Heartfelt Marriage

Zany people are the kind of people you like the most. In this edition of Dr. Ross's Life-Lifting Words, he discusses this fun word and in the process encourages all of us to drop the pretenses and be the kind of person others like to be around - be zany!  

Everyone’s looking for the good life! And YOU can have it! Here’s what you need:  Education, information, conversation, observation, participation, determination and one more! To find out the “one more,” take a few minutes (less than eight) and listen to this podcast! You want to find the good life, right?

One guy bragged to his friend that he was able to get out of his marriage without the use of an attorney! He told how he and his “Ex” were able to settle things by using a mediator, and that saved him a lot of money! In this brief (five-minute) podcast, Dr. Ross speculates why their marriage ended – both funny and tragic possibilities. You’ll like his conclusion and suggestion as to what you can do to create, maintain, and enjoy a mutually satisfying, emotionally healthy, till’ death-do-us-part kind of marriage.

Dr. Ross has prepared for you a checklist that reveals a variety of clues that your marriage relationship is growing, flowing, and glowing! Use it to self-check your progress toward the happy marriage you dream of! Dr. Ross believes you can have a healthy, long-lasting marriage. Listen to Dr. Ross briefly discuss each item in Heartfelt Marriage Podcast 094.  

Romance is alive and well, according to Dr. Ross! In this podcast, he takes the word ROMANCE and shares what romance (courtship, flirtation, and passion) is all about and how it creates spark in your marriage relationship.  He says, “Romance is a gift to your beloved, expressed in the loving ways you treat each other day-by-day. Love is what gets you through the long pull of the frequently changing physical, emotional, and spiritual issues of a lifetime together.” Does that sound like what you want in your marriage? Listen to the podcast WITH your lover and who knows what good things might happen! The podcast is 8 minutes long.

From Dr. Ross: In the previous podcast, I started a series titled “How Good Can Our Marriage Be?” Part one was supposed to be this: “Your marriage is a place where love-hungry hearts can be filled.” The problem is, I started writing it and realized it was essential to the entire series. I found it impossible to deal with the love-hungry hearts theme in only one podcast. What happened was that this one theme – love-hungry hearts – has evolved into a series all its own. Its title is Seven Hungers of the human Heart. One of the blessings of growing old is that you have a lifetime of observations of humanity at its worst and its best. I have been around the world and studied people from a variety of cultures. I lived in Central Africa for seven years and watched the Batonga people and learned a lot from them about life and love and family. But I’ve also been to Europe, Asia, Central America, South America, and Canada. From my experience of over seven decades on planet earth observing men, women, and children in various parts of the world, I believe there are Seven Hungers of the Human Heart.   This 9-minute podcast is an overview of the seven hungers.

How good can your marriage be? Now there’s a question worth asking! It’s a good question because it focuses on the strengths of your marriage, rather than the weaknesses. Lots of marriage specialists like me focus more on the negative side of a marriage relationship. The question is always, “what’s the problem?” rather than, “What do you two do well together?”  Fact is, every marriage has weaknesses, and no matter how hard they try, they always will have areas for improvement. So, if your goal is to work constantly to eliminate the weaknesses in your relationship, you have no time nor energy left to develop the good stuff you do together.  This podcast is the first in a new series of podcasts that answer the question, “How good can our marriage be?”  Dr. Ross’s answer to the question is, “Fantastic! If you focus on what you love about each other rather than what bugs you about each other.”  He believes happier marriages begin with a positive mindset and an optimistic outlook on the prospects you have to make what’s good about your marriage even better.   The Podcast is 9 minutes long.

A long and healthy marriage is a marvelous thing to experience and a blessing for children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. But, how do you make it happen?  How do you get longevity in your marriage? Dr. Ross’s marriage lasted over five decades. In this Podcast, he says, “How long you stay married depends on how you look at each other.” He then shares with you three ways to look at each other to ensure longevity in your marriage. You’ll love this podcast – especially the part where he tells you to … well, listen to it and you’ll find out! The podcast is 9 minutes long.

When children arrive in a marriage, priorities change, focus shifts, hand-holding turns into hand wringing, and sweet kisses turn into swift pecks on the cheek. Erotic encounters turn into repetitive intersecting. Tedium replaces erotica. Saving money overrides spending money. Boredom and bedlam, frustration and fear, confusion and concern overwhelm. Passion is replaced by parenthood.  So many responsibilities – no time for US. It’s time for an intervention. It’s time to learn how to have kids and to have a great marriage. Hubby? It’s time for you to take leadership and learn how to romance your children’s mother. In this fun podcast, Dr. Ross offers four suggestions to help you romance your children’s mother. His recommendations are gleaned from having had at least one child present in his home for over twenty years. Of all the responsibilities you have as a husband and father, this is one of the easiest things to do – to romance your children’s mother. Give it a try for a month or two – or for that matter, give it your best effort for the rest of your lives together. Start by listening to this podcast! When love is given and received, the lovers glow, and the love grows. The podcast is 10 minutes long.

There is a long-standing myth that libertine singles have all the sex and married people live sex-deprived lives until they finally get divorced and rejoin the sexually liberated singles crowd once again. It’s a myth – and the popular magazine, Psychology Today (online), has the evidence. Their article is titled, “6 Reasons Why Married Couples Should Have Better Sex Lives.” The subhead says, “Much of what you’ve been led to believe about married sex is probably wrong.” In this fun and informative podcast, Dr. Ross shares Psychology Today’s six reasons, and at the end, he adds a seventh reason married couples have better sex than singles. Don’t miss it. The podcast is 10 minutes long.

Can you think of anyone you know who has or had a successful marriage? Maybe your parents – maybe an aunt and uncle who always seemed to make good decisions, loved each other and got along nicely. Perhaps it is a friend you have in your MOPS group or a buddy you like to be around at church or at your service club. In this podcast, Dr. Ross discusses how good role models are good for your marriage! When you see other people live happy lives, it encourages you to do what you can to make your life enjoyable, even blissful. Who are your role models for a good marriage? The podcast is 10 minutes

Over ten years ago a rumor got out that half of all marriages in the U.S. end in divorce. Guess what, it was a rumor. The “fact” was checked and disproven, but the news was reported again and again and again until it became believed more than Santa Claus. Some years ago, some sociologists asked recently married and divorced Americans a dozen or so questions about their marriage: How long they dated, how long they were engaged, etc. After running the data through a multivariate model, the researchers calculated the factors that best predicted whether a marriage would last forever or end in divorce. Their results revealed that there were from five to seven significant factors that led to stable marriages. I have synthesized their findings with my decades of observation and have come up with my view of what it will take for you to have a stable marriage. Hear them in this 9-minute fast-moving, power-packed podcast. It will help you create the stable marriage you desire.

Dear Friend, After my wife’s death, I found out things about her that I never knew. Our oldest son, David, was her undisputed favorite child, and he revealed to me a couple of her secrets. I’ll tell you about one of them in this podcast. The theme is that both husband and wife are individuals who make up a common third entity called marriage. However, you cannot define yourself solely regarding what you think others need of you. You cannot be only “wife” and exclude all other aspects of who you are. You cannot be just “husband” and not have time and space that is yours. May God bless you and your mate as you negotiate the time and space, the quirks and traits of each other’s personality and both of you wholly become who you are, and at the same time, the two of you become entirely one. Or as I like to say, I am me, and you are you, and our marriage is us. Enjoy the podcast and feel free to forward it to anyone you know who wants a mutually satisfying, emotionally healthy, till-death-do-us-part marriage.  Thank you, Dr. Ron Ross The Podcast is 9 minutes

Responsibility is two-words in one: “response” and “ability.” That’s what Dr. Ross discusses in this podcast. He points out that some really good stuff happens to people who take responsibility for their lives. When you’re in charge of you, you create your own fortune – your own vocation – your own calling. When you blame others, you forfeit your future and surrender your life to being the perpetual victim, the sorry Sam or the miserable Mary for whom nothing good ever happens. Who do you blame for your screw-ups? If you take personal responsibility for the state of your affairs, you’re a gem of a person. Keep up the good work – the world needs more people like you, individuals who don’t blame their mother or the weather or the government or their mate for whatever goes wrong in their lives. For a more harmonious home, for a more loving relationship with every member of your family, whenever you make a mistake, admit it – take personal responsibility, then apologize for it, then fix it, and make it right.  When you do, you’ll go from being the smallest and weakest person in the room to the greatest and most influential.    

While getting a haircut recently, my hairdresser, Jackie (not her real name), told me a sorrowful story about betrayal, suicide, and struggle. I share the story with you in this week’s podcast because I want you to receive the same encouragement I gave Jackie. The story will break your heart, but I want it to motivate you to do everything you can to give all the love you have and receive all the love you need to become all the person God wants you to be.  Sincerely, Dr. Ron Ross

From Dr. Ross: I have officiated at over 300 marriages. In the process, I noticed that many brides and some grooms think it’s like they are in a Hallmark movie. The bride thinks the guy she’s in love with is Mister Perfect, her long-awaited soul mate, the kindest most generous most loving man she’s ever met. She thinks. And the guy thinks something similar – she’s beautiful, she’s kind, and not only that, she likes me! What more could a guy want? He wonders. Then they get married. The bride soon learns Mr. Perfect, isn’t perfect – he’s flawed. The groom finds out she’s not the fantastic figure of feminine flawlessness he thought he married. How is it that two people so in love with each other can one day wake up, look at the person lying in bed with them and wonder, “who is that woman, next to me?” or “Who is that stranger I let into my bedroom?” The problem is EXPECTATIONS. That’s what this podcast is about – what each mate expects out of their marriage and how to deal with their differences. Want to be closer to each other? Listen to this podcast! The podcast is 9 Minutes long.

What is your favorite Christmas memory? What was your worst Christmas? As the dad and mom in your household, you’re the ones who create Christmas memories for each other and your children. In this podcast, Dr. Ross shares Christmas memories from his marriage to that “cute little Colorado girl named Amy Kay” that he was married to for over 50 years! You’ll delight in his memories and in the process, realize afresh that Christmas is about the people you love the most. It’s not about expensive gifts, elaborate meals, or crazy parties. It’s about each other and the eternal “Other” who was born on Christmas Day, Jesus Christ. You will find the podcast endearing and helpful. It lasts only 9 minutes.

What does it mean to be content?  Dr. Ross answers the question with two fascinating stories – one is about the time he moved his young wife and two toddler children to Africa. When they arrived, all they owned were the clothes in their suitcases. This experience taught them what contentment was all about. His second story is about a recent visit he had to the home of a very wealthy family (mom, dad, and 2 kids). They had every toy and every convenience imaginable. Were they content? You might be able to guess the answer, but you will enjoy Dr. Ross’s story of his visit and how it applies to life. In this podcast, Dr. Ross defines contentment like this: It is the feeling you get when you realize the stuff you have is just about all the stuff you’re going to need. The podcast is 10 minutes long.

In this podcast, Dr. Ross reminds us that the holiday season is a time when family memories are made. He begins with a personal story about how he almost ruined his first Christmas with his teenage bride well over 50 years ago.  He continues with some touching memories of the last days of his long marriage to “that cute little Colorado girl named Amy Kay.”  He wonders, “What kind of memories are you creating for your marriage, for your family? For your husband, your wife, your children?  You will love this personal, emotional and relevant podcast by Dr. Ross. The podcast is 9 minutes long.

“I just want a happy marriage!” is a lament you hear often.  In this podcast, Dr. Ross shares with you an almost sure-fire way to plant the seeds of happiness in your marriage relationship – and it’s something you can start doing today without even telling your mate. The best thing is – it’s EASY, FUN, and FULFILLING for you, your mate, and everyone around you!   The podcast is 9 minutes long.

Family is the worst and best thing on earth. Family is the happiest and the saddest place you can be. Family is the sweetest and sourest bunch of people you’ve ever met. Family is rich and poor, strong and weak, heaven and hell. No matter what your family is like, it is worth every ounce of positive energy you can muster to make it good, make it safe, and make it happy. So, give it your all – a bucket of forgiveness, a truck-load of patience, and a train-load of love. Why? Because your family is worth it and sometimes, all you have is family. How to create a family that works together, plays together, and stays together is the subject of this podcast. Dr. Ross presents Three Ways to Actualize Family Unity. The podcast is 9 minutes long.

Marriage counselors agree that if your spouse is your only friend, then your marriage may be fragile. Why? Because a good friend helps you survive the stress of married life. A good friend helps you live out a healthy and till-death-us-do-part kind of marriage. Do you have a positive, life-blessing friend outside of your home? If you do, then you already know how valuable – even indispensable a good friend can be! In this podcast, Dr. Ross takes a good look at what a good friend does and how important they are for a happy and healthy marriage. The podcast is less than 9 minutes long.

Have noticed that bored people seem to create the most drama – and it’s the nasty, negative tragic spectacle kind of drama that damages rather than entertains? Boredom in marriage inevitable. How do you solve it? With a little adventure! Adventure stirs up excitement and renews and strengthens the connections between husband and wife. In this Podcast, Dr. Ross shares five good reasons a little adventure (and sometimes a big adventure) is good for your marriage. He knows something about adventure in marriage as he and his wife spent several years living in Africa. He gives several examples of adventures from his five-decade marriage. The adventures you and your mate can enjoy do not have to be expensive, elaborate, or dangerous. This podcast reminds you to watch for signs of boredom in your marriage and recharge your relationship with a little adventure. Start by making sure you are not a boring person. Be interesting, be fun to be with, be adventuresome, and you will take your marriage from marginal to marvelous. Listen to the podcast now! The podcast is 9 minutes long.

Which works best for you – a big deal honeymoon-like trip once every two or three years OR frequent delightful every-day expressions of admiration, appreciation, and love? Dr. Ross believes that most husbands and wives know that big deal events are exciting and memorable, but not nearly as important as the little daily things you do to bless your mate. The most successful basketball coach in history, John Wooden, was probably referring to basketball when he said, “It’s the little details that are vital. Little things make big things happen.” However, in this podcast, Dr. Ross applies Coach Wooden’s words to marriage. Listen to his list of eight little things you can do to move your marriage from marginal to marvelous. He says, “If you want to create a big, beautiful marriage, start with the little, lovely, everyday things you can do along the way.”

Money issues are responsible for 22% of all divorces, making it the third leading cause of divorce, According to the Institute for Divorce Financial Analysis. Are your finances marginal or marvelous? How do you talk to each other about money issues? Is it a fight where you blame each other for the high credit card debt, insufficient income, or money spent on hobbies? Or is it a problem solving, relationship building, home-strengthening dialog? In this podcast, Dr. Ross offers some common-sense suggestions to help you decrease the fussing about finances and increase the favor of a financially well-managed household. The podcast is 9 minutes long.

Besides, “I love you,” the greatest message you can give to your mate is, “We’re in this together no matter what.” That kind of declaration, that kind of commitment, gets you away from blaming, or arguing, or neglecting, or ever running away when things go bad. If your family hasn’t been thrown off balance by tragedy, mistakes, or misfortune, watch out. It’s likely to happen in one way or another, today or tomorrow … ready or not.  For some, it will ruin their marriage. For others, it will cause long-term pain and sorrow. For some, it brings unforeseen opportunities. How do you get past the inevitable events of life that knock you off balance? In this podcast, Dr. Ross gives you four positive healing reactions that will help you survive the losses and sorrows your marriage is bound to face. Wherever happens in life, make sure that you and your mate are in it together. When both of you commit to having a mutually satisfying, emotionally healthy ‘til death do us part kind of marriage, even when things go terribly wrong, you can take your marriage from marginal to marvelous.

When you got married, both of you had preconceived ideas about how you would act and what you would do around the house. In most cases, the wife learns how to be a wife and mother by watching her mother, and the husband learns how to be a husband and dad by watching his father. The problems come when the perceived role relationships differ between husband and wife. Think about your parents and the roles they fulfilled while you were growing up. Compare them to the roles of your mate’s parents. How do they differ? How are they similar? Is there a clear differentiation between their roles, or could they move into and out of roles as times and circumstances changed? What did they do to make family life pleasant? What did they do to make family life dreary? In this podcast, Dr. Ross points out that everyone in your home has a role to play, and those roles are not narrowly defined in western society. Men can do women’s work, and women can do men’s work. This way of operating a family is fraught with both great opportunities and unpleasant obstacles. How you and your mate structure the roles and responsibilities of your marriage will determine the happiness and efficiency of your household. The podcast is 9 minutes long.

Your marriage will go from marginal to marvelous if you do this for your mate: make your home a place of refuge, your relationship a place of trust, and your little kingdom a place of protection and hope. There are all kinds of storms out there – some caused by the weather, some caused by circumstances, and some caused by the people we live with. We want to feel safe and secure from all of the storms of life, and the most important place where we expect safety and security is the home. In this podcast, Dr. Ross calls every member of your family to do everything you can to make your home a place of refuge. He says, “When you come home at night, your heart should know that as you enter your driveway that once you get inside, everything is going to be alright. That someone will greet you with loving words, gentle touches, and full acceptance no matter the storms you’ve encountered throughout the day.” Agree? Of course, you do – so take a few minutes with your mate and listen to this podcast. It’s only 9 minutes long. Two quotes that apply to your marriage and to this podcast: “Nothing can bring a real sense of security into the home except true love.” – Billy Graham “Love begins by taking care of the closest ones – the ones at home.” – Mother Teresa

The word harmony has a variety of meanings. For many, harmony refers to music - a word that refers to notes of instruments and the sounds of voices blended for music that is pleasing to the ear. In the dictionary, the musical meanings of harmony are second to its reference to human relations – to agreement, cooperation, and tranquility. Apply those three words to your marriage: agreement, cooperation, and tranquility. Sound good to you too? Then listen to this podcast for Dr. Ross’s list of things married couples do to live in agreement, cooperation, and tranquility! In podcast # 67, Dr. Ross gave two of the three purposeful acts you take so you can have a marriage marked by harmony, beautiful proportion, and balance (he calls it emotional symmetry). The first purposeful act you take is to Treat each other equally. The second purposeful act you can take to create harmony, beautiful proportion and balance in your marriage is to Express emotions proportionately. In this podcast, purposeful act #3, is – Practice interpersonal harmony. The podcast is 9 minutes long.

  Wouldn’t you love to hear someone describe your marriage as one of harmony, beautiful proportion, and balance? “Well, duh!” I can hear you say. “Of course, but how can we get it In this podcast, Dr. Ross assumes you and your mate really really really would like to have a marriage relationship marked by harmony, beautiful proportion, and balance. Since that’s what you want, he wonders, what would it take to get it? You already know this: that kind of a marriage does not happen accidentally, it happens on purpose. In this Podcast Dr. Ross suggests three purposeful acts each of you can take that will move you toward a marriage marked by harmony, beautiful proportion, and balance. The podcast is only 9 minutes long.

How do you see your marriage? How close is it to the image you had when you said, “I do”? Have you and your mate ever talked about how you want your marriage to look and feel? It’s a challenge because two people who love each other can have disparate views of what a marriage should be. It’s not a bad thing to have differing views, but it can be a problem if you don’t know what your mate expects of you. Dr. Ross wants to help you move your marriage from marginal to marvelous. In this podcast, he suggests some heartfelt conversations that can (should?) happen between you and your mate. He says, “When you have such a discussion you discover what each of you wants and are willing to invest in your marriage. Then the good stuff happens!” You will love Dr. Ross’s list of “good stuff!” This important podcast will help you discover and create a shared vision for a mutually satisfying, emotionally healthy, till-death-do-us-part kind of marriage. This podcast lasts only 9 minutes.

Once married, emotional and real picket fences tend to box in even the most creative and life-loving couples. Suddenly or slowly, usually slowly, life gets complicated. Your world changes from being vast and interesting and colorful, to small, monotonous, and even disagreeable. You go from the joy of the wedding to the predictability and dreariness of everyday life. How do you keep that from happening or correct it when it does? Dr. Ross says it’s a matter of perspective. In this podcast, he shares two personal stories that make the point that we see precisely what we look for. He also asks, is your home peaceful or angry? Do you believe tomorrow will be dark or bright? What about your daily schedule, do you see it as chaotic or orderly? Perspective, Dr. Ross says, is what makes the difference. You’ll love this podcast because you already know that married life is darn hard to keep in the right perspective. The podcast is 9 minutes long.

In this podcast, Dr. Ross declares, “There is no one like you on earth! You are uniquely you.” Look around you; “average” hardly exists. There are many characteristics that make you different from everyone else: physical structure, intellectual capacities, personality expression, psychological distinctions, lifestyle preferences and much more. Also, you are the only person who can make any significant change in what you think, the way you look, how you talk, and the way you treat others. Dr. Ross makes the point in this podcast that, if you’re not perfect yet, you still have some fixing to do, and no one can fix you except you. No matter who you were or who you are, you can be more of the good person you really want to be.  Dr. Ross says, “Here’s the one thing I’ve learned in my five-plus decades on earth, I’m the only person on earth who can fix me. You can’t fix me, and I can’t fix you. Wife, you can’t fix your husband and husband, you can’t fix your wife.” All the answers to fixing your self are NOT in this podcast, but Dr. Ross does tell you where to begin. Listen till the end as he makes a special offer to you! The podcast is 9 minutes long.

Everything demands maintenance. Your car, your house, your body, and your marriage. Your car will eventually break down if it is not maintained. Your house will become dirty, dilapidated, and unlivable if not cleaned regularly. Your body will deteriorate even faster without proper diet and exercise. Perhaps, most importantly, your love relationship within your marriage will weaken and even fracture if not properly maintained. In this podcast, Dr. Ross introduces a series of podcasts (chapters) that will provide you with the tools, tricks, and wisdom to keep your love relationship in tip-top-shape!  He says, "Every husband and every wife at some time in their marriage have this relational AHA moment when they declare to themselves something like, 'If this marriage is going to be what we want it to be, it's going to take some work.'" The podcast is 9 minutes long.

There are four ways you magnify your love relationship and rise together in love! Two of them were shared in podcast number 61. They are, delight in each other's company - become each other's very best friend, and liberate your mate -  help them get past the bad stuff of the past and become all that God wants them to be. It was Part One of chapter 17 - the final chapter of Dr. Ross's Healthy Marriage/Hurting Marriage series. In this final podcast for the series, Dr. Ross presents two additional ways you keep love alive in your marriage and magnify your love relationship. The third way is to Forgive each other's foibles. Dr. Ross says, "Of all the gifts you can give to your mate, one of the best is the gift of forgiveness." The fourth way may surprise you - it's something you may have never considered, so be sure to listen to the podcast all the way through.

Every love story ends with "they lived happily ever after." But this "ever after happiness" involves much more than the loving stares, beating hearts, gentle touches, and adoring words exchanged when you met that special person. Now you're married and things have changed a little bit - sometimes a BIG bit. Dr. Ross says, "If you've been married for longer than a week, you know it takes an effort to live together in love, to keep love alive in your marriage." How do you maintain the thrill of each other's company after the first few days of wedding bliss wears off? How do you keep falling in love again and again and again as time goes by? In this entertaining and helpful podcast, Dr. Ross shares four ways you can magnify your love relationship and rise together in love. This is part one of a two-part podcast. Enjoy! The podcast is 9 minutes long.

Even the best lovers sometimes squabble. When they do, a discussion can turn into a debate and debate into a battle, and if allowed to, a battle can turn into an all-out war, and someone gets hurt. You don't want that to happen. You want to reconcile your disagreements and create an atmosphere of harmony and unconditional love. Dr. Ross says, "A happy and healthy marriage relationship is marked by mutuality, by a commonly held determination to achieve the oneness you dreamed about when you exchanged vows." To achieve that kind of harmony, a couple must relish in reconciliation and despise discord. The point is, reconciliation does not happen in a vacuum; you must make reconciliation a part of who you are. In this podcast, Dr. Ross discusses what it takes to reconcile your disagreements. Have pen and paper handy to take notes as he reveals what reconciliation relies on. The podcast is 9 minutes long.

  Many husband/wife relationship problems occur, not as a result of words or deeds that happen after the wedding ceremony, but the effect of injuries that came during childhood, adolescence, and some bad choices made along the way. Some of our wounds are so deep they are hidden from our view until someone, or we identify them and seeks healing. The good news is healing is possible! We can clean out the wounds, sew up the emotional laceration, let the cut heal. It may leave a scar, we may even be emotionally blemished, but we can still be the person God wants us to be. What's your wound? Where do you hurt? What caused your scars? In your marriage, are you helping each other heal? In this podcast, Dr. Ross says, "Your mate is wounded. You too have wounds. And so the mission for each of you is to help each other find healing for those wounds." The podcast is on 9 minutes long.

One way to combat complacency is to celebrate more often, after all, who doesn't like a good party, even if it is only a 20-minute stop at the Village Inn for a cup of coffee and a slice of Apple pie (ala-mode, of course)? Celebration is good for the soul. Life is wearisome, and praise is sporadic if at all. We need a few "at-a-boys," a frequent "you're awesome," and especially a sincere, "thank you." If you haven't done a little cheering, a little slap on the back, or a round of applause lately for the good things you do together or the kindnesses you do for each other, it's time to start again. In this podcast Dr. Ross presences three ways celebrations grow your relationship! He makes the point that not many things are better than a celebration, large or small, with the person (people), you love the most - your mate, children, family, and friends.

Do you and your mate laugh together? When you do, you draw closer together, the space between you diminishes, and the bonds strengthen that hold your marriage together. If you want more laughter and fewer tears in your marriage, this podcast is for you! Dr. Ross reveals three positive habits you can nurture that will decrease the sadness of tears and increase the joy of laughter in your marriage. The podcast is only 9 min.

Even the best marriages have problems, and the most loving couples sometimes suffer discord. Why are some marriage relationship dilemmas so unsolvable? Why do some marriages get sick stay sick and never heal? In this Podcast, Dr. Ross discusses some of the reasons and offers hope for every marriage! He believes that when both of you decide to do what is necessary to stop the hurting behavior that makes your marriage sick and start the healing behavior that makes your marriage healthy you both are blessed with a deep sense of joy, peace, and love. The podcast is 9 minutes long.

Healthy marriage: seeks wisdom Hurting marriage: favors folly   One sign of an unhappy marriage is a long list of bad choices. Wisdom knows the difference between right and wrong; folly doesn't care. Wisdom knows when a choice is good or bad, folly figures you can clean up the mess later. Wisdom knows the dramatic difference between truth and delusion; folly rather enjoys the ignorance. You don't want to be famous for your folly. You want to make good choices, create a healthy happy household, understand the deep wants and needs of those you love the most. You want insight into each soul, astuteness in each decision, and unconditional love to be given and received within your marriage. In this podcast, Dr. Ross helps you create a marriage marked by wisdom - by good choices and fewer missteps. The podcast is less than 9 minutes.

Husbands make mistakes - so do wives; this means both must become skilled forgivers. The question isn't whether or not you or your mate will screw up something important; the question is what happens after the mess is made? Will you forgive or will you live in resentment? In this Podcast, Dr. Ross says, "The place to start is in your heart. Not in your mate's heart, in your heart. You can do very little to make your mate do anything, but you can control yourself. Begin by forgiving your mate for the wrong committed." Dr. Ross adds three warnings about forgiveness followed by some practical help when YOU are the one who made the mistake, and what to do about it. The podcast is 9 minutes long.

"I just want a little peace and quiet!" screamed a young mother. The problem is, children take time to grow up. Not only that, relationships take time to mature, troubles take time to resolve, and opportunities take time to develop.   Life never moves at the pace we prefer. Sometimes it moves so slowly we think time has stopped. Then next week or next month or next year, it moves so fast we spin out of control. "What is going on?" we cry. "Why can't things happen as I want them to?" We need patience. Don't you just hate that word? Who wants to be told to "hold your horses," or "wait your turn," or "don't be in such a hurry!" However, you've probably noticed, in marriage, patience is required. That's what Dr. Ross talks about in this podcast. Marriage, says Dr. Ross, is the one relationship that takes more time to mature than all others. When it does mature, sweet it is; how together you feel; how at home you want to be. Have patience: He will become the husband you've always wanted. She will become the wife who meets all your needs.

What Do You Expect? Healthy marriage: expects success Hurting marriage: assumes failure Podcast 052 By Ron Ross The Law of Expectations states that our imaginations, thoughts, and emotions, whether positive or negative, have a powerful influence on our mind-body connection and impact the people around us and the events of our daily lives. Stated simply: What you expect to happen usually happens. Expect to succeed, and you succeed; expect to fail, and you fail. The Law doesn't care whether you expect good or bad, it works either way to increase the odds that you will get what you expect. In this podcast, Dr. Ross applies the Law of Expectations to marriage. He asks, "How long do you expect to be married to your spouse? If you both answer, a lifetime, you will likely one day celebrate your 50th wedding anniversary." On the other hand, he points out if you think, "my parents divorced, my mate's parents divorced, I wouldn't be surprised if we too drifted apart," you will likely end up in divorce court because the law does not care. Dr. Ross gives you some practical ways to use the Law of Expectations to improve the connection you have with your mate, children and all the people around you. He says, "Since the Law works, you might as well use it to YOUR advantage and improve the quality of your daily life." This podcast is very practical and worthy of your close attention. It's is 10 minutes long.

"Why is it always my fault when something goes wrong?" Blaming in marriage is a dangerous and love-snuffing game. It is a difficult behavior to deal with because every spat quickly turns into a debate about who did what and why and whose fault it was. When blame is the name of the game, there is seldom a time, place or desire to face the reality of the situation and seek a long-lasting solution. Blame your mate, and you will never solve a problem or strengthen your marriage. You will, however, increase your chances of spending an inordinate amount of money on a divorce attorney who will exploit your "irreconcilable differences." You don't want that to happen. Whenever you make a mistake you have two choices: admit or blame. For some reason, it's easy to blame others and darn hard to declare, "I screwed up! It's my fault, I apologize." In this Podcast, Dr. Ross provides you with six components of a sincere apology - listen to them, write them down, and employ them so your marriage will be kind, resilient, and loving. The Podcast is 9 minutes long.

Married couples can easily suffer from the debilitating "do-it-yourself" disease. Some couples are convinced their relationship will someway, someday, get better even if no one takes any initiative to change. In this podcast, Dr. Ross gives five reasons a married couple might hesitate to seek help. Then he gives five reasons that demonstrate the same couple is ready to ask for help. It's possible Dr. Ross mentioned you (not by name) in this podcast, so take 9 minutes and listen. Maybe, just maybe, you need to ask for some help.

If I asked you to describe the changes you have endured (or celebrated) over the years of your marriage, you would have a variety of stories to tell – some good – some bad – most, inevitable. Everyone does. In this podcast, Dr. Ross reminds you that when change happens, you have two choices: to look backward or to look forward. When you look back, you focus on what went wrong. When you look forward envision what you can do right. The past contains pain and regret. The future contains options and hope. It's OK to look back, but don't look long. Instead, look forward; look longingly forward. What do you want your marriage to be? What do you want your children to become? Where do you want to go in life? What has God placed in your heart as your mission to make this world a little better? The podcast is 10 min. long.

The easiest thing to do on earth is to whine, complain, and make excuses. Most complaints start with, “Why do you always …” or “Why can’t you ever …” or “You drive me crazy every time you …” And it can quickly get real nasty. What good does it do to moan and make excuses? Not much. Misery is the only consequence of whining and complaining. In this podcast, Dr. Ross says, “The day you become a problem solver is the day you become an adult. Three-year-olds whine and make excuses. Adults see problems and solve them.”  A healthy marriage seeks solutions to problems while a hurting marriage whines and makes excuses. Which do you have? Which do you want? The podcast is 9 minutes long.

An over-expressed ego within marriage is toxic and can be fatal to your relationship. If one of you thinks the whole world revolves around you, if you think you know everything and understand everything and the other mate is unworthy or uninformed, the relationship is a long way from WE. The poison of ego starts its lethal attack on the marriage. In this 10-minute podcast, Dr. Ross gives you three “acts of love” that will help deal with your own ego and then go from “ME” to “WE” in your marriage. Dr. Ross says, “It’s this simple, a couple that focuses on becoming one is happier, wealthier and healthier. I can tell you from personal experience; it’s worth the effort to move from ME to WE.”

You’ve probably noticed, the easiest person available to us for biting and insensible remarks is our mate. More than anyone else on earth, we know how to yank their chain or hurt their soul with a cutting or nasty remark. To be crude or insensitive, to be disrespectful to the person we love the most is a big mistake. That’s the bad news. Now the good news: There is no one else on earth as easy for us to treat kindly, respectfully and courteously than the one we love the most – our mate! In this podcast Dr. Ross conveys three easy ways to be courteous to your mate; he even makes a profound confession about his own lack of courtesy in his marriage.   When you are polite and courteous to your mate you show a maturity and depth of love that enhances your relationship and strengthens the bonds between you. The podcast is only 9 minutes long.