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This is the last episode of Season 1 and I want to thank all of my listeners who have joined in with the journey over the past 10 months. Today is not just any episode or interview – in fact, really, none of them have been that way but this one is incredibly important and special. On December 17, I was reading what was I believe my third book in a month on narcissism because even though I didn’t see it even then – still trapped in a narcissistic relationship that, as I would discover in the next year of therapy – was extremely traumatizing – even more so than I knew – of course until I tried to leave it all behind and couldn’t shake it off for months and months. I NEVER knew or believed up until this book on that day in December a year and a half ago that I was actually attracted to THEM, perhaps just as strongly as they were attracted to me. And, up until that day – while I walked around like everyone else with our bag of bad childhood experiences and memories – my mantra was the “Past is the past. It has nothing to do with what you do today.” And I realized in a flash when I read the words “childlike and powerless” in a paragraph on page 63 of the book – that I was wrong. Those memories were everything. And in the course of the last year, as many of you have listened along the way, you have heard me describe resetting dip switches in my brain as the healing has been happening – well this was the first dip switch to click into place. From there, I traveled into the world of childhood trauma, emotional neglect. I started therapy less than month later and went every week for 3 months. And I adjusted the sails on the boat immediately with my children when I realized that if I didn’t correct myself right then and there – I would be planting similar experiences and memories into THEIR brains. I couldn’t change my past BUT I could change their future. And this is why this show, One Broken Mom, exists todaySo, today, to say its an honor is an understatement to have with me Wendy Behary – the author of the book that literally changed my life - “Disarming the Narcissist”. Because it seems to fit to end my first season at the beginning of the story. In this episode you will hear us talk about: 1. An overview of the narcissistic personality2. Schemas & Scripts and how they are created and the work of Jeffrey Young in the treatment of the Narcissistic personality disorder.3. How these Schemas and scripts drive some of us to co-habitat with Narcissists over and over again. 4. What are the Personal Traps we fall into with narcissistic people5. How some of us ‘chose’ even subconsciously to be with a manipulative or abusive person and how this happens 6. The other ways that the maladaptive schemas that link us up with Narcissists hurt us in other areas of life and with other non-Narcissists7. What kind of work should someone do on themselves first before they tackle trying to manage a relationship with a narcissist Resources:Wendy Behary's Website Disarming the Narcissist Book

How I almost found myself possessed by the god of thunder, plus how to increase intuition and psychic sensitivityHi everybody, I'm Barbara Fernandez, the Rocking Raw Chef, here with my Clean Food, Dirty Stories: one to entertain, the other to inspire.I help people stamp out stress, depression and fatigue over at RockingRawChef.com, and today's title is:Playing With SpiritsIn addition to this story, at the end of this episode I'll share with you some top tips to increase intuition.OK enough hints from me, let's get on with the story.A pretty crazy storyFirst let me say that when I say playing with spirits, I'm not talking about Ouija boards. And I don't mean playing with them as in being disrespectful. This story is all about their power, how they can help and how that relates – yes, surprise, surprise – to food.Off to CaliforniaThis story begins when I decided to go out to the San Francisco Bay area to live there for a while. I was in a bit of a mess, as I'd just gotten ejected out of a relationship in a very painful way. This included a cry-for-help-disguised-as-a-suicide-attempt and a hospital stay which I talk about in last week's episode.So to say that I was a bit fragile would probably be an understatement. However I knew that I would meet some amazing people in the Bay area, and I couldn't wait to reconnect with one of my favorite people in the world. She's one of my dearest friends and has been since college, and she was like, “Come and stay! I'll help you settle in”. Well, I couldn't resist that offer. Her name is Francesca and her story is incredible. In fact Francesca overcame depression as well, and we share her story in Episode 12, From Depression To Diva.Anyway I got on a plane and went to Oakland California, where luckily my friend helped me land a job through a temp agency. I don't even remember what I did there, I think it was something in marketing and I know it involved a computer, but the rest of it is pretty much a blur. I do know that I made a big effort to dress really nicely every day. For some reason that's the one thing I remember. Superficial perhaps, but true – although I did get pleasure out of looking nice. Even though on the inside I was still a bit fragile.A clothing-optional weekend, with SanteriaFortunately for me I made friends really easily through Francesca. And shortly after I had arrived, Francesca invited me to come along to a clothing-optional weekend where we'd attend some ceremonies. One was a sweat lodge, which I've talked about in Episode 19, and the other was a ceremony in a tradition called Santeria. Plus as the weekend was going to be clothing-optional, well that alone was going to be a new experience for me. And of course I was up for it.I'll talk about the clothing-optional aspect of the weekend in another episode because that alone was really interesting. This week I want to focus on what happened between me and the spirits. First though, let me tell you a little bit about Santeria.A simplified definition of SanteriaSanteria means 'way of the saints'. It's an Afro-Carribean religion that originated in Cuba and was traditionally practiced by descendants of West African slaves. Practitioners replaced the slave owners' Catholic saints with their own spirits, called the Orisha. The Orisha are the go-betweens, if you like, the way in which we can connect with the one energy linking everything in the universe, which in Santeria is called Olorun. So kind of like using saints to interact with God, except you're using Orishas. That's way oversimplifying this, but this is just to give you an idea. I'll link to where you can find out more about Santeria in the show notes.Anyway I went with Francesca to a beautiful place in California called Harbin Hot Springs. Harbin has been a very strong spiritual center for people from all over to go and relax in its hot springs while doing yoga and all kinds of other good stuff.Drumming, dancing and spirit possessionAnd on the Friday night, I got my first introduction to Santeria in the form of a drumming and dancing ceremony. Now I knew nothing about Santeria. All I knew was that we were going to be doing some drumming. That was it. I never suspected that we would use drumming and dancing to let some of us be possessed (temporarily of course) by one of the Orishas.At this point you may be wondering, 'Why would anyone allow themselves to be possessed by a spirit?' Or you might be thinking, 'This is totally insane, I'm out of here'. But bear with me because what happened was pretty amazing.Now, people contact the Orishas to help them and others with their lives. It's also a way for them to expand their personalities, because each Orisha has a very distinct personality, as I was soon to discover for myself. So if you're normally a very timid woman for example, it can be quite something to suddenly be a big, burly spirit who loves cigars. That kind of thing. But I didn't know any of that at first.So the drumming started. I really liked the music, it was really healing to be able to just move around freely and enjoy the drums. People had left offerings for the Orishas on various altars, and each Orisha was honored by participants playing their song in a specific order. It's while the Orisha's song is playing that any of his or her devotees can be possessed by that Orisha.Enter the OrishasAnd yes, you can have several people possessed by the same Orisha at once. Energy is limitless, after all, so I don't know about you but that does make total sense to me. And I saw it, anyway, which was incredible.So suddenly one woman picked up and lit one of the cigars. She puffed away while walking around like a warrior. I learned that Oshun was the Orisha that she connected with, and Oshun loves cigars, very spicy food like hot peppers, and rum. So those were some of the things offered to him, and her whole personality changed. I mean, she was definitely not there, and someone else was. You could really tell. It was incredible, especially as I'd never seen anything like this before. OK well I had actually, once before when I assisted at a past-life regression that kind of went badly. But that's another story!Other songs and other Orishas came to the ceremony too, until there were about a quarter of the participants who were one Orisha or another. Oh and by the way, one interesting thing was that the people who were possessed by Orishas always knew instantly when someone else was about to be taken over as well. They knew even before the person did, and they'd run up to them and spin them around to help the process along.Knock, knock, knocking at my brain's doorI know this all sounds crazy, but bear with me! The music changed again, and it was at this point that all of a sudden I felt like someone was knocking on a door situated about three feet up and behind the top of my head. I kid you not. Literally knocking and asking if I'd let him in. He was very polite, at least he asked. I knew it was a 'he', though I can't tell you how I knew, because the only thing I knew about any of the Orishas were that some were male and some were female. That was it. It's important that I emphasize my total lack of knowledge by the way, because of what came later.So I'm feeling this knocking at my door and I'm thinking, 'Nooooo, I didn't really have spirit possession in mind when I came on this weekend, thank you'. But the other Orishas came rushing over to me and started laughing and spinning me around. Mind you, I hadn't even been moving before this. It happened in a split second, and none of these people knew me. But they knew something was happening.Well, I didn't let the Orisha in, but he wasn't quite finished with me yet. The others laughed and spun away dancing, and the evening went on. I learned by the way that the Orisha who had come knocking was Shango. Shango, I later learned, is the god of thunder, war and virility, and is also the Master Drummer and Master Dancer. So pretty cool.Messages from the spirit worldAnyway at this point all of the Orishas had come, and they went round helping the other people present by going up to them and giving them messages. I had three different Orishas come up to me. And the messages were incredible. One of them said to me, “You're not done in France yet. You'll go back there pretty soon.” At that time I had no idea what my plans were, let alone anyone else. No-one there even knew I'd been living in France. Another Orisha said, “Ah, you need a place to live! Don't worry, we'll help you”.Which they did, because when I got back from the weekend on the Sunday afternoon, there was a message on the answering machine offering me an apartment. Amazing! Particularly as we hadn't placed an ad – we were only asking a few friends.Now I mentioned earlier that after Shango had knocked on my door and I'd turned him away that he hadn't finished with me yet. And he hadn't. The reason I know this was because of the sweat lodge which was on the Saturday.Shango and the sweat lodgeIf you don't know what a sweat lodge is, it's basically a large, enclosed tent with a pit in the middle. Hot volcanic rocks are placed in the pit and the shaman or ceremony leader pours water over the rocks, and so it's like a very intense steam room. But very intense. I'm talking so hot that it's unbearable. The reason for that is so that you can clear out not only physical toxins, but emotional and spiritual ones as well. It was very intense and I've spoken about that detox process in Episode 19.What I didn't say though was that at one point I felt this almost irresistible urge to run over the hot coals in the pit. I was like, 'where is this coming from?' I mean I didn't have a habit of running over hot coals. In fact I'd never done that – not until years later when I went to a Tony Robbins seminar weekend and walked over a long row of hot coals. But that's another story.Anyway I was fighting off the urge to run over the coals. And eventually the urge passed and I survived the sweat lodge. But I wondered about it. I thought it might have been a memory from a past life or something. So when I got back home, I looked up some information on the Orishas and what did I discover? Shango's devotees are known for doing...guess what? Running over hot coals.My most amazing discovery...that happened today!I mentioned before that each Orisha is associated with a Catholic saint. This enabled the people to keep worshipping their deities, all while giving the appearance of adopting Catholicism. Apparently there are more than 10,000 saints, which I didn't know. That's a LOT of saints, right? And according to the Yoruba tradition there are 401 Orishas, as 401 is a sacred number. So that's a lot of deities. I'm telling you this because I learned TODAY as I was researching for this episode that out of all the Catholic saints, guess which one Shango is associated with? Saint Barbara! Isn't that just so freaky? I still can't believe it. It's like Shango is up there laughing. I can't believe that I didn't even know this until now. I'd looked into the Orishas a bit more when I got back to France, I'd read a book about them and other things, but somehow I'd never seen that till today! Amazing!How my skeptic son started his day todaySo because my mind was basically blown at breakfast, I had to tell my son about it immediately. He's home from college at the moment. I should clarify for you that he really doesn't believe in any spirit-related stuff. Which is I guess normal considering that both his parents have been involved with spiritual organizations for over 30 years, and his grandmother was a very well-known shaman in Mexico. Teenage rebellion and all that, right?So the lucky boy comes down for breakfast this morning to his mother saying, “Did I ever tell you about the time I was with people who were drumming and let themselves be possessed by spirits?” To which he laughed and shook his head, saying, “OK Mom. Let me get my hippy hat on”. And he listened patiently while I told him this story.He thinks I'm a bit crazy anyway, so now I'd say he's sure of it.I have to say though that even he was impressed with the saint thing. When I showed him the webpage where I found it, I could see he was really surprised. So who knows, maybe he'll discover his own story with spirits one day.Why I'm telling you this storyAnyway, what on earth do spirits have to do with food? Why am I telling you this story?There are two reasons actually. The first is that I think it makes a good story, whether you have had any of those kinds of experiences or not.And the second is that if you're into any kind of spiritual practice, well I want you to know that food can actually help speed up or intensify your journey. I'm not talking magic mushrooms, although we did talk about those in Episode 10 where we talk about Ayahuasca.I'm actually talking about normal, everyday foods that you probably have in your house. Fresh fruits, vegetables, nuts, seeds – all of the things that you'd normally eat as part of getting more raw food into your life. These foods are powerful. They go way beyond health benefits, and I'll talk more about that in future episodes. But for now I'd like to give you some general principles so that if you do any kind of spiritual practice, or even if you'd just like to be more intuitive, you can get some practical tips for that right now.Principles to increase intuition and supercharge your spiritual practiceSo the first principle which I'm sure will come as no surprise to anyone is that it's important to eat organic as much as possible.The most important idea within eating organic is that the higher the water content of the food, the more important it is that you get it organic. Why? Because the water is what holds all those pesticides and poisons that have been sprayed on the fruit or vegetable throughout its life.Pesticides in particular are known as 'intuition blockers', so do avoid them as much as you can.By the way I don't want anyone to get paranoid here – I know people who eat all kinds of awful food and are still intuitive. I'm just giving you ways to get the very best out of yourself. So this isn't an all-or-nothing ideal that you must achieve. It's a tool, like anything else, that you can use as much as you are able or as you want to.Eat more raw, unprocessed foodsWell of course. If you know me, I'm all about that, and of course I show you how to do this in super delicious ways. Because life is too short for carrot sticks, as we all know. Right? If you need ideas for how to make delicious raw food dishes in 5 minutes, I'll link to my 5-minute recipe ebooks in the show notes.If we want to be more and more connected to the earth as well as all its creatures, which I'll talk about in another episode, eating food in its most natural state just makes sense. Nature did not provide us with microwave ovens. Right?It's the life-force in raw foods that literally feeds our psychic energy. It feeds our emotional and mental energy too. So if you've been listening to the podcast, you'll know that a lot of these suggestions are the same ones I make for starting to overcome depression. The more 'light' you eat, the more full of light you are, emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually.Another tip for eating lots of raw foods is to include as many colors as possible. Colors in food are there for a reason – each color is made up of different phytonutrients. And we need a variety of these for good health. That's why you'll hear people suggest that we 'eat the rainbow'. Just not a cooked rainbow, please. An experiment: do try this at home!In fact here's an experiment for you that will really make you think. Make yourself a raw soup or curry. You can use one of my recipes on the blog or in my ebooks. Then take part of that soup or curry, and heat it gently. Use what I call the pinky test to make sure that it's warm but not too hot. In other words, that you can keep your pinky in there without burning yourself. Then take the other part of that soup or curry, and heat it a lot. Cook it, in other words. So if it's a soup, let it boil quickly. Then remove it from the heat.Now I want you to look at the colors of each pot. You will see that the vibrant colors of the raw soup or curry have faded to almost nothing when you boil that same dish. The difference is amazing. You can literally see that some of the phytonutrients have been altered from their natural state. The colors aren't as bright. It's like eating sunshine versus eating pond water. Big difference, right? OK it's not quite that bad, but I wanted to give you an analogy.If you're already pretty psychic or sensitiveNow if you're already pretty sensitive, I do have a word of caution for you. Eating more raw food is like connecting fiber optic broadband to your intuition. And sometimes that might be too much. For instance, when I first moved to Paris as a vegetarian, I actually had to eat meat for a while to ground myself because I wasn't used to that many people in enclosed spaces like the subway. Unfortunately meat really lowers your overall vibration though. I'll talk more about that in another episode.Easier ways to ground yourselfNow I know of way easier ways to ground myself. Crystals work really well – but that's another story as it's quite a big topic and I want to give you solutions that you can use immediately. So if you haven't got crystals handy, you can use food. Potatoes for instance are one of the best grounding foods ever. You can't eat them raw, so just pile on some salad and a dressing with your baked potato. You should feel more grounded instantly.If you're not vegan, eggs are also very grounding. I don't recommend commercially produced eggs because the chickens are put through hell, but a lot of places now have free-range eggs. Or better yet, get them from a farm where you know how the animals are treated. Again, I'm speaking about an ideal here – just do the best you can with what you've got, I say.Cheese is also very grounding, but because it's a very heavy and clogging food, I don't normally recommend it. You can however make cashew nut cheese, which can still be raw vegan and works pretty well. I've got recipes for delicious cheeses on the blog which I'll link to in the show notes.Foods to avoid to increase intuitionIf you want to increase intuition, in addition to foods to include, there are also foods to avoid. You want to avoid anything that will lower your vibratory rate as well as interfere with any of the systems of the body. And particularly with your brain.So the shortcut principle to this is to think of brain foods. Brain foods are going to be great for your intuition and overall sensitivity. And if you haven't yet gotten your handy fridge chart that shows at a glance the best brain foods to eat and those to avoid, I'll link to that in the show notes too.But the short version of foods to avoid starts with meat, especially red meat. If you really feel you need meat, then I'd say less is more, and try to get organic, free-range meat. Or failing that, kosher. This is because you don't want to absorb not only the growth hormones, but also the vibrations of an animal that has been kept in stressful conditions and then was full of fear before it was slaughtered.If you feel you must eat meatAnimals are here to share this planet with us, and they are more magical than you could ever imagine. I'll share more about that in a future episode because it's another huge topic.For now though, let me say that if you feel you have to eat meat, better to eat meat from an animal that was allowed to live a full, relatively free life and was killed with respect, reverence and gratitude. Many tribal peoples thank the animal for giving its life. They kill it quickly to feed themselves and their families, not for sport. And they don't gorge themselves – they take what they need with very little waste.Another important aspect of this is to eat lighter meats like fish and poultry. Red meat is the densest, most difficult to digest. It takes between 24 to 72 hours to digest meat, depending on your digestive tract. Three days! Ugh!Fish and mercury levelsIf you eat fish, my top tip here is to avoid fish with high levels of mercury. Mercury is very toxic for the brain, so not only does it dampen sensitivity, but it's felt to contribute towards all kinds of auto-immune disorders such as Alzheimer's and dementia. So stick to fish like salmon, tilapia and cod. I'll link to an updated list of mercury levels in fish in the show notes for those who eat fish.Other foods to avoid to increase intuitionThe second thing to avoid is anything with additives, flavor enhancers and artificial sweeteners. In other words, anything containing chemical substances pretending that they're food.This makes sense though, right? So junk food, frozen ready meals, things like that. Oh and MSG, that's another one to avoid. Some people get headaches from MSG which is their body telling them, 'I don't like this. Get it out!'And of course the last thing I'll mention is sugar. And when I say sugar, I don't mean fruit sugar. I mean good ol' granulated, processed white stuff that looks like an illegal drug. But it's a legal drug that's every bit as addictive, and it lowers our overall vibration. It also has no health benefits whatsoever. If you're struggling to kick the sugar habit, get yourself some xylitol. It looks like sugar but it's made from plant sources and it's glycemic index is lower, which means it won't hit your bloodstream like a hit of I-don't-know-what-illegal-substance.Other alternatives to sugarYou can also use dates, coconut palm sugar, honey if you're not vegan – so there are plenty of choices and they're all easy to use. Even maple syrup is better for you. Yes it's been processed so it's not technically raw. But it's delicious and again it's way better for you than white sugar. If you do buy maple syrup, be sure to get the pure 100 percent syrup (and not the fake stuff that's mixed with corn syrup, just check the label).There are a lot of other things you can do to increase intuition and raise your overall sensitivity, and I'll go into those in future episodes. For now though, I wanted to give you some easy, practical things that you can do today.Have YOU got a story to share?Whew! Lots of information this week, I hope you enjoyed it!This brings us to the end of this week's story – and if you've got a true story to share (and you'd like to know what food could have saved the day or enhanced your particular situation), I'd love to hear from you!Got a question, or a comment?Got a question, or a comment? Pop a note below in the comments, that would be awesome. You can also subscribe to the podcast to listen 'on the go' in iTunes, Stitcher or TuneIn.I hope you have an amazing day. Thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now!RESOURCESTo get your handy fridge chart: http://rockingrawchef.com/10-years-younger/More about eating for intuition: http://rockingrawchef.com/increase-intuition-with-food/Nut cheese recipes: http://rockingrawchef.com/cheese-on-a-raw-food-diet/ Link to 5-Minute recipe ebooks: https://rockingrawchef.com/5-minute-recipes/More about Santeria: https://prezi.com/hodskbeqn6oa/santeria-candomble/More about specific Orishas: https://lukumipeople.wordpress.com/2013/04/01/the-orisha-who-do-you-most-identify-with/Harbin Hot Springs: https://harbin.org/Mercury levels in fish (as of July 2017): https://www.thespruce.com/check-fish-for-mercury-before-buying-1300629

How Kate Fisher found herself at the brink of death, having to choose between this world and the next. Plus one of the best foods to feel grounded: for keeping a level head and making good decisions(!) Hi everybody, I'm Barbara Fernandez, the Rocking Raw Chef, here with my Clean Food, Dirty Stories: one to entertain, the other to inspire.I help people stamp out stress, depression and fatigue over at RockingRawChef.com, and today's title is:This world...Or AnotherIn addition to this story, at the end of this episode I'll share with you one of the best foods to feel grounded – in other words, to help us stay clear-headed and even make better decisions in our lives.OK enough hints from me, I'm sure you have no idea what that food is...or maybe you do, so let's get on with the story.Our guest, Kate FisherI am super excited to be joined here today for our story by Kate Fisher. Kate is a shamanic practitioner who specialises in helping others to connect with the power that is already within them. She is also an artist, and she works with drums, paint and clay to create shamanic tools, paintings and ceramics. And she works with people not only face to face, but also at a distance which I think is very cool. She has a pretty incredible story to share which I think you're going to love!So Kate, welcome to the Clean Food, Dirty Stories podcast!Kate: Thanks Barbara.Me: Yeah, it's great to have you. I'm looking forward to sharing your story.Kate's storySo you work in Norfolk, you live in Kent, but do you have a lot of trees surrounding you now? Because I know that you spent a lot of your childhood in trees, is that what you told me? Is that where your story begins?Kate: Yeah, it kind of is, I was much more into sitting in trees and hanging out there and not really with the other kids. It just felt calming and I later found out that what was actually happening was that I was speaking with the tree deities and the tree spirits themselves. Me: So like when most kids had imaginary friends, like little playmates and stuff, then you just had your playmates that were like in the trees and nature spirits and everything.That's really cool, when I was little actually, I didn't play with the other kids either. I was with them but I was a tiger roaring and crawling on the floor. So there were no nature spirits for me, just a bunch of crawling around.On to herbalismAt one point you studied herbalism, is that right? How did you come to study that?Kate: Well, I began studying it. After doing my art degree, I actually got a job in Neal's Yard Remedies in Norwich. And so that just kind of brought me back to plants and their uses. The medicinal uses were the sort of thing I was drawn to. I was going to move to Australia to do the whole course of naturopathy. There was something still missing from that for me. So from that I actually found magical herbalism.Me: Okay.Kate: Yeah, so that's kind of like hedge witchcraft. It's understanding that everything has an energy and you can use that energy to help heal and help rebalance.Me: I know about wild plants, you know, and collecting wild plants and just eating them because they taste really good, and I know that nettles for example are really good for arthritis, just little things that you kind of pick up. But that's kind of all I know. So is it like making teas for people and poultices and things like that out of plants and stuff?Kate: No, no, it's purely energetic, so it's basically like spellcasting.Me: OK.Magic herbalism, then on to the PhilippinesKate: So you would use certain herbs and plants that have certain attributes and they often correspond with the medicinal uses as well. And you'd kind of enchant them and then you'd make them into little sachets to hand to people and once they'd got their use from it, they would bury it. It was always just for an energetic purpose.Me: Oh OK.Kate: It's like the old wives' tale of putting certain things above the door so things can't come in.Me: I get it. OK. So you were doing herbalism but then I think you stopped, is that right, and you moved to the Philippines? Is that right?Kate: Yeah, that's right. So magical herbalism still wasn't doing it for me and I still felt there was something more. And I came across a book and it was called Chance Spirit Shamanism, and this just sent me off! I knew that I had to do something with this because it would take me deeper into that plant realm. The way I actually got to the Philippines was through my ceramics, with a job as a teacher over there.Manila and the Saturn returnMe: How did you get that job? That's really cool.Kate: A Filipino lady, her family ran the college there and she approached me and asked if I would teach there.Me: Wow!Kate: Unfortunately it was in Manila and for me that was just too busy. It's a really built city with really rich and really poor areas. I found this place called Bahay Kalipay which means the House of Happiness. So I went there, I volunteered and from there I taught this process called The Inner Dance, and this was precisely when my Saturn return hit. I had just turned 28 and I decided to drop everything, I sold everything that I owned in England basically, and I decided to move to the Philippines.Kate's Saturn ReturnMe: Wow. So can you just...sorry, can you explain to people, some people that may not know, what is a Saturn return and why does it just – cause I've experienced one too – what is a Saturn return and why does it turn your life upside down?Kate: Yeah, well, OK. The Saturn return is...Saturn's in a certain place in the night sky and what happens is when that then comes around which obviously it takes 28 to 30 years to come round in your astrological chart, that changes everything. You're then kind of pushed or encouraged onto a path that you should have been taking that you may have been diverted from. Some people's is really turbulent, other people it can be quite free flowing depending on what their life path life has taken. And then this happens again normally in women's time, it's normally around the menopause.Me: Well it would be like 28 years later, right?Kate: Exactly, yeah, it's on that time scale. So it really can turn your life upside down because Saturn's known as the teacher. If you haven't learned your lessons, you're gonna learn them!Why the PhilippinesMe: Yup! I've experienced that so I know exactly what you mean. Yeah, so it can be quite big life changes and stuff, right? What made you decide to move to the Philippines?Kate: Well, in all honesty a man.Me: (laughs) As so often happens...Kate: And he worked at the retreat center that I went to. Yeah, I kind of knew that it wasn't gonna work out but I'm always this kind of romantic person, I'm just gonna follow my heart...I loved it there anyway because it was just so beautiful and I felt so held there, just on the land.Me: Yeah. So you moved to the Philippines, so if you moved because of him, did you stay with him and then, like, what happened?Releasing inner blocksKate: Well, I think I moved in with him to begin with, him and his family. And then I went back to work at the retreat center for meditation and the inner dance which is kind of meditative. It allows the flow of energy and any blockages to come out, it can be quite cathartic and transformative in itself. So I went back there and lived there, and I did that for 8 months. I was looking for land to buy as well.Me: So you were gonna buy land in the Philippines? That's very cool. You said at one point that you had a kind of like dark night of the soul, was that related to the guy? Or...Kate: It was all, you know, a whole lump of stuff rolled in together (laughs). That's what happens, isn't it?Me: All at the same time, of course, yeah.Crying in paradiseKate: All at the same time. So yeah, for me, I was in paradise but I was crying my eyes out every day.Me: Oh!Kate: Yeah, and it was just this kind of ultimate depression, but this was something different, it was a transformative kind of time. And I ended up not really seeing the point in life, so I went from, you know, being on a real high and feeling the connection between all things and all of this and then just fell apart and thought, “Well, if everything is nothing and nothing is everything, then what's the point?”Me: Oh, yeah, I've felt like that before so I can relate, yeah. Wow.From the Philippines to PeruMe: And so from there, how did you...you said that you then went to Peru, right? So how did you go from the Philippines to Peru? Did you just one day up and decide to leave, or was there a specific incident where you thought 'OK I've had enough, I'm going to leave now'? Or...Kate: Well I, I'd gone to America to visit my friends over there and then while I was there I phoned this person...Me: Somebody in Peru?Kate: No, sorry, I phoned my boyfriend at the time. Yeah, and he ended up going “Oh I've decided I'm going to be a Peace Pilgrim”.Me: A Peace Pilgrim? What's that?Kate: So it's someone who walks around without anything, but just goes spreading peace and basically relies on anyone around them to support them. He said “This is my highest excitement”. So I was like, “OK, fine”. Obviously I was a bit heartbroken because I'd just travelled the other side of the world, but it made me suddenly realize that I wasn't following my highest excitement. So I thought “OK, what's happening right now? Where's the mother of all plant learnings?” And it's happening in Peru, with Ayahuasca, with Huachuma... Ayahuasca and HuachumaMe: What's huachuma? I mean, I know Ayahuasca and in fact I spoke about that in a previous episode, but what's huachuma?Kate: Huachuma is also known as San Pedro. San Pedro was the Catholic name they gave when they kind of came over to the South Americas. Huachuma is the original name for it. It's a cactus that is mescalin-based, so it's similar to the peyote which is a mescalin-based medicine.Me: Oh OK. So it's a similar kind of experience with...like a journey like you would do as if you were taking Ayahuasca but you're taking Huachuma?Kate: It's similar, yeah. Huachuma's much more about the earth and less cosmic. Ayahuasca is out there, attaching to everything that is. Huachuma's about the heart, about connecting back to the earth.Me: Wow. OK, so you did both of those when you were there?Kate: Yeah, that's right, so I spent 6 months being an apprentice to both of those plants.Me: Oh wow! So now are you able to perform Ayahuasca and Huachuma ceremonies for other people?Kate: I believe I can hold ceremony for Huachuma for other people. With Ayahuasca I decided that I'm just always going to be her apprentice (laughs). I just don't see how people hold space for that, it's such a powerful thing.Temazcals (sweat lodges)Me: OK. So you did those, and you also mentioned temazcals, you know, the sweat lodges, what were those like?Kate: It's really magical.So for somebody who doesn't, who doesn't know about a temazcal, can you say a little bit about like what it is? Because I've done one, but not everybody knows about it, right? Could you say a little bit about like what it is and what happens and why you might want to do a sweat lodge?Kate: OK. It's a really sacred ceremony and our ancestors have always used it to cleanse, to rebirth. To go into those sweat lodges is like going back into the mother's womb. You go in there with thanks, knowing what you want to get rid of or what you want to transition into. And you bless the rocks which are put into a sacred fire.Me: Sacred fire?Kate: Yes. They then heat those for several hours and then you will go into the lodge. You normally go through about four, yeah, four rounds. They'll bring in a certain number of rocks, and then water is poured onto the rocks once the door is closed.Me: And it gets really, really hot, I remember.Kate: It does. But it builds, it's not like going into a sauna. Your body gradually kind of gets used to it until it gets so hot that you're just like “Oh no I can't do this!” But quite often, we always say that the heat is your friend. Because that heat is sometimes not physical heat, it's sometimes you know, coming up against maybe a blockage of the energy of the thing that you're trying to shift, so if you can, stay in.The eyebrow of the Peruvian jungleMe: And so how did you...how did you go from doing the sweat lodges and the Ayahuasca and Huachuma ceremonies to the jungle? Cause you said that you were...I know that you mentioned to me that you were in the jungle with some friends and you had a pretty scary experience there. Can you say a little bit about like how you came to be there, and what happened?Kate: Yeah, definitely.I was a, I suppose an assistant to the woman that owned the retreat center. And we'd become really good friends because we obviously worked really closely together. We were offered a piece of land possibly in a part of the jungle called Manu which is known as the eyebrow of the jungle of Peru. So we went to visit, and our friend who also went with us, he was also an Andean priest. He went and hired a boat and took us to this special island which had quite rare breeds of certain animals, mammals and things. So he takes us over there and we're just so excited to see a different part and see rare species. Onto the land, you know you just start walking around and admiring things and I think it was about a third of the way around this island and all of a sudden something hit me.When the jungle gets angryKate: It felt like I'd suddenly started menstruating but it wasn't that time, it felt like all of my guts were just turning around. I just suddenly went white. Me: Wow!Kate: Literally it just felt like, I don't know, I could have eaten something that didn't agree with me, all that kind of stuff. So my friend tried to do an echo cleansing on me. Now all that did - this is the dirty part of the story – was give me diarrhea. It was awful. My body was emptying, everything was too heavy. I was getting rid of everything. It was really quite scary as it progressed.And then this feeling came over me that the jungle was angry. There was always this element of kind of doubt, skepticism I guess.Getting lost in another worldBut I was about to get lost in another world. The jungle felt like it was pulling me. The world that I knew, that part of the jungle that I was seeing with my physical eyes was disappearing. Me: Wow! That's scary!Kate: Terrifying. And interesting at the same time.Me: Yeah, kind of like 'this is really scary but this is really cool!'Kate: I mean I got really scared up until the point where I thought, 'OK, maybe I'm going to leave this other world that I know and I'm gonna be taken to another world'. And when I reached that level of acceptance, you know, that strange place of like 'OK this is just happening', I told my friends to go on without me. I said, “This is where I stop”. And it was like, it was, I don't know, it was like I was disappearing.Me: Wow.Kate: Yeah, I...after feeling scared it was suddenly this peace that took over. But then my friends became scared because they realized how real this had become. You know, they couldn't just leave me in the jungle.Me: Yeah.Kate: And the Andean priest, he was suddenly panicking around me. He was saying in Spanish, in Quechua, panicking about “Oh I haven't done it, I haven't done it, I haven't done it!” He was going on about the ritual or the ceremony that we were supposed to do when we arrived at this land.A hurried ceremonyKate: And so all of a sudden he's scrambling in his pockets to get things out and I was just flopped on the ground at this point and I had no idea what was going on around me other than his scrambling. He got out the cocoa leaves and he made like a little fan of these and he started doing ceremony. And he was doing all these different things around me but I didn't have any awareness to be able to learn or witness or anything, it was like I was being absorbed into the jungle floor.The next thing I know he's yanking me up off the ground saying “Stamp on the floor! Stamp on the floor!” Like this. And I was just like “I can't do it, I can't even lift my leg,” like I had nothing left, no physical ability whatsoever. But he was so persistent I just went and I just, I just kind of just flopped my foot on this space and I later found out that he'd buried the cocoa leaves there.And as I touched my foot down, something happened and I felt a little bit stronger. So then he went, “Again!” I stamped again a little bit harder with the strength that I'd found. And he said, “Again!” I stamped my foot even harder, and every time we did this, my energy started coming back and my color started coming back and I felt myself being drawn in, like my energy bodies being drawn back into this physical body. Until we'd done it enough that they felt comfortable with us making our way away from there.Me: Wow. Yeah, and then you just left at that point? Were you supposed to stay longer?Kate: I had to lay there while they went off in the boat for a while so I had to lay in the jungle for a bit and stop. Just to kind of recoup and make sure that I'd gathered all the parts of me back together I think. Me: Yeah, of course, yeah.Fear as teacherKate: And I gave my thanks and you know, and I said, “Sorry for not knowing better”. I should have known better, that's what I was there to learn, you know. How to respect these places.Me: Yeah, but you were there to learn. I would have thought the Andean priest would have... I mean, I would have been blaming him! (laughs) Right? Wasn't he kind of there to, you know, to guide you and look after you? I mean I would have been like, “Dude you forgot something! Look what happened to me!” No?Kate: Well, I suppose, but I didn't see things that way at that time. I kind of overtook responsibility if that makes sense. But I gave my thanks to the jungle at that point because that's when my skepticism left and I really started to trust that Spirit is there to guide. And it really showed me its strength, and the only way it could do that was through fear.Me: Wow.Kate: Yeah, I was really, really grateful to have learned that lesson because without that I wouldn't be able to practice, you know, the techniques that I do today.Me: I bet the Andean priest learned a lot too, right? I bet he never did that again! (laughs) Right?Kate: (laughs) I don't think so!Me: Almost killed a tourist, can you imagine? Oh my goodness. Wow!What Kate does todaySo then you said that that experience helped you do the techniques that you do today, so how? Like, how come? What was it about that particular experience and what did you take from there I guess is what I want to ask, that you now use? Yeah, that you use now?Kate: Well it's just the level of trust.Me: Ah, OK. That makes sense.Kate: When I'm doing the healings or ceremony or anything, I endeavour obviously – I mean sometimes ego gets in the way and makes you feel small. But that's quite rare these days. I just allow Spirit and the ancestors to guide me.Me: Yup. Yeah, because you have that trust now thanks to your experience in the jungle. I get it, yeah. Wow!So then, yeah, what do you do now to help other people? Because I know you do lots of different things, do you want to say a little bit about that?Kate: Yeah, well the main thing that I endeavour to do, like anyone that I come across I try and support and empower. Even if it's the smallest thing. And give people that different perspective on themselves. I think we're so made to feel belittled and that we think that, you know, to think good of ourselves is to be arrogant. But actually we need to come to a space where we can be comfortable and love ourselves without that. Me: Yeah.Kate: It's really hard to explain! I lead retreats and...Finding the Wild WomanMe: So what kinds of things do you do at the retreats? For example, do you take people on shamanic journeys as a group? Kate: So for the retreats, what I focus on at the moment is women. And I do this alongside a lovely lady called Amy who runs SoulShine social enterprise and we, well we call it Finding the Wild Woman. And it's all about rewilding, so finding that part of you that's been repressed through, you know, all the things that we should and shouldn't do and expressing your authentic self.Me: Oh I like the sound of that, yup!Kate: So we do all sorts of things.Me: Wow, that sounds quite fun.Kate: Yeah, we use all the different elements as well. So you know, we run through kind of water, earth, fire, air, spirit...so people can connect back with those. The very base elements of this world.Me: Wow, that's very cool.Individual help, even at a distanceMe: So you do those at the retreats, and then I think you said for individual people you help them find balance and things? Like what do you do for individuals? Because I know you also said you do some things at a distance as well. Kate: Yeah, so whether it's distance or whether people are there, I'll connect with them and I'll allow Spirit and ancestors again to work through me. I use my drum, rattle, feathers, anything. I always ask if the person's comfortable with it. Yeah, and then I use the vibe to kind of realign, as everything's made of vibration. The intention is to realign those things, on any level that person wants to work.Me: OK. So do people normally come to you...yeah I would imagine people would come to you with a really specific problem, right? Can it be any kind of problem? Like, I don't know, like everything from physical problems like physical ailments to maybe emotional problems or mental problems? Kate: Yeah, definitely.Me: So a bit of everything. Super! OKKate: The most common tends to be physical or emotional, but actually you find out that they're all interlinked so you just follow that path until...Me: Yeah, I know what you mean. Training for the Celtic sweat lodgeMe: So do you run sweat lodges? Do you use that tool in your work at all?Kate: I'm not running them yet, I'm gonna do another 2 years learning the Celtic lodge.Me: So how long does it take then to train to learn the Celtic sweat lodges?Kate: Well, I'm taking three years to do it.Me: Three years, OK. Is that your choice to do it over a longer period?Kate: Yeah, I know that you can learn the practicalities in a couple of weekends, but to have the experience of actually supporting people through that process...Me: Oh yeah, that's the biggest bit, yeah.Kate: It's a very different ballgame.My own experience in a sweat lodgeMe: Yeah, of course, cause I know, I mean I know for me that when I did a sweat lodge, yeah it was years ago now. And at the time I was...I was a total mess!And so when it got really, really hot, I could feel that kind of...how can I describe it? It was kind of like as if there was a well at the bottom of my being that was filled with all these like dark stuff. You know, fears and things like that that never got to come up to the surface, you know? That never got acknowledged.Just like really primal stuff, you know, almost as if you could tap into your most primal fears because there was no cultural barrier. There was no mental barrier, you know.You were just so hot that your mind...I mean for me my mind almost just left my body really because it was just so hot. And I thought that was...that was quite an amazing experience.I mean for me I was like wow! It was scary but it was also really cool and I can imagine that for some people... I mean, I like to think that I'm a pretty strong cookie but I imagine it would be scary for people to come to grips with what they find and to have to kind of, yeah, deal with that. I mean if they uncover something they didn't know about themselves before, maybe something that's super scary, then yeah I would imagine you have to have the tools to deal with that, right?Kate: That's right, yeah. You've got to be able to support people after they've kind of gone through the sweat lodge process. Like you say, sometimes people are left with things that they need to kind of then kind of speak through or go into a bit more.Me: Wow, yeah. But I'd definitely say better out than in, right? All that stuff.Where to find KateKate thank you so much for coming on to share your story. There's a friend of mine that also mentioned that when you hold any kind of retreat or workshop or any kind of event in nature, she said just ask the spirits there for permission so you're on their terrain as it were. So that's a really good example of what can happen if you don't, right? I'll have to tell her about it. Well, I'll have to get her to listen to the episode.But thank you so much for sharing that, I really appreciate it and I'll link to everything that you do below, but do you just want to say where... Where can people find you? What's the easiest way to find you?Kate: Yeah, it's easiest to find me on Facebook at the moment because I'm still working on my website but that's at kfheartwisdom.Me: Super! OK. I'll put the link to your site as well. Is it katefisher.co.uk? Is that right?Kate: Yeah.Me: Thank you so much, I really appreciate it, and I think I'm going to dive into our food tip.Foods to feel groundedAnd it's really funny that there was all this stuff about stamping on the ground and everything because...I mentioned at the beginning of this episode that I would share one of the best foods to feel grounded. And first I do want to kind of emphasize what I mean when we say grounded.When we feel grounded, we feel more connected to the earth. Now this might sound airy-fairy, but it's actually really important. So you can think of feeling grounded as the opposite of scatterbrained. In other words, instead of feeling confused, all over the place, not knowing what to do, when you're grounded you actually have a clarity of purpose. It enables you to not only get things done but to know what those things actually are that you need to do for your own happiness.And believe me, this is really, really important. I speak from very personal experience. The other way that you can think of being grounded is eating foods to feel grounded. It's kind of like getting the benefits of comfort food without gaining weight, if that makes sense. You do get that, yeah, that sense of comfort from these particular foods, but you're eating good food, you know? Rather than junk.And for those of you who want to do some of your own shamanic journeys as Kate did, this particular food that I'm going to talk about can help you stay connected to this world too.So although there are many foods to feel grounded, the ones that I want to mention here, or the one specific one is...squash!Benefits of squashAnd when I say squash, this actually covers a variety of vegetables: so you've got spaghetti squash, summer squash, zucchini, marrow and pumpkin. Those are all types of squash. Gourds as well, those are squash.Squash is one of the oldest foods around – it's been cultivated for at least 10,000 years, and it may look kind of ordinary, but it has a lot of health benefits.Now you may not know this, but squash is listed as anti-fungal, antibacterial and anti-inflammatory! It contains vitamin A, several B vitamins, folates, magnesium, potassium, iron, copper, zinc, manganese, calcium, and beta carotene among other antioxidants.So it's insanely good for a whole host of things, including managing our blood sugar, keeping our lungs healthy, helping keep our eyes sharp and strong, having strong bones, and reducing the risks of many diseases including lung cancer, emphysema and glaucoma, and that's just to name a few.Squash has many other benefits and I'll link to an article in the show notes if you'd like to read more about it.Now however before you decide to start eating bushels of squash, I do have to warn you about one thing. Squash is very good at lowering blood pressure, and if you have low blood pressure already, squash could lower it even further. So if that's you, best to eat other veggies instead. Fortunately there are lots of other alternatives that I do mention in other podcast episodes!How you eat squashNow as to how you eat squash, well there are so many ways to eat it! Most people puree it and make pancakes, or they slice it and fry it. My favorite way to eat it – and if you know me you'll know what that is – it's to spiralize it! I'll link to an article in the show notes where I show you how to do just that. You can make great pasta using squash, and you don't even have to boil it. Plus it's naturally gluten-free, so everyone can eat it!I've also got some delicious recipes that use squash in my 5-Minute Mains recipe ebook that I'll link to as well.So I hope you've enjoyed our story this week!Have YOU got a story to share?And if you've got a crazy, true story to share (and you'd like to know what food could have saved the day or enhanced your particular situation), I'd love to hear from you! Email me at barbara@rockingrawchef.comIf you enjoy my stories and want to hear more, join us and subscribe! I share one amazing, true story a week. And if you've got any questions, just pop them in the comments! And if you're listening on iTunes, do give me a review, that would be awesome.I hope you have an amazing day, thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now!RESOURCESHow to spiralize veggies: http://rockingrawchef.com/what-is-a-spiralizer-and-what-can-it-do-for-me/5-Minute Mains and other recipe ebooks: https://rockingrawchef.com/5-minute-recipes/Foods to feel grounded: https://www.sarahpetrunoshamanism.com/blog/12-foods-for-feeling-grounded/Benefits of squash: https://www.organicfacts.net/health-benefits/fruit/squash.htmlKate's bioKate has studied many esoteric and spiritual practices to a basic level from an early age (13). When her Saturn return began (age 28), Kate moved abroad to study different healing techniques with healers and shaman of Philippines and Peru. She learnt that to know and embrace all parts of yourself is where true healing happens. With a holistic attitude to life and endeavouring to approach life from the heart, Kate believes that all aspects of the self - mind, body and spirit - play a part in the health of the person. Finding balance in all these aspects, we can live to our full potential.Kate's website: http://katefisher.co.ukKate on Facebook, YouTube​