Birth Moms Real Talk

We were honored to attend Black Voices Amplified Summit 2024 in NewBrunswick, New Jersey on November 9. 2024. “Yes We Adopt” wasfounded by Stacey Gatlin as an organization committed to raisingawareness, cultivating community, and advocating for Black children andfamilies touched by adoption and fostering. https://www.yesweadopt.comThis was an awesome experience for me to continue to share my Journeyas a Birth/First Mom as we do on Birth Moms Real Talk Podcasthttps://www.birthmomsrealtalk.comListen to a conversation with my Buddy, Damon Davis , host of Who I AmReally Podcast https://www.whoamireallypodcast.comWe take on the challenges, grace, healing, and trauma to come out of theF.O.G for the adoptee as well as the Birth/First Mom. We cover “ HotTopics” with honesty and truth .“Hold On, You are in for a Ride.”

Carman and Susan continue their story an adoption plan is made . Carman shared of her unique and sometimes funny journey. Carmen “ Knew” what she wanted for herself and her child. She talked about the “ Fear” from both the birth mother perspective and adoptive mother perspective .Susan talked about being at the birth of Olivia , Carmen's daughter . Susan has penned her memoir titles “ One Yes at A Time : How Open Adoption Transformed Our Family “.Birth/First Mothers look forward to meeting their child they have carried for nine months .Carmen and Susan had parallel lives intersecting to form an open adoption. Carmen spoke of “ The Best in All of Us”. Carmen and Susan “ Adopted Each Other .Communication is the Key to navigation of Emotions and Trauma of Adoption.

Carmen and Susan share their journey of life . In typical adoption stories, the birth/first mom and adoption mom may never have a conversation, yet Carmen and Susan had “ Real Talk” and conversations about “ their daughter.These two mothers grew up in different situations and yet started the journey to “grow and learn from each other “.Carmen was an independent college student providing for herself on the west coast . Susan had a Midwest life and journeying through school, work, and marriage . Their story begins when their parallel lives crossed.They both came to ‘an adoption plan ‘ from two different perspectives.An Honest , Open , Transparent , H. O. T. Conversation is what you will hear on this episode of Birth Moms Real Talk.

Abby is a transracial adoptee as a black adoptee adopted in 1971 by white parents. Her family was interested in adopting another Black child but that did not work out.Her family were told by adoption agencies that a Black child would be the“Cheapest and Quickest “.Abby started searching earnestly for her “truth” with her mother's dementia,diagnosis.Abby is also a Birth/First Mother and psychotherapist serving clients in the adoption constellation.Abby spoke about the “ Real Truth” in Adoption dispels the Blank Slate ,Nurture over Nature that she heard in her family .She speaks about her “ Dream Family” for her son placed in adoption.The Truth Always Prevails and we need to Talk the Truth about the Trauma

Jenny grew up in a large family with over 80 cousins in Kentucky. Adoption and foster care touched her family through her father. She spoke about 2 grandfathers, 2 grandmothers as the adoption community experiences.As a teenage mother, Jenny was led to the decision of an open adoption .Jenny was an athlete in college and experienced different racial cultures for the first time .Jenny talked about being loved but not liked by her family. Jenny needed and wanted Attention.Jenney spoke of an unique experience upon leaving the hospital with her child .Open adoption is good and has its Ups and Downs .

Abby is a transracial adoptee as a black adoptee adopted in 1971 by white parents. Her family was interested in adopting another Black child but that did not work out.Her family were told by adoption agencies that a Black child would be the “Cheapest and Quickest “.Abby started searching earnestly for her “truth” with her mother's dementia diagnosis.Abby is also a Birth/First Mother and psychotherapist serving clients in the adoption constellation.Abby spoke about the “ Real Truth” in Adoption dispels the Blank Slate ,Nurture over Nature that she heard in her family .She speaks about her “ Dream Family” for her son placed in adoption.The Truth Always Prevails and we need to Talk the Truth about the Trauma

Shelley was very engaging as she talked about explored “it” with her “bestie” male friend. After three months, as a first-year student in college, she was overwhelmed to learn that she was pregnant. Her initial feelings were numbness, shock, and fear upon this life-changing news. We spoke about where she was, who she told first and all the specific details that birth/first moms experience as specific as time of day, what we are wearing, and the words remembered our entire life. Life stands still for a moment when moms receive this news.Shelley received “immediate support “from all in her life. Shelley's college professor played an integral role in her life and placement of her son. We spoke about how “support” could change the scenario from one choice to another.Shelley's reunion with her son was “Amazing “. The first hug with her son felt like ”Home”. The nature and nurture of adoption is “Powerful.

Sydney says she was a relative “ normal” kid whose family expected her tobehave at a certain standard because of her “ family influence” in her town .Early in Sydney's life, trauma and grief entered her life with the tragic lossof her mother. . She then became the “ mother figure” to her youngersiblings.Sydney became a mother without family support as other first/birth mothersexperienced. The “family decision “ of adoption was the next step.Conversations or discussions about this ‘life-changing” decision were notan option for Sydney .Sydney's journey in placement of her son was challenging . Sydney spokeof being an “ A “ student in school and upon becoming a birthmother, herlife then was considered “ blemished.” We spoke about the stereotypeplaced on birthmothers living a “broken life.” We spoke of this simply “ notbring true “.Sydney is a shining “voice” in the adoption constellation with herprofessional work in public policy and advocacy on the current adoptionlandscape.

Jeanne talked about her life growing up in Canada happily entertaining herself with her dolls. She talked about her anxiousness through her life facing fear and doubting herself. Secrets and fearing sharing the truth were sometimes overwhelming.Jeanne has broken through her fear to share her story for the first time. DNA and Search Angels played a major role in Jeanne's journey.As all of us in the Adoption community know, “Reunions are Roller Coasters “.

"Karen faced her 'own' birth secrets that she strived to 'untangle'. This gave Karen a unique experience as an adoptee confronted with finding her original birth certificate (OBC). Karen was passionate about the 'Real Talk' of adoption laws from state to state. She shared her story with passion, peace, and purpose. Karen had a straightforward attitude about societal pressures placed on birth/first moms in the United States. The essence of her story is that childhood experiences profoundly impact one's entire life."

Denise's journey started with her own adoption and her first glimpse into trauma. She grew up in the Mennonite community in Pennsylvania . Denise and Yvonne had some common memories to share . Secrets were prevalent in the family. Denise talked about her experience as a Mennonite and the expectations and acceptance from her parents. She spoke about looking for love and her identity. Becoming a mom at an early age was traumatic and caused her to leap into independence. Denise's journey was full of surprise connections. She talked about her heart's desire.

Patience experienced as many, a childhood of challenges. Her family was separated in dramatic fashion. At the age of 16, patience learned of a maternity home through her mother's church affiliation. Her journey to motherhood involved traveling to the home for birth mothers with strangers. Her experience , as she said was in many ways better than her home. Patience felt lost, still in love, and knew the trauma of her childhood that she strived to overcome.

Monica was adopted at the age of 4 months. Her parents who adopted her from a foster home in Alaska saw her resilience grow to become a “strong young lady“ who exhibited her “power“. Monica loved the attention from her mother, she felt the need to be loved. Monica became resilient to overcome challenges and became the “ tomboy” in the family.Monica experienced the infamous Alaska earthquake that traumatized many. Monica's way of coping was to “stuff down deep inside” the dysfunction she experienced.Facing signing relinquishment papers after giving birth in the hospital was overwhelming.Monica is in reunion and states that she is experiencing her “destiny“ and is encouraging others to give themselves “Grace“ for Healing.Monica has released her memoir after eight years of work, entitled “ Practically Still A Virgin", which is available on Amazon and other book outlets.

Lori spoke about her experience of becoming a mother as lonely and afraid. Lori talked about her uniqueness of being Jewish and the perspective of the guilt and shame placed on her. Lori experienced many traumas in her life that brought many challenges of “coping in life “.She spoke about the “voices” in her ear that determined her own voice of asking herself “ if she was worthy. Lori traveled the road of many birth/first mothers of building the courage to “ Speak “ and share her story. She has found her “ Voice “.

Nicole -We are Told to Move On … Not EasyNicole exhibited strength beyond belief as many birth mothers. Nicole experienced many losses from the age of 5, she persisted.Nicole' resilience grew stronger with each trauma. She has built a relationship with her son in her open adoption.Now, she is in the midst of one of her Biggest traumas. Listen as she shares her journe

Mellisa described herself as wanting her own way as a teenager. This ‘headstrong'attitude” as she describes it caused her to leave her home in high school. Shebecame independent to live by her own rules.Mellisa's life carried her through many “ dark places and lifestyles”. Her lack offamily support and assistance as an expectant mother was “ Hard”. Mellisa foundstrength in her faith to find “ a way out of no way “.Mellisa's journey is a testament of survival through the storms of life. A messageon social media was life changing.

Marisa describes her childhood as being a “tough life” living with her single mom. There were many “ life transitions she experienced at an early age without the comfort and love to deal with her traumas. Marisa lived life on the streets and managed to stay focused towards a better life.A Friday night invitation for pizza changed her perspective on life. Marisa “Found the Ones” who were meant to be in her life. Marisa shared “words of wisdom” from her life experience and her chosen profession.

Maddy grew up with both parents and at an early age lived with both parents in separate homes. She received support as a young teenager from both parents. When Maddy discovered she was pregnant with her boyfriend, she was at a difficult place and decision. She faced the voices of others regarding "what she should do", She faced the same stigma that most birth mothers faced as an 18-year-old unmarried mother. Maddy is a strong and determined young lady who makes up her mind and gets it accomplished. Maddy wants all birth mothers to know that " they have a voice" and they are free to use it. Open adoption is Hard and may 'Shift" from the original agreement. Maddy talks about her devastation and pain when the rules changed about her seeing her daughter. Maddy shares about how she is progressing and experiencing some 'good news' about her life.

Yvonne started her reunion with her son by finding him on social media in 2015, connected to him and meeting for the first time after 45 years in 2018 and now 2023, still progressing on a path of Grace and Healing. Yvonne started BMRT Podcast in June 2021 as a “ Place of providing a safe place for birth and natural mothers to share their “truth' of disenfranchised grief for so many years. Our moms range from 14 years old to over 40 years, from the 1950s to now, who share their adoption stories.We are all Mothers and our stories are different. This episode covers Yvonne sharing her steps, her thoughts, her journey in reunion. Reunion is Great AND Hard at the same time. This reality of facing nature versus nurture, facing the discovery of each other and growing to love her son and allowing him the space to process, accept and grow to love her. It is indeed a roller coaster journey . It is “ All about Love”. We are All in This Together. Listen to Episode 00 , where Yvonne shares her full journey with Damon Davis of “ Who Am I Really Podcast “

Shanae remembers the age of 9 and 1/2 so vividly. This time in her life was very challenging and brought forth many traumas that disrupted her life. This life-changing moment gave way to her ‘gift' of writing her feelings in a journal. This was her “ coping” method. Shanae faced doubts of her ‘ truth' by the adults in her circle.As an expectant mother, she faced challenges and vulnerabilities in her life. She faced the flop - flop of support from family. Many perceptions of adoption were from what she watched on “ TV'. She is focused on healing herself and her son. Shanae's message to birthmothers is “ You Belong Here”

Cindy shares her experience of being a 15-year-old birth mom living in the Midwest. Cindy had a ‘ different family situation “ as she describes her life.  Cindy had a sibling with autism which translated into her being a caregiver. Family legacy was missing from both her mom's and dad's families. Cindy says she grew up on “ an island”. Her journey took her through many different scenarios with parental support. Cindy faced her fears of finding her son.

Cathryn grew up in a very strict family. Her religious background shaped her youth. She described herself as a ‘ rule follower”. She felt she was “ in the way” in the home growing up. Cathryn had unconscious memories about giving birth to her daughter. Cathryn experienced PTSD while in therapy which prompted her to search for her daughter.

Donna grew up in a home of “Fear and Unknowns”. She faced the traumatic experience of molestation. Donna became a birth mother at the age of 13. Donna's siblings escaped all the family shame, remorse, and guilt just as she went down various paths seeking healing. Keeping secrets prompted her family to tell Donna to hide in the basement or attic when visitors are not seen and bring shame to the family. Donna has realized that her life was “NOT NORMAL“ as she was led to believe. Donna now knows that she is Important and deserves compassion. “Secrets and Silence Keep You Sick “

Beth's journey started in a family that brought her many heartaches. She wondered how to deal with the many family losses, emotional grief, and trauma. Grief and trauma are not a simple process as Beth was told. She faced many challenges and “ She Made it Through “. Beth shares her view to society's messaging regarding adoption.  Adoption is a permanent solution to a temporary situation.  

Candace went through life without a tremendous amount of self-esteem. She talks about her family traditions of doing what they needed to do. She had a resilient spirit. Candace realized that she had more than she lacked to be a mother.

Lori shares openly what we as birth moms say in silence, “Reunion is Hard”. Lori's journey shares her desires of her heart of being in reunion with her child. Lori is a champion in helping birth moms steer through the obstacles and “roller coaster emotional rides” of being a birth mom.

Lynea has long been a healing force in the adoption community. She is a champion in the adoption community because her experiences becoming a birth mom. Lynea is committed to share there is “Joy through the Pain”. Lynea says “ I Needed Someone to Hold My hand”. That kind and simple gesture makes such a difference on this healing journey.

Rose shares her story for the first time with “Birth Moms Real Talk” podcast with the encouragement from an unique situation. Rose talks about wanting to talk about her child but feeling very fearful that she will be heard. She says it was like “Who will talk to the Elephant in the Room”?

Kathy's heart and spirit is the driving force of her mission to help to others who have lost loved ones. Kathy shares of her own loss and tells how she found freedom.

Fran shares her journey of placing her child and experiencing “unbearable loss”. Her story shares the intricate journey of the experience of isolation and grief. Fran is now a social worker and has found the path to peace.

Kitty is a birth mom in reunion, and she holds a unique position in the adoption triad community. Kitty is an adoptee, birth mom, and adoptive mom. She brings a focused lens to all perspectives and shares openly how she is on a journey of healing. Kitty talks about a recurring family history that adds another layer to her story.

Sharon came from a large family and was a steady support for her siblings. She was an honor society student. Sharon had a great adventure of participating in training in Washington, DC. after high school. Sharon realized her naivete when she became pregnant. Sharon shares her journey of becoming pregnant and making an adoption plan on her own … and then sharing it with her family. “ It was Never Spoken of Again “. Sharon went through life wearing “ The Mask that many Birth Moms Wore”. Listen to how and what prompted her to “Remove her Mask”.

Barbara's experience of becoming a birth mom started with a childhood of “conformist' parents. If something traumatic happened, they simply did not talk about it. At the age of 17, Barbara did not get “ The Talk “ from her mother, like many young girls. Barbara was exposed to the “ Secrets of the Family” that upended her naivete as a young girl. She viewed dysfunction in the face and moved forward.

Ashley is not the stereotype like society may describe as a Birth Mom. She had her path laid before her to follow in the footsteps of her father. Ashley followed that path as a ‘ people pleaser ' as she described herself. Ashley received the accolades she always wanted as she felt ‘ starved for love' in her life. The sudden death of her father took her on a complete turn in her life as she went on “ The Road Less Traveled”.  

In a way, this is my own Birth Moms Real Talk episode from an interview with Damon L. Davis, host of the "Who Am I Really?" podcast. We discussed my reunion with my son after more than 40 years apart. I shared the loneliness of my pregnancy, my desire to keep her son versus against my inability to do so, the moment I came face to face with my son's adoptive mother and the search to find the man he grew up to be. This episode first appeared in June 2021 as episode 154 of the "Who Am I Really?" podcast with Damon L. Davis (WhoAmIReallypodcast.com, @WAIReally).

Brandy grew up in a small rural town exposed to foster homes at an early age. She was a child of teenage parents. Brandy grew up quickly with the life circumstances that she experienced. She said she spent a ‘ Summer of Love with her 16-year-old boyfriend to learn going back to school that she herself would be a teenage mother. Brandy overcame feelings of low self-esteem to learn to know “What She Wanted”. Throughout her entire pregnancy, she felt “ She Didn't Think She Had a Choice “

Ruby Lee grew up in a middle-class family in the Midwest. As a teenager, Ruby Lee started a bi-racial relationship with her boyfriend. Ruby knew that was unacceptable by the racist language used by her father in the home. She lost friends who didn't support this relationship. The support she expected from the birth father upon learning of her pregnancy was not there. Ruby Lee kept believing, of course he will come around because ‘ he loved me'. She held onto hope. Her hope was failing as each month passed. The experience in the unwed mother's home was still judgmental with birth moms discriminated against her as having a bi-racial child as they were judged also as unwed mothers.

As soon as Laura announced to her parents that she was pregnant, she was driven on a late-night ride to a military base where her father confronted the birth father. Laura's childhood convinced her that her knight will come for her on a white horse to rescue her. Laura held onto this ray of hope believing that her family will support her. In her mind, she said, of course, they will, they are her family. Laura felt like a ‘criminal' when her family and friends found out about her unwed pregnancy. This was simply how it was in the 60s and 70s. if you were an unwed mother, that was the worst thing that you could ever do. Birth moms were hidden because of the secrets and shame in adoption. 

Rebekkah's childhood was a lifestyle of many twists and turns, She experienced adoption first hand when she was adopted by her step- father. She talked about how it felt to receive her second birth certificate, it was even a different color. In college, Rebekkah developed her independent spirit. Her move to Atlanta gave her the direction to find her true passion.  Upon learning of her pregnancy, she realized her family would not be a support for her. Her fortitude and perseverance gave her purpose.

We interview 3 Birth Mothers for this special podcast to celebrate Mother's Day. Mother's Day is such an emotional holiday. Will our child, call, text, or send flowers?  Will they remember me as their mother, if we are in reunion? If we are not in reunion, are they thinking about me. Angie, Ashley, and Laura talk about how they spend the day and what brings them healing and peace.

Alycea was a teenager at 17 living on her own when she discovered she was pregnant. Though her independence and struggle in everyday life, she realized that she could not care for herself and her child, Alycea had an older sister to teach her life skills at 17 when most only start at age 21. She knew the realities of bank accounts, paying bills, working a job and surviving in life. Alycea has traveled the path as many birth mothers of riding the ‘roller coaster ‘ of emotions in building a relationship with her daughter.

Courtney spoke of having a “feeling” she was pregnant and facing denial for a few moments. She quickly went into action and reached out and was “ghosted” in the true sense of the word. She found resources on the bus route, found an adoption counselor and made the life- changing decision to place her child in adoption. Courtney gave birth and within 3 days was into her next transitional phase in life. Courtney is amazing and her story shows how powerful and worthy she is.

Nicole at an early age did not have a stable home. At the age of 10, her extended family became her support. Nicole worked through her anger as a “mean girl' as she called herself. He life became a love-hate relationships with her mother. After high school, Nicole found her ‘voice” to overcome a chaotic life as she became a birth mother to her son at the age of 19. Nicole at an early age did not have a stable home. At the age of 10, her extended family became her support. Nicole worked through her anger as a “mean girl' as she called herself. Her life became a love-hate relationships with her mother. After high school, Nicole found her ‘voice” to overcome a chaotic life as she became a birth mother to her son at the age of 19.

Nikki shares her journey about she is always a mom whether she is with her child her not. Her pathway to healing and empowerment comes through her love and sharing spirit with other birth moms as she navigates this journey. She shares about the years of not seeing her child and pending reunion.

In a way, this is my own Birth Moms Real Talk episode from an interview with Damon L. Davis, host of the "Who Am I Really?" podcast. We discussed my reunion with my son after more than 40 years apart. I shared the loneliness of my pregnancy, my desire to keep her son versus against my inability to do so, the moment I came face to face with my son's adoptive mother and the search to find the man he grew up to be. This episode first appeared in June 2021 as episode 154 of the "Who Am I Really?" podcast with Damon L. Davis (WhoAmIReallypodcast.com, @WAIReally).

Angie talked about her “less than perfect” childhood which caused her to experience shame, unworthiness in her life. Angie is now working in her “purpose” in helping other birthmothers like herself. She talked about how “Important it is to be “Heard” as a Birthmother and be shown compassion and care. We sometimes see familiar family dysfunctions repeat themselves. Let's NOT Repeat History but Change History. Angie manages to see the “positive” in various “negative” circumstances. The decision is all up to you.

Marcie expresses her miraculous find in the closet in a shoebox. Hear about her premise and story in her book, “ The Shoebox Effect “. We learn about how Marcie “buried” memories from years before as many birth mothers. Her beloved pet leads her to explore and uncover all the secrets and pain in her life.

Autunm shares her unique experience of becoming a ‘Birth Mom'. I witness people when they hear her story that their mouths open wide, and their eyes become large. Listen to Autunm share her experiences as a Birth Mom of “Leaving the hospital with Empty Arms” as other Moms and the path of growth and healing that she is on today. Autunm shares about her open adoption with many blessings and lessons for Birth Moms and Adoptive Moms.

We talk to Madison about being Pregnant at 19 and wondering on whether she is truly a MOM. Follow Madison as she shares about her journey with family and how kinship became the logical answer to Madison. Birth Moms sometimes think that “ We are “Bad Girls” because of the “shame” placed on us or accepted by us. In the end, Madison finds her “Voice” to Say “ Yes.

Birth Moms Real Talk has its first duo podcast interview with Kristen, a birth mom and Lindsey, her daughter also a birth mom, yes, it's complicated but you will enjoy the conversation of being outcast and bullied and finding solid ground to become who they are today. Adoption spans over several generations affected with Kristen and Lindsey. The challenges of life interrupted both Kristen and Lindsey's life with circumstances that grew an unbreakable bond. Listen closely to find out the special twist of love and bonding of another daughter.

Birth Moms Real Talk has its first duo podcast interview with Kristen, a birth mom and Lindsey, her daughter also a birth mom, yes, it's complicated but you will enjoy the conversation of being outcast and bullied and finding solid ground to become who they are today. Adoption spans over several generations affected with Kristen and Lindsey. The challenges of life interrupted both Kristen and Lindsey's life with circumstances that grew an unbreakable bond. Listen closely to find out the special twist of love and bonding of another daughter.