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25 episodes with dirty stories
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Dirty Stories! Too dirty to write in the description. Trust me. Our Stuff: - http://www.patreon.com/tuesdays - youtube.com/tuesdayswithstories - Check out Joe List on Punch Up Live for tour dates, videos, buying tickets and more! https://punchup.live/joe-list - Support the show and get your first month of BlueChew free. Use promo code TUESDAYS at https://www.bluechew.com - This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try and get on your way to being your best self at https://www.betterhelp.com/tuesdays - Get 50% off plus free shipping on your first Factor box. Use code TUESDAYS50OFF at https://www.factormeals.com/TUESDAYS50OFF
SENILE GRANDMA FUCKING ON CHRISTMAS.. COUSIN SENDING NASTY PICS AT CHRISTMAS TO HER FAMILY.. IT'S ALL HERE ON MISTRESS MIA'S DUNGEON! JOIN JOHN AND MIA AS THEY DISCUSS SOME FUNNY STORIES OF PEOPLE JUST DOING THEIR DIRTY THING ON CHRISTMAS! --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/mistress-mia8/support
Dirty stories from office Christmas parties.
This week we're excited to present a conversation with actress Françoise Lebrun, who appeared in Jean Eustache's 1973 masterpiece, The Mother and the Whore, and Charles Gillibert, the producer of the film's new restoration. The Mother and the Whore will be opening in our theaters in a new 4K restoration as part of “The Dirty Stories of Jean Eustache,” a 12-film retrospective of the French director's work, from June 23–July 13, courtesy of FLC and Janus Films. Tickets are on sale now at filmlinc.org/eustache. After the French New Wave, the sexual revolution, and May 1968 came The Mother and the Whore, the legendary, autobiographical magnum opus by Eustache that captured a disillusioned generation navigating the post-idealism 1970s within the microcosm of a ménage à trois. The aimless, clueless, Parisian pseudo-intellectual Alexandre (Jean-Pierre Léaud) lives with his tempestuous older girlfriend, Marie (Bernadette Lafont), and begins a dalliance with the younger, sexually liberated Veronika (Françoise Lebrun, Eustache's own former lover), leading to a volatile open relationship marked by everyday emotional violence and subtle but catastrophic shifts in power dynamics. Transmitting his own sex life to the screen with startling immediacy, Eustache achieves an intimacy so deep it cuts. Lebrun and Gillibert spoke with FLC Senior Director of Programming Florence Almozini following a screening of the film in the Revivals section of the 60th New York Film Festival.
We hear more stories from filming and will 'Colleen and Bradley: The Movie' reveal a new star!?? and a wild cameo appearance. Plus a familiar face is a D-Bag AND prices have been released from that Betty White auction.
Watch it on YouTube with subtitles: https://youtu.be/b1Ql1JMXHY0 === Getting our hands dirty: stories of activists and electoral politics === Join us for the opening session of Fearless Cities where activists from some of the most innovative and powerful grassroots organizations will share their experiences of electoral politics and working with allies in government. The session will close with a special annoucement about the Fearless network and a speech by Ada Colau, Mayor of Barcelona. === Nos mojamos: historias de activistas y política institucional === Únete para la sesión de apertura de Fearless Cities, donde activistas de algunas de las organizaciones de base más innovadoras y poderosas compartirán sus experiencias de política electoral y trabajo con aliados en las instituciones. La sesión se cerrará con un anuncio especial sobre la red Fearless y un discurso de Ada Colau, alcaldesa de Barcelona. === Ens mullem: històries d'activistes i política institucional === Uneix-te a la sessió d'obertura de Fearless Cities, on activistes d'algunes de les organitzacions de base més innovadores i poderoses compartiran les experiències de política electoral i treball amb aliats en les institucions. La sessió es tancarà amb un anunci especial sobre la xarxa Fearless i un discurs d'Ada Colau, alcaldessa de Barcelona. ===== More info about #FearlessCities2021 at https://www.fearlesscities.com Follow us on https://twitter.com/BComuGlobal
Welcome to episode #1 of Baseball Evolution’s Dirty Stories! Don’t you dare miss it, DirtBag Nation! Find out how Jake’s vision and story of creating an Undisc2overed baseball Community came to be Find out how Jake & his team can help build your own Online Fundraising Fanwear Store Follow @Gwinnettbaseballreport on Facebook to for live... The post Dirty Story # 1 – Jake Kimbel of Bush League Fundraising appeared first on Baseball Evolution.
There's been a lot of books written about Disney World, but nothing like Blu Carson's Dark Rides: Erotic Theme Park Adventures. Blu talked with us about the inspiration for the book, what she's learned from writing the book and when (if ever) Volume Two of her book will be coming out.And, for more Blu, check out our YouTube page, where you can listen to an outtake from our interview where she talks about some of the reasons people didn't give the book five stars and how she wanted to answer those reviews.To pick up a copy of Blu's book, you can order a signed copy from Bamboo Forest Publishing, or you can order a copy on Amazon or Audible.
We're talking sexy, dirty, slutty stories from people around the world!
We're talking sexy, dirty, slutty stories from people around the world!
FaceTime is not your friend in public.
Today, we talk about Boundaries and Bucket lists. How to deal with each and to make sure people are always still treated like people, You will love our fun stories as we keep answering you Lifestyle questionsCheck out all our shows at: http://www.buzzsprout.com/181336Visit us at: http://www.krazykasbh.comfollow us on twitter @TruthKrazySubscribe to our YouTube Channel: http://www.youtube.com/kasbhSend us an email at krazy.kasbh@gmail.com Support the show (http://www.patreon.com/KrazyKasbh)
In this episode we answer the questions others shy away from. Can people with Disabilities enjoy and participate in the Lifestyle? Hell yes.. We talk about how the Lifestyle can include everyone. We also talk about how to make Kinksters and Swingers have a successful joint party.Check out all our shows at: http://www.buzzsprout.com/181336Visit us at: http://www.krazykasbh.comfollow us on twitter @TruthKrazySubscribe to our YouTube Channel: http://www.youtube.com/kasbhSend us an email at krazy.kasbh@gmail.com Support the show (http://www.patreon.com/KrazyKasbh)
This week we talk about the sharing toys and the Gateway to Swinging, The all mighty 3 sum. We share our own experiences and give you some hints on what to avoid when you have your next 3 sum. Sit back and be prepared to laugh for the next hour.Check out all our shows at: http://www.buzzsprout.com/181336Visit us at: http://www.krazykasbh.comfollow us on twitter @TruthKrazySubscribe to our YouTube Channel: http://www.youtube.com/kasbhSend us an email at krazy.kasbh@gmail.com Support the show (http://www.patreon.com/KrazyKasbh)
This week we talk about being outed and the Big Kiss and Tell. How much do you share about past hook ups. Check out all our shows at: http://www.buzzsprout.com/181336Visit us at: http://www.krazykasbh.comfollow us on twitter @TruthKrazySubscribe to our YouTube Channel: http://www.youtube.com/kasbhSend us an email at krazy.kasbh@gmail.com Support the show (http://www.patreon.com/KrazyKasbh)
horizontal is a podcast of intimacies recorded while lying down. In this episode, I lie down with sexual folklorist Dixie de la Tour. Dixie is the founder, curator, and host of Bawdy Storytelling, the longest-running sex storytelling series in the United States. Samia Mounts, of the “Make America Relate Again” podcast, was the first to mention Bawdy to me in the late summer of last year, and she insisted that I SIMPLY MUST attend the RISK & Bawdy collaboration show at the Bell House last September. I did. I saw. I played Bang-o. I started courting Dixie immediately. She is a mesmerizing storyteller. Her Southern lilt, her flagrant nonchalance and nonchalant brazenness, her heart-o-gold, her heaving bosom. She’s not just a Connector, in the Malcolm Gladwell sense of the word, she’s a Super-connector, a Mmmega-connector. Her shows get people laid (it’s happened so often that there’s even a song for that!); her shows spark romance, start relationships, and, I believe may have even been tangentially responsible for a bawdy baby or two. I was tickled and honored and seam-burst-ing with joy when I finally had the chance to get horizontal with Dixie in her chosen hometown of San Francisco, California. We recorded in the guest room of a 24-ish member intentional community in SOMA. One of my classmates from NYU lives there. It’s like the Parthenon of intentional communities. For tales from the road, like the one about how I got totally infatuated with a guy there and wound up acting like a 13 year-old, for pretty pictures of my adventures and horizontality in unexpected places, for invites to live shows, and my writings about intimacy of all kinds, sign up on horizontalwithlila.com While I was driving cross-country solo on my horizontal does america road trip, I didn’t listen to music. I just didn’t have the impulse to. I listened to books, I listened to podcasts, I talked to friends on the phone, I talked to myself, I sang to myself, or I drove along in meditative quiet. I listened to episode after episode of Dixie’s Bawdy Storytelling podcast. After a while, Dixie started to feel like a road spirit, an auditory escort, my most frequent aural (a-u-r-a-l) companion. Behind the wheel of my borrowed Honda Civic, while listening to Bawdy, I repeatedly squealed, laughed, teared up, and said OH. MY! all the way across America. We are so fortunate that Dixie has centered her life around living stories, telling them, and getting other people to tell them. What do they say about living legends? She’s a national treasure. Explore her body of work, pun intended, on Bawdystorytelling.com. If you enjoy our horizontal storytelling, become a patron of the horizontal arts, darling! You can become a patron for $2 on up, and the rewards get more delectable as you increase. For instance, for $10 a month, you’ll get access to the love poem of the month, a private recording of one of my favorites. For $15 a month, you’ll get a ticket to a live show, or access to a secret episode, and so on. Patronage is what makes it possible for me to continue making independent, uncensored, ad free homemade radio. I believe that when we make private conversations public, intimacy becomes contagious, and the more intimacy we cultivate, the happier our lives. Be part of it through Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila. Your patronage helps make the world more intimate. In this first part of our conversation, we talk about Bawdy, Bang-O, craigslist personal ads, the unknown hookup, and being a porn magnet. And Dixie tells me a tale about a porno booth (with glory holes everywhere). Stick around at the end of the episode for a little treat: a bawdy song by Jefferson Bergey! And now, come lie down with us in San Francisco, California. The credits! Here are the people who made this episode possible. Chad Michael Snavely has edited every episode in Season Two. Check out his roster of podcasts on chadmichael.com. Shana Shay created my cover art, and you can hire her through 99designs. And Alan Markley created my intro music. He’s plasticcannons on the Instagram.
Today we again answer your questions but we include a special message about newbies and to remember what it was like when you were new. Nothing is more entertaining then when Kole gets and his soap box! We just keep preaching the Krazy Truth!Check out all our shows at: http://www.buzzsprout.com/181336Visit us at: http://www.krazykasbh.comfollow us on twitter @TruthKrazySubscribe to our YouTube Channel: http://www.youtube.com/kasbhSend us an email at krazy.kasbh@gmail.com Support the show (http://www.patreon.com/KrazyKasbh)
This is a special episode, we just talk about Performance Anxiety and how it effects us all. Both Men and women and how we can over come it.Check out all our shows at: http://www.buzzsprout.com/181336Visit us at: http://www.krazykasbh.comfollow us on twitter @TruthKrazySubscribe to our YouTube Channel: http://www.youtube.com/kasbhSend us an email at krazy.kasbh@gmail.com Support the show (http://www.patreon.com/KrazyKasbh)
We answer your questions, How do you swing correctly?, How do you move it to the next level. It's Just sexCheck out all our shows at: http://www.buzzsprout.com/181336Visit us at: http://www.krazykasbh.comfollow us on twitter @TruthKrazySubscribe to our YouTube Channel: http://www.youtube.com/kasbhSend us an email at krazy.kasbh@gmail.com Support the show (http://www.patreon.com/KrazyKasbh)
Is it rude to ask for a specific sized dick when you want to play? How do you open up to new ideas in the lifestyle. These are just a few of the questions we answer on this episode of Krazy Truth.Check out all our shows at: http://www.buzzsprout.com/181336Visit us at: http://www.krazykasbh.comfollow us on twitter @TruthKrazySubscribe to our YouTube Channel: http://www.youtube.com/kasbhSend us an email at krazy.kasbh@gmail.com Support the show (http://www.patreon.com/KrazyKasbh)
In todays show we talk about communication. How it is so important in the Lifestyle. Swinging without talking is a bad idea. All three of our listeners questions hit on a different part of communicating. Great questions answered with our own badass style leads to a damn funny show!Check out all our shows at: http://www.buzzsprout.com/181336Visit us at: http://www.krazykasbh.comfollow us on twitter @TruthKrazySubscribe to our YouTube Channel: http://www.youtube.com/kasbhSend us an email at krazy.kasbh@gmail.com Support the show (http://www.patreon.com/KrazyKasbh)
How I almost found myself possessed by the god of thunder, plus how to increase intuition and psychic sensitivityHi everybody, I'm Barbara Fernandez, the Rocking Raw Chef, here with my Clean Food, Dirty Stories: one to entertain, the other to inspire.I help people stamp out stress, depression and fatigue over at RockingRawChef.com, and today's title is:Playing With SpiritsIn addition to this story, at the end of this episode I'll share with you some top tips to increase intuition.OK enough hints from me, let's get on with the story.A pretty crazy storyFirst let me say that when I say playing with spirits, I'm not talking about Ouija boards. And I don't mean playing with them as in being disrespectful. This story is all about their power, how they can help and how that relates – yes, surprise, surprise – to food.Off to CaliforniaThis story begins when I decided to go out to the San Francisco Bay area to live there for a while. I was in a bit of a mess, as I'd just gotten ejected out of a relationship in a very painful way. This included a cry-for-help-disguised-as-a-suicide-attempt and a hospital stay which I talk about in last week's episode.So to say that I was a bit fragile would probably be an understatement. However I knew that I would meet some amazing people in the Bay area, and I couldn't wait to reconnect with one of my favorite people in the world. She's one of my dearest friends and has been since college, and she was like, “Come and stay! I'll help you settle in”. Well, I couldn't resist that offer. Her name is Francesca and her story is incredible. In fact Francesca overcame depression as well, and we share her story in Episode 12, From Depression To Diva.Anyway I got on a plane and went to Oakland California, where luckily my friend helped me land a job through a temp agency. I don't even remember what I did there, I think it was something in marketing and I know it involved a computer, but the rest of it is pretty much a blur. I do know that I made a big effort to dress really nicely every day. For some reason that's the one thing I remember. Superficial perhaps, but true – although I did get pleasure out of looking nice. Even though on the inside I was still a bit fragile.A clothing-optional weekend, with SanteriaFortunately for me I made friends really easily through Francesca. And shortly after I had arrived, Francesca invited me to come along to a clothing-optional weekend where we'd attend some ceremonies. One was a sweat lodge, which I've talked about in Episode 19, and the other was a ceremony in a tradition called Santeria. Plus as the weekend was going to be clothing-optional, well that alone was going to be a new experience for me. And of course I was up for it.I'll talk about the clothing-optional aspect of the weekend in another episode because that alone was really interesting. This week I want to focus on what happened between me and the spirits. First though, let me tell you a little bit about Santeria.A simplified definition of SanteriaSanteria means 'way of the saints'. It's an Afro-Carribean religion that originated in Cuba and was traditionally practiced by descendants of West African slaves. Practitioners replaced the slave owners' Catholic saints with their own spirits, called the Orisha. The Orisha are the go-betweens, if you like, the way in which we can connect with the one energy linking everything in the universe, which in Santeria is called Olorun. So kind of like using saints to interact with God, except you're using Orishas. That's way oversimplifying this, but this is just to give you an idea. I'll link to where you can find out more about Santeria in the show notes.Anyway I went with Francesca to a beautiful place in California called Harbin Hot Springs. Harbin has been a very strong spiritual center for people from all over to go and relax in its hot springs while doing yoga and all kinds of other good stuff.Drumming, dancing and spirit possessionAnd on the Friday night, I got my first introduction to Santeria in the form of a drumming and dancing ceremony. Now I knew nothing about Santeria. All I knew was that we were going to be doing some drumming. That was it. I never suspected that we would use drumming and dancing to let some of us be possessed (temporarily of course) by one of the Orishas.At this point you may be wondering, 'Why would anyone allow themselves to be possessed by a spirit?' Or you might be thinking, 'This is totally insane, I'm out of here'. But bear with me because what happened was pretty amazing.Now, people contact the Orishas to help them and others with their lives. It's also a way for them to expand their personalities, because each Orisha has a very distinct personality, as I was soon to discover for myself. So if you're normally a very timid woman for example, it can be quite something to suddenly be a big, burly spirit who loves cigars. That kind of thing. But I didn't know any of that at first.So the drumming started. I really liked the music, it was really healing to be able to just move around freely and enjoy the drums. People had left offerings for the Orishas on various altars, and each Orisha was honored by participants playing their song in a specific order. It's while the Orisha's song is playing that any of his or her devotees can be possessed by that Orisha.Enter the OrishasAnd yes, you can have several people possessed by the same Orisha at once. Energy is limitless, after all, so I don't know about you but that does make total sense to me. And I saw it, anyway, which was incredible.So suddenly one woman picked up and lit one of the cigars. She puffed away while walking around like a warrior. I learned that Oshun was the Orisha that she connected with, and Oshun loves cigars, very spicy food like hot peppers, and rum. So those were some of the things offered to him, and her whole personality changed. I mean, she was definitely not there, and someone else was. You could really tell. It was incredible, especially as I'd never seen anything like this before. OK well I had actually, once before when I assisted at a past-life regression that kind of went badly. But that's another story!Other songs and other Orishas came to the ceremony too, until there were about a quarter of the participants who were one Orisha or another. Oh and by the way, one interesting thing was that the people who were possessed by Orishas always knew instantly when someone else was about to be taken over as well. They knew even before the person did, and they'd run up to them and spin them around to help the process along.Knock, knock, knocking at my brain's doorI know this all sounds crazy, but bear with me! The music changed again, and it was at this point that all of a sudden I felt like someone was knocking on a door situated about three feet up and behind the top of my head. I kid you not. Literally knocking and asking if I'd let him in. He was very polite, at least he asked. I knew it was a 'he', though I can't tell you how I knew, because the only thing I knew about any of the Orishas were that some were male and some were female. That was it. It's important that I emphasize my total lack of knowledge by the way, because of what came later.So I'm feeling this knocking at my door and I'm thinking, 'Nooooo, I didn't really have spirit possession in mind when I came on this weekend, thank you'. But the other Orishas came rushing over to me and started laughing and spinning me around. Mind you, I hadn't even been moving before this. It happened in a split second, and none of these people knew me. But they knew something was happening.Well, I didn't let the Orisha in, but he wasn't quite finished with me yet. The others laughed and spun away dancing, and the evening went on. I learned by the way that the Orisha who had come knocking was Shango. Shango, I later learned, is the god of thunder, war and virility, and is also the Master Drummer and Master Dancer. So pretty cool.Messages from the spirit worldAnyway at this point all of the Orishas had come, and they went round helping the other people present by going up to them and giving them messages. I had three different Orishas come up to me. And the messages were incredible. One of them said to me, “You're not done in France yet. You'll go back there pretty soon.” At that time I had no idea what my plans were, let alone anyone else. No-one there even knew I'd been living in France. Another Orisha said, “Ah, you need a place to live! Don't worry, we'll help you”.Which they did, because when I got back from the weekend on the Sunday afternoon, there was a message on the answering machine offering me an apartment. Amazing! Particularly as we hadn't placed an ad – we were only asking a few friends.Now I mentioned earlier that after Shango had knocked on my door and I'd turned him away that he hadn't finished with me yet. And he hadn't. The reason I know this was because of the sweat lodge which was on the Saturday.Shango and the sweat lodgeIf you don't know what a sweat lodge is, it's basically a large, enclosed tent with a pit in the middle. Hot volcanic rocks are placed in the pit and the shaman or ceremony leader pours water over the rocks, and so it's like a very intense steam room. But very intense. I'm talking so hot that it's unbearable. The reason for that is so that you can clear out not only physical toxins, but emotional and spiritual ones as well. It was very intense and I've spoken about that detox process in Episode 19.What I didn't say though was that at one point I felt this almost irresistible urge to run over the hot coals in the pit. I was like, 'where is this coming from?' I mean I didn't have a habit of running over hot coals. In fact I'd never done that – not until years later when I went to a Tony Robbins seminar weekend and walked over a long row of hot coals. But that's another story.Anyway I was fighting off the urge to run over the coals. And eventually the urge passed and I survived the sweat lodge. But I wondered about it. I thought it might have been a memory from a past life or something. So when I got back home, I looked up some information on the Orishas and what did I discover? Shango's devotees are known for doing...guess what? Running over hot coals.My most amazing discovery...that happened today!I mentioned before that each Orisha is associated with a Catholic saint. This enabled the people to keep worshipping their deities, all while giving the appearance of adopting Catholicism. Apparently there are more than 10,000 saints, which I didn't know. That's a LOT of saints, right? And according to the Yoruba tradition there are 401 Orishas, as 401 is a sacred number. So that's a lot of deities. I'm telling you this because I learned TODAY as I was researching for this episode that out of all the Catholic saints, guess which one Shango is associated with? Saint Barbara! Isn't that just so freaky? I still can't believe it. It's like Shango is up there laughing. I can't believe that I didn't even know this until now. I'd looked into the Orishas a bit more when I got back to France, I'd read a book about them and other things, but somehow I'd never seen that till today! Amazing!How my skeptic son started his day todaySo because my mind was basically blown at breakfast, I had to tell my son about it immediately. He's home from college at the moment. I should clarify for you that he really doesn't believe in any spirit-related stuff. Which is I guess normal considering that both his parents have been involved with spiritual organizations for over 30 years, and his grandmother was a very well-known shaman in Mexico. Teenage rebellion and all that, right?So the lucky boy comes down for breakfast this morning to his mother saying, “Did I ever tell you about the time I was with people who were drumming and let themselves be possessed by spirits?” To which he laughed and shook his head, saying, “OK Mom. Let me get my hippy hat on”. And he listened patiently while I told him this story.He thinks I'm a bit crazy anyway, so now I'd say he's sure of it.I have to say though that even he was impressed with the saint thing. When I showed him the webpage where I found it, I could see he was really surprised. So who knows, maybe he'll discover his own story with spirits one day.Why I'm telling you this storyAnyway, what on earth do spirits have to do with food? Why am I telling you this story?There are two reasons actually. The first is that I think it makes a good story, whether you have had any of those kinds of experiences or not.And the second is that if you're into any kind of spiritual practice, well I want you to know that food can actually help speed up or intensify your journey. I'm not talking magic mushrooms, although we did talk about those in Episode 10 where we talk about Ayahuasca.I'm actually talking about normal, everyday foods that you probably have in your house. Fresh fruits, vegetables, nuts, seeds – all of the things that you'd normally eat as part of getting more raw food into your life. These foods are powerful. They go way beyond health benefits, and I'll talk more about that in future episodes. But for now I'd like to give you some general principles so that if you do any kind of spiritual practice, or even if you'd just like to be more intuitive, you can get some practical tips for that right now.Principles to increase intuition and supercharge your spiritual practiceSo the first principle which I'm sure will come as no surprise to anyone is that it's important to eat organic as much as possible.The most important idea within eating organic is that the higher the water content of the food, the more important it is that you get it organic. Why? Because the water is what holds all those pesticides and poisons that have been sprayed on the fruit or vegetable throughout its life.Pesticides in particular are known as 'intuition blockers', so do avoid them as much as you can.By the way I don't want anyone to get paranoid here – I know people who eat all kinds of awful food and are still intuitive. I'm just giving you ways to get the very best out of yourself. So this isn't an all-or-nothing ideal that you must achieve. It's a tool, like anything else, that you can use as much as you are able or as you want to.Eat more raw, unprocessed foodsWell of course. If you know me, I'm all about that, and of course I show you how to do this in super delicious ways. Because life is too short for carrot sticks, as we all know. Right? If you need ideas for how to make delicious raw food dishes in 5 minutes, I'll link to my 5-minute recipe ebooks in the show notes.If we want to be more and more connected to the earth as well as all its creatures, which I'll talk about in another episode, eating food in its most natural state just makes sense. Nature did not provide us with microwave ovens. Right?It's the life-force in raw foods that literally feeds our psychic energy. It feeds our emotional and mental energy too. So if you've been listening to the podcast, you'll know that a lot of these suggestions are the same ones I make for starting to overcome depression. The more 'light' you eat, the more full of light you are, emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually.Another tip for eating lots of raw foods is to include as many colors as possible. Colors in food are there for a reason – each color is made up of different phytonutrients. And we need a variety of these for good health. That's why you'll hear people suggest that we 'eat the rainbow'. Just not a cooked rainbow, please. An experiment: do try this at home!In fact here's an experiment for you that will really make you think. Make yourself a raw soup or curry. You can use one of my recipes on the blog or in my ebooks. Then take part of that soup or curry, and heat it gently. Use what I call the pinky test to make sure that it's warm but not too hot. In other words, that you can keep your pinky in there without burning yourself. Then take the other part of that soup or curry, and heat it a lot. Cook it, in other words. So if it's a soup, let it boil quickly. Then remove it from the heat.Now I want you to look at the colors of each pot. You will see that the vibrant colors of the raw soup or curry have faded to almost nothing when you boil that same dish. The difference is amazing. You can literally see that some of the phytonutrients have been altered from their natural state. The colors aren't as bright. It's like eating sunshine versus eating pond water. Big difference, right? OK it's not quite that bad, but I wanted to give you an analogy.If you're already pretty psychic or sensitiveNow if you're already pretty sensitive, I do have a word of caution for you. Eating more raw food is like connecting fiber optic broadband to your intuition. And sometimes that might be too much. For instance, when I first moved to Paris as a vegetarian, I actually had to eat meat for a while to ground myself because I wasn't used to that many people in enclosed spaces like the subway. Unfortunately meat really lowers your overall vibration though. I'll talk more about that in another episode.Easier ways to ground yourselfNow I know of way easier ways to ground myself. Crystals work really well – but that's another story as it's quite a big topic and I want to give you solutions that you can use immediately. So if you haven't got crystals handy, you can use food. Potatoes for instance are one of the best grounding foods ever. You can't eat them raw, so just pile on some salad and a dressing with your baked potato. You should feel more grounded instantly.If you're not vegan, eggs are also very grounding. I don't recommend commercially produced eggs because the chickens are put through hell, but a lot of places now have free-range eggs. Or better yet, get them from a farm where you know how the animals are treated. Again, I'm speaking about an ideal here – just do the best you can with what you've got, I say.Cheese is also very grounding, but because it's a very heavy and clogging food, I don't normally recommend it. You can however make cashew nut cheese, which can still be raw vegan and works pretty well. I've got recipes for delicious cheeses on the blog which I'll link to in the show notes.Foods to avoid to increase intuitionIf you want to increase intuition, in addition to foods to include, there are also foods to avoid. You want to avoid anything that will lower your vibratory rate as well as interfere with any of the systems of the body. And particularly with your brain.So the shortcut principle to this is to think of brain foods. Brain foods are going to be great for your intuition and overall sensitivity. And if you haven't yet gotten your handy fridge chart that shows at a glance the best brain foods to eat and those to avoid, I'll link to that in the show notes too.But the short version of foods to avoid starts with meat, especially red meat. If you really feel you need meat, then I'd say less is more, and try to get organic, free-range meat. Or failing that, kosher. This is because you don't want to absorb not only the growth hormones, but also the vibrations of an animal that has been kept in stressful conditions and then was full of fear before it was slaughtered.If you feel you must eat meatAnimals are here to share this planet with us, and they are more magical than you could ever imagine. I'll share more about that in a future episode because it's another huge topic.For now though, let me say that if you feel you have to eat meat, better to eat meat from an animal that was allowed to live a full, relatively free life and was killed with respect, reverence and gratitude. Many tribal peoples thank the animal for giving its life. They kill it quickly to feed themselves and their families, not for sport. And they don't gorge themselves – they take what they need with very little waste.Another important aspect of this is to eat lighter meats like fish and poultry. Red meat is the densest, most difficult to digest. It takes between 24 to 72 hours to digest meat, depending on your digestive tract. Three days! Ugh!Fish and mercury levelsIf you eat fish, my top tip here is to avoid fish with high levels of mercury. Mercury is very toxic for the brain, so not only does it dampen sensitivity, but it's felt to contribute towards all kinds of auto-immune disorders such as Alzheimer's and dementia. So stick to fish like salmon, tilapia and cod. I'll link to an updated list of mercury levels in fish in the show notes for those who eat fish.Other foods to avoid to increase intuitionThe second thing to avoid is anything with additives, flavor enhancers and artificial sweeteners. In other words, anything containing chemical substances pretending that they're food.This makes sense though, right? So junk food, frozen ready meals, things like that. Oh and MSG, that's another one to avoid. Some people get headaches from MSG which is their body telling them, 'I don't like this. Get it out!'And of course the last thing I'll mention is sugar. And when I say sugar, I don't mean fruit sugar. I mean good ol' granulated, processed white stuff that looks like an illegal drug. But it's a legal drug that's every bit as addictive, and it lowers our overall vibration. It also has no health benefits whatsoever. If you're struggling to kick the sugar habit, get yourself some xylitol. It looks like sugar but it's made from plant sources and it's glycemic index is lower, which means it won't hit your bloodstream like a hit of I-don't-know-what-illegal-substance.Other alternatives to sugarYou can also use dates, coconut palm sugar, honey if you're not vegan – so there are plenty of choices and they're all easy to use. Even maple syrup is better for you. Yes it's been processed so it's not technically raw. But it's delicious and again it's way better for you than white sugar. If you do buy maple syrup, be sure to get the pure 100 percent syrup (and not the fake stuff that's mixed with corn syrup, just check the label).There are a lot of other things you can do to increase intuition and raise your overall sensitivity, and I'll go into those in future episodes. For now though, I wanted to give you some easy, practical things that you can do today.Have YOU got a story to share?Whew! Lots of information this week, I hope you enjoyed it!This brings us to the end of this week's story – and if you've got a true story to share (and you'd like to know what food could have saved the day or enhanced your particular situation), I'd love to hear from you!Got a question, or a comment?Got a question, or a comment? Pop a note below in the comments, that would be awesome. You can also subscribe to the podcast to listen 'on the go' in iTunes, Stitcher or TuneIn.I hope you have an amazing day. Thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now!RESOURCESTo get your handy fridge chart: http://rockingrawchef.com/10-years-younger/More about eating for intuition: http://rockingrawchef.com/increase-intuition-with-food/Nut cheese recipes: http://rockingrawchef.com/cheese-on-a-raw-food-diet/ Link to 5-Minute recipe ebooks: https://rockingrawchef.com/5-minute-recipes/More about Santeria: https://prezi.com/hodskbeqn6oa/santeria-candomble/More about specific Orishas: https://lukumipeople.wordpress.com/2013/04/01/the-orisha-who-do-you-most-identify-with/Harbin Hot Springs: https://harbin.org/Mercury levels in fish (as of July 2017): https://www.thespruce.com/check-fish-for-mercury-before-buying-1300629
The story I've never told about how I know you can recover from being suicidal and go on to live a happy life. Plus food tips to get you started to beat depression.Hi everybody, I'm Barbara Fernandez, the Rocking Raw Chef, here with my Clean Food, Dirty Stories: one to entertain, the other to inspire.I help people stamp out stress, depression and fatigue over at RockingRawChef.com, and today's title is:From Suicidal To SensationalIn addition to this story, at the end of this episode I'll share with you the best ways to use food to beat depression and help get your emotional life back on track.OK enough hints from me, let's get on with the story. It's a big one.My inspiration for this storyA very short time ago – last week in fact – I learned that one of my favorite rock singers ever, Chester Bennington, committed suicide. And I was pretty shaken for days afterwards – not because I was close to him, because I wasn't. I never actually met him, although I was fortunate enough to see him live in concert about ten days before he died. Not because I didn't love his singing, because I did. But because I thought to myself, 'If Chester had known what I know, maybe he wouldn't have had to die'.So Chester this episode is dedicated to you. As well as to anyone who is experiencing the kind of debilitating sadness that can end in a life ended way too soon.So that's why I'm sharing with you a very personal story that I've never shared before. I want to tell you exactly why I can help people who feel they're broken. People who feel so unhappy, that suicide looks like the only way out. And I'm sharing this because if this even helps one person listening, then it will be worth it.This story is about depression, and about how you can absolutely one hundred percent overcome it. How you can kick it to the curb so that it never darkens your door again. Yes you can beat depression and I will tell you how to start.The first time I was depressedThe first time I was very depressed that I can remember, I was about eight years old. All I remember is that I was sitting on the bed in my parents' room, holding my dad's revolver on my lap and wondering if I could pull the trigger. I must have seen TV shows with people shooting each other or something. I mean I don't know how else I could have known at such a young age how to use a gun. My dad never showed us how to use it. And I don't even remember how I knew the gun was in there. He must have taken it out at one point, I don't know.There's a lot from my childhood that I don't remember because although on the whole it was a happy childhood with travel and lots of animals and all kinds of very good things, parts of it were not so good. One event in particular when I was about three years old was blocked from my memory until many years later – but that's another story.Anyway I was sitting with this gun on my lap and obviously I didn't pull the trigger. But I can remember that I wanted to. I really wanted to – but I thought I wasn't brave enough. It took me many years actually to realize that by deciding not to pull the trigger was the brave decision. It takes a lot more courage to face your fears and try to move past them than it does to obliterate everything with a gun shot, a jump off a roof or whatever.Playing dolls house with a child psychiatristAt some point my parents took me to a child psychiatrist, because my teachers at school were worried about me. They were worried for good reason because I was crying all the time. At least, that's what they told me. I don't actually remember that, fortunately, but it must have been true. I mean, why would they lie, right? So I went to this child psychiatrist and we basically played with a dolls house for an hour and he'd talk to my parents afterwards. I remember him asking me to tell him about the relationships in the family. He'd ask things like, “What does the dad do when he comes home?” and “What does the little girl think about her brother?” That kind of stuff.I don't really remember if it brought any benefit, I mean it was good to have someone to talk to. But I didn't feel any different afterwards. The doctors told my mom that I had a 'chemical imbalance in the brain' and that it was kind of tough luck, really, because nothing much could be done apart from perhaps drugs.Then I discovered theaterThings gradually got a little bit better at school, mostly because I discovered theater. I found out that when I was performing on stage, everyone wanted to be my friend afterwards. It didn't last long – only as long as the run of the show. But still it was a start. And I don't remember any other big incidents with guns or anything. Just an overall sadness which at the time I'd channel into writing journals, as I imagine many teenagers do. I wrote a book as well – two books actually, one for children about a magical world, and one about a girl who ran away from home. I never tried publishing them, but I did enjoy writing.My life got gradually better when I made some really good friends in high school. I went to college, got a theater degree, still with rocky highs and lows in terms of mood swings though. For a while I thought I was probably manic-depressive or something, because that's what it felt like. I'd have huge highs and huge lows.Fast forward a few years, and I found myself in Paris, France. If you've been listening to this podcast you'll have heard about several of my adventures those first few years there. More are coming, by the way, just to let you know!Anyway I was working as a singing waitress slash coat check girl in a very bizarre but fancy French restaurant. I'll share more about that in another story – but for now let me say that at this time, I was having a pretty good time. Life wasn't perfect but I did have fun. However I was about to take a deep dive into my lowest low ever.But then along came the guy...And it started, as these things often do, with a guy. A very attractive, magnetic guy who to this day still carries a torch for me, as the saying goes. If I'm to believe his family. Anyway one night my friend – I'll call her Mabel – invited me to her sister's house for dinner on Christmas Eve.Now you have to know that dinner on Christmas Eve in France is a big deal. It goes on for hours and the food is of course amazing. We sat down to eat at about one in the afternoon and we didn't get up till about eleven at night. The amazing thing was that because each course was very light and we had breaks in between, I actually didn't feel overstuffed. I felt quite good.What made me feel even better though was that as soon as I sat down to the table with Mabel and her family, I saw the most gorgeous guy looking right at me. I'll call him Jean. Our eyes met and that was it. It was like being hit by lightning, like the world stopped and there was no-one else there but he and I. I imagine the rest of the family was like 'oh boy, here we go'. It was very obvious to everyone that there were some major fireworks shooting across the table.A whirlwind relationshipSo of course we wound up getting together. I think he called me the next day or something, I can't remember. What I can remember is that we had a bit of an intense, whirlwind kind of relationship. I went to his house and basically never left. We were together all the time, we were massively attracted to each other, and our physical relationship was amazing.Mabel's family were really happy about this, because they already knew me, and Jean was the son of my friend's sister's husband, if that makes sense. So it was like I was going to be part of Mabel's family, which was very cool. They could all see that it was pretty serious. And everything happened really quickly. Everyone took it for granted that we'd marry, have kids and all of that. We were that magnetised.A week into the relationship I went with him to the south of France to meet his parents as well as his daughter (from a previous relationship) who was I think about 8 or 10 years old at the time. His parents loved me, his daughter really took to me straight away - and I to her. All the family were doubly happy because Jean was a bit of a wild guy and they felt that I was the perfect person to...I don't know, bring him a bit of stability, I guess.A powerful connectionSo for those few weeks we had an incredible relationship. I felt like I'd finally met the guy for me, and all of that. Four weeks went by that felt like four days, and though that might not sound like a long time, sometimes that's all you need. When you have a strong connection with someone, you just know, right? Have you ever felt upon meeting someone that you just have this very powerful link to them somehow? That's what this was like, with of course all the romantic stuff thrown in. And the power of a very intense physical attraction too.The beginning of the endBut Jean had a real cruel streak. I didn't know how cruel until one night, literally in the middle of making love, he says to me that it's over. What timing, right? Sadistic, I call it. Well I remember feeling like my insides had suddenly frozen solid. The first thing I said was, “Why?”His response devastated me. It wasn't because he didn't love me, because he said that he did. He said that he loved me deeply. It wasn't because his family didn't get along with me, because they adored me. He actually said, “Because I'm not a good person. I'm not good enough for you, and you deserve someone deeper than me who will be true to you and love you the way you deserve to be loved. I'm just not a good person and I'll only end up hurting you and you deserve better”.Well, I was devastated. He was basically breaking up with me because I was a good person. In his last relationship before me, he'd had affairs, and he was telling me that he couldn't be the good kind of man that I needed. It was because he loved me so much that he was breaking up with me.The suicide attemptI didn't know what to do – I cried, I pleaded, I told him I loved him, but he wouldn't change his mind. So I thought, 'I can't take this. This is just too much'. I went to the kitchen to get a knife, took it to the bathroom – this was the middle of the night – and I used it on both my wrists. It didn't hurt – I found out later that if you're in a bad enough state, you feel no pain. I can remember that it was harder to draw blood than I thought so I had to do it several times.And my intention was very clear. It wasn't to die, although I definitely wanted to die in that moment. My main thoughts were something like, 'This will get his attention, he'll see how I can't live without him. And everyone else will see how I really need help and I need it NOW. This will get them to take me seriously'. Now when I think of it I cringe, but at the time that's how I was feeling. I was desperate.He came running into the bathroom of course, probably totally freaked out, and he called Mabel who came and got me. I won't say all the details, but the short version is that I wound up in the hospital for two weeks, on antidepressants and seeing a psychiatrist daily and all that.That experience was something else, which I'll probably talk about in another episode.Is depression hereditary?I later found out that several family members of mine – I won't say who – had tried to kill themselves. One went up onto a rooftop and almost jumped, but fortunately they called someone who talked them out of it. The other, well I know they didn't die but that's all I know. And there were others who were severely depressed on and off for pretty much their whole lives, but again I don't know the details.All I do know is that I was told that depression is hereditary. You know, that it's in your genes so you can't help it. But you know what? I don't have it anymore even though it started when I was small, and although it was throughout my family since they were small, my kids are now teenagers and neither of them have it. Ha! It stops now, and it stops with me.What happened to JeanBut before I tell you how it stops with me, I want to briefly share what happened with Jean. He never came to see me in the hospital – well, no-one came, I think they weren't allowed – and when things got really bad for me I went to the states for a while.And wouldn't you know that Jean then wanted me back. I could literally feel him calling me from France. After a few months in the States, I did feel that I needed to go back to France and finish things up, tie up loose ends, as it were. And I did go back with Jean for a very short time, but by then so much had happened that I just couldn't make it work. I remember him picking me up from the airport and me thinking, 'Hmmm, this doesn't feel right anymore'. My trust had been broken, as you can well imagine.So I wound up leaving Jean, although I'm still in contact with Mabel. Which is how I know that even today Jean still carries a torch for me. I got under his skin and he's never forgotten me. To be fair, I haven't forgotten him either, though perhaps not quite for the same reasons. Even Jean's daughter, who only met me once as a child and is in her early twenties now, has reached out to me and wants to see me.I am going to try and see her, because none of this was her fault. Mabel told me that I was probably the first person who really saw her when she was a child, who really connected with her in a way that other people hadn't. So I do owe it to her to go and see her.Would you know this about me if you met me?Now the reason I'm sharing this story with you is because if you look at my website, or if you've met me in person, you would never know that I was once that depressed. I'm usually described as bubbly and bouncy and all of that. You'd know that I'm a rock singer, that I like to have fun, that I'm a bit zany and that I jump all over the place. You'd know that I like to laugh and see the crazy side of life. But you'd never know that I had once really wanted to die.When I was told by doctors all those years ago that I had a chemical imbalance in the brain and that there was no cure as such, I believed them. But I am living proof that you can overcome depression. You can beat depression.The question of course that you might be asking is how?Well, I tried a lot of different things but there was one thing that really worked consistently. Two things actually. But first what didn't work. Or to be more exact, the things that worked to an extent but that didn't quite eradicate depression in the way that I needed.Talking therapyFirst I tried 'talking therapy', as in traditional psychotherapy. That was awful, I really didn't like that. I had a friend who had been having that kind of therapy for years and she never changed. Now I'm not saying this can't work for some people because I believe it can. I'm sure there are some excellent psychotherapists out there. It's just that it didn't work for me, and I saw several people. It was great to have someone to talk to, but I felt like all of the soul-searching and navel-gazing wasn't really solving the problem for me.Again, that's just me and it might be perfect to help someone else. I'm just saying that it didn't provide me with a long-term solution. It didn't wipe out depression like my final solution did.Antidepressant drugsI also tried drugs. Those were awful, it felt like living in a ball of cotton. You didn't get as sad, that's true, but you didn't get as happy either. It was like you couldn't feel any extremes of emotion, everything was muffled. I really didn't like that, although when I was in such a bad state that I couldn't think clearly or function, yes in that instance it was helpful to be a bit numbed. So again, drugs are something that can help some people, but for me it was a short-term thing that didn't lead to any lasting change. They just kind of protected me from myself for a while and enabled me to function in a zombie-like kind of way.HypnotherapyI then tried hypnotherapy. That was interesting actually, because I discovered a very traumatic event that happened to me as a small child – which as I said earlier is another story. Hypnotherapy was very useful for uncovering hidden events so that I could understand some of the thoughts I'd had throughout my life. But once I'd discovered those events, it didn't help me deal with what I'd call the 'fallout'. We repress certain events for a reason, and I didn't get the help I needed to deal with what I now knew to be true.However this may have just been because of the practitioner that I saw. I do know that hypnotherapy can be very useful for some people, and there are some skilled practitioners out there. So again, I think it could be very beneficial with the right person, but it didn't really help me feel better. It just helped me uncover certain events that were responsible for me having such a poor body image as a child.Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)I did some CBT, short for cognitive behavioral therapy. CBT is incredible actually and for me was the next best thing to my number one solution that I'll mention in a minute. What I liked about CBT was that it helped me uncover limiting beliefs that I had about myself. That was very useful. It didn't help with everything, but it definitely put me on the right track and I'm very grateful to the excellent practitioner that I had.Neurolinguistic programming (NLP)This was probably my number two solution. In a way even better than CBT because it really helped not only uncover limiting beliefs, but also smash those beliefs and replace them with better ones. I think for me, this in combination with the best solution which I'll mention below is the best way I know of effecting big changes in a short space of time.Compared to talking therapies, I found NLP to be a huge shortcut to personal development. So I do highly recommend it, but with a skilled practitioner of course. Somebody that you resonate with, that's very important. And it's even more powerful if you combine it with my number one best solution, which will come as no surprise to those of you who know me.The best solution: one I didn't know I hadThe best solution for me was one that I actually didn't even know I had. It came about when I got into making and eating a lot of raw food, which was about sixteen years ago now. Basically what happened was that one day, I think it was about ten years after I'd started exploring raw food, I woke up one morning and thought, 'hey I haven't been really sad in a very long time!' Like years and years. I mean, I still do get upset and frustrated like we all do sometimes. I may have the odd time of a bit of sadness, but it's normal and I can choose to stay in that state or move out of it. It's no longer the debilitating, can't-get-out-of-bed-all-day thing that I used to experience.And when I started researching the properties of food as I was writing blog articles, I made lots of discoveries. I discovered that raw food is actually amazing for changing...guess what? Your brain chemistry!All this time – before my raw food days – I'd been looking for solutions in therapies, in outside modalities...when the biggest help could have come simply from changing what was on my plate.Chemical substances and 'brain addiction'I also discovered that our emotions actually secrete chemical substances that go directly into the brain. I'm going to repeat that because it's important. Our emotions secrete chemical substances that go directly into the brain. And we get used to those substances as if they were addictive drugs.I'm really gonna simplify here, OK? Because I don't think using fancy words is going to help – I want to give you the principle behind what happens so that you can use it immediately. Especially if you know anyone who is depressed.So if you're in the habit of feeling sad, your brain gets addicted to those 'sad chemicals' that it receives on a daily basis. If you stop feeling sad, without the right support – be it nutritional or otherwise - you can experience a kind of withdrawal from those chemicals. And this can be a strong unconscious drive to experience more sadness so that your brain can get another hit of the chemicals it's used to! That is huge!The good newsThe good news is that the same goes for happiness, or other emotional states. That's why people say they get 'hooked' to adrenalin rushes. So you get people who are always looking for ways of getting another adrenalin rush, whether it's through going on scary rides, doing skydiving, bungee jumping etc. Their brain is used to that rush and it wants more!The other good news is that there are additional ways of changing your brain chemistry to a more positive one, for want of a better term. There are way too many to list here, but think of things like meditation, EFT (short for Emotional Freedom Technique, also called tapping) and other things.I'll talk more about these in future episodes. But for now, let me give you a few amazing food tips to get you started. And these by the way are good for everyone, depressed or not.How to start to beat depression with foodSo, I mentioned at the beginning of this episode that I'd share with you the best ways to start to beat depression. There are several tips here, and they all work together. Some of them are big ones, but if you or anyone you know is suffering, these can really make a difference.First tip: Scrap the junk foodJunk food messes with your brain chemistry like nothing else. You can't start to feel happier if you're ingesting e-numbers, additives, preservatives and other chemicals. Those substances are NOT meant to make you feel great. Some are preservatives and some are put in food to make you addicted to it so that you want to eat more and more of it.Junk food is meant to be thrown away. Not to be eaten. If you want to feel better, you can't be eating junk. Period.Second tip: Avoid processed foodsProcessed foods also contain a lot of chemicals, preservatives and other non-food substances which don't do your brain any favors. Make your food yourself, or buy it freshly made. Whether it's raw or cooked. If you really can't make your own food, food that's freshly made – even if it's in a restaurant – is better than frozen ready meals and that kind of stuff.Third tip: Avoid sugar, wheat and dairyThese foods are big ones for messing with your brain power. Not only do they mess with your brain, but they mess with your gut...which is your abdominal brain. Your gut is directly linked to your brain. Our gut produces dozens of neurotransmitters – aka the 'feel good' substances that we need to feel great. Things like serotonin, dopamine and other secretions are crucial to both mental and physical health. I've written more about serotonin and dopamine in the blog and I will link to that in the show notes. Last tip: Eat lots of brain foodPrioritize foods that you know are really ramping up your brain power. If you need to know what those are, I've written extensively about that on the blog, I will link to that as well. And you can also get yourself a handy pdf printout for your fridge from my website and I will link to that too.The last thing that I'll say about this is if you do change your eating habits to start to feel better, you can at first start to feel a bit tired, headachy, things like that. Those are signs of detox, those are signs that the bad stuff is being excreted from your body. It's leaving your body and you just need to drink more water. I'll also link to an article that I wrote about detox so that you can know what you might expect and what to do about it. The main thing is you've got to get that junk out and the good stuff in.There's loads more I could say on this topic and I will in future episodes. But for now though, the last thought I'd like to leave you with is this: If you know anyone who suffers from depression, please share this episode! Let them know that there are solutions! Depression isn't forever, it really isn't.And if you know anyone in desperate need of someone to talk to, I'll put links to hotlines as well.If you'd like some of the recipes that I myself used to beat depression, I'll post the link to my recipe ebooks in the show notes for this episode. Have YOU got a story to share?Which brings us to the end of this week's story – and if you've got a true story to share (and you'd like to know what food could have saved the day or enhanced your particular situation), I'd love to hear from you!Got a question, or a comment?Got a question, or a comment? Pop a note below in the comments, that would be awesome. You can also subscribe to the podcast to listen 'on the go' in iTunes, Stitcher or TuneIn.I hope you have an amazing day. Thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now!RESOURCESArticle on brain foodGet your handy fridge printout of what to eat and what to avoidInformation on detoxAbout serotonin and dopamineMy recipe ebooksAbout EFT - Emotional Freedom TechniqueMore about neurolinguistic programming and other forms of therapyGood hotline resources in the UKMore hotline resources in the USSuicide hotlines worldwide
How Nikki Harman went on a journey from being homeless to practicing mindfulness. Plus the best food for mental clarity.Hi everybody, I'm Barbara Fernandez, the Rocking Raw Chef, here with my Clean Food, Dirty Stories: one to entertain, the other to inspire.I help people stamp out stress, depression and fatigue over at RockingRawChef.com, and today's title is:From Homelessness To MindfulnessIn addition to this story, at the end of this episode I'll share with you the best food for mental clarity and focus. This food literally raises our brain function to its maximum and it's really easy to find.OK enough hints from me, let's get on with the story.I am super excited to be joined here today for our story by Nikki Harman, who has an amazing story to tell. Not only has she been through quite a lot in her life, but what she does now is super exciting as well. So I really can't wait to dive into it, and so let's do it!Nikki welcome to the Clean Food, Dirty Stories podcast!Nikki: Hello! Thank you for having me.Me: You're very welcome!Nikki's storySo you've got quite an incredible story and I'm actually quite honored that you're happy to share it with us and everything. I know that your story, I believe your story begins when your parents split up, is that right? And you were about eleven, is that right?Nikki: Yes, so when I was eleven my parents split up. And at the time just before they split up I was living in a really lovely six-bedroom Victorian house in a nice seaside town. My parents had good jobs and all was going fairly well, but they split up. And because the house we were living in came with the job that my dad had, we lost the house.Me: Oh!Losing everythingNikki: So we lost everything basically. My dad moved to London to go and find work, and my brother, myself and my mom moved into this temporary accommodation, a bed and breakfast.Me: How old was your brother?Nikki: My brother was eight.Me: Sorry?Nikki: I was eleven and he was seven. So it was from the age of eleven to twelve that we were in this temporary accommodation. For a year before we were rehomed into a council flat, so my brother was seven and eight.Me: Wow yeah. What did your father do during this time? Did he just like go to London and not look back, or...?Nikki: He came down when he could. Although he was working most of that time. And I remember only really seeing him every few weeks. Probably every four to six weeks, an occasional day trip down, a Saturday. Most of the time it was just me and my mom and my brother.Me: And so your mom, she wasn't at the time of the split...She was looking after you? Did she have any other work or a job?Nikki: No, she didn't work. It kind of broke her, this whole situation. She wound up having quite a significant mental breakdown over it. She became quite distant and disengaged with us. It was just really quite difficult because I remember what it was like just before we moved out saying goodbye.Packing your life awayWe had two beautiful cats and a couple of cockatiels and we had to rehome them. Just packing all of our belongings, packing everything away. Everything in my room, all my toys, my books, my stereo, my tapes, cassette tapes. All my music, all that kind of stuff, it all had to be put away. And I felt like I was packing away a part of me, really.That was my room, that was just me. So what it must have been like for my mom to pack everything in the house away and not know when next we might see it all.We were told initially that the law is that temporary accommodation means four to six weeks before you are rehomed. Clearly that doesn't happen now and it didn't happen then. And so we didn't really know how long it would be. It was kind of assumed at the time that it would be a short-term thing. But it became clear very quickly that that wasn't going to be the case. So by the time we moved into this room that had just a bed and two bunk beds in...Me: That was the B&B?Nikki: Yes that was in the B&B where we were living, that was where we lived, that was our home. And we were able to use the dining room for breakfast with the other guests, we'd get an evening meal.Life in a B&BBut the B&B itself was quite run down and the people there I think had sort of a prejudiced attitude towards us, because we were council tenants. We weren't normal paying B&B guests, so they treated us quite differently.When there were other guests staying, we got better quality food. But if it was just us, it was very much sugar puffs in the morning, a piece of toast. And then in the evening it was often like a tinned stew or tinned something. It wasn't proper cooked, home-cooked food. Tinned potatoes...They would be as cheap as much as they could. We didn't really have much in the way of quality food.But I was grateful really for having had anything to eat at all, because it was quite the case that we didn't get lunch during the weekends and school holidays because the B&B didn't provide that for us. And my mom didn't have a job, she didn't have money, she didn't have the inclination really to be wanting to do very much in the way of supporting me and my brother. So we'd go quite hungry throughout the days when we were not at school.Me: So how could...I mean, what I don't understand is how could the owner of a B&B have, you know, children in their home who don't have food. You know? Like when you're on school holidays, you're still in the B&B. They still see you every day, they know you haven't eaten anything. And yet they just don't feed you. I don't understand that.Nikki: No, I mean occasionally we'd get a jam sandwich.Me: Yeah. Oh boy.Being kept out of the wayNikki: Something like that. But they weren't like that, they weren't those kind of people. They had their own children anyway. So they were sort of preoccupied with them. They didn't really pay too much attention to us. And actually they didn't want us there. During the day we were kind of kept out of the way. Sometimes we'd be allowed to go and play in the garden with their children.Me: That's what I was going to ask, yeah, if you ever played with their children.Nikki: Yeah, we did, but not very much.Me: Did you have to like stay in the room or something?Nikki: Yeah, we stayed in the room a lot. Me: Wow.Nikki: So it just wasn't a very pleasant experience. And given that we were living in a seaside town....My mom, because of the way she was, didn't want us to go onto the beach. To get to this bed and breakfast we had to walk past the beach. And we were never allowed to go and play on the beach in the summer holidays.Me: Oh that's awful!So close yet so far from the beachNikki: We saw people playing with their sand castles and eating ice cream, and the smell of fish and chips everywhere you went. All these lovely things, and on a hot day just not being able to go on the beach because my mom didn't want us to do that. We would invariably be...we didn't go into town very much because mom didn't want to. But it would be to go into the lauderette to wash our clothes. So we'd sit there and then head back home.I'll never forget that, just not being able to play on the beach. And then having to go and sit in this room on lovely sunny days, and hear about all the real guests in the B&B going off and doing fun stuff. Where they'd been and what they'd been doing. It was all quite difficult.Me: I'll bet. And your mom, I think you said, was she like smoking? What did she do? You said she was like smoking all day or something?Nikki: Yeah, she was a smoker.Me: So you were in one room with a mom smoking all day. Ewww.Nikki: Yeah, not nice.Me: Oh my goodness. And so that lasted a year, yeah?Nikki: Yeah, so what happened...It was a year long in temporary accommodation.A cottage for the winterThe council put us in a what was called a winter let from about November to February time. February March time. So we were moved out of the bed and breakfast and into this tiny, tiny dilapidated, rundown cottage which... It just had frost on the inside of the windows. The only sort of heating was a tiny little fire in the lounge.My brother shared a bed with my mom and then I was in another room. So I was grateful to have my own space. But the sheets were wet from the cold in the house and the condensation.Me: So did you have to like sleep in your coats or something?Nikki: Yeah, it was along those lines. Clothes to put on. But my brother got whooping cough that winter as well, which just made it awful for him.Me: I'll bet.Nikki: The freezing cold and coughing. We could hear him coughing all night and wheezing, it was terrible.Life at schoolMe: And what about...Did you have...I mean, you were presumably going to school, right? How was it with the other kids at school? Did you make friends with anybody?Nikki: No, I became quite withdrawn at school because I didn't know how to begin to explain what was happening. A lot of what was going on at the time my mom didn't want us to talk about because she was ashamed. She'd lost everything. As I say, a single mom in a room, we were in this horrible winter let, no money, no home, her mental health was declining. She just didn't want to engage with anyone. And she's always been like that anyway but that compounded it, that exacerbated it at the time.One of the things she would always tell us was to not talk to other people about what was going on at home. So it was very difficult for me to express how I was feeling. I became very anxious, I was incredibly anxious. Because I just didn't know what to do for the best, and how to make the situation better. I wanted to make things better.Me: And you said you took on a parental role with your younger brother, is that right?Nikki: Yeah, very much so. It was all kind of, yeah, just wanting to make sure he was OK and that mom was alright. I'd be kind of quite hyper vigilant about my mom because I'd be worried that she was OK. So at school I'd just have this worry, and because of that, because of my behavior, my friends became quite distant. They didn't understand and I'd try and explain what was going on and how difficult things were.Homeless even with a roof over your headAnd there was that song, you know, The Streets of London? The song about homelessness. One of my friends at the time, who I'm sure didn't really understand how terrible things were for me at home. But she made a very snide remark about that song that we sang one day in our music class. She said, “Well you think you've got it hard. You should see what it's really like for the proper homeless people on the streets. You're not on the streets so you're not homeless”. It was that kind of attitude that they had.And it made me then think 'well no-one believes me. Maybe I am just making all this up. Maybe it isn't as bad as I think it is'. But actually I knew that things were terrible.I was declining at school, my grades were dropping, my concentration was terrible. As I said, I was always very anxious and worried that something terrible was going to happen.No dad and no moneyMe: And where was your dad during all this time. Because presumably he was working in London so he must have had some money, right?Nikki: Yeah, he had some money, some of it was going to Mum. But obviously he was paying rent on wherever he was living at the time and doing whatever. And my mom, I think because she smoked and she drank... The thing is that she would deny this vehemently now if she were sat here next to me. And I've confronted her about it in the past but she seems to remember that she didn't drink because we had no money. But I can remember her, I can specifically remember her drinking a lot and smoking a lot. So where that money was going I don't know. I had no contact with him really because, you know, mobile phones hadn't been invented, we didn't have a phone. We had the phone at the B&B when we were staying there. And in the winter let there was a phone box down the road that we went to on a Wednesday evening. He would phone us at seven o'clock, phone this phone box number and we would speak to him. But mostly it was my mom wanting to speak to him. So we got a little bit of time to chat then, but he didn't really know the main things that were going on at the time because I didn't want to worry him. I kind of just held it all in, really.Things start to get better at firstMe: And then how did it start to get better? Because I mean eventually I know that you got out of...you got into the council flat. And then after the winter let was that much better? Or how was that different?Nikki: Well after the winter let we moved back into the bed and breakfast again for about another four months.Me: A different one, yeah?Nikki: Back into the same one. Me: The same one? Oh!Nikki: The same place. Bar one week where they'd been booked so we stayed in the bed and breakfast next door which was lovely. The loveliest people there who cared for us and they were genuinely interested in what we were doing. And it was so sad to then have to go back next door after that. But yeah we were there until June eighty-seven.And then we moved to this beautiful, lovely, I say council flat. But it was like a Victorian building with beautiful views over the sea and large rooms everywhere. A very spacious flat. It was like the best sort of place you can imagine after being stuck in a B&B and a winter let to be able to have our own bedroom and our own space and all that kind of stuff.Me: Did the food situation get better at that point?Nikki: Not initially because Mum still didn't work. She was pleased that we were out of the bed and breakfast, but at that point the divorce started to come through. And so she was still going through her issues and she took quite a decline in her depression and her depressed state. I became increasingly worried about her.A harrowing trip home from schoolMe: Were you afraid that she might, you know, take her own life or something?Nikki: Well she did try once when she picked us up from school in her car.Me: With you in the car?Nikki: With us in the car, yeah. She would often be smelling of alcohol when she picked us up and sometimes she would be taking temazepan. So sometimes she would be quite drowsy at the wheel. I can remember having to kind of steer the car back on the road because she was kind of swerving a bit in and out.Me; That must have been scary.Nikki: It was very scary. But one particular day she was very agitated and upset about something. And when we drove back she took us on a different route to the way back home. We were going up some country roads and there was a coach in front of us. And she started putting her foot down and speeding up trying to get closer to this coach. She then just announced, “How would you like to go to heaven, kids?”Me: Oh wow.Nikki: And we both started screaming. I sat in the front and my brother was in the back.Me: How old were you then?Nikki: I was twelve at that point and my brother was eight. And I was turning to face my mom and holding my brother's hand in the back seat to try and reassure him. Putting my hand on my mom's arm to try and stop her, and shouting at her to stop and slow down. Just asking her to kind of know that we loved her, we didn't want to die, we wanted to help her and other people wanted to help her.Trying to think like an adultI can distinctly remember trying to think, 'What would an adult say if they were in this car now? What would an adult do to fix this problem?' That's what I remember thinking at the time, what would they do. So I was trying to knock the car out of gear to see if I couldn't do that... I was just pulling at her frantically, and something made her slow down.Me: Wow.Nikki: We headed back home, back into town. But she blamed us, that at that point it was all our fault that she was still alive because she wanted to die. Saying she'd never forgive us and all this kind of stuff that was just pointless.Me: Well and it made it doubly hard for you, right?Nikki: It did, but I just felt so worried for my mom. And when we got back, she then said, “Don't tell anybody that this happened. If you tell anybody, then you'll get taken away from me”.Me: Well you would, yeah.Nikki: I didn't, I didn't say anything.Back on solid groundBut I do remember getting out of the car and touching the ground with my hands. I had to have the front and the back of my hands on the ground because I felt like I'd gone to jelly at that point. The adrenalin had worn off and I was in shock. I just needed contact with the ground to know that I was safe. And then we went off into the garden and she went upstairs and it was never mentioned again. And, you know, again, trying to get my head round all of that with her...Me: Wow.Nikki: She denies that it ever happened, she doesn't remember it. Well she does, I'm sure she must have some recollection of that time in her life. But so she was very depressed.And then going into that flat, although it was great because we had our own space, it just increased our isolation. Because what happened was that she just locked herself away. And because it was coming up to the summer holidays again in eighty-seven, she just hid herself away and me and my brother were in the same situation. Looking after ourselves, and no food in the cupboards. Only what was packed from when we were living in our house, so we were basically helping ourselves.Foraging for foodThis might sound really disgusting, but we'd be really, really hungry and be raiding the cupboards and finding chocolate powder. We'd just eat spoonfuls of dried cocoa powder, chocolate powder. And golden syrup, mixing it with golden syrup to make like a yucky paste just to get something into us. We'd have cereal in the mornings and in the evenings a very basic meal that Mum might come out and make. But she often kind of forgot about us because she was in her own world of depression.Things were very difficult for a long, long time and slowly things improved. Slowly things got better for her and subsequently got better for us. She got herself a job...Me: And how do you think things got better? Like was there any specific thing that started to happen? Or was it just like time healing things?Nikki: I think possibly the fact that there were people...she was on someone's radar. I think one of the local church groups had found her and were trying to connect with her and make contact with her and just try to help her through her darkest days. And I do remember them coming round to see her and she wasn't that bothered by them particularly. But there was somebody there for her to talk to and that was the most important thing that she needed at that time, was an adult.Me: An adult, yeah.Nikki: And it was the most important thing for me and my brother because that meant that someone else was there to share our burden.Me: Oh yeah definitely, you didn't have to be the adult anymore, yeah. Wow.A slow recovery with people to talk toNikki: So it was just a very slow, gradual process. And then she met somebody and things got better from that perspective. You know, her self-esteem improved and she came out of her depression and got on an even footing. But it was over a very long period of time, it took a good...I'd say it took a good twelve to eighteen months for her to get herself on an even keel.Me: Well still though compared to some people that...I mean I know it wouldn't...it didn't feel quick to you, but if I hear twelve to eighteen months, like there are a lot of people that stay in the situation she was in for years and years. So it's a blessing that at least, you know, as horrible as it was, at least she did get out of it eventually, right?Nikki: She did. My mom's a very complex character and I'm not in contact with her anymore because of just the way she's behaved and treated me. And it's a very complex relationship that I have with her, but she never really wanted me. That was the basic...I kind of grew up with that knowledge that she wished I'd never been born. She would often say that to me. And she would often say, “I can't wait till you're eighteen so you can leave home” or “I wish you'd never been born”. You know, those kind of things would come up quite a lot.Trying to do the right thingBut I've always tried to do the right thing. I've always tried to be there and to be the model child that she wanted me to be. I was never good enough for her in her eyes, things like that. It was never going to work. My mom has taught me to be a good parent but by knowing the right way to do stuff rather than the wrong way to care for your children.Me: Yeah. For sure.Starting a businessWhat prompted you to start your business? Was it one incident in particular?Nikki: Well I'd started meditating twenty years ago after I qualified as a nurse. And I found that meditation worked really well for stress and for coping with everything that was going on. As a nurse in a busy hospital you see all sorts of things that affected me. I was quite affected by some of the things and I found that meditation was a really good tool. And when I was going through the difficult period with my husband before the divorce, before I made the decision to end the marriage I was trying to save it. Using meditation as a method of trying to keep my sanity and work through things.And I decided one of the outlets of doing that was writing a course to teach adults how to meditate. That's when I began. I started having groups of people round to teach my four-week course as an introduction into mindfulness and meditation and then it developed from there.My motivator for me when the marriage ended in 2014 was to put my energies into the business and into helping others go through difficult periods in their life by using meditation and mindfulness as a tool.Getting out of your comfort zoneSo I wrote a book called The Gem In The Dust which is about just sort of finding your light within you through whatever difficult period you're having to be able to... Imagine you're sitting in a ragged old sofa and you've got comfortable. You've found your groove in the sofa. And you have to make that choice one day. Whether or not to stay in that groove or to stand up and be uncomfortable for a while and push yourself out of your comfort zone to find out what's really going to work for you. Because you can sit and pretend all you like that your life is good, that your life is happy. But you know that somewhere inside you there's something not quite right. Or eating away at you slowly. Or making you depressed, or anxious or worried or fearful of change. Ultimately you can't ignore that.So The Gem In The Dust is about just being able to find that within you. That power within you to make changes in your life for the positive, for the good. And so I wrote the book and wrote a six-week course to go with it and now teach people that as well.Me: So is the book and the course...those are available from your website, right?Nikki: The book hasn't been published yet, I'm still looking for an author. I can teach the course and I've got my manuscript and I've kind of put it on a back burner for a little while. But I do need to get going with pushing it again and either self publishing or go down a publisher route. Because I want it to work, I want to get it published and I want to reach out to these people.Giving herself therapy by helping othersSo that was enabling me and kind of giving myself therapy throughout the whole sorry tale really of going through that period in my life. That's how the business started.Me: And then now you said that you're doing really amazing things with children, can you say a little bit about that?Nikki: Yeah, I love working with children. I became a Connected Kids tutor and trainer. Connected Kids is founded by this amazing woman called Lorraine Murray who started teaching the courses about twelve years ago. There are three levels and I did the first level which was just a one-day introduction into teaching kids meditation and loved it.I realized that my true passion was working with kids to teach them how to connect with themselves, how to regulate their emotions, how to understand their own world within them and make sense of the world around them and make empathic connections with others. And Lorraine Murray calls us the Peace Pioneers, you know, the people trying to generate peace and harmony and balance into our own world with kids as well. I then went off and became a tutor and then did the trainer module so I now teach adults how to teach children meditation through the Connected Kids courses.Nursing and mindfulnessAnd through my work as a nurse I'm incredibly passionate again about making mindfulness part of the clinical toolkit that we as healthcare professionals can use with children in hospitals and hospices and wherever. I did the introduction course, the Connected Kids introductory course specifically for healthcare workers who work with children in the clinical setting. So I'm hoping to get that running, get that off the ground quite soon. I'm just waiting for someone to take me up on it so that I can start teaching it. Because it does work, I've seen amazing results from teaching kids how to meditate and how to use mindfulness in their lives.Me: Yeah, I mean I think...one of the things that...another thing that really struck me with your story was some of the reasons why you wanted to share this story. And I would love if you would share those because I think it's really important.Nikki: My passion is about helping kids to develop resilience. To learn to be more emotionally connected to themselves and those around them. And to teach adults how to make that connection with their kids or the children that they work with.Being open about mental health issuesMe: But I mean you've also got reasons for sharing your personal story, right? I think you said something about breaking down barriers and addressing the sense of shame that comes... Do you want to say anything around that?Nikki: Yeah, I'm quite open about discussing these things. Because the more it's buried, the more mental ill health is hidden away, the more difficult it becomes to deal with it. And the more difficult it becomes to address it. I want to break down those barriers to reduce that stigma of mental illness. And to accept that it's OK to have a mental health problem. It's not something to be ashamed of. And the more you reach out and access help, the better your chances of recovering and getting treatment are for the problems that you've got. So the worst thing that anybody can do is to pull the shutters down and hide away and pretend that there's nothing wrong.Me: For sure.Where to find NikkiAnd so where can people go to find out more about you and what you're doing? I mean I'll put the links below obviously but it would be good if you could mention where they can find you.Nikki: Sure, well my website is inner space project dot com. And I'm also on Facebook, so it's Facebook dot com forward slash inner space project. I'm on Twitter as at the mindful nurse. So they've got those places they can find me and my website will have all the information about the courses I'm doing. I've got my blog as well which I write on which is inner orange dot blogspot dot com. That has a lot of my personal story on there and how it relates to meditation and mindfulness and wellbeing. But there's also a lot of information about meditation and mindfulness as well. And videos that I put up on there from time to time that you can watch too. So yeah, those are places you can find me.Me: Super! OK.Nikki's Food For Thought campaignOh and there's one last thing that we didn't actually mention, which was you're involved with something called food for thought?Nikki: Yes, Food For Thought is a campaign that I've started in the run up to the summer holidays. Based on again my own personal experience of homelessness where we just sort of... Just seeing the rise in the number of families that are accessing food banks and the 3-day emergency food parcels. They're really in food crisis... This goes up over the summer holidays because kids aren't getting their free school meals. And they're often missing meals as a result. Or families are working extra hard because they've got to pay childcare costs. So things like that. They're turning more to food banks than ever before.So the Food For Thought campaign is about raising that awareness and asking people just to donate something to put into their local food bank the next time they go shopping. Or to find their local churches who will be... most around the country do some sort of food collection for food banks.Finding a Food Bank near youMe: And so what's the best link? I'll link to Food Bank in the notes, but what would the url be for that?Nikki: Well there's the Trussell Trust which is a charity that do food banks. They've got four hundred and twenty food banks around the country. So that's one of them.Me: OK so people could just Google 'food banks', right? With their locality and then they would find the nearest food bank.Nikki: Food banks. That's right.Me: OK so that's probably the easiest way. Super! Well thank you so much for being here to share your story Nikki, I really appreciate it.Nikki: Thank you for listening.Me: You're very welcome. I mean I think what you're doing now is very amazing. I think it's so important to help kids be more resilient and self-confident and, you know, it's good for everybody really. But it's particularly nice for children.Thank you thank you! Bye for now!Nikki: You're welcome.The best food for mental claritySo, I mentioned at the beginning of this episode that I'd share with you the best food for mental clarity. And that food is dark, leafy greens!The reason I mention dark, leafy greens is because they contain a lot of a particular element that is really important in many a food for mental clarity. That element is chlorophyll.Chlorophyll is said by some to be the 'blood' of plants. Because it's the green power that plants get by basically absorbing sunlight. So by taking in chlorophyll, you're literally taking in the energy of the sun.You can find chlorophyll not only in dark leafy greens, but also in superfoods like blue-green algae, spirulina, chlorella and wheatgrass, all of which have a very concentrated level of nutrients that really ramp up the oxygen levels in the body. They therefore are excellent foods to keep our minds sharp, focused and clear, so if you're faced with difficult decisions for example, these foods can literally help you focus.Many other benefits of chlorophyllNow I think you won't be surprised when I tell you that chlorophyll is good for so many things, it's ridiculous. I mean, if you've ever Googled 'help with' followed by any kind of health ailment or condition, chances are you've seen dark leafy greens listed as one of the foods to eat, because of their levels of chlorophyll. They're good for just about everything from arthritis, toxicity, cancer, digestive issues, oral health and more. I'll link to an article in the show notes that goes into more detail if you'd like to read more.How you eat leafy greens for more chlorophyllAs to how you eat these lovely green leaves, well salad is the obvious answer...but of course you can also blend a handful of spinach, kale, chard or other mild greens with some fruit to make a green smoothie. It doesn't have to taste green, and this is a great way to get greens into people who otherwise wouldn't eat them.I've got lots of recipes that use greens in my 5-Minute recipe ebooks, which I'll link to in the show notes as well.Have YOU got a story to share?Which brings us to the end of this week's story. I hope you enjoyed it!And of course if you've got a true story to share (and you'd like to know what food could have saved the day or enhanced your particular situation), I'd love to hear from you! Got a question, or a comment?Got a question, or a comment? Pop a note below in the comments, that would be awesome. You can also subscribe to the podcast to listen 'on the go' in iTunes, Stitcher or TuneIn.I hope you have an amazing day. Thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now!RESOURCESMore about chlorophyll here: https://www.organicfacts.net/health-benefits/other/health-benefits-of-chlorophyll.html5-Minute Mains and other recipe ebooks: https://rockingrawchef.com/5-minute-recipes/To find your local Food Bank (in the UK): https://www.trusselltrust.org/get-help/find-a-foodbank/About Nikki HarmanNikki Harman is a mindfulness coach, Connected Kids™ children's mindfulness tutor and trainer, and registered general nurse (RGN) working part time in the NHS. Specialising in working with children, Nikki has worked successfully with her clients. She also teaches adults to explore how to move out of their comfort zone to achieve a goal or dream. Her blog is based on professional information, mixed with personal experience. Nikki has written a course for healthcare professionals who work with children in the clinical environment to teach mindfulness techniques as part of their toolkit.www.innerspaceproject.comwww.innerorange.blogspot.comTwitter https://twitter.com/themindfulnurse Facebook https://www.facebook.com/innerspaceproject/
How Fiona Robertson travelled the world on a shoestring, discovering her life path as she went. Plus the best travel food ever!Hi everybody, I'm Barbara Fernandez, the Rocking Raw Chef, here with my Clean Food, Dirty Stories: one to entertain, the other to inspire.I help people stamp out stress, depression and fatigue over at RockingRawChef.com, and today's title is:Adventure was my missing nutrientIn addition to this story, at the end of this episode I'll share with you the best travel food I know. It's not only packed with nutrients and easy to carry everywhere, but it's also the best food to help eliminate parasites from the body.OK enough hints from me, let's get on with the story.I am super excited to be joined here today for our story by Fiona Robertson, the Body Whisperer, who helps people understand who they want to be. Fiona has travelled all over the world and has some amazing adventures to share with us which I think you will find very inspirational.So Fiona, welcome to the Clean Food, Dirty Stories podcast!Fiona: Yeah, thank you very much for having me. Thanks for inviting me. Nice to meet you here finally, face to face.Me: Yes, exactly! Cause we've known each other for a while, right? But it's been like an internet based...Fiona: An internet-based friendship, yeah, I know (laughs).Fiona's storyMe: Super! So I know that you've got, you've had quite a lot of adventures, but I think you mentioned that your taste for adventure perhaps came from your childhood. Is that right? You said you felt quite different as a child, can you maybe explain why?Fiona: Yeah, 4 years old we went to South Africa to live as a family. We kind of grew up with no shoes. So basically just kind of playing with lizards and centipedes and understanding all about nature and just wanting to be outside climbing trees, being a tomboy.A different way to grow upIt was just a different way for me to grow up. And when we moved back to the UK, I realized I was just different. I wanted to be outside playing in different ways and not playing giggly, schoolgirl games.Me: So how old were you when you moved back to the UK?Fiona: I was nine. Yeah, nine, nine and a half, something like that. Just kind of old enough, over the formative years, you know, that I'd really got a different country and kind of life under my skin. You know, I'd learnt Afrikans, I'd learned there was another language, I'd learnt there were different things going on. We were in South Africa at the time of apartheid as well, so you get a lot of different experiences, you know? We travelled there too on holiday of course.You see, I didn't think it was different, but it is, you're in a game park for a holiday and there's cheetas walking in the car park. It's exciting! And that's what my story's about, I didn't realize that adventure was so under my skin.Into the militaryMe: And so you said that you signed up to work with American Express in the military, is that right?Fiona: Yeah, one of my first jobs when I finished college and school and everything, I didn't want to go on to be an interior designer. That was my dream. But when they mentioned to me that it was four years foundational course and then I could specialize, I was like, “You've got to be kidding me! I can't sit still for that long! I've gotta be out there doing something!”I was interested in travel and so I got a job with American Express and it was on the American Air Force bases in the UK. So I started in High Wyckham and I was basically doing their travel tickets, their military travel tickets, then I ended up going and reliefing on the other different air force bases. So Greenham Common, Huntingdon, the ones in East Anglia, and just travelling around and doing that. Going and doing my travel, my specialist travel stuff for the American air force base.A different worldIt was cool because you walk into a different world. You go on the American an air force base and that land is owned by America. They have their happy hour, they have their bowling alleys, they have their shops, they have their own ways and cultures of doing things.Me: Wow. That just strikes me as really weird, you know? Like I've never, I mean even though I've lived in the UK for quite a while now. I've never been on any of the bases, and so part of me always just thinks, 'you're not contributing to the local economy', you know.Fiona: Oh they are, they don't all live on base, they live outside. But that was when I was nineteen, I started working on the American air force bases.The perfect job in travelLooking back now I just think what a perfect job for me. Working in travel and on an American air force base, you know?Me: So you organized travel for them, is that right?Fiona: I organized travel for them and basically with the old Prestel sets and the old ABC travel guide books we found air flights and all that kind of stuff. So I took all my exams for APTA travel. After that I went on to do incentive travel and after that I went on to sort of venue finding. Anything to do with people and traveling and moving. But incentive travel was very interesting, I liked that too.Me: What's incentive travel?Fiona: Imagine that you've got top salesmen and saleswomen and they're given an incentive. If they're the top team in the whole company in the whole of the country, then they get sent to some glorious destination and everything's paid for. So we used to organize all that, you know? With the ground agents and meals and restaurants. Down to exactly what kind of napkins would be on the table. It was like organizing a big wedding every few months, you know? Everything from the chauffeurs to the taxis to the kind of color-coordinating the flowers, everything.Import, export and video camerasMe: And then you went into a very different kind of business, right? With video cameras or something?Fiona: Yeah, I had another job in between time working for actually Ocean Pacific and I was on the export desk there. And I used to do all the certificates of export, and that was interesting for me. Because other people couldn't understand what these guys were saying, and I was just able to tune into what maybe the Greeks or the Spanish or the...You know, they were speaking pidgin English and wanting to be understood and then I was able to tune in somehow to what they were actually trying to tell me.And then I went on selling military cameras into industry, and again I worked with a lot of people from all over the world. So I listened to their languages and I listened to their accents and I understood about their culturesMe: So what happened when you wanted to go travelling? Because you said that at one point you had this business and then you sold it, is that right?Fiona: Yeah, from running the company I was working with I then set myself up for myself and found all my own clients and things and did that for two or three years. And I woke up one morning and thought 'God do I want to be doing this in five years' time? No! Two years? No!'Time to go travellingMe: So was there any specific incident that prompted this decision? Or was it literally from one day to the next waking up and going 'I don't want to do this'?Fiona: I thought that the company that I'd set up was my baby. I'd been with this other guy who was in the same industry though he ran a different company. So when we split up I think that was probably one of the kick up the backsides. I just said, “No, this is my baby, I want to hang onto this baby, this company” because Vision Source was my baby.But then when I woke up in the morning I just went, 'oh my God what am I doing? Do I really want to be doing this?' And when it was such a loud, resounding 'no', I couldn't not listen to that. I really had to think, 'no I'm just not going to be satisfied, it's going to kill me if I stay in this office and do this'. Even though it was doing really, really well.I managed to find somebody who was interested in selling, I sold the company to them. I rented my house out and I just took a rucksack and started travelling around the world.Me: So then how did you start? I think you said you bought an around the world ticket or something? I'm asking because, you know, if there's somebody listening who thinks 'oh I'd really like to travel around the world', I think some people wouldn't even know where to start, you know?A pink-haired rebel going round the worldFiona: Yeah, I was thirty-nine, I dyed my hair pink. Me: That's hilarious!Fiona: I was like wanting to be rebellious. Most people when they see the photographs kind of say, “Were you fifteen then?” and I say “No, thirty-nine, dyed my hair pink”. And I had my rucksack, a friend just said, you know, grab a rucksack. You buy a ticket that goes one direction around the world, and you can't go backwards so you always find a destination that forwards. And I think I didn't go that off the grid really. Thinking about it in retrospect it was fairly obvious.South Africa I started because that's where I've still got family living. Then, you know, Thailand, Singapore, Fiji, Cook, New Zealand, Australia and America. I really did not want that to end. That was just...no way.Me: But I think at the beginning I mean I imagine you would have had a decent amount of money to do that from the sale of your business, right? At some point did the money run out? I ask because you said that at one point you were just very trusting and that you thought, 'OK how can I just go to this new place with no money and nowhere to stay?'Fiona: I didn't...the business wasn't sold until I came back from my travels. They owed me the money. They were supposed to be selling my cameras and selling everything while I was away, and they just basically didn't. So I had to sort of deal with things until I came back. And my house that was rented only rented for a few months rather than for the whole year. So yes.Me: Wow.How travelling can be cheaper than staying at homeFiona: In fact it's cheaper to travel around the world than it is to live in a house and try and support yourself.Me: Whoa, you're kidding! Really?Fiona: No, I mean you stay in backpackers. You've got no material needs, you've got your shorts, your t-shirts, your toothbrush, you bring everything back to real, real basics. So you've got a book, you finish a book, you swap it for another book. It's just cheap. You stay in youth hostels, you meet fantastic people. Some of them obviously an awful lot younger than I was at the time. I was thirty-nine, they were all on their first out of university experience, they were travelling the world finding out who they were. And I didn't do that till later, but...Then you've also got different generations who decide to do it. But staying in youth hostels, they're pretty much...they're a good crowd of people. And when I really kind of left my rucksack in the first place, I locked it up, I tied it up, I did all the things that I thought I had to do. And then I walked out of the youth hostel and I went, 'no, damnit, I'm gonna go back and I'm gonna unlock everything. We're all in the same boat, we're all from different countries, we're all in the same boat. I've been travelling on an open-sided bus in a tent, on ants' nests and all the rest of it. This is not gonna be a problem for me'.A successful mental mindsetSo mental mindset: “I' am not gonna have any problems with anybody touching any of my stuff. I got nothing they want to steal, we're all in the same boat, we've all got like...” We had our old CD players, we didn't have mobile phones and those kind of things then.Me: That's true, yeah.Fiona: And I carried my passport and my money and my tickets with me in a little bumbag as we had then. Everybody was in the same boat and if you're that open and trusting and you believe you're OK, this is very much the work that I do now too funnily enough, but if you have that vibration running through you, you'll be OK. If you have the vibration running through you like...People before I left wanted to say to me, “Oh my God! Really? You're going to this country? Well don't let anybody put anything in your bag” and “don't put your bag out of your sight” and really all their fears they were trying to put onto me before I left.But if you have this kind of like 'Do you know what? We're all in the same boat, we're all wanting to be experiencing travel and different places and different people and food and...Me: Yeah. So then...Wow! I'm still reeling actually from the previous thing you said about it being cheaper to, you know, travel the world and stay all over the place than to stay in one place, you know. I'm going to be thinking about that for a while!On to Reiki trainingBut I know that you said that at some point you started just like doing things for people to kind of pay your way, right?Fiona: Yeah, it wasn't so much to pay my way but it was just to experiment. During my travels I decided that I would finish off my Reiki. That was a funny story as well.So I'd been travelling, I ended up in Cape Town and I decided to go for Reiki because I enjoyed Reiki. And this guy gave me Reiki and I was completely knocked out. When I sort of came round, he said, “Oh something came to me when I was doing your Reiki. If you're interested in pursuing, maybe finishing off your masters or something like that to do with Reiki, I know a very good woman. She lives in Prince Albert.”And he told me where that was and I thought 'well that's kind of up from where my dad lives on the wilderness in South Africa, I could go and see Valentine and have some time with her'.So I thought about it for a while and I rang, and I rang, and I rang, and I remember writing in my journal, “Bloody hell! This woman is impossible to get hold of!”Changing your thought patternsI scrubbed that out and I put “This woman is easy to get hold of”. I did have a phone, beg your pardon, one of the first kind of Nokia phones. She rang me. So imagine – I'd been saying all this time, 'this woman is really hard to get hold of'.Me: Yeah, and of course she was then.Fiona: Just by scrubbing out that whole thought pattern and changing my thought pattern, I'd actually said 'this woman's gonna be...and she's really easy to get hold of'. My phone then rang and she rang me to say, “Great, I've had your messages. When can you come?”Me: Super! Wow!Travelling with the flowFiona: So I was on this roll when I was travelling of trying to be this very open, flowing person who wanted to experience how easy and safe the world was. Rocking up in an airport like in Australia, I hadn't got any Australian dollars, I hadn't got anywhere to stay. It was kind of one o'clock in the morning when we landed. I wanted to find out how easy it was just by allowing myself to feel easy.Me: And so what happened in that Australian airport at one in the morning?Fiona: Oh God it couldn't have been easier! They are so set up. Maybe in another country it would have been harder.So you arrive in the airport and most people had somewhere to stay and they were being picked up by people. I walked in and I thought, 'oh a cash machine, fine, pop my card in, get cash out, that's easy'. By the cash machine there's a desk there, a welcome desk, there's brochures everywhere for youth hostels and everything. And I thought, 'I wonder if I ring them now if anybody would be on the desk, or if I should have to sleep in the airport'. Which I had done before.And so I rang and somebody said, “Yeah, yeah, no problem, we can come and pick you up, we'll see if there's anybody else coming this way. We'll be there in about an hour”. And they were. Super polite, super easy. Picked up my bags, picked me up, took me to the youth hostel in Perth. Got me a room and that was it.Don't plan too much in advanceMe: Wow. So generally you found that that's the way it worked, right? With the trusting and that it would be easy and things just kind of like fell into place?Fiona: I was told before I left by a girlfriend of mine also called Fiona. She said to me, “Don't book too much up in advance because so many things are changing the whole time. Try not to plan too much because if you plan, you're planning out what the universe might have to deliver to you. Something more fun, something more exciting.”Me: Oh yeah, that makes total sense.Fiona: So don't plan too much. I kind of took it from the other point of view, that I'm a planner, I'm a scheduler, I'm a bulldozer. I'll make things happen. And I was really trying to be experiencing from a different perspective. This was my opportunity to really experience that to live in the flow.And that's really what I want to try and do in my everyday life as a mom now as well. Be more open and understanding and intuitive to...'OK so why did that happen then? Why are they ill?' So this is what brought me...OK raw food kind of came in there as well, but it really brought me to sort of try and interpret what I was being shown.And if you happen to get arrested...Me: Yeah. So did you have moments when you were travelling when the flow just stopped? And you started to feel fear or you were just like 'Oh this isn't working” or... If you did, how did you get back into flow?Fiona: Yeah, I'm trying to think about it. I got complacent, I was in Thailand and I stayed longer than I should so I was kind of arrested when I left.Me: Oh my God, you were arrested!Fiona: Yeah, because I'd overstayed my visa. You're only allowed to stay there a certain length of time so when I left, I just handed in my passport. And they pulled me off to this room and they really interrogated me and I'm just like, 'I was just kind of complacent and I didn't really think about it' and “Well I'm leaving now so just let me go!” (laughs)Me: And so what happened? Did they let you go?Fiona: They let me go, but they made me wait it out. I think I missed that flight so I had to get another one or something. Yeah, they wanted to really make a point there that you can't be complacent. So I thought OK... I wasn't really in charge of looking at my dates in that respect.When you have to push a littleAnother time was when I was in Australia. I was coming down the west coast of Australia and it became a bit of a rush. So I knew that my visa ended at a certain date, I had to be in Sydney so that I could get my flight to New Zealand. The people I was travelling with were under no speed whatsoever. So I realized then 'I have to do something, I have to move this forward faster'. Then I became out of the flow and I was very proactive into getting things moving. And I don't know what would have happened if I'd just bummed along, I don't know.Me: Well yeah but I mean, but then you...that was kind of necessary, right?Fiona: Yeah.A Thailand detox adventureMe: Sometimes you have to do that right? And then you said that at one point you said you kind of discovered raw food and detox and you started coaching girls on your travels?Fiona: I did, that was really fun.Me: How did that happen?Fiona: I was in Thailand and I'd done Thai massage, Thai cooking. And I'd said to the girl that I'd met when I was travelling...I said “God, you know we need to be doing something that we would never, ever dream about doing when we went home”. She said, “Yeah I agree, we need to do something that's kind of off the wall”. I said, “Exactly!”I walked into this bar just to order a water and there was a leaflet on the desk that said The Sanctuary. And it was for detoxing. So I took the flyer and I said, “This really, really hits me! Let's go and try this!” I spoke to the guy behind the bar and he said it's a really cool place in Koh Pang Yang.That's where we went and did detoxing, and they had a fantastic raw restaurant. I'd never experienced raw food before. So we did the detox and I learned what I could from Moon, who was the guy who ran the place and the time. I looked at these menus of these foods and of course your tastebuds change when you do a detox. This was a full detox, colon cleanse, doing enemas, coffee enemas and everything else. Met some fantastic people, had some great conversations, we slept a lot.Simple food for radiant resultsWe met all sorts of shamans, all sorts of stuff. And then I realized afterwards that myself and my friend, our bodies had completely changed, our body temperature had changed.In about three weeks after that, we went for two weeks to another island and we did absolutely nothing. We just ate very, very simply, just raw food. So tomatoes and everything. The restaurants there were very confused. We didn't want the Thai food, we just said, “Basic, plain plate of tomatoes, that's all we want”. So we learned how to say that and we were doing that. We radically shifted some weight and we radically...our bodies changed and our whole energy was completely different. I was like, 'geez I like this! I get this! I feel awesome, I feel radiant!' We were just having so much fun!The coaching beginsMe: So then you started coaching girls? To help them...Fiona: Yeah then in the next place I went to I met some young girls. And a couple of them had said, “We're on our last leg”. They were kind of going the other way around the world. And one of them had kind of said, “You know, I'm a nurse and I left that because I wanted to find myself, I wanted to find out what I really wanted to do. And here I am on the last leg of my journey and I don't think I've found myself at all!”Magical questionsI said, “Oh, OK”. So I just started asking her some questions, and I set her some tasks for the evening. I said, “What do you want to do?” And she said, “I've got no idea!” I set her some tasks for example, I think one of them was 'a hundred and one things that make you happy'. How easy. And setting out what her perfect day would include. They were two of the simplest tasks that I thought that she might actually do or might actually enjoy doing.And the next morning when we were kind of...She was leaving and I was just having breakfast. And she was like, “Oh my God!” She said, “I totally get what I wish I'd known before. I know what it is that I want, I know what makes me happy, I know this and I know that and I know the other” and I was like 'oh my God'. And then just other conversations, it just seemed to be natural for me that when I was speaking to somebody...Not telling them what they should do, but kind of like, 'have you ever thought about what it is you'd like to do? What it is...Who you'd like to be, what you'd like to wear? How you'd like to sound, speak? Do you enjoy singing? Dancing? What is it?' All the different things that make you who you want to be.Me: Wow.Fiona: It came from that, really. Just having conversations. Nothing structured, but just allowing people to find out for themselves what they liked about life, about being alive.Finding a travel partnerMe: And then at one point you met your Dutch partner, right? How did that happen?Fiona: Yes, we met in Australia and we just started travelling together. We were going the same route together. Very interesting conversations. He allowed me to be very profound and very deep. And I found something new about myself as well, which normally I would not have had those kind of conversations with people. In a very deep, delving, wondering, curious, inquisitive, wanting to know more. So that was kind of refreshing and probably why we stuck together for so long because we allowed each other to have those kind of conversations. And I found myself a different kind of person. That I didn't agree with everything that he said, or I had an opinion. I found my strength from having those kind of conversations too, I'd had a strong interior. And I found that I knew what I wanted, let's put it that way.Back home and pregnantMe: I know at some point your trip around the world ended. And then you were...you were back at home feeling sad, right? But then you were...you started travelling again when you were three months pregnant, is that right?Fiona: (laughs) Yeah, I got back to my house in Oxford. We stayed there for a while and I'm just like, 'God, I don't want to be here because I'm gonna end up doing what I used to do and I don't want to do that'. The world's a bigger place, you know?So I was three months pregnant, I was age 40, and I said “Right, that's it. We're gonna take a caravan, and we're gonna find somewhere that makes my heart melt. That really fills my heart, that makes me feel fulfilled”.Me: Wow, what did your partner say? Was he surprised? Or was he like 'yup'...Fiona: He was cool for that, he's now back in Holland, he's not here with me in France. He couldn't make it work for himself. But that's OK. So that was it. He said, 'yeah, great! Let's have an adventure'.An adventure to find your ideal homeWe took a caravan and basically I had a tick list of the things that we wanted. So what would you want if you had everything you could possibly imagine? You'd want the sea and you'd want the mountains. And you'd want the outdoor life because South Africa's under my skin. I'd have the plants in the garden, hibiscus plants and palm trees. It would be very green.So we started travelling, you know, down the coastal route of France, and kind of 'does this place? No. This place doesn't feel good. Does this place?' And “How will you know when you find it?” he used to keep saying. “I'll just know, I'll just know”.Me: And so how long were you travelling before you found it? Because most people wouldn't leave when they were three months pregnant, right? Cause they'd be thinking about 'oh my God'...No tests, no scansFiona: I didn't have any tests, I didn't have any scans, I didn't have anything. And I was huge, I had like a huge baseball, like a beach ball stuck out in front of me. My son ended up being five kilos, he was a big boy. But I was a very happy mom, and I was just really, really happy being pregnant and travelling.Me: And so where was he born? Was he born before...Fiona: He was born in Holland. So we stayed here, we found the place, we found Biarritz Saint Jean De Luz. And I imagined us living here what it would be like. We both had tears in our eyes and it just felt so homely, we had left and we'd come back. And when we came back it felt like we'd come home. So it was all feeling-based.Me: Yeah, I'm the same, I'm very feeling-based so I can totally relate to that.No French, no job, no baby knowledge...Fiona: And so then we found the house and then we went back to Holland. We had Micah in Holland, we lived in a holiday home for two months. Micah was my eldest who's now twelve. He was one month old when we moved back here. I knew nothing about babies, I knew zip! Nothing! Nada! I had his sister who helped me go shopping and all the rest of it. And I was breastfeeding and I thought, 'Well what else do I need to know?' I probably sound like such a hippy!Then we came here, we didn't speak French, we didn't have a job, we had a house, a big house. And we had a baby, and my big dog, he was with us as well, Milo. I sometimes wonder how I managed but I used to speak to my spirit animal and for some reason she used to guide me through and make me feel very comfortable and very safe. And that's how I did it.Me: Wow. And then...well, you speak French now, right?Fiona: I don't think I could ever call myself a good speaking French person. I do my best.Me: Well yeah but you make the effort, right? You do what you can, right?Fiona: Oh yeah, I make myself understood. And even funnily enough when we first moved here he would say to me, “What did they say?” I'd say, “I couldn't repeat it, I don't know what they said. But I know it's OK. And we need to do this, this and this”. It was just like an infusion.Me: Yeah, well like it was when you heard people speaking with different accents before, right? That's cool.Fiona: So I was here on an adventure.The world can come to youMe: Well and I know that you said that you kind of had the world come to you, right? Fiona: Correct, correct.Me: So what happened there?Fiona: What a great thing.Me: And how did you start that, actually?Fiona: My partner at the time was trying to work in Holland and travel. And I just said, “This isn't working, let me have a go”. I'd just had my second baby and he'd just stopped breastfeeding. And I opened up Retreat Biarritz, which is basically a detox retreat. I was running it from home, we had two studios that we'd built. People were staying in the studios and I was basically doing for them what I'd learnt to do when I was in the Sanctuary.So basically they're doing three day fast, colon cleanse, learning all about raw food. We did raw food kitchen. Then I used to take them hiking in the mountains, I used to take them to the beach, I took them to the hammam. We took them to the local markets. Just so that they could have a holiday experience while they were here.Me: That's fantastic, that's really great. Wow. So do you still...what do you do now? I know you do a lot of things, but do you still run the retreats now?Detox retreatsFiona: I still run the retreats for small groups of people. Sometimes individuals come, and again from all around the world. I mean I've had ladies from Greece, America, Australia, Russia. And they just find me, God knows how they find me. They come and they go, “I'd really like to come and work with you”. And I'm like, “OK do you just want a detox? I can just do a straight detox for you”.But at some point always the conversation comes up. They're in an old story or they're stuck, you know? 'I used to have a body like this' and 'I don't understand why my body does this'. And then the body whispering seems to sort of come in, and we have that intuitively guided conversation that helps them understand more about their body.Me: So then how does the body whispering work? Can you give us just sort of like a short, I don't know, a little brief idea?How body whispering worksFiona: Oooh, yeah, how does it work! Goodness me! Basically a lot of the ladies who come, they are stuck in a particular story. There's something that they haven't digested emotionally. It could be that they're feeling anger, but then I kind of go beyond that, what's under that. And if you're feeling anger or resentment and things, often what I'm feeling is that people are feeling very disconnected. They're not feeling any connection to other people, but they're not feeling safe.So one of the main things I do is I help them to feel what it feels like to feel safe. And most people, they have no idea what their safe place feels like. When they can discover what their safe place feels like, you've almost got something to back into when things don't feel comfortable for you. When the shit's hitting the fan or you're at a dinner table or there's a conversation going on that you're not feeling comfortable with, you can kind of go, 'hang on a second, where am I?'Tuning into your bodyZone in – some people might call it being centered or whatever, but you zone in and tune into yourself. You get out of your thinking, analyzing, bulldozing head and you get into your body. So you reconnect with your body and you go, 'wow, there I am'.And it's like 'OK so what's kicking off at the moment? Does it have anything to do with me?' And your body is able to kind of respond to you when you understand how your body works. Your body would kind of say to you, “It's got nothing to do with you”.But you can pick up who it is in the room that's really got the energy, the strongest energy in the room that's affecting you. And you can say, 'OK so if that's the person, has what they've got going on got anything to do with me? No. Back off'. You can back off, you can get back in your own energy.How most of us calm our nervesWhat I found was I used to overeat. When I was in the company of my ex particularly. He had a very chaotic mind unless he was focused, he was ultra, ultra focused, but otherwise he was chaotic. Very argumentative, a devil's advocate. But when he was kicking off, I would find that I would overeat because I wanted to shut that off. Me: Oh wow, OK.Fiona: And I calmed down my nerves... The best and the quickest way to calm down your nerves when you're stressed is for a lot of people to eat. When we don't feel safe, we eat. And our body is protecting us by having the chemical reaction that goes on, the hormones that are released in the body, they lay down fat. That's the body protecting itself. Basically the adrenaline and everything that's going on...There are toxins that run through our body, and I didn't realize how overvigilant I was because of my childhood. Certain things that happened there. I didn't realize how overvigilant I was and how aware I was of feeling empathically what was going on around me. So my only way to control that was food.Discovering how you really feelThat doesn't really tell you what body whispering is. Body whispering for me, when I'm on a call with somebody, if I'm talking to them, I'm tuning in to them. So I can teach them how they feel. Basically ninety-nine percent of anybody who's around doesn't have a clue how they feel. They think, 'oh God that doesn't feel nice' but they automatically go into the thing that makes them feel better which is eating. Or drinking, or smoking, or shopping or whatever it is. I concentrate purely with people to do with food.So basically I can connect in with them and I'm saying “OK how do you feel about that situation?” And they go into their heads and they start describing it in mental ways. I'm like “OK fine, now bring yourself into your body because you're mentally describing and giving me mental feedback. Bring it back from your body. What are you feeling in your body?” And often they'll pick something up but I'm able to help them hone in to what the feeling really is so that they can recognize it the next time.Me: Yeah, I get it, you're teaching people basically how to...Fiona: Read their bodies.Me: Read their bodies, yeah. That's very cool.Fiona: And also what's happening to me is that when I'm reading their body... Even over Skype, it doesn't have to be live, even over Skype. I can say, “OK so I'm picking up...So a thought came to me, I've just been asked to ask you this question. What does this got to do with that?” or “Would this resonate with you?” So I'm allowing myself to be open that I'm picking up something for them.A body scan offerMe: Wow. And so I know that you have something pretty cool going on at the moment which is a body scan offer I think. Do you want to say something about that?Fiona: Yeah, I offer people if they're interested to find out what the undercurrent is that's going on through their body. So basically I help people understand the undercurrent that's going on. There's nothing more responsive to your thoughts than your body.That being said, if you don't know what you're thinking, then how can you possibly change your thoughts? So often people are saying mantras or they're saying positive thoughts. But the undercurrent that goes on behind that is often very subconscious. I call it on a soul level, when you have total disbelief on that ever happening for you. It could be to do with money, but I talk to people about their bodies.How it worksSo what I ask people to do if they're really interested is they can come forward and they can have a body scan. I can have half an hour with them, I ask them some questions. They're very kind of open, big questions that allow me to see where they're coming from. And for example what makes them really happy or really sad, and then I can gauge what's going on. I can gauge their stress levels, and I can feed back to them what's going on and what's the most likely reason things are not working for them. Even if they've been dieting and detoxing and exercising for years. But there's something going on in their bodies that they haven't allowed themselves to let go of. They're still hanging onto something and it's hanging onto their body.Me: And so if people want to know more about that, where's the best place for them to find you and to look at that offer?Where to find FionaFiona: OK I have my website which is fionarobertson dot co. And I don't know how we can do that, but...Me: Well I'll link to things in the show notes anyway.Fiona: Yeah, I'll send you a link to the body scan so that people can come through and they can test out the body scan. Basically have a very happy-go-lucky conversation with me. And yeah, just find out a little bit more about who you are and what your body's asking for, funnily enough. What she needs, what she wants and what she's lacking the most. And it's not nutrients on a vitamin and mineral scale, it's nutrients of other descriptions.Me: Wow super, OK. And is that a free consultation, or...?Fiona: Yeah.Me: OK. I thought so, I just wanted to make sure I said it because some people, that's...they'll want to know that. And then, yeah, hopefully...Well I'm sure that there'll be a lot of people interested in that because I mean I just think that's fascinating!Well thank you so much Fiona for being here to share your story!Fiona: Oh, thanks!Shed your baggageMe: It's been quite a...it's certainly given me a lot to think about around... Well around world travel, really, because I love travelling and I have travelled quite a bit. But I'm gearing up to do some more in the future with not very much baggage at all, so that's...Fiona: Oh, so nice to get rid of your baggage! And what a nice analogy as well, get rid of all your baggage!Me: Yup, all kinds of baggage! (laughs)So thank you so much for that inspiration. It's been really great to talk to you!Fiona: Thank you so much for inviting me, thank you so much.Me: You're very welcome, thank you, have a super, super day!The best travel foodRight, so fantastic! I hope you enjoyed that story. And I mentioned at the beginning of this episode that I'd share with you the best travel food that I know. And that food is...dates!Dates are an amazing food. They're easily portable, you can just pop some into a bag and put them in your suitcase. You can even carry them on a plane with you – at least as of today you can still do that. Properties of datesNow in terms of properties of dates, the first thing about dates is that they are amazing for the digestive system. This is because they are one of the best foods for getting rid of parasites. They basically bind onto and then help sweep away all kinds of nasty stuff: parasites, heavy metals, bad bacteria, viruses, fungus and especially Candida. And if you've got a tendency to constipation, dates can help there too.In addition, contrary to what you might think as they're very sweet, they're excellent for helping to balance blood sugar. The fruit sugar that they contain also helps feed the muscles and refuel the brain – so they're a great brain food too. As well as a great food for sport.And if you often feel stressed, dates can help you there as well. They contain almost 70 bioactive minerals that support the adrenals as they work to help us face various life challenges. On top of that, they've got a huge amount of amino acids which elevates their levels of potassium which in turn helps stop formation of excess lactic acid. Another good reason why they're really good for sport, as well as anti-stress.They're also said to be abundant in anti-cancer properties, particularly for abdominal cancer.And because dates are so high in nutrition, they can help with weight control. For example, some Muslims eat dates with water to break a fast before they eat anything else and one benefit to that is that it helps avoid overeating at that first meal which I think is really cool.Why dates are the best travel foodAnother very cool thing about dates is that if like Fiona you want to go on a travelling adventure and you're not quite sure about how you'll find food, some people say that a wrapped up date in your pocket or in your bag can act like a good luck travel charm. It can ensure you'll always find something to eat. Of course yes you can always eat the date itself, but some say that this little fruit can help you find more than that.For those who want to know what exact nutrients dates contain, well there are a lot. But the ones I'll mention here in addition to potassium are calcium, iron, phosphorus, sodium, magnesium and zinc, as well as vitamin K, vitamin A, thiamin, niacin and riboflavin. It's got loads of stuff.How to eat datesAs to how to eat dates, well you just grab a handful, right? Be sure though to remove the pit inside first please, we don't want an impromptu trip to the dentist. And just 4 to 6 dates a day can give you excellent benefits.They're also one of the key ingredients in many recipes for things like energy balls. So for example you can blitz some dates in a food processor with some nuts and maybe a bit of dried coconut for an instant snack. And if you'd like more recipes where you can indulge in their sweetness, I'll post the link to my 5-Minute Desserts recipe ebook below the show notes for this episode. Which brings us to the end of this week's story! I hope you enjoyed it!And if you've got a crazy, true story to share (and you'd like to know what food could have saved the day or enhanced your particular situation), I'd love to hear from you! If you enjoy my stories and want to hear more, join us and subscribe! I share one crazy yet true story a week. And if you've got any questions, just pop them in the comments! And if you're listening on iTunes, do give me a review, that would be awesome.I hope you have an amazing day, thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now!RESOURCESLink to 5-Minute Desserts and other recipe ebooks: https://rockingrawchef.com/5-minute-recipes/Article on dates including links to studies and other articles: https://www.organicfacts.net/health-benefits/fruit/health-benefits-of-dates.htmlFiona's website: www.fionarobertson.coFor your free Body Scan session, book a time with Fiona here: https://fionarobertson.acuityscheduling.com/Fiona's bioFiona Robertson, Author, Creator of the Home Detox Box, Retreat Biarritz, and a Body Whisperer intuitive holistic coach - supporting women as they release, reset and re connect with their bodies. I assist the body to consciously re constructing itself from the inside out, releasing the emotions and stress that cause the body to hold onto weight and create digestive and long lasting physical symptoms.
Description: Heather Craik shares with us some pitfalls of dating as a single mom, with some pretty crazy results. Plus a food that fills you up from the inside outHi everybody, I'm Barbara Fernandez, the Rocking Raw Chef, here with my Clean Food, Dirty Stories: one to entertain, the other to inspire.I help people stamp out stress, depression and fatigue over at RockingRawChef.com, and today's title is:How Not To Date As A Single Mom (And Still Find Love Anyway)In addition to this story, at the end of this episode I'll share with you the best food to feel full, in other words, to fill you up from the inside out.OK enough hints from me, let's get on with the story.Our guest, Heather CraikI am super excited to be joined here today for our story by Heather Craik. Heather's going to share with us what it can be like to start out life as a single mom, explore dating on Tinder (which like I've never done) and have long distance relationships (which I haven't done either). So all that sounds super interesting to me! She now helps people solve a completely different kind of problem which we'll mention later.For now though, Heather, welcome to the Clean Food, Dirty Stories podcast! I've been looking forward to having you ever since you told me about your incredible, roller-coaster story!Heather: Hey, thanks for having me. Glad to be here.Me: You're so welcome. So I think if I understood it correctly that your story starts where you were with somebody and you got pregnant? And then you wound up being a single mom? Can you talk about how that came about, maybe?Heather's storyHeather: Yeah, sure. I mean I'd been with this guy for about nine years or so and that's an entirely different story in and of itself. But what happened was I was in Canada when I fell pregnant. And because I wasn't expecting to fall pregnant in Canada, I didn't actually have medical coverage for that. So I came back home to the UK which is where I'm from. And you know a couple of months after that I realized that it was really not working out with this other guy.Me: The nine year guy.Heather: So that was just a bit entertaining for a while. I broke it off with him and went through the rest of my pregnancy, it was just me. My parents were there which was really helpful. But I was about 5 months pregnant I reckon when it ended.Me: That is so, I have to say that is just so, so brave! Oh my goodness. Like how did you...how did you feel like when you... I mean, yeah, how did you feel? I can imagine – I can't imagine, I mean I've been pregnant, I have two kids. But how did you feel when you just like made that, made that decision, you know? To...Heather: Well I think leading up to it was quite stressful. And I noticed that before the decision was actually made, I felt stressed for a lot of days, but once it was done and it was over I actually felt relieved. Which I think was really telling.Me: Wow. That's really telling. Especially like the situation you were in, right? Cause I know that for me, when I was pregnant in some ways I felt kind of vulnerable, you know? Because you're carrying this childHeather: Oh yeah, entirely. I was back staying with my parents even. So yeah. But they were great, by the way. My parents were fantastic from the word go.Me: Oh wow, that's really good. Well I'm sure that at the end of the day they just really want you to be happy, right?Heather: Yeah, they're really good that way.Rebuilding a businessMe: So then you started out as a single mom, so was your son born when you were still living with your parents? I mean, were you working at all?Heather: Yeah, I was still with my parents for about 10 months after he was born, actually. So I was working, I had started work on my business at that point but it hadn't really fully taken off. I had my business before I fell pregnant, let's just clear that up. But then it sort of, you know, the whole moving country and then being very pregnant and then having a very small child, it had fallen by the wayside. So I had to kind of build that back up again.Me: Yeah. Wow. I can't even imagine, like, I don't know, I started...I started my business when my kids were like 10 and 12 or something like that. But I think I was so traumatized when my son was born, my first child, that I don't think I could have had any head for business at all. It was like...Heather: Oh I tell you what, pregnancy brain is such a real thing though. You don't realize it, but probably the last couple of months of my pregnancy and for three months after I couldn't focus on my work at all. I would try, I would sit down in this dazed fog and try to code and it just did not work.Me: Wow, I guess because...that would be an interesting topic in and of itself, right? Pregnancy brain and why it happens and everything. I mean you've got another being with you, right? That's, that could be...that's the first thing that comes to my mind. That must have been really hard. But at least your parents were there to help out, right? I imagine when your son was born, then...Heather: Yeah, I didn't have to cook for the longest time! That was hugely helpful!Me: Oh! Heaven! (laughs)Heather: I know! I do miss that!Time to start dating againMe: Yeah! So then how old was...cause I know that at some point you did...you did want to start dating again. How old was your son when you were like, 'OK, I'm gonna just, you know...'Heather: I think just over a year, actually.Me: And was there anything that happened? Any specific, I don't know, moment or incident that caused you to think, 'OK I'm ready to date now'? I mean, it's a pretty big decision, right?Heather: Honestly, it had been a very long time for me since I'd had any...you know, any of that wonderful sex stuff. Me: Any action. Yeah, of course!Heather: And it was getting to that point...I had moved out which was, you know, helpful. So I'd moved out and had my own place and my son was more settled, he started to sleep better at night which was a real help. Yeah, that was pretty much what led up to it.Me: Wow. And then so you said that you started finding people...How did you start finding people? I'll let you talk about it!Trials of TinderHeather: Well since I pretty much live online anyway, I automatically gravitated over to dating sites. You know, I'd been hearing a lot about Tinder because I'm of that age group that they obviously target for that kind of thing. So I thought 'OK whatever, I'll have a look'. I wasn't expecting to find anybody but I thought whatever, it would be worth a laugh at least.Me: So then like sorry, for people who don't know what Tinder is, can you say a little bit about like how it works?Heather: OK well basically, what Tinder is, it's an app first and foremost. It links into your Facebook but it doesn't post to your Facebook. It just pulls information from there. And you know, you get these photos that come up and you either swipe right if you'd like to talk to them or swipe left if you don't want anything to do with them. Me: Yup (laughs).Heather: So what happens is if you swipe right and someone else, like the one you just swiped right on also swipes right, then you can start a conversation.Me: Right. Kind of like shopping, I guess.Heather: Kinda sorta. You already have that 'OK well we both agreed we like something about you'. You get that. By its nature it can be quite shallow, but there actually are descriptions and bios as well. People don't actually read them...Me: That was my other question as well. Cause if you swipe...So do you have the description under the picture that you can read before you swipe? Or do you only swipe based on...Heather: Yeah, you can see it under the picture. You just have to click and you can read it. Not everyone does.Me: Of course, yeah I can imagine. Interesting people...or notSo you met some pretty interesting people on Tinder, right? I believe there's a little story there...Heather: Oh, yes, did I ever!There were a few interesting ones I will grant you, but the one that still sticks in my head was this one guy. And I don't remember his name, I don't even really remember what he looks like, but I remember he was quite reasonable at first. So obviously we'd both swiped to the right to talk, whatever. We'd exchanged a couple of messages and then pretty much off the bat he was like, “Well I like Lego”. As one of his interests. And I was like “OK, well Lego's pretty cool, fine.” And then he comes back with, “No, no, I really like Lego”. Before I had a chance to respond to that, he follows up with this other message saying that he likes to put it in certain places and I'm afraid that I was out. All done. No way!Me: Oh no, that's too weird (laughs). Did you actually like meet live with anybody on Tinder?Heather: I did actually meet live with one of them and honestly it was probably one of the more shallow ones. It was just one of those 'hey he looked good I looked good'. Fine. We'll meet up. And he was a nice guy, still is a nice guy. Not the brightest tool in the shed, but yeah, we did meet up and we did engage in some activites and that was fine. But not particulary fulfilling, I would say.Is Tinder worth it?Me: Yeah. So is your conclusion that it's probably good for the shallow stuff but not much more? Is that what you would say?Heather: I reckon it probably could work for people that had a bit more time. There were certainly some interesting people there that I reckon if you'd gone out and spoken to them in a coffee type setting that might have been OK. But a lot of people do just go on and use it for shallow whatevers.Me: Yeah. So then, how long did you kind of like play around with Tinder before you went on to somebody else that...yeah? (laughs)Heather: Probably around a month and a half or two months, I was just bored by that point. And you're having to keep up all these other conversations too. It seems sort of mean to be like 'OK I'm not that interested' but at the same time...not that interested.Me: Yeah, and it's time and everything that you're taking up, right?Enter the former loverSo then how did the former lover come into the picture?Heather: Ah, well you see he was one of those people that we never went particularly far emotionally. That was just never our thing. But we had been lovers obviously on and off. And he...I'm not sure how that started again actually, I think what happened was we started talking again cause we were phasing in and out of each other's lives anyway. We started talking again and it was just one of those 'hey OK, so do you just want to come over' type things. I think I actually started out telling him that nothing was gonna happen, and that was obviously not what actually happened.Me: I had somebody like that too. It was actually quite handy, it was because I used to be a singing waitress and a singing coat check girl in this like fancy French restaurant place. Very, totally random and there were lots of different bands that came through and there was a guy like that. You know, we had a kind of understanding that if, you know, if we were in the mood for just something superficial, we'd just, you know, it's fine.Heather: Yeah, and it's not like you don't care, it's just never ever gonna be anything else.Me: And then I feel like, you know, well I think there's a place for that right? If that's what you want and that's what they want, I mean why not, right?Heather: Yeah, I mean it worked out pretty well for that.A long distance relationshipMe: And then you said that after that you somehow then found yourself in a long distance relationship, I mean how did that happen?Heather: Yes, I kinda did. So this guy was somebody that I'd met in Canada about 6 years prior, nothing ever happened there. He was friends to us both but we'd sort of lost contact for a while. We hadn't really seen each other for a while. We started talking again, it must have been a couple months after Gabriel turned one, so it must have been September probably that we started talking again. I was minding my own business, not looking for anything in particular. And he just admits that he likes me, and I'm like “Oh, OK” because I'd always sort of had a thing for him too. So we did that and then it just went boom. Right time. We gave it a go.Me: And then how did you...but you said it was long distance, so like how did that work? Did you like Skype each other?Heather: What we used to do was we would talk a lot on Facebook messenger because that was the quickest and easiest way. But he would also video call. Like after a few months we realized that worked a bit better. He would hop on video and we'd talk. Which, you know, it was fine when my kid was asleep.If he isn't a kid kind of guy...But for whatever reason my sweet, darling toddler that loves everybody hated when I was on video with this guy. He was fine with video with other people even. Hated it. Tantrum after about 10 minutes, did not like it.Me: I wonder why.Heather: Yeah, I mean to be fair, this guy didn't particularly like him either. He tried, but he wasn't ever a kids type person and you know he really didn't like my ex either which didn't help matters because honestly...they're related, so...Me: Oh, your son and your ex, yeah.Heather: Yeah. So, yeah, that didn't go very well. He did make an honest effort but that's not really something you can make an honest effort on. Which is kind of why we ended up splitting actually. It was that and the distance. Because I realized that I didn't want to move back to Canada and he had realized that he didn't want to move either.Me: So how long were you in that kind of situation with him before you were like 'oh well this isn't really gonna go anywhere'.Heather: Well I think probably that entire relationship lasted about 5 months. It was about a month or two of 'OK what are we gonna do about this' so that wasn't particularly fun. And then it became really obvious at the end that it was just never gonna change really. I did entertain the thought of moving for a little while. And I know that he tried thinking about moving too for a little while, and we just wouldn't have been happy moving, either of us, so.Trying out BumbleMe: You said that once you moved on from the long distance relationship, you mentioned something called Bumble. What's that?Heather: Oh, Bumble, right. So it's kind of like Tinder, but with a very noticeable difference. Only the women can do the first message and you only get 24 hours after you've matched to make that message. And then they get 24 hours to message back, and if no-one does within their time frame, that's it. Unless you pay. Some people pay.Me: And how did you find that compared to Tinder?Heather: Honestly it was very similar, but the people seemed to be looking for deeper connections in general. In general. But there were obviously still plenty of the 'oh hey, I just want a casual something'. That's fine, if that's what you're looking for.Me: And then did you meet a lot of people on Bumble?Heather: There were a few people I spoke to actually, and some of them were quite lovely. And there was one I actually met up with. He was fine, we sort of met up during the day at one point first of all. You know, we got on great, it was OK. I think we went to the park actually, so Gabriel was actually there. He was running about at the park. This other guy was there and it was fine, there was nothing going on. We would up meeting up the next evening. And basically we did the kissing thing and then the other stuff, but oh my God no!Kissing a black holeHow would I describe this delicately? Probably not very well, but I'll describe it anyway. Imagine a black hole and imagine chicken pecks and combine the two. And that was his kissing.Me: Oh, that's horrible!Heather: And the sex itself was not much better.Me: Oh, OK that's actually, that's a really good image. That's a bit scary, it's kind of a bit freaky.Heather: Yeah, you sort of wonder how they get to that age without knowing how to kiss. But anyway.Me: I guess some people do, right? I guess that didn't go anywhere! Heather: That did not!Me: (laughs) And then you said you found yourself in another long distance relationship? Or not a relationship?Heather: Ah, completely accidentally, I had in fact sworn off boys at this point. I was like 'you know what, I don't even care anymore. I'm not doing this dating thing anymore, I'm happy on my own'. Because it had come to that point, right? My business was going well by this point. I was perfectly happy just not looking for somebody. That was me at this point.Me: I mean then did you think...sorry, did you think that...when you say you were perfectly happy not looking for somebody, was it because you thought 'oh there's no point, they're all gonna be a bit crap' or was it because...Heather: There was a bit of that but it was more that I wasn't that fussed about it anymore.When you're perfectly happy on your ownMe: Oh! What happened for you to like be not fussed?Heather: I think it was a combination of the ending of that long distance relationship. Because I had cared quite a bit and then obviously it didn't work for practical reasons. Combined with...I'm gonna call it a sex experience, but it's not...you know the one. And then also combined with I'd reached a point where I really wasn't lacking anything.I think probably the reason I started looking in the first place was that I felt this longing for a connection, right? But by that point I was actually OK on my own. I didn't need that to validate me anymore.Me: So the interesting thing I find about that is that there are so many people who try to get to that point through conscious effort, right? For example they think to themselves, 'oh I keep reaching out to others for connection and I'm kind of just fed up because nothing's working. I'm just gonna be by myself and do a lot of introspection'. And stuff like that. Whereas with you...Like in other words, they try to get to that point by working on themselves in a very conscious way. Whereas with you it sounds like it was a very kind of like organic process.Heather: It was completely accidental! I was just doing my own thing.Me: Did it have anything to do with your business doing well? Because I know you did say at one point that it was quite hard with your business, right? There was a bit of a tough period.Heather: Well yeah, because obviously I had a young child. It's not that easy to juggle with business, especially since I was used to just running it by myself.Being your own personI think that took some getting used to. But no, what happened was over the course of that long distance relationship that lasted about 5 months, my business started to take off and have more traction. My child, very helpfully, started sleeping through the night. I wasn't a sleep-deprived zombie anymore. That was a lot more fun! I started to take better care of myself again and you know what? He was actually quite good for me in that regard because I started to explore being my own person again which was really quite helpful too.Me: Oh I know what you mean.Heather: All that combined so that I found who I was again.Me: I know what you mean, it's kind of...cause I can remember that stage with my own kids. It's kind of like, yeah, you do get your own life back in a sense. I think you put it well to me in an email when you said like a mombie, right? You're walking around with no sleep.Heather: Yeah, up until that point I don't think I had slept more than two hours in a row since he was born. Because his longest period of sleep...And that only happened when he was about a year old maybe, was four hours and then two hours and then two hours and then one. But obviously I was still up. So I got two, two, one and a half if I was lucky...Self-affirmationMe: Oh wow. So then...I was gonna ask you something about that. And then your business started to take off, right? You got more clients and everything? Do you think...cause I don't know about you, but for me I know that when the business stuff starts to go really well, that's a big, a big kind of self-affirmation, in a way.Heather: Yeah, it's like this realization 'oh hey I can make it work. It's doing well, I can do this'. That point that you get to. I'd had it before, but I think with being pregnant and having my kid...There was a part of me that was initially worried that 'oh my gosh, what if I don't ever get this back?' You know? So obviously that had been appeased by that point because I started to see it come back again.Me: So then now where are you at now with that? I mean I know that your business is going well. But do you also like, are you at the point where you have somebody in your life? Or are you at the point where...Heather: Oh yeah, it's actually really funny. It was probably about a week after I got to this realization that I was totally fine. I could just have a business and have my son and maybe go travelling and all this fun stuff....Along comes the right guyAlong comes this guy that I'd been speaking to probably since October. He was a friend of a friend, we'd started talking on Facebook. I think we met once some years ago for like 5 minutes. So we'd been talking and we get along really well. We'd video chat just as friends, whatever. And so somewhere in there he decided to profess his undying love for me which was helpful.Me: Oh, wow.Heather: I'll be fair, I do love him too. We are not together. I am still single because I'm incredibly stubborn and I'm not doing the long distance thing again. But he's actually looking at moving here at some point.Me: Wait, so is he in Canada at the moment?Heather: Yup, he's in Canada as well.Me: Oh! Yeah, you've gotta get those guys out of Canada, right?Heather: Yeah, I'm just gonna need to import somebody.Me: Exactly. Well, just the good one, right? The other guys can stay over there.Heather: Yeah, they can stay as far away as they need too.Me: Just get the good one. Being clear about what you wantMe: So are you...how can I put this? Have you basically just said to him, you know, “I'm not moving, if you want us to be together then this is how it's gonna work. And I need you to come here” kind of thing?Heather: Pretty much, yes. What happened was that I was quite open with the fact that I'm not leaving here. Or that if I did leave from here, it would just be to Europe maybe. You know, fairly local because I don't want to leave my family behind again.Me: Especially with your son and everything, right?Heather: Yeah, and a ten hour flight each way is not ideal.Me: Oh I know, I've done that, yeah!Heather: That's where I came into it. And he was all like, well he was initially all 'No I don't want to move either'. Which was fine because, you know, we weren't dating. But he sort of came round to the idea. I think what happened for him basically is he looked at it and decided, 'Actually I don't have much to keep me really. And I want to be over there with her, so...' That's where he came to it.Me: Wow, so yeah, you'll soon have somebody flying halfway across the world to be with you, which is pretty cool, right? Heather: Yes, it makes a change.Me: Exactly! Rather than you doing all the flying, that's really good.What Heather does nowSo what about...so now I know that with your business and everything, well. I'd love to ask you about what you're doing now because I know for a fact that what you're doing now is super helpful to people like me!Heather: Yeah, OK. So what I do is, I run Designmancy. And basically what I do there is I will take your WordPress site and I can build it, I can repair it, I can train you how to use it. I can fix it...Anything you could possibly need for WordPress, that is what I do. I'm your coder fixer gal, basically.Me: Wow that is really cool. And you take on all different kinds of projects, everything from like building sites to fixing existing sites...Heather: Oh yeah, I mean I am honestly at my happiest when I'm getting to fix bits and pieces of code or getting to build something new. Really I get kind of twitchy if I've not fixed anything for a couple of weeks, so just give me something to do!Me: Oh just give me a call, I've got plenty to fix!Heather: Basically that's how I work.Me: That's really cool. And of course you can do it from anywhere, right?Heather: Well yeah, that's a big help too.Me: That's fantastic! Brilliant! What's your...Oh I'll put the link to your website in the show notes. But for the benefit of people listening, where's the best place for them to find you?Where to find HeatherHeather: OK, probably the best place to find me is designmancy.com. I'll spell it cause it's a bit of a weird word. It's design, I think we all know that bit! And then it's mancy dot com. That's the best place to reach me. Depending on when you get there my site may still just be a 'coming soon' page. Because cobbler's shoes and all that stuff. But it does have this really nice early bird discount, so hop on over!Me: Super! So then I have another question for you. Is that the new design of your website? Because your business is already, you know, going well and making money and stuff, I assume you got your previous clients from a previous website? Is that right?Heather: Well I had had a website there for a while but it was never really that good. I've actually been getting a lot of my clients from Facebook groups and referrals and word of mouth. I've not been using my site as much but it has gotten to the point where I really need it to work. I'm really excited by this actually, I've hired a copywriter to help me. So she's doing all my written content. Obviously I'm doing my website bit but I've got a photographer and all that fun stuff as well. It's coming together really quite nicely and it's exciting!Me: Super! And I do know that it's very cobbler's shoes, right? That, you know, the WordPress site designer whose WordPress site isn't designed yet because you're doing everybody else's, right?Super! Oh thank you so much Heather for being here to share your story with us. I love that, so...Heather: Thank you Barbara, I'm so glad I got to be here and thanks for having me!An ideal food to feel fullMe: You're so welcome! So, I mentioned at the beginning of this episode that I'd share with you one of the best foods to fill you up. It's a great comfort food that's actually good for you. And that food is...oats!Now oats are a very powerful yet often underestimated food. They really do help fill you up and give you energy over long periods. As do chia seeds, which I've spoken about in a previous episode.And the reason I'm mentioning food to feel full is because a lot of us could reach for fulfilment in the arms of someone. Man, woman, whatever. But this food can actually fill you up without reaching for anybody's arms. And then you can still reach for the arms of somebody if you want to!In terms of food to feel full, in one study done in Australia, oats actually ranked at number 3 for a 'satiety index'. Which basically is a number allocated to how good particular foods are at satisfying hunger and contributing to a feeling of fullness. Some researchers have found that eating oats can help reduce appetite as well. So if you make yourself some oatmeal with apples, you'd be giving yourself a double whammy of food to feel full, as it were, because apples are good appetite-reducers too.I'm sure that if you've eaten oats, well you may not be very surprised at that because you've probably experienced feeling pretty full after a bowl of, say, oatmeal or porridge as they say in the UK.Other benefits of oatsDid you know that oats do have a lot of benefits, and one of the benefits is that they're great for your gut? They're high in fiber so they're very helpful for digestion, and some researchers believe that they may even help boost some of the beneficial bacteria in our gut.The other cool thing about oats is that they can be very helpful for lowering cholesterol. The oats bind with cholesterol and therefore help remove excess from your body. I've got personal experience with this because my ex-husband used to be on medication for high cholesterol, until he did two things. The first one was he started eating my food, but also he added in oats at breakfast. Within a year he was off the medication and that was about 10 years ago now. And if anyone comes near him and says the word 'oats', they will get an earful about how oats bind with cholesterol and you know, blah blah blah. He goes on about it(!)But the benefits of oats don't stop there. You don't have to eat them, you can bathe in them! For help with inflamed skin conditions such as eczema, chickenpox or even sunburn, you can add one cup of finely ground oats to your bathwater and let your skin soak up all that goodness.What oats containAs to what oats contain, they have many minerals, such as selenium, magnesium, phosphorus, manganese and zinc. So the phosphorus helps if for example you've got students in your house for example and they're studying for exams and things, phosphorus can help there too.Many people ask if oats contain gluten. It's important to note here that oats of themselves don't actually contain gluten. However, if you are celiac or extremely sensitive to even traces of gluten, you'll want to check the provenance of your oats. Because sometimes they can pick up traces of gluten if they are grown next to a field of gluten-containing grains such as wheat or barley. You can buy packages of oats that are marked gluten-free, they're just a bit more expensive. But you can get them.How to eat oatsAs to how to eat oats, when you're faced with buying oats in the supermarket, you may get a bit confused. There are steel-cut oats, oat groats, rolled oats, Scottish oats... all kinds of oats! I'll link to an article below that spells out the different kinds so that you'll know what to buy without tearing your hair out.Personally I use two kinds. I use oat groats, which are the whole grains. They're great for soaking overnight and making into oat milk, and they're also really good for grinding for making oat flour. I also use rolled oats which are basically hearty flakes. They're oat groats that have been pressed flat and they're great for making energy bites.I've got some recipes that use oats in my 5-Minute Chocolate Heaven ebook, so if you'd like to take a look, I'll post the link below in the show notes. Have YOU got a story to share?Which brings us to the end of this week's story – and if you've got a true story to share (and you'd like to know what food could have saved the day or enhanced your situation), I'd love to hear from you! Got a question, or a comment?Got a question, or a comment? Pop a note below in the comments, that would be awesome. You can also subscribe to the podcast to listen 'on the go' in iTunes, Stitcher or TuneIn.I hope you have an amazing day. Thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now!RESOURCESLink to 5-Minute Chocolate Heaven and other recipe ebooks: https://rockingrawchef.com/5-minute-recipes/Article on health benefits of oats: http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/270680.phpAn easy explanation of the different types of oats: http://www.webmd.com/diet/oatmeal-benefits#1Heather's bio: Heather runs Designmancy, your place for WordPress design, repairs and training, while raising a 2 year old son and generally plotting to take over the world.Heather's website: http://designmancy.comFind Heather on Facebook and Instagram
My adventures of having a therapist and teacher who put us both into a bit of a situation. And the best food to soothe the gut and recharge your brain.Hi everybody, I'm Barbara Fernandez, the Rocking Raw Chef, here with my Clean Food, Dirty Stories: one to entertain, the other to inspire.I help people stamp out stress, depression and fatigue over at RockingRawChef.com, and today's title is:The one thing your therapist should NEVER say to youIn addition to this story, at the end of this episode I'll share with you the best food to soothe the gut, recharge your brain AND bring you strength and connection to who you really are.OK enough hints from me, let's get on with the story.Right, so this story is a bit of a doozy and I've never shared it before except with a few close friends. So why not share it all over the internet, right? The reason I'm sharing this story though is because I feel it deals with a really important topic, and that is boundaries.Let's talk boundariesWhen I say boundaries, I don't mean fences or stone walls or anything like that. I'm talking about the boundaries that we all set that say to people, “You can come here but no closer”. For those who don't know, boundaries are our (mostly unconscious) way of telling people what is and is not OK.So for example your boundaries with your friends are probably very different to those with your coworkers. Friends can most likely get closer to you, not only emotionally and mentally, but physically as well. You probably wouldn't move away from a friend in an elevator if they were standing fairly close to you, whereas with a stranger, you would. Right? We talk about personal space and that's one kind of boundary.Now why am I prefacing my story with talk about boundaries? Well, because this story is all about violating someone's boundaries – imposing upon them, in this case, mine - in a very intimate way...without even touching them. And this kind of behavior is just not OK, although it does make for an interesting story, as you'll see.It started in a bookstoreThis story takes place not in Paris as with some of my previous episodes, but in London, England. And it starts in a used bookstore.My son was very small – he was about a year old – and he and I often found ourselves in used bookstores, whether we wanted to be there or not, because his dad loves books. He wanted to browse and scour all the shelves searching for whatever books caught his eye. While my son and I were waiting, I spotted a flyer on a bulletin board advertising training in a particular method of therapy that sounded really exciting. I won't say exactly what it was because this isn't about name calling and the story involves the founder of that method and, you know, I don't want to use real names because the purpose isn't to name and shame, it's just to tell a story.I looked at the flyer and my intuition said, “You need to do this course. It's perfect for you”. So I wrote down the phone number and the website address and looked it up at home. And sure enough, it looked fantastic. It was a full year of training in a small group to become a therapist using this method. I could even use my vocal skills, so I thought 'wow that really is perfect!'Very exciting...at firstI signed up for the course and was very excited on my first day. Beforehand I had already read a bit about the method's founder, whom I'll call Chris, and I was really looking forward to learning from him.We were definitely a small group – there were twelve of us, plus Chris and his two female assistants. And the training was very intense. Chris told us that he wanted to 'break down the walls of our egos' (and if this sounds like something a leader of a religious sect might say, well yes you're right. How did you know?)So what followed were some very long days of exploring our own inner psyches using Chris' method – we did this in the mornings usually. Then in the afternoons we would do group work, so trust exercises, therapy games etc. We also always had some kind of circle time where we would talk about things that had come up during our group and individual explorations of our inner worlds. Chris was the lead therapist, and we were all like his clients. We were learning by exploring our psyches and then using him and his therapeutic skills to deal with what came up.Dealing with heavy stuff, and ego-breaking exercisesAnd I have to say that some of the stuff that came up was pretty heavy. Things that people had repressed for years, or that they remembered vaguely but had never explored, or that they didn't even remember until the work we were doing brought a memory to the surface. I can't go into details for obvious reasons, but we're talking childhood abuse, family members committing suicide, birth trauma, that kind of stuff. So not exactly what you'd chat about over a coffee, right?Some of the exercises were pretty interesting as well, as was the homework. One assignment I remember was that for 3 days we had to create a blanket fort in our homes (now that does sound like fun, right?) and we had to live in there. We also had to eat our food without using our hands from a bowl on the floor. Sounds weird, right? I mean now you probably definitely think I'm nuts!I mean I'm all for self-exploration, but I have to say that my son's dad thought I was nuts. My son thought it was normal – I mean he spent a lot of time crawling around on the floor anyway so he probably figured Mommy was playing like he was. It was interesting to say the least, and I know I did have some deep realization or other during that process but for some reason I can't remember for the life of me what that was. Anyway, that's not important.Is he skilled, or is he psychic?Anyway exercises like this make you a bit vulnerable, and we very quickly came to depend on Chris in the all-day sessions for his help and support. He was very, very skilled – extremely good at what he did, and he would see things in people that left you thinking, 'Is he psychic? How did he see that?' It was incredible to watch. So we all, I think, admired him. Certainly for me, I had him on this therapist pedestal – I admired him as a teacher, a trainer and a therapist. Nothing more than that though.One day we were learning about two aspects of a relationship between therapist and client that are crucial to understand if you want to be a good therapist. And those aspects are transference, and countertransference. I need to explain them so that you understand what comes next. But it's pretty logical and I'm going to give a very simplistic explanation here.Transference and countertransferenceTransference is a process where the client unconsciously transfers feelings that they have for someone in their life onto the therapist. So for example let's say a therapist is helping a woman get over her difficult relationship with her brother. At some stage in the therapy, that woman can start to transfer her feelings for her brother – good and bad – onto the therapist. The mind does this to help us work through those feelings, because the therapist is a 'safe' version of her brother. The client can rant and rave or say things to the therapist-as-brother that she perhaps wouldn't feel able to express to her real brother. And a good therapist knows about this process and is smart enough to work with that transference.For example if the woman starts ranting at him in the way she used to at her brother, the therapist can use that dynamic to respond to her in a way that can help her move forward. This is very simplistic, so if you're listening and you're a therapist, please forgive me. I know it goes deeper than that but I'm just trying to get across the basic idea because of what comes next in my story.An example of countertransferenceLet's say then that the woman is ranting at the therapist because in her unconscious mind he has become her brother, in a sense. In a perfect world, the therapist wouldn't take this personally. He or she would be thinking 'Well her transference is that I'm her brother, I know this, so I won't take this personally'. But therapists, like the rest of us, are human. And they do react to the client's transference – which we call countertransference. In the case of the ranting woman, the therapist's reaction – his or her countertransference – could be anger. It could be fear. It could be any number of things depending on the therapist's own personal history. And a good therapist will recognize that if he or she starts to feel a strong emotional response, then perhaps the client is unwittingly triggering some of the therapist's own personal stuff. Cause we all have our personal stuff, right? We all have buttons that people can push, regardless of how much personal development we do. It's just that usually the more personal development you do, the more difficult it can be for someone to push your buttons. But the buttons are still there.And now the story gets tricky...So here's where my story gets tricky. One day we were in our circle time talking after we'd done some group work, I think this was about 3 months into the course, and Chris wanted to talk about his reactions to each of us as people. Well, as clients. He wanted to do this because he was convinced that his reactions to us were based on our stuff. In other words, his countertransference. He went round the circle saying things to people like “With you, Jim, I feel on edge a lot of the time. I wonder where that has shown up for you in your life?” or “With you, Anna, I feel protective, like I want to look after you to make sure no-one hurts you. Where could that come from?”. Then he got to me – and he said the thing that (according to the books I read that he recommended we read) NO therapist is ever supposed to say. He said, “With you, I feel a lot of sexual energy, a very primal kind of attraction”.No, no, no! Therapists are NEVER supposed to tell a client that they are sexually attracted to them, countertransference or not! Clients – and students – are fragile people. And we were in the middle of a very intense psychological process of breaking down barriers and uncovering any unresolved issues in our lives. It was hard, scary work and none of us needed this kind of complication. Especially as we were such a small group, working together in one room for 8 hours a day 5 days a week.Delayed hearing? Yup, that's a thingNow Chris threw this particular bombshell 3 months into the course, but interestingly I didn't actually hear him say it until 3 more months had gone by. My mind literally blocked out his words in the moment he spoke them, it wouldn't let me hear them to protect myself. Unfortunately my subconscious heard them and the dynamic between us changed after that day. You might think that's weird, but this does happen. There are moments when we just don't hear something because, yeah, our mind protects us and it just gets blocked out.Whereas before, he was the teacher, therapist and innovator that I admired, now he was a dangerous threat. The problem though was that because my conscious mind didn't let me hear his words until months later (when a comment from someone in the class unlocked my memory), I didn't understand why suddenly I was afraid of him. During our group exercises there was so much tension between us that it affected everyone, especially me, I think.The worst part though was that as the course progressed, I started to get more and more upset, and he somehow had managed to convince himself and the rest of the class that I had “started it”. He was convinced that his attraction to me was simply his countertransference due to “my stuff” even though he was the one who had said to me out of the blue that he was attracted to me. And he had some of the other students believing that I was more than a bit like unhinged. Which was just really annoying, especially once I'd remembered what had actually happened.My ego was having a great timeAnd the other annoying thing or challenging thing was that there's a very thin line between massive admiration for someone and attraction. So as the course progressed it was difficult to not feel a response to the mega teacher saying he was attracted to you. I felt singled out in some way, and if I'm honest, it made me feel important. Right? Suddenly I had something that no-one else on the course had.Well I know now that the whole scenario was pretty ridiculous if not embarrassing. I think of it now and it makes me (almost) want to laugh, but how often have we felt important over something that actually wasn't that important at all? My ego was basically having a field day. It was totally in control. So I'm sure that's happened to you, right?Anyway even with the huge cloud of tension hanging over my head, I did manage to finish the year. Ironically when we had completed our last assignment, he gave me the only compliment for the entire year. On the last day.How Chris really saw me...and my conclusionIn our final circle time, he went round to each person and said what he wished for them and/or what he could see them achieving with what they'd learned. And as usual it was super perceptive and absolutely incredible, actually. It was one of those moments when again you were like, 'is this guy psychic?' When he got to me, he said “Out of everyone here, you're the one who I can most see doing what I did. You're the one I can see creating your own method and taking it out into the world to affect change”. So of course I felt like screaming – if he thought I was that good, why on earth couldn't he have told me that, instead of talking about his feelings of attraction and stuff. Anyway!My conclusion looking back on all of this is that circumstances can create feelings that aren't real. As soon as a few weeks had gone by, after the course, the whole attraction thing felt false. And while he really should NOT have said what he did, it taught me a lot and I'm very grateful for the experience.I learned that our minds can create all kinds of stories, his and mine and everybody else's. And if we take a step back from the situation – or in my case a couple of years' distance – we can see the experience in a different light. Which makes me question how much of what we experience in our day to day lives is real truth? How much of what we think is happening, or what we think others are thinking and feeling comes from our own stories? We speak a little bit about this in my episode with Corrina, with Corrina's story which I'll link to as well.The other things I learned were within the method itself, which is absolutely amazing and I do use it for many things today. I gained an invaluable tool, even though it cost me a bit of heartache to get it. And I also learned how strong I can be and about the different kinds of people that I can help. So was it all worth it? Definitely. It's all life experience, right? Even the blanket fort and eating out of the bowl. All good!Can you disappear from Google?I never found out what happened to Chris after that, except that he left the country shortly afterwards and his two female assistants left the course at the end of the year, at same time I and the other students did. They would never say why, but I do wonder why they both left.A few years ago I even tried Googling Chris to see what he was up to, and I found...are you ready? Nothing! Nothing! A founder of a fabulous therapeutic method who has written several books...and I found nothing. It's like he's disappeared from the face of the earth. But even so, like how can you disappear from Google? Right? Amazing. I guess it's possible.Anyway, I share this story for anyone who ever starts a therapeutic journey. Yes I learned a lot, but it was definitely the hard way. So make sure you're in good hands, and if your therapist or trainer starts making noises like “Oh I find you attractive”, take my advice and run the other way! Food to soothe the gutSo, I mentioned at the beginning of this episode that I'd share with you the best food to soothe the gut, recharge your brain AND bring you strength and connection to who you really are. And that food is... avocado!Benefits of avocadoThere are so many benefits of avocado, it's ridiculous. Avocado is a great food to soothe the gut because it can actually help restore the lining of your stomach and intestines. It also has anti-inflammatory compounds that work like aspirin but without thinning the blood. So if you have any kind of condition where your digestive system is upsetting you, so things like IBS etc, any kind of irritation in your digestive tract, then you definitely want some avocado. Because as a food to soothe the gut, it's one of the best.Also avocados are one of the best-known foods for the brain. Their omega 6s can help restore our central nervous system and can help alleviate conditions like Alzheimer's, dementia, ADHD, things like that. So I don't know about you, but my central nervous system could definitely use a reboot sometimes and yeah, avocados are just the thing.They also have anti-ageing benefits: they're great for the skin and they can even help reduce dark circles under your eyes. And they're even great for your hair – you can mix some avocado – ripe avocado obviously - with your favorite conditioner and use it as a hair mask.The other neat thing about avocados is that the fats that they contain are similar to those in breast milk! It actually makes an amazing first food for babies along with bananas.And on an emotional level, avocados are like a 'mother fruit'. They nurture us at a very deep level. Think of them as the supreme 'comfort food' – that's actually good for you. The next time you want to reach out for a comfort food, as many of us do, reach for an avocado instead and see what happens.How to pick and store avocadosHere's the best way to tell if an avocado is ripe: Press gently near the stem. There should be a bit of give. If it's too soft, it's too ripe and may be stringy. You don't want that. If there's no give, it's too hard and isn't ripe yet. The color should also be uniform, where possible, whether it's the lighter or darker green variety.Now for storing avocados, they're best kept out of the refrigerator because cool air spoils their flavor. It just ruins them. Keep them at room temperature until you're ready to eat them. I have heard that people freeze avocados, I haven't tried that myself. You can try that if you want. I know it's possible but I haven't done it, I always eat them fresh.How to eat avocadoThe easiest way to eat avocado is to obviously just slice them down the middle, take out the seed (just stick a sharp knife into it and pull) and scoop out the flesh with a spoon. You can puree it with a fork if you're giving it to a baby, or if you just want to make yourself some speedy guacamole. Just mix in some diced tomato, a squeeze of lemon juice, a dash of sea salt, maybe a bit of chili powder if you like spicy things, and then instant guacamole!I have lots of recipes that go great with avocado in my 5-Minute Salads & Sauces ebook, and I'll post the link in the show notes.Have YOU got a story to share?Which brings us to the end of this week's story – and if you've got a true story to share (and you'd like to know what food could have saved the day or enhanced your situation), I'd love to hear from you!Got a question, or a comment?Got a question, or a comment? Pop a note below in the comments, that would be awesome. You can also subscribe to the podcast to listen 'on the go' in iTunes, Stitcher or TuneIn.I hope you have an amazing day. Thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now!RESOURCESLink to 5-Minute Mains and other recipe ebooks: https://rockingrawchef.com/5-minute-recipes/More about the benefits of avocados here: http://undergroundhealthreporter.com/avocado-health-benefits/Article on avocados as first foods for babies: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4882728/
How Kate Fisher found herself at the brink of death, having to choose between this world and the next. Plus one of the best foods to feel grounded: for keeping a level head and making good decisions(!) Hi everybody, I'm Barbara Fernandez, the Rocking Raw Chef, here with my Clean Food, Dirty Stories: one to entertain, the other to inspire.I help people stamp out stress, depression and fatigue over at RockingRawChef.com, and today's title is:This world...Or AnotherIn addition to this story, at the end of this episode I'll share with you one of the best foods to feel grounded – in other words, to help us stay clear-headed and even make better decisions in our lives.OK enough hints from me, I'm sure you have no idea what that food is...or maybe you do, so let's get on with the story.Our guest, Kate FisherI am super excited to be joined here today for our story by Kate Fisher. Kate is a shamanic practitioner who specialises in helping others to connect with the power that is already within them. She is also an artist, and she works with drums, paint and clay to create shamanic tools, paintings and ceramics. And she works with people not only face to face, but also at a distance which I think is very cool. She has a pretty incredible story to share which I think you're going to love!So Kate, welcome to the Clean Food, Dirty Stories podcast!Kate: Thanks Barbara.Me: Yeah, it's great to have you. I'm looking forward to sharing your story.Kate's storySo you work in Norfolk, you live in Kent, but do you have a lot of trees surrounding you now? Because I know that you spent a lot of your childhood in trees, is that what you told me? Is that where your story begins?Kate: Yeah, it kind of is, I was much more into sitting in trees and hanging out there and not really with the other kids. It just felt calming and I later found out that what was actually happening was that I was speaking with the tree deities and the tree spirits themselves. Me: So like when most kids had imaginary friends, like little playmates and stuff, then you just had your playmates that were like in the trees and nature spirits and everything.That's really cool, when I was little actually, I didn't play with the other kids either. I was with them but I was a tiger roaring and crawling on the floor. So there were no nature spirits for me, just a bunch of crawling around.On to herbalismAt one point you studied herbalism, is that right? How did you come to study that?Kate: Well, I began studying it. After doing my art degree, I actually got a job in Neal's Yard Remedies in Norwich. And so that just kind of brought me back to plants and their uses. The medicinal uses were the sort of thing I was drawn to. I was going to move to Australia to do the whole course of naturopathy. There was something still missing from that for me. So from that I actually found magical herbalism.Me: Okay.Kate: Yeah, so that's kind of like hedge witchcraft. It's understanding that everything has an energy and you can use that energy to help heal and help rebalance.Me: I know about wild plants, you know, and collecting wild plants and just eating them because they taste really good, and I know that nettles for example are really good for arthritis, just little things that you kind of pick up. But that's kind of all I know. So is it like making teas for people and poultices and things like that out of plants and stuff?Kate: No, no, it's purely energetic, so it's basically like spellcasting.Me: OK.Magic herbalism, then on to the PhilippinesKate: So you would use certain herbs and plants that have certain attributes and they often correspond with the medicinal uses as well. And you'd kind of enchant them and then you'd make them into little sachets to hand to people and once they'd got their use from it, they would bury it. It was always just for an energetic purpose.Me: Oh OK.Kate: It's like the old wives' tale of putting certain things above the door so things can't come in.Me: I get it. OK. So you were doing herbalism but then I think you stopped, is that right, and you moved to the Philippines? Is that right?Kate: Yeah, that's right. So magical herbalism still wasn't doing it for me and I still felt there was something more. And I came across a book and it was called Chance Spirit Shamanism, and this just sent me off! I knew that I had to do something with this because it would take me deeper into that plant realm. The way I actually got to the Philippines was through my ceramics, with a job as a teacher over there.Manila and the Saturn returnMe: How did you get that job? That's really cool.Kate: A Filipino lady, her family ran the college there and she approached me and asked if I would teach there.Me: Wow!Kate: Unfortunately it was in Manila and for me that was just too busy. It's a really built city with really rich and really poor areas. I found this place called Bahay Kalipay which means the House of Happiness. So I went there, I volunteered and from there I taught this process called The Inner Dance, and this was precisely when my Saturn return hit. I had just turned 28 and I decided to drop everything, I sold everything that I owned in England basically, and I decided to move to the Philippines.Kate's Saturn ReturnMe: Wow. So can you just...sorry, can you explain to people, some people that may not know, what is a Saturn return and why does it just – cause I've experienced one too – what is a Saturn return and why does it turn your life upside down?Kate: Yeah, well, OK. The Saturn return is...Saturn's in a certain place in the night sky and what happens is when that then comes around which obviously it takes 28 to 30 years to come round in your astrological chart, that changes everything. You're then kind of pushed or encouraged onto a path that you should have been taking that you may have been diverted from. Some people's is really turbulent, other people it can be quite free flowing depending on what their life path life has taken. And then this happens again normally in women's time, it's normally around the menopause.Me: Well it would be like 28 years later, right?Kate: Exactly, yeah, it's on that time scale. So it really can turn your life upside down because Saturn's known as the teacher. If you haven't learned your lessons, you're gonna learn them!Why the PhilippinesMe: Yup! I've experienced that so I know exactly what you mean. Yeah, so it can be quite big life changes and stuff, right? What made you decide to move to the Philippines?Kate: Well, in all honesty a man.Me: (laughs) As so often happens...Kate: And he worked at the retreat center that I went to. Yeah, I kind of knew that it wasn't gonna work out but I'm always this kind of romantic person, I'm just gonna follow my heart...I loved it there anyway because it was just so beautiful and I felt so held there, just on the land.Me: Yeah. So you moved to the Philippines, so if you moved because of him, did you stay with him and then, like, what happened?Releasing inner blocksKate: Well, I think I moved in with him to begin with, him and his family. And then I went back to work at the retreat center for meditation and the inner dance which is kind of meditative. It allows the flow of energy and any blockages to come out, it can be quite cathartic and transformative in itself. So I went back there and lived there, and I did that for 8 months. I was looking for land to buy as well.Me: So you were gonna buy land in the Philippines? That's very cool. You said at one point that you had a kind of like dark night of the soul, was that related to the guy? Or...Kate: It was all, you know, a whole lump of stuff rolled in together (laughs). That's what happens, isn't it?Me: All at the same time, of course, yeah.Crying in paradiseKate: All at the same time. So yeah, for me, I was in paradise but I was crying my eyes out every day.Me: Oh!Kate: Yeah, and it was just this kind of ultimate depression, but this was something different, it was a transformative kind of time. And I ended up not really seeing the point in life, so I went from, you know, being on a real high and feeling the connection between all things and all of this and then just fell apart and thought, “Well, if everything is nothing and nothing is everything, then what's the point?”Me: Oh, yeah, I've felt like that before so I can relate, yeah. Wow.From the Philippines to PeruMe: And so from there, how did you...you said that you then went to Peru, right? So how did you go from the Philippines to Peru? Did you just one day up and decide to leave, or was there a specific incident where you thought 'OK I've had enough, I'm going to leave now'? Or...Kate: Well I, I'd gone to America to visit my friends over there and then while I was there I phoned this person...Me: Somebody in Peru?Kate: No, sorry, I phoned my boyfriend at the time. Yeah, and he ended up going “Oh I've decided I'm going to be a Peace Pilgrim”.Me: A Peace Pilgrim? What's that?Kate: So it's someone who walks around without anything, but just goes spreading peace and basically relies on anyone around them to support them. He said “This is my highest excitement”. So I was like, “OK, fine”. Obviously I was a bit heartbroken because I'd just travelled the other side of the world, but it made me suddenly realize that I wasn't following my highest excitement. So I thought “OK, what's happening right now? Where's the mother of all plant learnings?” And it's happening in Peru, with Ayahuasca, with Huachuma... Ayahuasca and HuachumaMe: What's huachuma? I mean, I know Ayahuasca and in fact I spoke about that in a previous episode, but what's huachuma?Kate: Huachuma is also known as San Pedro. San Pedro was the Catholic name they gave when they kind of came over to the South Americas. Huachuma is the original name for it. It's a cactus that is mescalin-based, so it's similar to the peyote which is a mescalin-based medicine.Me: Oh OK. So it's a similar kind of experience with...like a journey like you would do as if you were taking Ayahuasca but you're taking Huachuma?Kate: It's similar, yeah. Huachuma's much more about the earth and less cosmic. Ayahuasca is out there, attaching to everything that is. Huachuma's about the heart, about connecting back to the earth.Me: Wow. OK, so you did both of those when you were there?Kate: Yeah, that's right, so I spent 6 months being an apprentice to both of those plants.Me: Oh wow! So now are you able to perform Ayahuasca and Huachuma ceremonies for other people?Kate: I believe I can hold ceremony for Huachuma for other people. With Ayahuasca I decided that I'm just always going to be her apprentice (laughs). I just don't see how people hold space for that, it's such a powerful thing.Temazcals (sweat lodges)Me: OK. So you did those, and you also mentioned temazcals, you know, the sweat lodges, what were those like?Kate: It's really magical.So for somebody who doesn't, who doesn't know about a temazcal, can you say a little bit about like what it is? Because I've done one, but not everybody knows about it, right? Could you say a little bit about like what it is and what happens and why you might want to do a sweat lodge?Kate: OK. It's a really sacred ceremony and our ancestors have always used it to cleanse, to rebirth. To go into those sweat lodges is like going back into the mother's womb. You go in there with thanks, knowing what you want to get rid of or what you want to transition into. And you bless the rocks which are put into a sacred fire.Me: Sacred fire?Kate: Yes. They then heat those for several hours and then you will go into the lodge. You normally go through about four, yeah, four rounds. They'll bring in a certain number of rocks, and then water is poured onto the rocks once the door is closed.Me: And it gets really, really hot, I remember.Kate: It does. But it builds, it's not like going into a sauna. Your body gradually kind of gets used to it until it gets so hot that you're just like “Oh no I can't do this!” But quite often, we always say that the heat is your friend. Because that heat is sometimes not physical heat, it's sometimes you know, coming up against maybe a blockage of the energy of the thing that you're trying to shift, so if you can, stay in.The eyebrow of the Peruvian jungleMe: And so how did you...how did you go from doing the sweat lodges and the Ayahuasca and Huachuma ceremonies to the jungle? Cause you said that you were...I know that you mentioned to me that you were in the jungle with some friends and you had a pretty scary experience there. Can you say a little bit about like how you came to be there, and what happened?Kate: Yeah, definitely.I was a, I suppose an assistant to the woman that owned the retreat center. And we'd become really good friends because we obviously worked really closely together. We were offered a piece of land possibly in a part of the jungle called Manu which is known as the eyebrow of the jungle of Peru. So we went to visit, and our friend who also went with us, he was also an Andean priest. He went and hired a boat and took us to this special island which had quite rare breeds of certain animals, mammals and things. So he takes us over there and we're just so excited to see a different part and see rare species. Onto the land, you know you just start walking around and admiring things and I think it was about a third of the way around this island and all of a sudden something hit me.When the jungle gets angryKate: It felt like I'd suddenly started menstruating but it wasn't that time, it felt like all of my guts were just turning around. I just suddenly went white. Me: Wow!Kate: Literally it just felt like, I don't know, I could have eaten something that didn't agree with me, all that kind of stuff. So my friend tried to do an echo cleansing on me. Now all that did - this is the dirty part of the story – was give me diarrhea. It was awful. My body was emptying, everything was too heavy. I was getting rid of everything. It was really quite scary as it progressed.And then this feeling came over me that the jungle was angry. There was always this element of kind of doubt, skepticism I guess.Getting lost in another worldBut I was about to get lost in another world. The jungle felt like it was pulling me. The world that I knew, that part of the jungle that I was seeing with my physical eyes was disappearing. Me: Wow! That's scary!Kate: Terrifying. And interesting at the same time.Me: Yeah, kind of like 'this is really scary but this is really cool!'Kate: I mean I got really scared up until the point where I thought, 'OK, maybe I'm going to leave this other world that I know and I'm gonna be taken to another world'. And when I reached that level of acceptance, you know, that strange place of like 'OK this is just happening', I told my friends to go on without me. I said, “This is where I stop”. And it was like, it was, I don't know, it was like I was disappearing.Me: Wow.Kate: Yeah, I...after feeling scared it was suddenly this peace that took over. But then my friends became scared because they realized how real this had become. You know, they couldn't just leave me in the jungle.Me: Yeah.Kate: And the Andean priest, he was suddenly panicking around me. He was saying in Spanish, in Quechua, panicking about “Oh I haven't done it, I haven't done it, I haven't done it!” He was going on about the ritual or the ceremony that we were supposed to do when we arrived at this land.A hurried ceremonyKate: And so all of a sudden he's scrambling in his pockets to get things out and I was just flopped on the ground at this point and I had no idea what was going on around me other than his scrambling. He got out the cocoa leaves and he made like a little fan of these and he started doing ceremony. And he was doing all these different things around me but I didn't have any awareness to be able to learn or witness or anything, it was like I was being absorbed into the jungle floor.The next thing I know he's yanking me up off the ground saying “Stamp on the floor! Stamp on the floor!” Like this. And I was just like “I can't do it, I can't even lift my leg,” like I had nothing left, no physical ability whatsoever. But he was so persistent I just went and I just, I just kind of just flopped my foot on this space and I later found out that he'd buried the cocoa leaves there.And as I touched my foot down, something happened and I felt a little bit stronger. So then he went, “Again!” I stamped again a little bit harder with the strength that I'd found. And he said, “Again!” I stamped my foot even harder, and every time we did this, my energy started coming back and my color started coming back and I felt myself being drawn in, like my energy bodies being drawn back into this physical body. Until we'd done it enough that they felt comfortable with us making our way away from there.Me: Wow. Yeah, and then you just left at that point? Were you supposed to stay longer?Kate: I had to lay there while they went off in the boat for a while so I had to lay in the jungle for a bit and stop. Just to kind of recoup and make sure that I'd gathered all the parts of me back together I think. Me: Yeah, of course, yeah.Fear as teacherKate: And I gave my thanks and you know, and I said, “Sorry for not knowing better”. I should have known better, that's what I was there to learn, you know. How to respect these places.Me: Yeah, but you were there to learn. I would have thought the Andean priest would have... I mean, I would have been blaming him! (laughs) Right? Wasn't he kind of there to, you know, to guide you and look after you? I mean I would have been like, “Dude you forgot something! Look what happened to me!” No?Kate: Well, I suppose, but I didn't see things that way at that time. I kind of overtook responsibility if that makes sense. But I gave my thanks to the jungle at that point because that's when my skepticism left and I really started to trust that Spirit is there to guide. And it really showed me its strength, and the only way it could do that was through fear.Me: Wow.Kate: Yeah, I was really, really grateful to have learned that lesson because without that I wouldn't be able to practice, you know, the techniques that I do today.Me: I bet the Andean priest learned a lot too, right? I bet he never did that again! (laughs) Right?Kate: (laughs) I don't think so!Me: Almost killed a tourist, can you imagine? Oh my goodness. Wow!What Kate does todaySo then you said that that experience helped you do the techniques that you do today, so how? Like, how come? What was it about that particular experience and what did you take from there I guess is what I want to ask, that you now use? Yeah, that you use now?Kate: Well it's just the level of trust.Me: Ah, OK. That makes sense.Kate: When I'm doing the healings or ceremony or anything, I endeavour obviously – I mean sometimes ego gets in the way and makes you feel small. But that's quite rare these days. I just allow Spirit and the ancestors to guide me.Me: Yup. Yeah, because you have that trust now thanks to your experience in the jungle. I get it, yeah. Wow!So then, yeah, what do you do now to help other people? Because I know you do lots of different things, do you want to say a little bit about that?Kate: Yeah, well the main thing that I endeavour to do, like anyone that I come across I try and support and empower. Even if it's the smallest thing. And give people that different perspective on themselves. I think we're so made to feel belittled and that we think that, you know, to think good of ourselves is to be arrogant. But actually we need to come to a space where we can be comfortable and love ourselves without that. Me: Yeah.Kate: It's really hard to explain! I lead retreats and...Finding the Wild WomanMe: So what kinds of things do you do at the retreats? For example, do you take people on shamanic journeys as a group? Kate: So for the retreats, what I focus on at the moment is women. And I do this alongside a lovely lady called Amy who runs SoulShine social enterprise and we, well we call it Finding the Wild Woman. And it's all about rewilding, so finding that part of you that's been repressed through, you know, all the things that we should and shouldn't do and expressing your authentic self.Me: Oh I like the sound of that, yup!Kate: So we do all sorts of things.Me: Wow, that sounds quite fun.Kate: Yeah, we use all the different elements as well. So you know, we run through kind of water, earth, fire, air, spirit...so people can connect back with those. The very base elements of this world.Me: Wow, that's very cool.Individual help, even at a distanceMe: So you do those at the retreats, and then I think you said for individual people you help them find balance and things? Like what do you do for individuals? Because I know you also said you do some things at a distance as well. Kate: Yeah, so whether it's distance or whether people are there, I'll connect with them and I'll allow Spirit and ancestors again to work through me. I use my drum, rattle, feathers, anything. I always ask if the person's comfortable with it. Yeah, and then I use the vibe to kind of realign, as everything's made of vibration. The intention is to realign those things, on any level that person wants to work.Me: OK. So do people normally come to you...yeah I would imagine people would come to you with a really specific problem, right? Can it be any kind of problem? Like, I don't know, like everything from physical problems like physical ailments to maybe emotional problems or mental problems? Kate: Yeah, definitely.Me: So a bit of everything. Super! OKKate: The most common tends to be physical or emotional, but actually you find out that they're all interlinked so you just follow that path until...Me: Yeah, I know what you mean. Training for the Celtic sweat lodgeMe: So do you run sweat lodges? Do you use that tool in your work at all?Kate: I'm not running them yet, I'm gonna do another 2 years learning the Celtic lodge.Me: So how long does it take then to train to learn the Celtic sweat lodges?Kate: Well, I'm taking three years to do it.Me: Three years, OK. Is that your choice to do it over a longer period?Kate: Yeah, I know that you can learn the practicalities in a couple of weekends, but to have the experience of actually supporting people through that process...Me: Oh yeah, that's the biggest bit, yeah.Kate: It's a very different ballgame.My own experience in a sweat lodgeMe: Yeah, of course, cause I know, I mean I know for me that when I did a sweat lodge, yeah it was years ago now. And at the time I was...I was a total mess!And so when it got really, really hot, I could feel that kind of...how can I describe it? It was kind of like as if there was a well at the bottom of my being that was filled with all these like dark stuff. You know, fears and things like that that never got to come up to the surface, you know? That never got acknowledged.Just like really primal stuff, you know, almost as if you could tap into your most primal fears because there was no cultural barrier. There was no mental barrier, you know.You were just so hot that your mind...I mean for me my mind almost just left my body really because it was just so hot. And I thought that was...that was quite an amazing experience.I mean for me I was like wow! It was scary but it was also really cool and I can imagine that for some people... I mean, I like to think that I'm a pretty strong cookie but I imagine it would be scary for people to come to grips with what they find and to have to kind of, yeah, deal with that. I mean if they uncover something they didn't know about themselves before, maybe something that's super scary, then yeah I would imagine you have to have the tools to deal with that, right?Kate: That's right, yeah. You've got to be able to support people after they've kind of gone through the sweat lodge process. Like you say, sometimes people are left with things that they need to kind of then kind of speak through or go into a bit more.Me: Wow, yeah. But I'd definitely say better out than in, right? All that stuff.Where to find KateKate thank you so much for coming on to share your story. There's a friend of mine that also mentioned that when you hold any kind of retreat or workshop or any kind of event in nature, she said just ask the spirits there for permission so you're on their terrain as it were. So that's a really good example of what can happen if you don't, right? I'll have to tell her about it. Well, I'll have to get her to listen to the episode.But thank you so much for sharing that, I really appreciate it and I'll link to everything that you do below, but do you just want to say where... Where can people find you? What's the easiest way to find you?Kate: Yeah, it's easiest to find me on Facebook at the moment because I'm still working on my website but that's at kfheartwisdom.Me: Super! OK. I'll put the link to your site as well. Is it katefisher.co.uk? Is that right?Kate: Yeah.Me: Thank you so much, I really appreciate it, and I think I'm going to dive into our food tip.Foods to feel groundedAnd it's really funny that there was all this stuff about stamping on the ground and everything because...I mentioned at the beginning of this episode that I would share one of the best foods to feel grounded. And first I do want to kind of emphasize what I mean when we say grounded.When we feel grounded, we feel more connected to the earth. Now this might sound airy-fairy, but it's actually really important. So you can think of feeling grounded as the opposite of scatterbrained. In other words, instead of feeling confused, all over the place, not knowing what to do, when you're grounded you actually have a clarity of purpose. It enables you to not only get things done but to know what those things actually are that you need to do for your own happiness.And believe me, this is really, really important. I speak from very personal experience. The other way that you can think of being grounded is eating foods to feel grounded. It's kind of like getting the benefits of comfort food without gaining weight, if that makes sense. You do get that, yeah, that sense of comfort from these particular foods, but you're eating good food, you know? Rather than junk.And for those of you who want to do some of your own shamanic journeys as Kate did, this particular food that I'm going to talk about can help you stay connected to this world too.So although there are many foods to feel grounded, the ones that I want to mention here, or the one specific one is...squash!Benefits of squashAnd when I say squash, this actually covers a variety of vegetables: so you've got spaghetti squash, summer squash, zucchini, marrow and pumpkin. Those are all types of squash. Gourds as well, those are squash.Squash is one of the oldest foods around – it's been cultivated for at least 10,000 years, and it may look kind of ordinary, but it has a lot of health benefits.Now you may not know this, but squash is listed as anti-fungal, antibacterial and anti-inflammatory! It contains vitamin A, several B vitamins, folates, magnesium, potassium, iron, copper, zinc, manganese, calcium, and beta carotene among other antioxidants.So it's insanely good for a whole host of things, including managing our blood sugar, keeping our lungs healthy, helping keep our eyes sharp and strong, having strong bones, and reducing the risks of many diseases including lung cancer, emphysema and glaucoma, and that's just to name a few.Squash has many other benefits and I'll link to an article in the show notes if you'd like to read more about it.Now however before you decide to start eating bushels of squash, I do have to warn you about one thing. Squash is very good at lowering blood pressure, and if you have low blood pressure already, squash could lower it even further. So if that's you, best to eat other veggies instead. Fortunately there are lots of other alternatives that I do mention in other podcast episodes!How you eat squashNow as to how you eat squash, well there are so many ways to eat it! Most people puree it and make pancakes, or they slice it and fry it. My favorite way to eat it – and if you know me you'll know what that is – it's to spiralize it! I'll link to an article in the show notes where I show you how to do just that. You can make great pasta using squash, and you don't even have to boil it. Plus it's naturally gluten-free, so everyone can eat it!I've also got some delicious recipes that use squash in my 5-Minute Mains recipe ebook that I'll link to as well.So I hope you've enjoyed our story this week!Have YOU got a story to share?And if you've got a crazy, true story to share (and you'd like to know what food could have saved the day or enhanced your particular situation), I'd love to hear from you! Email me at barbara@rockingrawchef.comIf you enjoy my stories and want to hear more, join us and subscribe! I share one amazing, true story a week. And if you've got any questions, just pop them in the comments! And if you're listening on iTunes, do give me a review, that would be awesome.I hope you have an amazing day, thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now!RESOURCESHow to spiralize veggies: http://rockingrawchef.com/what-is-a-spiralizer-and-what-can-it-do-for-me/5-Minute Mains and other recipe ebooks: https://rockingrawchef.com/5-minute-recipes/Foods to feel grounded: https://www.sarahpetrunoshamanism.com/blog/12-foods-for-feeling-grounded/Benefits of squash: https://www.organicfacts.net/health-benefits/fruit/squash.htmlKate's bioKate has studied many esoteric and spiritual practices to a basic level from an early age (13). When her Saturn return began (age 28), Kate moved abroad to study different healing techniques with healers and shaman of Philippines and Peru. She learnt that to know and embrace all parts of yourself is where true healing happens. With a holistic attitude to life and endeavouring to approach life from the heart, Kate believes that all aspects of the self - mind, body and spirit - play a part in the health of the person. Finding balance in all these aspects, we can live to our full potential.Kate's website: http://katefisher.co.ukKate on Facebook, YouTube
Corrina's journey from dating guys to finding a wife...thanks to travel sickness! And of course the best food to help with travel sickness (in case you've already found your partner...)In addition to this story, at the end of this episode I'll share with you the best food for travel sickness (in case you've already found your wife or partner).OK enough hints from me, let's get on with the story.Our guest, Corrina Gordon-BarnesI am super excited to be joined here today for our story by Corrina Gordon-Barnes. Corrina is a Relationship Coach who’s committed to a world of happy couples and happy families. She teaches her clients how to be really good at relationships.So Corrina, welcome to the Clean Food, Dirty Stories podcast! I'm really excited to have you here today!Corrina: Thank you so much for inviting me to connect with you.Me: Oh well you're so welcome! I love your story and I really can't wait for us to share it with everybody.Corrina's story, starting with being boy madMe: Without further ado, the first question I wanted to ask you...and I've said a little bit about what you do now, but when you were small, or younger, how did you see your dream relationship one day? Did you have princess dreams or did you have a particular type of partner in mind before you actually met your life partner?Corrina: Well, I was boy mad.Me: Boy mad!Corrina: Boy mad, like going through my primary school years, I remember that I was the one in my class who learned about sex really early.I was the one who would get all these teenage magazines, even as a late primary school age kid, and I would be teaching my friends at school. “You can get pregnant the first time you have sex” and “be careful with your boyfriend”.Me: Oh my god!A relationship expert...in primary schoolCorrina: I was like this relationship expert, even at that age I was teaching my friends. Like “these are all the myths, don't do this, do this” and so I was kind of boy mad, I was relationship mad, and getting into my teens I remember with my friends we would literally kind of go out prowling the streets. We would walk along the high street in my town where I lived and we would be looking for boys and we would be kind of flirting and coy. There was always some boy that I had my eye on. Always some guy who had my attention, I would try and make sure I was in the same place as him so that he would see me...Me: Sounds familiar, yeah.So I was definitely, I definitely wanted boys. That was very clear to me.Me: And you got engaged to a boy at one stage, right?Corrina: Yeah, so I had one really long term relationship before I met who is now my partner, and we got engaged at age 17.Me: Wow!We were gonna get married and we were gonna have all these babies and we were gonna live in this particular kind of house and have this life... That was the path that I thought I was on at that age.Me: So then what happened to take you off that path?The path to self-discoveryCorrina: Well that relationship was not the right one, and so that ended 4 years later and I stayed then single for quite a while. You know, I was really wanting to find myself.So I went on this whole spiritual, personal growth journey. I read every book I could get, I did meditation, I went vegan... It had this whole kind of personal growth change in my life.Me: What do you think prompted that? Was it the end of that relationship that prompted that? I mean, what were your thoughts? Were you just like 'Oh I think I need to take care of myself more' or become a different person, or...?Corrina: I was in Australia and I was just there travelling for a year. And I met this guy – surprisingly enough – in a cafe, and he just said “Hey I go to this meditation course down the road, why don't you come along”.And so I went and that very first moment, that very first time in the room with that meditation teacher, she told me that I was a spiritual being. She said to me – to the whole group but I really heard this - “You are a spirit soul having this human experience, but you are a spiritual being”.And it was like someone had just told me who I was. Like “oh my gosh, that's who I am, this human life is how I get to journey and explore and have an adventure, but I'm a spiritual being”.The layers (or the clothes) fall awayMe: So did you have that as like an inner knowing, or how did you experience it? Because people experience those things in different ways, right? Some people experience a physical sensation of light, other people experience it as just an inner sense of knowing...Corrina: It was like all my clothes fell off.Me: (laughs) Um...I haven't heard that one before!Corrina: It was like this casing, this casing just fell off. I literally woke up the next morning and I was vegan, I went from a complete meat eater to being vegan overnight just like that, and I was just on this journey then to just explore and discover myself and get back to the essential nature of my being.It was like everything that wasn't true about me just kind of fell away over the coming months.Me: Wow. That's very cool!Corrina: Yeah, it was pretty cool. I felt much lighter, it was like clothes coming off. I was just light. I was much, much lighter, much more energized, much freer, much more joyful.Me: It's interesting that you say that for you, all your clothes coming off, like some people might associate that with being exposed, right? Being vulnerable. And for you, you associate that with being light. So that's really interesting.Corrina: And just free. I remember in Australia, those kind of days, weeks after that moment, it was like I was floating along the streets. I was so free, I was feeling so connected with people, like I had just woken up.On to Cambridge University...and a fated bus tripMe: Yeah. Wow! And so how did you get from there to Cambridge University?Corrina: Yeah, so I decided that I wanted to do teacher training so I came to Cambridge University and signed up for the English and Drama teacher training course here. And on that very first day in class, I was sat next to this woman called Sam. There was something about her that just immediately kind of, like something just...a light bulb went off or something just happened. It was like 'Huh, she's just come on my radar really strongly, why am I paying attention to her so much?'So she was really in my awareness and we were both in the same school together so we were both placed to do our teacher practice in the same school. And on the first day of teaching practice, I got onto the bus that would take us to our practice school and I got on and she was sitting in the front seat. Now I always need to sit in the front seat in a bus because I get travel sick. So I just went over to her...I'd already clocked her as someone who was on my radar, and I just said “Oh, are you OK if I join you in the front seat?” And she said “Yeah sure, I have to sit here because I get travel sick” and I said “Oh me too!”So we sat side by side and over the months to come we became best friends. Just absolutely clicked, became best friends, incredible support through the whole teaching practice.A brave declarationMe: And was there any like physical attraction at that stage? Or did that come later?Corrina: Immediately! Immediately, I was like 'Huh! What is this woman doing to me? What this? What is happening here? I just feel energized around her, she lights me up, I feel excited, I feel like the world is just kind of shinier...'Me: Wow!Corrina: Everything just felt brighter and more energized.Me: It sounds like a good, a good...I don't know, I mean, I've never like taken acid or anything but (laughs) it sounds like, you know, a positive drug experience without the drugs, right?Corrina: (laughs) Totally! Totally, a kind of 'switch-on, turn-on, I'm awake, I'm alive, oh my gosh, who are you' kind of thing.Me: Was it the same for her as well?Corrina: Well what was so funny was that over the months that then came, was that I basically told her (laughs). I just said “Basically I've realized that I'm just completely in love with you. Do you feel that too?”Me: Wow! That was so brave of you cause you were friends at that stage, right? Like best friends, you don't want to wreck your relationship with your best friend by taking the risk but you did!Corrina: I just did! And that's kind of, you know, the kind of continuity of the whole spiritual journey for me of just like I'm free. You know, I'm free. If I feel this thing, I have to follow my heart. I have to just blurt out like “I'm in love with you, I don't know if you feel the same way”. And to start out with, it wasn't something that she let herself feel straight away.Determined and keeping faithMe: So what did she say when you said this? When you blurted this out?Corrina: She said “You know, I feel really connected with you, I love you a lot as a friend, but it's not romantic for me”.Me: And how did that make you feel?Corrina: Oh, heartbroken. Absolutely heartbroken. But also there was something... it was almost like inside I was going 'You just wait!' (laughs) 'You just wait. I know that you're the one for me, I'll just be patient, I'll just hang on'.Me: Oh wow! Other people though could have had quite a different reaction, right? I mean some people might have, I imagine anyway, some people might have just, you know, stayed in the heartbroken phase and then just walked away, right? And lost it.Corrina: No, I believed, I really had faith that this... There was a reason I was feeling this way, I couldn't ignore it, I couldn't shake it, I just kept believing in it and stayed consistently just loving her and being a good friend in the months where... You know, it took 3 months basically of us staying friends and me just loving her, and loving her, and loving her. And then just after Christmas we got together as a couple.And just before Christmas...Me: And what happened? So how did that happen? Like you're friends, it's been like you know 3 months, she knows how you feel, did she just all of a sudden like make a move? Or did she say something to you?Corrina: Well, I made the move. Again.Me: (laughs) Oh my god! So it's like 'OK I've already been kind of rejected once, let me have another go'. Right?Corrina: Exactly! (laughs) Or a few gos! So there was that initial conversation and then there was another conversation where I basically said – this was just before Christmas – I basically said “Are you sure?”Me: Oh my god!Corrina: “I still feel this thing...” and she again was like “No really, we're just friends”. So that was the second time and then third time lucky! I just made a move and I thought 'You know what? I'm just gonna take a risk again, I'm just gonna be bold. What's the worst that can happen? Rejection, right? What's the best that can happen? I can be with the love of my life'.Me: Oh my god – yeah but that was still just so...Right, OK. That was still just so brave. Once is already like super brave, right? Braver than most people. Twice is like oh my god, you know, three times you start to think OK, hmmm...Corrina: Yeah, and it worked! (laughs) Third time lucky and it was just after Christmas and that was now 13 years ago – 14 years ago.What was she thinking?Me: And so what did she, like...You made the move and what did she then say? Was she like 'oh I didn't know until you touched me' or was she like 'oh I realized it at the same time as you' or was she...Corrina: I think it was less of a thought thing. It was just, you know, when it happened then it just felt right. Like 'oh this is where I was meant to be, OK, got it'.Me: And that's what she felt too? Was that how she verbalised it to you?Corrina: Well and to give her credit here, so she's gay and I'm bi, right? So for a gay woman, if a bisexual woman says 'I'm in love with you', there's gonna be a sense of 'hmm, OK maybe you're just trying this out, maybe actually this is just a kind of short-term thing for you and really you're gonna want to be with guys'Me: Yeah, I've heard that, yeah.Corrina: So it's a real credit for her that for those months she was, you know, guarding her heart for that, because you don't know what's gonna happen, if that person declaring their love for you is gonna be constant. So I had to kind of prove that actually I meant it. When I said I loved her, I meant it and I was gonna be in it for the long haul.Me: So do you think that a part of her was not testing you, but kind of like unconsciously perhaps waiting? You know?Corrina: Yeah.Me: Oh OK, that makes a lot more sense. Cause in my mind I was imagining somebody who, you know, was neither gay nor bi and who maybe had, I don't know, only gone out with guys or something and so then for somebody like that it would be much more of a 180, right?Corrina: Yeah, no she's gay through and through.Me: Well, fortunately for you as it turns out, right? (laughs)How relevant is gender, anyway?Corrina: Well that's the thing for me as a bisexual woman. For me it's not about the fact that I like men and women, it's the fact that I like people and the gender is just irrelevant.And that's kind of part of what happened in that spiritual awakening moment in Australia. It was like all of the coverings, you know, whether it's our bodies or our personalities or any of that is kind of what covers the essence of us. And actually for me the essence of someone doesn't have a gender. So I fell in love with her like I might have thought or indeed fell in love with guys in the past because I just fall in love with the person, you know, that essence of the human beings behind all the trappings.Me: That's amazing because I feel the same way. It's kind of weird how that works, right? It's kind of like yeah, you feel the essence of the person. I mean I even had one guy say to me – this was like in a totally different context and we did not get together in the end but I do remember him saying to me at one point, I mean he wasn't the right person for me but he was kind of freaked out at one stage. Because he was like “It's like you want my soul!” and I was saying “It's not that I want your soul, it's that I see it!” I believe that I see it, right?And I think that you know, some people... I mean, credit to Sam as well because she's obviously a really strong person too in that, you know, some people would be freaked out by that, right? Some people would be like 'oh well...it's the real me here that's being...I don't know if I want to say exposed but seen, right? Some people...we use those trappings to cover stuff up, right? As we all know, so...That brings a level of intimacy that's probably quite cool I would imagine, right?Corrina: Yeah, and you know, don't get me wrong, I love that she's a woman as well. I love her long hair and her soft skin and her blue eyes, all the things that make her a woman as well I love. So it's not like I don't see those things, but that was never gonna be a filter, like I would only go for...The spectrum of sexualityMe: Yeah. I mean it's really interesting because I...for me, I'm sure, I would imagine perhaps for you as well, I see the whole homosexual/heterosexual thing as this big spectrum and I have a really good friend who...Well I do playback theater and one of my friends, she's in a playback theater troupe where they're all either bi or gay or whatever, and then we did a workshop at one point. They were inviting guest playbackers to go. And one of the exercises they did that was...I just thought it was really cool. They said 'put yourself...if stage left is like totally 100 percent gay and stage right is totally 100 percent heterosexual, put yourself on the spectrum, place yourself physically where you think you are'. And it was really cool to see people, you know, all along the stage, all at different points. I just thought that was very normal, right? Because we're all...for me, anyway, in my mind we're all spiritual beings and so as you say, there's no gender there, right?Corrina: And for some people there are. You know, that's the thing, people who are that kind of 100 percent on the spectrum, brilliant, they're really clear that they only want people of the opposite or the same sex. Yes, spectrum is beautiful.What Corrina does nowMe: Yeah, wow! So now I really want to know more then about how... (laughs)...how you went from, well, what you do now to help people with their relationships. Because obviously you have a lot more knowledge than when you were in primary school and I know you're helping people with a lot more than how to not get unwanted pregnancies and things! (laughs)Corrina: (laughs) Absolutely!Me: So what do you do now with people and how do you help them have these beautiful, deep relationships?Corrina: Yeah, and my work is around all relationships that are important. So it's...my clients, some of them it's really about their partner relationship but for others it's about their relationship with their mom or their daughter or their brother.For me, connection...it's a kind of cliche but connection is what we're hard wired for. We as human beings love to connect, we love to love people with our full hearts. But there are so many things that stop that from happening within us. We get resentful, we get frustrated, we get disappointed, we feel let down, we feel indignant, all of this.And I over the course of my own personal journey have found a very, very miraculous way of dealing with all those blocks. So it's the process of questioning your thoughts, questioning your stories, that block connection.An example of our made-up storiesSo let's say I'm with Sam and let's say she's saying something that sounds critical. My story in my head goes, 'she's criticizing me, she doesn't love me, she's being mean to me'. You know, 'I want her to be kind, I want her not to point out my flaws', all of that. That is all story. It's all mental. It's all...Me: Yes! It's all made up.Corrina: It's all made up! And we don't realize it, we think, 'no but this is true, she's criticizing me, this is what's happening'. And so what I am so blessed to have come into contact with a number of years ago is the process of questioning those thoughts. Just sitting with those thoughts and asking them, 'Is this true? Is this accurate, is this the correct interpretation of what's going on?' Not just is it true that that's what's going on, but is it true that I would be better off if it were happening differently?Me: OK...Corrina: Like am I sure? So let's say your loved one is truly critizing you. They're saying to you “you're a stupid, ugly, whatever, whatever”. Can I be sure that my happiness depends on them not saying that? Can I be sure that I can only feel good about myself and peaceful if they stop doing that? Because it sets up a very limited version of life if I'm always waiting for someone else to give me something, to give me what I think I need in order to be peaceful and happy. It's like I delay my peace and my happiness until other people and other circumstances arrange themselves in just the right way.Our rules...and our scriptsMe: Yeah, it's like our rules, right? Where we all have these rules about what has to happen for us to be happy and the more...the easier it is to be happy, then the happier we are, right?Corrina: Exactly, exactly. I talk about our scripts. It's like, I realized pretty early on with Sam that I had a script, that if she followed this script and she said and she did exactly what I, you know, expected her to do then I would feel happy, but if she went off script then I wouldn't be happy, I'd be pissed off. She really helped me see this, she said to me one day “Why don't you just give me your fucking script Corrina! Give me your script, tell me what I need to do”. And I was like “How dare you! This is just what you're meant to do, you're my wife, this is how you're meant to treat me”. Then it kind of dawned on me a few days later, like 'oh my gosh, my script is the source of all of my unhappiness. Every moment that I want her to be doing something other than what's reality, I am causing my own unhappiness'.Corrina's 'big work'Me: Right. So then your relationship was, I guess, far from...I don't want to say far from idyllic, but you had to work through some of this stuff in your relationship with Sam?Corrina: One hundred percent. I wouldn't be doing this work if I hadn't had to...if this hadn't been my big work. You know, so yes like I was completely besotted with her in the beginning, and we got together and it was blissful, and then all my stories started to kick in. 'Hmmm, well she's not this' and 'hmmm, she said that and that's not OK' and 'would I be better off with someone who did this' and you know, all those stories eroded what I had imagined would be this perfect relationship. So it's like I had to work on that, I had to take those stories and stop those stories from sabotaging this beautiful relationship that we had underneath all those stories.Me: Yeah. It's good that you managed to do that, thank goodness, right?Corrina: I mean, it saved my marriage. It saved my relationship.A daily practiceMe: And did it take a long time?Corrina: Yeah, it's a daily practice. It really is a daily practice, it's like if you want to be fit, like you've done today (laughs), you go to the gym, you go for a run, you do your yoga. You don't just be like 'oh I'll do it one time and then it's done'. If you want a healthy, thriving, fit relationship with anybody, whether it's your son or your dad or your sister, there's daily practice to do. There's daily work to do every time you get triggered, every time something gets in the way of you being totally, wholeheartedly connected with the human being in front of you, you've got something to look at there.Me: Yeah, but at least you can...I mean, what am I trying to say, there comes a time when you catch yourself, right? At least, you know, having done a certain amount of work, then you can get to the point where you see what's happening, right? As an observer almost and you can go 'OK hang on, I'm doing this again, this is my script'. Whereas at the beginning, you know, when people aren't even aware of their scripts, I imagine it takes them a little bit... well it depends on the person I guess, right? How much time it would take them to start to see and to start to implement I guess the tools that you give them, right?Corrina: Absolutely, yes, you're completely spot on.When you get triggeredAnd you know, now I'm at the point where I get triggered and it could be like anything, right? It could be I'm on Facebook and I see a message from someone and I feel like 'oh they should have, you know, complimented me rather than give me negative feedback on something'. Right? Instantly, 'oh! OK, there's a trigger! A button's gotten pushed'. And now I'm at the point where I'm like 'Oooh, good, what's here for me?'Me: I do the same thing, that's really funny! Yeah, I had something that happened the other day that made me so angry and then I'm like 'OK if this is making me this angry and, you know, the other 30 people in the room are not angry, they actually think it's quite cute...' (laughs)We all get triggered, even by 8-year old authorsI'll tell you what it was, it was quite funny. I was at this day workshop with an amazing speaker and there was this little girl, she's like 8 years old and she's written a book. Actually she's written 3 books, right?Corrina: Wow!Me: And it made me so annoyed! And I just thought...you know, not only envious, obviously envious, you know, 3 books at age 8, but also annoyed because, you know, her mom was there and I knew what it was. It brought up all the old scripts of, you know, stage mothers because I did theater before and so I had a good friend who had a stage mother who was just absolutely unbearable whereas, you know, my mom was the opposite.So I see what you mean, you get these reactions, right, that are completely irrational because the people around me were applauding her and they were like 'oh isn't that wonderful' and I was like inside going 'this is making me so angry!' But we all get triggered, don't we, right?Examples of tiny triggersCorrina: Oh, everyone. And it could be like the tiniest thing, that's what I always find fascinating. It could be just one line in an email. Or it could be just the way that your partner, you know, turns over in their sleep, just the tiniest little things. Often my clients say to me “Oh, you know, I can't bring this to you today, it's just so small” and I'm like “No, no, that's exactly what to bring!”. The fact that he put tofu in the stir fry rather than kidney beans, you know. There was something, there was some offense against you. So there you are with that 8 year old girl, that offense that she's committing against you in that moment that's kind of violating something is like, you know, 'she's further ahead than me' or 'she's achieved one of my life goals' or, you know...Me: Yeah, and she's 8 and I'm 55!Corrina: And she's 8! It's just to be so compassionate with ourselves that 'oh look, there's this part of me that feels in some way threatened or violated or hurt by this, let me just so lovingly look there and heal that part of myself'.Being compassionate with yourselfMe: Ah, yeah, that's a really key point there that you brought up so I just wanted to emphasize it, yeah. That being compassionate with that part of ourselves, right? Rather than being like, OK, you know, with that kind of...what's the word, forced smile on our faces, going 'Ah, another beautiful part of me to transform', you know (laughs), right? Right? And we can be quite hard on ourselves with that, right, and be like 'OK what's at the bottom of this!' and take a kind of like pickaxe to it. At least that's what I would do or could do rather than choosing to as you say, acknowledge with love that part of ourselves and treat it as part of, you know, part of the inner child or whatever you want to call it, that needs love and compassion. That's a really interesting point that we don't want to forget. Wow! That's very cool.How to work with CorrinaSo when you work with people, I would love to hear just a bit more about what the different ways are that you...Do people come to see you in an office, or do you do things online, or how does that work?Corrina: Yes, so right now it's one to one. There's a potential of me offering something else in the kind of group workshop, retreat way, but not for now. What I do is I do free videos, everyone can just watch a free video every week, all about relationship hotspots and how to move past them, and then if people feel inspired and really like they're wanting that support, they can have the one to one coaching. And for now that is by Skype or by phone, and I'm just starting to also offer that in person as well for people who I'm unable to physically meet with.Me: Yeah. That's really fantastic, well thank you so much. What I'll do is, I'll link to everything that you do in the show notes but where's the best place for people to look online to find out more about what you're doing and more about you and to get access to the videos and things?An online video library...and a 7 Day Relationship ChallengeCorrina: Yeah, so if they go to corrinagordonbarnes.com, I'll just spell that out, and if you go to the blog page that's where I've got all the videos and articles that have happened so far. So that's a really good place just to go, it's like settling into a library of relationship wisdom and gems, just settling in and watching some of the videos and just seeing if the approach makes sense to you.The right people for this work are people who watch a video and go 'oh my gosh, that makes so much sense!' And they apply that tip that I'm sharing and they come back and they say “Wow I had this incredible experience with my mom! Because I did the thing that you...” I do like challenges in the video so they're like “I did the challenge that you set and I had a completely different experience with my mom this week, thank you!”Me: That's brilliant!Corrina: It's so good, it's so satisfying. So on the blog page that's where people can look at all the videos so far. And on the homepage people can sign up for the free 7 Day Relationship Challenge.7 days to feel more connectedMe: That sounds intriguing for sure!Corrina: Yes! It's 7 days to feel more connected, that's the overarching focus. How can you feel more connected? That beautiful feeling of just wholehearted connection with the person in front of you, and I give a number of challenges that you can actually implement to help you feel that way.Me: That is really fantastic! Well, I mean yeah, because as you say, we're all starving for connection and I mean, we could do a whole episode just about the different ways people connect, right? Through food and smoking and alcohol, and, you know, apart from people, right?Corrina: Facebook!Me: Facebook! There's so many...it's a massive, massive topic but...so I wish we had more time! But thank you so much for being here to share your story, because I love your story and I love your journey and I really, really love what you're doing right now, so I'm really grateful that you took the time to share that with us, so thank you so much!Corrina: You're very welcome, thank you so much!A food to help with travel sicknessSo now I mentioned at the beginning of this episode that I'd share with you one of the best foods you can eat for help with travel sickness. And I think it will come as no surprise for most of you anyway to hear that that food is...ginger!Ginger has so many benefits it's ridiculous. Not only can it help with travel sickness, but it's also beneficial for other causes of nausea, like morning sickness, and it can help with pain relief as well.Why ginger is so helpfulSo this powerful little root contains loads of antioxidant and antiinflammatory compounds, including curcumin and capsaicin which are also found in turmeric which is another superfood. They're part of the same plant family, turmeric, ginger and cardamom.Ginger also contains a ton of vitamins and minerals, including calcium, potassium, magnesium, phosphorus, niacin, iron, zinc and folate. A big list, right?And ginger is a great way to warm us up, because it's a diaphoretic (that was my new word for today), which means that it heats the body from the inside out. So if you live in a cold climate for example, ginger can literally help warm you up inside. It also helps promote sweating, which is why it's so good to have ginger tea if you've got a cold and you need to sweat out some toxins.Ginger even helps with pain reliefBut did you know that ginger can also help with pain relief? Two examples are exercise-induced muscle pain (so if you work out, eat some ginger), as well as menstrual cramps. So the next time you're feeling crampy (I don't know if that's a word but I've just decided it is!), make yourself some strong ginger tea and see how you feel.Ginger can also help reduce inflammation, so scientists are looking to see if it can help with cancer, and particularly colon cancer. Ginger also is showing promise for helping treat that as well as inflammation caused by osteoarthritis.I'll link to an article in the show notes that has more information about ginger's many properties and benefits, it also includes links to the actual research in case you'd like to know more about that. And in addition I'll link to an article that has some overall tips for avoiding travel sickness, including using ginger.So how do you eat ginger?If you're feeling nauseous and you want instant relief, well, you can definitely try peeling the root and gnawing on a piece...although I haven't done that myself. Ginger's pretty strong stuff.What I do is I usually juice a small piece of ginger with some carrots and apples for a really zinging morning juice. It tastes really, really good. Or you can pop a piece into your blender with other veggies and maybe some fruit for a green smoothie or a soup to give it a bit of a zing. It also helps you use less salt because it's got a really strong flavor.Other people prefer to slice a few pieces into some very hot water and let it steep for a while with a slice or two of lemon to make ginger tea.And you can also grate ginger into soups, curries and other savory dishes. Or even just chop it finely and use it in stir-frys.I'll link in the show notes to some recipes that I've got in my 5-Minute Mains recipe ebook that use ginger too, such as my Green Thai Curry.One thing for sure that I definitely recommend is that you use fresh ginger root wherever possible, rather than powdered ginger or capsules. I say that because the fresh vegetable is so easy to use and it's always best I think to have the actual vegetable rather than some dried out version in a plastic capsule. But then again if capsules are all you have access to, better that than no ginger!If you do try something new with ginger, definitely share in the comments because I want to know!Have YOU got a story to share?Which brings us to the end of this week's story – and if you've got a true story to share (and you'd like to know what food could have saved the day in your situation), I'd love to hear from you!Got a question, or a comment?Got a question, or a comment? Pop a note below in the comments, that would be awesome. You can also subscribe to the podcast to listen 'on the go' in iTunes.I hope you have an amazing day. Thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now!RESOURCESLink to 5-Minute Mains and other recipe ebooks: https://rockingrawchef.com/5-minute-recipes/Article with nutritional information on ginger as well as links to scientific studies: http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/265990.phpArticle with general tips to help with travel sickness: http://mentalfloss.com/article/78131/9-scientifically-proven-ways-prevent-motion-sicknessCorrina Gordon-Barnes is a Relationship Coach who’s committed to a world of happy couples and happy families. She teaches her clients how to be really good at relationships – how to love full-heartedly, let go of resentments, forgive, accept and live from power not victimhood. She lives in Cambridge, England with her wife, Sam.Corrina's website: http://corrinagordonbarnes.com Corrina's Feel More Connected: a FREE 7-day Relationship ChallengeCorrina on Twitter, Facebook and YouTube
Sohini's discovery of a young boy and his amazing story, and how he inspired her to leave an upscale London legal firm to become a solicitor who helps change lives, one drop at a time. Plus one of the best foods to help fight overwhelm.In addition to this story, at the end of this episode I'll share with you the best food to help fight overwhelm, because our guest today went through something that was pretty emotionally intense.Our guest, Sohinipreet AlgWhich brings me to say that I am super excited to be joined here today for our story by Sohinipreet Alg. Sohini is a solicitor – a lawyer – who has an incredible story for us about how she left what could have been a very financially lucrative career to take a very different direction as a solicitor, all because of a young boy. She is compassionate, determined and very caring, as you will hear. So Sohini welcome to the Clean Food, Dirty Stories podcast! I'm really happy to have you here today!Sohini: Thank you for having me Barbara, I'm excited to be here.Sohini's storyMe: Super! So Sohini, why don't you start by telling us what kind of work you were doing before you met this young boy, when you first got started as a solicitor?Sohini: OK well I think that was quite early on in my training contract, so I was doing various areas of law at that point. I hadn't finalized what I wanted to do, which area I wanted to go into. Immigration was actually not something that I wanted to go into, but as you'll see I kind of just fell into that.My main area of interest was kind of a corporate, commercial area of law, so I was mainly concentrating on that.Me: And is there any reason why you were concentrating on that to start with?Sohini: You have to do a few seats in your training before you qualify. So they gave me a commercial seat, and an immigration seat, and also a housing and litigation seat.Me: What's a seat? Is that just like a temporary post, or something?Sohini: It's about 6 months, 6-8 months of training in each area over a period of two years, and then at the end of the training you kind of naturally go into one of those areas and specialize in that.Going for the moneyMe: OK. So then your story I guess would begin... How did you find the corporate seat, first of all? Did you do that one first?Sohini: I did, and I really enjoyed that. It was something that I thought I'd like to go into just purely because of the financial side of it I think. A lot of people obviously end up going into law or anything similar thinking “oh yeah, the money”! So I think I was probably quite similar in that way.I didn't have a real interest in law in that sense, I did a History and Latin degree so completely different to law. But I didn't know what I would do with my history and Latin degree, so I thought 'the corporate and commercial side of it's gonna make a lot of money so let's try and do that!'Very long hoursSo first I went into a firm which had quite a strong corporate field and that was the first seat that was given. And I enjoyed that, it was very cutthroat, very long hours.Me: That's what I was going to ask, yeah, I mean, what was the atmosphere like? What kind of hours were you working?Sohini: Well it would easily be...you'd start at eight o'clock and you'd be finishing at maybe ten or eleven o'clock at night.Me: Wow! And was that normal even for people that were...once they'd finished their training?Sohini: Absolutely, people would just continue into the early hours of the morning if necessary. So if you're working on a deal, if you're working for an organisation or a company, they expect you to be at their beck and call so you'd be available 24/7 really. Me: Wow!Sohini: It wasn't actually too bad compared with some of my seniors. So yeah, it's pretty difficult.Me: But you enjoyed it!Sohini: I enjoyed it, well not as much as I actually then enjoyed other areas as you'll see but especially because I thought that was what I wanted to do and that was what was going to make me money. So that's what I was seeing more than anything else.Me: And you did 6 months there and then what happened? Then was it the immigration seat?Defending the homelessSohini: No, then I went to do a public law and housing seat. So it was kind of...I was dealing with local authorities, dealing with a lot of homeless people, dealing with landlord/tenant issues, nuisance, etc. It was a completely different seat, it was more personable, more client contact. That was quite nice actually, I enjoyed it. There was a lot of appearing in courts etc and assisting barristers and solicitors.Me: Were you assisting...I mean I just want to get an idea because I know nothing about law. So were you assisting...for example with the homeless people, were you assisting the homeless people? Or...I mean to me I kind of see it always as two sides, right? There's the side of the homeless person and what they want and the side of the, I don't know, the council and what they want.Sohini: I was working primarily for the individual so it would be for example the homeless person. So I wasn't working for the local authority, I was working for the individual in that situation.Legal AidMe: And how did they...so was that pro bono? Like how did you get paid?Sohini: Yeah, well it's Legal Aid, so our firm also had a Legal Aid contract with the government as well. So if you aren't able to pay and you can prove your financial situation, you do get free access to legal care.Me: Wow!Sohini: The government paid for it. We just had to basically at the end of the case prove that we'd put in x number of hours and this person wasn't able to pay privately and so we were paid accordingly from the government.Me: With the homeless people, what kind of things would you help them do? Did you help them get housing then?Sohini: Exactly. So it would be where they were refused temporary housing and they could prove they were homeless, there was criteria that they had to follow. Sometimes it's pretty difficult to prove everything. Or it was just that they had temporary accommodation but they got kicked out of the accommodation because they'd spent too long in the accommodation etc. Basically it was just trying to get them housing when they deserved the housing and the local authority wasn't giving it.On into the world of immigration...dragging her feetMe: Wow, OK. And then from there you went to immigration, I guess?Sohini: Yes, my final seat was immigration and that was the seat that I really didn't want to go into.Me: And why not? What were your thoughts about it before you went into it?Sohini: I think it was just...Well, I didn't think there was much money in that area also, and I was also concerned because it's a very fast-paced, very rapidly moving area of law and I wasn't sure I'd be able to get to grips with. It's an area that you need to just keep retraining and keep on top of it because the immigration rules change that quickly. And there are so many...there's a variety of countries that people can come into the UK from, and there are different rules according to where you might be applying from. So it was just such a difficult area, that's just what I thought, it wasn't something that I wanted to move to naturally.Me: Right, so then you started going into it not really wanting to do it, and then what happened?Discovering new aspects of herselfSohini: Yeah well I think not even a couple of months into the seat, just a few weeks into the seat I quickly became very absorbed with the area actually. I was doing longer hours in immigration than I was when I was doing the commercial seat.Me: Really!Sohini: Yeah, and I think that was purely because I enjoyed it that much, and I felt that compassion that I didn't have initially, I didn't think I had in me.Me: Oh wow! That's honest!Sohini: Yeah, so it was just quite overwhelming when I joined. I mean the firm that I was with, they have an excellent track record with immigration law and it's one of the biggest departments in the UK. So we had a variety of immigration clients. We had private clients, we had Legal Aid clients, we had asylum seekers, you know it was all sorts of clients, people who were in the UK unlawfully or illegally trying to legalize their stay. There was just such a variety and listening to people's stories, finding out what their background was, why a lot of them really felt the need to live in the UK, what had happened in their past, it was amazing. Hearing the stories was just amazing. Very heartwarming and very humbling as well.Me: And so speaking of stories, this brings us to the story that you mentioned, right? That seemed to affect you the most, is that right?A young boy...under a truckSohini: Yeah, exactly. I think it was because I hadn't come across many such cases before. But it was a young boy who...and I think it was early in the evening and I was getting ready to actually leave the office. We got a call that there was a young boy who had entered the UK unclaimed. That was assumed. He couldn't speak any English and he'd come under trucks. He was kind of held on under the trucks, so the truck drivers didn't even know that they'd picked him up in Calais for example.Me: Oh wow, how was he under the truck? I think you said he was strapped? Like somebody had...Sohini: He was strapped under the truck so...Me: So somebody presumably strapped him under the truck, right? Because he came from Afghanistan, right?Sohini: I mean you'll find a lot of kind of people who help or assist asylum seekers to cross the borders in very dangerous ways. We all know about what's been happening with you know, people crossing the rivers and things like that and people go to extreme lengths and this boy was very young, you could see that straight away.Me: How old was he about do you think? Roughly?Sohini: I think he was probably about nine or ten.Me: And do you have any idea how long he was strapped under that truck?Sohini: He was strapped for quite a number of hours. So he had come from Calais, he was strapped from Calais and he came into Dover, so yeah, he risked his life.Me: At least six or seven hours, right?Sohini: Yeah, a very long time.Going to DoverMe: So what happened? They called you and they said what? Did they say “Can you come? There's a boy that's just entered the UK”?Sohini: Basically I think the lorry driver then realized when he stopped at Dover that somebody had just come over under the truck. And the boy couldn't speak much English but I believe as far as I can remember the truck driver tried to call the local authorities etc and they didn't know what to do. They called the firm I was working with because they knew that the immigration team was pretty big and we dealt with a lot of asylum cases at that time. We got a call and they asked us to come to Dover to speak to the boy and find out what it is that he wanted to do in the UK.What to do firstMe: So what was your reaction when you first saw him? Like you arrive in Dover and then you see this boy...Sohini: It was just... gosh, the fear on his face, I still remember that. It was just...he couldn't speak any English, he didn't know where he was, he'd left his family behind, didn't know what had happened to his family. He didn't know what was going to happen to him. So there was just this kind of overwhelming fear in his eyes that I still remember. That was quite upsetting.Me: What did you do at that point? Because you couldn't...I mean, you didn't have a language in common, so...Sohini: No, we had to wait for a translator, we did have somebody come to translate so that was really helpful. Then I had to sit with him, find out what was happening, why he'd come to the UK, where his family were, which country he'd travelled from, etc.Me: And so what did he tell you?A boy's harrowing storySohini: That he'd left Afghanistan because of the troubles that were happening there, that a lot of his family members had been killed...I think he had another couple of siblings who had all dispersed as well so his parents...his father had been killed, his mother said that they needed to flee. His mother couldn't leave because there were elderly people that she was looking after so she told the kids to leave and he was the only one who seemed to have made it to the UK.He didn't know what had happened en route to his siblings. So he was just terrified and he was just so worried for his family, he didn't know what happened to his siblings or his mother. But we couldn't get in contact with them, we didn't have contact details for them.Me: So I suppose he never found out, I imagine.Sohini: No, he never found out.Getting him helpMe: And then what did...you're with the boy, you're with the interpreter, you find out what happened, and then what did you do? Because presumably he has to sleep somewhere and get food, so who did all of that?Sohini: Well, he was initially put in a detention center.Me: What's a detention center?Sohini: It's basically a lot of people that come into the UK for example unlawfully or awaiting decisions, they're held in detention centers. They have specific ones where children can be held. So he was held in the detention center and that was quite distressing for him.Me: I'll bet.Sohini: My main aim was to obviously put in his asylum claim as soon as possible and try and get him in with a local authority so that they could care for him and he could get the right provisions. So that evening I still remember going back to the office and he remained in contact with me. He had access to a telephone number and he was just so scared. I tried my best to kind of prepare an application and try and get him suitable accommodation as soon as possible after meeting him.Me: Yeah, of course. Do you remember how long he had to stay in the detention center?Sohini: He was there for about a week.Psychological as well as physical help...Me: Wow. And so...oh you mentioned, I think you mentioned to me that they gave him a place to stay but then he also had mental health assessments or something like that? How does that work?Sohini: Basically we had to first of all verify his age and make sure that he was in fact a minor and wasn't an adult because we did find a lot of people who were trying to claim to be younger than they were so they'd get preferential treatment. So we had to establish and confirm his age. We also had to find out that he was OK. He'd been abused, there was a lot of violence used against him. So he had to have assessments taken. He had medical assessments to make sure that he was OK.Me: Physically OK, yeah.Sohini: Exactly. He was referred to a psychiatrist as well for mental health assessments and that all contributed, assisted his asylum claim because obviously we could prove that he wasn't lying and that he did go through the torture that he said had been inflicted on him. So that was all important to his case.No more contact...Me: Yeah. And so once you got housing for him, did you find out what happened to him later on?Sohini: He was...as far as I can remember, he was then put into a foster home I believe it was. So someone looked after him. Unfortunately we're not able to maintain contact on a personal level with a client.Me: Of course.Sohini: Which is a shame because I would have liked to, you know, find out how he's doing etc. I still do wonder, actually.Me: Of course, yeah.Sohini: Although I came across many such cases afterwards and even continue to do so right now in my professional life. But because I think that was the first one I came across, it stayed with me all these years. So yeah, I would like to know actually how he's doing, but...I'm sure he's doing well now.Me: How long ago was this then?Sohini: This was, oh gosh, about ten years ago.Me: Wow, so he'd be about twenty now.Sohini: Yeah. He would be, yeah.What Sohini decidedMe: Wow. Oh! So then...so then after, having experienced all that, what did you do next? I assume you...I mean you said that you decided that that was why you wanted to go into immigration, but what kind of thoughts were going in your head when you were thinking about making that decision as to what part of law you wanted to practice?Sohini: Well I think it really kind of hit me that I'm more inclined to work with people on a personal level and I just felt so satisfied and kind of content knowing that I had helped him in some form. He was so appreciative, you know, at the end of his asylum claim when he got asylum and he got accommodation, he got leave to remain, etc. Just the appreciation that he had, it was so, so nice to see. And that just beats any other feeling I had when I was in my commercial seat! It was absolutely something that I knew that I had to carry on doing.Me: Yeah. That was really nice that you felt that from him as well, right? Despite the...some things go beyond language barriers, don't they.Sohini: Exactly, definitely.What Sohini does now to help peopleSohini: So... what do you do now? What kinds of things are you doing now for people?Sohini: I set up roughly about three years ago my own immigration business, and I continue to do immigration. After I finished my training contract I was working in the City in London for an immigration firm, so I continued doing immigration law. I've since set up my own and I deal with all sorts of immigration matters. It is all private immigration matters, but I help applicants with discretionary leave, asylum seekers have asked for my help, I help private clients with work visas and I help a lot of organizations with their tier 4 visas etc. So I do a cross-section of immigration and applications just now.Me: OK. Wow. And so how can people find you if they want help with any of these things?How to find SohiniSohini: My website is probably the best place to find information on, and that's www.elmrose.com and the firm is called Elm Rose Consultancy and you'll get an idea online about what services we provide. And they can pick up the phone and call me, I'm available at any time. So everything's available on my website, you can find out a bit more there.Me: Yeah, if anybody needs help with that kind of thing, right? Especially as it's such a...I don't want to say hot topic, but well yeah, hot in the sense of controversial hot, right? It's just...it's a bit unreal, right?Sohini: Especially with Brexit just now, the European clients that I have. Their case is now just to kind of confirm their right to be in the UK. Me: Yes of course.If you're in the UK and feeling concerned...Sohini: There's a lot of concern just now. I'm even happy to speak to people just to allay their concerns or fears about what's happening in today's climate.Me: That's fantastic, that's really good to know because I'm sure there are definitely people listening who may be thinking 'I'm not British, what's my situation' and all that stuff. Yeah, thank you for that. Sohini thank you so much for sharing this story with us.Sohini: Thank you for having me.Me: You're very welcome! Yeah, I'm just very grateful that there are people like you out there that people can reach out to, you know? Because I think having lived in two foreign countries now, it can be quite a scary thing. It's good to know that people have someone like you to help them out when it all gets a bit scary. So thank you!Food to fight overwhelmRight! At the beginning of this episode, I said I'd share with you one of the best foods you can eat to help fight overwhelm. If you're in any situation where you just feel emotionally overwhelmed or wired and you need to relax. It's a food that has many, many properties besides helping us relax. And that food is...celery!Now before you start screaming and saying “Oh celery, that's diet food, it's absolutely horrible!”, it is not! There are delicious ways to eat celery that I'll share with you later.But first I would like to say just one or two benefits of celery that I think are especially cool.Benefits of celeryWay back when, Hippocrates – the father of modern medicine so I'm told – he used to prescribe celery as a tonic for people suffering from nervous tension. I mean apparently even in his day, people still got stressed.This is because celery has potassium which has been shown to help control blood pressure. Now Chinese medicine prescribes celery for the same reasons, in addition to its being an aphrodisiac, I had to throw that one in. Gotta try that one, right?Another cool thing about celery is that it appears that celery doesn't actually lower blood pressure in someone whose blood pressure is already low. I mean how cool is that!Celery also has high levels of magnesium, as well as other minerals and essential oils, all of which can help us relax. So if you're wired in the evenings, or if like Sohini you have super long days, try a glass of celery juice before going to bed. It actually tastes pretty good, and it tastes way different than munching on the celery sticks themselves.Celery is also great for detox. It's a great diuretic so it can help flush toxins and other waste out of our kidneys. Plus I think many people know that we require more calories to eat and digest celery than the celery actually contains, so it's a great food if you're looking to slim down which I think is how most people know about celery.How you eat celery...the tasty way!So how do most people eat celery? Well, I think you know that, right? We usually pick up a stick and munch on it if we're on a diet, usually cursing the poor veg at the same time and we feel like we're punishing ourselves.But there are way better ways to eat celery. One way is in a juice with other fruit or veg. You can mix fruit and vegetables in there. And one of the articles that I'll link to has a great recipe for a green juice that I'm definitely gonna try. Let me know if you try it too!My favorite easy way to eat celery is super easy: I just dip it in some nut butter. I'd say my favorite is almond butter. It's really delicious and you don't feel like a rabbit.I'll link to an article in the show notes that also has a recipe for a salad using celery that sounds pretty good, if I do say so myself. In this recipe they do mention parmesan so if you don't eat dairy, just substitute the parmesan for some nutritional yeast. It looks pretty tasty so I might try that myself.I also have an amazing recipe for my Way Better Than Waldorf Salad which takes celery to a whole new level, and I'll link to that as well. Have YOU got a story to share?Which brings us to the end of this week's story – and if you've got a true story to share (and you'd like to know what food could have saved the day in your situation), I'd love to hear from you! Got a question, or a comment?Got a question, or a comment? Pop a note below in the comments, that would be awesome. You can also subscribe to the podcast to listen 'on the go' in iTunes.I hope you have an amazing day. Thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now!RESOURCESMy 5 Minute Salads & Sauces recipe ebook with my Way Better than Waldorf Salad recipe: rockingrawchef.com/5-minute-recipesMedicinal uses of celery, including juice recipe: www.wellbeing.com.au/body/recipes/Celery-Worth-stalking.htmlOther article with salad recipe: www.doctorshealthpress.com/food-and-nutrition-articles/10-health-benefits-of-celeryWhere to find Sohiniwww.elm-rose.comFacebookTwitterLinkedInSohinipreet Alg is a qualified Solicitor and specialised in Immigration law. She is Level 3 OISC accredited and is a Senior Caseworker under the Law Society's Immigration & Asylum Accreditation Scheme. Sohini has worked all over the UK, including large London city based firms, and is the Director of Elm Rose Consultancy. She has an unparalleled passion and commitment to her clients.
Jessica Louise Li shares how she went from being in an abusive marriage to creating a legacy with a new love of her life using what she calls the path of Sensational Sex.And at the end of this episode I'll share with you a little food that I bet you don't know is a powerful libido booster – as well as another food that you definitely want to avoid, because it acts like a cold shower of toxicity!Our guest, Jessica Louise LiI am very excited to be joined here today by Jessica Louise Li. Jessica is a former raw food chef who now teaches women how to use the power of sex energy to unleash self-expression in both the bedroom and in business. Now I don't know about you, but that alone would get me very excited. But she's got a lot more to share with us today, so let's get started!Me: So Jess welcome to the Clean Food, Dirty Stories podcast! I'm super excited to have you here!Jess: Yes, thank you for having me. I'm looking forward to those tips you have at the end.Me: Yeah, let's see how that turns out! We'll see if you know them – including the toxic one.I'm really glad we're able to do this because we've known each other for quite a while. So I already know your story, but I love it and I think it's quite a powerful one. You went from such a place of hardship to a place of lightness and joy. I think people will be very inspired to know how you went from one to the other, and what it was like for you.I know that for a while you had a bit of a rough time because you were in a bit of an abusive relationship. Do you want to say a little bit about that? Because I think that's where your story starts, if I'm not mistaken?Jess: Yeah definitely.Jessica's storySo I was married for 10 years – I mean it was 14 years in the long run. But it was 10 years into the marriage where things started to accumulate more and more.An abusive marriage from day 1It always...from day 1 it was mentally abusive, verbally abusive, emotionally abusive...There were 5 times when he put his hands on me and of course as we know, one time is more than enough.It wasn't until almost 10 years into the marriage where he had actually tried to take my life.My husband had actually tried to kill me as my 3 children were sleeping upstairs.Me: Oh my God, how old were your children?Jess: They were 7, 9 and 11...or actually no, that was 2010...The kids are 2 years apart so they were 3, 5 and 7.Me: Wow.Jess: They were really young.And I know that's the hard run of the story, but...I want to share it like that because that's an experience. As dramatic and as crazy and wild as it may seem to some people, it's something that I happened to experience in life. But I know that that doesn't define me.A journey tooIt's really the journey of what I experienced back then to what I am now. And that's what I'm really here for, it's the inspiration, it's the whole picture. It's not just that one incident.Me: Exactly. If people were to look at your life now, when people see what you're doing now, it's amazing. I know that you'll say a bit more about that later but it's kind of hard to imagine that you started from that kind of place. Jess: Yeah, totally. I guess that's a testament to how far I've come. It was something that was really horrifying and I wouldn't wish it on anyone for sure.Married to a killer (literally)But here's the thing: when I was in that relationship, I knew that it was wrong. Deep down I knew that I shouldn't be in there. But the thing is that I was living in so much fear, and I didn't feel like I had the resources to be able to leave him.On top of that he was someone who was involved with the gangs, so I was in fear of him having someone follow me. Or, you know, because he was in that lifestyle, he had no qualms about coming after me or trying to kill me.Like when he said he was going to kill me, I like 100% believed him.Me: Wow.Jess: Because he had killed people before. And I can say that freely now only because he passed away. He died suddenly 3 years ago, it's been almost three years now.Living in fearOne of the biggest secrets that I couldn't tell – and I think even when I met you, I couldn't say my whole story. So maybe it's perfect timing now that we're doing this interview!There's only so many details that I could say, right? It's not about ratting him out or like trying to show off, even if you'd consider that showing off. But it's to highlight that I was living in so much fear that every night I knew that I was laying in the arms of someone that has killed before.People ask me, “Why didn't you leave earlier?” A lot of people say that about abused women, 'why do you stay' or 'I don't get why you're still with him'. And I think it's not until or unless you're in that situation that you really understand why a woman stays. Like I said, of course I knew it was a bad thing. As my kids were growing up, I knew that I didn't want my daughter to see that it was OK for a man to hit her and for her to go back. And vice-versa, I didn't want my son to think it was OK for him to put his hands on a woman and then she comes back and all is great.So I had to be mindful of that. When they were younger there was so much that I could get away with, but as they got older they started to mimic certain behaviours. They started to see my ruses, they started to ask “Why does Mommy have a black eye?”The turning pointIt just got to the point where you know what? This was enough. And yeah, unfortunately it got to the night where he attacked me and tried to kill me.Me: And was that the turning point?Jess: That was the turning point, because I was on the sofa, and without going into too much detail... One of the ways he tried to kill me...He was huge, he choked me twice unconscious on the sofa.So I had three thoughts. One, that my parents would find my body here. Two, that my children wouldn't have their mother. And three, that this isn't fair, I didn't get to do everything that I wanted to do. It was the third thought that was the catalyst. That was what made me want to take my own life, after healing, and create something that was for me. To create the life of my dreams. And to do something that was gonna benefit my kids - I was gonna be happy.I didn't want to waste time, and I didn't want to life my life for someone else. Now I wanted to live my life for me.The scariest momentActually I was very fortunate, because he had stabbed me after I had regained consciousness. He had actually stabbed me in the head.Me: In the head?!Jess: He did, yeah. And I know it's crazy and it was the scariest moment. I mean, the whole night was crazy. Crazy scary. Me: Well it's amazing that you survived!Jess: Yes, but do you know what though Barbara? If you believe in it...I do... it was divine intervention.Face to face with a knifeWhat happened was he had picked up the knife, it was a big stainless steel kitchen knife. He came towards me and he was 6, 6 feet 1 and 270 pounds at the time. Mostly muscle, a big guy. And I'm like 5 feet 4, 5 feet 5, a 140 pounds, 135 pounds.He came to me, basically we were like face to face and he picked up the knife and I shut my eyes and I was hoping that it wasn't going to hurt too much.I was like 'wow, this is the last scene I'm going to see before I die'.And I shut my eyes and I squeezed my eyes so tight, and I was just braced for the knife. I felt the knife go in and out of my scalp really fast. It was really creepy.All of a sudden he backed off. I tried to deflect the knife for one or two seconds and he backed off and I thought this was weird, I was just in so much shock.After he had already punched me, after he had already broken a chair over me, after he'd choked me unconscious twice, and now he'd just stabbed me...my adrenaline was just pumping and all of a sudden he just stopped out of nowhere so I was in a huge state of shock. Then on top of that I was like 'what the heck? What's going on?'So I actually thought he was going to go get...I knew that he had a gun in the house and I thought he was going to go get that.Divine interventionAnd it wasn't till later that I realized when I talked to him that he has a rosary. Usually as you know you don't wear rosaries. But he had his decked out in diamonds, and he made it fancy. So he was wearing his rosary at the time, and it snapped, it broke. He had owned it for years, maybe like 8 years up to that point or so. It broke, and he told me that's what snapped him out of his rage, because when the rosary snapped it took him out of what he was doing to me and he was like 'What the f am I doing?' So I keep that piece with me to this day, I have it in my room. I've done talks when I've spoken in front of organizations and young girls, I've showed it to them. Because that's what saved me. If the rosary hadn't broken at the time, I don't know whether I'd be here talking to you.Me: Wow. Whoof! Jess: Yeah.Me: It's such a powerful story that I'm kind of glued to my chair. I'm kind of like wow, where do you go...Getting out fastSo how did you leave? Was it after that night that you just like left? Did you take your kids? Did you go somewhere?Jess: So after he had left, I guess what he did was he left, he took off in one of our cars because we had two family cars. And as soon as I knew he was gone, I ran upstairs like a madwoman. This must have been like 3 in the morning so the kids were asleep. Thank goodness they didn't wake up and they didn't witness any of this.I ran upstairs, they were all sleeping in one room and I grabbed them and I said “Hurry, hurry guys, we've gotta go, something bad happened”. And they were like, “What's going on?” They were groggy...So I grabbed some blankets, some toys, I threw them in the car...And I literally just threw everyone and got myself out of there so fast, cause I thought he was gonna come back and that was my only way to escape.At one point he said “Do you wanna leave?” And I knew that as a mother I wasn't going to leave 3 kids at home. I didn't think that he would harm them, but as a mother I needed to protect them and I needed to know that they would be OK.So yes it was risky, I knew I was risking my life by staying, but heck, my kids! I grabbed them and I put them in the car, and we left. He didn't come back.Being brave, or a bit nutsAnd I was scheduled to work that night. Two nights of the week I slept over there which was that night. It was crazy because I was trying to be tough, right? So I drove back there with the kids and I wrote a message to him as I was bleeding, saying “I'm so sorry I had to leave early, I'll be back in the morning to finish working”. That was nuts!I got back in the car and I drove to my employer's place. So I was working as a caregiver and her son had hired me to take care of her. Two nights out of the week I slept there and it was that night. I took the kids and I had some skin hanging off of my hand from one of the knife wounds and I looked at the kids and I was like, “Oh man, what am I gonna do now?” And I didn't want to go to the police, I didn't want to go to the hospital because I was afraid they were gonna take my kids away.Me: Oh!When even the police let you downJess: So the last time... I had moved from Ontario which is more on the eastern side of Canada from British Columbia which is on the west coast of Canada.When I lived in British Columbia my husband had threatened me at one time in the past. He didn't do anything but he said that he would kill me. And I had enough courage to go to the police back then.And crazy enough Barbara, they said... I walked up with my two year old at the time and my son who was in a baby carrier. So I walked up the steps and I told them what happened. I said my husband threatened to kill me and it was a female police officer.She said, “Do you have family in the city?” and I said, “Yeah”. Then she said, “Who is it?” and I said, “My uncle”. She said, “Here's the phone” and she hands me the rotary phone and she says, “If you don't call him right now and tell him what happened, I'm gonna have your kids taken away from you”.Me: Oh my God! That's awful!Jess: And I thought... I had gathered so much courage to get to the police! Because in that lifestyle, you're always trained to think of the police as someone that you'd never, ever speak to, you know, that's a bad thing. But I had the courage to go there when he wasn't home, and here she tells me this. Hiding in the hospitalI bawled. I cried – and I thought, “If the police can't help me, nobody can”. So that was the experience I had going into this situation. And I thought, “I can't have my kids taken away from me”. So I was just looking at my wounds going, “Maybe I can get some bandages”.I got some bandages and I was like, “No, this is not gonna work!” So I went to the hospital and I left my kids in the car, and I felt bad.But I went in and I said, “You know, I got this wound from chopping vegetables” and she said “Right handed?” and I said “Yeah” and she said “Hmmm, tell me what really happened because you don't hurt your right hand chopping vegetables with your right hand”.Well she knew, and they're trained to look for these things. I told her, and I told her I didn't want to press charges. And it actually wasn't until 3 months later that he got arrested, and it was because I was seeing a psychologist for some counseling to help me work through some things, and she was the one that said, “You know, just enquire at the police station what would happen if you wanted to report him. Don't say you want to, just enquire”.Me: That's a good idea.More guidance and helpJess: So I drove my way to work one day, and him and I, we were... we thought we would work things out, and things were going okay. And I was like, “See you guys later, I'm gonna go to work now.”Then on my way to work, something just took my hand. As if something just took my hand and made me turn the steering wheel the opposite way. I drove to the police station and I said, “Look, this is what happened to me. What would happen if I reported this?”She comes back and she says, “Let me talk to my supervisor”. And she came back to the front and she said, “Now that the ball is dropped we have to go and arrest him”.I freaked because I said, “You can't arrest him. He's going to come and kill me now!” And she said “I'm sorry, we have to go and get him. We have to bring him in”.I said, “I've got kids, my kids are with him”. They promised that they wouldn't see him getting arrested. Unfortunately my older daughter did see that and that's traumatized her since.The staying, leaving cycle...So yeah, that's how I got out of it. And the funny thing is with abuse – and I think this is an important conversation because there's a lot of people who have gone through domestic abuse. Men and women. There's a lot that don't talk about it, or they don't recognize it. And I know that a lot of men and women, they go back to their abuser and then something happens, right? It's that whole cycle of staying, leaving, staying, leaving. That's what happened to me.So even though he got arrested, I continued to see him for about 4 or 5 months after, going to the jail, saying that I would recant my statement. I would bring the kids to the jail and I would say “Let's work this out” and I really did mean it.Family men to the rescueAnd then it wasn't until I finally got to my lawyers and I told them what happened, and they were like “OK, from this day forward, you cannot go to the jail”. They told me, they shared their reasons that they saw my husband as not a good husband and not a good father.This was coming from men that were family men. At the time I never had male role models to look to. So to have them say that, it put something in me where I was like, “Holy crap, maybe, maybe they're right”. You know?They made me promise, they said “If we're going to work together, you cannot go back there”. And the guy that I was working for said “Look, you've started something, you need to finish it”.So I was lucky that I had those pillars in my life to hold me to that, because left to my own devices, I would have just taken him out of jail, recanted my statement and I don't know if I would be here today. And my life wouldn't be where it's at today. That's how I got out of it.Like I said, looking at my kids going “I can't have them look at me as a role model and going back to an abusive situation”. And that catalyst, that moment I had on the sofa, right? Going 'this isn't fair, I didn't get to do everything I wanted to do'. I'm taking the reins back on my life.The healing beginsMe: And so you must have gone through quite a long process of...I don't know, did you do counseling? What kinds of things did you do to start to, I guess sort of change your world view, or just you know, heal things in yourself to enable you to move forward?Jess: So the psychologist that I was talking about, the police referred me to them because part of the victim services and I don't know if they have that where you are. But they only allow 10 sessions with a psychologist and after that you have to pay and it's really expensive. So I thought any help I can get is awesome, and there was one group I had for mothers and children of abuse. Myself and my youngest two went, my oldest didn't want to go. And after that, honestly it was mostly self work and that's what really shot me into this world of spiritual enlightenment if you want to call it that.I was never someone that I would have considered spiritual before this incident. And I'm grateful for what happened to me because it allowed me to really go deeper into myself and just ask myself.Looking inside and pleasing yourselfYou know, as I was healing physically, I had the time thank goodness to just heal. Like in a great spot with trees and the forest around me and animals. And I would just look outside every day and go “What would make me happy? What does Jessica want?” That was hard for me because I had lived my life for so many years trying to please somebody else. And I lost who I was, I lost my self expression. I was not allowed to talk to certain people, my friends and family were cut off, so I had to find me again.And so like I said, most of it was work that I did by myself and on myself, and when I was ready, then I started to talk to some people and I started to network after I made the decision, “You know what? I'm going to start a business”. I think that was about the time that I met you, you know, doing the whole raw food thing. Me: Yeah, I remember, yeah.A new career, and maybe a new man?Jess: Yeah, because I became a raw food chef. Because I decided, “You know what? I'm going to go down to New York City, I'm going to train as a raw food chef”.I came back and started a catering company here in Toronto and that's pretty much the time when I had met you. And I thought I would continue my journey that way, and it wasn't until this further journey, a couple of years went by that I said to myself...I knew that I wanted a new love in my life, and what was funny was, and I know that you can relate to this as an entrepreneur because there are so many things on your plate...And I said to myself, “You know what? I want my business to get to a certain level before I start dating again”.Me: That's what I've said to myself! (laughs)Jess: I was cool with that, but then I was like “Wait a second. I could be totally be cutting off the guy that's made to be there in my life.” And when I made that decision, I just declared to the universe that I'm giving this up. If the guy is out there, so be it, I can work through this with my business at the same time”.And really, like within the next two or three months, I met Michael!Enter the relationship coachMe: Wow! How did you guys meet?Jess: So we met at a trade show. He was doing relationship coaching at the time for women, so he was helping women find a great partner. He still does some of that work as well, so he helps women find a really great partner and keep a really good relationship.So he had just released his newest book at a women's trade show in Toronto. I was walking between the aisles and I was like “I know you, I recognize this name from somewhere” and he said, “You do?” And we realized we both belonged to the same entrepreneurial group online.But what was funny was he was in a relationship at the time and I was going into a relationship. So it was one of those like 'here's my business card' and there was some attraction there and then there was no contact at all for 5 months.Dating adviceAnd then one of my friends invited me to a concert that a friend was holding. I showed up early and Michael showed up, and I'm like, “What are you doing here?” So we didn't know that we had the same mutual friends, but the universe is so funny how it works. But he showed up that night, and he was there with his girlfriend, he was waiting for his girlfriend but he came early and I came early, so we just started chatting.And I shared with him where I was at, I was getting out of the relationship that I was previously in. I said, “I know you're a relationship guy, here's the deal, what's up with this guy?”He gave me some dating advice and he said “There's nothing wrong with you, look, I do some matchmaking. Tell me what you're looking for”. And I told him. Sneakily enough, I didn't find out until later, he broke up with his girlfriend that same night!Knowing what you wantSo you know, we were Facebook messaging each other. And I said, “Well if I get too specific, here's a general idea of what I'm looking for in a guy”. Then I said, “You know what? Scratch that, here's my specifics”. And I went very specific, and I guess that on the other side he was like “Oh my goodness, this is me, I'd have everything!”He didn't tell me that, he said, “Awesome, I think I know someone for you. Can you meet me downtown for tea next week?” And I said, “Yeah, sure”. So we met and about an hour, an hour and a half talking, I said, “Where is this guy?” Because I was expecting this guy to show up. And he's like, “OK so you know that guy I was telling you about? Yeah, it's me!”Me: Oh, it's like something out of movie, out of a romcom, right?Jess: Totally! And it wasn't until that moment, until that day, that I found out that he broke up with his girlfriend back at the concert. Like once I know someone's in a relationship, to me they're categorized as off-limits.Me: Yes, of course.Jess: I didn't think that, you know, that it was gonna be him at all. And when he got that he was like 'My ex-girlfriend thinks you're really pretty'. And I'm like 'OK so the girl before this girl? I don't get it'. He said 'Oh, she's no longer my girlfriend, we broke up' and I'm like 'Ohhh...' and that's when it totally clicked in.Friends with benefitsSo we started seeing each other just for sex and he knew I had needs and I wasn't looking for anything serious right now so I was like, “Yeah, sure”. I had a couple of rules and one of them was 'We don't tell anyone about this' so for like 5 or 6 months I would go to his house and I would leave the kids because I had kids at home and he doesn't have kids. And I would drive 45 minutes each way just to go and have sex with him, twice, sometimes three times a week, and we would do this for 5 or 6 months.Then of course feelings started to...We started talking more, and then one day he goes, “I know this is crazy, but do you want to go out on a date?” After like 5 or 6 months of sleeping together, 'do you want to go out on a date'. And yeah, things just went from there, that was 2 and a half years ago and we're getting married in a few months!Me: That is so cool! You seriously have to...that has to be made into a movie, that just has to happen.Jess: Well what's funny about that is there's actually a producer who heard about my story and he wants to make a movie out of my life, so maybe we'll stick that in there.Me: Yes! You have to stick that in there!ForgivenessJess: Yeah, that's where we're at right now and life is just incredible. And see, the thing is after my husband tried to kill me, it took me some time but I forgave him and I got to verbalise that to him before he passed away.He was impressed by my healing and my journey, and he was like “Wow, sweetheart I'm so happy for you, maybe one day you can help me get to where you are”.Me: Oh wow. That must have been...How did you feel when he said that?Jess: Just chills! And it was also because we met up, we weren't talking to get back together. We met because he's the father of my kids but there was no talk of us getting back together. So we had the best communication just before he died, funnily enough. Should I stay or should I run?After they released him from jail, after he got out of jail for what he did to me... Oh by the way I completely freaked out when he was released, I was ready to run. My mom said, “Look, if you need to run and hide, you just run and wherever you are, you just tell me where you are and you're safe.” Like I was ready to take my kids in the car and just, like...Honestly, Barbara, I was Googling things like 'how to become a refugee in Australia'. I was looking for ways to escape Canada. And then I just came to the point where I was like, “If I start running now, I'm going to be running for the rest of my life”.I had a friend who when I was attacked...she's very spiritual and I wasn't there yet. But she said to me, “Jessica, you just need to trust” and I said “No” and in my mind I was like “Are you f-ing crazy? Do you know who... He's gonna come get me!” She grabbed my hand and she was like, “You just need to trust. You just need to trust”.Giving up fearAnd I totally didn't understand that at all back then, and it wasn't till later till I was just like, “I need to just trust, and everything is going to work out. The universe is going to support me. I don't know how, but I just need to give up this fear that I have”. So I decided to stay in Canada.The first conversation I had with him, it was the first time I'd talked to him since I'd left him in jail. Because he was livid when he found out that I'm not going to get him out of jail and recant my statement. I mean he was absolutely livid, he was ready to send someone to kill me. He told me this afterward, but luckily he had the time to just cool off.So when he first got out of jail, I didn't know how he was gonna react. I'm like, “This could be the worst mistake of my life or this could be the best thing”. And I just knew that the first conversation I had with him, I just had this huge feeling rush over me like 'everything is going to be fine, everything is going to be good'. I can't explain, it was just a knowing.And things just blossomed from there. Like I said, not to get back together, we were going our own ways but we were in conversation so it was a big shock that his dad called me one day and just said, “I'm so sorry, he passed away this morning”. He wasn't even sick.A huge shockMe: How did he die?Jess: He died of an overdose, and they thought it was a heart attack because 95% of his arteries were blocked in his heart. But the toxicology report said that it was an overdose and he wasn't someone to do drugs. I think what it looked like was some of the pills he was taking were laced with fentanyl, which is... There's a huge problem in British Columbia with a lot of people dying from fentanyl. They're lacing Fentanyl into other drugs currently.So it was a huge shock, a huge shock. I was driving down the street in Toronto with my youngest daughter and I just collapsed. I had to get out of the car and I collapsed. Then I was screaming, like “Why!” And I had so much of this 'you just left me here and I've got these 3 kids, but... You know, I see signs of him all the time. So even though he did that to me, I still talk to him all the time. And I ask him to look after the kids and support them and look after me, and I know that he's in a better place to be able to support me.Me: That's just what I was gonna say.Taking responsibility to empower yourselfJess: Yeah, totally. And the thing is, I could have gotten hung up on 'I was abused, this happened to me...' Trust me, I've had many more reasons than we've talked about here to keep myself in a place of victimhood and blaming everyone else. But instead what I did was take responsibility.Even when before...you know, we didn't get a chance to talk about gang rape, but in my younger years when I was gang-raped, I took responsibility for my part. Not to excuse them, but there was a certain responsibility that I had to take for myself, and the same thing with my husband.So going back and taking responsibility in those areas really got me empowered, and then, you know, people encouraged me more and more to share my story. And the more I did, the more women would stand up and say 'this has happened to me'. The more I did that, the more I realized that I have a powerful story to share. I can inspire others, hence this podcast.From sharing to teaching to rocking out seminars!And you know I've just realized that the raw food that I was doing before, it's funny how the universe has its plans. It wasn't until I met Michael and we were having this incredible sex... We had a lot of experience prior to meeting each other, but this was something different. One day he was joking around, he said, “You know, this is so great, we should teach this to people”. I said “Yes, we should!” And he's like, “Really? Cause I was just kinda kidding”.But within 5 months of that idea, we sold out our first event in Toronto and we just rocked it. It was amazing! And we have our 7th one coming up pretty soon here. Me: And those are your Sensational Sex Seminars, right?Jess: Exactly, yeah. Hopefully one day soon we can bring it to the UK.Me: You have to bring it to the UK because I want to come!Jess: Yeah!The power of sexual energySo what happened too was my sexual energy, when I was younger I always had this innate feeling of...I don't know what you want to call it. I knew what sex was or sexual feelings before a child should even know what that stuff is. And I couldn't put my finger on it as a kid, but as I got older, people would shame me and I would feel repressed. I felt like I had to shut off that side of me.What I realized was I was cutting off my sexual energy and I completely lost that when I was married. Of course we had sex, but I wasn't in the flow, I wasn't embracing my feminine energy. I didn't know about masculine and feminine energies and honoring them both within each of us, within myself and within my partner.It was the gift that I got afterwards with being with Michael that I discovered how powerful sexual energy is. Because sex energy is how we all got here, it's life energy. It runs every area of our life, it permeates into everything that we do, the way we walk, the way we dress, the way we do business, it's all sexual energy. If we can really tap into that, our life will be remarkably powerful. And that's what I want to spread right now, because I regained my power, my real power, by tapping into, by reclaiming my sexual energy. How to find JessicaMe: Wow! Now I think there's a lot of... I'm sure there's a lot of people out there who would love to know how to do just that. So how do people find you? Because I know that you help a lot of women with precisely that, so where's the best place for them to find you?Jess: The best place right now would be to go to my website, so it's www.jessicalouiseli.com and Louise is l-o-u-i-s-e and Li is l-i because some people ask, so jessicalouiseli dot com.Me: Yeah, I'll link to that in the show notes as well, so... Wow that is fantastic, and yes, you've got to bring the Sensational Sex Seminar to the UK so let me know what I can do to help make that happen!Jess: Definitely! We'll chat!Me: Well, thank you so much for coming onto the podcast and for sharing your absolutely incredible story. I think the image of you with the broken rosary is going to stay in my mind for quite a while, that's really something.Jess: You're welcome!A great libido boosterNow I did mention at the beginning of this episode that I'd share with you a little food that I have a feeling you may not know can boost your libido – as well as one food that you definitely want to avoid.So as far as aphrodisiacs go, you may be thinking chocolate, right? And yes, chocolate does have lots of substances that give us some feel-good chemicals, but most of us know that. I'm not going there.The food that I'm talking about is...blackberries!Benefits of blackberriesYes, blackberries. Both the berries themselves as well as their seeds are great libido boosters, according to Drs. Anna Maria and Brian Clement, who are the directors of the Hippocrates Health Institute in West Palm Beach, Florida. This is because blackberries are so rich in vitamins, minerals and antioxidants that they just have a very powerful effect on our wellbeing.Blackberries have lots of other benefits – including helping to relieve PMS and hot flashes, helping with bone health, keeping your hair clean, helping prevent memory loss and loads more. In fact there are way too many benefits to list here, so I'll link to an article in the show notes where you can read about it if you want to.How you use blackberriesHow do you eat blackberries? Well, this is easy. You pick up a big handful, about 10 berries, and that should do the trick! Or sprinkle them on cereal or a fruit pudding. Just don't have them with dairy because dairy is another food that cuts our libido short. It's very clogging, and we don't want clogged bodies, right? We want everything to be working at its max efficiency!Now blackberries are delicious on their own, but if you'd rather have them with a gorgeously tasty yet healthy dessert, I've got loads of recipes that would go really well with blackberries in my 5-minute dessert recipes ebook which I'll link to below as well.One of the top foods to avoidRight, so I have to tell you one of the top foods to avoid. I can't help it, especially because it's famous for being an aphrodisiac. And that food is oysters!Oysters are high in zinc which has been linked to the creation of hormones, but unfortunately oysters, like other bottom-feeders in the ocean, absorb a lot of toxins and parasites. And those toxins far outweigh any benefit you might get from the zinc. Oysters are not a love food, they are a toxic food!So I hope you've enjoyed our story and our foodie tips!Have YOU got a story to share?And if you've got a true story to share (and you'd like to know what food could have saved the day or enhanced your situation), I'd love to hear from you! Got a question, or a comment?Got a question, or a comment? Pop a note below in the comments, that would be awesome. You can also subscribe to the podcast to listen 'on the go' in iTunes.I hope you have an amazing day. Thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now!RESOURCESJessica's website: www.JessicaLouiseLi.comArticle on foods that boost (and inhibit) libido: www.fitnessmagazine.com/mind-body/sex/libido-boosting-foods/Benefits of blackberries: www.valuefood.info/1292/health-benefits-for-blackberries5-Minute recipe ebooks: rockingrawchef.com/5-minute-recipes
Gabriella Guglielminotti Trivel shares her story of how she went from an abusive relationship, to losing her job, to freedom in Antarctica. Plus my favorite warming ingredient that you can add to your food AND put on your body, with surprising results.Hi everybody, I'm Barbara Fernandez, the Rocking Raw Chef, here with my Clean Food, Dirty Stories: one to entertain, the other to inspire.I help people stamp out stress, depression and fatigue over at RockingRawChef.com, and today's title is:From Abuse and Divorce to Freedom in AntarcticaIn addition to this story, at the end of this episode I'll share with you one of the best ingredients you can add to your food when it's cold outside. And you don't have to just use it for food. You can actually add it to something that has nothing to do with food and that I know will surprise you. The best part is that when you do that, nobody has to know!OK enough hints from me, let's get on with the story. I am very excited to be joined here today by speaker and visionary Gabriella Guglielminotti Trivel, author of the book 'Antarctic Odyssey a New Beginning'.In her own words, Gabriella is A Woman of the 21st Century, Author, Speaker and Female Cycle Consultant and she's got a fascinating story to share with us today, complete with whales, seals and penguins as well as her own life lessons learned.So Gabriella welcome to the Clean Food, Dirty Stories podcast! I'm really excited to have you here today!Gabriella: Hello Barbara, thank you so much for this opportunity.Me: You're so welcome! I love your story because you overcame some really difficult situations and then you went on to do some amazing things, so I think that people will really enjoy it.Can you tell us – I mean, I know that now you do all kinds of wonderful, beautiful things, but it wasn't always like that, right? I think at the beginning you were talking about a relationship that wasn't exactly ideal for you. Is that the best place to start?Gabriella's storyGabriella: Well I suppose it's the best place to start because to be totally honest, I think that whenever a story starts, meaning an intimate relationship story, nobody really plans to go into something that is not nice.The honeymoon comes, everything's fantastic, but then both the characters start pouring into the relationship their own characteristics, their agenda, their baggage... It becomes like a bit of a murky puddle.Me: I know what you mean, yeah. It doesn't sound like a good thing to have, a murky puddle! I know that it didn't start out as a murky puddle. And I know that you're originally from Italy, right?Gabriella: Yes, I was born in a city called Turin in the northwest part of Italy, at the foot of the Alps. It's in the Piedmont region, from the French “au pied du mont”. It's a very mountainous region with plains and hills and so forth, and Turin is only a few kilometers from the border with France. I grew up in a mountainous environment, going skiing and trekking in the mountains with my parents. And so a few decades later I ended up in flat England.Me: Yeah, with hardly any snow, right?Gabriella: Well, it doesn't snow much but it does sometimes in Scotland. When I went to Scotland it was always summer, but they do ski there I was told. Working in the MaldivesI ended up in the UK passing through the Maldives, because that's where I was working for an Italian tour operator. On the island where I was based I met this Briton in 1997. In my spare time I was diving, underwater with tanks, because I was a diver before. The Maldives is a diver's destination so when I could, I was diving.The diving instructor buddied me up with this chap who was alone who was British. He was actually quite at home in that little island because he had been 10 or 11 times already. We were buddied up together and so that's how it started. As you can imagine, in a very romatic place... we basically met underwater!Me: Oh that's very cool!Gabriella: Sometimes when I think about it, it sounds like it was taken from a fiction book or something. But it happened to me, and then of course... he was there for a couple of weeks and we had opportunities to get to know each other a bit.The island was so big that it would take you 5 minutes walk to go around it. So obviously it wasn't very difficult to keep bumping into each other, that's how it started in a way. And I'm sure that part of the story was because it was in a romantic location even if I was working, and he was on holiday...More trips togetherBut of course what happened was he went back home and we kept in touch. He was writing me letters. And then when I finished my contract there, I went to visit him in London.Of course the fascination hadn't faded yet so a month later I moved in with him for good, and it was very kind of rushed.Me: How long had you known each other at that point?Gabriella: When I moved in with him, basically I had just met him in the Maldives a couple of months earlier and he had stayed there for two weeks. But then when I went to visit him after working in the Maldives, I went to visit him for a week or so and in that week he asked me if I wanted to join him. He was a photographer and he was invited to show his diving photographs at an exposition in Singapore. He invited me to come along, and of course I said yes!From Malaysia to LondonAnd after the diving exposition in Singapore, we went diving in Malaysia. So again it was a very exotic situation where we got the chance to get to know each other a bit more.So then when we came back, I went back home basically to return for good.It was all very nice at the time, but very quick. I don't know what to call it... a story, an adventure. So then I found myself in London, cold, rainy London, and I started the second chapter of my life in the UK, in London.Cultural gapsAnd like in all stories, in all relationships, there are many factors that come into it, that create or direct the story in a certain way. In our case I think there were many gaps. Not just the language. I studied as an interpreter so my English was pretty good, but there was still a cultural gap.Me: Yup, I can relate to that.Gabriella: You might speak the same language, but you speak two different languages. You come from different backgrounds and different countries.Me: Yup, I had that with two husbands, one French one and one Mexican one. I spoke both languages and there's still a cultural gap.Gabrielle: Yes but it's funny though, unless you are in that situation, it's difficult to imagine. Your imagination is never like reality.Me: Of course. And was it hard for you to settle in the UK? In London?Gabriella: Well, it was in a way. But you see, when you're in love, you make everything do because you want it to work. Yes, the weather was...British. Unpredictable, and very variable so it changes from one moment to the next. But mainly it's not continental so it means you don't have the four seasons. You tend to have sort of two seasons really, and that was hard.Paradise for some, hell for othersBut what I want to say is that I was in a paradise on earth. The Maldives is definitely considered one of those places on earth that's perfect for honeymoons, this type of thing. I was working there, of course I wasn't on holiday there. But it was really hard to work there, and it felt to me like hell on earth, funnily enough. Such a paradox. Me: Really!Gabriella: Basically from paradise on earth which for me was feeling like hell, anyway, I fell on 'not paradise on earth' – weatherwise in the UK. But I was very happy because of course I was in this relationship that at the time I loved and cherished so much. That was for me a big lesson that I would never forget – that really, happiness is where your heart is.But of course I have to say that I've been here in the UK for nineteen years and I can say that yes, after a while, the weather gets at you!From holidays to power gamesMe: Yeah of course. But then the relationship started to change, right? Because at first you said it was...Gabrielle: Yes, like all relationships in the beginning it was very easygoing and nice and so forth. But it became more like a power game and I wasn't aware of it. I should have been aware because there were signs from the very beginning, but you know, sometimes we are blind to the signs. We can't hear it even if we can hear physically.Me: I mean when you say power games, can you think of an example?Gabriella: Yes, there was a gap of eleven years between the two of us and I'm a very easygoing type of personality and I don't really want to control anybody. But on the other side there was a person who was obviously much older than me with possibly much more life experience than me.And I am guessing here because the bottom line is that we never really know what happens in another person unless that person tells us, right? But I'm guessing with hindsight that inside there was a desire to create this relationship, he possibly really enjoyed it, wanted it and so forth. He just wanted it to work, but his character was very domineering, he was very controlling.Even if I'm as I said a very easygoing type of person I think, very flexible... I had just left my country, I had just moved here, I started from scratch. That didn't bother me, because I quite like that type of thing.I was the one adjusting to everything basically, but I couldn't adjust to being controlled.Why some people manipulate othersAnd you don't see it in the beginning because you think the other person is like you. You think they just want to love you, things like that. Maybe I was naïve but I'm sure I belong to a big club.Me: I mean, did he just like not let you go where you wanted, or have the friends that you wanted? Or try to tell you how to be?Gabriella: No, it took me a long time to realize it because...because you see, with people who are manipulative by nature... My theory is that they've been wounded or hurt, and so it's their survival instinct to try to manipulate their surroundings so that they can survive. It's very basic.Me: Yeah, that's what I think too.Gabriella: This is my theory, but anyway I think it was definitely applicable to his case.I don't know to this day what his wound was, but he definitely wanted me to be in a certain way, doing certain things. He wasn't so obvious. Otherwise I would have realized this earlier on. He was always camouflaging to this 'good doing', these good deeds that were in my interest and all the rest. Maybe according to him they were in my good interests, but not in mine.If you crush somebody character-wise and you want to control the person, you are actually also discarding all the nice characteristics, all the nice bits of the person. You can't just have a puppet in your hands. Well you can, in certain situations it works. There are certain men and women who are kind of happy in that kind of relationship, but it didn't work for me.Tantrums...as an adult?Me: Was there one event...What happened to make you think “This is enough, I have to leave”. Was it one event in particular?Gabriella: Yes, I was just arriving there. One thing that for me really killed the relationship and the story, and I'm happy to share it because there might be other women in similar situations.He was a very narcissistic type of person, and those people have to crush who is next to them because otherwise they don't feel good enough. One way to have his way was to throw tantrums. Really. Like children do.But you know, if you are a mother and you have a child doing that, you know how to deal with it because it's part of the growing up process.But when you are an adult and you have your partner doing that... Like it happened in the middle of the jungle, he wanted to go back to London and leave me there...Me: Ohhh!Gabriella: Stuff like that. It happened more than once.Maybe the first time you put up with it, you think 'Hmm, strange'. And then the second time you might start thinking, 'What have I done?' Because that's what happens to women, we tend to first check with ourselves. We always are prone to think that we've done something wrong ourselves.Me: Yes, of course.Gabriella: So that's what happened with me. When this was happening, I thought 'I've done something inconsiderate', or 'I'm bad'... I was always feeling guilty for something.Scary stuffMe: Was it scary as well? Because if I imagine an adult, you know, a man, my partner having a tantrum...that would just freak me out.Gabriella: Well yes it was! I can tell you! In certain situations it was, because, you know, like... We were returning to Indonesia, we were on this tour, there were just the two of us with a local guide. I can't remember now exactly what happened. He really literally wanted to go back to London and just leave me there, out of the blue. What do you do with something like that?Of course now thinking about it, I think if I would find myself in a situation like that or similar, I would just deal with it very easily because I've been through it.Me: That's what I was gonna say.Gabriella: If you haven't been there, in a similar situation, you don't know what to do. It's natural that you don't know what to do.What you can do if you're in an abusive relationshipMe: That's what I was going to ask actually, because there might be people that are in that kind of situation now. What would you tell them?Gabriella: Well what I would say is that to realize that you're in an abusive relationship is very difficult. And I'll tell you why. It doesn't necessarily have to be physical abuse, because a moral or emotional abuse is just as difficult. Or even worse maybe, because if somebody beats you up, the blows, the bruises on your skin might go, but the emotions, they stay. And then you have to heal them. It might take the rest of your life to do that.In a way, I wasn't in a physical abusive relationship, but it definitely wasn't a peer relationship. And I can say this because I'm now happily in a very nice relationship and I can see how different it is. I'm not...I'm also very aware that I don't want to make it worse than it was.But my advice would be for a woman to...instead of keeping silent, try to find help, professional help. Because if you just talk to your friends or colleagues or whatever, relatives, they will have their own unconscious agenda. Meaning that they will try to help in their own way, but it won't be maybe the best way for you.But with a therapist or somebody, you start maybe having help that shows you where you are and what's happening. They will play back to you what's going on. That's definitely something that I regretted not doing immediately. I waited because I was in denial and this is typical of women. You think that it cannot happen to you, but it does.The moment of no returnMe: But then once you... I know that you did decide at one point to go through with the divorce.Gabriella: Yes, you asked me what was the moment of no return. The moment of no return was just another tantrum, but this time it was very low key in a way compared to others that had been very magnificently planned, right? It wasn't in an exotic location, it was just in a shop. It was a small shop and in front of the sales attendant he just threw this tantrum and just treated me... like shit, basically. And it just reached a point where I just thought 'This is enough'.I had already matured within the years and realized in my body, really physically, that I was dying.Me: How long were you together?Gabriella: Well not long because it was... I moved to the UK in 1998 and we got married 3 years later, and then the point of no return happened in 2005. So I mean long enough to be damaged.Me: Yes, that's long enough, exactly.Gabriella: But not that long. And I'm saying this because I know that there are women who endure abusive relationships for decades. Finding excuses for the children if there are children involved, is actually the worst way to teach your children for the future because they will remember, they will absorb that.What we unconsciously create...Funnily enough, I have to say, and I'm sharing this as well with no pride, well, hiding my pride simply because I know that it can be useful for others. My parents...I had the example at home of my parents who had a similar relationship.And so what I had done, what happened to me or basically what I had done myself was to put myself in the same type of relationship. Because we do that unconsciously because we want to recover or resolve it. Our mind is always looking for a solution for everything that happened to us. It's so classical, like a psychology manual, right? But when it happens to you it's really...it's different, it hurts. But basically that's what happened.My father had a very old-fashioned type of relationship with my mother. Like what happened in the last century. And so the father would decide everything and the mother would say yes to everything.Even though I was born in the twentieth century, very highly educated, spoke four languages, traveled and all the rest of it, you might think 'You're sorted, girl! You're a girl of the world!'And yes, maybe from the outside. But inside, that wasn't the story and so I ended up in an abusive relationship. Having said that, I learned a lot and even if it was painful, I have to say that I couldn't have become the woman that I am today if that hadn't happened to me. It was a shortcut to really wake up.But for people out there, either men or women, because I know that it can happen to men as well. It doesn't have to necessarily be just the woman being in an abusive relationship being abused by a man, it can happen both ways.The very best thing to do for yourselfThe best thing is to actually listen to what you feel in your body because the body always tells us.But we are maybe conditioned by our upbringing. Or we are as I was saying deaf and blind and we don't want to see it, we don't want to hear it, we ignore the signs. The first step is pay attention to what your body is saying to you. And second, reach out because there are many organizations in the, let's call it the civilized so to speak world. It doesn't have to cost necessarily.The very fact of realizing 'there's something here not right, I want to go and see if I can find some help' is the first step to come out of it. And it helps you psychologically to become aware of what's going on.Me: Yes of course.Gabriella: It's been a long journey!Life putting you in a corner...and whyMe: But then you started to come through the other side, right? I mean, even though...you were made redundant from work? Is that right?Gabriella: Yes, what happened for me is that it was all together.I mean, the marriage wasn't happy already and had been that way for years. But what made it all kind of collapse I think was also the fact that I was made redundant at work, and he was self-employed so he was working from home. So obviously having me around didn't help and I was very aware that being at home it would have been hell, but that was what life served me.Life is very clever, always finding a way to put you in the corner so you then have to do something about it.So I was made redundant and I kind of also lost my social background workwise because that was a very big part of my life. Second the relationship at work was a nightmare and that had to be fixed. From the lowest point, to coming back upWhen the point of no return happened and I realized 'this is it, this is enough'...Because after being in the shop with this tantrum, having things thrown at me and whatever, we went into a supermarket and it went on. So I found myself basically like in film scenes that you see, you know? The film character walking and weeping and crying all over the supermarket, feeling like worse than that you can't go. And I was dying inside. But that was the point of no return where I felt 'Hang on a minute. This is enough! As difficult as it might be to break up and face a life that you don't know what it will be, with a big question mark, is still better than having to put up with the same situation every day that is obviously not going to change'.Me: So then what did you do to change things?Gabriella: Well life served me again, because basically who started the divorce process? Him.Me: Him?Gabriella: Yes, he started the divorce process because it was part of his way of being. He wanted to scare me because he thought that that would be a big scare and I would come back home. And you would do that...I mean, it's funny to say, but that would work with a little girl, not with an adult. And deep inside maybe there were parts of me that hadn't grown up enough, but I wasn't a little girl anymore. I was a woman of over forty years.Grabbing an opportunity, even if it takes yearsSo I realized that that was my chance. I had to grab it to be free again. Meaning, well being free at the time just meant to start feeling better. Not feeling anguished by living with a person who wouldn't respect me. You never knew when he would burst out, but the only certainty was you knew he would burst out at any moment.And I know that there are many people like that. They have that kind of character and some get into violence, they become more violent than others, whatever. But we are not here to make a hit parade of who was the worst and who was the best, you know?Me: No, of course, yeah.Gabriella: It's about making people aware that it can happen and there's no shame in that. We all have parts of ourselves that need to be healed so the best thing is really when we witness stuff like that that's going on, and it's obvious, it's apparent, you can't deny it, then it's time to take action.So I said yes to the divorce, he didn't expect that!That was the start of a long struggle because I was hoping that because he started it, he would want it. I was hoping it would be easy and we would free each other up and that would be it. But he didn't want that.Me: It took a long time, right? I think you said it took two years, is that right?Gabriella: Yes, it took two years.Me: Even without children, which I think is just crazy. That's a really long time.Gabriella: Yes, maybe things have changed now, I don't know. But when you have a party that doesn't want it to happen, they put everything out to put obstacles.Nothing to cling to, and yet...Me: But you had a career change at the same time, right? What did you do before and then what did you wind up doing afterwards?Gabrielle: Well what happened was I was working in the tourism industry and I was made redundant. And I could feel inside me that I needed to change because it wasn't satisfying me anymore.For me that was very scary because it wasn't just to lose the relationship and maybe the stability or the safety, so to speak, of a marriage and a relationship. It was also the fact that I didn't have any friends anymore because all of my friends were work-related or socially related with my husband.So I found myself really alone. And London being a big place... At the same time I couldn't really cling to my work. Because in a situation like that, it's useful to at least have something that you can cling to. It could be different things, it doesn't matter, but at least to have something that stays there and represents stability because otherwise it can be quite psychologically challenging.But I didn't have that. I didn't have any social stability, financial stability, career stability of any sort. So I had to face that as well. And I did some temporary work, still in the temporary industry, and then I went away traveling for a month.That was...even if I was still living separated under the same roof, I went backpacking, travelling through Vietnam. And that really helped me, because I'm a free spirit. That really helped me to rediscover myself as a being, a human being. Even if it was scary – you had to consider that I wasn't in the best position emotionally, but I did it, it really helped me.The learning journey begins...and leads to AntarcticaAt the same time I came across NLP, neurolinguistic programming. I trained in that, and that really helped me to recover. I've always been interested in personal development, the power of the mind, and to explore that for me was fundamental. To really rebuild myself psychologically and emotionally, but also it helped me to find a direction in my life.I did different courses, different things. Because after I divorced, I decided to give myself a bit of time and freedom to be able to look around instead of putting myself into another box immediately. So I started doing different trainings, and I eventually ended up in Antarctica!When in doubt, test yourselfMe: I was gonna ask, how did you get to Antarctica, and what was that like?Gabriella: Well, what happened was, it was funny.Two days, or three days after my second court hearing that really marked the end of my divorce, I came across this opportunity to join this chap. He was an Australian explorer really, an adventurer, a coach, called Peter Blair.He had been himself to the North and to the South Pole. So a very adventurous type of person. And after having been to Antarctica, he was actually starting to take people there as a way to explore yourself, to face your limiting beliefs.Having had the training in neurolinguistic programming which is all about the power of the mind... Having walked on fire...Me: Yup! I did that too!Gabriella: So you know that for me was really interesting. I couldn't resist it, because I wanted to test myself. As if I hadn't done it already... But it was very appealing and besides I always liked traveling. I had never considered Antarctica simply because it's too cold for me.But the idea of joining a group of people to go there to face your own beliefs and limitations and fears was for me irresistible!I had a bit of money that I managed to get out of the settlement for the divorce and so I thought 'Before I go into my mind again and become normal and rational again, let's do this because I know this will be good for me'. So nine months later I ended up in Antarctica.And another trauma...Me: Wow! And then what made you decide...Because you've written a book about your journey, right? Can you tell us about that?Gabriella: Well I wasn't planning to write a book. I was actually planning to produce a documentary about it. But I didn't have the funds to be able to get with me a crew or anything like that, forget it, so I just went with a camera myself and I started filming, not having done it before.But unfortunately something very unpredictable happened during the trip and so what happened was I lost my gear.Me: You lost your gear?Gabriella: Yes, my photographic gear.Me: Oh! Wow!Gabriella: So for me it was really going to hell because I had waited for that trip. For me the best part of it was to be able to go there and witness nature. For me it's a big thing. And you can't go more wild and natural than Antarctica. So I was expecting that, you know I was really preparing for this trip so much, I was really looking forward to taking pictures and filming and the rest. But something that I wasn't planning obviously... Again, life serves you right. I lost my gear!Benefits of lossSo what happened was I went through this trauma again and because it was a trauma for me. When I came back I was still trying to see if I could produce something with the little footage I had and I couldn't find a way, basically. That happened in 2008 and in 2011 I eventually surrendered to the reality of it.And I had this idea, I realized 'OK, it seems that I can't do anything with this experience'. I really wanted to share this experience, right? Because I learn so much from other people's stories and I feel very thankful for the person I've become because other people went to the trouble and the bother to put their story out there.And so this nagged at me constantly and I had this voice inside me that was pushing me to keep closing. But it seemed that all the doors were closed and I didn't know what to do.Eventually three years later I realized that I could write a book. And I thought 'Well at least if I write a book I have my experience there that anybody can read'. And these days technology allows us to be found more easily than in the past.So that's what I did. I went away and in two weeks I wrote my book.Me: Wow! That's fantastic! In two weeks!Gabriella: Yes, and after three years, that happened. But that's me, I found it easy to write. Obviously I have to say for honesty that those three years after the expedition I must have digested the thing.Writing a book and throwing pride to the windMe: Yes, because you put a lot of life lessons in your book as well, right?Gabriella: Yes, the story of the book is the trip on the ship with this group of people. But it's not a book that talks about the beauty of Antarctica. Of course it does because I put pictures in it as much as I could because I think it's worth it. Although it's an inner journey. It's what happened to me internally. I wrote it as raw as it was, I wrote all those things that nobody wants to admit because we think, 'if the world finds out that I do that, that I think that, oh my God it will be the end of it!' Because we all have that side of us that wants to... We're shy, or we're ashamed of some parts of ourselves that we don't want to show.I thought it was worthwhile to do it because if we do it, we allow others to realize how we are all the same. And how vulnerable we are. And how strong we can be at the same time. So yeah, I chuck away my pride and I chuck away my ego and I just wrote it as it was.Some potent teachings that Gabriella shares with others nowMe: So now I mean I know you do some really interesting things to help other people. You mentioned that you help women gain confidence, authority and fulfilment in life by knowing their body, doing all kinds of other things, helping them work with their female cycle... So if people want to know more about that, where's the best place for them to find you? I mean I'll put it in the shownotes, but...Gabriella: Well that's another whole story. I came across a lady called Alexandra Pope who talks about menstrual cycle awareness and that was for me life-changing. And so among the many things that I've done and investigated, that was for me as a woman what really made the biggest impact on my life.So therefore I realized that I wanted to spread the message. Because if I'd been instructed, educated by my mother or any other elder woman when I was young and I'd been raised with that awareness, I would have possibly not entered into an abusive relationship. I could have avoided a very painful and expensive divorce and other things. So I realized the potency of that teaching.Where to find GabriellaMe: So for people who want to find out more about that, that's on your website, right?Gabriella: Yes, flyinginspiration.com They can find out more about myself, what I do...Me: And your book as well, right?Gabriella: Yes, they can find the book but they can find lots of information which is free. There are many interviews, articles... It's all there for you.Me: Super! Well thank you so much! Gabriella thank you SO much for your story. I really enjoyed it and I think, you know, I know that it's been quite a journey for you. So I just wanted to thank you for coming on and sharing it with such honesty and beauty!Gabriella: Thank you Barbara, for the possibility to share the message. Hopefully it will help somebody out there today, tomorrow and for the years to come!What to add to food (and other places) when it's cold outsideSo, I mentioned at the beginning of this episode that I'd share with you one of the best ingredients you can add to your food when it's cold outside. And as I mentioned, you don't have to just use it for food. You can sprinkle this ingredient inside your socks to help keep you warm! It's also really tasty, and you only need a tiny bit.Have you got an idea what it could be? It is...cayenne pepper!Benefits of cayenne pepperCayenne and other hot spices are great to add to your food when it's cold out, because they literally trick your body into thinking that the food is hotter than it actually is. Not that you need to eat cold food of course, you can heat up soups and things, but cayenne gives your food an extra kick of heat.And yes, you can add it to your socks. On the inside though, otherwise you won't feel it and you'll just be heating your shoes. And do make sure that you haven't got any cuts or open wounds when you do that. You just need a small amount, like a quarter teaspoon.So why does this work? And what other benefits does cayenne pepper have? Well, cayenne contains a substance called capsaicin which increases the circulation in your fingers and toes.Cayenne pepper is also used internally to help with digestion, detoxification, relieving toothaches, boosting your metabolism and helping reduce inflammation.Another curious thing about cayenne pepperAnother curious thing about cayenne pepper, and I think this is quite cool, it's contrary to what we might think. It actually can help in the prevention and healing of ulcers. This is because it inhibits the secretion of acid and stimulates production of alkaline and mucous secretions.Now that might sound kind of gross, but if you've got an ulcer, you might want to take a look at the research article that I'll link to in the show notes to draw your own conclusions.Some people find that applying cayenne pepper directly to the skin can also help with pain from arthritis and headaches, including migraines. Its effects are still being studied, but I would definitely encourage you to try it out for yourself if you think it might help you.If it doesn't work, you haven't lost anything. But if it does work, wow, right? You'll have yourself the cheapest and healthiest medicine ever, and way better for you than aspirin, right?How you eat cayenne pepperWhich brings me to how you eat cayenne pepper, which is very easy.Just add a pinch to soups, curries and other savory dishes. Simple!And if you'd like some ideas for savory dishes, I'll link to my 5-minute recipe ebooks in the shownotes.Have you got a story to share?So I hope you've enjoyed Gabriella's story today as well as our food tips. And if you've got a true story to share (and you'd like to know what food could have enhanced or even saved the day in your situation), I'd love to hear from you! Email me at barbara@rockingrawchef.comGot a question, or a comment?If you enjoy my stories and want to hear more, join us and subscribe! I share one true story a week. And if you've got any questions, just pop them in the comments! And if you're listening on iTunes, do give me a review, that would be awesome.I hope you have an amazing day, thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now!RESOURCES5-minute recipe ebooks: https://rockingrawchef.com/5-minute-recipes/Article featuring fun tips for your feet, including cayenne pepper: https://feet.thefuntimesguide.com/pepper_for_cold_feet/Article on benefits of cayenne pepper: https://draxe.com/cayenne-pepper-benefits/Study on capsaicin and gastric ulcers: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16621751Gabriella's bio:Gabriella Guglielminotti Trivel is an author, speaker, visionary and female cycle consultant who helps women gain confidence, authority and fulfilment in life by knowing better their body. She helps women to make their female cycle their best friend, couples improve their relationship, find a more satisfying way to communicate and have better intimacy.Gabriella's website: http://www.flyinginspiration.co.uk/Her book: Antarctic Odyssey, A New Beginning
Alexandra Merisoiu shares her story of how she went from guzzling Coke and eating at all hours to lean, fit and healthy. Plus a tiny food that you'd never guess has more calcium than dairy, and a food for sport that keeps you going all day long!The food that I'll share with you is not only an amazing source of protein, energy and healthy fats, but one tiny ounce contains 18% of the recommended daily allowance for calcium. So it's also an amazing bone food for all you people who don't eat dairy and might be worried about where you're getting your calcium. And I bet you don't know what it is! Or maybe you do...you'll find out in a bit! Our guest, Alexandra MerisoiuI am very excited to be joined here today by Alexandra Merisoiu, also known as The Body Engineer.Alexandra specialises in working with runners, beginners and advanced, who want to run faster and further, with less effort and fewer injuries. She also has a 3rd Dan Black Belt in Karate Shotokan, and she is a Martial Arts British National Champion, with a host of national and international awards in the sport, including World Cup Champion. And if that weren't enough, in between helping others with their running, Alexandra still competes at an international level!Alexandra's storySo let's get to the story. Alexandra welcome to the Clean Food, Dirty Stories podcast! I'm really excited to have you here today!Alexandra: Thank you very much for the invitation. And thank you for the introduction as well.Me: Oh well you're welcome! I just find it astounding, everything that you manage to do. And I don't know how you do it, but I'm sure you'll share a bit about that in a moment.I mean, I know when we talked about you coming on the podcast, you mentioned that there was a time when you were drinking like 2 liters of coke a day and definitely with a very different level of health and fitness compared to what you have today.And I would really love for you to tell everybody how you changed your relationship with food, because there are a lot of things that you've overcome that a lot of people still struggle with, you know?Alexandra: Yeah, well that's true. 2 liters of Coca-Cola, 2 liters of Sprite, I kind of changed from one to the other. Me: Variety, yeah...Training hard in RomaniaAlexandra: I mean, back then in my family I didn't have the education that I have today. When McDonald's came to my country, I was there a few times a week. But we didn't really know what and how and why...Me: Oh sorry, so can you remind people where you grew up, then?Alexandra: Oh yes, in Romania. In Eastern Europe.So I was practising martial arts 6 days a week, sometimes 12 sessions a week. Twice a day was in school holidays.Me: Wow!Alexandra: A holiday with my family didn't really exist because I was always training. And yeah, I was just eating, burning calories, eating, burning calories...There was no way I could have put on weight.But fast forward to today, it's not actually about being able to burn calories. It's about what's going on inside your body, it's all about calories.Alexandra's first turning pointMe: I know you had a turning point at one stage, right? Because you said you had Coke and a sandwich, and...what led you to change?Alexandra: Oh yes, I remember it. I was actually a little bit scared. I was twelve, thirteen years old, and I was eating a sandwich really quick. And I was drinking Coke while eating a sandwich, right?Me: As many people do, right?Alexandra: Yes, and two minutes into eating, I just threw it up. And I think from what I remember, that was the turning point. At that point I just stopped drinking Coca-Cola.Me: Yes because you weren't feeling sick, right? It wasn't like you had an illness and threw up, it was actually the...Alexandra: No, no, I actually think I was getting ready to go to my karate training. I actually went!Me: (laughs) That doesn't surprise me!Alexandra: (laughs) Yes, my training is a bit like if I'm not in the hospital...Me: Were you competing at that time too?Alexandra: Yes, yes, I think my first competition was when I was ten years old, or nine. It was an in-house competition, so small. But yeah, I was competing, and then at fourteen I received my first black belt.A definite U-turnMe: Wow! And what were you thinking when, I mean, you've eaten the sandwich, you've drunk the Coca-Cola, you've thrown it up. I mean, what thoughts were in your head when you were like 'I've had enough, I can't eat this way any more'?Alexandra: Oh it's been such a long time, I don't remember. But the shock of throwing up and of feeling sick...I think it was a U-turn, basically. I don't think I thought about it too much. I don't remember thinking 'Oh this isn't too good for my health'.Me: Yeah, a twelve-year-old probably wouldn't think like that, right?Alexandra: Yes, probably I thought 'This made me throw up so I'm not gonna have it anymore'.From training to clubbingMe: Cause you were quite heavier at one point, right? You said that you were like ten kilos heavier at one stage, so how did that happen?Alexandra: Yeah, so when I was eighteen I stopped karate. I did the other martial arts, but I stopped karate because I started travelling. And I kind of...when you are an athlete, you don't go out much. You don't have a lot of friends.So I made some friends and then we started going clubbing and dancing and drinking and all the other stuff. I saw the other side of life and karate all of a sudden didn't seem so fascinating anymore, you know?I trained less, but I was eating the same. And when you're an athlete and you train 6 times a week, maybe 12 times a week, and you eat a certain quality of food and a certain quantity of food, you're balanced. You don't put on weight.Piling on the poundsBut when you stop that, when you take your training to 3 days a week, and you eat the same, you start putting on weight. And you put on weight fast. So that's what happened. I stopped karate and I went to visit my father who was living in France. With my friend. And basically what we were doing was we were eating McDonald's and other fast food at midnight, and you know, watching movies...Me: Whoa! So like the worst time ever to eat the worst kind of food ever!Alexandra: Exactly! So I think I was there for 2 months during the summer holidays. And when I came back I was 10 kilograms heavier and my mom was like, 'What happened to you!'Me: Ohhh!Alexandra: Of course, going from 49 kilos to 60 kilos doesn't seem like such a big thing. But for me it was a huge contrast.Me: Yeah, because you're not like super tall, right?Alexandra: Yeah, exactly. And as an athlete I was skinny, as skinny as...Me: Skinny as a rail, right?Alexandra: Right! So for me that was a bit of a psychological downfall.Me: Yeah, of course.Weightloss: a fast-moving trainAlexandra: No-one was looking at me in any other way, but it was how I saw myself. I mean, I was used to being lean, being fast and strong. And all of a sudden – well not all of a sudden, over a few months – that changed.Me: But it creeps up on you as well, right? I mean, that's the difficult bit. You said you put it on fast, but I imagine it wasn't like all of a sudden you woke up and the 10 kilos were there, right?Alexandra: No, it wasn't. It was a few months. I don't remember exactly because it was a while ago, but probably when I was in France I put a few kilograms on and then...I see weightloss like a fast moving train. It gains momentum. You put on a little bit of weight and then faster and faster until...Me: Out of control!Alexandra: Yeah, and with weightloss the same, but you have to stop the train and then go back and build the momentum. So that's a weightloss lesson, for example.Me: Yeah, yeah.Alexandra's second turning point: in the poolAlexandra: So one turning point was with Coca-Cola, and the second turning point was with the fast foods when I gained weight and I just didn't feel good about myself anymore.Me: So then you made a massive commitment at that point. What did you say to yourself? Were you just like 'This ends here, I have to just change everything'?Alexandra: Well I actually remember – I don't know if this is the first, but I do remember – I went swimming. There's a 50-meter Olympic swimming pool that I learned to swim in. And I was struggling to do 3 or 4 lengths!Me: Wow!Alexandra: In the past I could do 15, 20...I could just do it! So my fitness level was just...And that was the turning point. That scared me and I thought 'I need to get my fitness back'. And I think that was in 2007 when I became a runner.Motivation for changeMe: Did you start both at the same time then?Alexandra: Yeah, I think from what I remember that I used running to lose the weight. I was also going to the United States, it was the first time that summer and I was going with a working travel program on the shore of the Atlantic. At the beach. So that kind of motivated me more, because my swimming suits weren't fitting me anymore!Me: Oh no!Alexandra: My clothes weren't fitting anymore! Now I do have to say this, because it's really, really important. The people you surround yourself with.I had some very good friends. Very good friends, I learned a lot from them. However from a health and fitness point of view, they weren't the best people to be around me. So in the personal development world, you know, they say you're the average of the 5 people you surround yourself with.And looking back, I didn't know about personal development then. I know now, but looking back, I was drinking a lot. And I could take the spirits. I wouldn't have a hangover. It was so easy for me, that I could just drink.Me: (laughs) I can't do that!Alexandra: (laughs) Well, I can't do that either, it's been 4 or 5 years since I've had a sip of alcohol, so...yeah. The swimming pool, that's what turned me around and made me start running and made the commitment to give up the fast foods.And my mom had a very important role in this. She understood that in order for me to lose the weight and get back to normal, I needed to make some drastic but gradual changes.The plan of attackMe: So what were those changes? Because I know you said you cut out a lot of foods, right?Alexandra: Yeah. So first of all, the drinks. My mom always said, 'Don't drink Pepsi and Coca-Cola and all this stuff. These are the first things to cut out.' So we started with that.And I say 'we' because my mom was there all the time. She always said, 'Have one day a week where you can eat whatever you want. Don't deprive your body because then you will crave it'.And she's right again, right? (laughs) Moms just know!So one day a week I would have, I don't know, whatever I wanted. But it's important to say that I made these decisions. My mom supported and advised. She's not a nutritionist but she has a very good intuition when it comes to nutrition and weightloss.The next foods to go were...The second thing I cut out was pretty much anything that had sugar. So any chocolates, ice creams, anything that tasted sweet.And then we started taking out the potatoes, oh and bread. Bread was actually together with the drinks. The drinks and the bread were like the first things we started with.Me: But when you started, you did it gradually, right? First you cut out the bread and the drinks for a little while, but you were still eating ice cream and other sweet things?Easy does itAlexandra: Yeah. But I wasn't replacing. I was still eating the same amount. So it wasn't like, 'Oh, I'm not gonna drink Pepsi anymore but I'm gonna eat 3 more ice creams!' (laughs) I wasn't eating ice cream every day, I was eating ice cream once or twice a week maybe.Me: But I think that's a really interesting point though. That you did it really gradually. Because most of us are like, 'Right! No more ice cream, no more bread, I'm gonna eat super healthy every day'. And then like 3 days later we just fall down, right? Whereas you did it really gradually, right?So for example, just to give people an idea of the timeline, you know? When you said the drinks and the bread, do you remember how long you went before you decided to cut out the next thing? Was it really like...was there a system behind it? Or did you just go with what you felt?How you can know when you're ready to cut out a foodAlexandra: At that point I didn't know about systems. I just went with what felt comfortable. So if I was still thinking about having Sprite or another fizzy drink, then it meant that I'm not ready for taking out the next food or foods.Me: Oh, that makes sense! Oh!Alexandra: Yeah. So once my craving for something or the thought of having something disappeared...Now for example if I think of a sandwich, no matter how good the sandwich looks, I don't really want it, right?So I guess we went with how I felt. And I think to give people an idea, I probably would go 4 to 6 weeks of taking out one group of foods. Or one food, not necessarily one group of foods.Me: Yeah, that makes a lot of sense, because they say it takes at least 30 days if not longer to establish a new habit, right?Here's how to test yourselfThat's really cool, I just want to really emphasize that point, because it would never have occurred to me to cut out one thing and then wait until the cravings for that one thing disappeared before cutting out the next thing! I think that is amazing! I've never heard that before, actually.Alexandra: Well, it's just going with what you feel. It's a test. If you think about having bread, how do you feel? Do you really want it? You know, if you have a slice of bread in front of you, are you gonna take it? Or can you just ignore it?So I think that's when the change happens. When you can go to the next phase.Change for lifeMe: Yeah! Plus the other thing that I love about that is...that's like lifetime change, right? That's not the kind of thing where you fall down again after a year. I mean you hear about people who deprive themselves for months and months and then they just...they manage to go past the 30 days and yet they still fall down because they haven't passed the test yet!Alexandra: Exactly! And no matter, it can be 30 days, it can be...you can do the same habit for 2, 3, 6 months and then go back to it. Seriously. Nothing is guaranteed.Me: Yeah, of course.Alexandra: That's why I don't go with 30 days or 44 or 60...Me: Well, we're all different as well, right? One food isn't going to have the same effect on everybody, right?Alexandra: Exactly, yeah.How to refuse politely...Me: Wow, that's really cool. Oh and I wanted to ask you, because you said that in those first 3 to 6 months, that was the worst, right? And that sometimes you had people offering you other foods, foods that you don't eat and stuff. So how did you manage to a) resist the temptation and b) manage to say no in a nice way? (laughs)Alexandra: (laughs) Yeah, well I don't know how to say no in a nice way actually! (laughs) I say “No thank you” and that's it!Me: (laughs) Oh! Ok! The truth comes out... (laughs)Alexandra: Right, well it's about educating the people around me. It's about how you educate the people around you, or reeducate.So they know I like this kind of cheese, it's like a kind of cottage cheese, a type of cottage cheese pie that we make in the east. And I love it, you know? I always loved it. So all of my family, when you go for Easter, they always have it for me. And it has the right amount of cheese in it... (laughs)And you know, in the first 6 months it was difficult because I was trying to cut out all these things. But there you have it in front of you on the table! So...Me: And made by people for you, right? So the guilt thing could come in if you let it, right?Alexandra: Exactly!What to say to friends and familySo there were 2 ways, well a few ways, actually, out of this situation that people can use.First of all, you say “Thank you, but I can't eat anymore”. You know, after your meal, you are full. “Just leave it for later”, right?Sometimes it's good to tell people, “I don't eat this anymore, but I'll just have a small piece”. And you just have a small piece! Not a whole slice, you know?And here's what you tell yourselfBut it's good to voice it. What you tell yourself, that's what you're going to believe. So if you tell yourself, “I can't eat this” or “I can't have this” or “I'm not allowed this”, it's like an interdiction. You tell your brain you can't have it and it wants more.Me: And you want it, yeah.Alexandra: So what I did – unknowingly I did it – I said, “ I don't have this”. I mean, it's my choice not to have this any more. And in my head I always said that, it's my choice to have this or to not have this.Alexandra: And then, you know, people insist, because, you know, that's how family is...Me: Yup!Get a family member to support youAlexandra: And they're right...I love them all. But I have to say that after a few times of insisting, I would start to get a bit bothered or annoyed by it, and that's when they would leave me alone. (laughs)But also my mom was a big supporter, to be honest. Because she would say “No, no, she doesn't eat that”. And when my mom would say it, then everyone would just let me be.Me: Oh, that's really nice!Alexandra: So it's very important if you can have someone in your family to support you and to, you know, be on your side for the first year or so. That makes a huge difference.Make the right choice, every single dayAnd if not, always remember that your mind is the most powerful. So you make the choice, every single day.Me: I love that. I'm glad you said that again because I love that idea of making the right choice every single day and remembering that it's always a choice. Because it's kind of like reminding yourself how powerful you are over your life, right?Alexandra: Absolutely!Me: Yeah, that's really cool!Alexandra: Many times – even today – when I have pizza...Well, I can have pizza maybe 3 times a year even though it's one of my favorite foods. I always say I want pizza but I never get it.How to take charge of your mindEven if I have a pastry or an ice cream, I always tell myself, “I choose to have this. I don't need it, and I don't crave it, but I choose to have it today”. And if I do crave that stuff, I don't have it in that moment.This is basically one of the food discipline lessons. It's like disciplining my mind to say that if it craves something, it doesn't mean it's gonna have it. So there's no point in craving it. It's when I decide.Me: Oh!Alexandra: There's this book, The Chimp Paradox. You know it.Me: Yeah.Alexandra: It's talking with your chimp, telling it “You're gonna have this when I tell you, not when you want!”Me: Exactly, yeah!Alexandra: So that's one of the food discipline lessons: don't have them when you crave them.Cravings: what they really mean...Me: Yeah! That's really good! And also because some people think that...I think it can be an excuse sometimes. Not all the time, but sometimes...especially if it's something unhealthy. Some people think, 'Oh well, I have this craving because I'm lacking in iron' or some other nutrient. I mean, I don't know what your take is on that?My take is that if it's a healthy food you're craving, yeah then it's probably true. But if it's an unhealthy one...Alexandra: Yeah, absolutely. That's right. If it's unhealthy...If you lack iron, get foods that have iron. Or, I don't know, vitamin E. Get foods that have that. Don't lie to yourself. Don't say, 'I want this pastry' or whatever it is. Or chips, or ice cream, or whatever, because you crave the healthy stuff that's in the chips.If you crave salt, that means maybe you've trained and you haven't replaced your salts. But you can do that without eating chips.Me: Yeah, exactly, yeah. (laughs)Take your time with the processOh I remember what I wanted to ask you. When I read your story on your website, I remember you were saying that it was really important to you to take your time with the whole process. I think you said the whole process took...How long did it take? Like 1 to 2 years or something?Alexandra: Yes, it took about 2 years to get to a stable point, so I took the 10 kilograms off. Then I would know that I could eat other stuff and not put on weight.But I have to say that I did not want to deprive myself and restrict myself, right? So in the 2 years my weight went up and down. You know, 2 kilos down then half a kilo up, then 1 kilo down and 2 kilos up. So up and down, up and down. I wasn't looking to starve myself. I didn't want to be hungry. That was the last thing.Me: Oh yeah, yeah.Alexandra: So I would eat quite a lot of healthy stuff. I would eat quantity and quality. Both. So that's why my weight went slowly. 1 to 2 years.But at the end of 2 years I could start eating other stuff as well without worrying about it. Although if I had eaten cakes and stuff in the first 6 months to 1 year, I don't think I would have actually taken the weight down. Because I would have just fallen back into...Me: Old habits, right?Alexandra: I still have that one day a week. That's really important.Me: Yeah, that's really good! And so for the other 6 days a week, what do you eat typically now?What Alexandra eats nowAlexandra: Well, since then, this is what I eat. I would say 80% of my food is fresh vegetables. I have salads and fresh vegetables in my fridge day in and day out, 80%. Then about 10% is dairy, 10% is meat. Meat I would say...turkey and...turkey, actually. Chicken very little, and the rest is mostly when I go home and my mom says “Have this because it's healthy”. And I say “Mom even if I don't have it, I'm not going to be unhealthy”. But yeah, meat's about 10%.Me: And fruit? Do you have fruit as well?Alexandra: Yes, I have berries, but not as much as I used to. Berries I have, but not the other fruit. The reason for that is because fruit is healthy but it still has a lot of sugar. I love fruit! I can eat 2 or 3 kilos of apples a day! Without my stomach having any problems.Me: Wow! That's a lot of apples!Alexandra: Yeah, I can eat that. Or clementines...I like them. They're fresh, they're sweet, they have water so they hydrate me, so I like it. So for me fruit is...I need to be in control, because otherwise I could just eat fruit all day!Me: Oh, OK!Alexandra: Yes, it's healthy, but it's a lot of sugar.Alexandra's other food guidelinesMe: And is that something that you suggest to the people that you train? To the people that you work with? To eat very little fruit?Alexandra: Well, I advise them 5 a day, as a nutritional guideline. But obviously you can have 6 or 7, you can have less. Everyone has to know where they're at.Like I don't need that much fruit. I need vegetables, fresh vegetables. If I don't have vegetables...Red peppers, I like red peppers because they are very refreshing with all the water. I like baby plum tomatoes because again, they're slightly sweet, but they have water in them. So for me if I don't have that, at the end of the day I feel like I'm missing something.For some people, if they don't have some fruit they'll feel like that. So you kind of have to look at it and judge the what and how to have the minerals and vitamins that you need. But again I take, upon my Sensei's advice, I take a multivitamin. Because I train so much, he said 'You need to get this, because the foods nowadays are not the ones you grew up with'.You can still do it, even working full timeMe: And one thing that I read in your story where I almost fell off my chair, I mean I was like amazed. When you started running and eating really healthily and doing all the food and stuff, you were working like 8 hours a day? Is that right? In an office?Alexandra: Yeah, at some point I was working 8 hours a day, 9 to 5.Me: Oh wow!Alexandra: So in the morning I would wake up at 5. And I was a student back then, yes?Alexandra's routine (in a full time job)This was my routine, and I loved it actually. At 5 am I would wake up, by 5:15 I was out the door going for a run, running 1 hour. 1 hour meant 12 k for me. Then I'd come back and cook breakfast and cook lunch, had breakfast and took the lunch to go. I took my bike, because I could cycle about half an hour to my office.I was working in corporate banking back then. And, you know, I would stay for 8 hours there. And like anyone who works in an office, people would come with chocolates and with biscuits and all the other stuff. My answer was always, “Thank you, but I don't eat this kind of stuff”. Not like that, but “Thank you, I don't eat that”.And from time to time if it was someone's birthday, I would take a small piece of chocolate. But one – and one every once in a blue moon. Most of the time though I'd say no thank you, even if I was hungry. I would have a tea, I don't know, I would just...Me: Yeah, the reason I ask is because there are so many people who are working full time in an office, and they already struggle with just eating healthy, you know? So being able to do that, plus working in the exercise regimen as well, I mean I just find that really incredible.And evening classes on top of everything elseAlexandra: And after that actually I would cycle to university which was about 1 hour cycling. I would have my master's degree and most of my classes were in the evening by then. It was full time, but classes were in the evening. I would have my master's degree classes, and then I would be back at 7 or 8. Then I would eat something, and then go ice skating if it was winter, or go for another run if it was not winter.Me: Wow! And you were still competing at that stage, right?Alexandra: No, at that stage I wasn't competing anymore. That was...I think I was 19 or 20 years old. So I left karate behind for a while and then I started another martial art: Daitoryu, the ancestor of aikido. I don't remember when I started it, I was doing it at the weekend, 3 hours on Saturday and 3 hours on Sunday I think. It was in the time I was in corporate banking. I think that's what it was, if I remember well.Me: So then how did you...You were in corporate banking and then 1 to 2 years later, you lose all the weight, you get really trim again, and then you went back to competing, is that right?Competing againAlexandra: I went back to competing when I moved to England. So I moved to England when I was 24, I went to London when I was 25, so about 5 years ago. I joined the SKC – Shotokan Karate England. They invited me in the squad and I've been in the squad for 3 and a half years now I think. And now I wear the English flag!Me: That's really cool! That's so cool! I really love your story, I think it's just absolutely incredible. And I really want people to know where they can find you, because you help other people do the same, right?Can you say a little bit about what you're helping people with now, and what you've got going on at the moment?How Alexandra helps others nowAlexandra: Right, so now I specialize in working with runners. I'm very passionate about body mechanics. And that's because I've had a lot of injuries when I was 12 or 13. Structural injuries, damage to joints. So my interest in how the body functions was fueled by that curiosity to understand why that happens.So now I specialize in working with runners who experience these injuries. Obviously not any injury. Some injuries you need to see a physio, osteopath, chiropractor, it depends on the injury. But a lot of aches and pains come from the way we use...the way we move, particularly if you're a runner.I'm also qualified to work with lower back pain...people...so most lower back pain is due to activity - a lack of it, or the wrong type of activity and poor posture, so we work on that. And obviously the nutrition, the food discipline lessons which are part of my system.How people can get in touch with me is through themerisoutechnique.com - or easier – themtechnique.com – m like Mike. And should I say something about my event in the summer?Me: Yes! There's an event you're doing that I've got to have you talk about, because I just think it's fantastic! I looked at the description and if I didn't have events of my own going on, I would be on a plane! I want to hear all about it!Alexandra's summer eventsAlexandra: It's called Dracula's Retreat.Me: Yay!Alexandra: As the name goes, it's at Dracula's castle. Well, it's not at Dracula's castle, it's like 1 kilometer away.Me: But still! That's pretty close!Alexandra: (laughs) Some people think it's scary, but it's not scary.Me: No, it looks beautiful!Alexandra: Yes, and in summer because we will be in the mountains, you have the green, you have the forest, you have trails to go up the mountain.3 aspects to the retreatSo Dracula's Retreat has 3 components.One is touristic, so obviously you learn about the culture of Transylvania, you learn about Dracula's story, you visit the castle, then another fortress which is close by. Then it's the fitness, so we will go hiking. Now hiking is more like trekking. So we don't need axes...Me: (laughs) You're not gonna be chopping down the jungle and stuff.Alexandra: (laughs) Not on this occasion, no. And natural movement fitness. Now if we have runners, we go running. And actually we do have runners as well. And natural movement fitness, which has to do with animal movements, balance, logs: carrying, throwing, lifting logs, slack lines...So for people who don't know, that's a flat type of rope, you'd call it. But it's flat and it's slack, so for upper body exercises. Hanging off of branches...And it's all about exploring nature, leveraging nature. And understanding that to get fit and healthy and to experience the joy of training, you don't really need a gym. So people who are bored with the gym, they come to me, basically. And then there's the social part because you get to be with a group of people and you do the whole thing...The food is also a very important part of it.Me: Yup, I'll bet!Alexandra: Trying to keep it as healthy as possible, but it will be traditional. So there will be the odd pleasure for everyone.Mindfulness and meditationMe: Yup! And there's a meditation aspect to it too, right? A mindfulness component to it?Alexandra: Well, yes. Natural movement and balance exercises first of all, you know, you need that body awareness and mindfulness. But we will go through guided meditations. Guided meditations are a big part of Qigong and Tai chi which are a big part of my personal training.We will practice breathing exercises, mindfulness meditations, and some Qigong exercises. We're gonna look at what Chinese medicine says and how the meridians connect to the internal organs. I'm not a Chinese medicine expert, but I read a lot and I practice a lot, so...I'll be just sharing the knowledge.Me: Oh, that's really cool. And so where's the best place for people to find information about the retreat? I mean, I'll link to it in the shownotes, but...Alexandra: Simply draculasretreat.comMe: Oh! That's easy! Alexandra thank you so much, I mean I just love your story, I mean, it's inspiring and also I learned a lot. I can't wait to hear how Dracula's Retreat went, and I'm definitely coming on one of them!Alexandra: Yes, it's going to be every year. This is it. I have such a big vision for it, and it's going to be an amazing adventure, really. I'm taking people on an adventure, not only on a retreat.Me: No, of course. That's really cool.Well thank you so much, I'll link to everything that you've mentioned in the shownotes so that people can find it easily. I'm going to share our food tip now, and thank you so much! Awesome!Food for sportRight, so I also mentioned at the beginning of this episode that I'd share with you a tiny but amazing food that is an incredible source of protein, energy, healthy fats and calcium. Not only is it a fantastic food for sport, but it's a great bone food as well. And that food is...are you ready?Chia seeds!Benefits of chia seedsChia seeds are one of the best foods ever for everybody to eat in my opinion. I don't really care if you're vegan, vegetarian, paleo, junk food addict – you want to be eating these little guys. They have so many benefits it's ridiculous. I'll link to a really good article that I found in the show notes if you'd like to read more about the health benefits and the nutritional analysis of chia seeds. And a recipe of my own as well.Eating chia seeds has been linked to not only bone health, but also gut health, stabilizing your blood sugar and helping reduce inflammation.Components of chia seedsOne cool thing about chia seeds is that they do contain a good amount of fiber but they're also gentle on the gut. So this is important for people who have trouble digesting high-fiber foods like broccoli and cauliflower. Chia seeds actually are soothing for your whole digestive tract.They're small and hard when you get them in the packet, but when you soak them or when they mix with your digestive juices and things, they puff up and they're quite viscous which sounds horrible but they're actually quite delicious!They also contain minerals like phosphorus, manganese and magnesium, as well as calcium. And for those of you who don't eat dairy and you get people asking where you get your calcium, you can tell them that ounce per ounce, chia seeds actually contain more calcium than most dairy products.Chia seeds are also a complete protein, so if you don't eat meat and you get the 'where do you get your protein' question, well you can tell them that one ounce of chia seeds has 4 grams of protein. So you won't wilt.Why chia seeds are a great food for sport On the contrary. Besides providing protein, calcium, minerals and antioxidants, chia seeds also release energy over a long period of time rather than all at once. That's why they're such a good food for sport.Also if you've got a long day ahead of you and you know you won't be able to eat for a while, chia seeds can help keep you going for longer. You can try this out for yourself actually, have yourself a chia seed pudding for breakfast and see how you feel.How you use chia seedsWhich brings me to how you eat chia seeds. A lot of people just sprinkle the dry seeds over food, like you would any seed. Over salads, for example. Because they absorb liquid, you can also use them to thicken sauces and other dishes.But my favorite way to eat chia seeds is to soak them in some nut milk for an amazing pudding. It's a bit like tapioca, so if you like tapioca, you'll love chia seed pudding.There's a lot of them out there on the internet which you can find, but I've got a gorgeous recipe for chia seed pudding on my website which I'll link to in the shownotes, along with other recipes as well.And as an extra special bonus for you, Alexandra has an extra special recipe that uses chia seeds!Alexandra's super food for sport recipeAlexandra: Right! So I compete a lot. I go to a competition at 8 am and I come back home at 9 or 10 pm, so it's a very long day. And in 12 hours, I probably compete 10 or 15 minutes throughout the day.Me: Wow!Alexandra: Yeah, sometimes I have my fights at like 6 or 7 pm. So it's like, it did happen, I had one fight at 7 pm. You have one event in the evening. Because it's senior – senior meaning plus 21 - you have to wait a lot.So I read in a book this chia seed drink. The first time I had it was the world championships in Bulgaria, and I did not need water, or food, or anything else for the whole day. I was not hungry. And it was really amazing, because by 4 or 5 pm, I would be so dehydrated that nothing – tea, water...No matter how much I would drink, I would be dehydrated. My tissues, my body...my body was just saturated with water.Having this drink, what it did was it kept my energy levels up. I did not need to eat solid foods because it gives you protein, omega 6 and 3 fats, and in the drink it also has carbohydrates. You also have something that gives you a bit of a zing.So I was with my energy levels up, nourished, hydrated, focused...pretty awesome. Strong! Everyone else by 7 pm, they were down, you know, they can't drink anymore...but I was, yeah!How you make itFor the drink, how I make it, so everyone needs to test and see whatever they like. 500 ml of water, 2 tablespoons of chia seeds, the juice of 1 lime...sometimes I put 1 ½ depending on how sour I want it. And 2 or 3 teaspoons of organic honey. You just mix it up, shake it up, and it becomes like a gel to be honest. You just drink it throughout the day.I have 3 or 4 bottles with me when I go to a competition. And I had 3 competitions already. I tested it – it works!No drugs, just food for sportMe: Wow! That is so cool! And I think you said somebody...you were afraid they were gonna think you were on like, you know, performance enhancing drugs!Alexandra: Yeah! Well, you know, it's a food. So if they were to test anything, they wouldn't find anything besides chia seeds! (laughs)Me: (laughs) They'd find a lot of chia seeds!Alexandra: A lot of chia seeds! But yeah, people look a bit weird at you because the bottle is see-through, you know? You can see all the bits, and they don't really know what it is. So you have to say, “It's chia seeds, it's a food”.But you know, it's not their problem. As long as you don't have any weird substances. And you don't need weird substances, you know? You have all these foods...try this! This is good!And for runnersAnd if you're a runner and you do marathons and stuff, see if you can create a thicker gel. You put it in those pouches, and it's a lot better than the geogels and all that other stuff.Me: Oh yeah, yeah.Alexandra: Much, much, much better, so...Me: That's fantastic, yay! You guys have to try it! I'm gonna try it! Thank you so much!Alexandra: My pleasure.Have YOU got a story to share?So I hope you've enjoyed Alexandra's amazing story today as well as our food tips. And if you've got a crazy, true story to share (and you'd like to know what food could have been helpful, or even saved the day in your situation), I'd love to hear from you! Got a question, or a comment?Got a question, or a comment? Pop a note below in the comments, that would be awesome. You can also subscribe to the podcast to listen 'on the go' in iTunes.I hope you have an amazing day. Thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now!RESOURCESAlexandra's website: http://themerisoiutechnique.com/unleash-your-physical-potentialAlexandra's retreat: http://draculasretreat.com/Book The Chimp ParadoxChia seed pudding recipe: http://rockingrawchef.com/gluten-free-rice-pudding-recipeOther 5-minute recipe ebooks: https://rockingrawchef.com/5-minute-recipes/Article on benefits of chia seeds: https://authoritynutrition.com/11-proven-health-benefits-of-chia-seeds/Alexandra Merisoiu, The Body Engineer, is the Founder of The Merisoiu Technique Institute and Dracula’s Retreat. She is also a qualified Low Back Pain Prevention Exercise Instructor and REPS registered. She specialises in working with runners, beginners and advanced, who want to run faster and further, with less effort and fewer injuries. This is done through natural movement fitness and running technique and mechanics.
Even after divorce you may find yourself running away with a handsome stranger to a foreign land...complete with happy endings, food and intuition and how to get yourself some more clarity in your life.And at the end of this episode I'll share with you one of my favorite things to eat to help increase your intuition – which could really come in handy if you've got a tough decision to make like our guest Darla did. Our guest, Darla AntoineI am super excited to be joined here today for our story by Darla Antoine. Darla is a soul coach, and she works with the elements of what she calls Sacred Darkness, such as dreamwork, divination and deathwork (which is not as scary as it sounds, she tells me). Darla will tell you a bit more about what she does later on, but first I really want you to hear her story which I just can't wait to share with you because it's gonna be great!So Darla welcome to the Clean Food, Dirty Stories podcast! I'm really excited to have you here today!Darla: I'm excited to be here Barbara!Me: It's really great, I mean, I can't wait to hear your story because when you told me about it, I was like “That could have happened to me!”Darla: I know, right? Me: Because we've both had kind of like crazy pasts. And I know that it starts with a husband and kind of moves on from there with the mysterious stranger. So do you want to tell us what happened?Darla: Sure, OK.Darla's storySo I got married young, I was about 22 years old which was in 2004 and I loved my first husband, obviously. We're both from Washington State and we moved to Iowa.He started going to grad school to become a chiropractor, I started to go to grad school in New Mexico for intercultural communication. The last year of his chiropractic school, he had to work under a chiropractor, so we moved to Spain.Learning Spanish from very youngEver since I was a little girl, I always knew that I'd be moving to a Spanish-speaking country. At 6 years old I was trying to teach myself Spanish, I just knew I needed to learn Spanish.Me: Oh that's so cute!Darla: Yeah, and so this was it. We were moving to Spain and he knew he was gonna work under a doctor in Spain and we were gonna stay in Spain for as long as we wanted, and that whole thing. And I was like “Yes! It's finally happening!” I was about 26 years old at this point.But the long distance...I was living in New Mexico, he was living in Iowa and Spain. And we were only seeing each other every few months, which started to weigh on the relationship and there were other issues...Me: Oh, so you didn't go to Spain with him then?Darla: I did, but I also was going to grad school so in summer breaks or on vacation I'd take time off to go and work on our relationship.Whose dream will come true: mine or yours?But anyway we had a great time in Spain, but the distance was wearing on us and there were other issues about...Have you seen the movie LaLa Land?Me: No, but I know lots of people have.Darla: Yes, lots of people have. And the movie ends not the way you think it's going to end. It's very obvious that if the couple had ended up together, that only one of their dreams would come true. Not both of their dreams would come true.So that's how it was with my ex-husband. If I'd stayed with him, his dreams would have come true but my dreams wouldn't. I would just be the supporting role, and blah blah blah.So I was in a very tough position of walking away from our life in Spain in our relationship and going alone on my own and that's what my gut was telling me. I had a very profound dream that backed that up, and I went to a psychic for the first time in my life. She told me, she confirmed what I was feeling and confirmed that yes there was another life waiting for me if I wanted it, and that soon I would be travelling to Costa Rica for research. And I would meet someone there, and this someone would be involved in sustainability, eco living and such. I thought “OK, that's interesting”.And then I asked her some more questions and I got off the phone and made the tough decision. Not just right then and there, but over the next few weeks I slowly dissolved our marriage. It was very difficult.I left Spain and came back to the States and then I had taken the semester off from grad school. I wasn't in grad school in New Mexico, I was up in Washington State with my parents. You know, 26, 27 years old, living with my parents again.Me: I know what that's like, I did that once, it wasn't fun.Looking for a farmDarla: So it was this time of year, late March, early April, and I thought well I need to keep my focus on the future so I don't go crazy.I was studying intercultural communication and I wrote my masters thesis on how food creates cultural identity and legacy, so I thought “I'm gonna get out of the library and I'm gonna go work and visit farms and talk about how food is affecting people's cultural identity and their cultural legacy.So I started looking for permaculture farms in the Washington State, British Columbia area. And somehow I landed on a site for a permaculture farm in Costa Rica.Me: Uh-oh!Darla: Yeah! The psychic's words from 3 weeks ago? I totally didn't think even about it, it didn't even cross my mind. I'd forgotten what she'd said.So I thought “well this is interesting”. I sent them an email, and they wrote right back and they said “We'd love to have you come and volunteer, we could use you next month”. And I'm like “Next month is 10 days away, I should ask my husband about this” and I thought “I don't have to ask my husband about this, he's not gonna be my husband much longer”.Then I thought, “I should ask my mom about this” and I thought “No, no, I'm 26 years old, I don't have to ask my mom about this!” So I had like almost no money, I booked the ticket and did a happy dance because I was stepping into my own adulthood, making my own decisions, doing what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it, and it felt really good!10 days later I was being dropped off at the end of a road in Costa Rica. And it wasn't until I had booked the ticket and wrote back that yes I'd be there in 10 days...That's when I remembered the psychic's words that I'd be going to Costa Rica for research.Me: Wow!Darla: And I got goosebumps, I thought “Oh my gosh, something's gonna happen!”Life on a hippy farmIt was great! It ended up being like a really disorganized hippy farm. I didn't learn anything about permaculture!Me: That's hysterical!Darla: I was disappointed but then I just embraced it. I was like “You know what? This is like summer camp for adults. This is fine”.I was gonna stay for a month but I ended up extending my stay for two months and I didn't have any money to pay the $300 to stay there for a month. So I made a trade: I would be the cook for the second month in exchange for staying. And so when you're the cook for 20 people, you're cooking all day.Me: Yeah, I know what that's like too!Darla: Yeah! So the first month was all summer camp and the second month was like work. But it was what I needed. I got to be around people who didn't know me as so-and-so's wife. They just were meeting me at face value and embracing me and loving me, and some of the people I met there are still really dear friends today.Me: And how was your Spanish at that time?Darla: It was pretty good. It wasn't as good as I thought it was, but it was pretty good because I'd been living in Spain. And I took Spanish in high school and college because I just always knew that I needed to learn Spanish. It's the only foreign language I've bothered to learn.From summer camp to full time cookSo about 3 weeks into my time there I was cooking. I wasn't officially the cook yet, but I was filling in for someone and I was cooking. And the guy who owns this farm also used to own a tour guiding company. He would bring in mostly college students who were on a tour. They would come in through his farm for a day or two and learn about permaculture and then go on the rest of their tour in the country.So one of these tours was coming through, there were about 18 college students. I was told they would be here at about 8 pm. Now there are two ways to get to this farm: you could hike through the jungle for an hour and a half, or you could take a 30-minute boat ride. It was very isolated which was perfect for me.So I was told that they were going to be walking in and the next day boating out and to have dinner ready by 4, they'd be arriving by 3, perfect. They'd be led by their Costa Rican tour guide. OK.And one day, among the vegetables...I'm in the kitchen and I'm chopping vegetables and all of a sudden there's this redhead standing in my kitchen. He's decked out in all this fancy gear. Fancy outdoor gear. And I'm thinking because he's pale-skinned and redheaded, “He must be one of the professors”. He looked about 30 years old. The group's arriving. And sure enough I see some college students walking in behind him.Well I immediately get super annoyed with him. I'm like “Who is this guy?” I don't see the Costa Rican tour guide anywhere.A friend and I had just gotten lost on that trail between the farm and the nearest town the week before. It's a very difficult trail, you need to know what you're doing.I'm like “Here's some hotshot young professor, he's ditched the tour guide, showing off, he's wearing a whole bunch of gear he's never gonna wear again, it's obviously all brand new...”Me: It's interesting how many assumptions you made though, right?Darla: I made so many assumptions! And I was so annoyed. And then I saw the way he was looking at me. Then I thought “Oh my God, this guy's gonna be a pain, he's gonna want to flirt with me...”So here's the thing, I very seriously thought, “He's gonna want me to move to Michigan to the suburbs and have babies!”Me: Oh that's hysterical!Darla: I don't know why Michigan, but Michigan popped up and I was like “I don't want to move to the suburbs and have babies in Michigan! No offense.”Me: Now I'm laughing because I know what happens afterwards, right?Darla: So yes, but then he thought I was Costa Rican. He opened his mouth to introduce himself and it was in Spanish, in perfect, 'this is my first language' Spanish. Not 'I've learned Spanish really well and I can introduce myself' Spanish. It was perfect Spanish.And OK, well, I stopped, my eyes popped out, my mouth might have dropped open a little bit, and I was like “OK well you just got more interesting!” I was kind of shocked and I didn't say anything, so then he took my shock for not understanding, and he switched to perfect, 'this is my first language' English!He said “Hi, I'm Andy, I'm the tour guide”. And I was like, “OK, hello!”Me: All your assumptions were gone, right?Darla: All my assumptions were gone, which was wonderful! It was nice to be surprised. In less than 24 hours...And there was definitely some attraction between us, but he remained very professional. He was there at the farm for less than 24 hours, so he didn't try to sneak off into the bushes with me...Me: Did you regret that?Darla: Yeah! But then I thought well, he doesn't just hit on every cute girl he comes across, this is something. So it turns out his parents emigrated to Costa Rica when he was in the womb, when his mother was pregnant with him, from Michigan! They came from Michigan in 1978 and moved to Costa Rica and he had been born and raised in Costa Rica by US immigrant parents.And before they left the next day, we exchanged email addresses and he said, “I don't care when you come back to Costa Rica, I don't care if it's next month, next week, one year, two years from now, you let me know the next time you come back to Costa Rica and I'm gonna take you out on a date”.Me: Oh! It's like something out of a movie!Darla: Yeah, it really was! But I thought, “well you're cute but I'm never gonna see you again”. I took his email address and neither one of us were big on Facebook but we eventually added each other to Facebook and I went back to New Mexico to finish my graduate degree, I got another boyfriend and kind of forgot about him, honestly.Two years later...And twice over the course of two years he emailed me via Facebook and all the conversation was “How are you?” “I'm fine, how are you?” “I'm fine” “Good”. That was it. Hardly no conversation at all.Me: Wow.Darla: Yeah. But then I was finishing grad school and I thought “You know, I'm gonna go back to Costa Rica, that's really where I feel like I started to become my own adult. And I'm gonna go back for a few weeks and go visit friends that I made there before I go get a job and have to ask a boss for permission for vacation”.So I was making plans to go back to Costa Rica when he emailed me, Andy, this guy in Costa Rica. He emailed me out of the blue. And I'm like “Oh actually I'm coming to Costa Rica, do you still want to go on that date?” And I thought he could have been married with kids, then, I don't know.Me: Yeah, because it was two years later, right?Darla: Yeah, it was two years later. And he immediately wrote back and said “Let me know when you're coming and I'll pick you up at the airport”.Me: Ohhhhh!Darla: And I thought, “Oh dear!”Falling in love...So it went from being seeing him for a night, going on a date, to spending the entire 3 weeks with him. He drove me all over the country, we fell in love.Now here's the thing: the psychic said I would meet someone in Costa Rica and that they would be involved in sustainable living. And he has an organic sustainable farm, he and his sisters run an eco lodge, so yeah.We live on an organic, sustainable homestead now in Costa Rica, and it's been 6 years. Actually 6 years earlier this week, we celebrated it's been 6 years since I came to Costa Rica to see him, and we've got two little boys, and we're madly in love with each other still.Me: Oh wow! That's such a nice story! And it has a happy ending as well, doesn't it?Darla: It does, yeah.Me: And one of the things that came out when we were talking about this was you were saying how your intuition really helped you to make some of the right decisions. Do you want to say more about that? Were there specific moments when you just tuned into yourself? And how did you do that?Darla: Yes, so my intuition really started picking up at the same time as my marriage started ending. And I've always been a really strong dreamer. Dreaming has always been a really great way to get messages to me from the divine.So one was I had a dream right before I ended it with my husband that confirmed that I needed to end it. Two was right before I came here to visit Andy, speaking of dreams, anyway. A most powerful dreamI woke up in the early morning and I started coughing. Like I'd been sleeping with my mouth open or something and my throat was dry. So I started coughing and I needed to get some water. There was water across my room on my desk, but I was still dreaming. And I had this very vivid image of like my astral body or something in the cosmos. Like I was flying through stars, I've never consciously remembered something like this.And I was zooming to get back to my body because my body needed me, but there were these two orbs of light going with me. Like we'd been out playing in the cosmos. I got back into my body and I woke up, but these orbs of light were laughing at me. They were taunting me. They were like “Ha ha, look who has a body! Look who needs to get back to their body! Ha ha!”And as I got back into my body and I started becoming conscious, I could still see and hear them and the more I woke up, the more they faded. Then I tried to get up out of bed to go get the water and I fell to the floor, like I couldn't operate my body. I still wasn't completely back into it.Me: Wow!Darla: I started laughing and I had to like drag myself across the floor to get my glass of waterMe: Yeah cause you must have been really thirsty!Darla: Yeah! By the time I'd had a glass of water I had regained function of my body, but I just felt that those two orbs were gonna be my children.Me: Oh! Wow!On paper? Insane. But in reality...Darla: Yeah, this was about a month before I came to visit Andy on the trip that we fell in love. So I thought, “OK, things are shifting in my life. Things are changing. A whole new energy is coming”.And then sure enough within like 8 months after we got together, I was pregnant by the end of that same year with my first son. So yeah, so the dreams definitely told me that shifts were coming and that changes were coming.But then also just the gut feeling that I had that “This is crazy, I left one husband and now I'm moving to a foreign country to be with a guy”.On paper it all sounded insane, but in my heart and in my gut I knew that this was right, this was what I'd been preparing my whole life for. I always knew that I needed to speak Spanish. I always knew that my partner, my mate, was far, far away in another country. Ever since I was a little girl, I just knew it.Me: That's really funny that you say that about the Spanish, because I was told years and years ago by a psychic that...I was learning French at the time and the psychic was like, “Well, you really need to learn Spanish” and I was like, “Really?” I was in high school, I was like 18 or something, you know? And I wound up using Spanish when I was 38! But use it I did and, you know, married a Mexican, yeah, all that stuff. So it sometimes takes quite a long time to manifest, right? But it does, it's there.What Darla does now to help othersSo talking about dreams and intuition, I think that links really well to the kind of thing that you're doing now with people. Do you want to say a little bit about that? And then, you know, where people can find you?Darla: Sure. So one of the biggest things I love helping people with, especially women but men as well, I love helping them also tap into their dreams. Even if you haven't remembered a dream in years or whatever, you can regain your dreams.And on my website which is – should I give my website address?Me: Yeah, sure!Darla: OK my website is thecopperscarab.com I've got a whole bunch of blog articles that can help you reclaim your dreams. But I also have a course that will just walk you through everything you need to know about dreams.Death work and transitionsI also help people with death work. This is kind of a new door I've got my foot in, but I really love it. I think death work is something that's present at any time of transition, and it's something that really helped me navigate divorce. It helped me navigate moving to another country, and it helped me navigate becoming a mom. Because the old 'me' had to die. Well, all three of those things. I had to shed an old version of me.And between divorce and moving to another country and becoming a mom, I think motherhood has been the hardest transition for me. Maybe because there's so much joy and love wrapped up in it as well, it's not just that I'm cutting off this part of my life and moving on. You have to keep living and interacting and loving this new life. And it's also very painful. It can be very painful and a very hard transition.Divination for everyoneSo I help women transition through big life transitions with death work, and then I'm a big fan of divination. Dreaming I think is a form of divination, but especially when you've got big decisions to make. It's really easy to get stuck in your head or stuck in your emotions and you kind of need a way to get the clarity without the emotions and without influencing it yourselves, so learning a divination tool is really helpful. Whether it's tarot, or claircognizant - inner knowing - or dreamwork, or anything like that. I think at least a form of divination is really important for everyone to know.Me: Yeah, I'd agree with that, cause I think it's just really empowering, you know? To know that you've got this tool to make really important decisions yourself, right?Darla: Exactly.Me: Yeah, that's really cool. I'll definitely put the link to your website in the shownotes as well, and I'll get into the food tips in just a moment.But first I wanted to thank you so much for being here to share your story cause I love your story and I also love what you do. So I'm gonna encourage people massively to check you out and see what you do because it's just amazing, so thank you for being here with me!Darla: Thanks for having me!Me: You're very welcome!Food and intuitionSo, I mentioned at the beginning of this episode that I'd share with you one of my favorite foods to help with your intuition in case you've got any difficult decisions to make, among other things.This food is very common and I'm sure you've eaten it already without knowing the amazing good that it's doing for your mind!The food is...almonds!Now I'm not talking roasted, salted almonds. I'm talking about fresh, raw almonds.Benefits of almondsAlmonds are a great source of vitamin E, protein and calcium, which are all nutrients that our endocrine glands absorb and which therefore can help bring us clarity of mind, focus and heightened intuition.How you use almondsHow do you use almonds? Well you can eat them raw by the handful, of course. You can sprinkle them on salads or eat them in a trail mix. But no matter how you eat them, one thing I would say is that to get maximum benefit from your almonds, it's best to soak them first for a few hours. I soak mine overnight or while I go out for the day.The reason I say to soak them is because nuts have a natural coating of enzyme inhibitors which can make them heavy to digest. The enzyme inhibitors are natural, and they're the reason you can walk through the grocery store and not a forest. They tell the nuts to wait to become a tree until they've got not just light, but water as well. So when you soak them, you're basically activating them. You're telling them that it's time to release that fabulous growth potential – which you absorb when you eat them soaked. It's kind of like eating the potential of an entire tree with each soaked nut. Pretty cool, right?Think of sprouts – it's the same principle. You're eating the potential of an entire plant in each sprout. That's why you've heard that they're so good for you.Where to find out moreAnyway, if you want some specific recipes for using almonds, I have lots in my 5-Minute recipe ebooks that I'll link to in the show notes.The link between food and intuition is actually one of my favorite topics, so I'll also link to an article of mine that goes into more detail about several foods that you can eat to help improve your intuition.And for those of you who want to read more about the science behind food and intuition, I'll link to an excerpt from the best resource that I found which comes from a book called Nutrition for Intuition, written by Doreen Virtue and Robert Reeves and published by Hay House.I'll also link to an article that has more information on other health benefits of almonds in case you find that useful, because there are a LOT of them!Have YOU got a story to share?Which brings us to the end of this week's story – and if you've got a crazy, true story to share (and you'd like to know what food could have saved the day in your situation), I'd love to hear from you! Got a question, or a comment?Got a question, or a comment? Pop a note below in the comments, that would be awesome. You can also subscribe to the podcast to listen 'on the go' in iTunes.I hope you have an amazing day. Thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now!RESOURCESDarla's website: thecopperscarab.comArticle on food for intuition: https://rockingrawchef.com/increase-intuition-with-food/Excerpt from article on food and intuition from the book Nutrition for Intuition: http://www.fourcornersmagazine.com/sedonaconsciousmag/nutrition-for-intuition-by-doreen-virtue-and-robert-reeves/Article on other benefits of almonds: https://draxe.com/almonds-nutrition/5-Minute recipe ebooks: https://rockingrawchef.com/5-minute-recipes/About Darla AntoineDarla is a soul coach who helps women navigate times of transition and dark nights of the soul utilizing what she calls the Elements of Sacred Darkness: Dreamwork, Divination and Deathwork (not as scary as it sounds). She is also the mother of two young boys and lives on a homestead in Costa Rica. By accident.
From the arms of a martial arts instructor to a Russian yoga teacher, all while mourning the loss of her mom and renewing herself, Francesca shares her journey which has led her to teaching and coaching others worldwide. And at the end of this episode I'll share with you a tiny food that is a big powerhouse for helping fight depression as well as balancing hormones. Our guest, Francesca Gentillé I am very excited to be joined here today by Francesca Gentillé, who is an initiated shaman in 4 traditions, a clinical sexologist, she's an empowered aging specialist, and a relationship counselor. She has published, appeared on television and also teaches all over the world. Francesca has an incredible story to share with us today as well as a really generous gift just for listeners of Clean Food, Dirty Stories, which we'll share with you later. First though, let's get to the story. So Francesca welcome to the Clean Food, Dirty Stories podcast! I'm really excited to have you here today! Francesca: I am so delighted to be here Barbara. Barbara is also one of my favorite people in the world; creative, talented, big hearted. Me: Well we've had a lot of adventures together. We have enough stories to fill up an entire season of a podcasts all by ourselves. But for today's story I know that like me you grew up with depression. Also, you had some quite heavy food intolerances where you may have felt like you were almost in the wrong kind of family. So can you tell us a bit about that? Francesca's story Francesca: Yes absolutely. I was raised in a very loud, periodically, emotionally volatile, creative, dynamic, great cook Italian family, an Italian American family. And my mother was bipolar: it was the worst of times and the best of times, and of course they were cooking Italian. So there were lots of pastas and wonderful homemade pizzas and canola. Me: Sounds like heaven. Francesca: It was on the one hand beautiful and so tasty but I would always feel tired and I would feel depressed and they would say in the family that I was always sleeping. They'd say "Why is she so sensitive?" Enter the food intolerances I think some of our sensitivities are signs of being a shaman and but on the other hand I think some of the sensitivity was exacerbated by the food intolerances. And I didn't know this until many years later when a friend of mine was reading The Body Ecology Diet for candida yeast infection that wouldn't go away. She said that when she started doing the diet her yeast infection not only went away, but within two weeks her body pain went away and within a year she lost thirty pounds. And it was the body pain that I that I kind of tuned into and I decided to try it and as I tried it I realized that my body wasn't hurting. Suddenly I felt like I had more energy and I also felt like my mood was stabilized. Yes, a huge difference. Me: So what food did you cut out for that? What were you intolerant to? Francesca: I was intolerant to gluten. Me: Wow! So Italian food was a big no, no. Francesca: All the breads have lots of gluten. So all the pastas all of that is gluten. We eat that and I was also intolerant to cow dairy; so lactose basically. Me: Well so cheese. Francesca: Cheese, and I could have a little goat or a little sheep but in general they were cooking with cow cheese. And so those were two things that were death to my body and my immune system and really I think creating that leaky gut syndrome for me too. Cutting out the bad stuff Me: I know that you said that later on you solved all of that. So besides cutting out gluten actually what other foods did you cut out? Francesca: Well eventually, I have to say I'm somebody who does my life in like small steps. I'm not someone who has created success by changing my whole life overnight, whether that's in relationships or whether that's in business or whether that's and in food. Normally I'll try one little thing and then try another little thing. Me: Sounds like me. Francesca: At first it was gluten and dairy but I was still eating processed, you know like quinoa pasta and millet bread. And then eventually I went on a two week kind of cleanse where it was no processed flours at all; some grains but no processed flours. No sugar, no caffeine, no dairy of any kind and lots of vegetables - cooked and raw. A little bit of grains that might be cooked and then a small amount of either fish or chicken, but lots of vegetables everyday. Many more than I had normally done in any given day and some fruits. And I found in two weeks that I started to feel better and I found in a few months that even though I actually hadn't lost any weight which was something that I wanted but even though I hadn't lost any weight people would start to say "What have you done to your face? You look younger, you look radiant!" It was all these fruits and vegetables and wonderful fruit and juice smoothies. Then within a year I was down to my ideal weight and I just felt amazing! Me: Wow, that's fantastic! Francesca: I did it the healthy way. Enter the martial arts instructor Me: So then I guess you looked so radiant and so amazing that the martial arts instructor found you right? You mentioned that - how did you meet him and what happened? Francesca: Well in this process it wasn't at the complete end of the steps towards health. But in this process of getting more and more healthy, I am also a teacher of relationships and sexuality, and I teach recovery from trauma, and I teach about tantra in a healing way for couples. So while I was doing this, this gentleman came to one of my classes. I felt some energy between us, but at the same time I had learned that sometimes the man I'm most attracted to is the one that I need to walk away from. My animal instincts that get very attracted to people do not tell me that that person is honest. They do not tell me that that person is good. They only say that we have compatible histo immune systems. I thought I should walk away and I did. But he kept writing to me and one day the email wouldn't work. I tried so many different ways but it would not go through. He had given me his phone number so I called him and I said "Do you know if there's a problem with your email?" and he said "Maybe you're just supposed to talk to me." A beautiful relationship So we started to talk and it developed and it really became a very beautiful and magical relationship. He had been studying Dzogchen Buddhism which is a very spiritual form of tantra for twenty five years. We had a lot in common in terms of core values, and it became a relationship which I think of as a soul mate relationship of the best kind, where we were passionate and compassionate. In the six years we were together we never yelled at each other, we never raised our voices. That's not to say we never had a problem or a disagreement, but we were able to work through those disagreements while staying in a centered, mature, adult state. It was such a grace. When I would walk into the room we'd each take a breath like "ah, now I'm safe, now I'm home". And even though he swore he would never get married because he'd been married twice before and they were these terrible relationships, in four years he asked me to marry him. Are you sure you want to marry me? I always knew he would. Although I thought it was going to take a decade, but I always felt like "yes, he's going to ask me to marry him. He just needs to heal a little bit from these past relationships". So when he asked me to marry him after four years I was shocked. He said "You're not saying yes!" and I said "Well I-I didn't expect you to ask me to marry you yet!" I said "Are you sure you want to marry me? Do you know my flaws? Sometimes I'm messy and I don't clean up right away". He said "Yes, I know that". I said "Oh and I love pretty things and sometimes I can kind of over shop and I'm not good at saving money". He said "Yes I know that". So I was like going through the list of all my flaws and he said, "Why do you think it took four years?" He said "I actually wanted to marry you sooner, but I wanted to make sure that I could hold space for your imperfections". And so I said yes, but we decided to wait until my son graduated from high school. That was a few more years down the road. Good news So you know, things were going well, but his business was failing. He was a full time martial artist, he taught martial arts to school children and adults. And it really wasn't financially successful and that was very hard on his heart. It was very challenging for his self-esteem. One day he came to me and he said "Francesca I have some good news and some bad news". And I said "Tell me the good news!" He said the good news is that a friend of his was selling a fitness center, a gym in town in his town with all the workout equipment etcetera. John said "If I combine fitness and martial arts, maybe that will be the ticket for success". I said "Honey, that's great!" Because of course we want our partners to be happy and fulfil their life's mission. I said "You should do that, what's the bad news?" And bad news His martial arts studio would be open from about 8 or 9 in the morning till 9 at night with some breaks in the day. It would get very quiet until the kids came after school. So it had a certain pace that had some spaciousness in it. And you know 8 or 9 in the morning till 9 at night, although still a long day, is not terrible. He said that this fitness studio was open from 4 in the morning till 11 o'clock at night. Because he was investing his money into it, he felt that for at least the first maybe 4 to 6 months he needed to be there. He needed to see how it was being run so that he could try to change it and make improvements. And he said "For approximately 4 to 6 months sweetheart I'll be getting 3 or 4 hours of sleep a night and I really won't have any bandwidth". Well, be careful of what you say to the universe! I said "Oh don't worry, our relationship is so strong, we can handle this". And 5 days later... Within 5 days of that my mother died. 5 days after he signed the papers and put the money into the investment. You never know how you're going to respond to the death of a parent or someone that's very, very close to you. You don't know until it actually happens. And I adored my mother but I was also afraid of my mother. I was conflicted and although I had a lot of anger towards her while she was alive, I made a choice never to bring that anger to her. As she got older her bipolar got worse and she eventually had Alzheimer's, and it just isn't appropriate to bring these kinds of unresolved issues to people who are mentally ill. Me: But then you have to solve them for yourself, right? How do you do that? The grieving process Francesca: And all of those unresolved emotions were there. All the anger and rage that I never expressed to her was there. And then the grieving, because since about twenty five till when she died when I was fifty I had chosen to mostly be separate from her even though we'd been very close when I was young. So I was not only grieving that she was now dead, I actually was grieving the twenty five years that I had chosen to be separate from her. Me: And did you regret those twenty five years? Francesca: Yes and no, because if I had to go back I would probably still make the same decision because she didn't feel safe to me. On the other hand, for the little girl like when I was very young and she was a bit healthier, probably from you know birth till about thirteen we were very, very close. And so the little girl in me just missed her mommy. I would be at home alone curled up into a little fetal ball rocking and this little voice would come out of me saying, "I don't understand!" It was this little girl who just didn't understand that her mother was gone and didn't understand that she would never have an opportunity to be close to her. I think the magical child always hoped in some way that they would reconcile. So yeah I was very shattered. My son would later say that it was like I was missing for two years. Me: How old was your son? Francesca: My son was... I think he was either, maybe about fourteen, something like that. Me: Oh wow! Okay, so old enough to know that yeah there was some heavy stuff going on. Walking in the underworld Francesca: And yeah, those two years in many ways are a blur. I would eventually end up going to two therapists a week for over a year, a year and a half. And I really ended up feeling like I was later like I was walking with my mother in the underworld for that time. Me: Oh wow! Francesca: Yes, it was very deep, it felt very profound. Me: That must have been very helpful, very healing. Francesca: Where I am now, I'm at peace with her. I feel her love for me, I feel my love for her. It's like we've completed what we were meant to complete in this life, and I feel like I've known her many lifetimes and I'll probably know her again. Me: Yep, I'm sure you will. The birth of a crazy idea Francesca: But in this time period where so much of my energy is now in the underworld or so much of my little girl is grieving and crying while my adult self is missing...In that time period John is getting three or four hours sleep a night. He needed me more than he ever needed me and I couldn't be there emotionally. And then I needed him more than I ever needed him, and he couldn't be there for me emotionally. Neither one of us were thinking particularly straight. But we were noticing that we were getting more and more depleted, more and more raw. It's almost like when you haven't had enough sleep and your mind is just starting to think sort of crazy, and you almost feel like you're shaking because you're under-slept. Both of us were like that because I wasn't sleeping well with the grieving. Me: Well and you do literally start to lose your mind when you lose sleep, when you don't have enough sleep, right? I mean that's a proven thing. Francesca: Exactly, and we came up with this crazy idea which is "We need more support, we need more energy in the relationship. I know! We'll open up the relationship in a 'don't ask, don't tell' model". Me: Wow! So can you explain? Because some people might not know what that is. How not to navigate an open relationship Francesca: I'm not against open relationships or polyamorous relationships or swinging or anything else. And I think there are ways to have open relationships that are beautiful and ways to do them terribly. Just like there are ways to be monogamous that are beautiful and ways to be monogamous that are awful. I mean it's not the design of the relationship that is the grace or the problem. It's really "Are we centered? Transparent? Collaborative? Compassionate? Do we have good communication skills?" That's what's going to make any design better or worse, depending on who we are bringing to that relationship. Well one of the things as a relationship counsellor that I would say is that if you're going to have an open relationship it's actually healthy to be transparent, to reveal to your partner, to not lie, to not hold things back, to be able to collaborate so you still feel like you're a partnership. So even though you might be dating someone else, or going to a party and canoodling with someone else, you still feel like your home partnership is your best friend, is that place that you're the closest to, is the person that you're revealing everything to. And I think it's very dangerous to try to do this without revealing to each other. It's very easy when we start withholding information, whether about sex or anything else. Sex, money, you name it; when we start to withhold information, it's easy to build resentment. So it's easy to start feeling more and more separated. Now this is a crazy notion that I never would have agreed to in my right mind, but I wasn't in my right mind. Where's my primary care support? So we agreed and we weren't living together at this time. We were living in different houses but we'd see each other every weekend and talk every day. And he ended up having a couple of, you know, kind of flings. Things that were a little lighter, it was fun, it was sexy but it wasn't particularly emotionally depthful. But I felt - oh my God! Barbara, I felt like I was going crazy. I felt like I just wanted someone to hold me when I cried. And I wanted someone to hold me in the night when I felt so frightened and alone. For me, I didn't want just a little sexy fun fling. I felt like I needed what they call in the hospitals in America 'primary care support'. Like when someone is in the intensive care unit and they need twenty four hour care. I felt like that was me. Enter the Russian yoga therapist And there was a man that had been a student of mine who was very, very alluring, kind of reddish brown copper hair, big almond brown eyes, slender...He was a Russian yoga therapist and massage therapist. Me: You already got me intrigued! Francesca: With long hair...and he and I started to spend more time together and he was being emotionally supportive. And when this open relationship design came into being I went to him and I said, "What do you think?" Well he was all over it! Me: Literally! Francesca: Oh my God all over it and all over me! I remember a night, I think it might have been the night where I said you know, we've opened the relationship and we could get together where I think he said like he couldn't get out of this chain link fence, he was somehow locked in. He actually climbed the fence, and he ripped his clothes! You know, this person who's just like running to try to get to you... Me: Like in a movie, right? Francesca: And it was the beginning of...of course it was very passionate in the beginning and we were, you know, making love at night and in the middle of the night, and in the morning, and we were traveling together...within a month I had actually moved this guy in! Me: Wow! Did John know at that point? Francesca: No because we were doing the 'don't ask, don't tell' model! Me: Oh! Oh my God...okay! Francesca: Yes! Life with a sexy fitness coach And this guy was this primary care support where he would cook for me, and he was someone who cooked very vegan, very healthy. So he would cook for me. He was also a fitness coach so in the mornings he would have me do yoga stretches. And it was in a way it was exactly what I needed. I could tell that this was moving too fast and that John... I couldn't keep doing 'don't ask, don't tell'. When 'don't ask don't tell' becomes 'you'd better tell' So I visited John and I said I need to talk to you. I said "I have gone and not just dated someone, I've not just had sex, but I've gone very, very deep. I've formed another primary relationship and I've already moved this person in". And of course John was shocked and hurt but once again he was getting three or four hours of sleep a night. He just didn't have the bandwidth to even talk about it. It was just...we tried to talk, but he didn't have the bandwidth, and I didn't have my normal skill sets. I'm normally quite erudite, normally very adept in language and communication and in graceful language and communication, and I wasn't. Within I would say maybe a couple of months, John called me and he asked me if we were having unprotected sex. And we were. John said, "Were you planning to tell me?" I said "Yes". He said "When were you planning to tell me?" And I said "You know, I think the next time we were going to get together". John said "Well, it's over". Another death to grieve And then I was not only grieving the death of my mother, but I was grieving the death of the relationship with my soul mate. It really was the best relationship I'd ever had and it's now been ten years and it will be best relationship I've had so far; hope springs eternal, but so far - and it was another shattering for me. So now I'm with this seductively charming Russian yoga master, and it seemed like 'well maybe you're supposed to be with him'. Is this my stuff or his stuff? But something starts to happen where I start to feel more and more insecure. And at first you know maybe I'm thinking 'well it's because I'm grieving' or 'it's because I'm not centered' But I've come to find out over the years - I now have a data collection taken from many relationships - that in the relationships where I feel the most calm, I am with someone who is honest, with good integrity and who is in fact trustworthy. And when I'm in a relationship with people who are lying to me or withholding or cheating in some way, I start to feel more and more insecure. Me: Well that makes sense, right? Francesca: There is an exception to this and usually whenever I start to feel a little insecure, possessive and obsessive in a relationship, I make sure to get counselling. I make sure to get the support so that I'm coming back to the center and I've separated out what are my issues from my childhood versus what is my energetic intuition saying about this relationship. Me: Yep I get it. When a healthy influence turns to dysfunction Francesca: And so sometimes we do have some of our own issues from the past. But with all the therapy and everything...One week the therapists both said - even though they weren't talking to each other - in the same week they both said "I think you need to look at your relationship. I think you're not just grieving and I think that there are some things that might be unhealthy in your relationship" and they both said it interestingly enough the same week. So with this guy, something would just snap in him and he would begin to yell at me. He'd yell at me and shame me and denigrate me - not just for like three minutes, but I would time it. For fifteen minutes, for twenty minutes, for twenty five minutes, for thirty five minutes. Me: Right, so super unhealthy. Francesca: Super unhealthy! and I would tell him, you know, "I'm grieving, this is not okay, I can't handle this". It would be fine for a little while and then he'd go back to it again. Very emotionally abusive. I didn't actually find out until after we broke up that he had been... we also ended up teaching together and he had gone to some of the students in our classes after he found out that they had been molested as children, after he found out that they had terrible family backgrounds and it was hard for them to understand their boundaries. After he found that out, he would seduce them. Me: Whoa! He should be in jail! Seriously! Francesca: Yeah! I didn't find this out until after we broke up and then ... Me: So what did you do? What's the lesson here? Francesca: I tried to let my community know that this person was very, very unhealthy. And you know I did my best to get that information. But it felt terrible, really, really terrible. I had allowed him to stand beside me and teach, I'd actually helped promote him in my community. That's still something periodically that's heavy on my heart. And for me I want to say that I've learned to forgive myself and that's an important part of healing. Me: Oh yeah. Francesca: We can't just beat ourselves up, we have to get the lesson. Like what's the lesson? Part of that lesson - this is very interesting - when my mother died, no one came to visit. What do you do when someone dies? Where I come from back in the center of the United States, it's more farmland, it's more...people are in the same area generation after generation, and when someone dies, your friends show up or your family shows up and they bring you food. They understand that you're not going to want to cook, that you're going to feel sort of out of your body. So people show up and take care of you at least for the first couple of weeks if not longer. When my mother died, no one came to visit. I tried to email and say, you know, my mother has died, I feel very shattered, this is so hard, I'm having so many emotions...and no one came. Tough questions and enlightening answers A couple of months later when I was out in the world I would see my friends and I would say "Do you know that my mother died?" "Yes". "Okay uh...I'm curious, why didn't you stop by? Or why didn't you call?" And what I heard really highlighted the wounding that we have in our culture around grieving. So what they said was, "Well you're such an independent woman, I thought you would want to do it yourself". Well this is weird because you know, in most cultures in the world you grieve in community. You don't grieve by yourself! That's such a weird modernization. We're meant to do this together. And so I thought 'hmmm, that's a wound of culture that they thought I needed to grieve by myself'. Some people said that they were afraid of death. I understood that and I could have compassion for it, but I thought that's another wound of culture. Because death is so removed. It's in the hospital, it's far away, it's in a hospice. We don't see death like we would have seen it a hundred years ago, a couple hundred years ago where death was a part of life. You learn to work with it. Once again you learn. People would say "I wouldn't know what to say, I didn't want to make it worse". I would say "Well, let me give you an option. One possible thing to say is 'I'm so sorry for your loss'". Me: Yes exactly! Francesca: Fairly safe, but they literally didn't know that! Enter the life-changing answer So the answer that started to change my life was when people said, "Francesca of course I love you, of course you're important to me, but I thought that you're so well loved that you would have people that were closer to you than me. People who would be with you". And I said "Well what I think I hear you saying is that you don't realise that you're important to me. That you don't realise that you're actually really close to me". And they said "Yes!" and I thought 'Whose job is it to let you know that you're important to me?' Me: Yours! Francesca: It's my job! But I'm not doing a good job of letting people know that they actually matter to me! When walls no longer serve When I saw that I thought 'Oh my God! I have a wall around me'. It's the wall that I built to protect myself. I built it brick by brick as a child, as an adolescent, as a young woman. And I built this wall to try to protect me from being hurt by my family or being hurt by mean kids or etcetera. But now I realize this wall that has been designed to protect me also keeps people from me and I have spent my life proving my independence and that I can take care of myself. So if I need to move forward in life, the next development in life is to let people in to care for me and to let out, to be vulnerable, to reveal how important you are to me. Me: Wow! That is almost freaky because I had the same realization about the wall about a year ago. And in fact that was one of the reasons why I started this podcast! Because I thought, 'What way can I start to share some vulnerability with the world?' How can I start to yeah, just you know, tear down the wall, basically! So that is really freaky because I didn't know that that was going to come up today. Wow! Francesca's gift We have to wrap things up pretty soon but before we do that, I mean what an incredible story! I want to put links obviously to what you do in the show notes. But before we get to the food tips for this episode I know that you have very generously offered a special gift for our podcast listeners. So can you say something about that? Francesca: I have! You know, all of the suffering becomes a grace when we learn from it and in that we can help others. So if anybody's listening and they've suffered a lot, on the other side of that suffering is who you are as a healer. I want to offer my support to all of the listeners and to say that I'm happy to offer you a gift session by phone or Skype. This will be approximately forty five minutes to an hour. You would email relationshipdiva@gmail.com and put in the subject, 'gift session'. I'm happy to collaborate with you and really offer my support for our time together. Me: Wow! That is awesome Francesca, thank you so much. I know that people will take advantage of that because I mean you've got so much to offer in so many areas. Around sexuality and relationships and even, you know, life's journey and the whole thing. So thank you so much for that. I really appreciate it. It's been super, super having you on the podcast! So thank you again so, so much! A food that helps you fight depression and helps with balancing hormones So, I mentioned at the beginning of this episode that I'd share with you a tiny but amazing food that can help fight depression as well as help with balancing hormones. And that food is... Flax seeds! Benefits of flax seeds, including balancing hormones Flax seeds are amazing and if you aren't eating them yet, you've got to get yourself some. The reason they can help fight depression is because they're high in omega-3 fatty acids. But they also can help with balancing hormones. I'll link to a study in the show notes that seems to say that eating flax seeds may help prevent some forms of cancer. Flax seeds are also high in fiber and low in carbs, and they help reduce sugar cravings, they improve your skin and hair...I mean there are just too many benefits to mention here, so I'll link to an article or two in the show notes if you'd like to read more about flax seeds. How you eat flax seeds Now, how do you eat flax seeds? Well, some people buy flaxseed oil and pour that over salads and veggies. What I like to do though is buy the whole seeds and then grind them quickly in a coffee grinder or high-speed blender. You can then sprinkle them over salads or cereals, or use them to make crackers, bread, pancakes and all kinds of things. They're great to thicken recipes. And of course if you want some specific recipes that use flax seeds, I've got a gorgeous recipe for Nut Burgers (and ketchup) in my 5-Minute Mains recipe ebook that I'll link to below. Have YOU got a story to share? If you've got a true story to share, and you'd like to know what food could have saved the day in your situation), I'd love to hear from you! Got a question, or a comment? Got a question, or a comment? Pop a note below in the comments, that would be awesome. You can also subscribe to the podcast to listen 'on the go' in iTunes. I hope you have an amazing day. Thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now! RESOURCES Francesca's website: www.FrancescaGentille.com For a 30 minute Gift Session, email Francesca and mention Gift Session from Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Article on benefits of flax seeds: https://draxe.com/10-flax-seed-benefits-nutrition-facts/ Article on brain benefits of flaxseed oil: http://www.livestrong.com/article/472237-flax-oil-for-mood-brain-functions/ Scientific study on flax seeds and cancer: http://clincancerres.aacrjournals.org/content/11/10/3828.short Recipe ebooks including 5-Minute Mains (for Nut Burgers and Ketchup recipes): https://rockingrawchef.com/5-minute-recipes/ About Francesca Gentillé Francesca Gentillé is a Certified Clinical Sexologist & Relationship Counselor. She is the popular internet radio host of Sex: Tantra & Kama Sutra and co-author of the award-winning sex & relationship book "The Marriage of Sex & Spirit." Francesca is the co-director of the The Somatic Sensual Healing Institute, and the founder of The Sacred Courtesan School of Feminine Mystique and Power. She says: "There is no one true, right and only way to design a relationship, fulfill you purpose, or heal from past trauma. Together we will create a path that is uniquely suited to you. In a gentle, graceful yet powerful manner you will deepen your authentic life."
How author and artist Catherine Holland made a conscious decision not to die, and food that helps you focus 5 hours later. At the end of this episode I'll share with you a magical yet easily available food that helps you focus 5 hours later! But first, let's get to our story. Our guest, Catherine Holland I'll let Catherine tell you her story, but what I will tell you now is that she's an author, a breath coach and an artist whose most recent book is called Indestructible Soul: How I decided not to die. She's got quite a story, and I'm really looking forward to her sharing it with us. So Catherine, welcome to the Clean Food, Dirty Stories podcast! I'm really excited to have you here today! Now you've got quite a story which I believe starts with something pretty dramatic, right? I mean, people are going to hear 'I decided not to die' and they're going to think 'oh my goodness!' They're going to want to hear what happened, right? Catherine: Yes, well what happened is that I learned that it's a choice. Me: Wow! Catherine's story Catherine: So this is quite an exciting thing when you're dealing with the population. People I know, people I don't know, people in Facebook land and whatever. This idea that it really is a conscious and deliberate choice, and that the part of us that's doing the choosing is not the human part of us. So this has all been very practical for me, because of my breathwork. I've been practising breathwork for a very long time. To put it in perspective, I've ridden a bicycle all my life, I still ride a bicycle many miles a week. And at some point I decided I wanted to ride a motorbike. My brother rode a motorbike, I used to go on the back. And I never dared to ask because I suppose in a way because I'm a girl, I knew that my parents or at least my mother wasn't going to allow it to happen. So I wasn't going to face the fight. I did ride horses which is just as safe or dangerous as riding motorbikes, but let's not go there. It started with a motorcycle (motorbike) Fast forward quite a long time, I was in a job with a nice team in a print department. I said to them, I fancy learning to ride. And then I saw one for sale in the paper. Unlike a car, and because it was a 125, it was a learner bike and the owner was getting rid of it because they'd passed the test and they wanted a bigger bike. It all made sense, so I bought it. I rode it up and down the back alley, trying desperately to work out how to use the gears. Riding a motorbike when you've never ridden one is quite difficult. I had learned to drive a car so I understood the theory, but when you're trying to balance this wretched thing that falls over as soon as you stop...It has no reverse gear, so if you get into a pickle you can't get out again. The crash...and the decision I was tootling up and down. It wasn't very heavy so I could push it to turn it around. I took my CBT and I was out on the road practising and I got struck by a car. A car crushed my leg and within a couple of minutes I'd lost half my blood. I was aware of lying in the road, wanting someone to hold my hand, and I was then aware of travelling towards a tunnel which went up and to the right. In my head were two questions: Do you want to go back and see your children grow up, or do you want to carry on where there's no pain? Sorry, they were the other way round - do you want to carry on where there's no pain, because I could feel the pain once I was hit and it was so big that I couldn't tell where it was coming from. Me: That's what I was going to ask you, yeah. Catherine vs a BMW Catherine: And so in my mind of course, any person who knows anything about motorbikes and injuries, they worry about breaking their back. But I wasn't going fast enough to do something like that. The car had accelerated into me. It was a BMW. An accelerating BMW can go quite fast, so they weigh about a ton and a half. So you know, me against a ton and a half of metal...Anyway I didn't know where I'd been hit, I didn't know what was hurting. But I did know when I was being asked the questions that it wasn't hurting anymore at that point. It was really, really tempting to carry on where there was no pain. Had I had not had children I would have definitely carried on because they were the only thing that brought me back. Nothing else. Me: How old were you if I may ask? Catherine: I don't tell because I don't give my age. People including me have judgments about age. Me: How old were your children, then? Because that's the reason I asked. Catherine: My children were late teens. So my oldest one was university so she might have been 21. I think the youngest was 15, but I tend not to analyze stuff. Dates I don't analyze, I don't have a birthday or a reminder of it, it's not my style. Apart from people's birthdays that I do need to remember, I don't memorize dates. I don't do anniversaries, especially deaths, it's not my thing. And besides, that was my own death! Preparing not to die So I was dead not for very long. But long enough to have seen and felt what it's like. And it's really, really lovely. Really wonderful. So I'd had some really good experience in my breathwork practice, which I'd been doing for about a dozen years at that point of knowing that subconscious travel is beautiful. And I think that helped me to be prepared and not too shocked by the experience. I think it clearly helped me emotionally, psychologically, but also hugely physically. Obviously my arteries that were damaged must have closed because I didn't die. Police arrived on the scene fairly quickly, as did an ambulance. They put a tourniquet on my leg, so I don't know, I might have still been bleeding heavily at that point and that's why they put it on. That's what made me think, "I thought they didn't use tourniquets anymore". Of course later I thought of course they do! If your life's at risk, losing a leg is a minor detail! But I haven't been drinking, Officer... So the policemen asked me questions. I didn't have any other injuries, just the bit where the car had driven into my leg which I didn't realize at the time that the injury was, even. I remember the policemen asking me how much I'd had to drink and that sort of thing! But before that and before they arrived, when I was hit, my eyes closed at that point. They didn't really open again for about 5 days because I didn't have the energy. I was aware of this female voice saying to me, "Oh, you're OK!" as I lay in the road. I opened my eyes and I saw this bleached blond woman looking at me. She was clearly drunk, she got back in the car. Her husband didn't get out of the car, he was driving. They were about to drive away and the passersby didn't let them go. So in her mind I was all right and they were going to get back in their car and drive away! Me: What happened to them? And for the driver... Catherine: They were arrested, well he certainly was. He was charged within 5 days because he'd pleaded guilty but I didn't find this out for 6 months. He pleaded guilty, he had a ban for 6 months which was the time it took me to be, well I still had a fixator screwed in my leg. It took me two years to recover. I'm still left with an ankle that doesn't bend properly which I have to keep working on. It's been a big effect on my life, but that man, it's a really funny thing. I didn't have the energy to be angry with him. My kids were furious, they wanted to go around and knock on his door. And that's OK, I brought them up to be non-violent people. People used to say to me, "What do you wish had happened to him?" And my answer is, still is, that he wouldn't be allowed to drink alcohol again. Because I think that's a really fair thing for somebody who's caused that type of injury by drinking and driving, because when they went to the pub they must have known they were going to go home. And it was only half past ten at night, it wasn't particularly late. Clearly they'd intended to drive to the pub and back again. And they weren't just a bit drunk, they were very drunk. The scariest moment in the hospital Me: And when you were in hospital, you mentioned that for you, you really needed to have a lot of focus and perseverance. Can you say something about that? Like how does that come into it? Was that to do rehabilitation? Cause you said you almost lost your leg, so... Catherine: So I was taken by bumpy ambulance to hospital, to a very rich hospital thank goodness, and I was put into a bed by the nurses' station and sort of patched up at that point. The orthopaedic surgeon said "Right, you're going to be going to the operating theater, I'll save your leg if I can." And I said "You have to! You've got to! I'm a climber and a dancer and a cyclist!" And then I burst into tears. Me: That must have been so scary! Catherine: Indeed it was, I do remember it. Putting things back together again Catherine: Two days after that I had another operation for skin and muscle grafting where another surgeon, soft tissue surgeon Mr Sohardi, stitched back the tendons which had been pulled away. Almost every tendon in my lower leg had been broken. So he did the jigsaw puzzle of putting them all back together. But he also did something which, well it might have been Mr Gotswani, I think. It was to take part of my calf muscle and strap it over the gap. There was a gap in the bone about the length of my forefinger. The bone had been so smashed to smithereens, there was a gap in my shinbone. They laid the muscle across there so that the bone would have blood supply because they believed that if it didn't, the bone would die. And then I'd have a different problem because I'd have dead tissue from the inside and then I'd still have to have an amputation. So it made my leg look very strange but I had all these skin grafts taken from the other leg and put onto that leg. After the first operation I had bandages from the top of my thigh right down to my big toe. Which surprised me a bit. And then I had this huge steel handle sticking out which was screwed into my leg. It was screwed in below my knee and just above my ankle. The screws below my knee were horizontal because the bone is wider there. Steel inside and out And yeah so I had this steel thing in my leg which was very weird indeed. You could actually pick my leg up with it, which was very odd. But the idea was to hold the bone steady so that when it started to mend itself, it would be the right length. The bone had been so smashed up. When I had a look on the x-ray, what Mr Gotswani had done was to spend 6 hours to painstakingly take each piece of bone with tweezers out of the wound and putting it in between the gap. I later understood because I later did training in injury treatment that the little cells in your body that notice when there's damage, they pick up and break down all of the broken bits of bone and rebuild them into the form that they should be. He was giving them the best chance because there was such a big gap. He wanted to make sure that there would be suitable material available for my body to pick up and to mend, which it did beautifully! Because the next x-ray I saw two weeks later showed it to be one bone again. And all the bits that had been put in there were like flowers, like a bunch of flowers all sticking out at funny angles. They were gradually being reabsorbed by my body in correct formations. Mental focus Me: So then where did your mental focus come in? Catherine: So my mental focus became completely absorbed by this extraordinary process that was happening. I can only liken it to a feeling you get when you're in the bottom of a ship. If you've ever been in a big ship, even on a ferry, a big one. Where they have an engine room that's enormous. And the whole place is pounding and shaking, with the energy. The pumping of the energy. That's what my body felt like. The whole thing is focused on this energy. I'd lost about half my body weight, my skin and my face was the color of my pillowslip which as my daughter pointed out was white. What else happened? My leg was about half an inch from top to bottom, a couple of centimeters. The thickness of my leg was reduced to a couple of centimeters. And my legs are quite strong, I'm a cyclist. So my leg was sort of spread out like a big sheet of liver. Very strange. So yeah, this pounding feeling was the total focus of my body was mending. Me: Oh I see, yeah. Laying on of hands Catherine: And my body was really helped by somebody laying their hands on the bandages. It gave me a feeling of transferred energy. It was very, very helpful. Me: So did you ask people to do that? Catherine: Yes, if they asked me what they could do, I'd tell them. And my daughter taught my dad to do it. He doubted very much that he would know what to do and that it would be helpful, but of course my kids just said "This is what you do, Granddad. This is what you do". And my son brought his friend in, so yeah there were these two 15-year-olds who turned up and that was really lovely. So yeah, my son showed his friend what to do. He said "Richard, this is what you do". So everyone just took turns laying their hands on the bandages. It was very strange because I had 6 tubes going in and out of my body. I had blood at the beginning, I had morphine, I had an oxygen mask and all sorts of stuff. But of course what the staff didn't realize was that I'd already made the decision to live. I was parked opposite the nurses' station thinking they needed to keep their eye on me in case I was going to die. Because in the time, I don't know, I think it's the following 24 hours that's the pivotal time, but for me I knew I was gonna live. I'd made the decision, it was upwards from where I was. Even though from the outside I was pretty comatose. Smearing (not painting!) Me: But now you cycle and everything, right? Catherine: Yeah, I can do everything now. I can't climb very well now because to smear you need to be able to bend your feet up. Me: Smear? What's... Catherine: Smearing is when you're climbing a rock that has very high friction like millstone grit. It doesn't have many gaps to put your feet in. So you put your feet on it and with your rubber climbing shoes you stick to it because it's like sandpaper. I can only put the tip of my toe on because I can't bend my ankle which means I can't put my foot flat on it. Which is annoying, but anyway. I can climb. I climb better on stuff that's got good holds, but I do so much climbing now for other reasons anyway so that's OK. The best thing was I had no doubt at all I would take my bike test. I'd been riding for 3 weeks, I'd taken my CBT, I'd a test booked for some months later because I'd been having lessons. Obviously I had to cancel that test! Total focus on healing But my mind was really only focused on getting well. Fortunately because my children had been brought up by me, they were incredibly capable. The older one had just finished her university degree. She came and sat with me every day and brought me food. She also made me a nightdress because I didn't possess one! And if there was anything going on that I needed my attention drawn to... for example when they put an x-ray up in the lightbox. She would say "Mum you're going to want to see this. I'll tell you when to open your eyes". Because she was completely aware that I could only open them for half a second. You know about computers and RAM? Well I was seriously lacking in RAM because everything was focused on the processing of my leg. Me: Of healing, of course. To eat or not to eat Catherine: I couldn't keep my eyes open, I couldn't read, I couldn't write. That went on for weeks, it was quite interesting. And I didn't eat. I didn't eat for three days. Me: Oh, but speaking of food, sorry, I know that you wanted me to ask you about the food. You were craving a food, I think? I have no idea what that could be. Catherine: Well at that point I just ate a few, I think it was three grapes and a segment of satsuma. The nursing staff were worrying about me not eating, saying "We're going to have to drip feed you if you don't start eating soon". I said "I have eaten! I've had three grapes and a segment of satsuma!" I really felt I was making progress because I could feel my body coming back to life. And because I'm a real big eater and I'm very keen on my food, it kicked in really, really hard. So yeah, I started eating big time. Interesting food cravings And my daughter knew that the sort of food that was available wasn't going to be my preferred option for getting well. So the two things I craved most, because she brought me a salad every day that she made herself. I was craving broccoli and a particular type of smoked tofu that has sesame seeds and almonds in it. And doing my homework later I realized of course that those are powerful healing foods. Unfermented soya isn't so good for humans. I did eat a lot of it at that time but I hadn't done my homework then. But I was really aware of how important raw food was. I'd actually been raw for a number of years since reading Leslie Kenton's book Raw Energy. That was interesting. There was actually one meal on the menu that I was OK to eat which was...I don't know what the religion was, but there was some traditional group that was common in that particular hospital that had a sort of beans and rice type meal. There were two varieties. You could only have an option of two, so every other day I had the same dinner. But I was pleased that it was something that I actually considered food because the other options I didn't consider nourishing at all. Me: But it is good that you managed to recover so well. Catherine: I had to have lots of conversations with lots of different people about lots of different things that went on there. Me: I'll bet, yeah. Welcome to Trauma? Catherine: Something quite funny was that once I did open my eyes and came to, I opened my eyes and opposite my bed on the wall it said "Welcome to Trauma". Me: Oh, that's not very good! Catherine: If I'd been in my right mind, I would have laughed. But I wasn't. There was a part of my mind that knew that one day I'd find that funny. So I was sort of aware. And then I realized that for the staff there, it wasn't a joke. The unit is actually called the Trauma Unit and they shorten it to Trauma, as in "Are you going to Trauma?" So they put "Welcome to Trauma!" For a long time I was going to call the book that, but some people said they wouldn't read it if it said that. It took me ages to think about what to call it. What Catherine feels gave her the choice to live or die Me: We have to wrap this up for today, but I really appreciate you sharing your story. And I'm sure there are a lot of people out there who may or may not know that in some situations like yours, dying can be a choice. Right? Catherine: Indeed. And I do believe that if you look after your health and your diet really well, that's when you have the choice. I did the homework afterwards and I realized why I'd had the choice. And it wasn't chance. It was hard graft on my part and dedication to it, to a really super lifestyle. Me: I did want to ask you about your book because you've written in more detail about your recovery and everything. For people who do want to know more about you, where can they find you? And your book? And your art? Where to find out more about Catherine Catherine: Yes, well I have my own website and I also have quite a big Amazon presence, Kindle presence. My own website is catherineholland.co.uk and you can find the information about my book on there. But because I wish to sell on Kindle, I don't so much have the availability on my website, but it's also a print book. It's an actual printed, hard copy book which you can't see, but... It's a really nice little book, people love it, it's got a picture of me on one of my bikes that I got after I passed the test. And then on Amazon I have about 15 titles so 4 of those are real paper books. The rest of them are Kindle guides. Me: So people can look there and see what you have, super! Well thank you so much! Which brings us to our food tip for today! A food that helps you focus, 5 hours later So, I mentioned at the beginning of this episode that I'd share with you a food that helps you focus 5 hours after you eat it. And that food is... blueberries! Benefits of blueberries You've probably heard already that blueberries are a great brain food, but do you know why? It's because they help boost the flow of blood as well as oxygen to the brain, plus they have a load of antioxidants which are believed to help protect against cancer, heart disease and dementia. I'll link to an article in the show notes where you can read more about the actual study. What I will say is that if you pop some blueberries in your mouth, eat them and then are expecting an immediate 'brain rush', you'll probably be disappointed. It doesn't work like that. Researchers found that the blueberries didn't make a difference an hour later. Not even two hours later. The big difference - and we're talking 15-20% of increased focus and performance - came 5 hours later. They measured this and you can check it out in the notes if you want to. How you eat blueberries Now how do you eat blueberries? Well, that's obvious, you grab a handful, right? Or you pop some in a smoothie. But did you know that your blueberries don't have to be fresh to deliver maximum benefits? Frozen fruit and vegetables don't lose that much nutrient content if they're frozen soon after they're picked, which is often the case. So keep a bag of frozen blueberries in your freezer, and the next time you feel like a smoothie, toss a handful in your blender along with a banana and some preferably plant-based milk. It's deliciously purple, and kids love it too. And if you'd like more recipes to tempt you to use even more blueberries for even more focus, I'll link in the shownotes to some of my 5-minute recipe ebooks to inspire you. Have YOU got a story to share? If you've got a true story to share, and you'd like to know what food could have saved the day in your situation), I'd love to hear from you! Got a question, or a comment? Got a question, or a comment? Pop a note below in the comments, that would be awesome. You can also subscribe to the podcast to listen 'on the go' in iTunes. I hope you have an amazing day. Thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now! RESOURCES Catherine's website: catherineholland.co.uk Catherine's books: On Amazon Scientific study on blueberries and their effects on cognitive function: https://clinicaltrials.gov/ct2/show/NCT01289860 Article that mentions the above study (in less 'science-y' language): http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1212579/A-bowl-blueberries-day-keeps-brain-active-afternoon.html My 5-minute recipe ebooks: https://rockingrawchef.com/5-minute-recipes/ Catherine Holland is an inspiring author, breath coach and artist practising rebirthing breathwork for 27 years. She has three children. When she was learning to ride a motorbike her leg was crushed by a car and she died for a short while, long enough to witness the experience and to know that we do not disappear when we die. She writes about this in her most recent book, Indestructible Soul: How I decided not to die, which can be found with her other titles, on Amazon.
This story is about travelling the world, interviewing lots of men (everyone from porn stars to famous author John Grey), and going on a magical Ayahuasca journey. And at the end of this episode I'll share with you the best mushroom you can use to make your own magical brew in your home in case you don't happen to have Ayahuasca growing on your doorstep. What you will learn an easy way to start travelling the world and working from anywhere three things about men that not everyone may realize how to make a tasty brew at home that isn't Ayahuasca, but is pretty darn magical all the same At the end of this episode I'll share with you the best mushroom you can use to make your own magical brew in your home in case you don't happen to have Ayahuasca growing on your doorstep. Our guest, Anna Rova I am very excited to be joined here today by Anna Rova, who is a fellow podcaster, writer and entrepreneur. And among other cool things, Anna has some very interesting insights on relationships. She has interviewed all kinds of people about this topic, from porn stars to John Gray who is the author of the bestseller Men Are from Mars, Women Are From Venus. Anna has also done lots of other magical things, including Ayahuasca which she'll talk about a bit later. So Anna welcome to the Clean Food, Dirty Stories podcast! I'm really excited to have you here today! Anna: Thanks for having me! I'm so excited too! Beginning to travel the world with a one-way ticket Me: Now I know that you basically travel the world writing and doing other amazing things, and I would really love for us to start by having you tell everybody how you came to become a digital nomad. Anna: OK, well that's an easy subject to start with. I became a digital nomad about 2 years ago. Last year around May I started travelling full time, and I was in Malaysia working for a company called MindValley who make personal growth products. I did online marketing there and I got exposed to the digital nomads out there and one day I was like "Oh my God, I don't need to be in an office, I can be anywhere and do my work". So I was over my Malaysia chapter and I booked a one-way ticket to Bangkok. I had a friend there, I went to a wedding there. And then after a week in Bangkok I booked a ticket to an island, got an apartment, taught myself how to ride a scooter and that was it! And the rest is history! It's such a journey, I've travelled all over the world, I've lived in more than 15 countries in the last 2 years. Just ask me what you want to know more about! When in doubt, teach yourself Me: I love how you taught yourself how to ride a scooter, I mean, was that just trial and error? Did you just fall off and then get back on? Anna: I think that was the scariest shit ever in my life because overall I think I had that summer 3 accidents on the motorbike and that's unavoidable. When I was renting an apartment, I had to get around. And for anyone who's been to Thailand, besides Bangkok, the only way to get around is by motorbike. I was scared to death to ride it, I didn't have a driver's license and I thought "I suppose I'm just gonna do it!" But I learned how to balance it in the right way, and that's it. So I went on the street and in the first 3 minutes I realized I was gonna be out of gas, and I was like 'shit what am I gonna do' and you know, I just did it. In 2 months I was pretty much like a pro. I loved it, I loved the freedom of going wherever I wanted. An easy way to transition from full-time work to digital nomad Me: At that point were you writing articles? Anna: Well no, I have an interesting story because for me it wasn't like quitting everything and then doing my business. It was good because this transition from having a full-time job in an office to a digital nomad lifestyle with remote work can be a really hard one. I think a lot of people aren't prepared, they think it's easy. But I negotiated to basically start working remotely for the same company. I had a full-time job and I didn't need to be in an office, so that was for about half a year so it really helped me to have stability for the first 6 months, somebody out there waiting for me to show up and do my work. The rest was so unstable, you didn't know what's going to happen tomorrow, where you'd be, it was crazy. So that was great and I wasn't ready yet to jump into my full-on entrepreneurship journey. But I actually found another job with a company that's in the same industry and I signed a contract for another year to work full-time remotely doing online marketing which was great. I negotiated like a double salary and it was awesome! Another one-way ticket...to Colombia I booked my one-way ticket to Colombia and you know, Latin America was a continent that was always in my dreams. But after a year I came back to this feeling that I'm an entrepreneur, you know? I need to do my own thing, I have so much in me to write, to say, to discover the world, to teach. So I quit the job this January just 3 months ago and I went on this 90-day Wanderova journey and I thought I'm just gonna write about it, and it was incredible! In two months of writing on Medium I got to top writer in Travel, top writer in Relationships, I got published by a publication, I'm building my own business, I coached a couple of people. Becoming a relationship expert Me: So then that was my next question actually, because we'll link to Medium in the show notes and then people can read about the posts that you were writing when you were travelling. But I'm curious to know how you then started to write about relationships and how you got to interview porn stars and John Gray? Talk about a mixture! Anna: So actually that project, my expertise in relationships started way before I became a digital nomad. This is also a sign for me when I look back I realize that I was always entrepreneurial. I just didn't fully realize it consciously. From MindValley to John Gray While I had my full-time job in Malaysia, some of you might know that MindValley is such a creative, entrepreneurial place. And I started my podcast in 2014. At that time I had just broke up with my boyfriend. We were almost engaged and all of that but I said I don't want that. I didn't know anything about relationships but I was into podcasting and I just said "I'm going to start my own podcast where I'm going to interview men about relationships to figure it all out". And you know, it was such a journey, I did the project for two years. In these two years I got a chance to interview 43 amazing men all about women and relationships. I asked them all kinds of questions, and yes I interviewed John Gray. He wrote 17 books on relationships and you know, he's a famous writer and speaker, men go to their cave and whatever. I was shocked myself when he decided to say yes and have an interview with me. Enter the porn star I interviewed porn stars. It's actually a funny story because after my interview with a porn star, his name was I think John Logan. A couple of weeks later I was doing my self satisfaction moment in bed and then I saw the guy in a porn video in like a threesome and I was like "Oh my God I can't watch this! I interviewed him on my podcast!" But yeah, I interviewed all kinds of men from all kinds of nationalities, all kinds of walks of life. And I just asked them what do they find attractive in a woman and all of that. Me: And what kind of things came out? What are some of the common things that men seem to say about what makes women attractive? Anna: Oh this is such a huge subject! Me: Maybe two or three little things. Anna: I actually learned a lot, not only from them, but I read a lot, I researched the subject. And I became a totally different woman. It was a journey to discover men, but at the same time it was more of a journey of discovering myself and what I think about men, what I think about relationships, what I think about women. The first thing Anna learned about men A lot of shit came up that were limiting beliefs, patterns from my childhood, whatever. So one of the things that I love to tell everyone, and women especially, is that we have this notion that men are something based on what we've seen in our life. But I absolutely believe 100% in the good of men: I love men, I love their masculinity, their polarity. And I started appreciating men. I realized what they have to go through to even talk to a woman, you know? Like I never thought about it. Men go through their puberty and they just start Googling things and talking to other men about how to get women. We as women, I mean I don't want to generalize but a lot of women are so bitchy to men and so down on men and "oh they just want to get into my pants" and I just went inside and realized who they're raised by and how they're going through all of this process. First I'd say that I just got to understand and appreciate men, which was my mission. I realized that it's a journey for all of us. Anna's biggest learning The other thing that I realized is that I dug deep and this is all about patterns and limiting beliefs that come from my family and my childhood and my culture and what I've seen. And I realized that I was attracting all of these emotionally unavailable men because I myself was emotionally unavailable. So my second tip and my biggest learning is that our partners or the men that we attract as women are a direct reflection of us. If we attract someone that doesn't call us back or whatever, that means that we ourselves are unavailable. And it's really hard to realize cause you're like "But I want love! I want a relationship!" But you're just not ready. That's what I tell all of my girlfriends when they ask me. If you're attracting super needy men there's a lot of deep, deep work in there. So that's the second thing. The third thing: we're working with broken tools And the third thing I'd say is that I just realized I never saw growing up a healthy model of how relationships should be. I come from a small Eastern European country, my mother passed away when I was 8 years old, and my dad after that remarried a couple of times. Well, once he remarried, but there were many women in his life and there was a stepmother, there was an evil bitch there, I mean I have a crazy story. Basically I just didn't see healthy relationships where men loved their women, women loved their men and they had healthy relationships where they're partners. They're not like "Oh my God, you're my other half" and like "Save me" and "Heal all my wounds". I guess one of the biggest realizations was that I just realized that our modern notion of love and relationships is completely broken. We just expect the other person to come in and "Make me happy, heal my wounds". It just doesn't work. A healthy relationship today, and still travelling! Today I'm engaged to my man, but I always make sure that this is me, and my shit is like my shit and I need to work on me constantly. Even when I'm getting married. I'm like "this is his own shit, this is my shit". We're together in this, and we're choosing each other every day and you know, we're not dependent on each other emotionally. At least I hope we're not. Me: You know, I like that phrase 'choosing each other every day', that's really quite cool. Yeah. Anna: Yeah. So I believe that really helped me and you know, I just became emotionally independent and that's how I met my man currently and that's how he proposed 9 months after we met. We're having a wedding in Moldova in my country and it's so beautiful and flowery but there was a lot of work behind it. I went through a lot of stuff. So that's the story. Anna's Ayahuasca journey Me: So when I was reading your blog and the stories of your travels, I just zeroed in on your Ayahuasca story. I was like "I have got to read this!" because I've always wanted to try it and I haven't had the opportunity yet and I know that I will. But for the benefit of anyone listening that doesn't know anything about it, can you just tell us really briefly like what it is, and also how you came to be taking it and what happened? What Ayahuasca is Anna: Ayahuasca is very common among travellers because full-time travellers have a certain character, they're adventurous, so they often know about Ayahuasca. But people who don't travel that much, they're like 'what the hell is that'. So Ayahuasca is something that I heard about a couple of years ago that somebody did it, and it was such an amazing experience. Life-transformation and whatever. I thought "I've gotta do it, I've got to have it on my bucket list!" Me: Cause it's a herb, right? You take it as a tea? Anna: Yeah, so what it is...There's a lot of controversy out there. Scientists have done research and experiments on what ayahuasca does and its effects. But basically it's a herb, it's a medicinal plant that's found in the Amazon so in the Brazilian part in Peru. How you use Ayahuasca...the right way It's mostly in Peru, people go there to have this experience. Ayahuasca's a psychedelic plant. But the difference between all the psychedelic drugs out there, MDMA etc, I mean I haven't done any of that by the way. They call Ayahuasca a medicinal plant and a life transformation experience because it's a shamanic ceremony. So it's not like you go into a club and eat a plant or a mushroom. There's a ceremony, there's a shaman who guides people through. It's a very serious experience, it's an adventure. You've got to be ready to do it and there are so many positive stories around it. People are realizing their life purpose or whatever. And there are also bad stories around it, that people have horrible experiences. What they say that ayahuasca does is that if you look at the research it's actually used as a treatment for drug addicts for example, and people who are lost and want to see but they can't see. So it affects some parts of your brain that are responsible for emotional memories. What Ayahuasca can show you That's why it's healing. It's a healing experience in a way. They say that ayahuasca will show you what you need to see. So I wrote this post, there are two parts. One of them is where you count down... Me: That's the one I read. I haven't read part 2 and I was like "What happens?" Anna: Yes I describe how I felt before, and I was like pushing away the fear and then 48 hours before, an hour before...I was really scared because I didn't know what the hell was gonna happen. What Ayahuasca does So basically it's a liquid tea, they call it Ayahuasca tea. You drink it and maybe in like 20 minutes it starts coming to you. And then basically after that you fall into a state of deep dream and you start seeing psychedelic things for like 5 hours. Me: Wow! 5 hours! Anna: Yes, it's really intense. Me: But you don't see the time go by, I would imagine, right? Anna: Yes, it's totally, well not out of body, I wouldn't know how to describe it. Me: Well it's like when we dream, we're in a completely different state of consciousness, right? And so time doesn't have the same meaning. Anna: Exactly, yeah. And I was aware of what was happening but I was deeply into it. I put it all out there in part 2 for readers to read, but every experience is different. Our group had a really good experience. We did it during the day. We were in a very safe environment which is very important. But I've heard stories of not having a great experience, so it really depends where you are in life, how ready you are, and how much of a control freak you are. A lot of people who didn't have a good experience tried to control it. And you just can't do that. You've gotta work on just letting it go, letting it do its job and all that. Anna's main takeaway from her Ayahuasca journey I'm really happy I did it. It still has its effects on me up until today and I think it always will. I plan to do it again and I'm actually still processing it. I'm really glad I did it. It was powerful. Me: What was the main thing that it gave to you? I mean, if you had to pick one thing, what would that be? Anna: Well I think it's two things. First of all, there's a feeling of oneness. Oneness with the world, with nature, with people. And at the end of it you just feel bliss. Our shaman explained that when you do Ayahuasca, you're at a very high rate of vibration which is actually the human natural state of vibration. I totally believe that we are here to enjoy life. We are here to be happy and to be on that really high vibration. I just felt this feeling of oneness. I felt like whatever I have to do at home, like "Oh I have to do a podcast?" Whatever I have to do, it doesn't really matter. It's like humans we complicate it so much. I felt that before through travelling, but this was a really intense feeling. On top of that... The second thing is that I just look at life as a game. It's all a game! Me: Yes! Totally! Anna: We just complicate things so much but if you just let things flow and be in the game, nobody knows what the fuck they're doing anyway! Me: I tell myself that a lot. I do! It's a game! It was like today because you know, for me, I'm super excited because you're like my first podcast guest, right? Yay! Anna: Yay! Me: And so you know this morning, of course you get a bit nervous. Because I'm using different technology for the first time and all that, and I'm like "You know what? So what!" It's a game as you say, and we're having fun and learning and exploring. Where to find out more about Anna So you've done so many cool things and I know you have a lot to share with listeners. Where do people go if they want to find out more and read about you and read more about your journey? Anna's writings Anna: Well first of all I send everybody to Medium. So if they go to www.Medium.com/@wanderova, this is my profile and I'm writing everything there. I'd say there are three different topics I write about which are travel, relationships and life. But travel not in the sense that I'm not a travel blogger. I don't write about 'ten things to do here and here', I don't care about that. I mostly write about personal growth and self development and my thoughts. My angry thoughts...and so if they like what they're reading I also love to send people to wanderova.com. It's my website and you can sign up to get updates and whenever I create something I'll just send you an email telling you how things are and just sharing my thoughts and stuff. I'm building a business and a lot of things are coming up. But I'd say that, yeah, read my Medium stuff and if you like it then go and subscribe at wanderova.com and we'll have a conversation about life and purpose and travels, yeah. Anna's podcast Me: And your podcast as well, that can be found where? Anna: Well, as I said the podcast isn't active yet but people can listen to it. My previous website is meninsideshow.com or they can find the actual episodes on SoundCloud and type 'meninsideshow' and you can listen to all these different interviews with men. There's a lot of deep, cool stuff because men get very vulnerable. That's what I realized, they're not like robotic machines that don't have feelings. They've been taught to have this image but their world is as intense and as deep as ours. It's just a different polarity but it's powerful. Me: Super! So I'll link to all of those in the show notes for people. Anna, thank you so, so much. I really love your stories. And I for one am definitely going to listen to those podcast episodes. A super mushroom for your own magical brew Now I did mention at the beginning of this episode that I'd share with you what mushroom you can use to make your own magical brew at home. Now I can't promise you it will take you on a magical journey, but it's a great coffee substitute. The mushroom is reishi. Now before you freak out and think where the hell am I gonna get reishi, you can easily get it on Amazon. Benefits of reishi mushroom Reishi mushroom not only makes a great drink, but it's an adaptogen. What that means is that it helps us deal with stress. So super important, right? Reishi also helps keep your blood sugar stable, and it's great for both your immune system and your lymph system. On top of that, reishi is said to be able to help defend against tumor growth, improve liver function, balance your hormones as well as help fight diabetes, allergies and asthma. So you really want to be getting yourself some reishi. I'll link to a very informative article in the show notes as well if you want to get more in-depth scientific knowledge about reishi. How to use reishi mushroom As to how you use it, well, if you've got pieces of reishi, you brew them. You make a tea. If you've got the powder, you just tip the powder into your blender with some warm water. Then you blend your reishi brew with cacao powder and a handful of cashews for a super delicious mocha. Or you can make my coffee substitute which I'll link to in the show notes. So I hope you've enjoyed our tales of magical journeys and brews! And if you try some reishi (or ayahuasca, for that matter), let me know in the comments! Have YOU got a story to share? If you've got a crazy, true story to share - with or without magic mushrooms! - and you'd like to know what food could have saved the day in your situation), I'd love to hear from you! Got a question, or a comment? Got a question, or a comment? Pop a note below in the comments, that would be awesome. You can also subscribe to the podcast to listen 'on the go' in iTunes, Stitcher or Tunein. I hope you have an amazing day. Thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now! RESOURCES Anna's podcast: https://soundcloud.com/maninside-show Anna's blog: https://medium.com/@wanderova My recipe using reishi mushrooms: https://rockingrawchef.com/five-more-superfoods-and-a-coffee-substitute-you-wouldnt-believe/ Anna RovaAnna Rova is an online marketer, lover of life and a yogi who is living the dream working and traveling the world. Originally from Moldova, Anna has lived in over 15 countries including Malaysia, Columbia and Mexico. She continues to travel as a digital nomad.
This story is about how to avoid mind control, and what food is best for someone who is in urgent need of nutrition. There's even a touch of divine intervention. What you will learn what kinds of people can be drawn into religious sects the subtle language that can hide mind control and other sinister aims behind what a course promises to teach you the biggest principle behind food that helps shape your body At the end of this episode I'll share with you a food that you can use not only to gain weight, but to lose weight too. How bizarre is that? But for now... On with the story Living in Paris, France In the previous episode I shared with you what happened after a bomb literally went off (see Episode 8). I also mentioned that because of the Scientologists, I almost didn't get my resident card, which I was desperate to have so that I could continue to live and work in Paris. Which brings me to today's story, which will close the chapter of my life with Scientologists. I moved on to other exciting things after that, such as a famous French hard rock guitarist and his vampire mom, but that's another story. So let me explain how the Scientologists messed with me getting my resident card. The main reason is that they had brainwashed Dave and he started acting crazy. But I think I need to explain how that can happen, so I'll do that briefly. Living in Montmartre Before Dave and I got married, so before the crazy Italian (which I talk about in Episode 3), we were living together for a while in a gorgeous apartment in the center of Paris, near Montmartre. In addition to going to restaurants and all that other romantic stuff you can do in Paris, Dave and I had been reading about the principles of Scientology, because we found some of them can be quite useful. One of them is how you can help people get over a past trauma, which I've already talked about in Episode 7. Even if in my case it led to a bunch of pumpkin heads. But - and this is a big but - the problem with Scientology is that you don't see the scary stuff until you're already pretty deeply embedded in their world. I'll get to an example of what I mean by scary stuff in a minute, but how do people get caught? And why do they stay? Here's what happened to me and Dave, anyway. We'll take care of everything! The Scientologists told us from the beginning that they could help us with just about anything. And over time, if you're a bit vulnerable like Dave was, you get sucked into their world. They tell you that you're part of their community, that you don't have to face the world alone, that you'll be able to handle anything that life throws at you...as long as you're with them. You start to become totally drawn in by the feeling of being protected, being looked after and cared for, in a safe world that won't change too much, where there are people who are there to watch over you. And after a while, once you get deep enough into Scientology, you just can't leave. That is, if you're vulnerable. And that's what happened to Dave. Now I love the idea of community. But fortunately for me, I've also got a pretty strong character. And even though I did learn some useful things, I'll never forget the moment when I came across a phrase that led me right out the door. I shared it with Dave, but by then it was too late for him. Mind control? No thanks I was sitting in the Scientology library reading coursework. I forget what course it was, but I'd been going there for a few weeks by that time with Dave where we took classes. We didn't live there, but we were there pretty much all day (and for me a lot of that was because they fed us too if I licked some stamps which I talk about in Episode 7). By the way when I say coursework, I don't mean Ron Hubbard's book Dianetics which I'd already read. I'm talking about private materials that they don't share with the public. They do things gradually, after all, so as not to scare anyone away. So I'm reading these lessons, and suddenly I read this sentence: "This technique is the first step towards influencing the minds of others to get them to do what you want". I had to read it a few times because I was like "Surely they can't be talking about mind control. That can't be right". But it was. The course promised further techniques and strategies to influence the people around you so that they would act how you wanted them to. This wasn't about sales, this was about brainwashing. A very strange course Now before writing up this episode, I took a sneak peek at the UK Scientology website to see if I could find the name of the course that I was taking. I figured now that they had internet, it would be there. I didn't manage to find it - it wasn't for the public, after all - but I did manage to find an example of some more subtle, only slightly freaky stuff. And I can share it with you because it's public knowledge. It's right there on their website for anyone to see. I'll link to it in the show notes so you can read it for yourself if you want to. This is how subtle mind control can be The text doesn't mention mind control per se, remember they don't want to scare people away. But here's what it does say to suck in unsuspecting people. This is from the description of an online course they call The Emotional Tone scale: "How often have you heard someone say, "I don't understand him"...There has never been a workable method to invariably predict human behavior — until now. "L. Ron Hubbard developed just such a method, and it is applicable to all men, without exception." (I have to interject here to remind Scientologists that women too live on this planet. Just saying.) "With this data, it is possible to accurately predict the behavior of a potential spouse, a business partner, employee or friend—before you commit to a relationship. The risks involved in human interaction can be avoided entirely or minimized when you can infallibly predict how people will behave...You'll know who to associate with, who to avoid...Imagine knowing, after a very short time, how people will behave in any given circumstance. You can. Each and every time." Well, isn't that just wonderfully reassuring. I can learn their techniques to make sure I don't run the risk of becoming friends with someone who doesn't behave in a certain way, rather than just listen to my own heart. Anyway hopefully you see what I mean when I say that these people have a rather different set of morals and values. And they are very good at hiding their cards. A red flag to a bull So let's go back to their Paris library. Having read that I too could learn the science of mind control, I stood up to leave. But rather than just sneak out the door, I wanted to confront the Scientologists and tell them why I was leaving. Dave wasn't there because we did different things at different times, but I figured I'd see him at home and tell him what I'd found out and then that would be that. I went into the office of one of the people in charge. I have no idea what her name really was, but I'll call her Giselle. Please don't be offended if this is your name, I'm just picking a name out of a hat. I could call her Cruella but that would make this sound like a Disney film, and it was not a children's fantasy story, it was very much a real life experience. Anyway I went to Giselle and I told her I was leaving, and why. Her next words amazed me and confirmed that I was really making the right choice, because these people had nothing more to offer me and they were deeply disturbing individuals. I told her that mind control wasn't something I wanted to do, and that I was leaving immediately. Here's the first and only thing she said - because after that I was long gone: "But Barbara, you know you'll never make it if you leave Scientology". Well! Clearly Giselle didn't know me very well, because that was like a red flag to a bull. I was out that door faster than you could say 'brainwashing'. And if Giselle could see me now, I wonder what she'd say. Especially if she managed to see what I've achieved all by myself, without Scientology. Sigh. We'll get him...no matter what Anyway I left, and I went straight back home and waited for Dave. I couldn't wait to tell him what I'd learned, because I knew that he was a good person, so he'd feel as I did. And sure enough, when he came home I told him what I'd read, I told him what I said to Giselle and what she said. He was quiet for a minute, and he then said, "Yes you're right. That's not right. We won't go back." I thought everything was going to be fine then. A few days later, the phone rang and surprise surprise, it was the Scientologists, looking for Dave. Not for me. They knew I was no longer a prospect. I told them to leave us alone and that Dave wasn't going back there and that they had to respect his choice. Well unfortunately for me (and more so for Dave), the Scientologists didn't give up. When I was home I'd hang up on them, but they kept calling. Eventually they managed to call when Dave was home on his own. I was working part-time doing something (I lose track of what because I had so many different random jobs before I got my resident card). They talked to Dave, and I came home to discover that he'd left to go to them for some course or other. The losing battle...that ended in marriage Thus began a bit of a battle between me and Dave and them. I kept trying to get Dave to see why you really wouldn't want to be associated with people who use mind control, but they were really clever. They'd found a way to spin their brainwashing thing in a way that Dave accepted, I guess. They probably just told him they didn't mean it. Whatever they said, he just got more and more wrapped up in their world. He was totally one of those vulnerable people that I mentioned before. His family didn't really support him, and I was there for him, but I guess somehow that wasn't enough. This was actually a big part of why we got married - I naively thought that we could then build a life together without interference and that I could somehow keep him away from them. Pretty dumb, I know, but there you go. Anyway I've already talked about us getting married, going to a disastrous pseudo-honeymoon in Corsica, me meeting the crazy Italian of Episode 3...so I'll fast forward to the moment when I saw Dave acting really crazy. This was about 2 years later. It was when I saw that the Scientologists had taken just about everything from him. Lying outrageously to get a great job I was working in a translation office with a great bunch of girls. We had SO much fun it was ridiculous, and I was single (not technically, but you know) and happy. I had lied my way big time into getting the job. My strategy was telling them that yes not only did I know the software I was going to be using (which I didn't know at all), but that I actually taught it to others. Not very subtle, I know. To this day I have no idea why I chose such an outrageous lie. But fortunately for me, I was quick enough to learn what I needed to do, so my employers kept me. This happened in so many different jobs that I wanted to get despite having no experience that it kind of became a questionable habit. And my translation office job was really great. I didn't do any translating - we were audio typists. Because the work required a lot of concentration and speed, we got to take lots of breaks. This was quite fortunate because one day in the middle of a break, much to my surprise Dave walked into the office. (It wasn't a public office, I have no idea how he got in). Dave had been calling me for months to get the divorce proceedings started, and I'd been putting him off because I wanted to get my resident card first. I knew I was just a few short weeks away from getting it, but time kept dragging on with no card in the mail. So Dave kept getting more and more insistent on the phone. Enter the walking dead Anyway when I saw Dave walk into the office, I almost fell out of my chair. What had been a vibrant, happy and attractive young guy was now a gaunt, grey, hunched and clearly stressed man who looked like a strong wind would blow him over. I mean I wanted to take him to the hospital, that's how bad he looked. His eyes were sunken, the stress was so palpable that it looked like his arms could snap like twigs at any moment. I was absolutely horrified. He said, "Can we please start the divorce proceedings? The Scientologists are telling me that I'm living a lie and I have to let it go." Well I couldn't say no. Even feeling angry that it was because of the Scientologists that he was in that state to begin with. Here's how our conversation went: Me: "You look awful. Who's looking after you?" Dave: "Oh I'm living at my mentor's house" (Dave was working for a successful business in Paris, and the owner was his mentor). Me: "What happened to your apartment?" Dave: "I sold it". Me: "So where's the money?" (He'd had a nice apartment in the center of Paris). Dave: "I gave it to the Scientologists". So he was now broke, with no apartment and on the verge of a physical collapse. I was grateful that his mentor was looking after him, but I was worried for him as you can imagine. I agreed to start the divorce proceedings. And even though I was stressed thinking that I might not ever get my resident card, I figured I was way better off than Dave. Mostly though, I wanted to at least put his mind to rest for something. Divine providence Now this is where divine providence comes into the story. We were given an appointment to go to the judge to get the divorce in 2 months' time. And every day I'd check my mailbox to see if my card had arrived. I was hoping that the divorce proceedings hadn't tipped someone off who could then decide to stop the whole procedure and everything I'd tried to do for for the past 2 years. Because that could happen any day. The days passed and still no card. And one sunny October morning, it was time to go to the tribunal to get the divorce. No more stalling. Dave came by to get me and there was no turning back. I walked downstairs, opened my mailbox...and the resident card was inside. Just in the nick of time. I cried with relief. Two years of waiting and appointments and phone calls and paper pushing were finally over. After about 5 minutes (I recovered quickly because they were happy tears), I dried my tears, went to the tribunal, got divorced, and never saw Dave again. A happy ending I actually never knew what had happened to Dave, until I wrote this story! Thanks to the internet, I can happily say that Dave did manage to eventually leave Scientology. I've seen his picture online and he's no longer the walking dead. He looks fit, healthy and happy. I think he escaped them thanks to his amazing mentor who took him in when he'd been left destitute. His mentor was clearly able to do what I couldn't, and I imagine that Dave was smart enough to see for himself by that time that being with the Scientologists hadn't exactly brought him fulfilment. Dave is now very successful. I won't say in what field because he's got lots of followers, but I am glad and relieved for him, to say the least. So it's a crazy story with a happy ending. A great food to boost your strength Now what food could I have given Dave when he walked into my office looking like the walking dead? Well, it would need to be a food that is very high in nutrition. It would need to be a food that helps you gain strength and muscle mass. This particular food can help you not only gain weight, but lose it too. So it will have to be... Dark leafy greens! Surprise! Benefits of dark leafy greens Dark leafy greens are packed with all 8 essential amino acids that we need to get from our food. (The remaining 14 amino acids are made by our bodies. Cool, right?) How to use them for best results For best results, if you want to beef someone up, you want to eat these leafy greens with healthy fats. The reason for this is the fat helps us absorb the amino acids and minerals from the greens. So a dark salad with olive oil and avocado not only tastes good, but it helps deliver great nutrition to the body. Now before you think "Oh no, I eat a lot of salads and I want to lose weight", don't worry. The main principle behind controlling your weight - whether you want it to go up or down - is all about two things: putting the right nutrients into the body, and making sure you can absorb them If you give the body what it needs, your weight will tend to stabilize itself. I know about greens and weight control because of my studies with raw food expert David Wolfe, but I couldn't find a decent article online that explains all of this. David talks about it in his books, but that's it. You may have heard people use the argument that gorillas eat greens all day, and look how strong they are, but that really isn't the full story. I'll have to write an article myself. In the meantime though, I will link in the show notes to a post from David Wolfe in a French forum that talks about how you can eat to manage your weight, using greens and good fats. It's just a simple post and it's in English. It's very short, but the information he gives can be valuable to some of you if you want to know more about this. Anyway, I've got lots of delicious recipes that use dark leafy greens in all kinds of creative ways in my 5-Minute recipe ebooks that I'll link to in the shownotes for this episode. Have YOU got a story to share? If you've got a crazy, true story to share - with or without mind control! - and you'd like to know what food could have saved the day in your situation), I'd love to hear from you! Got a question, or a comment? Got a question, or a comment? Pop a note below in the comments, that would be awesome. You can also subscribe to the podcast to listen 'on the go' in iTunes, Stitcher and Tunein. I hope you have an amazing day. Thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now! RESOURCES 5-Minute recipe ebooks: https://rockingrawchef.com/5-minute-recipes/ 'Emotional Tone scale' course: http://www.scientology.org.uk/courses/tone-scale/overview.html David Wolfe's post on eating for weight control:http://alternativesante.superforum.fr/t1164-david-wolfe-on-eating-for-weight-gain
Not giving up when a bomb throws you a curveball, and a food for anxiety you can actually eat raw (if you want to) What you will learn how sometimes it's crucial not to take no for an answer, even from the police a great food for anxiety relief At the end of this episode I'll share with you one of the best foods you can eat for anxiety relief. It's a food that I bet you don't know that you can eat raw! On with the story Living in Paris, France So as with some of my previous episodes, this story takes place in Paris, France. In Paris I naively thought at the age of 24 that I could just move there and find work. I figured working wouldn't be a problem, despite the fact that at that time I couldn't speak the language and I didn't have a permit. My father and I had been to Paris before when I was 16, and I loved it so much that I'd vowed that one day I'd go back and be able to speak to the people there in their language. And I did wind up doing just that, including getting my resident card and eventually French nationality, but both involved a long hard road, to say the least. Becoming fluent in French was really easy compared to getting my resident card. Which brings me to today's story. Falling in love with a Frenchman After a year or two in Paris, I fell in love with a Frenchman (as you do). And if you've listened to previous episodes you'll know that he was also a) a hypnotist and b) a little crazy. Or at least a little vulnerable to religious sects. Not religious sex. I mean, I wish. Religious sex would have been better than nothing. Hmmm, that's definitely another story! Anyway, I was living with my ex-French husband whom I call Dave. (I keep forgetting, yes he is still French, but he's definitely not my husband any more. Actually I don't even know if he's still alive...but I certainly hope so). I don't use his real name to protect him in case he listens to these one day and he's like "How dare she plaster our life together all over the internet!" Which I doubt because I don't even know if he was left with a phone after the Scientologists got a hold of him. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Dave and I were happily living together until a) we got married so that I could get my resident card and b) we found the Scientologists. I talk about how we wandered into the Scientology trap in Episode 7 so I won't repeat that here. Married! Once we got married I was really relieved because I figured it was just a matter of time until I'd get my resident card and finally be able to go after any job I wanted. Up to that point I'd had to do all kinds of crazy jobs where people didn't ask about things like permits. Cash in hand type jobs are somehow not so sexy, or so well paid...except for the oldest profession in the world. And there was no way I was doing that! Although the transvestite prostitutes who lived near my apartment across from the Eiffel Tower always seemed happy enough...but that's another story. From the church to the police station As soon as I had our marriage papers (and while I was living with the crazy Italian who almost killed me which I talk about in Episode 3), I went to the police station to apply for my resident card. I was expecting that this would be a smooth process because one of my girlfriends got her card just a few months after she got married. (She actually married a felon so I don't know if that was such a great deal in the end, but that's another story which I talk about in Episode 4). At the police station I filled out all the papers. If you've ever lived in France, you will know that they love paperwork. They pretend not to, but they're just faking it. I mean, they ask you for SO many papers and if they don't have every single one of them, they won't do anything for you. So if an official tells you they don't enjoy their job, they are lying. Well, actually I don't think they enjoy their job but they do enjoy the power that comes from saying to someone 'Ah, you're missing your certificate of xyz' or 'I see you don't have your copy of blah blah blah bank account' or whatever. How to play nice with French officials Actually there's a game that you have to play when you deal with French officials, and this could come in handy for you if you find yourself trying to get any kind of paperwork processed. Free tip for you! Here's what you do. You have to pretend that the person in front of you has such a difficult job. So you have to say things like "Oh I know how difficult this is, you must be looking forward to your holiday" or some such nonsense. It's kind of expected I think, and if you don't do it you're clearly a foreigner and you deserve a hard time. I mean obviously you're a foreigner, otherwise you wouldn't be asking for a resident card, but you're a clueless foreigner who hasn't learned the rules, which is not good at all. So there you go. You'll be prepared, just in case. Anyway I knew all of this, so I went through all the usual phrases like "I'm sorry to disturb you, I know how busy you are." This is one of their favorite phrases by the way - and all in French of course, very important. It doesn't work if you do it in English because then you're worse than the clueless foreigner. You become the arrogant foreigner who thinks that everyone speaks English, and you will get nowhere. Ready to get my resident card... So having said all the right things, I was given an appointment to come back in 3 months' time to pick up my resident card. All I had to do was show up and I'd get it. I was ecstatic. I had waited over 2 years, and it was finally going to happen. At that time I had already left Dave and was living in a hovel with the crazy and dangerous Italian that I talk about in Episode 3. I went home and kept saying to myself, "I'm almost there. Not long now". Well. After a lot of waiting, the day finally came. It was a gorgeous September day, and I remember walking across the Pont Neuf which in case you don't know is one of Paris' beautiful bridges across the Seine. My appointment was in like 10 minutes, so I was hurrying because I didn't want to be late. Here comes the bomb Suddenly I started hearing sirens. They seemed to be coming from someplace ahead of me. Sure enough, once I'd crossed the bridge and I was within viewing distance of the central police station, I saw police vans everywhere. No-one could get anywhere near the station. I asked someone what was going on, and it turned out that a bomb had just gone off inside the police station. 20 minutes before my appointment. I sighed and thought "it's a good thing I wasn't early!" Needless to say, no-one got in that day. I later received a new appointment in the mail (there was no internet at that time so everything happened through snail mail), for 3 months later. The last thing I expected So I waited again - having by this time left the dangerous Italian and gone back to live in Dave's apartment - and I went off to my new appointment. I was very excited, thinking "Finally!" and I went up to the window. However, instead of getting my resident card, I was given a letter. And the letter said - I'll paraphrase it - "you have 30 days to leave the country". My heart dropped to my shoes. I couldn't believe it. I said to the woman "But I'm married! My husband's French!" and she just shrugged her shoulders. So as you can expect, I just broke down and started sobbing. I couldn't believe that after 2 and a half years, after marrying Dave, after becoming fluent in French and really loving Paris in the most visceral way possible, I was being told to leave. From sobbing down the phone to saying no Not knowing what else to do, I mean I felt like I could hardly walk I was so shocked, I went to a pay phone in the police station (there were no mobiles at this time) and I called Dave. I sobbed down the phone, telling him what the letter said. And I will always be grateful to Dave, no matter where he is now, for what he said next. He said (in French of course), "That's ridiculous. You march right back in there and you tell that woman that there's no way you're leaving, and you demand a solution." I'm realizing now as I say this that Dave showed way more strength in that moment than he had ever shown with the Scientologists...but that's another story. So I did. I went back to the woman and said just that. And what she said next really blew me away. It showed me how incredibly naïve I was, and how I really had a lot to learn in life. And from sad to furious She said offhandedly - as if she were talking about the weather or something - "Oh, that? That's just a form letter. We give it to everyone". I said "So I don't have to leave?" She shook her head. I asked incredulously, "Then why do you give it to everyone?" and she shrugged her shoulders and said, "Because some people leave". She then told me that the laws had changed because of the bomb, and that I now had to wait till I'd been married for a year. Then I could come back and get my resident card...and I didn't have to leave the country. Well I was furious. I mean, there were people with families who left the country because of that letter. Because they didn't have someone like Dave to tell them how to handle French officials. Because they didn't question what appeared to be the truth but was actually just a ploy to trick some people into leaving the country. I think I've been on the side of the underdog ever since. Anyway, in the end I did wait a year...and I did get my resident card. I celebrated, believe me! But I still almost didn't get it, because of the Scientologists. That's another story though, which I'll share with you in the next episode. A great food for anxiety relief So what food can help reduce anxiety? As I said, you may not know that you can eat this food raw. And I'm not saying you have to eat it raw, but you can if you want to. The food is...asparagus! Benefits of asparagus Asparagus is rich in folate, which is a really important B vitamin that converts to folic acid in the body. And folic acid is particularly good for helping your body produce and maintain new cells as well as having a healthy nervous system. But did you know that low levels of folic acid have been linked to both anxiety and depression? So if you're feeling stressed out or sad, asparagus can help. Some ideas for eating asparagus Now, how do you eat asparagus? Well, most people steam it or stir fry it, but you can also eat it raw if you want to. It's actually quite delicious in a salad, and I've found a great recipe for you along with other recipes for cooked asparagus if you prefer. I'll link to it in the shownotes below. So no more excuses for not eating asparagus, OK? Some of the recipes use parmesan, but if you don't eat animal products there's an easy fix. Just substitute the parmesan for some nutritional yeast (not Brewer's yeast, there's a difference). Or you can use one of my easy cheese recipes on my blog. Well! I hope you've enjoyed my latest story, and that you'll be digging into some delicious asparagus very soon. Have YOU got a story to share? If you've got a crazy, true story to share (and you'd like to know what food could have saved the day in your situation), I'd love to hear from you! Got a question, or a comment? Got a question, or a comment? Pop a note below in the comments, that would be awesome. You can also subscribe to the podcast to listen 'on the go' in iTunes, Stitcher or Tunein. I hope you have an amazing day. Thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now! RESOURCES Lots of asparagus recipes: https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2013/may/25/10-best-recipes-asparagus My dairy-free cheese recipes: https://rockingrawchef.com/cheese-on-a-raw-food-diet/
How you can end up licking stamps for Scientologists, pumpkin heads (I kid you not), and why you might want to feed pumpkin to the men in your life What you will learn how you can change your feelings about a scary event in your past why you might want to feed pumpkin to the men in your life At the end of this episode I'll share with you three things that you probably don't know about pumpkin, including why you might want to feed some to the men in your life. Oh - and the story also features a brief appearance of three pumpkin heads... On with the story Living in Paris, France This story takes place in Paris, France, where I discovered in my twenties that there are all kinds of weird and wonderful (sometimes not so wonderful) ways to make money. If you've listened to my previous episodes, you'll know that for a while I was living with a kind of crazy French guy (whom I call Dave) who used hypnosis to teach people English (more about that in Episode 1). Unfortunately for us both, Dave wound up getting totally sucked into the world of Scientologists. This is how one day I found myself licking stamps for them and getting more than a glimpse into their inner world, which had some good things about it but also some pretty creepy things. It's also how I came to see the pumpkin heads, which turned out to be a very good thing. But first I need to start by telling you how Dave and I got involved with the Scientologists in the first place. My first encounter with Scientologists Dave and I were walking along the Paris streets at night - as you do because it's just so beautiful - and we saw this poster outside a beautiful building that advertised a talk given by the Scientologists on past lives. The talk was happening in like 10 minutes, so we thought, "Great! Perfect timing!" Plus it was a free talk, so we figured we had nothing to lose. In our defence, we didn't know anything about Scientologists at that time. Dave wound up losing his apartment which he'd bought himself as well as his health, but that's another story. We attended the talk, and while the content was pretty interesting, it basically turned out to be a big pitch to sign up for one of their courses. The courses were pretty expensive, but they said that you could attend the courses for free in exchange for volunteering. So Dave and I were curious and we thought, "Why not?" How to get free food You also could get free food if you helped them with some extra stuff, which is where the licking stamps comes in. I was desperate for an income at that time, and I figured that if licking stamps for Scientologists for a couple of hours was what it took to at least get food, I'd do that. It was pretty easy work. I was basically in a basement office with this other girl, and she stuffed envelopes while I licked stamps. Then they'd feed me and I'd go back home. That part was easy. As for the pumpkin heads, well that part's coming up now. Getting 'clear' So in exchange for our volunteering, we not only got some free courses, but we also got a free auditing session with a trainer. An auditing session at that time was a one-on-one session, so a bit like a therapy session, where the goal is to help you achieve a state of mind that the Scientologists call 'clear'. They told us that being 'clear' means that you're free from irrational fears, phobias, insecurities and that kind of thing. Sounds good, right? Who wouldn't want to be free of those things? I was totally willing to give it a go because I thought it would be really interesting. And I was right. It was extremely interesting. While a lot of Scientology is just plain scary - and I'll share why in the next episode - some of their principles are actually useful. The key word here though is 'some'. Not all. Definitely not. My auditing session For my auditing session, I went into a small room with what looked like a long dentist's chair with squishy cushions. The auditor - I have no idea what his name was, so I'll call him Matt - told me to lay back, relax and close my eyes. He then asked me to think of a time when something happened to me that I found either scary, stressful or otherwise unpleasant. And that was easy because this all took place just a few weeks after my run-in with three teenage gangsters on a train (which I talk about in Episode 6). Tell me a story... Next Matt asked me to tell him the story of what happened, so I did. I told him everything, starting from when they got on the train, then everything that happened with the gun (which I won't go through again here as that's in my previous episode), and finishing with them leaving the train. Once I'd told the story, I was expecting Matt to ask me questions, or make a comment or something. What I didn't expect was him to say rather blankly, "Tell me again". I was like "The whole thing? Again?" He was like "Yes, again". So I did. I told the whole story again...and again...and again. I must have told that story about ten times, and after each time I was thinking 'surely this is enough, he must be getting bored by now' but he would just keep saying "Again". Part of me was thinking "Damn, I could be doing this at home with a couple of girlfriends or something, not much therapy or change going on here". But I complied and repeated the story from the exact same place and ending at the exact same point. From 'fear gear' to 'neutral' Suddenly on the 11th telling or so, I just burst out laughing. What I saw was just so funny, I couldn't stop laughing. So Matt asks, "What's so funny?" And I told him that the three guys came into the train and each of them had a huge pumpkin for a head. I mean, you had to be there to find that funny I think, but for me it was hilarious. And in that moment I understood the power of this particular technique: the negativity around the experience was completely gone. It really did feel cleared out. Even when I talk about it now, it's like it doesn't have any emotional impact on me, it feels neutral. Neither positive nor negative. It's very weird. How useful is it to feel neutral, really? Now before you think I'm going to start singing the praises of Scientology, let me just say that for this particular experience, feeling neutral about it I think is a good thing. But I wouldn't want to feel neutral about everything difficult that ever happened to me. I don't know what you think and I'd quite like to know so feel free to pop your thoughts in the comments. For my part, I'd rather feel healed or integrated than neutral. This was at the very beginning of my experience with the Scientologists, but a few short weeks later I was running out of there totally freaked out. I couldn't wait to put lots of distance between me and them - and I'll share why in the next episode. On to the pumpkin goodies For now though, I'd like to share with you three things that you may not know about pumpkin, including why it could be an important food for men. Benefits of pumpkin First, did you know that you don't have to cook pumpkin? You can actually eat it raw, and I'll say more about that in a moment. Second, pumpkin is one of the best sources of beta-carotene, which gives it its orange color and converts into Vitamin A once we eat it. This is important because foods rich in beta-carotene are thought to help delay aging, fight cancer and prevent degenerative damage to the eyes which occurs as we get older. So pretty powerful stuff. I'll link to an article that goes into all of these benefits in more detail. It also has links to in-depth scientific studies, just so you can see that I'm not making this up. By the way, the article that I'll link to mentions that pumpkin and other beta-carotene-rich foods can be particularly effective against prostate cancer. So ladies, make sure the men in your life are getting some pumpkin in their diet, OK? And third, pumpkin is actually a great food if you're trying to slim down or not overeat. It has a lot of fiber for very little calories compared to other foods. You can make it into bread, cookies, crumbles and all kinds of delicious food. Some ideas for eating pumpkin Now, how do you eat pumpkin? Well, as I said, you can eat it raw. But whether you decide to cook it or not, you definitely have to peel it. The easiest way is to cut round the top of the pumpkin as if you were going to carve it, take the top out, and then scrape out the seeds and the fleshy fibrous bits. By the way, don't throw away the seeds. You can wash them and then dry them out and eat them. Some people toss them in oil and salt and bake them, but I just pop mine in a dehydrator and dry them out that way. As for your pumpkin, once you've removed the seeds and the stringy bits, you cut it in half and then into quarters, and peel each quarter with a strong knife. You'll be left with the flesh, which you can roughly chop and put right into your food processor or blender to make a smoothie or puree or whatever. I've got a recipe for Pumpkin Mousse on my blog which I'll link to in the show notes if you'd like to give it a try. It takes 5 minutes and is delicious. So if you run into anyone with a pumpkin, whether it's on their head or in their shopping cart, at least you'll know what to do with it. And if you'd like other recipe ideas for all kinds of fruit and veg, I've got lots in my 5-Minute recipe ebooks that I'll link to as well. Have YOU got a story to share? If you've got a crazy, true story to share, I'd love to hear from you! Got a question, or a comment? Got a question, or a comment? Pop a note below, that would be awesome. You can also subscribe to the podcast to listen 'on the go' in iTunes, Tunein and Stitcher. I hope you have an amazing day. Thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now! RESOURCES Pumpkin Mousse recipe: https://rockingrawchef.com/pumpkin-mousse-recipe Article on benefits of pumpkin with links to scientific studies: http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/279610.php 5-Minute recipe ebooks: https://rockingrawchef.com/5-minute-recipes/
How teenage gangsters not knowing geography can be life-saving, and a common food that could have helped calm everybody down. What you will learn what to do when faced with foreign (teenage) gangsters the best food to calm down (both for you and for everyone else) At the end of this episode I'll share with you one of the best, cheapest and most easily available items to make food to calm down, as well as help with stress and anger management. And believe me, the main character in our story could have really used something to chill him out. This food is very common and I bet you eat it all the time without thinking about it. It isn't red, in case you're thinking about a food that I discuss in a previous episode that is also very common. OK so it's easy to find and it isn't red. I think that's enough hinting from me, so let's get on with the story. On with the story Waitressing in France This story takes place in France, while I was living in Paris. I lived there for 14 years, and one of my many different kinds of jobs when I was willing to do just about anything for money (as long as it was legal), was waitressing. What a surprise, right? I had lots of other jobs too. I sang at parties and in restaurants, I taught people English (or I tried to) using hypnosis (I talk about that in Episode 1), and I even cleaned people's houses at one point who didn't believe I was a housecleaner (but that's another story). This waitressing job was in a restaurant in a village way outside of Paris, in the middle of the countryside. It was in a big shopping center which was closed at night except for the restaurant, so it was OK during the day but was kind of spooky at night. However, I'd learned I could handle just about anything (including dangerous Italians, see Episode 4). And I needed the money. The hardest part The job itself was fine. I liked waitressing because it kept me busy and the time would fly by because I was running around all the time. There was one girl who worked there whom I just couldn't understand. She was from a small town in Scotland, and I was still getting used to hearing different kinds of accents when people were speaking. I mean, I grew up on Long Island New York where everyone talked with a New York accent. So strong foreign accents were hard for me to understand because I just wasn't used to it. But eventually I could understand her as well as the French customers. After a while, my French was fluent. This last bit is important to our story, as you'll see later. The hardest bit of that waitressing job was getting back home. I had to get the last train going back to Paris, to then get the last metro train going from the mainline station to the metro stop near my house. So I was always racing to get the train. My rebellion against late night train strategy I was always told that if you were a woman on your own taking the train at night, you had to sit in the very first car right behind the driver to be safe. And I did that religiously, every single night. It meant running further and being further away from the exit at the mainline station. It was a bit of a pain because it added extra time to my journey home, but I did it. And one night I just got fed up of having to always go out of my way to sit in the first car like a child. I'd never seen anything bad happen on that train, and I was thinking, "Why should I have to run further every night just because I'm a woman alone? That's not right, and it's not fair". So that night I thought 'Right, I'm going to sit wherever I want!' So I sat in the middle of the train. And once I was alone... When I got on there were about 3 other people, but they all got off at the next stop, and so then I was alone. There were still a few stops before Paris, and I started to think "Maybe this isn't such a great idea to be by myself." I was about to get up and go to another car that at least had other people in it, when 3 teenage guys walked into the car. Now I was in a booth, so there was room for 4 people. Of course two of them sat across from me, and one of them sat next to me. In a car that was otherwise totally empty. I thought "Uh oh" and I figured they were probably gonna hit on me - that happened a lot. So I kind of sighed inwardly and resigned myself to fending off a pass or something. But I was really nervous because there were 3 of them and one of me. The first scary part Then the guy sitting next to me pulls out a gun and holds it on the seat, pointing it at my thigh. And of course my heart plummeted. It reached my stomach and just stayed there. The good thing was that I noticed that when he pulled the gun out - I don't know his name so I'll call him Jean - he didn't look happy about it. He was kind of sighing inside as he did it, like 'oh this is such a pain'. Of course the thought that flashed through my head was 'if this is such a pain, why are you doing it?' Right? But the one across from me - I'll call him Reno - he was an angry kid. He was angry at the world, and I happened to be the one in his way. Why you want to travel light Reno scowled at me and said "L'argent ! Vide tes poches !" which means "The money! Empty your pockets!" (He was using the familiar 'tu' form which was kind of rude considering we didn't know each other!) Anyway at that moment I was glad for two things: one, that I never carried much money with me because I traveled at night, and two, he was just after my money. I'd much rather surrender my money than my person. So I emptied my pockets, and there was basically just a bunch of change. It was the equivalent of like two dollars, so not very much. I gave him the change and he was like 'what?' He was definitely disappointed, I think he'd figured me for some rich tourist. When a little acting comes in handy Now the other thing you need to know here is that as soon as they started talking to me, my intuition said "Pretend you can't speak French". Because I was fluent I understood everything they said, even the slang. My French teacher would have been so proud! But I pretended to not only not speak French, but also I wanted them to think that I was a bit 'intellectually challenged'. That way I might find an opportunity later to surprise them. Or so I thought, anyway. So Reno looks at the coins, and he says "Is this it?" He looked like a kid who'd asked for a train for Christmas and gotten a tiny plastic car. Poor guy. Reno asked Jean - who was still looking like he'd rather be at home watching TV - to look through my coat pockets too. There was nothing else there...except for my US passport, which I really didn't want to lose because that would just be a huge pain. I'd already had it stolen from me on the first day I arrived in Paris, and I figured if I went to the police again they'd be like 'are you selling them?' Way too embarrassing. Who wants the money? Anyway Reno put the passport to one side, looked at his huge takings of two whole dollars...and said "Oh here, take it." He handed me the coins back, as in 'this really isn't worth it'. And playing my role of a clueless tourist, I said "Oh no, you keep it" and he said "No, just take it" and I said "No, no, I insist". It was like when you've got two friends arguing over who's going to pay the bill in a restaurant because each person wants to treat the other, right? Reno kept the coins, but he still didn't look happy about it. And although I'd diffused his anger a little bit - which was totally one of my goals - he still wanted something. I think at that moment though, even he didn't know what it was. Why I was grateful he didn't know geography So Reno picks up my passport and starts flicking through the pages. Now at that time there weren't any epassports. I had lots of stamps in my passport from when I traveled, and I was getting worried that he'd see that a US passport is very valuable on the black market, which it was. People would steal them, change the picture and sell them for lots of money. And here comes the bit where it was fortunate for me that he didn't know his geography. He looked at me and said "You're from England?" I played along with this because an English passport was valuable, but it wasn't considered as valuable as an American one (sorry English friends), so I was hoping he wouldn't decide to keep it. The scariest part Anyway, just then the train stopped. It was the last stop before Paris, and it was in the middle of nowhere. You know, at one of those deserted stations that just has fields on either side. Here's where the story gets the scariest, at least for me. Reno takes the gun from Jean, points it at my kneecap and says "Get off the train" as in 'get off the train with us and a gun in the middle of a field'. Well one thing was for sure - I didn't know what Reno wanted to do with me and a gun outside late at night, but I had no desire to find out. I'd noticed while all of the thieving was going on that Reno's two colleagues kept looking over their shoulders all the time. They were nervous that someone would come along, and it seemed to me that Reno was the mastermind and he'd coerced them into playing along with his plan. Taking a gamble So I took a gamble and I did the only thing I could think of. I pretended I didn't have a clue what Reno meant so that I could stay put. I figured he probably wouldn't shoot because he didn't want to make noise, and I knew there was no silencer on the gun (thanks to TV). He repeated his ultimatum, saying "If you ever want to see your beloved England again, you'll get off this train now". This was all in French of course. Well I was thinking that my survival was way more likely if I stayed put. So I just looked at him with a puzzled face and pretended to be really clueless. I pretended that I just didn't get what he meant. Nobody move He was looking at me, I was looking at him, and nobody moved. Suddenly we heard the sound that signalled the closing doors, and the train moved on. Inwardly I breathed a huge sigh of relief, because I'd taken a gamble that he wouldn't shoot, but still I wasn't 100 percent sure. Once the train moved, I knew he wouldn't shoot. At that point, much to my surprise, he gave me back my passport. To this day I don't know why, except it was obvious that he definitely didn't know how much it was worth. And he definitely didn't know his geography. Or his English actually, because it said "United States of America" on the cover in big letters. My best strategy Anyway I figured my best strategy - since they apparently had decided to stay with me all the way to Paris - was to befriend them. This might sound crazy, but it fit perfectly with my 'playing clueless' strategy. They asked me where I lived, and I told them "Place de Clichy." Now you need to know at that time, Place de Clichy was one of the rougher parts of Paris. It wasn't the roughest, but it was known for having more immigrants than native French. Everyone in that part of town got along relatively well together, but a lot of them were often prejudiced against by some of the more right-wing French. (This was years ago, it's way worse now, sadly). My captors were foreigners too - I could tell by their accents. So when I said "Place de Clichy" they looked impressed, which I thought was quite funny. It was a bit like the scene in Attack the Block, if you've seen that movie? You know, where the guys find out that the girl they mugged lives in their building and they say 'Hey if we'd have known you lived here we never would have bothered you'. Logical, right? I almost became a criminal I said they could come back to my house if they wanted. That might sound crazy to you, but I figured if they were planning on following me back home anyway, it was best to pretend I was being friendly about it. I figured I could find a way to surprise them. At that time I was living with my French hypnotist-later-turned-Scientologist boyfriend, and I knew he had a gun at home. So I decided that worst case scenario they'd follow me back home and my boyfriend would scare them or shoot them and then we'd call the police. That's seriously where my mind was going! My reckless moment At this point we were finally arriving in Paris - it felt like the longest train ride ever by that point. I saw that they were going to finally leave me alone. They kept looking over their shoulders (they'd put the gun away by this time which was such a relief), and Reno said 'Don't tell anyone. No cops!' And in a moment of what might have been stupid recklessness but which actually felt too damn good not to do, I said to them in fluent French - using slang and everything - "You think I'd call the cops? I hate cops. I'm from New York". A small victory Well, their jaws dropped. You could hear them thinking, "Shit!" because for kids like them who were relatively uneducated, New York meant gangsters and rough stuff all the time. (There was no internet, so everything they knew was based on rumors and the news which somehow I doubt they watched). Plus they realized I'd understood everything they'd been saying the whole trip, I'd just been pretending not to. So now they were afraid of being caught. They ran out of that train like their pants were on fire. When they got to the platform, they kept running. They were still running when I got out (once my knees had stopped shaking and I made my way to the metro). I never saw them again, for which I'm very grateful - oh, except as pumpkins (I kid you not), but that's another story. On to the tips: a common food to calm down So what food could I have given Reno? What food could have helped dampen his anger and chill him out a bit? Are you ready? The answer is: bananas. What? I can hear you say. Are you kidding? Nope, I'm not kidding. What's so great about bananas Bananas have vitamin B and potassium, both of which help to calm the nerves. In other words, they help chill us out. Plus they're delicious, easily available and inexpensive. Super cheap anger management...almost. I'd link to a site that I came across yesterday around this topic, but bizarrely on the page about bananas it also has a video called 'How to control your husband' which honestly just is too weird. I had lots of people controlling my ex-French husband (well he's no longer my husband but he's still French) and it wasn't fun. But again, that's another story. In the shownotes for this episode I'll link to an article that I wrote that tells you about not just bananas, but also several other kinds of food to calm down that can not only help with anger management, but also with reducing stress and anxiety. Some ideas for eating more bananas How do you eat bananas? Well, easy, right? You pick one up, peel it and munch away. They even fit in a bag or in your pocket (if it's a small banana and you've got a big pocket). The only problem with that last strategy though is that your banana might look like a gun...or like something else, neither of which would have made Reno very happy to see on my person, I don't think. I mean, I can't say that if I'd fed Reno a banana he'd have put the gun away, but he would have at least been very surprised. If you live in a kind of dangerous neighborhood, you might want a banana in your bag. Just for emergencies. Anyway, I've got lots of delicious recipes that use bananas in all kinds of creative ways in my 5-Minute Breakfasts recipe ebook that I'll link to in the shownotes for this episode. Have YOU got a story to share? If you've got a crazy, true story to share, I'd love to hear from you! Got a question, or a comment? Got a question, or a comment? Pop a note below in the comments, that would be awesome. You can also subscribe to the podcast to listen 'on the go' in iTunes. I hope you have an amazing day. Thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now! RESOURCES 5-Minute Breakfasts and other recipe ebooks: https://rockingrawchef.com/5-minute-recipes/ Article on properties of bananas plus other stress-busting foods: https://rockingrawchef.com/stressed-fight-top-5-anti-stress-foods/
Vicki from LegitChics shares her raw journey from food lover to child protector. Plus one of the most common foods around that can actually help regulate estrogen levels What you will learn about one food lover's journey that led her to protect children and families the most common food around that can actually help regulate estrogen levels, help with migraines and help eliminate PMS At the end of this episode I'll share with you one of the cheapest foods you can buy that can help transform your health if you're a food lover too, and Marilyn Monroe ate this food every day. OK that was a huge hint! Have you got any idea what food it is? You'll find out. On with the story This story comes to us from Vicki Marie, who is an incredible woman. Vicki is the founder of LegitChics.com where she shares other women's stories of their triumphs, survival, struggles, trauma, loss and grief, and what we all can learn from their experiences. In addition to founding LegitChics.com and being what she calls a Bad Ass Solopreneur, Vicki is also a Women's Empowerment & Resiliency Coach, a Family Safety & Family Enrichment Coach, a Crime Victim Advocate, a Social Worker, an Educator and a Survivor. So here's Vicki's story, which I'm going to share with you in her own words. Vicki's story: from food lover to child protector "I love food. I mean really love it. Let me put it this way - when my sister and I were having the team Edward vs. team Jacob debate (like all sisters do right!) - I went team Jacob all the way. I told her I could never give up food - especially Mexican food! To give up chips and salsa, enchiladas, tacos ... no fucking way! She laughed and tried to convince me to be on team Edward by saying, "You could always just eat a Mexican!" Oh, my God we laughed so hard I almost peed myself. But seriously - give up food? Come on." A lifelong struggle "My whole life I have struggled with my extra chub. I think my earliest memories of feeling self-conscious started in junior high - like most of us do at that age. "One time while making a sandwich my step grandmother made a comment about how much Miracle Whip I was putting on my ham and cheese sandwich and how that was going to go straight to my hips. "My dad commented on how wide my butt was getting. "Better yet was the time we got weighed in for PE in front of the whole class and one of the guys (yes, I remember you) held up a sign with my weight for the whole class to see. "In 8th grade I was fully grown and bigger than the awkward scrawny guys, and weighing in at 154 I was mortified. I maintained that weight all through High School and even following the birth of my daughter. But that wasn't good enough "I prayed and prayed God would just help me lose 20 pounds - that's all I asked for. Funny how living with extreme abuse by my mother and I was more worried about that 20 pounds than anything else. "I remember in High School a guy told me I was really pretty and all but that I'd get more boyfriends if I wasn't fat. I was devastated. What I'd give to be back to 154 lbs now. Looking back, I was perfect at that weight and size. I was in size 7 and 9s back then. I haven't seen that weight since my hysterectomy in 2003. "Following the hysterectomy, I gained 100 pounds within the first year and have been a size 22 or 3X consistency. Eating anything and everything "Since then it seems no matter what I do that weight will not budge. If I eat everything in sight or I diet like a crazy person it just stays the same. "I've tried to convince myself that people don't treat me any differently, that my kids (all 5 of them) don't love me any less, and to know me is to love me. But, even with my public confidence and my outwardly "I don't give a shit" attitude - deep down I care. "I eat when I'm happy, I eat when I'm sad, I eat when I'm stressed, I eat when I'm anxious, I eat when I want to set a sex offender on fire. You name the emotion and I'll eat it. "Do I have bad eating habits? Sure. Do I starve myself all day just due to the simple fact I didn't have time to eat then get home after work and eat everything that isn't nailed down because I'm so hungry? Yep. And, do I get fast food or a quick snack of beef jerky and chips at that gas station when I'm out with Law Enforcement investigating child abuse? Hell yes. "I have horrible habits. I know that. But like I said earlier, it doesn't seem to matter what I do - I can eat till I drop or diet and eat healthy and it doesn't matter. The weight stays the same. Never giving up "However, I'm trying again. It's been two weeks of salads, fat-free dressing, chicken breast, cucumbers as chips with my homemade killer salsa. That's actually really good by the way. But, I'm already missing and craving BBQ, tacos, steaks, loaded baked potatoes, cheese! Your killin' me smalls! I'm just keepin' it real. Helping people now "As a mom of 5 children, 28 years and counting parenting experience (you learn as you go believe me), a previous foster parent and Child Protection Social Worker and Investigator for the past 11 years, currently a Crime Victim Advocate and Women's Empowerment, Resiliency & Life Coach and a Family Safety & Family Enrichment Coach, I've worked with and helped hundreds and hundreds of women, children, and families in crisis. "I work with victims of crime, victims of physical and sexual abuse and assault, Domestic Violence, people who are struggling with substance use and abuse, mental health, trauma, families who experience the loss of a child or death of a loved one, as well as victims of child abuse and neglect. "I help families stay safe. "If you need help in any of those areas - I've got you covered. But, if you need help with weight like I do - get help from someone who is an expert in this field. "Barbara, I'm all yours girl! Whatcha got? Vicki Marie" Some ideas for Vicki and other food lovers (and you, if any of this sounds familiar) First of all, Vicki thank you SO much for sharing your story with us. I mean, what an incredible journey. I find it very inspiring - and I'm sure anyone listening does too. You've been able to take your experience of abuse and have the strength and courage to not only contribute to but also to build resources and a coaching practice to help others in similar situations. I just think that's incredible. You're one strong woman. Now you've asked me for a food tip, and yup, I've got a great one for you. You said that weightloss after your hysterectomy is a challenge, and I've definitely got some tips for you. Before I share them though, I just want to say for those of you listening that any advice I give here is based on my own personal experience. Each listener is responsible for his or her own health. I take no responsibility for anything you decide to do or not do as a result of what I say. So if you're in any doubt or you require medical advice in your particular situation, please contact the appropriate health professional. First some non-food tips OK. The first thing I'd say Vicki would be to make sure that you don't have an undiagnosed thyroid problem. I don't know if you've seen a doctor for that, but if you haven't, that might be a good place to start. The second thing I'd say has to do with my own experience in the area of abuse and weight issues. Sometimes extra weight can be our unconscious way of protecting ourselves. It sounds like you deal with really tough situations every day, so I wonder if it's possible that the extra weight helps you protect yourself unconsciously on some level. I say that because I used to have that problem myself, and also not all women gain weight after a hysterectomy. So there could be another reason. I'm not a therapist. I'm not a coach. I'm just a fellow survivor with a long experience of therapy, personal development and spiritual practices. And that's what came to my mind, so I wanted to share it in case it helps someone. The food tips First, what to avoid, especially for estrogen levels Now in terms of the food that can help you, first I want to tell you one food to avoid, OK? And that food is soy. The reason you want to avoid soy is because it has phytoestrogens that mimic estrogen in the body, which play havoc with your hormone balance. This is true not only for women, but for men and children as well. That's why you see men who aren't that overweight with man boobs. I mean, that's an estrogen thing. It's kind of scary, and I could talk for the entire podcast about why estrogen levels are important to control and how you can do that, but I won't. So, if you're drinking soya milk for example, please stop! Better choices for plant-based milks are any nut milk, or hemp, or rice milk, or coconut milk. Anything but soy. What to add into your diet Right, now here's a food for you to add into your diet Vicki. I don't know if you eat it or not, but hopefully you'll start now! It's a super common food that actually helps detox and eliminate excess estrogen. Apparently Marilyn Monroe ate this food every day. She also smoked and drank a lot, but she ate this one superfood every day. The best part is that this food doesn't come in a fancy package as a dried superfood powder that costs the earth. It's actually one of the cheapest foods you can get. You're gonna be surprised. Are you ready? The food is...carrot! Did you guess it? If you did let me know, OK? So why carrots? Raw carrots actually have a particular fiber that absorbs excess estrogen and helps get it out of the body. Isn't that cool? So if you know anyone suffering from PMS, including migraines, ask them to eat one raw carrot each day and see what happens. I'm not making this up. In the shownotes for this episode I'll link to an article by Dr Ray Peat where he explains more about estrogen levels and how he found that his migraines disappeared by eating one raw carrot a day. I'll also link to another article that explains the link between raw carrots and estrogen. Best way to eat your carrots Now how do you eat your one carrot a day? Well, it has to be raw. And for best results, you want to eat it in between meals, so just pick one up and munch on it. The best carrots are large, organic carrots. Just avoid any pre-peeled carrots, because the peel on the carrot helps protect it from picking up bacteria, and if they're organic, you don't have to peel them. You can just wash them to remove any excess dirt. And if you want to up your intake of carrots with your meals as well, try dipping them into my Spinach Dip, or shredding them to add to soups and salads. You'll find the Spinach Dip recipe in my 5-Minute Soups & Sides recipe ebook and I'll link to that in the show notes. To find out more about Vicki and the amazing work that she's doing, head over to legitchics.com Have YOU got a story to share? If you've got an inspiring story to share (and you'd like to know what food could have saved the day in your situation), I'd love to hear from you! Got a question, or a comment? Got a question, or a comment? Pop a note below in the comments, that would be awesome. You can also subscribe to the podcast to listen 'on the go' in iTunes. I hope you have an amazing day. Thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now! RESOURCES Article explaining link between raw carrots and estrogen: http://empoweredsustenance.com/raw-carrot-a-day/ Article by Dr Ray Peat on estrogen: http://raypeat.com/articles/articles/natural-estrogens.shtml Recipe ebooks, including 5-Minute Soups & Sides: https://rockingrawchef.com/5-minute-recipes/ About Vicki MarieLegit Chics Founder & Editor-in-Chief | Bad Ass Solopreneur | Women's Empowerment & Resiliency Coach | Family Safety & Family Enrichment Coach | Crime Victim Advocate | Social Worker | Educator | Survivor Website Facebook Instagram Pinterest
How not to get married in France, and what to serve in case uniformed officers turn up on your doorstep What you will learn how NOT to get married in France the best food you can serve in case any policemen turn up on your doorstep At the end of this episode I'll share with you the best food I think can come in handy to offer policemen because it contains a super stress-busting food. On with the story This story is about one of my girlfriends, whom I'll call Masha. Masha was really smart. And in Masha's defence, I've got to say straight away that she didn't actually know that her husband, whom I'll call Paul, was a felon when she married him. I think Masha was smarter than me. I married my French hypnotist much later in a messy, grey sort of way (which I talk about in episode 3). Masha however knew that she wanted to do an exchange. She was American, and she wanted to be able to live and work in France. So she decided she'd marry a Frenchman who wanted to be able to live and work in the US, and it would be a win-win. Right? They'd stay in France for a while and then both go their separate ways. How we found each other Now I don't remember how she found Paul. I think she started asking around rather than place an ad or something. Remember there was no internet so you couldn't hop onto a forum like 'marry me dot net' or whatever. You had to find someone with more traditional methods. She might have put up a poster? No, I don't think so. That would have been scary. Oh but first I have to tell you how I found her. That was really weird. Masha and I were actually friends in high school back in the States. We didn't really see each other just the two of us, but we hung out with the same group of people. One day in Paris, so after university which was like 5 years later, I'm standing in this gym waiting for my aerobics class to begin. Suddenly this girl comes up to me and she asks me in French if I'm Barbara. As soon as I saw her eyes I knew it was Masha and I was like 'No way! How are you!' and it was amazing! Can you imagine, bumping into a high school friend in an aerobics class in another country? I mean, it was too weird. So Masha gets married I was so happy to have found Masha. It can be kind of tough when you're away from family and anything that's familiar in a new country with a new language and all of that. So we had a lot of fun together, it was really great. And of course we had had some of the same experiences when we arrived. We even both wound up with French husbands. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Anyway, I was teaching English at the time I think (surprise, surprise). I hadn't heard from Masha in a little while, but one day I get a phone call from her. She was like "Hey, I got married" and I was like "What?" Masha said "Yeah, I needed my papers, he wanted US papers, so yeah, it's all done and I've got my French resident card now". Well to get a French resident card was all I'd ever wanted. I used to have nightmares about the French police banging down my door and saying "where are your papers?". And I hadn't gotten married yet because I was hoping to do things another way, but Masha didn't wait. She treated the whole thing like a business transaction, and she got what she wanted. Some live with models, some live with weirdos Masha also had this really cool job. She was working with models and photographers, working on fashion shoots and going to glamorous parties and stuff like that. I was working in various office jobs and living with my French hypnotist who was still being pursued by Scientologists (but that's another story). So I could really feel the contrast in our daily lives. I admired Masha when she told me about her whole arrangement. I mean, she made the whole thing sound so easy, and I thought it was very brave, in a crazy kind of way. So things for Masha worked out really well. Paul left France - he went to the US (I won't say where in case he recognizes this story and is tempted to come after me, ha!). And once he was in the US, Masha didn't really hear anything from him which was fine with her. She said the whole thing was very amicable and that Paul was a nice guy - a good-looking guy too, I mean I never saw him but I took Masha's word for it. Considering she was working with models, he must have been seriously hot. Knock knock, guess who? Everything was fine for Masha. She was working and doing her thing, loving her life in Paris...until one day the doorbell rings. Masha goes to the door, and there are two policemen standing there. She's thinking 'what's going on?' Right? She knew she hadn't done anything wrong. The policemen asked her, 'Where's Paul? We need to speak with him'. Masha told them the truth - that he left France ages ago and that she didn't really speak to him anymore. It was at that point that they told her that Paul had stolen the equivalent of what would now be...like...two hundred thousand dollars. Now it's important for you to know that the law in France says that you're liable for your spouse's debts (it did at that time, anyway). So if Masha couldn't turn Paul over to the police, she'd be responsible for all that money! An address can be crucial Fortunately for Masha, she knew exactly where Paul was and she gave the police his address. Paul was found, extradited and put into prison. Best of all for Masha, no-one contested her divorce. Whew! Right? I mean, all I got was a crazy Scientologist, at least I didn't get a felon. So Masha lived happily ever after - at least until I showed up on her doorstep with my bags one day, but that's another story. On to the food! Right, so on to the food portion of our story. Imagine yourself in that situation. You've got policemen at your door who are looking for your felon husband who owes them a LOT of money which YOU would have to pay back if they couldn't find him. What food could you have served to those policemen that would have brought down everyone's stress levels - especially yours? The answer is: raw chocolate! If you've listened to previous episodes, you knew I'd get to the chocolate eventually, right? It didn't take me long. You've got to have chocolate with crazy stories. What's so great about raw chocolate? Raw chocolate, or cacao as it's also called, is great for several things: it's an incredible stress-buster it contains magnesium, which can actually help not only nourish but also relax your muscles it can help with healthy levels of hormones (never a bad thing, right?) it gives us a shot of dopamine Dopamine, by the way, is like an instant pleasure hit. And I don't know about you, but if I saw two policemen at my door asking about my felon husband whom I hadn't known was a felon, I'd much rather be relaxed and give myself a little boost, shall we say, rather than be all stressed out. How do you use raw chocolate? So, how do you eat raw chocolate? Well don't go out and buy some random candy bar. That's NOT the same thing because the sugar and the dairy cancel out any benefit you get from the chocolate. For best results you want to get yourself some unroasted, raw chocolate powder. You can get that on Amazon and a lot of grocery stores have it now too. Then you just tip a spoonful or two into nut milk for example, whizz it up with a couple of dates and presto, a quick chocolate shake! And my personal favorite Now personally my favorite is raw chocolate brownies. And I don't think those policemen would have been able to resist my brownies, whether they were on duty or not. Plus it's the same word in French, you just say 'brownie'. So no vocabulary problems either. If you'd like the recipe for my oh-so-good raw chocolate brownies, you'll find it in my 5-Minute Chocolate Heaven ebook. You'll be able to cover yourself in chocolate if you want to. Have YOU got a story to share? And if you do cover yourself in chocolate, I want to hear about it! If you've got a crazy, true story to share, with or without chocolate (and you'd like to know what food could have saved the day in your situation), I'd love to hear from you! Got a question, or a comment? Got a question, or a comment? Pop a note below in the comments, that would be awesome. You can also subscribe to the podcast to listen 'on the go' in iTunes. I hope you have an amazing day. Thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now! RESOURCES Link to Chocolate Heaven and other recipe ebooks: https://rockingrawchef.com/5-minute-recipes/
What happens when you leave a French hypnotist for a sexy Italian...and food that can help you breathe! What you will learn How a 'grey marriage' might not be the best idea A simple food you can eat that can literally help you breathe easier I actually blame myself as well, and my French hypnotist husband...but the sexy Italian is definitely the main culprit in this story. At the end of this episode I'll share with you a super common food that can actually help you breathe easier. (Yes, breathing plays a very important part in this story, as you'll hear later on). This food is so common, you'll probably be surprised. Do you know what it is? Take a guess and see if you're right. I'll give you a hint: it's very common. OK enough hints from me... On with the story This story came about all because of a hot, sexy Italian guy that I moved in with 2 weeks after I got married to a French hypnotist (mentioned in Episode 2). In my defence, first let me say that I didn't marry the hypnotist just to get my French work papers. That would have been what the French call a 'white marriage' - a 'mariage blanc'. I always thought of ours as more of a 'gray marriage'. By that I mean, we loved each other, but we didn't really want to get married. We really wanted to stay together, but I needed papers so I could stay in France. It was basically either get married, or I'd have to leave the country. (Turns out I almost had to leave the country anyway...but that's another story!) So we got married. (My family couldn't be there. A family member was on top of a tall building deciding whether to skip the elevator on the way down...and no-one told me. But that's also another story!) A honeymoon gone bust My hypnotist-now-husband I call Dave. (Actually that's so NOT a French name, I could have at least chosen David, but that's my friend's French husband. Even I wouldn't steal a girlfriend's husband, French or not). Anyway, Dave decides that for our honeymoon he wants us to go to Corsica and camp out in a stationwagon. He figured we could sleep in the back while traipsing around the countryside to look for small trickles that could pass for waterfalls. (Dave needed a photo of a waterfall for a client). Romantic, right? Clearly our marriage was totally on the right track. We were headed straight for marital bliss and happily-ever-after. Well, we were in Corsica for two weeks. (I'm pretty sure I managed to convince him to skip sleeping in the station wagon). Unfortunately though, by the end of those two weeks, I knew the whole marriage thing was a BIG mistake. But I just kind of pushed it to the back of my mind and figured I'd deal with it later(!) I thought 'Come on, this is Dave, I love him, maybe I'll snap out of it or maybe he'll get more romantic' - which in retrospect was just dumb. But there you go. Enter the sexy Italian So we got back to Paris, and that night I found myself in a café. (If you live in Paris you wind up in a café almost daily). I was meeting up with some friends of mine I'd met through my singing class, and at the end of the table was this GORGEOUS Italian. The whole time everyone was talking he was saying nothing. His eyes were just like boring into mine the whole evening. I was like 'whoa'....! Major heatwave!' But in my defence... It's important that you know something else about my new hypnotist husband. He had decided some time ago that it was more spiritual to make love once a month because of some religious tenet or other. I really should have taken that as a HUGE billboard saying EXIT HERE, but you know, I figured I could talk him round, or get him to see the light some other way. (Actually that should have been a BIG clue he was ripe for membership in an extreme religious sect - but that's another story). So you know, after that oh-so-not-romantic honeymoon, plus Dave's ridiculous 'have sex once a month' regime, I wasn't the happiest new wife. Just to set the scene for you, OK? Right, back to the café and the gorgeous Italian. He was just like staring at me the whole time as in 'I'm gonna just eat you up' kind of way, and he was seriously hot, so you can imagine my reaction, right? I would live to regret what I did next Long story short, an hour later I went home with him and didn't go back to Dave. I did call Dave, I didn't just not show up home. That night I called him and I just couldn't lie, I said 'Dave I've met someone else, I'm not coming home'. Dave was shocked of course, but he didn't say very much and I wanted to get off the phone as soon as possible because it felt really uncomfortable, as you can imagine. I stayed away for at least a few months. (After that I didn't go back to Dave as such, just to his apartment. But I'm getting ahead of myself). I'm not sure free pizza makes up for this The gorgeous Italian - I'll call him Mario so I can think about silly video games rather than what he was actually like - he worked in a pizzeria, making pizza. That was a definite benefit to our relationship - I could go anytime when he was working and he'd make me a gorgeous pizza and make me feel really special. Mario liked showing me off when we were out. I was kind of like arm candy for a pizza guy, except I didn't get to go to any Hollywood parties. I just got free pizza. As it turns out I was working in another restaurant just down the road making salads and getting paid a pittance - so the free pizza was great. Unfortunately other aspects of our relationship weren't so great - like the fact that his apartment was almost literally a pile of rubble, because he was redoing it. But because he worked a lot, he hardly did any work on it EVER. I mean I don't think I ever saw him so much as lift a hammer in the three months or so that I lived there. There was no shower - again, I don't know what it was with me and showers in Paris! It was like I was destined to live in the local pool instead - the shower tray was in there but the walls were all cement, no tiles, no paint, just bare cement. We had a floor of bare cement, and there was basically just a bed in there. So what was I doing there? You'd wonder what I was doing there, right? Well...Mario was really attractive. For the first few days it was fun, because Mario was NOT a 'have sex once a month' kind of guy. Unfortunately the whole thing quickly degenerated, and I'd already told Dave at that point that I wasn't going back to him because there was no way I was gonna just cheat on him. I felt like I owed Dave the truth. (Not the 'I moved in with a guy who has no furniture just a bed on a cement floor because he's so hot' truth. More like the 'I don't think this marriage can work and I'm living with someone else' truth). I've done a lot of things in my life, but I've never dated two guys at once. I'm a one guy at a time kind of girl. (Except for this one musician, we had a special arrangement...oh boy, that's another story!) Going from bad to worse So! When I say that things degenerated, it was like Mario wanted me there, but more in the same way as he wanted a bed, food and shelter. I was a necessity, but not a person who had any value apart from what I could do for him. That's the best way I can put it. One time we went to Spain for a holiday. (He paid - we went on a bus with his best friend, which was a bit weird.) I remember he put his arm around me one night and said something like 'You'll never leave me'. He said it though in that spooky, 'I'm actually a jealous bastard who will kill you if you try to leave me' way. You know that scene in the movie when you watch the guy say something like that, and you're like 'WOMAN, GET OUT!' Well, that's when I started to have serious doubts about the wisdom of my decision to be with Mario, gorgeous or not. Just a few steps between me and the street The other thing I have to mention in my defence is that at this stage I had almost no money. I was paid in cash under the table at my restaurant job, so they hardly paid me anything. I just had to take what I could get, and I had to be really careful with money. I remember I always had to jump the turnstiles at the metro to get to work. Going back home wasn't so bad because it was after midnight in a bad part of town, so you knew you weren't gonna get any ticket controllers because it was a bit of a dangerous trip. (It's amazing what you can get used to when you have to.) I was starting to feel desperate for more money to live on. I remember one particularly desperate day when I thought 'I could actually just give up! I could go downstairs, sit down and just live on the street. All I have to do is walk downstairs.' Fortunately though, the stubborn part of me was like 'no that would be WAY too embarrassing. It would be like me telling the world that I can't cope, that's just NOT happening! And what if my family finds out?' I'm grateful for my stubborn streak, because when you're pouring water with a bit of chocolate powder over your corn flakes and you're living in a pile of rubble, well, you start to wonder where things went wrong, right? Oh - maybe you've never eaten corn flakes with water and chocolate powder? Lucky you, I don't recommend it. Making change happen Anyway, the really good thing was that because I was technically married, I felt I could finally look for a 'real job', something that would pay decent money. Plus my French was way better: I was practically fluent. (Let me tell you there's nothing better than having a couple of French boyfriends/husbands to pick up the language!) At that time I was scouting for a better job EVERY DAY. I knew I was going to find something really good, mostly because failure just was NOT an option. Plus I was convinced that my working papers were on their way in the mail. (Or so I thought before a bomb went off - but that's another story!) My new attitude of 'things are gonna change' was VERY well-timed, because now we get to the part of the story where breathing becomes pretty crucial. When your world changes in an instant It happened very quickly, as these things do - it was one of those 'the whole world changes in an instant' kind of moments. Mario and I were having a pillow fight, which was actually really fun...until he playfully put the pillow over my face, covering my nose and mouth so I couldn't breathe. Well, he left that pillow there just a little bit too long. It was only an extra second or two, but in that moment I got the message. My conscious mind finally understood what my unconscious had probably known for a long time: Mario was actually dangerous. How dangerous I didn't know - but there was no way I was gonna stay to find out. He took the pillow away that time, but the message was clear - I was living with a bit of a psycho. Take the job and run Fortunately - and it just amazes me how these things happen - I had just gotten a call THAT MORNING saying that I'd gotten the most recent job I'd applied for! (I lied my way into it, but that's another story.) I was going to be making like 4 times what I'd been making at the restaurant. Plus it was REAL MONEY paid into a bank account and everything, with REAL PAY SLIPS. Woo hoo! Right? Perfect perfect perfect timing. A life-saver, literally. So after he removed the pillow and let me breathe again, Mario left for work. I wasn't working that afternoon so he left by himself. And as soon as he went out the door, my mind screamed LEAVE NOW, DO IT FAST, MAKE SURE HE CAN'T FIND YOU. And I did. When you've got nowhere else to run to... I packed my bags - actually only one bag by this time, most of the stuff I'd come to Paris with had gotten waylaid in all the moving I'd done. There wasn't that much left, which was just as well. I didn't know where to go. I mean, I had to find somewhere else to stay that night, so...I called Dave. I was like 'can I come back and stay with you for a while till I get something sorted?' (I didn't tell him about the pillow stuff, I figured he'd only worry.) And Dave was like 'yes of course'. OK so this might make you think he was a bit of a doormat, but we did still care about each other. In his heart he was a really nice guy. It's just that the physical side of our relationship sucked. Plus his whole religious thing was getting way too freaky for me. (It got even more freaky later, but that's another story!) Dave wasn't living in his apartment at that time anyway, so I had the place to myself for a while. And with my newfound, really good job, I was finally able to relax. (Until I met a couple of teenage gangsters, but that's another story!) What would you have done? Before we get to the food portion of our program, I want to invite you to get "raw and real" with me for just a moment. Does anything in my story resonate with you? I know it's a bit of a crazy story, but let me just ask you: have you ever had one of those moments where suddenly you know that nothing in your life will ever be the same again? For me it was when the pillow hit, literally. But what about you? And what do you do in those moments? I mean, I could have cried, right? I think I did cry, but only once I was safe. It was like the adrenaline took over until I got my stuff out, got to Dave's place, put my bag down and knew that I could relax and just let myself feel what had happened. I cried then, yes. Then I was angry, and then I felt like a failure...but I kept reminding myself that I'd just landed a great job, and things were gonna get way better. I have a feeling I'm not the only one... What about you? When you have tough moments like these, do you give yourself time to feel what happened? Or do you push the feelings away and never think about it again? Let me tell you, I find it's way better to let that stuff out - better out than in, as they say. Even if it means punching your own pillow. At least you're the one doing the punching, right? That's just something I wanted to throw out there for you to think about. And if you've got anything to say about it, I'd honestly love to hear it - go ahead and pop it in the comments, cause I know you guys, I KNOW I'm not the only one with stories like these. YOU'VE GOT 'EM TOO. Right? On to the food! Right, so on to the food portion of our story: I mentioned that I'd share with you a super common food that can actually help you breathe. So let's do that now. Are you ready? When I tell you you're probably gonna be like 'Are you kidding?' But I'm not. There are studies and everything, and I'll link to them in the shownotes for this episode. The super common food is... The humble apple! Did you know that? Isn't it weird? Apples can actually help you breathe easier! Now if someone's choking, you obviously don't give them an apple. But a British study shows that apples can help prevent wheezing. Researchers gave kids a glass of apple juice a day, and they found that those kids cut in half their likelihood of developing a wheezing problem, compared to the kids who didn't have apple juice as often. Does that sound crazy? The studies are real, and I'll post a link to the British study in the Resources section below so you can read it for yourself. Researchers also found that pregnant women who ate apples regularly were less likely to have children who suffered from asthma or wheezing. Isn't that incredible? So how does that work? Here's why this works: apples are very rich in antioxidants, and particularly in those that are known to help reduce inflammation in the air passageways. And that type of inflammation is precisely what happens with asthma and wheezing. So, how do you eat apples? Well that's easy, right? Pick one up - preferably organic and with the peel still on - and dig in! If you want to know more... If you're more of a dessert person and you'd like a recipe for an amazing and super healthy Upside Down Apple Pie, you can check out my 5-Minute Desserts recipe ebook. And if you enjoy my stories and want to hear more, subscribe! I share one crazy yet true story a week. Got a question, or a comment? Got a question, or a comment? Pop a note below in the comments, that would be awesome. You can also subscribe to the podcast to listen 'on the go' in iTunes. Have YOU got a story to share? Last but not least, if you've got a crazy yet true story to share (and you'd like to know what food could have saved the day), I'd love to hear it! Send it to me! I change all names to protect the innocent, the not-so-innocent, and the oh-so-totally guilty. I hope you have an amazing day. Thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now! RESOURCES Link to 5-Minute Desserts recipe ebook (and others too): https://rockingrawchef.com/5-minute-recipes/ Link to British study: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17301090 Link to other studies and information about apples: http://www.bodybuilding.com/content/top-10-inflammation-fighting-foods.html
A situation in a tiny room that went one way but could have gone another: do you speak up or not? And food that can help the heart. Hi everybody, I'm Barbara Fernandez, the Rocking Raw Chef, and welcome to my Clean Food and Dirty Stories: one to entertain, the other to inspire. I help people stamp out stress, depression and fatigue over at RockingRawChef.com, and today's title is: This is SO not girl on girl What you will learn How you can use a little self assurance to avoid a lot of discomfort How to eat some great foods to help you if you're feeling lonely, scared, insecure or just plain blocked Before I say anything else, I've GOT to say that this is NOT a sex story. It really is NOT girl on girl. I mean, it could have been, but things didn't really go that way. It's more like a super vulnerable, I-know-I'm-not-the-only-one-but-it's-still-kind-of-weird-so-its-super-scary-to-share story. So on with the story It takes place in a tiny room - specifically, in a maid's room in Paris - a 'chambre de bonne'. There are a few requirements for a room to classify as a real French maid's room: It must be super tiny. How much room does a maid need, right? It must be at the top of at least 8 flights of stairs with no elevator It must NOT have a shower I guess maids didn't need showers? That one kind of baffles me - but anyway. If you were a lucky maid you'd have a communal shower in the hallway. Otherwise you just did what I did, you went to the local pool a lot. It had no kitchen area either - surprise surprise - but we had an electrical socket next to a shelf with a hot plate. We basically made a lot of pasta and oatmeal. I guess it was the equivalent of what the British call a bedsit. A bedsit is a room with enough room for a bed and for you to sit on the bed. There's not much else. We actually had a deluxe maids room because there was enough room for TWO beds which was unheard of really. Maybe that one was where the head butler lived or something. Anyway I was really grateful to be able to live there with my friend - I'll call her Mave. Mave was the whole reason I went to Paris in the first place. She had said 'Come to Paris, I'll be there too, we can stay for a year, it'll be really fun'. Mave went back to the US at the end of that year, and I wound up staying for another 14 years (but that's another story). From the airport straight into 'French fried' When I arrived fresh (well not so fresh actually) from the Paris airport, the train and the subway, Mave was kind enough to help me lug my 3 HUGE suitcases up 8 flights of stairs (God knows WHAT I was thinking by bringing so much stuff). She also let me stay with her till I got my own place. She was working as an au pair and the maid's room was included in her 'deal'. So there were TWO of us in a tiny room that was smaller than my bedroom at home - but way more exciting of course because it was in Paris! Now one day I'd just come back from a long hard slog of going around jobhunting...before Google. Before the internet. You had to look through newspapers for job adverts or go out of your house (what a concept) to look at local noticeboards. Then you had to call people up and go to see them. Of course you also had to find them first, in a strange city. So when I got back I was feeling a bit discouraged because it was really hard. Why was it hard? Because my brain was absolutely FRIED from trying to do everything in French. I was job hunting, reading, talking, getting lost, asking for directions and interviewing, all in French. My French wasn't good enough to make that an easy process (buying bread was stressful, so imagine jobhunting. What was I thinking?). Plus you didn't have a mobile to check Google maps to get directions. Just imagine. So I was totally wiped out. I can remember the insides of my cheeks hurting because speaking French requires different facial muscles. Did you know that? Totally weird - and totally another story. Here comes the 'not girl on girl' Anyway I must have looked as discouraged as I felt. Mave was like 'Oh, you look like you've had a rough day, let me give you a massage'. Now if this had been a guy saying this, I would have been like 'He's totally hitting on me' and I would've just laughed. I would have either said 'Well maybe another time' or 'Hmmm, sure!' Depends if I was attracted to him and how I was feeling at the time, right? But because this was coming from one of my closest girlfriends, I was like 'OK'. I laid down on my stomach on the floor (there was nowhere else). Mave started massaging my back and my shoulders, which was really nice. Now a lot of my close friends are gay or bi, so, you know, I don't see people's sexual preferences as any big deal. I think we're all on one big spectrum anyway. A few minutes into the massage though, and I started to sense that things could easily go in a totally different direction from just a friendly massage. It was like that spidey sense that we've all got, right? When your brain goes 'Whoa! Alert! New information here! What are we gonna do?' So I kind of started panicking, and I thought, "What do I do? What do I say?" I mean I loved this girl, but I wasn't attracted to her that way. Actually the most important thing to me was that I really didn't want to hurt her feelings. So I just said something like 'Ummm, I think I'm good now, thanks so much!" and I sat up and started doing something else. I think I probably started making oatmeal (we practically lived on oatmeal so that would have made total sense). The only thing 'coming out' was good ol' insecurity I actually felt a bit guilty inside, like maybe I'd disappointed her or hurt her feelings anyway. My mind was like "OMG we're gonna be sharing this small space for potentially a few weeks and things are gonna be all uncomfortable and weird..." Actually Mave was absolutely fine about the whole thing. I had been panicking inside for nothing. She was almost laughing about it, you know, like 'easy come easy go, just a thought' kind of thing. And you know, we never talked about it, I'm sure because I was way too afraid to mention it. I mean I was so chock full of insecurities anyway at that time, and I was so focused on not hurting her feelings. When I think back, not only was she totally OK with the whole thing, she was OK with who she was. She still is, in fact now she has this SUPER high-powered job, a great relationship, the kind of life that anyone would envy. And I realize now that she was way more grounded in herself than I was at that time, even though she'd definitely had her share of challenges growing up. I think it's taken me like 30 years longer (ahem) to feel anything close to the degree of self-assurance that she had at 24, which is how old we were then. So I kind of wish now that I'd been brave enough to at least talk about stuff rather than push things under the rug. I wish I wasn't so embarrassed and uncomfortable about the whole thing. I've gotten way better at talking about stuff now, but 30 years seems like a long time to get there, you know? Has anything like that ever happened to you? Did you have an opportunity to be really open and honest with someone and maybe you didn't take it, you closed up instead? I think we all have at some stage, right? What I wish I'd known then I personally wish I could have felt braver rather than scared, more secure rather than insecure, or even just happier and more confident rather than be riddled with low self-esteem. In other words, I really could have used something to help me unblock my 'emotional self', or my heart center, to put it another way. Now I say 'heart center' because I don't just mean our physical heart, I mean the whole center of our chest that comes alive when we feel happy, loved and expansive. If you think I'm going all woo-woo on you, just bear with me. Think of a time when you hugged someone you love, or cuddled a pet - you know that warm feeling in your chest? That's the heart center expanding. There's an actual physical process that goes on there that can be measured. It's why people with cats for instance are less likely to develop heart disease. I mean, I'm not making this stuff up. How do you know if you need a bit of 'unblocking'? So how do you know if your heart center - or heart chakra, some people would call it - how do you know if it's a bit blocked? Well, any time we experience loneliness, shyness, an inability to forgive, jealousy, harsh judgment of others, sadness, codependency - in fact, any time we block our feelings, we're blocking our heart center. So if any of these are familiar to you, and if you're human I suspect the answer is yes, your heart center could use some tlc and a good ol' foodie boost. I mean, we all feel these things sometimes. It's nice to know though that there are things we can do - and foods we can eat - to help us through these feelings. The perfect food, and it isn't what you think So let me share with you the perfect foods to help. These foods are not only good for your heart center, but for your physical heart too. And no, I'm NOT talking chocolate (although that's good too, for other reasons which you can read about here). The food I'm referring to is...I hope you aren't disappointed...green leafy veg! But wait! Before you go 'ewww I hate greens, I'm not a rabbit', hang in there. There are ways to make them taste amazing, and I'll get to that in a second. The rule of thumb is pretty much anything that's green, and I'd say the darker the better. Eating greens like spinach and kale is great for your heart because they give you magnesium. Magnesium helps regulate blood pressure. Plus green veg are rich in fiber so they help lower cholesterol as well as lower the risk of cardiovascular disease. One thing though: if you're on blood thinning medication such as wayfarin, check with your doctor - you'll need to limit the amount of kale and spinach that you eat because the vitamin K content can make that particular medication less effective. However you can have other green veg like broccoli and celery which will still benefit your heart, so you won't lose out. How to eat it without feeling like a rabbit Now how do you eat your greens, especially if you don't like them? Well, make yourself a green smoothie! Toss a mango (take the huge seed out obviously), a handful of spinach and some water in a blender, and voila! Delicious! If you'd like some recipes to make a wide variety of greens taste absolutely amazing, you'll find lots of inspiration in my 5-minute recipe ebooks here. And if you enjoy my stories and want to hear more, subscribe! I share one crazy yet true story a week. And if you enjoy my stories, pop a note in the comments, that would be awesome. You can also subscribe on iTunes. Last but not least, if you've got a crazy yet true story to share, I'd love to hear it! Send it to me! I change all names to protect the innocent, the not-so-innocent, and the oh-so-totally guilty. I hope you have an amazing day. Thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now!
My adventures with a French hypnotist, and some brain food that could have come in handy... Hi everybody, I'm Barbara Fernandez, the Rocking Raw Chef, here with my Clean Food and Dirty Stories: one to entertain, the other to inspire. I help people stamp out stress, depression and fatigue over at RockingRawChef.com, and today's title is: Can you learn English AND drink coffee...while you sleep? At the end of this episode I'll share one of the best foods you can eat if you want to learn faster because it can improve both your memory and your concentration. Do you know what it is? I'll tell you in a bit. So on with the story. When I finished university with an oh-so-useful degree in theater (I don't know WHAT I was thinking), a friend of mine was like 'Barbara you should totally come to Paris with me'. As in like Paris, France, not Paris, Texas. Actually I'd never been to Texas so that would have been an adventure too - my mom always said that was one state that she'd drive AROUND if she went cross-country which of course would make me want to go there all the more. I actually have some really good friends who live in Texas who I hope to visit really soon (sorry Mom!) But back to Paris. So my friend was like 'come with me to Paris, we'll stay for a year, have a lot of fun and come back' and I was like 'actually, yeah!' Because it was either that or start working as a waitress in some random diner while I struggled to make it as an actress, and I think that kind of thing is way sexier if you do it in French, right? Plus there's lots of other stuff you can do in French which is definitely sexier, but that's another story. So I arrive in Paris with my wobbly high-school French (I can remember buying a baguette was traumatizing, I couldn't understand what anyone was saying) and I'm thinking 'Right, I'll just grab a job' which now that I know what I know about working in other countries - as in having an official work visa or other kind of paper is probably a good idea - I was totally delusional, but fortunately for me, blissfully ignorant. And I did get a job! Now this was when - dare I say it - there was NO GOOGLE. You actually had to leave your house and hunt down notice boards, write down the phone number, and then find a PHONE BOOTH and use COINS to call the person. And all of this in French, at least in Paris. The first job I landed was in an 'Institut' (fancy word for school), where they promised their clients you could 'learn English while you sleep'. So you can imagine the motivated and dedicated students that ad attracted, right? These lucky people paid premium prices to lay down in a room, get hypnotised (that wasn't me, that was a guy, I'll call him Dave 'cause I wound up marrying him - but that's another story) and then while hypnotised they'd listen to a tape playing a key sentence in English followed by its French translation. These were absolutely essential phrases, such as, "I'm washing the dishes / Je lave la vaiselle" "I'm walking the dog / Je promene le chien". Now my job - which was really good for my French - was to read out the French phrase and try not to fall asleep myself while waiting for them to come up with the English. So the way this usually played out was that I'd read the French, they'd yawn and rub their eyes - I mean they were still half asleep - and then they'd look at me all bleary-eyed and be like "Oh....j'sais pas" which is of course 'I don't know, I have no clue, I have no f*cking clue', etc. I mean, if you'd just spent half an hour sleeping and you were woken up, dumped in a chair and had someone say 'Je lave la vaisselle', would you come right out with 'I'm washing the dishes'? So no, you can't learn English while you sleep (you can learn other things, but that's another story). You can however drink coffee - and here's how I know. Once the hypnotist and I got this really cushy gig - we went up to the north of Paris 5 mornings a week at like 7 am to hypnotise/teach this guy English at his company. And I have to be honest - once the guy was hypnotised and he was sitting in his chair with his headphones on listening to 30 minutes of key phrases to blast off with his English...Dave and I would get bored. He didn't need us, he was blissed out. So one day Dave asks me a question that's guaranteed to get me moving (not that question, that's another story). He says, "Do you want to see something funny?" And I'm like 'Yeah!' So he moves towards the businessman - I'll call him Jean - and says "Watch this". Now I don't know Dave that well yet, so I'm wondering what the heck he's gonna do, and I'm feeling a little nervous because we're out in the middle of nowhere so if the guy wakes up and gets angry, I mean who knows what could happen? We'd be in serious trouble and I'd definitely lose my job, which I didn't want because it was pretty easy money. But Dave just goes to Jean (who's got his eyes shut) and says (in French of course) "Jean, I'm going to give you a nice hot cup of coffee and I want you to take a sip," so Jean nods, and Dave takes Jean's hand and pretends like he's giving him a big mug of Americano, and I watch as Jean holds the 'cup' and brings it towards him to drink! Then Dave says "Be careful, it's a bit hot", and Jean blows on it and takes a sip! Dave says "That's great Jim, now let me take it for you" and he takes the 'coffee' from Jean, while I'm running spluttering out of the room with my hands over my mouth so Jean can't hear me laughing hysterically. Dave runs after me and of course we laugh for at least 5 minutes, and when Dave wakes Jean up, Jean's got no idea that he's had a bit of Java while he was listening to "I'm opening a door" and "I'm making my bed" and other such essential English phrases. We had other gigs like that where we'd go to people's houses, but I made Dave promise me he wasn't gonna do any more of that stuff because I mean it kinda freaked me out even though no unsuspecting English students were harmed in the course of our hypnosis lessons. They just got lots of extra naps. So that's how I know that while you definitely can't learn English while you sleep, you sure as hell can enjoy a nice cup of coffee. Right, so what could Jean and other victims - uh students - of mine have done to improve their English learning? What could have improved their concentration as well as their memory so that even though the hypnosis course was complete crap, they could have retained better what they were trying to learn? The answer is: AVOCADO! Did you guess that one? Don't feel bad if you didn't, I would never have guessed in a million years. Avocados not only help prevent blood clots in the brain, but they also help improve cognitive function, especially memory and concentration - both of which are crucial for learning thanks to vitamin K and folate (a type of B vitamin). Plus they're a healthy source of fat, and the brain is mostly fat so we need to be eating good fats to keep the parts of our brain 'greased', as it were so it can run smoothly. Now how do we eat avocado? Well, that's easy, right? Just slice it open and enjoy! Or mash it up and make guacamole. But did you know you can also add avocado to smoothies? And avocado is particularly amazing with chocolate powder, you can make the best chocolate pudding ever which is so delicious it's ridiculous, plus it's feeding your brain, I mean what more could you want, right? If you'd like a recipe for some gorgeous chocolate pudding, you'll find a link to my 5-Minute Chocolate Heaven recipe at rockingrawchef.com/5-minute-recipes/ And if you enjoy my stories and want to hear more, subscribe! I share one crazy yet true story a week, and if you enjoy it and you're listening on iTunes, give us a review, that would be awesome. Last but not least, if you've got a crazy yet true story to share (and you'd like to know what food could have saved the day), send me an email I hope you have an amazing day, thanks for being here with me to share in my Clean Food Dirty Stories, bye for now!
How to not ruin great opportunities by being flexible, standing up to bullies and tons of naughty funny erotica. All while wearing pajamas.
Tom Spurgeon – The Narrator Chris Mautner – The Recorder Joe McCulloch – A Peeping Tom – AND FEATURING, IN ORDER OF APPEARANCE... – Various works by Wallace Wood (ex. “Cannon”, “Malice in Wonderland”, “Pipsqueak Papers”) Various works by Frank Thorne (ex. “LANN”, “The Iron Devil”, “The Complete Ghita”) “Birdland” by Gilbert Hernandez Various works by Don Simpson ('Anton Drek') (ex. “Wendy Whitebread: Undercover Slut”, “Dracula's Daughter”, “Forbidden Frankenstein”) “Ironwood” by Bill Willingham “Id” by Robert Crumb Various works by Tom Sutton ('Dementia') (ex. “Buffy”, “Crypt of Cum”, “Savage Sewer Sluts”) “Box” by Brian Sendelbach “Hump Crazy!” by Jeremy Eaton “Cannibal Porn” by Rich Tommaso “I Want to Be Your Dog” by Ho Che Anderson “Cynthia Petal's Really Fantastic Alien Sex Frenzy!” by Dave Cooper “Sheedeva” by Sandra Chang Various works by Steve Carter & Antoinette Rydyr (ex. “Femosaur World”, “Spore Whores”, “Kill of the Spyderwoman”) “Leatherboy” by Craig Maynard “Coley Running Wild” by John Blackburn “Ramba” by Rossano Rossi & Marco Delizia Various works by Ron Wilber (ex. “Revelry in Hell”, “Domino Lady”, “The Ocelot”) “The Young Witches” by Francisco Solano López, Ricardo Barreiro & Pablo Maiztegui ('Pol') “Super Taboo” by Wolf Ogami “Bondage Fairies” by Kondom “Silky Whip” by Oh! Great “Tart!” by Howie Dard “Elizabeth Bathory” by Raulo Cáceres “Talk Dirty” by Matthias Schultheiss “Dirty Stories” anthologies, Eric Reynolds ed. Various works by Tony Libido (ex. “Here Come the Lovejoys”, “Boffy the Vampire Layer”, “The Matrixxx”) “Blowjob” anthologies, Michael Dowers ed. “Crack Whore” by Dean Williams & Gunther von Wegen “Submissive Suzanne” by Gunther von Wegen “Diary of a Dominatrix” by Molly Kiely “Small Favors” by Colleen Coover “Eros Forum” anthologies, Ryder T. Windham ed. “Housewives at Play” by Rebecca “The Blonde” by Franco Saudelli “Baby, You're Really Something!” by Frank Frazetta “Liz & Beth” by Georges Lévis “Real Smut!” by Dennis P. Eichhorn & various artists “Butterscotch” by Milo Manara
Beth asks the much loved Tim Bagley: What makes you, you? Tim is a comedic actor with a gift for behind the scenes stories and a knack for a non-self indulgent introspection. You recognize him from his appearances on Monk, 2 Broke Girls, Will & Grace, Ellen, $#*! My Dad Says, This Is 40 and Web Therapy. He was a member of The Groundlings, appears frequently at UnCabaret. His one man show, "Clean Boy, Dirty Stories" is about working as a butler at The Playboy Mansion and he won the Jury Award at the U.S. Comedy Arts Festival in Aspen, Colorado for his one person show , "Happy Hour."
Rainy, Rick Emerson Show, Funemployment Radio Bingo, Wow, Home Ownership, BRIAN AND LISA WOOD FROM BIG ASS SANDWICHES, Dirty Stories, Stink, Cuddling, Taco Burrito, Dirty Stories 2, Ball Talk, Blazers, Innapropriate Nicknames, Bucky, Wisconsin Roses, Scott Stapp, Big Ass Anniversary, World Of Crazy, St. Stabbingsburg, Nickelback Talk, Working In Radio,
A nice tale of me getting you all high and then making you serve men with your slutty little mouth. Neat huh? Want more? www.kinkymp3files.com - where you'll find more.
you dream about being made to be a womanly sort, made to act like a lass. I twist and pervert your dream, making you be more and more of a dirty little tramp all the time. Find more at www.kinkymp3files.com - home of yours truly... The Voice 666
A nice tale about making you worship my boots and feet before I take you off to make you serve some losers. Neat, huh? Find more at www.kinkymp3files.com -
Man it's hot here in DC! And this time I'm not talking about the guys! A great way to lower your temperature is download your favorite podcast, pour yourself a nice cold stiff drink and relax to the cool sounds of Paulie and Evan! This weeks podcast celebrates the first and only Gay fraternity's 20th anniversary. They also have a great contest from AMG for you to check out. Of course there's you likes, dislikes, letters and all the rest. Paulie reviews the Tantus Silicone Cock Ring. This is perfect for the rubber or latex allergies. Evan reviews two great DVDS one new and the other a classic The new DVD is Falcon Studios "Hustle and Cruise" which he rates a money earning 3 splats. The second is a Chi Chi Larue Classic from Mustang Studios. "Dirty Stories" earns a solid 3 splats. We cant go with out a MTFT tune and this week we give you Today by Sean Lee.
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