Something Like Marriage

Morning and evening rituals invite connection in your relationship. They can be as simple or as complex as the two of you would like. Jon and I enjoy simple ways of connecting - a cup of coffee with a kiss in the morning and talking while snuggling at night. Some couples enjoy sharing gratitudes, checking in on how they are feeling, or enjoying an evening walk together. Be creative to find something that works for the two of you. The hope is that morning and evening rituals encourage us to be present with one another. As we share in this episode, Jon considers himself a quiet morning person, while I am naturally a more peppy morning girl myself! I am learning how to enjoy quiet moments with writing and meditation. While Jon finds having personal routines creates peace in his day. We both agree that keeping expectations low and finding a simple rhythm is important in our relationship. (Theme music: Ethan Anderson, Photo credit: Hans Vivek) Subscribe & Review in iTunes Are you subscribed to our podcast? If not, we would love to have you! We are adding to our relationship episodes by the week and want to keep you connected to the community. Click here to subscribe in iTunes! If any of our ramblings have been helpful to your relationship, we would be grateful if you would let us know by leaving a review on iTunes. Such reviews are how others find our podcast and we learn more about how the podcast has been loving in your life. Just click here to review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review." Thank you friend! "Morning and Evening Rituals" Podcast Gems: Create simple and manageable routines.Meet in the middle if one of you is a morning person and the other an evening person. Develop couple rituals as well as family rituals.A simple act of making your lover coffee can be a way to connect in the morning.

In realizing we cannot be everything to our spouse or partner all of the time, developing our individual spirituality has been helpful. In times where we need to look outside of ourselves and our relationship, we can believe in a loving life force energy to care for us. Some may call this God, The Universe, or another loving name. In this episode, we talk about how our spirituality has supported our relationship. (Theme music: Ethan Anderson, Photo credit: Mohamed Nohassi) (True Facts is the ridiculous science show we referenced) Subscribe & Review in iTunes Are you subscribed to our podcast? If not, we would love to have you! We are adding to our relationship episodes by the week and want to keep you connected to the community. Click here to subscribe in iTunes! If any of our ramblings have been helpful to your relationship, we would be grateful if you would let us know by leaving a review on iTunes. Such reviews are how others find our podcast and we learn more about how the podcast has been loving in your life. Just click here to review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review." Thank you friend!

Non-sexual touch in a relationship can look like many things from holding one another to a kiss. It is touch of connection and affection without the intention leading to sex. When relishing in touch such as long three-minute hugs or thirty-second kisses, oxytocin and endorphins are released. They help to bond us to one another and to lessen our stress and anxiety. The only problem is, non-sexual touch for some of us may not feel so loving. In this episode, Jon shares he is all about this long indulgence of touch, while I am more cautious. I love being near him and cuddling, and I also have some touch which creates a feeling of being trapped for me. We talk about how it is important to distinguish what non-sexual touch looks like for your relationship, and what kind feels loving. I resented the stereotype that all men had the intention that when they touched you it was to get sex or be sexual. The truth is that everyone longs for non-sexual touch, and it is a need we have. Jon shares, "I resented the stereotype that all men had the intention that when they touched you it was to get sex or be sexual. I never really connected with that sentiment. I didn't like that I got lumped in with all the rest of the guys." The truth is men and women both long for non-sexual touch. There is so much joy in sharing a hug, a hand-hold, or a cuddle. Just find what works for the two of you! (Theme music: Ethan Anderson, Photo credit: Katarina Šikuljak) Subscribe & Review in iTunes Are you subscribed to our podcast? If not, we would love to have you! We are adding to our relationship episodes by the week and want to keep you connected to the community. Click here to subscribe in iTunes! If any of our ramblings have been helpful to your relationship, we would be grateful if you would let us know by leaving a review on iTunes. Such reviews are how others find our podcast and we learn more about how the podcast has been loving in your life. Just click here to review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review." Thank you friend! "The Beauty of Non-Sexual Touch in A Relationship" Podcast Gems: When your minimalistic wardrobe contains more items with holes than not, it is time to go shopping. The action of non-sexual touch speaks louder for Jon and is not as confusing as words. It says, “I choose you.”Many times the spouse or partner with the lower sex drive will begin to withhold touch if it is always met with sex.Talk about what kind of non-sexual touch you love, and find out what feels good to your spouse or partner.We talk about dealing with anxiety together.

My husband won't talk to me, our listener states. We can relate to a gap in our own communication. In our relationship, before we made changes, we did not communicate all of our deepest feelings with one another. It was way too personal and vulnerable. It wasn't that we didn't want to talk to one another about the deeper stuff, we just didn't know how. So, If you haven't had practice at sharing your feelings before, where do you start? First, prepare to feel awkward and uncomfortable. Just like learning a new job, or a new activity, you are coming in as a beginner. Just like learning a new sport, be open and curious about the skills needed and commit to practicing.Jon and I started by both admitting to one another that we were deficient in sharing feelings. We also agreed to the fact we were both going to suck at first. So, we created a safe place where we were not going to make fun of each other as we tried like children to speak the language of emotion. If I did it wrong, I knew I wouldn't be ridiculed. I needed to be tolerant with myself not being good at it right away. ~ Jon We started with feeling words that were more generic, such as I feel happy or I feel frustrated. We started easy.."how did you feel about your non-stick pan?" Leaving behind our aggressive and passive attempts at communicating feelings to one another we grew from expressing feelings in childish ways (slamming doors, sighing), to that of adults where we used words. Wha? This was also a change from if you really loved me you would know what I am feeling by my lack of eye contact or behavior, to sharing emotions with I Statements. "I feel.. In order to share emotions, you need to honor them from a neutral place, refrain from judgment of them being bad or good. And it helps to use a list of feeling words to practice, letting go the usual cover up of "I feel good, or I'm fine." It may not be that your husband won't talk to you, it could be that he just doesn't know how and the emotional language is new to him, and perhaps new to you too. (Theme music: Ethan Anderson, Photo credit: Joshua Sortino) Subscribe & Review in iTunes Are you subscribed to our podcast? If not, we would love to have you! We are adding to our relationship episodes by the week and want to keep you connected to the community. Click here to subscribe in iTunes! If any of our ramblings have been helpful to your relationship, we would be grateful if you would let us know by leaving a review on iTunes. Such reviews are how others find our podcast, and how our community grows. We also enjoy reading them and learning more about how the podcast has been loving in your life. Just click here to review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review." Thank you, friend! "My Husband Won't Talk to Me" Relationship Podcast Gems: Jon's "special pan" is now trash after a deep frying incident.Jema practiced her feeling words with unsuspecting cashiers. Decide together on a time to check in and start practicing your feelings.Is your husband even aware that you want to know about his emotions? Express the desire to know him more deeply. It takes one person in the relationship to take the chance and be vulnerable.A List of Feeling Words

We went out on the town in Portland, Maine. I was going a little crazy with all of the unusual rain and clouds this summer. The RV gets pretty small when all five of us are inside with no sun in sight. The funny thing about this episode is that I totally changed the format of the podcast outline on Jon, and even during our pre-meeting, we were both on a different page entirely! He thought the story of meeting the two guitarists at the restaurant was just the pre-show banter, while I had thought we both understood it was the main lead into the episode! It was a communication disaster. The good news is, we rebounded and continued the show, something new for us during this process. I usually shut down and then we have to reboot another day. We rallied on and talked about how sharing your gifts can bring you joy as well as those you share it with. Sometimes we think we are unqualified to share our passions with others. In reality, when we share our gifts with each other it connects us all and gifts the world. You deserve to do what makes you happy! (Theme music: Ethan Anderson, Photo credit: Eye for Ebony) Stream "Share Your Gifts, Feel Happy"  Relationship Podcast Gems: Our "not good enoughs" can stand in the way of sharing our gifts. If you choose not to share your gifts, the world misses out. We have shifted our parenting to encourage the kids to seek out their passions. It isn't really about talent, it is about motivation. You can become good because of your determination. What motivates you and how do you integrate that into your life?

Are you comparing your relationship on Facebook to other couples on vacation or celebrating a romantic night out? Yah, I can relate. I might snuggle into bed after finishing my evening chores and spot a Facebook notification on my phone. Which then leads into my endless and mindless scrolling. It can also lead to something I am really good at, comparing. It really depends on how mindful and peaceful I am at that moment on the effect the scrolling can have on me. Perhaps, I had a difficult day and now I am comparing my personal challenges to someone's lifetime achievement. I could leave that experience with a poor me attitude and negative self-talk. The same is true if I was feeling disconnected in my relationship and compared that to a couple's smiling faces in Hawaii while they were having the time of their life! Look at all of the fun they were having and here I am again at home with a sore back and Netflix. Staying in reality, we can acknowledge that most of us post photos of our relationship during the good times. Thank goodness! Would you really want to see a photo of Jon and I arguing? Well, maybe that would help you feel better, so that's a bad example. (Theme music: Ethan Anderson, Photo credit: William Iven) Dealing With Comparing Your Relationship on Facebook When you feel resentment acknowledge it as a helpful tool to show you the direction you desire to go deep in your heart. Take that desire and use it as inspiration to take action. Embrace your own story with its highlights and challenges, and know others have them too. Turn your energy inward instead of outward and use it to experience what brings you joy in life. If you must compare, compare yourself to yourself! Stream "Comparing Your Relationship on Facebook"  Relationship Podcast Gems: A Helpful Guide to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others Technology is neutral, it depends what we use it for that dictates its impact. How can I make social media work for me? Follow loving, inspirational accounts. Learn something more about yourself when social media triggers an emotional reaction. Living in a crooked RV makes walking challenging. :)

Running in flip-flops in the rain is probably not the best idea. I fell down and then decided on accepting who I am. Jon talks about how he has learned to accept that he will always have ideas for songs to create, but may never really get around to creating that rock or Reggae hit. Some things are easier to accept about ourselves than others. It takes time to accept our deeper weaknesses and flaws as we become aware. I will remember my swollen knee the next time I decide to attempt flip-flop running! (Theme music: Ethan Anderson, Photo credit: Dương Nhân) Stream "Accepting Who We Are"  Relationship Podcast Gems: "The only ideas that are really going to happen are the burning desires of my heart." ~ Jon Read this article on cultivating self-acceptance, 12 Ways to Accept Yourself Learn more about Jema's story on episode 22 about sexual anorexia. Your Next Steps: If you love us like Ron Swanson does, leave us a rating and review on iTunes or your favorite player.  :) Join our email list for new episodes and articles.

We cover three main ways to create safe spaces for loving conversation -  decide your loving guidelines, choose a physical space and an emotionally safe space. Loving Guidelines Here is an example of the loving guidelines we have created. No yelling. No swearing. No blaming. No threatening divorce or abandonment. No leaving. No using what is shared to hurt the person in the future. Physical Space Considerations a space without distractions, TV or kids. set a time of day as a cut-off for having deep discussions. a private space or a public space. relaxed postures, not one person standing over another. what environment feels the most loving - couch, table, in bed, outside. Emotional Safe Space Considerations As the speaker: • Using I statements I feel ____ when this happens. • Avoid using “you” to place blame on the other person. • Keep the sharing about your thoughts and feelings. As the listener: • be in a state of no judgment. • open to let the other person talk without interruption. • open body language. • share your reactions in a loving way. You may feel sad to hear what is being shared. You can simply state, I feel sad ________. • You can own a behavior. • You can ask a question. • You can affirm their sharing. “I understand what you are saying. I hear you saying... Of course, you are feeling...” (Theme music: Ethan Anderson, Photo credit: Hutomo Abrianto) Stream "Safe Spaces for Loving Conversation"  Relationship Podcast Gems: Create a safe space that is unique to your relationship and feels the most loving. Creating a safe space is important for having meaningful conversations. Robins will build nests on your ladder if given the opportunity. Your Next Steps: Join our email list for new episodes and articles.

In this episode of our marriage podcast Something Like Marriage, we ask three questions to learn more about one another.   (Theme music: Ethan Anderson, Photo credit: Andre Benz)   Stream "Three Questions"    Podcast Gems: Asking your partner/spouse three questions can create a deeper connection.     Your Next Steps: Join our free private Facebook Community Join our email list for new episodes and articles.

This was a challenging episode for me as I describe living a secret life of shame and sexual anorexia in marriage. I had experienced sexuality that was unwanted and confusing when I was young. I had feelings of arousal, fear, and shame like Jon described on I Feel Uncomfortable Talking About Sex that I dealt with through repression. It was a way I could bury my thoughts and desires in a place where it would remain unconscious. As I walked through life, it seemed that there was something wrong with me, something broken in me because I kept getting into situations with men that were unloving. I felt like I was marked. And with each experience, I would lock it away in my Secret Room which added more motivation to my sexual anorexia. Sexual anorexia refers to the compulsive avoidance of sexual nourishment and intimacy. A refusal of emotional and sensual input in order to keep the unexplored trauma hidden along with chaotic feelings and anxiety. I would deny myself intimacy, and only understood my way of coping after I went to therapy to save my marriage. Healing has found a way in as I opened the door to learn more about who I am and to look at those wounds of the past. There have been people to hear me and to love me along the way. I have found that unlocking the secret of my sexual anorexia has been profoundly freeing in my life and my marriage. I have been able to share the journey with my husband and I have been able to have conversations about sexuality with my children. (Theme music: Ethan Anderson, Photo credit: Maria Maliy) Stream "Sexual Anorexia in Marriage"  Relationship Podcast Gems: Sexual anorectics starve themselves by "acting in," denying themselves intimacy in relationships, receiving loving touch, and genuine connection with others. Sexual anorexia is encouraged by rigidity, judgment, and shame. Sex and feelings of sexuality equated to pain for me. Sexual abuse is a spectrum and can not be tolerated as something that just happens because you are a woman. Abuse, in general, isn't so much about what happened, but how it affected the unique person. It is unhelpful to compare the pain we experience in life. As unique people, experiences affect us differently. When your marriage isn't working, it's important to find out why and more about yourself even if that relationship ends. Jon dealt with my resistance and picking a fight to cope by changing it to mean I was into him and loved him. If you are ready to heal, it can simply start by saying, “I'm ready.” Loving people and opportunities begin to appear. Resources: The Devastating Pain of Sexual Anorexics - a short article discussing sexual anorexia. Sexual Anorexia: Overcoming Sexual Self-Hatred - a book to help understand the journey of sexual anorexia. Your Next Steps: Join our email list for new episodes and articles. Something Like Marriage may receive a portion of sales from products purchased from this article.

I am going to be honest, I feel uncomfortable talking about sex. Sex was not really a topic we had practice talking about with anyone. While Jon was caught up in a cycle of abstinence and binging, I was in my own cycle of repression and avoiding. Jon's work in therapy was to begin talking openly about his sexual experiences and his guilt and shame about his sexuality. He found the practice to be freeing and healing. His dark secret and life with porn were now known, and he used the opportunity to develop a healthy adult relationship with sex. While I was in the therapy group with other women related to Jon's secret life, the work we did in the group was centered around my self-care and not being obsessed with what Jon was or wasn't doing in his life. I had no practice sharing anything about sex, and wanted it that way! I find it to be difficult to talk about sex because it can be painful for me. There is a barrier for me to walk through when discussing my own sexuality or even engaging in sex. The work I have to do will be messy, but I am now choosing to heal my sexual wounds. Next week I will be brave and share my story. (Theme music: Ethan Anderson, Photo credit: Milan Surbatovic) Stream "I Feel Uncomfortable Talking About Sex"  Relationship Podcast Gems: Jon is comfortable talking about sex now, but he had a lot of shame and secrets when he was young. Jon learned what healthy adult sexuality really was through his recovery groups, talking, and reading. As a child, we have different perspectives of our experiences and take on responsibilities, guilt, and shame that wasn't ours. Men tend to talk about the act of sex, not the feelings of fear, and excitement. Experiencing it as a kid alone is difficult...fear, excitement, shame and pleasure. Jema did not practice talking about her sexuality but avoided all conversations about sex. The cultural norms around sexuality are so different - boys are almost encouraged to explore their body, it doesn't seem to be the same for girls. Jon forgets that it is difficult for Jema, he needs reminders that this work is painful. Jema's lack of curiosity about Jon's sexuality made him feel unimportant and unloved. Being on the journey as a couple, and then with other couples has created such profound healing in our life. Your Next Steps: Join our email list for new episodes and articles.

Answering the question about why do men hide their feelings, and challenging this idea. We also relate how men and women are alike in not sharing their vulnerable feelings such as sadness, shame, guilt, and fear. Culture seems to have a role to play in what are acceptable emotions for a man to express. As children, we expressed a spectrum of feelings as emotional beings. When we were happy we screamed with delight, laughed, and jumped up and down. When we were sad we cried, had tantrums, and yelled. Somewhere along the way some of us learned certain emotions were okay to share such as anger or joy, and others were to be controlled. Why do men hide their feelings? Jon talks about how he learned early on it wasn't safe to share those vulnerable feelings such as sadness because it would be meddled with in some way. As his wife, I wasn't safe to share those feelings with for quite some time. We had to learn how to identify our feelings, express them, and to be safe for one another. Our first practice took place with strangers. When discussing why do men hide their feelings, it seems men and women are more alike than different. We can learn how to share those more vulnerable feelings with one another in a safe space and create a more intimate relationship. (Theme music: Ethan Anderson, Photo credit: Ben Rosett) Stream "Why Do Men Hide Their Feelings?"  Relationship Podcast Gems: Men and women both share some feelings but maybe not all of their authentic feelings. Jon learned to share his vulnerable feelings when he - learned the vocabulary, connected in with his feelings, and had a safe place to practice sharing them first with strangers and then with me. First, we make the change for ourselves, then in our relationship, and lastly we can change our parenting. Accept the feelings, acknowledge them, and then they can be released. If we keep in our feelings, our body takes them on until they are released. Jon finds his body is an honest measurement of how he is doing emotionally. Share with your partner/spouse that you want to know their deeper emotions. Someone has to begin the uncomfortable conversation to create more intimacy. Your Next Steps: Join our email list for new episodes and articles.

A good story from our own experience about letting go of the outcome. We took the family to Cedar Point, the roller coaster capital of the world! The favorite ride was Steel Vengeance, their new hybrid coaster built from wood and steel. I could get all carried away with the fun we had there, but it would be better storytelling for you to just listen. The theme park challenged me in so many ways from fear of heights too, yes, letting go of the outcome. Just like twisting upside down and trusting the safety harness on your chest to keep you in, we must trust in our own ride of life. We talk about how fear and critical voices can keep us from creating, speaking our truth, or doing our own healing work. Letting go of the outcome can also help us enjoy the present moment with the people we love. (Theme music: Ethan Anderson)  Stream "Letting Go of the Outcome"  Relationship Podcast Gems: Helpful as a creative to let go of negative outcomes or critical hecklers. Not in control of the recovery work Jon was doing. I could only do my part, and stay in my own healing work. Letting go creates space for us to enjoy the moment. Connect every day with your desire. Let go of the outcome so you can communicate hard things with your lover. Give them the opportunity to be there. “It’s badder if you know you can fall out.” Your Next Steps: Join our email list for new episodes and articles.

Both of us had high anxiety throughout our childhood and adulthood. We thought such high anxiety was a normal part of life. Our anxiety seemed to be motivated by people pleasing, insecurity, and wondering, am I okay? The world was uncertain and this was our coping. Jon and I experienced a period of time where we peaceful and then the anxiety came back with force when we decided to live in the RV. Then, we felt pressure on our chest, that stabbing pain in our backs. The experience really encouraged us to help one another through the unknown. Presently, we are in a transition with our oldest leaving the home (RV), Jon looking for work, and financial pressure. We notice our bodies are talking to us once again about our anxious feelings. (Theme music: Ethan Anderson, Photo credit: Hailey Reed)  Stream "Dealing With Anxiety Together"  Relationship Podcast Gems: Our awning blew off. That brought on some anxiety! Learning to take people at their word, after all, they are grownups. Jema does better with anxiety when she has a plan. Jon's body tells him he is anxious before his thoughts do. Communication, exercise, simplifying the demands of our lives have helped us. Resources: Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself Your Next Steps: Join our email list for new episodes and articles. Reminder: Some of the links on this page are affiliate links. We only recommend products that have simplified and improved our lives. If you choose to purchase something we may receive a commission to continue our quirky podcast. 

We have had quite the journey from having separate sex lives to learning to talk about sex. At the beginning of our relationship, we kept our sexuality to ourselves and crossed paths to have sex. We didn't discuss it or really share with one another our inner desires. I checked it off like another chore from my list of things to do and later learned of my disassociating during sex. Jon was afraid to share his sexuality and the secrets that surrounded it. A marriage crisis in 2008, motivated counseling and through therapy, we learned to communicate our sexuality and heal. It has been a long journey and one that is still difficult. The more we let one another into our thoughts and desires around sexuality the more profound our relationship has become. We will continue to share more about sex in our desire to help couples have conversations and deeper connections. (Theme music: Ethan Anderson, Photo credit: Pablo Heimplatz)  Relationship Podcast Gems: In our early relationship, we had separate sex lives. Jema repressed sexuality, Jon had a secret life of exploring sexuality. A marriage crisis in 2008 led to learning how to talk about sex. Learning how to talk about sex in a relationship deepens a couple's connection. Sexuality is our essence, much like creativity. If you say "sex" in a whisper, does it make it less uncomfortable?  :)  Stream "Learning to Talk About Sex" Your Next Steps: Join our email list for new episodes and articles.

Finding common interests as a couple can lead to more fun and adventure. Every relationship is like a unique fingerprint, with each couple deciding what they want their relationship to look like. Some couples have very different interests and live more independently, while others do everything together, or a balance of both. Sometimes our partners or spouses don't know it is our desire to connect and spend more time together. Also, we may assume things about one another that are untrue or believe the same interests of the past are the same in the present. Talking about your interests can lead to more adventures together whether that is trying out a new restaurant or a new country. The possibilities are endless and up to you two. (Theme music: Ethan Anderson, Photo credit: Pablo Heimplatz)  Relationship Podcast Gems on Finding Common Interests: Becoming aware of your own interests and developing them. Talking about your individual interests together. Try something new to both of you. Decide how do you want it to be? What activities do you desire to do together? Jema has a Secret Room that she files away her deepest thoughts, it's like a vault. Jon has been known to read every sign at the Science Museum.  Stream "Finding Common Interests" Your Next Steps: Join our email list for new episodes and articles.

As with any lifestyle, there are also challenges of RV living with kids. Living in an RV has now become a familiar way of life for us, and there are times when the challenges of it all motivate our family to take a vacation from traveling in the motorhome. Fulltime RV living has been a loving choice for our family with the benefits outweighing the difficulties. Today, we talk about how we have adapted to life year round in a camper amidst the critters, freezing rain, and weekend cookouts in our bedroom. (Theme music: Ethan Anderson, Photo credit: Samantha Amidon ) Relationship Podcast Gems: Living in an RV is not like being on vacation :) Everyone seems to have their special chill spot, with a set of headphones for coping purposes. Seeing family can be difficult (we tend to connect through messaging or Skype sometimes) We face weather and other environmental challenges such as earthquakes, snow, and severe storms. Small spaces like the dreaded pots and pans cabinet that we curse....gahhh... It's hard to take a luxurious bath with all of the bubbles and candles and things. We forgot to mention privacy (a future topic) and the repairs (we rattle apart as we roll)! There are more we are sure we forgot, but will probably come up in a disagreement later for us to share Stream "The Challenges of RV Living With Kids" Your Next Steps: Join our email list for new episodes and articles.

There are so many benefits of RV living with kids. Our plan was to sell our life and live in a motorhome for only one year after the sale of our house. We soon realized that raising our children in a small space encouraged us to become more connected with one another. We were also having more fun! In the beginning, we thought the amazing places we visited would be the best part of our RV adventure but soon found that it was more about the people we were meeting. People from every walk of life with such different backgrounds and stories. We met traveling families to drum around the campfires with, to spend a winter in Breckenridge, and to park next to the ocean in California with waves splashing on the RV. The people are what make traveling a meaningful experience. We chose to continue RV living with kids because of the rewards of simplicity, minimalism and having a family-centered life where we focus on the present. Educating our children through real-life experiences as we visit where history took place in the United States. As with any lifestyle, there are also challenges. Next week we will go beyond the photographs you see on Instagram and share the challenges of RV living with kids. (Theme music: Ethan Anderson, Photo credit: Samantha Amidon ) Relationship Podcast Gems: We were put into a minimalistic life where there is only so much room for so much stuff. Simplicity has brought a more peaceful life, where we are free of outside expectations. Living in one room, we become integrated into each other's lives and very family-centered. Our last kid to teach how to drive on Instagram. Stream "The Benefits of RV Living With Kids" Your Next Steps: Join our email list for new episodes and articles.

Giving you a glimpse of why we decided to try living in an RV full time with a family. We chose full-time RV living in January of 2011 to travel with our four kids in a motorhome. RV living with our family was motivated by a marriage crisis and our need to heal our family life. In 2008 our marriage fell apart, it was a moment in our lives where we decided to face the giants of fear and dig into therapy to save our relationship. It wasn't an easy journey, but it was a meaningful one that brought joy and love into our lives. As we began to change ourselves as individuals, we were also changing our marriage and our parenting. We were becoming different people. It was exciting and took a lot of energy to keep working on the process. We realized we could not continue to meet the outside expectations we were feeling from the outside world. We needed some time and space to really shift our family out of the crisis. A series of events led us to risk it all and stuff our family of six in an RV for one year of early retirement. Living in an RV full time with a family of six took us from surviving to thriving. We had the opportunity to learn more about ourselves and each other. We no longer had to spend hours away from our children, we had this amazing moment in time to get to know our kids and have adventures with them. (Theme music: Ethan Anderson, Photo credit: Samantha Amidon ) Relationship Podcast Gems: Living in an RV with a family put into practice what we had learned in therapy. The real adventure is choosing to change, grow, and heal together. Following the calling in our heart and going against fear has been rewarding for us. View from the top of the RV on Instagram. Stream "Living in an RV Full Time With a Family" Your Next Steps: Join our email list for new episodes and articles.

No one wants to be bad at conversation, especially when we are all trying so hard to understand one another! In the past, we were not doing well with our conversations because we didn't really understand what each other really needed. Jon thought I wanted him to solve the problems I was sharing with him, while I just wanted to be heard and affirmed. I seem to process my days by talking, while Jon is more internal and needs questions to prompt him to share about his day. (Theme music: Ethan Anderson, Photo credit: Laura Ockel) Relationship Podcast Gems: We encourage you to talk with your partner/spouse about what you need and want from conversations. Be clear of your expectations, maybe before you begin sharing. "I need you to listen and affirm me." Meet "Buddy" the bird who ate lunch at Joes' Farm Grill on Instagram. Stream "How Not To Suck When Talking With Your Sweetheart" Your Next Steps: Join our email list for new episodes and articles.

How do you handle embarrassment in a relationship? Everyone handle's embarrassment differently. Sometimes we repress our embarrassment, get angry, or can laugh about what happened for years to come. The goal is to be able to talk about all emotions with your lover, including embarrassment. (Theme music: Ethan Anderson, Photo credit: Abigail Keenan) Relationship Podcast Gems: Sharing awkward moments with your lover can create deeper connection and intimacy It takes practice to share embarrassment in a relationship, especially around sexuality Jema shares her story about the time she peed her pants at college (now that's embarrassing, do you feel better?) You can see a photo of Jema's childhood chair named "Stripey" on Instagram Stream "Embarrassment in a Relationship" Your Next Steps: Join our email list for new episodes and articles.

The process of recovering from depression began with my self-care. Recovery included medication, exercise, diet changes, and therapy. My husband also supported me during the journey by giving me perspective. (Theme music: Ethan Anderson, Photo credit: Yaoqi LAI) Relationship Podcast Gems: What brought sunshine into my life to help with my SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) was the goLITE. Medication was necessary for me to "put out the fire" and reset my thinking. Self-care became a priority with exercise, time away from the kids, diet, and vitamins. Therapy was the key for me to heal my depression. Jon worked on his codependency while being empathetic and offering perspective. Listen to part one Depression and Marriage: We Tell Our Story and part two What is it Like to Be Depressed? Resources: Find out if you are dealing with depression with this depression self-test. More about the symptoms of depression. How to support a family member or a friend with depression. Get help if you are the one struggling with depression or if you are a loved one who wants to know how to support a loved one. Chat online, or call the Suicide Prevention Hotline. Stream "A Depression Story of Recovery" Your Next Steps: Join our email list for new episodes and articles. Reminder: Some of the links on this page are affiliate links. We only recommend products that have simplified and improved our lives. If you choose to purchase something we may receive a commission. And you receive our gratitude!

I share with Jon what it felt like for me as I struggled with depression in our relationship, shame, and motherhood. The Baby Blues are what really tipped the scales of depression for me as a young mother. The hormonal influx after delivering my children would send me time and time again into a downward spiral of clinical depression. My moods were off, my thinking was gone, and I didn't want to get out of bed. It was after my third child that I started to have thoughts of ending my life. I was in so much pain in my life, so exhausted, and my brain chemicals were so out of balance that I was no longer thinking realistically. This story has brought a lot of guilt and shame along my journey of motherhood. I am finally at a place where I can share it with you today. What is it Like to Be a Depressed? If you can imagine waking up every day with the pain of a broken arm, that is what the pain of depression felt like. The pain of the broken arm would go away with sleep, but come back the minute I would open my eyes. It wasn't getting better or healing, it was broken. The pain was getting more intense, and the infection more severe only, I was the only one who knew my arm was broken. Others may have looked at my arm and said, "Your arm looks fine. Why are you sad? Why don't you just get up and be happy? You don't have a broken arm." Being depressed is like treading water in the ocean, another wave and you think you are not going to come back up for air. You fight. You come back up for another breath. You are exhausted from trying to stay afloat, you don't know when the next wave will hit you. You sink a little more every day. Coming up for air less often. Getting carried away in the current more frequently, seeing more darkness and less light. It seems inevitable that you will drown. After a while, you begin to believe it might be better for everyone if you just got it over with. Understanding depression is difficult if you have not personally experienced the hopelessness. Today, I share with you my perspective more about what it is like to be a depressed wife and the shame I had as a mother, as well as the moment I knew I needed to seek help. (Theme music: Ethan Anderson, Photo credit: Jong Marshes) Relationship Podcast Gems: What is depression Postpartum baby blues and depression SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) related to depression from a change in the seasons Listen to part one Depression and Marriage: We Tell Our Story Stream "What it's Like to Be a Depressed Wife" Your Next Steps: Join our email list for new episodes and articles.

Depression has affected our relationship from the beginning. In this episode we share two viewpoints - how it feels to be the person suffering from depression and how it affects the partner/spouse in the relationship. Depression and Marriage Were Normal My depression became apparent to me after having children and my doctor named this sadness that I had felt since I was young. Depression had become such a normal thing in my life that it didn't feel like something I needed to get help for, until that day in the doctor's office. I was at a point in my life where caring for myself and the family had become unmanageable and I could hardly get out of bed in the morning. She said, "the result of your questionnaire indicates that you are severely depressed. Can you tell me more about this?" Of course, I didn't want to tell her more about it as the shame swelled in my throat. I felt like a bad mom, a bad person, and weak. Something shameful was alive in my life and I had no idea how it got there or how to heal it. Jon listened to me talk about my sad days to the depth I would let him in. He worked a full-time job while I was at home with the three kids. He never knew what emotional state I would be in when he returned home. He felt helpless. My depression journey changed once I could admit to myself that I needed help and could let Jon be part of that healing journey. (Theme music: Ethan Anderson, Photo credit: Volkan Olmez) Relationship Podcast Gems: Depression is not something you can will your way out of alone Depression grows with isolation, anxiety, guilt, and shame Sharing your depression with a loved one releases the secret and begins a journey of togetherness to healing Stream "Depression in Marriage" Your Next Steps: Join our email list for new episodes and articles.

The meaning of gifts in our relationship happens to be very different. No surprises there! After learning more about one another on our last episode of Simplifying Holiday Gift Giving for Couples we dig in deeper to what gifts mean to us individually. I love giving gifts. It is like a puzzle waiting to be put together - taking small clues and building up to one present. A mystery to solve and smiles to be won. It shows someone that you have been thinking of them. That they are loved. It's not a chore for me. And yet, that is my perspective. Isn't it interesting how you put your own perspective on someone else? Jon relates how frustrating it can be to find the perfect gift for me. He says it's like having a professor tell you to write a final paper in college that's worth the entire grade. Except, as the student, you will not be told the topic or how long it will be. If it isn't impressive, you will fail. And not only will you fail, but you will be a bad person! I started to see gift giving from Jon's perspective. As the person with expectations, I was not giving him much to go on. I was also putting a lot of meaning on gifts. The gift was an indication of my importance to Jon. Whoa. We walked away from this episode with insight into one of our common conflicts and share that insight with you. We decided to choose a gift together this year and skip the whole mumbo-jumbo. Although, I may now want those pans. Did we mention giving gifts in a relationship is complicated? :) (Theme music: Ethan Anderson, Photo credit: DiEtte Henderson) Relationship Podcast Gems: Accept we are different people. I observe, take notes. Love presents. My husband doesn't love gifts. Challenge the belief that if he really loved you, he would read your mind. Be very specific if you want a specific gift. Have an idea board on Pinterest, Trello, or stick it on the fridge. Stream "The Meaning of Gifts in a Relationship" Your Next Steps: Join our email list for new episodes and articles.

With the theme of creating a peaceful holiday season, we unravel simplifying gift giving for couples during the holidays and share our history of miscommunication during Christmas. (There may be some miscommunication on the episode, always keeping it real for you.) When we were young, around thirteen, I set my expectations for Jon's gift giving. He bought me flowers (from a flower shop) and stuffed animals, and figurines. He was so romantical! Then, we got married and I fell into the belief that if Jon really loved me he would know what to buy for me (cough). That usually failed miserably. Throw in some kids or maybe four and the gift-giving chaos became too much to handle. It was obvious we needed to set some expectations for our kids and for us around gift giving. We came up with three simple gifts - gold, frankincense, and myrrh. The kids would receive something they wanted, something they could share, and something they needed. It set financial expectations for us, and they knew how many gifts would be under the tree. After we moved into this RV it not only simplified our life but minimalized our stuff. Now, we are very mindful of what we bring in because it needs to fit! We also discovered our family received more value from the experiences we chose to do together than accumulating more stuff. Simplifying Holiday Gift Giving is About Setting Expectations Everyone wants to be successful at gift giving, especially in a relationship. For us, it is important to be clear and specific. Having a conversation about what each other's expectations are can create a loving experience for both people in the relationship! That's what we want for us and for you! (Theme music: Ethan Anderson, Photo credit: rawpixel.com) Grab your free conversation starter for peaceful, simple gift giving. Relationship Podcast Gems: Be successful in gift giving this holiday season by setting clear expectations. Choose a system for simplifying gift giving such as the three gifts Decide if gifts mean things or experiences, or a little bit of both Stream "Simplifying Holiday Gift Giving" Your Next Steps: Join our email list for new episodes and articles. Grab your freebie for fun conversation.

The holidays are a time to gather with our family, friends, and coworkers. There are social gatherings to attend and eggnog to drink. A time of joy and chatter. The holidays can also be a time of anxiety and stress. One of the tools we have found to be helpful during gatherings and in our family life is to become a gentle observer. A gentle observer, according to Maureen Graves, is someone who steps outside of the moment and notes what is happening. The gentle observer does not judge herself or himself, or other people. As we cannot control the behaviors of others, we focus on taking care of ourselves so we can have a loving experience. As Jon notes in the podcast, being a gentle observer is like becoming Ebenezer in A Christmas Carol. He is an onlooker to the past, present, and future. He can not meddle in the what is going on but merely observe from his perspective as a ghost. In this way, you can also become a spectator, you are not pulled into conversations by emotional responses. You can choose to respond, or you can choose to just watch it unfold. The gentle observer can also be a way to listen to what others have to say, even if you don't agree with their opinion. You can use it at social gatherings, when you go out shopping, or when you listen to your teenagers as they verbalize the belief systems they are trying to create. A gentle observer is a way we can be gentle with ourselves and with those we love. (Theme music: Ethan Anderson, Photo credit: Brigitte Tohm) Relationship Podcast Gems: What does it mean to be a Gentle Observer for you? Talk about what anxieties you have before attending your social setting. While observing, note your responses to the situations. Reflect with your spouse/partner on what you observed about yourself and others after the event. Grab your free conversation starter for a peaceful holiday experience this year! Stream "Dealing With the Holidays" Your Next Steps: Grab your freebie for fun conversation. Join our email list for new episodes and articles.

Have you ever been on a weird date? Jon and I discuss weird dates and how they can stretch you out of your comfort zone. We attended the Northwest Regional Air Guitar Championships held in Portland, Oregon where we witnessed the techniques of guitarists who are judged on their costumes, techniques, and other things we have no idea about. This date was challenging for me because I like to nest in the space I am in. I wasn't too excited to head out to an old porn theater to watch people play pretend guitars. Sometimes, watching Netflix is far more comfortable. Yet, I trusted Jon to plan a date which ended up to be the best comedy show we have ever seen! I couldn't stop laughing at the strange costumes - spandex leotards, tighty whities, and tear away pants. We encourage you to take your girl/guy out on a weird date to experience something fun outside of your comfort zone. If you are interested to learn more about air guitar competitions, check out these short clips from our weird date night. (Podcast theme music: Ethan Anderson) US Air Guitar Championship Videos Weird Date Podcast Gems: Expanding out of your comfort zone can lead to discovering something new about your lover New experiences strengthen your relationship and can lead to having fun together Together you can turn a bad experience into a fun memory Stream "Weird Dates Are Fun" Your Next Steps: Join our email list for new episodes and articles.

Nagging is the constant harassment to motivate someone to do something, usually in the way you want it done. Being unique individuals in a relationship, we may have different perspectives on the right way to do things. Maybe this sounds familiar to you if you think about some of the popular sitcoms like an oldie, Everybody Loves Raymond. The guy is trying to balance his career with the complexities of having a family. The wife is losing her mind as she tries to create a smooth running household. The conflict arises out of miscommunication and with someone (usually the guy) trying to meet his own needs such as a night with the guys. The wife nags about the chips on the couch. I have been guilty of communicating with Jon my needs in a sideways attempt through statements, especially in the car. "You are driving too close." Early in our relationship, I nagged him to take out the garbage. I remember setting the garbage down in front of the door thinking that would be a good way to communicate my need to him. I watched him scoot the garbage bag to the side and walk out the door not realizing what I was getting at! Of course, we were in our own sitcom at that point. I was pissed off he didn't take out the garbage. Jon had no idea what was going on. I find nagging to be a tool I use when I am feeling unsupported with the house and kids. In the garbage scenario, I was feeling the weight of the chores on my shoulders and desired some help. Now, I would communicate that with Jon. "Jon, I am feeling overwhelmed. Can you please help me out tonight and take out the garbage?" Taking out the garbage is no longer an issue in our relationship because we gave the job to our son! A great way to get rid of that conflict. Yet, put me in the car on a day I feel irritable and have Jon drive. It is a sitcom in the making. (Theme music: Ethan Anderson, Photo credit: Matthew Hamilton ) Relationship Podcast Gems: Nagging is an indirect way to express a need What to do when you feel like nagging What to do when you are being nagged The right way to hang toilet paper (just sayin') Transform nagging into a loving experience using our conversation starter below! Stream "Why Does She Keep Nagging Me?" Your Next Steps: Grab your freebie for fun conversation. Join our email list for new episodes and articles.

Keeping score in a relationship is also what some couples call keeping points. I can remember keeping score, and I especially liked it when it served my purposes (wink). Jon never really understood the point system, and for a long time was clueless that I was doing such math in my head. The question is, how do you know how much something is worth? Is making coffee early in the morning equal to changing a diaper? Does watching the kids count for as many points if they are napping versus spilling drinks on the carpet while having a popcorn fight? Doesn't a stay-at-home mom or dad automatically get an additional 500 points for dealing with the daily monotony? The demands on our time once we had children intensified the balance of home, college, and work. The point system seemed to be a way for me to have permission to leverage the time I needed for myself. I wasn't in a place where I knew how to communicate my real needs to Jon. I could, however, build a case with some calculations and show him the score.  Usually, yes, his score was in the negative. (Theme music: Ethan Anderson, Photo credit: Thought Catalog) Relationship Podcast Gems: The motivation behind keeping points Point keeping created a division between us What are the real needs of the relationship Giving our partner/spouse the chance to take care of us Get to Know Each Other Practice being honest with your needs. Share your needs, come up with a plan to meet your needs together (A free night off?) Practice being heard by one another Stream "Keeping Score in a Relationship" Your Next Steps: Join our email list for new episodes and articles.

After the romantic phase of our relationship ended I wondered, why doesn't he buy me flowers anymore? We chat about how small things like flowers can show one another appreciation, and how some people don't feel the same way about flowers (hint: Jon)! Sometimes we wander through the day feeling like no one appreciates us. As my hands wrinkle from the fourth time of washing dishes in the day without any thanks from the family, I watch the water swirl away and feel like those little bits of food left in the sink drain. When the kids were young it felt like I was a robot trapped in a time loop - make a meal, clean up a meal, change a diaper, and repeat. The young ones were not in a place to say "thank you," and at the time I couldn't communicate with Jon what I was needing - some gratitude. So, it seemed like what I was missing were flowers. Yes, flowers were the answer because I used to receive them and I remember feeling happier. It must be the flowers! As we talk about in this episode, it isn't necessarily the flowers that I have been looking for all of these years, but a gesture of appreciation, a reminder that I am loved. Flowers are a simple way for me to feel thought of, where Jon feels more appreciated by affirming words or loving touch. This episode is about communicating how we feel appreciated in our relationship. Maybe we need to toss in some loving gestures into our day and say "thank you" for working so hard for the family in a little way. And if you need a little more nature and beauty in your life than you are receiving, wander through the grocery store and grab a bouquet of flowers for yourself like I do! (Theme music: Ethan Anderson) I created a special Conversation Starter for you to explore today's topic together. Relationship Podcast Gems: Feeling appreciated in your relationship Sharing expectations with your spouse or partner Communicating the little ways we can show each other appreciation Why Jon needs to buy me more flowers :) Stream "Why Doesn't He Buy Me Flowers Anymore?" Your Next Steps: Grab your freebie for fun conversation. Join our email list for new episodes and articles.

On our first relationship podcast, we introduce ourselves to you, our new community! Our recording studio for our podcast is in the back of our RV as we travel the United States. We have been traveling since January of 2011 with our four kids. We have been to all of the 48 contiguous states, not quite the continental United States because Alaska is still on our list! (When you hear me say continental on the podcast, replace it in your mind with contiguous, thanks.) Jon and I met at the age of eleven, dated, married, and started having our family. About eleven years into our marriage it was failing. We decided to seek out help and worked at healing our own wounds as we worked towards healing the wounds in our marriage. After two years of intense therapy, we needed to spend some time working on what we had learned. We sold our house, our belongings, and piled in the RV for life on the road. When we were struggling in our marriage it seemed like we were alone. Other couples were not talking about the difficulties they were having, so we chose not to speak of our pain. When we shared our stories with our therapy groups, we realized we were not the only ones and that every relationship has a journey. Finding loving, safe people to share with has been a gift in our healing process. There is no shame in admitting that your relationship needs guidance, or that it is struggling. Our desire is to bring you hope as we share our own stories of failures and successes. We are here to answer your questions about relationship issues, and to offer you some tools that worked for us. We are still learning and growing in our own relationship, and we are excited to have a community to share this with as we journey together as couples. (Theme music: Ethan Anderson) Relationship Podcast Gems: Introducing our story, what is Something Like Marriage Your coupleship is not the only one with challenges Community has helped us heal We need to go to Alaska to correct my mistake of saying continental Stream "Introduction to Something Like Marriage" Your Next Steps: Join our email list for new episodes and articles.