On The Road To Perfection

Being Who We Are Supposed To Be is something you hear in our episodes all the time. Make no mistake about it, we are not experts at it in practice - but we are a lot better than we used to be because we are purposeful in our pursuit of being perfect in it - hence being on the road to perfection! Because of our ups and downs, we can share what being who we are supposed to be is and how to put it into practice - and how to recover when we fail at it. In this episode, we share what it means to be who you are supposed to be, and how to get to being that!

We are not perfect. We strive for perfection, on the road to Perfection. As a couple, Beth and Kristofer work hard to be who we are supposed to be every day. Sometimes we fail, and sometimes we fail spectacularly! There is less likelihood if the couple discerns together, as one, and there is greater opportunity and possibility of forgiveness, reconciliation, and being better and doing better moving forward. Discerning as a couple starts with some basic rules, one of which we talked about when we opened this series with the episode The No Always Wins. As we begin this episode, we talk about Deaconate Formation as a good model to start with concerning that critical tool.

When you are in the Will of God, you will feel a profound sense of discernment's peace and freedom. And that is the key to knowing if you have discerned rightly. In this episode, we wrap up individual discernment by discussing the key indicators that tell you that you are on the right track - that you are being and doing as God has ordained. It's a terrific sense of accomplishment, regardless of what you are called to be or do - even when you discern something that hurts to discern. With a grand example involving Santa Claus, we jump in and get to that peace and freedom idea.

Who and what speaks for God? In this episode about Discernment - Being Open to God's Messengers - we share an in-depth example of one of many episodes in our family's life that speaks clearly to the idea that God speaks to us through many messengers. The idea of being who we are supposed to be is key to noticing these messengers and being open to them working for God's purpose in our lives; oftentimes inadvertently and unknowingly. But God does not shout, nor does He deny that which He has ordained - so the message has to get to us somehow. It gets to us through God's messengers.

Discernment - listening to God - is different than listening for Him that we discussed in the last episode. As we continue this discussion on discernment, listening to God seems to be an obvious step. But is it? And how should we actually do that? That's what we talk about, and it is vital to understand the difference - and how to practice them in their proper context. So, with a lot of laughs and example, we get into it.

Discernment - listening for God being a necessary part of it, is not hard or difficult, and we hope this episode helps you hear that. In our second episode of the series based on our Parish Mission on Family and Discerning, we talk about this significant step in the discernment process. We must say, "Speak Lord, for your servant is listening," and we need to mean it - and do it. God is constantly waiting for us to listen "for" Him before we can listen "to" Him. Here's how.

This entire series is an abridged version of the parish mission we give on discernment. Discernment - What It Is and Isn't - is a discussion we all need to have with ourselves, and each other. We aren't talking about what to make for dinner or wear to work. This is about our being and our doing according to God's Plane. The foundation to that is being who we are supposed to be, and discerning who that is requires figuring out what our primary vocation is. This episode we dive into discernment for the first in a series of walk and talks about discernment.

In Holy Matrimony - Marriage - there has to be a couple of rules. "The No Always Wins" is a major foundation of our marriage, and we think it is helpful for everyone else, too. Decision-making in a marriage, no matter how simple or significant the decision is that needs to be made, is ALWAYS a two-person proposition. So, what happens when both spouses do NOT agree? You guessed it: The no always wins.

Answering another listener's question, we tackle having and creating balance in our busy lives. Balance in pursuing perfection is a difficult prospect. As the year begins, we explore "How do I have balance in my life between family and providing for my family?": Work/Life balance, as it has been called. How do we do that, pursue and attain balance? Well, we talk about that, first by defining balance in the context of the listener who asked us the question, and then we tackle it from the idea of Catholicism and God Himself giving us clues as to how to have balance. As opposed to a Work/Family balance, we need to have a God/Life balance.

Acting on a question from a listener, sibling rivalry is our focus, particularly rivalry for parents' attention and rivalry between siblings.

We dive into this sometimes confusing and dismissed time of the liturgical calendar by exploring how life is Advent. Life is a series of endings, and to have endings, we must have beginnings. Our traditions pepper this discussion, along with the big things in our life and your life, and we offer some sanity to the confusing schedule of Masses you may be dealing with going into the Fourth Week of Advent, Christmas Eve, and Christmas Day.

Controversial out of the gate - but honest as always! - we jump right into trust between parents and their children by talking about a BIG reason parents need to rebuild trust with their kids. This is not a marriage counseling session, but we talk straight-up about divorce from personal experience before we get into the meat of the matter, and this was a question a listener asked. Of course, there are many reasons for having to rebuild trust with our children, and there are great ways to build trust with our children. It's a packed episode, so jump down off the curb and walk with us!

Answering a question from a listener, we chat about building trust with our spouse, and rebuilding trust with our spouse, no matter the circumstance. Seriously - no broken trust is too broken, and we discuss that. We acknowledge difficulty in various situations, but get to the core pretty quickly. We share our deepest breach that we recovered from - yep, that one - and explore in-depth how you can recover, too. We give two very specific practices that will start working for you immediately!

We cover the facts in the first thirty seconds, making this the easiest and fastest podcast listen one might every have. We are consuming flesh and blood, soul and divinity when we receive the Eucharist; and we thought it important to discuss that and proclaim it.

Asking the dead to pray for us can be a bit discomforting. It can seem blasphemous, useless, or silly superstition. But asking the dead to pray for us makes absolute perfect sense when we consider the belief that "we are all one body" and that body does not have separate, disparate parts that exist away from each other.

Walking in the Catholic Faith is an important part of Being Perfect and Being On The Road To perfection. In this episode, we focus on that walk, and what it means. How do we start walking in the Catholic Faith? How do we keep doing it, and encourage others to do it? Are we all walking the same path?

We are called to be perfect, as we discussed last week. So, what does being on the road to perfection look like? If Jesus was "finished" and his ministry was "completed," as it means when He said, "It is done," by saying, "It is perfected" just before He died on the Cross, He must have walked a road to perfection. And so must we. In this episode we discuss that concept, in terms of what we are doing and how we respond to the call for our life. It's a simple concept, and a difficult task, but we have the example of Our Lord which, from the proper perspective, is not an impossible example to follow and exemplify.

Being Perfect as our heavenly Father is perfect is a daunting idea! Starting from the beginning, when we first launched the podcast, we talk about Jesus' use of the word "perfect" in Matthew 5:48, its Greek etymology, and His use of the same word only one other place in His ministry - when He is dying on the Cross. Being Perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect is to be who we are supposed to be, just as God is Who He is supposed to be. So how do we BE perfect? Glad you asked. The answer is here!

God's time is not our time. Well, duh! In this episode that is short on time - possibly our shortest episode ever - we discuss the intricacies of life complicated by our concept of timing and how our own blindness to the Plan of The Lord makes us impatient as He works for our good with His Goodness, Beauty, and Truth. When we do not think God is responding to our prayers, it does not mean He isn't involved and not doing things. When we are kids, we try to get God to do things, to fit him into our expectations. Do we still do that as adults? When we are non-believers, does some of that lack of faith come from not getting, having, or experiencing what we think should be happening?

1 Timothy 6:10 is our source for this topic (not Proverbs, as we erroneously say!). We discuss the love of money in the context of the Mass reading recently about the rich young man asking Jesus what he must do to inherit eternal life. We look at the idea of a camel fitting through the eye of a needle more easily than a rich person might enter heaven, and explore what that actually means. Does God hate rich people? No. Does the Church tell us not to be rich? No. What if we are rich - does this story apply to us? Well, we are, and that depends...

Instigated by a question from our oldest son, we dive into the macabre! Not really, but Kristofer has some issues with the idea of venerating body parts. Fortunately, Beth has the more reasoned approach that the Church has, and Kristofer winds up understanding, but not on-board. Relics are hard to understand, and the venerating of them is not a requirement to be Catholic. It's a practice that is encouraged if it will help an individual focus on Jesus. The saints are saints in large part because they point us to The Lord, and those relics are meant to help us do the same. We define relics and explain what veneration is in this episode.

"Because I said so" is never the answer. We do not typically get into exact parenting practices, but this was an occasion that happened after Mass that Kristofer thought needed addressing. Raised in an environment where asking "Why" was not allowed when parental direction, guidance, or discipline was being meted out, Kristofer and Beth relate a family story that exemplifies this situation and, in the process, discuss how it has been psychologically shown that Dads have a god-like aura to their children until their late teens. We dive into taking our cues from our perfect Dad in heaven. God NEVER says "Because I Said So." Neither should we.

As it was last week, the Big Ball of Twine Tour 2023 is the backdrop for this episode. This recent vacation of ours brought us the opportunity to experience God's Beauty in many forms, and we talk about the profound experience and permanent impression it made upon us. We dig into the incomparable depth of God's Beauty, juxtaposed against Man's Beauty; and we start out doing so by taking on Devil's Tower! Our discussion answers questions you may not know you had, and it starts a lifelong discussion we hope you have with your selves, your loved ones, and your God. We will.

The Big Ball of Twine Tour 2023 is the context for this episode. This recent vacation of ours brought us the opportunity to experience Man's Beauty in many forms, and we explore this phenomenon that we experienced intimately. After an unintended humorous opening prayer, and refusing to melt into a puddle of goo in the heat, we discuss, in-depth, Man's Beauty, and the beauty he makes with what the Creator has given us - our talents and resources.

This week, Beth drops a surprise topic on Kristofer after his opening prayer. Beth says that Ordinary Time is not ordinary, and Kristofer does his best to grasp the mathematical meaning behind the word, thanks to his patito, Kora, educating him a few weeks earlier. With the ice cream van trolling the neighborhood and tempting us at every turn. we discuss how extraordinary ordinary time really is - starting with a parish in Connecticut and the miracles that happen around the world, every single day in thousands of places. Ordinary time is not ordinary - it cannot be! So, let's dig in...

Kristofer's sister comes to mind as we begin by talking about pickle juice. Beginning with the end in mind in our conversation is not a discourse on Stephen Covey, though we do give him credit here and intertwined throughout On The Road To Perfection for bringing Kristofer to the Catholic Faith, and it is a conversation that Covey would appreciate. As Beth says, the "end" would be our "telos", which Kristofer jumps on for the meaning of "perfected." This is a conversation of "Eschatology," which is the study of the last things. Are you ready for a conversation about the end goal of what the road to perfection leads us to? Well, here it comes!

It's Romper Room time at Holy Owned and Operated! Who do you see? After a list of names and a Laurie Anderson reference, Beth hits Kristofer with a topic out of the blue. Kristofer answers right away, and condemns the rest of us – including him – but of course leaving out Beth. But wait for the end to be sure. We see everybody around us - especially at Mass and other Church functions - as good and better than us. So, it is natural to wonder if we are good enough to be Catholic. After making sure we aren't having technical difficulties we jump right in: Am I good enough to be Catholic?

Summer Catholicism does not make sense. The Church is Universal, and Summer happens every year. Why do we turn into summer Catholics when the kids get out of school? So many seem to take the summer off, as if a change in schedule justifies a change in celebrating days of holy obligation. We discuss this fun topic on a 95-degree day, and it is obvious the heat gets to us. Delirium, goofiness, and straight-up ridonculousness ensue as we unwittingly realize it is our third anniversary for the podcast. We've been doing this for three straight years, no interruption! So, enjoy this fun twenty minutes of just craziness while actually giving great suggestions on how to keep our Catholic practices - and Faith! -  during the summer while we are still relaxing. And then there's the cake.

Are there levels of love in how we love others? Is how we love God different than how we should love one another? Are caritas, agape, storge, filial, eros different levels? In this episode, we talk about that, and how love is a many splendored thing - but does it have levels, or people who are subject to or should receive more or less love than others? We discuss how our love reflects upon us and our relationship with God, and reveals how much we actually follow the Greatest Commandment. What level of love do we give Jesus, who is my neighbor, and how do we love our enemies? Big questions, and we give our meager answers...

Joy in obedience? How's that?! Come again? As Beth explains in the beginning, it makes sense that a virtue begets a fruit of the Spirit. Kristofer picks up the ball and goes big picture, explaining that doing what God says leads to joy. But what about the suffering that comes about when obeying God? Still = supreme joy! From God to the world to the nations to us personally obeying God, we talk about the difference between joy and happiness and where all of this obedience applies. Parents will find this useful to listen to with children of all ages.

Our Favorite Scripture may seem a bit-self-serving, but this episode is actually the first one for us to offer you to directly participate in On The Road To Perfection! Priming the pump with our individual favorite scripture passages, we end by encouraging you to send us your favorites, in a short video. After an impromptu musical interlude, we each provide three of our favorite scripture verses. We have lots of scripture passages we like, but we whittle it down so we stick to the twenty minutes. Kristofer kicks it off with his favorite and most consequential verse: an obscure verse from Jeremiah...

Why do we go on retreat? Is it really just to get away from people we do not want to be around> Well... Elijah, Moses, Jesus - these guys went on retreat, so why not us? In fact, they went on retreat more than once. All the time, it seems! We often say to ourselves we should go on retreat, which is a great indication that God is telling us that very thing. In this episode, we talk about all that, from the Prodigal Son to the Apostles, "retreat" is everywhere in the Bible. We break it down for you, giving you the reasons God is calling you to retreat, and the fortitude you need to put your foot down and do it. And, we do all that while looking at flowers and singing songs. You can skip that part...

The doctrine of Just War is a difficult thing to comprehend, let alone explain. We all question every armed conflict, and support or decry it based on our own perceptions of the situation. Is that right? How does the Church view the conflict in Ukraine? How does the Church view its own armed conflicts, and those warriors who fought and killed in the name of Jesus and Mother Church? Where does following orders fall into this doctrine? For more than 1600 years, The Church has reconciled turning the other cheek with a natural right to self-defense. In this episode, we tackle the doctrine of Just War, giving the four tests as laid out in the Catechism, and attempt to share the idea in a way that can be shared with children to help them understand - which means Kristofer understands, too!

Indulgences are controversial because they are confusing, and confusing because they are controversial. What gives!? You got questions? We got answers...but not all of them! But certainly, the big ones to help you understand indulgences, and even answer a few questions others might have. In this episode, we tackle indulgences at the request of a listener. After reading the request, we dive in, starting with Beth blindsiding Kristofer with the task of defining indulgences. Then it becomes a journey of theology, Biblical studies, and an exploration of the Church's command and responsibility received from Jesus Christ Himself. We look at everything from the First Crusade to Purgatory to Confession, Divine Mercy to Suffering, and even rock throwing and Jimmy Carter!

Faith and Reason do not conflict - in fact, they MUST co-mingle in and infuse our daily lives. This week Beth and Kristofer discuss a topic on which they should be called experts. For many years they have catechized us, adults, elementary, middle-school, high school, and college youth on this topic that some of the greatest minds have never been able to wrap their heads around. Beth and Kristofer give us the Church's response to Nietzsche, Hawking, Russell, and many other's in their down-to-earth well-reasoned manner, that will help you declare and be confident in your reasoned and reasonable faith! As Kristofer says, the resurrection happened. It's a reality LOTS of people saw. It takes reason to explain it. Faith and Reason go hand-in-hand, and this episode laser-focuses on that reality.

Beth and Kristofer answer the question and right from the beginning explain where we can find the answer about the Truth of Church Teachings. Kristofer explains his own revelation that God gave him, and they discuss the Magisterial infallibility and when it is infallible. They give us some ways to defend our faith and what we're to do if we disagree with something the Church teaches. And after a long absence, their neighbor Larry rides by and says hello.

A segue from last week's episode, Beth and Kristofer discuss this emotional topic they have struggled with, to help us all (including themselves!) lead better prayer lives! After Kristofer defines the difference between making time for prayer and praying out of love for our creator, they dive into why we need to, as Beth puts it, "Make an appointment with God." Creating a Prayer life is difficult, but if we work towards the goal of creating a life of prayer we will have abundant joy and calm in our life; maybe someday we will all be able to say "I'm always close to God."

Kristofer and Beth did not want to do this emotionally packed episode, as evidenced by the pregnant pause at the beginning and the tears that follow. They share the difficulties of knowing how to listen to God and not being able to do it; the busy-ness of life getting in the way when you crave to just hear The LORD. With example and self-admonishment, they open up their own admission of preaching what they find difficult to practice, though they both admit to being really good at doing it - when they do it!

Spurred on by nothing but their wit and experience, Beth and Kristofer bring forth a topic in need of much discussion: Language! Or more specifically, foul language. Many use it in their day-to-day and don't even think about it; others are highly offended by it, and some don't care one way or the other. In this episode, Beth and Kristofer remind us of the importance of the use of proper language.  They discuss the sanctity of some words, and the decorum and what we are expressing when we use it. But don't worry! Beth and Kristofer refrain from using any words (although "Hell" is spoken as part of the question they are answering) so this episode remains family-friendly!

You have to believe in the resurrection to be a Catholic. But what does that mean? In this episode, we get into this specifically, invoking Pope Benedict, and our own pastors, Father Brian Eilers and Father Will Rooney in the process. We dive right in on this topic that Beth sprung on me...but I put her on the spot to pick a topic. It was Easter Sunday when we recorded this, and we accidentally reveal Pope Benedict's D&D level. Having some fun while we wait for our potatoes to marinate and our ham to cook, we hope you enjoy the faith formation in-between my distractions. If you stick around, you'll hear us talk about the resurrection of Holy Owned and Operated. - Kristofer

Today is Holy Thursday! It is also Passover which began yesterday and continues through April 13 this year. The Jewish holiday of Pesach, or Passover, falls on the Hebrew calendar dates of Nissan 15-22. Catholics do not, and other Christians should not, celebrate Passover. Passover is a Jewish Liturgy; it is a beautiful celebration of remembrance and preparation, solemnly re-presenting the time of deliverance while Israel was enslaved by Egypt. Jesus gave us Holy Thursday in His fulfillment of all the promises He made to Israel. In this episode, we discuss the differences and the ways of celebrating the solemn preparations for the events of Good Friday and Easter that Holy Thursday sets us up for. And, of course, we go in-depth on why Catholics do not celebrate

We wonder if HOO is really worth it, and ask for your help in navigating this crossroads. HOO may be throwing in the towel. Coming off a few weeks of intra-organizational and inter-personal conflict and second-guessing, we have a bit of an impromptu soul-searching moment that might just last for longer than this episode. That's kind of up to you. We knew we needed to record an episode, because it was less than 18 hours before one needed to be released, and we did not have anything in reserve. So, gut-honest spur-of-the-moment commentary when I blurt out what we've been talking about privately became the topic.

Short answer: No, our penance is not enough! What is a "good penance"? Why do we sometimes get what seems so insignificant a penance relative to our sins? Spoiler alert - our penance is not meant to be commensurate with the crime! If it was, we would never go to Confession! In God's infinite mercy, He asks of us exactly what we need - not what He needs (He does not need anything). So. "Is my penance enough?" is a fair question, if we consider the question deeply and the penance with reverence and awe at the price that has already been paid for our sins. God offers us the beautiful Sacrament of Reconciliation and Penitentiary Rite to heal our rift with Him. Our penance is not just a symbol - it is us uniting ourselves to Him in His sacrifice for us. We cannot pay the price for our sins. The long answer to the question is "Yes." Listen to find out why.

Happy Saint Patrick's Day! Why do we say that and not "Happy Saint Mark's Day!"? Beth and Kristofer explore Cultural Catholicism in this episode of On The Road to Perfection. They discuss the importance of the underlying Catholic culture and why it is so much a part of our world, and they also explain why it is important to remain devout and to call others go deeper and learn more than the facade of Cultural Catholicism. And, no, Kristofer hasn't been sneaking a nip of any of that triple-distilled unmalted barley, though it sure sounds like it at times.

What are the Scrutinies? In this season of Lent, we may have heard about them on the periphery, but do we know what they are? Beth and Kristofer explain this minor rite to help us better realize the beauty of the Church and prepare us for when they happen at Mass in the coming weeks!

How do I love my enemies? Beth and Kristofer answer this question as well as defining what an enemy is beyond, as Beth put it, "That nebulous group of people." They discuss why we should love our enemies and then Beth and Kristofer explain how we love our enemies. Take this opportunity to learn about the importance of forgiveness, love, and humility when we think about our enemies.

Are You Saved? Oftentimes our evangelical brothers and sisters ask this question, and we often ask it of ourselves, but do we know the answer? Beth and Kristofer answer this rather elusive question in this episode of On the Road to Perfection, and you may be surprised to learn the answer!

Can you evangelize? Let's get into the practicals! Most of us are not street preachers and do not go up to strangers asking about their salvation. That does not mean we cannot spread the Good News - the Kerygma - in a way we are naturally called. We all have a natural way to evangelize, and this episode covers how to use that talent instead of repress it. Beth and Kristofer discussed evangelization last week and focused on self-evangelization and Catholic evangelization. Now, Beth and Kristofer discuss Spreading the Good News everywhere, from the workplace to grocery aisle, They offer their experiences and practices to help us all become better at spreading the Good News.

Evangelization sounds scary. But do we know all that it entails? What is it? It's not what you think, unless you want to think that's what it is. In this episode of On the Road to Perfection, Beth and Kristofer go in depth into the history of evangelization and why it is important today. They explain what it truly is and why we are all called to evangelize the world. And they also explain how to evangelize, and ways you may already be doing it - and how to kick it up a notch! And you meet Walter for the first time! Plus we have LOTS of episodes and TWMWUs we link to in the show notes.

What is the difference between lust and love? During this "season of Valentines" Beth and Kristofer cover this (often unknowingly) confusing and vitally important topic before we dive headlong into the pink and roses and hearts and whatnot. Beth and Kristofer share how to tell the difference between lust and love, and how to teach that to impressionable minds and hearts. And they do this in the context of Mortal Sin and Theological Virtue: Lust and Love, respectively. They also, right out of the gate, point to Nick's seven-part series about Love as a great resource on our web site for this discussion, which is linked to in the show notes. Living in this world, but not of it, is difficult, and Beth and Kristofer offer us some pointers on how to do that, particularly in this day and age. And, no, there is no inappropriate or "parental discretion advised" content in this episode. But they do get attacked by a tree!

After going over their Frustrations With The Church in an earlier episode, Beth and Kristofer now explain Solidarity With The Church. What exactly does that mean? How can we know if we are in solidarity with the Church? Beth and Kristofer dive into the relationship we should have with the Church and by extension our relationship to and with Jesus. Unity with the Magisterium is important and Job One at Holy Owned and Operated and in the Cowles Family. So how do we reconcile those frustrations with solidarity? It's all about Family... As a bonus, you get to hear our new washing machine and dryer, and Kristofer sings a thirty year old commercial for a local appliance store. Fun stuff!