Round The Back

It's the last episode of the series/season! No one really reads these, but thank you to everyone who has listened, shared and contributed over the years. Keep an eye out for more to come from RTB…..

This week Joe and Dave learn that you can be baptised at a flooded roundabout, some things are named after footballers, and Mike Ashley could be the worst landlord in Coventry. And we ask: is petting allowed at Ruel Fox's animal sanctuary?

This week Joe and Dave discuss the World Cup warts and all, how the USA team seem to all have legs, the Welsh are hairy singers and Japan are likeable. Also Beckham's diary, commuting pigeons and down in the dumps Dirk.

This week Joe and Dave discover that seagulls will bite their human friends, blackbirds called Derek can be pure evil, revenge crab eating should be an early life lesson, and Ironside was the one in the wheelchair. And we ask: have you ever maintained a mullet?

This week Joe and Dave discuss Nige-fest with Texas Nigel, a confusion of confused wildebeests, being sacked after 10 minutes, and sulky a Ronaldo. And we ask: can you use dildos as a buoyancy aid?

This week Joe and Dave realise that shoe jokes are limited, a referee will follow you into a hedge, a pipette is probably best if you're using vaginal discharge as perfume, and Ian Rush is 60. Also, Kuyt and Evans phone in.

This week Joe and Dave are back from their holidays and discussing such excellent topics as: what was the funniest war? Who are the greatest average premier league players of all time? What's the best supermarket to pleasure yourself outside of? Is peanut pushing the best use for your nose? Plus, we hear from an unthreatened Jonny Evans.

This week Joe and Dave discuss what nefarious activities priests do whilst standing between two dark chairs, how adult nappy wearing can be non sexual, Alan Sugar wants more men, and we hear from Gigi about his athletic prowess. And we ask: is the suction of a Henry Hoover relentless?

This week Joe and Dave discuss how a fat vagina has relevance to vandalism, tennis dogs and Norway saying Nor-Way to Brazil. And we ask: is anyone ever sewn into a big shoe?

This week Joe and Dave discuss Joe's stag do absentees, the broad range of mongers and what they monger, and Joe trains Dave on how to deal with difficult football parents. And we ask: where would you rather live - Brown Willy or Wetwang?

This week Joe and Dave discuss Steven Seagull's love of Monster Munch, Mini cheddars and Doritos, how one would qualify to join the exclusive losers club and be financially dominated and footballers farting themselves out of a job. And we ask: Vardy vs Rooney - who's worse?

This week Joe and Dave discuss howe holding in farts will decimate your appendix, whether cremation should be at a leisure complex, which part of a seagull should be used as a weapon. And we ask: Is it 'Verston Merwe Van Der Verwe'?

This week Joe and Dave discuss storing glass tumblers in your bladder, which bit of a toy plane you should put in you, and work wanking - the future of comfort breaks? Also, Mozart. Is. Dirty.

This week Joe and Dave discuss balloon love, shit tea served in a glass, Chinese winters cold enough to freeze your winky, and Wood making pussy noises. And we ask: is Mark Hughes a harsh UK gem?

This week Joe and Dave celebrate their 50th along with Steve Mcmanaman and Micky Mellon! In this episode we have public poo, reptile sexiness, and three bastards for the price of one! And we ask: do Hartlepudlians hate monkeys?

This week Joe and Dave are joined by No.1 Fan Dan and his quizzical nature. We are also quizzed by famous people and normal people - Guy Fawkes, dead relatives, favourite cheese, and who'd play Dirk Kuyt in a movie.

This week Joe and Dave discuss Christmas parties, breastfeeding your pets on a plane - (that's not a Sam L Jackson sequel), stinky London, and that Idris Elba should not be in a Leicester City movie.

This week Joe and Dave discuss the spooky scenery in Coventry, the Wetherspoon chip-ophile, how Tony Conte deals with his daily problems, and the strange story of Oofty Goofty. Also, we love Lineker.

It's a Hallowe'en special! Ish. This week Joe and Dave discuss the horror of being splattered with airplane poo, the terrifying verbal attacks of a northern parrot, and the footballer of the living dead. And we ask: is 70 kilograms too heavy for a parachute? Yes.

This week, Joe and Dave discover that you can help out with your own search party, you can sue a psychic and her family for not saving your marriage, and kicking a referee in the head is a sackable offence.

This fortnight, Joe and Dave report on super market freezer pooping, Canadian anti ejaculators, elite parachuting former bank robbers playing football, and pervert Lille fans. Also - grab your Garibaldis for History Corner.

This week Joe and Dave discuss: the wetness of Michael Gove's mouth, if finding a big crisp is the same as buying a house, ashtrays with vaginas, and a woman giving birth to bits of rabbit. Also, we talk to Jonny Evans about his grease based toe injury.

This week Joe and Dave discover that Michael Jackson's ghost loves cookies and cussing, Rwanda's president rwites off Arsenal's chances of rwinning, and there's no flies on Pepi II. And we ask: does Leo Messi wear lime insoles?

This week Joe and Dave attempt dolphin impressions without success, South Korean TV stations love a national stereotype, and they discover that pigs are the criminals of the animal kingdom. Also, scientists say: "...sharks don't have hands."

This week Joe and Dave discuss how tasty rice will rouse you from a state of fake unconsciousness, José Mourinho will slag off your girlfriend, and jumping into the sea will stop a month long bout of dancing. And we ask: Marseille? Who are they? Exactly.

This week Joe and Dave love Gareth Southgate (not like that... but a bit like that), discover that birds aren't real (they are and always have been), snakes are not very good at hiding toilets (or hiding IN toilets), and we ask: COME ON ENGLAND!

This week Joe and Dave are joined by No.1 Fan Dan (Bob Ireland) who quizzes everywhere. You will have to consent to being abducted by Aliens and taken to the Andromeda galaxy, Ringo Starr is now ok with butt plugs, and Yaya Toure lists his favourite football bummers. And we ask: can you say bummers?

This week Joe and Dave discuss whether Jogi Löw is up to his old sniffs, whether toilets and chamber pots are worthy of a museum, and what do green peas have against Volkswagen. And we ask: if your arse was hungry, would it choose beef?

This week Joe and Dave discuss having your dinner with a little bum tickle, Albuquerque's airborne sex toys are distracting, Joey Barton's 25 year reign of Bastardliness. And we ask: is 'showing a good leg' a sign of femininity?

This week Joe and Dave discuss preposterous pet names, pissing Pontiac politicians, and tiny stinky Croatian villages with so few occupants you could count them on your own four hands. Also: shoplifting cheese - worth it?

This week Joe and Dave discuss the merits of vinegar (cleaning and eating), car park poos (with no toilet paper), and counterfeit money will buy you testicles (gonads/ox treasures/granules/little maids/bull eggs/unmentionables). And we ask: do Koalas commit most of Australia's crimes?

This week Dave and Joe are back with seagull news and naughty PC's with their pee pees in cups of teas, triangular flags, no away kits, chubby millionaire footballers, and Rafa draws goalposts. And we ask: will you help us compose a new Champions League song? Also... Veberley?

This week Joe and Dave catch up with 'Bucket Heid' and Celion Delion and his living room dimensions, Gigi Buffon plants his seeds of retirement, and PSG babies told to ref off. And we ask: would you like to learn the lyrics to the champions league music? Of course you would.

This week Joe and Dave learn that schools in Berwick Upon Tweed have the best trips with the best teachers, Japanese school boys will laugh at Prince Harry's CHIMPO, and Ronaldo & Messi are so close yet again. And we ask: was the ESL a shit idea? Yes. Yes it was.

This week Joe and Dave discover that piles cream will not increase your girth, all football teams should have an official paint supplier, and in some countries croissants do look like iguanas. And we ask: worry like curry, or worry like lorry?

This week Joe and Dave discuss a Welshman performing the 'Crate Escape', the impregnation of a non human rubber doll delights/embarrasses a Hong Kong family, and Gazza's crying again (luckily not over an unravelled testicle). And we ask: what does an orgasm smell like?

This week Joe and Dave discuss the depth of navels needed for fornication, children taking advantage of USA's nukes via Twitter, and a return for the Ponsonby Brothers talking literal shit. And we ask: Worry or Worry?

This week Joe and Dave discover that lifeguarding is a young persons game, that anal swabbing will leave you walking like a penguin, and Gazza passes psychological examination for trip to Honduras. And we ask: would you buy fast food from Burger Monarch?

This week Joe and Dave celebrate their 100th episode birthday! With messages from friends of the show (and a scientist), the conclusion to the epic Middle Names World Cup, and a Scottish tit fight in a park. And we ask: should you be operating on someones head whilst in virtual court?

This week Joe and Dave discuss the hatred of breathing and vagina scented masks, ref vs. judge in Ipswich showdown, and curry obsessed Joe Cole in Barcelona. Also, this week our puns are out of this world!

This week Joe has a birthday and Dave doesn't. If you have sex with a giant chicken wear rubber gloves (or a full hazmat suit), Greater Manchester Police aren't that great.... AND: EXCLUSIVE - Sean Dyche plays his 'Pussy Blues'. Also, 2 big semis revealed!!

This week Joe and Dave discover that Betws-y-Coed in Wales is a great location for lay-by mouth sex, Celine Dion is still Celine Dion, and mannequins can have girlfriends. Also, will Brendan (Brenda) Rodgers become Jonny Evans' new cleaning lady?

This week Joe and Dave discuss kidnapped mannequins in Scotland, whether Chinese arseholes are clear of COVID, and discover that Antonio Cassano was Real Madrid's Alan Partridge. Also, Rodney, Brent, Shirley and Frottage are OUT.

This week Joe and Dave discuss the age old tradition in India of swapping shoes with your interviewer, Glenn Hoddle doing Barry Manilow and Haaland dropping bars. Also, Danny Symptoms and Thomas House Partey.

This week Dave would like to marry Margaret Thatcher and Joe would like to shag a Tweenie. In other news, Poland loves Home Alone, Canadian women take their husbands for walkies, and Michael Ballbag.

This week Joe and Dave discuss pushing sex dolls down the stairs, Messi's little legs and our good friend No.1 Fan Jack Bauer. Also, Hungary is boring.

This week Joe and Dave side step the usual format and answer questions from fans - Ask Us Anything! Jonny Evans and Phil Jones make cameo appearances, new years resolutions are discussed and much reminiscing ensued. Happy New Year to all!

It’s Christmas! Festive greetings from Joe and Dave, Jonny Evans, Pauline, Gunnersaurus (Jerry Quy), No.1 Fan Dan, Keyboard Warrior Henry, Sgt. James Mason, Gideon The Briefcase, The Ponsonby Brothers and Andorra.

This week Joe & Dave are back (but not together) and discuss if two nostrils are required, if Cumbum is ruder than Sexmoan, and we ask: is the Pope a cannibal?

In our third Mini Episode we dissect the latest and most important world news stories - John Lydon's penis and a Tik Tok teens' tortuous yet tantalising tautology.