Stand Strong Podcast with Karri Stoker

Mike Stoker my husband joins me today as he tells about running and what he learned about going at a slower pace.

Waking early one morning, I had a very bright recollection of my experience in Mexico that I told about in episode #34.  Curious about why it came so clearly and repeatedly-- in detail-- I then remembered my prayer the day before about what I needed to repent of.  And the Lord provided  a couple of beautiful healing experiences for me.

During a stay at a medical facility in Mexico I learned about my preacher friend Art and his capacity to love, serve and heal.  And I learned that a heart full of judgement would keep me from doing the same.

When faced with a circumstance or situation that you find undesirable my leadership coach Dan Duckworth says that you have three choices: 1. Leave it, 2. Engage in the struggle and try to change it, or 3. Accept it and bear it.  But the real question is, "Will you do it poorly or well?"

Processing grief to experience less pain and suffering after the loss of a loved one,

I have been earnestly watching to see the miracles in my life as a key to strengthening my spirituality.  The more I acknowledge the miracles, especially in my struggles, the more miracles seem to come my way.  Listen in on some stories of how the passing of our daughter produced many miracles.

Our oldest daughter has passed away from cancer the end of March and I am experiencing a peace that surpasses all understanding.

Spending time outside during Covid doing yard work improved the mental health of the missionaries in a former mission leader's mission.Instead of a full day of doing missionary work online this mission spent only 45 minutes per missionary.  The rest of the time they worked outside doing service projects for the members of their community.  The results were remarkable bringing the number of missionaries being treated for mental health issues from 54 to 1!

This podcast is a shout out to that army of stay home moms.  Not to diminish the incredible contribution that women who work are making in the world but really just to bring much more awareness to the skill set and contribution that stay home moms make.I learned that my friend had a degree in astrophysics.  Listen to what she says when people would ask "What are you doing with your degree?"...I also discuss what it was like to be a new mom in the early 90's when there was much talk in the church about women not working outside of the home.

Goals are easily set but often we find it difficult to see them through to the end.  In this episode I point out 3 important steps to be successful in achieving your goals.And September is naturally a perfect time to set goals.  Listen in on why.Reference to the book "The Power of Everyday Missionaries" by Clayton M. Christensenhttps://everydaymissionaries.org/

Retreat update:  I spoke today to Melanie who is creating a playlist for our retreat using Christian worship music-- and I couldn't be more pleased.  Register today for the Leading Saints Women's retreat September 15-18.One of my main passions is to assist moms in moving out of taking action from blame and feeling like a victim.  And instead start acting from the power of being aware of what is going on and the discrepancies and errors there.  In Ephesians 2 in the Holy Bible we read about how the Jews and the gentiles are reconciled through Christ.  He has made the two groups one.  He destroys the barrier.  I made a list of barriers and dividing walls.  Things like personality differences, cultural differences and false beliefs.  What would be on your list?I thought of two examples from my own life where just the act of becoming aware of discrepancies made a difference in my actions.  Listen as I tell you about these stories.I love to coach Latter-day Saint women and assist them with tools and strategies to become aware of what is truly making them stuck.  And I have a hint.  it's not how you were raised.  it''s not because of another person and what they are doing. 

Whitney Johnson is coming to the retreat!! Leading Saints founder Kurt Francom and Dan Duckworth from the Board of Directors have gathered a phenomenal group of women to speak and lead discussions at the retreat.  I have a few stories of singing in Primary, talking to my bishop and sorting out how to find a way out of mom guilt.  Listen in...

I have three sweet stories about our daughter Paige when she stood to bear her testimony.The stories around what brought her to testify are very real and raw.  One of those being when she was a kindergartener that involved fingernail polish and a bus ride. Sometimes we might not give much notice to a young child repeating words of others while bearing their testimony.  But Paige's were sincere.  And beautiful.Listen and while you do think about what you would testify of.

The Leading Saints Women's Retreat food planning has been very exciting.  I am a certified health coach and I recognize the value of having yummy healthy food.  It helps us think, process and feel good.  All reasons to eat well during a retreat where we have much to accomplish.In listening to the story again of Alma the Younger having the experience of being converted and then totally changing what he talked about and preached I started to ponder on what he might have misunderstood about the gospel of Jesus Christ before the angel appeared to him.We look at stories of Abish, Nephi and Ammon as well to see how they were misunderstood and I give you steps to take so that you have better chances of being understood and also of better understanding others.

The Song of Our Syrian Guest is an explanation of Psalm 23, "The Lord is My Shepherd"It's written by William Allen Knight and published in 1904.I just got back from Houston Texas where we celebrated with a second wedding reception for our daughter and her new husband.  Some of his family friends gifted us passes to their zip line park Geronimo.  On the last platform you had to step off in what felt like a free-fall.  From behind I cheered on my family in front of me but when it came my turn it was harder than I thought it would be.  Front runners have a special role of doing things that others haven't shown them how to do.  It takes a lot of faith and grit.I recommend following along with the scripture Psalm 23 so that you can reference what lines are being discussed in this book.While I read the second half of the book "The Song of Our Syrian Guest" look for a couple of things.  1. Notice how the Shepherd takes care of the sheep one by one.  He knows their needs and each one of them individually.2. Listen for how the flock of sheep defends against a wolf coming in to their midst.  It's not what I thought would happen.

Just finished a call where we were planning more details of the upcoming Leading Saints women's retreat.  Soon we will announce more speakers and facilitators-- some incredible women that I can't wait to tell you about.  When I get the green light on that I will immediately let you know who they are.  In the meantime keep watching for the emails and posts to Leading Saints instagram stories for updates.Today I am reading out loud the book "The Song of Our Syrian Guest" written by William Allen Knight and published January of 1904.  I read half the book this week and I'll finish the reading in next week's podcast.It's a story of a Syrian traveler who spent an evening with Mr. Knight and explained the meanings of the phrases used in Psalm 23 in the Holy Bible.  Listen for the part near the end of today's reading where it talks about the sheep coming to the still waters in a group.  I find this very interesting and very applicable to Christians today.  

Check out LeadingSaints.org/Gathering to register for the upcoming Women's Retreat in Bear Lake Utah September 15-18, 2022.Some of you will be old enough to remember the year 1975.Here is a little trivia about that year:The Vietnam war came to an endSaturday Night Live premiered on NBCStrawberries sold for 29 cents a poundPostage stamps were 13 cents eachAnd Captain and Tennille sang "Love Will Keep Us Together"In 1975 I was part of a Girl Scout troop called "Brownies".We visited what was then called a nursing home where we were matched up with senior women for a short visit.Listen to hear how a seemingly insignificant event made an impact over my lifetime.  I didn't recognize this impact until I reflected on my experience all these years later.  

Chief Captain Moroni in the Book of Mormon had his people the Nephites create huge walls of earth around their cities for protection from the Lamanites.  They would defend these walls or boundaries by standing on top of the wall and shooting down any Lamanite trespassers.Can you imagine what would happen if they had these amazing walls put up creating a wonderful defense but then didn't do anything about it if Lamanites climbed the walls and entered the city?  Just like this we not only need to set up boundaries for our safety but we must follow through on defending those boundaries.  Utilize the structure of this sentence in order to set an appropriate boundary:  If you______, then I will______A boundary is about what YOU will do.  It's not making a request of another person. It's not demanding them to behave a certain way.  It's about what will happen if they do something to cross that boundary (which is a physical or emotional safety issue).Not following through on boundary violations leads to resentment and anger.  It can be challenging but it is worth it because it helps you think better of the person and you have a higher potential of a good relationship with them.Listen to the stories that illustrate these points. 

Coming up this fall is a Leading Saints Women's Retreat at Bear Lake Utah.  I"ll be hosting that retreat and you can learn more about it next week on the podcast.We read the background story of King Limhi and his oppressed people in The Book of Mormon.  King Limhi had been raised by a very wicked father King Noah and his people were now in subjection to the high taxes and the threat of destruction from the Lamanites.  King Limhi had tried to gain freedom through a series of short wars where they lost many men in battle leaving women and children on their own to be provided for by the community.  During this time King Limhi encountered 4 Nephite men outside the city's protective walls and he had them imprisoned for two days.  When he eventually found out who they were and that they would be the key to their deliverance King Limhi was excited and hopeful.  He called his people to gather at the temple to hear about their new found hope.At the temple King Limhi explains to the people that although deliverance is near there "remaineth an effectual struggle to be made".  They had struggle ahead of them.  But it would be a productive or effective struggle so that they could obtain their desires.So even with deliverance at their door it wasn't going to be handed to them.  Has this been your experience too?  You are in an overwhelming situation or in some kind of bondage and you finally have some answers coming your way.  Maybe it's the right eating protocol or you've finally got a diagnosis for your child's mental struggles or the answer is homeschooling.  But this isn't the end of the road.  It's the hope and what comes next is effort towards something that will bring deliverance.  Elder Neil A. Andersen's talk in April 2022 General Conference, "Following Jesus: Being a Peacemaker" referenced here explains the need to act in a way that does not include anger or malice. So no war to wage against the enemy.  But he also explains that Peacemakers are not passive and gives several examples of Jesus being one.What approach did King Limhi take to secure deliverance?  We read in Mosiah 7:29-32 the pattern.  1. Turn to the Lord with full purpose of heart (genuine wholehearted effort), 2. Put trust in the Lord, and 3. Serve the Lord with all diligence of mind (thoughts focused on Christ).And it is God's will and pleasure to grant deliverance to those that follow this pattern.This is our pattern too.  This is how our efforts or struggle can be effectual.   Next week's podcast is on Boundaries.

When we utilize the Six Sources of Influence designed by the social scientists who wrote the book Change Anything, we truly can change any behavior we want to change.  I apply these six sources to my Stop Overeating program to create success.  I employed all six to get myself into great financial shape and you can too!  Listen in as I describe them and give ideas on what to do.

We know that loving relationships are a key to our physical, emotional and spiritual health.  Did you catch that?  Our physical... health.  Not just our emotional health.  And our spiritual health too.These are 5 strategies to help create friendships several of which come from the workbook "Finding Strength In the Lord: Emotional Resilience".#1 To start out we take a look at improving our listening skills --specifically through prayer.  In the Self Reliance course: Emotional Resilience, there is a section on prayer in the Building Healthy Relationships chapter.   It has a 4 step chart on listening skills.  These skills sound like something you would practice on a human being that you are with.  But the chart is placed in the prayer section for when you are speaking with Deity.  These steps to listening include watching body language and not interrupting.  Much can be learned -- and practiced-- by employing these steps while praying.#2 Have genuine interest in other people.  Not feigned.  And even when you don't share their interests.  This is a different focus than the approach of trying to find someone with the same interests as you.  This helps you broaden your capacity to know and understand many more people.#3 Smile.  It feels good to have someone smile at you.  It can create an immediate connection with another human.#4 Switching "you" sentences to "I" sentences.  Such as "You always interrupt me when I am trying to go over the family schedule.  You look at your phone or you act like you didn't even hear me."  This can be changed to "I feel dismissed when you look at your phone while I talk to you."  Changing it to an "I" sentence does two things.  1) It keeps you from getting into a blaming mindset and 2) It helps you become aware of what you are feeling.  #5 Focus on the other person as being important.  Even imagine them as being smart.  Everyone is smart about something and we can learn something from everyone we meet.This strategy employs the golden rule.  We all like to feel important-- like what we say matters.  Allow others this gift of being heard and their voice being valued.Schedule a free call to check out my Stop Overeating for Comfort workshop.  https://calendly.com/karristokercoaching/40-minOr go to my website KarriStoker.com for more information

Karri is creating a 4 month workshop beginning next week to help clients stop overeating as a way to comfort themselves and buffer/avoid discomfort and pain.  We often head for the pantry for a snack or we take extra helpings at meals or we eat more treats than we ought.  This is because those things give us a dopamine hit and dopamine feels good!  Only its just a cover up.In this 4 month program you'll learn tools and strategies to turn this behavior around such as: 1. setting up your environment for success  2. Listening or reading information about healthy eating; 3. Where to get the best up to date information about the body, nutrition and human behavior; and 4. Learning to coach yourself.Hormones also play a big role in your overeating and snacking habits.  Why this focus as a mental health coach?  Because almost to the person my clients say this (overeating or snacking) is what they do to buffer/avoid a feeling.  And this is often coupled with something having to do with a screen.  Teaching and coaching to stop overeating is such a valuable skill because those same skills can then be used in other areas like money management, abusing prescription drugs, viewing pornography.Reading in 1 Nephi 19 we see Nephi compiling words of several prophets to get a fuller picture of Jesus Christ's birth, ministry, crucifixion and resurrection.Karri has compiled years of study and experimentation from experts in the field of nutrition, social science and human behavior and coaching to create this amazing program. Thank you Nephi for the inspired process!The program will be ready for registration on June 9th when the next Stand Strong Podcast will be published.  

Thoughts about Jacob 5.An upcoming hike encouraged my husband and I to help each other prepare for it.  As I train by running and walking my legs are a little sore but I am getting stronger.In the Book of Mormon we read the "Olive Tree Allegory" in Jacob chapter 5.  One day years ago I had a question:  "What do these verses have to do with Primary?"  As I studied those scriptures with this question in mind I learned so much about being strengthened through challenges. I also learned that we need to figure some things out and experience some things so that we can grow and produce our own healthy, delicious fruit. 

The Book of Mormon in Helaman 3:29 talks about the "everlasting gulf of misery".  But before that it talks about how we can be led over that gulf on a narrow path (bridge maybe) through the Word of God.  Karri experienced this through coaching herself from misery to confidence.  Coaching works!  Listen to Karri's story and how the scriptures support the process of change (repentance) through coaching.

The tree designed and taught by Stacy Harmer is a beautiful analogy of how to bring health and vitality to your life.  Examining the different parts of the tree we learn the 7 steps to vibrant living: Nourishing the roots-- body, heart, mind, and soul; setting up systems and structure as seen in the trunk of the tree; finding our purpose and passion-- branching out; and then finally the fruit-- sharing our gifts and talents.  When we examine these 7 elements in our life and address any issues then we can take steps to recovering our overall health.  And then we can be prepared to lead and serve our family.Final days before the Vibrant Living Wellness Conference.  Grab your ticketswww.VibrantLivingWellnessConference.comVisit www.StacyHarmer.com to read more about the 7 steps 

Jesus Christ gives us much to think about in the verses of Mark chapter 6.  Including the guidance to Stop Worrying!  We let our minds spin on what's going to happen in the future when actually no one can predict that 100%.  So why not give the mind a very positive scenario? In this episode you'll learn several strategies on how to stop worrying and how to start living more in the moment.

Have you ever had an off day where your mood and energy is low?  Create a new "state" of being.  Become more energized, clear thinking and lighten your mood by utilizing five easy tools.  Also mentioned in this podcast:Indigo's Healing Kitchen   https://www.indyycookclub.com  Karri spent a week in Hawaii at a Vibrant Living health retreat (see StacyHarmer.com) where Indigo was a on-site chef. May 14th VLWCwww.VibrantLivingWellnessConference.com

Sister Rebecca Craven in April 2022 General Conference gives us something to really consider: what matters the most.  We learn beautiful life lessons from the experiences we have in life pursuing God's will for us and through our obedience to His word.  Scripture study became the thing that mattered the most many years ago and I love that God showed us a fun way to make that a consistent practice for our family.https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2022/04/33craven?lang=eng

I've found that in a group of people it feels more comfortable to talk about cancer than it is to talk about mental health challenges.  And maybe that's okay.  But what if we could create a little more space for that conversation so that more people can find voice to their challenges?  Christ reaches us all in the depth of our seen and unseen sorrows.  

Just like money, amazing families grow on trees.  This week we look at 18 years worth of experiences around the big willow tree in Karri's front yard.  These stories demonstrate different aspects of caring for the tree and how its use has blessed the family.  And the  way you think about your family matters.

A closer look at:Elder Suares October 2021 General Conference talk “The Savior's Abiding Compassion"https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2021/10/14soares?lang=engRecounting the story of Simon and the unnamed woman referred to as a sinner.Simon had a "holier than thou" attitude.  This leads to unjust judging.  And we are in risk of being this way.Christ shows compassion to all.  We are invited to follow His example and become more like Him to be qualified to make righteous judgements.The attitudes of Simon the Pharisee are ones we need to watch out for.Woman who is a sinner is unnamed and her sins are unnamed as well --helping us see ourselves as in her shoes.  The Pharisee we know more about including his attitudes that were spelled out.  We can watch for these attitudes in our own conduct.Story about moving and learning about a couple of brothers that smoked weed and didn't attend church very often.  At a dance a few months later I met these boys and had so much fun  during the song “Jump” by Van Halen.  It's now a favorite song.Story about another ward and stake where I learned about another young man.  My friend described him as  fun and nice. I later found out that he smoked weed and didn't go to church very often.What a difference it made to my attitude to have these two friends give such an opposite view of two very similar young men.Quote by Elder Soares that Jesus' compassionate acts were an expression of His pure love for God and not from a list of expectation. My own list of acts like ministering visits and service.  Christ can see all facets of our situations.  And that he works with us compassionately over time.  Keep this in mind.  He works with us over time.How this relates to our home with children with mental illness:  We will become more sensitive to people's needs.  Try to see children as who they can becomeQuote by Elder Soares that our actions need to be coming from a genuine interest and from love.It's important that our actions are coming from love, genuine interest and compassion.  This will create whole new experiences for us.We still have a long way to go. Sit at Jesus feet pleading for mercy and not fixating at other's imperfections.  This will give us a creative energy and mindset Final thoughts:  We need to qualify ourselves to make righteous judgments and we do that through looking compassionately at others and to see them as the Savior would see them ...as  best we can.

Physical health, especially our gut health, impacts our brain function and moods.  Do you wish you had more energy?  Or that you weren't so moody?  Many of us struggle at times to care for ourselves when we feel like our time and energy needs to go towards our suffering child.  In this episode of Stand Strong you'll learn some of the best news about your mood and that simple strategies will make big a difference.

Daughter who works with children with autism and her immediate unrestricted love for them.God is Almighty and loves us, His children 100%.Unconditional love is possible for God and we strive to love more because it feels good.  October 2021 General Conference talk quotes with valuable insights into God's love.