An exploration of Hong Kong through a reading of originally written surrealist romance
100 Side B - Big thanks to those who contributed to this ten years ago: Fan club members Ginice Chow and Marie Jost + Recording artists Brenda Lo, John Woo, and Eliza Chan. Soundtrack: American Pie / 追族 / 不羈的風 / 側面 / Thousand Dreams of You / 癡心的我 / 想你 / 何去何從之阿飛正傳 / 少女心事 / 誰令妳心癡 / 只怕不再遇上 / 春夏秋冬 / 怪你過份美麗 / 我願意 + intro piano bit by Janice Crunch
100 Side A - I don't know how I got here but here I am. No poems to share today, just a stroll down the memory lane with Leslie. The stars have lined up and I have nothing else to give you. The feature was my initiative, produced in 2013, my first year working full-time at RTHK. As for Atomic Heart, it's my baby, my sanctuary, but I'll be away for a bit. The century is a good place to pull back and regroup. Please check in again come autumn, when the weather is cool again and the urge to spin becomes irresistible. Long sleeves and scarfs and all. Can't wait. I post stuff on IG every now and then @AtomAlicia
099 - Tables are laid out for the speaker who's been given pictures of another speaker he thinks he's supposed to know. I wonder how long we can play this and still find it interesting. The horse kept moving in Emma Jeremy's 'the horse could die'. I followed with a draft of my own as the excavation of poetry from fiction attempts that went nowhere continues. I mentioned last week's reading. My poems are set to appear in Where Else: an international Hong Kong poetry anthology. That's the link to pre-order. Super thankful. Other than that, the weather here remains crispy, as is my I don't know what. This is Atom Alicia C. Thank you for holding space (while I hold my breath into the next century). I don't know how you got this far, you dreamspeak sputnik.
098 - The other night I wanted to tell a story. The next morning I decided I didn't want to. Do you tell it, or do you keep it drifting on the surface of your heart ocean? I bring you 'Instructions' by the Irish poet Eavan Boland. I follow that with a quick angry draft of my own. This is Atom Alicia C. I'll be reading at the Hong Kong International Literary Festival this weekend. Thank you for holding space for my process.
097 - On being in more than one place at a time as well as not following the news. What if the first bird I see outside my window becomes the headline of my day? On this detour into 'not being there', I give you Mary Ruefle's 'Receiving News of the Devastation of My Mind' from her book Trances of the Blast. I also share my latest draft, two sections of a longer poem excavated from past attempts at surrealist, plotless fiction. This is Atom Alicia C. I don't know how I got here but I thank you for holding space for my process.
096 - Because fear is a four-letter word. How did we get here? What are some things that have always been there for us? Featured poem: "Some Roads in Iowa" by Jill Osier from the collection From published by Bull City Press. I also read a revision of my poem "Seventeen". My headspace is dominated by poetry and a desire to weave my own. This is Atom Alicia C. Thank you for holding space.
095 - How he's been living outside his body since his seventeenth year and how that sounds in a poem amongst other ponderings including what to say to someone if you like their poem and read it out loud without asking their permission. This is Atom Alicia C. Thank you for holding space for my voice.
094 - Tuning down the self-doubt while working on the texture of my poetry. Three frames and a poem excavated. A bit more rambling than usual. Must be the cold of January. Bliss. This is Atom Alicia C.
093 - Back on the chariot. At odds writing about writing. If only to deliver this messy middle as authentically as possible. Tiny steps, inches off the ground, infected by the bubbly warmth of progress. Bliss. This is Atom Alicia C.
092 - Back from my first trip to Taiwan in eight years. Lots to confront. Three new poems to share, each inspired by a song performed by Cantopop singer Anthony Wong during his recent concert series at Legacy Taipei. I was there both nights. In this episode, you'll hear a slice of the following songs: 下一站天國 >> 忘不了的你 >> 下世紀再嬉戲 >> Each juxtaposed by an English prose poem written by yours truly. The three songs left an impression. I took a tangent off of them and wrote the poems after I came back to Hong Kong. Sounds were taken from my iPhone 13 mini, a Christmas gift I got for myself. Anyways. This is Atom Alicia C. Elbow on the table, a hand in the air, scratching for a new direction. Writing and publications and all, you know. Bliss.
091 - Delivered in the spirit of placing my vulnerability on the front line, I take a supposedly light stroll past the three things I discovered about myself as a self-publishing writer. Not mentioned here are my plans for the new year, my double-down commitment to craft, to reading, and being more attentive to the delicate souls scratching words on paper, like me, who isn't me. Learning to hear from those who isn't me. This is Atom Alicia C, speaking to you from under a blanket.
090 - Three pieces pending publication in an upcoming anthology on Hong Kong poets writing in English. I read them here, on a day I haven't got too much to say, not when the traffic is building towards the most xxx time of the year. As merry as I can be. Pen in hand. Contemplating my open-air corridor. Bliss.
089 - A few drafts scribbled on a Friday late afternoon at Cafe Golden in the hours before it closed for the day. I took up a table next to the owner who was resting. 'I haven't seen you in a while,' she said. Being recognized... kinda threw me off, espcially when I was just dragging myself out of the imaginary cave. As for this episode, I'm only reading my own stuff. Keeping it simple, for now. This is Atom Alicia C.
088 - Started from a photo of my shadow posing on the sand, the taker being me standing on the beach in a place called Momochi. More thoughts swirled as a song drifted into my head, how heaven is more than where the sky meets the shore, how it could be just around the corner, or in that corner over there, the one you didn't know existed. The voice behind the song is holding concerts in a place not far from where I am. All this, as I roll into the thickest part of November. Three frames and a bit of a song this time. This is Atom Alicia C. Sometimes I post here. The website is about to come back. So there.
087 - I'm not good at gatherings. I started up the slope then straight along the flat pavement with clusters of bright yellow leaves on either side of me. Would I mind people reading me? Would I mind even more if they were to read that younger self of mine? This is Atom Alicia C, reminiscing the sounds from a lost cassette. Bliss. I post on IG occasionally, though I'd rather we meet analogue.
086 - Vacant mall. Beds on display. Not sure where the pond comes from. This is my drawing board, my playground, a detour through the early-morning psychosis with a pen in hand. This is Atom Alicia C, contemplating the layers of distances draped over our bodies.
085 - Is it possible to go through life without desiring to be understood? I kinda started there, and was most fond of the moment I was having kimbab on a bench overlooking the swings and slides. Reflecting on my swings and misses, and the times I took it straight down the middle. Atom Alicia C is a writer and a baseball fan.
084 - So I found myself inside the campus of Baptist University for the first time since 2019. It offered me three frames, and the crumbs that dropped onto the table when I ripped them off the dotted lines. This is Atom Alicia C, trying to move objects with my gaze.
083 - Written at Cafe Lab in a hidden corner of Cheung Sha Wan just outside the Caritas Hospital. Another stroll through the caffeinated psychosis, staring at buildings and chairs that glide. How much longer can I do this for? Inhale. Exhale. Eat. Rest. Write again. This is Atom Alicia C. Yes, I've been distracted by all the audio recording options out there of late but I'm over it, for now. Bliss.
082 - A slowed-down intro with patches of green and purple out of nowhere. NFTs are hard to digest, even when I'm the only one in the gallery. I just have to believe you when you say you'd come and stay awhile. Plastic sheets. Revolving doors. Where do they come from? I've long been told to show and not tell. The truth is I don't want to sell. Not in the traditional sense, at least. I want to show. Show first, at least. Then you can decide, and so can I. I'm Atom Alicia C and I think I'll stop here. For now. Stay for a bit, if you're here already.
081 - On reading, being read, and not having read. The things that happen to us when the spines of books stare back. What are you reading? What books await you? What about the forgotten ones that remain on your shelf? Anxiously yours, Atom Alicia C. I'm occasionally on Instagram while my website is still being renovated, as is the upper left corner of my brain.
080 - The door. The omnipresence of dying. Saying goodnight to things that have their eyes closed without me noticing. How do you hold yourself physically? And when was the last time you had to do that, to bring yourself in? This is Atom Alicia C. I'm occasionally on IG but you can also write me via atom@atomicheart.fm
079 - What if I miss the faces of strangers just as much - if not more - than being able to breathe fresh air directly? What does it do to me mentally if I'm denied access to your expressions? As usual, we have umbrellas, random desks, and various forms of emphemeral human warmth. I'm Atom Alicia C. The website remains under construction but I occasionally show myself on Instagram. But more often I'm hiding even when I appear to be here. Bliss.
078 - What should we do after a poet finishes reading? What if you didn't know the mic was off while you were reading? What cleanses you at the end of the day? I'm Atom Alicia C. I'm occasionally on Instagram @AtomAlicia. Write me if anything resonates. The email is atom@atomicheart.fm
077 - What's the best thing you can do for others? What if my best thing is giving you space? Come on in. Lost potential and all. Feel the dead air. See the dots. I'm the unusual host and this is my house. I'm sometimes on Instagram @AtomAlicia, but I'm more of an emailer: atom@atomicheart.fm. Dare I imagine we could do snail mail later. Bliss.
076 - A new direction, in this business of winning. Three frames and a poem. The milkshake diner, the green ice, and rocks shaped for bodies to rest on. What's your place? Tell me. And how do you stay on top of your game? I'm Atom Alicia C. Sometimes I'm on Instagram @AtomAlicia as I wait for my website to return. Bliss.
075 - Do you have a morbid fear of being hit by a car? Do you recall the last anxious passenger you saw on the subway? And how important is it for you to be a good storyteller? Or are you a poet? I throw all these at you from Room 75. I'm experimenting. I'm Atom Alicia C. The website is under construction but the Instagram account is here. Bliss.
074 - How does your online persona compare to the real you, and how much of that 'real you' do you really want to show to the online public? I confess to the addictiveness of web design and I read you a draft of my recent fiction piece tentatively titled 'Pineapple Stars'. My website is currently under construction, but I'm occasionally on Instagram @AtomAlicia. Thanks for listening. Bliss.
073 - When was the last time you took an artistic leap of faith? How much do you trust yourself amidst all the critical voices surrounding you? Do I need to distinguish between prose poetry and flash fiction? Do I need a label? And have you been to Mel Lastman Square? Today I read from a blog entry written at the Square 14 years ago when I was living in Toronto, Canada. [Happy Canada Day!!] That scene of the couple circling the fountain actually found its way into one of my short stories. Anyways. I'm occasionally on Instagram but a bit more permanently at www.atomicheart.fm though the site is undergoing some transition and renovation. Do we connect? Wish you plenty new discoveries as July approaches. I'm Atom Alicia. Bliss.
072 - It's me speaking on a rainy day I've decided to take a break from reading my blog. Not offering anything but my voice and the way I am now. If anything resonates and you'd like to let me know, feel free to write to atom@atomicheart.fm. Here's my website and I occasionally post on IG. I'm Atom Alicia. Bliss.
071 - Giving the idea of a shape-shifting future me a gentle nudge, I wonder if I can get off the swamp and paint again. I also wonder how useful it would be to differentiate 'mourning' from 'grieving'. The day I wondered if I was infected by narcissicism, a new friend said I should keep voicing my ideas. So here I am. I'm Atom Alicia C. I read from the blog again. 'Melancholy, black pen,' the pieces is called. I post sporadically on Instagram. The website is the more permanent home, if there is such a thing.
070 - When was the last time you disclosed a big project idea to someone and end up not doing it? What about the time you actually did it? How did that feel? I read you a series of fragments I had written on a random morning at Hap Coffee near my workplace. I also continued the trend of reading from the old blog. 'When the night is calm and unattached' is the name of the piece written and posted in February 2012. This is Atom Alicia C. Find me on Instagram or, better yet, my website, Atomic Heart dot FM. Bliss.
069 - To liberate oneself from the text... Is it as simply as speaking one's thoughts rather than writing them out? Are my eyes playing tricks on me when I'm staring at the text? Again I've read from the old blog, a piece posted in 2008, something random about a potential breakthrough that punctures the soul. I'm still intact. It's snowing cotton outside the studio. Learn more about my works on www.atomicheart.fm or find me on Instagram. It's the perfect day for a walk. And yes, I will cultivate my garden.
068 - Can words be lifted out of their pages by a genuine voice? Do you pay attention to the pedestrians on the opposite pavement, especially when they appear to know you from another lifetime? Today I read a piece I wrote 15 years ago. The melancholy has tilted a different way but the more I revisit the old scribbles the more I tilt back to the way I had started. My website is here and I'm also on IG. Bliss.
067 - At what point in your life was the carefree artist replaced by boxes and rules? Would you rather have the carefree artist or the battle-tested, still-striving scribbler of sentences that hope to withstand the passing of time? Would you rather write about cupcakes? This is my garden. I grow poems, amongst other things. This is Atom Alicia C. There's some stuff about me here.
066 - How do you channel self doubt? Is it better to suppress it or acknowledge it? I bring you an existentialist scribble from 2008 on a day I claimed to have discovered the joy of staying home and doing nothing. I'm on IG and here on my website. Bliss.
065 - Would you revisit a piece of work created by a younger version of yourself and in the process reconnect with the person that's been inside of you all along? And so I read from the old blog, first time ever on this show. This is Atom Alicia C. This is my garden www.atomicheart.fm
064 - What good are we if all we can do is one thing each day. To do one thing well, each day, and that's all. What thing would that be amongst all the things that each have their own way of finding a place on our to-do list. What if I burn the list and brew tea with whatever that's left. What if I don't feel tired. What if I do. What if I'm here. What if I'm not.
063 - The unpolished lines may come across as rather bitter. Wrote them during a workshop that reminded me of the need to be more detached than I already am. If anything resonates, let me know by writing to
062 - The quarantine episode. The self-isolating writer submitting to an online journal for the first time and reading you his submitted piece. This is Atom Alicia C. You can check out my website www.atomicheart.fm or write to
061 - Seeking solace in a world about to explode. I bring you the poem "Let This Darkness Be a Bell Tower" by Rainer Maria Rilke. I'm Atom Alicia C. You can find me on Instagram @AtomAlicia or check out AtomicHeart.fm for my latest projects. You can also write to atom@atomicheart.fm. Hope to share with you some of my own writing next time.
060 - Amidst the mid-February gloom, I bring you a wintry prose poem by the Canadian writer Anne Carson, a piece inspired by Hegel. As for me, I'm still exploring as to how I can best present myself to you on this platform. Hopefully next time I can read you a bit of my own writing. I'm I'm Atom Alicia C. You can follow me on Instagram @AtomAlicia or check out AtomicHeart.fm for my latest projects. You can also write to atom@atomicheart.fm. Tell me your dreams, or nightmares.
059 - Atomic Heart returns with a prose poetry piece I had written on my birthday. My plan for 2022 is to write a book of prose poems. I've been obsessed with the kinds of possibilty that this art form promises. The program has taken on a new look. New music, new graphics, the same voice behind the mic. I'm Atom Alicia C. You can follow me on Instagram @AtomAlicia or check out AtomicHeart.fm for my latest projects. You can also write to atom@atomicheart.fm. Cheers.
058 - Do you recall the moment you first felt a genuine sense of affirmation as an artist? Do you recall the experience of finally being seen? I speak to you with a heavy heart on the day the non-profit news outlet Stand News was forced to shut down following a raid by police - another blow to press freedom in Hong Kong, another indication of an insecured government. Another batch of the Tat Ming fanzine '89 09 12 21' is in the process of being printed. Follow me on Instagram @AtomAlicia for updates. You can also send an email to atom@atomicheart.fm if you want to respond to my question up top.
057 - Some success and serendipity for me at this year's Hong Kong Art Book Fair. I keep Ithaka always in my mind. Such is the mood. Find me on my website or on IG
056 - Are you being seen they way you want to be seen? What about in your childhood, and from those supposedly closest to you? If being seen is important, how are you making it happen? Today I read from my upcoming book 'I Know I'll Never'. Find me on my website or on IG. Bliss.
055 - A metaphor that describes the blissed-out writer who's come of age, plus a sharing that should have happened but didn't. I didn't realize I had so much to say. Not only that, I also read from 'Fragments from a Revisit of Stories Unfinished', a book I published in 2019 and have been meaning to rewrite. I'm here on IG and here on my website. Bliss.
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