The Upchuck Theater Podcast

Welcome back folks - After a too long hiatus, here's some good old movie nonsense - no nostalgia here except for wistfully wishing we had the roughly 3 hours of our lives back dealing with this. In Ma, instead of making something genuinely interesting, horrifying, or statement based, we get 30 old vendettas and some...questionable painting skills. Sigh.   We did this episode remotely, and yes Dustin does his best Chris Klein impression due to sound on Zoom.   Hope the reruns have kept you entertained while we've been away. Here's to many more episodes. As always please like, subscribe, and SHARE!

Dustin and Aaron on a road trip edition

Hi All, Dustin here. Apologies for lack of content updates, but it has been a busy year not allowing the Upchuck team to be united often. We will get everyone caught up with Season 2 and the Annual Chuckies soon and back on track with Season 3 shortly as well. Anyway in the meantime, myself (and my lovely fiancée, Christy) teamed up with our friends from the Our Kind of Bad Podcast, Dom and Sara to bring you the 1998 Kaiju/Schlockbuster Kraa! The Sea Monster. I admit to owning this disaster and call back to Aaron's hatred of that fact. Young Alison Lohman in a Star Trek ripoff uniform. Italian accented clam/turtle/alien. Heavily reverbed Skeletor-like villain....What could go wrong? Listen as we try to decipher a nonsensical plot and even develop some of our own fan theories. As always, PLEASE subscribe through the various channels, and leave us some feedback - Find us on iTunes, Stitcher, Facebook. Twitter, Tumblr, and of course our home here on Podbean. PLEASE like, review, subscribe, follow, etc. Also do the same thing for our friends over at Our Kind of Bad! Find them on iTunes, Facebook and Instagram. Let us know what should be our next movie to review with them in crossover. Rob will appreciate the schlock, Aaron won't undoubtedly!

Please. Travolta. Scientology. Garbage.

Every time Jay Zippo comes on the show, he one ups himself with horrible choices. In this episode we tackle our first documentary, Love and Saucers, about a guy who claims he's had encounters (mostly sexual) with aliens for over 50 years. Along the way he gets milked, has children, and works at a deli one shift per week. This episode features an incredible amount of apathy by Aaron, space pontification by Rob, Dustin is... Dustin, and Jimmy is giddy. Part standard Upchuck fare, part science experiment, we hope you enjoy this edition to our collection, sporadic as we've been of late. There's a brief mockumentary accompanying this episode courtesy of Beruud - view here to hear about our own sexy times with aliens - Sax and Crayons Jimmy is a great friend and contributor to our show - please give him a listen and a follow. We also plug his newest endeavor Midnight Hollow during the episode. Give that a listen as as well. As always please like, share, subscribe, and talk to us. No one talks to us.

Aaron rambles on about a ton of content he's consumed of late after a frustrating day and evening. Taylor Sheridan films, actors you can't stand but acknowledge a good performance from, and a lot more Jake Gyllenhaal than he likes to admit.

**This pod opens with a promo from our good friends The Subject Tonight - give them a follow and a listen! A rambling, all over the place episode with just Rob and Aaron - we discuss Blade Runner 2049 - a movie we were both fearful of. Being huge fans of the original, we both felt a sequel unnecessary so much so in fact that the movie was not watched in the movie theater. But we both loved it. A beautiful and expecptional film by Denis Villeneuve (Sicario, Prisoners) with Ryan Gosling and Harrison Ford. We are watching the original in the background as we discuss a wide range of things pertaining to both films. We address the supposed controversy of the treatment of females (great nominee for Rob justification moment with a very interesting twist), and we dive into some of our ideas of a 'flawless' movie. Dustin didn't like it. SO he wasn't invited.

This episode sees the guys dealing with home grown hero Vincent Gallo and the truly awful Keifer Sutherland helmed vehicle Truth or Consequences N.M. A completely inept film, it's hard for the gang to remain interested. Taking up entirely too much time is Aaron evoking the spirit of Gallo reading from the very same's website and his offering of himself to be someone's not dad... well just listen. This is a real stinker, and we're not even that fond of our own episode. Listen for a plug for our new friends the M.A.U.L. Podcast and give em' a follow on Twitter. As always, please subscribe, share, follow, and review! Thanks for listening!

We're bacccck!! Happy New Year. We've got a bunch of episodes that will hopefully be coming fast and furious and this is the start. Kris Kristofferson helms this awful, should have been Lifetime Movie, Millennium. This is definitely one of the worst movies we've watched yet, the ineptitude in all categories, the bad look, Kris Kristofferson, Dustin's admittance of sweater vests, Kris Kristofferson, and more. Rob makes a claim that Alien is not a Sci-fi film. Thoughts? Kris Kristofferson is awful in this trash. DISCLAIMER - We typically ramble and wax idiotic in every episode. But in this one we seriously have no idea what we're talking about. No really. We are all over the place in this one. But Dustin only needed one **content** edit in this one., so whatever/ As always, PLEASE subscribe through the various channels, and leave us some feedback - Find us on iTunes, Stitcher, Facebook. Twitter, Tumblr, and of course our home here on Podbean. PLEASE like, review, subscribe, follow, etc. Give us some requests, thoughts, feedback, ideas for films, etc. Thank you so much for your support! Best, The Upchuckers

In this episode, our poorly drawn farce is forced to watch an ever poorer drawn farce. Microwave Massacare is truly an awful movie, probably the most inanely made film we've watched in our time doing this. With a poor imitation of Rodney Dangerfield at the helm, even strange looking breasts and cannibalism can't save this nonsense. We debated even airing this episode because we were afraid that our energy was so low it might drag everything down, the pod surprisingly stays pretty active. No really. Aaron listens to all of them and edits (sort of) and he was quite surprised that this one doesn't actually suck. The above possibly written by Aaron. Advertised as 'The Worst Horror Movie of All Time' ... well... thanks for listening. Please like, share and subscribe. You can find us on iTunes, Stitcher, Tune-in and many other places.

Episode 18 takes to the awful world of Vibrations - An absolute piece of trash starring James Marshall and Christina Applegate, about a handless doofus who becomes an electronica superstar... right. This one is horrible, and you probably haven't heard of it. With good reason. If you like this episode give us a uh... HAND. A lot of hands. I don't really feel like typing much more. I said I wouldn't like this, but if you're so inclined, give this goofball a read on uproxx Thanks as always for listening. Please pass us on!  

In this episode, (around June 1st) Aaron and Dustin recap their not so epic trip to the Big Easy, New Orleans. From cheap sandwiches to ball soup style heat to rain, rain, and more rain to...well. They recap their trip and all the different things that were done, eaten, and more.   For Captain George's swamp tour: Happiness Bayou Tours  

It's been a long long time. Way too long. Deepest apologies to everyone that enjoys what we do here. It's been a very trying, busy, and difficult few months for everyone involved. From good things like going on vacations and new vehicels to bad things like tons of money and frustration and people with no driving license ruining our vehicles precepiating us needing new vehicles -- anyways. We have our 2nd guest on this episode, Jay Zippo, all around good dude, Fallout 4 modder, Let's Play extraordinaire and someone who actually listens to our show. And James brings us the utter should've been smothered after birth of a movie Red Sonya with Bridgette Neilsen in her screen debut, a horrible end to Arnold's Barbarian film line, and a needlessly murdered Icthyin Kiling Machine. It plays like an awful reskin of Indiana Jones and has no redeeming qualites... except of course for Dustin. As always thanks for listening, please like, share, subscribe, and comment through Facebook, iTunes, Twitter, and more. Get in touch with Jay Zippo - @Beruud / YouTube for the clips of Worf that Jay mentions where Picard just shuts him down over and over - Mr. Worf

*******SPOLIERS*******In this off the cuff but feature length episode, Aaron and Rob recount their awful experience at the theater this past weekend seeing Alien: Covenant. They remember what makes the Alien franchise special (that is not in this movie) and so they break down the nonsense plot and the banality of the story. Michael Fassbender puts in another fine performance in a dual role, but his scenes oddly enough are the most drab and boring sequences. The mythos and evolution of the Xenomorph is an affront to Dan O'Bannon and everything he created. Utter trash. Have you seen Covenant? What are your thoughts? Agree? Disagree? Let us know!   WE TELL THE WHOLE PLOT IN THIS EPISODE SO ***SPOILERS***

Greetings Upchuckers! This was posted a little bit late, but in this unofficial episode, Dustin, Aaron & Rob all take a stab at an IMDb Challenge that asked the following questions. Here is the link that will show those questions. Unsurprisingly Aaron is disgusted with a majority of Dustin's choices and corrects his favorite movie's release year for him. Although favorite films seem to dominate this list, in typical Upchuck Fashion there are some films that are brought up that even all of the Upchuck crew refuse to watch again (or may watch again in a future episode for your entertainment). This one runs a bit long, but will provide a fun glimpse into what we would choose (or not choose if the case may be) to spend our time watching. Feel free to send us how you'd rate our choices, or better yet send us your choices! As always thank you for listening. PLEASE subscribe, like us on Facebook, follow us on Twitter, rate, and review. iTunes definitely gives the most juice so please be kind... and say something nice!

So this is our Saint Patrick's Day episode...released on Mother's Day. In May. Almost 2 months to the day later. First and foremost, thank you to all the loving mother's out there. You have more than just a tough job. Without you, there is no life. Or terrible movies. Secondly, your support is and has always been great. But if you haven't yet, would you consider giving us a review and a follow if you've liked anything about what goes on here? You can do that in the following places: Facebook // Twitter // iTunes // Podbean // Stitcher // tunein // and more. Just Google The Upchuck Theater and you'll find us! This is the greatest compliment you can give us, and the thing that will help us out the most! In this episode, Dustin's all tuna pouch diet goes off the rails, Rob gets lost in between every McDonalds in a 10 mile radius, Aaron is absent for the whole thing and an Irish guy takes his place who has no idea about what they call things over in Ireland (truck? lorry?). We review The SiFi original film Red Clover with Billy Zane and William Devane, and Unclucky Charms, starring giant breasts. Check out the shining gem of both films Masuimi Max here.  

In this episode, we watch one of our most divisive episodes yet - the 2002 horro show that is Rollerball. A remake of a 1975 gritty James Caan classic, the new Rollerball is stupid, poorly done, and a Rob favorite. Appealing to Rob's love of bad schlock, we also see Dustin (in possibly his most annoying turn yet) always willing to be leinent, and Aaron in his usual utter disgust. Rollerball was a flop, and sent its direct John McTiernan to jail. This is the same guy that directed Predator and Die Hard. Then he did this garbage with Chris Klein. Yecccccck. For a better movie with Rebecca Romin, try Femme Fatale. For a movie that Chris Klein doesn't abort, try Election with Matthew Broderick and Reese Witherspoon. Yeck. Yeck. Yeck.

See the initial lists here Aaron talks about his epic failure in a 10 v 10 film list on twitter. Paul Mackie orchestrated an epic showdown between 2 people at a time... and boy does Aaron get murdered. Everyone involved thought that it would be closer but Jordan runs away with it. What's funny about the whole sitaution is how close they really are in some ways, but Jordan loves the sequels and Aaron likes the original films. There may or may not be a mini Dark Knight rant somehwere in here, albeit fairly calm. Yecccck. Follow Paul and all his Twitter antics here Thanks as always for listening. And please engage with us through Facebook, Twitter, Podbean, and more!

Special guest star: Drunken Rob In this episode, the guys tackle an absolutely attrocious ball of nonsense that drives Rob to drink. The Andrew McCarthy / Kim Cattrall helmed Mannequin. Though we possess undying love for Kim Cattrall, it's not even close to enough to save this from the trash heap. McCarthy stumbles through as he usually does in everything, looking awkward and playing a bizarre goofball who... falls in love with a mannequin. Watch the terrible music video for Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now HERE To watch an APPROPRIATE reaction to this movie, click HERE (at your own risk) The group may or may not sing the song somewhere towards the end of the pod. As always thank you for listening. We've broken through the 1000 download barrier, and it's all because you are listening! PLEASE subscribe, like us on Facebook, follow us on Twitter, rate, and review. iTunes definitely gives the most juice so please be kind... and say something nice!

In this episode, with the release several months back of Final Fantasy XV, we tackle the first ever Final Fantasy animated feature The Spirits Within. This one...is really terrible. Listening back through it for quality purposes, it's actually one of the better discussions about the actual film instead of being jerks, and we really get into the flaws of it and what went wrong. This one hits home hard particularly for Rob, given his intense passion for the Final Fantasy series. It's still funny though. To read the article by Jake Young we mention in the podcast go here: Dorkly.com For the most informational article ever on Wikipedia, the most trustworthy site of all time: Wikipedia Article Here Also apparently we have a train. Rob keeps claming we have a train. That doesn't come out in this episode, but yeah. Please like, share, subscribe, and give us some feedback. Thanks as always!

In an off the cuff that becomes more like a full on episode (and to cover up the fact that Aaron has been slacking on the standard episodes),Aaron and Rob tackle Battle Royale, the 2000 Japanese classic that still turns head with its controversy. In a dystopian Japan, lawlessness by the youth is so out of control that the Battle Royale initiative is put into effect - a classroom of kids are dumped on an island... and kill each other. With excellent acting including the legend Takeshi "Beat" Kitano, the extended director's cut adds 8 minutes to the story, and these are truly excellent choices. If you've seen the film, watch this new cut. If not, watch any which way you can. Based on the novel, it also spawned a sequel and a manga series. Rob also sounds off on Quentin Tarantino, and heads will roll, both in the film and in opinion. As always please like, subscribe, share, and tell your friends about our little angry group of Upchuckers.

Aaron rambles on for a few about Proxy, Blood Simple, Black Mass, and Dead of Winter. 3 out of 4 are highly recommended. He tells us what he thinks Harrison Ford's best films are... What are your thoughts? As always thanks for listening and please subscribe and share!    

Well it's taken a while but our official episodes are back. Our first official episode of the 2nd season sees us watch the utter garbage given to the world by Zack Snyder... Sucker Punch. A 'female empowerment' movie of Snyder's sexy party fantasies is a contender for worst overall film we've upchucked so far. With a performance by Oscar Issac and his two first names that's cringeworthy at best we got to a point where we needed to be... a little edited on this one. Apparently there's a new thing out there called plot coupons... and remember don't write a check with your mouth you can't cash with your ass. Featuring a guest review by our show's close friend Uwe Boll.  

With Rob on the sidelines recovering from a nasty cold and Aaron only able to tolerate Dustin for a short amount of time given the scope of his lies as exposed in the latest uploads, the duo tackles an utter pile of vomit in Don't Hang Up. When 2 dude bros act like total jackholes and then pay for it by a ninja bent on revenge, you get a pile of garbage crammed into 90 minutes with a few good camera angles and a few ha ha moments. This one really sucked. Come hate it with us!

 Game on Dustin...game on. Aaron expresses his own views and reveals the FACTS about Less than Zero, Dustin's lack of checking Wikipedia, and that Witness is the best film Harrison Ford has ever done.   What will he rate it? Listen and find out!!   Apologizes for some of my mouth breathing and raspy Kim Richards like voice I'm recovering from a cold. Rest assured the melodious tones will be back soon enough!

Bringing you an awful off the cuff examination of the James Spader vomit vehicle of 1985, my birth year. What started out as an okay foray of entertainment on a Monday evening, turned into a roller coaster of utter nonsense accented through over the top character reactions and cliched plot devices. Stay for the soundtrack but skip the rest of the nonsense if you dare to watch. An afterword and open challenge is issued to Aaron to bring a retort episode on this trash. Will his love of Less Than Zero cloud his judgement? Will Dustin forgive anything less than a 4 on the vomitous scale for this? Tune in and find out! Please subscribe, review and let us know what you think!

Well, we did it. We did a whole freaking season of this nonsense. Well sort of I mean we only started in July or August. We don't even remember when we started can you believe that? What kind of morons don't remember when they started doing something? With this upload we bring to you the season 1 recap and finale. This episode runs a little longer, but we thought our jokes were funny so we let it go. We're already into season 2 recording wise and plan on keeping them coming. We also bring in this episode the 1st ever Chuckies, our now annual awful awards. Who gets best actress in these piles? Find out inside! As always PLEASE consider subscribing, leaving reviews, and sharing. These are the things that will give us the best shot of getting some exposure out there. We can't do it without you. Thanks so much for listening, and stick with us in season 2!

Our last episodic session of Season 1 sees us with our first guest, Aaron's childhood friend Eric. He brings with him a doozy in Reindeer Games, a truly awful Ben Affleck vehicle that was the last film of John Franknheimer's directorial career - then he died. Also with repeat offender Charlize Theron (though she's actually not awful here) and Gary Sinese slumming with wampum safes and convicted felon Dana Stubblefield. This one is awful, but we're proud of it.   As always please review, please share, please subscribe! We've broken 500 downloads, here's to many many more! We appreciate your support. Please continue to show it.   Up next... the 1st ever Chuckies! And the end of Season 1!

Our 9th official episode features the absoulte nonsense that is John Caprenter's Ghosts of Mars. This one is especially painful given all three of us are massive Carpenter fans be it Assault on Precinct 13, The Thing, Escape from New York, They Live, and more. This one made Carpenter shun making a large film for a decade and with good reason...it's awful. There's nothing witty we can even say about it.   As always thanks for listening and please share, subscribe, and give us some feedback!

On this official 8th installment... His job was to drive them. His mission is to save them. We bring you the most current film we've reviewed so far, Bus Driver (2016). When a ragtag bunch of misfit teenagers and their ridiculous track suited chaperone get in with the God Damned Bus Driver and things go sour, he's the only one to bring them home safely. Meth, flashbacks, shift sticks, and gun fu all play a part. You'll be a little surprised through this one. Let us know what you think!   As always please give us a like, a share, a review if you can. This is the stuff that helps us the most!  Thanks so much for listening. #makemoviesgreatagain.

Aaron on The Duelists, American Gigolo, Bully, and Perfect Blue. Ridley Scott, Paul Schrader, and Larry Clark. Thanks as always for listening and please subscribe and share!

Our 7th episode sees us viewing the 1996 thirller Eye for an Eye starring Sally Fields, Keifer Sutherland, and Ed Harris. With the emotional nonsense of a Limetime movie, it's the story of one of the coldest most awful mothers in movie history deciding she wants revenge on the killer of her daughter in Los Angeles. The credits include a group of people known as 'Parents of Dead Children' amongst other wonders of modern movie cinema. In a pre 24 film, thermal wearing Keifer plays Robert Doob, who has the quickest murder trial in history. We see he's a bad guy because he hurts a dog and flicks a cigarette at a crack whore. Sure to be an Upchuck classic episode, there are multiple Upchuckie potential award winners in this nonsense. #makemoviesgreatagain Please follow us on Facebook, Twitter, iTunes, and subscribe! Please review and share. Thanks as always for listening!

An impromptu Terminator tangent. Shut Eye on Hulu. Rogue One and 3d. Thanks for listening and please subscribe and share!

Weekend vegetation lends for some brief musings on Hitchcock, Yul Brenner, David Lynch, and more. Hope everyone had a great holidaynin whatever form you choose.

This episode (recorded around Halloween) is a hands down universal non-accliamed episode. Sure to be a fan favorite, we review the thing that happened that is the film Alone in the Dark. We tie into Street Fighter a lot, as well as hear some words of wisdom from the man himself Uwe Boll. Christian Slater becomes our first repeat guest on the pod and we really have some fun with this one. This is a truly awful movie. No really this one is bad. Based on the groundbreaking game series that helped pave the way for vehicles like Resident Evil or Silent Hill, we use the term 'based' loosely. Nothing about this can justify the name sake. The game that was tied into this abomination was just as bad. We'll be bringing more episodes sooner than later to get you through the end of year and prep you for season too! Please subscribe through Podbean or iTunes (and more), like us on Facebook, and follow us on Twitter. Just search for Upchuck Theater and we'll be there!

On this episode we explore The House on Haunted Hill - the remake from 1999. This is definitely the worst Upchucked film to date. Starring Geoffrey Rush, Famke Jansen, and Taye Diggs amongst others, we are invited into a pre-teen Halloween party where people end up dead. The movie continues our already longstanding tradition with Castle productions. Surprisingly, Dustin doesn't rate this one a 2 on our Vomitous Scale. Against an estimated budget of just under 20 million. the movie took in over 40 at the box office, clearly showing Chris Kattan's showstopping ability. Pregnant doors, loganberry, and squirt guns abound. It's SPOOOOOKYYYY! Please consider subscribing and giving us a kind review on iTunes or wherever you tolerate us if you enjoy spending some time giving us your earholes. Thanks as always for listening. Also, give a little love to our friends the Jock and the Nerd! Give the Jock and Nerd Podcast a go! This movie is a classic example of something that had some really great kernels of thought strewn throughout but goes absolutely nowhere with them. The first 15 minutes are actually very interesting and very cheesy and very entertaining. Geoffrey Rush is definitely bringing his chops to this 1st act and it shows. After that, it's just a pre-teen Halloween party gone wrong. Look for some very Resident Evil esque shots in the bowels of the mansion/asylum that are spot on, and look for the shot through the DV camera that takes a glimpse into what really happened here years ago...and then watch how nothing happens with that very interesting piece.

Aaron gives an off the cuff review of Judge Dredd (1995) and Burn After Reading by the Coen Brothers. As always thanks for listening! Please consider subscribing and giving us a review on wherever you listen to us through.

In Episode 4 the trio tackles Thir13en Ghosts, an abomination of a remake of an old Vincent Price movie. Since these descriptions are always written by Aaron, it's an abomination. We find what will probably become a theme between Aaron and Dustin in their vastly different stances on some of the Upchuck Library. We're joined in spirit by musical artist Tricky, and really dig into how this movie had something interesting at its core...but ultimately fails.   Except in the eyes of Dustin. You decide. Let us know what you think. Find us on Facebook, Twitter, iTunes, Stitcher, and more. Give us a listen and subscribe if you like us! Thanks for listening.

In this edition of The Upchuck Theater Podcast we take on the Rand Ravage masterpiece The Astronaut's Wife starring Johnny Depp and Charlize Theron. We also try to be more professional with an OUTRO as well as an intro!!! Aaron and Dustin debate the use of CCTV, we find out where warmth comes from, and we lament the fact that this garbage ever got made. Please give us a listen, a share, and subscribe through Podbean, iTunes, Stitcher, and more!

On their way back from Cleveland, Aaron and Dustin riff in the car on The Neon Demon and Lights Out in the first Vomit off the Cuff mobile edition. This episode is different in the sense that only 2 of us were in the car, and we weren't regurgitating immediately after viewing. Dustin and Aaron had watched Neon Demon the night before, and Lights Out shortly before getting back on the road. The episode is also not in the traditions UCT is being known for as it's a little more thoughtful critique as opposed to out and out disgust. Aaron's long standing tradition of being a Nicholas Refn fan is on display as well. The Neon Demon, much like Only God Forgives was divisive with viewers, some loving it, some hating it roundly. Refn isn't interested in pleasing everyone that's very evident and respectable, but at what cost when a story is paper thin?  

Episode 2 brings us to the epic disaster that is Broken Arrow. Loud, stupid, and just poorly done, we felt sympathy for John Woo trying to bring his special breed of cinema to an American cast. The results? Disastrous. We had gone down a long list of possible candidates for this one, but in keeping true to what we want to try and do as our main theme, we kept rejecting ideas based on if someone else had done it that we knew of, or something that was just a little too obscure. We want to be able to refresh your mind, and hopefully implant some horrible thoughts to ruin a slice of your childhood. Get at us on Facebook, Twitter, at the Website, or at upchucktheater@gmail.com. Please listen, share, and subscribe! Help spread the vomit around. We're also on iTunes! Thanks so much for listening!

In our first episode, we watch and violate our minds with the masterpiece Ghost Ship starring Gabriel Byrne, Julianna Margulies, and Isaiah Washington. Ghost ship provides an opening sequence opening massacre listed as #13 on Bloody Disgusting's list of "The Top 13 Kills in Horror Movie History". Looking back on this episode we realize how in just a short time what an awful rabbit hole we've really fallen into with some of these movies. This one is actually a gem compared to future viewings. The original concept and script apparently are vastly different from what the cast was originally signing on for. Apparently Julianna Margulies cried when she realized the nonsense she was going to have to be in. With Dustin Hummel, Rob Mackowski, and Aaron Krygier. Get at us at on Facebook, Twitter, our sort of official website, and of course right here through Podbean. We come up in google, so just type in Upchuck Theater. Thanks for listening, and please give us a follow!