Soul Healing Love

Do you put others above yourself even to the point of your own harm? Do you say "yes" when you really need to set a healthy boundary with a firm "no"? If you struggle with these things or know others who do, this will speak to you. Listen to Dr. Bev and Amanda unpack what codependency really is and how to move out of it into healthy relationships.

Have you ever looked at life and thought "I'm not sure this is what I signed up for?!" Lisa Brooks is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker that worked for 20 years in child abuse and neglect to find herself with vicarious trauma herself. She took a deep dive into her own personal healing and found a new passion in helping others see that overwork, overwhelm, and survival mode are not the only option in life. She founded Wilmington Thrive Tribes in her community to help bring awareness and growth into a life of Thriving. Learn more about her at lisabrookslcsw.com and follow her for fantastic daily advice at @lisabrookslcsw on Instagram.

This week's episode highlights some of the common hardships and losses many of us have faced during the pandemic and the overwhelming grief that has come upon us. Listen to the full episode to hear more about how to be kind to yourself and accept and process the grief that many of us are feeling today.

We are so excited to have our first guest speaker on the SHL podcast, David Johnson, who is the founder and owner of Silent Images. On this week's episode, David and Amanda discuss healthy ways to manage our mental health. Want to know more about Silent Images or Compassion & Light, visit their website: https://silentimages.org

This is 1 of 2 podcasts recorded during quarantine. Dr. Bev and Amanda share their own struggles with fears and frustrations of being away from family, friends, and work, along with ways that they work to find peace in the uncertainty of a global pandemic. They share insights into building resilience and finding new perspectives in the midst of great unknowns.

Understand how your brain and body are affected by Trauma, learn skills to build empathy and Mindsight from Dr. Dan Siegel and our favorite-the Re-Mind Exercise created by Dr. Bev. Part of Rewiring our Brain is through Repetition of the newer, healthier ways of thinking. Dr. Bev has created an excellent resource to identify your current negative thoughts and behaviors AND establish new, healthy ways of thinking. Through the repetition of the Re-Mind exercise you truly can have a New Mind!

Our brains are amazing, resilient organs! And years ago most scientists and doctors thought it was pretty set after age 7. Thank goodness for new neuroscience research with MRI's, SPECT scans and other research that has been done that shows how our brains can adapt and change: Neuroplasticity. While trauma "sticks with us" and does move our brain toward depression, anxiety and PTSD, the wonderful news is we can reprogram our brain. Join us in Part 1 on Neuroscience and begin to learn how to do as Romans 12 tells us and "be transformed by the renewing of your mind"!

Gratitude and Thanksgiving are for more than one day a year. In fact, the practice of gratitude will increase serotonin and dopamine in your brain, neurotransmitters that boost your mood and energy. It can also change the shape of your brain and decrease your likelihood to struggle with depression. Please join host Amanda Rodgers Cumbo with Dr. Beverly Rodgers to learn more of the benefits of gratitude and how to incorporate it into the New Year and every day! You can also read Dr. Bev's blog on Thanksgiving here: https://rodgerscc.com/why-is-gratitude-so-important/

Our last episode walked you through the Forgiving Experience, a tool not to be used lightly. It is a heavy work to forgive and a merciful gift to be forgiven. But what then? Once I've asked for forgiveness and you've granted it, what do we do next? If I still get sad or mad or triggered, does that mean I haven't forgiven you? And how long should we process through the triggers, how do we handle those? Drs. Tom and Bev walk through what happens after we grant forgiveness and how to love in the renewed state of the relationship.

What is Forgiveness? How do I Forgive? What do I do once I think and feel that I have Forgiven but I still hurt or react when I think about the offenses? These are just a few of the questions we hope to answer in this episode where Drs. Tom and Bev unpack Forgiveness and teach us the Soul Healing Love tool, The Forgiving Experience. We talk about what forgiveness IS and what it IS NOT. We pull in psychology, theology and walk you through our 8-step process of Forgiving. We also talk through the do's and don't's after you offer forgiveness and what the offender needs to do when you fall into doubt and fear. Further we address when there is the need for Forgiving-to set you free from the offender, and when Reconciling-restoring and rebuilding the relationship are possible.

This is our Final Episode in the Personal Perspective series, one in which counselors from our practice Rodgers Christian Counseling have discussed how they teach and use various exercises from the Soul Healing Love Method. In this episode Erin Sweitzer, MA, LMFT, joins us to talk through the GIFT Exercise to help dig down into the primary emotion around your anger. Erin helps us understand that some things we get angry about just aren't worth our energy: if it's something small, like how to squeeze the toothpaste, follow her advice and just get 2 toothpastes. But, when it is something worth our energy, she helps us walk through the GIFT to understand what's under our anger. Erin has her her MA at Pfeiffer University in Marriage and Family Therapy and her BS in Child Development from Appalachian State University. She views therapy as a collaborative experience where she listens to your story and works with you to identify obtainable goals. The strategies and models practiced are evid ence-based and effective including Trauma-Based CBT, Problem-Solving Therapy and the Soul Healing Love model as she is passionate about helping people receive God’s unconditional love and healing . She enjoys working with individuals, young adults, teens, couples (both premarital and marital), families, and children of all ages.

We continue our Personal Perspective series as we are joined again by Steven Land, MA, LPCA, one of the counselors at our practice in the greater Charlotte area of NC. Steven joins Amanda and Dr. Bev Rodgers in a discussion about the Soul Healogram. He has a great saying: Part One of the Soul Healogram and the Genogram is like the really messy, gnarled Family Tree, and Part Two is the narrative or personal biography that you find yourself in as a result of the Family Tree. The great realization of looking at this Tree is that you now are aware of the story, AND now you can be an active character in deciding how you want the rest of the story to flow. You get to rewrite the narrative to be what you want rather than passively reacting in the same patterns defined by your past. Join us as we delve more deeply into family history and begin to look at your gnarled, messy tree to decide how you want your story to end! Steven Land has earned an MA in Professional Counseling as well as an MA in Human Services & Executive Leadership from Liberty University. He has served as a discipleship pastor and small group leader in his local church. Further, he has been an academic advisor helping individuals of all ages with their educational goals. His goal is to help you discover the inner resources as well as provide tools and information that will help you better understand yourself and your situation. He also looks to help you write a new story for your life, to look at your experiences in a new way and take ownership of your future. He works to help you understand the connection between the brain, body, and soul by using the Soul Healing Love model and methods.

We are continuing our Personal Perspective series as we are joined by another counselor at Rodgers Christian Counseling, Rachel Cunningham, MA, LPCA. Rachel earned her MA from Liberty University in Counseling in 2017 and her Bachelor’s degree in Human Services from Anderson University in 2014. Rachel is passionate about connecting with clients on a deeper level and believes that building trust and establishing a safe environment for clients to tell their stories empowers them to dive deeper into self-awareness and grow in Christ. She prides herself in being real with clients and is creative in finding the best approaches for treating them. She utilizes an authentic, eclectic approach to therapy with foundational underpinnings of the Soul Healing Love Model and enjoys seeing individuals and couples utilize the tools of the model to gain insight into their past pain and move in a healing direction. Today she walks us through details of the Soul in Pain. It is a great starting point in the process of Soul Healing because we need to know possible sources of our pain and Soul Wounds. Very often the source is our family of origin, the family we grew up in, but we also look at Society, Gender Stereotypes, and other life experiences that have caused hurt. We also have to examine the passive abuse, which can be more insidious than active abuse, to know how to heal. Once we understand the sources of these wounds, we can formulate a path toward healing.

We embark on a New Series with each of our staff members at Rodgers Christian Counseling where they will walk through one of their favorite tools from the Soul Healing Love Model and how they use it Personally and Professionally! Our first guest is counselor Steven Land who has earned an MA in Professional Counseling as well as an MA in Human Services & Executive Leadership from Liberty University. He has served as a discipleship pastor and small group leader in his local church. Further, he has been an academic advisor helping individuals of all ages with their educational goals. His goal is to help you discover the inner resources as well as provide tools and information that will help you better understand yourself and your situation. He also looks to help you write a new story for your life, to look at your experiences in a new way and take ownership of your future. He works to help you understand the connection between the brain, body, and soul by using the Soul Healing Love model and methods. In this Episode, Steven walks through how he discovered his own Basic Fear of Insecurity. With wisdom and vulnerability Brene Brown would honor, he shares his journey of journaling messages of his Fears that he began to note in his friendships, family relationships, and even in his walk with God that helped him recognize and challenge his deepest fears.

Back By Request! This episode is the first of 2 that are based on a listener request to get a deeper look at understanding our Basic Fear. A Soul Wound is a basic need in childhood that impacts us on a soul level. We then internalize it-through inferiority or inadequacy-and that wound creates a Basic Fear that we then adapt to. We want to look more closely at the basic fears: Abandonment, Rejection, Unworthiness, Failure/Success, and Insecurity, first defining each and giving tips to identify which most plagues you. Then we examine what messages will accompany each fear, and most importantly, learn how to Challenge these fears to live a life in the Truth and Freedom of Christ!

Sometimes we can't tell someone how to help us or even figure out how to help ourselves when we don't even know What We Really Need. The Digging Deeper exercise (more info in Episode 6) in Soul Healing Love ends with the question, "What do you Really Need?" so that you can work from Reacting to a situation and move into healing the deeper, basic need that is impacted. But if you don't know what you need, that's difficult to ask. Drs. Tom and Bev developed a list of Basic Needs--things like Love, Acceptance, Affirmation, Validation--and gave a practical definition to help you uncover the true needs of your soul. In learning your deepest needs, you can then begin to chart a path to healing as you meet those for yourself and ask others to meet them as well.

All of the insight in the world--while very helpful in learning about ourselves and our motivations--will only lead you so far. We borrow Dr. Richard Stewart's famous phrase "If nothing changes, nothing changes." Stewart pioneered Behavioral Marital Therapy, and we share details about how to move from learning about your Soul Wounds and basic needs for things like security, safety, love, and acceptance into Behavior Change. We also discuss how to communicate your needs and specific Behavior Change Requests to your spouse and other significant people in your life so that they can act in ways that heal your wounds from earlier in life.

This week we recap the GIFT exercise to help you understand the root of your anger and move into more depth with the Digging Deeper exercise. With 5 questions, we move from the reaction of anger into the depth of the Soul Wound that causes the large anger reaction. Typically, the bigger the anger, the more likely it is tied to a past occurrence where you have felt similarly to the event that is causing the anger in present day. Dive with us into your psyche as we look at the Soul Wounds bringing you anger today.

Are you a Rage-A-Holic? Or are you constantly Frustrated? Do Your loved ones tell you that you have an Anger Problem? Today we discuss the GIFT Exercise, it is our GIFT to you to help you understand what you are really feeling. Anger is a secondary emotion; it's an outward reaction to a deeper, more primary feeling. Until we can learn for ourselves what is at the root of our anger, we will consistently fall into conflict and leave it with little resolution and incomplete communication. Join us to unwrap the GIFT and gain insight and tools to communicate through your anger.

There are so many factors that can be contributing factors to what shapes our soul and what inflicts Soul Wounds. In this episode we explore how society, gender, cultural messages of shame, and certainly our family of origin--the family we grew up in--can leave us with Soul Wounds. With today's episode we want to help you identify both sources of these soul wounds and how they are impacting you today. Dr. Tom shares about his own fear of Inadequacy and Failure, something that many men today face. We also explore Active Abuse and Passive Abuse and some of the behaviors and adaptations to help you get a sense of the Soul Wounds that God wants to help you heal from. And finally we walk you through the Soul Healogram, one of the tools of the Soul Healing Love Model that helps you learn about your family of origin that creates the data or the blueprint for how you see the world and others.

We all have basic fears that we carry with us, and these fears create a narrative that we tell ourself: messages that we tell us about us. But fears are not innate. They are learned fears, and since they are learned, we can UNLEARN these fears and combat these messages so that we can live in healing and freedom.

Today we dive into the Neuroscience behind trauma and how your brain processes trauma to understand why you react to past hurts or Soul Wounds as we call them in Soul Healing Love. Learn more about how your primitive, lizard brain takes over when you are triggered and how the Fight, Flight, or Freeze system activates. We talk through anatomy of the brain and how it operates to influence the way we perceive our experiences, and how we then project these perceptions and assumptions onto others. We define the Power Struggle state in a relationship and how it creates miscommunications and conflict with others, whether with our romantic partner, our friends, our family or coworkers. Most importantly we teach you how to look past the unconscious assumptions and fears that lead us to PTSD-like brain reactions to find healing and intentionality in your life to respond rather than react.

Soul Healing Love is a model of counseling that helps you look at yourself--your current ways of thinking and behaving that are keeping you from growth, the way you lived as you grew up in your own family, and how you react to people and your environment--so that you can move into a life of positive change and growth. Today's episode is with the founders of the model, Drs. Beverly and Tom Rodgers, and they walk you through the basic ideas that lay the foundation for Soul Healing Love. You will learn What is a soul wound and how is it impacting you today? How does does your brain process and store painful, traumatic memories? What happens when these memories are triggered? And most importantly, how can you begin to move past these reactions and into intentional, healthy living?