Clause and Effect

The final Christmas bonus, wrapped up nicely and tucked underneath the tree. This track is meant to be played alongside the movie, as is the other bonus for our first watch. You don't have to listen to both right away and honestly you really shouldn't, so just choose whichever suits your fancy. This is it. The last time the three of us will watch this movie together. Come join us as we cheer for the last reindeer fart, laugh at sweep elf for the last time, and tear up at the thought of never seeing Bud or the Santa plane ever again.

Cobbled together from scraps of barely usable audio comes our first ever watch of the Santa Clause 3. This was meant to be watched alongside the movie, as is the bonus for our 52nd watch. Pick your poison, I guess. I wouldn't expect you to want to watch this movie twice in a row. Hear us groan at reindeer farts, laugh at jokes about Canada, and gasp in awe at the Santa plane for the very first time. Oh, how stupid we were.

Just in time for Christmas, as promised. This week we didn't watch The Santa Clause 3. That's cause for celebration in and of itself, but that's not all. Instead, we watched both the first and second movies in the trilogy, and we were pleasantly surprised. Join us in our unpacking of the complex themes of the original Santa Clause, including child rebellion, brainwashing, and elves (with attitude). Furthermore, we tackle the slightly less complex themes of the second film, such as awkward dates, anti-social teachers, and the dangers of letting incompetent people do anything involving robotics. Your homework this week is to have a good Christmas, or whatever you celebrate this time of year.

We have slain the movie, though we are the ones who were really defeated. It doesn't take long to shift into after-party mode as John and Jacob discuss their memories of the podcast while Ted searches for an obscure piece of lost media for almost 15 minutes! Other topics of the night include Tim Allen green-screened into footage of the movie 2012, as well as prophetic dreams of Jerry Seinfeld. Your final homework: -Help Ted find an episode of an obscure Sci Fi show featuring an entity that lives in your memories. Tweet @clausecast if you find it. -Google "Pyrrhic victory" -Stay tuned for the wave of bonus episodes coming at you soon!

Not even the director knows what it is. Yes, that's right. We watched with the director's commentary track this time. A lot of our theories were proven, and a lot of others were disproven. Also, we learn a lot about the production of the film itself, some of which we'd really rather not have learned. Homework this week: -Write Google and force them to add "disproven" to their auto-correct dictionary. -Keep an eye out for any snow blankets outside your window. They're common this time of year.

Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it. With only three weeks left until their freedom, the gang uses Christmas as an excuse to talk about the human condition. Again. Also, we devise a Santa Clause themed racer in which you can play as an affront to God and compare Jack Frost's hyper-capitalist society to a game of Mario Party. Homework this week: -Learn about the Emu War in preparation for our 86th anniversary celebration next week.

Real men eat mammoth, however. It's Ted's turn to blow the lid off the movie this week, and blow he does. Also, things get a little dark with the discovery of an article that tells us a little more about the production of the first movie, as well as a discussion about the butterfly effect and how invoking the Escape Clause may prove fatal. Homework this week: -Import a wooly mammoth. You can probably find one on eBay. -Recut the entire movie again but this time only using green screen footage. -Don't.

Please do not contact Adam Sandler. Some slight audio issues this episode with Jacob's mic, but that won't stop us from once again delving into the manufacturing process of elves, as well as puzzling over the identity of an elf who is named but not ever seen. Also, we amuse ourselves with imagining a version of the movie in which Curtis is removed. Forcibly. Jacob's """""weekly""""" shitpost: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U868E5DqIkA Homework: -Count Santa's Teeth. We've joked about it for far to long. It's time to bite the bullet. -Come up with a name for our movie concept involving an incompetent Santa and a very sneaky elf.

You may, however, call a doctor. I don't feel so good. This week we watched Airplane! Time to make the least fair comparison between two movies that has probably ever been made. Mostly, we just use the comedic successes of one movie to describe the failings of the other. Also, we discuss the business policies of Bad Future Scott Calvin and blow the lid off the biggest conspiracy yet. Homework for this week: -Design Jack Frost's improvised Gundam. -Let us know: How many years would it take for society to not care that Santa's real? -Uncover more evidence that Tim Allen is secretly an ape man.

Whatever the opposite of ASMR is, this episode has it. This week we discuss the automatic targeting systems inherent to sleep deities and elves with hammers, as well as the Christmas Creep. No, not that type of creep. Also, Ted proposes the idea of writing more fan fiction, much to the dismay of John. All the while, Jacob clicks his god damned pen into the microphone as a replacement for actual conversation and I'm leaving it all in, dammit. Homework for this week: - Confiscate Jacob's pens. All of them. - Don't write fan fiction. - Let us know what your favorite Halloween candy is, and we will do absolutely nothing with this newfound information.

See you in Helf. Every so often we have one of those episodes where none of us can think of anything to talk about. This is not one of those times, yet a certain someone managed to be so distracted by the plane outside his window that it inevitably distracted all three of us. Not naming any names, but he knows what he did. Other topics of conversation include a nihilistic view of Santa's future workloads and declaring Scott Calvin legally dead. Homework for this week: -Have a fun and safe Halloween. Bonus points for dressing as Jack Frost. -Calculate how many Buds it would take to: a.) power the Atlas V rocket b.) power the Large Hadron Collider Show all work.

Abandon hope, all ye who enter here. This week, the gang is pretty low-energy. This, of course, means that the usual happens and that by the end John is practically screaming at Jacob while Ted can't stop laughing. In between, be sure not to miss our discussion of this movie as a biblical allegory, followed by a deep dive into the miserable lives of Santa's in-laws. It's sure to be a fun time for all involved! Homework for this week: -Read Paradise Lost, or at least SparkNotes it, then write down all similarities between Jack Frost and Lucifer.

Alternate titles for this week's episode include: The Pilot is the Hippo 5 Seconds until the Hippo Impacts the Plane "It Follows" but it's a Hippo The Hippo Annihilates Tim Allen In case it wasn't obvious, we didn't make good on our promise to watch Airplane, nor do we make good on our promise to actually stay on topic for once. This episode does, however, serve as a handy guide for all the reasons to never ever approach a hippopotamus, let alone desire one for Christmas. Homework for this week: -Make a ROM Hack of Ace Attorney in which you must prove the niceness of children that are framed to be naughty. -Do some research on hippos. Knowing is half the battle.

I want to get off. Simultaneously the shortest episode and also the longest stinger we've ever had, this week's episode weighs heavy on us. Despite our boredom with the bland attempts at """humor""" present in the movie, we still find ways to entertain ourselves with discussions of airplanes and human whack-a-mole machines. Homework this week: -Watch Airplane, the superior comedy.

"We didn't like the old one, so it's not real anymore." -line from the commentary track for The Santa Clause 3ε. We gave Santa the Griswald treatment, placing him in situations that would break a mortal man. Also, we give the part of Jack Frost to a rodent. All this, and more, on tonight's Clause & Effect. Homework this week: -Make a silent movie out of scenes from The Santa Clause 3 -Write the script to The Santa Clause 3ε and send it to Disney. Homework for Disney: -Hire us.

Translator's Note: Taosenai means "plan". We watched the movie in Japanese this time around, and we played the official video game. After we're done sharing our thoughts on that, we attempt to make a Mega Man game. Somehow, this is one of our shortest episodes to date. Homework for this week: -Translate whatever it is Curtis said -Re-animate the entire movie to make it look like an anime. Actually, don't.

Santa is in the eye of the beholder. We're officially 3/4 of the way there, so to celebrate we threw Santa Claus into Dark Souls. Again. Also, we discuss the combat potential of 270 cardboard cut-outs of Jack Frost, as well as the importance of Santa's public image in a hypothetical capitalist dystopia. Homework this week is to catch the Big Santa Race this Saturday, September 22nd (start time to be decided) and to follow @Clausecast on Twitter to stay on top of updates, assuming you somehow haven't done that already.

It's like Animorphs. But for mops. It's a brief, yet focused episode this week, as the three of us start by discussing the state of Tim Allen, the human, the person. Afterwards, a discussion about a mystery horse gets almost completely dropped in favor of something far, far more stupid. This is our life. This is the work of the Santa Clause 3. Homework for this week: - Sign this petition; https://www.change.org/p/tim-allen-remove-the-santa-clause-3-the-escape-clause-from-the-official-santa-clause-movie-canon

Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that is the stuff life is made of. It's a late recording for the three of us, so we're all in the mindset of wanting to end things quickly. What this leads to is, of course, a rapid descent into various tangents including a Santa-borne Christmas Apocalypse scenario. Listen in wonder as we ponder such questions as "What if Scott Calvin was a time ghost?", or "Can the North Pole act as a pharmacy?", and many more. Homework for this week: - Calculate the cost of the property damage caused by Jack Frost. - Play Ghost Trick, because it's a really good game.

Keep on dreaming, dreamer. What starts out as a discussion of John's simple, yet terrifying method of watching the movie this week, turns to places we could not have even imagined. Join us as we discuss the nature of reality within the universe of The Santa Clause, and even how it might be related to our own. Oh, and we talk about Jack Frost's singing at some point. Homework for this week: Think of silly Christmas-related song parodies that Jack Frost would sing at his show.

Still got your tin foil hats? Good. This week, we discuss the chaos that would ensue in a world without Santa Claus. Also we get pretty meta near the end. That's really about it. Homework this week: -Get shortened. It's the law. -Uncover the secret government conspiracy to hide the fact that Santa doesn't exist.

Achievement unlocked: Get through an entire episode without having to cut anything. It's our reindeer fart centennial, and to celebrate, we actually did our homework for once. Later, we discuss possibilities for a Burton-esque reboot of the series, a la "Alice in Wonderland." Finally, we end up several Santas deep as we once again try to make sense of the way time works in a movie for children. Homework this week: -Make your own snowman out of cotton balls and take a picture of it, then send it our way via twitter @Clausecast.

The year is 20XX. Tonight we honorably mention a very special fighting game that may or may not exist. We honorably mention it, and can't seem to stop honorably mentioning it. All you need to know is that it all comes down to frame data. Homework this week is to calculate the exact number of beans that Tim Allen can eat, and determine whether he could consume all the beans in the closet or not.

No amount of therapy will be enough. In this episode, the heat really gets to our head. Join us as we attempt to rationalize just how incompetent the other elves must be for Curtis to be their boss. Later, witness the horror as we discover the ramifications of making a fireproof Santa. Your homework this week is to buy mint toothpaste, in preparation for Christmas.

Alternate title: Tim Allen Goes to the Store. Due to unforeseen circumstances involving sudden illness, we have a last minute guest this episode. We didn't even have time to think of a way to kill him off at the end. In any case, today's episode features conversation regarding objects seen in the first act and never seen ever again, though we wish they were. Also, we consider hitting everyone in the movie with a shovel. Repeatedly. Today's homework: -Edit Tim Allen being hit with a shovel into every scene in the movie. -Eat poutine. You don't have to like it, just try it.

Release me from this torment, for I am Santa Claus. You can probably guess the content of this episode based on the title, but it's kind of my job to write these descriptions so here goes: Vampires, children, murderers, and butts. Make of that what you will. Homework this week is to learn the name of Tim Allen's butt double. Also play some Ocarina of Time, because that's a pretty good game.

It was not, however, freezing. We're trying to beat the heat, and the heat's winning. Things get a bit grizzly as we can bearly make it through the whole episode. Don't let that give you paws, however, because the second half of this episode might just be the best yet! Visual aid for this episode: https://twitter.com/clausecast/status/1016686644793991168 Homework for this week: -Count how many times John says he'll cut something out but then doesn't. -Define bivouac. (I wanted to change the title to "Claws and Effect" this episode but it would have messed up the feed.)

A secret so secret, the scriptwriters weren't even aware of it. John is gone this week due to incidents that Jacob and Ted totally did not cause last time, and as a result a new guest is brought on to share their observations on the movie. Along the way we end up discussing the true nature of Bud and the potential for The Santa Clause 3: The Musical: Live On Stage. Homework for this week: - Wait for Amazon to deliver your resurrection stone so you don't have to do more time travel. - Get some sleep. You deserve it.

I'm so tired. This episode we try to ignore our Clause fatigue by instead comparing it with a different movie, namely Shrek 4, or Shrek Forever After as it's officially known. Honestly there's not a single part of this episode where John doesn't mention Shrek 4. He just really wants to talk about Shrek 4. Homework this week: -Return to the past and undo the evil that is Shrek 4. -Maybe also not kill off your co-hosts, just as a suggestion.

***ATTENTION!*** If you missed out on the live stream Sunday, never fear! We're streaming for 2 hours every night this week on www.twitch.tv/clausecast at 8(ish)PM EST. We'll also be uploading videos of the streams to the Clause and Effect YouTube channel so all you time travelers out there can check em out. Anyway, back to the description. This week we're loose cannons who don't play by the rules, and we're cracking down. It's the halfway point and to celebrate we talk about the Tooth Fairy for a long time, as well as other movies we'd rather be watching. Also, we wrack our brains for what little knowledge about economic systems we have to discuss how Tim Allen is an allegory for socialism and try to convince ourselves that we didn't send the movie back in time from the future to torture ourselves with. This episode truly is a gift that keeps on giving. Our homework for this week: -Build yet another time machine -Watch Shrek 4 Your homework this week: -Write your congressman about making Tooth Day an actual day.

Good evening, Agent 1225. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to stop talking about E3 long enough to focus on the god damned movie for once. Along the way you must also be sure to discuss dismantled animals and Disney jailbreaks. This episode will self-destruct in 27 weeks. Your homework, should you choose to accept it: -Catch our livestream this coming weekend, probably Sunday, 6/17, and be sure to check our Twitter @Clausecast for updates.

Only slightly better than the power to crouch down super quickly and unscrew a tree stand without anyone noticing. In this week's episode, we try to make a list of all the things that make the legendary figures magical, to varying degrees of success. Also on the agenda is the fate of Santa's underwear. No homework this week because we're laz- err I mean... because it magically disappeared!

If you can't take the heat, get out of the Canadian toy factory. In this episode, we have an insightful discussion about what makes or breaks a Christmas movie, interspersed between conversations involving meat-based currencies and New Year's babies. Homework for this week: What makes a Christmas movie feel like a Christmas movie, and why does the Santa Clause 3 NOT feel like a Christmas movie?

Put on your sleuthing hats because we're going sleuthing! Today's episode is full of mysteries the likes of which may never be solved, such as: "Who put this citrus in my stocking?", "Where did that statue come from?", "Why haven't they given up yet?", and much, much more! Answers in back of book. Today's homework: -Let us know if you've ever received an orange in your stocking. -Throw away your expired chocolate. Let's face it, you're never gonna eat that.

Two nerds yell at each other about who would win between Thanos and Goku while the third nerd yells about stockings hung without care. This is a podcast about The Santa Clause 3. Homework this week: -Think of clever ways to trick evil Santas into invoking the escape clause. -Try to parse the previous sentence without having an aneurysm.

Come on and slam, and welcome to Canada, eh? What started as a low energy night erupts into an uproarious discussion about obnoxiously loud wallets and buff ghosts haunting our televisions. As a bonus, we once again accidentally slip into discussion about crossovers and as a result accidentally create the best basketball team. Homework this week: Drop a plank of wood from 10 feet. If you have one, that is.

An epic in 2 parts. Grab your proton packs, folks, because this episode is haunted. Keep an ear out for EVP as we fight our way through technical difficulty after technical difficulty to discuss the deeper meanings behind the bad future, Santa's downward spiral into depression, and how none of us should ever write scripts for Hollywood, ever, under any circumstances. Homework this week: Watch out for anything strange sleepin' in your bed.

Just when you thought we couldn't get any stupider. Tonight's episode is a cavalcade of questions as we try to discern the North Pole's true location, devise new ways to trick your neighbors into helping you unpack, and determine what vegan elves eat. Homework this week: Draw a model of the Donut Earth. Doesn't have to be physically accurate.

Starring Ryan Reynolds as Deadpool as Santa as Goku. If last week's episode was a train ride, this week is a trainwreck. Join your 3 conductors as they try to apply real-world logic to the economy and time frame of a fictional movie about a man who turns into Santa Claus, then descend further into madness as they imagine what said movie would be like as an anime. Homework this week is to try to come up with a satisfying answer for these 3 questions: 1. Where did Santa get a credit card that is usable in the North Pole? 2. Where do Carol's in-laws live, and where does Santa's ex-wife live? 3. Over what time span does the movie take place so that it's night at the exes' house but day at the in-laws and Christmas Eve when they return to the North Pole?

zzz... oh, uh, huh? The description? Oh yeah! Join us this week as we travel across the country by plane, train, and automobile to escape the wintry wrath of Martin Short. Roadside discussion may include topics such as how this movie has begun to condition us as well as how much better Curtis is as a character when all his lines are replaced with train whistles. We also make a quick pit stop on a very special forum where we learn to never review movies under the influence. Homework this week is to get some sleep. You've earned it.

A new face steps up to the plate to fill in a gap left behind. This week we sidetrack, backtrack, frontrack, and all-around-track as our discussions go everywhere. We start by getting acquainted and dive into a quick diversion on the Little Mermaid 3, as well as discuss the sexual nature of Tim Allen's voice, the contribution of various scenes to the movie as a whole, and so much more. No homework for this week, but maybe decide for yourself if Elf is a good or a bad movie? I dunno.

Starting the 2nd quarter off right. This week's episode is shorter than usual, but don't worry because our discussions this time are even meatier than ever as we talk about just how terrifying the movie becomes when pitched down as well as how terrifying the Easter Bunny is in general. Make sure your safety goggles are on, because there's a special science experiment near the 13-minute mark. John dies, video version: https://youtu.be/SHm1MGvkIuE Homework this week: Don't do it. It's not worth it.

Lucky number 13. We're already a quarter of the way there, and tonight we're gonna party like it's Christmas 1994! Join us in discussing not-so-stealthy product placements, some rather disturbing hypothetical situations, and Tim Allen's terrifying crossover potential, as well as what the number 13 really means for us. Homework for this week: Drink Red Bull. Disclaimer: this podcast is not actually sponsored by Red Bull.

The theme of today's episode is: Tonal Dissonance. Join us as Ted discusses the bizarre audio-visual phenomena that only the combination of sensory deprivation and repetitive viewing of Tim Allen Christmas threequels could produce. Stick around as John recounts his experiences with watching the movie while synced to prog rock. Look out for "Santa Claus vs. Burger King: Dawn of Justice" coming soon to a theater near you. Homework for this week: Try to find lines in the movie that don't fit the scene they're in.

The first ever podcast to be made with actual time travel. Today's episode features tangent after tangent as we spend more time talking about our new hit movie pitch than the actual movie we're watching, as well as a discussion on how to spice up our own individual watching experiences. No homework this week, but let us know. Do you guys want to watch us rewrite the Santa Clause 3 from scratch?

Welcome back to Clause and Effect this is week 10, and... uh... you ever get the feeling that you're stuck in a rut? The week we try to shake it up a little by talking about such deep philosophical questions as whether robots have souls and if they can become Santa Claus, as well as a brief discussion about what the future may hold for us going forward. Your homework for this week is to watch A.I. which is a very good movie that you should watch. To Be Santatinued: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BFRlHc9zMPE

Be afraid. Be very afraid. Tonight's show will shock you right out of your seats with its gripping tale of tooth-based currencies, hug-induced global warming, and dangerously sharp bears. The scariest thing of all, however, is the constant fear that we'll run out of things to talk about and resort to singing again. WE HAVE A YOUTUBE CHANNEL NOW! Expect only the highest quality uploads, as usual: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCohiI0bqw9QxoZFlF6i2PSQ The video we watched live: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sAyRMtn9_Xk&feature=youtu.be Homework for this week is to Google how fake snow is made.

Good evening and welcome back to another episode of the only show on the web where we cover the highest caliber in literature. Tonight, join us in discussing three magnificent pieces of post-modern storytelling as well as brief discussions on what elves are really made of and what happens when a snow globe breaks. Additional reading: The Extinction Clause - https://archiveofourown.org/works/13633635 The Theatre Clause - https://pastebin.com/8eC06yJ8 Santa Claus: Infinity War - https://pastebin.com/BjGVJi2i No homework this week. Go wild.

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away... Our three intrepid heroes continue to fight for their lives and their sanity against the evil forces of a live-action Disney threequel. In this gripping installment they must combat the combined might of a child psychologist, an unqualified doctor, and an army of millions of sleazy snowmen whose only goal is to ruin Christmas forever. Homework for this week: Write a fan-fiction to add to the Santa Clause extended universe. Check whether the recording of Jack Frost's voice really does change between scenes.

It's a podcast about nothing! That time of the week again already? How time flies... especially when you're having fun discussing your favorite movies! This week's fun-filled topics include a Santa Clause themed video game (no, not that one) and the possibility that a little girl might be the most powerful character in the whole Santa Clause series. Our elfstra credit, courtesy of Jacob: https://nm.reddit.com/r/respectthreads/comments/7sp5sn/respect_jack_frost_the_santa_clause_3_the_escape/ Homework for this week: Count how many dramatic stings there are in the whole movie.

We're rolling back the rock to the dawn of time and taking you to the stone age to talk about the possible origins of the Legendary Beings, as well as diving deeper down the rabbit hole of turning Father Christmas into an eldritch monster to justify lazy editing decisions. Presented in Sick-O-Vision. Homework for this week: Look up how many children there were on Earth in 2006.