When Life Stops Podcast

It's the Season Finale!

Welcome to another episode of the When Life Stops Podcast. In today's episode- Episode 11 we share another important topic- Dealing With Grief in the Workplace.   Grief can severely impact a person's ability to concentrate, come to work on time and be productive. The number of grievers has significantly increased since the pandemic started in 2020.   In episode 12 season 1 we talked about the impact of grief on our work. In today's episode, we really dive into our organisations and businesses can support grievers.   We (Stella and Detola) both shared our experience of going back to work after our losses and how isolated we felt.   We shared how colleagues can support grievers at work, with tips on what to say and not to say when a griever returns to work.   We also shared tips on how organisation leaders can create a healthy grief culture at work. It was a very insightful packed episode as we shared loads of tips for grievers, colleagues and organisations to address grief in the workplace.   Please leave us a review or comment on the podcast app you are listening from, remember we will be giving shout-outs to those who leave us comments/reviews. Also, leave us a rating, and please share this podcast with anyone you know who may be experiencing loss.    We hope you have found this episode valuable,  till next time we pray that you find the grace to find new meaning to life after loss.    The subject of loss and grief is not talked about enough especially in the black community, so we would like to invite you to support us financially.   Your support would enable us to continue the amazing and vital work that we are doing by covering the technical costs involved so we can continue producing more content that educates, uplifts, and supports those who have experienced loss. Thank you!   Catch you on the next episode. Bye, and God bless!      

Grief is a natural human response to the loss of someone or something you love. The  emotions of grief vary greatly; sadness, anger, guilt, relief, shock etc but these are all normal responses to loss.  These reactions are a normal and  healthy part of the grieving process. But what happens when these emotions of grief become overwhelming, trigger deep depression, substance abuse,  suicidal thoughts, or are extreme or prolonged to the point that the griever cannot care for themselves and their health & wellbeing is affected. In this episode, we have a seasoned mental health professional and emotional health coach Mrs Toyin Akinfolarin come share with us the impact grief has on our mental health and wellbeing. We trust that as you listen you would be thoroughly equipped by the information and insights shared. Please feel free to reach out to us via email at hello@whenlifestops.org with your comments, feedback, and questions.  You can connect with Mrs Toyin Akinfolarin here   The subject of loss and grief is not talked about enough especially in the black community, so we would like to invite you to support us financially.   Your support would enable us to continue the amazing and vital work that we are doing by covering the technical costs involved so we can continue producing more content that educates, uplifts, and supports those who have experienced loss. Thank you! Don‘t forget to leave us a review or comment on the podcast app you are listening from, remember we will be giving shout-outs to those who leave us comments/reviews. Also, leave us a rating, and please share this podcast with anyone you know who has experienced a loss.   Catch you on the next exciting episode. Bye, and God bless!   *Disclaimer* The views and opinions expressed in guest episodes are those of the guests. Their experiences are unique to them and do not necessarily represent or reflect the opinions or position of the When Life Stops Podcast. The information, opinions, and recommendations presented in this Podcast are for general information only and any reliance on the information provided in this Podcast should be carefully considered.

Welcome to Season 2 Episode 9.  In this episode, we discuss another sensitive topic titled; moving forward after a divorce. Divorce usually means the end or death of a marriage and all the dreams and hope that went into it. The death of a marriage, like any loss, requires a grieving process for healing. So in this episode, we had the pleasure of interviewing Ms. Shubi Labinjoh and she recounts her experience of her marriage and journey to healing and self-rediscovery after her divorce. We know you our listeners are going to be inspired and encouraged by how powerfully she shared her story. Please feel free to reach out to us via email at hello@whenlifestops.org with your comments, feedback, and questions.  You can also connect with Ms Shubi here  The subject of loss and grief is not talked about enough especially in the black community, so we would like to invite you to support us financially.   Your support would enable us to continue the amazing and vital work that we are doing by covering the technical costs involved so we can continue producing more content that educates, uplifts, and supports those who have experienced loss. Thank you! Don‘t forget to leave us a review or comment on the podcast app you are listening from, remember we will be giving shout-outs to those who leave us comments/reviews. Also, leave us a rating, and please share this podcast with anyone you know who has experienced a loss.   Catch you on the next exciting episode. Bye, and God bless!   *Disclaimer* The views and opinions expressed in guest episodes are those of the guests. Their experiences are unique to them and do not necessarily represent or reflect the opinions or position of the When Life Stops Podcast. The information, opinions, and recommendations presented in this Podcast are for general information only and any reliance on the information provided in this Podcast should be carefully considered.

Welcome to Season 2 Episode 8.  Following on with our conversation last week about moving forward after the death of a spouse, this week we have a special guest who shares with us, the topic of finding love after the death of a spouse.  Our Guest featured in this episode is the amazing Carole Henderson, the CEO of Grief UK. Carole trained Detola to become a Grief Recovery Specialist after the death of her son, Morakinyo Caleb. Carole shares her story about her first marriage, the death of her first husband, some of the emotions she experienced and how she was able to find love again after her tragic loss. We hope you our listeners would find this episode encouraging and comforting. Please feel free to reach out to us via email hello@whenlifestops.org  You can also connect with Carole here. Don't forget to leave us a review or comment on the podcast app you are listening from, remember we will be giving shout-outs to those who leave us comments/reviews. Also, leave us a rating and please share this podcast with anyone you know who may be experiencing loss.    Catch you on the next exciting episode. Bye, and God bless!     *Disclaimer* The views and opinions expressed in guest episodes are those of the guests. Their experiences are unique to them and do not necessarily represent or reflect the opinions or position of the When Life Stops Podcast. The information, opinions, and recommendations presented in this Podcast are for general information only and any reliance on the information provided in this Podcast should be carefully considered.  

Welcome to Season 2 Episode 7.  In this episode, we discuss the sensitive topic of moving forward after the death of a spouse. The death of a spouse is probably one of the most devastating tragedies ever. Especially when you had a good marriage and dreams of growing old together.     Our Guest featured in this episode is the amazing Adekunle Adeyoola, known professionally as Snatcha. He is a Nigerian gospel singer, actor, and CEO of Assalt TV. He was part of the duo Rooftop Mc.  And the creative director/ CEO of shuttersnatcha    Snatcha recounts the experience of losing his beloved wife Jennifer, looking after their 4 children, his process of healing and journeying through loss and beyond. We hope you our listeners would find this episode encouraging and comforting. Please feel free to reach out to us via email hello@whenlifestops.org  You can also connect with Snatcha here https://www.instagram.com/soulsnatcha/?hl=en   Don't forget to leave us a review or comment on the podcast app you are listening from, remember we will be giving shout-outs to those who leave us comments/reviews. Also, leave us a rating and please share this podcast with anyone you know who may be experiencing loss.    Catch you on the next exciting episode. Bye, and God bless!     *Disclaimer* The views and opinions expressed in guest episodes are those of the guests. Their experiences are unique to them and do not necessarily represent or reflect the opinions or position of the When Life Stops Podcast. The information, opinions, and recommendations presented in this Podcast are for general information only and any reliance on the information provided in this Podcast should be carefully considered.    

On today's episode, we are doing something different from our regular podcast episodes.  We are reacting or should we say responding to Banky W and Adesua's "Final Say Faith" testimony on Youtube. For anyone who does not know the Williams, they are Nigerian celebrities. Banky is a musician, actor, businessman and it looks like these days a preacher of the word. Adesua is an amazing actress. Their testimony aired on Youtube in April 2021 and now has 1.6M views at this time. Here is the direct link to their testimony. You can also listen to their Final Say song here as well.  We love Banky and Adesua's love and also their love for God!

October is Pregnancy & infant loss and awareness month.   An estimated 1 in 4 pregnancies ends in miscarriage (1 in 5 if we only count women who realised/reported the miscarriage)   About 1 in 100 women in the UK experience recurrent miscarriages (3 or more in a row)   So in this episode, we looked at the topic of Moving forward after a miscarriage and we are so honoured to have the very lovely Kemi Faloye with us as she shares her powerful emotional journey of moving forward after 14 miscarriages.    Pls share this episode with anyone who you know may have experienced a miscarriage or supporting someone who has.  Kemi's book: Just a season can be purchased here. You can also connect with her on Instagram here Feel free to send us an email at hello@whenlifestops.org with any questions, comments or feedback. We love to hear from you. Please subscribe/share and give us a 5-star rating so that others might benefit from this podcast. We pray that you found our discussion comforting, relatable, and valuable and we pray that you are able to glean tools from our conversations so that you too can find new meaning to life after loss.       *Disclaimer* The views and opinions expressed in guest episodes are those of the guests. Their experiences are unique to them and do not necessarily represent or reflect the opinions or position of the When Life Stops Podcast. The information, opinions, and recommendations presented in this Podcast are for general information only and any reliance on the information provided in this Podcast should be carefully considered.

In this episode, we continue the conversation around how children deal with loss. In Episode 3 we had an amazing guest with us, Ope Malomo, who shared her story of losing both parents at the tender age of 6 and 11. Ope was really inspiring and it was lovely hearing how she has grown through her pain.  This episode focused on how parents and guardians can ensure that their child/children have the best possible information and the highest level of emotional safety as they deal with the wide range of emotions attached to losses of all kinds.  We listed some of the most common losses, in the sequence most likely to occur in a child's life.  Death of a pet  Death of a grandparent  Major move - like Ope mentioned last week children are particularly affected by changes in locations, routines, and physical familiarity. Divorce of a child's parents  Death of a parent(s)  Death of a playmate, friend, or relative Injury to the child or to someone important in the child's life We established the truth that our children will experience losses so it is paramount that we know how to help our children deal with their feelings about any loss they encounter.   We also talked about how our children respond to loss eg Socially withdrawn  Playing badly or been disruptive Anger Tummy aches bedwetting/ Pulling own hair out. Loss of concentration   Detola also shared a great tool that is taught to parents who take the 4-week Helping Children with Loss program called the Emotional Energy Checklist  culled from the When Children Grieve book by John W James and Russell Friedman If you will love to know how else you can support your children or those in your care about dealing with loss then pls reach out to us via email hello@whenlifestops.org. Detola runs a 4-week course to help parents/guardians help their children deal with loss.   Leave us a review or comment on the podcast app you are listening from, remember we will be giving shout-outs to those who leave us comments/reviews. Also, leave us a rating, and please share this podcast with anyone you know who may be experiencing loss.  We hope you have found this episode valuable,  till next time we pray that you find the grace to find new meaning to life after loss.    Catch you on the next episode. Bye, and God bless!   P.S We apologise for the quality of the audio in a few parts of this podcast and we hope you are still able to glean some crucial information on this post to help your children or children in your care. *Disclaimer* The information, opinions, and recommendations presented in this Podcast are for general information only and any reliance on the information provided in this Podcast should be carefully considered.  

Welcome to Episode 3 Season 2 of the when life stops podcast, with your hosts Detola and Stella. In this episode, we discuss losing parents and how to move forward after it. We interview an amazing guest Ope Malomo. She is the founder of Letters of Hope, an organisation that supports the Bereaved and those who love them; bringing hope in times of despair. She is happily married with two adorable children. Losing a parent is an inevitable part of life, and in this episode, our guest shared her experience of losing both parents, the effect it had on her as a child and even now as an adult, and how she has found new meaning to live after her losses.  You can contact our guest Ope via her website https://lettersofhope.org.uk/about-the-founder/ Feel free to send us an email at hello@whenlifestops.org with any questions, comments or feedback. We love to hear from you. Please subscribe/share and give us a 5-star rating so that others might benefit from this podcast. We pray that you found our discussion comforting, relatable, and valuable and we pray that you are able to glean tools from our conversations so that you too can find new meaning to life after loss.     *Disclaimer* The views and opinions expressed in guest episodes are those of the guests. Their experiences are unique to them and do not necessarily represent or reflect the opinions or position of the When Life Stops Podcast. The information, opinions, and recommendations presented in this Podcast are for general information only and any reliance on the information provided in this Podcast should be carefully considered.

Welcome to Episode 2, Season 2 of the When Life Stops podcast. We are glad to be back and we hope you enjoyed episode 1 where we gave you a breakdown of what we have both been up to since Season 1. Go check it out if you haven't already. We established in Season 1, Episode 3 that grief doesn't only occur when there is bereavement. but it can occur as a result of any type of emotional loss. We also established that there are about 43 losses that can invoke the emotion of grief so in season 2 we want to showcase different people's loss stories and how they were able to move forward from that.   Today's topic is on how to move forward after a business fails. A lot of people experience business failures when a recession hits or a pandemic like we have all just experienced. 20% of small businesses fail in their first year, 30% of small businesses fail in their second year, and 50% of small businesses fail after five years in business. Finally, 70% of small business owners fail in their 10th year in business. When people lose their business, their livelihood is definitely affected and this can have an effect on their mental, emotional, physical well being and even relationships. It can even make one question their identity especially if they had a thriving business before it collapsed.  Today, we are very excited to be interviewing our very first guest for this season, Toks Aruoture. Toks is going to be sharing some of her story with us. If you are a business owner or have experienced the failure of a business or similar then this episode is for you. We know that you would find it both insightful and instructive! If you would like to contact us to discuss further anything mentioned in today's episode please feel free to send us an email at hello@whenlifestops.org You can also contact our guest here  You can listen to Tok's podcast here   Please leave us a comment, subscribe to our podcast on any app you listen to us via, and leave us a 5-star rating so others can benefit from the amazing content we have on the when life stops podcast. Till next week, we pray you find the grace to find new meaning to life after loss. Good bye! *Disclaimer* The views and opinions expressed in guest episodes are those of the guests. Their experiences are unique to them and do not necessarily represent or reflect the opinions or position of the When Life Stops Podcast. The information, opinions, and recommendations presented in this Podcast are for general information only and any reliance on the information provided in this Podcast should be carefully considered.

We are back!!! The When life Stop podcast is back!!!! Yay!!!  We are Detola and Stella, Two mothers, two grievers, we have experienced minor and major losses. We have learned and unlearned so much on the journey, Stella is a Grief support counsellor and Detola is a Grief recovery specialist and we want to share with you what has helped us on the journey. In the first episode of season 2, we share our experience post lockdown and the scoop on what we have been up to since we last aired season 1. We share about the amazing work Detola is doing with her clients as a grief recovery specialist: To know more about if the Grief Recovery Method is for you, book a free consultation session with Detola here @ https://detolamure.com/grief-recovery/ you can also donate to My Little Warrior Foundation here: https://gofund.me/ed8f327c Stella also shares about her latest book Untethered which can be purchased on Amazon here or here https://stellaagwor.com/ Feel free to reach us on https://whenlifestops.org/ or send us an email at hello@whenlifestops.org   We hope you enjoyed this episode and we look forward to hearing from you!

We are back!!! The When life Stop podcast is back!!!! Yay!!!  We know the past two years have been really challenging. There have been so many losses on every front, perhaps, life may have stopped for you. And you may be wondering if you can ever recover and move forward.   Or you are a friend or family to someone who has loved and lost? Then join us on the When Life stops, a podcast where we help you find new meaning after loss. We are Detola and Stella, Two mothers, two grievers, we have experienced minor and major losses. We have learned and unlearned so much on the journey, Stella is a Grief support counsellor and Detola is a Grief recovery specialist and we want to share with you what has helped us on the journey.  We are so excited to let you know that season 2 will be back next Wednesday. We have some exciting topics lined up for you. We also have 8 amazing guests come to share their experiences of loss.   They will be sharing how they moved forward from their individual losses such as the death of a spouse, divorce, multiple miscarriages, business loss, parental loss, and much more. All episodes are packed with so much content and value. We are really really looking forward to sharing this season with you. We are so grateful for all the love and engagement we got from season 1. We couldn't have done it without you. If you found season 1 valuable, season 2 promises to be more transformational. If you haven't already, we would like to invite you to go subscribe now on any podcast apps. Please share with your friends and family who may be going through one loss or the other, or have gone through loss in the past and those who want to support those who have loved and lost. Society hasn't taught us how to deal with loss and we want to share how you can support your loved ones through their losses. And truth be told we are all going to experience one loss or the other throughout our lifetime so everything we share is going to be relevant.   Yes, that's it! Ok friends, remember to check back next week Wednesday, don't forget! When we launch the very first episode of when life stops season 2, a podcast on finding new meaning after loss  See you soon!   Feel free to reach us on https://whenlifestops.org/ or send us an email at hello@whenlifestops.org

  We have come to the final episode of this season! Over the course of the episodes in this season we have shared tips and action steps you can take however today we wanted to dive into seeking deeper healing work to recover from your loss.   We share our own personal stories on recovery and where people can begin to seek for help after bereavement.   Recovery is being able to enjoy fond memories without having them turn painful. Recovering from significant emotional loss is not an easy task and it will require your open-mindedness, willingness, and courage.  Recovery from loss is achieved by a series of small and correct choices made by the griever. And this is what we wanted to come share with you today.   We shared the different sources of help such as family and friends.    The NHS website in the UK has a link to various organisations so please check it out. In Nigeria we mention The Healing Cradle run by Bolatito Bez-Idakula   For children there is  Winston's Wish SANDS Childline Cruse Bereavement Care Cruse Bereavement Care (Scotland) Grief Encounter   Stella shared how she got support and started her support group for bereaved mothers: Angels Support Group.   Detola shared about the Grief Recovery programme, how it helped her and how she became a Grief Recovery Specialist. You can check it them :    You can also go to Detola's website if you need her support with your grief- www.detolamure.com/grief

Episode 12: Loss and the impact on your business, job and dreams  Welcome to episode 12 of When life stops, a podcast on finding new meaning after loss.  We are nearly at the end of season 1 of this podcast and it has been humbling getting feedback, emails, comments from you all. We don't take it for granted that you tune in each time we drop a new episode.  Today's topic is centered on loss and the impact it has on your livelihood- your business, job and dreams.  We talk about how the tendency to want to keep busy after a loss actually suppresses our grief.  We shared in Episode 2 some typical grief responses and one of the things we mentioned was reduced concentration and we relate that to how much financial impact it has on grievers, employers and business owners. The Grief Recovery Institute published a groundbreaking report called the Grief Index aimed at examining the financial impact of grief and we present some of this information, updated and applied to UK statistics along with some strategies business owners can take back to their businesses that will allow them to mitigate some of these costs. When we take these figures into account, employers need to check whether their employment policy encourages people to work too soon after a major grief causing life events, therefore, costing more to the bottom line than allowing them more compassionate leave.  In this episode, we encourage you to prioritize your health, find out what your employment policy is concerning bereavement or loss in general, speak to your doctor and always ask God for strength.  Thank you once more for tuning in today, we enjoy reading from you. Please leave us a review on the podcast app you are listening from, leave us a rating and pls share this podcast with anyone you know who may be experiencing loss.  Also, feel free to email us at hello@whenlifestops. For more information about us go to our website or connect with us via Instagram. http://whenlifestops.org https://www.instagram.com/stellaagwor/ https://www.instagram.com/detolaamure/ With love, Detola & Stella.

Episode 11: Loss and its Impact On Extended Family and Friendships Hey listeners, welcome to Episode 11 of The When Life Stops podcast, a show where we talk about all this loss, grief and recovery and our aim is to equip you so you can move forward and find new meaning to life. On this episode, we dive into the impact of loss and its impact on extended family and friendships.  We share our experiences of the impact our losses had on our extended families and also friends and even work colleagues.   We discussed how a death in a family can lead to a roller coaster of emotions,  alongside the pressure to make important decisions,  so tempers may flare, hurtful things might be said and relationships even those that were once beautiful might suffer. So if you are aware of this, you can deal with each other with more understanding.    We shared a few tips on how to deal effectively with extended family members. Understand that everyone is different and grieves differently.  It is ok to have healthy boundaries  Reaffirm your love  If you have responsibilities and duties that you carried out for your extended family assign someone else to them We encourage members of the extended family to seek help especially when they are struggling to recover from the loss themselves  Remove yourself from feelings of guilt and blame. Do not accept any blame for loss, we talked about this in Episode 4 Talk talk talk, communication is key, talk to your loved ones about what is helpful, what is not, talk to them about their feelings if you can handle it, when you can't talk we encourage you to keep a log in your diary or journal Sadly, there would be hurts, misunderstandings and disputes, forgive, forgive forgive, apologise where it is necessary but seek to maintain cordial relationships with relatives  We talked about experiencing disappointment in some of our friendships yet at the same time we discovered new friendships. We explored some of the typical expressions of how grief changes friendships. We expressed that after a loss you are not the same person. Loss changes you and without friends who are empathetic and patient,  you would feel lonely and isolated.   We then discussed how you can stay friendly. We also shared tips for a friend to show support for a friend who has experienced loss: Be empathetic Don't ask them to call you if they need anything, truth is they won't.  Communication is everything When they do talk, listen, show up and offer them the gift of your presence Love is an action word, show your love by doing If you really want to be there for a friend, there are so many resources out there to help, ignorance is not an excuse,  you might not know what to say,  but you can learn. Make an effort to check up on them, especially on anniversary,  holidays and celebrations.  Share in their pain, and let it transform you.    We hope you found great value in this episode.   We are available to help and support anyone who would require our help and you can reach us by sending us an email at  hello@whenlifestops.org   For more information about us go to our website   http://whenlifestops.org   https://www.instagram.com/stellaagwor/ https://www.instagram.com/detolaamure/   Please share with anyone who is going through loss, like, comment and subscribe to our podcast on wherever you listen to your podcast.    Keeping taking little steps every day that would move you forward and help you find new meaning to life.   Thank you for listening, till next week   Good bye. Detola & Stella

Welcome to episode 10 of the When Life Stops podcast. Today's topic is on the impact of sibling loss and we are very excited to be interviewing another amazing guest Amanda Badzrah    Loss and its impact on siblings cannot be overlooked. Studies have shown that sibling loss is associated with an increased risk of death from external causes (i.e. suicides, illnesses, accidents, and homicides) and increased psychiatric health problems following bereavement could underlie such an association.   In this very open and insightful episode, our guest shares her story of losing her brother at a young age, the effect it had on her, and how her parents grieved.   She shares how she experienced healing and leaves us with some advice for parents and siblings still struggling to recover from their loss and how they too can find new meaning after loss.   If you would like to connect with Amanda Bedzrah on social media you can do so via her website here   http://amandabedzrah.com/about-me/. You can get Amanda's Book : Overcoming The Fear of Death here: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Overcoming-Fear-Death-Amanda-Bedzrah-ebook/dp/B06WD1R8RM   We are available to help and support anyone who would require our help and you can reach us by sending us an email at  hello@whenlifestops.org   For more information about us go to our website   http://whenlifestops.org   https://www.instagram.com/stellaagwor/ https://www.instagram.com/detolaamure/ If you have found this episode valuable we ask that you please share especially with anyone you know who has experienced sibling loss, like, comment, and subscribe to this podcast on whatever podcast app that you are listening from.   God bless you and see you next week. Lots of love, Detola & Stella *Disclaimer* The views and opinions expressed in guest episodes are those of the guests. Their experiences are unique to them and do not necessarily represent or reflect the opinions or position of the When Life Stops Podcast. The information, opinions, and recommendations presented in this Podcast are for general information only and any reliance on the information provided in this Podcast should be carefully considered.

Welcome back to episode 9 on when life stops, this is a show where we talk all things loss and we aim to equip you so you can find the tools and right coping mechanism to embrace grief and find healing and recovery. Thank you for listening, So, in episode 8, we talked about the effects of loss on marriage and we discussed the encouraging percentage of marriages that make it after loss, the unique ways male and females grieve and the common problems marriages face after a loss. So in this episode, which is a continuation, we would be talking about practical ways a couple can experience and deal with loss and their grieving journey both collectively and individually We list some of the steps couples can take below. 1. Communication 2. Overcoming guilt 3. Giving each other permission to have fun and laugh  4. Prioritise making new  memories 5. Forgive one another 6. Discuss healthy ways of preserving memories 7. Find a support group or others who have experienced a loss.  8. Most importantly turn to God and seek his help comfort and healing. We emphasise that faith in God does not mean denying pain. We talked about being able to lament before God expressing our pain, disappointment, anger, and hurt and allowing him to heal us, we also encourage couples to stay in an atmosphere of praise and find comfort and healing in God's word.   Jer 8:22 says this Is there no balm in Gilead? Is there no physician there? Why then is there no healing for the wound of my people? There is healing in God's presence 9. Give yourself permission to live  10. Helping other couples by sharing your story and supporting them through their own loss, helps to bring healing as you focus on someone else. Volunteering together also helps to foster and forge a bond in the marriage.   So loss as difficult as it is, does not have to be the end of a relationship. Life as a couple you once knew it has changed forever and you both have to be willing to relearn how to relate and communicate better to solve the problems that arise and equip yourself with the tools to embrace the new emotions that you would face. Indeed you are not alone, be patient with one another and seek to take your eyes off yourself and include your partner in your journey. Each couple would experience loss differently but the same love you had is still there and you have to uncover it and fight for it. With God on your side, you would not be a statistic. We are available to help and support anyone who would require our help and you can reach us by sending us an email at  hello@whenlifestops.org For more information about us go to our website http://whenlifestops.org https://www.instagram.com/stellaagwor/ https://www.instagram.com/detolaamure/ If you have found this episode valuable we ask that you please share especially with any couple you know who has experienced loss.  Like, comment, and subscribe to this podcast on whatever podcast app that you are listening to us from. God bless you and see you next week. Lots of love. Detola and Stella.    

LOSS  AND ITS IMPACT ON MARRIAGE   Hello and welcome to episode 8 of When Life Stops, a podcast on finding new meaning after loss. What a journey we have been taking you, our dear listener on. Talking about all things loss and grief. Last week we had a very interesting interview with our guest speaker as we explored the subject of men and grief. So check it out if you missed it.   Today our conversation would center on loss and its impact on marriage. We have already established that so many losses impact marriage.    We discussed in Episode 3 that there are over 43 losses that are considered to invoke grief but for the purpose of today's discourse we would limit it to death and focus more on child loss and how it affects marriage.   It has been said that it is not the death of a child that leads to parents divorcing but usually the judgement about how each partner is grieving the loss.   In this episode we discuss the skills, coping mechanisms, right support that makes a difference.We talk about how though loss is universal each family experiences loss uniquely and if there is an underlying crisis before the loss, that crisis begets more crisis and it puts a strain on the marriage relationship.   We also go a little in-depth to differentiate how both men and women react to loss too.  Understanding how men and women grieve is so important and crucial. We hope that the insights shared can better inform how men and women relate with regards to navigating through loss, but even so, this is not a one size fits all approach.   We also discuss some of the main problems couples can face  With the most common being: (1) Sexual problems,  (2) Emotional distance,  isolation and preoccupation with self,   3) Increased conflict and/or fighting (4) Drifting   Regardless of the state of the marriage, restoration is possible, recovery of love and affection is possible. Even though life would have changed for the couple and the life they once had might never be the same again we reassure our listeners that the storm and winds that blew were not designed to break but to build and make their homes and marriages stronger.    We cover a lot in this episode but there is still a lot more to talk about and in episode 9 we shall attempt to delve deeper.   If this episode has triggered questions, please feel free to reach out to us.   We are available to help and support any one who would require our help and you can reach us by sending us an email at  hello@whenlifestops.org   For more information about us go to our website   http://whenlifestops.org   https://www.instagram.com/stellaagwor/ https://www.instagram.com/detolaamure/ If you have found this episode valuable we ask that you please share with anyone you know who has experienced loss. Like, comment and subscribe to this podcast on whatever podcast app that you are listening from.   God bless you and see you next week. Detola & Stella    

Hey Listeners, We are super excited to have you join us on our very first guest interview on the when life stops podcast.   This is Episode 7 and if you missed out on any previous episodes, feel free to play catch up. Today we have Mr. Abidemi Agwor ( Stella's amazing fine husband) join us and He would be sharing on Grief and its impact on men. We start the episode with the story of losing his 1-year-old daughter, grief from a man's perspective, societal and cultural taboos associated with men expressing emotions. He also talks about the impact of grief on his marriage and Job.   This episode promises not only to be educational but also very uplifting as Abidemi shares how he recovered and found healing, He also leaves our male listeners and their spouses with some words of encouragement and advice.    If you would like to connect with Abidemi on social media you can do so via his Instagram page here   https://instagram.com/abidemiagwor?igshid=mdd6ghl1yjw3 We are available to help and support anyone who would require our help and you can reach us by sending us an email at  hello@whenlifestops.org   For more information about us go to our website   http://whenlifestops.org   https://www.instagram.com/stellaagwor/   https://www.instagram.com/detolaamure/ If you have found this episode valuable we ask that you please share, like, comment, and subscribe to this podcast on whatever podcast app that you are listening from.   God bless you and see you next week.

  Welcome to Episode 6: Scriptures and songs that encouraged us. Thank you to our growing listening community, we see your comments and feedback and we say keep it coming.   Nothing in life can emotionally prepare us for the death of a loved one. Whether death results from a sudden accident or a sustained illness, it always catches us off-guard.  The finality of loss and dying is personal and with every loss, grief follows, as painful as that is.. grief is necessary  to our healing and we have shared that grief is messy and not embracing grief and  running away from it is like running away from the one thing that can cure the pain of loss  English poet and hymnodist, William Cowper, described grief itself as medicine. Grief cleanses the anguish from our souls and helps us move forward.  Grieving is the process God uses to bring us to a place of wholeness. A place of recovery and it is so essential part of our healing journey.  We have learned that when faced with grief, isolating yourself and grieving alone can be destructive and we say that grieving was meant to be done in community. When grief is shared, the pain becomes bearable and we encourage you to reach out talk to someone and a good place to find support is your church family, small group, a Christian support group, etc In this episode, we would be sharing how our faith helped us through this season. We also share some of the songs that comforted us.  Eg Spirit lead me by Michael Ketterer.  Steady my heart and you are not alone by Kari Jobe   ALL things by David and Nicole Binion           We also share a few scriptures that comforted us.   Ps 34:18: The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.    Psalm 91: 2: I will say to the LORD, "My refuge and my fortress, My God, in whom I trust!"  Phil 1:21 For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.   Psalm 73:26 My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.   Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.   Hab 3:17-18 Though the fig tree does not bud and no fruit is on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though the sheep are cut off from the fold and no cattle are in the stalls, yet I will exult in the LORD; I will rejoice in the God of my salvation!…  Ephesian 5: 19 says we should “Speak to one another with psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your hearts to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.…”   We pray this episode truly encourages you. We remind you that you are not alone, and encourage you to please run to God and take advantage of the community He has put you in and receive the love that he offers through people.   We know that discussions around grief can be hard but we are available to help and support anyone who would require our services and you can reach us by sending us an email at hello@whenlifestops.org   For more information about us go to our website   http://whenlifestops.org   https://www.instagram.com/stellaagwor/   https://www.instagram.com/detolaamure/   We created a playlist filled with uplifting and encouraging songs. Pls, follow this Spotify link to access it. https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5p3QllnryhQ5jmOuLNaxhn?si=HZVusg2lQ76ZEgYAHdRozg   We pray you receive the grace and courage to move forward and find new meaning to life.   Till next time. Stay Joyful.          

Welcome to Episode 5   Thanking you for joining us again on another episode of the When life stops podcast, A podcast on finding new meaning after loss.   We thought to share in this episode our experience of planning a funeral for our babies.    A funeral might be a huge thing to deal with so in this episode, we share our stories on what to expect, dealing with the emotions that come with the enormity of such a task and so on.   We share: our experiences of the days leading up to the funeral, and afterward what we would have done differently when planning the funeral as well. the support and things we found really helpful that enabled us to move forward in those early days after our loss. We emphasize that Grief is better done in community and we pray this episode helps and encourages those who are navigating this unfamiliar terrain, We are open and available to answer your questions and if you would like any more support, please feel free to contact us at hello@whenlifestops.org    For more information about us go to our website   http://whenlifestops.org   https://www.instagram.com/stellaagwor/   https://www.instagram.com/detolaamure/ If you have found this valuable we ask that you please share, like, comment, and subscribe to this podcast on whatever podcast app that you are listening from.   God bless you and see you next week.  

Welcome to episode 4. In our last Episode we talked about what grief was in detail and in this episode we would like to talk about Guilt.   We define guilt as a remorseful emotional reaction in bereavement, with recognition of having failed to live up to one's own inner standards and expectations in relationship to the deceased and/or the death”   Guilt is characterised by self-blame/ regret/ shame.   Self-blame is when you take responsibility or ownership about the cause of a person's death. When we admit that it was our fault and blame ourselves for not living up to/ or for failing the other person.   Regrets on the other hand are negative painful thoughts and feelings. They are always around things you feel you didn't do or could have done differently ie actions and inactions that you feel would have achieved a better outcome. Often there is a feeling of  unfinished business with the deceased or the perception that one could have done things differently with respect to the relationship with the deceased and/or the death-related events. It is the coulda/ woulda/shoulda that follows after a loss.   We share our experiences in dealing with guilt and common reasons people have given as to why they feel guilt.   We discuss that these reasons, though logical, are many atimes untrue.   We share that people feel guilt because there is the need to blame something or someone because we feel a lack of control when it comes to death and dying If we do not blame ourselves or someone else,   Also a lack of trust in a God who is all knowing and all seeing and who is sovereign because accepting this would be surrendering and for some of us, that can be a really hard thing to do.     We share a few tips on how guilt can be overcome. 1.Embrace it/ acknowledge what you feel  guilty about/ face it Work on it by addressing the whys.. 2.See the whole picture. It is easy to focus on the last few days, hours, before a person died and you refuse to take into account the whole relationship. Is what you are telling yourself the truth/rational 3.Renew your mind. As a Christian, what does God say about guilt and the thoughts you are buying into. 4.Take action: forgive yourself, Apologise where necessary.     Perhaps you are listening to this episode and you are struggling with guilt, we encourage you to ask yourself What you would say to a friend or family member who was expressing the same feelings to you? Would you tell them to forgive themselves? If so, do the same to yourself.   A technique often used in grief work is letter writing - this usually involves writing a letter to the person that has died in the hope of dealing with and completing any ‘unfinished business', telling them how you feel about them, the situation surrounding their death, anything you wanted to say but now can't.     Finally we leave you with the Serenity Prayer and some scriptures God grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change; Courage to change the things I can; And wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world As it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make things right If I surrender to His Will; So that I may be reasonably happy in this life And supremely happy with Him Forever and ever in the next. Amen.   Revelation 12:10 Then I heard a loud voice in heaven say, “Now the salvation, the power, the kingdom of our God, and the authority of his Messiah have come. For the one who accuses our brothers, who accuses them day and night in the presence of our God, has been thrown out.     Hebrews 10:22 let us go right into the presence of God with sincere hearts fully trusting him. For our guilty consciences have been sprinkled with Christ's blood to make us clean, and our bodies have been washed with pure water.   We hope you find this episode valuable. Please like, comment, share and most importantly subscribe so you don't miss any episodes.    Till next time we pray you find the grace to find new meaning to life and live above guilt.   Feel free to connect with us via our website    http://whenlifestops.org/   We love you. Detola and Stella.  

Welcome to episode 3 of when life stops, a podcast on finding new meaning after loss. In the last episode, we talked about common grief myths, the falsehood around grief, and what we knew. Today Stella and Detola dig deep into what grief really Is We share 3 definitions of Grief We say it is the normal and natural reaction to significant emotional loss of any kind. secondly, according to the  Grief Recovery method written by  John W James, and Russell Friedman    Grief is the conflicting feelings caused by the end of, or change in, a familiar pattern of behavior.  The last definition of grief is feeling of reaching out for someone who has always been there, only to find when you need them one more time, they are no longer there.  We discuss that there are over 43 losses that are considered to invoke grief eg. Death, Divorce, Retirement, Moving, Pet Loss, Financial change, Loss of health, Legal Problems, Empty nest, End of Addiction, Starting School, Redundancy. Some examples of intangible losses that lead to grief: Loss of trust, loss of innocence, loss of safety, loss of childhood, loss of control, loss of faith, Loss of fertility And we reassure our listeners that whatever loss they have experienced what they are feeling is normal. We tackle the grave misconception that there are stages of grief.  The fact is there are no stages. Grief cannot be neatly categorized. Elizabeth Kubler Ross' work was on Death & Dying, not grief. She was very specific about this distinction in her books but the media and the universities have attached her work to grief. This common misinformation has confused and hurt many grievers throughout the years.    We emphasize that there are no stages to grief, every grief is individual and unique.  We also share the typical responses to grief such as: Reduced concentration A sense of numbness Disrupted sleeping patterns  Changed eating habits Roller coaster of emotional    We talk about how grief is often mislabelled as ADHD, Depression, PTSD and many other pathological conditions. We share that mental health professionals that grief recovery specialists work with have found that although their clients come to them with another presenting issue, almost all of them have unresolved grief as the underlying problem and If you misdiagnose it means you will mistreat. These wrongly labeled grievers are often incorrectly put on various medications, which get in the way of recovering from loss.  And this shows that there is unresolved grief everywhere. A study of 8800 US mental health clients established that a large percentage of people diagnosed as depressed and placed on antidepressant drugs are not clinically depressed. They are actually experiencing unresolved grief due to prior losses in their lives.  And any grief that is not embraced, and worked through would end up being covered, buried and the fact that time has elapsed doesn't mean healing has taken place. We remind our listeners again that time does not heal wounds, it is facing it and taking actions that guarantee healing. So how then do people know if they are experiencing unresolved grief? We list the 5 signs that show this  1. If you are unwilling to think about or talk about someone who has died or express feelings about any other losses.  2. If fond memories turn painful, you may be experiencing unresolved grief. 3. If you want only to talk about the positive aspects of the relationship, you may be incomplete or experiencing unresolved grief. 4. If you want only to talk about the negative aspects of the relationship, you may be incomplete or experiencing unresolved grief. 5. Unresolved grief may be at the root of any fear associated with the thoughts or feelings about a relationship.  We encourage anyone listening who feels they may have unresolved grief that they too can recover and find new meaning to life after experiencing grief. You can actually recover from grief.    Stella listed some steps you can take to recover from grief. 1. The first step is to face it,  grief is healthy,  and realize that you are not alone, God is with you,  2. Grief is healed in community, you need people,  3. Take action, start with admitting what it is you lost, identify other losses you never grieved,  4. Talk to God about how you feel, express yourself before God(e.g journaling and blogging and just talking to God and asking him lots of questions),  5. Stay grounded in the love of God. (remind yourself that you are loved, and because you love God, all things would work together for my good)ps 23.4. Roms 8.28 Detola shares that Recovery is being able to enjoy fond memories without having them turn painful. Recovery means acquiring the skills we should have been taught as a child. These skills allow us to deal with loss directly. Although recovery from significant emotional loss is not an easy task. Taking the actions that lead to recovery will require open-mindedness, willingness, and courage.  Recovery from loss is achieved by a series of small and correct choices made by the griever.  We round up by saying again that you are not alone on this journey, and we encourage grievers to acknowledge how they feel, journal their thoughts, and always be emotionally honest with themselves and others. We share how to lament before God and Rick Warren sums it nicely, he says we must go to God and complain to him and not about him, tell him what we think is unfair or painful,  Appeal to his nature Remind God of his words Express total trust in God   We know that discussions around grief can be hard but we are available to help and support anyone who would require our services and you can reach us by sending us an email at hello@whenlifestops.org   For more information about us, you can go to our website   http://whenlifestops.org   https://www.instagram.com/stellaagwor/   https://www.instagram.com/detolaamure/ If you have found this episode valuable we ask that you please share, like, comment, and subscribe to this podcast on whatever podcast app that you are listening from.   God bless you and see you next week.  

Welcome to Episode 2. Thank you so much for the love and feedback received for our first episode, we truly appreciate all our listeners.   In this episode your hosts Detola Amure and Stella Agwor have a passionate discussion and challenge some Grief myths that is, the things commonly said when people encounter loss.   We grouped them using the 6 most commonly heard ones according to The grief recovery handbook by John W James and Russell Friedman   1. We say that when people say: Don't Feel Bad, you have the right to acknowledge and express those painful emotions that you are feeling.    2. Replace the Loss, we say that every loss is unique and cannot be replaced. Grievers should be allowed to grief individual losses and not seek to immediately replace what was lost. 3. Grieve Alone, isolation does nothing to help grief, we grief better in community and we encourage our listeners to reach out for support and feel free to express and talk about their losses.   4. Grief Just Takes Time or Time Heals All Wounds. This isn't true, time doesn't heal, it is what you do with the passage of time that determines if you heal or stay stuck in grief.  We encourage grievers to come face to face with their pain, embrace it, and work through it.   5. Be Strong & Be Strong for Others: we ask what being Strong actually looks like, and if not showing emotions shows that you are strong. 6.Keep busy, keeping busy only acts as a distraction and sooner or later, if we don't stop the effects of not grieving would show up in other areas of our lives.   We also share tips on how you can support those experiencing loss by simply giving them the gift of your presence and allowing them to express their emotions.   We remind our listeners that they are not alone and if we both can move forward and live purposeful lives, they too can.   We know that discussions around grief can be hard but we are available to help and support anyone who would require our services and you can reach us by sending us an email at hello@whenlifestops.org   For more information about us go to our website   http://whenlifestops.org   https://www.instagram.com/stellaagwor/   https://www.instagram.com/detolaamure/ If you have found great value in this episode, we ask that you please share, like, comment, and subscribe to this podcast on whatever podcast app that you are listening from.   God bless you.

We are so excited, finally episode 1 launches today the 30th of July and we are so pleased that you tuned in.   We are Detola and Stella, two mothers, two grievers and we have experienced minor and major losses. We have learned and unlearned so much on the journey, we want to share with you what has helped us on the journey.   In Episode 1 we share very briefly our stories of loss and one thing that helped us. In 2013, Stella lost her 16month old daughter Tamara to Spinal Muscular Atrophy,(SMA) a genetic incurable disease and she shares how that experience caused her life to stop and how her faith was challenged.   Detola lost her 7-month-old son MoraC in 2018, He was diagnosed with downs syndrome at birth and he was a twin. She shares how community helped strengthen her as she also struggled with her faith after MoraC passed.   Despite our losses, we have healed, recovered, and have found new meaning to our lives. We invite anyone listening to us who is struggling with loss to reach out to us or anyone in their community who has experienced loss and start by sharing their story.  We remind our listeners that they are not alone and if we both can move forward and live purposeful lives, you too can.   Please share, like, comment, and subscribe to our podcast on whatever podcast app that you are listening to us from. See you next week.   For more information about us go to our website http://whenlifestops.org/   Or send us an email at hello@whenlifestops.org

Are you going through loss whether from the death of a loved one, divorce, job, or any other emotional heartbreak? Life has stopped for you and you wonder if you can ever recover and move forward? Or are you a friend or family to someone who has loved and lost? Then join us on When Life stops, a podcast where we help you find new meaning after loss.     We have created this podcast just for you. We are Detola and Stella, Two mothers, two grievers we have experienced minor and major losses. We have learned and unlearned so much on this journey and we want to share with you what has helped us.   So we are excited to let you know that we are launching the first season of When Life Stops on July 30th, 2020. Then every Wednesday for the next 13 weeks we will bring you valuable educational content ranging from stories to topics around grief and how loss impacts us.     Also in this season, we have two amazing guests, come share their experience of loss, as a male, and as a sibling who lost her brother. Both episodes are packed with so much content and value. We are really excited about this!   We want to invite you to go subscribe now on any podcast apps you are listening from. Also, share with your friends and family who may be going through one loss or the other, or have gone through loss in the past. Share with family and friends who want to support grievers as well! See you soon.