Podcasts about date safe

After his sister was sexually assaulted in 1989, today’s guest, Mike Domitrz, (Domish) committed to reducing sexual violence from ever happening to others. In 2002, Mike created The Center for Respect (at the time, the name was The Date Safe Project) and has since been speaking to K-12, College, Military and business populations on this topic around the country.https://www.centerforrespect.comJason is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, Alternative Medicine Practitioner, Certified Coach and Speaker. He is one of a handful of Mental Health Professionals to carry Neuro Emotional Technique's Level 3 Certification from thousands of NET practitioners around the world.Jason's training as a therapist has led him to become a Certified Entrepreneur Coach, focusing on family businesses and young professionals who are looking to minimize their stress and maximize their potential with simplicity and clarity. He uses a "Lifestyle By Design" approach to setting and reaching goals with all of his coaching clients. He is a sought after speaker and has led workshops, retreats and conferences on topics including Mind/Body Psychology, Performance Enhancement, Business Spirituality and Alternative Medicine.He is the owner of The Family Room Wellness Associates, a mind-body integrative health focused practice in South Florida that offers therapy, chiropractic and nutrition. Jason also has coaching clients all over the world that he sees virtually and is the host of the You Winning Life Podcast. More information can be found at www.thefamilyroomsfl.com and IG-JasonWasserLMFT

In the era of Me Too!, R. Kelly and Michael Jackson, it is easy to paint men as the enemy. However, Mike Domitrz, of the Date Safe Project, think men (and women) need to be educated to overcome some societal norms that should be anything but normal. In the heat of the moment, lines can be blurred and signals can get crossed. So, we discuss what can be done to clear the air and make our intentions known. Believe it or not, asking for permission can be sexy! Website: www.datesafeproject.org

Marla talks with Tracy Peart. Suddenly widowed with four small children, Tracy was a stay at home mom with no clue about how to live life without her husband. Then, a journey to the afterlife changed everything. The power of forgiveness and letting go. Learning to keep her sanity intact by remembering to laugh when life literally falls apart. Discovering her divine purpose, and helping others find love. Learn how her own online dating flops, failures and mishaps led her to start Dating Safe, the leading, secure, online dating site.  Dating Safe: https://www.datingsafe.com/ Marla Martenson is a professional matchmaker, transformational dating coach and the author of three memoirs. Contact Marla about her dating coaching for women. Get your FREE high frequency meditation HERE To order Marla’s book, The Buddha Made Me Do It: http://amzn.to/1sHlyns

Discover how Tom Antion built a multi-millionaire dollar business with a one-sentence mission stated based in RESPECT as he shares with host, Mike Domitrz   * You are invited to join our community and conversations about each episode on FaceBook at https://www.facebook.com/MutuallyAmazingPodcast and join us on Twitter @CenterRespect or visit our website at http://www.MutuallyAmazingPodcast.com**     BIO of Tom Antion:  Tom Antion is an Internet multimillionaire and lifelong entrepreneur who has built his business on treating people right. He's got a one sentence "respect filled" business plan he's lived by for 44 years.   Links to Tom Antion: Podcast: https://www.ScrewTheCommute.com  https://www.GreatInternetMarketingTraining.com https://www.IMTCVA.org YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/antion  Hollywood Documentary About Tom's Life: https://www.Facebook.com/americanentrepreneurfilm    Books Tom Recommends: "Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion” by Robert Cialdini "Lost Conscience” by Alain Burrese   READ THE FULL TRANSCRIPTION of the EPISODE HERE (or download the pdf): **IMPORTANT: This podcast episode was transcribed by a 3rd party service and so errors can occur throughout the following pages: Mike:                       Welcome to The RESPECT Podcast. I'm your host Mike Domitrz from Mike Speaks dot com where we help organizations of all sizes, educational institutions, and the US military create a culture of respect. Respect is exactly what we discuss on this show so let's get started. Mike:                       Welcome to this episode. I want to get right into it with our guest here Tom Antion. I've known Tom for now almost two decades. He's an internet multimillionaire and lifelong entrepreneur who has built his business on treating people right. He's got a one sentence respect-filled business plan he's lived by for 44 years. Tom, thank you so much for joining us. Tom:                         Mike, it's been a long ... Too long, man. Mike:                       It has been too long. Let's start there. What have you been up to in the last 16 years since we originally met at the NSA ... Actually the very first time was the NSA [inaudible 00:00:52] event. Tom:                         Yeah. Even before that the last 24 years I got on the commercial internet when the commercial internet started around 1994. I've been selling like crazy on the internet. No spamming, no porn, but all kinds of products and services. Part of what I wanted to talk to you about today was a topic called excellence. Tom:                         I didn't know anything about the internet. Nobody did back in 1994. When we started learning about it it led me to a lot of other things. We can get into it later but the topic of excellence is really ingrained in me by my dad as do everything you can to the greatest of your ability. That's respect for yourself and it's projecting respect to people around you. Mike:                       Let's get right into that then because when a lot of people think, "Oh, I made a lot of money on the internet" you were doing it in ways that were common sense but going against the norm. For all of our listeners to get an idea, Tom, while people were trying to say, "Let's build beautiful amazing websites", Tom would say, "No, no, no. It could be the ugliest website in the world. If it gets people to my site and it helps them get what they need that's what's important." Mike:                       You built very content rich, very keyword-loaded sites on things like ... You had to once write ... This story I've never forgotten. You were giving a toast at a wedding and you started looking up, "Hey, where do I find toasts?" You thought, "Hey, people are constantly looking for this." You sold an ebook on toasts for weddings that did very, very well by just helping people find it and get what they needed. Tom:                         $72,000 a year for nine years straight. Selling [inaudible 00:02:36] Mike:                       Right. That's just amazing. Tom:                         I also had one, I don't know if you know about it, called Instant Eulogy. People were also desperate at the last minute. They're distraught. I helped them ... That was $42,000 a year for nine years straight helping people with eulogies. It's all based around helping people. That's what we all do is help people and there's a value to that. Mike:                       I'm glad you brought that up. I think a lot of times people think of internet sales, internet marketing. They have this negative stereotype that often as a company such industries as used car sales or that there's this ambulance chasing lawyer concept, that they're manipulating people to buy versus serving people, being present to what people need, and providing that too them, which is exactly what the eulogy situation was, exactly what the best man speech was. It was saying, "Hey, here's a need that somebody is not filling." Tom:                         Well, yeah. I will say that there is a respect involved in manipulating people. Think about that. Again, I'm always going to go the other direction, right? I know ... In fact, you talked about scams. I started a ... There's a TV show in development in Hollywood called Scam Brigade. It's me going after bad people. The industry is fraught with it. Tom:                         If I know that I'm going to take care of you as a customer and keep you from being robbed by other people I want to get you to buy my stuff because not only do I believe that it's going to help you, I know that I'm going to keep you away from getting robbed by unscrupulous people. There's a respect in there from my point of view. I call it manipulation but I'm manipulating you for your own good. That's the thing. Mike:                       Yeah. Let's discuss that, Tom. Are you manipulating or are you helping people find what they need? Why are you comfortable with the word ... Some people would argue. Why are you comfortable with the word manipulation? Tom:                         I'm comfortable because when you come from a position of goodness where you know you're in the other person's field, you've got a fiduciary relationship to take care of that person, I don't care what you call it really. I just know that if you go with me I'm going to take care of you. I'm going to make sure you get great value. This is my one sentence business plan I was telling you about. Tom:                         I've lived this way since I was 10 years old. If every business on Earth would live by this one sentence instead of spending $100,000 to develop a mission statement, this one sentence will do it. I create quality products that somebody actually wants at a reasonable price and I service them after the sale. Tom:                         Every piece of that is respect for the customer but it can make you a lot of money. There's no sin in that as long as you're given that great value, showing respect, not fleecing the people because they don't know any better, which is very common nowadays. I don't really care what you call it. I want you to do ... Anybody out there, not just me. If you really believe ... Tom:                         Like you, the work you do with the DATE Project and all that stuff. You know you're going to keep people from getting out and getting in trouble, right? You believed that for most of the time I ever knew you, right? Mike:                       Right. Tom:                         You better darn well get people to go through your program to keep them ... Yours has bigger ramifications than mine does. Mine you might have trouble making a car payment if you don't do it but you there could be lifelong ramifications or not have a life if they don't do what you say. If you manipulate somebody to get somebody to listen to you, I'm cool with it. Totally cool with it. Mike:                       I love this language. I think it's very fascinating. Would somebody say there's a difference in influence and manipulation? In other words, manipulation is getting you to do something you wouldn't otherwise do? Tom:                         It has a negative connotation. Mike:                       It does, right? It has a very negative connotation. That you're getting somebody to do something that they wouldn't do but as I say that I recognize that's not negative. To get somebody to do something they wouldn't normally do is not negative. It could be incredibly powerful. Mike:                       Maybe the difference here is that somebody is listening here and thinking, "Wait, wait, wait. You're describing education versus manipulation." Manipulation has a sense that it's only about what the seller wants, not about what's good for the buyer maybe, right? Mike:                       That if we're educating and that inspires people to take action they would not normally take that's different than manipulation, which means it's all about me getting you to do what I want you to do. Maybe that's the difference there? Tom:                         It's just semantics to me. As long as I'm coming from a good place and I can help you be in a better place you could call it whatever you want. I don't really care. Mike:                       Well, I love that about you, Tom. You've always had that approach of, "I'm not worried what people say about me. I'm not worried what people care about me." In that, if I know that I'm doing the right thing that's what matters in the end. You describe that in your one sentence mission statement that you've always had. Mike:                       You mentioned there briefly that there's this documentary that you're working on. I think there's two elements here, right? There's a show that you're working on about busting scams. I know of one that you worked on busting years ago. Then there's also a documentary about your life. Tom:                         Yeah. That is something where ... Do you remember Dottie Walters? Mike:                       Yes. Tom:                         Dottie Walters got me started in speaking in 1991. A bizarre story about how I got hooked up with her. I ended up being her right coast son because I would help her every time she would do her Speak and Grow Rich seminars on the East Coast. I would just go for free and help just to be involved and learn. Tom:                         I ended up speaking at her memorial service in California when she passed. A producer/director saw me and was introduced to me and it was, "Hello. How are you?" It was a solemn occasion. That was the last I thought of it. Tom:                         Then a couple years later she had been following me and she approached me. She has done 38 documentaries. She approached me about doing one. I thought, "Man, I thought you had to be dead to have a documentary done about you. They must be lowering their standards or something. I don't know." Tom:                         She said, "I'd like to do a documentary about the American entrepreneur. From what I've seen you're the man." I said, "Wow. What an honor." It's been three or four years in the making. It's going to premiere probably in the fall. The trailer is out now. It's beautiful. At Facebook dot com ... Well, maybe you can put it in the show notes or something. Mike:                       Yeah. We'll put it in the show notes. Absolutely. Tom:                         The trailer. Yeah. It's me and it's a celebration of the American entrepreneur, the American spirit. I just happen to be the figurehead but there's just you and there's thousands of people out there that could be the subject of this. It was a great honor to be featured in that. Mike:                       That's very cool. Now the show you're working on busting scams. If somebody said, "Wait a second. You just said that if I'm getting you to do something I want you to do, you call it manipulation [inaudible 00:09:52] What's the difference in that and a scam?" Tom:                         Well, the difference in that is that the person that is the scammer is manipulating you for the purpose of robbing you in some fashion. That's a whole different ... I mean, that's diametrically opposed to what I'm talking about with protecting people. Mike:                       Right. Tom:                         That's the whole thing is taking advantage of people. I mean, I think we've worked the figures up. 120,000 people, elderly people, last year lost their homes from the Jamaican lottery scam. They thought they were taking advantage of. They thought they won the lottery. They have to send the tax money in advance and, boom, there's no lottery and they couldn't make their house payment. Tom:                         A lot of younger people ... The reason I'm having a little trouble getting the show sold is because it's not in the demographic ... The elderly people are not in the demographic that TV likes. I try to explain to them, "Look, the young people are going to lose their inheritance if they don't teach and pay attention to their elders being taken with scams." They kind of got that. They told me for sure, don't quit your day job, because it's Hollywood, right? Mike:                       Right. Right. They're selling to a certain audience. Tom:                         Yeah. Yeah. Mike:                       We talked about this just a moment ago. You believe in excellence in everything you do, whether it's the documentary or a TV show. How do you feel that excellence and respect do go hand in hand? In my heart, I think, "Well, of course they go hand in hand because excellence requires you to respect your self and your mission and what you're doing." Tom:                         Well, excellence it also has hidden benefits. For instance, when I got started in speaking 1991, I had come out of a crazy entertainment company. I've had a lot of fun businesses in my life. A lot of people said, "Hey, you're better than a lot of people that have been charging $4000 and $5000." I said, "Well, I don't know anything about hotels ..." I was doing parties, birthday parties and stuff. I said, "I better study and learn how to be a speaker in hotel rooms and ..." PART 1 OF 3 ENDS [00:12:04] Tom:                         I better study and learn how to be a speaker, and hotel rooms, and corporations, and all that stuff. So I started studying like crazy and my library in here, I have probably 200 books on public speaking, every tape that was ever made, everything from NSA. I've got all of it. And so I started doing it just to make myself better and so that I could really compete in the speaking world. And, where excellence comes in, and this is what my dad taught me, he said when you're excellent people will notice. And so again I'm not trying to blow my horn but I got so good people started begging me to teach them how to be good, as a good speaker. And that led me to write the Wake 'em Up speaking book, the Wake 'em Up video professional speaking system, amazing public speaking took me a whole different route. Tom:                         Fast forward to 1994 when the commercial internet came along and I said, "Oh are you kidding me? It's hard enough to sell my stuff across the street let alone around the world from my desktop. I'm going to figure this out." So I started studying like crazy, didn't make a nickel for the first two years. Got good at it. Got some good training in '96. Four years later I was a multimillionaire and people were begging me to teach them this stuff, again trying to be excellent for me and respect me and what I can do for the world, showed other people that hey this guy is good. So it led me into this internet training path. I never planned on being Mr. Internet Guru, ever. I just wanted to sell my stuff around the world. Tom:                         So all of this is trying to be excellent for yourself shows such a massive respect for yourself and for the medium that you're learning, other people get inspired by that and so I believe that's a form of respect for them. Mike:                       Well I think there's also a respect in there that you were going to learn everything you could to be successful and then you sold people how to do that because you did it. Tom:                         Exactly. I wasn't selling a book report. Mike:                       Because for instance in the speaking industry there can be people who are barely speaking charging people a lot of money on how to be a professional speaker and that's not common but it happens and people need to be aware of like, "Whoa whoa whoa, you need to be watching who you're learning from there, that might not be the best resource." Where you were saying, "No I'm going to ace this myself, and then teach others how I aced it." Tom:                         Without even thoughts of teaching people. I want to do it extremely well because my dad, and I remember my dad I'm 10 years old he came from Syria back in the early 1900s he put the first electric light bulb in Carnage Pennsylvania, he had his own electrical contracting company at 13 years old at Carnage Pennsylvania. And I was, remember watching him one day, he was wiring a box and I said, "Dad why don't you just cut the wires across on an angle, save some wire." He looked at me like I'll smack you. He said, "You crazy? I'm going to make it perfectly lined up so that somebody looks at this job they'll know a professional did it." Boy do I, I'm getting goosebumps, good pimples, I remember it vividly. He said, "And also if somebody has to work on this later, it will be easy for them to work on. So don't you ever do something that's not great." Tom:                         We were blue collar, total blue collar. But I'll never forget that and that's the way I've lived my whole life. Mike:                       I love that, that you for sharing that. How do you think, or what's way to make sure you're living with respect in that everyday life. That's a great way in work, make sure everything I do is with excellence. Tom:                         Well to me, is that along the topic of respect, you will never see me at a restaurant being all snooty with my black Amex card and giving the waiter or waitress some kind of, or treating them like they're dirt. You will never see that. In fact if you were sitting there with me and doing it, I'll leave and hell with you, because you're not the person I want to be around. That person is doing a good work and doing whatever they're life is and trying to take care of me and give me respect there's no way I'm going to lord over them. So that's just an every day example of treat everybody with respect. Tom:                         There's another one. There's a student I have, I was speaking at a big event, nobody would talk to this guy. He was dressed like some kind of halfway hippy, halfway Indian, feathers hanging off, he had no teeth. I don't know. And nobody would talk to him. And I'm standing by there and he just started asking me questions and I'm happy to talk to him. He ended up being one of my best customers. He's a best selling author on some off beat topic and nobody would talk to him because he looked funny. So, that's not the way to treat people. Tom:                         I mean I'm very fortunate, you're fortunate, and everybody deserves respect. You know what, even people, rotten people deserve respect. I remember, I've been a lifelong self defense and martial arts practitioner, and I remember studying with an Aikido guy back way, way years ago, and this is one of these guys that had to go to Japan for two years to hold a bow. And he had to pull the bow for two years before they let him have an arrow. That's serious stuff. And he was teaching me this thing called an S-Lock one time and it's like, you could really put a hurt on somebody. And he says Tom you hold it like this and then you bow to the person, show respect to your enemy. Of course they're screaming bloody murder and that stuck with me too. Even your enemies. You can respect, you can't let them take advantage of you but you have to respect them. Mike:                       Yeah we talk about this in the US Military ... Tom:                         Were you in the military? Mike:                       No I didn't serve in the military but I work with the military. I'm working with the military. The Geneva Convention clearly states that if you run across the enemy and they are in dire need of help and you are safely able to help them, it's your responsibility to help them because all human beings are to be treated with dignity and respect and a big reason for that is prisoner's of war, if ours are captured they are treated with dignity and respect, which means we have to treat others with dignity and respect. Mike:                       So whenever somebody comes to me and goes well not all people deserve dignity and respect, well yeah they all do. The moment you think they all don't, means you think you're above certain people. That's not living from a space of respect that's living from a place of arrogance, there's a difference. Mike:                       And you've talked about in fact, when somebody pushes your limits of respect, what do you mean by that? What do you mean by when somebody pushes your limits of respect? Tom:                         Well, when you come from a place of power and respect for others you can recognize very easily when somebody doesn't have that attitude, right. And so without, and it all comes from probably my self defense and martial arts study in that ... Well there's a guy I can't think of his name right now but he has a program called You're Dead and You Don't Even Know It, and somebody is getting in his face and he is thinking of the 100 different ways he can just tear this guy to pieces and I have the same kind of skill, not at good as this guy, but ... Tom:                         And so when you have the kind of feeling, that I could do this to you but I, there's something in your system that doesn't deserve it, something happened to you to make you like this and as long as you don't cross the line I'm going to treat you with respect and treat you with, I don't want to say disdain I don't know the word for it, but I'm going to feel sorry for you rather than get all up and say, "Let's go buddy." That's what weak people do. Tom:                         So coming from that power, you could say they didn't reserve it, deserve it at that moment for what they were doing but as long as they don't cross the line and hurt somebody that's innocent or cross the line to cause me harm there's no reason for me to escalate it. I'm going to deescalate it and I'll walk away. If people are saying, "Oh you big sissy," well I saved that guy's life pretty much so I'll live with that. Mike:                       Yeah it's describing really leading with compassion and empathy over bullying or domination. Right? Because you have the ability to dominate in that moment but you decide wait there's got to be a reason this person is coming from this place. Something has triggered this behavior, somewhere. And that's so important because I run into people traveling the world doing this work and who'll say well you know you can't just do that for everyone and you have ... This one person I met they're so bad, yeah but how do you get there? Tom:                         Yeah exactly. I had good parents, I had you know a shirt on my back, food, you know, and some of these people I mean I did some fundraisers for these, I did a fundraiser, I raised a whole load of money for a bunch of homeless kids, homeless is considered you have a different place to live or no place to live every 30 days, for kids. I didn't have that. So when those kids grow up there's going to be some scars and it's going to come out in certain ways and so I just have to think man I had it good as long as they don't hurt me or hurt somebody innocent I got to say wonder, how they got there. What happened to them to make that happen. Mike:                       Yeah and I think that's so brilliant to recognize, I had it so good. And I think what happens is when you're in a position of, and that's the reference to privilege, where those kids didn't get control over that. We also didn't get Control, those of us who feel we were raised in a stable home with wonderful loving parents. We didn't get to chose that, that's what we were born into. They didn't get to chose their situation. And we're going to have different negatives out of our loving home. There are negatives that we're going to miss out, we're not going to see things that others, somebody would have saw coming from a different home. There's going to be pluses and minuses to that and to say, "Well I made it okay," well yeah but you made it under very different circumstances than that person made it. So I think it's so brilliant that you brought that up. For you, when you hear the word respect what does it mean? Tom:                         Well it's ingrained so much in me in that I'm not going to dominate the conversation, I mean just, I like that I'm a pretty simple guy, bring things down to just the, like I said I came from the sticks and a handshake meant something. So if I'm at a party, even though I'm Mr. Big Shot Speaker and I'm known everywhere I'm not going to stand there and talk about myself. I want to know about you. I want to show respect to you by bringing out you and what you've been doing and honestly not looking over your shoulder to, who's more important than you. That's a simple every day, I like to bring the every day things, how you can show respect and that would be a show up respect is ask the other person what they've been doing. And you can learn something from doing that. So, to me it's more of the every day little things. Tom:                         In fact when people ask me what religion I am, I really confuse them. I say, "I'm Poseidon." Poseidon? They're looking at their friends like, "What I've never heard of that, that must be some cult or something." I say, no back in the old days there was a move called the Poseidon Adventure, they have a remake lately but the originally was Gene Hackman and Shelly Winters on this ship that was kind of like the Titanic ... Mike:                       I remember it. Tom:                         Alright, well Gene Hackman, I was much younger then, I don't remember what year it was, but he was on stage, excuse me, on deck, doing a sermon and he said, "You take the little piece of God in you and do good for people," And that was like a sledgehammer to my head. I'm thinking you cannot go too far wrong with that attitude in life. And from that moment on that's PART 2 OF 3 ENDS [00:24:04] Tom:                         With that attitude in life and from that moment on, that's been in my mind. That's my religion, that's my spiritual guide, is take the little piece of God in you, do good for people. I don't go to church every Sunday, I'll admit that. You'd have to get maybe a lightning rod if I got near it, but take the little piece of God so that's respect for doing good things. If you have the attitude, I'm going to try to do good for you before I do good for me. That's another thing my dad taught me, give before you get. So all of these little things are everyday things that I live and I'm attracted to people that live like that because it shows respect all the time, not just when it's convenient. Mike:                       Is there a time in your life where you can you remember, where you failed to give yourself respect and the lesson you got out of that experience? Tom:                         Yeah. I think it was the time I went to college on a football scholarship to West Baygon Virginia University and at that time, I mean all the time, from the time it's midget football till everybody could kill you at that level, that level of athleticism, so I'm working out like crazy. And then when I got out of that, it was like, "Oh, my God, I never want to see a weight room again." I mean it's 15 straight years of that, two a day exercise, all that stuff. And so I let my weight. I went up of 360 pounds or something so I don't think I was paying much respect to myself there and I struggled with that a lot over the years. Tom:                         I had some trouble with my mother was, my dad was great, my mother not so much. But I got a handle on it now only by finding a certain kind of diet. I'm on a ketogenic diet, which is extremely low carbs, high-fat, which is opposite. Again, look at me, opposite of everything else all the time but it's the only thing that's worked so I dropped about 100 pounds and so I got a good handle on that now, but that was a long period of really not respecting the, luckily I got good genes from my dad and a strong foundation of working out for 15 years like a maniac. So I'd say that's my biggest obvious one. Mike:                       Well, and I noticed the difference right away when, for those who are listening, Tom and I can see each other because we always do these shows also on YouTube so you can watch that. As soon as I saw you, I noticed. Wow, I said, in my mind I'm like it looks like Tom has lost a lot of weight. Tom:                         Yeah. Mike:                       But what I think is beautiful about that is it was a choice you made to respect yourself, to take that journey. Tom:                         Yeah, it took a long time to do it and that's the thing about things, folks. All these aren't always easy. I mean, it might be time when your steak is cold, you want to give that waiter or waitress some guff, but you got to hold back and you got to say, you got to have your own self respect to say, no, I'm not going to make a fool of myself and embarrass that person over a steak that I probably ate too much already. So the delayed gratification, our friend that put us together recently, Caroline De Pasada, you knew her dad, right? Mike:                       Absolutely. Tom:                         Yeah. He's the one that made that famous, that marshmallow study about delayed gratification. And so for those that don't know, they showed these little kids some marshmallows and said, "Hey, we'll give you one if you don't eat it in 15 minutes, we'll give you two." And then most of the kids ate it and some didn't. And they followed them over a period of years. All the ones that had the delayed gratification we're successful and everything. And then the other ones were having problems. So I think it's the same thing with respect. In this case, I had to fight a long time to get that one piece of my life that wasn't working right to respect myself and had I given up or quit too soon, where would I be? I'd probably be in death row from a heart attack or something or diabetes or who knows. So sometimes it takes longer to realize the respect that you want to give yourself or others. Mike:                       Well, and I appreciate that because I think when people hear these conversations they think, "Oh, he's got it all." Right? Tom:                         Oh yeah. Mike:                       Right. That's the mistake, that because of this level of success, and they have these messages. They've lived by of respect. They've got it all. What they don't realize is no matter where we're coming from, there's some area we could be better at that we don't give the same kind of focus, respect of that we do other areas. And so it's constantly looking at our whole picture and saying, where is that happening now for me? Because it's happening somewhere, right? There's so many balls in the air. Tom:                         And you can always get knocked in the face. In 1988, I was living in a vacant house on a mattress. I don't want to say like a country music song. My dog got run over or my truck got stolen. But I had my nightclub when I had a nightclub for six years. Then the drinking age went from 18 to 21 in a college town. I was going to be a millionaire before I was 30, wiped out, lost $400000 and I was playing racquetball, tore my achilles tendon and a partner I had had not paid the health insurance. So I'm living in a vacant house on a mattress watching a black and white TV and a lot of your viewers don't even know what that is. And so I got knocked in the face really good. But that's when your true colors come through when things don't go so well, what do you do? Do you get back up, do you fight or do you give up? And so I had enough respect then. And I got all kinds of bizarre stories. I was watching candid camera on TV and you know Juliet Funt, Mike:                       I remember. Yes. Tom:                         She's from NSA. Well, her dad was Allan Fund from candid, and when I was laying there living off credit cards, busted up and had nowhere to go. I was watching candid camera on this black and white TV and that's when I got the idea for the entertainment company called Prank Masters that I moved to DC and that got worldwide publicity and got me into the speaking business. And then I ran into Juliet. And I'm getting goose pimples again. Ran into the Juliet at NSA and I thought, "Oh my God, I'd never be able to thank her dad." So I mentored her for a while just to the payback for that idea, that little spark that somebody else gave me because I was able to keep my eyes open in the face of adversity. And that's when your true colors show through. And that's sometimes the hardest part. Mike:                       I love it. And you have two books that you really recommend one is The influence the psychology of persuasion by Robert Cialdini. And then- Tom:                         It's pronounced Cialdini. Mike:                       Oh, I've always pronounced that wrong then. So I appreciate that. Yeah. And the other book is Last conscious by Alain Buris. Tom:                         Yeah. Buris. Mike:                       Buris there we go thank you. Tom:                         That's a man by the way, because it's spelled A-L-A-I-N and I thought it was the girl for years until I met him. It's a guy. It's a French spelling, but the influence of psychology persuasion is when we began this conversation with about manipulation and persuasion kind of going hand in hand. One's negative connotation one isn't but that is, I've read that book seven times because that is the way you can really get your products and services out there and get people to buy them. But again, because you know you're going to take care of them and help them. Tom:                         The other one is completely opposite the other end. You better not be faint at heart if you read it. It's a book about a friend of mine and it's a book about a sniper from the army who decided to go after pedophiles, so it's a whole different thing, but again, it was that pedophile who knows where he came from, but there came a point when you had the draw the line and couldn't let him hurt children anymore. So even though you have to have some respect, some people cross that line and have to be stopped. So it's a completely different ends of the spectrum. Mike:                       Yeah. And to stop someone from doing harm is not failing to respect to them. Tom:                         Right. Mike:                       In fact, you would argue the opposite- Tom:                         You're respecting everybody else that- Mike:                       And them by saying you can't do this, this is not acceptable, out of respect I'm going to take action now. Yeah. And so I want to thank you, Tom. This has been. We've gone all over, which I love and explored different areas. So thank you so much for joining us today. And for our listeners who want to make sure they can dive into this conversation so they can go to Facebook, look up The Respect podcast, discussion group and dive into this conversation. So thank you very much Tom for joining us. Tom:                         My pleasure. Good to see you again. Mike:                       Thank you for joining us for this episode of The Respect podcast, which was sponsored by The Date Safe project @datesafeproject.Org. And remember you can always find me at Mikespeaks.com. PART 3 OF 3 ENDS [00:33:03]  

Listen as Neen James shares specific skills for paying attention in our lives and how vital paying attention is to respect. Neen shares with host Mike Domitrz insights and strategies people can use in their personal and professional lives. * You are invited to join our community and conversations about each episode on FaceBook at https://www.facebook.com/MutuallyAmazingPodcast and join us on Twitter @CenterRespect or visit our website at http://www.MutuallyAmazingPodcast.com**   Watch the full video footage of the episode at:https://youtu.be/iJ5vLXVVkZs SCROLL DOWN TO READ THE TRANSCRIPTION   *BIO of NEEN JAMES* Neen James is the author of nine books including Folding Time™ and her most recent, Attention Pays™. In 2017, she was named one of the top 30 Leadership Speakers by Global Guru because of her work with companies like Viacom, Comcast, Cisco, Virgin, Pfizer, BMW, and the FBI, among others. Neen earned her MBA from Southern Cross University and the Certified Speaking Professional designation from National Speakers Association. She has received numerous awards as a professional speaker, is a partner in the international education company Thought Leaders Global, and is a member of the prestigious League of Heroic Public Speakers. Neen is a leadership expert who delivers high-energy keynotes that challenge audiences to leverage their focus and pay attention to what matters most at work and in life. Audiences love her practical strategies they can apply personally and professionally, and meeting planners love working with her – they often describe Neen as the energizer bunny for their events. With a strong background in learning and development and managing large teams at various corporations, Neen is the perfect fit for organizations who want implementable strategies that will help their employees avoid distractions, stop interruptions, prioritize daily objectives and say ‘no’ to requests that steal time and focus from real goals and priorities. Oh, did we mention that Neen is Australian? Why does that matter? Well, it means that she’s a bit mischievous, is pretty witty and a little cheeky. She also considers herself an unofficial champagne taste tester … and a really slow runner. *Links:* www.facebook.com/NeenJamesCommunications https://twitter.com/neenjames https://www.linkedin.com/in/neenjames Blog: http://neenjames.com/blog/ http://instagram.com/neenjames https://www.youtube.com/user/AussieNeen Neen website: http://neenjames.com/ *Recommended Books:* Thought Leaders Practice by Matt Church and Peter Cook Attention Pays by Neen James Get SAMPLE CHAPTERS from Neen’s Book: Attention Pays (download) READ THE FULL TRANSCRIPTION of the EPISODE HERE (or download the pdf): **IMPORTANT: This podcast episode was transcribed by a 3rd party service and so errors can occur throughout the following pages: Mike:                       Welcome to the respect podcast. I'm your host, Mike Domitrz from MikeSpeaks.com, where we help organizations of all sizes, educational institutions, and the US military create a culture of respect. And respect is exactly what we discussed on this show, so let's get started. Mike:                       In this episode we have the amazing, incredible Neen James who's also a friend of mine. I'm going to give you a little background on Neen, so that you know as you're listening to her or if you're watching this on YouTube, you're watching the actual video. She's the author of Folding Time and her latest book, Attention Pays, which we're going to be talking about today. They're both available in bookstores around the world. Mike:                       And for over two decades, Neen has been advising some of the coolest companies in the world, including Viacom, Comcast, Paramount pictures, and even the FBI on how to improve their strategic planning, communication and leadership development. When she's not speaking, you might find on the back of a Harley, you may also find her running. She's originally from Sydney, Australia. Now a proud US citizen. We're going to welcome speaker, and she says, insanely slow runner, but I think she's a tough critic on herself. Neen James, thank you, Neen for joining us. Neen:                      G'day, Mike. What a treat to get to serve your listeners. When you say things like two decades of working with clients makes me feel ancient, but if people are listening to this, they probably think I sound like I'm five. I promise I'm significantly older than that. Mike:                       Well, you're still young, that's for sure. Well, I'm thrilled to have you on. You talk all about paying attention. So, let's start there, Neen. What does that mean? Your book is Attention Pays. So if you could provide a little background on what attention means. Neen:                      To me, attention is really three things. Let's look at it in three ways, maybe. There's three ways we pay attention in the world personally, which is really about who deserves our attention. So that's about being thoughtful and respect is such a big part of that. The second way is professionally, which is about what really deserves your attention and that's being productive. And the third way is how are we paying attention in the world, which is really about being responsible. So it's personally, professionally and globally. Neen:                      That's the three ways I believe we pay attention in the world, and the ones that I think would probably be most interesting to your listeners today is personally and professionally. Who deserves your attention and what deserves your attention, because that way you show up in the world has a ripple effect across the planet. Mike:                       Alright, so let's dive in there. And I think a lot of our listeners are activists also, so even globally could be an interesting conversation to go there. So let's talk about personally, how does, how does it show up personally and how does respect play a role in that journey? Neen:                      Well, think about how disrespected we feel when someone's on their cell phone and they're not paying attention to us. Imagine how disrespected people feel when they're in a conversation with someone and you're looking beyond their shoulder for someone more interesting to speak to. Neen:                      So I think respect is vital. I learned this lesson from my five year old friend. Donovan. He and I were in this very heated debate about like who is cooler was it Superman or Batman? Which is obviously very important when you're five. And at one point he got so frustrated with me, because he didn't think I was listening to him and he jumped into my lap. He grabbed my face with these tiny little hands and he said, "Neen, listen with your eyes." Neen:                      And I think the greatest way to show respect to someone is to look them in the eye. The gift of our attention is such a beautiful sign of respect. And so I think when it comes to personally paying attention, the first and easiest thing that all of us can do that costs absolutely no money is to look up, is to look people in the eye, look up from our devices to look someone in the eye in a conversation. That's a beautiful sign of respect. And so what I want to encourage our listeners to do is can they listen with their eyes more? Mike:                       I love it. We used to teach that when I was coaching, especially young basketball players, you'd say, "Hey, if I can see your eyes, then I know you're listening. If I can't see your eyes, I might assume you're not and that can feel disrespected." Mike:                       And it just helps them know, oh, look at coach or at whoever it is. Here's the challenge a lot of adults have, particularly people like myself who can have that crazy energy in their brain. How do you help them stay focused on the eyes without going into creepy zone? Right? Neen:                      I love that. Mike:                       So, because, because there's this balance, especially when you're like at a conference and there's people going by and you feel like, well there's somebody going by. I don't want to be rude. So how do you balance that out? Neen:                      You know, this is a skill I had to teach myself, Mike, because I love people. Like if I walk into a room, I assume everyone wants to play with me. And so there's already so many people that I want to see. But what I've had to be able to do is to block out my field of vision, meaning if you and I are in a conversation, I have to stay really focused on you, so I'm not looking at all those other people who you and I know ... We go to this industry conference, you and I and you know that it is like the attention span of like a squirrel because everybody's interrupting and wants to see you. It's like once a year, it's a big love fest, so that's actually one of the hardest places to do this. But there's little things that I've learned, for example, being able to listen in and to actually not try and work out what my question is and here's what I mean by that. Neen:                      So often in a conversation, we're listening to respond instead of listening to listen. And so what I'm trying to teach myself more and more to do is to listen to your question, allow the pause, and then be thoughtful in my response. So instead of thinking, "Oh, I know what to say," or finishing your sentence or interrupting you, I've had to learn very much about to listen to listen, not listen to respond. Neen:                      And I was a constant interrupter and it's still something that I work on because it's something I know about myself. I get so excited I want to contribute to the conversation or I want to give you a solution or I want to answer your question and I really have to shut up. So the best thing to do if you want to be showing respect to shut up, be quiet. Just listen. Neen:                      Now without that being creepy, the other thing that I've had to realize is by being able to be attentive then after the pause is I think, well, what's a really cool way to show them that I am respecting their time? Is it a question? Is it a comment? Is it a nod? Is it a followup? Is it an action I need to take? Neen:                      Sometimes it might even be as simple as saying, "Did I hear you say, is this what you mean?" Or I might say, "Can you tell me more about that?" And so what I'm trying to do is engage in that point in the conversation. What I've also realized, especially at conferences is I need to write things down. I am a person who seems to remember better when I write things down, so just like before our call today, I said to you, "Hey, if you see me look down, I'm writing things down," I'll do the same thing with someone and what I've also learned over the years, especially working with so many mentors that I have, is taking notes is also a sign of respect. Neen:                      And I had a mentor early in my career and he said to me, "One of the things I like about you is you always write things down," and what it was telling him is what he was saying was important for me to want to record. So an easy sign of respect, when you're paying attention, is to write things down. Neen:                      Now when I have worked with large companies on their customer experience and how do they accelerate attention, I will often tell team members, "Tell the client you're writing it down because it's that important," so that way the client feels safe, the client feels respected, the client feels heard. Here's the thing, Mike. Attention? It's all about being seen and it's all about being heard and if we can achieve those things, everyone feels so much more deeply respected. Mike:                       Absolutely, and I think you see this relationship struggle in a lot of spousal relationships that when they're having a disagreement or a conversation that could become a disagreement, they're already counter-arguing before the person's completed the thought, which leads to a horrific argument because then they say, "You didn't hear the end of what I said because you were already not listening." Mike:                       So it's very common that we see that and I always think to myself, when you exercise this attention skill, if I'm really listening, I'm going to think of what's a question which is, I love that you gave some examples of that ... What's a question I can ask based on everything they're sharing with me? So I can't ask that until the end because they could throw a twist at the end and thinking Neen:                      That's right. And think about, you Karen have been married, like forever. Andy and I have been married like, my entire life, pretty much. And so, you know, this year we will celebrate 29 years at the time of recording that we've been married. Now when we were first married, we were married very, very young obviously. And one of the things that we did was we also did this marriage counseling course, not because we were going to become marriage counselors, but what we realized is we were the first to get married amongst all of our young friends, and so we had this responsibility in our church community where people coming to us because they will like starting to get married. And we were kind of first. Neen:                      And so we became marriage counselors. And what was really good about that was this valuable skill of listening, being able to paraphrase and understand if you're really getting to the heart of everything. Neen:                      And I think in relationships, you know, we have some guidelines in our house. They're very simple, but they show respect. For example, my husband and I do a lot of teleconferences. Our clients are often virtual and you know, he travels significantly and so do I. And so we have this guideline that all conversations finish in the garage, meaning if I'm in a teleconference, I will sit in the car and finish the call so that when I walk into the house, if he's home, I can look him in the eye and say hi, right? Neen:                      We also have another guideline that says we don't talk between walls, which means if he's in the kitchen and I'm in the lounge room, we don't shout out requests to each other because that's not very respectful. There's no eye contact involved and you never hear what people are saying. I don't try and talk to him while there's a show on. I wait for a commercial or I asked him to pause or can I have his attention because what I've learned is it's so much more easier if we say to someone, "Hey, I need your attention for a couple moments." Or, "When you have time, can we talk about this?" And so I think in our relationships, whether it's with our little people, with teenagers- PART 1 OF 3 ENDS [00:10:04] Neen:                      And so I think in our relationships, whether it's with our little people, with teenagers, with our parents, or with our partners, being able to ask for their attention and tell them it's important, instead of assuming it's a good time, assuming they're ready to hear your question, and then assuming they have time to answer you. I think we have to ask for permission more, and you're a huge advocate for this with all the work you do with The Date Safe project. You know exactly what I'm talking about. Mike:                       Yes, well, and I've always loved, because you and I have discussed this before, the no between the walls discussion, because I think that's something that so easy to fall into, and we have fallen into it, Karen and I have fallen into it. I remember you the first time you said that, I said, "That's brilliant." Because I'll often be feeling like that, like I don't want to talk across the room, or I don't even want to text while you're driving home. I want you to talk to me when you drive home. I'm on the road enough. I have enough text conversations. Neen:                      Right. Mike:                       I want to have person to person conversation. It means a lot more to me. So I love that. I think that's a great example. And I love that you talk about the fact that being seen and being heard are so important to paying attention. We always talk about, in the respect world, same with when we talk with corporations and organizations about respect, is this idea of also feeling that they care, right. Because I can listen to you, give you full attention, but that doesn't mean I'm actually caring about what you say. Neen:                      That's true. Mike:                       I can play the role of paying attention- Neen:                      That's true. Mike:                       ... without caring. Caring forces me to think about your feelings, what you're going through, and to engage with that. Would you agree with that, or ... ? Neen:                      I would. Last night, I was watching the movie Ladybird, and it's a movie that's popular at the time of this recording, and there was a conversation between a mother and daughter. They were talking and the conversation was along the lines of paying attention, and she said, "Isn't love and attention the same thing?" Neen:                      I think that when you show someone attention, you are caring, because in our crazy, busy, distracted, insane world that we all choose to live in, and in the crazy town that is my head traffic, and everyone else's, when you add that on top, the very fact that you stop, pause, and pay attention to someone, I think shows a level of care, and I think we can do this more and more every day. Neen:                      For example, I want to challenge listeners, when they order their coffee, can they look their barista in the eye, use the barista's name, and thank them for their coffee instead of just constantly ... people are just living life like this on their devices, right. When you're going to pay for your groceries, or you're paying the toll as you go through, can you look someone in the eye and thank them for the job that they do? When you're in a restaurant or a café, can you thank your server, look them in the eye, find out their name, use their name in the transaction? Neen:                      These are all very simple ways to show that you care. I want it to be intentional attention, not transactional attention, and I think what you're talking about, and playing the role, to use those brilliant words, it's transactional, right. It's just you and I, not even really engaging. You sort of feel obliged to do something, whereas I'd rather people move from transactional to intentional attention. That's what we talk about in Attention Pays. Mike:                       Well, and that's why I wanted to bring it up, because there are people who are tactical and they fail to understand the connection. They think, "Oh, I just need to take those steps and then they'll feel like they're being paid attention to," not understanding, no, you have to actually pay attention. You can't have one without the other. Neen:                      I also think, Mike, that attention as word gets a bad rap. I think social media and some of the celebrities and personalities who are craving and desperate for attention, I think social media has amplified our attention platform. And so attention as a word really gets a bad rap, and yet, attention as a word means to care for or to notice someone. So when you think about it, I want to make attention a really positive word. I want to start this attention revolution where we start to really pay attention, and it's okay to want attention. Neen:                      When you think about this, we crave attention. We learn this skill as a baby, right. We cry, our parents us pick, and then we learn attention. It's that simple. But I think, over the years, attention gets a bad rap, and I want to really change that for people. It's okay to want attention. You don't have to want attention from everyone, just the people who matter to you. Neen:                      I think that's a really important thing, too, is if someone you really care about is not giving you the attention that you need, you have to have the courage to say, "This is really important to me." I think that's also respecting yourself. It's respecting what your needs are and having the courage to articulate those to someone else. That takes all kinds of vulnerability, it takes all kinds of bravery, and I know you talk about that in the work that you do. Mike:                       So if someone's listening right now, thinking, "Well, this sounds great. My partner needs to be better at this. My co-worker needs to be better at this," right. Neen:                      Yeah, it's always my boss or my partner or my kid, never me. Right, right, right. Mike:                       Right, it's like when you read a book, "Oh, I know someone who could use this book." Well, yes, you probably, right. We've all done it- Neen:                      Sure. Mike:                       ... but if somebody is thinking, "Okay, I'm aware that I need to be better at this and I would like my partner to be better at this," or, "I'd like my co-worker or my boss to be better at this," how do you help them ignite the conversation on the importance of attention without talking down, therefore losing attention, or lecturing, therefore losing attention? How do you best case scenario for starting that conversation with someone important to you? Neen:                      What I found with working with so many of my clients, whether they're big executives who run billion dollar companies, or entrepreneurs who are a company of one, what we've realized in the work that I do with them is very much getting super clear on what it is that they might be missing and what it is they need, and having language that's not accusing the other person of not doing what they need, but it's coming from a place of saying, "I really need this." Neen:                      If, for example, it was your partner, maybe one of the things to talk about would be say, "Hey, when you have some time, I'd love to talk to you about something that's been on my mind." Just seed the conversation. Don't say, "We need to talk," because no one wants to hear that, okay. That's a dangerous phrase. The other thing that is also important in a relationship is know when a good time is to talk. So my honey and I have certain things that we do which are really conducive to talking as opposed to other things, right. It could be that you're going on a long drive or a walk, so seed it first. Neen:                      And then say, "Hey, one of the things that I'd really like to talk to you about is how I've been feeling about this. I feel this. It's my feeling, I own it," right. So, "I feel like there's times where I want to have a conversation with you but you're on your cell phone. It would really be important to me if we could stop and have a device free meal." Or, "It would be really important to me if you could look up because there's certain things I need from you." Or, "It would be really helpful to me if ... " And it's all about me, right. This is what I need. It's not about you doing something wrong, it's about me owning why I feel this way. And then coming to some kind of resolution. Neen:                      I think what sometimes happens is things ... let's take technology for example. Technology is not the enemy of our attention, we are, but we make technology to be the bad guy. Not really, it's just we, as adults, are the users. I remember once, my husband and I were on this fabulous date and he was on his cell phone. I was like, "Um, I'm much more interesting than your cell phone." I was joking but I wasn't and he started to laugh. It was just the default position, I think sometimes we go to, is if we are not active in the conversation, or we think we're in a meeting and it doesn't really involve us, we default to our cell phone. We check our email. We check our Facebook status. We go and have a look at what's happening on Instagram, not because the person's not interesting, just because they're not engaging us. We don't feel a responsibility to be part of that. We have to change this behavior. Neen:                      So there's little things. I brought a cell phone with an actual cover, like you've got to actually open it up, so I can't see anything that goes on on my cell phone. I put it in my bag when I drive, so I'm not tempted to have a look at it. In meetings, one of my clients, what they do, Mark, is they have this basket out the front of the conference room. Everyone drops their cell phone in the basket on their way into the conference room so that they can truly engage and brainstorm for whatever meeting that's about. Neen:                      I think if you want to have these conversations with your significant other, with your boss, with your teenager, you've got to work out what's important to you and have the courage to articulate why you need that person to see your point of view, and then come to some sort of mutual understanding of what that might look like. And by the way, I'm a work in progress, just like every one of your listeners. I have not mastered this. I feel like it's a daily thing to choose to pay attention. Mike:                       What brought you to this path? Neen:                      I've always been obsessed with productivity. I was always the girl in corporate who could get things done, and I always the person who was known to be able to look for very creative solutions to everything. My idea of productivity is off the roof, it's crazy town, right. Now, I have fabulous ideas. I don't implement them all, just for the record. So I was always known for someone who could get things done, I was always obsessed with productivity, but what I realized was, you can't manage time, but you can manage your attention. Neen:                      So my body of work is very much all around, how do you truly get more done but in a way that makes more sense? I realized the minutes are going to happen, whether you and I like it or not. We both get 1,440 minutes in a day, but your attention, your attention is something you can control. When I realized it wasn't time I could manage, it was attention, that became the evolution of my work, where I was like, "Huh, as an adult, I can choose who I spend my time with, what I spend my time on, how I spend my time, and then who deserves the attention I have, what deserves the attention that I have, and how am I going to show the world that that's important?" That was the evolution for me, and so it just made sense that attention was the evolution of productivity. Mike:                       I have friends who say, "Well, my priority is working out, but I can only get a workout in a week." That would be an example of not really being honest to what you pay attention to, or what you're giving your attention to- Neen:                      Right. Mike:                       ... because you're saying one ... PART 2 OF 3 ENDS [00:20:04] Mike:                       Pay attention to or what you're giving your attention to because you're saying one thing, but your time does not reflect that. I remember, we have a mutual friend, Sean Stevenson that said, I can tell what your priority is, bar, where you spend your time and your money. Right? The combination of those things. Mike:                       So a lot of times, we're lying to ourselves about what we want to pay attention to, not what we want to, but what we are paying attention to. So the real statement should be I don't give enough attention to working out if I'm only working out once a week. That's an honest statement. I don't give the attention to working out that I wish I was giving or that I need to choose to give. And so that's an important distinction for people. Do you think it's a common one people struggle with? Well, I care deeply about, that's where all my attention is, but it's not, it's over on these other distractions they have. Neen:                      Yeah. And I think to what you're talking about is very much about respecting yourself. Right? So I think one of the things that happens is we articulate what we think people need or want to hear. So if you're with a friend who's like insanely healthy and you're like, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, I want to work out like every day but oh, I only have time once a week," because your friend is super healthy and that you're inspired by them. Well that's not really respecting yourself. What I've also learned, especially as I've got significantly older, is that your body has to move. Like you have to put the right things in it. It has to have some sleep. Oh, by the way, you should exercise, right? Whether do you like it or not is kind of irrelevant to respect the body that you've been given for this one planet. God gave you one body, like that's it. Right? Neen:                      No amount of pills or anything is going to fix that. And so I think what we have to do is show respect to ourself, which also means being truthful with ourself. It is about here is how many minutes I'm going to be awake today. A small portion of those can be allocated to working out. I would rather someone work out for 15 minutes, Mike, than zero minutes, and so I don't think it has to be like an hour work and I think that's also the trap that people fall into. They say, "Oh, well if I'm going to go for a run, I need to go run for five miles." Well, that's not necessarily the case. One mile is going to be better than no miles. Right? And so one of the things to think about is instead of looking at what everyone else is doing and comparing yourself and looking at what they're doing, look at what you can manage. Neen:                      And so you and I both spend a significant amount of time in airports, hotels and convention centers, and you and I have both worked out how to stay healthy on the road, whether it's hotel room workouts, gyms, running stairs, whatever it is that's going to help our body move. Neen:                      So I think what happens is people are often lying to themselves and they have to really take pause and say, "You know what? I have this one body on this one planet. It will only take me a few minutes just to pay attention to it," whether it's meditating, yoga, walking. You don't even need a lot of equipment. You can use your own body weight to do things, and so I would encourage listeners to find something that they actually like. I think that's the trick too, Mike. You're doing the workout you don't like, you're not going to give it any attention because it's gonna feel like bleh, but if you find an exercise that actually you look forward to, I think that makes a huge amount of difference because then you will invest your attention. Neen:                      I think attention is ... Like Sean, I can look at someone's calendar and instantly know what's important to them because your time and the way you're investing it tells me a lot about who is important and what is important to you. If you or I have a sick loved one or one of your boys is not well, you'll drop everything in order to make them a priority because that's where your attention goes and so the unfortunate thing is often people wait until they get sick or they lose someone they love before they pay attention to what really matters. I don't want that for your listeners, I want them to start paying attention now to who's important, what's important and how are they going to show their attention in the world? Mike:                       Well, I love that and so going with that, when we talk about where we're going to show our attention in the world, how respect plays into that becomes important. What we respect, you brought up just now, what we're choosing to respect, or am I my respecting my body? Am I respecting what my values are? How has respect played a role in your life? Neen:                      I think for me, respect is multilevel. Having been a corporate girl, I crave respect of my peers. I wanted to be seen as smarty pants. Like I wanted to be known as not just this little, you know, four foot nothing blonde. I wanted to be known for my brain, and so I realized respect was really important to me from my peers, which was through my work product. Neen:                      I also realized respect from my husband is incredibly important. I want him to respect the work I do and the career that I've chosen and who I am in the world. I also realized that respect for me shows up in the way that we take care of the planet. So I'm an Australian as you know, even though I am also an American citizen and growing up in Oz, you just go up recycling like it's just such a small country. We take care of everything. We eat organic, we take care of the things. Neen:                      And you know, where I lived was in this tiny, tiny town. I was born in this beautiful tiny little town and my aunt and uncle had a beautiful farm. And so I think because I'd been exposed to that so young, I feel like we also need to respect the environment that we are blessed to live in as well. And that means taking care of those resources and recycling in its simplest way or whatever it is for people. So respect for me shows up in multiple ways. It shows up in my personal life that I want to be able to show respect to others and be thoughtful. I want their respect for the kind of work that I do and who I am on the planet. But I also think it shows up in the way we take care of the planet. Neen:                      And you know, you don't have to, you know, be a Greenpeace card [inaudible 00:25:24], Tesla-driving person. I mean, I think they're a sexy car, but we can all do something really little. You know, we can recycle our paper. We can not use throwaway water bottles.. There's so many little things we can do to show respect. And I think it just starts with those little ideas everyday of paying attention and being thoughtful as much as you can on a daily basis. To me, respect shows up, I think in lots of different ways. Mike:                       I love it. And you have a book that in addition to yours that you really enjoy, you really love called Thought Leaders Practice by Matt Church, Peter Cook. Neen:                      Yes. It's one of my favorites. Mike:                       Yeah, it's a great book. I've been fortunate to be able to read it. Great book. What do you love about that book? Neen:                      You know, I think it's the Bible for running a practice where you want to run a profitable practice. And so to me, I run a practice, not a business and my distinction is very much that I'm never going to sell Neen James Inc., right? It's me. I'm it. Right? Neen:                      And so for me, what it taught me was how to systemize profitability across multiple revenue streams. And so the predominant work that I do is keynote speaking like you, but I also run an executive mentoring practice as well. So those two profit centers, it gave me a really great insight in how I could ensure that I had more manageable cashflow. Neen:                      The challenge with the lifestyle I've chosen and the industry that I've chosen is it's kind of what we call lumpy billing, right? So some months are great, some months are not. And so being able to learn how to have consistency across the different months about putting systems in place to ensure that I'm really doing my best work and that I'm then outsourcing others. There's so many things. Matt Church also just ... I just read his latest book called Next and he's truly one of the world's greatest thought leaders, I think. And he's always looking for the next thing and the future of things. And that book when I read it, was really helping me map the future that I wanted to create. That's why I love it so much. Mike:                       Very cool. And everything you're describing about the practice, being able to set yourself up so there's an evenness requires a lot of attention to detail. Neen:                      It does. And it's exhausting. Let me just be super clear with people. If you choose an entrepreneurial career and this, I feel like our chosen career and this one particularly in the world of speaking, so I choose to stand on a stage for a living. It gets no more vulnerable than that, but it also ... There is no greater sense of attention than standing on a stage. It's not actually about me, though. It's about how I stand in service of that audience, but my career is attention. My profession is attention. It's all about attention, but I think attention is about connection, right? And so I think running a business, it's not my favorite thing to do. Let me be super clear about that. But it allows me to have the lifestyle that I love and so what I've also been very good at doing is putting people in around me who are brilliant at attention to detail, right? Neen:                      I told you earlier, my idea of productivity is great. My execution is not as strong and so I have people in my life who help me get things done and so I built my practice in a way that I can focus on the things I'm really, really good at: speaking, writing and delivering the product that I do. Neen:                      And everything else, we have people around us who can help us do that. Now, when I first started Mike, I couldn't afford to do that. It was just me. Right? So if you're listening to this and you're just starting on an entrepreneurial journey, believe me, it took a long time before I could pay other people to do things. Neen:                      So initially I would barter. I would barter their brilliance for my time, so I'd say, "Hey, can you help me set up my QuickBooks? I'll come train your team on how to be more productive in your practice." And so I was constantly trading my time until I could afford to write checks for people to pay them for what it is that they do for me. And so I think you just need to get super creative on what you're going to invest your attention in, in order to get the return that you want. Mike:                       I love it. Thank you so much, Neen, for joining us. Neen:                      What a treat. Thanks for having me on your show. I love what you're doing in the world. Mike:                       Well, I appreciate that. For everyone listening or watching you could find Neen at NeenJames.com. We'll also have all the links to her social media, her book Attention Pays, everything, on the show notes. Mike:                       Thanks again, Neen. Neen:                      Thanks. Mike:                       Thank you for joining us for this episode of the Respect Podcast, which was sponsored by the Date Safe Project at datesafeproject.org. And remember you can always find me at MikeSpeaks.com. PART 3 OF 3 ENDS [00:29:49]

My guest today is Mike Domitrz, host of The Everyday Mindfulness Show and the author of Can I Kiss You? Mike is a leading voice in helping kids, parents, educational institutions, and the US military discuss dating, sexual decision-making consent, and sexual assault. He speaks to tens of thousands yearly around the world, providing positive how-to skill sets and helpful insights to romantic relationships, sexual intimacy, and being safer. His podcast features special guests and a unique cast of over 70 people who stop by to add to the fun and thought-provoking conversations. Is Mike a dream-chaser? You bet! He’s on a mission to create a culture of consent and respect through the Date Safe project. TWEET: “Be a part of creating a culture of #consent with Mike Domitrz” @datesafeproject Can I Kiss You? How does a book like Mike’s come about? He explains why he wants to bring awareness to behavior and why people want to keep reading the book. His goal for the book was to transform our culture and how it views sexual decision-making. Sexual violence is definitely not a new thing, but dream chasers like Mike are on the move to create a safer environment. TWEET: “Every #survivor deserves to have a #voice.” @datesafeproject What are we learning from TV and movies? We need role modeling of the behavior we are seeking, and guess what? You won’t find that behavior modeled in movies and on television. Mike explains why his “ask” system is better than the status quo in relationships and why the paradigm needs to be shifted. We don’t even realize how often these types of violations happen. TWEET: “We’ve only started to create a safer—not safe—environment.” Where does mindfulness come in? Am I really aware of how my words and actions are impacting culture? Probably not! In the workplace, at home, or with friends, we just don’t realize the power of our words and how many people can be affected by them. Why do we judge others? Why do we sexualize them? Why do we say inappropriate things to them or about them? These are the questions Mike wants you to consider! TWEET: “Giving people specific words and skill sets to use takes out the #sexualization.” @datesafeproject Guest Recommendation: Mike’s ACTION for a dream chaser to take: “Ask for what you want and then respect the answer.”   OUTLINE OF THIS EPISODE: [1:30] Mike’s book [2:32] Nothing new about sexual violence [3:24] When the victim is blamed [4:35] How this Mike’s dream mission relates to chasing dreams [7:00] The effect on workplace environments [8:50] How TV and movies affect behavior [11:50] The prevalence of sexual assault [13:28] Owning your words and their impact [16:35] “It’s not me!” [19:43] Words for parents [22:53] How Mike learned about the skill sets needed [25:00] How Mike’s work has changed over 20 years [26:55] It’s never too late [28:10] Skill sets to keep in mind [32:30] Has there been improvement? [34:10] Mike’s ACTION for a dream chaser to take   RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: Mike on Facebook  Mike on Twitter Mike’s Website Mike’s Podcast Website   TWEETS YOU CAN USE: TWEET: “There is nothing new about #sexual #violence. Help create a culture of #consent. TWEET: “Ask for what you want then #respect the answer.” @datesafeproject  

In this Episode we talk to guest Michael J. Domitrz from Date Safe Project127| Can You Date Safe? - Michael J. Domitrz.Link: https://www.datingskillsreview.com/ep-127-date-safe-mike-j-domitrz/

Mike Domitrz (@DateSafeProject on twitter) of the Date Safe Project joins host Craig Price to discuss Teen Dating. No dating advice here, not for the teens anyway. Mike and Craig try and help parents talk to their kids about sex, porn, dating and intimacy. You read that right, Craig is talking about all those things, which is why podcasts are great for covering up blushing hosts. Times have changes since Craig was a teen (back in the 80's) and parents need more help than ever. With the Date Safe project, Mike is taking his message of respect, consent and boundaries to teens across the world. But we all know proper attitudes start at home and with the parents.  Mike offers helpful tips for getting kids to talk to them about sex, mistakes parents make when giving "the talk" and clearing up some common misconceptions. If you have tweens or teens, this is a must listen for you. The Date Safe Project, Inc. - hhttp://www.thedatesafeproject.org - provides parents, educators, educational institutions, students, military installations, community organizations, state agencies, faith-based institutions, and federal government resources, educational materials, and programming addressing consent, healthy intimacy, sexual education, sexual assault awareness, bystander intervention, and support for sexual assault survivors. 

We talk a lot about date rape and teenage pregnancy in this country, but I don’t think there’s enough discussion about how parents can help raise their children to make good sexual decisions. So, on this week’s show, I speak with Mike Dormitz, founder of the Date Safe Project and the creator of HELP! My Teen is Dating. He … Read more about this episode...