19 in 89

Touch down in Karratha, it's January 8, 1989 and my teenage dream of having a career in radio is about to get underway. It’s my first week of a new job and a brand new life, I'm 19 years old and I’m about to find out my first shift on air starts IN JUST 3 DAYS and I've never been on air before (aside from reading scripts as part of the 15 week Vaughan Harvey Radio Course I attended in Adelaide in 1988, and a fully scripted hour of radio at the end of the course from a tiny radio station in Port Augusta called 5AU that I'll then use as my audition tape to secure this job). I’ve also gotta navigate a share house with all the other announcers, and this is the first time I’ve lived out of my parents home. Will I shit myself before my first shift? Can a mummy's boy make it on his lonesome? Also why would anyone in their right mind allow a teenager access to an open microphone and leave them ALONE in a radio station? What was radio like before the internet, mobile phones and social media, and how did I adjust to all of the things? We've got almost 365 days worth of diary entries to work our way through, find out how the first 7 days went as I read a weeks worth of entries, for the very first time in 30 plus years to my parents Anne and Graham.

If 19 year old me thought a life in radio was going to be endless audio glamour and non stop, star studded everything...then this week must have been very sobering. Week two of my heady career in the media includes a bunch of manual labour involving a lawn mower and an expanse of grass desperately trying to cling to life around my new share house. Pretty sure that WASN'T in the brochure, naturally teenage me will find a really obscure reason to get shitty about it. Thankfully I’ll chew through more 80’s culinary highlights including making a chop stew, which someone will refuse to eat, how very dare they, plus I try a new cuisine I’ve never experienced and scoff a true 70’s dinner classic using chicken and fruit..because 70's. I’ll also get another pay packet that leaves me confused and make more grandiose assumptions around how important I am to others without any actual proof WHAT. SO. EVER. So prepare yourself for more of the usual teenage over reactions and drama within the snazzy confines of regional radio.

Prepare yourself for some of the most demented diary entries I've made so far, and it’s only been 3 weeks, so it's a safe bet we are just scratching the surface of my teenage stupidity. I'll endure a workday I'll go on to describe as my ‘pain in the asshole” day, which naturally is a "slight" over reaction. I meet someone I’ll insist feels like my best friend, the fact that I've only spent a handful of hours with them clearly means bugger all, and in super clingy teenage style, I’ll come to that conclusion without them even having the foggiest idea, OR even a choice in me friending them so hard. Plus there’s this guy who will ring the radio station to check in with his former workplace, leaving a big enough impression for me to record his name in a dairy entry. Here's the even weirder thing though, unbeknownst to both of us, we will actually meet and become actual friends roughly 3 years later in the dark of a private cinema at a preview screening of Sylvester Stallone's 'Cliffhanger'. I know freaky right, or is it just proof that the radio industry is just the same people swapping jobs here, there and everywhere? Thankfully, I won’t have to force friend him into being my mate and he actually joins me to reflect on that moment and hear what happened after that call with another weeks worth of diary entries.

Can you friend someone so hard you actually scare them off? Was teenage me actually crushing on a guy called Bradley, or was I was so desperate for friends I'd launch myself at any potentials? Maybe I just kept name dropping him on the regular simply because he was the closest thing I'd had to a "fan" of my radio career? All of these questions will probably come up, but will any of them actually get answered when I can't even remember who the hell Bradley is? I’ll also entertain the delusion that religious radio programs aren’t a fan of me and that therefor means the almighty must be trying to sabotage my career, seems reasonable. We'll also squeeze in diary updates on everything from Telecom dropping a half price deal on long distant phone calls, to an overly detailed recollection on what a bowl of my chilli does to my bowel movements. There's also a brief visit into the kind of workplace hijinks that go down in a regional radio station, because everyone loves a bit of on air hazing slash bullying, naaaw the 80’s...you were so NOT woke.

Did someone say self absorbed much? Probably not, but they definitely should have. In this episode, my Father reveals his diet has helped him lose a stone and a half! But rather than accept his hard work and dedication as the result of that weight loss, I make it all about missing me and then suffering so much anxiety about it, that he can't eat...makes sense...to a self absorbed teenager perhaps. I'll also receive a surprise phone call from a pen pal of two years and casually invite her to come and stay with me in the radio station share house, when she reveals she's on her way to visit. Then there's the gift my first cousin Nicole sends me for Valentine's Day to process. Plus there's the hectic reaction I get from my General Manager when he finds out about my super casual invite to a pen pal I've never met before. I'll also receive the smallest pay packet I've ever been given in my life thanks to a teensy oversight from our finance department. Joining me to work through all of that, and whatever else the teenage version of me decided to scribble in my diary, is my former co-host from my Top 30 days during the 90's in Perth, the original Vixen of the Vibes, Claire.

When one of your high school besties describes a week of you teenage diary entries as "not very deep" you know you're onto a winner...right? Probably not...but at least teenage me was consistent, and who doesn't love wishy washy content, with meticulous time records peppered throughout. In this episode, teenage me puts pen to diary on everything from my now stock standard bitching and moaning about the demands of work, which of course comes with a not so delicate sprinkling of exaggeration thrown in, to it finally raining in the north west of WA. That rain will help drop the temperature from a scorching 47 degrees (or 116 Fahrenheit) to an equally scorching, but thankfully lower, 42 degrees (or 107 for you Fahrenheit connoisseurs). I’ll also begin housesitting for my workmate and friend Jan, who mysteriously decides to hand over the keys to her house and entrust the care of it, and her beloved pair of hairless Devon Rex cats, to a 19 year old she's only known for 6 weeks. I immediately regret it and throw a sad about being lonely because...well of course I do. Plus, we’ll also find out exactly what my first cousin Nicole sent me for Valentines Day, and a call from my parents leaves me feeling very weird, if only I knew how to spell weird when I was 19 , don’t worry, all will be explained within. Plus there's some awesome memories from my high school years that I'm thankful never ended up in a diary but am more than happy to have revealed in this podcast.

Okay so the babysitter is only dead to me for a few minutes, but she was 14 and full to the brim with sass that was squarely directed at teenage me. So I can only assume I was a little bit cut, which explains why she appears in this weeks diary entries. How she went from a deliverer of sass, to a long term friend who appears in this episode, will hopefully be revealed in future pages. Together we'll work our way through enthralling updates like me washing almost every article of clothing I own, there’s also a spot of house sitting depression to deal with, free charcoal chicken to scoff and I turn into a lonely cat lady. Plus there's more rain to deal with and could that mean that something much, much bigger, wetter and windier is on its way? We'll also get some VERY surprising confessions from that former teenage babysitter, when she just casually drops a bombshell that she expected me to delete, but we thankfully managed to secure her approval and an apology to her parents so we can leave it in, so HUZZAH to that.

Is it possible to be live your best life as a fully functioning Nanna...when you're only 19? Looks like my delusions of teenage coolness are about to be well and truly destroyed, as I work through another week of diary entries with my High School bestie Linda. Inside this episode, teenage me isn’t having a bar of anyone who calls me up while I’m on air and bores me to snores over the telephone, I’ll also get my bitch on with a workmate and decide to invite them over so I can host my very first dinner party. I get right royally pissed off when I have to work back late because I can’t find anywhere to record 3 commercials that someone dumped on me. Plus all my unfounded bravado will disappear in an instant, when I find out I’m doing my first ever outside broadcast, in front of actual people, who probably don’t give a shit about some guy who’s going to be trying to do a radio show on a card table, outside a cafe, in the middle of a shopping centre. It’s basically the teenage shut in’s version of an actual living nightmare...so...sounds like this is going to be fun then.

It's safe to say that when my bestie MAK and I get together, we like to have a chat, so prepare yourself for a few tangents, detailed recollections and some VERY bad spelling that I can't even blame on teenage me...gulp. This week of diary entries is on the low side because someone decided to leave a few pages, pretty much empty, so Mr and Mrs Chatty Cathy thankfully manage to pad this episode out enough to make it our longest so far. Coming up, I host my very first dinner party, but instead of detailing it inside my diary, I'll instead make some flippant, low key entry that reveals bugger all aside from praising me and my efforts. I’ll also swap shifts with Glenn and ruin his new music show with my lack of research, because...no internet and the record companies didn’t send any printed bios with the new records in the mail, so I pull the clueless card. My two weeks of house sitting for my workmate Jan comes to an end, and I also giveaway a futuristic prize that was all the rage in the late 80’s. So get ready for a gentle wander through a forest full of tangents and a lot of laughs at my expense.

How good is cake...apparently good enough for me remember it for a lifetime, or maybe I replaced the shock of losing a friend and taking his job, by eating all my feelings. Regardless, it's clear my feelings were...I should have some more cake. Obviously all of that will make more sense when my bestie Amanda, who was forced to work and share so much cake with me in the early 90's, joins me for this episode. You'll also get more teenage me writing off my on air work as being boring, and obviously I’m referencing the process of actually working as the boring part, but it's also a safe bet that anyone listening to me would be thinking the boring part was me attempting to be a radio announcer with only 10 weeks experience. I’ll also get blasé about a pending cyclone warning, get props for one of the commercials I write, attempt to jazz up my diary entries and fail miserably, and suffer through a sleepless night as I panic about the approach of my very first weekend breakfast shift. So grab yourself a piece of cake and prepare for another weeks worth of barely revealing and completely self absorbed diary entries. Mmmmm cake.

It's been eleven weeks of teenage me putting pen to diary and somehow I continue to fill each page with a catalogue of the inane and pointless, so it's probably a good thing that I've dragged my former workmate and bestie Ella Hooper in to help me talk through this weeks worth of entries. In this episode I'll finally get my tourist on and explore the Pilbara, I’ll watch and review a VHS video starring one of the biggest teen stars of the 80’s, endure the worst on air shift EVER, plus depression kicks in when I have to come to terms with saying goodbye to TWO of my radio workmates, when our sales girl Yvonne, and my radio roomie Glenn, BOTH announce they’re leaving Karratha in the same week. But am I sad they're leaving, or am I just terrified of being lonely, or is a little from column A, and a little from column B? All will be revealed within, so grab your headphones or ask your smart speaker to pump up the volume and have at it at your earliest convenience.

Okay so my bestie Yvie, aka Yvonne is back, and together we'll lower the tone of this podcast entirely, so huzzah to that and job well done. Inside you'll find out why we used to be referred to by our friends as Mr. and Mrs. Smith. No spoilers, but we were rocking that moniker well before Brad and Angelina decided to use it as an excuse to act like secret assassins, get the horn for each other, get married, adopt a bunch of kids, then call it quits, whilst constantly feeding gossip mags with endless front page headlines. Nothing Yvie and I did was gossip mag worthy, well it probably was, but no fame, no mobile phones and no social media means we got away with a cavalcade of 90's goodness. Coming up, my talent for saying and doing stupid things on air moves into my off air life as well. I reach peak level “pull ya head in” mode, after I launch a half page, potty mouth filled attack on a client, simply because she wasn’t keen on a commercial I did for her. So that's hideous and unhinged. I also get intoxicated and just casually drive my radio roomie Glenn to the bus stop for the trip to his new job, because, well it was the 80's, so no one really cared and clearly we were idiots. Plus someone farts in the booth while I’m on air, which really just seems like a fair assessment of my on air talents back in 1989 if I'm honest. So assume your favourite listening position, and prepare to be assaulted with more intricately timed diary entries, from someone who probably should have just put the pen down and walked away quietly, thank goodness I didn't huh.

Before Jonesy became a hugely successful breakfast radio host as part of Jonesy and Amanda on Sydney's WSFM, I knew him simply as Brendan Jones. Back in 1990 when Brendan first arrived in Karratha, I'd already been working on air for over a year, and he was just some guy from Sydney about to start work at 6KA. His wife Helen was still just his girlfriend back then, but she packed up her life in Sydney to join him a few months later. We all lived together in the 6KA radio station share house, so they're both well versed in what it was like to live with the 20 year old version of me. Hence I couldn't resist inviting both of them to join me to help me recount a weeks worth of diary entries. Unfortunately for them, they had to do that whilst sharing one pair of headphones between their heads, so throughout this episode just imagine their faces mashed together, cheek to cheek, necks bent out of shape, as they struggle to hold one ear piece each to one of their ears. It was certainly a look hehe. In this episode, teenage me arrives at work one minute before I’m meant to be on air, mostly because I was more interesting in getting lunch to stuff my face with. Have you noticed I'm easily distracted by food yet? House sitting my co-worker Jan Swan's house is replaced by a return to an empty radio station share house, will teenage me cope with living alone? I'll also deliver my self described “best shift ever”, whip up an old fashion Aussie classic for dinner, and get dragged into a crisis meeting with management, after Cyndy demands I share her outrage over who’s going to replace Glenn on air. Plus a chance encounter with an actual celebrity from Prisoner/Cell Block H and Aussie music fame, gets ruined by a washing machine that clearly hates me, or maybe I’m just forgetful. Again, it's always the last one.

Coming up in this episode, my bestie Retna is back to help me navigate another seven days worth of largely useless diary entries. All of which seem to be mostly mundane, but also strangely meticulous in their obsession with recording the exact time pointless events in my teenage life happened. Together we'll try and work out what's going on with the weather in Amsterdam, reveal the inner workings of gifting things to people in the media, and try and work out what happened to one of my guests, 31 years after I interviewed her. There's also an invite from Bradley to accept, which sees me heading over to meet his family over a BBQ dinner. That's not the end of it either, Bradley and I also go out to dinner for a free feed, after I casually accept a bribe from a local restaurant to mention them on air. So clearly teenage me had no qualms about working the system in return for a chance to stuff my face. I get to interview someone with an actual PHD who’s written a book called 'When Am I Going To Be Happy'. Why she'd be wasting her time chatting to 19 year old me is beyond comprehension, but its a safe bet that the hustle to sell a book in 1989 must have been unbearable. It also becomes clear reading a book about being happy, doesn't necessarily mean I'll learn anything because I also get stroppy with the demands of one of my other guests. There's also the arrival of my brand new radio roomie to prepare for, so settle in for another episode of teenage stupidity, peppered with sassy asides and moments of complete ignorance from teenage me and current me.

Okay so it's actually called a cyclone in Australia, but as if I'm not going to reference that hilarious scene in the the 1980 film Flying High (or Airplane as it was called in some countries), if you haven't seen it, you probably should, it's ridiculous and full of Dad jokes, but when I was 11 it was the funniest thing I'd ever seen. Anyway, in this episode my bestie MJ, the former 14 year old babysitter Mary from week seven of the diary, returns to help me work through another week of diarised dross. Together we'll work our way through the lead up to the arrival of what would prove to be the 4th biggest cyclone to ever hit Australian shores. You'll witness teenage me pretending to be totes heterosexual on a number of occasions. I was fully closeted and hoping that my deep desire for wanting some wang, was just a phase that I would soon grow out of, so maintaining the illusion of me being keen on lady love clearly must be maintained. I’ll also finally meet my radio roomie Mark, but his aversion to being around when I expect him to be somewhere will continues. Plus I’ll get my Helen Hunt on but there won't be any cows flying by, instead I’ll experience what it’s like to be inside a radio station for 24 hours when Cyclone Orson hits the Pilbara. I fully pretend to be cool about it but inside I'll be squealing in utter terror. So grab your headphones and press play on this episode but just make sure you prepare yourself for the most underwhelming natural disaster story ever told.

This episode is actually one diary entry short because our previous episode covered off Saturday and Sunday in one semi enthralling cyclone related posting. Some might suggest that one less diary entry is a blessing, and if they did...then how very dare they. Thankfully I've roped in a friend of mine with a crystal clear memory and an ability to chat to help me pad out this episode, so expect a longer intro, with lots of Karratha soaked memories within. My bestie Lisa (aka Boofie, that nickname gets explained in this podcast) and I worked together in Karratha in 1990, so she wasn't around for any of these diary entries, but she certainly has some vivid recollections to reveal from her time there the following year. Inside there’s after the arrival of Cyclone Orson to deal with, I finally get a day off and some much needed sleep. Naturally all of my overtime disappears thanks to the tax department, but I actually manage to surprise myself by doing some talk breaks that make me feel almost professional, but I’m still mostly crap. However teenage me has got a plan on how to fix that and it's as lazy as you’d expect, I'll also seem to miss the point of messing around in an on air studio. There's also more embarrassing spelling mistakes from back then and right now for me to reveal as well. So settle in for another skim across the surface of my teenage memoirs.

Reading entries from a diary I kept in 1989, is just like having an analog Time Machine, so it's almost exactly like what Doc and Marty went through in Back To The Future, but without the risk of sourcing plutonium from Libyan terrorists, or the expensive time travelling DeLorean, or anything else that happened in that movie. However my parents are way cooler than Marty's ever were, even though he managed to fix their future and make them wealthier and cooler. Anyway, now that we've established that, it's clear to me that Anne and Graham (Grannie Annie and Popeye as they are now referenced by my nieces and nephews) are without a doubt my original besties, so it just made sense to invite them to help me with this podcast by having them appear on Episode One. They were there to witness me fall in love with radio, they helped finance my 15 week radio course, and they were at the airport to farewell me back in 1989 to kickstart my journey to becoming a proper radio announcer. The response I've gotten from their appearance in Episode One has been overwhelmingly positive, so it figures I would try and get them to appear on another episode with me. Thankfully this time it didn't take 15 to 20 minutes to get them assembled and focussed before we could record, they're clearly getting skilled at this. They're also not afraid to take the piss out of me, after all, I had to learn it from somewhere right? Coming up in this episode, they'll scoff at my teenage commitment to a new diet, mostly because it's not very diet-y at all, and my mother clearly wishes I was still on some kind of diet. There’s also diary entries about a big radio announcers meeting for me to attend, my Mum has to relive a moment when she'd had a crappy day and tried to hide how upset she was from me. I also find out I share the same birthday with one of my co-workers and totally flip out, my pay packets continue to be disappointing, which is all my Dad needs to have a subtle dig at the crappy salaries I've had to endure over 30 years of radio employment. I also get a huge serve from my mother when she flags just how up myself my dairy entries make me sound, it's absolutely hilarious and not soul destroying at all hehe. So press play and pretend the Flux Capacitor is effortlessly sending you back to the sweaty hell of my teenage bedroom in Karratha, as I toil over another weeks worth of dairy entires, just for us to mock and ridicule here in present day wherever you are right now.

When I was a teenager, I was convinced that being gay was a phase you eventually grow out of, mostly because I read in a Cleo or Cosmo magazine something about how it wasn't unusual for teenagers to experiment in their teens. I never bothered to experiment though, in fact the thought of having sex actually terrified me. So instead I just lusted for men in secret, all alone in my bedroom, hoping I could change my mindset one day. I was also hoping no one walked in on me when I was alone in said bedroom with just my own hands to entertain me...too much? Anyway, into my sheltered teenage life wandered Natalie, who in 1989 worked behind the counter of the only shop in Karratha that sold Jag Men clothing, and it would seem I have a history of befriending people who take large sums of money off me for clothing...who knew? Thankfully our friendship progressed beyond retail transactions, which is why she's still one of my besties today, and also happy to help me wade through another weeks worth of spectacular diarised teenage nonsense. So expect some hard truths about how hideously straight I was pretending to be, who else shopped in my favourite Karratha based clothing store and what they were buying, plus an all too brief celebration of 80's Australian comedy show The Big Gig. We'll also work through diary entries about Cyndy and I getting all deep and meaningful and having a huge talk about our futures, our childhoods, love (doubt I had much to say there hehe), the world, war and sooo many other things that teenagers have no idea about, but think they’re total experts on. I also get some feedback from my program director Richie, where he describes my on air talents so far by using words like “funny”, “idiot” and ‘think very carefully” so it's a safe bet that the 19 year old version of me is screwed. I also apparently watch a lot of television, well duh, and meet Kevin Bloody Wilson, so peak 80’s Australian realness will be reached. So settle in for a deep dive into how a woman with a finely tuned gaydar could spend so much time with me, and still have none of her 'he likes the peen' alarms actually go off. Apparently teenage me was so good at pretending to be heterosexual, that Natalie would actually laugh in my face and think I was joking when I finally came out to her 7 years later, true story, which we will also cover off on this podcast. It's a hefty listen oh and also I was probably the Meryl Streep of radio, is there an Oscar award for that?

As we discovered in the previous episode with my bestie Natalie, I have a habit of befriending retail staff that I throw large sums of money at. I friended Natalie at Om Bazaar in Karratha back in 1989, and in the 90's, I friended the shit out of my bestie Retna at a Pierucci store in Perth. Right now Retna is taking a well deserved holiday, but I've somehow managed to sweet talk her into spending some time listening to more of my not very enthralling teenage dairy entries. Coming up, we'll find out how I make my mother cry, and why my reaction to that, is to find it cute. I’m not actually an arsehole, thankfully there is a reason for me having the cuteness feels whilst she is in tears, phew. I’ll also attend a quiz night with the who’s who of Karratha’s business elite, none of who I actually remember now, and despite my protests, they'll keep sliding me free vodka and oranges, which may help explain why I now have no idea who they are, thanks brain. I’ll also get excited when I get a personalised radio station sweeper (the thing they play between the songs on the radio that tells you who the radio station is) anyway, teenage me froths out because this sweeper actually says my ACTUAL NAME! Does that mean I'm a proper radio announcer now? Plus, just like the entries in my teenage diary are bound to induce, I'll fall asleep and miss a dinner party I was invited to. We'll also give you some quintessential 80's style reminiscing about everything from Corey Haim and Smash Hits Magazine, to Marky Mark and a meltdown that involves a mad dash to a swimming pool, for what...we're not really sure. It's hopefully both confusing and enlightening.

If my teenage diary has proved anything, it's that the 19 year old version of me wasn't very talented when it came to filling out a diary, and it would seem the pointless content continued into the 90's too. To prove that fact, I've managed to drag back my bestie and former Triple M Top 40 co-host (The Vixen of the Vibes) Claire so we can relive our former career, and work through another week of lacklustre diary entries as well. In the 90's Claire and I ruled the airwaves as Bad Boy and the Vixen in Perth, and recently a former listener of ours, Adam Brack, DM'd me with some original audio of the pointless and shocking stuff Claire and I used to get away with on air. So after we've revisited those audio highlights, and wondered how we got away with so much, we'll delve into week twenty of 19 year old me learning the skills that I would no doubt largely ignore throughout my radio career. Coming up my mum calls to tell me she’s booked flights to come visit me in Karratha, there’s a fire in the fuse box while I’m on air, which renders me a nervous wreck. When you add that nervousness to how much of a nervous wreck I was on air normally, then you can just imagine how much of a tizzy teenage me was in. There’s more vodka to be inhaled with the usual teenage bravado, and none of my friends seem to be home, even though I keep walking down to the phone box and calling them every half an hour just to check, woah any time you wanna calm down is fine by us you stalker. So grab your headphones and get ready for a bonus trip back to the mid 90's, as found on some very shonky audio cassettes, as well as our usual jaunt back into the thick of 1989.

There are so many moments in this episode of the podcast where I'm left asking...what??? I honestly have no idea what the hell the teenage version of me was thinking some times, maybe I just wasn't thinking. Anyway it would seem that teenage me thought he was hilarious, and there also seems to be a lot of drinking happening as well. Twenty one weeks into my new radio career and clearly I'm settling into some kind of groove that I will no doubt end up regretting. My bestie Amanda is back to remind me of how many hours she wasted watching Melrose Place, while we worked together in the 90's, and to help support me through another week of diary entries that continue to be light on content, but heavy on confusion. Coming up, there’s another hangover and headache to deal with, my cheekiness results in another commercial getting rejected, which inspires more teenage preaching from me about my superior advertising skills. Even though I’ve only been doing this job for 21 weeks, I somehow think I now know advertising. There’s also more bad spelling, more bitching, more getting pissed, and I also deliver a self described ‘pathetic’ shift as part of an outside broadcast in the Karratha shopping centre. Pretty sure that wouldn't have been traumatic. Is that why I break into a sweat and cringe when I walk into a Shopping Centre? Or is that just the exhaustion of walking from the carpark to the Shopping Centre that makes me do that? Maybe we'll never know, but at least it's something we can all think about if for any reason you might find yourself getting bored in the middle of listening to more of my overly timed diary entries, but why would that even happen?

Righto it's about bloody time my bestie Jenny (aka Majenna) appeared on this podcast. Inside this episode you'll get to hear how we met and became instant life long friends (yeah I seem to do that a lot right), you'll also get the lowdown on why I call her Majenna, it's do with Madonna, hence the title of this episode, I know cute right hehe. There's also time to fit in one of Jenny's legendary stories which involves a small rain soaked island, the legendary Bette Midler, one of the voice actors from Futurama, and lots of shots of tequila, it's an amazing claim to partying fame. There's also my useless teenage diary to work through, so together, Jenny and I will find out why 19 year old me is using my VO skills to do baby voices in a commercial, it's actually creepy and YES I can still do it and trust me, you are not ready. I also dish up a heap of movie reviews, including one for the film 'Return of the Killer Tomatoes', a movie which I only just realised actually stars George Clooney, who knew? Probably George did, but maybe he's happy for us to forget about it. There's also a glowing review for a new Bette Midler and Lily Tomlin movie called Big Business, which inspires me to repeat my favourite quote from the movie and of course Jenny's little tale. We also find out that teenage me hasn't learnt a thing and is once again offering accomodation to another random at the radio station share house, and again I didn't bother asking anyone if that was okay, was I the actual worst housemate EVER? There’s also more 80’s food references for me to reminisce over, one of my co-workers owes me a lot of money, plus I get pissed off about more on air stuff ups, so not much has changed apparently. So get ready for a rollercoaster ride of emotions, time checks, weird baby voices and hilarious tales of drunken stupidity, what more could you ask of a podcast?

The last time my bestie and former roomie MAK joined us on this podcast, we ended up naming the episode "All the Tangents in the World" because she managed to set off the tangent alarm by getting sidetracked and asking questions that distracted us from reading my teenage diary. It only went off once, but there was other moments where it probably should have been activated too. Anyway MAK is back, and true to form, she sets off the alarm again, bless her ability to deep dive and ask multiple questions on random topics. Coming up in this episode, it rains in Karratha so much that the streets turn into ankle deep creeks, but it doesn’t hinder teenage me from walking to work, I must have been spewing about that. I also borrow Jan’s car and then lose it, or it’s stolen, or someone actually just borrows it and I’m totally over reacting, it’s basically the last one. Understandably, as an overly emotional teen, I totes get my strop on and blast the person responsible, because everyone loves being disciplined by a sassy 19 year old. I also find myself spontaneously cleaning the house AND we even vacuumed it. This is a revelation because it would appear that this might actually be the first time it’s actually been done in at least 5 months, gross fun fact, I totally fell asleep on that carpet, gross but thank goodness my beautiful face didn’t end up with some kind of hideous toxic sludge growth on it. I also have the gall to reject a job offer at another radio station, because it’s not good enough for me, righto mate, anytime you wanna pull your head in is fine by us, plus our new receptionist moves into the radio station share house. So grab your headphones and get ready for a wide ranging journey with a sprinkle of tangents thrown in.

My former high school bestie Linda is back, although I'm not entirely sure she was happy about that, especially once she realised that there's no actual fiction around the poop that I allude to in the title of this episode. It would seem that teenage me decided to forgo my usual habit of skimming the surface and boring the reader with a myriad of time records and not very engaging facts, by dropping way too many facts about my bowel movements in this week's entries. So I apologise for that up front, although Linda and I did come to the conclusion that it is actually a very busy week for diary content, so at least you can't accuse 19 year old me of being boring...this week. Of course this isn't the first time I've filled the pages of this diary with detailed recollections of my bowel movements (Episode 4 with my bestie Yvie can attest to that) but it would seem I was the victim of food poisoning during my 24th week of radio life and for whatever reason teenage me wants you to know all about it. Probably the most fascinating thing about all of the above for me now though, is the fact that 19 year old me ACTUALLY MANAGED TO SPELL DIARRHOEA CORRECTLY! Obviously there's a number of ways to spell that word, but considering how many times I haven't spelt things correctly in my teenage diary, I'm writing this off as a major achievement, which, now that I think about it, is deeply sad, but I'm still pretty stoked about it none the less. Also in this episode, teenage me will be bored, I’ll also go on to deliver a ‘fucken terrible’ on air shift, attend a number of farewells for someone I don’t even remember now, plus I witness a male stripper, get trashed on B52’s and Vodka Oranges, and Linda and I reminisce on the 80's obsessions of shoulder pads and perms for women AND men. So don't be too terrified of the tricky tummy tales, because there's so much more besides just that to enjoy within this episode I promise.

My bestie MJ, aka Mary the 14 year old babysitter we first met in Episode 7, is back for another week of diary entries. She's returning to the podcast because on this week, back in 1989, she was doing work experience at my employer 6KA. While she's being diligent and focussed on a career, (so much so that I'll mention her devotion in a job reference I would write for her in the 90's, you'll get to hear that in this episode) anyway while she's all focussed and totes business, it would seem that teenage me's current obsession is whipping up CV's and trying to get a new job. The fact that I've only had this radio gig for 25 weeks isn't lost on me, but I think back then that was the vibe, you'd get your first regional job and then you'd work hard to move up the chain of radio stations, all the time trying to make your big move to one of the capital cities. For me that would end up taking three years, but in the meantime 19 year old me isn't really worthy of a new gig just yet. As if to prove that, I'll go on to deliver a bloody awful on air shift, mostly thanks to a hideous hangover. I’ll also reuse a lame joke in my diary again and talk myself and my talents up like only a teenager can do, as in without any proof, skill or clue, but thinking that teenage me is fully onto it. Plus I get my thespian on and go to the theatre and manage to meet another celebrity from the halls of Prisoner and Cell Block H fame, who knew so many of them would tour the Pilbara in 1989.

There's LOTS of things you learn about yourself by keeping a diary, especially one like mine, for instance, teenage me chose to record for future posterity that I just casually dropped my guts after falling asleep, whilst at the drive in, WITH my Mum, my little brother and my roomie, inside a small hatchback, IT'S A LOT TO PROCESS for me, how you feeling about it? This is a revelation I'd never have to relive if I hadn't kept this diary, I would have been lost to the wind, with all the other non eventful and totally forgotten bottom burps I've delivered so far. Thankfully I also recorded actual interesting information, like the arrival of my Mum Anne, and my little brother Tom. In 1989 they actually willingly climbed onto a bus to endure a journey all the way from Adelaide to Karratha, just so they could spend two weeks with me as I celebrated my 20th birthday, hectic AF. Once they get to town, we’ll do some touristy things together, watch a lot of television, and my depression kicks in again without any explains, but my mum will fix it with an early birthday surprise that turns my frown, into a less self absorbed resting bitch face probably. Obviously it would be stupid to work through all of those diary entries without my Mum and little brother, especially because they were actually there to endure some of it, luckily I managed to convince them both to a Group FaceTime to get this episode, and the next one done with their added thoughts and memories. Spoiler alert, none of us remember much, maybe it's a family trait. Speaking of family traits, that reference to my tummy shame in a confined vehicle, that also inspires a rather deep question from my brother Tom, and some equally flippant comments from my mother, so prepare for an insight into how the Wasley family works, or at the very least you'll learn how gassy we are.

Just like the movie 'Sixteen Candles' teenage me is totes the Molly Ringwald character in this episode of the podcast. The differences are I'm turning 20, I also don't have a crush on the high school senior, although maybe Bradley can take on that role, and instead of my parents forgetting my birthday and my grandparents visiting with a foreign exchange student compiled from hideous Hollywood movie racial stereotypes, I've got my Mum Anne and my little brother Tom visiting me in Karratha. Not only have they NOT forgotten my birthday, but they've actually travelling all the way to Karratha on a freaking BUS to help me celebrate it. As we heard in our previous episode, the Wasley family like dropping tummy shame on the regular (should acknowledge that tummy shame is just a pleasant way of saying farts, thanks to The Mighty Boosh, their Crack Fox, and my partner Geordie for introducing that magnificent show and wording to me hehe) thankfully none of that appears in this episode, except in this description. Coming up in this episode, my visiting family and I get numb bums travelling across the dirt roads of the Pilbara for a day trip to Harding Dam. Our road trip driver is a little loose behind the wheel, displaying erratic and gungho road skills that will leave me fearing for my completely self absorbed life. Speaking of being self absorbed, I'll do my self described best on air shift ever and then swiftly follow it up with an utter shit one just to bring myself back down to earth. There’s also my birthday to celebrate, which also includes a surprise b’day dinner at Jan's, although I'll ruin that by arriving before anyone else. I also have to come to terms with sending my little bro and mumma on that unbearable return bus trip to home to Adelaide, poor them, but huzzah for me, although there will be no me sitting on the bonnet of the high school senior's car sharing a kiss like Molly Ringwald did at the end of Sixteen Candles, I was probably too busy obsessing over myself to be bothered with anything like that anyway.

You're about to dive into a week of diary entries which ultimately record a moment that changed my life FOREVER! Those capital letters are warranted because this will be the week that a then 20 year old me will be introduced to the destroyer of lives, creator of vomit, inducer of sassy regretful remarks...a plastic garbage bin filled with party punch. This brutal yet beguiling concoction apparently required the opening of a few tins of bog standard fruit salad, then leaving it to stew in tequila FOR 3 DAYS!!! By the time I rocked up to the party, having helped myself settle in by annihilating half a bottle of vodka. So by the time I discovered the party punch, it would seem I was totes down with actually fisting handfuls of tequila soaked fruity mush into my face hole, so much so that I turned my face hole into an explosive vomit hole instead. It's a foggy memory, so I can't be sure if it's true, but I'm pretty sure that explosive vomit happened as I stood amongst a loose circle of 20-30 people I didn't really know, all grouped around a bin fire, exchanging party pleasantries. So it's safe to say I probably ruined that comfy gather round a bin fire vibe hehe. To help me work through that, Brendan 'Jonesy' Jones and his wife Helen are back, they're my besties and former roomies from 1990 in Karratha. Together we'll work through upchuck central, plus diary entries recording the return of my depression once my mum and little bro are no longer around, but a special phone call helps reduce the meh feels. I’ve also had just about enough of a workmates bitching, moaning and complaining, so naturally I bitch, moan and complain about it in my diary. So it's same, same but the difference is I'm completely ignorant to my own hypocrisy. Also technology arrives into my radio world as computers start featuring in my daily work life and of course there's me being introduced to my first ever non alcohol tasting punch and it’s an actual disasteeeerrr, so get ready to get queasy, as we delve into the origin of me losing any interest in having abundant alcohol ever again.

Okay so when we were last within the pages of my torturously inadequate diarising, we learnt that newly 20 year old me had just discovered the magical allure of non alcohol tasting punch at a party. That introduction resulted in me unleashing technicolour rainbows of vommy all about the party, insulting people and eventually getting rescued by a girl called Natalie. It was a LOT to process, so for this weeks worth of diary entries, we're about to find out all the ramifications surrounding those handfuls of tequila soaked tinned fruit that I fisted into my eating hole. To help me work through the fallout, I'm welcoming the return of my bestie and mock wife, Yvonne or Yvie. Together we'll find out that all my tropical punch hoovering has huge consequences, like missing an actual on air shift, and witnessing my boss blow his top at me. Then for whatever reason my totally delusional self figures that I can fix all of the things I've screwed up, just by slipping on a pair of snazzy new Jag pants, yeah because...why exactly and how is that the solution? It does get me compliments and I certainly don't forget to record that detail in my diary for the benefit of future readers. Cyndy also finishes up at the radio station and a Demi Moore movie affects me way more than I thought it could, even though I have zero memory of it now. Plus Yvie and I revisit that time in the 90's when I was so self absorbed that she was deemed worthy of the task of delivering a "sort your shit out" intervention to me. It was ugly and I totes deserved it, thank goodness Yvie was their to shake some sense into me, kind of like a nurturing but firm Alsatian might shake a rag doll it had nestled between it's huge and rather diggy in teeth, I was shook, and she was happy to be shaking...bless.

My bestie and former roomie from Karratha, Lisa (aka Boofie, which is short for bouffant, because in 1990 Lisa had a news reading demo video where the cameraman actually cut the top of her head off, and when she showed it to me I asked her "what was out of shot, a bouffant?". Then Boofie became Lisa's nickname because apparently EVERYONE I met had to be given a stupid nickname by teenage me...grrr but also hehe) anyway Boofie returns for this episode which is filled with everything from screaming parrots and airline traffic, to more behind the scenes gossip about Lisa's time interviewing Barnesy with my guest from Episode 28, Jonesy. If you've heard that episode, you'll remember Jonesy saying he'd encouraged Lisa not to wear a short skirt to that Jimmy Barnes interview, which Lisa confirms and then reveals more hilarity I'd never heard before. Also coming up in this episode, Bradley comes to say goodbye, but where is he going, and who even is he, and why don’t I remember any of those things? Teenage me also gets sold out by an office snitch and then I get a lecture on my taste in music, I also wash my clothes for the first time since my Mum left, which is kinda gross. There's excitement when I request a 2 week holiday from my boss Neville for November, and naturally I decide to go on a diet AGAIN. I also see a bunch more movies and actually enjoy doing a few live crosses to interview recreational fishers in a fishing competition, who even am I? Anyway there's a lot to process once again, plus you'll also get a bonus story from my early teenage years revealing how devoted to lip syncing I was, well before RuPaul delivered us Drag Race, thankfully there is no footage, just the memories of those that managed to witness the extravaganza and me obviously hehe.

If there's one thing this diary has been delivering in abundance, its proof of my teenage obsession with filling every page of it with endless time keeping of the most mundane and boring of things. It's like I'm a scientist employed specifically to study the most arrogant and self absorbed lab rat EVER delivered to the laboratory. Surprisingly, this weeks worth of diary entries actually delivers way more detail than regular listeners of this podcast would expect. There's frustration and anger to express, sassy attitudes to record, cold shoulders to deliver and my life might even be in danger, or maybe my roomie is just really forgetful. My bestie Natalie (who sold me abundant Jag Men clothing and Fossil watches at a store in Karratha called Om Bazaar back in 1989) returns to help me work through diary entries detailing everything from Cyndy banging on my door early in the morning to invite me to the fair, I get to interview more fishermen, lose the keys to Jan's house while she's away in Perth, and I'm meant to be feeding her cats, and go to something called a Fenacle Fanny, I know, what the actual what? I also broadcast live from the Roebourne Races, book a flight home for the holidays and gets roped into a 12 hour work day, which leaves the 20 year old version of me being totes not happy with my boss Neville, and apparently I’m not afraid to show it, which will actually lead to me having to endure a chat about my attitude problem. There's also the realisation that whilst I may have been presenting as a straight guy in my day to day life back in 1989, the way I was filling out my diary entries were certainly VERY camp, plus Natalie accuses me of being on drugs, so there's a lot to work through once again.

My bestie MJ, aka Mary the babysitter from my teenage diary, is back for another week of entries and to help me understand why the two of us where so HOT for John Laws in the 80's. In 1989 Lawsie was the actual 'King of Talkback Radio', his show was relayed to radio stations all over Australia, including Karratha's 6KA. This week's worth of diary entries includes a rather horrendous set of sentences where 20 year old me is practically whacking myself off, via the tip of my biro (not a euphemism) over John Laws. It's uncomfortable to read now because he's just so hideous and reviled, but back then he was considered the peak of radio talent in Australia...how times change huh. We'll also cover off how a regular caller to the radio station called me up with a "great idea", but it actually isn’t, and the fact that he wants me to help him make it happen, means I'm either gonna have to commit to it, or pull on my big boy pants and tell him it aint ever gonna happen. So that's obviously where the bitching begins in this weeks worth of dairy entries, there's also a creepy moment where I pretend I’m heterosexual and filled with fake lust for one of my guests. I also get agitated when I'm accused of not doing something and actually raise my voice and yell at my boss Neville...whilst also trying not to cry, so that's totes business slash adulting right there. Plus, despite being a dog person, I buy a kitten on a whim, which weirdly makes me a teenage cat lady, because in 1989 I already had a cat back in Adelaide. How long will 80's me stay interested, and can it live with me for more than a week? Probably not, you can find out what I called my new feline friend, and what happened next within this episode, plus in keeping with her earlier appearances on this podcast, MJ manages to further incriminate herself by casually dropping a story that again places her in an illegal scenario, so huzzah for that and job well done.

Nothing normal here, once again we dive into another week of teenage diary entries, this time around we're back with my bestie Retna in Amsterdam. Once again there's a LOT to work through, it's been 33 weeks of constant work and it would seem the shine is well and truly wearing off. Inside this episode there’s a celebratory smorgasbord for the 1989 version of me to attend. I do an on air shift that goes extremely well, but I also refer to myself as having motor mouth in my diary entry, so I'm not entirely sure how extremely well it could have possibly been if I'm also acknowledging that there's a stack of verbal diarrhoea behind it's delivery. A new radio announcer moves into the radio station share house, I see Pedro Almodóvar’s “Women on the Verge of Nervous Breakdown” at a film festival, the then successful 80’s Aussie business tycoon, Alan Bond was getting nervous and panic was clearly setting in as he puts our radio station 6KA up for sale. Meanwhile the 1989 pilots dispute kickstarts and it could mean no flights home for my holidays in November, plus I get sassy on air after a listener rings up to suggest I play some 'normal' music, look out random lady because I'm about to get mouthy about how immature you are across the Pilbara, I wonder how my boss Neville will react to that? You'll find out all about it the moment you've stuffed all of this nonsense into your hearing holes.

In previous episodes we learnt that the Wasley family has a propensity to burp and fart A LOT, we arrived at that decision after my little brother Tom questioned our Mum about why we is all so gassy, it's a family trait. I should add it's a Wasley family trait, so it affects our Dad's side of the family, not so much my Mum's side of the family, my Mumma would want that to be mentioned because she hardly does either, but boy is she constantly surrounded by them. Anyway there's proof of my excessive burping presented in crystal clear crackling 90's cassette audio quality within this episode, as my former co-host and bestie Claire, aka The Vixen of the Vibes, joins me for another weeks worth of diary entries. It would seem I burped into a microphone a lot in the 90's...and even today. More on that within, plus there's more mother truckers and even some garbage truckers that are waking me up way too early. I’m also now nearly 9 months in to this gig and the 20 year old version of me thinks I should be getting waaaaay better on air shifts, so it’s time to put my big boy pants on, which will probably be Jagmen ones, and confront my boss Neville about it. We also have diary entries recording the arrival of the new announcer Dave, which inspires more bitching on my behalf over managements ineptitude, because of course it does. Plus there’s UFO sightings to deal with and I get offered another job, which I swiftly reject with typical teenage arrogance, apologies in advance to anyone who calls South or Port Hedland home for my sassy dismissals of those towns within this diary, let's just say my arrogance within it's pages, doesn't seem like it will be diminishing anytime soon, meh can't say I'm all that mad about it hehe.

For this weeks worth of diary entries, I'm joined by my bestie and former co-host Amanda, who was flung together with me on air in the early 90's after management decided to sack my best mate, give me his job AND his co-host Amanda to hang out with too. Naaaw radio, you're so considerate of nobodies feelings. Anyway, we swiftly became mates and the rest is history, fortunately Amanda remembers way more stuff from that history than I do, PLUS she's a huge fan of the podcast, so of course she's back. Together we'll have to navigate the sudden arrival of what is, at this stage, my bleakest diary entry ever, it's sad, but also abusive, and it makes me feel sorry for 20 year old me kinda, but not really, suck it up you teeny princess hehe. Anyway aside from that, we also have work through entires about me having a zit filled facial crisis, I stupidly agree to installing a home phone in the radio station share house, much to my mothers disgust, she was right of course. I also attend the 'Karratha Citizens of the Year' Awards and get bored to snores, and one of the two share house kittens gets adopted, but will it be mine? It won’t be, there's also a great memory care of Amanda when she reveals how she lied her way into a career in radio. It's a top tip, but probably not something you should entertain, unless you're really savvy, or you're more than willing to be fired a few days into being hired, so swings and roundabouts really hehe.

Ever since I started this podcast, I've been mad keen to get my bestie and former co-worker Maria (aka The Empress, aka Killer, you'll learn the story behind BOTH those nicknames in this episode) to appear on it. She's a busy lady who doesn't suffer fools and isn't afraid to tell it like it is, having her working behind the scenes at 96fm in Perth was an actual blessing. So when it came time to record this episode, Empy was in the midst of celebrating her birthday around a hotel pool with friends, so I was stoked when she agreed to endure a weeks worth of my diary entries in between cocktail soaked lounge hangs and room service deliveries. She's got stories to tell, opinions to give, and questions to ask, she also hasn't had a chance to listen to ANY episodes of this podcast, so she's diving into this completely clueless about what she's about to experience. Together we'll look back at a week in 1989 where my Mumma revealed she wasn't a fan of us getting a home phone in the radio station share house, I get rid of my kitten Ziggy, and the new radio announcer Dave and I are keen to do a radio show together, but will Richie let us? I also insert more pretend heterosexual content about how I can’t wait to get married and become a dad, so delusional. I get the smallest share house electricity bill that we’ve ever seen since I arrived in Karratha and there’s a bunch of brand new JagMen shirts for me to flaunt, once I get them off lay-by of course. So settle in for a glorious ride through some meandering diary entries and a stack of sass from the Empress, it's a lovely ride.

So we're back with another week's worth of my relentlessly yawn-arrific diary entries to wade through and this time around I've invited my bestie and former ONE and ONLY ACTUAL girlfriend Trish to join me (Trish the Dish, who I dumped soon after she tried to snog me, I'm pretty sure the fact she knew I was actually gay, well before I was willing to accept and own it, was another reason I called an end to us dating hehe). Thankfully, me finally coming out, plus our mutual love of 'The Princess Bride' book and movie, meant that our relationship and friendship only strengthened, hence why our title alludes to me being the closeted Princess that was lying about myself to Trish. Coming up in this episode my diary entries cover everything from me wasting maximum 80’s coin making back to back long distance phone calls, to pretending I actually like basketball, in fact I actually go so far as to wish I had an Adelaide 36'ers top to seal the deal and flaunt all over Karratha, ummm vomit. Speaking of vommy, I also get asked to panel Richie’s breakfast show, while he broadcasts live from the BP Service Station, but I end up getting sent home with vomiting and diarrhoea. I know, it seems to be a regular occurrence, but I promise that I give almost zero info about my butt movements this time around, also could teenage me just wash his friggen hands and stop eating floor food on the regular? Seriously.

What you're about to hear are some of the most embarrassing diary entries I've uncovered so far. It could be argued that there's been a constant stream of things I could easily classify as embarrassing already, and that this is just the thirty eighth week of embarrassing events and occurrences loosely strung together with eccessive time calls and shit house attempts at humour. THAT is also a hungie percent true, but I can also promise you that these entires are truly in a class of their own when it comes to things we should be ashamed of. So it figures I'd bring in two of my besties who are willing to help support me through it, but also willing to tear me a new one and hang me out to dry...as only your loved ones can. Jessica Gale and Taris Tyler befriended one another in the mid 90's in Perth. I was working nights at 96FM with Claire as Bad Boy and the Vixen, Jessica was hosting the 96FM Breakfast Show with Dave Gore and Russell Gilbert. Jess and I clicked right away and became friends through work, Taris and Jess befriended one another over the phone during the conversations they had whenever Taris rang into the radio station for a chat while the songs were playing. The story of how Taris transformed himself from a listener, into a much loved friend and bestie of both Jessica and myself is included in this episode. You'll also get to witness me comparing the 1989 version of me to Princess Diana, because of course, why haven't I mentioned this before, it seems so obvious now, or does it? Hopefully the comparison will make sense once you've heard it in context, or maybe it won't, I'm sure there's some kind of food for thought in there at the very least. I’ve also officially lost my diary filling mind, as twenty something me tries to "JAZZ UP" my diary entries, which means we get treated to (or rather, have to endure) a stream of thought entry, that's sadly as inane as you’d expect, an entry written from the perspective of a Russian spy, who’s getting interrogated by other Russians (can I apologise to all Russians for my terrible attempt at perfecting a Russian accent, seems accents aren't my forte, good to know hehe). There's also a version of an L.A. surfer dude AND (no I'm not kidding) a variety of animals, plus even weirder, I seem to be obsessed with showing off how many slang words I know for the word vomit, and this is just the first four diary entries for this week. There’s so much other whack shit that happens in the other three entries too, I’m having embarrassment induced anxiety about it every time I think of what is in these entries, so here's hoping you enjoy my unbridled stupidity, good luck lovelies.

If this podcast and my teenage diary have taught me anything, it's that looking back on who you were 30 years ago, is VERY enlightening, it's also shocking as all get out. Each week of entries leaves me a wee bit shook by my own decisions, choices, thoughts, theories and all the other inane this and that I've chosen to record within my diary. In this week's episode I've invited my bestie Jenny back (she's a 'uge Madonna fan, hence why I just call her Majenna) to help me work though some fucked up entries. Inside there’s more attempts at diarised humour, I also get nervous broadcasting into two new towns for 2 hours, I wake up to an actual zoo in the bathroom while I’m house sitting at Jan's. I wish I could remember how I removed both the small creatures I stumbled upon, the memory is foggy slash utterly gone, but I can't see myself killing them either. I have to just trust that I got someone in to help me remove them because I was not interested in undertaking that in any way, shape or form, hence why I'm sure I didn't off them like some low key serial killer in the making. I also hilariously dispense love and relationship advice, even though I haven’t had any experience of either, thankfully Majenna thinks it ain't all bad, phew. PLUS I pretend I’m tough by slagging off the cops, I know right, it's just one "brave" story after another, anyway get ready we is about to hit peak teenager AGAIN.

Meh, there's waaaaay too many embarrassing recollections unveiled in this episode, do I write that in every single one of these descriptions? This diary is obviously wall to wall embarrassing moments from 1989, but there's also an almost endless supply of other deeply embarrassing moments that weren't recorded in any diaries anywhere EVER. However, when I'm around my high school bestie Linda, we always trigger hectic memories for each other, and this time around it would seem my mood was set to over share. I apologise for all the tawdry details in advance, I also apologise for the audio, there's a technical moment where the podcast speeds up, I can't work out why that happened, I also can't work out how to fix it, hence why you get to enjoy the teeny high speed section within this episode at no extra cost. Coming up from within my diary, the countdown is on for my return to Adelaide for holidays, oh yay more time keeping, there’s also more eating to excess from this little plumper, the hills above Karratha are on fire, but that’s about all I’ll have to say about it, the pilots strike is starting to get biblical, and as you can guess, 1989 me is totes pissed off about it. There’s also a broken video recorder to deal with, a live show to see and the descriptions of my on air shifts covers everything from “unrefined crap” and “nothing to rave about” to “it went really well” and “I was happy with it”, so mostly shit but I still seem to be able to find enough redeeming qualities to still talk myself up, bless. So get ready for the usual senseless diarised drivel along with a healthy smattering of waaaaay too much information from me as well, again, I can only apologise.

I'm SUCH a flog throughout this weeks worth of diary entries, I know, who would think I could possibly be more foggy than I've already been, then again, aren't most of us just out and out flogs left, right and centre when we're teenagers and twenty somethings? Trust me, we totally are. Fortunately I'm joined by my bestie Yvie for this episode and she is well versed in my flogtastic pursuits having been my bestie since the early 90's in Perth. Together we'll work through my reaction to news of a horrific hot air balloon accident, which unsurprisingly I manage to make all about myself, seems pretty standard by now. The pilots strike inspires me to ask the deep questions, like are we even the lucky country anymore...really? Yes really, I also find another opportunity to praise talkback radio host John Laws, ewwww just stop dude, and it would seem all these flight dramas trigger some depression and I get snappy and say nasty things to the people I work with, soooo much floginess. Trust me when I say that I'm not even detailing ALL of the utter whack stuff I do within this weeks diary entries, you're in for another hectic but largely boring ride littered with moments of flog throughout. I also audition to be the voice of a mining company, I know blurk, who even was I? I also get served a bunch of bunghole as someone decides to flash me their butt while I’m talking live on air so there's that visual to process too. The fact that I still remember said butt in detail really upsets me when I think about all the things I've actually forgotten. So my deepest apologies for what you're about to experience but promise there's giggles to be had within. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I know there's only a few more weeks of diary entries left on this podcast, but I really do wish I could actually really travel back in time to 1989 and give the younger version of myself a good shaking and the heads up that everything I'm focussing on in this diary of mine is largely boring and there's so many moments when you could have made this whole thing way more engaging and entertaining. Sadly that's never going to happen, so here we are offering up more useless crap. Thankfully my bestie and former roomie Marie Anne, aka MAK, is back to help ridicule me and remind me over and over again of the moments where it seems so obvious I could go into detail, but clearly I decided not to. Coming up there's a sudden blackout to deal with while I'm on air, which means I better be bloody good at learning how to kickstart a generator in pitch black surrounds. I also get a tarot reading, but keep all its secrets and learnings to myself. I'll reluctantly chew my way through a rather hairy and very piggy smelling serving of roast pork, plus there’s outside broadcasts to do, a script to voice that I don’t even understand, and I invite some random guys visiting from Retravision Perth to a party at the radio station share house, because of course I do, such a little keeno, why the fuck do I do that?? Weirdly when the party finally arrives things get hectic, there’s a split lip to deal with, plus Dave and his girlfriend Avril get their drink on, break up and call off their engagement, thankfully I’m there so I can spend my time wondering how all of this will effect me, or if it will delay my holiday, so thoughtful and mature. So take a deep breath and join us as we wade through a stack of meh and the usual incompetence. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The last time my former radio co-workers and besties Jessica and Taris joined me for this podcast was episode thirty eight. Together they had to endure teenage me trying to jazz up my diary entries by adopting ridiculous written accents and pretending I was a Russian spy, an LA surfer dude and even a variety of animals. It was deeply ridiculous and totes embarrassing, but that seems to be a recurring theme of this entire diary, so expect more of that in this episode. We also talk how little we were paid during our radio careers, delve into more Apricot Chicken chat and reminisce about the drugs we sampled in the 90's, it's a bumper issue. Inside the diary I apparently unearth an empty beer can dumping site...really close to home. My radio roomie Dave and his girlfriend Avril recover from their party blowout and start patching things up, but that doesn't stop me from going to town and recording my thoughts and feels about seeing my very first angry drunk dude. Unsurprisingly I’m judgemental as fuck, so huzzah for reliving my brutal 20 year old honesty. It’s also my final week before I fly home to Adelaide, or do I bus, or do I do a bit of both? You'll have to wait until the next episode for the answer to that one, but before I depart my boss Neville calls me into his office for a talking to, plus here’s carpet glue to sniff, sore backs to deal with and I forgot to organise my holiday pay, idiot...but also standard really. You'll also get an abundance of time keeping, more diary entries written at stupid o'clock in the morning and a liberal sprinkling of bitching and moaning as we've all come to expect from teenage me, so plug your headphones in or turn up the volume on your speakers and dive in to the banality at your earliest convenience. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Yaas, finally, after weeks of teasing my very first holiday back to Adelaide, (remember all those useless numbers recorded on every page of my Collins Diary counting it down?) well it's finally arrived. We open this episode on the very last day before I jump on a plane and head home to my family and friends for 3 whole weeks. Obviously things don't go smoothly, there's two items I can't even find when it comes time to pack my bags, and one of them is JagMen related, so you can imagine how much teenage me lost his tiny, feeble, self obsessed mind. Naturally we need to start things off with my besties for this episode and it's a double shot with the return of TWO of my longest serving friends from my Karratha days, MJ (aka Mary the Babysitter who made her debut on Episode 7) and Natalie who sold me all of the things from JagMen clothes, to Stussy sunglasses and Swatch watches, while working behind the counter at Om Bazaar (first introduced in Episode 18). Together with me, we'll work through the meltdown before I depart for Adelaide, the 3 weeks of holidays where I filled out each and EVERY page of my diary by scrawling HOLIDAYS in capital letters, and discover what happened on arrival back in my home town. Once the holiday is over, it's back to Karratha to offer up my apologies for my lack of diary entries while I was away, then there's the return to work, me not wanting to be on air but doing it anyway, such a trooper. I also do my holiday washing, get invited to a party, but no one tells me where it's actually being held, and it was Natalie that offered up the invite so we'll see what she has to say about that, plus there's also horror of all horrors, more on air stuff ups, go figure. There's also a LOT of chat about how loose we were in the 80's and probably a very clear example of why most of us don't drink anymore too. So prepare for more teenage meh and ridiculousness, sprinkled with a lesson about alcohol abuse, which mostly just means we tell a bunch of horrendous stories about how messy we were, such fun, enjoy. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

While recording this episode with my bestie Lisa (aka Boofie or even Bou-ffon-tee if you're feeling extra and wanna rock her full nickname) we came across an entry where teenage me happened to record a glowing memory of a lunch at the Karratha Tavern where I shoved a Chicken Kiev into my mouth hole that was filled with garlic prawns AND had them on top too. Anyway Lisa dropped a casual "aaawww good old Chicken Kevin" and obviously I was totes in love with that renaming so we overworked it throughout the rest of our chat. Once we were done recording Lisa suggested the name Chicken Kevin had to be used in the episode title, and because I'm obsessed with trying to name each episode after a famous movie title, I naturally had to force it into my choice, hence the name of this episode. Aside from us joking about the name of Chicken Kievs, there's also an entire weeks worth of stupidly early wake ups for various reasons, most of them rudely delivered. I spend up big at the stupid-market, and the shopping continues throughout the week, there's also media parties for me to ignore, apparently they were dead to me, so I actually refused to go, who even does that? There's also way too many domestic duties to do, a bunch of bitching to be had, plus guilt forces me to do favours for friends, which naturally backfires. There's also a Country Road suit that gets ruined by Australia Post, and I attend a BMX presentation that I decide to shit all over, mostly because I'm clearly easily bored. So settle in for a full feeding of my usual this and that and no actual details or information that you'd naturally expect me to offer up...so everything is standard.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The title of this episode doesn't bode well, but I figure if you're this far in, you're hardly going to give up with ONLY 3 more episodes left to go...right? Also if you've been following this podcast from the beginning, you'll already be well across the fact that teenage me was really shit at recording anything of any great interest in my diary, but that hasn't stopped me and my besties from having fun. This time around I've pulled in my bestie Donna (aka My Doona, yes I also created that nickname for her...duh) who's been a buddy of mine ever since we worked together at 96fm in Perth during the early 90's. Together we'll cover off teenage me on the hunt in Karratha for Christmas presents to purchase and pack off for mailing to my parents in Adelaide. Who leaves Xmas postage this late you ask, apparently I do, but in my younger selves defence, Australia Post were pretty efficient in the 80's, unless they were spilling oil on Country Road suits that is. Obviously there's also gifts I gotta give myself, because of course I do, way to be self absorbed mate. I also get kidnapped, which sounds very dramatic, but most certainly isn't. I stupidly wear black clothing in 40 plus heat and nearly pass out, plus I get a bike, get depressed, get jealous, get in a visit to Indoor Cricket AND sn under 18's disco and we wrap up with me getting my groove on under the table at a Chinese restaurant, whilst also experiencing Karaoke (not what I call it in the diary) for the very first time. That kind of blows my mind, who knew the technology to amplify drunk idiots, as they sung along to popular tunes, was already in use in 1989, and all the way up in Karratha as well. Thank goodness this teenage drunk idiot managed to actually write down something interesting. Not so dull after all huh, so plug in and get around the low key excitement I've now instilled in you.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Yes, before there was the Social Network, there was me, thousands of kilometres from home in the rural mining town of Karratha, bitching and moaning about all of the things, hence the Bitching Network for the name of this episode. Much of it seems to be directed at those that work above me, in particular my boss Neville and my roomie and fellow announcer Mark. I can't apologise to Mark enough for the sassy entries I wrote about him, it's clearly teenage immaturity at its peak and probably inspired by jealousy of his position and connection to the blokes of the office, which he naturally had because he'd worked there well before I arrived and already had established friendships with them. Also I was a moody little flog, so no wonder I wasn't getting along with those in power, I'm impressed they endured my bitching and moaning for so long. To help me through this episode, and monitor my sulking throughout, my bestie Michelle (aka Mish Mash...ya huh that nickname is another Benjamin creation too) joins me to talk how we survived the HR free period of the 90's whilst working at 96FM in Perth. This weeks worth of diary entries covers off me doing a fuckery load of work, which no doubt I'll be bitching about. Then there's all that jealousy I mentioned before, which begins with me having to deal with accepting that my co-worker and radio announcing roomie Dave moving on from Karratha, then there's the digs at Mark to work through, so expect even more sass from this little princess. I also become an editing guru, but it's got nothing to do with radio, I'm bored over and over again, plus I'm even more keen to move on to my next radio station. There's also another disaster for me to comment on, and the ultimate in 80's banking technology comes into my life thanks to a touch tone telephone. So get prepped for some quality 80's reminiscing and some truly loose stories from behind the scenes of radio, from back when it was a little bit more hectic and gung-ho. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Holy shit balls, it's actually FINALLY done and it's all feeling a little bit weird as I type this description. The creation and recording of this podcast has taken me almost an entire year to complete, in fact, at the time of writing this I'm just 12 days away from my birthday, which will mark a full year having passed from when I dropped the very first episode that I recorded with my parents. So for this final episode, I flew back to my home town of Adelaide (with a hideous cold, apologies for how snotty I sound, just be thankful you missed me coughing up all sorts which was naturally edited out) to surprise my parents for their 53rd wedding anniversary in May and also forced them to sit down and endure my final week of diary entries. Over the final 8 pages of my Collins Diary entries, I record details of my very first Christmas without my family, which I obviously celebrated whilst enduring the searing heat of the Pilbara. Obviously teenage me is not gonna chuck a sad about it, apparently it was rather great, but my Mum does throw in a little naaaw about it when it pops up in the reading, and also manages to drop a hilarious comment about what she might have been doing on that day in 1989 too. I also play a brand new board game, miss seeing all of the movie 'Rain Man', thank to the threat of video library late fee deadlines. I also get to witness more Dave and Avril domestics, get to muck around on a computer, which confuses the hell out of my parents and I plus there's my final entry for New Years Eve, written the following day obviously, because I was totes inebriated as my diary entry for that day will attest. Then it's a handful of thanks and it's all over, just like that, meh it's kind of sad but also totally rewarding. I've gotta say that the entire process of creating and uploading this podcast over the last year has proved to be a life saving endeavour that truly kept me distracted through repeated lockdowns of the Covid outbreak dramas that Melbourne experienced throughout 2020 and '21, who knows what's next, but fingers crossed we all come out the other side healthy and happy. Once again, thanks so much to YOU for making the commitment to listen to this podcast each time I dropped an episode, and thanks to everyone who sent me words of encouragement, or shared it with their friends or family. I truly love and adore you and for the final time I'm lllllllovin' you from here, check ya later, see ya, byeeeeeee. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.