Champagne Tuesday

Dear Bree, Drink water. Love, Mommy

Dear Mommy, I still can’t believe it took us this long to do a margarita. We must really be slackin’ but at least through all this we discovered what we’ll watch on our next movie night. Love, Bree

Dear Bree, I’m so glad I’m back and that we could enjoy one of my favorite drinks together. Thanks for holding down the fort last week. Maybe I’ll reward you with a trip to see everyone’s favorite curmudgeon in New Orleans. Love, Mommy

Dear Mommy, I’m sorry you didn’t feel well this week. On the bright side, it gave our audience the chance for seven minutes of unadulterated me. It definitely wasn’t awkward at all. And…uh…yeah, Bree

Dear Mommy, The universe loving you really worked out for me. Especially since it lead to us drinking a beer I’m actually perfectly okay with! I’m only a year and two months from being able to drink it at Grant’s Farm. Love, Bree

Dear Bree, If you had just told me I could have saved you from having to watch Dumbo. At least there were no racist birds in this one. There was still a sad elephant though so was it really worth it? Love, Mommy

Dear Mommy, I love when you don’t like a drink. It always ends so well for me. At least we can both agree that the history of this drink is really interesting, even if it’s not true. Love, Bree

Dear Bree, It’s comforting as a mother to know that we found a drink that helps you drink responsibly. However, it’s even more comforting to know that the Mars Rover didn’t say that sad, sad thing. Love, Mommy

Dear Mommy, The Amaretto Sour was very good and I am happy that you now have the ingredients for your favorite drink in the house. Hopefully no one who listens to the pod likes Trainspotting or this will be a hard episode to listen to…but they should anyway. Love, Bree

Dear Mommy, It’s not that funny that I didn’t know how to spell Mick Jagger. I’m really gonna get you back next episode. Just you wait. Love, Bree

Dear Bree, Thank you for this exciting special episode on Prohibition! To think, without you I would never have known about wine bricks. What a loss that would have been. Love, Mommy

Dear Mommy, Thank you for allowing to make this very special ASMR episode in which we do ASMR for less than a minute of the total run time. Also, I’m happy you found a new hobby. Love, Bree

Dear Bree, The fact that you have never seen Indiana Jones causes me shame that is only tempered by this good, good beverage. Love, Mommy

Dear Bree, Words cannot express how pleased I am that that cab driver didn’t kidnap you and harvest your organs. He was probably afraid of your father, which is reasonable. Love, Mommy

Dear Mommy, I am so happy Matt could join us. It’s a really good thing we didn’t accidentally send him into anaphylactic shock. Especially since he brought us presents. Love, Bree

Dear Mommy, The fact that egg nog contains eggs has been locked back into a file in the deepest, darkest part of my mind never to be opened again. I’m glad that we’re slowly working our way back to the many unnecessary tangents we used to do. Hopefully this episode we can avoid anything depressing … Continue reading Ep. 47: Spiked Egg Nog & Kissing JFK →

Dear Mommy, Butter is obviously the best but I still gotta say it’s a hard pass on this drink. I would also like to thank everyone for indulging my Christmas rant. I will try my best to keep any further issues strictly on Twitter (@BreeStings ;)). And if you accuse me of saying that just … Continue reading Ep. 46: Hot Buttered Rum: A Better Band Than a Drink →

Dear Bree, I can’t believe that guy has been running around town talking shit about me! I’m headed into the nearest bar to find him and deal with it. I’ll probably have a Tom Collins while I’m there. Care to join me for the hunt? Love, Mommy

Dear Mommy, I am so glad we went back to our roots and had a rum and coke, I mean, ummm, a Cuba Libre on the pod. Most importantly, I’m glad we established that Rod is Katie’s plant, and he is male, but Audrey II really could have gone any way. Love, Bree

Dear Bree, The Pina Colada is very popular, so we must have messed up the recipe.  I don’t think that either coconuts or pineapples are all that pleasant… it’s just that they do taste like /something/. Maybe they just lose their flavor once they are put in a blender? You’re the love that I’ve looked … Continue reading Ep. 43: Pina Colada is the New Beige →

Dear Bree, Thank you for saving me from drinking my Negroni. Your taste buds are broken. That’s probably your father’s fault. Register to vote. Love, Mommy

Dear Mommy, All I can think about is that a spider was actually on me. On. Me. But, I guess I should thank you for letting me talk about Shane Dawson. Thanks, Bree

Dear Bree, I hope someday soon we can listen to Glen Miller, drink Gin Rickeys, and you can forgive me for bringing up plantation houses. Thanks for bringing me a gin drink I actually like. Love, Mommy

Dear Mommy, I’m sorry I didn’t understand genealogy for a second. My mind was too busy thinking about the amazing magic trick I wanted to do. Love, Bree P.S. Did you know we’re Russian?

Dear Bree, Thank you for giving me the scoop on honey wine. I’m very pleased that we came up with the Troll’s Asshole Scale for rating bad beverages, but I’m more pleased that we didn’t need to use it this time. All my love, Mommy

Dear Mommy, I’m excited to announce our new book Bellinis and Tortellinis, in book stores everywhere Spring of 2053. Marinara sauce ’til the day I die, Bree

Dear Bree, Thank you for introducing me to the Lemon Drop Martini. And also for helping me solve all the world’s ills. You’re the best! Love, Mommy

Dear Mommy, I’m very happy with our new format. Especially if it’s going to continue to bring me drinks like the Moscow Mule. I don’t think I’ll ever be the same. Love, Bree

Dear Bree, I’m super sorry that I forgot to bring up our Indian snacks. If it helps, I ate them later and they were all delicious. Maybe I’ll make a slideshow of me eating them and show you on Daddy’s totally unnecessary projector. Love, Mommy

Dear Mommy, I can’t believe you did that to me. I can’t even talk to you right now. So I won’t. Regards, Bree

Dear Bree, I cannot stress enough how massive pelicans are. It’s like you’ve never seen the beach before… We’ll need to prep that beach body with our new diet on Avatar Nutrition. Bam! Segue Queen! Love, Mommy

Dear Mommy, It was fun talking about weird social media with you. I hope everyone enjoyed the Musical.ly we made (which can be found on all our social media), even though you refused to do the singing part because of “not knowing the words” or something silly like that. Love, Bree

Dear Bree, Thank you for letting me take a long nap in the middle of the podcast. I think you did a great job on your own. I wish that we hadn’t talked about all of the things I’m not doing. Also, you should let my son the Rabbi get his Master’s before you. You were … Continue reading Ep. 30: Reboots, Remakes, Resequels →

Dear Mommy, I’m really happy that podcasting is a cantrip to you. Well, at least the part where you talk to me and drink. Not really the rest of it. Love, Bree

Dear Bree, I’m glad that we began the important work of determining what is and what is not HOSTING. I’m looking forward to gathering all of our findings and ultimately clarifying this issue in chart format.  The important thing to remember for now is that you /never/ host your mother. With all my love, Mommy

Dear Mommy, I think we can at least agree that my name for the coop was better than Tanner’s, right? Love, Bree

Dear Bree, I’m so glad you are happily living in your new apartment and that moving day is over. I did not like walking up 3 flights of stairs a million times, but that is what you do for your baby. I hope the knowledge that your grandfather’s ghost is wandering around your apartment doesn’t … Continue reading Ep. 26: Moving Day and Messages from the Beyond →

Dear Mommy, I’m sorry I broke the news to you on the pod but as I type this I’m sitting at my new dining room table in my apartment so I’m only a little sorry. Love, Bree

Dear Bree, This is my first note in a long time, so I am not sure what to say. It is nice being back in the saddle again. It would have also been nice if we had talked about packing or remembered what a fountain pen was called. I’m looking forward to biting into a … Continue reading Ep. 24: Moving and Vodka You Can Chew →

Dear Mommy, This time the second part of our episode title isn’t really funny, it’s just true. We should probably switch the order in which the topics are written. But what is done is done. There’s no going back now. Love, Bree

Dear Mommy, I’m glad we were able to get an episode up for Brain Injury Awareness Month. Your willingness to share your struggles with our tens of listeners is admirable. And as usual I think it’s funny to leave things in when I say I’m gonna edit it out in the podcast. Either that or … Continue reading Ep. 22: Updates and…Well, Really Just Updates →

Dear Mommy, I’m glad we established that egg nog contains zero eggs. Because if it did contain eggs I couldn’t drink it. Luckily, egg nog is a completely synthetic lab-made drink and no one can tell me other wise. Love, Bree P.S. That /is/ better.

Dear Bree, Shhhhh Love, Mommy

Dear Mommy, I’m really happy that we’re finally getting our lives together. Even if our only motivation is the life of a digital version of us. My character has a wolf now, by the way. I imagine your character is almost dead since you’ve been sick for like a week. Feel better! Love, Bree

Dear Bree, It doesn’t bother me at all that you won’t eat anything but macaroni after I spend three days cooking for Thanksgiving. Your father loves you. From, Mommy

Dear Mom, First of all, I hope you enjoyed your train trip. I’m excited to hear about it when you get home. This episode we really revolutionized the conversation about winter. I can’t believe no one has ever talked about what is clearly such an important aspect of the season. It’s a good thing we’re … Continue reading Ep. 17: Winter and Oil Painting Warnings →

Dear Bree, Thank you for picking the awesome topic of presents. I got a little carried away talking about surprising Daddy with your gender…and existence. You are the best present ever! I love you. From, Mommy

Dear Mommy, Thanks for not embarrassing me with needless shouting at graduation. Honestly, I have forgotten most of what we talked about in the 24 hours since I edited this and my amazing time management skills have made it so you’re currently waiting for me to upload so we can record. So…. Love, Bree

Dear Bree, I really enjoyed not acknowledging our topic at all this week. Also, I think my three minutes of not remembering basic information was worse than the Carmen Chameleon Debacle. I polled the audience, and they seem to think Carmen was worse. So, here’s to plants that breathe hydrogen…or nitrogen? I can never remember. … Continue reading Ep. 14: No Topic and Forgetting What Plants Breathe →

Dear Mommy, I would highly encourage you to include a fanny pack in your golf costume. You may think it is more Disney vacation than golf but, and I think it’s about time I told you this, you’re wrong. Plus, fanny packs are one size fits all so it doesn’t even matter that we’re both … Continue reading Ep. 13: Clothes and Naked Ass Bed Sitting →

Dear Bree, I had no idea that you were relying on parties to get your sustenance since we switched to frozen meals. Please go buy yourself groceries…we’ll pay you back.* Love, Mommy *Some restrictions may apply. See your father for details.