The ADHD Smarter Parenting's Podcast

Smarter Parenting is moving in wonderful ways to help families. In order to do that we are making some changes in how we present the lessons and skills we share on the smarterparenting.com website. To do this, we are going to be taking a break from producing new podcasts and from coaching to focus our attention on making these changes happen.    Smarter Parenting is working to make it easier for parents and families to use and to find the resources we teach. During this time our podcast episodes will remain available and we highly suggest you visit the Smarter Parenting website for access to our free parenting resources, lessons,  and skills. Feedback about your experience with smarter parenting, both positive or constructive, is welcomed. You can email us at info@smarterparenting.com.   We would like to thank our active listeners for your patronage and look forward to a bright future!  

There are so many skills that contribute to managing your child's behavior. One that often stumps parents is what to do the moment your child acts poorly. The skill of Correcting Behaviors is built to support that. You can access free tools and resources to help you use this skill our website www.smarterparenting.com

What do you do when you issue a consequence for negative behaviors, and your child accepts it, but there is still something that needs to be fixed? This podcast answers that question.  

Are you looking for the secret sauce to change a child's behavior?  It's Role-playing! A newly released study found that new experiences helped to change a child with ADHD's brain. This finding is super exciting as it gives credence to using behavior skills to help a child better manage a diagnosis or reduce negative behavior. It also confirms that a child can learn new behavior and replace poor behavior with positive behavior. When a child Role-plays they are essentially creating a new experience for the brain--which often becomes the new default response.  We can talk to our children about what they did wrong or what they need to do next time, but until they Role-play it, they will have difficulty remembering for the next time.  Role-playing is incredibly powerful and is something every parent should use to help their child! On the SmarterParenting website, you will find a short video teaching parents how to use Role-playing. You don't want to miss it!    

Effective Praise is simultaneously one of our least requested BUT most taught skills. Many parents come to us saying, "I just need to know what consequence will fix ___" but our coaches know from piles of research and years of experience that a consequence isn't going to magically fix that. Parenting Coach Kimber Petersen explains why Effective Praise is one of the greatest tools for creating change in your home and is actually the unexpected magic wand that can turn things around for your family. 

When one child takes all the focus and attention because of behavioral issues, it can be difficult for the whole family. Often a child who isn't causing problems may be overlooked, or a child may act up to get their parent's attention.  In this episode of the ADHD Smarter Parenting Podcast, Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini, walks parents through what they need to do when this happens in their family. Parents will find the suggestions invaluable in ensuring each child's individual needs are met.

One of the key lessons we teach at Smarter Parenting is Preventive Teaching. There is so much power in preparing your child, setting expectations, and practicing something before they face it in real life. In a world with so much risk how do we teach our children to be safe or to seek safety when they're not feeling it? Parenting Coach Kimber Petersen talks through how to have hard conversations with your children about disserning who is safe and who is not. These are conversations that children young and old need to hear so listen in to learn where to start. 

 Is your child with ADHD expressing violent behaviors? Are you wondering how to best deal when they are out of control?  If so, this podcast teaches parents what they need to do when their child becomes violent or out of control.  When your child is out of control, the goal is to help bring them safely back into control. We want to do this by using the steps of Observe and Describe. When you use the skill of Observe and Describe, you are teaching your child how to deal with their powerful emotions in a productive and not destructive way. Observe and Describe also helps us keep our feelings and response in control which is so important. You can learn more about Observe and Describe on the Smarter Parenting Website.  If your child is a danger to themself, others, or property, get professional help. 

Siope discussed 5 tips for parents when dealing with tantrum behaviors. These tips include focusing on the behavior and not the issue of the tantrum to refocus the child on adjusting the behavior, where possible eliminating the audience, maintaining composure for the parent, describing the expected behavior, and praising for even minor compliance. The parenting skill, Observe and Describe, is useful in helping a parent deal with difficult behaviors.

Today's podcast gives hope to parents who worry about their children with ADHD being successful long-term as Issac Eaves join us. While many view ADHD as a handicap, we believe ADHD can be a superpower. As a child with ADHD, Isaac struggled, especially with schedules. His struggles lead to the creation of the Joon App, which helps children with ADHD manage schedules and to-do items in a way that makes them feel successful. It also works with children who do not have ADHD as it makes completing everyday tasks fun and exciting. Children with ADHD operate differently. When we acknowledge that they need different tools, we help them develop their superpowers.  You can find the JoonApp here.  

Siope discusses the new challenge for parents that previous generations of parents have not had to deal with, namely, electronic devices. More and more children are acting out when asked to stop using electronic devices. What can parents do to help their children navigate their use of devices and the need for a positive environment in the home? Using the skill of Decision Making, parents and children can learn how to set up productive ways to work through the challenges of children using electronic devices. 

Continuing our mini-series of breaking down the Smarter Parenting skills is skill number 4: Effective Communication. Communicating with your child or even your partner can be improved by practicing this simple skill. Often we hear parents AND children report that the other person just doesn't listen. This skill helps both sides feel heard and valued, allows you time to process your thoughts fully before speaking, and helps you work together on solving problems.

Role Playing can make parents nervous. In this episode we talk about ways you're already seeing role plays at work and how easy it can be to use them. Its amazing to see some of the immediate changes that can happen after a parent role plays an expectation. Think about it, would you bring your child to the soccer play offs without ever practicing? No way. So why do we expect them to behave certain ways without any practice?

Many parents give a consequence expecting it will stop the behavior and are surprised when it doesn't.  Giving an effective consequence isn't easy. In fact, for a consequence to work, it needs to include five key elements: Immediacy, Size, Frequency, Importance, and Varied. The best way to teach a child isn't through consequences. Because consequences focus on the negative, they can damage your relationships with your child and cause them to have issues with self-esteem and self-doubt. The best way to get a child to create lasting change is through rewards. Rewards give a child power and encouragement to change because it focuses on what they will receive. Rewards build relationships and set your child up for success.  For more information about giving consequences or rewards, visit SmarterParenting.com

Siope answers more parenting questions specifically related to children who struggle with out of control behaviors, why it takes a child with ADHD so much time to do simple tasks, how children with ADHD are motivated differently than neurotypical children, and concerns with the future of children with ADHD. 

Siope answers questions parents have sent in to Smarter Parenting regarding how to deal with various issues such as: co-parenting, constant arguing, how to use rewards effectively, why boys are more frequently diagnosed with ADHD as opposed to girls, etc.

Kids with ADHD can have difficulty setting and accomplishing goals. In today's podcast, ADHD expert Siope Kinikini shares three things that will help a child, or anyone, with ADHD, be successful when establishing goals. The three things covered are:  How to set appropriate goals.  Basing outcomes on feelings vs. actions Anchoring goals We want to give our children the tools to handle school, work, and relationships. When they use the skill of Decision Making (SODAS Method), they are using those tools that will allow them to find success. You can learn more about Decision Making on Smarter Parenting.

In our series, we are reviewing the skill of Observe and Describe and how it helps bring clarity to communication between parents and children. This helps both the parent and child reach better understanding in both positive and negative situations that can lead to better communication and the resolution to problems.

For the next few weeks, we will review the skills taught on Smarterparenting.com. This week we are focusing on the ABC's of Behavior. The ABC's of Behavior is a tool parents can use to figure out why a behavior is happening and then take the appropriate steps to keep the behavior from happening again or promoting repeat behavior.  The ABC's of Behavior stands for:  A-Antecedent. The Antecedent is what was happening before the behavior.  B-Behavior. It is what happened or the action. C-Consequence. This is what follows after the behavior. It can be either positive or negative. When parents can understand why a specific behavior is happening, it is easier to address the root cause in a way that helps a child learn and grow. Visit SmarterParenting.com for more information about The ABC's of Behavior

Do you ever feel like electronics are taking over your child's life? Do they have a problem getting off their phone, tablet, computer, game, or TV? It can be tricky to help our children learn how to use electronics appropriately, as we must teach them how to use them in a beneficial and not harmful way for their growth. In today's podcast, Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini discusses ways to set boundaries around electronics and their usage. One of the things families can do is use the SODAS Method to determine how and when members should use electronic devices. When we make it a family decision, they don't feel like there is a double standard with one set of rules for grown-ups and another set for kids. You can learn more about the SODAS Method by visiting the Smarter Parenting Website and watching the Decision Making Video.

Have you ever tried to get your child to clean their room, and they aren't interested, and that lack of interest causes tension, and you don't want all that tension? Motiving your child can be incredibly frustrating. The SODAS Method can make helping your child easier. Everyone is either motivated by intrinsic or external factors. When we do something because we like doing that activity, that is called intrinsic motivation. External motivation is when we don't necessarily like doing the action but want what comes from it. For example, we may not enjoy studying for a test, but we like the grade we get when we do. Understanding how and what motivates our children can make a world of difference--especially when it comes to having them do things they may not like or want to do. It's why we love using the SODAS Method, as it helps us determine what the best way to motivate our children is. The SODAS Method can be tailored to specific situations and children as each child is different in what will encourage them. You may have a child who will do homework without external motivation because they like the process of learning. In contrast, you may have a child who needs external motivation because the learning process isn't enough. You can find more about the SODAS Method on the Smarter Parenting website. https://www.smarterparenting.com/skills/decision-making-sodas-method/

Bedtime can be a battlefield for most families but especially for families managing ADHD. But, why is it a fight? What needs to change? Do you as the parent have appropriate expectations? In this episode we break bedtime into three different phases, after listening consider what phase isn't going well in your home. You can focus on one area or you can dive into a bedtime makeover and tackle all three. Whatever you decide, one of your greatest tools is consistency so remain consistent and your bedtime will improve.

Join Siope in talking about the brain and how Role Playing makes a big difference when learning new things.

If you wake up on the morning of your dentist appointment with the motivation to make up for the last six months through one really great teeth brushing session it's unlikely you'll make a difference. Much of our health and well being is built up of small, daily choices that culminate into a meaningful impact. Our relationship with our children is no different, one enthusiastic lecture does not carry the weight of small daily interactions. This episode talks about how you, as a parent, can make a meaningful change in your world through small, but important, moments.

In this episode Siope breaks down Effective Communication and how you, as a parent, can apply Gottman's principle of Bids for Connection to your parent-child relationship. 

Siope discusses the often connected relationship between ADHD and ODD, including the criteria for ODD and how to use Effective Praise to help with both problems.  It is always recommended to work with a mental health professional in your area as well if you need to help. Coaching is available to help support your efforts in the home and with your child.  Feel free to sign up for coaching on the Smarter Parenting website.

When you have a child with ADHD it can be so challenging to manage impulsive behaviors. In this episode we talk about how to use the skill Correcting Behaviors  to help guide you through what to do when your child is struggling with a boundary you've set.  

So many parents want to skip straight to "what do I do when my child acts out??". What you do BEFORE and AFTER the problem behavior really matters which is why we teach the skill Correcting Behaviors. While this is the content that most parents are wanting to jump straight into we want to remind you that this is only a small part of creating change. If you are struggling with a problem behavior it won't change from correction, the change is going to come from Effective Praise, Preventive Teaching, Effective Communication, and the many other skills that we teach. Correcting Behaviors is simply to maintain a boundary that has already been set, so its important but its not the most important part of the journey.

Learn how to customize chore charts to the needs of your child with some simple considerations. Siope shares insights into things parents can do to spruce up the effectiveness of a chore chart and emphasizes the need for parents to use the skill of Effective Communication in the process. A chore chart can be a helpful way for children to do things they need to do without having parents constantly monitoring their children however, most parents believe just writing the tasks that need to be done is enough. Learn some additional ways to make a chore chart work for your child, their age, and their development.

Today's podcast welcomes guest, Amanda Neely, who works as a professional parent in a treatment program for teens. Amanda has been a parent to her own toddler, a guardian to her teenage siblings, and a professional parent for dozens of kids needing treatment and support. Amanda shares how the Smarter Parenting skills she's learned have changed her life, and the lives of the kids she raises. Listen in to hear her talk about how she's gained confidence and her best tips on where you can start.

In this podcast you'll find out why "Strength Based" is such an important framework in the mental health field and why you, as a parent, need to use it too. Raising kids comes with a hefty dose of humility, there is so much that parents do and learn as they raise kids. It is easy to get lost in what isn't going right when frustrating behaviors arise, but have you stopped to notice what is going right? Or paused to consider that it just might be okay that things aren't going as planned? This podcast helps you break down those moments and find more strength as a parent.

What is Complex ADHD and why should parents be aware of it? The diagnosis of ADHD may not give parents a complete understanding of their child's behavior. Understanding the limitations of a diagnosis of ADHD and that something more could be contributing to problem behaviors can help parents find better solutions to help their children. Siope explains what Complex ADHD is and how using the skill of Observe and Describe helped a family deal with oppositional behavior.

How can you talk to your child about ADHD? How can you communicate with extended family members who may not understand ADHD what it is without judgment? During this podcast, Siope discusses the approach recommended for talking to children and teens about ADHD and how to communicate about it with family members that may not understand it. Focusing on the skill of Effective Communication throughout this podcast episode which can be found on the Smarter Parenting website. 

Listen in as Siope breaks down decision paralysis and how it effects anyone, but especially those with ADHD. Siope offers simple, effective solutions as you work to overcome decision paralysis in your home.

Today's podcast addresses the hard conversations that parents around the world are facing: how to make sense of the world when things seem so chaotic. This is such a difficult time for children to understand what is happening or feel safe. Siope and Kimber talk about using Effective Communication and child led questioning to navigate challenging conversations. Listen in and then check out the free resources they reference at www.SmarterParenting.com

Role-playing is a powerful tool to help your child learn new behaviors. In this podcast, Kimber, talks about the importance of role-playing to correct negative behaviors, when to do it, and how. This is a great way to begin the process of making permanent changes to your child's misbehaviors.  Role-playing specifies the appropriate behaviors you would like to see your child accomplish as well as help them become confident in doing so. Smarter Parenting has a brief 6-minute video of how to role-play effectively with each step using examples. You can access the video lesson role-playing here. 

The last in a series of three podcasts on "Love Languages" presented by Kimber where she discusses how to use parenting skills while keeping in mind the way your child will better connect with you.  Kimber discusses the final three topics: Gifts, Quality Time, and Acts of Service with the skill of Effective Communication. 

Understanding how your child communicates and accepts love and feedback can greatly improve your effectiveness as a parent. Using skills and understanding physical touch and words of affirmation are discussed in this second in a series that covers "Love Languages."

The first in a series of podcasts on Love Languages and the Parenting skills from Smarter Parenting to improve the connection you have with your children.  

Being an effective parent is much more than following a checklist. To be an effective parent you need to understand how your child works and then adapt to that. This adaption is called the artistic side of parenting.  The skills taught on Smarter Parenting help parents combine the technical and the artistic side of parenting allowing parents to be successful.  

Are you an adult who has ADHD or think you may have ADHD? This podcast is for you as ADHD Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini discusses ADHD in adults and tips for managing it. When they receive an ADHD diagnosis for their child, many parents may recognize having similar symptoms or challenges, especially when they were younger, and believe they have ADHD. Recognizing that you may have ADHD can allow you to understand the challenges your child may face.  If you suspect you have adult ADHD, you can get diagnosed by your health care provider. ADHD in adults looks different from ADHD in a child, and often, adults with ADHD have learned to live with/manage their symptoms. To be diagnosed with ADHD as an adult, the symptoms must be severe enough to cause issues in everyday life.  There are multiple options for adults to manage their ADHD, including medication, various therapy, and coaching. One resource we recommend for adults is the book Fast Minds: How to thrive if you have ADHD (or think you might). The more you can manage your ADHD symptoms, the better help you will be to your child in managing theirs. This is why we love the skill of Role-play. Because those with ADHD can be easily distracted or inattentive, telling them what they should do isn't as effective as showing them how to do it and then practicing.  By practicing, you are engaging all the senses, allowing your child to be more effective and successful doing it on their own. You can find the free video tutorial on Role-playing at SmarterParenting.com.

Today's podcast goes over how an ADHD diagnosis is reached. What other issues may also be present, and how parents can use skills to create connections with their children. A diagnosis does not cover all the symptoms and will not look the same for every child. Some children may present more of one symptom and not others. Getting an official diagnosis allows parents to adapt better to serve their child's needs.  Often children with ADHD may also present additional symptoms that aren't ADHD, such as anxiety or depression. The order of treatment will depend on what symptoms are most severe. Often, children with ADHD may feel judged or different, so it's important to foster connections, especially when acting out. The skills on Smarter Parenting are all about helping parents find ways to connect with their children. We know that connecting with our children, especially when they are angry, tired, or acting out, can be challenging, so we love the skills so much. The skills give you the steps needed to create connections while being calm and present and not making things worse. You can create an excellent and healthy relationship with your child that will benefit them their whole life! Learn more about the skills today! You can find the free skills at SmarterParenting.com

If you want a better relationship with your child this year, learn how to give Effective Praise. Effective Praise isn't complicated, but it will change how you see your child and how your child sees you. Effective Praise helps you see--and recognize--what your child is doing well. Noticing what our child is doing well can be challenging for most parents, especially in the everyday hustle and bustle. Because we have so much on our plates as parents, it's easy to focus on what our child needs to do differently so that life is more manageable, whether that's doing their chores or not talking back or a million other things. Most parents fail to understand that the most significant change comes when focusing on the good and not the bad. When we focus on the good, our child feels noticed and understood, which means they are more likely to repeat the positive behavior. Parents who use Effective Praise consistently have found their relationships with their child improving--even relationships that were difficult previously. You can change your relationships with your child, and Effective Praise is how you do it. The steps to Effective Praise are: Show your approval or find a positive. Describe the positive behavior. Be specific. Give a meaningful reason to repeat the behavior. Give a reward (option) You can learn more about Effective Praise at SmarterParenting.com

Successful adults are those who have learned how to be resilient. If you want your child to be successful in the future, you need to teach them how to be resilient. Being resilient means helping them approach new situations and setbacks in positive, not negative, ways.  Some things that resilient children do: Communicate effectively. By expressing how they feel without anger or frustration and listening to others' viewpoints, they can find solutions that help them feel heard and valued. Make healthy decisions. They can see the pros and cons of decisions, allowing them to make the best overall decision. So often, children have a hard time seeing all sides of a problem or a situation which often leads them to make poor choices or be swayed by outside influences.  Take responsibility for their actions. No child wants to get in trouble, but those who can own up to mistakes and consequences of actions have an advantage as they grow and mature. The free skills on SmarterParenting.com help parents teach these vital traits to their children.  If you haven't checked out part 1 of this series, we recommend going back and listening to episode 167. 

Raising resilient children is something that parents hope to teach their children. Today's podcast discusses three things parents can do to prepare their children to deal with problems, conflicts, and growth successfully. Today's episode is part one, and next week's podcast will finish up the discussion.  To raise successful children, they need tools that help them make sense of and understand the world around them. They need tools for making choices and decisions. They need tools for communication. They need tools that help them understand the long-term consequences or rewards of actions. They need tools to help them understand and describe what they are feeling. The skills on SmarterParenting.com can do just that. They teach parents precisely what to do to set their children up for success.  When we give our children tools, it makes raising them easier. When they know how to deal with problems, conflicts, and emotions healthy, they are less likely to act out negatively or seek unhealthy attention.  All the skills taught on SmarterParenting.com are free. Don't delay setting your child on a path for success. Learn them today!  

As parents, we can be terrible about practicing self-care. Practicing self-care is vital in helping us be our best. When we don't practice self-care, we give less than our best to our family. Self-care allows us to recharge and refocus, enabling us to tackle everything we are required to do better. It can feel like we have no time for self-care or that practicing self-care is selfish. It is not. It is so important! Yes, practicing self-care may require sacrifices and simplification. Still, the benefits for you and your family will be well worth it as it sends a message to your child that they need to establish healthy boundaries and know their limits. You wouldn't want your child continually running on empty. You shouldn't either. When added stresses are added to already busy schedules during the holidays, it can be even more challenging to find the time for self-care. Instead of forgoing self-care, put it on the calendar! Use the SODAS Method to help you determine activities and times that will work for your schedule. Activities for self-care could include a walk, eating a treat, checking social media, talking to a friend, watching a TV show, reading, yoga, journaling, etc.  The possibilities are endless. Just find something that works for you and gives you the recharge you need. Putting it in the calendar does a couple of things. First, it makes it easier to take the time to recharge. Second, it shows everybody the importance of time for yourself. Sometimes it can be easy for our kids to think of us as the energizer bunny with unlimited ability to give and give. Which we all know isn't true.  We hope you'll make self-care an important part of your parenting routine!

Do you want to be the best parent you can be? Smarter Parenting is here to help you! Smarter Parenting teaches parents the best evidenced-based and researched parenting skills that focus on helping parents raise resilient, well-rounded, and successful kids.  Our goal is to help strengthen and improve relationships while giving our children the tools to navigate their lives successfully.  The skills on Smarter Parenting have been used for over 50 years by agencies worldwide to help families succeed. The skills work with children of all ages and abilities. They will work with your child too! There is a lot of parenting styles and advice out there. Some of it good. Some of it not so helpful. On extreme ends of the spectrum, two common parenting styles are authoritative parenting and permissive parenting. These parenting styles can teach our children unwanted lessons and long-term behavior. Science has proven that a parenting style somewhere in the middle is the most effective.  The most significant difference between Smarter Parenting and other parenting styles is our focus on teaching. While we would love our children to know how to behave or listen to us or make the right decisions, those things do not always come naturally. We have to show them how to do it.  The skills Smarter Parenting teaches shows parents how to be both firm and kind while teaching our children what is expected of them. Children need boundaries as boundaries make them feel safe and a sense of the world. They also need compassion and understanding as they learn how to deal with new emotions and situations. The best way parents can learn to be better is through skills that balance firmness and kindness. The skills found on Smarter Parenting teach parents how to do just that. The skills are universal and give parents the confidence to handle any parenting situation with compassion, understanding, and fairness.  The skills we teach at SmarterParenting.com are: THE ABC'S OF BEHAVIOR: Helping parents understand why behavior happens and what they can do about it.  OBSERVE AND DESCRIBE: Helping parents remove emotions from situations, and a child knows exactly what they are doing. ROLE-PLAYING: This helps a child understands how to react in situations by teaching how they should behave. EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION: Helping families communicate so that everyone feels appreciated and valued. EFFECTIVE PRAISE: Helping a child feel valued and seen. PREVENTIVE TEACHING: Preparing a child for future situations that may be difficult or tricky for them to navigate. FOLLOWING INSTRUCTIONS: Getting a child to listen, do and take responsibility. CORRECTING BEHAVIORS: Correcting a child when they've done something wrong in a way that strengthens, not damages relationships.  DECISION MAKING (SODAS METHOD): Teaching a child to make better decisions by seeing the pros and cons. EFFECTIVE NEGATIVE CONSEQUENCES: Reducing negative behavior by encouraging a child to learn instead of punishing them.  EFFECTIVE POSITIVE REWARDS: Encouraging repeat positive behavior by acknowledging what they are doing well.  The skills we teach on Smarter Parenting are all free. Check them out today!

Many children struggle with managing expectations and emotions during the holidays. The behavior skill of Role-play teaches children what is expected in various situations--from holiday shopping to parties. Knowing how they can appropriately respond when they are overwhelmed or excited can go a long way in reducing the meltdowns or craziness they may feel. The holidays can be a truly magical time for children. That magic, though, can bring new stress or unmet expectations that can be challenging for a child to manage if they haven't been taught what to do instead. For example, if you don't want your child to touch every toy they see at the store, they will need to know what to do instead. They may need to keep their hands on the cart or stop quietly in front of one toy to get a better look as long as they don't pick it up or touch it, but they won't know what to do if you don't practice it with them before you go to the store. Role-playing allows a parent to address any concerns before they arise. Addressing potential issues while your child is calm and receptive gives them the tools needed to display the appropriate behavior in that specific situation.  Once a child is overwhelmed or too excited, it can be hard to bring them to a calm state. Role-playing keeps a child from escalating too much.  Role-playing will reduce your stress and increase your enjoyment of the season.  You can learn more about how to Role-play with your child by watching a short video lesson at SmarterParenting.com.

Nothing pushes most parents' buttons more than when their child argues when asked to do something. When a child argues, it can often quickly escalate, pulling in all sorts of wrongs, emotions, and even personal attacks. When a child is arguing, it is not the time to teach them life lessons or what they should be doing. Instead, your goal should be to deescalate the situation and get your child to a point where they can accept your answer or do what was asked. The biggest thing is to remember that an argument takes two and that if you, as the parent, don't engage, your child can't argue. The skill of Following Instructions helps parents take a break from the situation by focusing on the original issue and not being drawn into tangents or arguments. Once a child is calm, you can address the thoughts and feelings brought up during their argument. It's important that our child feels able to express their ideas and feels. We just want to teach them to do it appropriately, and arguing isn't appropriate. We hope you'll reach out to us on social media for more information about Following Instructions and how to use it to stop arguments.

Effective Praise is powerful in teaching our kids gratitude. Effective Praise teaches us to recognize effort and change and then express why that effort means something to us. Effective Praise is more than just telling someone, "Good job."  Rather it's telling them exactly what they did well--no matter how little that progress may be.  For example, your child may struggle cleaning their room. Instead of focusing on what they haven't done or didn't do well, Effective Praise allows us to focus on what they did well, such as, "I can see you took a lot of time to organize your books, and that shows me that those things matter to you and that you want to take care of them." By acknowledging what they have done, we motivate our children to continue to make progress while reducing the amount of time spent nagging them to do something. As we show our children that we appreciate what they do well, they will be more likely to apply that same mind frame to friends, teachers, coworkers, and even family members. You can find the skill of Effective Praise at SmarterParenting.com. We invite you to learn it and start using it in your family, and you will be amazed at how it transforms your outlook and relationships.

Setting healthy boundaries with family or friends can be a challenge, but doing so is essential. Healthy boundaries are nothing more than a contract. I will do this, and in return, you will do that. Unhealthy relationships are those where the contract is uneven, or someone is infringing on a boundary. Learning to operate under a new boundary can be challenging for many using under an outdated contract or boundary. Your parents may still be working under a parent/child contract that doesn't consider that you're an adult with children of your own. Or an older sibling may still think it's their place to offer advice because they've "been there." Overtime boundaries will change. The boundaries that were in place when you were ten will have changed as you became 18. Changing boundaries does not mean that the previous contract was unsuccessful, and adjusting boundaries means focusing on growing relationships. It's also important to teach our children what healthy boundaries look like for friends, family, and peers which will help them have greater success in the future. It can be challenging for us to express our boundaries to people we know and care about. We recommend using Effective Communication as it helps both sides to feel heard and understood.  When learning how to better communicate with others, don't start with the most complex subjects. Begin with relatively easy topics and then progress to the more difficult issues as you become better acquainted with the skill. Setting healthy boundaries with family members will significantly improve relationships. Let us know how it goes or any struggles you experience as you set boundaries with family.