The Gender Knot

2021 is giving 2020 a run for it's money… sorry we've been away, but want to point you to a investigative podcast Nas put out recently for BBC Radio 4. It's called The Orgasm Cult and looks at a Californian wellness company focusing on female sexuality called One Taste. Gwyneth Paltrow and Tim Ferris were fans. Except there are allegations it may be a sex cult. And the FBI is making enquiries.The podcast goes into questions about why women turn to wellness, the search for community and purpose in a secular age, and where exactly is the line between healing and harm. It's on all major podcast platforms, or get listening right now here: https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p08xzk5h

We're back with a bonus hiatus episode and we're talking about victim blaming, especially as it pertains to sexual assault. This is when a victim of an alleged assault is blamed, ranging from being asked what they were wearing, if they'd drunk alcohol, all the way to people not believing their story. Sometimes friends also don't know how to handle the situation so either engage in victim blaming or simply disappear. Nas recently made a documentary exploring the reasons behind victim blaming, and interviewed the NY Times' Megan Twohey and Jodi Kantor, who broke the Harvey Weinstein story, as well as Gender Knot favourites Dr Mithu Sanyal and Dr Jackson Katz. Check it out here for background: https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/w3csyv0q In this episode Nas and Dan talk about ways we can help victims instead. We'd also like to know your experiences if you've been in this scenario, as either a victim or someone being told of an assault, and any tips you have for how to help victims. We also talk about an excellent podcast from Slate you should check out called Man Up... check it out here: https://slate.com/podcasts/man-up We're on hiatus and will be back with a new season in March. Keep writing to us until then. Hosts:Nastaran Tavakoli-Far and Daniel Carroll Producers:Sam Baker and Jonathan Blackwell Write to us at: thegenderknot@gmail.com https://www.thegenderknot.com/ Music: Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

We close season 6 with journalist Liz Plank. She's just written a book about mindful masculinity and tells us about the general scripts we have about men and if these help or hinder our wider conversations. We then delve into her thoughts more.We will be back with a new season in March 2020, and will pop up for some bonus episodes in January and February – share the show, leave reviews and write to us until then! And happy 2020!Guest:Liz Plank, journalist and author of ‘For the Love of Men: a vision for mindful masculinity' http://www.elizabethplank.com/Hosts:Nastaran Tavakoli-Far and Daniel CarrollCo-producers:Sam Baker and Jonathan BlackwellWrite to us at: thegenderknot@gmail.com https://www.thegenderknot.com/Music: Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

We revisit this important topic just once more to really hammer out the purpose of an apology and some dos and don'ts.We get some tips and insight from Harriet Lerner's book ‘Why won't you apologize?' https://amzn.to/38hWsBzAs well as some wisdom from Rabbi Danya Ruttenberg's powerful twitter threads which you can delve into further here http://bit.ly/344bnMg and here http://bit.ly/38nOszcHosts:Nastaran Tavakoli-Far and Daniel Carroll Co-producers:Sam Baker and Jonathan Blackwell Additional links:Write to us at thegenderknot@gmail.comwww.thegenderknot.com Music: Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

We talk a lot about what men can be doing right now, but we revisit a chat with Esther Perel on what women can be doing right now, and how we can all best be allies to one another. Guest:Esther Perel, therapist, author of ‘Mating in Captivity' and ‘The State of Affairs', host of the podcasts Where Should We Begin? and How's work? Hosts:Nastaran Tavakoli-Far and Daniel Carroll Co-producers:Sam Baker and Jonathan Blackwell Additional links:Write to us at thegenderknot@gmail.comwww.thegenderknot.com Music: Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

Everyone's talking more about consent but where does this start? Educator Ellen Frederichs joins us to chat about how consent starts with kids and why we all need to be more specific about our experiences. Guest:Ellen Frederichs, educator and author of ‘Good Sexual Citizenship: how to create a (sexually) safer world” https://www.sexedvice.com/good-sexual-citizenshipHosts:Nastaran Tavakoli-Far and Daniel CarrollProducers:Sam Baker and Jonathan BlackwellWrite to us at: thegenderknot@gmail.com https://www.thegenderknot.com/Patreon page – support the podcast for the cost of a coffee!https://www.patreon.com/thegenderknot Music: Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

Journalist Hussein Kesvani writes a lot about the internet, and about masculinity, and about the intersection of the two. He recently interviewed people about apologies in a piece for The Huffington Post, focusing on men and their understanding of an apology and if many men have been taught how to give one. He was inspired after Aziz Ansari's attempt at one with his recent Netflix show ‘Right Now', which is when we at The Gender Knot also delved into this same question a few weeks ago.He joins us to explore this further, and we also re-visit Eve Ensler's book ‘The Apology' during our conversation. Check out Hussein's article on men and apologies for the Huffington Post http://bit.ly/2CSjn8g Guest:Hussein Kesvani: journalist, Europe editor at Mel magazine, and author of 'Follow me, Akhi: the online world of British Muslims' - buy it here: https://amzn.to/2OnMgOK and more on Hussein here: https://twitter.com/HKesvaniHosts:Nastaran Tavakoli-Far and Daniel Carroll Co-producers:Sam Baker and Jonathan Blackwell Additional links:Write to us at thegenderknot@gmail.comwww.thegenderknot.com Music: Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

We re-visit some wisdom from the sex and relationship advice columnist and host of the Savage LoveCast Dan Savage, who tells us what straight couples can learn from same sex couples. Guest:Dan Savage, sex and relationship advice columnist and Savage Lovecast host Hosts:Nastaran Tavakoli-Far and Daniel Carroll Co-producers:Sam Baker and Jonathan Blackwell Additional links:Write to us at thegenderknot@gmail.comwww.thegenderknot.com Music: Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

Journalist and author of the book ‘For the Love of Men: a vision for mindful masculinity' tells us about meeting women who support who Trump, and what this tells us about our attitudes towards men and the role women play in upholding these. We also find out about Dan's backstory on this show, and how we can all take things a bit less personally.Also, the Grace Digital Founders Campus app has all the tools female business founders need to succeed. Go and pledge your support here: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/grace-digitalcampus/grace-digital-founders-campusGuest:Liz Plank, journalist and author of ‘For the Love of Men: a vision for mindful masculinity' http://www.elizabethplank.com/Hosts:Nastaran Tavakoli-Far and Daniel CarrollProducers:Sam Baker and Jonathan BlackwellWrite to us at: thegenderknot@gmail.com https://www.thegenderknot.com/Patreon page – support the podcast for the cost of a coffee!https://www.patreon.com/thegenderknot Music: Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

We're back with Season 6. We talk to author Jeannie Vanasco who interviewed a friend from her teenage years who raped her 15 years ago. Vanasco got in touch with him to find out if and how the rape impacted him, and wrote about it in her new book ‘Things we didn't talk about when I was a girl'. We talk to her about the role we all play in supporting victims, holding perpetrators accountable and how to make apologies. Also, support the Grace Digital Founders Campus app with all the tools female business founders need to succeed https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/grace-digitalcampus/grace-digital-founders-campusGuest:Jeannie Vanasco, author of ‘Things we didn't talk about when I was a girl' https://www.jeannievanasco.com/Hosts:Nastaran Tavakoli-Far and Daniel CarrollProducers:Sam Baker and Jonathan BlackwellWrite to us at: thegenderknot@gmail.com and https://www.thegenderknot.com/Patreon page – support the podcast for the cost of a coffee!https://www.patreon.com/thegenderknot Music: Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

We're back with a bonus episode during our hiatus to discuss an email we received about none other than everyone's favorite topic: Emotional Labour! Is emotional labour gendered? Or should we just all focus on doing the right thing and stop segmenting these problems as male or female? Hosts and producers:Nastaran Tavakoli-Far and Daniel Carroll Co-producers:Sam Baker and Jonathan Blackwell Additional links:Patreon page – support the podcast for the cost of a coffee!https://www.patreon.com/thegenderknot Write to us at: thegenderknot@gmail.com The Gender Knot podcast and Facebook Grouphttps://www.thegenderknot.com/https://www.facebook.com/groups/182851532302085/ Music: Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

We revisit a conversation from earlier this year where we explored how men can be allies if their behaviour towards women has been problematic. Our guest Omar talks about being called out and having to question his role as an ally.We're on hiatus until October, we'll be back with another episode before then.Guests:Omar Aziz, co-host of The Samovar Network podcast http://www.thesamovarnetwork.com/podcast/ Hosts and producers:Nastaran Tavakoli-Far and Daniel Carroll Co-producers:Sam Baker and Jonathan Blackwell Additional links:Patreon page – support the podcast for the cost of a coffee!https://www.patreon.com/thegenderknot Write to us at: thegenderknot@gmail.com The Gender Knot podcast and Facebook Grouphttps://www.thegenderknot.com/https://www.facebook.com/groups/182851532302085/ Music: Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

From Aziz Ansari to Eve Ensler to why on earth apologies are so hard, we dive in and also discuss the best way to give an apology.We're on hiatus and will be back with a new season in October. Another bonus episode will be out next month.Hosts:Nastaran Tavakoli-Far and Daniel CarrollProducers:Sam Baker and Jonathan BlackwellAdditional links:Eve Ensler on WTF with Mark Maron http://www.wtfpod.com/podcast/episode-1028-eve-enslerNas' radio documentary about Emotional Labour https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/w3csytzdLouis Theroux's documentary ‘The Night in Question' https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m000327c/louis-theroux-the-night-in-questionPatreon page – support the podcast for the cost of a coffee!https://www.patreon.com/thegenderknot Write to us at: thegenderknot@gmail.com The Gender Knot podcast and Facebook Grouphttps://www.thegenderknot.com/https://www.facebook.com/groups/182851532302085/ Music: Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

We end season 5 by hearing Mark Manson's tips for men during these confusing times, including how men can help each other out and his predictions about how we'll all get along in the future. Check out his new book ‘Everything is fucked: A book about hope' and catch him on his speaking tour, more details here https://markmanson.net/speaking-tourWe are going on hiatus until October, and we'll be back with a bonus episode every few weeks until then. Have a great summer!Guest: Mark Manson, author https://markmanson.net/New book ‘Everything is Fucked: A book about hope: order it here https://markmanson.net/books Hosts:Nastaran Tavakoli-Far and Daniel CarrollProducers:Sam Baker and Jonathan BlackwellAdditional links:Patreon page – support the podcast for the cost of a coffee!https://www.patreon.com/thegenderknot Write to us at: thegenderknot@gmail.com The Gender Knot podcast and Facebook Grouphttps://www.thegenderknot.com/https://www.facebook.com/groups/182851532302085/ Music: Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

You've been writing to us about vulnerability following our previous two rounds and we're going to delve into your thoughts and experiences. This journey started with us talking about men and vulnerability in relationships. Now we want to know if vulnerability culture is useful at all, and how does it benefit or hold back men and women differently. Hosts:Nastaran Tavakoli-Far and Daniel CarrollProducers:Sam Baker and Jonathan BlackwellAdditional links:Patreon page – support the podcast for the cost of a coffee!https://www.patreon.com/thegenderknot Write to us at: thegenderknot@gmail.com The Gender Knot podcast and Facebook Grouphttps://www.thegenderknot.com/https://www.facebook.com/groups/182851532302085/ Music: Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

LBC radio host Matt Stadlen joined us to chat vulnerability recently. This time we go into men talking about sex: how much and how do men really talk about sex and how does this impact their relationships?Guest: Matt Stadlen, journalist and LBC radio host, tune into his show here: https://www.lbc.co.uk/radio/presenters/matt-stadlen/Hosts:Nastaran Tavakoli-Far and Daniel CarrollProducers:Sam Baker and Jonathan BlackwellAdditional links:Patreon page – support the podcast for the cost of a coffee!https://www.patreon.com/thegenderknot Write to us at: thegenderknot@gmail.com The Gender Knot podcast and Facebook Grouphttps://www.thegenderknot.com/https://www.facebook.com/groups/182851532302085/ Music: Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

Author of the book ‘Rape' Mithu Sanyal fills us in on ways we can approach talking about rape and giving support, and why consent culture is tricky in societies where we are taught not to express our needs and desires clearly in the first place. Guest: Mithu Sanyal, author of the book ‘Rape: from Lucretia to #MeToo', get a copy here https://amzn.to/2WrqnEi Hosts:Nastaran Tavakoli-Far and Daniel CarrollProducers:Sam Baker and Jonathan BlackwellAdditional links:Patreon page – support the podcast for the cost of a coffee!https://www.patreon.com/thegenderknot Write to us at: thegenderknot@gmail.com The Gender Knot podcast and Facebook Grouphttps://www.thegenderknot.com/https://www.facebook.com/groups/182851532302085/ Music: Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

We recently talked to LBC's Matt Stadlen about vulnerability and how especially men can struggle with this in relationships. We delve back in and also hear your thoughts and experiences with opening up.Hosts:Nastaran Tavakoli-Far and Daniel CarrollProducers:Sam Baker and Jonathan BlackwellAdditional links:Patreon page – support the podcast for the cost of a coffee!https://www.patreon.com/thegenderknot Write to us at: thegenderknot@gmail.com The Gender Knot podcast and Facebook Grouphttps://www.thegenderknot.com/https://www.facebook.com/groups/182851532302085/ Music: Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

The hit author talks about his new book ‘Everything is fucked: A book about hope', and how technology and choice are impacting how we live and make decisions on the modern world. Mark is also off on a speaking tour, head here to check out dates and details https://markmanson.net/speaking-tourGuest: Mark Manson, author https://markmanson.net/New book ‘Everything is fucked' out on 14th May, order here https://markmanson.net/books Hosts:Nastaran Tavakoli-Far and Daniel CarrollProducers:Sam Baker and Jonathan BlackwellAdditional links:Patreon page – support the podcast for the cost of a coffee!https://www.patreon.com/thegenderknot Write to us at: thegenderknot@gmail.com The Gender Knot podcast and Facebook Grouphttps://www.thegenderknot.com/https://www.facebook.com/groups/182851532302085/ Music: Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

This week, LBC's Matt Stadlen joins us to talk about vulnerability. We try to uncover some of the reasons why men and women have a hard time opening up, especially in intimate relationships. Be sure to check out Matt's show on LBC: https://www.lbc.co.uk/radio/presenters/matt-stadlen/We'd love your experiences and to talk about this topic more so please write to us at thegenderknot@gmail.comHosts:Nastaran Tavakoli-Far and Daniel CarrollProducers:Sam Baker and Jonathan BlackwellNas' BBC documentary on emotional labour https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/w3csytzdPatreon page – support the podcast for the cost of a coffee!https://www.patreon.com/thegenderknot Write to us at: thegenderknot@gmail.com The Gender Knot podcast and Facebook Grouphttps://www.thegenderknot.com/https://www.facebook.com/groups/182851532302085/ Music: Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

The author of hit book ‘The subtle art of not giving a fuck' talks to Dan about how pornography and the way it's impacted men's interest in sex, and tips on how to have more fulfilling sex. Also check out Mark's upcoming book ‘Everything is fucked' and his speaking tour by heading over to https://markmanson.net/speaking-tourDan and Nas also have a quick talk about expectations on women due to the increasing use of pornography. We'd love your experiences and to talk about this topic more so please write to us at thegenderknot@gmail.comGuest: Mark Manson, author https://markmanson.net/Hosts:Nastaran Tavakoli-Far and Daniel CarrollProducers:Sam Baker and Jonathan BlackwellAdditional links:Kasia Urbaniak's masterclass at The School of Life in London on June 22nd 2019, get tickets here https://www.theschooloflife.com/london/classroom/a-masterclass-with-kasia-urbaniak-ruben-flores/Patreon page – support the podcast for the cost of a coffee!https://www.patreon.com/thegenderknot Write to us at: thegenderknot@gmail.com The Gender Knot podcast and Facebook Grouphttps://www.thegenderknot.com/https://www.facebook.com/groups/182851532302085/ Music: Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

This episode we discuss the line between courting someone and stalking. What can often start off as something innocent looking can very easily turn into a frightening situation. Laura Mucha, author of the book Love Factually, joins us to discuss this and more! For help with stalkers, abuse, etc visit www.thehotline.org in the US, or https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/healthy-body/getting-help-for-domestic-violence/ in the UK.Hosts:Nastaran Tavakoli-Far and Daniel CarrollProducers:Sam Baker and Jonathan BlackwellAdditional links:Patreon page – support the podcast for the cost of a coffee!https://www.patreon.com/thegenderknot Write to us at: thegenderknot@gmail.com The Gender Knot podcast and Facebook Grouphttps://www.thegenderknot.com/https://www.facebook.com/groups/182851532302085/ Music: Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

Welcome to Season 5! We've re-branded the podcast, and going to be focusing on trying to get men and women to get along. We chat about this new direction a little and catch up on some of your mail from over the hiatus period. Hosts:Nastaran Tavakoli-Far and Daniel CarrollProducers:Sam Baker and Jonathan BlackwellAdditional links:Patreon page – support the podcast for the cost of a coffee!https://www.patreon.com/thegenderknot Write to us at: thegenderknot@gmail.com The Gender Knot podcast and Facebook Grouphttps://www.thegenderknot.com/https://www.facebook.com/groups/182851532302085/ Music: Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

All female episode this week, Nas and Sam chat about self care and ask if it's bullshit. Self care has become very popular among women, especially on Instagram. Does self care empower women to take care of themselves or is it just another thing to add to our to-do lists and stress us out even more? We are on hiatus until 15th April, when we'll be back with a new season. Sponsor:Blinkist - key takeaways from the world's best nonfiction in audio or text. Get your free 7-day trial by heading over to: www.blinkist.com/thegenderknot Hosts and producers:Nastaran Tavakoli-Far and Sam BakerAdditional links:Buzzfeed article: ‘How Millennials became the burnout generation' by Anne Helen Peterson https://bit.ly/2YAAIfiNas' BBC documentary about women and wellness https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/w3cswrknPatreon page – support the podcast for the cost of a coffee!https://www.patreon.com/thegenderknot Write to us at: thegenderknot@gmail.com The Gender Knot podcast and Facebook Grouphttps://www.thegenderknot.com/https://www.facebook.com/groups/182851532302085/ Music: Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

As a man, who do you talk to about sex? What about feelings? How about everything else? This week Dan and Jonny are hosting a Men Only episode with guest German Villegas to discuss who men can talk to about what's going on in their lives. And yes, we make sure to plug mens groups! Be sure to check out German's podcast Modern Manhood https://modernmanhood.org/ and his organization Next Gen Men https://nextgenmen.ca -- Also, we are on hiatus until 15th April when we'll have a new season. Sponsor:Blinkist - key takeaways from the world's best nonfiction in audio or text. Get your free 7-day trial by heading over to: www.blinkist.com/thegenderknot Hosted by: Daniel Carroll and Jonathan Blackwell Co-producers:Sam Baker and Jonathan Blackwell Additional links:Patreon page – support the podcast for the cost of a coffee!https://www.patreon.com/thegenderknot Write to us at: thegenderknot@gmail.com The Gender Knot podcast https://www.thegenderknot.com/ Music: Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

So, you've hurt someone or done something bad and want to make amends? We run through our experiences on the best ways to do this. We also revisit last week's topic of emotional labour and hear from our audience on what is a very messy, very difficult and very real dilemma. Also, we are on hiatus until 15th April when we'll have a new season. We'll be back in 3 weeks with a mini-episode.Sponsor:Blinkist - key takeaways from the world's best nonfiction in audio or text. Get your free 7-day trial by heading over to: www.blinkist.com/thegenderknot Host and producer:Nas aka Nastaran Tavakoli-Far Co-host:Daniel Carroll Co-producers:Sam Baker and Jonathan Blackwell Additional links:Interview about emotional labour with Arlie Hochschild in The Atlantic https://bit.ly/2DPkpUd Patreon page – support the podcast for the cost of a coffee!https://www.patreon.com/thegenderknot Write to us at: thegenderknot@gmail.com The Gender Knot podcast and Facebook Grouphttps://www.thegenderknot.com/https://www.facebook.com/groups/182851532302085/ Music: Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

What exactly is emotional labour? Nas talks about it all the time, Dan is still unclear about what it is, so he speaks to Gemma Hartley, Author of ‘Fed Up: Emotional labor, women and the way forward', to find out more. Guest:Gemma Hartley, author of Fed Up: Emotional labor, women and the way forward http://www.gemmahartley.com/Host and producer:Nas aka Nastaran Tavakoli-Far Co-host:Daniel Carroll Co-producers:Sam Baker and Jonathan Blackwell Additional links:Sign up to our newsletter via our contact page https://www.thegenderknot.com/contact/ Patreon page – support the podcast for the cost of a coffee!https://www.patreon.com/thegenderknot Write to us at: thegenderknot@gmail.com Music: Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

Last week we talked about the importance of men being allies even if they haven't been perfect in their behaviour towards women, but is there a line to this? Today's guest tells us of a time he was called out and ended up having to question his role as an ally to women, and we hear from author and educator Jackson Katz on this dilemma. Guests:Omar Aziz, co-host of The Samovar Network podcast http://www.thesamovarnetwork.com/podcast/ Jackson Katz, author and educator, TED talk on 'Violence against women, it's a men's issue' https://www.ted.com/talks/jackson_katz_violence_against_women_it_s_a_men_s_issue?language=enHost and producer:Nas aka Nastaran Tavakoli-Far Co-host:Daniel Carroll Co-producers:Sam Baker and Jonathan Blackwell Additional links:Patreon page – support the podcast for the cost of a coffee!https://www.patreon.com/thegenderknot Write to us at: thegenderknot@gmail.com The Gender Knot podcast and Facebook Grouphttps://www.thegenderknot.com/https://www.facebook.com/groups/182851532302085/ Music: Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

We brainstorm a list of things men can do to be allies to women, and how women can best encourage men trying to be allies. And we want to hear from you on what has or hasn't worked in your own lives. Sponsor:Blinkist - key takeaways from the world's best nonfiction in audio or text. Get your free 7-day trial by heading over to: www.blinkist.com/thegenderknot Host and producer:Nas aka Nastaran Tavakoli-Far Co-host:Daniel Carroll Co-producers:Sam Baker and Jonathan Blackwell Additional links:Patreon page – support the podcast for the cost of a coffee!https://www.patreon.com/thegenderknot Write to us at: thegenderknot@gmail.com Gender Knot merch available at TeePublichttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-gender-knot White Fragility: Why it's so hard for white people to talk about racism https://robindiangelo.com/ and New Yorker essay https://bit.ly/2JNOEdj The Gender Knot podcast and Facebook Grouphttps://www.thegenderknot.com/https://www.facebook.com/groups/182851532302085/ Music: Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

Why are meltdowns gendered? Do we ever talk of men having meltdowns? If not then why not, and what does this mean about our expectations of how women and men can express themselves? We get some help from our friends at the hit podcast A Gay and a NonGay to figure this out. We're off to rest over the festive season and will be back on 7th January 2019 – speak to you then.Guests:A Gay and a NonGay podcast hosts James Barr and Dan Hudsonhttp://www.gaynongay.com/ Host and producer:Nas aka Nastaran Tavakoli-Far Co-host:Daniel Carroll Co-producers:Sam Baker and Jonathan Blackwell Additional links:Patreon page – support the podcast for the cost of a latte!https://www.patreon.com/thegenderknot The Gender Knot podcast https://www.thegenderknot.com/ Music: Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

Nas often feels like she's walking on eggshells on this show; she has to be honest with men but also keep them engaged and not annoy them so much that they tune out of the show, and these conversations, altogether. Dan and Nas try to figure out this delicate balance. We also hear more from Kasia Urbaniak, the former Taoist Nun, former Dominatrix and women's power coach who told us how women can ask for what they want a few weeks ago. Kasia fills us in on the ways in which women silence each other in a bid to survive and how telling a man the truth is an act of love. Guest: Kasia Urbaniak , women's power and influence coach and founder of The Academy https://www.kasiaurbaniak.com/Host and producer: Nas aka Nastaran Tavakoli-Far Co-host: Daniel Carroll Co-producers: Sam Baker and Jonathan Blackwell Additional links: Patreon page – support the podcast for the cost of a latte!https://www.patreon.com/thegenderknotFormer Gender Knot episode: How can men best help feminism? https://radiopublic.com/the-gender-knot-Wk23py/ep/s1!b623bWhite Fragility: Why it's so hard for white people to talk about racism https://robindiangelo.com/ and New Yorker essay https://bit.ly/2JNOEdj Gender Knot merch https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-gender-knot The Gender Knot podcast https://www.thegenderknot.com/ and Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/182851532302085/Music: Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

You'll have noticed we've been changing the direction of the podcast over the past few weeks, with there being fewer abstract explorations of ideas and more delving into the nitty gritty of how men and women can actually better relate in these confusing times.As such we'll have having more audience participation, so send us your thoughts. Men's coach David Lion helps us to help an audience member with a dilemma, and tells us about his online summit called Evolving Men, which is all about helping men figure out how to live more wholeheartedly. The summit features exclusive talks from 25 expert men and runs until 8th December.And we also delve back into the topic that keeps on coming up: disenfranchised men. Guest: David Lion, men's coach and founder of the Evolving Men online summit, running until 8th Dec 2018 https://summit.evolving-men.com/ Host and producer:Nas aka Nastaran Tavakoli-FarCo-host:Daniel CarrollCo-producers:Sam Baker and Jonathan Blackwell Additional links:Patreon page – support the podcast for the cost of a coffee!https://www.patreon.com/thegenderknot Write to us at: thegenderknot@gmail.com Gender Knot merch available at TeePublichttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-gender-knot The Gender Knot podcast and Facebook Grouphttps://www.thegenderknot.com/https://www.facebook.com/groups/182851532302085/ Music: Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

Porn is pervasive in today's internet culture. But does the typical male gaze leave women out of the viewing audience? And what does this one-way perspective do to our real-life sexual and personal relationships? As Nas and Dan take a break this week, co-producers Sam Baker and Jonathan Blackwell tackle the subject of porn and real world sex and how we can make online content for everyone. We talk to sextech entrepreneur and pioneer, Cindy Gallop from MakeLoveNotPorn and education and psychology lecturer, Sam Carr, from the University of BathGuests: Cindy Gallop, Consultant & Founder/CEO of Make Love Not Porn https://makelovenotporn.tv/Sam Carr, Senior Lecturer in Education and Director of Studies for Education with Psychology, Department of Education, University of Bath, UK https://theconversation.com/profiles/sam-carr-156110/articlesHosts and co-producers: Sam Baker & Jonathan BlackwellAdditional links: Patreon page – [support the podcast](https://www.patreon.com/thegenderknot) for the cost of a latte!Gender Knot merchhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-gender-knot Music: Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

Our listeners are annoyed! Many of you were unhappy with our take on disenfranchised men last week after we interviewed former New York Times reporter and author Andrew Yarrow, who has written Man Out about men on the sidelines of American society. We read out some of your emails and invite one of our audience members to figure out: what do we do about disenfranchised men? Should we do anything at all, and exactly who should be getting involved?Guest: Alex, listener of the podcast Host and producer:Nas aka Nastaran Tavakoli-FarCo-host:Daniel CarrollCo-producers:Sam Baker and Jonathan Blackwell Additional links:Patreon page – support the podcast for the cost of a latte!https://www.patreon.com/thegenderknot Gender Knot merch available at TeePublichttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-gender-knot The Gender Knot podcast and Facebook Grouphttps://www.thegenderknot.com/https://www.facebook.com/groups/182851532302085/ Music: Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

Former New York Times journalist Andrew Yarrow joins us to talk about why so many men in America feel disenfranchised, and how this is impacting everyone else.Men around the world have seen their position shift drastically over the past few decades. Some of the key reasons given include the rise of women and big changes in the global economy, leading to some of the political unrest and upheavals of the past decade. So, what do we do with disenfranchised men?Guest: Andrew Yarrow, journalist and author of ‘Man Out: Men on the sidelines of American life'https://www.andrewlyarrow.com/Host and producer:Nas aka Nastaran Tavakoli-FarCo-host:Daniel CarrollCo-producers:Sam Baker and Jonathan Blackwell Additional links:Patreon page – support the podcast for the cost of a latte!https://www.patreon.com/thegenderknotGender Knot merch available at TeePublichttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-gender-knot The Gender Knot podcast and Facebook Grouphttps://www.thegenderknot.com/https://www.facebook.com/groups/182851532302085/ Music: Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

A few weeks ago Dan tried to convince us that the stereotype of men having commitment issues was exaggerated and false, and he made a good case for this. But Nas was still left wondering where these assumptions come from and realized that Dan had evaded the key issues entirely! So this week we come back for a second round to delve in further. Host and producer:Nas aka Nastaran Tavakoli-FarCo-host:Daniel CarrollCo-producers:Sam Baker and Jonathan Blackwell Additional links:Patreon page – support the podcast for the cost of a latte!https://www.patreon.com/thegenderknotGender Knot merch available at TeePublichttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-gender-knot The Gender Knot podcast and Facebook Grouphttps://www.thegenderknot.com/https://www.facebook.com/groups/182851532302085/ Sponsor: E-squared Fitness – a pay as you go app to book fitness classes in London.https://www.esq2.com/ Music: Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

It's a year since allegations against Harvey Weinstein broke, leading to a real opening of conversation about sexual harassment and assault against women, be it at the hands of powerful men or in day to day life.We speak to a Hollywood insider about the situations and we also dig into the mixed messages men have been getting over the past year: what exactly do women want from men during these sensitive but important times? Guest:Steph, works in the film and entertainment industry in Hollywood Host and producer:Nas aka Nastaran Tavakoli-FarCo-host:Daniel CarrollCo-producers:Sam Baker and Jonathan Blackwell Additional links:Patreon page – support the podcast for the cost of a latte!https://www.patreon.com/thegenderknotGender Knot merch available at TeePublichttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-gender-knot The Gender Knot podcast and Facebook Grouphttps://www.thegenderknot.com/https://www.facebook.com/groups/182851532302085/ BBC documentary on why women have taken to wellness, mentioned in the episode https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/w3cswrknMusic: Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

Hit podcast Slow Burn just spent their second season looking at the saga around Bill Clinton's impeachment. They revisited Bill Clinton's affair with then 22-year old unpaid intern Monica Lewinsky, and looked at the varied reactions from feminists, as well as Juanita Broderick's allegations that the president had raped her. The season went out at while Brett Kavanaugh's senate confirmation hearings were happening, which made for especially timely and important listening, and allowed the audience to compare current events to those of the recent past, with often some of the same politicians and political operatives being involved in both situations.We wanted to know about how making this season affected Leon's own perceptions of gender in US politics, and how he looks back on President Clinton as a result. Guest:Leon Neyfakh, host of the podcast Slow Burn and journalist https://slate.com/slow-burnHost and producer:Nas aka Nastaran Tavakoli-FarCo-host:Daniel CarrollCo-producers:Sam Baker and Jonathan Blackwell Additional links:Patreon page – support the podcast for the cost of a latte!https://www.patreon.com/thegenderknotGender Knot merch available at TeePublichttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-gender-knot The Gender Knot podcast and Facebook Grouphttps://www.thegenderknot.com/https://www.facebook.com/groups/182851532302085/ Sponsor: E-squared Fitness – a pay as you go app to book fitness classes in London.https://www.esq2.com/ Music: Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

Former dominatrix and Taoist nun Kasia Urbaniak teaches women about power and influence at her school The Academy. She walks us through this unique time where women are finally speaking openly and honestly and expressing their rage, and how we can best get men and women to support each other through the necessary but transformative mess ahead.Guest:Kasia Urbaniak, women's power and influence coach and founder of The Academyhttps://www.kasiaurbaniak.com/Host and producer:Nas aka Nastaran Tavakoli-FarCo-host:Daniel CarrollCo-producers:Sam Baker and Jonathan Blackwell Additional links:Patreon page – support the podcast for the cost of a latte!https://www.patreon.com/thegenderknotGender Knot merch available at TeePublichttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-gender-knot The Gender Knot podcast and Facebook Grouphttps://www.thegenderknot.com/https://www.facebook.com/groups/182851532302085/ Sponsor: E-squared Fitnes – a pay as you go app to book fitness classes in London.https://www.esq2.com/ Music: Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

The love, sex and relationship guru and host of the Savage Lovecast gives us his thoughts and tips!Note: this episode is very Not Safe For Work – save for later if that's relevant!Also, co-host Jonathan Freeman is leaving us and signs off!Finally, The Gender Knot is on hiatus until 15th October. We'll be back with a new season then.Guest:Dan Savage, sex and relationship advice columnist and Savage Lovecast host Host and producer:Nas aka Nastaran Tavakoli-FarCo-host:Jonathan FreemanCo-producers:Sam Baker and Jonathan Blackwell Additional links:Gender Knot merch available at TeePublicThe Gender Knot podcast and Facebook GroupMusic: Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

It's a big cliché that men are scared to commit, don't want to be tied down, are always ‘hitting the road' and leaving promising relationships with women. Today's guest thinks this is a simply not true and actually leads to us all suffering and having worse relationships. We dive into the nuances. Note: The Gender Knot will be back in early October - we are taking a break during September but will be back in a few weeks. Write to us in the meantime! Guest: Dan Carroll, co-host of the podcast Fine and Dandy with Dan and Andy https://fineanddandypod.com/Host and producer: Nas aka Nastaran Tavakoli-FarCo-host: Jonathan FreemanCo-producers: Sam Baker and Jonathan Blackwell  Additional links: Gender Knot merch available at TeePublic https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-gender-knotThe Gender Knot podcast https://www.thegenderknot.com/ and Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/182851532302085/Music: Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

Why is shame such an issue for men despite the privileges men still have in almost all societies? Is privilege itself part of the problem, and what can be done to tackle this issue? Women are also being vocal about their experiences due to toxic masculinity and also male shame. Where does this leave men as they try to grapple with their own experiences?Guest: Rob Kandell, coach and consultant, host of the podcast Tuff Love https://robertkandell.com/episodes/, and co-founder of One TasteHost and producer: Nas aka Nastaran Tavakoli-FarCo-host: Jonathan FreemanCo-producers: Sam Baker and Jonathan BlackwellAdditional links: The Gender Knot merch by TeePublic https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-gender-knotThe Gender Knot podcast https://www.thegenderknot.com/ and Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/182851532302085/Music: Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

In April, a report by the UK governments and the Equalities and Human Rights Commission showed that 80% of large companies still paid male employees more than the women. In the US, in 2017 women still earnt just 82% of men's salaries, according to data by the Pew Research Center. There are structural changes that still need to take place, how do men and women approach pay negotiations differently? How receptive are bosses to women asking for more money, and what are the best ways women can negotiate to be paid more? Guests:Gillian Orr, journalist and content director, Refinery29Caroline Elliot, Managing Partner of the Quattrain training partnership and former producer, editor and board member at BBC radioHost and producer:Nas aka Nastaran Tavakoli-FarCo-host:Sam BakerCo-producers:Sam Baker and Jonathan Blackwell Additional links:‘Building Resilience' – Quattrain blog post by Caroline ElliotThe Gender Knot merch from TeePublic https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-gender-knotThe Gender Knot podcast https://www.thegenderknot.com/ and Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/182851532302085/Music: Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

Men's groups can't be a substitute for therapy, says today's guest. We recently looked at men's groups and had some interesting feedback. Despite all the positives we hear, that can be problems which are worth knowing about. We speak to someone who actually runs men's groups and also works helping teenagers develop healthy relationships. We delve into the potential problems, and how to best utilize men's groups, both if running one and if attending.Guest:German Villegas, host of the Modern Manhood podcast, teacher, educator, man-at-large at Next Gen Men https://modernmanhood.org/Host and producer:Nas aka Nastaran Tavakoli-FarCo-host:Jonathan FreemanCo-producers:Sam Baker and Jonathan Blackwell Additional links: The Gender Knot podcast https://www.thegenderknot.com/ and Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/182851532302085/Music: Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

Jonathan is stuck in the library in DC, and Nas and Sam and Jonny in London are all swamped, so we decided to play you an episode of one of our favourite podcasts while we work on more Gender Knot material for you for next week onwards.The Ministry of Ideas is a podcast about the ideas that shape our world, and is from Harvard Divinity School. Their episode ‘White Balance' looks at how understanding race in American also requires understanding its relationship to class. It's a compelling and deeply moving episode and features the poet and writer Dr Joshua Bennett, and the author of the book ‘White Trash', Nancy Isenberg.We'll be back next week and have episodes coming up on men's groups (a follow up), how women can negotiate for better pay, and male shame.Guest podcast episode: Ministry of Ideas podcast from Harvard Divinity School https://www.ministryofideas.org/The Gender Knot - Host and producer: Nas aka Nastaran Tavakoli-FarCo-host: Jonathan FreemanCo-producers: Sam Baker and Jonathan BlackwellAdditional links: The Gender Knot https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-gender-knot[The Gender Knot podcast https://www.thegenderknot.com/ and Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/182851532302085/ and contact us at thegenderknot@gmail.comMusic: Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

‘Transformative' is a word we've heard from so many men who've benefitted from men's groups. It's a topic that's comes up on this podcast a lot. Why are so many men getting together with other men to talk about their lives and experiences? How do these groups work and what do they talk about in them? And can they provide men with the support that they need?Guests:Kenny Mammarella D'Cruz 'The Man Whisperer', men's group founder and personal development consultant http://www.kennydcruz.com/Chad Howse, fitness and lifestyle blogger and host of the podcast Man Up with Chad Howse podcast http://chadhowsefitness.com/Anonymous member of a men's groupRowan Andrews, men's group coach and facilitator and a business coach https://www.meetup.com/Mens-group-NoMoreMrNiceGuy-UK/Host and producer: Nas aka Nastaran Tavakoli-FarCo-hosts: Jonathan Freeman and Jonathan BlackwellCo-producers: Sam Baker and Jonathan BlackwellSponsor: Beer52 – head to https://www.beer52.com/gender for a free case of British craft beerAdditional links:The Gender Knot podcast https://www.thegenderknot.com/ and Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/182851532302085/The Gender Knot: Mark Manson on men's groups https://radiopublic.com/the-gender-knot-Wk23py/ep/s1!4ccadThe Gender Knot: Women's groups, Men's groups https://radiopublic.com/the-gender-knot-Wk23py/ep/s1!b483fMusic: Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)5 Pieces by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

This week's guest emailed 700 people asking to be set up on a date, and followed up with everyone a year later detailing what happened. The most interesting part of her results are that the people she knew the least were the ones who set her up with someone.Our friends know our best and yet why do we under utilize our friends in the search for fulfilling romantic relationships? Should friends set each other up more? And why is it likelier that people we know less well are the ones who may actually introduce us to someone who could change our lives?Guest:Erica Berger, journalist, host of the TBD podcast https://www.livetbd.com/Host and producer:Nas aka Nastaran Tavakoli-FarCo-host:Jonathan FreemanCo-producers:Sam Baker and Jonathan Blackwell Sponsor:Beer52 – head to www.beer52.com/gender Additional links:Erica Berger's piece: “Swiped out: I emailed 700 friends asking to get set up after deleting dating apps. Here's what I learned about love in America” https://bit.ly/2w7PQGMInterview with Erica Berger: “What one woman learned after asking 700 people to set her up on a date” https://go.brit.co/2XAE0Pp The Gender Knot podcast and Facebook Grouphttps://www.thegenderknot.com/https://www.facebook.com/groups/182851532302085/Music: Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)5 Pieces by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

Male Shame lies at the root of so many problematic dynamics between men and women, whether on an individual or a society-wide scale. The problem is many men have a very limited space where they can explore their shame, if they even have that space at all. How can women play a role in this and what's the best way to make a man aware of the consequences of his shame based behaviour? A coach and consultant helps us figure this out.Guest: Rob Kandell, coach and consultant, host of the podcast Tuff Love https://robertkandell.com/episodes/, co-founder of One TasteHost and producer: Nas aka Nastaran Tavakoli-Far Co-host: Jonathan FreemanCo-producers: Sam Baker and Jonathan Blackwell Sponsor: The Economist Additional links: The Gender Knot podcast and Facebook Grouphttps://www.thegenderknot.com/https://www.facebook.com/groups/182851532302085/Financial Times review of The Gender Knot https://on.ft.com/2IPHObYMusic: Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons) 5 Pieces by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

Speaking more forcefully, being more assertive (or even aggressive), over-confidence and being unrealistic about outcomes; these are just some of the ways in which women in technology are told to approach investors if they are to raise money. But is this advice fair or even accurate? Why is it harder for women in tech to raise investment money, what needs to be done to change things around, and what advice to women get which doesn't work and is even damaging? A tech investor tells us more. Guest:Jonathan Sposato, investor, author of “Better Together: 8 ways working with women leads to extraordinary products and profits” https://amzn.to/2SFYF0KHost and producer:Nas aka Nastaran Tavakoli-FarCo-host:Jonathan FreemanCo-producers:Sam Baker and Jonathan Blackwell Relevant Links:The Gender Knot podcast and Facebook Grouphttps://www.thegenderknot.com/https://www.facebook.com/groups/182851532302085/Music: Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)5 Pieces by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

We got a curious email from the folks at Ashley Madison recently – that's the dating website for people looking for discreet encounters, such as affairs. They've seen a rise in the number of women signing up, and there's evidence showing that more women are cheating on their spouses – or perhaps women are now more open or honest about their affairs.We delve into why this is happening. We speak to a woman who has had an extra-marital affair to find out her reasons for the affair and her experience of it, and sex therapist Dr Tammy Nelson tells us about the wider social reasons for women seeking extra-marital affairs. Guests:‘Mary', woman who has had an extra-marital affairDr Tammy Nelson, psychotherapist and sexuality expert, author of the book ‘The New Monogamy; redefining your relationship after infidelity' https://drtammynelson.com/Host and producer:Nas aka Nastaran Tavakoli-FarCo-host:Jonathan FreemanCo-producers:Sam Baker and Jonathan Blackwell Sponsor:The Economist Relevant Links:The Gender Knot podcast and Facebook groupMore women are cheating. Why?We got a curious email from the folks at Ashley Madison recently – that's the dating website for people looking for discreet encounters, such as affairs. They've seen a rise in the number of women signing up, and there's evidence showing that more women are cheating on their spouses – or perhaps women are now more open or honest about their affairs.We delve into why this is happening. We speak to a woman who has had an extra-marital affair to find out her reasons for the affair and her experience of it, and sex therapist Dr Tammy Nelson tells us about the wider social reasons for women seeking extra-marital affairs. Guests:‘Mary', woman who has had an extra-marital affairDr Tammy Nelson, psychotherapist and sexuality expert, author of the book ‘The New Monogamy; redefining your relationship after infidelity'https://drtammynelson.com/https://www.amazon.com/The-New-Monogamy-Redefining-Relationship/dp/1608823156/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1339618990&sr=8-4 Host and producer:Nas aka Nastaran Tavakoli-FarCo-host:Jonathan FreemanCo-producers:Sam Baker and Jonathan Blackwell Sponsor:The Economist Relevant Links:The Gender Knot podcast and Facebook Grouphttps://www.thegenderknot.com/https://www.facebook.com/groups/182851532302085/Ashley Madisonhttps://www.ashleymadison.com/ Music: Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)5 Pieces by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

In season 2 we explored why we're scared of ambitious women, and talked to our co-producer Sam and a teacher about the roots of this problem. It was an episode which really resonated with so many women who listen to this show and a dilemma we just had to revisit. Mark Pagan has talked about his mixed attitudes to dating ambitious women on his own podcast Other Men Need Help. Mark finds ambitious women attractive but is also threatened by them, this being a dynamic which isn't all that rare, and one we delve into more with him, trying to figure out the personal and wider social reasons behind this paradox.Guest:Mark Pagan, host of the podcast Other Men Need Help https://othermenneedhelp.com/Host and producer:Nas aka Nastaran Tavakoli-FarCo-host:Jonathan FreemanCo-producers:Sam Baker and Jonathan Blackwell Related links:The Gender Knot t-shirts are now available hereOther Men Need Help's episode Manual Men https://othermenneedhelp.com/season-1/episode-4-manual-menOther Men Need Help are looking for stories for their next season, get in touch at othermenneedhelp@gmail.com - they are looking for men partnered with significantly younger people, men who can talk about financial insecurities related to partners, men with significant others who are more sexually experiences, men who are bald/balding and men up for sharing something about their appearance they privately want to change or hide. The Gender Knot podcast and Facebook Grouphttps://www.thegenderknot.com/https://www.facebook.com/groups/182851532302085/Music: Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)