Podcast appearances and mentions of Harriet Lerner

Ep 297 Peacewarts: Resonant Charms - Apology as Engineering (Class 13) Episode Summary: In class 13, we treat apology as a structural repair. We examine the South African TRC's focus on specificity, the importance of the restitution calendar as seen in the fixed timeline for the Civil Liberties Act implementation, and the German post-war model of material debt. We provide a five-point blueprint for verbatim apologies that avoid the "non-apology" trap of the Ford Pinto case. Homework: Look up the 1988 Civil Liberties Act or the Luxembourg Agreement for material repair examples. Write down one question about any of this episode's topics. If you don't have a question, write 'no question.' Optional: Journal a three-sentence engineered apology for a personal fracture. Books: If you'd like to read more on this subject, some book suggestions are On Apology by Aaron Lazare, which provides an exhaustive structural analysis of what makes an apology succeed or fail by breaking down the exact psychological engineering required for social repair, and Why Won't You Apologize?: Healing Big Hurts and Everyday Betrayals by Harriet Lerner, a clear, insightful look at the anatomy of non-defensive, verbatim apologies that actually mend fractured relationships. Learning Topics: The South African TRC (Specificity); Coca-Cola Classic Reversal (The Calendar); West Germany 1952 (Material Repair); Ford Pinto Case (The Non-Apology); The Witness Clause; The But-Removal Practice. Join the Community / Get the Books:AvisKalfsbeek.com Podcast Music: Javier Peke Rodriguez “I am late, madame Curie”https://javierpekerodriguez.bandcamp.com/

Their woundedness was a moth to a flame to your overfunctioning.Part 2 of The Good Girl Contract walks through what happened when you took the Contract into your adult intimate relationships. Why the men who found you were not random. Why your nervous system recognised them as home. Why leaving felt so much harder than the surface story would suggest - and why so much of what has been sold to you as insight about your ex has been missing the more important insight about yourself.The episode opens with the reframe that partner selection was never a question of judgement or taste. It was a question of what your nervous system had been trained to recognise as familiar. From there, Danielle widens the wounded-man archetype into the family of related tropes that all activate the same Contract-shaped response - the emotionally unavailable man, the strong silent man, the man who has been hurt before, the man waiting for The One. Different clothing. Same job description for the woman.The episode also names something rare in the current recovery-content ecosystem.... That for a real period of time inside these relationships, the martyrdom feels good. Not just tolerable. Good. Danielle speaks openly about her own first marriage - working full-time, doing all the domestic labour, taking pride in having dinner fit for a king on the table every night, loving when he bragged about how well she looked after him. The shame that many survivors carry about how proud they were of the labour is one of the things keeping them stuck. Being always needed is not sustainable. Unreciprocated labour breeds resentment. Add male entitlement, add abuse, and the equation cannot balance. "What a perfect pairing. An entitled man, and a woman who needs to be needed. The Contract on one side. Its complement on the other. Neither of them chose it. Both of them delivered it. And the arrangement did exactly what the arrangement was structured to do."The episode also walks through the scientific mechanism that made leaving so hard - B.F. Skinner's work on variable-ratio reinforcement, and why the intermittent bones thrown occasionally are the mechanism, not incidental. Why the woman who stayed for years was not weak. She was in a reinforcement schedule the behavioural science tells us is one of the most persistent behavioural attachments a nervous system can form.And it closes on the destination glimpse - what healthy relationships actually feel like from the inside - less intensity, less drama, more consistency. Why they can initially feel wrong to a Contract-shaped nervous system. And the honest truth that receiving love from the other side is its own form of work, that takes years to build, and that the marvelling at ordinary daily love may never fully stop. This is a departure from the "narcissism-recovery" that has dominated survivor content in abundance. It refuses the "it wasn't you, it was all him" framing that keeps survivors as passive objects of someone else's pathology. It says instead: you brought something to this relationship. Not because you are to blame. Because you are the protagonist of your own story. And the protagonist is who gets to decide what happens next.A content note: this episode references patterns of unhealthy and abusive relationships at a diagnostic level. No graphic detail. Some listeners currently inside similar dynamics may want to listen with support available.The Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint is the structured way through this work. AI Danielle is available any time, any hour. Both at danielleblackcoaching.com.au.Support: If you are in Australia and need to talk to someone, 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) is available 24/7. In an emergency, call 000.Explore the supports offered by Danielle Black CoachingThe Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint™

When your childhood taught you that having needs was dangerous - that being pleasing, useful, and indispensable was the difference between love and its withdrawal - the reason boundaries are so hard as an adult is not that you are weak. It is that your nervous system learned exactly what it needed to learn to survive the environment you were in.Part 1 of The Good Girl Contract is the foundational episode of a new series. In this episode, Danielle speaks about childhood abuse. Physical and emotional abuse. Punishment for having emotions. Punishment for having needs. Punishment for answering back. The 1980s Australian cultural context in which corporal punishment of children was widespread and culturally sanctioned. From there, the episode widens into the frameworks that make the personal story into a universal one: • Stephen Porges' concept of neuroception - the body's continuous, unconscious scanning of the environment for cues of safety or threat - and what it does to a developing child in an environment where the source of care is also the source of danger. • The reframe that what the wellness and spiritual industries calls empathic sensitivity (or being an "empath")  is, for a specific subset of women, more accurately understood as trained hypervigilance in a nervous system that learned very young that reading other people accurately was the difference between safety and danger. • Harriet Lerner's framework on overfunctioning in relationships and underfunctioning in self-advocacy. The distinction between cultural conditioning, which produced most women's struggle with boundaries, and violently enforced conditioning, which produced a more acute version.The episode lands on the naming of The Contract itself. A set of terms you did not consent to, do not remember signing, and have been operating under, in every relationship you have entered, ever since."What was made can be remade. Because the same nervous system that learned the terms is capable of learning something else. Because the same brain that was shaped by danger can be reshaped by safety. Because the story is not over."This series is a departure from Working As Intended - from the structural argument about the family law system, to the personal architecture underneath the woman navigating it. A content note: this episode contains references to childhood experiences of physical and emotional abuse. No graphic detail. Some listeners may prefer to return to this episode when they have space for the material.The Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint is the structured way through this work - built for protective parents equipping themselves to interrupt the Contract in themselves, so their own children inherit something different. AI Danielle is available any time, any hour. Both at danielleblackcoaching.com.auSupport: If you are in Australia and need to talk to someone, 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) is available 24/7. In an emergency, call 000.Explore the supports offered by Danielle Black CoachingThe Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint™

In this powerful and deeply insightful episode of the Worth Loving Podcast, Keana explores the connection between self‑worth and relationship patterns, specifically why people with low self‑worth often find themselves drawn to emotionally unavailable or toxic partners. Building on last week's episode about ghosting, breadcrumbing, and modern dating games, this conversation goes beneath the surface to uncover the emotional and psychological roots that shape how we choose partners  and why we sometimes repeat painful cycles.Drawing from research by renowned psychologists like Dr. Kristin Neff, Dr. Brené Brown, Harriet Lerner, and Patrick Carnes, Keana breaks down the science behind self‑worth, attachment, trauma bonding, and emotional familiarity. You'll learn how childhood experiences, nervous system conditioning, and internalized beliefs about worthiness influence the relationships you accept, pursue, or tolerate.This episode is a compassionate guide for anyone who has ever asked: “Why do I keep choosing the same kind of partner?” “Why do I fall for people who hurt me?” “How do I stop repeating this cycle?”Keana offers trauma‑informed insight, real‑life examples, and practical steps to help you rebuild your self‑worth, strengthen your boundaries, and choose emotionally safe love.In This Episode, You'll Learn:✨ A recap of last week's episodeWhy ghosting, breadcrumbing, and mixed signals happenHow modern dating games reflect emotional immaturityWhy these behaviors are not a reflection of your worth✨ What low self‑worth looks like in datingOver‑functioning, over‑giving, or ignoring red flagsConfusing intensity with intimacyFeeling grateful for attention instead of evaluating compatibility✨ Why low self‑worth attracts toxic partnersKeana breaks down five powerful psychological reasons:Familiarity with chaos — why instability feels like homeTrauma bonding patterns — how intermittent reinforcement keeps you hookedLack of boundaries — why toxic partners thrive where limits are weakFear of abandonment — how attachment wounds shape your choicesValidation seeking — why external approval becomes addictiveEach point includes real‑life examples and research‑backed insight.✨ How to break the cycleRebuilding self‑worth through self‑compassionLearning what healthy love actually looks likeSetting boundaries without guiltHealing attachment woundsChoosing partners based on values, not validationKey Quotes from the Episode“You cannot choose healthy love when you don't believe you deserve it.”“Intensity is not intimacy — it's instability.”“Self‑worth is not earned. It's reclaimed.”Resources MentionedResearch by Dr. Kristin Neff on self‑compassionWork by Dr. Brené Brown on worthiness and vulnerabilityRelationship insights from Harriet LernerTrauma bonding research by Patrick CarnesIf you loved this episode…Leave a rating or review — it helps more women find the healing, clarity, and self‑worth they deserve.

En esta Rebanada hablamos de por qué evitar el conflicto no es lo mismo que tener paz — y de cómo muchas crecimos creyendo que querer bien es no incomodar.Con ideas de Harriet Lerner, psicóloga y autora de The Dance of Connection, que lleva más de treinta años estudiando patrones de comunicación en las relaciones, y una reflexión desde el budismo sobre la palabra correcta.Ejercicio de la semana: esa conversación que llevas posponiendo — esta semana la tienes. Empieza con: "Hay algo que quiero decirte porque me importa nuestra relación." Sin rodeos, sin disculparte por sentir lo que sientes.Keywords: relaciones, conflicto, conversaciones difíciles, límites, Harriet Lerner, comunicación, resentimiento, pareja, familia, budismo, honestidad, Marisa Lazo, Compartiendo con Marisa Lazo

✨ Episode SummaryIn this week's episode, Keana breaks down one of the most important and most overlooked factors shaping your dating life: your self‑worth.Self‑worth isn't just about confidence or self‑esteem. It's the internal belief that determines what you tolerate, what you expect, and who you choose. Whether you're dating after a breakup, navigating situationships, or trying to break old patterns, this episode explains the psychology behind why your sense of worth influences every romantic decision you make.Keana uses trauma‑informed insights and research from leading psychologists to help you understand how low self‑worth creates unhealthy patterns — and how strengthening your self‑worth can completely transform your love life.

Most of us learned everything we know about apology from a tired adult grabbing someone by the arm and saying tell your sister you're sorry — and then everyone moved on and pretended to be a happy family. We learned that apology is a performance. A reset button. Something you say with your mouth so the room can go back to a manageable temperature. What we didn't learn is that apology is the beginning of something, not the end of it. In this episode we get honest about what most of us actually do — over-apologize reflexively for things that were never our fault, while struggling to offer a real one when it matters. We talk about the relationships where apology stopped being about repair entirely and became something used against you. We talk about the apology that is never coming — and what to do with that. And we walk through what real repair actually looks like in an ordinary Tuesday, not a movie scene. Harriet Lerner's research runs through this episode — her work on why most apologies fail is specific, surprising, and worth your time. If this episode resonates, her book Why Won't You Apologize belongs on your nightstand. Because the quality of your relationships isn't determined by the absence of rupture. It's determined by your ability to repair.

Psych Safety: Boundaries and the Cost of Growth | Curious Now 38 Why are we talking about boundaries in a series on psych safety? When we can't hold consistent standards for ourselves and what we will tolerate, that unpredictability begins to undermine our team's feelings of safety: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-center-for-medical-simulation/id1279266822 As we start to change ourselves and the way we interact with people and systems around us, we will often encounter what psychologist Harriet Lerner called “change-back reactions,” with the people we were in some sort of set pattern with acting out or demanding we go back to how we were before. How can we maintain a center of calm and confidence, and know that changing is the right thing to do? Workout of the Week: Identify a safe modest test where you can experiment with setting a boundary. Pick an area where you are prepared to withstand any change-back reactions you encounter. Leadership Coaching from Jenny Rudolph: https://harvardmedsim.org/personal-leadership-coaching-with-jenny-rudolph/ #healthcaresimulation #nursing #medicine #debriefing #psychsafety

Today's solo episode is a topic close to my heart. Wouldn't life be a little bit easier if many people were better at listening and true, genuine apologies?! — I think so. Whether that be politicians, abusers... anyone really.In this episode I speak about:saying sorry too muchwhere apologies may be due or even needed (and it's ok to say that!)where emotional intelligence, doing the work and owning our sh*t is helpfulwhy forgiveness isn't always the holy grailhandling criticism and tips to avoid/reduce defensivenessThemes: apologies, relationships, forgivenessI mention Harriet Lerner, Mark Groves, Terri Cole, my boyfriend Roly Starr.At the end, I read a poem written by me.Did you enjoy this episode? If so, I would really appreciate it if you could please leave a review on the platform that you listen.For more insights and to contact me you can find me on Instagram, and/or on my website: www.lucywyldecoaching.com

¿Alguna vez has sentido que tu única opción con alguien que te lastima es desaparecerlo de tu vida... o seguir aguantando?

Episode SummaryIn this week's Q&A episode, Keana W. Mitchell answers your most vulnerable and honest questions about navigating infidelity and deciding whether to stay or walk away. Building on the main episode, “Should I Stay With My Partner Who Cheated?”, this conversation dives deeper into the emotional, psychological, and relational layers of betrayal — all through a compassionate, research‑informed lens.Keana breaks down why betrayal hurts so deeply, how to tell whether a partner is truly capable of rebuilding trust, and what clarity looks like when you feel overwhelmed and confused. She also explores what healing requires if you choose to leave, and the red flags that make reconciliation unsafe. This episode is gentle, grounding, and designed to help you reconnect with your inner wisdom during one of the hardest decisions a person can face.❓ What We Answer in This Episode1. “Why does it hurt so much even though I know the cheating wasn't my fault?”Keana explains the emotional and neurological impact of betrayal, why your body reacts like it's been traumatized, and why your pain is a reflection of your humanity not your blame.2. “How do I know if my partner is actually capable of rebuilding trust?”Using Gottman's Atone → Attune → Attach model and Dr. Shirley Glass's “walls and windows” framework, Keana outlines the behaviors that signal real accountability versus empty promises.3. “How do I make a decision when I feel so confused?”Confusion is normal after betrayal. Keana offers grounding questions inspired by Harriet Lerner to help you find clarity without rushing or abandoning yourself.4. “Is it possible to heal even if I decide to leave?”Keana discusses what healing looks like outside the relationship from rebuilding self‑worth to regulating your nervous system and reclaiming your identity.5. “What are the signs that reconciliation is actually unsafe?”Keana highlights the red flags that make reconciliation emotionally dangerous, including minimization, defensiveness, lack of transparency, and repeated patterns.

Say YES! to France! Here is not one, but two opportunities to join Wendy in France. Get all the details and reserve your spot below:Paris Christmas Markets Dec. 4-9, 2025Cognac Jewellery School May 2-9, 2026The Say YES Summit is coming!Join us November 4-5, 1–4 PM EST for a virtual gathering designed to help you say YES to the next season of your life—with courage, joy, and unapologetic self-trust. Get your ticket here! Welcome to the Say YES to Yourself! Podcast—the show for midlife women, empty nesters, and anyone navigating life after divorce, burnout, or big transitions. If you're ready to shed cultural expectations, reconnect with your true self, and put your joy first—you're in the right place.In this episode, Wendy talks with Sheridan Ruth, a somatic practitioner and teacher, about nervous system healing, emotional clarity, and the practice of committing to yourself. Sheridan opens up about what happens when life doesn't unfold the way you imagined and shares how rooting into the body allows women to release control and choose what truly feels nourishing.They explore: The pain of realizing when life or relationships don't look the way you expected The shift that happens when you choose how you want to feel each day How nervous system awareness opens the door to clarity, alignment, and emotional freedomThis is a must-listen for anyone ready to release control, reconnect with their body, and say yes to what truly feels nourishing.Connect with Sheridan:On Instagram @_sheridanruth_SheridanRuth.comGet her book: Somatic Intelligence for SuccessReferenced in this Episode:The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner, Ph.DDiscover your Human Design________________________________________________________________________________________ Say YES to joining Wendy for her: Say YES Sisterhood PWH Farm StaysPWH Curated France TripsInstagram: @phineaswrighthouseFacebook: Phineas Wright HouseWebsite: Phineas Wright HousePodcast Production By Shannon Warner of Resonant Collective Want to start your own podcast? Let's chat! If this episode resonated, follow Say YES to Yourself! and leave a 5-star review—it helps more women in midlife discover the tools, stories, and community that make saying YES not only possible, but powerful.

What does it really mean to be a “good woman”? For the controversial podcaster and writer Elise Loehnen, female goodness is a misery trap. And so reclaim their happiness, to make themselves whole, Loehnen says, women need to stop being good. The former goop executive and co-author of the upcoming Choosing Wholeness Over Goodness explains how the seven deadly sins reveal women's hidden conditioning, how the wellness industry became toxic, and why the Enneagram can help women embrace their full selves—including the darker, "unacceptable" parts they've been taught to suppress. five key takeaways 1. The "Good Woman" Performance is Exhausting Women are conditioned to suppress basic human instincts—never being tired, needing no praise, having compliant bodies, avoiding anger—which requires enormous energy and is driven by fear of social rejection.2. The Seven Deadly Sins Reveal Female Conditioning What society labels as "sins" (pride, envy, sloth, etc.) are actually normal human traits that women are taught to repress, creating a "punch card" for performing goodness to the world.3. Women Police Each Other Through Envy Instead of recognizing envy as a signal pointing toward what we want, women often use it destructively to tear down other women who have what they desire—like the backlash against Goop.4. The Drama Triangle Keeps Us Stuck Most people operate in victim-villain-hero dynamics, blaming others instead of taking responsibility. Breaking free requires recognizing these patterns and creating different conditions in your life.5. Wholeness Beats Goodness True liberation comes from integrating all parts of yourself—including the "darker" aspects you've been taught to hide—rather than performing an impossible standard of perfection.Elise Loehnen is a writer, editor, and podcast host who lives in Los Angeles with her husband, Rob, and their two sons, Max and Sam. She is the host of Pulling the Thread, a podcast focused on pulling apart the stories we tell about who we are—and then putting those threads back together. Current Work & Recent Publications: Elise is the author of the New York Times bestseller On Our Best Behavior. She has co-written thirteen books, five of which were New York Times bestsellers, including True and False Magic with psychiatrist Phil Stutz. Her upcoming co-authored Choosing Wholeness Over Goodness will be published in August. Podcast & Media: She hosts Pulling the Thread where she interviews cultural luminaries on the big questions of the day, including Dr. Gabor Maté, Dr. Temple Grandin, Dr. Harriet Lerner, Loretta Ross, Drs. John and Julie Gottman, Dr. Richard Schwartz, Joy Harjo, Dr. B.J. Miller, Nedra Tawwab, Dr. Suzanne Simard, Susan Cain, Heather McGhee, Dr. Riane Eisler, and Terry Real. Professional Background: Previously, she was the chief content officer of goop, where she co-hosted The goop Podcast and The goop Lab on Netflix, and led the brand's content strategy and programming, including the launch of a magazine with Condé Nast and a book imprint. Prior to goop, she was the editorial projects director of Conde Nast Traveler. Before Traveler, she was the editor at large and ultimately deputy editor of Lucky Magazine, where she also served as the on-air spokesperson, appearing regularly on shows like Today, E!, Good Morning America, and The Early Show. She has a B.A. from Yale where she majored in English and Fine Arts.Keen On America is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit keenon.substack.com/subscribe

Think you hate admitting mistakes? Think again. Research reveals we don't actually fear being wrong - we fear being dismissed, attacked, or losing connection.  On this “Strong Mind, Strong Body,” discover hidden reasons people refuse to apologize, why "What's wrong with you?" destroys relationships, and the surprising truth about what people really need when they mess up.  Based on groundbreaking studies and clinical psychologist Harriet Lerner's acclaimed work, host Angie Miller will help you understand the power of authentic apologies and how psychological safety transforms mistakes into bridges rather than walls.  If you like what you just consumed, leave us a 5-star review, and share this episode with a friend to help grow our NASM health and wellness community! The content shared in this podcast is solely for educational and entertainment purposes. It is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek out the guidance of your healthcare provider or other qualified professional. Any opinions expressed by guests and hosts are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of NASM. Introducing NASM One, the membership for trainers and coaches. For just $35/mo, get unlimited access to over 300 continuing education courses, 50% off additional certifications and specializations, EDGE Trainer Pro all-in-one coaching app to grow your business, unlimited exam attempts and select waived fees. Stay on top of your game and ahead of the curve as a fitness professional with NASM One. Click here to learn more. https://bit.ly/4ddsgrm

Amerika'da kadınların öfke meselesine dair yazılmış ilk kitap Öfke Dansı, ben okurum'un esas kızı oluyor bu bölümde. Deniz Yüce Başarır, konuğu Elif Doğan, nam-ı diğer Blogcu Anne ile klinik psikolog Harriet Lerner'ın kaleminden çıkan kitabı odaklarına aldıkları, kadınlığa, anneliğe, kadınların sırtında biriken yüklere, içinden taşan, bazen de sıkışıp kalan öfkeye dair hem kapsamlı hem de çok içten bir sohbete imza atıyorlar. “İlişkideki adımlarımızı değiştirmek, uyumla dans etmek mümkün” duygusuyla ayrılacağınız, umudunuza sahip çıkacağınız bu güzel sohbete elbette yine Başarır'ın sesinden Öfke Dansı'ndan bölümler de eşlik ediyor. 

Laura shares her pride in completing a triathlon and Zach chimes in with his marathon experiences. The discussion transitions into deeper relationship topics, focusing on how to apologize effectively and, just as importantly, how to receive an apology.Zach emphasizes that successful relationships are not just about knowing how to apologize, but also about knowing how to accept a partner's apology. They explore common pitfalls in apologizing, such as using the word “but,” and highlight how defensiveness can block genuine repair efforts.The hosts reference the work of Harriet Lerner and her book Why Won't You Apologize? to guide their discussion on the do's and don'ts of apologizing. Key points include avoiding justification in apologies, focusing on one's own actions, and not using an apology to manipulate or silence a partner's feelings. They conclude with reflections on the importance of patience and openness, particularly when building trust and navigating long-term emotional injuries.Episode Highlights: How to Apologize Effectively: Laura breaks down the steps to making a meaningful apology, emphasizing the importance of owning your actions and avoiding justifications that can diminish the apology's impact. Receiving an Apology: Zach explains how receiving an apology with gratitude is a crucial part of repair, allowing space for ongoing healing even if the hurt is not immediately resolved. Avoiding the “But” in Apologies: Laura highlights how using “but” in an apology can negate the acknowledgment of harm and frustrate repair attempts. Building Trust Through Repeated Repairs: The discussion emphasizes that long-term healing in relationships is only possible through repeated, genuine efforts to repair and demonstrate change. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Laura shares her pride in completing a triathlon and Zach chimes in with his marathon experiences. The discussion transitions into deeper relationship topics, focusing on how to apologize effectively and, just as importantly, how to receive an apology. Zach emphasizes that successful relationships are not just about knowing how to apologize, but also about knowing how to accept a partner's apology. They explore common pitfalls in apologizing, such as using the word “but,” and highlight how defensiveness can block genuine repair efforts. The hosts reference the work of Harriet Lerner and her book Why Won't You Apologize? to guide their discussion on the do's and don'ts of apologizing. Key points include avoiding justification in apologies, focusing on one's own actions, and not using an apology to manipulate or silence a partner's feelings. They conclude with reflections on the importance of patience and openness, particularly when building trust and navigating long-term emotional injuries. Episode Highlights: How to Apologize Effectively: Laura breaks down the steps to making a meaningful apology, emphasizing the importance of owning your actions and avoiding justifications that can diminish the apology's impact. Receiving an Apology: Zach explains how receiving an apology with gratitude is a crucial part of repair, allowing space for ongoing healing even if the hurt is not immediately resolved. Avoiding the “But” in Apologies: Laura highlights how using “but” in an apology can negate the acknowledgment of harm and frustrate repair attempts. Building Trust Through Repeated Repairs: The discussion emphasizes that long-term healing in relationships is only possible through repeated, genuine efforts to repair and demonstrate change. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

IntroductionIn this episode, we delve into the topic of apologizing effectively. We'll reference key insights from "The 5 Love Languages for Men" by Gary Chapman and outline the structure of our discussion, covering the essential points from the book, additional insights, and personal anecdotes.Discussion PointsWe begin with an overview of the importance of apologies in relationships, highlighting their role in maintaining and repairing connections. We also mention Brene Brown's podcast "Unlocking Us" and Dr. Harriet Lerner's book "Why Won't You Apologize?" as valuable resources for understanding the nuances of apologizing.We discuss the idea that "The man who apologizes for everything and the man who apologizes for nothing share the same weakness." This highlights the need for balance in offering apologies and avoiding extremes.Next, we introduce the concept of the five apology languages: expressing regret, accepting responsibility, making restitution, genuine repentance, and requesting forgiveness.We then provide a detailed breakdown of each apology language. Expressing Regret emphasizes the importance of specificity, such as the difference between saying "I'm sorry" and just "Sorry." Accepting Responsibility focuses on acknowledging one's wrong actions and understanding the role of intent versus impact. We provide example apologies to illustrate these points. Making Restitution involves offering to make amends, like asking, "What can I do to make it right?" Genuine Repentance shows a commitment to change by developing systems to avoid repeating mistakes. Requesting Forgiveness involves asking for forgiveness as a way to heal relationships, for example, "I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me."Charles and Dan share personal experiences with apologies, discussing common mistakes and how to avoid them. They stress the importance of aligning apologies with personal values to ensure sincerity.Key TakeawaysThe key takeaways from this discussion are that sincerity in apologies is crucial and understanding and utilizing apology languages can significantly strengthen relationships. Apologies should address not only the act but also the impact on the other person.ConclusionWe conclude by recapping the importance of effective apologies and encouraging listeners to take the "Five Apology Languages" quiz to better understand their own and their partners' apology preferences. Finally, we tease the topic for the next episode, leaving listeners with something to look forward to.Support the Show.

What do we do with our anger? How do we handle others' anger? Working with strong emotions is a key part of family life and a spiritual path. In this episode, Corinne Cayce, MA ACC, and Dr. Arlene Dijamco weave together material in the Edgar Cayce readings and the work of psychologist Dr. Harriet Lerner's seminal work on anger. They discuss the effects of anger on the physical body, our minds and souls, and unpack Dr. Lerner's step-by-step process for how to dance skillfully with anger as it arises.  

Introduction:Dan and Charles kick off the episode with a casual chat about recent travels and upcoming events, including Podcast Movement in DC and Tony Robbins in Newark.Discussion Highlights1. Five Love Languages for MenThe episode focuses on chapter seven of the book "The 5 Love Languages for Men." Dan and Charles discuss their primary love languages, discovered through a $35 test on the book's website. They emphasize the benefits of taking the test to understand both your and your partner's love languages.2. Words of AffirmationCharles's primary love language is words of affirmation. Dan shares how acts of service often lead to receiving words of affirmation or quality time, aligning with his primary love language. They both highlight the importance of understanding how different love languages interact.3. Acts of Service and Quality TimeActs of service can be a tool to receive love in other forms, like words of affirmation or quality time. Dan mentions how expressing love through acts of service impacts his relationships.4. Physical TouchPhysical touch is often misunderstood by men as purely sexual. The hosts differentiate between emotional and non-sexual physical touch and discuss its importance in building emotional connections.5. Emotional Needs and StereotypesThey challenge the stereotype that men are less emotional. The discussion covers how societal expectations allow men to express emotions only occasionally and often in unhealthy ways.6. Evolutionary PerspectivesDan shares an interesting theory linking the love language of quality time to human evolutionary history. They discuss how quality time might have evolved as a crucial aspect of survival and child-rearing.7. Apologizing EffectivelyA teaser for an upcoming discussion on effective apologizing, drawing insights from Dr. Harriet Lerner's book "Why Won't You Apologize?". The importance of sincere apologies in maintaining healthy relationships.8. Improv and StorytellingCharles discusses his interest in taking an improv class to enhance storytelling skills. The benefits of improv for better conversations and podcasting.ConclusionThe hosts wrap up by highlighting the importance of understanding and effectively using love languages in relationships. They tease upcoming episodes focusing on troubleshooting love languages and effective apologizing techniques.Call to ActionListeners are encouraged to take the love languages test and share their results. Subscribe to the podcast for more insights on improving relationships and personal growth.KeywordsFive Love Languages, Love Languages for Men, Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Physical Touch, Emotional Needs, Quality Time, Effective Communication, Apologizing, Improv Skills, Podcast Movement, Tony RobbinsSupport the Show.

his episode was originally released on August 25th, 2018. “Dear Sugars, I'm a serial codependent. I've married and had children with two addicts,” begins a letter signed by “Mommy Messed Up.” Over the years, her second husband began to withdraw and stash money inside of old bottles. Now Mommy Messed Up is ready to end their toxic relationship. The only problem is she'll have to disrupt her children's lives for a second time. “I'm fine with breaking my own heart,” she writes. “But how do I break my boys' hearts?” In this second part of our series on moving on, the Sugars discuss how we can release ourselves from our past mistakes. Dr. Harriet Lerner drops in to answer a second letter from a woman who is haunted by her abortion, a decision she laments now that she's experiencing early menopause. Like Mommy Messed Up, she is ruled by her regret. “We have to beware of the stories that we tell about ourselves because we become them,” Dr. Lerner advises. “And a story like the one she's constructed is so narrow and fixed that it's going to edge out all other stories about her past and her present and her future possibilities.” Dr. Lerner is a leading voice on the psychology of women and family relationships. She's the author of 12 books including The New York Times best seller “The Dance of Anger” and most recently, “Why Won't You Apologize? Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts.”https://www.harrietlerner.com/interviews-articles

Discover all of the podcasts in our network, search for specific episodes, get the Optimal Living Daily workbook, and learn more at: OLDPodcast.com. Episode 2180: Mark Manson illuminates the negative dynamics of toxic relationships in his enlightening piece. He advises taking personal responsibility instead of projecting your emotional state onto your partner, highlighting the dangers of possessive jealousy, and the folly of using material gifts as solutions to deeper relational issues. His insights encourage readers to cultivate healthier, more self-aware relationships. Read along with the original article(s) here: https://markmanson.net/toxic-relationship-signs Quotes to ponder: "When you set a precedent that your partner is responsible for how you feel at all times, it can easily lead to a codependent relationship." "Rather than being loved enough, it's actually just controlling and manipulative." "Trust was broken? Talk about what it will take to rebuild it. Communicate!" Episode references: The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle: https://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808 The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner: https://www.amazon.com/Dance-Anger-Changing-Patterns-Relationships/dp/0062319043 Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find - and Keep - Love by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller: https://www.amazon.com/Attached-Science-Adult-Attachment-YouFind/dp/1585429139 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Discover all of the podcasts in our network, search for specific episodes, get the Optimal Living Daily workbook, and learn more at: OLDPodcast.com. Episode 2180: Mark Manson illuminates the negative dynamics of toxic relationships in his enlightening piece. He advises taking personal responsibility instead of projecting your emotional state onto your partner, highlighting the dangers of possessive jealousy, and the folly of using material gifts as solutions to deeper relational issues. His insights encourage readers to cultivate healthier, more self-aware relationships. Read along with the original article(s) here: https://markmanson.net/toxic-relationship-signs Quotes to ponder: "When you set a precedent that your partner is responsible for how you feel at all times, it can easily lead to a codependent relationship." "Rather than being loved enough, it's actually just controlling and manipulative." "Trust was broken? Talk about what it will take to rebuild it. Communicate!" Episode references: The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle: https://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808 The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner: https://www.amazon.com/Dance-Anger-Changing-Patterns-Relationships/dp/0062319043 Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find - and Keep - Love by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller: https://www.amazon.com/Attached-Science-Adult-Attachment-YouFind/dp/1585429139 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

En este video, Sama y yo te ofrecemos una reseña del libro 'The Dance Of Connection' de Harriet Lerner, donde exploramos las ideas clave de la autora sobre cómo mejorar tus relaciones personales, establecer límites efectivos y resolver conflictos de manera constructiva. Además, compartimos nuestras propias experiencias y reflexiones personales sobre el libro, proporcionando una visión enriquecedora y sincera de su contenido. ¡Acompáñanos en este viaje literario y descubre cómo 'bailar al ritmo de tus relaciones' puede cambiar tu vida!”Te invito a consultar el articulo de blog en la pagina web para más ver el articulo y el test sobre ese episodio! https://www.queridxyo.com/blogWebsite: https://www.queridxyo.com/Instagram: @queridx_yo_ @_hola_soy_anneFacebook: @queridx_yo_Correo: annelbourgois@gmail.comWhatsapp: +52 614 405 0005Sigue a Queridx yo para aprender más sobre la salud mentalGracias Sama por acompañarme en este episodio.Recursos:BLOG https://www.queridxyo.com/post/estás-bailando-al-ritmo-de-tus-relaciones-temporada-3-episodio-3-reseña-de-libro-dance-of-connect

Chapter 1 Reveal the true moral of the The Dance of Anger bookThe Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships is a book written by Harriet Lerner. It was published in 1985 and provides insights into women's anger and how it affects their relationships. The book also offers strategies and tools for women to express and utilize their anger effectively, so they can create healthier and more fulfilling relationships.Chapter 2 Shall we Read the The Dance of Anger book ？"The Dance of Anger" by Harriet Lerner is generally well-regarded and has been popular among readers seeking to understand and manage anger in their lives. It offers practical advice and guidance for women to express their anger constructively and improve their relationships. However, please note that opinions on books can vary depending on individual preferences and needs, so it may be helpful to read reviews or a summary to determine if it aligns with your interests and goals.Chapter 3 Key Points of the The Dance of Anger book"The Dance of Anger" by Harriet Lerner is a self-help book that aims to address the often destructive ways in which women express their anger. Lerner, a psychologist and feminist, focuses on empowering women to navigate their anger in a healthy and productive way.The book begins by acknowledging the cultural and societal pressure that discourages women from expressing anger. Lerner argues that women are often conditioned to prioritize the needs and feelings of others, leading to their own anger being invalidated or suppressed. She emphasizes the importance of asserting oneself and embracing anger as a natural emotion.Lerner introduces the concept of the "dance of anger," a metaphor for the patterns of escalating and damaging interactions that can occur when anger is not effectively expressed. She explores various ways in which women commonly respond to anger, such as by becoming passive-aggressive, withdrawing, or engaging in aggressive behaviors.By examining these responses, Lerner encourages women to identify their own patterns and understand the underlying emotions and motivations behind them. She emphasizes the importance of self-awareness and self-acceptance as the first steps towards healthier anger expression.The author also provides practical strategies and techniques to help women both change their internal responses to anger and deal with external conflicts. She promotes assertiveness as a key tool for expressing anger in a more constructive manner, while also setting and maintaining healthy boundaries.Lerner stresses the importance of taking responsibility for one's own feelings and actions, rather than blaming others. She encourages women to communicate their needs and desires more effectively, while also respecting the boundaries and emotions of others.Furthermore, Lerner addresses the gendered dynamics of anger and relationships, examining how societal expectations impact the ways in which women express anger and interact with others. She encourages women to challenge these societal expectations and work towards creating healthier and more equitable relationships.Overall, "The Dance of Anger" offers insights and practical advice for women who struggle with effectively expressing their anger. By acknowledging the societal constraints that suppress women's anger, Lerner empowers readers to embrace their emotions and develop healthier ways of navigating conflicts and relationships.Chapter 4 the The Dance of Anger book Author Bio The author of the book "The Dance of Anger" is...

#439: Elise Loehnen is the New York Times Best Selling Author of On Our Best Behavior: The Seven Deadly Sins and the Price Women Pay to Be Good. She hosts Pulling the Thread, a podcast with Cadence13, where she interviews cultural luminaries on the big questions of the day, including Dr. Gabor Maté, Dr. Temple Grandin, Dr. Harriet Lerner, and many more. Previously, she was the chief content officer of goop, where she co-hosted The goop Podcast and The goop Lab on Netflix, and led the brand's content strategy and programming, including the launch of a magazine with Condé Nast and a book imprint.  https://www.eliseloehnen.com/about https://www.instagram.com/eliseloehnen/   Find Liz on Instagram: @realfoodliz Real Food Liz Eat The Yolks Baby Making and Beyond Athletic Mom Thanks for listening!

Happy Monday, honey and congrats on not killing yourself! On today's episode of The Voices In Our Heads:  ⁃  Killers Of The Flower Moon: who knew Leo could be mid?!  ⁃  A cleaning Life Hack that'll leave you with the moistest hands.  ⁃  Dancing with judgement about you walking your cat.  ⁃  Fuckboi Theater: Car Seat Edition  ⁃  How to handle Thanksgiving with your family.  ⁃  A reading from Harriet Lerner's book, “Why Won't You Apologize?” about when to accept the olive branch.Follow me on social media: @KrystynaHutchJoin my Patreon group Share-apy:www.patreon.com/KrystynaHutchinsonCome see Guys We Fcked: LIVE at the Midnight Theater Friday, December 1st!

Happy Monday, honey and congrats on not killing yourself! On today's episode of The Voices In Our Heads:   ⁃  Killers Of The Flower Moon: who knew Leo could be mid?!   ⁃  A cleaning Life Hack that'll leave you with the moistest hands.   ⁃  Dancing with judgement about you walking your cat.   ⁃  Fuckboi Theater: Car Seat Edition   ⁃  How to handle Thanksgiving with your family.   ⁃  A reading from Harriet Lerner's book, “Why Won't You Apologize?” about when to accept the olive branch. Follow me on social media: @KrystynaHutch Join my Patreon group Share-apy: www.patreon.com/KrystynaHutchinson Come see Guys We Fcked: LIVE at the Midnight Theater Friday, December 1st! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Happy Monday and congrats on surviving another week of good and bad times but hopefully mostly good. On today's episode of The Voices In Our Heads: Clapping for people you don't know because they chose to run. Fuck shit up, Ashley!! When your comedy wife is the best gift giver and it lands you at the Plaza Hotel for a night of creative bliss. It's not about having faith, it's about keeping it. Fuckboi Theater: Run-on Edition A reading from Harriet Lerner's “Why Won't You Apologize” on shaming the shamer. Follow me on social media! @KrystynaHutchFollow my other podcast: @GuysWeFckedFollow my dog: @KevinMcCallisterHutchinsonSign up for my Patreon page:www.Patreon.com/KrystynaHutchinsonIf you're in NYC FRIDAY, DEC. 1st come see Guys We Fucked: LIVE at the Midnight Theater.

Happy Monday and congrats on surviving another week of good and bad times but hopefully mostly good. On today's episode of The Voices In Our Heads: Clapping for people you don't know because they chose to run. Fuck shit up, Ashley!! When your comedy wife is the best gift giver and it lands you at the Plaza Hotel for a night of creative bliss. It's not about having faith, it's about keeping it. Fuckboi Theater: Run-on Edition A reading from Harriet Lerner's “Why Won't You Apologize” on shaming the shamer. Follow me on social media! @KrystynaHutch Follow my other podcast: @GuysWeFcked Follow my dog: @KevinMcCallisterHutchinson Sign up for my Patreon page: www.Patreon.com/KrystynaHutchinson If you're in NYC FRIDAY, DEC. 1st come see Guys We Fucked: LIVE at the Midnight Theater. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Wow, look at you, you're a survivor and maybe even a thriver staying alive for another week on earth. On today's episode of The Voices In Our Heads, I had the absolute pleasure of being a “sign” pass-er on-er with a pink alien message from a gal's beloved late dog. Also on today's episode: Sharting in my sexiest halloween costume to date because of course. Look at god! Fckboi Theater:  Fcky McFckFace edition A run-thru of my roast jokes before the big night And a reading from Harriet Lerner's book, “Why Won't You Apologize?” all about the nasty effects of shame. Maybe I relate to these excerpts a lil too hard. Follow me on social media! @KrystynaHutchFollow my other podcast: @GuysWeFckedSign up for my Patreon page:www.Patreon.com/KrystynaHutchinsonAnd come see me headline Zanie's in Chicago 11/10 +11 and Nashville 11/12.

Wow, look at you, you're a survivor and maybe even a thriver staying alive for another week on earth. On today's episode of The Voices In Our Heads, I had the absolute pleasure of being a “sign” pass-er on-er with a pink alien message from a gal's beloved late dog. Also on today's episode: Sharting in my sexiest halloween costume to date because of course. Look at god! Fckboi Theater:  Fcky McFckFace edition A run-thru of my roast jokes before the big night And a reading from Harriet Lerner's book, “Why Won't You Apologize?” all about the nasty effects of shame. Maybe I relate to these excerpts a lil too hard. Follow me on social media! @KrystynaHutch Follow my other podcast: @GuysWeFcked Sign up for my Patreon page: www.Patreon.com/KrystynaHutchinson And come see me headline Zanie's in Chicago 11/10 +11 and Nashville 11/12. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You did it, you survived another week on this tempestuous planet we call Earth. On today's episode of The Voices In Our Heads:- An apology for making fun of your Baby On Board stickers, I didn't realize the bleak undertones of its existence - Utah and "All Natural" beauty pageants for children (girls)- My ideas on how we can get a ceasefire in Gaza. Don't worry, they're all dumb.- Cenk Uygur sounds more like a person than the people running for president ( www.cenkforamerica.com ) . I'm sure he has flaws, but c'mon.- Fuckboi Theater: Fuckboi Edition- A few ideas on how to have a little more stupid silly fun in your life- A reading of Chapter 4 of Harriet Lerner's book, "Why Won't You Apologize"Follow me on social media:@KrystynaHutch Come see me live - tickets links at https://linktree.com/krystynahutch  NYC | Nov. 2nd | Drom (opening for my mans, Colin)Chicago | Nov. 10 + 11 | Zanie'sNashville | Nov. 12th | Zanie'sNYC | Dec. 1st | The Midnight Theater for GWF LiveSign up for my Patreon!www.Patreon.com/krystynahutchinson

You did it, you survived another week on this tempestuous planet we call Earth. On today's episode of The Voices In Our Heads: - An apology for making fun of your Baby On Board stickers, I didn't realize the bleak undertones of its existence  - Utah and "All Natural" beauty pageants for children (girls) - My ideas on how we can get a ceasefire in Gaza. Don't worry, they're all dumb. - Cenk Uygur sounds more like a person than the people running for president ( www.cenkforamerica.com ) . I'm sure he has flaws, but c'mon. - Fuckboi Theater: Fuckboi Edition - A few ideas on how to have a little more stupid silly fun in your life - A reading of Chapter 4 of Harriet Lerner's book, "Why Won't You Apologize" Follow me on social media: @KrystynaHutch  Come see me live - tickets links at https://linktree.com/krystynahutch   NYC | Nov. 2nd | Drom (opening for my mans, Colin) Chicago | Nov. 10 + 11 | Zanie's Nashville | Nov. 12th | Zanie's NYC | Dec. 1st | The Midnight Theater for GWF Live Sign up for my Patreon! www.Patreon.com/krystynahutchinson Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Wow guys, we survived another week on planet earth and are heroes for it! On today's episode of The Voices In Our Heads, I try to add something tiny and maybe productive (?) to the whole war and bloodshed happening and I introduce a new fun party game you can try! Other topics include: Baby On Board signs: why? An angel named Taryn made me new eyebrows  A reading from chapters 1 and 2 of Harriet Lerner's book, “Why Won't You Apologize?” Follow me on social media! @KrystynaHutchFollow my other podcast: @GuysWeFckedSign up for my Patreon page:www.Patreon.com/KrystynaHutchinsonAnd come see me headline Zanie's in Chicago 11/10 +11 and Nashville 11/12.

Wow guys, we survived another week on planet earth and are heroes for it! On today's episode of The Voices In Our Heads, I try to add something tiny and maybe productive (?) to the whole war and bloodshed happening and I introduce a new fun party game you can try! Other topics include: Baby On Board signs: why? An angel named Taryn made me new eyebrows  A reading from chapters 1 and 2 of Harriet Lerner's book, “Why Won't You Apologize?” Follow me on social media! @KrystynaHutch Follow my other podcast: @GuysWeFcked Sign up for my Patreon page: www.Patreon.com/KrystynaHutchinson And come see me headline Zanie's in Chicago 11/10 +11 and Nashville 11/12. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, I am diving into the painful, yet sometimes absolutely necessary, act of boundaries and managing hard relationships. I share excerpts from two books that have helped me along my healing journey, and the role responsibility plays in the parent-child dynamic, even into adulthood.  I also share an exciting double celebration coming up in September to celebrate my birthday and 10 years of the School of Sacred Embodiment, plus details about the CHERISH retreat happening in the Fall of 2024 in Spain. If you are navigating boundaries, hard relationships, emotional abuse, or no-contact situations, I hope this episode will provide some useful insight or perspective and deepen your compassion for yourself and others along the way.    In episode 435 of the Embodied Podcast we discuss: (2:18) The hope that this episode will provide clarity and perspective (4:44) Emotional and psychological abuse and its effects (8:45) I share some worlds from Harriet Lerner's TEDx talk  (15:38) The paradox of two things existing at the same time  (20:39) My choice to cut off family after 11 years  (24:41) Communication around boundaries and differing perspectives (35:48) I share an excerpt from Boundary Boss by Terri Cole about Boundary Destroyers (40:22) Jonah Hill's ex-girlfriend and an example of a boundary request (52:53) How boundaries don't automatically create better relationships Resources mentioned in the episode:  What Is Emotional Abuse? Article  Harriet Lerner TEDx Talk  Boundary Boss by Terri Cole untameyourself.com/links   Work with me:  Add your name to the CHERISH Retreat Interest List   Special offer:  FREE Download: Morning + Evening Rituals  FREE Wise and Wild Self Meditation    Stay in touch:  NEW! Join our Free Wild Soul Community on Mighty Networks Subscribe to my Substack  Catch the full show notes for episode 435 here Email us with questions or feedback Don't miss an episode of The Embodied Podcast  

At some point, the you-know-what is going to hit the fan.And it happened to me the other morning when I was driving my husband to his colonoscopy.This is the first episode without a video version because I recorded it from my iPhone after dropping my husband off at the hospital.I promised to take you into my life; I just didn't expect it to be as a stressful situation was unfolding in real time.When it comes to dealing with stress, best-selling psychotherapist and researcher Harriet Lerner says that being an underfunctioner or an overfunctioner is your patterned response to dealing with the alarm in your body.It probably doesn't surprise you that I am what researchers call an "Overfunctioner." My husband, Chris, is an "Underfunctioner," especially on those days when he's on the way to a medical procedure.And learning the way YOU react to stress is a game-changer for your relationships.An overfunctioner like me allows the alarm in my body to take over in stressful situations, becoming triggered and anxious.And the only way to calm the alarm is to bark orders, manage the phone calls, organize the activities, make the appointments, plan the meals, and take on all the responsibilities because it gives me a sense of control.It may be my superpower, but it also makes me a royal pain in the a$$ and takes away the chance for Chris to feel empowered.The way Chris deals with stress is more chill and very methodical, which frustrates the hell out of me.Listen today as we work through these two different ways of dealing with a stressful family situation so that you can understand your own approach better and, more importantly, how to ask for what you need from others before you drive them nuts.And if you're ready to take the next right step to live your life with more confidence and no regrets, this is your time.Sign up for my exclusive signature course, Launch with Mel Robbins. It's available for registration only through May 4, so grab your spot today!Learn all the exciting details and sign up here!Xo Mel  In this episode, you'll learn: 3:00: Let me set the scene for you before everything started blowing up.4:30: Here's how I set myself up to fail the night before.7:15: Then life kicks in big time and cue the mom guilt flood gates.10:40: Here's what overfunctioning stress looks like in real life. Can you relate?14:30: If you don't catch yourself in this state, your relationships pay the price.23:00: Chris nails the good, the bad, and the ugly side of overfunctioning.24:15: I thank Harriet Lerner for her research that helps me understand myself.26:30: Here's how my anxiety sees my husband's “underfunctioning” response to stress.28:30: And this is how Chris sees my “overfunctioning” response.32:00: Have a partner who handles stress differently? Here's how to support each other.38:00: Chris explains what happens in HIS brain and body when he's stressed.42:30: Holy mackerel, I just realized I never stopped to do this in my stress episode.46:00: This is a tool our couple's therapist gave us that really helps us to see each other. Disclaimer

Today Karen and KP examine the emotion of Anger. We explore it's value, why so many of us are afraid of it and how it can both inform and guide us in ways that can bring value. Understanding the root of our relationship with anger informs our conflict oriented, conflict resistant or conflict neutral approach to disagreements. The book, "Dance Of Anger" by Dr. Harriet Lerner describes anger as "a signal & one worth listening to". Dr. Learner wrote this book as an invitation to give ourselves permission to open to the lessons of our own anger and how we choose to respond to it. The Genius in all Our Emotions with Karla McClaren Request a Free Rapid Relief Call with KPFor more information on Journey Beyond Divorce visit:  www.jbddivorcesupport.com  

In this MindFULL Musing, I ponder how hard it can be to have , what I like to call, a Courageous Conversation. Those are the conversations that weigh on your  mind and heart. I mention Harriet Lerner and her helpful new book, Why Won't You Apologize? I also posted the link below to Brene Nrown and Harret LErner's conversation on the very topic. Give a listen. And then go forth and have that conversation. Let us know how it goes! Brene Brown and Harriet Lerner's Conversation:https://open.spotify.com/episode/2jxcLXMB672u5dpc9YqDu9?si=97cf4353070841c9Learn more about Harriet Lerner and her work:https://www.harrietlerner.com/Follow my blog (the inspiration for this podcast) https://themindfullcreative.comDM me on Instagram and let me know what you think! https://www.instagram.com/mindfullconversations/

In this second part of our series on moving on, the Sugars discuss how we can release ourselves from our past mistakes. Dr. Harriet Lerner drops in to answer a letter from a woman who calls herself a "serial codependent," as well as a woman who is haunted by her abortion. This episode was originally published on August 25th, 2018.

Many people believe that apologizing is a sign of weakness and intentionally do not use the words, "I'm sorry". It is likely that someone comes to mind for us all in our personal and/or professional lives that fits this category. Apologizing, in actuality, takes a great deal of strength and self-worth. Join us for part two of our interview with NYT best selling author and relationship expert, Dr. Harriet Lerner, where she explains what is takes for us to apologize and take accountability for things we have done that unintentionally hurt others. Chris and Ellie discuss the following with Dr. Harriet Lerner: Why some people won't or can't say, "I'm sorry" What it takes to offer a sincere apology  The importance of striking while the iron is....cold Connect with us at growfurtherpodcast@gmail.comWant to learn more from and/or about Harriet?https://www.harrietlerner.com

-What do anger, resentment, and rage look like in codependents? -How does our guilt, shame, and embarrassment about our anger help us maintain our unhealthy relationships? -Why we need to stop asking questions like "What's the point of being angry?" and instead get curious about our anger as a signal that something is amiss! Welcome to episode 88! This week, I'm taking a deep dive into ANGER, RESENTMENT, and CODEPENDENT RAGE. But Marissa, if I'm pleasing, placating, and problem-solving for others all the time, how can I be angry? Buckle up, buttercup: when we spend all our time dedicating ourselves to others and neglecting our thoughts, feelings, and needs, resentment is guaranteed to build. We will be discussing resentment and rage with the help of Dr. Harriet Lerner, PhD through her work The Dance of Anger.. I'll describe observations Dr. Lerner has made, connect them to our codependency, and then share an anecdote of my own seething resentment that turned into rage to help you reflect on this topic in your own life. It's a must-listen!  Thanks for your support, girl! Links: The Dance of Anger by Dr. Harriet Lerner, Phd: https://www.amazon.com/Dance-Anger-Changing-Patterns-Relationships/dp/0062319043 Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497  Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing -  FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge  Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC -  More deets on the episode:  I introduce you to the work of Dr. Harriet Lerner and her book, The Dance of Anger.  I expand on three observations Dr. Lerner discusses in her book: Women have long been discouraged from the awareness and forthright expression of anger. If women repress and suppress their anger, they stay in place. Women learn to fear their anger for two reasons: 1) it brings about the disapproval of others and 2) it necessitates change. I then share 2-ish anecdotes from when I 1) got angry at my dad and 2) raged at my dad.  In her book, Dr. Lerner encourages the reader to reflect on the following 7 questions: What am I really angry about? What is the problem, and whose problem is it? How can I sort out who is responsible for hat? How can I learn to express my anger in a way that will not leave me feeling helpless and powerless? When I'm angry, how can I clearly communicate my position without becoming defensive or attacking? What risks and losses might I face if I become clearer and more assertive? If getting angry is not working for me, what can I do differently?  We conclude with me answering the questions in the frame of mind I was in post-rage and ways I could have addressed problems with my dad back then. Thanks for listening!  PLEASE: Rate.  Review. Subscribe.  Share. We need more ratings on Spotify! Appreciate it! If you're needing more than just these episodes to combat codependency in your life, here are some additional resources: -Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing  -The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge -If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email marissa@codependumy.com -Sign up for the newsletter:: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497  Support the show via a one-time secure donation: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC 

Apologies are the topic on this episode. Have you ever found it tough to say, “I'm sorry”, or wished for someone to apologize to you? Our guest, Dr. Harriet Lerner, says apologies are very important in our relationships. Harriet is a well-known psychologist whose latest book is called “Why Won't You Apologize?: Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts”. You can learn about Harriet by checking out her website at https://www.harrietlerner.com/. Thanks to our sponsors of this episode!   --> AirMedCare Network: AirMedCare Network provides world-class air transport services to the nearest, appropriate hospital or trauma center. AMCN Members have the added value of knowing their flight expenses are completely covered when flown by an AMCN provider. For as little as $85 a year, it covers your entire household, every day, 24/7, even when traveling. AMCN is the largest medical air transport membership in the country, covering 38 states. For just pennies a day, you can worry less about what matters most. This is security no family should be without. Now, as a Nobody Told Me! listener, you'll get up to a $50 eGift Card when you join.    Visit www.airmedcarenetwork.com/nobody and use the offer code NOBODY. -->Castus: CASTUS is a team of business development experts that enables B2B e-commerce to streamline the relationship between wholesalers and resellers. They create custom digital storefronts that cater to both your products and buyers to drive online orders and strengthen brand loyalty. Castus's in-depth expertise working in backend logistics to frontend consumer experiences, and everything in between makes them the perfect full-cycle partner for your business growth.  Visit their website, castusglobal.com/nobodytoldme to set up a no-obligation, one-on-one consultation with one of their experts and learn more!   --> Feals: Feals is a premium CBD delivered directly to your doorstep. Simply put, it's a better way to keep your head clear and feel better. CBD isn't about what you feel. It's about what you don't feel – stress, anxiety, pain. CBD is one of the active compounds found in the hemp plant. It works naturally without any mind altering effects or "high" for the person using it. Feals also offers a free CBD hotline to help guide your personal experience so that you find your perfect dose. The Feals Customer Service team is dedicated to making sure you get the best use of your CBD. Joining the Feals monthly membership makes your self-care easy. You'll save money on every order and you can pause or cancel any time. Start feeling better with Feals! Become a member today by going to www.feals.com/NOBODYTOLDME and you'll get 50% off your first order with free shipping! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On today's episode of ShrinkChicks, Emmalee and Jen share their expertise on how to repair after a rupture in our relationships a.k.a. how to make up after a fight, disagreement, or argument. They discuss why rupture is inevitable in all of our relationships, why being "right" doesn't matter, why tit for tat can be harmful, how to hold onto ourselves when the other person is dysregulated, whether make-up sex is a real thing, how to argue in a healthy way, stubbornness when in a disagreement and so much more. Tune in to gain insight, awareness, and action! The book mentioned in today's episode: Why Won't You Apologize by Harriet Lerner, Ph.D. Never miss an episode of ShrinkChicks on YouTube by subscribing here! https://youtube.com/channel/UCrxuhDqoL4ML3UE8b2J2BBg Thanks to this week's sponsors for supporting ShrinkChicks! We have these exclusive offers for our listeners: Nuuly: Get $10 off your first month of Nuuly when you sign up with our code: SHRINK10 at nuuly.com   Coterie: Get 20% off your order plus FREE shipping when you go to coterie.com/shrink Truebill: Truebill is the new app that helps you identify and stop paying for subscriptions you don't need, want, or simply forgot about. Go to truebill.com/shrinkchicks to start cancelling today - it could save you thousands a year! Dipsea: Sign up for an extended 30 day FREE trial when you go to dipseastories.com/shrink  ZocDoc: Go to zocdoc.com/shrink and download the ZocDoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor. Many are available as soon as today! Shopify: Go to shopify.com/shrinkchicks for a FREE fourteen-day trial and get full access to Shopify's entire suite of features!

On today's episode of ShrinkChicks, Emmalee and Jen share their expertise on how to repair after a rupture in our relationships a.k.a. how to make up after a fight, disagreement, or argument. They discuss why rupture is inevitable in all of our relationships, why being "right" doesn't matter, why tit for tat can be harmful, how to hold onto ourselves when the other person is dysregulated, whether make-up sex is a real thing, how to argue in a healthy way, stubbornness when in a disagreement and so much more. Tune in to gain insight, awareness, and action!The book mentioned in today's episode: Why Won't You Apologize by Harriet Lerner, Ph.D.Never miss an episode of ShrinkChicks on YouTube by subscribing here! https://youtube.com/channel/UCrxuhDqoL4ML3UE8b2J2BBgThanks to this week's sponsors for supporting ShrinkChicks! We have these exclusive offers for our listeners:Nuuly: Get $10 off your first month of Nuuly when you sign up with our code: SHRINK10 at nuuly.com  Coterie: Get 20% off your order plus FREE shipping when you go to coterie.com/shrinkTruebill: Truebill is the new app that helps you identify and stop paying for subscriptions you don't need, want, or simply forgot about. Go to truebill.com/shrinkchicks to start cancelling today - it could save you thousands a year!Dipsea: Sign up for an extended 30 day FREE trial when you go to dipseastories.com/shrink ZocDoc: Go to zocdoc.com/shrink and download the ZocDoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor. Many are available as soon as today!Shopify: Go to shopify.com/shrinkchicks for a FREE fourteen-day trial and get full access to Shopify's entire suite of features!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Two simple words that can be so difficult to say… I'm sorry.   If you value your relationships, you need to be able to say these words and receive them too.   In this episode I talk about what makes a good, sincere, heartfelt apology and what makes for a bad one.  I also share what can happen over time if apologies are never given.   Follow me on Instagram: @Colleen_Odegaard   Website: www.ColleenOdegaard.com   Email me: Colleen@WakeUptoYourLife.net   Dr. Harriet Lerner's book: Why Won't You Apologize?

Dr. Harriet Lerner's work has transformed my work and my life. She's a renowned psychologist and bestselling author who has been studying apologies — and why some people won't give them — for more than two decades. In Part 2 of our two-part series, we share from a course together on her groundbreaking book Why Won't You Apologize?: Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts. We dig into the “mischief of defensiveness,” the power of listening, and the secret life of the non-apologizer. We also take on one helluva role play where you get to hear me get schooled and learn a lot and get schooled again. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This is the first episode of two-part special based on a course that Dr. Harriet Lerner and I did together on her groundbreaking book Why Won't You Apologize?: Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts. It's an authentic, hard conversation about making mistakes, healing hurts, and being brave. Harriet is a friend, mentor, and teacher. Her work has shaped my career and made my life better. During a time of deep uncertainty and anxiety — when many of us have struggled to be our best selves all of the time — apologizing has never been more important. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices