the10ninety

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason talks with Brittainy Moala about her daughter Revie and the gut instinct that told her something was wrong—even when doctors said otherwise. What followed was years of misdiagnosis, hospital stays, and learning how to advocate in a system that often dismisses the parents of medically complex kids. Brittainy shares the weight of that fight, how it's changed her family, and the grace she's found in the middle of it all.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason sits down with Weston Brandon, whose wife Lauren died unexpectedly from a pulmonary embolism just days after giving birth to their son at 26 weeks. Weston shares raw memories of performing CPR, holding his newborn son alone in the NICU, and how he found love again while carrying deep grief. This conversation covers trauma, healing, remarriage, and choosing to keep moving forward when life shatters. It's about honoring the past without being trapped by it—and learning to live with both heartbreak and hope.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason sits down with Phil Lewis, a retired police officer and current detective, to talk about life in law enforcement, grief, and healing after loss. They kick things off with lighthearted conversation about speeding tickets, favorite cop movies, and stories from Phil's early career. The episode then shifts as Phil shares the story of his son Hunter, who passed away at age 15 after a car accident. He opens up about the hospital stay, the decision to remove life support, and the emotional weight that followed. Mason and Phil talk about what grief has looked like for them — the anger, the guilt, the support they've received, and how it's shaped their relationships and outlook on life. It's an honest conversation between two dads who know what it's like to carry heavy loss and still keep showing up.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason, Matt, and Keisha talk about the upcoming July 25th memorial event honoring Kortni, Riggins, Franki, Race, and Ryder. Held at West Jordan High—the site of their funeral—the event blends storytelling, IFS therapy, and a healing yoga session. The team opens up about grief, identity, and how moving toward pain is the only way through it. All proceeds go to families in need through The 10 Ninety Foundation.

In this two-part episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason talks with Nick and Susie Shaw about the tragic loss of their 9-year-old son, William, who died in a ski accident while on vacation in Montana. Nick shares the events of that day in vivid detail, including the moment he had to tell his wife what happened—and the powerful words she offered in return: “It's not your fault.” Susie then shares her own experience of that day, how their family has grieved differently, and how William's legacy lives on through their nonprofit work. Together, they reflect on love, resilience, and what it means to keep showing up after unthinkable loss.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Cristin Almeida shares the heartbreaking story of losing her son Tyler to undiagnosed epilepsy, brought on by a traumatic brain injury from a snowboarding accident. She reflects on the days leading up to his death and the emotional toll that followed—grappling with guilt, anger, and the struggle to redefine her identity without him. Cristin also talks about the ongoing impact of his loss, the support of community, and the unexpected ways Tyler's presence still shows up. This conversation is a powerful look at grief, healing, and the search for meaning after unimaginable loss.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason Sawyer and Ryan Garner announce the launch of The 10 Ninety Foundation—a 501(c)(3) non-profit created to support families navigating the loss of a loved one. The foundation will help cover funeral expenses and other costs tied to grief. Mason and Ryan share what it took to turn their podcast and speaking efforts into a formal non-profit, opening up about the emotional and practical challenges along the way. They talk about the healing power of storytelling, the role of community, and how listeners can get involved—whether through Patreon, YouTube, or booking Mason for speaking events.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason talks with Brittany Obray about the unimaginable grief of losing her son Dexton to suicide. Brittany speaks candidly about the absence of clear warning signs, the role social media played in Dexton's mental health, and the moment her world shifted forever. The conversation highlights the importance of having honest discussions around mental health, being willing to ask difficult questions, and recognizing how these losses affect entire families. Brittany also shares how she's keeping Dexton's memory alive through a flower project that spreads kindness and positivity to young people.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason talks with Vince Vargas about life after military service, healing from moral injury, and the long journey of finding purpose again. Vince shares his story of going from serving as an Army Ranger to acting in Mayans M.C., opening up about survivor's guilt, PTSD, and the hidden battles veterans face when they return home. This conversation is a raw look at war, grief, redemption, and what it really means to keep living after unthinkable loss.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason talks with Brandon Crozier about losing his father in a car crash at age 12 and how that trauma led him into addiction, gang involvement, and over a decade in prison. Brandon shares his journey through grief, the realities of incarceration, and the turning point that led to his sobriety. Now several years clean, he's building homes, mentoring others in recovery, and using his story to help people find purpose after pain.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason talks with Garrett George about the loss of his best friend Chad, and how that tragedy led him into years of addiction. Garrett shares his experience surviving abuse, the shame that kept him silent, and the moment he finally chose to speak out. They discuss the weight of grief, the grip of drug dependency, and the power of forgiveness. Garrett reflects on how service, faith, and connection have helped him heal. His story is a raw look at resilience—and what it means to keep getting up when life knocks you down.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason talks with Nikita Schio about the sudden loss of her brother Dylan, who died from an aggressive cancer at just 26. Nikita shares what it was like to watch his body shut down in real time, the helplessness she felt navigating hospitals, and the guilt that hit her after he passed. She opens up about her battles with anxiety, the hard work of going to therapy, and how volunteering in Dylan's name helps her stay connected to him. This is a raw conversation about sibling loss, showing up for family, and trying to make sense of life after everything changes.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason talks with Russ McKell about the loss of his brother Steve McKell. Russ shares how he's learned to cope by celebrating life instead of fixating on death anniversaries. He also opens up about working with at-risk youth, and how that work shapes his views on grief, emotional intelligence, and healing. They talk about the power of living in the moment, using music and art as therapy, and close out with a shared love for Metallica—and how music can carry us through hard times.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason talks with Taylor Potter about the tragic loss of her sister, Katelyn Self, and sister-in-law, Amanda Self, after her father, battling severe depression and anxiety, deliberately drove his car into a restaurant where their family was dining. Taylor shares how she and her family have faced the aftermath—coping with grief, navigating forgiveness, and leaning on faith. She opens up about maintaining a relationship with her father, who is now in prison, and how she continues to work through survivor's guilt while finding the strength to move forward each day.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason talks with Adam Schroeder about the loss of his son, Gage, and his path through grief. Adam shares how embracing vulnerability, especially among men, has been key to his healing. They discuss the impact of trauma, emotional intelligence, and the role of compassion. Adam also reflects on internal family systems therapy, overcoming addiction, and the support he's found in men's groups. His story highlights the power of community and the importance of self-compassion in facing life's hardest moments.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason sits down with high school basketball players Boston Lamborn and Isaiah Reiser to talk about their personal experiences with grief and loss. Boston opens up about losing his mother and sister in a tragic drowning accident at age ten, while Isaiah shares how he lost his father to cancer when he was eight. Together, they reflect on how these losses have shaped their lives, the healing power of sports, and why conversations around grief are so important. They also discuss the role of therapy, family support, and the tools that have helped them cope.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason sits down with Jessica and Mike to discuss their journey through grief after losing their daughter, Maggie, at 22 weeks. They share how they transformed their loss into a mission to support other bereaved families through Jessica's work as a certified child life specialist and author. The conversation explores the impact of play-based therapy for grieving children, the importance of keepsakes, and their fundraising efforts to honor Maggie's memory. Throughout, they emphasize the power of open communication, community support, and acknowledging grief at every stage.

In part two of this conversation on The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason talks with Rachel Coffey about the immense grief she faced after losing her husband, Joe, to COVID-19 and her son, Jace, to suicide. Rachel opens up about the emotional and mental health struggles that come with such devastating loss, highlighting the ripple effects of suicide and the urgent need for open discussions about mental health. They explore the stigma around depression and anxiety, the complexities of grief, and how Rachel is finding ways to move forward—seeking support, embracing small moments of gratitude, and using music as a tool for healing.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason hosts Rachel Coffey, who shares her profound journey through grief after losing her husband Joe to COVID-19 and a month later, her son Jayce to suicide. Rachel recounts Joe's battle with COVID-19 pneumonia, the heart-wrenching moments leading up to his passing, and the abrupt and devastating loss of her son Jayce. They explore the complex emotions and ripple effects of such losses on Rachel and her nine children, the importance of recognizing signs of suicidal thoughts, and finding resilience amidst unimaginable grief. Rachel emphasizes the need for community support, mental health awareness, and the healing power of sharing one's story.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason sits down with Katherine Lazar as she shares her heartbreaking journey through the grief of a full-term stillbirth. Katherine opens up about the devastating experience of delivering her son, Brody, who was born still at 37 weeks. She reflects on the initial shock, the physical and emotional toll, and the societal challenges of navigating loss. Through podcasting and connecting with others, Katherine has found healing in sharing her story. Her conversation sheds light on the need for greater awareness, support, and open dialogue around stillbirths and the power of community in the healing process.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason talks with Melanie Hill, who shares the devastating story of losing her daughter, Macie, during a Fourth of July parade in 2022. They read Macie's obituary, reflecting on her vibrant spirit and the deep love her family holds for her. Melanie opens up about her battle with PTSD, the emotional weight of grief, and the physical and mental toll of losing a child so suddenly. She discusses her journey through therapy, particularly with EMDR, and how it has helped her heal. She also shares her efforts to stay connected with her family, navigate feelings of guilt, and create Berry Loved Puzzles in Macie's memory. This episode highlights the importance of finding meaningful ways to cope with grief and the ongoing challenge of balancing loss with daily life. Support Berry Loved Puzzles by purchasing one today:

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Megan Young joins to share her experience following the tragic loss of her husband, Jeremy, who battled narcolepsy, depression, and bipolar disorder before taking his own life. Megan discusses the challenges of grieving while raising three young children, the support of her community, and finding strength to continue their jewelry business. The conversation delves into the complexities of mental illness, the importance of honesty in discussing difficult topics, and how Megan and her family have managed to find happiness and resilience despite their profound loss.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mark Cram shares his journey of grieving the loss of his 13-year-old son Beckham, who passed away in May 2024 due to a tragic drowning accident. The discussion opens with Beckham's obituary, painting a picture of a vibrant and loving young boy. Mark delves into the initial shock, the emotional turmoil, and the process of finding purpose in the pain. Emphasizing the importance of vulnerability, intentional grief-work, and maintaining a daily routine that honors Beckham's memory, Mark conveys how talking to his son and focusing on the purpose behind his passing helps him navigate this profound loss. The episode highlights the intertwining of deep sorrow and unwavering love, illustrating how grief, though arduous, can be a transformative journey toward living a legacy.

In this heartfelt episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason and Tim reflect on the life and legacy of Race Sawyer—Mason's brother and Tim's friend and trainee. Race tragically passed away in a car accident on July 25, 2021. Together, they explore Race's background as an MMA and boxing fighter, his unwavering dedication to his family, and his remarkable talent for bringing laughter and positivity to every situation. Known for his motto, "Live Wild," Race embraced life to the fullest. Mason and Tim share stories about his big heart, his ability to not take life too seriously, and his reputation as one of the hardest workers they knew. Tim recounts his close friendship with Race, offering heartfelt anecdotes from their time in the ring and celebrating Race's unforgettable sense of humor. They also open up about their journey through grief, reflecting on the profound and lasting impact Race had on their lives.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason continues his conversation with Kelly in part two of her remarkable story. Kelly elaborates on her daily battle with chronic physical pain following a traumatic accident that left her in a wheelchair, and how she deals with grief from losing her husband in a plane crash. The conversation touches on her initial struggles with therapy, the support from family and friends, and the role of gratitude in her healing journey. Kelly also discusses the challenges of living with a disability, her eventual return to work, and how she now finds solace and purpose through creating jewelry. Throughout the podcast, Kelly emphasizes the importance of love and connection, and how she has learned to find beauty amid hardship.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Kelly Bussio recounts the devastating loss of her husband Brent Crompton in a 1996 plane crash and her subsequent life-changing injuries. Mason explores Kelly's experience of grief, her extraordinary near-death encounter with Brent, and the physical and emotional challenges she has faced over the past 28 years. They delve into the profound impact of losing a loved one, the resilience required to rebuild life, and the importance of community and loved ones in navigating such trauma. Throughout, Kelly shares her unique insights into love, spirituality, and healing, offering listeners a deeply personal look at the journey of managing grief and physical pain.

  In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason sits down with Kortni's sister, Jordin Rueckert, to discuss the moments leading up to and the day of the accident. Together, they talk about the life Korni lead and the lessons learned from her.  They explore the challenges of writing obituaries, navigating grief, and coping with the immediate aftermath. Mason and Jordin reflect on the overwhelming emotions and responsibilities that come with losing loved ones, the value of support systems, and how grief has reshaped their lives. They share heartfelt memories of Kortni, highlighting the deep bond they shared and the lasting impact she continues to have on their lives.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason interviews Nancy Saltzman, author of 'Radical Survivor'. Nancy shares her grief journey after losing her husband and two sons in a plane crash in 1995, her battle with breast cancer, and other personal losses. They discuss the importance of having a purpose, the support of community, the difficulty of dealing with reminders of loved ones, and the complexity of finding love again. Greg, Nancy's current husband, also joins to talk about moving forward after losing his wife to breast cancer. They emphasize the role of gratitude, the challenges of being in new relationships, and accepting that grief never entirely disappears, but can coexist with happiness.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason talks with Maui Jimenez. Maui shares about the grief he's experiencing after the tragic loss of his son, Kyrrus, and his ex-wife, Rachel. Maui describes the shock of discovering his son and ex-wife after they were murdered, the destructive path he initially took, and his journey through therapy. He reflects on the complexities of grief, guilt, and anger while highlighting the importance of supporting others in similar situations. Maui's story emphasizes the ongoing struggle with trauma and the significance of finding a purpose to continue living despite immense pain.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason and Alicia Dance discuss the impact of loss and trauma on their lives. Alicia shares her journey of coping with the deaths of her family members, including her father, best friend, grandmother, and sister. They reflect on the importance of showing up in times of grief, the value of in-person connections, and the role of therapy and self-reflection in healing. Despite the pain, Alicia finds moments of gratitude and strength, emphasizing the necessity of embracing and navigating through the full spectrum of emotions. They touch upon the nature of grief, the significance of maintaining memories, and the challenges of balancing happiness and sorrow.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Denise Warriner recounts her sister Stephanie's tragic death following a confrontation with hospital security during the COVID-19 pandemic. Diagnosed with bipolar disorder and facing respiratory distress from COVID-19, Stephanie's need for compassion was met with brutality, leading to her death due to anoxic brain injury. Denise details the harrowing journey of seeking justice, the systemic failures she uncovered, and the devastating impact on her family, including the subsequent deaths of her niece Daisy and nephew Theo. Amidst unrelenting grief, Denise focuses on her family, finds solace in small joys, and remains determined to break the cycle of generational trauma.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, the host speaks with Anna, who shares her experiences and reflections on living in Canada, losing her husband Basil to a sudden heart attack, and navigating through grief. Anna talks about the initial shock, the impact on her family, and her struggles with coming to terms with the loss. She highlights Basil's loving and generous spirit, their shared love for travel, and the lessons he's taught her about living life fully. The episode also explores the emotional journey of grief, the importance of talking about difficult subjects, and how humor and memories can help in the healing process.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason talks with Jared, Alin, and Jaden Schoenrock about the tragic loss of their daughter and sister, Siena. They discuss Siena's vibrant personality, her athleticism, and her role as the glue in their family. The family reflects on their journey through grief over the past year, sharing how they have found purpose and healing through organizing a memorial 5K in Siena's honor. They emphasize the importance of community support and maintaining open communication about their emotions. The Schoenrocks convey their efforts to navigate life post-loss, finding ways to honor Siena's memory and live with the love they have for her.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason interviews Adriana Jones, who shares the devastating story of losing nine family members, including three mothers and six children, to cartel violence in Mexico. Adriana recounts the brutal attack, the immediate aftermath, and the details of the mass murder. She also discusses the resilience and support of her community, the founding of the nonprofit Ronita Vive to help other victims, and the ongoing battle for justice. Despite the heartbreak, Adriana emphasizes the importance of talking about grief, the enduring power of family, and the strength to continue living.

In this episode of The 10 Nintey Podcast Mason talks with Jeremy Macy.  Jeremy talks about losing his Mom to cancer in early childhood, abuse from his father and other family members after his mother's passing, and working to overcome different coping mechanisms that he learned through trauma and loss. Jeremy emphasizes overcoming traumas by fostering resilience, self-reflection, and the importance of being present. Highlighting his efforts to ensure a nurturing environment for his children, Jeremy shares his journey of breaking the cycle of abuse and finding healing through therapy, meaningful connections, and self-compassion.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Jonas Schenzel shares his personal journey after losing his mother to lupus. He discusses the difficult family dynamics that ensued, his struggle with and recovery from addiction, and the founding of 'Slopes 4 Sanity,' a foundation dedicated to helping kids engage with outdoor activities to support their mental health. The conversation highlights the therapeutic benefits of nature, the importance of addressing children's emotional needs, and Jonas's path toward healing and making a positive impact on others.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast Mason talks with Janessa DeMille.  Janessa talks about losing her father and brother in a car accident, and her mother's struggle with ALS. They discuss the impact of these events on family dynamics, Janessa's relationship with her mother, and the lessons learned from coping with grief. They talk about the importance of connection, communication, and cherishing memories by living in the moment. 

In this episode of The 10 Ninety podcast Mason talks with Brad Coleman.  Brad shares his inspirational journey following a devastating motorcycle accident that left him paralyzed. It explores his transformation and resilience as he adapts to a new reality, emphasizing mental health, the support of family and community, and hopeful aspirations for recovery. Brad reflects on his life-defining experiences, including his career in law enforcement and his love for motorcycles, offering insights into dealing with grief and finding strength through therapy. The conversation delves into pivotal moments like his daughter overcoming fear to ride again, illustrating the significance of embracing life's challenges and cherishing meaningful relationships. Brad's story is a testament to the power of perspective, community support, and determination in the face of adversity, highlighting his journey towards acceptance and a redefined purpose.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Kenzie Allen shares the emotional and challenging journey of losing her twin babies, Tuff and Wrigley. She discusses the complications during her pregnancy and the tough decision she and her husband Taylor made against medical intervention. Kenzie delves into the profound grief and societal challenges of being a bereaved parent, the different ways she and her husband cope with the loss, and the therapeutic methods they embrace. She emphasizes the importance of openly discussing their grief and honoring their children's memory through daily life acts and charity.

On this episode of The 10 Ninety podcast Mason interviews Kyle Brannin.  Kyle lost his wife Taylor, his son Jesse, and daughter Olivia to a car accident on June 19, 2023.  Kyle and Mason talk about the difficulty of losing so many people all at once.  Kyle talks about his journey with his faith and returning back to the scene of the accident.  Kyle also talks about the challenges of raising his remaining children amidst their shared loss. Kyle emphasizes the importance of talking about grief and seeking community support, offering insights into the processes of mourning, resilience, and enduring family love.

On this episode of The 10 Ninety podcast, Mason travels to Tennessee to talk with Nicole Hughes. Nicole shares the heartbreaking story of her son Levi's drowning. Nicole opens up about the stigma surrounding drowning, the immense grief she experienced, and her and her husband's journey to make impactful decisions in the wake of their loss. The episode explores their efforts to honor Levi's memory, Nicole's strategies for coping, and her advocacy work. Highlighting her collaboration with the American Academy of Pediatrics.  Nicole underscores the importance of seeking help, embracing vulnerability, and channeling grief into meaningful action. The conversation emphasizes resilience, relationship-strengthening, and transforming tragedy into a mission for drowning prevention.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety podcast, Mason sits down with Carlos Vasquez, an author, public speaker, podcaster, and entrepreneur. Carlos shares his harrowing journey from gang involvement and a 17-year prison sentence to finding redemption and purpose. After his father left the family, Carlos found himself entangled in gang life, leading to homelessness, drug addiction, and a life sentence by the age of nineteen. In a turning point during a decade of solitary confinement, Carlos faced a profound decision to end his life. A chance encounter with a prison chaplain challenged him to seek out his purpose rather than giving in to despair. This pivotal moment spurred Carlos to delve deep into his past, uncovering the roots of his destructive mindset. His journey of self-awareness and transformation became the foundation for his book, "The Price." In "The Price," Carlos outlines five practical principles for overcoming trauma and achieving personal success, drawn from his own transformative experiences. Join us as Carlos reveals how he broke free from his past and found his true calling in helping others navigate their own struggles.

Jaxen Christensen is 10 years old and is battling osteosarcoma—the same illness that Nixon Whatcott died from. Nixon's parents, Janessa and Nick, were on our show in Season 1. Jaxen has undergone several surgeries, including the amputation of his left leg, lung thoracoscopy, and lung thoracotomy. Despite everything, Jaxen is fighting for his life with a smile on his face. He is a hero of mine. If Jax can get out of bed today and have a good day without complaining about all the unfairness in his life, then so can I. Watching Jaxen, his brother Ryder, and his parents, Maggie and Corey, park their car and walk into our studio was amazing. They were fully present, appreciating every second, and not taking today for granted. It was both amazing and surprising how terrified I was to speak with a 10-year-old going through the unimaginable, and his parents, who were so happy and appreciative of what they had. It was not what I was expecting. It was a powerful example of how life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you respond to it. We have attached some links that you can go to support Jaxen and others suffering from osteosarcoma.  https://osinst.org/ https://www.gofundme.com/f/support-jaxens-sarcoma-fight-squirrelsquad    

On this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast Mason talks with Kevin and Bethany Tenney.  The Tenney's share what it's been like navigating their grief from losing their four-year-old daughter, Brighton. They recount her illness, hospitalization, and the overwhelming support from their community during their tragedy. The Tenneys reveal how they honor Brighton's memory through the 'Brighton a Day' foundation, performing acts of kindness and aiding other grieving families. 

In this episode of The 10 Ninety podcast, Mason speaks with Danielle Ott, who recounts her life after the tragic drowning of her husband Wayne. The conversation delves into Danielle's initial shock, emotional challenges, and her journey of grieving while raising three children. Wayne's obituary is shared, highlighting his love for family and his roles as a husband and father. Danielle discusses how she informed her children about the loss, her adjustment to life without Wayne, and her experiences with dating again. The episode also explores the broader themes of accepting life's unpredictability, minimizing guilt, and the resilient human response to grief. It's emphasized that while society may focus on trivial matters, many quietly endure significant emotional pain, and finding beauty in life amid grief is paramount.

On this epsiode of The 10 Ninety podcast Mason talks with his girlfriend Sami.  They answer questions sent in by listeners about what it's like dating a widower, how Mason and Sami met, what it's like helping raise Blue, and how Sami navigates helping Mason with his grief.  

Riggins would have turned 9 today which is hard to believe. I still hear his sweet voice and cute laugh when he was 5 about to turn 6. I love and miss you so much Riggins. Happy 9th Birthday. 

I have my sister in law Keshia, niece Faith and nephew Ran on to talk about what July 25, 2021 was for each of us and what we were doing when we got the news. Talking about Trauma is hard. There is so much my family has not talked about still. The more you talk, the easier it becomes to find the right words. It takes effort, just like anything else in life. I'm so proud of my family in this episode.  3 years later it still hurts the same, maybe worse. The more time goes on the more I havent seen them. That is really difficult to accept. What I have learned so far is how much I really loved Kortni, Riggins, Franki, Race and Rider. Death has shown me that. I have learned that the gratitude, the joy, the love, the growth to be had from this horror is located in the same place as the pain. I ran from the pain for so long but that was also causing me to run away from Kortni and Riggins and Franki and Race and Rider. It still hurts, really bad. Continuing to talk about them and how I feel on the inside as allowed me to also find gratitude and love along with the pain now. I didnt have that at the beginning.  Kortni, Riggins, Franki, Race, Rider. We love you and miss you so much. I never thought this would be our life and journey together. But it is, so what are we going to do about it?  

On this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast Mason and Ryan talk with Destiny Allred.  Destiny talks to us about her experience growing up through poverty and neglect.  We talk about the difficulty of opening up to people when others have rejected you after sharing your pain with them.  Destiny talks about how growing up in poverty and neglect affects how she operates in the world today.  We talk about imposter syndrome, perfectionism, and the importance of opening up in spite of the feeling and idea that nobody cares or understands what you're going through.  

On this episode of the 10 Ninety podcast we talk with Destiny Allred.  Mason and Ryan talk with Destiny about her childhood and experience growing up through poverty and neglect.  We talk about her search for self-worth, coping mechanisms, and the complexity of Destiny's emotions towards her mother. The conversation also highlights strategies for overcoming self-criticism, fostering self-love, and the role of physical fitness as a discipline. Emphasizing the significance of vulnerability and sharing personal struggles, the episode offers insights on maintaining motivation and treating oneself with compassion.

"I remember when I turned 33" I am 6 months older than Kortni and so every time she had a birthday I would say "I remember when I turned..." I think she laughed hard the first time I did it and then rolled here eyes for the next 15 years when I did it haha. Where I am currently at in my grief journey is having the idea that Kortni and Riggins and Franki are somewhere. I am not sure what form or shape that is in but they are somewhere together and it is a struggle for them. Just like it is a struggle for Blue and I and the rest of our family. Kortni always found a way to help people and have a positive influence in the worst of circumstances. Even though Kortni is dealing with grief too I know she would be handling it well with a combo of grace and fury. She keeps me going, she gets me out of bed. She has always been a great leader and role model to me. I got to have some Kortni's friends on. (sorry to all the freinds we didnt have on haha kort would have felt bad) Thank you to her friends Shelbi and Madi who went to middle school with Kortni and played high school basketball with her. We had Kort's friend Aria on too who worked as a nurse with Kortni.  My absolute favorite thing is hearing stories about Kortni, especially ones I have never heard of before. So thank you to Shelbi, Madi and Aria I felt Kortni's spirit so strongly talking to all of you at the same time.  HAPPY BIRTHDAY KORTNI! LOVE YOU FOREVER.