Podcast appearances and mentions of Harriet Lerner

What does it really mean to be a “good woman”? For the controversial podcaster and writer Elise Loehnen, female goodness is a misery trap. And so reclaim their happiness, to make themselves whole, Loehnen says, women need to stop being good. The former goop executive and co-author of the upcoming Choosing Wholeness Over Goodness explains how the seven deadly sins reveal women's hidden conditioning, how the wellness industry became toxic, and why the Enneagram can help women embrace their full selves—including the darker, "unacceptable" parts they've been taught to suppress. five key takeaways 1. The "Good Woman" Performance is Exhausting Women are conditioned to suppress basic human instincts—never being tired, needing no praise, having compliant bodies, avoiding anger—which requires enormous energy and is driven by fear of social rejection.2. The Seven Deadly Sins Reveal Female Conditioning What society labels as "sins" (pride, envy, sloth, etc.) are actually normal human traits that women are taught to repress, creating a "punch card" for performing goodness to the world.3. Women Police Each Other Through Envy Instead of recognizing envy as a signal pointing toward what we want, women often use it destructively to tear down other women who have what they desire—like the backlash against Goop.4. The Drama Triangle Keeps Us Stuck Most people operate in victim-villain-hero dynamics, blaming others instead of taking responsibility. Breaking free requires recognizing these patterns and creating different conditions in your life.5. Wholeness Beats Goodness True liberation comes from integrating all parts of yourself—including the "darker" aspects you've been taught to hide—rather than performing an impossible standard of perfection.Elise Loehnen is a writer, editor, and podcast host who lives in Los Angeles with her husband, Rob, and their two sons, Max and Sam. She is the host of Pulling the Thread, a podcast focused on pulling apart the stories we tell about who we are—and then putting those threads back together. Current Work & Recent Publications: Elise is the author of the New York Times bestseller On Our Best Behavior. She has co-written thirteen books, five of which were New York Times bestsellers, including True and False Magic with psychiatrist Phil Stutz. Her upcoming co-authored Choosing Wholeness Over Goodness will be published in August. Podcast & Media: She hosts Pulling the Thread where she interviews cultural luminaries on the big questions of the day, including Dr. Gabor Maté, Dr. Temple Grandin, Dr. Harriet Lerner, Loretta Ross, Drs. John and Julie Gottman, Dr. Richard Schwartz, Joy Harjo, Dr. B.J. Miller, Nedra Tawwab, Dr. Suzanne Simard, Susan Cain, Heather McGhee, Dr. Riane Eisler, and Terry Real. Professional Background: Previously, she was the chief content officer of goop, where she co-hosted The goop Podcast and The goop Lab on Netflix, and led the brand's content strategy and programming, including the launch of a magazine with Condé Nast and a book imprint. Prior to goop, she was the editorial projects director of Conde Nast Traveler. Before Traveler, she was the editor at large and ultimately deputy editor of Lucky Magazine, where she also served as the on-air spokesperson, appearing regularly on shows like Today, E!, Good Morning America, and The Early Show. She has a B.A. from Yale where she majored in English and Fine Arts.Keen On America is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit keenon.substack.com/subscribe

Think you hate admitting mistakes? Think again. Research reveals we don't actually fear being wrong - we fear being dismissed, attacked, or losing connection.  On this “Strong Mind, Strong Body,” discover hidden reasons people refuse to apologize, why "What's wrong with you?" destroys relationships, and the surprising truth about what people really need when they mess up.  Based on groundbreaking studies and clinical psychologist Harriet Lerner's acclaimed work, host Angie Miller will help you understand the power of authentic apologies and how psychological safety transforms mistakes into bridges rather than walls.  If you like what you just consumed, leave us a 5-star review, and share this episode with a friend to help grow our NASM health and wellness community! The content shared in this podcast is solely for educational and entertainment purposes. It is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek out the guidance of your healthcare provider or other qualified professional. Any opinions expressed by guests and hosts are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of NASM. Introducing NASM One, the membership for trainers and coaches. For just $35/mo, get unlimited access to over 300 continuing education courses, 50% off additional certifications and specializations, EDGE Trainer Pro all-in-one coaching app to grow your business, unlimited exam attempts and select waived fees. Stay on top of your game and ahead of the curve as a fitness professional with NASM One. Click here to learn more. https://bit.ly/4ddsgrm

Motherhood is hard.   Fathering is important.   Deal with your past and change the future - your children benefit from any work that you do on yourself.   We need to resolve some societal issues around parenting.   What about guilt?   How do we problem solve?   Parent/child communication Being judged is part of motherhood - break free.   Children teach us many lessons...you will find your way.  

Amerika'da kadınların öfke meselesine dair yazılmış ilk kitap Öfke Dansı, ben okurum'un esas kızı oluyor bu bölümde. Deniz Yüce Başarır, konuğu Elif Doğan, nam-ı diğer Blogcu Anne ile klinik psikolog Harriet Lerner'ın kaleminden çıkan kitabı odaklarına aldıkları, kadınlığa, anneliğe, kadınların sırtında biriken yüklere, içinden taşan, bazen de sıkışıp kalan öfkeye dair hem kapsamlı hem de çok içten bir sohbete imza atıyorlar. “İlişkideki adımlarımızı değiştirmek, uyumla dans etmek mümkün” duygusuyla ayrılacağınız, umudunuza sahip çıkacağınız bu güzel sohbete elbette yine Başarır'ın sesinden Öfke Dansı'ndan bölümler de eşlik ediyor. 

I met Kay at a Poetry Night that a friend, Fi McQuay (ft. Episode no.16) and I organised at my local bookshop on International Women's Day, earlier this year. It was a very special night!Since then it has been lovely to connect more with Kay as fellow Mums and poets and I'm delighted to share this conversation and more about Kay in this episode.In this episode we speak about:Kay's journey with writing poetry and sharing itbirth, motherhood and Kay's experience of Matrescence so farraising children with dual heritagejudgement and racism in society and at schoolsupporting and being advocates for our childrenhow 'we' need to be better at having difficult conversationsapologising with integrityknowing our capacity and not judging ourselvesbusting motherhood myths and the ripple effect of thatKay's video for her poem 'This Is My Body' and working with Her Story and Co.body image and loving ourselves more at any stage/ageThemes: mothering, poetry, matrescence, racism, story writing, boundaries, body image, mental healthYou can connect with Kay and her work here on Instagram. And you can find a link to the amazing video and poem we speak about, 'This Is My Body' here.At the end, I share a poem written by me.I mention my Goddess Circles, and you can find out more about those HERE on my website.I also mention Harriet Lerner's book 'Why Won't You Apologize? Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts'. And 'Eating in the Light of the Moon' by Anita Johnston.Did you enjoy this episode? If so, I would really appreciate it if you could please leave a review on the platform that you listen. Would you like to work with me? Get in touch today to book a FREE 30-minute call.For more insights and to contact me you can find me on Instagram, and at www.lucywyldecoaching.com, where you can sign up for my newsletter!

Laura shares her pride in completing a triathlon and Zach chimes in with his marathon experiences. The discussion transitions into deeper relationship topics, focusing on how to apologize effectively and, just as importantly, how to receive an apology. Zach emphasizes that successful relationships are not just about knowing how to apologize, but also about knowing how to accept a partner's apology. They explore common pitfalls in apologizing, such as using the word “but,” and highlight how defensiveness can block genuine repair efforts. The hosts reference the work of Harriet Lerner and her book Why Won't You Apologize? to guide their discussion on the do's and don'ts of apologizing. Key points include avoiding justification in apologies, focusing on one's own actions, and not using an apology to manipulate or silence a partner's feelings. They conclude with reflections on the importance of patience and openness, particularly when building trust and navigating long-term emotional injuries. Episode Highlights: How to Apologize Effectively: Laura breaks down the steps to making a meaningful apology, emphasizing the importance of owning your actions and avoiding justifications that can diminish the apology's impact. Receiving an Apology: Zach explains how receiving an apology with gratitude is a crucial part of repair, allowing space for ongoing healing even if the hurt is not immediately resolved. Avoiding the “But” in Apologies: Laura highlights how using “but” in an apology can negate the acknowledgment of harm and frustrate repair attempts. Building Trust Through Repeated Repairs: The discussion emphasizes that long-term healing in relationships is only possible through repeated, genuine efforts to repair and demonstrate change. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

IntroductionIn this episode, we delve into the topic of apologizing effectively. We'll reference key insights from "The 5 Love Languages for Men" by Gary Chapman and outline the structure of our discussion, covering the essential points from the book, additional insights, and personal anecdotes.Discussion PointsWe begin with an overview of the importance of apologies in relationships, highlighting their role in maintaining and repairing connections. We also mention Brene Brown's podcast "Unlocking Us" and Dr. Harriet Lerner's book "Why Won't You Apologize?" as valuable resources for understanding the nuances of apologizing.We discuss the idea that "The man who apologizes for everything and the man who apologizes for nothing share the same weakness." This highlights the need for balance in offering apologies and avoiding extremes.Next, we introduce the concept of the five apology languages: expressing regret, accepting responsibility, making restitution, genuine repentance, and requesting forgiveness.We then provide a detailed breakdown of each apology language. Expressing Regret emphasizes the importance of specificity, such as the difference between saying "I'm sorry" and just "Sorry." Accepting Responsibility focuses on acknowledging one's wrong actions and understanding the role of intent versus impact. We provide example apologies to illustrate these points. Making Restitution involves offering to make amends, like asking, "What can I do to make it right?" Genuine Repentance shows a commitment to change by developing systems to avoid repeating mistakes. Requesting Forgiveness involves asking for forgiveness as a way to heal relationships, for example, "I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me."Charles and Dan share personal experiences with apologies, discussing common mistakes and how to avoid them. They stress the importance of aligning apologies with personal values to ensure sincerity.Key TakeawaysThe key takeaways from this discussion are that sincerity in apologies is crucial and understanding and utilizing apology languages can significantly strengthen relationships. Apologies should address not only the act but also the impact on the other person.ConclusionWe conclude by recapping the importance of effective apologies and encouraging listeners to take the "Five Apology Languages" quiz to better understand their own and their partners' apology preferences. Finally, we tease the topic for the next episode, leaving listeners with something to look forward to.Support the Show.

What do we do with our anger? How do we handle others' anger? Working with strong emotions is a key part of family life and a spiritual path. In this episode, Corinne Cayce, MA ACC, and Dr. Arlene Dijamco weave together material in the Edgar Cayce readings and the work of psychologist Dr. Harriet Lerner's seminal work on anger. They discuss the effects of anger on the physical body, our minds and souls, and unpack Dr. Lerner's step-by-step process for how to dance skillfully with anger as it arises.  

Introduction:Dan and Charles kick off the episode with a casual chat about recent travels and upcoming events, including Podcast Movement in DC and Tony Robbins in Newark.Discussion Highlights1. Five Love Languages for MenThe episode focuses on chapter seven of the book "The 5 Love Languages for Men." Dan and Charles discuss their primary love languages, discovered through a $35 test on the book's website. They emphasize the benefits of taking the test to understand both your and your partner's love languages.2. Words of AffirmationCharles's primary love language is words of affirmation. Dan shares how acts of service often lead to receiving words of affirmation or quality time, aligning with his primary love language. They both highlight the importance of understanding how different love languages interact.3. Acts of Service and Quality TimeActs of service can be a tool to receive love in other forms, like words of affirmation or quality time. Dan mentions how expressing love through acts of service impacts his relationships.4. Physical TouchPhysical touch is often misunderstood by men as purely sexual. The hosts differentiate between emotional and non-sexual physical touch and discuss its importance in building emotional connections.5. Emotional Needs and StereotypesThey challenge the stereotype that men are less emotional. The discussion covers how societal expectations allow men to express emotions only occasionally and often in unhealthy ways.6. Evolutionary PerspectivesDan shares an interesting theory linking the love language of quality time to human evolutionary history. They discuss how quality time might have evolved as a crucial aspect of survival and child-rearing.7. Apologizing EffectivelyA teaser for an upcoming discussion on effective apologizing, drawing insights from Dr. Harriet Lerner's book "Why Won't You Apologize?". The importance of sincere apologies in maintaining healthy relationships.8. Improv and StorytellingCharles discusses his interest in taking an improv class to enhance storytelling skills. The benefits of improv for better conversations and podcasting.ConclusionThe hosts wrap up by highlighting the importance of understanding and effectively using love languages in relationships. They tease upcoming episodes focusing on troubleshooting love languages and effective apologizing techniques.Call to ActionListeners are encouraged to take the love languages test and share their results. Subscribe to the podcast for more insights on improving relationships and personal growth.KeywordsFive Love Languages, Love Languages for Men, Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Physical Touch, Emotional Needs, Quality Time, Effective Communication, Apologizing, Improv Skills, Podcast Movement, Tony RobbinsSupport the Show.

his episode was originally released on August 25th, 2018. “Dear Sugars, I'm a serial codependent. I've married and had children with two addicts,” begins a letter signed by “Mommy Messed Up.” Over the years, her second husband began to withdraw and stash money inside of old bottles. Now Mommy Messed Up is ready to end their toxic relationship. The only problem is she'll have to disrupt her children's lives for a second time. “I'm fine with breaking my own heart,” she writes. “But how do I break my boys' hearts?” In this second part of our series on moving on, the Sugars discuss how we can release ourselves from our past mistakes. Dr. Harriet Lerner drops in to answer a second letter from a woman who is haunted by her abortion, a decision she laments now that she's experiencing early menopause. Like Mommy Messed Up, she is ruled by her regret. “We have to beware of the stories that we tell about ourselves because we become them,” Dr. Lerner advises. “And a story like the one she's constructed is so narrow and fixed that it's going to edge out all other stories about her past and her present and her future possibilities.” Dr. Lerner is a leading voice on the psychology of women and family relationships. She's the author of 12 books including The New York Times best seller “The Dance of Anger” and most recently, “Why Won't You Apologize? Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts.”https://www.harrietlerner.com/interviews-articles

Discover all of the podcasts in our network, search for specific episodes, get the Optimal Living Daily workbook, and learn more at: OLDPodcast.com. Episode 2180: Mark Manson illuminates the negative dynamics of toxic relationships in his enlightening piece. He advises taking personal responsibility instead of projecting your emotional state onto your partner, highlighting the dangers of possessive jealousy, and the folly of using material gifts as solutions to deeper relational issues. His insights encourage readers to cultivate healthier, more self-aware relationships. Read along with the original article(s) here: https://markmanson.net/toxic-relationship-signs Quotes to ponder: "When you set a precedent that your partner is responsible for how you feel at all times, it can easily lead to a codependent relationship." "Rather than being loved enough, it's actually just controlling and manipulative." "Trust was broken? Talk about what it will take to rebuild it. Communicate!" Episode references: The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle: https://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808 The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner: https://www.amazon.com/Dance-Anger-Changing-Patterns-Relationships/dp/0062319043 Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find - and Keep - Love by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller: https://www.amazon.com/Attached-Science-Adult-Attachment-YouFind/dp/1585429139 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

En este video, Sama y yo te ofrecemos una reseña del libro 'The Dance Of Connection' de Harriet Lerner, donde exploramos las ideas clave de la autora sobre cómo mejorar tus relaciones personales, establecer límites efectivos y resolver conflictos de manera constructiva. Además, compartimos nuestras propias experiencias y reflexiones personales sobre el libro, proporcionando una visión enriquecedora y sincera de su contenido. ¡Acompáñanos en este viaje literario y descubre cómo 'bailar al ritmo de tus relaciones' puede cambiar tu vida!”Te invito a consultar el articulo de blog en la pagina web para más ver el articulo y el test sobre ese episodio! https://www.queridxyo.com/blogWebsite: https://www.queridxyo.com/Instagram: @queridx_yo_ @_hola_soy_anneFacebook: @queridx_yo_Correo: annelbourgois@gmail.comWhatsapp: +52 614 405 0005Sigue a Queridx yo para aprender más sobre la salud mentalGracias Sama por acompañarme en este episodio.Recursos:BLOG https://www.queridxyo.com/post/estás-bailando-al-ritmo-de-tus-relaciones-temporada-3-episodio-3-reseña-de-libro-dance-of-connect

Chapter 1 Reveal the true moral of the The Dance of Anger bookThe Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships is a book written by Harriet Lerner. It was published in 1985 and provides insights into women's anger and how it affects their relationships. The book also offers strategies and tools for women to express and utilize their anger effectively, so they can create healthier and more fulfilling relationships.Chapter 2 Shall we Read the The Dance of Anger book ？"The Dance of Anger" by Harriet Lerner is generally well-regarded and has been popular among readers seeking to understand and manage anger in their lives. It offers practical advice and guidance for women to express their anger constructively and improve their relationships. However, please note that opinions on books can vary depending on individual preferences and needs, so it may be helpful to read reviews or a summary to determine if it aligns with your interests and goals.Chapter 3 Key Points of the The Dance of Anger book"The Dance of Anger" by Harriet Lerner is a self-help book that aims to address the often destructive ways in which women express their anger. Lerner, a psychologist and feminist, focuses on empowering women to navigate their anger in a healthy and productive way.The book begins by acknowledging the cultural and societal pressure that discourages women from expressing anger. Lerner argues that women are often conditioned to prioritize the needs and feelings of others, leading to their own anger being invalidated or suppressed. She emphasizes the importance of asserting oneself and embracing anger as a natural emotion.Lerner introduces the concept of the "dance of anger," a metaphor for the patterns of escalating and damaging interactions that can occur when anger is not effectively expressed. She explores various ways in which women commonly respond to anger, such as by becoming passive-aggressive, withdrawing, or engaging in aggressive behaviors.By examining these responses, Lerner encourages women to identify their own patterns and understand the underlying emotions and motivations behind them. She emphasizes the importance of self-awareness and self-acceptance as the first steps towards healthier anger expression.The author also provides practical strategies and techniques to help women both change their internal responses to anger and deal with external conflicts. She promotes assertiveness as a key tool for expressing anger in a more constructive manner, while also setting and maintaining healthy boundaries.Lerner stresses the importance of taking responsibility for one's own feelings and actions, rather than blaming others. She encourages women to communicate their needs and desires more effectively, while also respecting the boundaries and emotions of others.Furthermore, Lerner addresses the gendered dynamics of anger and relationships, examining how societal expectations impact the ways in which women express anger and interact with others. She encourages women to challenge these societal expectations and work towards creating healthier and more equitable relationships.Overall, "The Dance of Anger" offers insights and practical advice for women who struggle with effectively expressing their anger. By acknowledging the societal constraints that suppress women's anger, Lerner empowers readers to embrace their emotions and develop healthier ways of navigating conflicts and relationships.Chapter 4 the The Dance of Anger book Author Bio The author of the book "The Dance of Anger" is...

#439: Elise Loehnen is the New York Times Best Selling Author of On Our Best Behavior: The Seven Deadly Sins and the Price Women Pay to Be Good. She hosts Pulling the Thread, a podcast with Cadence13, where she interviews cultural luminaries on the big questions of the day, including Dr. Gabor Maté, Dr. Temple Grandin, Dr. Harriet Lerner, and many more. Previously, she was the chief content officer of goop, where she co-hosted The goop Podcast and The goop Lab on Netflix, and led the brand's content strategy and programming, including the launch of a magazine with Condé Nast and a book imprint.  https://www.eliseloehnen.com/about https://www.instagram.com/eliseloehnen/   Find Liz on Instagram: @realfoodliz Real Food Liz Eat The Yolks Baby Making and Beyond Athletic Mom Thanks for listening!

Happy Monday, honey and congrats on not killing yourself! On today's episode of The Voices In Our Heads:  ⁃  Killers Of The Flower Moon: who knew Leo could be mid?!  ⁃  A cleaning Life Hack that'll leave you with the moistest hands.  ⁃  Dancing with judgement about you walking your cat.  ⁃  Fuckboi Theater: Car Seat Edition  ⁃  How to handle Thanksgiving with your family.  ⁃  A reading from Harriet Lerner's book, “Why Won't You Apologize?” about when to accept the olive branch.Follow me on social media: @KrystynaHutchJoin my Patreon group Share-apy:www.patreon.com/KrystynaHutchinsonCome see Guys We Fcked: LIVE at the Midnight Theater Friday, December 1st!

Happy Monday, honey and congrats on not killing yourself! On today's episode of The Voices In Our Heads:   ⁃  Killers Of The Flower Moon: who knew Leo could be mid?!   ⁃  A cleaning Life Hack that'll leave you with the moistest hands.   ⁃  Dancing with judgement about you walking your cat.   ⁃  Fuckboi Theater: Car Seat Edition   ⁃  How to handle Thanksgiving with your family.   ⁃  A reading from Harriet Lerner's book, “Why Won't You Apologize?” about when to accept the olive branch. Follow me on social media: @KrystynaHutch Join my Patreon group Share-apy: www.patreon.com/KrystynaHutchinson Come see Guys We Fcked: LIVE at the Midnight Theater Friday, December 1st! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Happy Monday and congrats on surviving another week of good and bad times but hopefully mostly good. On today's episode of The Voices In Our Heads: Clapping for people you don't know because they chose to run. Fuck shit up, Ashley!! When your comedy wife is the best gift giver and it lands you at the Plaza Hotel for a night of creative bliss. It's not about having faith, it's about keeping it. Fuckboi Theater: Run-on Edition A reading from Harriet Lerner's “Why Won't You Apologize” on shaming the shamer. Follow me on social media! @KrystynaHutchFollow my other podcast: @GuysWeFckedFollow my dog: @KevinMcCallisterHutchinsonSign up for my Patreon page:www.Patreon.com/KrystynaHutchinsonIf you're in NYC FRIDAY, DEC. 1st come see Guys We Fucked: LIVE at the Midnight Theater.

Happy Monday and congrats on surviving another week of good and bad times but hopefully mostly good. On today's episode of The Voices In Our Heads: Clapping for people you don't know because they chose to run. Fuck shit up, Ashley!! When your comedy wife is the best gift giver and it lands you at the Plaza Hotel for a night of creative bliss. It's not about having faith, it's about keeping it. Fuckboi Theater: Run-on Edition A reading from Harriet Lerner's “Why Won't You Apologize” on shaming the shamer. Follow me on social media! @KrystynaHutch Follow my other podcast: @GuysWeFcked Follow my dog: @KevinMcCallisterHutchinson Sign up for my Patreon page: www.Patreon.com/KrystynaHutchinson If you're in NYC FRIDAY, DEC. 1st come see Guys We Fucked: LIVE at the Midnight Theater. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Wow, look at you, you're a survivor and maybe even a thriver staying alive for another week on earth. On today's episode of The Voices In Our Heads, I had the absolute pleasure of being a “sign” pass-er on-er with a pink alien message from a gal's beloved late dog. Also on today's episode: Sharting in my sexiest halloween costume to date because of course. Look at god! Fckboi Theater:  Fcky McFckFace edition A run-thru of my roast jokes before the big night And a reading from Harriet Lerner's book, “Why Won't You Apologize?” all about the nasty effects of shame. Maybe I relate to these excerpts a lil too hard. Follow me on social media! @KrystynaHutchFollow my other podcast: @GuysWeFckedSign up for my Patreon page:www.Patreon.com/KrystynaHutchinsonAnd come see me headline Zanie's in Chicago 11/10 +11 and Nashville 11/12.

Wow, look at you, you're a survivor and maybe even a thriver staying alive for another week on earth. On today's episode of The Voices In Our Heads, I had the absolute pleasure of being a “sign” pass-er on-er with a pink alien message from a gal's beloved late dog. Also on today's episode: Sharting in my sexiest halloween costume to date because of course. Look at god! Fckboi Theater:  Fcky McFckFace edition A run-thru of my roast jokes before the big night And a reading from Harriet Lerner's book, “Why Won't You Apologize?” all about the nasty effects of shame. Maybe I relate to these excerpts a lil too hard. Follow me on social media! @KrystynaHutch Follow my other podcast: @GuysWeFcked Sign up for my Patreon page: www.Patreon.com/KrystynaHutchinson And come see me headline Zanie's in Chicago 11/10 +11 and Nashville 11/12. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You did it, you survived another week on this tempestuous planet we call Earth. On today's episode of The Voices In Our Heads:- An apology for making fun of your Baby On Board stickers, I didn't realize the bleak undertones of its existence - Utah and "All Natural" beauty pageants for children (girls)- My ideas on how we can get a ceasefire in Gaza. Don't worry, they're all dumb.- Cenk Uygur sounds more like a person than the people running for president ( www.cenkforamerica.com ) . I'm sure he has flaws, but c'mon.- Fuckboi Theater: Fuckboi Edition- A few ideas on how to have a little more stupid silly fun in your life- A reading of Chapter 4 of Harriet Lerner's book, "Why Won't You Apologize"Follow me on social media:@KrystynaHutch Come see me live - tickets links at https://linktree.com/krystynahutch  NYC | Nov. 2nd | Drom (opening for my mans, Colin)Chicago | Nov. 10 + 11 | Zanie'sNashville | Nov. 12th | Zanie'sNYC | Dec. 1st | The Midnight Theater for GWF LiveSign up for my Patreon!www.Patreon.com/krystynahutchinson

You did it, you survived another week on this tempestuous planet we call Earth. On today's episode of The Voices In Our Heads: - An apology for making fun of your Baby On Board stickers, I didn't realize the bleak undertones of its existence  - Utah and "All Natural" beauty pageants for children (girls) - My ideas on how we can get a ceasefire in Gaza. Don't worry, they're all dumb. - Cenk Uygur sounds more like a person than the people running for president ( www.cenkforamerica.com ) . I'm sure he has flaws, but c'mon. - Fuckboi Theater: Fuckboi Edition - A few ideas on how to have a little more stupid silly fun in your life - A reading of Chapter 4 of Harriet Lerner's book, "Why Won't You Apologize" Follow me on social media: @KrystynaHutch  Come see me live - tickets links at https://linktree.com/krystynahutch   NYC | Nov. 2nd | Drom (opening for my mans, Colin) Chicago | Nov. 10 + 11 | Zanie's Nashville | Nov. 12th | Zanie's NYC | Dec. 1st | The Midnight Theater for GWF Live Sign up for my Patreon! www.Patreon.com/krystynahutchinson Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Wow guys, we survived another week on planet earth and are heroes for it! On today's episode of The Voices In Our Heads, I try to add something tiny and maybe productive (?) to the whole war and bloodshed happening and I introduce a new fun party game you can try! Other topics include: Baby On Board signs: why? An angel named Taryn made me new eyebrows  A reading from chapters 1 and 2 of Harriet Lerner's book, “Why Won't You Apologize?” Follow me on social media! @KrystynaHutchFollow my other podcast: @GuysWeFckedSign up for my Patreon page:www.Patreon.com/KrystynaHutchinsonAnd come see me headline Zanie's in Chicago 11/10 +11 and Nashville 11/12.

Wow guys, we survived another week on planet earth and are heroes for it! On today's episode of The Voices In Our Heads, I try to add something tiny and maybe productive (?) to the whole war and bloodshed happening and I introduce a new fun party game you can try! Other topics include: Baby On Board signs: why? An angel named Taryn made me new eyebrows  A reading from chapters 1 and 2 of Harriet Lerner's book, “Why Won't You Apologize?” Follow me on social media! @KrystynaHutch Follow my other podcast: @GuysWeFcked Sign up for my Patreon page: www.Patreon.com/KrystynaHutchinson And come see me headline Zanie's in Chicago 11/10 +11 and Nashville 11/12. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

https://tararama.com/Instagram: @tara.rama.trYouTube: @tararamahttps://www.youtube.com/channel/UCBw2Nv5hi5TiPvaiyLURQvgReference:The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner

A change is season is upon us and it's a good time to reset, reflection, and recharge. In this episode, we'll discuss the various steps to help you recharge: Take stock of who you are Challenge your assumptions (black and white thinking: "All is bad") Disconnect to recharge Make time for yourself How do you want to grow? Take a baby step to do that. Resources: Read The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner. Need help? Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline.  More Information about Let Go and Be Free: Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics. Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast. I'm not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional. Listen to the podcast on: Spotify Apple podcasts Google podcasts Amazon music RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)

What are healthy ways to handle conflict? In growing up in an alcoholic and/or dysfunctional family, we might have learned lots of unhealthy ways to handle conflict, but not healthy ones. Do you avoid conflict? Become an aggressor during one? Or play both sides against each other? To exhibit healthy behaviors in resolving conflict, keep these skills in mind: Use "I" statements and not "you" ("You're wrong, you're bad, etc.") Take stock of your own responsibility and accountability: Did you do anything wrong? If so, admit it, and make amends. Have empathy for the other person. Be an active listener. If necessary, ask for time to regroup: Do you need a timeout so that you can be better open to talking? Set boundaries when necessary. Resources: Read The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner. Need help? Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline.  More Information about Let Go and Be Free: Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics. Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast. I'm not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional. Listen to the podcast on: Spotify Apple podcasts Google podcasts Amazon music RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)

In this episode, I am diving into the painful, yet sometimes absolutely necessary, act of boundaries and managing hard relationships. I share excerpts from two books that have helped me along my healing journey, and the role responsibility plays in the parent-child dynamic, even into adulthood.  I also share an exciting double celebration coming up in September to celebrate my birthday and 10 years of the School of Sacred Embodiment, plus details about the CHERISH retreat happening in the Fall of 2024 in Spain. If you are navigating boundaries, hard relationships, emotional abuse, or no-contact situations, I hope this episode will provide some useful insight or perspective and deepen your compassion for yourself and others along the way.    In episode 435 of the Embodied Podcast we discuss: (2:18) The hope that this episode will provide clarity and perspective (4:44) Emotional and psychological abuse and its effects (8:45) I share some worlds from Harriet Lerner's TEDx talk  (15:38) The paradox of two things existing at the same time  (20:39) My choice to cut off family after 11 years  (24:41) Communication around boundaries and differing perspectives (35:48) I share an excerpt from Boundary Boss by Terri Cole about Boundary Destroyers (40:22) Jonah Hill's ex-girlfriend and an example of a boundary request (52:53) How boundaries don't automatically create better relationships Resources mentioned in the episode:  What Is Emotional Abuse? Article  Harriet Lerner TEDx Talk  Boundary Boss by Terri Cole untameyourself.com/links   Work with me:  Add your name to the CHERISH Retreat Interest List   Special offer:  FREE Download: Morning + Evening Rituals  FREE Wise and Wild Self Meditation    Stay in touch:  NEW! Join our Free Wild Soul Community on Mighty Networks Subscribe to my Substack  Catch the full show notes for episode 435 here Email us with questions or feedback Don't miss an episode of The Embodied Podcast  

At some point, the you-know-what is going to hit the fan.And it happened to me the other morning when I was driving my husband to his colonoscopy.This is the first episode without a video version because I recorded it from my iPhone after dropping my husband off at the hospital.I promised to take you into my life; I just didn't expect it to be as a stressful situation was unfolding in real time.When it comes to dealing with stress, best-selling psychotherapist and researcher Harriet Lerner says that being an underfunctioner or an overfunctioner is your patterned response to dealing with the alarm in your body.It probably doesn't surprise you that I am what researchers call an "Overfunctioner." My husband, Chris, is an "Underfunctioner," especially on those days when he's on the way to a medical procedure.And learning the way YOU react to stress is a game-changer for your relationships.An overfunctioner like me allows the alarm in my body to take over in stressful situations, becoming triggered and anxious.And the only way to calm the alarm is to bark orders, manage the phone calls, organize the activities, make the appointments, plan the meals, and take on all the responsibilities because it gives me a sense of control.It may be my superpower, but it also makes me a royal pain in the a$$ and takes away the chance for Chris to feel empowered.The way Chris deals with stress is more chill and very methodical, which frustrates the hell out of me.Listen today as we work through these two different ways of dealing with a stressful family situation so that you can understand your own approach better and, more importantly, how to ask for what you need from others before you drive them nuts.And if you're ready to take the next right step to live your life with more confidence and no regrets, this is your time.Sign up for my exclusive signature course, Launch with Mel Robbins. It's available for registration only through May 4, so grab your spot today!Learn all the exciting details and sign up here!Xo Mel  In this episode, you'll learn: 3:00: Let me set the scene for you before everything started blowing up.4:30: Here's how I set myself up to fail the night before.7:15: Then life kicks in big time and cue the mom guilt flood gates.10:40: Here's what overfunctioning stress looks like in real life. Can you relate?14:30: If you don't catch yourself in this state, your relationships pay the price.23:00: Chris nails the good, the bad, and the ugly side of overfunctioning.24:15: I thank Harriet Lerner for her research that helps me understand myself.26:30: Here's how my anxiety sees my husband's “underfunctioning” response to stress.28:30: And this is how Chris sees my “overfunctioning” response.32:00: Have a partner who handles stress differently? Here's how to support each other.38:00: Chris explains what happens in HIS brain and body when he's stressed.42:30: Holy mackerel, I just realized I never stopped to do this in my stress episode.46:00: This is a tool our couple's therapist gave us that really helps us to see each other. Disclaimer

Let's say you slide down a banister with glee, nearly run into the wife of your commanding officer and that helps you learn about effective leadership. Now combine that with Yoda telling us that failure is one of the best teachers and what do you have...well it's this episode of Unpacking Mormonism and you gotta click the play button to understand. Get your notepads out dear listener, we are going to bring you some wisdom.     Did YOU know?! Sorry to shout but we have a private Facebook group that you just have to join up with to share with us how your journey is going. Also, how is the head? How is the heart?    https://www.facebook.com/groups/unpackingmormonismandotherreligioustrauma   Music provided by Muza, Run to Life and Jon Worthy Music   Extreme Ownership: How US Navy Seals Lead and Win by Jocko Willink and Leif Babin.    https://www.amazon.com/Extreme-Ownership-audiobook/dp/B015TM0RM4/ref=sr_1_1?crid=395MV88DSU6K7&keywords=extreme+ownership&qid=1681075372&sprefix=extreme+ownership%2Caps%2C113&sr=8-1   Unpacking Mormonism and other religious trauma. Episode #17: Is the prophet a narcissist?    https://sites.libsyn.com/431505/017-is-the-prophet-a-narcissist   Radio Free Mormon Podcast. Episode #271: New temple endowment https://mormondiscussionpodcast.org/2023/03/radio-free-mormon-271-new-temple-endowment-hot-takes/     Mormonism Live Podcast. Episode #69   https://mormonismlive.org/2022/03/mormonism-live-069-gaslighting-from-mormon-leadership/   Mormonism Live Podcast. Episode #73   https://mormonismlive.org/2022/04/mormonism-live-073-lying-for-the-lord/     “Why won't you apologize?”- Harriet Lerner    https://www.amazon.com/Why-Wont-You-Apologize-audiobook/dp/B01MU5HZAW/ref=sr_1_1?crid=K1GGDMZDMBG1&keywords=why+won%27t+you+apologize&qid=1669394096&s=audible&sprefix=why+wont+you+apologiz%2Caudible%2C101&sr=1-1    

In this episode is a juicy one! We discuss codependency while traveling through ADDICTION, RESENTMENT, BOUNDARIES and whether we should block someone.  Vanessa Bennet is the author of IT'S NOT ME IT'S YOU  which she narrates the audio version with her life partner and co-author John Kim also known as the angry therapist on instagram. Whatever version of the book you choose please make sure to do the exercises at the end of each chapter because they will create shifts and help you get insight on your inner life. This book did that for me so I highky recommend it.  Vanessa Benett also recommends the work of Harriet Lerner which is now on my must read list. Some of her most popular titles are THE DANCE OF CONNECTION and WHY WON'T YOU APOLOGIZE.  We also discuss Melody Beattie's book, an OG of codependecy work, CODEPENDENT NO MORE. This book was my first experience exploring my inner codependency and it's definitely worth reading.  Here you can find the 12 step programs Vanessa Bennett recommends in this episode: AL-ANON : For help and support of those dealing with family members in active addiction CoDA: Codependent Anonymous  Another great support group: Adult Children: Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families  You can find Vanessa Bennett Here: TIKTOK INSTAGRAM CHEAPER THAN THERAPY PODCAST

Today Karen and KP examine the emotion of Anger. We explore it's value, why so many of us are afraid of it and how it can both inform and guide us in ways that can bring value. Understanding the root of our relationship with anger informs our conflict oriented, conflict resistant or conflict neutral approach to disagreements. The book, "Dance Of Anger" by Dr. Harriet Lerner describes anger as "a signal & one worth listening to". Dr. Learner wrote this book as an invitation to give ourselves permission to open to the lessons of our own anger and how we choose to respond to it. The Genius in all Our Emotions with Karla McClaren Request a Free Rapid Relief Call with KPFor more information on Journey Beyond Divorce visit:  www.jbddivorcesupport.com  

Gina is joined today on Revitalized Womanhood by Jennifer Hurst, an Ennegram expert and licensed therapist. Learning about what Enneagram type you are can be the key to unlocking your true, inner self. It is a tool to learn more about yourself and how you perceive both you and life's challenges and obstacles. Jen goes over some of the different types, and how they view both the world and themselves, and also how to become the most ideal and empowering version of yourself!    Join the Revitalized Sisterhood    Connect with Gina Trimmer on Instagram    Join the Free Revitalized Womanhood Facebook Community   On this episode:   (2:00) Today's guest, Jennifer Hurst can be found at https://www.everyday-enneagram.com/.    (4:05) Jen introduces herself as an “Enneagrammer”, and also has special training in trauma studies.    (6:45) Gina explains what made her inclined to reach out to Jennifer in order to begin to understand and communicate with the women in her sisterhood.    (8:00) Jen describes the history and background of the Enneagram.    (10:10) Myers Briggs is a popular personality test, which differs from the Enneagram because it depicts how we are perceived by others instead of our inner selves.    (12:55) The Enneagram can be difficult to understand, but its basic symbol is a circle with nine points.    (16:00) Jen dives into how the Enneagram is a tool for discovering individuality, rather than a match making device.    (22:10) Jen describes some of the specifics about the Enneagram numbers, such as the type 2 female and its inherent rewards.    (24:20) The Dance of Anger, a book by Harriet Lerner, is recommended by Jen for strong, empowering women.    (28:50) Jen describes the inefficiency of testing your enneagram type.    (32:10) Jen goes into detail about the differences in enneagram types, and how certain patterns we have may have to do with our enneagrams.    (35:30) Type eights prefer confrontation, or to be “stabbed in the front”, opposed to being stabbed in the back.    (39:30) Jen describes “activation” or refusal within enneagram types and specific qualities.     (42:35) Weaponizing the enneagram qualities can become a big problem when people learn about the different types.   (44:20) Jen advises us to befriend and face our fears, using the example of an empathic witness alongside a child with a fear of the dark.    (48:40) Jen talks about anticipating future disappointments versus anticipating the best result.    (53:50) Gina asks how the Enneagram can help us identify our needs.    (57:35) Gina and Jen inquire about what Ennegram Gina's husband Rick would be.    (1:02:30) Jen describes how we have the ability to heal ourselves.

In this MindFULL Musing, I ponder how hard it can be to have , what I like to call, a Courageous Conversation. Those are the conversations that weigh on your  mind and heart. I mention Harriet Lerner and her helpful new book, Why Won't You Apologize? I also posted the link below to Brene Nrown and Harret LErner's conversation on the very topic. Give a listen. And then go forth and have that conversation. Let us know how it goes! Brene Brown and Harriet Lerner's Conversation:https://open.spotify.com/episode/2jxcLXMB672u5dpc9YqDu9?si=97cf4353070841c9Learn more about Harriet Lerner and her work:https://www.harrietlerner.com/Follow my blog (the inspiration for this podcast) https://themindfullcreative.comDM me on Instagram and let me know what you think! https://www.instagram.com/mindfullconversations/

In this second part of our series on moving on, the Sugars discuss how we can release ourselves from our past mistakes. Dr. Harriet Lerner drops in to answer a letter from a woman who calls herself a "serial codependent," as well as a woman who is haunted by her abortion. This episode was originally published on August 25th, 2018.

Many people believe that apologizing is a sign of weakness and intentionally do not use the words, "I'm sorry". It is likely that someone comes to mind for us all in our personal and/or professional lives that fits this category. Apologizing, in actuality, takes a great deal of strength and self-worth. Join us for part two of our interview with NYT best selling author and relationship expert, Dr. Harriet Lerner, where she explains what is takes for us to apologize and take accountability for things we have done that unintentionally hurt others. Chris and Ellie discuss the following with Dr. Harriet Lerner: Why some people won't or can't say, "I'm sorry" What it takes to offer a sincere apology  The importance of striking while the iron is....cold Connect with us at growfurtherpodcast@gmail.comWant to learn more from and/or about Harriet?https://www.harrietlerner.com

Fear comes in at the strangest times and kicks into high gear when we're least expecting it, in a space of creativity, and challenging ourselves to grow. Experiencing fear doesn't have to be negative. In today's episode I'm cracking open the book of vulnerability and sharing not only incredible resources from people like Brene Brown and Liz Gilbert, I'm also sharing my personal experiences with fear.  Taking steps towards a bigger version of you requires that fear be present. Every time I step into the unknown and do the things that scare me most, like starting this podcast, I choose to use my fear as my compass, which lets me know I am on the right track, expanding and growing.  Tools & Reframes to Help You Overcome Fear  Having the right tools when you need them is key to managing healthy emotional responses. The first tool comes from Elizabeth Gilbert and at the end of this episode we're going to put this tool into practice right away. In her book, Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear, Liz writes a letter to fear. This is about creating space for fear, acknowledging it, not pushing it away, not ignoring it, but welcoming it along for the ride. There's power in acknowledging it and allowing it to have a voice, while knowing you will not allow it to make decisions or drive the vehicle. I have made this letter to fear my mantra for life.   In Brene Brown's book, Atlas of the Heart, we're reminded that fear is a natural protective response and to our brains, physical and emotional pain all feel the same way. Practice recognizing what you're afraid of and choose to be brave anyway.  Another helpful tool to deal with fear and learning about emotional suppression is Susan David's book Emotional Agility. So many of us try to ignore our fear, and in reality, by avoiding and suppressing our fears, we make them bigger and stronger in time. We end up being controlled by fear rather than having control over it. Give yourself permission to feel the fear without suppressing it.  “Fear, to a great extent, is born of a story we tell ourselves, and so I chose to tell myself a different story” -Cheryl Strayed  The last tool I'll share here is from Marie Forleo's simple test to decipher between fear and intuition. When we're faced with opportunity, it's sometimes difficult to know if you're wanting to say no because fear is kicking in or if you're saying no because your gut is saying this isn't right for you. Close your eyes and settle down, then ask yourself with total awareness to how your body responds. Does it feel expansive, light and joyful or is it more dread, despair and a heaviness there?  “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous.” -Marianne Williamson   This Week's Tool to Help You With Fear Comes from Elizabeth Gilbert:  We are going to write a letter from our fear.  Step 1: Write your name, for example, Dear Meg this is your fear and I want you to know….  Allow your fear to write a letter to you   Ask your fear what you are terrified about and listen with respect  Identify the two or three things at the root of your fear  Ask your fear what it wants, what it doesn't want and why it's holding you back from what your creativity  Step 2: Read the letter with an open mind and open heart  Step 3: Write a letter back to your fear with love, kindness, and gratitude for its thoughts and contributions     Resources from this episode:  Atlas of the Heart Book Study: https://www.meghanthomas.com/atlas-of-the-heart   Atlas of the Heart by Brene Brown: https://amzn.to/3e3JI8V   Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert: https://amzn.to/3qhGjGJ    Fear and Other Uninvited Guests by Harriet Lerner:  https://amzn.to/3RGo7SP   Bittersweet by Susan Cain: https://amzn.to/3Txgr72   Emotional Agility by Susan David: https://amzn.to/3R5S6na   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Do you make one of the top 4 apology mistakes when saying , "I'm sorry"? Join us for part one of this interview with NYT best selling author and relationship expert, Dr. Harriet Lerner, where she gives us a crash course on how to sincerely apologize including the top 4 mistakes we commonly make. Chris and Ellie discuss the following with Dr. Harriet Lerner: Why apologizing matters  Ingredients of a good apology 4 biggest mistakes when apologizing Connect with us at growfurtherpodcast@gmail.comWant to learn more from and/or about Harriet? https://www.harrietlerner.com/

If you're someone that suffers from anxiety you know what that physical tension can feel like. You can feel debilitated in social situations or feel totally restless depending on how severe the level of your anxiety. Today we're exploring 4 emotions connected with anxiety and how you can reframe your thoughts to gain more control around these emotions to lower your levels of anxiety. Emotional Coping Mechanisms Avoidance and worry are two ways we attempt to cope with anxiety, but that ultimately makes anxiety worse. In this episode I'm going to share Brené Brown's definitions from her book, Atlas of the Heart, which is linked below and highly recommended. Words are important and the meaning we assign to them makes a world of difference to how we can react and respond to them. Avoidance Atlas of the Heart Definition: not showing up and often spending a lot of energy zigzagging around and away from that thing that feels like it's consuming us. A healthy way to deal with and process our emotions doesn't come naturally to many of us, myself included. It's easy to fall into the habit of avoiding emotions. We avoid feeling them and we avoid confronting or digging for the reason we even default to avoidant behaviors. Avoidance is strongly connected to anxiety and though we feel less vulnerable in the short-term, we are never less afraid in the long run. “Avoidance is the best short-term strategy to escape conflict, and the best long-term strategy to ensure suffering.” -Brendon Burchard Worry Atlas of the Heart Definition: a chain of negative thoughts about bad things that might happen in the future. Although we like to think and say we can't help but worry, the truth is worry can be changed and it is in fact optional. When we try to suppress our worry we make things worse. The trick is that we have to address worry in a way that gets to the root cause. Included at the end of these show notes are journaling prompts to help you get to the root cause of worry. Aside from journaling your way to the root cause, doing things to interrupt your worries like breathing, meditating, or moving your body has proven to be extremely helpful. Talking about it with someone you trust can be another great way to handle worry. One of the key ideas to keep in mind with worry is that it's about the future and not about being present. So anything that will return you to the present moment is going to minimize worry and lower your anxiety. Dread Atlas of the Heart Definition: occurs frequently in response to high-probability negative events; its magnitude increases as the dreaded event draws nearer. Like worry, feeling dread is also about anticipating future events. It's about the negative anticipation that increases your level of anxiety and creates a more unpleasant experience. The more anticipation we have around a negative event the greater our anxiety. Excitement Atlas of the Heart Definition: an energized state of enthusiasm leading up to or during an enjoyable activity. However it doesn't always feel great. Excitement is related to anxiety because the bodily sensation is practically identical. They feel the same way, and the only variance is in how we label and define the event or situation. When there is more positivity associated with the thing, we label it exciting. When there is more negativity associated with the thing we call it anxiety. In this episode I share an Emotion Recipe that can change the way you process and assign your emotions, and it starts with identifying the sensation and then labeling it. Resources: Atlas of the Heart by Brené Brown: https://amzn.to/3bXxgqC The Dance of Fear by Harriet Lerner: https://amzn.to/3C9wq4Q Atlas of the Heart Book Study with Meg: https://www.meghanthomas.com/atlas-of-the-heart Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

-What do anger, resentment, and rage look like in codependents? -How does our guilt, shame, and embarrassment about our anger help us maintain our unhealthy relationships? -Why we need to stop asking questions like "What's the point of being angry?" and instead get curious about our anger as a signal that something is amiss! Welcome to episode 88! This week, I'm taking a deep dive into ANGER, RESENTMENT, and CODEPENDENT RAGE. But Marissa, if I'm pleasing, placating, and problem-solving for others all the time, how can I be angry? Buckle up, buttercup: when we spend all our time dedicating ourselves to others and neglecting our thoughts, feelings, and needs, resentment is guaranteed to build. We will be discussing resentment and rage with the help of Dr. Harriet Lerner, PhD through her work The Dance of Anger.. I'll describe observations Dr. Lerner has made, connect them to our codependency, and then share an anecdote of my own seething resentment that turned into rage to help you reflect on this topic in your own life. It's a must-listen!  Thanks for your support, girl! Links: The Dance of Anger by Dr. Harriet Lerner, Phd: https://www.amazon.com/Dance-Anger-Changing-Patterns-Relationships/dp/0062319043 Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497  Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing -  FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge  Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC -  More deets on the episode:  I introduce you to the work of Dr. Harriet Lerner and her book, The Dance of Anger.  I expand on three observations Dr. Lerner discusses in her book: Women have long been discouraged from the awareness and forthright expression of anger. If women repress and suppress their anger, they stay in place. Women learn to fear their anger for two reasons: 1) it brings about the disapproval of others and 2) it necessitates change. I then share 2-ish anecdotes from when I 1) got angry at my dad and 2) raged at my dad.  In her book, Dr. Lerner encourages the reader to reflect on the following 7 questions: What am I really angry about? What is the problem, and whose problem is it? How can I sort out who is responsible for hat? How can I learn to express my anger in a way that will not leave me feeling helpless and powerless? When I'm angry, how can I clearly communicate my position without becoming defensive or attacking? What risks and losses might I face if I become clearer and more assertive? If getting angry is not working for me, what can I do differently?  We conclude with me answering the questions in the frame of mind I was in post-rage and ways I could have addressed problems with my dad back then. Thanks for listening!  PLEASE: Rate.  Review. Subscribe.  Share. We need more ratings on Spotify! Appreciate it! If you're needing more than just these episodes to combat codependency in your life, here are some additional resources: -Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing  -The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge -If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email marissa@codependumy.com -Sign up for the newsletter:: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497  Support the show via a one-time secure donation: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC 

This emotion is a biggie. Did you know that 1/3 of all adults in the US will be affected by an anxiety disorder in their lifetime with fewer than half seeking treatment? I have a personal relationship with anxiety. Before I share my story, let's define what we're discussing. Anxiety: An emotion characterized by feelings of tension, and worried thoughts and physical changes like increased blood pressure. It's worth mentioning that when we talk about emotions there are traits and states. When you hear the difference, it will help you identify and work through anxiety in your life. There's also another type of anxiety referred to as Generalized Anxiety Disorder. It is defined as a condition of excessive worry about everyday issues and situations. It lasts longer than 6 months and in addition to feeling worried you may also feel restlessness, fatigue, trouble concentrating, irritability, increased muscle tension and trouble sleeping. There's also something called functional anxiety. That's the anxiety that pushes us to study for the test or prepare for a big meeting. Once we do the thing (prepare, study) the anxiety goes away, having helped us do what needed to be done in the moment. There is help. I've dealt with anxiety for much of my life. Psychotherapy for one, and other strategies can help us recognize the cause of anxiety so we can take appropriate steps to remedy the situation. Hear how I tell the difference between my internal anxiety and the intuitive messages that I also receive. My story is likely much different than yours, but it will help you understand what to do in the moment. Anxiety needs to be understood and respected. We need to understand why it's showing up. What do we need to do and what do we need to learn?  What can we do to calm ourselves? 1.   Be slow to respond and quick to think. Do you have the info you need to respond? 2.   Stay mindful of the effect being calm has for you and those around you. Calm is contagious! 3.   Take a breath. Slow down, stay aware, name what you are feeling first. I share my personal experience about my own medication use. It's a personal choice of course, but I knew I needed to get my bearings and the medication helped. Once I had other tools and was physically healthier, I was able to stop the medication. Anxiety can lead to panic attacks. IYKYK. I've only had one and it was terrifying. There were no rational thoughts and I felt like my body and my mind were completely taken over. Is your experience like mine? What helped you? Yoga and meditation work for me. Hear the brain science on this as well. It'll give you another reason to give yoga a try. Be sure to try the box breathing technique. You can come back to this episode any time you need to gain calm and focus. Don't miss this week's poem: She Let Go by Safire Rose Resources: Show Notes: https://www.meghanthomas.com/blog Atlas of the Heart Book Study: https://www.meghanthomas.com/atlas-of-the-heart Atlas of the Heart by Brené Brown: https://amzn.to/3oVJpPL Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski: https://amzn.to/3SsDCio The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk: https://amzn.to/3SqGOei The Dance of Connection by Harriet Lerner: https://amzn.to/3bAxfbV  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Apologies are the topic on this episode. Have you ever found it tough to say, “I'm sorry”, or wished for someone to apologize to you? Our guest, Dr. Harriet Lerner, says apologies are very important in our relationships. Harriet is a well-known psychologist whose latest book is called “Why Won't You Apologize?: Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts”. You can learn about Harriet by checking out her website at https://www.harrietlerner.com/. Thanks to our sponsors of this episode!   --> AirMedCare Network: AirMedCare Network provides world-class air transport services to the nearest, appropriate hospital or trauma center. AMCN Members have the added value of knowing their flight expenses are completely covered when flown by an AMCN provider. For as little as $85 a year, it covers your entire household, every day, 24/7, even when traveling. AMCN is the largest medical air transport membership in the country, covering 38 states. For just pennies a day, you can worry less about what matters most. This is security no family should be without. Now, as a Nobody Told Me! listener, you'll get up to a $50 eGift Card when you join.    Visit www.airmedcarenetwork.com/nobody and use the offer code NOBODY. -->Castus: CASTUS is a team of business development experts that enables B2B e-commerce to streamline the relationship between wholesalers and resellers. They create custom digital storefronts that cater to both your products and buyers to drive online orders and strengthen brand loyalty. Castus's in-depth expertise working in backend logistics to frontend consumer experiences, and everything in between makes them the perfect full-cycle partner for your business growth.  Visit their website, castusglobal.com/nobodytoldme to set up a no-obligation, one-on-one consultation with one of their experts and learn more!   --> Feals: Feals is a premium CBD delivered directly to your doorstep. Simply put, it's a better way to keep your head clear and feel better. CBD isn't about what you feel. It's about what you don't feel – stress, anxiety, pain. CBD is one of the active compounds found in the hemp plant. It works naturally without any mind altering effects or "high" for the person using it. Feals also offers a free CBD hotline to help guide your personal experience so that you find your perfect dose. The Feals Customer Service team is dedicated to making sure you get the best use of your CBD. Joining the Feals monthly membership makes your self-care easy. You'll save money on every order and you can pause or cancel any time. Start feeling better with Feals! Become a member today by going to www.feals.com/NOBODYTOLDME and you'll get 50% off your first order with free shipping! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Elevates! What's really good!? 4 Ways to Take Accountability: 1.| Stop & ask yourself, 'how am I contributing to this problem?' 2.| Look at where you feel most hurt in life & get help to heal that. 3.| The next time you apologize for your wrongs, make it a REAL apology. Book: "Why Won't You Apologize?" By Dr. Harriet Lerner 4.| Recognize how you're being toxic to others. Source: Forbes •Perspective •Perception •Behavior Shout outs: Ri aka Rye Rye @deeply_unlocked . Candles

On today's episode of ShrinkChicks, Emmalee and Jen share their expertise on how to repair after a rupture in our relationships a.k.a. how to make up after a fight, disagreement, or argument. They discuss why rupture is inevitable in all of our relationships, why being "right" doesn't matter, why tit for tat can be harmful, how to hold onto ourselves when the other person is dysregulated, whether make-up sex is a real thing, how to argue in a healthy way, stubbornness when in a disagreement and so much more. Tune in to gain insight, awareness, and action! The book mentioned in today's episode: Why Won't You Apologize by Harriet Lerner, Ph.D. Never miss an episode of ShrinkChicks on YouTube by subscribing here! https://youtube.com/channel/UCrxuhDqoL4ML3UE8b2J2BBg Thanks to this week's sponsors for supporting ShrinkChicks! We have these exclusive offers for our listeners: Nuuly: Get $10 off your first month of Nuuly when you sign up with our code: SHRINK10 at nuuly.com   Coterie: Get 20% off your order plus FREE shipping when you go to coterie.com/shrink Truebill: Truebill is the new app that helps you identify and stop paying for subscriptions you don't need, want, or simply forgot about. Go to truebill.com/shrinkchicks to start cancelling today - it could save you thousands a year! Dipsea: Sign up for an extended 30 day FREE trial when you go to dipseastories.com/shrink  ZocDoc: Go to zocdoc.com/shrink and download the ZocDoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor. Many are available as soon as today! Shopify: Go to shopify.com/shrinkchicks for a FREE fourteen-day trial and get full access to Shopify's entire suite of features!

Los boletos para mi conferencia Alinear tu Ser con tu hacer (en versión presencial y virtual) ya están a la venta aqui, será un día especial para vibrar en colectivo, nos vemos el 11 de junio :) Claudia Kulish, orientadora de padres y especialista en vínculo, es una GENIA y me trae de la mano desde que estoy criando a 2 hermanitos. Todo mi camino se los cuento en el episodio 73. En este episodio nos enfocamos en cómo salirte de la posición de juez y ser más un mediador de la relación de tus hijos. Consejos de Claudia, avalados por sus hijas: “Mamá nos deja pelearnos”. A los conflictos se les enfrenta con compasión y escucha. Los cuidadores primarios nos construimos como mediadores EN el conflicto. “Mamá nos cree” “Mamá separa lo que causó el conflicto de la persona” “Mamá nos pide y pregunta nuestros puntos de vista y traduce por nosotras” No obligues a pedir disculpas, mejor dar seguimiento para asegurarse que sí pase, pero cuando estén list@s. Muchos cuidadores simplemente queremos evitar el conflicto pero recuerda que: "In the struggle is the essence of life" Cita de Edith Eger en The Choice / La bailarina de Auschwitz (en español). Recomendaciones de este episodio: Becoming Nobody de Ram Dass Brené Brown y Harriet Lerner en I'm sorry: How to Apologize and Why It Matters Si estas necesitando ayuda puedes agendar una cita con Claudia a través de su Instagram @claudiakulish

Hello So Deep Peeps!  Welcome to That's So Deep.  This is the podcast where we try to root out loneliness one conversation at a time. Today we are talking about Fake Apologies vs. True Apologies: What's the Difference? Some deep things we cover:Fake Apologies: Conditional apologies, blanket apologies, silencing apologies…we've heard them all and done them all.True Apologies (according to Dr. Harriet Lerner): Do not include the word "but". Keep the focus on your actions and not on the other person's responseDon't overdo. Don't get caught up in who's more to blame or who is right or wrong. Do not serve to silence someone. Apologies are the Beginning of Conversations…not the End.Apologizing to Your Children Builds Connection.Take-aways:Separate an Apology from Raising an Issue: If you're going to raise an issue, then raise an issue.  That's okay.  If you are going to apologize, then apologize and mean it.  Separate the two.  These are two different conversations.Apologize When You Feel Remorse and Make it Specific: This is where “fake it ‘till  you make it” is not a great plan.  If you don't feel remorse then you have some work to do before you apologize.  Apologies are a Gift to the Other Person and to Yourself:  When you give a gift, you need to do some work to prepare it.  Don't just throw it in a used grocery bag and toss it to the other person.  Take the time to do the emotional work necessary to really prepare the gift for yourself and for the other party.  Your relationship will be better for it.We want to have a conversation with you!There are many ways to connect with us.  Here are some of them:1. Join our That's So Deep Community Group on Facebook2. LIKE and FOLLOW us on: Facebook: @sodeeppeeps  OR Instagram @thatssodeeppod3. Text us or leave us a voicemail: 805-288-08844. Email us: sodeeppeeps@gmail.com If you liked this podcast, you can FOLLOW, SUBSCRIBE or SHARE with a friend and if you don't want to miss an episode, click that BELL so you can be notified right away when the next episode releases.  We love you and we can't wait for our next deep conversation!Yours in Becoming, Phyllis & JulieResources and articles we referenced in the episode:Harriet Lerner and Brené - I'm Sorry: How To Apologize & Why It Matters, Part 1 of 2 - Unlocking Us with Brené Brown13 Fake Apologies Used By Narcissists | Psychology TodayWhy Won't You Apologize?: Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts: Lerner PhD, HarrietOut of Control: Why Disciplining Your Child Doesn't Work and What Will: Tsabary, Dr. Shefali

Today we are talking about the reasons why we choose to do things and how our motivations impact what we end up doing (and not doing!). Do you want to give your social person these links that we referenced in the episode? Your call, but here they are: Tosha Silver Brene Brown podcast with Harriet Lerner Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner Why Won't You Apologize? by Harriet Lerner

Two simple words that can be so difficult to say… I'm sorry.   If you value your relationships, you need to be able to say these words and receive them too.   In this episode I talk about what makes a good, sincere, heartfelt apology and what makes for a bad one.  I also share what can happen over time if apologies are never given.   Follow me on Instagram: @Colleen_Odegaard   Website: www.ColleenOdegaard.com   Email me: Colleen@WakeUptoYourLife.net   Dr. Harriet Lerner's book: Why Won't You Apologize?

Dr. Harriet Lerner's work has transformed my work and my life. She's a renowned psychologist and bestselling author who has been studying apologies — and why some people won't give them — for more than two decades. In Part 2 of our two-part series, we share from a course together on her groundbreaking book Why Won't You Apologize?: Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts. We dig into the “mischief of defensiveness,” the power of listening, and the secret life of the non-apologizer. We also take on one helluva role play where you get to hear me get schooled and learn a lot and get schooled again. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This is the first episode of two-part special based on a course that Dr. Harriet Lerner and I did together on her groundbreaking book Why Won't You Apologize?: Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts. It's an authentic, hard conversation about making mistakes, healing hurts, and being brave. Harriet is a friend, mentor, and teacher. Her work has shaped my career and made my life better. During a time of deep uncertainty and anxiety — when many of us have struggled to be our best selves all of the time — apologizing has never been more important. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices