The Podcast At Dawn's House

OMG, Mallory's finally found her dream horse! Unfortunately she's also found her nightmare horse, so, win some lose some. Meanwhile, we debate which legendary Irish figure would look best on stilts, and there's some stuff about a blanket. Our theme song is ‘The Incredible Shrinking Larry' by Matt Oakley and ‘Big Band Jingle A' is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, drop us an email, or come say hi on Instagram! We also have a ko-fi and we're real self-conscious about it!

OMG, Kristy's running for eighth-grade president! Which sounds extremely low-stakes until you compare it to Mallory's unopposed run for seventh-grade secretary. Plus, a delightful glimpse of what might have been, if only Scholastic weren't COWARDS. On today's agenda: Alan Gray's writhing corpse; pizza legalities; Esther questions the nature of her reality; gritty, challenging middle-school theatre; a terrible shortage of visiting authors; delicious moles; pandering to the electorate for fun and profit; extensive bike-based misery; a Frookie Cookie deep dive. Our theme song is ‘The Incredible Shrinking Larry' by Matt Oakley and ‘Big Band Jingle A' is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, drop us an email, or come say hi on Instagram! We also have a ko-fi and we're real self-conscious about it!

OMG, there are 2 many babies! Well, it's more like two actual babies and a ton of eggs that the girls and their pretend husbands have imprinted on, because it's the mandatory egg baby episode! Plus, we all learn a valuable lesson about not relying on were-hedgehog erotica for accurate information on natural history topics. On today's agenda: real men dispose of their documents responsibly; Karen goes against her own moral code but stops short of murder; Logan fails as a provider because he's 13; more cinema-based humiliation; 32 pages on the real meaning of marriage; an unusually entertaining yet troubling Pike chapter; WE WENT TO LONDON AND DID THE THING; a traumatic egg-based jumpscare; non-toxic, painless baby paint; the one non-negotiable requirement of competent parenting. Full context for the ferret thing: https://www.newsweek.com/move-over-meerkat-manor-87497 Our theme song is ‘The Incredible Shrinking Larry' by Matt Oakley and ‘Big Band Jingle A' is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, drop us an email, or come say hi on Instagram! We also have a ko-fi and we're real self-conscious about it!  

OMG, Mallory's found a ghost cat! Or a reincarnation cat? Or possibly just a regular cat? This book definitely comes down on the side of “ghosts are real”, but is EXTREMELY vague on what ghosts actually are and whether they can use a litterbox. Also, the Pikes learn about Alzheimer's! Merry Christmas, folks! On today's agenda: a litany of crimes against food; the cool lesbian biker auntie we all wish we were; Mallory and Jessi's shameful secret; it's not crop theft if you know the farmer; some remarks about aging that are frankly uncalled-for; cut-rate ectoplasm detectors are a false economy; Claudia Kishi, old-person whisperer; Esther's cat chooses violence. Our theme song is ‘The Incredible Shrinking Larry' by Matt Oakley and ‘Big Band Jingle A' is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, drop us an email, or come say hi on Instagram! We also have a ko-fi and we're real self-conscious about it!

OMG, Laine's coming to Stoneybrook! Unfortunately, she's become a huge pain in the ass! And she's way beyond pigs. Thank goodness Kristy's here to be loudly unimpressed. Meanwhile, we plan for extremely specific hypothetical fights among our various children. On today's agenda: Chekhov's bathtub; respecting your friends by blowing up their graves; everyone's favourite sleepover movie; china clown fandom rise up; seasonal rodent copyright law; bringing back 1910s slang to prove a point; adventures in prune art; a tasteful anecdote from Karen and Esther's school days; half a borough of fun; the crucial differences between a casual red outfit and a trendy red outfit. Our theme song is ‘The Incredible Shrinking Larry' by Matt Oakley and ‘Big Band Jingle A' is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, drop us an email, or come say hi on Instagram! We also have a ko-fi and we're real self-conscious about it!

OMG, Dawn's got a big date, some homemade sweat skirts, a repertoire of PUA techniques, and a new personality! Also there's some terrible stuff about fat-shaming. Meanwhile, we sample authentic Californian cuisine, learn about amino acids, and make some travel plans we may come to regret. Simpering wistfully into the void; a black hole of dysfunction; alcohol and violence and sexy postcards and eating in front of the TV; a romantic afternoon in the chastity barn; an extremely overdressed lump; a duckface epiphany; ill-advised pieces of mail through history; a tasteful tribute to Southern culture; outfits that go from day to synagogue to night; SOY; giving a small but non-zero amount of fucks; failing upwards into a relationship; The Secret for men; Panic! At the Movie Theatre; Dawn invents emo fashion. Our theme song is ‘The Incredible Shrinking Larry' by Matt Oakley and ‘Big Band Jingle A' is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, drop us an email, or come say hi on Instagram! We also have a ko-fi and we're real self-conscious about it!

OMG, we're back! After a lengthy hiatus involving international travel, LARPing toddlers and multiple cases of Covid, it's finally time for part 2 of Snowbound!  On today's agenda: we finally hold Belgium accountable; Get Ready With Kristy; southern boys be skiing; how to know when it's true love, Ann-style; the haunting of Bart Taylor; Chewy's double life; Esther says a wrong word; Richard Spier has some chill downtime; a land of wonder and bad cup noodles; Madame Noelle busts out the emergency liqueurs; the best Christmas present for the boring stepfather in your life; a lot of depressing foreshadowing about climate change. Our theme song is ‘The Incredible Shrinking Larry' by Matt Oakley and ‘Big Band Jingle A' is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, drop us an email, or come say hi on Instagram! We also have a ko-fi and we're real self-conscious about it!

OMG, the babysitters are snowbound! And they're very very surprised by this, despite extensive weather forecasts warning them about this exact situation! We had so much to say about this one that we couldn't fit it all in one episode, so this is part 1 of 2. Will the babysitters die of hypothermia and/or embarrassment? Stay tuned! On today's agenda: a tragic lack of mole people; Kristy negs her way into the Stoneybrook News; important fashion history facts; a brief glimpse of panties; a lot of ambient shrieking from Esther's neighbour kids; sibling psy ops; late-breaking news about Vivaldi; advanced romance-quashing techniques with Nannie; Dawn's mom breaks out the swear words. Our theme song is ‘The Incredible Shrinking Larry' by Matt Oakley on the Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, drop us an email, or come say hi on Instagram! We also have a ko-fi and we're real self-conscious about it!

OMG, Dawn's gotta beware! There's a snake boy loose in San Francisco! Also, the local kids are manipulating the hell out of the babysitters, and we're here for it. Meanwhile, Stacey is having glamorous adventures and nobody cares. On today's agenda: Bruce Stringbean; Kristy's intervention consultancy; a frankly unreasonable amount of babysitting; extremely convincing California dialect; flagrant Australia erasure; a kipper in the ear; plausible bean deniability; an impressive commitment to collage; cinema recommendations with Karen's nine-year-old; we have Opinions about Mansfield Park.  Our theme song is ‘The Incredible Shrinking Larry' by Matt Oakley and ‘Big Band Jingle A' is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, drop us an email, or come say hi on  Instagram! We also have a ko-fi and we're real self-conscious about it!

OMG, there's a genius in Stoneybrook and it's not Janine! Janine WISHES she was as talented as this kid. Meanwhile, we experimet with a pivot to audio drama. On today's agenda: mandatory Disneyworld representation; unspeakable crimes against God and nature; Chekhov's Toupee; Karen's son makes Esther insecure; leave Mckenzie Clarke alone; Alan Gray surprises and delights us; Uncle Andy's Tar Machine; Claudia fails third-grade fox biology; an infestation of art pseuds; crosswords as a spectator sport; nobody needs to know more than one (1) cricket player. Our theme song is ‘The Incredible Shrinking Larry' by Matt Oakley and ‘Big Band Jingle A' is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, drop us an email, or come say hi on  Instagram! We also have a ko-fi and we're real self-conscious about it!  

OMG, Jessi's got a wish! Because this is an Ann book, everyone's wishes are heavily Disneyworld-focused. Ann also bravely raises some tough questions about tragic childhood illnesses, and then less bravely proceeds to answer exactly none of them. Meanwhile, we brainstorm activities for Aoife's funeral and raise much-needed awareness of Simian Foamy Virus.   On today's agenda: Mal and Jessi read a whole new genre of book; NEW ENGLAND INTENSIFIES; Jordan Peterson's Sexism Corner; a two-phew Chapter 2; Stoneybrook's main industry takes a severe hit; popcorn and caviar, the breakfast of champions; Charlotte and Becca expand their vocabularies; Karen Brewer creates life and then hastily uncreates it; ignorance as praxis; eye tests, juggling and Stations of the Cross.   Our theme song is ‘The Incredible Shrinking Larry' by Matt Oakley and ‘Big Band Jingle A' is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive.   If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, and come say hi on Facebook, Tumblr or Instagram! We also have a ko-fi and we're real self-conscious about it!

OMG, Mallory's on strike! We were very excited at the title of this one but it turned out to be less about labour activism and more about time management skills. And the value of airing your familial grievances in a thinly-veiled tell-all memoir.   On today's agenda: lawnmower-based punishments; grief counselling for mass extinction events; feels about eels; the Stoneybrook adults have the least convincing cover story yet; ACHAB; a terrible cocaine mishap; the triumphant return of Ridiculous Baby Name Of The Week; union-busting with scab children; crimes against the family photo album; the prisoner's dilemma model of babysitting.   Our theme song is ‘The Incredible Shrinking Larry' by Matt Oakley and ‘Big Band Jingle A' is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive.   If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, and come say hi on Facebook, Tumblr or Instagram! We also have a ko-fi and we're real self-conscious about it!

OMG, Stacey's accused of being a jewel thief! And more importantly, this leads to financial problems for Claudia and she's out for revenge! Meanwhile, the junior podcaster attempts to eat an entire box of staples. On today's agenda: Stacey cleans house; spicy Pepsi; digestive system DLC; the Ozymandias of footwear; a distressing scenario involving chicken livers; Karen sets the record straight; obstacles to horse ownership; shoe size trauma; important worldbuilding continuity; definitely offal. Our theme song is ‘The Incredible Shrinking Larry' by Matt Oakley and ‘Big Band Jingle A' is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, and come say hi on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr or Instagram! We also have a ko-fi and we're real self-conscious about it!

OMG, Mary Anne wants Logan back! More importantly, though, she wants an A on her group project and nobody is going to get in the way of that. Not Logan, not Cokie, not a particularly exhausting B-plot. On today's agenda: an unexpected Pete Black redemption arc; Karen has not forgiven Kerry Bruno; Hot Dog Laws; a very specific concept of romance; signs your date is not going well; authentic cat shenanigans; Mary Anne's Bump of Wistfulness; a fish fountain without a bicycle; disgraceful Toilet Monster denialism; the seductive power of five pounds of candy; urgent priorities for HSE reform; diversity in monster representation; a romantic getaway to Brick Township; absolutely too much manifesting; Logan enters his rake era. Our theme song is ‘The Incredible Shrinking Larry' by Matt Oakley and ‘Big Band Jingle A' is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, and come say hi on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr or Instagram! We also have a ko-fi and we're real self-conscious about it!

OMG, there's a Baby Parade! Kristy and the gang grapple with the age-old question “What if illegal daycare, but on a poorly-conceived parade float?" It's a difficult one to answer, because Ann categorically does not know what a float is. Meanwhile, we have an idea for a TV procedural that is going to make us all extremely rich. On today's agenda: Scrabble trauma; fun with asbestos; any number of babies can be too many babies; new frontiers in AI art; Claudia learns to weld; a bold editorial stance on pipe types; glamorous uses for leftover meatloaf; situations that are not enhanced by a cat; none of us can be invited anywhere; a sick burn on the memory of Mimi; Slim Peabody entertains Watson and only Watson; Charlie has a cathartic afternoon at the rubbish dump. Our theme song is ‘The Incredible Shrinking Larry' by Matt Oakley and ‘Big Band Jingle A' is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, and come say hi on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr or Instagram! We also have a ko-fi and we're real self-conscious about it!

OMG, the girls are going to New York! Again! There's Edwardian ghost children, adaptogen cannoli, and an assortment of generic bystanders. Meanwhile, we have some dating advice for the many teens who presumably listen to this show. On today's agenda: teenage mutant ninja cockroaches; Juilliard Junior High; the Jack Reacher movie casting we all need; the symbolism of roach motels; Mary Anne whiffs her perception check; Karen's thoughts on modern art; Ann almost discusses the Forbidden Topic; doorman distraction techniques; the cow incident; passive-aggressive fortune cookie shenanigans; Turner Classic Movies and chill; tragic scene of lower-middle-classness.  Our theme song is ‘The Incredible Shrinking Larry' by Matt Oakley and ‘Big Band Jingle A' is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, and come say hi on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr or Instagram! We also have a ko-fi and we're real self-conscious about it!

OMG, Dawn's having a big sleepover! Unfortunately, the sleepover itself is the only part of the book that didn't make us cringe violently. Well, that and the stegosaurus rap. On today's agenda: we are thirsty for Watson and cancelling Richard; a tragic lack of Lusk merch; Mrs Rodowski has no shame; Ann doesn't believe in research and we don't believe in the Colts; hot vegans in your area; Charlotte Johansson's trademark wisdom; a U-haul full of emergency caviar; a religious souvenir face-off; the four elementary teachers of the apocalypse; can collection life hacks; Goober and the Flugelmeisters; good dogs that do bad things; the slowest news week ever. Our theme song is ‘The Incredible Shrinking Larry' by Matt Oakley and ‘Big Band Jingle A' is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, and come say hi on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr or Instagram! We also have a ko-fi and we're real self-conscious about it!

OMG, Stacey's finally having an emergency! It's the pancreatic drama we've spent so long waiting for, and we're all very excited. Also, Charlotte Johansson has every disease in the world, and it's Mrs McGill's fault. On today's agenda: Funko Pop Roadshow; celebrity crusts; the world's most depressing train trip; a deep dive into 1990s nursing fashion; Karen airs a long-standing grievance; a delightful new word; a deeply upsetting new word; our sickest burn on Starlight Express to date; cutting-edge medical technology; charley horse reminiscences; Laine goes gift shopping; fudge embezzlement; the reverse trolley problem. Our theme song is ‘The Incredible Shrinking Larry' by Matt Oakley and ‘Big Band Jingle A' is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, and come say hi on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr or Instagram! We also have a ko-fi and we're real self-conscious about it!

Hold your horses, folks, the Saddle Club are visiting a dude ranch in West Dakota! Things get real problematic real fast, everyone eats a lot of steak, and there's a blessed lack of romance. Oh, and they cause a death or whatever. On today's itinerary: we issue a much-needed apology; essential cow terminology; the manliest sundae possible; dying a dude's death; some overwhelming rhinophobia; Stevie hijacks a dog funeral; the junior podcaster yells at a boat; tfw you realise you're not a dude any more, ten times in the space of a week; a salute to a Dublin institution; we fail to learn anything about pommels; gifts you should not bring to a motherless calf; things that are vaguely conical; grudging respect for DAYS; Aoife does some estate planning. Today's musical selections were “Saloon Spitoon” and “Back On The Wagon” by John Bartmann on the Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, and come say hi on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr or Instagram! We also have a ko-fi and we're real self-conscious about it!

OMG, Logan suuuuucks! He's suddenly performing traditional masculinity and nobody is here for it, except for his hot cousin Olivia. Jenny Prezzioso is in a bad mood. We have a lot of opinions about mashed potatoes. On today's agenda: a basket of cold tongue; Babysitters' Agency bullshit; Mary Anne gets hygge-blocked; the babysitters try to make “acute” happen; the incredible forbearance of the Bruno family;  #notallBrontës; Karen Brewer's marital woes; five nights that shattered a nation; the podcast at our dads' house; a tragic tuba mishap; Kristy kills the vibe and we cherish her for it; things you should not do to a pregnant woman; five pounds of romance; we figure out whose fault this all is. Our theme song is "The Incredible Shrinking Larry" by Matt Oakley & "Big Band Jingle A" is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, and come say hi on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr or Instagram! We also have a ko-fi and we're real self-conscious about it!

OMG, Claudia got an A on a test and now everyone thinks she cheated! Well, by ‘everyone' we mean her teacher, her parents, and Mary Anne, who is just the WORST in this one. Meanwhile, the Pikes are trapped in a hell of their own making, and we're trapped in a hell of Jared Mullray's making. On today's agenda: a bijou spreader event; public sector trophy wives; we all temporarily forget what a kaiju actually is; defeating the far-right with Aoife's face; baseballery gone wrong; taco-based interrogation techniques; foam-football-based intimidation techniques; ill-considered neurolinguistic programming techniques; the Traumatic Jägermeister Incident; wildly implausible locker backstories; adorable baby noises from the junior podcaster; appropriate uses of gaslighting; everyone's doing Crimewatch; extrusion processes all the way down; heterosexual loser talk. Our theme song is "The Incredible Shrinking Larry" by Matt Oakley & "Big Band Jingle A" is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, and come say hi on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr or Instagram! We also have a ko-fi and we're real self-conscious about it!

OMG, Mallory's dad lost his job! The family makes minor economies for two weeks, he becomes a degenerate in casual clothes for a day or two, and then everything is fine again and they don't even have to sell their ten-seater boat. PHEW. Meanwhile, Amanda Delaney has tragic wealth-related problems, and we are joined by a taciturn but lovable guest.   On today's agenda: Aoife pulls off the ultimate BSC tribute; the text is compromised and we are not OK; Santa brings a depressing surprise; preteen murder ballads; workplace lingerie giveaways; intersectional school bullies; Mallory tries valiantly to make dibble happen; cinnamon allergy beauty hacks; the Drag Race to Tumblr slang pipeline; Mrs Pike becomes a big deal on Arpanet; a delicious limp salad; the Delaneys are too fancy for water safety; the true meaning of silly-billy-goo-goo; someone or other is a gobshite; Angie the tiny Olympian; the terrifying spectre of househusbandry; pizzaburger economics; eating oysters like a Homo Habilis; wish fulfilment monologues; Aunt Cecelia hits the mall.   Our theme song is "The Incredible Shrinking Larry" by Matt Oakley & "Big Band Jingle A" is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, and come say hi on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr or Instagram! We also have a ko-fi and we're real self-conscious about it!

OMG, Kristy's got a mystery admirer! It's a recipe for romance and/or murder! Also, time is a flat circle, and there's some sports. And some ICONIC Halloween costumes. On today's agenda: eldritch mystery admirer rituals; mandatory minimum scoldings; romantic similes that do not hold up; unfounded accusations of linguistic prescriptivism; the sophisticated New York sewer system; we plan the highlight of next year's sporting calendar; tfw you're 13 and you hold someone in the highest esteem; Logan gets on all of our nerves; Aoife's sticker trauma; Mallory invents feminism; Jordan Pike grows up and changes his name; a World Series that is neither worldwide nor a series; the Watson Brewer Perpetual Cup; Ann's questionable grasp of crustacean anatomy. Our theme song is "The Incredible Shrinking Larry" by Matt Oakley & "Big Band Jingle A" is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, and come say hi on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr or Instagram!

OMG, Dawn's dating an older boy! Luckily, he's an insufferable douche as well as being a creep, so it doesn't last long. Meanwhile, Mary Anne's actually being canonically sensitive for once, and someone's caught Kristy's eye. On today's agenda: false promises of child chaos; toaster oven vindication; hazing in the NICU; the best use for fake teeth; podcaster charitability rankings; important Travis statistics; Dawn goes genre-hopping; everything is Zach's fault; the mark of a good man; superior stalking techniques; all the cool teens love Ovid's Metamorphoses. Our theme song is "The Incredible Shrinking Larry" by Matt Oakley & "Big Band Jingle A" is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, and come say hi on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr or Instagram!

OMG, Jessi's got a babysitter! And she's phenomenally unimpressed! Meanwhile, Jackie Rodowsky is buying redacted chemicals at undisclosed locations and we've got big plans. Also, Barbie's on the moon. On today's agenda: the world's tiniest violin; rampant volcanophobia; what to do with 30kg of dry ice; fake spider follies; a perfectly good pancake conversation; passive-aggressive banner design; mad science as a coping strategy; Jackie officially reaches breaking point; the misogyny wing of the Pike Library; a new category of BSC book. Our theme song is "The Incredible Shrinking Larry" by Matt Oakley & "Big Band Jingle A" is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, and come say hi on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr or Instagram!

OMG, Claudia and Dawn are doing illegal daycare while lost at sea! How did this happen, you ask? It turns out they're massively into sailing, just huge boat-heads, and they always have been, you just didn't notice. Don't worry if you don't know anything about sailing, though – neither does Ann. We got a boat guy in to consult on this book and he was very upset. On today's agenda: massive, shameless retcons; the boat terminology social contract; Dawn and Jeff are hydration hipsters; the junior coastguard can't go out after dark; all the men are cancelled; beach vibes only; the tragedy of the Ramseys; a master class in exposition; judo training in the Carnegie library; a PhD in boat imagery; baffling 90s phone tech. Our theme song is "The Incredible Shrinking Larry" by Matt Oakley & "Big Band Jingle A" is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, and come say hi on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr or Instagram!

OMG, there's a mystery in Stoneybrook! Fortunately Stacey's on the case, and it turns out she's psychic maybe? The important thing is, it's totally OK to drag your ailing babysitting charge around an unsupervised building site if there are ghosts involved. Plus, further discourse on microwaved bacon.  On today's agenda: a distressingly competent cover; important Dublin history; we have doubts about Kristy's map-reading skills; parasocial stone tape hypothesis; a troubling absence of Jessi; some implausible stuff about welding torches; Old Rubbernose is the OG incel; little a gaslighting, as a treat; what to wear for the social event of the season. Our theme song is "The Incredible Shrinking Larry" by Matt Oakley; "Big Band Jingle A" is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, and come say hi on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr or Instagram!

OMG, Mary Anne has encountered some boys! We refuse to call it too many boys, because it's really not THAT many boys. It's, like, a slight oversupply of boys. Meanwhile, we concoct elaborate hypothetical situations to psychologically torture each other. Just normal friend stuff, really. On today's agenda: a disappointing lack of Catbus; baffling trampoline retcons; ten boyfriends and a terrifying clown; Karen's son foretells Earth's doom; bacon-based hate crime; a serious case of foreshadowing; minimal Mallory; sun safety equals instant comedy; a crisis of monogamy; nothing good happens in the ice-cream parlour; hamster husbandry, revisited; the thong bikini window; Aoife goes crone mode. Our theme song is "The Incredible Shrinking Larry" by Matt Oakley & "Big Band Jingle A" is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, and come say hi on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr or Instagram!

OMG, Claudia might be adopted and has to go on a journey of discovery and learn how to use a microfiche machine! Meanwhile, Emily Michelle is… basically fine, actually. On today's agenda: science disappointments; the grammar skull; award ceremony trauma; fair pricing for witch labour; nobody in this book cares about data protection; phonetics phun phacts; casually swinging by the doctor's office for some blood; not how cookies work; a run on the relics. Our theme song is "The Incredible Shrinking Larry" by Matt Oakley; "Big Band Jingle A" is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, and come say hi on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr or Instagram!

OMG, Dawn And Mary Anne are officially sisters! In a shocking, unforeseen twist, it turns out that sometimes sisters have fights, exactly like last episode! But fear not, Dawn's going to fix everything through the life-changing magic of gaslighting. On today's agenda: HIPAA for podcasters; cutlery-drawer degeneracy; further research in the field of cake science; we use the phrase “passive-aggressive” a record number of times; the Shame Room; the Pikes invent mask mandates; a wholesome Charlie Thomas fanfic; Dawn commits sock crimes; gratuitous Ronald Reagan references; traumatic phone bill experiences; safe, sane and consensual spring cleaning; we pray for a shiny red reset button. Our theme song is "The Incredible Shrinking Larry" by Matt Oakley, and "Big Band Jingle A" is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, and come say hi on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr or Instagram!

OMG, Mary Anne's dad is marrying Dawn's mom and the girls are going to be sisters! In an unrelated development, we learn that sometimes siblings have fights! On today's agenda: completely imaginary cat drama; some baffling allegations; Karen Brewer must be stopped; subtle Laura Ashley product placement; the worst board game ever; a really super salad; conflict resolution through the medium of homewares; Gozzie Kunka is a citizen of the world; plus-fours are due for a comeback, you heard it here first. Our theme song is "The Incredible Shrinking Larry" by Matt Oakley and "Big Band Jingle A" is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, and come say hi on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr or Instagram!

OMG, the babysitters are going on a winter vacation! Kristy breaks a boy's ankle, we get short-changed on a ghost plot, Stacey wears the face off some guy, and the less said about Jessi's plot the better. On today's agenda: the Mallorys are a hardy folk; all babysitters and no Logan make Mary Anne go something something; we stan the Flugelmeister; great moments in theatrical history, starring Esther and Karen; terrible moments in talent show history, starring Davina; Ashley Wyeth gets a contractually required cameo; everyone's desperately trying to make ‘vacation historian' a thing; PE punishments that backfire; the 1989 vaudeville boom; heteronormativity cures everything. Our theme song is "The Incredible Shrinking Larry" by Matt Oakley and "Big Band Jingle A" is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, and come say hi on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr or Instagram!

OMG, Mallory's found a mystery diary and she has a lot of thoughts about it! Stacey's house might be haunted, or not, whatever, and Buddy Barrett's learning about the Magic Of Archie Comics. Meanwhile, Karen's got some bonus content for you all and is real angry at her 12-year-old self. On today's agenda: an MBA in embezzling; how long it actually takes to zone out and narrate Chapter 2; how to train your dragon to seize the means of production; who needs bogeymen when you have New Yorkers?; the gigantic Pike hand curse; a school field trip for the ages; building literacy skills via Attack On Titan; urgent updates on Sir Walter Scott; Kristy gets even more problematic than usual; Scholastic cuts their old man character budget; an abundance of Jareds; Charlotte Johansson has unique, profound insights; white male mediocrity saves the day. Our theme song is "The Incredible Shrinking Larry" by Matt Oakley, and "Big Band Jingle A" is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, and come say hi on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr or Instagram!

Heavens to Betsy! Old Josiah Crowley promised to leave his fortune to a wide assortment of nice people, then left it to the worst people ever! If only there was a second will that left everything to nice people! Can plucky girl detective Nancy Drew save the day, armed only with advanced boat-repair skills, a vast amount of societal privilege, and a heroic capacity for eavesdropping? Today's hot gossip in River Heights: how to do laundry on the go; exciting new developments in wardrobe technology; a world without professional ethics; hot old men of genre fiction; furniture criminals and teapot heists; a tantalising glimpse of cinnamon cake; the surprising similarities between Nancy Drew and Jack Reacher; exploding boats all the way down. Our theme song is "Jazzy Detective" by John Bartmann and "Big Band Jingle A" is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, and come say hi on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr or Instagram!

OMG, Stacey's parents are breaking up! Will she move back to Stoneybrook and rejoin the BSC? It's completely impossible to know. A real nail-biter. The suspense is KILLING us. But more importantly, Alan Gray has an absolutely GLORIOUS hat. On today's agenda: the all-important sophistication hierarchy; how to tell if your baby is a Communist; tfw you can't leave New York because you need to keep an eye on your embezzlement business; a passionate encounter with a sexy cabinet-maker; how to watch TV while remaining virtuous; beloved family comedy Rosemary's Baby; everyone else's parents are still madly in love, sorry Stace; upsetting facts about donkeys; the decadence of giant novelty aspirin; being gay, doing extremely small crimes; a clique-based economy; the Pikes do their bit to keep property prices affordable; cardboard box mooching etiquette; the semiotics of sequins continue to baffle us; top-notch nephew adventures. Our theme song is "The Incredible Shrinking Larry" by Matt Oakley and "Big Band Jingle A" is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, and come say hi on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr or Instagram!

OMG, Jessi's babysitting an extremely minor celebrity! Also, she gets a bit freaked out about ballet and wonders if the modelling industry would be a less toxic environment. Meanwhile, we review a disappointing nun cemetery. On today's agenda: Jessi absorbs the lingering Stacey vibes; bizarre vinyl collections we have known; we find out too much about esteemed critic AN Wilson; Janine sources regional cakes on the dark web; our beef with Starlight Express fandom continues apace; gymkhana drama; everyone remembers when a dog came into the school; Claudia solves all Derek's problems and gets zero credit for it; spectacularly unethical linguistics research; unforgivable breaches of TV etiquette; upsetting sandwich concepts; an elegy for the prizes in cereal boxes. Our theme song is "The Incredible Shrinking Larry" by Matt Oakley and "Big Band Jingle A" is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, and come say hi on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr or Instagram!

The girls are going to camp! Stacey's catching every disease going, Jessi and Kristy are prioritising revenge through dance, and Mary Anne is exceptionally ready to cut a bitch. We talk about our own camp experiences, DIY piercing techniques, and the etymology of names, because we're cool like that. On today's agenda: spite-based framing narratives; tfw nobody needs your fish knowledge; Ann helpfully invents a new slur; Charlotte Johansson's dark night of the soul; gibbon threat displays; things you don't want to research in the workplace; how to evade bed check and escaped murderers using just a cantaloupe and your wits; Nude Nuns With Big Guns. Our theme song is "The Incredible Shrinking Larry" by Matt Oakley and "Big Band Jingle A" is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, and come say hi on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr or Instagram!

OMG, Tigger's missing! Logan's cranky, his brother is sneezing, and everyone else is loving the drama. Meanwhile, Karen has advice for what to do if your cat gets lost, and Esther has advice for every other problem you might face in your life. On today's agenda: debating the optimal amount of phonetics discussion for a BSC podcast; an aggressive poster campaign; the Mancusis are still very much on their bullshit; Squirt Ramsay is a self-esteem king; important safety advice for time-travelling to the 90s; degenerate uses for Monopoly money; STONEYBROOK NOIR IS BACK YOU GUYS; the allergens are coming from inside the house; the Bradford Court surveillance state; terrible date night activities. Our theme song is "The Incredible Shrinking Larry" by Matt Oakley and "Big Band Jingle A" is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, and come say hi on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr or Instagram!

Omg, it's Mother's Day! Kristy's celebrating with illegal daycare, her mom and Watson are celebrating with a very questionable surprise adoption, and everyone's a bit sad about Mary Anne's mother being dead, but not THAT sad. On today's agenda: full-on, balls-to-the-wall babysitting; faces are hard; monkey-level physics; bad gift epiphanies; Aoife the tragic Victorian orphan; the avocado curse; horrifying 1980s smoothie trends; the woke bae dads of Stoneybrook; a brief respite from the crushing grind of the capitalist patriarchy; some dude who lifts; a bona fide RUDE WORD; Karen and her Lovecraftian monstrosities; that one time when everyone's parents got mad into sumo. Our theme song is "The Incredible Shrinking Larry" by Matt Oakley and "Big Band Jingle A" is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, and come say hi on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr or Instagram!

Dawn goes to California! She has a lovely time! Turns out Californians are laid-back but also very judgy about food and bright colours, and they lack the vicious business instincts of Connecticuters. Meanwhile, we get violently nostalgic for air travel and warm weather. Also, Karen would like it to be known that that one line about the doctor is actually a quote from Hamilton and not just her being randomly disgusting. On today's agenda: DAWN IS A FREAKIN' BAT PERSON YOU GUYS; avoid a traumatic divorce with this one weird trick; some lingering X-Files-based resentment; the Swedish delegation at the blonde convention; a truly baffling makeup concept that thankfully didn't catch on; tfw you think you might die in a plane crash but in a good way; Disneyland is the best and we should all go there; social and epidemiological pitfalls of small-town swinging; a better grade of tiny misogynist; second child naming protocols; an emergency more important than spinach lasagna, if you can believe such a thing. Our theme song is "The Incredible Shrinking Larry" by Matt Oakley and "Big Band Jingle A" is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive. “Hep Cats” is by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com), licensed under Creative Commons By Attribution 3.0 License.   If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, and come say hi on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr or Instagram!

Happy Halloween, everyone! Kristy's trapped in a haunted mansion due to underfunded local infrastructure! Also, there's a lot of scrapbooking and a trip to a fabric shop, which makes Esther very happy. On today's agenda: making chaos work for you; reasonably sized haunted mansions; an important PSA about your old cassette tapes; we finally take an editorial position on Dan Quayle; the triumphant return of Kristy Noir; Jamie Newton confronts his own mortality; unrealistic expectations of archival research; Hurricane Ophelia or GTFO; pizza topping scapegoats; a criminal waste of Chekhovian servants' bells; primary sources for DAYS; kisses vs burgers; dying of spleen; turns out the real ghost was the patriarchy all along. Our theme song is "The Incredible Shrinking Larry" by Matt Oakley and "Big Band Jingle A" is by Lobo Loco, both on Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, and come say hi on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr or Instagram!

The Mancusis have too many pets, and Jessi's babysitting all of them! Meanwhile, Kristy's in beast mode again, Mary Anne's a liability, Dawn's learning to swear, and we contemplate getting a horrible Boomer parrot. Also, we complain extensively about Mrs Braddock but we actually meant Mrs Barrett, so, uh, sorry about that. On today's agenda: Chekhov's fat hamster; things the Queen wears; a heartening show of solidarity against Kristy; suspicious levels of DustBuster visibility; lessons in hamster husbandry; fond memories of the world's sketchiest pet shop; NEW ELECTIONS; home hairdressing disasters and the thongs of faces; merry japes and medieval drolleries. Our theme song is "The Incredible Shrinking Larry" by Matt Oakley and "Big Band Jingle A" is by Lobo Loco, both on Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, and come say hi on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr or Instagram!

aka I Think, Therefore I Mall Mallory's babysitting the Arnold twins! But more importantly, earrings earrings earrings earrings and, in conclusion, earrings. On today's agenda: Twins With Threatening Auras; the only Pike rule; David Michael gets into highbrow manga; Mary Anne uses SHOCKING ADULT LANGUAGE; a veritable orgy of earring-giving; Byron gets all the personality traits; they try to make “malling” happen; canonical groans; trans-Neptunian objects or GTFO; singles bars and whether they are a thing; tracksuits all the way down; actual fucking clogs; manifesting the makeover of your dreams. Our theme song is "The Incredible Shrinking Larry" by Matt Oakley and "Big Band Jingle A" is by Lobo Loco, both on Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, and come say hi on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr or Instagram!

Kristy's Krushers make their first appearance! And so do Bart's Bashers, ugh. Kristy is her best self for once, we refuse to know anything about baseball, Jackie Rodowsky is not particularly disastrous, Watson is the wholesome content we need, and Ann M. Martin is too tired for a B-plot, which at this point is fair enough. On today's agenda: it's all baseball, for the love of God don't @us; Kristy experiments with heterosexuality; Sam and Charlie's secret shame; the douchebro Punnet square; the IRA rounders league; DENTAL HORROR; O'Neills we have worn and loved; Karen learns an important thing about the Super Bowl; Nicky Pike's elegant revenge; getting those sick gains with David Michael; the tribulations of being 5.8; Shannon's new pastime; the insurance application scenes that got tragically cut; Jackie Rodowsky's dark night of the soul; the long-awaited debut of California Casual. Our theme song is "The Incredible Shrinking Larry" by Matt Oakley on the Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, and come say hi on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr or Instagram!

aka Do You Want MRSA? Because That's How You Get MRSA Claudia babysits local demon-child Betsy Sobak, and gets a broken leg for her trouble, so the BSC do the obvious thing and set out to demolish Betsy psychologically. There's no B-plot, unless you count Kristy's sudden obsession with wearing food. Karen hallucinates a version of this book where everyone behaves sensibly and it's over by chapter 4. Pull up a patch of floor and remember to claim your expenses. Today's agenda includes: critical ethnographic research, live on the air; fond slime memories; the Pikes vs. the pandemic; an urgent appeal for Vines; red-hot pen inventor slashfic action; what adults REALLY do for fun; more fun times at the Kishi house; Mary Anne's patented solution to everything; things Kristy should not google; things our listeners should not google; The Joy Of Physics, fully illustrated and uncensored; hilariously far-fetched scenarios to threaten your tween with. Our theme song is "The Incredible Shrinking Larry" by Matt Oakley on the Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, and come say hi on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr or Instagram!

Stacey invites the gang up to the big city to answer that age-old question: what if illegal daycare, but in New York? Everyone (except Kristy, surprisingly!) is terrible, Ann M. Martin teaches us the true meaning of New York, and we explain the concept of the Harmonicaverse. You're welcome. (If you don't speak German, we're sorry for rambling in German, and if you do speak German, we're even more sorry for our terrible German.) Today's agenda includes: tactical jeggings; the authentic New York murder experience; 843 acres of fun; the Parable Of The Ewe Lamb, updated; Mary Anne's life of crime; an extended discussion of elevator safety; the BSC is weirdly mean about wheat allergies for some reason; Laine's exquisite Broadway revenge; we start another fandom war; Kristy breaks out the Good Turtleneck; Stacey's psychological acumen deserts her; brurnch; being susceptible to gravity is the greatest cringe of all; fun facts about the Dakota building, with one notable exception; unattached hicks from Connecticut; extraordinary dog stunts; an ode to Capel Street; an apology to Jeanne Betancourt. Our theme song is "The Incredible Shrinking Larry" by Matt Oakley on the Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, and come say hi on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr or Instagram!

Mary Anne gets a chain letter and there's mass hysteria! Kristy is her worst self yet again, Cokie and Grace make their long-awaited debut, and we spend a lot of time talking about the extremely weird 1942 movie Cat People. On today's agenda: an urgent PSA about mustard seeds; more unrealistic prank expectations; our many grievances against Wordsworth Classics; the intricacies of sea snake hygiene; Mary Anne friendzones Jesus; Karen commits catural appropriation; badshoe.jpg; Logan has fabric shop anxiety; unconventional man-stealing strategies; we completely fabricate some beef between Ann M. Martin and Judy Blume; shopping for sexy chewing gum costumes; Kristy has definitely found Charlie's weed stash. Our theme song is "The Incredible Shrinking Larry" by Matt Oakley on the Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, and come say hi on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr or Instagram!

Jessi's babysitting Matt Braddock! There's some problematic representation and insufficient wacky hijinks! We learn some outdated stuff about sign language, and invent the greatest ballet of all time. Today's agenda includes: the mandatory ballet teacher accent; we dredge up horrifying memories of rat tails; somebody finally speaks out about the scourge of Fake Geology Girls; testing some highly scientific theories about human biology; Ameslan???; Hilary and Katie Beth want to make ballet great again; delicious liverwurst; Jenny goes full Prezzioso. Our theme song is "The Incredible Shrinking Larry" by Matt Oakley on the Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, and come say hi on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr or Instagram!

The kids of Stoneybrook are doing a beauty pageant and the babysitters are wildly overinvested in it! Meanwhile, we decide which contemporary Irish literary icons we have grudges against (spoiler: it's most of them). Today's agenda includes: a deep dive into traditional joke formats; period-accurate Wild Mountain Thyme fashions; JUSTICE FOR SABRINA BOUVIER; more root vegetable chat; things that make us cry, on a scale of ‘BSC Induction Ceremony' to ‘Christmas Truce'; a guaranteed way to get rid of youths; pumpkin-smashing conspiracy theories; the best talent in the history of talents; the worst euphemism in the history of euphemisms; political theory for five-to-eight-year-olds; the silly phase that never ends. Our theme song is "The Incredible Shrinking Larry" by Matt Oakley on the Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, and come say hi on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr or Instagram!

Mallory joins the BSC! And then promptly unjoins due to a heated disagreement over soy products. Also, we meet Jessi, and the random background characters of Stoneybrook turn out to be suuuuuper racist.  Today's agenda includes: things that are well-intended but clumsily executed; popular misspellings of the word ‘hamster'; anatomy of the divestive, uh, digestive system; wholesome father–son bonding activities; horse girls vs lazy girls; awkward analogies between racism and things that are not as bad as racism; Kristy is, yet again, her worst self; unrealistic expectations of teething; pub quiz top tips; tourniquets are back, baby!; money-making ideas for Sims; what Danes are; charming crimes and farm dad vibes. Our theme song is "The Incredible Shrinking Larry" by Matt Oakley on the Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, and come say hi on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr or Instagram!

Stacey's gonna move away, and then she moves away. The Pikes are wildly xenophobic because it's the Cold War. Also, there is a yard sale! Today's agenda includes: requiem for a Look; Claudia desperately tries to stir up romantic drama for others; our long-awaited editorial stance on Minute Maid; the loathesomeness of the general public; Alison Ritz must die; how bad are roaches, really?; ceremonial cottage cheese and baloney; Mr McGill and his shady business dealings; denim jumpsuits as a metaphor for life. Our theme song is "The Incredible Shrinking Larry" by Matt Oakley on the Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, and come say hi on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr or Instagram!