By Their Side: Advocating for Children in Foster Care

Thank you so much for tuning into By Their Side, my friends! Joining me today is Cordelia Cranshaw! Cordelia is a coach, therapist, storyteller, and the founder of From Survivor to Thriver, an organization that is committed to empowering youth in foster care. Cordelia's journey is truly nothing short of inspiring. She grew up in the foster care system and experienced generational trauma, but she overcame personal struggles and is now a beacon of strength for others facing similar challenges. Listen in as Cordelia and I discuss her powerful transition from a foster youth to a social worker, where her experiences gave her the ability to connect with and help others in the system. Through her work, Cordelia has worked so hard to help ensure that children in care not only receive the support that they need but also understand the system. Cordelia reflects on how her own journey led her to compete in and win a pageant, representing D.C. at Miss USA 2019, an achievement which became a defining moment in her life and proved to her that with the right support and a boost in self-confidence, even the most difficult pasts can lead to extraordinary futures. We also discuss the importance of self-worth and how even the smallest gestures of support can make a world of difference in a child's life. Throughout our conversation, Cordelia shares with us what it's like to be a social worker with actual lived experience, and she touches upon why it's so incredibly important to build upon confidence and how trauma impacts both children and the adults around them. You'll hear about the work which she is doing to break cycles of trauma and how, via her advocacy, she is giving foster youth the tools to thrive. If you are someone who feels passionate about making a real difference and/or you are someone who is seeking inspiration, then this episode is definitely for you! Highlights: [1:45] - Cordelia uses her personal experiences with foster care to help others as a social worker. [4:03] - Hear how Cordelia found empowerment in using her struggles to relate to and support others via social work. [6:54] - After entering foster care at only five years old, Cordelia's two foster families showed contrasting environments for her. [8:35] - As a child in foster care, Cordelia struggled with uncertainty, which inspired her Survivor to Thriver program. [11:10] - Hear how Survivor to Thriver teaches children about foster care and helps them understand their situation. [14:46] - Cordelia recognizes that unresolved traumas and lack of resources often influence parents' ability to effectively nurture. [17:50] - Hear how a supportive 7th-grade teacher helped Cordelia through a difficult time. [20:04] - Cordelia's journey from foster care to winning a beauty pageant may help demonstrate the power of support and confidence. [23:40] - Kids are very perceptive and intelligent, and negative comments from social workers can impact their perception. [24:52] - Hear how pageantry at 16 helped Cordelia build self-worth and confidence. [27:38] - For Cordelia, building upon confidence involved healthy habits, reflection, and surrounding herself with support. [30:24] - Cordelia travels in order to inspire foster youth, working toward challenging the myth that they can't overcome their situations. [32:09]  - Learn how, as a social worker, Cordelia fought to keep children in their original school for stability. [35:26] - Cordelia encourages others to stay focused on their goals and to put forth real effort into shaping their future.   Links & Resources: Cordelia's LinkedIn PageCordelia's Facebook PageSurvivor to Thriver Website  

Thanks for tuning in to another episode of By Their Side, friends. I am joined today by the great Gaelin Elmore, former NFL player and current passionate advocate for youth facing adversity. As a child, Gaelin was very much a part of the foster system, but his experience, while inspiring because of how he overcame such challenges, was not a happy one. Listen as Gaelin reflects on his journey through foster care and how he discovered an incredibly important truth, that belonging is the key to surviving and thriving. Gaelin reflects on how the concept of belonging changed his life, turning difficult situations into opportunities to grow, and he talks about a pivotal moment with his high school coach, who showed him the power of community and brotherhood at a time when Gaelin was ready to give up. That experience of his, along with the many others who supported him along the way, helped him realize that we all play a role in creating places of belonging. Throughout our conversation, Gaelin also discusses how this fundamental human need can truly change lives, encouraging us to look at our own lives and see how we can show up for others, whether we know their story or not. For anyone struggling with a sense of belonging, Gaelin Elmore offers practical advice on how to begin the necessary work to embrace who we are and seek places where we can truly be ourselves. This episode is a reminder that change is a journey, and small, consistent actions can have lasting impacts! Highlights: [1:55] - Gaelin's childhood was unstable, but he now uses his story to help others. [4:38] - Belonging has shaped Gaelin's life, making hardships bearable. [6:26] - Hear how Gaelin's understanding of belonging has grown over time. [9:41] - Belonging is often overlooked, urging reflection on those who provide it. [10:16] - Gaelin credits his high school coach for teaching him the importance of belonging and community. [12:30] - Gaelin's coach's support came at the right time, aided by others' earlier help. [15:43] - Even just small acts of support accumulate over time, contributing to significant long-term change. [16:36] - Noting that change is gradual and often unnoticed, Gaelin compares his growth to TV show character, Jamie Tartt. [19:20] - It's important to create inclusive spaces by showing kindness and commitment to all. [21:56] - True belonging is about being yourself in spaces where others can also be themselves. [26:40] - Gaelin embraces his strengths and challenges, creating honest connections without blaming himself when rejected. [28:58] - Internal work helps Gaelin separate his worth from relationships, recognizing when he truly belongs. [30:25] - Gaelin argues that acceptance of ourselves allows us to show up fully in relationships, embracing imperfections and insecurities. [32:05] - Consistently investing in others helps them recognize their value, even if they don't immediately recognize it. [35:07] - People who are used to positive reinforcement show up differently, but some others need help learning to receive it. [37:22] - Gaelin's coach's patience and commitment ultimately helped him feel seen and supported. [39:38] - Hear how a meaningful conversation with his coach led Gaelin to trust, growth, and a stronger relationship. [41:10] - Giving agency in relationships can be so powerful.

**Available Resources for Parents** Nationwide: 2-1-1 Postpartum Support International Suicide Prevention Hotline- 1.800.273.8255 Knee to Knee  National Parent Youth Helpline- 855.427.2736 National Maternal Mental Health Hotline-1-833-TLC-MAMA National Domestic Violence Hotline- 1.800.799.7233 PSI Depression hotline- 1.800.944.4PPD   Arizona Specific: 2-1-1 Arizona Family Involvement Center Prevent Child Abuse Arizona Welcome back to By Their Side, listeners! I am so thrilled to be joined in this episode by two guests - Lindsey Shine and Samara Vaught, two amazing and inspiring birth moms who have both gone through the tough journey of dealing with the child welfare system until ultimately being reunited with their children. They now work at the Family Involvement Center, offering peer support to parents in similar situations. Listen in as they share their personal stories, both of which are heart-wrenching and inspirational. We discuss their struggles with addiction, domestic violence, and the overwhelming challenges of dealing with the system, all while trying to stay connected with their children, but I promise that it isn't all doom and gloom. These women are passionate about providing hope to other parents, showing them that reunification is possible and offering practical advice for those who might feel like they have nowhere to turn. You will also hear how the Family Involvement Center and its Parents for Parents program became a turning point for both Lindsey and Samara, offering them the support that they needed when they felt most defeated. They both highlight the importance of community support and understanding, and how small acts of encouragement can make a huge difference. This episode is about hope, resilience, and the power of human connection, so tune in to hear more about their journey and how they're helping others find their way back to their children! Highlights: [2:17] - Hear about how the Family Involvement Center offers free support to parents navigating the Child Welfare system. [4:53] - The Parents for Parents program offers support from people with lived experience in the foster care system. [7:30] - Samara shares how she got through her struggles with hope. [10:41] - Lindsey reflects on her struggle with meth addiction, homelessness, and distrust while pregnant. [13:36] - Lindsey felt that her case was disorganized, but the Family Involvement Center provided hope and support. [16:23] - The turning point for Lindsey was the support from Commissioner Allen and her own determination. [17:46] - Samara shares having found honest conversations with her case manager in the shelter motivating and encouraging. [20:54] - Samara reflects on her manipulative behavior in the past and how honesty made a significant difference in her recovery. [22:38] - Lindsey faced immense housing challenges, but support and perseverance kept her going. [25:41] - Lindsey advises persistence, daily effort, and broad engagement to improve chances of success. [27:18] - Samara advocates for community support, family resource centers, and normalizing seeking help for family reunification. [30:29] - Libraries could better serve families by expanding community-based support beyond just internet access. [33:59] - Samara urges the community to provide resources before escalation to reduce unneeded DCF involvement. [35:33] - Lindsey shares having felt unsupported and doubted her ability to keep her children. [38:37] - Lindsey is grateful for her relationship with her children but wishes that she had received more encouragement at the time. [40:37] - It's important to support families after reunification to help them lead healthier lives. [41:59] - Lindsey finds that praise and direct encouragement can be a game changer and can build confidence. [43:00] - Samara credits her daughter's supportive placement with helping their relationship and enabling her own recovery. [46:24] - Positive conversations and boundary-setting while fostering children and supporting parents is very important. [47:41] - Samara advocates for open communication with families, recognizing progress and normalizing seeking help for reunification. [50:29] - Parents, not placements, are statistically best suited to care for their children long-term, whenever possible. [51:08] - Regardless of reunification outcomes, families should leave the process with hope and resources. [54:59] - Lindsey advises reframing difficult interactions to recognize a parent's passion for their children and their struggles. [57:16] - Lindsey values her parents' support, even after strained relationships. [58:05] - Samara finds empowerment in working with the Family Involvement Center, realizing that her past does not define or limit her.  

**Available Resources for Parents**   Nationwide: 2-1-1 Postpartum Support International Suicide Prevention Hotline- 1.800.273.8255 Knee to Knee  National Parent Youth Helpline- 855.427.2736 National Maternal Mental Health Hotline-1-833-TLC-MAMA National Domestic Violence Hotline- 1.800.799.7233 PSI Depression hotline- 1.800.944.4PPD   Arizona Specific: 2-1-1 Arizona Family Involvement Center Prevent Child Abuse Arizona   Welcome back to By Their Side, listeners! I am so thrilled to be joined in this episode by two guests - Lindsey Shine and Samara Vaught, two amazing and inspiring birth moms who have both gone through the tough journey of dealing with the child welfare system until ultimately being reunited with their children. They now work at the Family Involvement Center, offering peer support to parents in similar situations. Listen in as they share their personal stories, both of which are heart-wrenching and inspirational. We discuss their struggles with addiction, domestic violence, and the overwhelming challenges of dealing with the system, all while trying to stay connected with their children, but I promise that it isn't all doom and gloom. These women are passionate about providing hope to other parents, showing them that reunification is possible and offering practical advice for those who might feel like they have nowhere to turn. You will also hear how the Family Involvement Center and its Parents for Parents program became a turning point for both Lindsey and Samara, offering them the support that they needed when they felt most defeated. They both highlight the importance of community support and understanding, and how small acts of encouragement can make a huge difference. This episode is about hope, resilience, and the power of human connection, so tune in to hear more about their journey and how they're helping others find their way back to their children! Highlights: [2:17] - Hear about how the Family Involvement Center offers free support to parents navigating the Child Welfare system. [4:53] - The Parents for Parents program offers support from people with lived experience in the foster care system. [7:30] - Samara shares how she got through her struggles with hope. [10:41] - Lindsey reflects on her struggle with meth addiction, homelessness, and distrust while pregnant. [13:36] - Lindsey felt that her case was disorganized, but the Family Involvement Center provided hope and support. [16:23] - The turning point for Lindsey was the support from Commissioner Allen and her own determination. [17:46] - Samara shares having found honest conversations with her case manager in the shelter motivating and encouraging. [20:54] - Samara reflects on her manipulative behavior in the past and how honesty made a significant difference in her recovery. [22:38] - Lindsey faced immense housing challenges, but support and perseverance kept her going. [25:41] - Lindsey advises persistence, daily effort, and broad engagement to improve chances of success. [27:18] - Samara advocates for community support, family resource centers, and normalizing seeking help for family reunification. [30:29] - Libraries could better serve families by expanding community-based support beyond just internet access. [33:59] - Samara urges the community to provide resources before escalation to reduce unneeded DCF involvement. [35:33] - Lindsey shares having felt unsupported and doubted her ability to keep her children. [38:37] - Lindsey is grateful for her relationship with her children but wishes that she had received more encouragement at the time. [40:37] - It's important to support families after reunification to help them lead healthier lives. [41:59] - Lindsey finds that praise and direct encouragement can be a game changer and can build confidence. [43:00] - Samara credits her daughter's supportive placement with helping their relationship and enabling her own recovery. [46:24] - Positive conversations and boundary-setting while fostering children and supporting parents is very important. [47:41] - Samara advocates for open communication with families, recognizing progress and normalizing seeking help for reunification. [50:29] - Parents, not placements, are statistically best suited to care for their children long-term, whenever possible. [51:08] - Regardless of reunification outcomes, families should leave the process with hope and resources. [54:59] - Lindsey advises reframing difficult interactions to recognize a parent's passion for their children and their struggles. [57:16] - Lindsey values her parents' support, even after strained relationships. [58:05] - Samara finds empowerment in working with the Family Involvement Center, realizing that her past does not define or limit her.  

I am so thrilled to have had the chance to connect with Allison Davis Maxon, a name that is truly synonymous with expertise in child welfare and children's mental health. Allison's insights and contributions to the fields of developmental trauma and adoption are nothing short of transformative. Not only does Allison hold the position of Executive Director at the National Center on Adoption and Permanency, she also brought her expertise to Hollywood, serving as a foster care consultant for the heartwarming Paramount Pictures movie Instant Family! If you haven't already, I highly suggest that you go watch it! Throughout our conversation, we discuss the concepts which she explores in her co-authored book, Seven Core Issues in Adoption and Permanency, a book that is truly a must-read for anyone interested in understanding the complex world of adoption and permanency!  I have been a longtime admirer of Allison's work and am so happy to share this platform with her. Her dedication and knowledge are truly inspiring, and if I sound like a fangirl during our chat, it's because I wholeheartedly am. Join us as we cover some enlightening ground, diving into the world of developmental trauma and the importance of creating lasting bonds and secure attachments in adoptive families. While I don't want to give too much away, I assure you that this episode is filled with valuable insights and heartfelt discussions, so if you are at all curious about fostering healing and connection in children's lives or want to hear directly from a leader shaping the future of child welfare, this is an episode that you most definitely will not want to miss! Highlights: [1:36] - Allison points out how it's important to support each other, to keep learning, and to connect with like-minded people on the frontlines. [3:07] - Allison shares how she fell into this work by accident, learning as much from the kids as they did from her. [6:00] - Children in foster care struggle to trust due to constant changes, but they need stability and belonging. [7:43] - It is hard to be trusted by youth when you know that you won't be there long-term. [9:14] - Allison focuses on being real and honest with youth, acknowledging her temporary role in their lives. [11:06] - Allison brings her best by being self-aware, understanding trauma, and supporting children with authenticity and presence. [14:11] - “Bumping into ghosts" helps explain reactions, as past trauma can trigger emotional responses in the present. [14:50] - Children often don't understand their emotions, so adults should be curious and not demand explanations. [16:04] - Allison teaches adults to manage stress to help children de-escalate, using physical outlets to release emotions. [19:19] - Allison redirects youth to physical activities to help them calm down before discussing upsetting feelings. [21:58] - Allison's workbook helps children recognize and express emotions, normalizing feelings like anger that is tied to pain. [23:16] - Children who internalize distress need our attunement, as their silent suffering often goes unnoticed. [26:45] - Allison explains the four Ss - seeing, safety, security, and soothing - and how they help ground children in the present moment. [32:32] - Trauma-informed care helps children share their experiences, especially when behaviors mask deeper, unmet needs. [34:46] - After a dissociative episode, Allison gently acknowledges the child's presence, allowing an emotional release. [36:26] - Hear how a young person felt safe enough with Allison to share her story, prompting a two-year healing journey. [39:00] - Foster children suffer trauma from instability; offering choices empowers them and helps manage anger. [42:57] - There is a difficulty in avoiding power struggles and vicarious trauma while supporting children. [44:10] - Supporting children in care requires validating feelings and offering consistent, unconditional commitment without quick fixes. [45:57] - Allison builds trust with children by authentically listening, acknowledging their pain, and engaging in physical activities. [48:56] - Racket rooms make for a great resource for stress relief! [49:44] - Allison values mentorship, sharing mistakes, radical self-forgiveness, and honest feedback for personal and professional growth. [52:00] - Allison thanks CASA workers for their invaluable work, encouraging more recruitment to support children in the system. [52:35] - Allison is thanked for her wisdom; listeners should explore becoming CASA advocates! Links & Resources: Voices for CASA Children - Website National CASA/ GAL Association for Children Allison's Website Allison's Facebook Page Allison's X Page Allison Davis Maxon - The Seven Core Issues in Adoption and Permanency Workbook for Children and Teens: A Trauma-Informed Resource  

For this episode, I had the great pleasure of chatting with Maryann McEvoy, an experienced advocate with quite an impressive background that spans across state government, nonprofit leadership, and the United Nations. With over twenty years of experience, Maryann's journey offers a profound exploration into what it truly means to be an advocate. Maryann's passion for advocacy stems from a deep desire to empower and protect vulnerable children, and throughout my enlightening conversation with her, Maryann shares incredibly valuable insights into the essential qualities that she feels are needed to be an effective advocate, which include but are not limited to empathy, resilience, and the courage to challenge outdated views and systems. For those new to advocacy, Maryann also provides some great advice on working in this challenging field, highlighting how important it is to understand opposing viewpoints and foster authentic connections with the communities that one aims to support. She also candidly discusses the emotional toll of advocacy work and offers strategies for maintaining balance and preventing burnout. Whether you're an experienced advocate like Maryann, just beginning your journey, or even just have an interest in this topic, this episode is packed with wisdom and inspiration, so please tune in to hear how Maryann's dedication to advocacy has shaped her career! Highlights: [1:51] - Hear how early emotional experiences with injustice fueled Maryann's commitment to advocacy and supported her mental health. [4:33] - Child advocacy involves protecting and empowering children's voices and recognizing the roots of oppression. [7:24] - Maryann argues that empathy requires accountability and acknowledging childhood trauma's role in shaping behavior. [10:20] - Self-doubt is loud and constant, but everyone has the power to make a difference. [13:19] - Even small, local efforts can create a ripple effect and have a huge impact. [15:00] - Maryann warns against discouraging a child's dreams. [18:09] - Hear an example of how Maryann's persistence, self-belief, and seizing opportunities led to significant achievements. [21:31] - Building connections and understanding different perspectives are important for fostering change and collaboration. [24:44] - Being genuine can help foster trust and collaboration, allowing people to share their dreams without fear. [26:45] - Maryann explains how burnout in advocacy work signals the need for change; it's important to prioritize self-care. [30:15] - Daily self-care involves embracing what sparks joy, like writing, reading, being outside, or whatever makes you happy. [31:12] - Self-care for Maryann sometimes means eating pizza and watching TV on the couch. [34:00] - Maryann credits her grandma for her unconditional love. [36:59] - Children need space to make mistakes and express big emotions; parenting, whether biological or not, is so important. [40:11] - Maryann encourages listeners to trust your intuition and to connect with passionate people. Links & Resources: Voices for CASA Children - Website National CASA/ GAL Association for Children

Join me this week as I sit down with Meghan Hays Davis, a seasoned trainer for CASA volunteers in Maricopa County! Meghan's expertise in child welfare and developmental psychology truly shines through as she simplifies complex topics like trauma and child development. With a background in social work and family practice, Meghan discusses how trauma impacts young children, emphasizing the critical role of relationships in healing. Join us as we discuss the important distinctions between and complexities of acute and chronic trauma and explore how these experiences shape a child's brain and behavior. Meghan shares practical insights into recognizing trauma responses in children, from tantrums to regression in developmental milestones like potty training. We also explore co-regulation and its crucial role in helping children with their emotions. Meghan's approach is both compassionate and informative, offering strategies for caregivers and CASA volunteers to support children in foster care effectively. I hope that you will listen in as Meghan and I uncover the true importance of understanding trauma through a relational lens and discover how caregivers can provide the stability and support that children so desperately need. Whether you are a seasoned volunteer or new to the field, this episode is sure to offer invaluable perspectives on fostering resilience and healing in vulnerable young lives and, of course, as always, being by their side! Highlights: [2:09] - Meghan explains how trauma overwhelms coping abilities, impacting young children's development. [5:28] - Crawling builds brain connections crucial for reading readiness and developmental scaffolding for future skills. [6:23] - Chronic trauma involves prolonged deprivation of basic needs, affecting individuals uniquely due to personal differences. [7:57] - When caring for children removed from parents, we need to acknowledge their hidden trauma and provide stability with sensitivity. [10:57] - Early experiences, including prenatal and birth contexts, shape infants' expectations and potential traumas, influencing behavior. [12:32] - Meghan reflects on past clinical experience and highlights how typical behaviors in young children often reflect deeper needs and responses to trauma. [15:52] - Self-regulation is ultimately learned through adult interactions. [18:55] - Meghan argues that acknowledging and managing personal emotions before guiding children through theirs can lead to mutual growth and understanding. [21:37] - Meghan and I discuss how recognizing and encouraging emotional regulation in others reflects nurturing relationships. [22:58] - Meghan elaborates upon Bruce Perry's three Rs – regulate, relate, and reason. [24:54] - Car rides can offer relaxed settings for children to freely share their thoughts and experiences without pressure. [26:43] - Meghan explains how addressing underlying needs like hunger, thirst, and activity levels can diffuse challenging behaviors. [29:47] - Meghan points out how children in care may fabricate stories to express their longing for family connection. [31:21] - Meghan argues that children who appear calm or self-sufficient are often masking unmet needs, which requires adults to be detectives. [34:09] - Building strong connections with kids regularly helps cut down on behavior issues by meeting their needs and heading off problems before they start. [36:52] - Meghan recommends exploring Bruce Perry's neurosequential model, Dan Siegel's books, and TBRI for attachment-based caregiving strategies. [39:32] - Meghan touches upon how treating adults involves integrating substance use and therapeutic interventions to address underlying issues. [41:49] - Peer support is crucial in managing secondary trauma and coping in behavioral health fields. [43:33] - I point out that connection is vital for coping with trauma and thank Meghan for highlighting its importance today. Links & Resources: Bruce Perry's Neurosequential Model of Caregiving Dan Siegel's The Whole-Brain Child Dan Siegel's No-Drama Discipline Karen Purvis' TBRI Circle of Security  

On this episode, I'm sitting down with Cameron Lee Small who is a licensed clinical counselor, national trainer, and adoptee advocate. As an adoptive parent myself, this topic is very near and dear to my heart, so I am so thrilled to have Cameron share his invaluable insights. Cameron's personal journey as an international adoptee from Korea informs his impactful work today. Through his private practice, Therapy Redeemed, as well as his upcoming book, The Adoptee's Journey: From Loss and Trauma to Healing and Empowerment, Cameron addresses the intersection of adoption, mental health, and social justice. Throughout our discussion, Cameron and I explore the complexities of adoption, from the need for safe spaces for transracial adoptees to the importance of normalizing conversations about therapy and mental health support. Cameron's dedication to elevating adoptee voices shines through as he shares his experiences and offers guidance for supporting children and families who are in the world of adoption. We also discuss the challenges that adoptees often face in finding their voices and identities, the significance of acknowledging their experiences, and the incredibly important role of caregivers and professionals in creating nurturing environments. Cameron's insights into supporting children in their journey towards permanency and self-discovery offer valuable guidance for anyone involved in the adoption process. From his own journey of self-discovery to his advocacy work today, Cameron embodies the essence of being "by their side." His commitment to supporting adoptees and fostering understanding and empathy within the adoption community is truly inspiring, and I am so appreciative toward his willingness to share his personal story on the show! Highlights: [2:36] - Cameron explains that he is a Korean American adoptee and is a licensed counselor working with adoptees and their families. [4:07] - Cameron adds that he works primarily with adult adoptees as a clinician, author, speaker, and trainer. [5:38] - Cameron primarily works with transracial international adoptees and some former foster youth. [6:33] - It's crucial to acknowledge a child's life before adoption and to normalize therapy for adopted children. [9:19] - Therapy ultimately benefits everyone and normalizes processing the lifelong impact of adoption. [11:48] - Cameron highlights the importance of recognizing cultural betrayal trauma and open conversations about the complexities of adoption. [14:36] - Cameron discusses his upcoming book The Adoptee's Journey. [16:06] - Connecting with other adoptees inspired Cameron to create safe spaces, support, and foster belonging. [19:35] - Cameron shares how a supervisor's openness about being a Korean adoptee inspired him to explore his heritage. [21:12] - Cameron further explains how that conversation with his supervisor was a turning point for him. [23:12] - Cameron points out how safe and brave spaces evolve through life; his individuation phase led to isolation and concealment. [26:12] - Advocates play a mentor-like role, offering support and guidance akin to Yoda guiding Luke Skywalker. [28:02] - Hear how Cameron closely examined storytelling in funerals, police stations, and late-night talk shows, emphasizing the need for safe spaces. [31:56] - Cameron emphasizes nurture to aid children's well-being, highlighting the important role of actively listening. [33:35] - Cameron stresses adoptee-driven narratives and awareness of adoptee consciousness stages. [36:13] - I discuss aiding foster children in developing their voices and understanding adoptee consciousness stages. [37:16] - Learn about Darla Henry's 3-5-7 model, aiding children's transitions to permanency through structured questioning. [39:00] - In supporting children towards permanency, it's crucial to be patient. [42:06] - Cameron argues that children want to be included in their own narratives. [44:53] - Cameron reflects on cultural perceptions of adoption, likening it to acknowledging separations such as divorce. [47:08] - Cameron acknowledges individuals who influenced his journey and highlights the importance of spousal support in his book. [49:51] - In closing, Cameron reflects on the intergenerational impact of adoption, especially regarding his daughter's questions about her Korean heritage. Links & Resources: Cameron Lee Small - The Adoptee's Journey: From Loss and Trauma to Healing and Empowerment Adoptee Consciousness Model Learning How to be a Critical Consumer of Adoption Research by JaeRan Kim Darla Henry's 3-5-7 Model

I have the incredible opportunity this episode to discuss the intricacies of Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD) with Barb Clark, an esteemed expert in the field. As someone who works closely with children, exploring this topic was eye-opening for me, resonating deeply with the struggles and challenges many young ones face. Barb, a mother of five, shares her personal journey and insights gained from her eldest daughter's FASD diagnosis, offering a wealth of knowledge and perspective. Throughout our conversation, she sheds light on the complexities of FASD, emphasizing its profound impact on brain function and behavior. We discuss the misconceptions surrounding alcohol use during pregnancy and the urgent need for early recognition and support for affected individuals. One of the most powerful aspects of our discussion is Barb's advocacy for a paradigm shift in parenting and caregiving approaches, highlighting the limitations of traditional disciplinary methods and sharing strategies for fostering understanding, empathy, and connection with children affected by FASD. From navigating transitions to building supportive relationships, Barb provides invaluable advice for professionals and caregivers alike. Through her expertise and personal anecdotes, she underscores the importance of advocacy, empathy, and resilience in supporting individuals and families affected by FASD. Our conversation sheds light on a topic that is often overlooked and misunderstood, empowering listeners to advocate for greater awareness and support for those living with FASD.   Highlights: [2:19] - Barb explains what FASD is. [4:08] - Barb advocates against moderate alcohol use during pregnancy due to the limitations of flawed research. [5:34] - Barb highlights the prevalence of unplanned pregnancies, stressing the need for improved FASD awareness. [8:36] - Hear about Barb's journey from working with at-risk youth to parenting and the challenges that she faced. [11:29] - Barb recounts escalating efforts to address her daughter's behavior, leading to a pivotal discovery about FASD. [13:42] - Learn about Barb's daughter's FASD diagnosis and the transformative impact of expert training. [16:32] - Consequence-based parenting exacerbates anxiety and hinders learning, especially for children with FASD and/or histories of trauma. [18:38] - Barb argues that parenting children with FASD or trauma requires a relational approach, moving beyond traditional consequences. [20:21] - Shifting from consequences to understanding, Barb fostered open dialogue with her daughter. [23:58] - Barb recounts a humorous church incident, having noticed the similarities between FASD and Alzheimer's behavior. [26:46] - Barb expresses that teaching her daughter the concept of confabulation helps her understand her brain's unique workings and builds self-awareness. [29:25] - Barb explains why adults often struggle to understand FASD. [31:56] - Incorporating preferred activities at neutral locations before returning home eases transitions for children. [33:14] - Barb points out how inserting fun and creativity into activities eases transitions for children and reduces resistance. [36:52] - Talk-based therapies often inadequately address FASD, but sensory-focused interventions like occupational therapy are even more effective. [39:41] - Barb asserts that we need to stop stigmatizing birth moms and understand FASD's brain-based nature for effective support. [42:26] - Barb adds that it's also important to understand that children with FASD usually function at half their physical age. [43:53] - Barb credits one of her closest friends, Julie Martindale, for having taught her a great deal about FASD.

I am thrilled to be sharing with you this amazing conversation with the wonderful Keri Richmond, a remarkable changemaker, storyteller, podcaster, and fierce advocate for children and families. Keri's journey, marked by her time in the foster care system and a turbulent adoption, has shaped her into an international speaker, podcast host, and policy advocate for foster care reform, and as we delve into her story, we explore the complexities of trauma and its enduring impact on individuals and systems. From her early experiences in foster care to the challenges of navigating a broken adoption, Keri offers profound insights into the resilience of the human spirit. Through candid conversations, Keri reveals the importance of the secret sauce to healing from trauma: supportive relationships. She shares how pivotal figures in her life, like her best friend's family, provided a sanctuary of love and acceptance that empowered her to reclaim her potential. We also discuss the critical role of empathy and understanding in supporting children and families affected by trauma, emphasizing the need for trauma-informed care across all levels of the system. Keri's personal journey serves as a powerful testament to the transformative power of relationships and the resilience inherent within every individual, so join us for this inspirational story with invaluable insights about creating a more compassionate future for all!   Highlights: [1:55] - Keri gives us some background information regarding her childhood experiences of foster care and adoption.  [5:39] - Keri shares that she feels disconnected from her adoptive father despite legal recognition of their relationship. [6:31] - Hear how Keri found solace with her friend Alexis's family, who fostered open communication and provided unparalleled support. [8:52] - Growing up amidst chaos, Keri found genuine support from her community, embodying the essence of care. [10:47] - Even after a decade of being part of a loving family, Keri grapples with feeling safe and deserving of love. [13:14] - Strong relationships are the secret sauce to transforming the foster care system. [15:55] - Keri emphasizes that being seen and heard is a human need. [17:31] - Recognizing trauma's impact is vital; misattributed behaviors often stem from trauma, not inherent traits. [20:26] - Keri adds that rushing to label behaviors as disorders hinders understanding and empathy. [21:36] - Navigating triggered moments with grace requires heightened awareness; empathetic responses offer profound support. [24:39] - Recognizing a child's pain as underlying behavioral symptoms fosters immense trust-building in foster care. [25:34] - Keri explains how her ability to establish trust with traumatized youth as a CASA volunteer depends on honesty and non-judgmental respect. [28:37] - Demonstrating healthy boundaries and an openness to feedback can profoundly impact young individuals in codependent relationships. [30:49] - Working with youth living in foster care requires resilience in facing frequent rejection, a universal challenge. [32:17] - Keri argues that recognizing vulnerability as a shared human struggle highlights the importance of coping strategies. [34:14] - Working within the system reveals the tendency to complicate matters, but prioritizing relationships offers profound societal healing. [37:35] - Keri points out how children in difficult circumstances may test adults' reactions, adjusting behavior based on perceived support. [40:00 - Keri asserts that Ashley Mitchell's insights apply not only to biological families but also to children of divorce. [41:02] - Becky, a friend who was much like a sister to her, played a pivotal role in Keri's healing journey.   Connect with Keri: Podcast  

*Trigger Warning: This episode contains discussions that may be sensitive or triggering for some listeners, including references to suicide. Listener discretion is advised In this enlightening episode of the show, I am joined by Kevin Powell, an experienced licensed psychologist, trainer, and consultant with over three decades of experience. Diving into Kevin's remarkable journey, we explore the roots of his passion for human services, shaped by his parents' influence and his own experience with dyslexia. Kevin discusses his strengths-based approach, emphasizing six core categories that focus on strengths rather than dwelling on weaknesses. The discussion spans the importance of holistic care, integrating the bio-psycho-social model and ecological model to address individuals' nuanced needs. Kevin sheds light on relationship-building strategies, the significance of balance in parenting, and the delicate art of maintaining curiosity and resilience in the face of challenging situations. Kevin also shares some anecdotes from his professional career, showcasing the transformative power of understanding underlying issues and providing empathy-driven therapeutic interventions. Be sure to stick around for an exciting announcement as Kevin discusses a bit about his upcoming project - a children's book and curriculum focused on character qualities, instilling kindness and human decency in young minds. Kevin encourages a proactive, prevention-oriented approach to stop issues at their roots, echoing his commitment to upstream solutions. Join us for this inspirational discussion!   Highlights: [1:43] - Growing up with dyslexia, Kevin credits his parents for instilling values that shaped his empathy. [3:56] - Kevin shares how he faced challenges entering graduate school but secured a spot with resilience. [6:26] - Kevin defines a strengths-based approach in six categories, emphasizing what's right with individuals, families, and communities. [9:11] - As research supports, positive relationships are crucial for success and involve genuine trust and understanding. [11:59] - Kevin points out that knowing when to take a break, managing emotional escalation, and fostering communication prevents burnout. [13:37] - Kevin adds that maintaining a strength-based approach and life balance is also crucial for preventing burnout. [16:55] - Maintaining a positive outlook can be challenging; humor can help cope but shouldn't go too far. [17:58] - Kevin argues that maintaining intellectual curiosity and understanding adaptive behaviors amid adversity prevents burnout in working with youth. [20:53] - Hear an example from Kevin about a chronically aggressive youth who often challenged others. [23:09] - Negative behavior can be tempered by recognizing it as a symptom and addressing unmet needs. [24:34] - Kevin asserts that building connections during stable times, not just crises, helps kids develop healthy coping mechanisms. [27:12] - Kevin gives an example from his book of how establishing consistent, reliable connections addresses the underlying need for connection in those with abandonment issues. [30:47] - A holistic approach involves viewing kids beyond their behaviors, emphasizing health promotion and balanced interventions. [33:33] - The current gentle parenting trend employs logical consequences, promoting learning without shaming. [36:25] - Kevin reiterates that embracing a strengths-based approach is vital for effectiveness and preventing burnout in challenging situations. [38:01] - We learn that Kevin is currently working on a new book for elementary school children, emphasizing character qualities. [39:10] - Visit Kevin's website for valuable resources!   Connect with Kevin: BookWebsite  

*Trigger Warning: This episode contains discussions that may be sensitive or triggering for some listeners, including references to suicide. Listener discretion is advised Welcome back to By Their Side! In this powerful episode, we dive into the often underappreciated perspective of birth mothers with Ashley Mitchell, the inspiring force behind Big Tough Girl ™. She shares her personal journey of placing her son for adoption in 2006 and the challenges she faced in the aftermath, and we explore the critical need for post-placement support and understanding the grief and loss experienced by birth mothers. Ashley sheds light on the transformative work of her network Knee to Knee which is dedicated to supporting birth mothers nationwide. We discuss the complexities of the adoption triad, emphasizing the evolving understanding of relationships as a constellation rather than a traditional triad. We also dive into the lifelong impact of adoption, dispelling the myth that adoptions at birth are trauma-free. Ashley passionately advocates for respectful language and empathetic support for both birth parents and adoptive families.  Ashley also shares invaluable advice for professionals working with youth in foster care, highlighting the importance of child-centered approaches, empathy, and validation. Don't miss this eye-opening episode that challenges preconceptions and champions the voices of birth mothers. Join us as we navigate the intricate landscape of adoption, fostering empathy, and understanding for all involved!   Highlights: [0:44] - Today's guest is Ashley Mitchell, founder of the Knee to Knee program! [2:06] - In 2006, Ashley placed her son for adoption, prompting her advocacy for post-placement support nationwide. [4:23] - Ashley reveals that she leads monthly support groups, advocates for law reform, and educates adoptive parents ethically. [5:36] - The adoption dynamic extends beyond the triad, involving a constellation of individuals shaping relationships. [7:01] - Balancing the challenges of navigating trauma work and being a birth mom is complex. [9:10] - Ashley feels that personal language choices in adoption, like "place," express individual perspectives and deserve respect. [12:31] - Ashley argues that adoption spans a lifetime, with the shared experience of maternal-child separation shaping forever families. [15:16] - Respecting a child's varied emotions in adoption or foster care is essential for support. [18:43] - The language used about biological parents significantly influences a child's attitude and relationship dynamics. [20:33] - Ashley asserts that how others speak about birth parents directly influences a child's ability to maintain relationships. [22:34] - It's important to prioritize a child's feelings when addressing broken commitments, fostering a safe space for open conversation. [25:10] - Ashley encourages people to consider the impact on a child when discussing birth parents and to avoid burdening them with adult concerns. [28:34] - It's crucial for foster parents to understand their role and align with the goal of family preservation. [31:45] - Ashley believes that foster care training needs to incorporate adoption considerations for smoother transitions to open adoptions. [34:09] - The complexities of children returning to parents require recognizing nuances, promoting dignity, and fostering understanding. [37:45] - Birth parents need resources for mental health, but adoptive parents also require support. [39:33] - Ashley credits her husband and the supportive community of birth mothers for their resilience. [41:53] - Ashley shares where she can be found online.   Connect with Ashley: InstagramWebsite Podcast

Welcome to the By Their Side podcast, dedicated to advocating for children living in foster care. I'm Micaela Tracy, your host, and in today's episode, we delve into the transformative insights of Dafna Lender, a licensed clinical social worker with over 25 years of experience specializing in therapy and developmental psychotherapy. As we navigate through Dafna's journey, you'll discover the profound impact of Integrative Attachment Family Therapy, her model born out of early struggles as a social worker in therapeutic foster care. Dafna's approach focuses on bridging therapy with family dynamics, providing essential tools for those working with children who have experienced trauma.  Join me in exploring Dafna's powerful message of hope, applicable not only to foster care professionals but to anyone navigating parent-child relationships. Dafna's expertise shines through as she shares practical strategies for therapists, CASA volunteers, and frontline workers to make a meaningful impact in the lives of families and children. We unravel the significance of dyadic developmental psychotherapy, where simple, primary activities become crucial attachment moments. Dafna illustrates how these interactions, like play, fostering trust, and connection, pave the way for healing even in the face of resistance. We also discuss the importance of curiosity in understanding a child's perspective and how it acts as a powerful tool in fostering a sense of agency and safety. Dafna shares valuable insights into navigating challenging moments, such as transitions to new foster homes or visits, providing listeners with actionable advice for co-regulation. She emphasizes the crucial role that advocates such as caseworkers and caregivers play in understanding and respecting a child's needs, even during challenging situations.  I invite you to join me in this enlightening conversation with Dafna, where her wealth of experience and wisdom shines a light on the transformative potential of Integrative Attachment Family Therapy. You can learn more about Dafna's work, access videos, articles, and stories on her website. Be inspired to incorporate playfulness, positive regard, and therapeutic strategies into your interactions with the children you work with!   Highlights: [0:30] - Today, we'll be hearing from Dafna Lender, a licensed clinical social worker who specializes in therapy and dyadic developmental psychotherapy. [1:48] - Dafna shares her journey overcoming challenges as a social worker, integrating therapy with family dynamics. [5:49] - Therapy emphasizes basic parent-child activities, addressing attachment issues in children with trauma through understanding and guidance. [7:50] - Dafna adds that therapy fosters a cycle of connection, rupture, and repair, using simple activities to build trust and attachment. [9:59] - When interacting with a child, nonverbal cues convey trust and confidence; use rhythmic, measured approaches for connection. [12:33] - Maintaining strength involves setting aside personal ego, addressing past triggers, and adopting a gentle approach in therapy. [13:20] - Dafna points out that adopting a chatty, lighthearted cadence in therapy is inspired by the way one talks to babies. [16:14] - Effective foster parenting involves creating a safe environment with clear communication, simple rules, and attachment-building gestures. [19:44] - Central to attachment, Dafna argues, is genuine curiosity. [21:44] - Dafna adds that expressing curiosity involves looking away, using reflective language, and encouraging openness. [23:26] - Dafna explains how tantrums are rooted in physiological responses. [25:36] - In navigating outings with a child, Dafna advises maintaining a matter-of-fact demeanor and offering choices. [28:33] - Being an advocate for the child and understanding their needs during interactions are both crucial. [30:58] - Dafna engages in rhythmic play, observing and addressing emotional states through touch and mindful body presence. [34:04] - Phyllis Booth, Dafna's therapy co-founder, provides her enduring support, exemplifying the importance of showing up without words. [37:37] - Dafna provides some helpful resources, including her website and her book.   Connect with Dafna: WebsiteIntegrative Attachment Family Therapy Book