "I respect that, Zane," Paige allowed. "You are an idiot and a moron; I'm going to need to train you to accept what is best for you, which is me. I became a woman through your exertions and I'm not willing to surrender that glorious feeling to anyone." Dana laughed uproariously while I groaned in despair. "Fine, I'll let you deal with Christina and company," I grumbled. I stood up and disentangled from Paige. She followed me around the sofa until she was cuddled up against me. "Do we have some time?" she inquired while rolling her hip along my pelvis and getting a response from my suicidal cock. "Dinner first, but I wouldn't be opposed to some bedroom time with you," I grinned to Paige. "I'm thinking a hot oil massage, then some cowgirl action." That definitely excited her. Food did end up taking precedence over sex because I was desperately hungry. The meal time was tense, with bandaged members on both sides of the aisle. The big news was that the Board of Directors was meeting tomorrow morning in an emergency session. No mention of the fates of Coach Gorman or Heaven was made. When I got back, I borrowed Gorman's phone and I gave Heaven a call. She exploded all over me when she realized it was me and not the Coach. "I was afraid something had happened, damn you," she snapped. "There is a little thing known as caller ID." "Um, Heaven, you didn't let me get a word in," I pointed out. "How are you doing?" "I'm going nuts," she groused. "I think it is worse, being so close and not being able to help." "Being here isn't all that great," I related. "We are all stuck in our rooms, pretty much. The Coach was fired so she's over here, drinking beer and watching TV." "That has to be weird," Heaven noted. "Are you okay?" "Actually, all my problems are solved," I told her. "Paige Zeller has decided she owns me." "Zeller? That little albino Science Club geek?" Heaven muttered. "When I get back, I'll fix her ass." "Gee, thanks," I chuckled, "but I think I can handle her. The important thing is that we are going to get you back, and as soon as we do, " The TV went dead. "What the, a few of the girls working at the computer stations and at their laptops exclaimed. Our answer was twofold. Ms. Marlowe and five security guards came up the stairs and stared out over the room. My 'room' was a lot to take in the first time around. The arrival of campus security explained the loss of outside access. When the guards entered the security code for the door, it had alerted the system the Science Club had put in place and stopped security from finding our illegal hook-ups with a cursory search. "Ms. Gorman," gawked Ms. Marlowe, "do you have beer up here?" Dana raised a half-drained beer up, examining it intently. "Yes, that would seem to be the case, Edith," Dana responded. "Do you want one? I have five left." "No! This kind of behavior is not allowed," Ms. Marlowe declared. "I'm not employed here anymore, or did you miss that outburst this morning?" Dana chuckled. "You can't kick me out of my room for a month, or so my contract states. I'm not letting any of the students have any, if that makes you happy." "Are you drunk?" Edith inquired. "Not yet, but I'd like to be," Dana sighed. "How about you get on with the security sweep you are here for so I can get back to it." Edith Marlowe shook her head in disgust, then dispatched her guards to look around. There was blatant hostility being generated their way by the present student body. On any other day, that anger would have been the end of it, but one girl started handing out pool cues and girls lined up to get them. "Put those down right now," Ms. Marlowe commanded. "Get stuffed," Vanessa Hutchins, a freshman, shot back. She'd been particularly impacted by Rhaine's actions, having been propelled twice down different stairwells. "Zane," Dana cautioned me. I stood up and walked over to Vanessa. I took the pool cue from her hands gently and placed it on the pool table. "Come on, ladies, the sooner we let them get done, the sooner we can get back to ignoring them," I said to the students. Slowly the sticks were put aside and the guards returned to their search. "Ms. Hutchins, you are coming with me," Ms. Marlowe stepped forward. I turned and looked down at her. "Don't press your luck," I told Marlowe evenly. "We aren't resisting this search but tempers are high and only going to get worse if you push things." "Edith, try to remember that you not only have to get out of this room, you have to get out of the building," Dana pointed out. "I underestimated these students so I'm now sitting here drinking beer and considering my job options." Ms. Marlowe looked down her nose at Dana, who didn't appear to give a crap about her opinion, then motioned the guards to resume looking around. Campus Security hadn't been gone five minutes before Rio came running up to me. "Hey! I heard that there was almost a fight here," she asked me. "Nothing much to it," I shrugged. "Vanessa over there decided that Ms. Marlowe should become familiar with the grain of a certain pool cue and I had to put a stop to it." Valerie and Iona came up in time to hear the explanation. "I guess it was too much to hope that the Chancellor would leave you alone," Iona moped. "People with her personality type don't let go easily," Valerie commented. "I've met more than my share in law enforcement. Their power over other people is how they define themselves." "Therefore, we need Zane to keep her preoccupied," Paige gloated. Mother Fucking God! "I'm going to have to get you a collar with a bell, damn it, Paige," I growled to my albino ghost. "Of course," she hugged me, "I'll wear a black velvet one with an electronic chime on it and you get to wear a shock collar so you can keep your limited intellect on the important things." "Important things?" Valerie grinned. "Yes; important things like obeying me," Paige grinned triumphantly. "Paige, could you please walk this way with me," Iona said sweetly. "We need to talk." "Not right now, Iona; I'm busy with Zane," Paige dismissed Iona. "Paige, come with me right now or I will inflict such painful force upon your person that even Rio will blanch at the damage delivered," Iona stated with a terrible resolve. Paige regarded Iona with disdain. I was about to break things up but Valerie held me back with a small shake of her head. "I'm not afraid of you, Iona Becket," Paige remarked. "Then you haven't studied the implications of our fight. You will win, and Zane won't have anything to do with you anymore. Rio and I are his first friends here and you understand how he weighs such things," Iona told her calmly. "Hurt me, and kiss him goodbye." Paige's face grew grim. "Now let's take a walk and talk this over, Science Clubber to Science Clubber." "I accept the validity of your socio-dynamic theory. Let's talk then." Paige nodded her acceptance of Iona's statement and with a tiny bit more respect for my diminutive friend, the two geeks walked off. Valerie found the exchange to be both confusing and amusing. "Zane, the girls and I were looking over my ride and talking about taking a few weeks off after the spring semester ends and riding out in my territory," Valerie informed me. "I figure I could teach everyone to ride; I could teach Iona basic mechanics; and Rio could learn to fight." "What do you need me to do?" I asked. "Honestly, you are learning to shoot guns and bows, plus you have martial arts training, so you should do fine. I also heard a rumor that you know something about outdoor survival, which is also handy," Valerie continued. "As long as we can keep you away from the other ladies, we should be okay." "That sounds great. Maybe we could put in some rock-climbing once we get there," I suggested. "Didn't, didn't your parents die in a rock-climbing accident?" Valerie asked. "Yes, so? It was something they loved to do and something they taught me to love," I responded. "I won't give up that part of them over one bad memory." "I can't tell if that's cold or touching," Valerie smirked. "I'll let you figure that one out," I grinned back. "Some things you tell the world, some things you tell your friends, and a few things you keep to yourself." "Is that why you don't pry?" Valerie noted. "Rio says you've never asked her about her history, which makes you pretty unique. 'What were you in for?' was my first question to her." "It is my business to know who you are, not who you were," I told her. "I have to live with you in the present, so that's my business." "My Mom is going to love you," Valerie grinned. "How about your Grandfather?" I inquired. "Touch me in a sexual manner and he'll break out of Maximum Security to kill you," Val winked. "I'm not afraid," I boasted. "Oh?" Valerie arched an eyebrow. "Yes. I have a passport and am not afraid to use it," I joked. "Wow," Dana observed, "so this is what Zane is like when he has blood flowing to his brain; he actually makes sense." "Why am I being nice to you, again?" I questioned Dana. "I haven't a fucking clue," Dana shrugged, "after all, I kicked your ass and beat you to unconsciousness." "You knocked Zane out?" Valerie asked. "If you ever have to teach Zane, you'll end up feeling the same way I did," Dana sneered. "It was an accident," Rio informed Val. "Zane threw his face at her fist and she was forced to defend herself." "What really happened, Zane?" Valerie inquired. "I haven't a clue. I heard 'Ready, set,' and I woke up staring at the ceiling thirty seconds later," I answered. "I punched him, but to be fair, he'd knocked me down with a kick in our previous encounter," Gorman admitted. "I was actually surprised he went down because Zane can take a beating." "That's the second nicest thing you've ever said about me," I commented. "What was the first?" Dana said. "You told Ms. Lane I wasn't a total waste of effort," I related. "Speaking of which, you did her, didn't you?" Dana asked. "I like keeping my relationships discreet, I started, then several girls around me groaned, ", if that is what they want, so no comment." "Let's just say that I've seen teeth marks on Zane's shoulder that have a slight gap on the left like a certain someone we both know," Rio snickered. Dana snorted. Before I could respond, I saw Iona coming my way and Paige angling for the door. I nodded to Iona and mouthed a 'thank you' to her, then angled to cut Paige off. "Where are you going?" I questioned her. "I get it; I'm not wanted, you have better things to do, and I am not going to get what I want so I'm leaving," Paige sounded hurt. "Did I say I didn't want you around?" I asked. "Iona said that you spending time with me was something the other girls wouldn't allow. Even Cordelia feels that way, apparently," Paige informed me. "I think you misunderstood," I clarified. "I want to spend time with you but I can't simply kick other girls aside because I do." "So now you want to spend time with me, but why should I spend time with you?" she countered. "I don't know," I replied. "Why did you come over and hassle Raven and I?" That brought her up short, not because she didn't know the answer but because she didn't want to admit it. "I was jealous," she said softly. "You don't need to be," I told her. "We are study buddies, nothing more." "You are a moro

Avec Antho, François, Matt et Karim !

Christian College Sex Comedy: Part 6 Zane and the Chancellor Get Jiggy In 30 parts, By FinalStand. Listen to the podcast at Explicit Novels. He who said 'Live by the sword/die by the sword' wasn't into empire-building     In past lives I must have been the first guy up the ladder storming the city walls, the first one into the castle breech, and that trooper charging the machine gun nest, because the only thing I could think to do when my hands were on my nemesis's breasts was to pinch those nipples harder and pull them toward me and up. Mel gasped and fell forward, pressing her chest into mine. I kept twisting and pulling her nipples for thirty seconds while she made these little choking noises, ending in one loud gasp when I let them go. She kept her hands resting on my hips while she brought her breathing under control. "You ,  bastard , she wheezed. "I am ,  going to ,  make you pay." "You sound so angry, Professor Bazz, but I notice you still have your body pressed tightly against mine," I pointed out in a deep seductive voice. I could feel her willing her body away but the flesh refused to obey. I dragged a hand from her shoulder, up her neck to her jawline, then back to her neck. "Your pulse is throbbing like a race horse, Professor," I whispered. "If I stay, I'm going kiss you, and if I kiss you, we are going to end up on the floor ,  so I had better go." Maybe it was the whole city wall/breech/machine gun thing that made me dip down into her. Bazz moved her face away but that only opened up my real target area more. I bit into her neck, eliciting an absolutely slutty yelp, then followed up with a few seconds of tight suction. It ended with one last jab of the tongue before I pulled away. Bazz regarded me, angry but also anxiously anticipating my next move. "I need to go now or I'll be late for Karate Club," I informed her as I backed for the door. The Chancellor answered that with another slap, which stung, and a stomp on my foot, which I avoided. "Was that for the bite, or for leaving you wanting more?" I inquired, "You really do look sizzling hot right now so I'm kind of wondering." "Get ,  out," she growled. With that she strutted back to her desk but before she could round the corner, I let out a low wolf whistle that brought her up cold. She looked over her shoulder with a furious glare. "Whoops, sorry," I shrugged. "You have a great ,  well, I was going to say ass, but really your waist, hips, ass, thighs and calves are all pretty damn fine. You can't blame me for enjoying the view." Randy picked up a glass and gold statue from her desk and hefted it, clearly calculating her desire to hit me with it against the value of the item. "I'll make you grovel at me feet," she said with relish, putting the statue back down. "I'm going to fuck you like I own you," I rebounded. Our eyes clashed, then she pointed to the door. This time I wised up enough to make a gracious exit, breezing past Ms. Marlow and Ms. Goodswell as I left. The women went in opposite directions, Ms. Marlowe going into Doctor Bazz's office and shutting the door with Ms. Goodswell running me down and grabbing my arm. "Zane, what ,  did she slap you?" she blurted out as she looked at my face. "I've had worse," I replied. "What did you do?" she worried. "I'd tell you but you would most likely be ashamed of me. Suffice it to say we didn't part on friendly terms but I'm not expelled yet either," I informed her. "Zane, you don't know who you are truly dealing with," she pleaded, suddenly vulnerable. "She got to you, didn't she?" I asked with new insight. "I'm not going to turn on you, if that's what you are asking/" Virginia assured me. "No. She got to you when you were here as a student," I clarified the question for her. Her lack of response was its own answer. "Are you using me to strike back at her?" I wondered. "No ,  no. Zane, I want you to win on your own merits and not for something I did years ago," she answered fitfully. We silently stared at one another for a few seconds. "How bad is it going to be now?" she questioned me. "How personal has this become?" "Well," I mumbled, "I caught her masturbating, pinched and twisted her nipples, then bit her on the neck ,  oh, and I told her she had a nice body." "You are an idiot," was her assessment. "She is going to make it her personal mission to cause you as much pain as possible." I gave a timid smile. "Damn it, Zane, she will still come after the people around you." "Virginia, she is going to come after us no matter what I do or don't do as long as I stay. The difference is that now I have her out in the open. Now I no longer have to guess what she might be like or what's going around in her head. Making it personal makes it easier on me because I don't doubt that I belong here anymore," I explained. "Now it is me versus an evil bitch." "She's not been beaten in ten years," she warned me. "That's because you hit like girls," I joked. "I thought by now you would have learned how hard girls can hit," Virginia sighed. "It isn't that girls can't hit hard, it is the boobs that get in the way," I quipped. Virginia gave me a glare that was more amused than angry. "I have to get to Karate Club now." "Go," she dismissed me, and off I went. First Victory at the Gym This round of Karate Club started much better than Wednesday's, seeing how I could stand without pain again. I spent the first half of the hour sparring with my second tier teammates and doing exceptionally well. When we were called together for a joint session with the first team, most were elated; me, I was suspicious. Coach Dana Gorman brought out Team Captain Wilhelmina Spellman and pretty much broke her down in front of us. Cappadocia came and went down next. "This has been very unsatisfying. It is clear that our leadership has been lax in developing our skills. Is there anyone willing to defend this team's progress?" It didn't take a rocket scientist to understand there was more to come of the beatings Willy and Cappy had gone through. "What about you, Mr. Braxton?" Dana came to the point of this whole exercise. Willy and Cappy, like me, were Christina supporters, and this was clearly an effort to nip the rebellion in the bud. "Thanks but no thanks; I think I've learned enough from you today. Maybe I'll feel ready for a fascist beat-down on Friday," I laughed. "Fine, Mr. Braxton , she continued. "Please Dana, call me Zane, since you are clearly trying to figure a way to get my blood on your fists," I interrupted. "Zane, if you show a little backbone and join me in a friendly practice session, I'll make you exempt from Handmaiden's Duty tomorrow," Dana offered. "Make it any person of my choice and we have a deal," I answered. "Very well," Dana agreed. "I choose Rio Talon," I jumped at the opportunity. "Done. Now get up here," Dana motioned. "Who will referee us?" I inquired; Dana smiled and pointed to the first team member whose ass I'd kicked an hour earlier, Mercy Chaplain. That seemed fair , We went to our sparring positions. It should be pointed out that I had two years of informal training in kickboxing; Dana had over fifteen years of competitive experience in Karate. I had height, weight, and reach on her, but since this was a Karate match I couldn't use all my moves. In essence, I should have been running instead of fighting. "Ready ,  Go," Mercy shouted. My first thought was 'Damn, that's fast,' as I blundered my way through my initial block. I didn't have a second to marvel at my good fortune before another quick flow of kicks and punches came my way. I ran out of room, luck, and fighting space, taking a blow to the cheek. "Point!" Mercy called out. We fell back to our initial positions and we started again. This time I ended flat on my back and her 'touch' to my chest that was supposed to finish me really hurt. "Point." "Is this the best you've got, Zane? Do you want to give up now?" Dana asked evenly. I spun up, resumed my starting position but remained silent. Dana lined up and came at me again. This time I did the wrong thing; I gave up my reach advantage, catching her off-guard for the split second it took me to drive my knee into her diaphragm. I rode the blow into Dana, driving her into the ground and finishing her with a blow to the chest. "Point." I rolled off the coach before she could react and reverse our positions. Dana sprung up and took a fighting stance. "That wasn't a Karate move," she pointed out angrily. "This isn't a training session so I guess that makes us even," I grinned. "Do you want to give up now?" I retook my start position but adopted the more fluid kick-boxing style. "I see you've stopped pretending to know Karate," she snorted. "At least one of us has stopped pretending," I shot back. "When you actually start caring for this club again, let me know." The strike was so fast I didn't really see it. I'm so damn good my arm actually tried to block before the thought registered in my head; I was just too slow and she snaked past my guard to slam her fist into my stomach. Another blow came, followed by a leg-sweep. I plummeted to the ground and Dana was on me like a leopard closing for the kill. Dana's only problem was that this had ceased being tournament combat and become a street fight. I brought a knee up between us, deflected her fist with my elbow, and pile-drove my skull into her forehead. This let me leverage her off me and break back to my feet. Just my luck; Dana was right on me, barely letting me get my hands up for protection. The Coach was still coming on, rapid-fire with kicks and punches; I could not find an opening to attack back. Something had changed, though; Dana was showing me much more respect. Twice more I fended her off from the ground but the third time she was simply too much, connecting her fist to my cheek so hard she drew blood. I half-expected a second punch but it never came. "Point?" Mercy called out in confusion. Dana stood up quickly and looked at me. I jumped to a standing position in one fluid move. I rubbed the back of my hand against my cheek. The sweat stung the wound and I left a smear of blood, which I licked off. I defiantly walked back to my starting position. She came at me like a desert storm, fierce and burning. The outcome was pretty much the same except I took the finishing blow like a jackhammer to my jaw. "Point." I saw stars and was still wobbling when I returned to my starting position. Not being at 100%, the results were predictable, I was back on the mat in five seconds. "Point." "Stay down," she ordered me quietly. I pushed myself up and worked my way back for some more punishment. Dana took her position and ,  I kicked her so hard upside her head I was momentarily afraid I'd broken her neck. She landed face first; I flipped her over and punched her hard in the sternum. "Point." "I can keep this up all day long," I promised Dana as I took my turn staring down at the Defeated. Thirty seconds later I was staring up the ceiling of the gym with several girls, Dana and Cappy among them, looking down at me. "What happened to the other guy?" I moaned. "What other guy?" Cappadocia said, "It was , She was clearly worried I had a concussion. "The truck that hit me," I joked weakly. "Please tell me that hitting my face ruined their whole day." "It seems you weren't able to keep this up all day after all," Coach Dana told me as she stood to leave. I was on Martian time," I coughed. "They have much shorter days." I had no idea if that was true or not; I should ask Iona. "I think our lessons are finished for today," Dana announced. "Right when I was starting to wear you down," I teased her. Dana stopped walking away and studied me with annoyance. I tried to stand, with half the girls trying to help me up while the others tried to hold me down for my own survival's sake. "Assume the start position," Dana ordered me sternly. I finally managed to force my way to my feet but by the time I had, Wilhelmina had taken my place. "Wilhelmina?" Coach Dana questioned. "I apologize," Willy stated. "I've learned my mistake. I should have never given up on your lessons so easily the first time. I clearly haven't learned enough but I'm willing to keep at it as long as you are." "Me too," Cappadocia chimed in defiantly. Dana Gorman wasn't an easy woman to push around. Willy, Cappy, and two other girls kept going at her until we had to break for dinner. Before the five of us left the gym I tapped Gorman on her shoulder. "Rio has tomorrow free and clear, remember?" I asked. Dana nodded reluctantly. "What about Ms. Becket?" she questioned. "You keep the fight fair and I'm not worried about it. You keep making this crap up as you go along and we will have a serious Come to Jesus meeting. Please pass the word on because I'd hate for some girl to walk into this thinking you can protect them," I cautioned her. "Mr. Braxton, I can protect them," Dana stated confidently. "I sincerely doubt that since you have no idea how I'd get my revenge," I grinned, before spinning away and starting to join my fellow students. "All I have to do is stop you, Zane," she pointed out. "That's your mistake, Dana; I'm no longer alone. We are willing to play as rough as you are now. If you keep this an educational experience nothing will happen," I warned her. "Do you really think you have that much power here?" Dana scoffed. "Nope. But then, I'm not the idiot who punished Christina Buchanan for showing a bit of mercy toward Rio and I. Without her, we were doomed, so thank the Chancellor for giving us all common cause," I explained before leaving with the ladies. By the time I made it to the Dining Hall things were looking bitter and depressing but events quickly proved my boast to Dana to be correct. The pro-Rhaine forces had been pretty harsh to the freshmen supporting Christina and morale was low. Christina had, upon arrival, started rallying her supporters with a few kind words and a gentle touch. When Mrs. Carradine went to stop her and make her resume her seat, Rio 'accidently' coated the teacher in spaghetti, broccoli and a double helping of jello. She didn't get to enjoy her success for long; four girls planted their trays on Rio's head right after that. But they clearly didn't know who they were dealing with. Rio calmly picked up a meatball from the ground, popped it in her mouth and told them, "Yo, bitch, tell the cook it needs more salt," then made her way back to her seat and acted like nothing had happened. Iona grinned wearily and brushed some broccoli out of Rio's hair. The train wreck that followed was predictable. The teachers tried to enforce a ban to stop the food fighting but clearly were far more concerned with suppressing Christina's side. Five unresolved food attacks later, Christina secretly sent out the word and her followers attacked en mass, selecting known Rhaine supporters and burying them in one rush that no authority on the floor could stop. Before the teachers could bring order out of the chaos, Christina directed her people to escape. I joined the exodus and soon found myself in a group of ten seniors, Christina and company included. I stood next to Barbie Lynn as the others hashed out what was going on and slowly, the reason for me being there was revealed. Seniors and juniors were in this little movement because they knew, liked, and respected Christina. Freshmen and sophomores were more in this because of me, mainly based on the novelty of my existence. I was an administrative screw-up, but I was TheIR administrative screw-up. I also made the Handmaiden's Duty a fun thing whenever I could and not an onerous chore. Apparently, a few of them even described me to the seniors as 'charming'. Our problem was, how did we make our rebellion grow? The fact was that most of the incentives were doled out by the faculty. "We target sympathetic teachers, then," Christina directed. "That food fight had to make us look good too," Chastity said. "Nothing is as effective as a failed suppression attempt." "I'm fixing up the Solarium tomorrow," I informed the group. "So?" one of the unnamed seniors stated in a condescending matter. "You need a broom?" "Actually, I've recruited ninety freshmen and we are going to prep the entire roof for occupation," I responded. The senior looked to Christina who gave her a clever lopsided grin. "Temperance, I told you he wasn't a lost cause," Christina reminded her. "Occupation for what?" Faith inquired. I looked nervously about because that part of the plan was so easy to bust apart. I decided to give a partial lie. "On Sunday afternoon I'm having furniture delivered from a rental service," I told them. "What's a sofa or two going to accomplish?" Temperance questioned. "How about three flat screens, two pool tables, a hot tub, two refrigerators, a coffee bar, a Wi-Fi hot spot, and eight rooms full of furniture?" I related to the small group. "You are bringing in all of that?" Temperance gasped. "You got us a hot tub?" Barbie Lynn exulted. "Zane inherited a small fortune," Christina pointed out. "That's small by Christina's standards," Chastity teased her friends. "Yes, Barbie Lynn, our dorm will have a hot tub," I tried to keep the lusty images of Barbie in a bikini out of my mind. By the look in her eyes she was having even less success than I was, though; I doubted I looked as good in a bikini. "How are you getting the water up there?" Hope seemed intrigued. "The roof's gardens were rigged for irrigation so we have the water. I am adding a few hot water heaters for any other needs, including the dish washer, washer/dryer, sauna, and showers and Jacuzzi tubs. Believe me, I had some friends look this over," I promised. "I think we can trust Iona to have done a thorough job," Christina glanced my way knowingly. "Iona?" a different senior asked. "Iona Becket," Heaven answered with a smirk. "That's his witty little sidekick who invented Zane's Handmaiden's Duty schedule. She's tons smarter than he is." "Heaven, anytime you want to stop talking about me as if I'm not in the room, feel free," I jibbed. "Don't hold your breath, sweet-cheeks," Heaven snapped right back. That little exchange seemed to have eased the tension in the group. "Let's split and keep up the recruiting drive. Stick to groups when we can and try to help any freshmen we know to be on our side," Christina directed. The group split up but instead of heading into my dorm I headed toward the parking lot. "Zane, where are you going?" Christina inquired. "I promised my aunt we'd spend a few more dinners together and I'm late as it is, but can I have a moment of your time when I get back?" I responded. Christina gave me a curious look then nodded and led her posse in the other direction. Each girl waved me good-bye in their own way. After the dining hall melee, eating with my aunt was purely mundane and relaxing, for which I was very thankful. Honestly I only wanted to shave her legs. "Zane, what's up?" Christina said by way of greetings when I returned to campus that night. Despite the gang being alone, the group of us gathered in tightly together. "I had an interesting talk with the Chancellor today, as you all probably know. Among other things, she told me she knew Heaven's secret and she'd expose it and my relationship with her, bringing about my humiliation," I informed them. There was a hush amongst us. "What, what did you tell her?" Heaven asked fearfully. "I told her to go right ahead," I replied. A murmur of displeasure went through the group, except Christina, who stared intently at the ground, and Heaven who looked like she was going to cry, or kick my ass. "How could you do that to me?" Heaven whispered. Before I could answer, Christina chuckled softly. "Heaven, the key phrase here is 'humiliate him'. Zane isn't afraid of the whole world knowing you two are together. She's severely underestimated him and his ability to differentiate between lust and friendship." Heaven looked to me for verification. I gave her a kiss on the lips before saying, "Christina said it better than I could, but she knows what I meant." "Besides," Hope added, "now that Zane is here, Heaven, you get grandfathered in, so to speak. You've been here three years so they have to let you graduate." Heaven look to me with some kind of new curiosity. Once again I almost wish she'd kick me instead. "Heaven?" I questioned her. She bit her lip. "Can we have some boyfriend-girlfriend time?" she asked me all of a sudden. "Damn, Heaven, I thought we agreed to share Zane?" Chastity teased her. "Along with letting the poor guy get some sleep from time to time," Hope agreed. "Can we get together tomorrow, Heaven?" I begged my transsexual lover. "Make sure you get Barbie Lynn's permission," Faith joked weakly. "Screw this," I groaned, "I'm getting a clone." "That's enough, ladies," Christina announced. "Zane, thank you for the information. It gives us some things to think about; good night." Heaven rushed up and kissed me hungrily before joining her departing friends - ravenous little minx. I've Never Done this Before I made my way to the dorm and proceeded quietly to the fifth floor, saying goodnight to a few girls along the way. I was pretty sure the door being locked guaranteed me a bit of alone time. Clue number one that this was not going to happen was the soft fluttering glow from the top of the stairs followed by the faint scent of roses and wax. I was trying to figure out what Barbie Lynn had planned when I came up to the landing and saw Brandi and Opal reclining on the bed and staring at me, illuminated by the light of a dozen candles. 'Oh, fuck,' I thought, 'Brandi, leg shaving, rescheduled from earlier this evening, plus Opal hoping for a three-way later. Damn it!' I must look somewhat put-out because when Brandi addressed me she was cautious. "Is everything okay?" "Yes, absolutely," I responded. "I need to get some hot water, some towels, and we can begin." "We brought up the towels and hooked up a coffee maker for the hot water," Opal said. "Great," I summoned up as much enthusiasm as I could manage, "let's see what I've got to work with." I walked up to Brandi, taking off my shirt. As I came up, Brandi swung her legs off the bed and spread them to either side of me. I sat cross-legged on the floor, taking my shoes and socks off. Before slowly and sensually removing her shoes and socks, I made sure to massage each calf. "So, what kinds of tools are being provided?" I questioned her. "We have shaving cream, a safety razor, a multi-purpose moustache trimmer," Opal presented to me. "Trimmer?" I questioned. Instead of speaking, Brandi stood up - which kind of put her crotch right in my face - then slowly wiggled down her panties until she stepped out of them and tossed them aside. "I want a rose," Brandi informed me with some passion as she lifted her skirt and exposed her pubic hair for my sculpting pleasure. I was at a total loss of what to do so I went with what came natural; I leaned forward and took a lick. Brandi was already quite worked up, juicy and succulent to the tongue. She leaned in and began running her hands over my scalp. With Brandi's skirt draped over me, I had an epiphany: I was not alone in this. I grabbed my phone and made a rather interesting phone call, my mouth was working on Brandi as it rang. "Zane?" Leigh said. "Umm, Leigh" I responded as I switched from lips to fingers in Brandi, "I need a favor." "Sure, babe, what is it?" she replied. "I'm, well, shaving a girl's legs and, pubic hairs, hold on, Umm, I have never done this before and I don't know how to do a design," I asked. "What do you have to work with?" Leigh inquired while I dipped in deeply with my grooved tongue, bringing forth a throaty moan from Brandi. "A safety razor, shaving cream, and a moustache trimmer," I answered. "No silly, what does the area you are working with look like; thin, thick, hairy, or sparse?" Leigh asked. "I, oh, hold on," I replied. I turned the phone around, clicked it, and sent a freshly snapped picture. "Zane, did you just, Brandi gasped. "Oh, God!" she then giggled. "You did, didn't you?" I upped my licking game to assuage her worries, which only made her moan louder and rock her hips. "Zane, where are you? What are you doing right now?" Leigh snickered, knowing the answer. "Honest, Leigh, it is school work," I shot back, then "Yes, Brandi, I've brought in a consultant." This brought in more giggling from both sides of the conversation. "Zane, if you can tear yourself away from her muff, start shaving her legs and I'll call you in fifteen minutes with what the girls and I can come up with," Leigh chuckled. I reluctantly left my station beneath Brandi and poured the hot water into a basin with cooler water until it was barely uncomfortably hot. Setting things by Brandi's feet, I grinned at her. "This will be better with the skirt off," I told her. "This will be easier if everything is off," Opal added eagerly, then explained with, "You wouldn't want your shirt or bra to get wet." 'Shirt or bra to get wet?' I doubted that was where Opal's mind was at. Opal wanted a chance to ogle Brandi's naked body before closing in for the kill; my mind ran the same way. I was a tad curious, wondering what Brandi thought of Opal's continued presence but not so much that I was willing to risk the moment for Opal. Using a steamy hot cloth to coat Brandi's legs turned into a really erotic act. Once I covered the right leg, I went back and removed the first compress and applied the shaving cream. Brandi's legs were 'so hairy' I was pretty sure they hadn't been shaved since, this morning; Hell, the damn things were so smooth they were reflecting the candlelight dancing around us before I even started. I was three-quarters up the left leg when Leigh called back. "Hey, Stud, how is your latest victim doing?" Leigh teased me. I popped off a photograph of Brandi below the waist in response. "Lucky bitch," Leigh squealed. "Hey, Zane!" shouted Paris over the connection. A few more "Hey s" came over the phone right after that from girls I couldn't identify. "Come on, girls," Leigh growled playfully to her Kappa Sigma Sorority Sisters, which was followed by a chorus of "Goodnight, good luck, and see you tomorrow." "I'm sending you a rose design that should work for you and it's to scale," Leigh informed me. Sure enough, I looked at my phone and saw there was a beautifully done rose on some girl's pubic mound. It looked very realistic and I told Leigh so. "That's because it is real, Dummy. It is a sister at Colorado State," Leigh responded. "That was nice of her," I told Leigh. Leigh laughed loudly. "Nice? No, we showed her a picture of you and traded a night with you over Spring Break for the picture and the help," Leigh chuckled. "Seriously? I wasn't aware I was that good looking," I sounded incredulous. "That's why we love you, Zane, you are smoking hot but don't act like it; that and your big cock, your dynamite stamina, and that awesome sexual prowess," Leigh faux-sighed over the phone while I lowered my head in shame. I kept shaving, though, because I didn't want Brandi's skin to get cold. "Where am I going to meet my savior?" I asked Leigh. "We are still working that out," Leigh replied. "Tawny doesn't want to give you up for the entire time so we may need to fly a group of them down to Florida when we go." Great, now I was spending Spring Break in Florida, which city, I didn't know yet. "Of course I will honor my commitment to the Kappa Sigma's," I assured Leigh. "I can also help with airfare if needed." "We never doubted you, Zane; now get to work and warm that poor girl up, I mean work her over," giggle, "I mean, do your duty and make her look lovely where it counts," Leigh finished. "Thanks, Leigh, I owe you. Can I get a picture of my muse?" I inquired. "I'll give her your phone number and you two can talk it out," Leigh responded. "I'm okay with that, we should get along; but I'm off now so goodbye," I finished up. I looked up at Brandi and flashed her the picture and let her study it. "That looks cool, and she's a red-head," Brandi noted. Opal snuggled up behind Brandi on the sly and looked over her shoulder. "Well, now we know who to watch out for when we follow Zane down to Spring Break," Opal pointed out, "Or at least we know what she's like down below." I decided that working on Brandi was my mission for the night. A hot compress to her private regions was my opening diversion but as I lay the cloth down, I slipped a hand back to her cunny and slowly began to play with her lips. Brandi lay back on the bed, propped up by her elbows and resting against Opal's thighs and stomach, laying her head between Opal's breasts. Opal was on her knees behind Brandi and was reclining to let Brandi stretch out. As far as I could see, Opal was down to wearing her socks and skirt and that was all. I worked two fingers into Brandi's virgin slit; three strokes in and one up to clip the clit. I waited until Brandi's nipples were both fully erect, perky, and a deep, dark pink. I sprayed out the foam, cut the foam down to a manageable level and with the picture in one hand I began my shaving experiment. God favored Brandi because it turns out I am a prodigy with a small razor. Brandi's design was virtually identical to the girl's from Colorado. She was so enraptured with the whole procedure, she missed Opal's hands slowly sliding down her shoulder to her chest. Opal traced her fingers under Brandi's perky breasts, unnoticed except by me. When I finished, I took Brandi's hand and directed her toward my mirror on my wardrobe. She rose up on her knees and looked over my handiwork and cooed. "Zane," she turned and jumped me, "this is fantastic. All the other girls will be so jealous," Brandi squealed ecstatically. I took her by her knees and drew them toward me until I was back between her legs. "Do you want to go now or is there something more you want me to do?" I asked in a darkly sensual and seductive voice full of passion. Brandi grew quiet and uncertain so I took her tit into my mouth, held it in place, and flicked my tongue over its stiff nipple tip. "Ah, ah, ah, Zane," Brandi moaned. She bit her lip and rolled her head back until she bumped into Opal, who was moving back behind her again. "Hey," Brandi responded dreamily to Opal, as if suddenly remembering she was with us. "Hey, yourself," Opal purred in return. She moved a hand between Brandi's torso and the arm she was using to support her reclining figure, to the side of Brandi's breast. I pressed one hand between Brandi's legs and began rubbing that spot right above her hooded clit, bringing about further sexual confusion on her part. She started panting and licking her lips while shifting her gaze from my eyes to Opal's. Finally, her lips remained open and Opal knew it was the moment to breach the space between them. Brandi stiffened and I waited for her to rebel but when she didn't, I compounded the pleasure of her embrace with Opal by increasing my teasing and pulling with my teeth on her nipple as well as rubbing one finger around her clit and slipping it into her hot cunt. That did the trick because Brandi freed one supporting arm up and wrapped her hand around Opal's head and pulled her deeper into their embrace. For her part, Opal matched Brandi's passion with unleashed desire, stroking her hand around from the side of her breast into lazy circles closing in on the nipple. We kept this up for several minutes until Brandi began squirming. She ended up flopping onto her back with Opal splayed out to the side on her stomach, still kissing her lips and face. Instead of following Brandi's body up, I returned to her sweet cunt and led off with a rapid tongue-fucking that brought a quiver to her thighs almost immediately. "Oh, Christ," Brandi gasped as she arched up once, then twice, before desperately grasping my pillow and screaming into it. Great, another screamer; but at least this outcry was shrill and tingled the toes instead of shattering eardrums. I sat back on my haunches as Brandi continued to twist and writhe on the bed. Opal gently tickled Brandi's nipples, keeping Brandi's orgasm going on and on, but I saw the opportunity in this. I located an unused hot compress to clean my face then snuck over to Opal and ran a hand along her ankle. It took Opal less than a second to judge my intentions and eagerly spread her legs to allow me in. I had played with Opal before; she tasted great and responded with barely constrained excitement every time. I began placing little kisses along her inner thighs, half way up from her knees. By the time I placed the tip of my tongue on the junction between her thigh and cunt, she relented in her assault on Brandi and lay back fully on the bed. For nearly a minute the room was filled with the faint echoes of Brandi and Opal breathing heavy and my licking and lapping Opal's cunt; she was really juicy and thick to the tongue. "Hey," Brandi said in a sultry voice. I peeked up and saw she had rolled onto her side and was looking down at Opal with a romantic gleam in her eye. "Umm, Opal moaned with a serene smile on her lips, a very happy girl. "Your nipples are very puffy," Brandi continued as she poked Opal's left nipple with her fingertip. Opal answered that with a coaxing touch to Brandi's stomach along the bikini line. "Can I?" Brandi asked Opal, her eyes flitting from Opal's eyes to her breast. Opal nodded. Brandi engulfed the top of Opal's breast with one 'pop' sound. The way her cheeks moved around, Brandi was whirling around both flesh and nipple in a rapid motion. Opal's other hand reached over and put gentle pressure on the back of Brandi's head. "That's a good girl," Opal cooed. Brandi looked up, beamed affection at Opal (so I was later told), and switched to the farther nipple. I slowly pushed Opals legs up by the back of her knees and lengthened my tongue lashing from above the clit to the tip of her anus, which made Opal squeal and shiver. "Oh, I'm so loving this school year," Opal exclaimed with bated breath. "Me too," nipple-lick, nipple-lick, "Slurp, slurp, so good," Brandi added. Opal began losing the ability to talk coherently, drew her legs so far back she was pressing Brandi into her, and began thrusting her hips up to my mouth. I switched my full attention to sucking and nibbling her clit and slipping two fingers into her tight virgin cunt. "Hey!" Brandi gulped as Opal grabbed her by the shoulders and began pulling her up. Brandi was clearly confused so I took a moment to see if I could help. Opal was trying to maneuver Brandi into a kneeling position, "Sit on her face, Brandi," I guessed. "She wants to lick your cunt." Brandi looked back at me somewhat uncertainly, to which I responded with a reassuring look; then she giggled and started straddling Opal's face. Opal went after Brandi so hard and fast the girl yelped and bucked up, but Opal's grip on her thighs allowed her to keep her lips locked tightly on Brandi's cunt. "Ayaya!" Brandi gasped out as Opal licked furiously and Brandi rocked back and forth like a nude princess doing dressage. I let Opal's legs come down slightly because I discovered another task for my hands. With my left hand I reached underneath Opal's thighs and began teasing her butthole. I used my right to part Brandi's cheeks and do the same with hers. Brandi looked over her shoulder, gave me a smile, and kept rocking. Opal trembled slightly but pushed her reservations aside. The first hint of anal penetration kicked Opal over the edge and she had a whole-body seizure as her orgasm rocked through the three of us. Brandi pulsated even harder on Opal's convulsing face, virtually propelling my first finger's digit up her ass. She squealed delightfully. "Zane, that's wonderful!" she screamed. "Fuck me! Fuck me! Yes!" and she went off, with no pillow to shelter our environs this time. Brandi toppled over and I had to grab her leg to stop her from tumbling off the bed and onto the floor. She was still gasping and panting too much to articulate a response, though thankfully she didn't struggle. I sat there stretched out for several seconds before Opal became aware enough to help me pull Brandi back to safety. I sorted Brandi out to one side with Opal on the other and settled between them, all of us staring at the ceiling in various states of sexual recharge. "Is everyone okay?" I managed to ask after a few deep breaths. "No," Opal murmured. I groaned, imagining what else I would have to do to get her to go to bed when Opal reached out and stroked my cock. "Someone hasn't gotten what they've wanted tonight," Opal purred as she rolled up onto an elbow and looked down on me. I let her work me over for a while but when I made a move toward her own love box, she slapped my hand away. "No, Zane," she scolded me. "I'd like to be able to walk to my room, not crawl, so behave." As I nursed my slapped wrist, I noticed that Brandi had rolled over and was looking down at me and what Opal had returned to doing to me. "I, can I?" Brandi asked tentatively, extending a hand to my member. "Sure," I smiled warmly. Brandi touched it, drew away rapidly, then touched it once, twice, and on the third effort managed to wrap her hand around my shaft. "It is so warm, no, hot, and throbbing. I've never held one before," she whispered in an almost worshipful moan. "Our boy Zane is actually quite big," Opal grinned like a predatory cat. "You've," gulp, "held a few cocks?" Brandi wondered. "No. But several of us girls measured him while he was, preoccupied and checked online for references. He definitely qualifies as larger than most," Opal chuckled playfully. "You measured me in the shower?" I grumbled indignantly. I would have been angrier except that as Opal stroked up my cock, she would intertwine her fingers with Brandi's stationary hold, rub my cockhead, then stroked back down. Fuck, that was awesome. Somewhere along the way Brandi began pumping the top of my cock while Opal kept up on the bottom. Sometimes when you don't imagine life can take you any higher, you get tossed a stepladder. Opal leaned in and licked the slit of my knob. Three passes of the tongue later, Brandi leaned in and gave it a try. Do you know you can tell the differences in the girl by the texture of her tongue? I'm learning new stuff every day (and night). I only exited my early bliss when I felt Opal's mouth engulf me and take in an inch, displacing Brandi's hand. Opal moved her head up and down in a slow, steady, slick motion with a tongue that had advanced rapidly in proficiency in the past week. I almost missed Opal snaking a hand to the top of Brandi's head and bringing her down within striking distance. Brandi probably didn't know she was sticking her tongue out and licking her lips with sensual grace mixed with school girl innocence. In a move that would have made the Women's 2008 Soccer Team proud, Opal transitioned Brandi to her first taste of cock effortlessly and didn't need to press the new girl's head down. Brandi hovered there, her lips over the cockhead and her tongue lifeless. Her eyes flashed to Opal, then to me, begging for guidance. "Roll your tongue around the head," Opal counsels her, "while going down a little further, until you are about to gag." Brandi proceeded to do just that and I had to admit she was really enthusiastic. "Umph humf " she gurgled as she took almost half of me into her steamy mouth, brushing the back of her throat. "What was that?" Opal teased her as she stroked Brandi's hair and twirled a lock around her finger. Brandi reluctantly pulled off, yet managed to do it with an angelic cast to her aura. "I thought this would be gross but cock-sucking is wonderful. I want to gobble Zane all up," Brandi bubbled, "Do you think I can swallow all of him?" "Slow down, cowgirl!" Opal giggled. "No teeth," I cautioned her. I didn't want to sound like a wimp but I'm seriously attached to my cock; it has gotten me out of trouble more times than I can count. I owe it to Zany Zane to keep him safe. "Tell me if I'm doing something wrong," Brandi peeked at me coyly. Before I could rummage up a reply, she pursed her lips and went down on me again. She bobbed up and down repeatedly and after a while, Opal joined in by pumping the bottom of my shaft and fondling my nuts. Brandi gagged again and again but kept charging back down for more until I felt her throat's embrace of my cock tighten and my girth slip farther down. Not to be outdone, Opal deemed it time to nestle her head against Brandi's cheek and suck in one of my balls, licking and sucking on my ball sack. She lifted my leg aside and over her shoulder so she could slide around for better access. Hell, I would have twisted myself into a pretzel for the sensations those two girls were giving me and the only other thing I could think was, this was them at the beginner's level. What would experience bring? When Opal began rubbing against my anal ring, I could feel my control slipping, a red haze of orgasmic anticipation overwhelming everything else. "Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, I'm going to cum!" I cried out. Brandi bobbed, oblivious to the implications for several more seconds. "Brandi," Opal warned her urgently, "he's about to shoot his semen down your throat!" That caused Brandi to freeze up, begin to panic, and start gagging once more. She popped up, her teeth scrapping over my angry purple head, causing me to yelp. "Oh, God, what do I do?" Brandi pleaded. "Put your mouth over his head, suck lightly, and stroke him rapidly with your hand," Opal guided her. Opal caught my surprised look so she explained. "The Science Club has an illegal internet hook-up the school doesn't monitor. A few of us looked up blowjob techniques." Brandi came down on me with remarkable alacrity and a touch made more intriguing by her rapid, painful departure. Then it occurred to me: we have a Science Club? "Atta girl," Opal sighed with some relief. She'd blown me once before but it had been, admittedly, her first time. "All, most, there," I growled to Brandi. My hips began micro-thrusts up and Brandi became more vigorous. "Get ready," Opal grinned. "Now swallow like crazy, and it is a creamy/salty taste so don't freak out." "Cumming!" I growled, and I did. Brandi choked for an instant but then I felt her throat constrictions as she gulped my seed down and rolled my cockhead with her tongue. Six times I shot off strongly, once or twice as twitches, before I sank down onto my bed and started breathing at something resembling a normal rate. Brandi sat back before I was totally done, savoring the taste of me in her mouth. Opal guided herself to my still hard cock and began lapping up the remains of my semen and Brandi's copious saliva. "When can you be ready again!" chirped Brandi. Blink. Opal chuckled around my rod, clearly amused with Brandi's evolution to a more sexually liberated mindset. She then sat up and began licking my semen that was still around Brandi's lips and dripping down her chin, I gotta do this again! "Give me a few seconds, Brandi," I joked, as I wormed my way up toward my pillow and collapsed. "Groan, we should also consider going to bed sometime before sunrise," Opal muttered only half-jokingly. The two girls cuddled up with me, Brandi in the middle, trading kisses back and forth between Opal and I. I reached across her and tantalized one of Opal's nipples, causing her to close her eyes and bite her lower lip. "When can we get together like this again?" Brandi sighed happily, as she pushed her heart-shaped ass against my crotch and stroked Opal's cheek and temple. "At 5:45 in the morning Zane has shower time and anything goes. So if you want to get together then, Opal hinted seductively. Brandi bit her finger like the lovely little slut-angel persona she had suddenly embraced. "What's next, Brandi wondered, "for us, sexually?" "I think bedrest is next," I told her. "I think she means experimenting, and if I know Zane," Opal winked, "he'll get behind the situation." I groaned at the play on words but Brandi was confused. "This isn't the time," I sighed, feeling the fatigue creeping in. "Oh, come on," Brandi begged. "Well, I've heard certain Seniors talking about Zane, and how he pounds that big cock up their asses," Opal purred with feline seductiveness. Brandi shivered, then flexed her ass around my hardening cock. "That," she worried while squeezing my cock with her ass cheeks, ", up my ass, that's scary," Brandi whimpered. "I've never done it before but I hear those girls really love it," Opal tantalized Brandi, "that thick cock pushing deep into you, filling you up, his hips pounding down on your ass, while he kisses you on the neck and ear, his hot breath," Brandi began rubbing her cunt, "on your neck, that rod pumping in and out, and Opal started laughing. Brandi began breathing heavy, her heart rate quickened and her hand picked up its rhythm. "Imagine all that heat that was in your mouth, in your ass instead, burning you up and stretching you out until you just can't take anymore, and then, Opal paused for effect ", he tells you he's halfway in." Brandi rolled over and looked at me with wide eyes, clearly in need, clearly ready to ask me to fuck her ass then and there, and my phone rang. Sold Out and a Price to be Paid "Zane Braxton?" an unknown female voice inquired. "Sure is; Colorado State?" I guessed. The woman gave a playful chuckle. "Brianna Kincaid," she filled me in; her accent was a bit off but I couldn't place it. "Well, did you like what you saw?" "I can't believe you actually asked me that," I laughed, "but since you want some well-deserved flattery, I'll tell you that what I saw was damn sexy, but, well, " "Yes?" she questioned. "It made me wonder how great you must taste, and how your flush lips would feel along the tip of my tongue, you know, the way they are when you make that first tentative contact," I explained. "Ah, fuck," she moaned, "that's teasing, damn it!" "Is it teasing if I plan to deliver?" I countered. "Do you promise to make me cry your name out like Sister Leigh did?" she upped the ante. "Huh? What? Am I missing something here?" I evaded. "Did the Lancaster chapter house tell you what they sent out?" Brianna questioned me. "They said they sent a picture," I replied, which caused Brianna to laugh uproariously. "Damn. They sent out an edited session of you with Leigh, and then you, Leigh, and Paris," she chortled. "I, well, let me explain," I stammered. "Wait, video too?" "Yes. Leigh's webcam was on," Brianna snickered. "She claims it was accidental." Suddenly the whole 'dunking me in the pool' thing was a bunch more suspicious. "It was really nice of you, trying to take the fall for those two, I mean Paris and Leigh, with their President. It shows you can be a real gentleman." "Who did she share this with?" I inquired fearfully. "Every chapter house in North America," Brianna said with unbridled mirth. My silence must have been deafening because, "Zane, did we break you?" "No," I sighed, "it is just that I go to a Christian School and this may become a problem." "Christian School, please tell me it is a college of some kind," Brianna pleaded. "For that matter, please tell me you are at least eighteen." "My school is Freedom Fellowship University here in Lancaster," I assured her, "and I'm eighteen. I have been for a few months." "Thank God. I was afraid that I had broken the law," she sighed. "So is there anything you want to know about me?" "What's your major? Do you have someone in your life? What year are you in college?" I inquired. "You don't want a picture or to know my age?" she asked with some curiosity. "Well, age isn't really a factor for me, unless you are some kind of child prodigy, you should be legal. As for a picture, not really, because if you see me and don't want to hook up, there is no harm, no foul," I outlined. There was a pause on her part. "Zane, where did you say you went to school?" she asked suspiciously, leading me to believe I was the victim of an internet search. "FFU. And I know it is an All-Girls School but I am a student here. It is a long story but Leigh and Tawny can verify it," I swore. "Wow, what is it like?" Brianna questioned. "Me and over nine hundred women? It is exhausting, plus the Administration wants me gone so my school days are full of excitement," I confessed. "So what exactly were you doing with that young lady I helped out tonight, anyway?" she asked. "We have a quaint little tradition here at FFU called Handmaiden's Duty. It requires any freshmen to do any task that a more senior student asks, baring anything actually damaging. Freshmen are safe in classrooms and dorm rooms," I related. "So, you end up doing things like shaving a girl's legs, or shaving her muff in a rose design, that's classic," Brianna murmured appreciatively. "And here I was afraid you were a whore." "I prefer the term 'slut' over 'whore,' but I am a slut. I love women, and I love learning about a woman's body, how special it is, unique and exquisite," I told her. "Damn, you sound sincere," she said with compassion. "That is because I am," I replied honestly. "Okay, here you go," she stated, and a picture arrived in my box. My eyes must have bugged because there were giggles on either side of me. "Brianna, I'm afraid your eyes will steal my soul," I whispered. "They are so deep and green, like an angry, rich sea whipped by a storm." "First off, wow, that's a hell of a sweet thing to tell a girl," she sighed sexually. "Second, who are you with? Or at least tell me how many girls you are with." "I call 'em like I see 'em, and I leave a woman's identity in her own keeping so it's not something for me to reveal," I responded, trying to be chivalrous. "Opal!" called out Opal (funny how that works), and tilting herself into view. "Brandi," my second bed-buddy added with a bit more decorum and only showing her head. "They sound cheerful, I mean, Opal and Brandi, you sound cheerful. How is my boy Zane doing tonight?" Brianna called out. "Thank you for your help tonight, but to set the record straight, he's our boy," Opal corrected her. "His work looks great," Brandi jumped in, then grabbed my phone, lowered it, and took a pic of my handiwork on her body. "Neat, huh?" "That is so cool!" Brianna reacted to the view she was presented with. "It looks just like mine. Are you sure this was his first effort? If so, he's got talent." "This was my first effort, I swear," I defended my creation and retrieved my phone. "Quiet, Zane, the ladies are talking," Opal mocked me. "Oh? Oh, hell no!" I roared at Opal. I dropped the phone and leapt on her while she squeaked and tried to roll away off the bed. I caught her and we struggled, me on top. Opal beat me with her fists but it was more play fighting than real because she couldn't stop laughing. "What's going on?" Brianna shouted. "Come on, somebody, show me what he's doing to her?" Brandi picked up the phone and swung it toward us. I had Opal pressed under me, her fists pinned to the side by my hands, and my hips keeping her legs apart. Her legs were wrapped over my hips, her heels kicking into my rump. While Opal's playful lilt rang out I was busy nibbling her neck, which was turning that lilt into deeper moans. Brandi recorded a short video, including one of her waving 'Hi' for Brianna's later use. "There you go," Brandi grinned. "Holy Crap, he's living his life in a porno," Brianna exploded with laughter. "Hey, Adele, come look at this!" I prayed that Adele was her roommate and not someone she barely knew who was passing down the street. "Whoa!" a different voice came on seconds later,

Schon wieder unterwegs – letzte Woche war ich in St. Moritz. Mindset-Bootcamp. Lebensveränderung. Born to be free. Dein Mindset entscheidet alles. Du bist geboren, um frei zu sein. Aber: Holst du dir deine Freiheit? Oder hoffst du, dass sich alles von selbst regelt? Das tut es nicht. Du musst rausgehen. Unter Menschen. Viele glauben, sie können ihr Leben von zu Hause aus ändern. Falsch gedacht. Zurück aus St. Moritz, direkt ins Büro, jetzt wieder auf dem Weg zur nächsten Veranstaltung. Zug statt Auto – trotz Verspätung die bessere Wahl. Und: Ruhe im Zug – perfekt zum Arbeiten. Warum Netzwerken? Weil ein Satz, ein Wort alles verändern kann. So war es bei mir. Damals auf der Contra – sechs Speaker inspirierten mich, mit meinem Podcast zu starten. Entscheidungen verändern Leben. Triff Entscheidungen, die dich weiterbringen. Die dich glücklich machen. Die dich fordern und verändern. Die einzige Konstante ist Veränderung. Wir leben in der schnellsten Zeit ever. Gehst du mit – oder vergeht du mit der Zeit? Viele haben längst aufgegeben. Wenn ich dann höre: „Wie lange machst du noch?“ – Ja, ich bin 66, und? Ich war müde – na klar. Also habe ich etwas getan: Osteopathie Thai-Massage TCM & Akupunktur Infusionen Ich tanke Energie aktiv auf. Ich fahre täglich Fahrrad, sogar im Büro. Während Meetings oder Calls – ich sitze auf dem Rad. Am Anfang ungewohnt, aber jetzt: genial. Dazu: Sauna, Jacuzzi, Vitalentspannung – täglich. So überstehe ich auch lange Fahrten mit Power und Fokus. Wenn du Sinn im Leben hast, wird alles leichter. Dann macht es Spaß. Es erfüllt dich. Und genau das wünsche ich dir: Glück – in Beziehung, Beruf und mit dir selbst. Doch viele leben im Drama – in kaputten Beziehungen, in ungeliebten Jobs. Nur du kannst das ändern. Es geht nicht um andere. Es geht um dich. Wir sind zu sehr im Außen. Du musst ins Innen. Bei dir sein. Deshalb biete ich VIP-Coaching an – intensive Begleitung, Reisen, Perspektivwechsel. Wie bei Ivonne: Ihr Leben hat sich komplett verändert. Oft fehlen uns Mut, Vision, Perspektive. Dazu alte Glaubenssätze, Erziehung, Umfeld. Wir stecken in Schubladen – und kommen alleine nicht raus. Lass dir helfen. Hilfe annehmen ist kein Zeichen von Schwäche, sondern von Stärke. Ich selbst lasse mich mehrmals pro Woche coachen – von den Besten. Es kostet – aber es ist eine Investition in mich. Je mehr ich in mich investiere, desto mehr kommt zurück. Mein ROI? Riesig. Deshalb: Komm zu meinen Seminaren in Bad Dürkheim oder St. Moritz. Bring Familie, Freunde mit – mach dich auf den Weg. Es ist ein Game Changer. Von allein passiert nichts. Und auf ein Wunder hoffen? Vergiss es. Wenn du das Außen scheiße findest: Schau ins Innere. Time to change. Du kannst jederzeit den Job wechseln, die Beziehung verlassen, neu anfangen. Hör auf mit: „Man muss froh sein…“ – Mangeldenken! Geh in die Fülle. Dein Leben – deine Spielregeln. Nicht die deiner Eltern, Partner oder Chefs. Viele hängen noch im Bann der Mutter oder des Vaters – nach Jahrzehnten. Zeit, die Nabelschnur zu durchtrennen. Werde erwachsen. Übernimm Verantwortung. Erkenne deine Chancen. Nutze sie. Das Leben steht dir offen. Denn: Du bist das Produkt deiner Gedanken. Was du heute lebst, hast du gedacht. Gesetz der Anziehung. Resonanz. Ursache & Wirkung. Wenn dir dein Leben nicht gefällt – Stell dir vor, wie es sein soll. Und geh los. Nimm dein Leben in die Hand. Jetzt. #Mindset #Veränderung #Freiheit #SpeakerTraining #VIPCoaching #Selbstverwirklichung #Lebensfreude #Coaching #BadDürkheim #StMoritz #ChancenErkennen #EntscheidungenTreffen #InvestiereInDich #Erfüllung #GameChanger #TVErfolgssendung #Ernstcrameri Hier findest du eine Übersicht aller aktuellen Seminare https://crameri.de/Seminare Bild: 5. One Million-Mastermind in Lugano  Crameri-Akademie Wenn Du mehr über diesen Artikel erfahren möchtest, dann solltest Du Dich unbedingt an der folgenden Stelle in der Crameri-Akademie einschreiben. Ich begleite Dich sehr gerne ein Jahr lang als Dein Trainer. Du kannst es jetzt 14 Tage lang für nur € 1,00 testen. Melde dich gleich an. https://ergebnisorientiert.com/Memberbereich Kontaktdaten von Ernst Crameri Erfolgs-Newsletter https://www.crameri-newsletter.de Als Geschenk für die Anmeldung gibt es das Hörbuch „Aus Rückschlägen lernen“ im Wert von € 59,00 Hier finden Sie alle Naturkosmetik-Produkte http://ergebnisorientiert.com/Naturkosmetik Hier finden Sie alle Bücher von Ernst Crameri http://ergebnisorientiert.com/Bücher Hier finden Sie alle Hörbücher von Ernst Crameri http://ergebnisorientiert.com/Hörbücher Webseite https://crameri.de/Seminare FB https://www.facebook.com/ErnstCrameri Xing https://www.xing.com/profile/Ernst_Crame

It Takes 2 talks jacuzzi's... but, actually, more about the saunas! (Live from the Big Iron Show on the Red River Valley Fairgrounds) See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

09/09/25: While broadcasting from the Jacuzzi Hot Tubs of Fargo studio at Big Iron in West Fargo, Joel Heitkamp is joined by Jacuzzi Hot Tubs of Fargo to talk about all of their products. (Joel Heitkamp is a talk show host on the Mighty 790 KFGO in Fargo-Moorhead. His award-winning program, “News & Views,” can be heard weekdays from 8 – 11 a.m. Follow Joel on X/Twitter @JoelKFGO.)See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Christy Alrbicht with Jacuzzi Hot Tubs of Fargo joins Afternoons Live with Tyler Axness live at Big Iron to tell you why you need to get into a new Jacuzzi Hot Tub.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Het is vandaag diva dinsdag, omdat Anne, Eva en Till hebben besloten dat ook zij een iconische naam verdienen. Gelukkig kunnen ze bij de 26e aflevering hun diva-modus goed gebruiken, want WAT een aflevering. We gaan eerst even kort langs Dick en Rob, omdat we toch even op de hoogte moeten blijven van de huidige stand van zaken in Suriname en Frankrijk. Till bespreekt de situatie bij Magda, waarbij nieuwkomer Rolf haar hand bijna breekt. Anne stelt een gewetensvraag naar aanleiding van de verliefdheidskriebels bij Eveline en Bart, en dan... is het éindelijk tijd om HET moment van seizoen 5 te bespreken: jacuzzi-gate. Download hier de Reality Check B&B Vol Liefde Bingo Claim hier je tickets voor Podimo at the Park Ultradun, licht en krachtig! Dat is de Samsung Galaxy Z Fold7. Wil je meer weten over dit product bekijk dan deze pagina https://www.samsung.com/nl/smartphones/galaxy-z-fold7/ We zijn er iedere maandag t/m donderdag om de aflevering van die dag na te bespreken. Heb jij een hot take, spannende achtergrondinformatie of wil je heel graag je mening met ons delen? Stuur ons dan een (voice)berichtje op instagram (@realitycheck_depodcast). Op onze Instagram & TikTok houden we 24/7 alles voor je in de gaten houden uit Reality-TV land.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

 “Is it ever okay to destroy someone's car if you're pregnant and stressed?” That's just one of the wild questions Sandy and Tricia tackle in this laugh-out-loud episode of The Sandy Show. From heartfelt moments to hilarious chaos, this episode has it all. Sandy kicks things off with birthday shoutouts to Amy Adams, Al Roker, and rock legend Robert Plant, followed by a nostalgic tribute to Mad Libs that had Tricia in stitches. But things take a turn when Tricia shares the jaw-dropping story of a woman named Stephanie who went full Carrie Underwood on her ex's car—glitter in the vents, salt in the engine, and a mugshot smile that says it all. Balancing the madness, Sandy shares a feel-good story of Jasmine Mick, a woman who gave birth on her parents' lawn with the help of a heroic neighbor-paramedic. Then it's back to the absurd with tales of Kevin the peacock evading police and eight raccoons throwing a jacuzzi party in Florida. Notable Moments:“She poured salt into his engine. The car had to be totaled.”“Kevin, do not come here!” — a police officer trying to wrangle a runaway peacock.“I haven't given up hope that I'll one day adopt a baby raccoon.” — Sandy's dream pet plan.“62% say lying about your age is a dealbreaker… for the 38% who do it.”Call to Action: If you laughed, gasped, or Googled “blue-footed booby” during this episode, don't forget to subscribe, leave a review, and share The Sandy Show with your friends. Follow us on Instagram @TheSandyShowOfficial and text us at 737-301-9600 to tell us where you're listening from—we love hearing from you!

“What happens when raccoons discover a jacuzzi—and invite their friends?”In this wildly entertaining edition of The Ben and Skin Show, hosts Ben Rogers, Jeff “Skin” Wade, Kevin “KT” Turner, and Krystina Ray dive into the chaos of suburban wildlife, questionable human decisions, and the unexpected consequences of underestimating nature.The segment kicks off with a Florida man's home being overtaken by a gang of raccoons—who not only broke in but threw a full-blown party in his jacuzzi. From tinkering with the jets to alerting their raccoon buddies, this story plays out like a furry version of Project X. The crew shares their own raccoon run-ins, including attic infestations and trap-dodging geniuses.Then things take a darker turn with a cautionary tale from Tennessee: a hiker picks up a timber rattlesnake… and doesn't live to tell the tale. The team debates the rare fatality stats, the science behind venom reactions, and whether this is just Darwinism in action. (“It's like covering yourself in chum and jumping into shark-infested waters with honey-baked hams.”)

This week on Everybody in the Pool, we're talking ocean tech — in a slightly roundabout way. Nano-bubbles are a tiny but powerful technology that's helping to make a big climate impact across wastewater treatment, irrigation, aquaculture, and more.Our guest is Nick Dyner, CEO of Moleaer, a company that manufactures systems to produce nano-bubbles — microscopic bubbles that can enhance chemical, physical, and biological processes. The applications range from improving crop yields to cleaning food without chemicals, reducing energy use in wastewater treatment, and even building a nearly chlorine-free Jacuzzi.We talk about:How nano-bubbles work and why they stay in water for weeks or monthsThe potential to cut energy use in wastewater aeration, which consumes 2% of global electricityUsing nano-bubbles to boost irrigation efficiency, reduce chemicals, and increase yieldsApplications in aquaculture, from improving salmon welfare to remediating ocean floorsSurprising future possibilities — from replacing soap to targeted cancer treatmentsWhy this “new class of science” is already deployed in more than 4,000 systems worldwideFrom salmon farms in Norway to backyard spas, Nick explains how nano-bubbles could be a critical tool for climate solutions today — and the sci-fi breakthroughs of tomorrow.LINKS:Moleaer: https://www.moleaer.com/All episodes: https://www.everybodyinthepool.com/Subscribe to the Everybody in the Pool newsletter: https://www.mollywood.co/Become a member and get an ad-free version of the podcast: https://everybodyinthepool.supercast.com/Please subscribe and tell your friends about Everybody in the Pool! Send feedback or become a sponsor: in@everybodyinthepool.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Buenos días, soy Yoani Sánchez y en el "cafecito informativo" de este viernes 8 de agosto de 2025 toco estos temas: - Cuando falta la policía, los vecinos capturan a los delincuentes - Remodelan el aeropuerto de Santiago de Cuba, en pésimas condiciones - De la cola real a la cola virtual - ‘Jacuzzi' se presenta en Madrid Gracias por compartir este "cafecito informativo" y te espero para el programa del lunes. Puedes conocer más detalles de estas noticias en el diario https://www.14ymedio.com Los enlaces de hoy, para abrirlos desde la Isla se debe usar un proxy o un VPN para evadir la censura: La danza de los millones en las empresas libres de impuestos de las Fuerzas Armadas cubanas https://www.14ymedio.com/economia/danza-millones-empresas-libres-impuestos_1_1116675.html EE UU duplica a 50 millones de dólares la recompensa por la captura de Maduro https://www.14ymedio.com/migracion/presidenta-mexico-claudia-sheinbaum-justifica_1_1116720.html Milagros Batista fue asesinada en Holguín por su ex pareja, a quien había denunciado por robo y extorsión https://www.14ymedio.com/cuba/milagros-batista-asesinada-holguin-ex_1_1116714.html Vecinos de Holguín atrapan a un ladrón y destapan una cadena de robos https://www.14ymedio.com/cuba/vecinos-holguin-atrapan-ladron-destapan_1_1116718.html Santiago de Cuba remodelará su aeropuerto, donde usan bandejas para recoger el agua de lluvia https://www.14ymedio.com/cuba/santiago-cuba-remodelara-aeropuerto-bandejas_1_1116729.html La presidenta de México, Claudia Sheinbaum, justifica la detención del líder de caravanas de migrantes https://www.14ymedio.com/migracion/presidenta-mexico-claudia-sheinbaum-justifica_1_1116720.html Ladrones de ovejas matan a un custodio y hieren de gravedad a otro en Santiago de Cuba https://www.14ymedio.com/cuba/ladrones-ovejas-matan-custodio-hieren_1_1116708.html En Bolivia, los médicos cubanos "hacían operaciones sin necesidad, para inflar las estadísticas" https://www.14ymedio.com/cuba/bolivia-medicos-cubanos-hacian-operaciones_1_1116709.html Un año después de las protestas en Granma el régimen mantiene en prisión a 17 manifestantes sin juicio https://www.14ymedio.com/cuba/ano-despues-protestas-granma-regimen_1_1116704.html Regresa 'Jacuzzi', de Yunior García Aguilera https://www.14ymedio.com/eventos-culturales/teatro/jacuzzi_1_1096319.html

Dave's Journey Back To Nature: Part 2Dave Fits In Nicely, at the Arundel Naturist Resort.Based on posts by Big galoot, in 6 parts. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories.My first impressions were of amazing greenness, green grass, green edges, green trees. To my city-boy eyes, this looked like the Garden of Eden, albeit a very unkempt garden of Eden.Jim came to greet us as the car stopped and it was obvious that he had had something like a stroke, walking with a stick and one hand held spastically into his side."Jim, this is David and Suzi, that I was telling you about. They've come to see if they would like to work here."Jim barely glanced at me before turning to Suzi and virtually undressing her with his eyes. "Young totty," is what I think he said, although it wasn't clear, Muriel blushed a bit before saying "Jim that isn't appropriate. You'll have to excuse him, the stroke has caused a bit of a change in personality as well as the more obvious effects. Jim was always a bit saucy but now seems to have no filter."I wanted to laugh, but was worried Suzi might be offended. Thankfully she took it in her stride, saying; "not to worry Muriel, I hear much worse at college, everyday; and at home. And by people who haven't suffered brain trauma." Giving me a look and causing Muriel to smile.Touring the Resort."Let me show you around the place and then we can talk about the job."There were sixty-five chalets, most were two-bed, but a few were three-bed. And only ten are owned by long term members, the rest belonging to the resort, and rented out. There was what looked like two outside swimming pools, which were covered, and various green areas where guests could walk, play games or grill a picnic. There were lots of hedges, providing privacy and working as wind breaks, and some lovely flower beds, all a bit overgrown, recently.When we finished the tour, Muriel invited us into a big brick lodge, near the front gates that turned out to be their home, as well as the reception hall. One of the two pools was situated near the lodge, as was the shower complex.Going into the lodge, she offered us soup that she had made earlier, which was delicious. After the soup, Muriel asked us what we thought of the place. We both said we thought it was lovely. We then talked about the job. I explained that I thought it was only for one person. She said that was her initial plan, but now thought it needed two as she didn't have the time, or energy, to both look after Jim and do all the administration that was needed and all the other work that was needed on the site.We explained that neither of us new anything about gardening, apart from cutting grass and maybe trimming. She said not to worry, as gardening was what kept her sane and she would continue to look after the flower beds. We then got onto the subject of nudity."Have you been nudist very long?" Muriel asked"I have, secretly for a few years, but only really got into it this last semester.""And I've only been doing it a bit less than Dave, but I'm really enjoying it." Suzi said and it was music to my ears."That's wonderful. We have a hot tub near the swimming pool. We could have a dip and talk about the ghastly subject of money, if you like."We stepped outside and over to the chaise lounges. I don't think that Suzi had ever been in too many hot tubs. I sure hadn't. They were a new novelty, until recently. Before we could say anything, Muriel stood up and started undressing. We both looked at each other a little shocked, but then shrugged our shoulders and stood up also.Muriel was naked in no time at all, wearing no underwear under her skirt, shirt and jumper. She threw her clothes on the chair and boldly stood there, almost inviting our stares as we undressed.She was a beautiful woman, average tits with a little sag offset by her perfect posture. One could debate if she was a B or C cup, only have her tell you she doesn't make her tits wear a cup, ever!She had long nipples, which seemed quite erect, as if she was enjoying this. Her belly was flat and she had almost boyish slim hips, long, toned legs, and a thick thatch of dark hair in between them. I think both Suzi and I must have been staring, as we seemed to have stopped undressing.Muriel just stood there with a friendly, open smile on her face; perfectly happy in her own body and space, and welcoming us into it without challenging or threatening us.I was the next to be nude, coyly removing my underpants as I had a semi stiffy, brought on by my excitement at the situation, but also enticed by the site of Muriel. I found it incredibly hot, having this beautiful and elegant woman look at me, and I was unable to stop myself getting harder and bigger."I can see you enjoy being naked." Muriel said to me, still smiling as she looked me up and down. I must have reddened because she said, "don't be embarrassed, you have a beautiful body and if I may say so, a very beautiful cock."I managed a croaked, "thanks."Suzi was standing in her underwear, watching the two of us. I'm not sure if she was waiting for our attention or gob smacked by the whole situation. As we looked at her, she slowly removed her bra and put her shoulders back, smiling, her gorgeous 34 B tits; I only know this from previously looking at her bra; jutting out proudly. Her nipples were as hard as I had ever seen them.I stood by Suzi to encourage her bravery, and I couldn't help myself, saying, "you're beautiful, Dear.""You truly are." Said Muriel; "now off with your knickers."This had the effect of making us all smile. Suzi relaxed a little. Then she wasted no time in removing her knickers, as she stood by the steps to the tub.. "Oh Suzi you're shaven, how wonderful. I've seen a few trimmed ones, but never one completely bare. I've thought about doing it a few times, but Jim is old fashioned and loves my big bush. Not that he's able to do much with it, these days. Do you mind if I have a closer look?"Suzi looked a bit uncertain but eventually said "no I, I don't mind at all." Muriel dropped to her knees, her face only six inches from Suzi's bare snatch.After what seemed like an age, she said, Can you put a foot up on the step for me?”Suzi did, then swiveled the bent knee outward, to accommodate Muriel's curiosity.“How absolutely wonderful, I can see your pink lips just sticking out, it's quite, quite beautiful." With that, she stood up, running her fingers through her own pubes; "Right! I've decided, this big old bush is coming off tonight." And then, with a throaty laugh,  she looked me in the eye and said; "don't worry, it's not part of your gardening duties."You couldn't help but like Muriel, she was so free and open."I'll go and get three towels and we'll get in" As she left us. Suzi turned to me and said; "well, what did you think of that?""She's certainly a force of nature, but I really like her." I quipped."I think you fancy her, more than just ‘like." Before I could say anything she continued, "I think I quite fancy her myself; her face being so close to my cunny. That did all sorts of things to me."My mouth nearly fell open, but before I could say anything, Muriel returned. She had three towels, three tumblers, and two bottles of white wine, and a small bag to carry them all in "I think we should celebrate what I hope will be a beautiful friendship. I would love it if you could stay in one of the chalets tonight? But if not, you can get a taxi easily enough, to take you back to the station." We both nodded and said we'd see how it goes."I left the back door open, so I can hear Jim if he needs me."Just then Jim peered his head out the back door, then say something. I didn't understand him, although I definitely saw fire in his eyes when he saw Suzi buck naked. Muriel heard him and just shook her head, then walked past us, obviously upset, I whispered to Suzi, "I think you make an old man very happy." Which got me an elbow in the ribs.Turning back to Muriel, she was crying, Suzi put her arm around her, and pulled her in for a hug, Muriel's head buried into her shoulder as tears and emotion flowed out of her. I marveled at how these two lovely women could comfort each other, clothed or not. I think it was the most beautifully natural and wonderful thing I had ever seen. My first instinct was to cuddle the both of them. But I was in my nudeness, plus my English male reserve, stopped me.After a while, Muriel lifted her head, trying to gather herself "sorry about that, I don't normally cry, I'm just being silly.""No you're not! You have every reason and right to be upset." Suzi said, rubbing Muriel's arm gently."You're very kind. It's just that I look at Jim and my heart brakes. He's never been the easiest man to live with, but he was so vibrant and full of life. And to see him like that, breaks my heart. He's only 54, but sometimes I wish he was dead, rather than the way he is." Muriel sniffed; "and then I look at this place falling apart and I feel I don't know how to cope."Tears started to flow again, and Muriel was visibly shaking, Suzi pulled her close, holding her even more tightly than before. She said; “Muriel, this is grieving. It's a process and letting it out is a mandatory part of grieving. It's a proof of how deeply you love Jim. Don't grieve alone.” I looked at them both with love, and I'm ashamed to say, a little lust. Their naked bodies were squashed into each other, making the whole scene somewhat erotic. They eventually broke and Muriel kissed Suzi on the lips, just lingering for a few moments before turning and walking off. I was stuck to the spot, completely shocked; wandering if this place and Muriel were way too much for us. Goodness knows how Suzi felt. As Muriel moved away from us I moved closer to Suzi."Are you ok?""I think so." She softly answered."That was unexpected.""It was, but it felt very natural and beautiful. There was such chemistry between us, as I held her tight, feeling her heart beating and feeling it slow as her breathing settled.” Then Suzi added; “ And besides, she might be a better kisser than you."We both smiled at this and followed on after Muriel.When we caught up with her, Muriel was standing on the decking beside the hot tub, which I had mistaken for a children's swimming pool. The cover was still on and Muriel seemed to be back to her old self, oblivious to what had just happened."This is where you turn on the heaters and the pumps for both the tub and the pool." Muriel said, pointing out a control panel inside a small concrete shed, "if we leave it covered it'll be warm enough in twenty minutes or so. I'll show you around a little bit more ."I put down the bag and we followed.Muriel stopped and looked down sadly at a very overgrown flower bed; "it all seems so overwhelming."'There is a lot to do, but you'll get on top of it, and we'll help you." Suzi said, and I nodded. I didn't know how much we were going to get paid, but I think an offer of bread and regular water would have sufficed at that moment.  Suzi is a very compassionate person, and her empathy drives her to those in need.Muriel took a deep breath to calm herself before saying, "you're both so kind."She paused, and then said; "well, no time like the present." With that she bent over and started pulling at dead leaves. I think she could have probably bent her legs and squatted down; but as it was she was bent at the waist, her bare ass pointed directly at us and her cheeks separated, leaving nothing to the imagination. We probably should have looked away, but I don't think Muriel wanted us to, her hairy pussy and butthole clearly on view. Her ass wiggled and winked at us as she flexed her muscles, pulling at plants.It was an amazing sight, and I would have imagined that I would be turned on by it, but as it was, I found it all too much, too in-your-face, as it were. After a few moments Muriel said, "David could you give me a hand with this one."I found myself bent at the waist next to Muriel, both of us with two hands around a plant that I later found out was called a lipstick plant. Our shoulders were touching and my left elbow kept rubbing off of her right tit and nipple, I'm sure she was leaning in more than was necessary. I found myself thinking of the view Suzi had of both of our behinds and this aroused me more than looking at Muriel's ass.Suddenly the roots gave way and we found ourselves nearly falling over backwards. I steadied myself first, and was able to grab Muriel's arm to stop her. As we straightened, my semi-erect tallywhacker banged against her hip.She looked down at my cock, and then up at my face. Smiling, she said; "I think you should wear shorts when you're clipping the hedges, could be dangerous to that big todger."We all cracked up laughing, and then Muriel looked at the recently pulled roots, "I think the vine weevils got to it. Shall we get in the hot tub now?"This was all wonderful, if not a bit strange, but I found myself still self-conscious about being aroused; and my cock sticking up, or out. I know it's silly, and not even something that I could do anything about. Looking back it was just remnants of the way I was brought up, and I was having to fight a mental battle with myself, not to put my hands over my sizable phallus.We pulled the tub cover off, and as I was folding it away, Suzi and Muriel were getting into the tub. I turned around just in time to see their asses, all goose-pimpled, go under the water. I was only twenty and my cock seemed to be hard or semi hard most of the time. And so it was that I was standing on the deck, my cock sticking out and upward, trying to act as nonchalantly as possible."Come on Dave, stop posing and get in the water." Suzi bantered.I wasn't posing, but Suzi loved to act like I wanted to be a sex symbol. The water was only just warm enough to be comfortable and Muriel said that it has a powerful heater, and would warm up after a while. She leaned over and turned the jets on. Suzi yelped and Muriel burst out laughing."Oh lucky girl, you're sat on one of the jets."It was my first Jacuzzi and I found it wonderful, laying back with my eyes closed as the water swirled around me. After a while Muriel pored some wine in clear plastic tumblers. We all said 'cheers'. I smiled at Suzi, basking in the wonderful decadence of it all, her cunny getting worked by the particular well-positioned jet.“Look over the greens and down that path to the chalets,” Muriel said. “Imagine what it can be, with just some good upkeep. So what do you think of the whole place?""I think I can speak for Suzi and myself when I say it is wonderful and that we are very interested in working here.""That's marvelous, I was worried that it was all too much or that my friendliness might be over-the-top, and might have scared you off."We both shook our heads and Suzi said it would be a great adventure.Muriel gave us more history and details. We asked whatever questions came into our minds. The wine was flowing and we were getting more relaxed and comfortable."I know it's all natural and not necessarily sexual, but do any difficulties arise around sex and so on?" I asked.Muriel smiled and thought, before answering, "When we first moved here, we were very liberated, Children of the sexual revolution, and free-love, and all that. To be honest there was a lot of peer pressure, I don't think everyone, particularly some of the women, were that happy sleeping around and having multiple partners. But no one wanted to stand out as square or old fashioned."We both nodded and Muriel continued."As time went on and the crowd changed so did the sex. Some couples continued to swap with others, but there was none of the free-for-all shenanigans that there had been in the past. Women want a man who will commit to them;  care for them. There's one old friend, she still comes and sleeps with Jim and me, when she's here. More with Jim, really, so maybe not anymore."We both sat captivated, and maybe a little taken aback by Muriel's story. She looked briefly sad and lost in thought before continuing."Any extra marital sex or swinging that takes place these days, seems to do so behind closed doors. We have had one or two domestic bust ups over the years; but for the most part anyone who's involved, seems to be so, happily. A couple has to be ready for these things. You can say you're okay with it, and you might even love getting to shag someone new; But watching someone fuck your partner can be more impacting that some are prepared for. I would be very careful getting sexual with another couple, if that couple hasn't previously been with others.” Last year we had two new couples visit us, who were confirmed swingers. They thought they'd see more of it going on. They liked the place and said; “If you ever wanted the business, we could arrange for ten or so of our friends to come with, for a weekend.”I thanked them and said we'd think about it, not ever expecting that I would. But our bookings are so down for this year, that I think I might have to phone them. What do you think about swinging?"Me and Suzi looked at each other, I don't think either of us had any idea what to say.Eventually Suzi managed, "Well, I suppose, if it's all consenting adults, then what people get up to is their own business. I don't think I would ever want to do it, but good luck to anyone who does. Sex is more than exercise and orgasms, for me. It's giving someone special, a part of who I am.”I nodded my agreement, not being able to think of anything to add."It can be very liberating, enjoyable, and even loving; with the right people. But with the wrong characters, it can be ghastly. I think your non-judgmental, live-and-let-live attitude is very refreshing, particularly for a young person. I would love it if you two would come and work here, please say you will."

Barkley College Remedial Human Sexuality Course: Part 6A Girls' lunch leads to an orgasmic co-ed game night.By zachattack163 and adapted for this platform. Listen to the Podcast At Explicit Novels.After everyone had their fill of pizza and sodas, It began to dawn on several of them just how exhausted their college lab had left them. When Rebecca said goodnight to the last couple girls, she collapsed on the sofa and woke up when the sunrise burst into her 7th floor condo windows. She was high above the treeline, so it was just past 6am. The last thing she recalled from the evening before, was Bethany mentioning she needed to get to the bookstore before it closed at 8pm. Elizabeth drove her back to campus.“Damn! I slept 10 hours!”She made a stop in the bathroom, then went to the kitchen to make herself an omelet. As she waited on breakfast, she checked her phone. There was a text, from Erica, inviting her to join a private Facebook group with her summer school classmates from last night. That's when she realized she was now part of a very special group of dear friends.Clicking through, she joined and then dished up her breakfast and coffee. As she ate, she noticed there was already an active thread on the group page, started by Malcolm. He thanked everyone for making this summer class so rewarding, and made a particular expression of his appreciation to Rebecca for the great hospitality at her home.Rebecca posted a ‘heart' on his comment, and noticed it already had 7 ‘Likes'.Then she noticed she had 11 friend requests. Yep, all of her classmates were ahead of her. Having confirmed all of them, she returned to the group posts and noticed Devon just posted his own expression of deep gratitude, and hoped they would all stay in touch, at least for the summer.That's when Rebecca decided she had a unique opportunity, because of the great condo she had all to herself. She clicked on Bethany's profile and saw her latest post. It was published just 3 minutes ago. Flipping to her Messenger app, she called Bethany, hoping to talk.After just one ring, Bethany's voiced cheerfully greeted; “Rebecca! How are you?”Hi, Bethany. Oh, I can't believe I slept 10 hours! But I feel great! Did I call too early?“No, I have to train at 6am, with the volleyball team.” Bethany assured her. “Are you sore, too, girl?”“Oh, good! It's not just me.” Rebecca chuckled. “If an athlete like you is hurting from a workout, I feel like I'm in good company.”“Oh, yeah, I have some of that, but mostly I feel very stretched out by a certain somebody's scepter.”“Ah, yeah. Devon was your lab partner. So sorry for your pain.” Rebecca consoled.“Hell, girl! Don't feel too sorry for me. I'll take this agony any day, if it comes with the kind of bliss I felt yesterday afternoon.” Bethany gushed.“That good, huh? Well, let me tell you why I called.” Rebeca changed the topic. “First, thanks so much for our help with the impromptu gathering. You're so easy to work with, and I can tell you really enjoy it.”“Oh, thanks. Yes, my mother trained me to do hospitality well, it's sort of a matriarchal tradition in our family. I'd be happy to do it again.” Beth offered.“You were reading my mind, girl.” Rebecca was relieved. “I sorta think we should talk about that. Are you free to come by sometime soon? I can feed you lunch?”“Well, I have a lot on my plate, today, but I think I can swing by after our finals, next Monday; say, around 12:30?”“Oh, goody! Let's do this!” Should we include anyone else?” Rebecca wanted to be considerate.“Well;” Beth paused. “I'd really like to have a lunch with all the girls, but It's not my place to impose on you.”“Oh, duh! Why didn't I think of that?” Rebecca slapped her forehead. “I'll reach out to the other 4 girls, but I'll have to apologize for the short notice. I better get right on it. Bye!”“12:30, Monday. Bye!” Bethany said and hung up.Rebecca started a group private message and sent it to all the girls, including Bethany. Surprisingly, all 6 girls were confirmed, although Erica said she'd be a little late, cuz she had to be somewhere from 12 to 12:45.Monday morning Rebecca made a quick grocery delivery order on her app, and met the driver in the lobby around 9:45. Pasta salad and fresh veggies. Rebecca kept it simple.The last sex class session was at 11am. It was a written test. Everyone was buck naked anyway, either from habit or horniness. Everyone seemed confident they knew the answers.Devon and Jackson seem to have planned an X-box guys gathering, so they didn't feel slighted by the ladies doing something just for the female classmates.The professors didn't try to cloak their gratitude for the students who made this experimental course work well. Dr. Phoebe Garza informed the students that an email will be sent to them later that day, to get their feedback on the course. “Several professors from at least 20 universities were involved in developing this format and curriculum. You were the first students to take the course, at any university in North America. We won't violate your privacy, but our review will include some rather vague details about our students; particularly the variety of students and some personal challenges. We will send a draft to the individuals we may vaguely describe, but the public will not even know which university conducted this experimental class.Antonio Garza added; “You all played a part in developing a very cutting edge educational format, and we expect all the other researchers to be as impressed as we are.”After they were dismissed, the coeds rushed out for their designated gathering. Michelle and Elizabeth were first to arrive at Rebecca's Park Plaza condo. The three chatted on the sofas until Bethany arrived, and Alexis arrived a minute later. They all sat around the dining room table, chatting while eating. Without the guys there, the conversation was quite different. First they all talked about how sore their cunts were, last Friday. Followed by how many pads they went through. That turned into a comparison of what pads the girls each prefer. Then they discussed when a douche is helpful.Bethany wanted to know what kind of ointment to use for sore nipples. Alexis wanted advice on shaving her cunt. Then they launched into the faux self-loathing about their tit sizes and shapes. All the girls gushed about how awesome the other girls' bodies are. Now that everyone's self-esteem was shored up, they began the real talk about what they had all just experienced, in the unorthodox class.Every girl talked about how terrified they all were on the first day. It brought lots of giggles. Then Erica showed up and everyone wanted to hear her account of first day nerves.“Hell yeah! I was so stoked!” Erica said with a blushing grin. Alexis and Rebecca marveled. “Listen you hotties,” Erica elaborated. “My 3 older sisters made it easier for me. All us girls filled out our curves by the time we were high school sophomores. I would have been terrified at all the sexual attention I got in high school, but my sisters were really helpful. Yeah, a lot of days I wish I had a trim, athletic body. But I was so glad the rest of you girls were getting naked with me. Ever since my dad died when I was in junior high; my mom started living a ‘home nudist' lifestyle. My sisters sorta freaked out for a couple weeks, but then they all just started following her lead. Now I do, at home.Rebecca was intrigued. “I've always wanted to go buck naked at home.” She looked around the living room, then stood up and kicked off her slippers. Then she pulled off her tank-top & jogging shorts. Lastly, she unhooked her bra, hooked the strap on her thumb, stretched and launched it at Erica. Five seconds later, Bethany's bra landed in Erica's lap, followed by 3 other bras.As the last of the girls went topless, Rebecca came walking out of her bathroom with a pack of panty liners. “Ladies; if you're anything like me, you're still pretty wet in the crotch. Please keep your panties on and help yourselves to my stock of liners. I just got the sofas cleaned and I'd rather we keep them from smelling like a whore house.”As the girls finished their personal matters, Rebecca pulled a chair from the dining room and set it at one end of the two sofas which faced each other. ”Ladies, really loved having the whole class over, last night, and Bethany was so helpful. I thanked her again, this morning, and she said she'd love to help me again. She suggested that all six of us girls get together and visit. One of the things I want each of you to talk about; is if you want to have another gathering? And what would you want that gathering to be like?”The room grew quiet. Every girl was staring at the rug. Then Erica broke the silence; “Can I enjoy some prime cock?”Laughter broke out. Bethany shouted; “Leave it to Erica to say what we're all thinking.”Erica winked at Bethany and shrugged her shoulders. Her tits jiggled and her nipples took on a very erect definition.Michelle raised her hand, nervously.“What is it, Michelle?” Rebecca asked.“Well, first I want to say that every guy in the class was an absolute gentleman. That means a lot to me. It was very difficult for me to face my fears, and I'm glad I was treated like an ordinary coed. And then there's the fantastic way all you ladies have been so supportive. No jealousy or insults. I was more fearful of you ladies than the guys!”Several girls gave supportive nods, but were careful not to cut in on Michelle's vulnerable moment.“What I'm really wanting to say,” Michelle went on; “Is that I think we should avoid getting clingy with the first guy we've opened up our cunts to. “Bruce is an absolute prince. He amazes me. But I don't want to try to claim exclusive dibs on him. Do you get what I'm trying to say?”“Oh, you're spot on, girl!” Erica assured her. All the other girls nodded agreement.Alexis raised her hand, to which Bethany gestured for her to open up. “I feel like I still have a long way to go; socially, I mean.” Alexis paused. The ladies politely waited. “I'd like to find a fun way to be more like Erica.”Erica's eyebrows raised in surprise. “How so?”Alexis cautiously went on; “One summer I was at church camp. The cabin counselor played this game. Half of us were blindfolded and the other half came through and set a bare foot on our knee, as we sat on the side of our bunk. We had to guess the order of the girls, but they had shoes on when we had our blindfolds taken off. It was strange, how it got us girls to be more comfortable with our unique body size and shapes.”Before anyone could respond, Alexis quickly said, “But I think it would be more fun if the guys were blindfolded and had to each guess the order of which girls boobs they felt up.”Loud giggles erupted at the idea.Bethany then added; “How about we pitch it to the guys as a group game night? But we don't tell them the games?”Rebecca shouted; “I love it! Assuming the guys are polite & respectful, which I'm confident they are; We can start with this game.Erica chimed in; “Wait a minute. We gotta have our turn, too. I mean if we're gunna let them get their jollies, I wanna feel them up, too!”Elizabeth, said; “Okay, once they've had their game, let's dare them to drop their shorts with us girls blindfolded. We can fondle their family jewels and ‘Guess the pecker.'”“Exactly,” Erica high-fived her.Bethany then added; “Okay. So if everyone's good with the first two games, I fully expect the guys to want another game, called 'Guess the cunt'.”Rebecca turned to Alexis; “Are you going to have a problem if things advance to that?”“Are these all games where the guessers are blindfolded while others are naked? Alexis wanted to know.“Yeah, I think that's how we are conceiving this.” Bethany assured her.“Okay, then I have one more concern.” Alexis said with less nervousness. “Rebecca, how about we girls have a ‘safe-word', so if any of us has an inhibition, then all 6 of us step to another room for a talk?”“Yes! I love that.” Michelle chimed in. But let's also use our safe word if we just want to privately share an idea, too?”Erica raised her hand. When Michelle was done, Rebecca nodded for Erica to say what's on her mind. “Ladies. Excuse my dirty mind, but I feel inspired.” More chuckles. Then Erica described her horny ideas. Bethany finally stood and said; “Damn girl! Now I gotta go change my pad, again. Just listening to your filthy fun games has me so wet!”Game NightIt was on Sunday evening, July 3rd. the guys all brought drinks and chips. The gals put out a spread of fruits, and other snacks. It had been a hot day and the group met in Rebecca's condo, then went downstairs to the pool & Jacuzzi. The guys used Rebecca's roommates' bedroom. The ladies shared her's.At about 7pm they were showered and dressed. Everyone ate, then Rebecca finally announced the first game was about to start. Bethany had secured the use of 2 long folding tables from a lecture bowl. They were 6 feet long and only 2 feet deep. 3 Folding chairs were along one side of the tables. The guys were seated, and the girls began securing blindfolds. Rebecca began telling them what they were about to experience. As the ladies completed getting the guys set, they disappeared to Rebecca's bedroom, where they pulled off their tops and bras. Rebecca warned the guys that any violation of the protocols would allow a lady to slap the blindfolded offender.Rebecca then pulled off her top, bra, and called on the ladies to assemble. She set a countdown timer on her phone, so that every 30 seconds, the ladies would move on to the next contestant. The guys hands remained ‘palm up' on the far side of the table, and when the phone chimed, the ladies silently leaned their chests down, into the waiting hands of the guys. Fingers eagerly explored,, but Devon got too excited and slid his fingers up Erica's cleavage. When his knuckles lost contact with the table, Erica's slap was heard by everyone. Laughter burst out, but the 30 second timer chimed the end of that station. 5 seconds later, the chime signaled a new round, Rebecca did her best to very quietly move from the last contestant, down to her new position at the first station.Devon's slap played an effective deterrent. No one dared break that rule. The terror of being blindfolded and fearing a slap you can't anticipate, is more traumatic than you can know.On round 6, Erica and Rebecca probably moaned too loud, and blew their anonymity. Truth is, every girl was so aroused, and Rebecca actually climaxed in Bruce's fondling.When the final chime went off, the girls rushed to Rebecca's bedroom door. Then Rebecca, having hastily thrown on her tanktop, Told the guys to take off their blindfolds, and privately grab a notecard and pen, to list the order of tits they explored.A few minute later, the girls came out with tops back on, but with their braless nipples protruding against the fabric.When the guys all set their pens down, the girls each grabbed a contestant's card and scored it.Malcolm and Devon got perfect scores(6 of 6), followed by Jackson with 5. Thomas, Bruce, and William all got 4 of the 6. Everyone recognized Bethany, Elizabeth, and Erica. But Michelle, Alexis, and Rebecca were more similar and average, so they were a bigger challenge.Thomas and Devon both stood and turned toward the windows, to privately adjust their rigid cocks. The other guys had done their adjusting before they wrote down their guesses.Erica, noticed what Devon was doing, and said; “Devon, what ya digging for?”“Relief!” was his one-word reply.“I've got an even better idea, big boy.” Erica taunted the guys. We feel that it's only fair to switch places with you fellas.”“You wanna feel up my tits?” Malcolm teased.“Your first five words were correct, big Leprechaun. But I sense you have some gold you're keeping from us ladies.” Erica knew she had their rapt attention. “Now offer your chair to a lady and help her with her blindfold. Then you fellas can get buck naked and let us guess whose jewels we're enjoying.”“ Whoa!” Devon objected. “What happens if you girls don't keep your knuckles on the table?”“We get to flick their tit with a finger.” Thomas offered.All the girls subconsciously covered their nipples with their hands. They hated the idea, but they all knew it wasn't any worse than the slap that Devon endured.Rebecca then wanted everyone's attention. “Everyone. I want you all to be comfortable as a guest in my home. If you don't want to participate, that's fine. But you'll also have to decline the other games we may play.” She looked around to each guy and gal. Each person gave a ‘thumbs-up', so she showed Devon how to operate the timer, then she sat and was blindfolded.The guys decided to make sure their most hung specimens were not in the line, next to each other. They decided that Bethany being right after Erica, had made it too easy to distinguish the added cup size. Thomas quietly dug into his backpack after he stripped down. He grabbed his Bluetooth speaker and synced it to his phone, then. When the guys were coming out of the spare bedroom, Thomas pressed ‘play'. The words said it all. I'm too sexy, by ‘Right Said Fred'. Thomas turned it down so everyone could hear the timer on Rebecca's phone.

Register here for the live online event to learn about ‘Unlocking BRRRR Deals in Little Rock on Thursday, July 17th at 8PM Eastern. Keith discusses the competitive nature of short-term rentals (STRs) and the need for hosts to offer luxury amenities to attract guests. Long time investing pro, Alex, joins us to cover the BRRRR strategy in Little Rock, Arkansas, an investor-advantaged market, emphasizing its low property taxes and stable cash flow. They explain the BRRRR process, including: buying, renovating, renting, refinancing, and repeating.  The strategy allows investors to scale their portfolios with minimal initial capital, offering a 0% management fee in year one and 4% in year two.  Resources: Register here for the live online event to learn about ‘Unlocking BRRRR Deals in Little Rock on Thursday, July 17th at 8PM Eastern. Show Notes: GetRichEducation.com/561 For access to properties or free help with a GRE Investment Coach, start here: GREmarketplace.com GRE Free Investment Coaching: GREinvestmentcoach.com Get mortgage loans for investment property: RidgeLendingGroup.com or call 855-74-RIDGE  or e-mail: info@RidgeLendingGroup.com Invest with Freedom Family Investments.  You get paid first: Text FAMILY to 66866 Will you please leave a review for the show? I'd be grateful. Search “how to leave an Apple Podcasts review”  For advertising inquiries, visit: GetRichEducation.com/ad Best Financial Education: GetRichEducation.com Get our wealth-building newsletter free— text ‘GRE' to 66866 Our YouTube Channel: www.youtube.com/c/GetRichEducation Follow us on Instagram: @getricheducation Complete episode transcript:   Automatically Transcribed With Otter.ai    Keith Weinhold  0:01   Welcome to GRE I'm your host. Keith Weinhold, anymore when you own short term rentals like Airbnbs and vrbos, you are in an all out arms race competing to provide amenities like never before. Then what happens when you take the popular burr real estate strategy and overlay it with one of the most investor advantaged markets in all of America. It's a lucrative opportunity. You'll see how and why today on get rich education.    Keith Weinhold  0:32   Mid south home buyers, I mean, they're total pros, with over two decades as the nation's highest rated turnkey provider, their empathetic property managers use your ROI as their North Star. So it's no wonder that smart investors just keep lining up to get their completely renovated income properties like it's the newest iPhone. They're headquartered in Memphis and have globally attractive cash flows, an A plus rating with the Better Business Bureau, and now over 5000 houses renovated their zero markup on maintenance. Let that sink in, and they average a 98.9% occupancy rate, while their average renter stays more than three and a half years. Every home they offer has brand new components, a bumper to bumper, one year warranty, new 30 year roofs. And wait for it, a high quality renter. Remember that part and in an astounding price range, 100 to 180k I've personally toured their office and their properties in person in Memphis. Get to know mid south enjoy cash flow from day one. Start yourself right now at mid southhomebuyers.com that's mid southhomebuyers.com   Speaker 1  1:58   You're listening to the show that has created more financial freedom than nearly any show in the world. This is get rich education.   Keith Weinhold  2:14   Welcome to GRE from North Conway, New Hampshire to North port, Florida and across 188 nations worldwide. I'm Keith Weinhold, and this is get rich education, happy July, the second half of the year. And my favorite month of the year is your Airbnb fancy enough, because anymore STRS short term rentals have gotten so competitive that hosts treat their properties like white lotus level hotels. Now, STRS were never passive, but they become even less so it is active income. Once upon a time, Airbnb hosts could just sort of drop a few colorful throw pillows on their fold out couch and make a killing. But no more those days are so far gone. The STR game has changed drastically. I mean, you used to be able to list a basic home with generic furniture that you got at Costco, minimal amenities, no Wi Fi, and still get it booked, but today, it will sit empty unless you offer more than just a place to sleep. You have to build an experience for Airbnb guests. Now, increasingly, hosts are doing things like adding outdoor kitchens, arcade machines, putting greens, even basketball. And now, though these upgrades do cost a lot up front, they can pay off. These amenity types can double your nightly rate, but they come with more responsibility and more to maintain. I mean, more guests are expecting a flawless experience. The trend is that Airbnbs are becoming full scale hospitality operations, and if you don't treat it like one, you're going to fall behind. So simply having a nice house that just no longer cuts it, running a short term rental today is nothing like it was even two or three years ago. You used to be able to stand out with a decent bed and colorful throw prolos, but now guests are basically comparing your place to boutique hotels. Hosts are deeply investing in design, forward furniture, layered lighting and featuring spaces that some market as what they call moments like cozy reading corners in these luxurious bathroom setups, adding things like welcome guides and even complete brand identities with a proper. Name and even a logo and a story to give the place some personality, even writing up a history for your property, even if it's not that historic. Now, these sorts of tactics, they actually do, seem to work. Guests will give you more bookings, better reviews, and guests even share the space on social media like it's somewhat of a lifestyle destination now sometimes STR hosts, they team with these other platforms to add welcome champagne in ice buckets on site, sommeliers, private chefs, daily, housekeeping on demand. 24/7 textable concierges, heated plunge pools and other amenities through you partnering with some of these platforms and these upgrades don't come cheap. The publication called the playbook, they featured an STR in Sag Harbor, New York, where the property owner invested $85,000 into overhauling the landscaping and adding a James Turrell Inspired LED light installation. But overall, these improvements boost rental revenue by an average of 40% over what the property was collecting previously. All right, so this is a case study now, though, this STR trend of offering deep hospitality and luxury amenities has turned into more of a job and less about passive income. You know, really, this is free market capitalism, because this is competition to see who can provide the best service at the lowest price, but that's what it is. So this is making real estate less of a good and more of a service. Short term rentals soaring supply, day rate compression and AI driven pricing tools. That means that the just this all nice house with good photos thing that no longer cuts it. It is an amenities arms race now, and of course, this is a national trend. It doesn't mean that it's happening absolutely everywhere. In some places, hosts are able to charm guests simply with something like a freshly baked loaf of banana bread, but the consensus is whether they spend a little or a lot, Airbnb hosts unanimously say that they've got to work harder in order to keep guests happy. It's become more of a business and less of a side hustle than it used to be. You've got more hosts leaning into higher upfront investments because they know guests will pay for a sort of turnkey, Instagrammable experience. And this really is a classic early adopter issue, just like a lot of things, Airbnb launched in 2007 by the way, so this sort of first wave of Airbnb hosts back around 2012 to 2015 they were riding a blue ocean back then. There was virtually no competition. There weren't any standards, and there were plenty of bookings, and that made a lot of hosts pretty fat and happy. But that's not where we are now, really. The bottom line is that in many markets, short term rentals have transitioned from partial passivity to all out hospitality. That's the Airbnb arms race. The average Airbnb nightly rate for North America. Do you care to venture a guess at the average nightly rate? It is approximately $216 per night, and that right there is up 26% from 2020 so it is not up as much as house prices over that five year period from 2020 really, the Airbnb rate is up about as much as the long term rental rate.    Keith Weinhold  8:58   While we're talking numbers a quarter recently ended. Let's hit on our asset class rundown. What's happened to home prices in the past year? Well, when you aggregate all these sources, Zillow, Freddie, Mac case, Shiller, FHFA, in totality, home prices are up 2% single family rents are up 3% apartment rates are down 1% due to their oversupply. The 30 year mortgage rate was 6.9% a year ago, and it's 6.8 now. CPI inflation is 2.4% expressed in year to date terms. Now the SP5 100 is up 5% in the first half of this year, ending near 6200 the dollar is down. That means that it takes more of them to buy gold, which is over $3,300 an ounce, gold is up 27% just from the start of this year, and the oil price is still depressed in the 60s. Per dollar for a barrel, Bitcoin still strong, ending the quarter at 106kthat's your asset class rundown, which we do about quarterly.    Keith Weinhold  9:57   Hey, I really enjoyed meetingside. Of you on this year's terrific real estate guys Investor Summit at sea was concluded about a week ago. It was two days on land in Miami, followed by a week of conferences and fun aboard a Caribbean cruise ship. I really got to meet you and get to know you, because we had nine days together, and as one of the faculty members, I hosted a table at dinner every night, and each night the attendees rotated around to my table, so I got to meet a lot of you and really get to know you, and you got to know me. Yeah, it was as interesting for me to meet you in person, perhaps, as it was for you to meet me, because I like to hear what you're doing in real estate, investing, in everything else. I gave a main stage presentation that was almost an hour of all me, all GRE and also served on five different panel discussions. Oh, it's such a unique event. Get this, I was kind of dressed up to give my main stage presentation, which so many of you, by the way, told me afterwards, that that was your favorite presentation of them all, all week long, because each faculty member made a main stage presentation. But what I want to tell you is, just a few hours after I presented, on the cruise ship, I was shirtless in the water throwing a football around at the beach in St Thomas Virgin Islands. What an event. Fantastic to meet a number of you in person. So far today, I hope what I've shared with you has been informative. Next. It's something informative and really actionable that you can make lucrative that's next. I'm Keith Weinhold. You're listening to get rich education.    Keith Weinhold  11:45   The same place where I get my own mortgage loans is where you can get yours. Ridge lending group and MLS, 42056, they provided our listeners with more loans than anyone because they specialize in income properties. They help you build a long term plan for growing your real estate empire with leverage. Start your pre qual and even chat with President Caeli Ridge personally, while it's on your mind, start at Ridge lendinggroup.com. That's Ridge lendinggroup.com.    Russell Gray  12:16   You know what's crazy your bank is getting rich off of you, the average savings account pays less than 1% it's like laughable. Meanwhile, if your money isn't making at least 4% you're losing to inflation. That's why I started putting my own money into the FFI liquidity fund. It's super simple. Your cash can pull in up to 8% returns, and it compounds. It's not some high risk gamble like digital or AI stock trading. It's pretty low risk because they've got a 10 plus year track record of paying investors on time in full every time. I mean, I wouldn't be talking about it if I wasn't invested myself. You can invest as little as 25k and you keep earning until you decide you want your money back, no weird lock ups or anything like that. So if you're like me and tired of your liquid funds just sitting there doing nothing, check it out. Text family to 66866, to learn about freedom. Family investments, liquidity fund again. Text family to 66866.   Russell Gray  13:30   Hi. This is Russell Gray, co host of real estate guys radio show, and you're listening to get rich education with Keith Weinhold, don't quit your Daydream. You Keith,   Keith Weinhold  13:38   welcome back to get rich Education. I'm your host. Keith Weinhold, we're talking to a guest not only about an investor advantaged market, but when you overlay a certain strategy with it, this can be highly lucrative for investor returns, and we're with a long time investing pro Alex, welcome onto the show.    Alex Craig  14:04   Hi Keith, thank you.    Keith Weinhold  14:05   Well talking about top US cashflowing market, let's get right to it. Tell us about yours.   Alex Craig  14:11   Little Rock, Arkansas. It's a market that we've been in since 2012. I personally invest there. I've got about 75 doors of multi family, single family. And the reason why it works is just cash flow. Over the years, we've had investors from around the country that have owned portfolios where maybe they're somewhere in Phoenix or Dallas, where they're kind of speculating. This is not a speculation market, and that's why it works for myself. It's consistent. It's very linear, and linear is a word that we use a lot to describe. And if you're going to be a cash flow investor, and that's why I'm in it, it's you want a linear market. You don't want ups or downs, and then you want to make sure it's a growing market too. And Little Rock checks all the boxes of what you would want in a stable cash flow environment market.   Keith Weinhold  14:57   And I think a lot of our investor listeners are. Already pretty keen on that. You get a high ratio of rent income to purchase price. You have laws that heavily favor landlords over tenants. But Alex, in today's environment, people are more conscious about rising operating expenses and higher mortgage expenses, and that's really one advantage that Arkansas can give right now, is with those low property taxes   Alex Craig  15:20   Keith,it's so interesting you mentioned that because I did have a conversation with a client of ours that had a property in another market that he had mentioned how his property taxes had gone up and gone up substantially, which that's to expect. I mean, after COVID, there was a lot of markets saw a huge boost, especially with markets that saw hedge funds come in. Hedge Funds, I believe, ruined a lot of markets, raised the prices. And another reason I like Little Rock, it flies under the radar. You think is Little Rock is a small market, but it's really not. It's, I mean, the population of the city is 250,000 but the metro area, which is a 50 mile radius around Little Rock, is much bigger. And the entire, not only the entire market, metro area, feeds off little rock, really, the entire state does too. But that being said, because it's floating under the radar, the property tax have remained low. They've taken a little bit of bump over the years, because the values steadily go up, but they started low anyway. So with operating costs of insurance, insurance has gone up for a lot of for my own properties in other markets, it's going up, and it's going up in Little Rock too. I mean, it's just the name of insurance, but property taxes have remained low. They've always been low, and that's really a big help as to why this market works for us.   Keith Weinhold  16:30   Talking about flying under the radar, you're talking about, therefore evading a lot of that hedge fund money. Tell us more about the market and some of those anchors and drivers.   Alex Craig  16:40   It's a blue collar town. You've got logistics. Is a market, or is a segment of the industry that has really come on strong over the last few years, Amazon has really put a footprint in the market. Healthcare is a huge, huge market, like I mentioned earlier, not only does the region feed off the direct to the entire state, it's the hub of healthcare for the entire state of Arkansas, of course, it's government. Government provides a lot of jobs. The good thing about government jobs is they're maybe not on a national level anymore, but on a local, state level, they're very it's hard to get let go from a government job, unless now, not on a federal level, but it's very steady, so a lot of steady blue collar jobs, and that's what you want for a strong resident base, especially in the type of properties and 1000 to $1,200 price range, you want those blue collar study growing jobs.   Keith Weinhold  17:31   Yes, you do have those there. It's funny. I'm smiling a bit because I used to be a state government employee, and there's just no way that they ever would have fired me. I was so protective I had to quit in order for them to have to replace me at that job. I'm wondering about the new supply that's come on, Alex, because a number of markets have added supply. I know, for example, that Redfin reports that little rock median home price appreciation is up 7.3% year over year, and with the dynamics going on in the market recently, that typically tells us that there hasn't been that much new supply added. Is that what's going on there?   Alex Craig  18:11   No, there hasn't been a lot of new supply. I just think with little rock and every other market, the mortgage rates have gone up. Home ownership is down during COVID. It was really hard to get an investment property. For what we did, sending out our list every week. It was basically send out our properties, people hitting send and not even knowing what they were reserving. Rates were just low, right? Everybody's jumping in. It was hard to get inventory. So now what we have is, you know, higher rates that scares some people off. It pushes some people out on the market, but it also creates opportunity. I feel like this is the easiest time I've been investing in real estate since 2007 that was the foreclosure crisis, Great Recession, and it was a lot of foreclosures on the market, and that's how I built a big chunk of my portfolio. But now it's just a matter of there's not as many people in it. So for us, there's just more acquisitions for us to go out and get. There's still distressed homes on the market where individuals don't want to hire a realtor, they just want all cash offers. They're ready to get rid of them, and that's where we step in. And without as much competition like I said, we kind of fly under the radar. I feel it creates more just supply inventory for us and for me as an investor, but also for our clients too   Keith Weinhold  19:23   with that in mind, and again, a lot of our audience is already on board, knowing that little rock in Arkansas is a good cash flow market with stable, long term fundamentals, but in order to make it more profitable, you've overlaid it with a certain strategy there in Little Rock. Tell us about that.    Alex Craig  19:45   So the BRRRR strategy, yes, it's able to work now because there's not as many buyers in the market. So basically, the way the burrs strategy works is we acquire a property. I'm just going to use very round, simple numbers for simple math makes it easier on me   Keith Weinhold  19:58   and we're talking the BRRRR. Strategy that's buy, renovate, rent, refinance, and repeat. Those are the five investor steps.   Alex Craig  20:07   correct. And so that's what we do, is we buy. Let's just say the B. Let's take the B, for example, we buy a home, and we buy it for 60,000 where I'm just talking like if I own the home, and then I put $20,000 into the deal. So now I'm all into it for 80,000 and you have to remember, there's some in between, cost of closing costs. I'm just talking just very general strategy. You buy it for 60, you put 20 into it, and all of a sudden you're in it for 80, and the value comes back at 100 so you're in it for 80% of the after repair value. Most Fannie Mae lenders will do 75% so if you purchase a house outright, you put 20% down, but if you are doing a refinance, you're able they'll do it at 75% so instead of buying a home and putting it down payment upfront, you're using equity in the deal. And that's what the burst strategy is, buy renovate. So we buy it, we renovate it, we refinance it, we rent it out, and then you repeat it. So it allows for investors to scale their portfolios quicker and stretch their money a little bit further. So if you've got, I've got $50,000 and I want to invest in real estate, if you purchase a home, you're bound by the down payment. Once you put that down payment, it's, I wouldn't call it sunk cost, but that money's gone for reinvesting. The burr model allows you to stretch that money a little bit further. Now, like I said, I gave pretty basic numbers to the deal, but that's what you're going for. Some equity in the deal, and that's what we're able to provide for ourselves and for our clients.   Keith Weinhold  21:38   So let's review that numbers on a little rock burp, making a $60,000 purchase with a pre renovated property. Then the investor puts another 20k into it for the renovation. So now they're all in for 80k and they get a 100k appraisal on that property, and then they can borrow, say, 75% of that there, that is the refi portion, the fourth letter of the BRRRR acronym. So therefore they've got 80k into it, and they got 75k back, meaning they would only have 5k into it, but maybe another 5k for closing costs, and now they only have 10k in to a 100k property. That's the appeal. That's what we're talking about here with the BRRRR   Alex Craig  22:22   strategy. I mean, you're exactly right. And as I mentioned, I use some really basic numbers, because when you're using, you know, 100,060 and 20 makes them very basic. It's pretty hard to find out a deal worth 100,000 these days, even when we started in the industry, 100,000 was a pretty cheap after pair value. Probably the mean value of the homes that we're dealing in is probably about 140 to 140 to 160 but same principle, based on those same logic that what we just talked about, I wouldn't say, you know, five or 10k out of pocket, but if you're talking about purchasing a deal with 25% down versus doing a bur you're probably going to be in it at 15% Out of pocket costs 10 to 15% as opposed to putting a down payment of 25% but the big thing is, you're getting money back, and you're not putting as much so just it's great for scale. I don't know if you'll talk about DSCR lending very much on your show, but that's something that a lot of our clients, and that does 80% so we have a lot of clients going that route now too.   Keith Weinhold  23:21   Okay, so you could do 80% with debt service coverage ratio loans, but to drop back in our example, to help be clear, the investor has 80k of their own skin in the game into the property, 60k for the purchase, 20k for the renovation, even though they only have 80k in it appraises for 100k that ARV, that after repair value. Why is the after repair value 100k when you only have 80k into it? Why is it more?   Alex Craig  23:49   that's based off comparable sales? So when you're in it at 80, and you're going to refinance it through a lender, they're going to send an appraiser out, and appraiser is going to pull comparable sales within that neighborhood. So just because you're in an 80 the appraiser is going to go pull three comps, very similar to that home. So if we're selling a three bedroom one bath, they're going to pull three comps at a three bedroom one bath, relatively the same size look, if it's got a carport, they're going to try to find three houses with the carport. So in theory, that's what they're doing. They're pulling comparable sales and developing new value based on recent sales.   Keith Weinhold  24:23   So it's that you have this knowledge to buy in neighborhoods and buy in certain sub markets, where, when you know that capital is added and renovations are made and a rehab period that they do tend to appraise for that value based on the comparables that are already there.   Alex Craig  24:40   Yeah. I mean, if we were to take the same house at 60,000 and didn't do any work, he would then say, well, you've got some comparables here versus 100 but you could never sell this home for 100 these are the things you have to do, and that's what we do during the first R the renovate of the acronym is to renovate the home to the condition that the. Appraisers feel that are comparable for the neighborhood, and that's a real important part, is comparable to the neighborhood. We could go in and put in a Jacuzzi tub and grain of countertops. We actually, we do put a lot of grain in, because we get it so cheap. But you could go in and fix it up to the nines, but it's not going to appraise for any more than the others, because the appraiser would say, we over improved it. So we improve it to what we know, what the kind of the standard for the neighborhood? Because you could over improve these things for sure and not get that return on that investment.   Keith Weinhold  25:28   That is a great answer. There is a specific improvement target that you know that needs to be hit. Tell us more about this burr process, because to an out of area investor, it can sound pretty intimidating if they had to manage contractors remotely themselves,   Alex Craig  25:43   there definitely is a need to have a team on the ground that you trust, that you feel comfortable with, and that's what we've done. I've been doing it in multiple markets for myself since 2007 and we built into a business model in 2010 like I said, expanded Little Rock in 2012 and we've been doing this for 15 years now for other investors. So we've got that name and that reputation of taking care of our investors, that's the important part. And we do see a lot of investors get burned, because you can find a realtor to go to help you find deals, but usually the realtor relationship is thesis to end. It's okay, I found you a deal, but then there's so many other things afterwards, and the renovations, where I see so many people get burned, and you know, we manage approximately 1200 homes between two markets, and that's where I see when property owners come to us, they've been burned the most. It's like they've paid somebody $50,000 they didn't finish the job, they didn't do what they say they're going to do. So the renovation that we're the team on the ground, we've got a in House Project Manager, we've got a network of subcontractors. We tend to act as the contractor, subbing things out. We've got in house property management. We've got all the tools, but it's really between both. In the markets in which I operate. I've got about 30 employees within property management, renovations, acquisitions, so the team on the ground is and then the back in the property management part is the long, ongoing accountability. So if something doesn't work out, that's the way we said it. If we say it's going to rent for 1200 and we rent it out for 900 Well, we really got a big egg on our face. You do a few of those, and that's how you don't stay in business anymore. And there's, and I like to say, about every five years the market corrects itself into getting the wrong players out of the business. COVID was super easy, easy to find deals, easy to sell deals. But once the market changed and it became a little more competitive and rates rose, that's the people that have been around for the long time, been in it for the long haul, that stick around. They've got the established business model and their reputation. So every five years, a good correction in the market eliminates those bad players.   Keith Weinhold  27:47   So you have this vetted, proven in play system that investors can get into besides just identifying the property, it comes with that system, those contractors or that investor just has one point of contact with you there for updates on the renovation.   Alex Craig  28:03   Yeah. I mean, I feel like we know these neighborhoods. I like I feel we know these neighborhoods like the back of our hand. We've been investing in them for a decade plus, and we know the areas you want to be in, the areas you don't want to be in. And we have a lot of investors will call us either they already own the property or they're a current client, and they'll say, Hey, I could get this deal for 30,000 and it's worth 100 and I'm like, Well, that sounds too good to be true, especially if it's on the open market. If it was that good of a deal, it's already gone. We just know the market, where to be. We know what to pay. We could, pretty much just through our experience, identify a house we know probably within about five to 10% before we even dive into comparable sales of what it's worth. We could walk through a house within probably about three to five minutes and peg the renovation costs probably within about 10% now we still order an inspection, and that's where we uncover the things that we can't see, that maybe there's a bunch of rotted out joist or a foundation problem that we didn't see. So, but there's things aside we could walk through and we pretty much know, okay, it needs a roof that's 7000 it needs an air conditioner that's six flooring, two. So that's the expertise that we bring and like. So then the management part of it, on the back end, that kind of ties it all together with accountability.   Keith Weinhold  29:22   And I know that your typical project renovation cost tends to be about 25k just for simplicity, we use 20k in that example, and your completion times are shorter than others that have inexperienced crews. So tell us about that typical renovation time. Alex.   Alex Craig  29:39   every day we're accomplishing 500 so 25,000 divided by 500 comes to 50 days, 50 days. So we'll knock that out in about 50 days. And we just have a large network of subcontractors that we've been working with for years. If you weren't in the business, I think that'd be really hard to accomplish, and there's just a lot that. Goes into it. I mean, the renovating the homes, it's the once, it's the worst, it's the hardest thing that we do. For sure, it's definitely the most scheduling, but it's where, if you don't know what you're doing, a great deal turns into, how do I get out of this?   Keith Weinhold  30:15   Right, absolutely. Now, in our example, we used where an investor puts 60k into it for the purchase to start with, because I see the burst strategy is a good strategy. If someone doesn't have a lot of capital, like they would for maybe a new build property, can one even finance that initial purchase amount?   Alex Craig  30:35   Yeah, so private lending. So that's the part that makes if you've only got 50 grand to facilitate this entire process, and you want to try to repeat it as many times as you can. 50,000 would not be enough just to pay cash. So yes, we have private lending. We set that up. Sometimes we lend it ourselves. Sometimes we outsource it to some of our strategic partners, but we'll lend the money to buy and renovate the home. A typical what that loan would look like it's about 3.3 points of loan origination. So if you've got an $80,000 loan, that's $2,400 most lenders do require for you to bring that up front, and now you're in it for an $80,000 loan at 12% which, five years ago, that sounded crazy to borrow at 12% but with for private lending, that's not bad at all, especially you want to get in and out of it quickly. So if we're renovating the home, and you know, 50 days, if you're already pre approved with your lender, and they have all your documents by the time we finish renovating the home, the appraisals lined up, and you could be in and out of these private loans in about 90 days. That love that depends on the lending side, that you're giving the lender what they need. But ideally you want to be in these things about 90 to 120 days. So $80,000 loan at 12% that $800 a month. So if you're in it for 90 days, 800 times 320, 700 plus the loan origination fee. But that's how you do it. That's the you're just borrowing money to finance the acquisition, the rehab and the refinance   Keith Weinhold  32:03   that is an option for you if you don't have the cash here to come in with these burr strategy properties. Alex, tell us more about it. Really, what I would like to know is, when an investor gets their appraisal, their after repair value, how many want to sell it for a profit, and how many want to hold it with a tenant for long term income   Alex Craig  32:26   so far, zero. Want to sell it for a profit. If you're all in it for add and then you're selling for 100 once you sell it, there are other fees involved. You got to hire a realtor. Right now is a great time to hold it's a slow real estate market. I don't think Little Rock from an aspect, is where home ownership is down. I think that's a nationwide thing. So I think if you're going into this, you certainly want to look at it from perspective. This is a buy and hold. I don't think this is the best market to get into to buy something. Flip it with a in the example, we use a $20,000 margin with buyer concessions, realtor commissions. That's a lot of work involved. And let's just say it did work out. You sold it for 100 but you had to pay 2% closing in an agent fee, and you got some holding cost. Let's just say you netted 8000 that might be good for a six month return, but I feel like there's a lot of risk. I feel like our job as what we do for our clients, is to minimize risk. So someone came and said, Hey, I want to flip it. I would say, Well, I don't think it's the best market for it right now. I think you want to get into this buy and hold.   Keith Weinhold  33:29   Yes, Alex has been doing this for a long time, and he's a specific expert right there in that local market. Buy and hold is a strategy that most likely makes sense. And he also strongly recommends pay cash if possible, instead of using that 12% short term private lending option, like he mentioned before, because that can cut out about four to 5k worth of transactional cost. And then if you do buy and hold what Alex and his company offer there in Little Rock is essentially a cash flow boost, 0% management fee in year one and only 4% in year two. So that gives you some extra cash flow runway as well. And Alex, before I ask you if you have any last thoughts, I want to announce to you the audience, that we have a live event virtually next week, on July 17, at 8pm eastern for Little Rock BRRRRproperties that Alex is CO hosting with our investment coach, Naresh, where you can find these bird deals in this cash flowing market. In Little Rock you'll see actual bird deals recently completed with full breakdowns of their purchase prices, sort of these case studies, where you can see some real numbers and what the rehab budgets are and what the actual timelines were, and what the refi outcomes were like, and explore BRRRR ready properties that are currently available to own, if you so choose, on this upcoming live event that you can attend from the comfort of your own home. Learn the full process, from acquisition to renovation to property management to the financing of them, and again, everything is all handled by local experts, so that you don't have to live with the nightmare of remotely managing contractors, which I couldn't imagine doing. So whether you're a first time investor or you're scaling your portfolio, this is your chance to get boots on the ground, insight and a proven road map to burr success and really one of the most accessible markets in the country. Again, Alex here is CO hosting the event along with GRE investment coach, Naresh Vissa. It is a free, live virtual event again next week, Thursday, July 17, at 8pm Eastern. Sign up is open now at gre webinars.com it ought to be great. Alex, teaming with local experts like you has been of real benefit to our audience. Do you have any last thoughts about either Little Rock or burrs or the events that you're going to co host with our audience next week?   Alex Craig  35:57   So here's my last thought, as you were, you know, kind of concluding and I was reviewing what we had talked about. And one of the questions we get sometimes it's a fair question. It's like, well, if this is such a great deal, why don't you keep all the deals? So we hear that from time to time, and the simple answer is, we do. We do keep a lot of deals, and we're buying more real estate now, like I said, I feel like it's the easiest time to get into real estate. So we do, we do keep a lot. We're building a very large portfolio right now, but the house flipping to investors is just another business model that we have. And Property Management too. And we love property management, and we love building investor relationships. We've had a lot of investors we've had been with us since day one that we've developed really tight relationships with. So yes, we do keep a lot of the properties, and we sell properties too, and we and helps us build our management company, which you don't hear too many people say this, but we actually love property management. That's a hard thing to love, but we actually like it.   Keith Weinhold  36:54   That is more weird than Tom wheelwright loving taxes, perhaps, but Right. But I want to deal with somebody that really loves what they're doing, especially when they're protecting our asset and probably more importantly, when it comes to property management, protecting our time. So that's right, Alex, well, our viewers and listeners are really looking forward to it next week, again, that live event Thursday, July 17, at 8pm Eastern is something that you can sign up for now at grewebinars.com. Alex, we're looking forward to it next week.   Alex Craig  37:27   Bye, Keith, thank you.   Keith Weinhold  37:34   Oh yeah. Terrific overview on why the burr strategy can be so profitable. And our event next week. Now, when you rent your primary residence, which you would typically do in a high cost area, and then you own rental property elsewhere, typically a low cost area, do you know what that's called? Yeah, there is a name for that. Last week we spoke to two listener guests in California that are doing just that. That is called rentvesting. And yes, Little Rock is surely a popular low cost market for rentvesting. I have been on the ground myself in Little Rock with Alex's associate to do an on the ground tour of properties. There you want to tap into a system where you've got the guiding hand of both experience and belief. That's what you're doing here. As like he said, Alex personally owns 75 doors there. That is belief, and he's been doing this for out of area investors for 15 years. That's the experience part real proof of concept at next week's event, you'll be introduced to this same system where you can lean on their team for acquisition, renovation and management. Little Rock has an MSA population of about 770,000 but I think more importantly today, savvy investors are conscientious of keeping their expenses down, and for good reason, since they've been up all over the place. Now, the purchase price is 140 to 160k for these BRRRR optimized single family rentals. Remember that we used 100k just for ease of an example there, usually when you buy income property, you're really in at close to 25% of the purchase price when you add up the down payment and closing costs, but this way, you're in for just about half of that at 10 to 15% another low expense is that property tax, statewide, Arkansas Property Tax is just 610 of 1% so that's half the national average. And then your management expense is definitely going to be low for the first two years, because it is 0% in year one and 4% in year two. And these are properties that you can actually be pretty proud of. You'll learn more about this. Scope of work with a renovation on the webinar, often granite countertops in the kitchen is a live, remote event. So this means that you can have any of your questions answered in real time. Should you have them? As you can imagine, demand is high for these properties, and this is a chance to get connected directly with the team that makes it happen. We might never get Alex on an event like this again, and is co hosted with our GRE investment coach, Naresh. It's next week. It's free, Thursday, July 17, at 8pm Eastern, 5pm Pacific. Sign up now, or your future self might not be able to forgive yourself. You can do that now at grewebinars.com Until next week, I'm your host. Keith Weinhold, don't quit your Daydream.   Speaker 3  40:56   Nothing on this show should be considered specific, personal or professional advice. Please consult an appropriate tax, legal real estate, financial or business professional for individualized advice. Opinions of guests are their own. Information is not guaranteed. All investment strategies have the potential for profit or loss. The host is operating on behalf of get rich Education LLC, exclusively.   Keith Weinhold  41:19   You know, whenever you want the best written real estate and finance info, oh, geez, today's experience limits your free articles access and it's got pay walls and pop ups and push notifications and cookies disclaimers. It's not so great. So then it's vital to place nice, clean, free content into your hands that adds no hype value to your life. That's why this is the golden age of quality newsletters, and I write every word of ours myself. It's got a dash of humor, and it's to the point because even the word abbreviation is too long, my letter usually takes less than three minutes to read, and when you start the letter, you also get my one hour fast real estate video. Course, it's all completely free. It's called the Don't quit your Daydream letter. It wires your mind for wealth, and it couldn't be easier for you to get it right now just text. GRE to 66866, while it's on your mind, take a moment to do it right now. Text, gre to 66866   Keith Weinhold  42:35   The preceding program was brought to you by your home for wealth, building, getricheducation.com.

 Weekend Samplers: Part 4.Sampling more participants, in various ways.Based on posts by lckscknfck7, in 4 parts. Listen to the Podcast at Explicit Novels."What makes a lover capable?" I asked Vera. “Does he need to be hung like a horse?”"Of course not," Vera answered. "If Walter was the only man I made love to for the last 30 years, I wouldn't be able to walk today."I remembered what that girl from the lodge looked like. She was probably five and half feet tall, 100 pounds wet, with wavy red hair and freckles, and pretty blue eyes. She probably wasn't a day over 18. What I thought was her boyfriend could have been her brother.Vera continued; "Well, this poor girl didn't know what she was doing, other than the basic understanding that the cock was to go in the mouth. I gently pulled her aside and did my best to teach her. Of course, Walter was the perfect gentleman and told me when he was about to cum. I asked the poor girl if she wanted to try swallowing again, assuring her that it was perfectly alright, and she attempted it again.""And how did it go the second time around?" Angie asked."Oh, the same as the first,” Vera rolled her eyes. "The poor thing practically threw up. She asked me if swallowing got any easier, and I told her that the more she swallowed, the easier it would get. Then she wanted to know if his cock was supposed to get any harder, and I made the mistake of saying that it was; but it took a lot of effort.”Vera continued; “Well, that's all I had to say. You'd think she was trying out for the cheerleader squad, the way she was giving it her all. She even slipped out of her bikini, not that it was leaving much to the imagination anyway. She shyly walked around on the boat, showing off her slender, young body. That gave Walter a rise, and I thought I was going to get my birthday fuck early, but he never grew more than three quarters erect.""Does it still work, even if it's not fully erect?" Angie asked inquisitively."Oh yes, sweetheart,” Vera said. "But it's nowhere near as much fun as when he's good and hard. Twenty years ago you could sit on his Dutch cock and he could wrap his arms around your waist and walk around with you on him like some sort of cock puppet." Angie was stroking her crotch through her bikini bottoms and starting to breath heavier.Vera went on. "That's right; twenty years ago, you weren't even born. Sorry. Yes, his meat still feels good, but it's more like making love to an uncooked pork tenderloin than a Louisville Slugger.""So what happened with the girl?" I asked with a bulge in my pants."She kept blowing him, and again, he came in her mouth. She was very cute, even with cum on her face and in her hair. She hadn't started trimming her cunt yet, not that there was much hair down there to trim. I sat next to her, helping her suck and stroke Walter's thick cock. I didn't want her to get bored. The poor thing had been on her hands and knees sucking and stroking for over an hour. I decided to spice things up a bit and ran my fingers up and down her legs, eventually stopping at her cunt. She was startled when I put my fingers inside her. I had to tell her to relax, that it would help things. Even after she relaxed, I could barely get two fingers in her sopping wet cunt. I figured she must have been a virgin, or not far from it, and decided Walter would tear the poor thing apart if he tried to make love to her, even flaccid.I convinced her to lie on her back for a few minutes while I showed her a few other "tricks". I put two fingers back inside her and rubbed her G-spot as I nibbled at her clit. Within 2 minutes, she moaned and shook like she was having an epileptic seizure. It must have been her first orgasm provided by another person. I was honored.""Wow, it sounds like you had fun." I said."Well, it looked like things were going to get even better when she offered to go down on me." Vera said. "I sat across from Walter next to the captain's chair and spread my legs for her. She was amazed to see so much of my cunt hair missing from my crotch and asked how I did that. I explained that I shaved it to make it more appealing. She asked if I would shave her, and I told her to wait until she had more hair to shave. She finally knelt between my legs, pulled her hair to one side, and put her mouth on my clit.Just then, there was a call from the shore. Her brother or boyfriend was looking for her. She quickly put on her bikini and quietly stepped into the water. She swam away from the boat and gave a little wave as Walter pulled up his pants. Poor girl, reminded me of Angie, here," Vera concluded."Oh, fuck," Angie gasped as she realized we all saw her, as she brought herself to orgasm right there on the couch between Vera and me.Sarah walked into the living room and paused momentarily to catch a glimpse of Walter's flopping huge cock as he pulled on pajama bottoms. Her eyebrows were raised as she looked at Vera; "And you can still walk?"We continued to listen to Vera's stories a few more minutes, then Ken called us from the kitchen; "Dinner's ready!" Ken had said it would be about 30 minutes before the food would be ready, and he was right on time.The dining room was designed to be comfortable, even with your clothes off, and Vera and Walter took full advantage of that feature. Even Angie decided to take off her top while we ate. Sarah suddenly became tired halfway through the meal, and I helped her to the large sofa in the living room.A Time-Lapse Narrative.The next thing I knew, I was waking up next to her. I must have been asleep for a long while. I had drooled on my arm, which felt like it was still asleep.A bright morning sunlight was flooding the room. I'd gotten very little sleep in the previous night and My body obviously gave out. There was a fan on somewhere in the room, and after my eyes had some time to adjust, I found it and turned it off.Lying on the bed next to me, Sarah was still asleep. Her fingernails and toenails were painted a dark red. I didn't remember them being painted while we had dinner. I could barely remember having dinner.It seemed like so long ago that Angie was rubbing her cunt while Vera told us about Walter and the young waif from the beach.I could faintly hear moaning and grunting coming from somewhere around the cabin. Angie!I told her I would take care of her, and here I was asleep in a room with Sarah. I looked around and couldn't find any clothes. It was about that time that I noticed I was freshly shaved around my cock, balls, and asshole. No nipple rings; yet."Ready for some more?" Sarah asked, half asleep."Where's Angie?" I answered."She's probably with Walter and Ken. They were still going at it when we left." Sarah tugged at my cock. "I'm sure she's fine.""What the hell happened? Did I black out or something?" I asked Sarah."More like passed out. You must have fucked Vera and me five times each. We couldn't believe it. You went from my cunt back to hers, which was pretty wild. But when we turned over and you took turns with our asses..." Sarah whispered as she began fingering her cunt. cum dribbled out as she sank two fingers inside her."I was fucking you both in the ass?" I asked. My cock suddenly sprang back to life."Oh yeah. I guess that was just what ol' Walter needed for motivation." Sarah smiled. "I'm not surprised that it takes him so long to get a hard-on. That thing was as long and as thick as any cock I had ever seen.I think Angie must still be sweet on you, because it looked like she was just a little jealous watching us go at it." Sarah rubbed her come-covered fingers on my balls."Did she start blowing Ken again?" I asked. "Blow him? Between Ken and Walter, she must have swallowed about ten loads. The rest is probably in her cunt and ass." Sarah said as she stroked my growing cock."Ken fucked her in the ass?" I asked in disbelief."All three of them did." Sarah tugged more aggressively."Three of them?" I cried.Sarah continued her hot sexy story."Well, Vera put on a strap-on and got the whole thing started. She was so good with that thing; you'd thought she was born with it. “"Anyway, while Angie was sucking Ken's fat but-not-quite-ready dick, Walter got behind her and started rubbing his own veiny tool up and down her wet crack. Eventually, she opened up and Walter filled her cunt with his big ugly stick. It didn't take him long to come, but he didn't lose his growing hard-on. Angie didn't seem too affected by that big cock, and kept on sucking the head of Ken's French Cock. “Sarah was mesmerized by the event at retold it with passion; “Walter's cock looked like a tree limb, bumpy, crooked, and strangely stiff. About the only thing that looked normal on it was the head, which was almost as attractive as yours.”Sarah was getting to the good part; "I guess it was the biggest it's been in a while, and Vera couldn't wait any longer for her birthday present. With a little coaxing, Walter pulled out of Angie's cunt and plopped his cock into Vera. It was like a magic show watching that huge thing disappear deep inside the caverns of Vera's cunt. She took almost his entire length. I was worried one of them was going to have a heart attack. I thought I might have one, too.”“Oh” Sarah added; "Angie climbed on Ken, and was kissing him hard while she struggled to get his cock in her cunt. Ken helped her out and before long, she was bouncing on his cock like she knew what she was doing. Kenny put on a good show, too, and pulled Angie's cheeks apart as she bounced on his tool. Walter must have a thing for young, tight, assholes, because he came almost as soon as he had a good look at Angie's little anus."Vera was in synch with Walter because they gushed at almost the same instant. cum and cunt juice sprayed around Walter's cock. I never saw anything like it. Walter pulled his monster cock out of Vera's stretched cunt and moved behind Angie again. Vera moved over to me and began kissing me while I was pressed with my back against you, on this sofa. You'd finished fucking my ass. While I rode you reverse cowgirl. You'd blasted me to another orgasm, and after my climax I collapsed backward, laying on my back, flat on your chest, your cock still in my satisfied ass.”Sarah paused, and gave me a curious look; “You really don't remember, do you?“You lifted me up and eased your cock back into my cunt. Vera stepped next to where we laid on her sofa, and grabbed my hand and put it inside her cunt. I had half my hand up her sopping wet cunt as she kissed both of us. I've finger-fucked my share of girlfriends in high school and college, but I couldn't remember having half my hand inside anyone."Well, Vera came again, and she came hard. I thought for sure she was going to have a stroke with my fist in her cunt. She didn't. She kissed us both again, and then got up to take a shower. Walter was kneeling behind Angie and every once in a while Angie reached back to spread her cheeks and let him run his tongue along her ass crack. Ken slowed his pace with Angie, and was concentrating on getting as much of his short fat cock inside your girlfriend's cunt.”"When Vera returned, she was wearing high heels, a strap-on, and a tail. At first, I thought I was seeing things: seeing Vera with a hard-on and a tail. She walked over to you and me and asked if I'd ever been fucked with a strap-on. I jokingly told her I had, and never got tired of it. Her tail wagged behind her as she walked around seductively."She stepped forward and told me to suck her cock down my throat if I really wanted it, so I did. I hadn't been around anyone as kinky as Vera in a long time, and she was really turning me on. Either that or it was the wine. Maybe both?”"The dildo was about the same size as you, which was perfect. I guess she was happy with my efforts and stepped back as you pulled my legs up. She told you to keep your cock inside me as she stepped forward and slid her cock in my cunt next to yours."Before I knew it, you were both sliding your cocks in and out of me. The feeling was fantastic. Vera fucked like a pro, and you didn't disappoint, either. I came so hard, I felt faint."Vera pulled out of my cunt and moved between Walter and Angie. When she turned around, I could see the tail was really some kind of short whip that she had stuck in her ass. I thought I was kinky, but Vera was way out of my league."She pushed on Angie's back, making her ass stick out. She bent down and tongued Angie's asshole like it was candy. Then she stood up and pressed the strap-on dildo against Angie's sphincter. Not wanting to disappoint, and knowing this might help Kenny later, Angie relaxed and let Vera slide that thing all the way in her ass."The sight of Vera fucking Angie in the ass while her own ass-plug tail swayed back and forth was almost too much for poor Walter. He pulled Vera aside and stood behind Angie and began stroking his cock feverishly. Vera pulled the strap-on off and pulled the tail out of her ass. She immediately began sucking your cock while she rubbed my cunt."Walter's cock was long, stiff, and fully erect. He lifted Angie off Ken and turned her around. She looked a little surprised and disgusted all at the same time. She looked to you and you looked back at her. Then she dropped to her knees and began blowing Walter. Before I knew it, she was on top of Walter with her back to Ken. I was impressed that Angie was taking so much of that long, thick cock inside her cunt. Angie road Walter until he came, then she hopped back on Ken."I noticed she was kissing Ken quite a bit, and have to admit I might have been getting a little jealous. I kissed you hard, and you rolled me over and started pounding me almost as hard as Kenny. Vera pulled you out of my cunt and sucked your cock for a few seconds, then put it back inside me. Vera and I ended up lying beside each other with our legs up, letting you take turns with us. You came about five times fucking the two of us that way, and then Vera decided to get dirty."She turned over and begged you to fuck her ass. I didn't want your dirty cock in my cunt, so I turned over, too. You pounded the hell out of both of our asses while Angie continued to have her cunt filled with Walter and Ken's cum."You filled Vera's asshole with cum, and then the three of us got up and took a shower."Sarah stopped for a moment to cup my balls in her hands and began deep-throating me."Wait, what happened next?" I demanded."Well," Sarah sighed; "when we got back, Angie was on her back on the couch. Kenny was between her legs, fucking her hard; the way he likes to fuck me; and Walter was squatting over her face, making her lick his asshole. You asked her if she was all right, and she nodded from between Walter's old legs. She was licking his hairy ass and balls like they were ice cream.”"Walter stroked his cock into Angie's mouth and covered her face in cum. Kenny and Walter picked her up and carried her to the shower. She looked so tiny compared to their cocks. “"Vera and I began taking turns sucking your cock back to erection. Angie was pressed between Ken and Walter in the shower, and stood limp as she allowed herself to be washed by the two of them. She looked so pretty with their hands all over her."When they finished, they toweled dry and the three of them went to another room. You, being the protective one, insisted we follow them, so we did. We ended up in the master bedroom, and found a nice cozy corner of the giant bed. Walter pulled out an oversized ottoman and had Angie kneel between his legs while he lay on his back. She pushed his legs up and apart and licked his asshole some more, then kissed him up his hairy chest, finally kissing his old face. “"She seemed to be showing her newfound talents as she lifted her ass and managed to get Walter's cock in her cunt with just one hand. Kenny came behind her and licked at her asshole. She buried her face in Walter's hairy chest as she reached back and spread her cheeks for Kenny, rocking back and forth, and up and down on Walter's large cock.”"Kenny licked your girlfriends asshole until it was nice and wet, then stood up behind her. He leaned forward and let the tip of his cock sink into her anus. She paused for a moment, and then lowered herself on to Walter's cock. Kenny pushed forward a little more and she moaned as her asshole began to stretch.”"Vera jumped up and ran out of the room. She returned seconds later with a fresh tube of K Y and had Kenny pull out of Angie's asshole for just a moment. She pushed the head of the tube into Angie's asshole, and then squeezed in all of the tube's contents. She said that would help and gave Angie a quick kiss on the lips.”"Kenny moved back behind Angie and grabbed her hips as he pulled himself into her. She moaned and groaned, but this time, Kenny slid more than just the head of his cock inside her. He had about two inches of his fat cock buried in her ass and he knew she was going to try to take it all.”"Angie cried out in pain, but didn't want Kenny to pull out. She rocked back and forth and up and down, working these two large cocks inside her. Kenny pulled on her hips harder and another inch disappeared. He relaxed his grip and she moved forward slightly. He grabbed her again and pulled her down on his cock a little harder. He relaxed again, but this time Angie moved forward only slightly, then pushed back hard against Ken's fat cock.”"Angie looked over her shoulder at us as if she had something to prove, then leaned forward again. I think Kenny forgot whom he was fucking for a moment and grabbed Angie's hips hard enough to bruise. He pulled her down hard on his cock and Walter's as she let out a shriek followed by several "fuck's" and "yes's" and "oh shit's"."Kenny's cock isn't very long, but it's thick, and after a few minutes he managed to get that entire fat cock inside her.”"You seemed to like it because you came hard down my throat at the sight of it. Vera seemed a little left out, but she swallowed the next load as we both continued to keep you preoccupied. “Kenny looked like he was in heaven as he came in Angie's ass, and she farted as soon as he pulled his cock out. Angie didn't seem embarrassed, though. Instead, Angie told Kenny to go wash his cock because she wanted to suck it some more. Then she stood up over Walter, straddling the ottoman and Walter lying on it. She moved forward so that she had positioned her cunt and asshole right over Walter's face; his head hanging off the side of the ottoman.”"Angie asked Walter if he was having a good time, and he said "of course"."She asked if he wanted to stick that fucking ugly cock in her fanny, and he said; ‘love to'. Then Angie told him he'd have to lick it, first, and then squatted on his face. cum poured from her cunt and asshole as Walter licked and licked. Unbeknownst to Angie, behind her, Walter's cock was growing even larger. His cock was almost as wide as Ken's but seemed neither fat nor short. “"Angie orgasmed right on Walter's face and I thought she would break his neck if she collapsed on him. Sh

 Weekend Samplers: Part 3.A Trip to Walter & Vera's Lake house.Based on posts by lckscknfck7, in 4 parts. Listen to the Podcast at Explicit Novels.Ken and I tightened the moorings on the boat and decided the worst of the weather was over. We headed to the marina to find out the weather forecast, and it looked like it was going to rain the rest of the night, and into the morning. No campfire tonight.We grabbed a few six-packs and decided to check out the campground lodge. Ken's tow straps came in handy as we ended up helping the park staff clear the essential roads, on our way to the lodge. Twenty minutes of tugging and dodging felled trees later, we pulled up to the unusually crowded lodge. On an average weekend, you'd have trouble believing the lodge was open, but on this early night, even with the few campers that showed up yesterday, there were at least three families, a half dozen couples, and a church youth group.Heavy wind and rain didn't make camping in tents very fun, so most of the campers decided to head to the lodge to get out of the weather, enjoy some popcorn, and maybe catch a free movie. Herbie the Love Bug was playing on this particular evening.Mixed in the crowd, sitting in the back, were the older couple we met at the floating dock. The woman caught my eye, and apparently, I caught hers as she sprang up to greet me."I thought we might see you here!" she said happily. Her breath carried the smell of gin, which was almost expected, but her perfume smelled like something Angie wore whenever she wanted to get fucked. "I'm Vera," she held out her hand; "and this is my husband, Walter."I shook her hand and introduced Ken and myself. She bluntly asked if we were gay. After a little laughter, we explained that our "significant" others were taking a nap back in the camper. She asked if we were married, to which Ken reluctantly replied; "Just me.""Well, just because you're married doesn't mean you can't have any fun, right?" Walter asked."Oh, I still have fun. Sometimes more than I deserve. " Ken added.This last comment caused Vera to raise an eyebrow. She looked at me, then looked me over."How about you? Do you still have fun?" she asked. She had a disarming, flirtatious way of talking and moving. He body language was very provocative.“Yes we do.” I added. “There are some worn out women who would agree, if they weren't napping, just now.”Walter didn't appear to mind, or pay any attention to us. He was too busy looking at the female half of a young couple sitting across from us. The girl's bikini top was wet and probably cold by the look of her erect nipples."Yeah, I think I still have plenty of fun." I smiled and looked at Walter, trying to draw Vera's attention to his gaze."Plenty to go around?" Vera pursued. She moved closer to me and rubbed her cleavage onto my upper arm. She gently rested her hand on my ass, and pulled my hand onto hers. I instinctively gave her cheek a squeeze and was surprised at the firmness."Do you work out?" I asked."Once a day. Sometimes twice if I have a little extra energy" she smiled. She stepped away and gave a little turn like a runway model at the end of the runway. "What do you think?" she asked."I think whatever you're doing is working very well for you. Your husband must be very happy." I added."Walter?" she balked. "He's happy, alright, as long as I keep letting him jerk off to the likes of little miss nipples over there."I wasn't sure if I was playing into her hands or she was playing into mine, but I think we were thinking along the same lines. I looked her over and noticed she had done a very good job of maintaining a dark tan without letting her skin turn to leather. Her body was as firm and tight as a Dallas Cowboy's Cheerleader, but her face gave her age away, especially when she smiled, which unfortunately, was quite often."How old do you think I am?" she asked."I don't know, and it wouldn't be polite for me to guess." I said, trying to avoid a conflict."You're polite enough to grab my ass in front of my husband, so you can be polite enough to guess," she said without smiling.She had sharp wits and a very assertive nature."I don't know. Forty-five?” I asked.  “Fifty?""Ha!" she laughed. "I turn fifty-five this weekend. Not bad, for a Swedish gal, huh?""No,” I answered. "Not bad at all. Well, happy birthday!" She walked back to her husband to pull him into the conversation.It wasn't until she turned her back to me that I realized what great shape she was really in. From the back, she could have been one of Angie's friends from college. Her blond-white hair aside, the rest of her looked like she could be in her mid-twenties. She wore a linen shirt tied around the waist, khaki Capri pants, and very sexy sandals. Her calves bulged as she stepped away. Her feet were perfectly maintained, and she might have had work done to remove spider veins from her ankles and calves because they also looked picture-perfect.Her legs were toned like a gymnast, and her stomach was as flat as Angie's. Her breasts looked bigger than a C cup, but not quite as full as Sarah's. She turned back toward Ken and me, and we watched as her breasts bounced freely under her shirt. If they were fake, she really got her money's worth. Her arms were toned, and her wrists were covered in jewelry. She was probably quite rich, obviously pampered, unfortunately high-maintenance, but also extremely hot."I have a proposition for you," she whispered in my ear."We have a cabin not far from here. One of several properties Walter bought after he retired. It's nice, but it's too big for the two of us, with 4 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms, indoor Jacuzzi...""What about our significant others?" I interrupted."Silly, they're invited, too," she hushed. "It would be a lot nicer than spending the rest of the weekend cooped up in a camper, don't you think? Not much privacy, is there?"I explained that “Angie and I were originally sleeping in a tent, but the wind blew most of our gear away, and the camper became a nice alternative. The thought of sleeping on a real bed sounds good, though.”I talked to Ken about it briefly, and he gave the typical "Have to clear it with Sarah" answer."I tell you what," Vera continued. "You can ride with me back to your campground to get your girlfriends, or wives, or whatever. Ken can ride with Walter to clean the place up a bit."Ken looked a little disappointed, but she assured him we wouldn't be far behind. We finished our popcorn and headed outside into a light rain shower."Damn this rain," Vera said under her breath. She didn't seem to be afraid of the water, though. She got into her huge luxury Suburban and as she leaned over to unlock the passenger door, I could see that her shirt was soaked and her nipples were practically poking through. She caught me staring and smiled. Then I noticed she has power locks on her door panel. She just wanted me to admire the pendulous sway of her tanned braless tits.Ken and Walter turned right down the road from the lodge as we turned left. She turned down a trail I hadn't seen before, and parked the vehicle, in the solitude of that deserted, drizzly path."What's going on?" I asked."You like my tits?" she asked, as she turned to face me and started to unbutton her shirt. I felt my cock stiffen and she seemed to take notice. "I'll take that as a yes.""What are you doing, Vera?" I asked, knowing the answer."Let me tell you a little secret," she whispered as she slid off her shirt. "I watched your girlfriend perform oral sex on you this morning.""What are you talking about?" I asked."Well, I should say that I watched Walter, watching your girlfriend perform oral sex on you this morning. You know, on the floating dock." Vera unzipped her pants and flipped off her sandals. "He killed the motor and pulled out his cock as soon as she took off her bikini top. He didn't start stroking, though, until her head started bobbing up and down on your beautiful cock.""You saw all that?" I asked surprised."Oh yes!" She started pulling off her pants, and I helped her out of them. No underwear? No tan lines, either. There she sat, facing me in the driver's seat, as naked as the day she was born, but with a very blessed post-pubescent shapeliness; bedazzled with bling and a fantastic tan.As she seductively caressed her nipples, she continued;  "I grabbed another set of binoculars and watched for myself. It was a very, umm; motivating sight. What really got me going, though, was when you came in her mouth, and then she moved onto your friend."She was now pulling my clothes off. Her body was in better shape than most women half her age. My cock sprang out and hit her in the chin as she pulled my pants down. She reached for my cock with a jewelry-covered hand and began stroking it gently. She leaned over to kiss the head and then rub it along her cheeks. She continued to stroke me as she looked up."Weren't you jealous?" she asked in between kisses and licks on my shaft."No. It wasn't like that. We were all just friends goofing around and;" I stopped as she gently swallowed my cock. In one motion, my entire length was down her throat. She paused for a moment to let her stong tongue massage my hard shaft, and then slowly pulled her head back as if coming up for air."Just friends?" she asked, and then engulfed my cock again. This time, not quite all the way down her throat, but now she was actually sucking me off. She paused again."Well, things got a little out of control." I managed to say."You mean like this?" she said, just before twisting her head on my shaft each time she went down on me. She worked a hand around the base of my cock and twisted in the opposite direction, and then reached down with her other hand and began fingering her cunt. Seconds later she reached up to my mouth with those wet fingers, and asked me if I liked the way her fingers tasted. I licked her fingers, telling her she tasted nice, and she sucked harder. I told her that her cunt must taste even better.She slid her ass off the front bench seat and guided my shoulders down to the warm spot where her ass had been. I hooked an arm under her waist and pulled her cunt to my mouth, bringing her on top of me in a "69" position.Her cunt really did taste good. I'm not sure how some women manage that, but I found myself not wanting to take my mouth off of her. She sucked me to a full blasting orgasm, and; as expected; swallowed eagerly. She knelt up and on my face, grinding her cunt into my nose and mouth. A few minutes later she leaned against her driver's door and guided  me back up to a sitting position. She slumped down with her back and shoulders against the door, and spread her legs for me."You like it?" she asked shyly.For a 55 year-old cunt, it was not what I expected. The labia weren't stretched out at all, and her cunt hair was white and sorta long, but soft and straight. She kept it shaved on the sides (or maybe Walter had that honor), making it look like a Mohawk. I followed her cunt to her thighs, legs, calves, and pretty feet. She wore an ankle bracelet on one ankle. I moved on top of her and easily slid my cock into her."I'll take that as a yes,” she whispered and kissed me all over my face.I was worried that I might not be measuring up to her expectations, but I soon felt her cunt tighten around me. Her rhythm was a lot slower than Angie's or Sarah's, and I wasn't sure if I was doing anything for her. She was doing plenty for me, though; as her cunt continued to relax then tighten around my shaft with each thrust. Figuring there was no way I was going to get her pregnant, I quickened my pace and thrust harder and faster. She moaned and then clawed at my back as she felt me cum inside her. Her cunt tightened one more time and then something that felt like warm water gushed from her cunt."Oh shit," she cried. I thought she must have pissed on me. "That was just what I needed!" I looked down and what looked like watered-down jizz was all over my stomach."I'm a squirter," she smiled. Pulling a big beach towel from under my end of the bench seat. She gently wiped me dry; almost reverently fondling my semi-flaccid phallus. Then she wiped her crotch area."Sorry." She slid behind the wheel and started up the Suburban. "I guess we'd better go get your significant others, huh?" she smiled.I gave her directions to the parking area near the camper. She said she was very familiar with our particular campsite, so I relaxed. Vera was a site, as she drove the Suburban through the wooded campground; naked. I think I was hypnotized by her pendulous mammaries, because the next thing I noticed was her shutting the vehicle off. I scurried to redress."I don't know why you're bothering. They're probably going down on each other in there, anyway." Vera said. "We're just going to startle them, but maybe they'll let us join in." She smiled at me."Alright, Vera. For the emotional vulnerabilities of my teen girlfriend, you're going to have to put on your clothes, soaked or not." I informed her.She stepped out of the Suburban and began walking to the camper completely naked. It was probably an hour before sunset, but I could see her clearly. The contrast of her dark tan and Swedish white-blond hair was almost eerie.“Please, Vera.” I softly asked. “Help my woman get adjusted to this. Ken and Sarah have already shocked her sensibilities too much for one day.”The rain was barely a drizzle, and she got about halfway to the camper before she turned around."Oh, alright. There's nobody else out here, you know," she argued. I nodded and admired her tits as they swayed and bounced with each step as she walked back to the Suburban to get her clothes.She tied the bottom of her shirt around her waist, showing off an unusually well-toned six-pack. She could barely pull her pants up without falling over, and she decided to leave her expensive sandals in the vehicle. Her feet were old, but not unattractive. They weren't nearly as pretty as Sarah's, but almost as nice as Angie's.I decided to lead the way. Hoping to catch Angie and Sarah in a muff-diving session, I opened the door to the camper as quietly as possible. Unfortunately, Angie was still asleep on the bunk bed, and Sarah was back in the bedroom, naked and lying on her stomach with one hand between her legs."She hasn't been getting enough, huh?" Vera whispered. Her whisper startled Angie, who almost bumped her head as she sat up. Her bathrobe had come undone, and her tits were in plain view."Umm, Walter is going to like you, sweetheart." Vera said with a grin.Angie covered herself up. "Who is this?" she looked at me sternly."This is Vera, a friend we just met at the lodge. Her husband is Walter. They were on the boat that came by the floating dock this morning." I answered."Oh" Angie answered in a dream-like state. "Well, what's she doing here; and where's Ken?""Ken's on his way to her place with Walter. They were going to stop and get some food and drinks. We're going to go to their cabin until the weather gets better. Sound Okay to you?" I asked."Sounds good to me. The electricity went out again, right after you guys snuck out of here. I could use some air conditioning." Sarah joined in, putting the bathrobe back on and tying the terry cloth belt around her waist."Well, then. It's settled. Walter and I love to entertain guests, and you are such attractive couples." Vera added.I wasn't sure how long she would keep putting on the charade, but I was sure the girls knew Vera was a dirty ol' woman, rich or not.I went over everyone's names again, and Sarah and Angie started getting their clothes together. Most of our clothes were scattered around the campsite, so I picked up the cleanest clothes and put them in the Suburban, then put the rest of the muddy clothes in a garbage bag and threw them in the car. Angie put on a thin T-shirt and a bikini bottom while Sarah put on a bikini top and some denim cut-offs.We tried to clean up the campground as best we could, but knew we wouldn't be able to pick up everything before the next wave of rain.Angie couldn't help but notice Vera's tits as she walked around the campsite. "Are they real?" Angie asked Vera."Well, what do you think? Feel them." Vera said proudly, and untied her shirt.Sarah looked at Angie fondling Vera's tits, and walked over to feel them, too. Sarah caressed them from the bottom to the top, and then pinched one of Vera's nipples."Sarah, you are a naughty one, aren't you?" Vera said as she gently moved Sarah's hand away.

SHOW #1538 SHOW Jacuzzi Talk, Dust, TV Dinners, Auditions, Psych Ward, and Global Crisis

SHOW NOTES: This hour, we've given you permission to relax on your long holiday weekend, although it's also totally cool to use the time to tackle some projects around your money pit! We'll be covering some fantastic topics, including: - Five easy ways to upgrade your space on a budget, making your home feel fresh, stylish, and totally “you” without spending a bundle. - The importance of a quick summer roof check and how a simple treatment can help you avoid costly repairs and extend your roof's life by years. - An easy DIY project that adds style, seating, and serious summer vibes all in one weekend: how to build a backyard bench that's simple, budget-friendly, and totally custom.   Q & A: And speaking of calls, we heard from quite a few of you with your pressing home improvement questions! Here's a quick recap of who called in: - Robin in Missouri called about disgusting mold in her Jacuzzi tub's internal plumbing system and the fading finish of her previously restored tub. - Larry in Louisiana is dealing with a significant issue: a sinking addition on his pier house, causing a noticeable bow in his kitchen floor. - Taylor asked for advice on how to fix annoying swelling doors that stick! - Kevin from Wisconsin messaged us, seeking guidance on choosing between a metal roof and asphalt shingles for a new 1,700-square-foot home. - Reena in Massachusetts was undertaking a painting project after removing old vinyl wallpaper and asked for advice on preparing the walls and priming. - David in Texas has concerns about water leakage when replacing a sliding glass door on his patio. - Martha sent an email to ask how to remove paint from a brick fireplace. - Mark, via email, needed to ensure his plywood subfloor was flat before installing new engineered wood flooring.   ASK A QUESTION: Need help with your own home improvement or décor question? We'd love to help! Call the show 24/7 at 888-MONEY-PIT (888-666-3974) or post your question here: https://www.moneypit.com/ask. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

How cheap was the accom? Joel found a hotel in Japan that is as cheap as $1 a night, but there's a catch. Ricki has goon talk - new Aussie words have been added in the dictionary. A food vlogger didn't realise this A-lister was in the background of his sushi train video. Tim's got Paul McCartney story, and we pay tribute to The Project with our very own Metro Whip.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Chime in the Slime, the Floozy in the Jacuzzi, the Stiletto in the Ghetto. These are just a few of the dubious nicknames Dubliners have given to certain notorious landmarks that have left an impression over the years. And in 2024, the Dublin Portal – dubbed The Eye in the Stye - joined the ranks of the headline-generating monuments that have caused tongues to wag on the capital's main thoroughfare. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Ooooooh, it's getting spooky today! Happy Friday the 13th. To give you an unexpected BOO, Ricki takes us through the worst snoring sounds found online. Travis Kelce's brother reacts to a very spooooky tattoo from a fan. Joel gives us his spoooooky review of his night at Katy Perry. And, what's your cigarette? Don't worry, it will make spooky sense when you listen.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

(HR.1) Panthers survive DOUBLE OT with Oilers, Game 3 Tonight! Absolute Cinema! The Panthers win arguably greatest game of all time! We take count of Leroy's fluid intake and Jacuzzi behavior as he did his job to help lift the Cats The guys take a second to commend the High level of Hockey being played Brad Marchand converts from Cats enemy to Cats Legend in the matter of 6 months Gus Forsling puts his body on the line for the team Panthers missing key contributions from some of their elite players Michael Beasley beats Lance Stephenson in a 1 v 1 #BeattheBeas Can Unicorn's Grant wishes? Leroy gives credit to a jam packed weekend of Sports Canes miss out on first College World Series appearance in almost a Decade We take a trip down memory lane to discuss the guys infamous Fruit Ninja incident Road to Repeat! Panthers Resume play in Sunrise tonight en route to securing their 2nd victory in this Stanley Cup Final We discuss the various Power plays that led to success on both sides We commend the defense and Depth of the Panthers Paul Maurice admits to being Pretty Pleased with his teams effort Coach Maurice praises both teams for competing at a high level The guys reflect on action packed beginning to the Series and how close it was to going the opposite way Road to Repeat: Series Shifts to Sunrise (HR.2) Who's banging the Drum for the Florida Panthers Game 3? Our Unicorn Expert gets back to us concerning our burning question about their wish Granting ability Leroy gives us a crazy stat on SGA that goes back to the last Championship OKC team We get some Breaking News out of Coral Gables, Strength and Conditioning Coach Aaron Feld is out Suga Sean gets submitted by Merab Dvalishvili in the 3rd round of the UFC 316 main event Tobin admits Boxing has had a rough go of it as of lately following a rough weekend Tobin previews an upcoming Women's bout worthy of keeping an eye out for Who's banging the Drum for the Florida Panthers Game 3? The Gang takes turns attempting to Guess who will be worthy of ushering the Panthers in Leroy gives out his Game Balls and Game Bums! In a show first Tobin issues Leroy a minus 1 during his own segment 1.) for confusing this game with "Alright! Oh No!" 2.) for not giving Brad Marchand a game ball (HR.3) Jalen Ramsey negotiations at a stand still? Tobin gives Brad Marchand and His agent the ultimate marketing Idea in a partnership with Dairy Queen Jalen Ramsey negotiations at a stand still? Drew Rosenhaus downplays Jonnu Smith's contract negotiations Are the Fins waiting on Ramsey deal to finish in order to sign Sieler and or Jonnu Smith We are still confused by how quickly the relationship soured The guys attempt to determine what was the breaking point for McDaniel and Ramsey Marcos Mixed Bag! Aaron Rodgers on Mike Tomlins target list way back last season? Michael Irvin raises Spirits at Legends camp as he recites his resume The most Marlins move in the History of the Marlins Cam Skatebo makes everyone feel old We take a brief look at the history of divisions across the NFL (HR.4) Did J-Fig betray Pat Riley & the HEAT? We spend the Segment Interrogating J-Fig We attempt to determine if the Cropper is guilty of betraying the HEAT Figgy stands firm that it was bathroom break and nothing more The guys stay hot on her trail as they attempt to get her to admit her fraudulence Figgy ferociously fights off the friendly foes We Preview tonight's Panthers matchup and all the stars that will be in attendance Rumor has it! Bam Adebayo will be banging the Drum for the Cat's tonight We close out the Show with "Alight! Oh No!" Forreal this time Leroy!

Absolute Cinema! The Panthers win arguably greatest game of all time! We take count of Leroy's fluid intake and Jacuzzi behavior as he did his job to help lift the Cats The guys take a second to commend the High level of Hockey being played Brad Marchand converts from Cats enemy to Cats Legend in the matter of 6 months Gus Forsling puts his body on the line for the team Panthers missing key contributions from some of their elite players Michael Beasley beats Lance Stephenson in a 1 v 1 #BeattheBeas Can Unicorn's Grant wishes? Leroy gives credit to a jam packed weekend of Sports Canes miss out on first College World Series appearance in almost a Decade We take a trip down memory lane to discuss the guys infamous Fruit Ninja incident Road to Repeat! Panthers Resume play in Sunrise tonight en route to securing their 2nd victory in this Stanley Cup Final We discuss the various Power plays that led to success on both sides We commend the defense and Depth of the Panthers Paul Maurice admits to being Pretty Pleased with his teams effort Coach Maurice praises both teams for competing at a high level The guys reflect on action packed beginning to the Series and how close it was to going the opposite way

Tobin goes in on Leroy for leaving his jacuzzi in game 1of the Stanley Cup Finals and tells Leroy that he can't leave the jacuzzi for game 2 even if he dehydrates.

Today we learned that Melbourne Airport is getting its own reality show and Joel is fuming he didn’t get the hosting gig — someone get Network 10 on the line, stat. Science has finally settled the age-old debate: the chicken definitely came first, thanks to a very specific protein. We also dove into some messy billionaire beef between Trump and Elon (it's giving Mean Girls energy), discovered that whiskey can apparently be made from diabetic urine (cheers?), and confronted the disturbing tale of Perth’s infamous poo jogger who’s now a biohazard-level repeat offender.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Article- Lawless Judges Going to Jail as Trump Team Fights Lawfare Crippling the Executive Branch. Pope Elections. John Zmirak The Eric Metaxas Show John Zmirak  May 01 2025   Other Episodes More at stream.org Article mentioned- Lawless Judges Going to Jail as Trump Team Fights Lawfare Crippling the Executive Branch By John Zmirak Published on April 28, 2025 Read this article at- https://stream.org/the-brew-lawless-judges-going-to-jail-as-trump-team-fights-lawfare-crippling-the-executive-branch/ John Zmirak- You knew it was coming, didn't you? A full-on showdown between the Trump administration and the out-of-control federal courts.   It has gotten clearer by the day that a conspiracy of biased federal judges and left-wing nonprofits with teams of white-shoe lawyers has been operating to cripple the executive branch of government. The unprecedented use of judicial orders to hamstring and micromanage President Donald Trump's exercise of presidential power has created a constitutional crisis — amounting to a coup d'etat by unelected judges. Try to imagine if GOP-appointed judges had conspired to kneecap Barack Obama while he was in office. The nation would have been treated to earsplitting banshee cries of “racism,” judicial impeachment hearings, and well-funded riots in blue cities.   Don't believe me?   Remember the threats by members of Congress against Supreme Court justices when the decision overturning Roe v. Wade got leaked? (By whom, we'll never know). Think of the protests outside conservative justices' homes, and the near-miss assassination attempt on Justice Brett Kavanaugh. The Democrats tried to pack the court with new, preprogrammed leftist justices and talked about imposing term limits on SCOTUS. None on the left were warbling about the sanctity of “judicial independence” and “the rule of law” then. They only believe in the System when they can game it, like some bratty child demanding “do-overs” whenever he strikes out at bat.   No One's Above the Law Democrats were chanting “No one's above the law” when they invented fake crimes to try to imprison Donald Trump in New York, an effort led by Chief Justice John Roberts' crony Norm Eisen. The same Democrats are now suffering conniption fits as Attorney General Pam Bondi takes action against judges who committed genuine offenses. Let's look at the first two arrests, and pray that more follow wherever judges are flouting the law and undermining our democracy. CNBC reports:   Federal authorities have arrested a Wisconsin judge and a former New Mexico judge in two separate cases, accusing them of interfering with Trump administration immigration enforcement efforts.   Milwaukee Circuit Court Judge Hannah Dugan was arrested Friday morning and charged with obstruction. She is accused of helping an undocumented immigrant evade arrest by U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement officers after he appeared in her courtroom April 18.   Dugan's arrest came one day after federal authorities arrested a former New Mexico judge, Joel Cano, and his wife on charges related to the Canos' reported harboring of an undocumented immigrant with alleged ties to the notorious gang Tren de Aragua.   It's hard to decide which of these arrests is more satisfying.   Before she became a judge who would help smuggle illegal aliens out of her courtroom to evade arrest by ICE, Dugan was formerly the executive director of Catholic Charities of southeastern Wisconsin. As The Stream has reported, that particular wealthy, taxpayer-funded nonprofit has been credibly accused of colluding with Mexican cartels to traffic immigrants into the country. Elon Musk's DOGE investigations have largely cut off government funds to Catholic Charities, which served as the main conduit for some $3 billion sluiced into the U.S. Catholic bishops' coffers over the past 15 years — reimbursing them, almost dollar for dollar, for sex-abuse settlements those bishops racked up.   Fool around, find out, indeed. Next there's the case of former judge Joel Cano, who was keeping an accused Tren de Aragua gang member at his house. Feast your eyes on this servant of the court and the rescue gangster he adopted:   On Fox News Pam Bondi explained just how far Cano had gone to help Lopez evade prosecution:   He took one of the TDA members' cellphones, beat it with a hammer, and destroyed it. Then he walked the pieces to a city dumpster to dispose of them to protect himself. … The judge and his wife gave [Lopez] assault rifles that belonged to their daughter. He goes to the shooting range with these assault rifles, with a suppressor, with other known TDA members, and they are shooting. This is the LAST person we want in our country. Nor will we ever tolerate a judge or anyone else harboring them.   The Biden regime intentionally engineered this perfect storm of lawlessness by refusing to enforce our just, democratically enacted immigration laws. The 10 million-plus illegals Biden imported are counted toward congressional representation, providing the Democrats with 20 seats in the House of Representatives they otherwise wouldn't hold, as Musk has estimated. And as we reported Friday, leftist judges are making it easy for those illegal aliens to vote in federal elections by striking down Trump's executive order requiring proof of citizenship.   When faced with such orchestrated chaos, the Trump administration has no choice but to take drastic action to reimpose order and the genuine rule of law. Faster, please.   Please Support The Stream: Equipping Christians to Think Clearly About the Political, Economic, and Moral Issues of Our Day. Trump Meets Zelensky at Impromptu Summit at Pope Francis's Funeral The petulant, demanding president of Ukraine, Volodomyr Zelenksyy, has been frustrating Donald Trump's peace-making efforts, making impossible demands such as the return of Crimea — which Russia seized in 2014, with hardly a protest from the Obama administration and no organized resistance by Ukraine. Secretary of State Marco Rubio expressed the Trump team's impatience last week, threatening to walk away from talks altogether. It's good to see that communications are still open, as evidenced by this hastily arranged meeting of Trump with Zelenskyy and French President Emanuel Macron at St. Peter's Basilica, which will host the funeral of Pope Francis.   Pray for an end to the futile, fratricidal conflict the Biden administration's bungling help to spark, which has claimed more than a million casualties from two historically Christian countries.   Our Diversity Is Our … Strength? Our out-of-control borders haven't just been flooding the country with foreign gang members and high school dropouts who compete with our least privileged fellow citizens for jobs. We're also importing aggressive, intolerant Islam — the religion that's fueling terrorism and the persecution of Christians all across the world. Take a look at this little video, which shows how Dallas, Texas, is being islamicized.   The First Amendment was written to prevent intra-Christian conflict and religious persecution. The Founders never intended it as a charter for the mass influx of religions entirely alien to our traditions. That's just one more reason to drastically and permanently reduce mass immigration into America.   Along The Stream… Could authentic prophetic dreams expose false prophecies and prophets? Join Wanda Alger and her guest Andrew Whalen later this morning for a fascinating exploration of that idea.   The ever-thoughtful Joseph Mattera's latest essay explains why we need not just healing but resurrection — a key insight this Easter season.     John Zmirak is a senior editor at The Stream and author or coauthor of 14 books, including The Politically Incorrect Guide to Immigration and The Politically Incorrect Guide to Catholicism. His newest book is No Second Amendment, No First.     The Brew: Democrat Judge Doubles Down on Election Fraud. No Need to Prove Citizenship to Vote By John Zmirak Published on April 25, 2025 John Zmirak If you want Exhibit #108 proving that President Donald Trump has no choice but to defy judicial orders from lawless, biased jurists, check out the latest. The Daily Wire reports: A federal judge on Thursday blocked President Donald Trump from implementing an executive order that requires voters to show documentation proving their U.S. citizenship to cast a ballot in federal elections. U.S. District Judge Colleen Kollar-Kotelly, a Bill Clinton appointee, granted a preliminary injunction stopping the Trump administration from going forward with the proof-of-citizenship requirements as a lawsuit plays out, the Associated Press reported. The lawsuit, filed by the Democratic National Committee and leftist voting rights groups, claims that Trump's order is “an unlawful action that threatens to uproot our tried-and-tested election systems and silence potentially millions of Americans.” … The judge's move means that yet another Trump action will be tied up in the courts and prevented from taking effect. Federal judges have blocked numerous Trump orders, including on cuts to federal agency staff, deportations, and birthright citizenship. As of Thursday, 108 different rulings have blocked or temporarily frozen Trump's attempts to carry out his agenda, according to The New York Times. There you go. The Democratic National Committee wants non-citizens voting. Or else it thinks that its voters are so clueless and unqualified that they don't have any ID. No drivers licenses, nothing they'd need to show in order to cash a check at a local bank. Check out this classic 2017 video whose host asks white liberals whether non-white Americans carry ID … then asks a series of non-white Americans whether they do. “Why would they think we don't have ID?” one of the questioners asks the host. He doesn't answer. He doesn't have to. Now consider what motive the Biden administration had for importing more than 10 million illegal aliens and sending them to swing states. Foreign Voters and Foreign Money Help the Left Grab Power While some in MAGA world are frustrated at the Trump administration's pace of progress, one man can only do so much. He is taking aim at some of the most important targets, the key players in corrupting American politics. He's going after Act Blue, for instance, as Politico reports: In a shot at ActBlue, the left's major online donation platform, President Donald Trump plans to sign a presidential memorandum on Thursday that he will cast as cracking down on foreign contributions in American elections, according to a person familiar with the policy and granted anonymity to discuss not-yet-public details. Attorney General Pam Bondi's office is expected to be involved in the effort, the person said. The order is expected to specifically target ActBlue. Republicans have long claimed the platform could be exploited by foreign actors, while Democrats have warned the action is an example of Trump baselessly targeting political opponents. … The memo will direct Bondi to “investigate and take appropriate action concerning allegations regarding the use of online fundraising platforms to make ‘straw' or ‘dummy' contributions and to make foreign contributions to U.S. political candidates and committees, all of which break the law” and report results to the president and his general counsel, according to the fact sheet. Why shouldn't foreign billionaires and hostile governments be able to pour billions into U.S. elections and organize non-citizen voters to decide who represents us? That would imply we make distinctions between countrymen and strangers, which the editors of Christianity Today (some of them donors to groups aligned with Act Blue) reliably inform us is alien to “gospel values.” Speaking of funny money, Ashley Biden's nonprofit is having trouble with the IRS. That's what happens when you don't report honestly. The Free Beacon has the real story: Ashley Biden's charity has a $500,000 discrepancy in its books, a watchdog alleged in a complaint filed with the IRS on Monday. … To Paul Kamenar, an attorney with the National Legal and Policy Center watchdog group, the documents show that Ashley Biden's charity clearly violated IRS rules by failing to disclose $500,000 in contributions it received in 2023. Let's remember the immortal words of now-embattled New York Attorney General Letitia James: “No one is above the law.” Abortion Clinic Targets Children for Sexual Grooming Remember the old libertarian talking point about “keeping the government out of our bedrooms”? Now we realize the government and the LGBTQ movement need to be kept out of the nursery, too. See the latest outrage, courtesy of Libs of TikTok: The State cannot sit neutral. It can't reach a stopping point at “consenting adults,” the way Classical liberals pretend. Either the government will make laws based on the Natural Law which God wrote on the human heart — which you don't need faith or grace to understand — or it will base laws on something darker and falser. It took the rise of Christianity in the Roman Empire to rescue women and children from sexual slavery. As the Gospel recedes from people's hearts, the vacuum it leaves will be filled, and filled by spirits. The explosion of transgender madness, child castration, and attacks on Christians as “unfit parents” in the wake of the 2015 Obergefell decision shouldn't surprise us; it should goad us to counterattack with the truth. The Next Pope? I'm not following the conclave that's gathering to elect a successor to the disloyal Pope Francis, largely because the people he appointed to the College of Cardinals transformed that body into a lavender Jacuzzi. One of Francis's appointees, Filipino Cardinal Luis Antonio Tagle, is considered a frontrunner among “progressives” who wish to continue transforming the Catholic Church into the chaplaincy of the World Economic Forum. Here he is performing John Lennon's utopian, atheist anthem “Imagine” for a crowd that we can hope was duly puzzled by it. Imagine Pope Francis II. (It's easy if you try.) Catholics don't believe that God picks the popes — otherwise, we'd have to explain why during the Renaissance He always picked the cardinals who'd paid the biggest bribes or were the illegitimate children of previous popes. We just have to pray for Jesus to protect us from our shepherds, who seem to have developed a taste for lamb. Coming Soon: A New Ice Age to Save the Climate Gateway Pundit reports: The British government is reportedly just weeks away from approving bizarre experiments aimed at dimming sunlight in a bid to combat so-called climate change. Proposed outdoor trials may involve spraying aerosols into the upper atmosphere or artificially brightening clouds to bounce sunlight back into space in order to help cool the earth. … The experiments are being pushed under the premise that humanity isn't cutting emissions quickly enough to avoid an environmental apocalypse, at least, according to scientists still clinging to worst-case climate scenarios. Scientists backing the proposals believe that, if the tests yield promising results, the techniques could be expanded and rolled out on a wider scale within a decade. These people want to control the weather, to make the earth less fertile so it can feed far fewer people. But remember that the threat to our freedoms and our future are … conservatives and Christians. Along The Stream… Later this morning, join Allen Jackson, pastor and author of Angels, Demons & You, for a sobering look at how spiritual forces impact our daily lives in this 26-minute video. Why is it crucial that we consider each of our fellow human beings as made in the “image of God”? How does that change everything about how we live our lives? Find out from this insightful essay.   John Zmirak is a senior editor at The Stream and author or coauthor of 14 books, including The Politically Incorrect Guide to Immigration and The Politically Incorrect Guide to Catholicism. His newest book is No Second Amendment, No First.   -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  John Zmirak makes his weekly appearance and covers current events and shares recent articles available at-   https://stream.org/author/johnzmirak/ Watch Eric Metaxas on Rumble-  https://rumble.com/c/TheEricMetaxasRadioShow  The Eric Metaxas Show- https://metaxastalk.com/podcasts/ Eric Metaxas Show on Apple Podcasts-    https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-eric-metaxas-show/id991156680 Check out- Socrates in the City   Find All of John Zmirak Articles at- https://stream.org/author/johnzmirak/   John Zmirak is a Senior Editor of The Stream. He received his B.A. from Yale University in 1986, then his M.F.A. in screenwriting and fiction and his Ph.D. in English in 1996 from Louisiana State University. He has been Press Secretary to pro-life Louisiana Governor Mike Foster, and a reporter and editor at Success magazine and Investor's Business Daily, among other publications. His essays, poems, and other works have appeared in First Things, The Weekly Standard, The Atlanta Journal-Constitution, USA Today, FrontPage Magazine, The American Conservative, The South Carolina Review, Modern Age, The Intercollegiate Review, Commonweal, and The National Catholic Register, among other venues. He has contributed to American Conservatism: An Encyclopedia and The Encyclopedia of Catholic Social Thought. From 2000-2004 he served as Senior Editor of Faith & Family magazine and a reporter at The National Catholic Register. During 2012 he was editor of Crisis. He is author, co-author, or editor of twelve books, including Wilhelm Ropke: Swiss Localist, Global Economist, The Grand Inquisitor and The Race to Save Our Century. His newest book is No Second Amendment, No First. Zmirak can be found at https://stream.org/author/johnzmirak/   John Zmirak is a senior editor at The Stream and author or co-author of ten books, including The Politically Incorrect Guide to Immigration and The Politically Incorrect Guide to Catholicism. He is co-author with Jason Jones of “God, Guns, & the Government.”   John Zmirak's new book: No Second Amendment, No First  by John Zmirak  Available March 19, 2024 Today's Left endlessly preaches the evils of “gun violence." It is a message increasingly echoed from the nation's pulpits, presented as common-sense decency and virtue. Calls for “radical non-violence” are routinely endowed with the imprimatur of religious doctrine.   But what if such teachings were misguided, even damaging? What if the potential of a citizenry to exercise force against violent criminals and tyrannical governments is not just compatible with church teaching, but flows from the very heart of Biblical faith and reason? What if the freedoms we treasure are intimately tied to the power to resist violent coercion?  This is the long-overdue case John Zmirak makes with stunning clarity and conviction in No Second Amendment, No First. A Yale-educated journalist and former college professor, Zmirak shows how the right of self-defense against authoritarian government was affirmed in both the Old and New Testaments, is implied in Natural Law, and has been part of Church tradition over the centuries.   --------------------------------------------------------------------  Check out our ACU Patreon page: https://www.patreon.com/ACUPodcast   HELP ACU SPREAD THE WORD!  Please go to Apple Podcasts and give ACU a 5 star rating. Apple canceled us and now we are clawing our way back to the top. Don't let the Leftist win. Do it now! Thanks. Also Rate us on any platform you follow us on. It helps a lot. Forward this show to friends. Ways to subscribe to the American Conservative University Podcast Click here to subscribe via Apple Podcasts Click here to subscribe via RSS You can also subscribe via Stitcher FM Player Podcast Addict Tune-in Podcasts Pandora Look us up on Amazon Prime …And Many Other Podcast Aggregators and sites ACU on Twitter- https://twitter.com/AmerConU . Warning- Explicit and Violent video content.   Please help ACU by submitting your Show ideas. Email us at americanconservativeuniversity@americanconservativeuniversity.com   Endorsed Charities -------------------------------------------------------- Pre-Born! Saving babies and Souls. https://preborn.org/ OUR MISSION To glorify Jesus Christ by leading and equipping pregnancy clinics to save more babies and souls. WHAT WE DO Pre-Born! partners with life-affirming pregnancy clinics all across the nation. We are designed to strategically impact the abortion industry through the following initiatives:… -------------------------------------------------------- Help CSI Stamp Out Slavery In Sudan Join us in our effort to free over 350 slaves. Listeners to the Eric Metaxas Show will remember our annual effort to free Christians who have been enslaved for simply acknowledging Jesus Christ as their Savior. As we celebrate the birth of Christ this Christmas, join us in giving new life to brothers and sisters in Sudan who have enslaved as a result of their faith. https://csi-usa.org/metaxas   https://csi-usa.org/slavery/   Typical Aid for the Enslaved A ration of sorghum, a local nutrient-rich staple food A dairy goat A “Sack of Hope,” a survival kit containing essential items such as tarp for shelter, a cooking pan, a water canister, a mosquito net, a blanket, a handheld sickle, and fishing hooks. Release celebrations include prayer and gathering for a meal, and medical care for those in need. The CSI team provides comfort, encouragement, and a shoulder to lean on while they tell their stories and begin their new lives. Thank you for your compassion  Giving the Gift of Freedom and Hope to the Enslaved South Sudanese -------------------------------------------------------- Food For the Poor https://foodforthepoor.org/ Help us serve the poorest of the poor Food For The Poor began in 1982 in Jamaica. Today, our interdenominational Christian ministry serves the poor in primarily 17 countries throughout the Caribbean and Latin America. Thanks to our faithful donors, we are able to provide food, housing, healthcare, education, fresh water, emergency relief, micro-enterprise solutions and much more. We are proud to have fed millions of people and provided more than 15.7 billion dollars in aid. Our faith inspires us to be an organization built on compassion, and motivated by love. Our mission is to bring relief to the poorest of the poor in the countries where we serve. We strive to reflect God's unconditional love. It's a sacrificial love that embraces all people regardless of race or religion. We believe that we can show His love by serving the “least of these” on this earth as Christ challenged us to do in Matthew 25. We pray that by God's grace, and with your support, we can continue to bring relief to the suffering and hope to the hopeless.   Report on Food For the Poor by Charity Navigator https://www.charitynavigator.org/ein/592174510   -------------------------------------------------------- Disclaimer from ACU. We try to bring to our students and alumni the World's best Conservative thinkers. All views expressed belong solely to the author and not necessarily to ACU. In all issues and relations, we hope to follow the admonitions of Jesus Christ. While striving to expose, warn and contend with evil, we extend the love of God to all of his children. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

"Donald Trump Needs to Defy the Judges and Let the American People Decide at the Midterm Elections whether they Approve of that or Not"- John Zmirak. The Eric Metaxas Show John Zmirak   Apr 23 2025   Other Episodes   Article mentioned- The Brew: Democrat Judge Doubles Down on Election Fraud. No Need to Prove Citizenship to Vote By John Zmirak Published on April 25, 2025 John Zmirak If you want Exhibit #108 proving that President Donald Trump has no choice but to defy judicial orders from lawless, biased jurists, check out the latest. The Daily Wire reports: A federal judge on Thursday blocked President Donald Trump from implementing an executive order that requires voters to show documentation proving their U.S. citizenship to cast a ballot in federal elections. U.S. District Judge Colleen Kollar-Kotelly, a Bill Clinton appointee, granted a preliminary injunction stopping the Trump administration from going forward with the proof-of-citizenship requirements as a lawsuit plays out, the Associated Press reported. The lawsuit, filed by the Democratic National Committee and leftist voting rights groups, claims that Trump's order is “an unlawful action that threatens to uproot our tried-and-tested election systems and silence potentially millions of Americans.” … The judge's move means that yet another Trump action will be tied up in the courts and prevented from taking effect. Federal judges have blocked numerous Trump orders, including on cuts to federal agency staff, deportations, and birthright citizenship. As of Thursday, 108 different rulings have blocked or temporarily frozen Trump's attempts to carry out his agenda, according to The New York Times. There you go. The Democratic National Committee wants non-citizens voting. Or else it thinks that its voters are so clueless and unqualified that they don't have any ID. No drivers licenses, nothing they'd need to show in order to cash a check at a local bank. Check out this classic 2017 video whose host asks white liberals whether non-white Americans carry ID … then asks a series of non-white Americans whether they do. “Why would they think we don't have ID?” one of the questioners asks the host. He doesn't answer. He doesn't have to. Now consider what motive the Biden administration had for importing more than 10 million illegal aliens and sending them to swing states. Foreign Voters and Foreign Money Help the Left Grab Power While some in MAGA world are frustrated at the Trump administration's pace of progress, one man can only do so much. He is taking aim at some of the most important targets, the key players in corrupting American politics. He's going after Act Blue, for instance, as Politico reports: In a shot at ActBlue, the left's major online donation platform, President Donald Trump plans to sign a presidential memorandum on Thursday that he will cast as cracking down on foreign contributions in American elections, according to a person familiar with the policy and granted anonymity to discuss not-yet-public details. Attorney General Pam Bondi's office is expected to be involved in the effort, the person said. The order is expected to specifically target ActBlue. Republicans have long claimed the platform could be exploited by foreign actors, while Democrats have warned the action is an example of Trump baselessly targeting political opponents. … The memo will direct Bondi to “investigate and take appropriate action concerning allegations regarding the use of online fundraising platforms to make ‘straw' or ‘dummy' contributions and to make foreign contributions to U.S. political candidates and committees, all of which break the law” and report results to the president and his general counsel, according to the fact sheet. Why shouldn't foreign billionaires and hostile governments be able to pour billions into U.S. elections and organize non-citizen voters to decide who represents us? That would imply we make distinctions between countrymen and strangers, which the editors of Christianity Today (some of them donors to groups aligned with Act Blue) reliably inform us is alien to “gospel values.” Speaking of funny money, Ashley Biden's nonprofit is having trouble with the IRS. That's what happens when you don't report honestly. The Free Beacon has the real story: Ashley Biden's charity has a $500,000 discrepancy in its books, a watchdog alleged in a complaint filed with the IRS on Monday. … To Paul Kamenar, an attorney with the National Legal and Policy Center watchdog group, the documents show that Ashley Biden's charity clearly violated IRS rules by failing to disclose $500,000 in contributions it received in 2023. Let's remember the immortal words of now-embattled New York Attorney General Letitia James: “No one is above the law.” Abortion Clinic Targets Children for Sexual Grooming Remember the old libertarian talking point about “keeping the government out of our bedrooms”? Now we realize the government and the LGBTQ movement need to be kept out of the nursery, too. See the latest outrage, courtesy of Libs of TikTok: The State cannot sit neutral. It can't reach a stopping point at “consenting adults,” the way Classical liberals pretend. Either the government will make laws based on the Natural Law which God wrote on the human heart — which you don't need faith or grace to understand — or it will base laws on something darker and falser. It took the rise of Christianity in the Roman Empire to rescue women and children from sexual slavery. As the Gospel recedes from people's hearts, the vacuum it leaves will be filled, and filled by spirits. The explosion of transgender madness, child castration, and attacks on Christians as “unfit parents” in the wake of the 2015 Obergefell decision shouldn't surprise us; it should goad us to counterattack with the truth. The Next Pope? I'm not following the conclave that's gathering to elect a successor to the disloyal Pope Francis, largely because the people he appointed to the College of Cardinals transformed that body into a lavender Jacuzzi. One of Francis's appointees, Filipino Cardinal Luis Antonio Tagle, is considered a frontrunner among “progressives” who wish to continue transforming the Catholic Church into the chaplaincy of the World Economic Forum. Here he is performing John Lennon's utopian, atheist anthem “Imagine” for a crowd that we can hope was duly puzzled by it. Imagine Pope Francis II. (It's easy if you try.) Catholics don't believe that God picks the popes — otherwise, we'd have to explain why during the Renaissance He always picked the cardinals who'd paid the biggest bribes or were the illegitimate children of previous popes. We just have to pray for Jesus to protect us from our shepherds, who seem to have developed a taste for lamb. Coming Soon: A New Ice Age to Save the Climate Gateway Pundit reports: The British government is reportedly just weeks away from approving bizarre experiments aimed at dimming sunlight in a bid to combat so-called climate change. Proposed outdoor trials may involve spraying aerosols into the upper atmosphere or artificially brightening clouds to bounce sunlight back into space in order to help cool the earth. … The experiments are being pushed under the premise that humanity isn't cutting emissions quickly enough to avoid an environmental apocalypse, at least, according to scientists still clinging to worst-case climate scenarios. Scientists backing the proposals believe that, if the tests yield promising results, the techniques could be expanded and rolled out on a wider scale within a decade. These people want to control the weather, to make the earth less fertile so it can feed far fewer people. But remember that the threat to our freedoms and our future are … conservatives and Christians. Along The Stream… Later this morning, join Allen Jackson, pastor and author of Angels, Demons & You, for a sobering look at how spiritual forces impact our daily lives in this 26-minute video. Why is it crucial that we consider each of our fellow human beings as made in the “image of God”? How does that change everything about how we live our lives? Find out from this insightful essay.   John Zmirak is a senior editor at The Stream and author or coauthor of 14 books, including The Politically Incorrect Guide to Immigration and The Politically Incorrect Guide to Catholicism. His newest book is No Second Amendment, No First.   -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  John Zmirak makes his weekly appearance and covers current events and shares recent articles available at-   https://stream.org/author/johnzmirak/ Watch Eric Metaxas on Rumble-  https://rumble.com/c/TheEricMetaxasRadioShow  The Eric Metaxas Show- https://metaxastalk.com/podcasts/ Eric Metaxas Show on Apple Podcasts-    https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-eric-metaxas-show/id991156680 Check out- Socrates in the City   Find All of John Zmirak Articles at- https://stream.org/author/johnzmirak/   John Zmirak is a Senior Editor of The Stream. He received his B.A. from Yale University in 1986, then his M.F.A. in screenwriting and fiction and his Ph.D. in English in 1996 from Louisiana State University. He has been Press Secretary to pro-life Louisiana Governor Mike Foster, and a reporter and editor at Success magazine and Investor's Business Daily, among other publications. His essays, poems, and other works have appeared in First Things, The Weekly Standard, The Atlanta Journal-Constitution, USA Today, FrontPage Magazine, The American Conservative, The South Carolina Review, Modern Age, The Intercollegiate Review, Commonweal, and The National Catholic Register, among other venues. He has contributed to American Conservatism: An Encyclopedia and The Encyclopedia of Catholic Social Thought. From 2000-2004 he served as Senior Editor of Faith & Family magazine and a reporter at The National Catholic Register. During 2012 he was editor of Crisis. He is author, co-author, or editor of twelve books, including Wilhelm Ropke: Swiss Localist, Global Economist, The Grand Inquisitor and The Race to Save Our Century. His newest book is No Second Amendment, No First. Zmirak can be found at https://stream.org/author/johnzmirak/   John Zmirak is a senior editor at The Stream and author or co-author of ten books, including The Politically Incorrect Guide to Immigration and The Politically Incorrect Guide to Catholicism. He is co-author with Jason Jones of “God, Guns, & the Government.”   John Zmirak's new book: No Second Amendment, No First  by John Zmirak  Available March 19, 2024 Today's Left endlessly preaches the evils of “gun violence." It is a message increasingly echoed from the nation's pulpits, presented as common-sense decency and virtue. Calls for “radical non-violence” are routinely endowed with the imprimatur of religious doctrine.   But what if such teachings were misguided, even damaging? What if the potential of a citizenry to exercise force against violent criminals and tyrannical governments is not just compatible with church teaching, but flows from the very heart of Biblical faith and reason? What if the freedoms we treasure are intimately tied to the power to resist violent coercion?  This is the long-overdue case John Zmirak makes with stunning clarity and conviction in No Second Amendment, No First. A Yale-educated journalist and former college professor, Zmirak shows how the right of self-defense against authoritarian government was affirmed in both the Old and New Testaments, is implied in Natural Law, and has been part of Church tradition over the centuries.  

Teddi and Erika are getting NC-17 on us! After watching “Dying for Sex”, the ladies discuss their own sex lives. From sexual pleasures, to things they’re willing to try in the bedroom… no topic is off limits! Plus, Erika talks about her experience on “The Masked Singer”.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

"Even something as simple as a lava lamp can transform your creative space and unlock new ideas." - jacuzzi jeffersonThe Artist Behind the SoundMeet jacuzzi jefferson – not your average music producer.The Brooklyn-based creative force has carved a unique path where education meets sonic innovation. His distinctive blend of alternative hip-hop, electronic house, and lo-fi boom-bap hasn't just captivated listeners – it's earned him partnerships with industry giants like Harman Kardon & BMW.When he's not crafting beats, jacuzzi shapes the next generation of producers as a professor of Digital Music at Hostos Community College (CUNY). His engineering credits read like a who's who of the music industry: 50 Cent, Melanie Fiona, Juelz Santana, and Trey Songs.Crafting the Perfect Creative EnvironmentIn Part 2 of our conversation, jacuzzi opens up about the intimate details of his creative process – from his essential tools to the seemingly small touches that transform his workspace.

Afends - Byron Bay's Finest Purveyors of Hemp Stylings Presents... Blitzed! Pure. Nerdism. Smiv and Deadly somehow find plenty to love about the much maligned AB Dub Jacuzzi Conny, including the playful shreddery of Caity "Da Cat" Simmers, the Flare Bear antics of unbackable World Title favourite Italo Ferreira, and the chaotic intent of Indonesia's finest Rio Waida. Hmaaaaaaad!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Listen to all my reddit storytime episodes in the background in this easy playlist: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL_wX8l9EBnOM303JyilY8TTSrLz2e2kRGWatch my videos in full on my YouTube channel (you even get to see my face!): https://www.youtube.com/Redditor This is the Redditor podcast! Here you will find all of Redditor's best Reddit stories from his YouTube channel. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today’s Second Date call involves a fedora, a jacuzzi and a big misunderstanding. We’ll try to sort it all out in the podcast!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Today’s Second Date call involves a fedora, a jacuzzi and a big misunderstanding. We’ll try to sort it all out in the podcast!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Subscribe to The Best Idea Yet here: https://wondery.com/links/the-best-idea-yet/Episodes drop every Tuesday, free to listen to wherever you get your pods.Break out the bubbly, turn on the jets, and hop into our Hot Tub Time Machine: we're going back to the origins of the Jacuzzi. The world's most iconic whirlpool has become a symbol of status and luxury—think Scarface's bathtub. But its roots are humble, starting with a family of seven Italian immigrant brothers. Over three generations, they pivoted one technology from airplanes to agriculture to the 1st-ever modern hot tub. It's also the story of overcoming tragedies, and a devoted father trying to save his young son's life. Find out why family businesses actually end… why half a pivot is more like a flinch… and why the Jacuzzi is the best idea yet.Subscribe to The Best Idea Yet for the untold origin stories of the products you're obsessed with, and the bold risk takers who brought them to life. https://wondery.com/links/the-best-idea-yet/—-----------------------------------------------------GET ON THE POD: Submit a shoutout or fact: https://tboypod.com/shoutouts FOR MORE NICK & JACK: Newsletter: https://tboypod.com/newsletter Connect with Nick: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nicolas-martell/ Connect with Jack: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jack-crivici-kramer/ SOCIALS:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tboypod TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@tboypodYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@tboypod Anything else: https://tboypod.com/ See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Gray and Halle talk holiday mishaps and earworms.  This episode was recorded live on our regular Sunday Youtube livestream --inspired by suggestions from our members and supporters. -- SHOW INFORMATION Mega HQ Get ad free + bonus content with MEGA PREMIUM Support Us on Patreon Instagram: @MegaThePodcast Twitter: @MegaThePodcast Follow Holly and Greg Holly Laurent: Twitter | Instagram Greg Hess: Twitter | Instagram Music by Julie B. Nichols Edited by Brian Biancardi Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Comedian Ben Gleib returns to the show and they open by talking about the lack of uniformity in hotel shower valves & martini pours, the police statement about metal detectors following the Wisconsin school shooting, and how they decide whether or not an ailment gets named after the person who discovered it. Next, Jason “Mayhem” Miller reads the news including stories about Kristin Cavallari admitting on Instagram that Kevin Costner is her “forever crush”, Netflix rethinking their one-year parental leave after too many workers take year off, Luigi Mangione's grandmother reportedly leaving family members millions provided they didn't commit crimes, and the Duke lacrosse accuser admitting that she lied about being raped. For more with Ben Gleib: ● PODCAST: Last Week on Earth w/ Ben Gleib ● NEW SPECIAL: The Mad King - Available on YouTube ● INSTAGRAM: @bengleib Thank you for supporting our sponsors: ● http://SimpliSafe.com/Adam ● RuffGreens.com, use code: Adam ● Shopify.com/Carolla ● http://OReillyAuto.com/Adam