You're Wrong

We're altering the deal. Pray we don't alter it further.———Well, hello there! Long time no see. Yes, You're Wrong has been away for a while, but it was for a very good reason.Anyway, the nerds decided to return with a certified and guaranteed banger: they watched and rambled on about the masterpiece that is The Empire Strikes Back (if you don't know what that is, I have absolutely no fucking idea how you ended up here... but hey, welcome to the party!). Even with a movie like this, that they all know and love so much, those crabby bastards still found shit to complain about, because of course they did. It was a fun conversation, though, even if things took some weirdly sexual/problematic turns pretty much immediately — not that it surprises anyone at this point. In any case, enjoy!... You're still here? This description is over. Go home! Go! ...Oh, you want to know the reason why the podcast took a break? Welp, guess you're gonna have to listen to the episode. Maybe it comes up in during the conversation...

Why filmmakers feel the need to give such obtuse, presumptuous names to their silly action movies, I'll never understand. ———This week's episode is a cautionary tale about the dangers of expectations. Chris, Luciano, Matt and Spencer decided to watch and discuss Operation Fortune: Ruse de Guerre, the 2022 Jason Statham vehicle — and for the first time in a long while, their individual reactions to the movie were quite the mixed bag. Not since their deep dive into the DCEU movies have they had such differing opinions. Why, you ask? Well, in this lowly description writer's opinion, it was because they all had very different mindsets going into it. Did you notice how I called it "the Jason Statham vehicle", rather than "a Guy Ritchie film"? Welp, let's just say that each of our hosts had very different levels of awareness of that being the case...I'll let you guess where each of them sat in that awareness spectrum. Don't worry, it will be overwhelmingly clear right from the get-go.

Almost as big a mistake as watching it was.———Noted gluttons for punishment Chris, Luciano, Matt and Spencer decided it would be a good idea to do an episode about another anime adaptation, this time 2017's Ghost in the Shell, an adaptation of the 1995 anime movie — and if you've watched this dumpster fire, you know it was definitely the anime, not the manga, that they tried to adapt. I say "tried to adapt" because that's all they did: try. They did fail a lot, though, holy shit. Talk about missing every point. The people responsible for this monstrosity probably think Fight Club is a "how-to" video about how to start fight clubs or that The Wolf of Wall Street is a movie about a literal wolf working as a stockbrocker in Lower Manhattan.

It's a toss up between you and Miles Bron. My money is on you, though. ——— Tired of watching only garbage movies, Luciano, Matt and Spencer decided to find something a bit more well-liked to watch, discuss and dissect this week (Chris is also tired of watching garbage movies, but he couldn't make this recording, unfortunately). To that end, they chose Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery, the kind-of-but-not-really sequel to Knives Out. Now, here's my personal conundrum: usually, this is where I would make some quip about how shitty the movie is without giving too much of the episode away... but I can't do that with this movie, since it's actually pretty decent. Those 4 are right bastards, quite frankly. They don't care at all about how their shitty decisions affect me.Well, you old fuckers... I have nothing to write here. And it's all your fault. I hope you're happy.

Seriously. I don't know exactly how, but I'm sure even the catering service on the set was wrong somehow. ——— Ah yes, live-action adaptions of anime series — no hellscape more torturous has ever been spawned by evil human minds. And Netflix's Fullmetal Alchemist is absolutely not an exception. Actually, it's a pretty impressive endeavour... in that it managed to replicate the anime in every possible wrong way while also leaving out most of the things that would have actually been good to port over to a different medium. It's a really, really thorough failure, is what I'm saying.

You're the boys' long-lost sibling, Wrong Lee. ——— Once again abandoned by their so-called "friends", Chris and Luciano had to suffer through the cringefest that is Double Dragon on their own.This movie is one of the most 90's thing to ever come out of the 90's. No, seriously. By the time I was done watching this movie, somehow I was wearing a bomber jacket and had a plaid flannel shirt tied around my waist. Which is even weirder than it sounds, because I'm pretty sure I had nothing but my birthday suit on when I started watching it.... what, I like to be comfortable while (re-)watching shitty movies, OK? Don't take this away from me.

The only right thing they did was cast Sean Connery. Whether accepting the role was the right thing for him to do, though, is very much debatable. ——— Once again Matt-less, Spencer takes over hosting (and nerd-wrangling) duties as he, Chris and Luciano discuss the early 2000's masterpiece that is The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. What's that? Oh, sorry... it seems I've misspelled shitshow up there.There's very little to salvage in this movie, not gonna lie. But hey, at least they had the decency to leave out some of the really awful, gruesome shit that was part of the graphic novel. No, I'm not going to provide examples; even this podcast has standards. If you absolutely must know, Google "What did Hyde do to The Invisible Man?" for yourself. But be forewarned: immediately after you do, you will really wish you hadn't.

After watching this god-forsaken movie, my brain was as nuked as Indy should have been inside that stupid fridge. ——— Another beloved franchise ruined by a shitty sequel. This time, a franchise near and dear to every nerd's heart: Indiana Jones. Chris, Luciano, Matt and Spencer tackled the atomic dumpster fire that is Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, a name as obnoxious as the movie is bad.I won't even try to comment on it here; it would be too long a description, honestly. Just listen to the episode. Hopefully, hearing the movie torn to shreds will provide some measure of catharsis for all of us.

The 2021 movie, I mean. But I'm sure you're very wrong about other entries of the franchise as well. ——— This week, the nerds went back to video-game movies and decided to watch and discuss Mortal Kombat. This one disappointed them less than most of the previous movies they've picked recently, but that's a really, really low bar.Be that as it may, however, they did have quite a few grievances with it. No surprise there, I know. Now, while a few of those grievances are pretty straightforward and sensical, some others are quite... out there. Like disturbingly, concerningly out there. You've been warned.

Qualifying how wrong it is or what it might be wrong about would imply there's something right about it. There isn't.  ——— Chris, Luciano, Matt and Spencer chose Jurassic World: Dominion for this week's episode. Why, I couldn't tell you. Quite honestly, I don't they even know. What I can tell you is that they violently regret it.How can an action movie with dinosaurs and giant flaming locusts in it be this boring? It has to be some sort of fucked up achievement to be able to accomplish that, right? Oh, and they had the gall to release an extended version of this clusterfuck — which was the version Luciano watched, the poor, miserable bastard. And while it seems like you can actually polish a turd, given his overall less vitriolic review of the movie, it nevertheless doesn't change the fact that a turd is all that it is.

And in other news, water is wet and the sky is blue. ——— Back to their full roster, the nerds thought it would be good to get back to the 2020's and chose to watch, dissect and brutalise Black Adam, the latest (at the time of this posting) installment in the DC Expanded Universe. Now, the pedants among you might be wondering why an episode about a DCEU movie isn't in the DCEU Movies season/series. The reason is quite simple: it's because fuck you, that's why.

We mean the movie. You know, the one that came out in 2000 and aged like a bowl of spoiled yogurt left out in the sun. ———  Another week, another early 00's movie being dissected by our favourite grumps. This week, they were feeling particularly masochistic, so they decided to rewatch and talk about Dungeons & Dragons, the (understandably) much-reviled "adaptation" of the tabletop RPG. Unfortunately, Matt couldn't be present for the recording, but I have it on good authority that he did (re-)watch the movie nonetheless. Talk about cruel and unusual torture, eh? Though left to their own devices, Chris, Luciano and substitute host Spencer still managed to keep this episode a mostly coherent endeavour... by which I mean they roasted the ever-living shit out of this fucking disaster of a movie. As it well deserves.

Because you obviously thought it was a shitty movie 20 years ago, and that opinion hasn't changed... right? Yeah, I'm sure that's right. Even you wouldn't be that wrong. ——— With Spencer finally back from wherever he had gone to (apparently, there's this thing called "work" he was busy with?), the nerds tackle yet another video-game movie. This time, they decided to go back a couple of decades and tackle one of the OG video-game adaptations, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider.OK, I'm not going to sugar coat it: this is one gigantic turd of a movie. Horrendous accents, horrendous acting (even from actors we know are good), horrendously nonsensical plotlines... just a smelly, messy, horrendous turd. Which, of course, just means our intrepid hosts had the time of their lives blowing it to smithereens and putting it back together again.

You're Wrong tackles a Marvel Cinematic Universe movie for the first time ever (surprising, I know)! Still Spencer-less, Chris, Luciano and Matt decided to tackle Thor: Love and Thunder, and when these nerds decide to talk about a movie a while after they've seen it, you know something about it ain't right.In this case, it's several somethings... starting with going in with (understandably) high expectations for a Thor movie helmed by the man responsible for Thor: Ragnarok and ending in whatever the fuck that scene with the Guardians of the Galaxy was. I really hope Disney learned from this that coming up to Taika Waititi with scraps of ideas and storyboards jotted down on the back of bar napkins and saying "just go crazy for the rest! You do you, bud!" isn't a really the recipe for a good movie, at least.

Video-game movies are usually hilariously bad, which also means they're a treasure trove of complaint fodder for curmudgeony nerds. Knowing this, and given that this month's loose theme is "shit that happened in 2022", Chris, Luciano and Matt (abandoned as they were by Spencer... again) decided it would be fun to watch (and bash on) Uncharted.Only they weren't ready for just how much they would have to complain about this one. That's not to say that they don't usually complain a lot — I'm not insane — but with this one, even with how much they did complain, it still feels like they didn't complain enough. And that's... that's saying something.

Continuing the tradition they started last year, the nerds review their predictions for 2022 (spoiler alert: none of them could make a living as oracles... but at least that means that Spencer didn't have to become homeless to pay lost bets) and make new predictions for 2023 — most of which were about as weird and unlikely as the previous ones.They also decided to ditch the janky point system they used last time because... well, because it was janky as fuck. They still judged each other's prediction in terms of likelihood, of course, but it was a much more profanity-laden endeavour this time. A win-win, in my book.

This is the second and final part to You're Wrong's latest game of Fiasco! If you haven't listened to the first part (season 1, episode 86) yet, go do that first. This thing is unhinged enough as it is, and I can't even imagine the amount of psychic damage it would do to someone listening to it without any context.Beckee (Chris), Jenna (Matt), Steve a.k.a. Jace (Luciano), Brodie (Spencer) and Theo (Andrew) all have a party to attend, even if the hostess of the party doesn't know about it yet. Moreover, every single one of them has their own nefarious/deranged plans to see through — and they intend to do so during said party. There's absolutely no way this is going to end in a massive disaster, I'm sure.

Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals! This week, the nerds decided to take advantage of being in the same place for a change and go watch Violent Night together — and then rant about it, obviously. Not that there was much to actually rant about, but you know how cranky them old bastards are...

It's time for another game of Fiasco, dear listeners! This time, the nerds invited their buddy Andrew to join in, and the scenario revolves around a shady high school attended by teens with very questionable morals, integrity and (quite frankly) sanity. Join Beckee (Chris), Jenna (Matt), Steve a.k.a. Jace (Luciano), Brodie (Spencer) and Theo (Andrew) as they try to navigate absurdly disfunctional relationships, see incredibly ill-conceived plans to fruition and survive their (un)surprisingly lethal consequences.

Welcome to You're Wrong's first tag-team battle royale! And what better subject to tackle on this first one than two of the most widely-recognised winter holidays in the world, amirite?

Holiday season! A time of happiness, wholesomeness and fun... right?Well, not according to the Top 10 lists the nerds — together with Matt's better half, Laura — thrashed in this episode. Some were just plain bad, others were weird or nonsensical, but then towards the end things get... worrisome. Very worrisome. To the point where, likely for the first time ever, one of the massive tangents they usually go on felt entirely justified.

It's the last episode of T.A.X.E.S., and there'd no better way to cap the series than with Demolition Man, one of the most entertaining and insane action flicks ever to come out of the 90's!And you know how it goes... if the movie is as bonkers as this one is, how much more so do you think the conversation these four had about it was? The answer is "a lot". A whole lot.

For the third installment in the T.A.X.E.S. series, the nerds decided to pick a less-known Wesley Snipes movie to discuss, and the one they went with was The Contractor! Now, at this point, you might be asking yourself "isn't The Contractor a Chris Pine movie released earlier this year?". And you'd be right, it is. But that's not the movie I'm talking about. Nope, I'm talking about 2007's The Contractor, starring Lena Headey and Charles Dance (and Wesley Snipes, obviously). That's right, Cersei and Tywin Lannister are up in this bitch!But don't get your hopes up, because not even they couldn't save this dreck. There's a reason — a very good reason — why you never heard of this atrocity of a movie before. Also, you probably noticed this episode is just shy of 2h long... when have you ever seen these crusty old farts talk for that long about a good movie?

The T.A.X.E.S. series continues! This week, Chris, Luciano and Matt watched and discussed Rising Sun, a movie that juuuuust barely manages to stay on this side of being outright racist — and against two very different groups, to boot. The fact that it actually manages to stick to "only" heavily stereotyping those groups is quite impressive for an American-made movie about Japanese business culture shot in the early 90's.

This week, we're kicking off yet another special You're Wrong series: T.A.X.E.S.! This one will see the nerds pay homage to an oft-forgotten star of action movies of the 90's, one Mr. Wesley Snipes (which makes the meaning of the acronym painfully obvious, of course).In this first episode, the movie they picked was Blade, truly a film that is a product of its time in many more ways than one. This is a movie that near and dear to their blackened, shrivelled hearts and they all had the nostalgia goggles fully on both while watching and during their conversation, but they still had a complaint or five to file... which is about as surprising as saying the sky is blue.

As Halloween Month draws to a close and we release an episode on Halloween Day proper, there really was no other way to cap it than to talk about Halloween, the 1978 John Carpenter movie that basically launched the entire "slasher" sub-genre of horror movies!The nerds were joined by first-time guest Matt (yes, they were very confused about it, too) — the only person in the group who 1) had already watched the movie several times and 2) actually likes the horror genre — to share their (very different) perspectives and opinions about this cult classic and, uh... let's just say not everybody was on board with calling it a "classic". Hell, not everybody was on board even with watching the entire movie rather than just the "Coles Notes" version of it.

In what might well have been the best decision ever made by Warner Bros. in the history of space and time, they decided to put James Gunn (and Peter Safran, but be honest: did you even know the name before reading about it in the announcement? We certainly didn't) in charge of everything DC! The nerds were ecstatic about the news and decided it was bombastic enough that they needed to talk about it ASAP. Well... Luciano and Matt were, anyway. Chris and Spencer were so distraught that their homeboy Zack Snyder was left entirely out of the deal (and the conversation, really) that they couldn't even make it to this recording.

Halloween Month, week 4! For this one, the nerds decided to tackle some of the dumbest Halloween-related Top 10 lists they could find on the Internet and, to no one's surprise, the Internet delivered some weapons-grade, industrial-strength dumb. Those lists couldn't even get candy right, for fuck's sake.Also as expected, they had a lot of fun dunking on the lists... even if they weren't entirely sure what they were talking about. In more ways than one.

For the third episode of Halloween Month, Chris, Luciano, Matt and Spencer decided they wanted to be topical and watch a recently released horror movie. None of them are avid fans of the horror genre, but given the month's theme and the possibility of talking about something more current, they thought it was worth giving it a try. Alas, the movie they picked was Nope.

Halloween Month continues! This week, the nerds focused their creative powers into coming up with... peculiar... horror scenarios and stories, things you've never heard of or seen before. Or, rather, a bunch of things you probably have heard of and/or seen before, but mashed up together in very weird ways. Ways that don't always make 100% (or even like 75%) sense.Also, all of their brainpower was focused on coming up with these scenarios. Which means they had none to spare to ensure they stayed on topic. Not that that's new or surprising or anything.

It's Halloween Month here at You're Wrong! All October episodes will be Halloween-themed, and our intrepid hosts decided to kick it off with a battle royale to crown the scariest horror villain of all time! The format is a tradition, at this point: Chris, Luciano and Spencer each picked one villain to champion and one to provide to Matt as an option for him to champion, as they run them through Matt's zany scenarios and questions. The winner is... never really decided on, because it's all about the journey, not the destination.Oh, and a minor spoiler: let's just say one of the nerds really fucked up picking a scary horror villain to champion...

With the crew back at full capacity, this week the nerds tackled one of the worst maladies affecting the world of today: "Top 10"-style lists. In this particular episode, they looked specifically at lists related to superheroes, supervillains, sidekicks, that sort of thing. And lemme tell ya, they found some doozies to talk about: some of them were just straight up plagiarism, some were concocted by the worst kind of basement-dwelling neckbeards the Internet has to offer and some were simply just wrong, but in the most bizarre of ways. Hell, some of them were so wrong they managed to fuck up even the number of entries they contain. A real shitshow all around... i.e., plenty of material for these grumpy fucks to sink their teeth into.

Having been utterly abandoned by their friends to fend for themselves, Chris and Luciano figured they would need a movie that was the cinematic equivalent of comfort food to help them cope with this trying time in their lives. Their pick? Predator, obviously. What else would fit the bill but the story of an elite paramilitary rescue team being torn to pieces by a highly evolved alien hunter with a technologically advanced arsenal who likes to take the skulls of his victims as trophies? 

This week, Chris, Luciano and Matt decided to envision a few... unusual scenarios and ideas that they believe the beloved children's television series Sesame Street could/should take on. Just a few... out of the box ideas to help introduce a little bit of variety to their content, you know?Don't worry, though. Despite what the title of this episode seems to imply, this did not at all get weird or unwholesome.

The nerds were joined by recurring guest (and recurring substitute-Spencer) Scott to pit more... down to earth... heroes against each other in what is likely the worst-named battle royale in the history of battle royales!Don't worry, though. Even though the "type" of hero their were supposed to pick was a bit more normal, they still managed to make some very dubious picks, and the conversation itself was as bonkers as it usually is.

The wholesome nerds that host this wholesome podcast are joined by their wholesome buddy Nick to wholesomely share their wholesome hot takes on one of the most wholesome subjects ever: the Super Mario franchise!Obviously, since the subject matter is just so wholesome and pure, they kept this one very PG and not once did the conversation take a racy turn — certainly not right from the get-go, but not even throughout the episode. Obviously.

Chris, Luciano and Matt (no, no Spencer — he'll be away for a few weeks, apparently busy with "real life things"... whatever that is) were joined by first-time guest Sali to answer some of Matt's peculiar movie questions about The Gray Man.This one... sheesh, this one starts out OK, but nosedives really steeply, doesn't it? Good grief. Welp, more fodder for the nerds (and Sali) to flex their complaining muscles at (as if they need any extra reasons to do it).

Instead of discussing a single movie, the nerds decided to pick a random year and talk about a bunch of the movies that were released then — 12 in total, actually. The year they picked for this episode was 2004. Nope, no idea why.Oh yeah, they tried to do this "game show"-style... but you know how they are. They couldn't stick properly to a format even if their life depended on it. But they did try, bless their hearts. They did try.

Following the news about the Batgirl movie being cancelled (and, quite frankly, just the overall fucked-up state of the DCEU), the nerds decided once again to do the charitable thing and try and to help Warner Bros., this time by running a few "what-if" scenarios about what could have been (and could still be) if they weren't terribad and knew what the fuck they were doing at least some of the time.

The first battle royale in months! This time, Chris, Luciano, and Spencer each picked their favourite spy/secret agent (as well as one each for Matt to choose from, as is tradition) to put through Matt's patented Original And Totally Not Copied From Anything™ scenarios.The results were, as always, insane. Oh, and smutty. Worryingly smutty.

The nerds are back from their break with more hot (and wrong) takes, this time about the Marvel Cinematic Universe! They're not used to tackling something so universally beloved, so take temperatures varied quite a bit.The insanity, though, much like stonks, only every goes up.

The nerds meet in person to record an episode for the first time ever! And to celebrate such a momentous occasion, they decided to watch  the series finale of Star Trek: Enterprise — These Are the Voyages... (Season 4; Episode 22). They also thought it'd be fun to record the... colourful commentary they would inevitably have running during what is considered one of the worst TV series finales of all time.If you aren't caught up to the series (or even if you've never watched it at all), don't fret: they weren't, either! But trust me, it would not have mattered either way... this shit salad is beyond any sort of redemption. Enjoy!

Given its release date, the final episode of M.U.R.I.C.A. could be about nothing else than the most American movie that America has ever America'd: National Treasure! Although, to be frank, if Nic Cage had been on Team America: World Police, this choice would have been much, much harder.Join Luciano, Matt and Spencer (yep, they went Chris-less this time around) on their discussion of this nice, cozy reminder of simpler times, when stealing the Declaration of Independence would have been considered one of the most egregious, un-American things an American could possibly do.

In the second to last installment of M.U.R.I.C.A. the nerds flipped the script a bit and went for the newest Nic Cage movie (as of the publication of this episode, at least), rather than a classic: The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent, a movie as weird and insane as its title is long and .With a movie as bonkers as this one, I'm sure you can imagine how unhinged the conversation went and, for once, you would not be wrong. So make sure to rejoice, dear always-wrong person, in this truly solitary moment of your existence

In this installment of M.U.R.I.C.A., You're Wrong's celebration of the life and works of Nic Cage, the nerds (minus Spencer; his computer jumped off a bridge) tackled the 2000's remake of Gone in 60 Seconds. Yes, it's a remake and no, you haven't heard of a single one of the actors on the cast of the original 1974 movie.This is a movie that really shows its age, much more so than the previous two. There are a couple of very... problematic... things in it, things that would cause everyone involved with it to be tarred and feathered if it was released nowadays — and rightly so, might I add. It's also a movie that has a lot of people in it. And I do mean a LOT. Enough to fill the cast of two movies, really. And not all of those actors are, uh... great at their craft, let's put it. I mean, it's one thing to have an ensemble cast; it's completely another to just cram everybody and their dog (literally!) into a movie for... reasons, I guess?

Welcome, friends, to You're Right's 100th episode! That's right: 100 weeks of uplifting conversations and sending nothing but loving energy and good vibes out into the world! In this most auspicious of occasions, our dear friends Chris, Luciano, Matt and Spencer discussed another wonderful Nic Cage movie, Face/Off, as part of their zestful new series, M.U.R.I.C.A.! I can barely wait for you to treat yourself by listening to this new masterpiece of positivity and cheerfulness! ✨____________________MUSICInspirational Background by AudioCoffeehttps://pixabay.com/music/corporate-inspirational-background-112290/

Welcome to a new You're Wrong series! In this one, your favourite nerds will be celebrating the work and career of one of the greatest thespians ever to grace the silver screen: Nicolas Cage! The name they chose for this new series? M.U.R.I.C.A., obviously. What else could it possibly have been? The first "masterpiece" they decided to discuss was Ghost Rider. You know, that Marvel movie with an amazing, intricate storyline, incredible visual effects, superb acting and deep, complex character arcs, that came out way (read: about a year) before the MCU got its start with Iron Man. A movie so memorable nobody completely forgot existed (nor wish it didn't).Enjoy!

This week, You're Wrong debuts a new episode format: hot takes on a subject. They've dubbed it Wrong Takes (their wit truly is unmatched

Summer is finally here! Well, kinda... and in the Northern hemisphere only... but still! It's the time of the year to go outside and enjoy nature and some good weather for a change!... nah, just kidding. It's time to obsess over what's coming out this summer that's going to make sure we stay indoors like the antisocial nerds we all are. Or (like Chris) to be so ill as to be unable to participate even in indoors activities (like, say, recording a podcast). 

In this week's battle royale, the nerds were tasked with picking their favourite lone-acting engines of destruction and badassery to run through Matt's patented Out of Left Field Scenarios™.Interestingly enough, all of their picks were video-game characters, which you'd think would level the playing field somewhat... but you'd be wrong (no surprise there). Also, this one gets extremely lewd, seemingly out of nowhere (no surprise there, either).

From Elon Musk's Twitter shenanigans, to crypto's meteoric nose dive into the dirt, to the FBI releasing the boomer's guide to (how to show you're completely clueless on) the Internet, this is April (and the slightest smidgen of May) 2022 in pop culture news (poorly) commented on by 4 nerds: The Monthly Roundup!