Turning the Page

Being put to shame is to have comparisons made and to see yourself as being flawed, but a refuge can be found, and hope can be restored.  I could see him withering under a hailstorm of accusations. He had a sexual addiction, and he was trying to stay true, but the pornography found on his cell phone sent his self-righteous friends into overload.  He was being ‘put to shame'  Being ‘put to shame' is to make someone or something seem not good by comparison.    Read the post here Contact Barry here    

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Can you live with a narcissist? Yes, but it might just kill you.   Or it might just starve you from savouring life to the fullest. One of the most interesting quotes I have come across about stress is this one from French journalist Jean-Louis Servan-Schreiber What I fear most about stress is not that it kills, but that it prevents one from savouring life. Jean-Louis Seven-Schreiber

I want to pray, but don't know how. How to Pray for a Narcissist. It begins with honesty. It prays for light.    Can a Narcissist change?  That's a question many people ask.    Read this post  About Barry Pearman  Signup to email newsletter ✉️ Contact Barry Direct 

What does perfect narcissism look like? We can see it in the evil of Satan.    I read a list the other day about the characteristics of those with narcistic personality disorder. Grandiose Sense of Self-Importance: They believe they are superior and special, deserving of exceptional treatment and recognition. Exploitative Behavior: They manipulate and take advantage of others to get what they want, often without remorse or guilt.  Arrogance and Conceit: They often come across as arrogant and boastful, displaying a sense of superiority. Difficulty Handling Criticism: They react negatively to any perceived criticism, becoming defensive and angry.  Preoccupation with Success and Power: They are often fixated on fantasies of success, power, brilliance, or beauty. Entitlement: An unreasonable expectation of favorable treatment and special privileges, believing they deserve more than others.  Lack of Empathy: Difficulty understanding or sharing the feelings of others, often dismissing or invalidating their emotions.  Need for Admiration and Attention: A constant craving for praise, validation, and attention from others, often seeking it through manipulation or grandstanding. Envy: Experiencing envy of others or believing that others are envious of them. Unwillingness to Accept Responsibility: Blaming others for their mistakes or failures, rather than taking accountability for their actions. I think I could add an eleventh characteristic and this comes from those who have been entrapped by a narcissist into a long-term relationship. 11. An Attractive mask: They have such a beautiful, alluring presence to them that it's not until you're deep into a relationship with them that you are able to see behind the facade.   Read more here

There is a God-shaped hole in me. A narcissism entrancement holds me, but I can break the spell when I invite Jesus into the void.   There once was an Australian sitcom that I used to watch. It was called Kath and Kim.  The two central characters were Kath, the mother, and her daughter Kim. In the series, there was a line repeatedly said from mother to daughter.  Look at me Look at me Look at moi (‘me', but in a deepening lengthy tone) Kath would say these words to get her daughter's attention.   Read this post  About Barry Pearman  Signup to email newsletter ✉️ Contact Barry Direct 

I worry about what's ahead, but I have a shepherd who prepares a table before me, so I wait, trust and see.     A friend recently sent a job offering to me.  It was to come to a town called Echuca in Victoria Australia and be a snake catcher.  Yes, you read it right. Snake catcher.  My friend works in a local school as a caretaker and part of his job is to make sure the school grounds and buildings are safe for the children.  So he regularly is on the lookout for snakes. He clears away areas that snakes might want to live in. Nets and fences are installed to stop snakes from entering the school grounds.  He prepares a safe place for little children. I like this illustration. It's a picture of providential care.  Have you ever had someone prepare somewhere safe for you?  Say you are going to visit Aunt Mildred and you're going to stay the night.  She will most likely prepare in advance.  She may make the bed, prepare some food, and get rid of any snakes! (especially if you live in Australia) When you arrive, you are welcomed into what they have prepared. You may feel a little embarrassed by the fuss they have put into this welcome.  But you feel cared for, loved, and welcomed.

Worries, fears, and anxieties can all bring us to a place where we pray ‘I'm anxious God' but there is hope. I went to see my Doctor the other day for my routine checkup. ‘Anxiety'? he questioned. I replied ‘No, everything is fine there' Read this post here

The first time I heard the Polish proverb “Not my circus, not my monkeys” I felt quite shocked, but digging deeper, I understood what they were saying.  I heard it said by a husband about his wife.  It felt callous.  It felt cold and I still think it was.  That he would not want to help engage with the struggles she was facing.  To say “Not my circus, not my monkeys” is to declare that you don't want to be dragged into the drama of the other person's issues—that you're not getting involved.  I get the boldness of the statement, and the need at times to be quite cold and confrontational. Some people seem to want to pass on the drama of their own life to others.     Read the post here  Contact Barry here   Keep Turning the Page alive with a donation 

It's ok to build a wall. It's ok to have boundaries. Just don't make it a prison cell. Don't make it a place of self-made solitary confinement

She crossed a line with her words, a line that was getting thinner with every wag of the tongue, but what could be done to help them both?     It was the evening of the very first day of the year (2025). A beautiful summer's day here in New Zealand. But in this quiet, I suddenly heard screaming and yelling. Every second word was the F word. I looked down the road and saw a very large man woman and a man on the pavement. He was kneeling on the ground in front of her. It was almost like he was praying/ begging in front of her. She was towering above him and shouting at him. Words and more ‘F's'. More words, more ‘F's'. It was violence. Verbal violence.   Read the post here  Contact Barry here   Keep Turning the Page alive with a donation 

We give and give, even if it does us harm, but what if learned the limits and established a line?   Read the post here  Contact Barry here   Keep Turning the Page alive with a donation

Our minds can be so busy, but learning how to stop is so crucial to our wellbeing. Perhaps centering prayer offers some help.  I was watching a two-year-old boy the other day. He was full on in active mode. Walking here and there, playing with this and that. But his mother knew what was coming. He was going to come to a stop. A little but grumpy, a little more wanting cuddles, a little more rubbing eyes. She picked him up, took him to his bed, and a few moments later, he was asleep. All that activity and the changes going on in his growing body resulted in the need for a nap. Slowing down and stopping is essential for anyone at any age. We think we might miss out, there is so much to do, but stopping is essential for deep soul work to be done. How are you at stopping? Does the anxious mind demand resolution? Does the depressed place long for a friend? How can I still my mind? How can I come to a stop?  Read more here 

We can feel alone, but to have someone there with us helps. He watches over me even in the dark of the night.   It's the comfort of having someone there. I know of a young man that has trouble getting to sleep. At times one of his parents has slept on a mattress next time. It's that assurance, that sense of presence, that knowing that they are not alone.   Read more here

Restless nights, anxious thoughts, and a longing for sleep, but it alludes us. ‘God, give me sleep' you pray   I've had times in my life where getting to sleep has been difficult. At other times, I would wake during the night and not be able to get back to sleep. Sleep is so variable, isn't it?   read more here Registar for class here

Christmas can have dark shadows, but what if God came close? God can provide a comfort at Christmas.    As I write this, I think of someone I know that has had a death in their family. It's a loss, a grief, a tearing of relationship. Christmas. Will it be a place of comfort for them? There will be shadows. Memories and moments of grief. I am praying for them that they would sense a comfort at Christmas that passes beyond understanding. What's Christmas like for you?   Read more here  Contact Barry here Keep Turning the Page alive with a donation

Hope and mental health. They seem quite linked, but what helps them both to dance together well?   I recently had a picture pop into my head. It was a headstone, in a cemetery, and engraved into the old tired stone was the name of the deceased – Hope. Not a person's name, but more the concept of hope. That things might get better. Hope had died, was buried, was gone, and had left the building. Read more here  Contact Barry here Keep Turning the Page alive with a donation

You need better boundaries. How many have said this to you? How about a better knowing of yourself first? #boundaries Better boundaries come from the inside out Three types of boundaries 1. Imposed boundaries. 2. Adopted boundaries. 3. Internalised Owned boundaries.   Read this post https://turningthepage.co.nz/better-boundaries/

I want to stir you up. Not to stir up anger or trouble. Actually, quite the opposite, but to love and good works. So often I hear in people a tiredness, a lethargy, even a complete deadness to something that sits resident within their souls. Maybe they have been put down, criticised, mocked, or ignored. They might have shared something deep, but it wasn't listened to well.   Read more here Send me an email barry@turningthepage.co.nz Give a donation of $3US 

We carry so much load, but what if we were unburdened? Perhaps the donkey might learn to dance light and free.   It's an image that tells a story. The story of a heavy laden down camel carrying a load of straw and the little proverb 'the final straw that broke the camel's back' It's the load. The burden. It's the feather. The weight, awkwardness, and struggle that eventually takes one out. What are you carrying? What weighs upon your thinking and bends upon your back?   Read this post https://turningthepage.co.nz/unburdened-from-what-has-been/

We all have problems, but we can over-personalise them. But the problem is the problem. The problem is not the person.   Read this post https://turningthepage.co.nz/the-problem-is-the-problem-not-the-person/

Do you find it easier to slide in your thinking to the negative than to the good? I need help and I think you do too. Not so much to keep focusing on the positive, but to keep focused on truth – God's truth, how God sees everything. How you talk about God is how you talk about everything. I need help to balance my brain with a kind of grounded God reality that keeps me running true and straight. Not too much negative that might drag me away and under waves of despair.  

We have obvious problems, but real problems, the ones that drive us to unwell ness, can only be resolved by deep soul work. What's going on underneath? We have problems. Every one reading this will have multiple problems. I just got news from a family member that the biopsies came back negative for cancer. A huge problem has been resolved. Relief floods my soul. Some problems are obvious. I need food for dinner, a home to live in, a job. I need a friend who won't use and abuse me. I need security. They are very real problems.  

You've got nothing left. An empty love tank, weightless and vulnerable. But you want love. Who and what will fill the need? The water tank was empty. I opened up the lid on the tank and immediately I could smell the residue of silt lying on the bottom of the tank. No rain had entered the tank for weeks and slowly the water had drained out until now it was empty. Any water in the tank was dirty, putrid, and vile. I have talked with people who are like this water tank. They have drained their life, emptied their love tank out for the sake of others' needs, and now there is an emptiness. Often there is a bitterness, resentment and a feeling of being used.  

We like to be self-reliant, but at times we need help, so we need a rescue plan.     I got stuck in the mud a few days ago. I had been driving my small truck in the countryside and decided to do a u-turn. I crossed over the road and on to the soil and I got stuck in the mud. I hadn't realised that it was so wet and mucky. I instantly stopped, as I knew that if I kept trying to get out, I would just dig myself in further.   Read further here   Support Turning the Page. Give

Our brains can keep reminding us. ‘My Sin is Ever Before Me' writes the poet, but what if we had a purifier?   Read more here 

I've got too much going on in my life, but I want to keep my life simple, so I discard the complex.   He's a fictional character and I like the freedom he has. His name is Jack reacher and is the creation of Lee Child. Jack Reacher has the life of a nomad. He wanders from town to town and solves problems, generally with a lot of violence. That part is not what I'm keen on, but there is something unique about his life. It's extremely simple. He travels mostly by hitchhiking, and all he carries is an ATM Card and a toothbrush. That's all. If he needs new clothes, he buys them. He doesn't carry a bag or even a cell phone. He is free from all the possessions that we would normally call essential. His possessions don't own him. Sounds good doesn't it? Maybe, but he doesn't have a spouse, girlfriend, kids or relational commitments. It's a simple life, which has an appeal, but it's a life of a loner. Does this appeal to something in you?  Is there something within you that would love to walk away from the complexity of stuff? I've shifted house three times in the last three years and I have got rid of a lot of things. Trailer loads. It's freeing. It's liberating to cut your life down to the minimum. I don't think I will ever get to the ‘Jack Reacher' phase, although I wouldn't mind trying it for a few weeks to see what it would be like.   https://turningthepage.co.nz/keep-my-life-simple/   https://turningthepage.co.nz/writing-that-connects/   https://turningthepage.co.nz/give/  

Being caught in a trap was felt by the poet who wrote ‘The Snares of Death Encompassed Me', but they had a way out.    I was recently watching one of those ‘survival' reality T.V. shows where people are thrown into the wilderness and they have to survive. The show was called ‘Alone' and was in Tasmania, Australia. To survive, they had to catch their own food and build their own shelter, etc. One contestant decided to try to catch a Pademelon which is like a tiny kangaroo. So he made a snare trap  A snare trap is basically a rope noose that, when an animal passes through, it triggers the rope to tighten quickly around the animal and it is caught and can't escape. The hunter can then come and kill the animal. But imagine the sense of being trapped by a rope. A rope that has grabbed you and you can't get free. The more you struggle, the tighter it gets. It might even be a net, and you are knotted into the mesh of the net. Your heart is thumping. You've lost control and freedom. Enter a poet who has been in that place.   read more here Give a donation here 

I need wisdom ointment, but so much ointment contains flies. Wisdom that comes from above, wisdom that is pure and holy.   I was visiting a friend the other day, and she noticed I had some eczema on my hand. It had been there a few days and was slightly irritated and red. She offered to rub some ointment into the skin. I gladly accepted. Touch is a wonderful thing, especially when it regards a skin disease. She gently worked in the ointment and I could feel the pain ease away. I almost teared up because someone had noticed, cared and offered ointment and love. I checked out the tube of ointment she had taken a small dab of ointment from. Looking over the ingredients, I noticed that there were no dead flies in the mix. There were no ‘flies in the ointment' as such. It's a funny litt   le saying, but I think it comes from the wisdom writings of Ecclesiastes. Dead flies make the perfumer's ointment give off a foul odour; so a little folly outweighs wisdom and honour. Ecclesiastes 10:1 The eczema is no longer there, but maybe the touch and the offering of wisdom to pain remains. So I wrote a poem!   Read more here

We all have painful experiences in life, but redeemed pain is more impressive than removed pain. What good can be found within in our pain?   Sometimes I am given a gift voucher. It has no value tangibly in itself. It is but a piece of plastic the size of a credit card. The value lies within what has been loaded onto it. Some kind person has placed a dollar value into its electronic magnetic memory (don't ask me how this works). Then, if I remember that I have this card and the money on it, I can go to a store and ‘redeem' the value of what has been placed on this card. I can exchange the card and receive back something good.  We don't use the word ‘redeem' very much but it comes from the two words re- ‘back' + emere ‘buy'. Redeem means to ‘buy back'.  I present the card and the shop owner buys it back to the value placed on the card. I would like to suggest you have a card in our purse or wallet and on it contains all the painful experiences you have had. Ouch, for some this card would have a lot of weight to it. A lot of energy, grief, pain, loss, anger, resentment, bitterness, etc is locked up in that card. That card is heavy and you carry it around with you everywhere you go. It eats away at us. It changes us. The thinking patterns in our brain are trained by this burden. What can be done with the energy of this pain?   Read more here Give to Turning the Page 

We all have pain and we want the pain to stop, but the pain is telling us something. What if we could identify the pain and stop the suicide slide?    It's pain and we want it to stop. It could be physical pain from body ailments, but it could also be pain coming from traumas past and present. Grief, loss, anger, loneliness, the daily stress load of life that causes us to slump. It's pain. Recently I learned something about pain. For the past year, I've had a sore back. I would take panadol at night to help me sleep. I also went to a physiotherapist and did exercises. All of which helped a little, but not completely. I was living was in a rented cottage on a farm. I had been living and working there for quite a while. But then I got the news in April 2023 that it would be sold. So many unknowns.   read more here 

The practices of your week and day may drain your life, but what practices restore your soul? ‘Oh, that's so good for the soul' Sometimes I hear people say that. Sometimes I say it myself. It's that moment when you feel a restoring of something drained out of you. You feel like your energy tank has been topped up. Often, this comes as a result of a practice or an activity that you do. Practice – something you regularly do. An activity, habit, or custom. What are some practices that restore the soul? What do you do that helps restore your inner life? Read the post here

Life and activity can drain our mental health, but there are places to restore. Take notice and soak in them. There is a place I want to go to. The gardens are beautiful. Full of colour all year round. Fruit trees are full of ripe fruit ready to be eaten. There are beaches sparkling with shells and sand. Fish swim in the sea and there are waves perfect for surfing. The sunrises and sunsets are magical. Soft tender hues changing every minute. The food that is provided is tasty, nutritious, and good. Large tables for abundant parties but also little tables for intimate connections. The beds provided are perfect to sink into and you fall into a deep, secure sleep. Soft music and perfumes fill the air. Your favourite people are there too. Friends, family, soulmates, all enjoying the dance. A place to restore the soul.   Read more here

Some people can help you restore. Some you need to put out of the room. What are six qualities of people that restore the soul? Life can give you a battering at times, but there are some people that seem to be able to come alongside and help you restore. I didn't need advice or problem solving. I didn't want someone to tell me ‘It will be alright.' I simply needed someone to be there. To be a strand of the community nest that I was in. I have lots of people in my life. Most are helpful and supportive. Some I have some firm boundaries around because they can be quite hurtful. But there are some people that, in my darkest moments, when my cup of life has drained out, are the ones that will come and empower me to restore. In this series about restoring the soul, I suggest that there are three ‘P's' needed to restore the soul. The first of these is people.   Read more here

The soul can get completely drained, but what restores the soul? What can bring it back to life? People, places, and practices.  Life can be draining. Too much going or too much has gone on. Now it feels like the energy tank is on ‘E'. Empty, Exhausted and not Enough. You have nothing in reserve and you know that tomorrow will probably be the same. This has become a pattern. You give and give. You know you can't give out of an empty cup, but it feels like the smallest of droplets in the cup are being absorbed away by someone else's tissue paper.   read more here

Are you scared to receive? To receive might just undo a carefully constructed sense of being in control, but little drops of love open the rustiest of doors.  I know someone who is very generous to me. In fact, this website and my ability to get content out is only possible due to their technical wisdom and support. He has a very generous lifestyle. But what is it like to receive when you know you know that you can't respond in like fashion? We live in a very transactional world. You do this for me and so I must do that for you You work so many hours and so here is the financial compensation for the giving of that energy. You do the crime; you do the time You made your bed now you have to sleep on it It's justice and retribution, not mercy and grace Black and White In or out We like it that way because we like straight lines. Fairness, balance, correctness, energy out, energy in. And then someone says ‘I love you' and you have no words to respond.   Read this further here  Sign up for my weekly email full of help for your Mental Health, Faith and Spiritual Formation. FOLLOW ME! Email me: barry@turningthepage.co.nz Website: https://turningthepage.co.nz/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/turningthepage1atatime Twitter: https://twitter.com/barrypearman Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/barry_pearman/ Podcast https://turningthepage.co.nz/podcast-listen-mental-health/ Support Turning the Page with a Donation https://turningthepage.co.nz/give/

Ive had more than enough of being held in contempt, but when I know divine approval, I can rise again.     It was like they were at the bottom of the pecking order and being held there. People had contempt for them. The word ‘contempt' is one we don't often use. To be ‘held in contempt', in a general sense, simply means that a person is despised or strongly disapproved of. I was recently sent this image of what I believe is to be a young girl. What do you see in the image? What is her story? Why is she there? https://turningthepage.co.nz/ive-had-more-than-enough-of-being-held-in-contempt/

The stress load was too much to handle, but they knew what to do, so they took action and calmed the stress load down.   It was just getting too much, and I could feel it in my body. This was the experience from last weekend when I had a very busy social time. Meeting new people, trying out new things, and so much change that my introvert self was longing for seclusion, or to simply have some quiet time with just one person. I withdrew a little, had a break, and now my cup has been restored. The important thing was that I recognised this, was able to communicate my needs, and give myself self care. What stresses you? What fills your cup and what drains it? Do you know when the stress load is too much or it's getting near its ‘camel straw' breaking point? I know you're not a camel. Camels never read my blog posts, but as the saying goes ‘It's the final straw that breaks the camel's back' So how is your back? What sized load are you carrying and what could be a final straw?   https://turningthepage.co.nz/when-the-stress-is-too-much/

The cold wind of rejection can bite deep, but we are not alone. God knows rejection and can give us perspective and a new home of acceptance.  I don't think there is such a cold wind as the wind of rejection. I don't want you in my life. You're not welcome here. Go away. I've seen someone, who I thought was a friend, turn their whole body to look another way to avoid any form of connection. Rejection is a saying you're not worthy of my connection. That you don't matter. Where have you felt the cutting wind of rejection? I know you will have because it's part of the fabric of our humanity. But how do you handle it? What have you learned? How much rejection have you faced into?   Read more here  Sign up to newsletter here  

We build walls; we build personas, but are we weak enough to receive truth into our innermost being? That is where strength comes out from weakness. I don't want to be weak. I don't to be known as someone who has nothing to give. I want to move into my world and make a difference. Much male depression I have found has a strong link to a sense of unfulfilment. A kind of soul impotency. There being no deeply meaningful imprint of a man's life on the world around him, whether it be his spouse, his family, his career. Much female depression is linked to an invisibility or a hiding of one's beauty. ‘Nothing to see here, walk on by, no ‘God delight' to be shown here.' I don't want to be weak, so I flex my muscles, show whose boss, prance and pretend ‘I'm a real man.' I don't want to be weak so I will be in control, take charge, but let no one inside. But often we need to come to a place of absolute weakness to be vulnerable enough to receive. How are you with weakness? Recently I have had someone open a door in my life that I didn't know existed. It felt vulnerable, but also strangely safe. I can't even put a label on that door. But as it opened, I knew that something good wanted to come out.   Read this further here Sign up for my weekly email full of help for your Mental Health, Faith and Spiritual Formation. FOLLOW ME! Email me: barry@turningthepage.co.nz Website: https://turningthepage.co.nz/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/turningthepage1atatime Twitter: https://twitter.com/barrypearman Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/barry_pearman/ Podcast https://turningthepage.co.nz/podcast-listen-mental-health/ Support Turning the Page with a Donation https://turningthepage.co.nz/give/

There comes a time and a place when you say, ‘I don't need this in my life anymore. That you have options. You are worthy of more than this.   It had gone on too long and what was actually abnormal had now become the norm. She had been morphed into a reality that was never meant to be. He had been entranced by some musical flute to follow a fool's dance tune. But then a reality lightbulb flicked on. Not a massive lightbulb that you would use to light an entire room, it was more one of those little bulbs you find in a small penlight torch. It began to glow steady and strong in the soul. She couldn't put it out. He didn't want to extinguish it. But the light grew and grew stronger and stronger until it was so strong that it could not be ignored or turned off. That light could have various names. Pick one or two that suit. You're worth more than this You don't need this in your life There is something better than this Their dance dirge doesn't have to be yours Self care is not selfishness Addiction, to anything, doesn't have to dominate With the right help, with millimetre steps, change can blossom and grow She walked out of the marriage. He sort out better friends. A distaste, even a revulsion, grew in her for the drink, the drugs, the lies, the sex. He left his job of convenience, safe and boringingly secure. She left the porn addiction knowing in-to-me-see (intimacy) needed risk if it was to be real. He lost his taste for boring mincemeat T.V. and wrote poetry until dawn. She took a pair of scissors to the credit card. He sold his ‘pride and joy' classic car and looked to the curves of his wife. It wasn't easy. It was hard, hard, hard. Scarey single tightrope hard, but actually the first little steps weren't as bad as expected. Read this further here Sign up for my weekly email full of help for your Mental Health, Faith and Spiritual Formation. FOLLOW ME! Email me: barry@turningthepage.co.nz Website: https://turningthepage.co.nz/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/turningthepage1atatime Twitter: https://twitter.com/barrypearman Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/barry_pearman/ Podcast https://turningthepage.co.nz/podcast-listen-mental-health/ Support Turning the Page with a Donation https://turningthepage.co.nz/give/

The world is full of words, but how many do we miss because they need to be heard? There is something about audio. I have books. Lots of them. Books have filled my life for a long time. From an early age, I had an insatiable appetite for reading. The earliest books I remember were about Biggles, a World War One wartime pilot. Then transitioning on to large classic doorstops such as ‘Lord of the Rings', ‘The Count of Monte Cristo' or ‘Les Misérables'. Great books. Classic Books. Books that have shaped the world. If you want to fully get swept along in the story, forget popcorn movie versions. Read them, or deep dive into the audio version for richness of language. There is something about audio. Good audio read by orators that have trained their voice to linger long on some words and rush over others can take the brain into the very scene with an imaginative magic. Oh yes, and then there is music! Can music be read? Yes, you can read music, but it was always meant to be heard and absorbed into the soul like a sound wave washing on a shore.   Read this further here Sign up for my weekly email full of help for your Mental Health, Faith and Spiritual Formation. FOLLOW ME! Email me: barry@turningthepage.co.nz Website: https://turningthepage.co.nz/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/turningthepage1atatime Twitter: https://twitter.com/barrypearman Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/barry_pearman/ Podcast https://turningthepage.co.nz/podcast-listen-mental-health/ Support Turning the Page with a Donation https://turningthepage.co.nz/give/

 It takes energy to hold a closed hand, but with gentle movement, we find an open hand. In openness, we both give and receive.   A few years ago, I noticed that my right hand was often clenched tight into a fist. Not a fighting fist, but more a fist that was anxious and tense. I would wake at night to find my hand closed and bound up tight. I think the body at times reflects in posture what is going on internally in the soul. It was my closed hand that was speaking something to me about my inner world. So I began to consciously choose to open my hand. To relax the muscles, allow the energy that was tight and bound up to soften and seep away. Then I considered if I am living a life that is open-handed to others. To being generous and also being vulnerable. Or am I being tight, keeping it all in and to myself?   Read this further here Sign up for my weekly email full of help for your Mental Health, Faith and Spiritual Formation. FOLLOW ME! Email me: barry@turningthepage.co.nz Website: https://turningthepage.co.nz/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/turningthepage1atatime Twitter: https://twitter.com/barrypearman Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/barry_pearman/ Podcast https://turningthepage.co.nz/podcast-listen-mental-health/ Support Turning the Page with a Donation https://turningthepage.co.nz/give/

Read this further here Sign up for my weekly email full of help for your Mental Health, Faith and Spiritual Formation. FOLLOW ME! Email me: barry@turningthepage.co.nz Website: https://turningthepage.co.nz/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/turningthepage1atatime Twitter: https://twitter.com/barrypearman Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/barry_pearman/ Podcast https://turningthepage.co.nz/podcast-listen-mental-health/ Support Turning the Page with a Donation https://turningthepage.co.nz/give/

We often question ‘Am I on the right path' but learning to hear the shepherd's voice gives us an assurance to know and trust the good shepherd.   Read this further here Sign up for my weekly email full of help for your Mental Health, Faith and Spiritual Formation. FOLLOW ME! Email me: barry@turningthepage.co.nz Website: https://turningthepage.co.nz/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/turningthepage1atatime Twitter: https://twitter.com/barrypearman Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/barry_pearman/ Podcast https://turningthepage.co.nz/podcast-listen-mental-health/ Support Turning the Page with a Donation https://turningthepage.co.nz/give/

Recently, I have been listening to the audiobook version of Surprised by Joy: The Shape of My Early Life by C.S. Lewis. I like to listen to audio books and podcasts as I do my gardening work. This book is a memoir or autobiography of C.S. Lewis' early life. If you want to get to know someone, explore their early life and come to understand what has shaped them. He writes this. I am a product of long corridors, empty sunlit rooms, upstairs indoor silences, attics explored in solitude, distant noises of gurgling cisterns and pipes, and the noise of wind under the tiles. Also, of endless books. C.S. Lewis. Two sentences. One long and one short takes us to those elements that, when multiplied together, have produced a C.S. Lewis. We could put it this way. Long corridors x empty sunlit rooms x upstairs indoor silences x attics explored in solitude x distant noises of gurgling cisterns and pipes x and the noise of wind under the tiles. x endless books = C.S. Lewis Of course, there are many other influences or factors that have gone into the shaping or the product. In the book, he talks about his parents, being an atheist, life in the trenches of World War One, relationships and many other things. But what is interesting to me is that he sums up himself as a product of the environs he found himself in. These are places where we can go to ourselves. We know what a long corridor looks like. Empty sunlit rooms have a certain feel to them. Attics, those places you go with a torch and have to brush away cobwebs, have a sense of adventure and hiddenness. For some, the thought of ‘endless books' might be overwhelming and even repulsive, but for someone like C.S. Lewis it would have been like sitting down to a banquet. From all these factors being multiplied, we have probably the deepest and most profound theological writing of the 20th century. We have the beauty of Narnia and the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. The depth of Mere Christianity and wit of Screwtape Letters. You are the product of If you were to write a paragraph containing 36 words that described the factors that have shaped you, what would you write? The mind has a negative bias. It can so easily drift to the traumas, the hurts, and disappointments. C.S. Lewis had plenty of those. Instead, look to the environments that you inhabited. Where you immersed your time and felt most comfortable in. You may find hints in the environments that your parents embraced or took you to. I am a product of I was rummaging through some old photos the other day and I came across this photo taken of me in my early twenties. I am sitting on a hill, which was above my family home, on our farm just outside of Wellsford. It's a summer's day. I have my guitar, and I am looking out over the countryside and sheep are in the background. I can't remember what I was playing. Probably something from John Denver! – Country roads, take me home … But in this one image, I think I capture many of the environmental factors that shaped me. I am a product of the outdoors, warm summer breezes, musical notes, solitude and silence. Soil, sheep, pastoral care and animal husbandry. The small things inhabiting the large and conversations with earthy depth.  Not as eloquent as C.S. Lewis, but you get the idea. Why is this important? We often come to times when we ask the deeper questions. Places of decision where we question our purpose. In these times, it's healthy to reflect on the environments that have shaped the deeper parts of you. Are there patterns and places where you most feel ‘at home' in? What are the environments that have gone into shaping the ‘product' you are? How do these reflections inform the choices you are about to make?   Questions?  Comments? Email me 

I want to forget some things. But does God forget? Does God choose not to remember and if so, how does this help me heal? I once visited the ancient ruins of Olympia, Greece. The tour guide told me that in the entrance to the athletic stadium there were once pillars and inscribed on them were the names of people who had cheated in their events. Not only that, but alongside the athletes' name was the name of the town they came from. It was a simple message of shame and guilt for all the world to see. The athlete and the town now had a reputation. What would it be like to have your crimes and sin etched in stone for all the world to see? Who would be your friend when everything about you was exposed and known? Maybe only someone who has experienced the same level of humiliation and exposure. I forget I would like to forget some events in my life. Things that people have done to me and also things I have done to others. I seem to be able to forget my shopping list, where I put my keys, and what I had for dinner last week. But it's harder, much harder, to forget what seems to have been etched into my heart. Those etchings have seemingly formed and shaped my life from an early age. The bumps and bruises have pushed me this way and that. Talk to anyone at a deep level and before long, we discover how early life events have forged deep and long-lasting conclusions. It takes time to rewire some of those early childhood conclusions. Over the top, generous, grace-filled time. But all of those events, good and bad, must be stored up in some cosmically vast data bank somewhere. Matter doesn't just simply disappear. I wonder if God forgets any of it. Does God forget? I don't believe God forgets anything. That might frighten you because you've had experiences where people have dragged up past events to use as some sort of evidence against you. Instead, you would much rather those events to be forgotten and done away with. But what if God recorded everything? The good, bad, joys, struggles, triumphs and the simply plain boring stuff of life. All recorded without any judgment of right or wrong. It's simply there as a recorded event. Oh, yes, and it's not just your stuff, it's everyone else's too! You can see the entire story of everything – AND I MEAN EVERYTHING. But we, in our humanness, have a bias towards the negative. We have a velcro tenacity to hold on to the bad and be teflon slippery to the good. The brain is like Velcro for negative experiences, but Teflon for positive ones. [This] shades “implicit memory”–your underlying expectations, beliefs, action strategies, and mood–in an increasingly negative direction. Rick Hanson. I would suggest that many of us, deep down, think God has a similar mindset bias. That God holds on to our list of sins and is ready to throw it all back in our faces, whilst negating any good. This progresses on to the view of God that God is ‘checking a list to see who's been naughty or nice cause Santa God is coming to town.' Wipe the slate clean One of the earliest writing tools we had as humans was slate. In 18th- and 19th-century schools, slate was extensively used for blackboards and individual writing slates, for which slate or chalk pencils were used (wiki). From this use of slate, we have the phrase ‘To wipe the slate clean' which means to wipe away all the old stuff and to start anew. In fact, here in New Zealand, we have the clean slate scheme as part of our legal system. God has an even better scheme. God says this. I am He who wipes the slate clean and erases your wrongdoing. I will not call to mind your sins anymore. Isaiah 43:25 Other versions of the Bible put it differently. “I—yes, I alone—will blot out your sins for my own sake and will never think of them again.” Isaiah 43:25  I, I am He     who blots out your transgressions for my own sake,     and I will not remember your sins. Isaiah 43:25 God chooses to not drag up the past and to hold it against you. God is capable of regurgitating all the muck and mess of your life, but because God is love and has a reputation of love to ‘kept up' as such, chooses not to remember. A ‘choosing to not remember', is vastly different from a ‘forgetting', which is a very human thing to do. Holding on or handing over? Why do we keep holding on to hurts? Why do we find it so hard to forgive ourselves and others? I think these hurts can become like little thorns digging into the psyche. Poking, prodding, and causing us pain. These little thorns grow into giant splinters, digging into every area of our life. We compensate by avoiding certain topics or people because we know that will set the whole firewood pile ablaze and burn up everything and everyone around us. But we hold on to it because someone has to pay. We can't let them go because we believe someone has to pay. It's a debt and debts have to be paid. We are the bookkeeper and everything is recorded for future reference in a court of law where we are judge, jury, and executioner. Handing over of the pain and the memory to God is a risky business because you never quite know what God might do with it. God may well not do what you want or think God should do (think of the story of Jonah). It's a process too. The brain wants to keep us going back to the old and familiar. But with grace filled prayer, it slowly changes and lets its grip slip away. God holds all, knows all, and is full of justice, mercy, and grace. Can you hand over those memories into safe and all knowing hands? God forgives and chooses not to remember. Can we do the same? Can we give over to God a memory that haunts and holds us tight? To say ‘I will never forgive …' is to say ‘I will never be free.' What's takes more energy to maintain? A clenched fist or an open palm? Can we trust God to clean us from things that hold us back? If we say that we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and refusing to accept the truth. But if we confess our sins to him, he can be depended on to forgive us and to cleanse us from every wrong. And it is perfectly proper for God to do this for us because Christ died to wash away our sins. 1 John 1:8-9   Questions?  Comments? Email me 

We don't want trouble, but when Jesus says ‘You Will Have Trouble', there must be something to help us through.  There are some promises I would like God not to keep. I'm not sure if you can still get them or not, but you used to be able to buy a little box and in it there would be little pieces of paper with a scripture on written on it. They were called promise boxes. Each day, or whenever you needed a little boost, you would randomly pull out a verse and see what ‘promise' God was giving you today. I wonder if in that little box they had the promise ‘You will have trouble.' How would you feel if you pulled out those words?   Read this further here Sign up for my weekly email full of help for your Mental Health, Faith and Spiritual Formation. FOLLOW ME! Email me: barry@turningthepage.co.nz Website: https://turningthepage.co.nz/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/turningthepage1atatime Twitter: https://twitter.com/barrypearman Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/barry_pearman/ Podcast https://turningthepage.co.nz/podcast-listen-mental-health/ Support Turning the Page with a Donation https://turningthepage.co.nz/give/

It can feel very lonely when we don't experience love. A sense of abandonment. To know that ‘I am loved' is like the permanent embrace of presence.  To be loved and know it deeply is, I think, the quest of every heart. According to early Church writer Paul, it is the greatest of all. When you know you're loved, there is a sense you are held and known. There is a completeness to who you are. But, in all honesty, the love most of us have experienced is like store-bought tomatoes. These tomatoes are seemingly perfect. Round, red, and full of juice. They may even have a label to make sure you know that it's a tomato. We buy them, use them, feel we know what a tomato is like and all is well in our tomato world. I never buy shop tomatoes because once you've tasted a REAL TOMATO you'll never go back.   What I mean by a real tomato is one that has been grown in soil, under the heat of the sun, fed with organic fertilisers and simply allowed to grow at its own pace. I simply can't explain the difference, but I will try. The flavours are powerful and strong. There isn't much juice because it's all flesh. They are beautiful to look at and watch as they ripen. I regularly give away some of my tomatoes. I ask people to enjoy the difference. To slowly, even mindfully, eat the tomato. Why am I talking about tomatoes? What's the connection to love? Love Tasting We all have had tastings of love. It might be a romantic relationship. Perhaps the love of a parent to a child and a child to a parent. Grandparents holding the newborn grandchild. Nothing sweeter. Or it could be the love of a dog to its owner. Maybe cats, but I'm not sure

Progress and change can seem like ‘two steps forward and three steps back' but maybe the steps need to be millimetres and with gradual gentle side ways movements we can see movement.   It was disappointing when then they said it. In fact, it was surprising. They said it with good intentions, but it displayed a kind of stereotyping or categorising of a group of people that deserve much more. The words were these. ‘With your people, it's two steps forward and three steps back.' I lost confidence in his ability to understand what I was called to do in the ministry. Then there was the person who described the people I was supporting as having ‘special needs'. I think she was confusing mental illness with people having an intellectual disability. I took little guidance from her, either. There's some people you don't want or need in your room. Have you ever been categorised or labeled? Maybe you've been pressured to change, ‘get better', be different. All you ever wanted was someone to walk millimetres beside you and to be a friend. Don't walk in front of me… I may not follow Don't walk behind me… I may not lead Walk beside me… just be my friend. Albert Camus   Read this further here Sign up for my weekly email full of help for your Mental Health, Faith and Spiritual Formation. FOLLOW ME! Email me: barry@turningthepage.co.nz Website: https://turningthepage.co.nz/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/turningthepage1atatime Twitter: https://twitter.com/barrypearman Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/barry_pearman/ Podcast https://turningthepage.co.nz/podcast-listen-mental-health/ Support Turning the Page with a Donation https://turningthepage.co.nz/give/