Definitely First Blood

Is this a Halloween movie? No. Does it feature a costume party that tricked me into thinking it was? Yes! This week we're talking about 1988 werewolf movie LONE WOLF!!! There's so much going on in this one; there's a hair band, lots of computer-talk, way too many main characters and some really great practical effects! We have absolutely no clue how old the characters are supposed to be, they are at once 17/21/30 and could be attending anything from a high school, to a college to some sort of magnate school or even a night class? Anyway, despite the lack of Halloween - this one is pretty fun! LET IT ROCK!

We're back!? We kick off the ol' Halloween season this week with BOO!!! A group of friends(who seem to hate each other) head on down to the local abandoned asylum/hospital on Halloween where they're beset upon by a body-snatching ghost who wants to get out, but then theres also the ghost of a nurse and of a little girl. They're sort of secondary. Not much of this movie made any sense or followed much of a plot but it had some good practical effects, the 2005 CGI wasn't terrible and overall its fine. Lots of blue eyes. Anyway, NOOOOOOOOOOO!

It's very, very hot so Christopher is getting cold solo this week with FROZEN SCREAM!!! What's better than love and immortality? Well, if you ask the people in this movie… not much! There's a trio of Dr. Scientists who are balls deep in experimenting with immortality by making people cold or something. When one of them is killed/zombified, his wife has to team up with her cop ex to figure out what happened? At least, that's part of it. This movie really doesn't make much sense and really isn't very good. Still a fun watch for the psychotronic elements and just how bizarre it is. THAT'S RIGHT, IT'S LOCKED!

Pam Grier! Pam Grier! PAM GRIER! We're talking Ernest R. Dickerson's 2001 supernatural slasher-lite BONES!!! A trio of siblings and their friend decide to open a night club in a scary rundown house in the middle of a barren city street that once belonged to Jimmy Bones. Then he comes back for revenge against the people who killed him. Then there's Jimmy's psychic ex Pearl and her daughter. An attempt was certainly made and it starts off kind of strong with world-building and lore but quickly meanders, has one of the worst prosthetic applications and very little plot wise holds up to scrutiny. Visually, it looks great though! YOU COULD'VE DIED WITH ME!

We're off to a remote house in California this week as we talk about 1972 made-for-TV suspense thriller THE VICTIM!!! The iconic Elizabeth Montgomery is fantastic in this movie as Kate, a woman who goes to visit her sister after learning about her impending divorce. But, when she arrives, her sister is nowhere to be found, there's a raging storm and she's trapped with no phone, no electricity and her sister's killer in the house. There's lots to like here! Great suspense building, acting and pretty solid writing, cinematography and direction! It does get a little repetitive, but it's essentially a one-location film so that's to be expected. NEITHER I, OR MY SISTER LIKE BOILED FOOD!!!

We've got our life preservers because this week we're shipping off to William T. Naud's ISLAND OF BLOOD to find out WHODUNIT?!!! A group of young actors arrive on a secluded island to film the most positive, happy rock musical that's ever been made when they start being killed one-by-one according to the lyrics of a song. There's dismemberments, unorthodox final girls and even a boiling! This one actually kept us guessing for the most part and we both really, really enjoyed it! C'MON GUYS AND GALS(AND NON-BINARY PALS)!!!

TW: WE DISCUSS SEXUAL ASSAULT AT LENGTH IN THIS EPISODE!!! What happens when a bunch of terrible teenagers fuck around and find out? Satisfying revenge murders! This week we're talking 1980 revenge/home invasion horror DEMENTED!!! After a woman returns home from recovering from sexual assault, she's revictimized by a group of joker-masked twinks who she proceeds to pick off one-by-one. This one surprised us!

It's Easter weekend and we're talking about a movie that features not only a rabbit - but a character named Bunny! Did we only realize that while recording the episode? Yes. Am I running with it anyway? You bet! A disturbed physicist with an obsession with invisibility escapes an asylum and poses as a teacher at a school with exactly 6 students and one teacher in THE INVISIBLE MANIAC! While it has some funny moments and looks nice… neither of us liked it. It really did not age well. Savannah is great in it though!

It's our SIXTH(!) St. Patrick's Day episode and we're closing out the original franchise with LEPRECHAUN 6: BACK 2 THA HOOD!!! Warwick Davis carries yet another movie, but they don't give him much to work on in his final appearance as the titular Leprechaun and it's an unfortunate send off. The world feels empty, there's no cohesion, a razor-thin plot and with the exception of Jamie, there's not a personality to be found amongst these characters. That said, it does feature a really good animation! STAY SAFE!

What happens when a “death rock” band heads to a remote cabin to try and help the front woman's teenage sister recover from her self-unaliving attempt accompanied by a groupie, a nurse and a security guard? Murder, I guess. This week we're talking about 1990 slasher film DEAD GIRLS!!! There's a lot going on here, multiple loose threads that are never tied up, so many things that don't make any sense or lead anywhere, lots of monologues and a really great death scene! JUSTICE FOR NANCY NAPALM!

Grab your banana cake because we're Lee Grant stans this week as we talk about 1977 made-for-tv witch(?) movie THE SPELL!!! When a bullied 15-year-old girl's enemies start unaliving her mother begins so suspect that she's behind it. We've got a very young Helen Hunt, A LOT of talk about weight and weight loss, some great acting from Lee Grant and some classic flutey 70's music. Christopher loves this one and gives it way too much credit and Mitch does not! We talk about family dynamics, how big of an asshole the Dad in this is and more! SIMPERING TOAD!

We're back and kicking off the new year with 1974/5/6 Canadian home invasion flick THE HOUSE BY THE LAKE!!! Brenda Vaccaro plays a car-savvy model who is whisked away to this dopey dentist's mansion in the Ontario country side where they're terrorized by a gang of rowdy assholes! This was a first viewing for both of us and we have no idea how we haven't watched it before! It rocks! It's like being in a bullying simulator filled with chaos and noise. We loved it! Diane rules!

Mitch is unexpectedly away, but Christopher saw M3GAN, loved it and proceeded to talk about it for 5 minutes!

Yet another New Year is upon us. They just keep making these things, huh? Sticking with tradition we've got another New Years bracket: Last One Standing Standings: Slasher One-And-Dones (The Ones We've Done)!!! Mashing some previous bracket ideas together we pit final folks from slasher films without sequels that we've talked about on the pod against each other in a battle royale until only the supreme remains! From Blood Lake to Blood Rage and Blood Tracks - this is quite the group of contenders!!!

Cryptmas is upon us once again and we're talking both the 1972 and 1989 Tales From The Crypt: And All Through The House! Both versions are about a woman who has just murdered her husband while a maniac in a Santa suit is murdering women in her area and sets his sights on her! We've got genre icons like Freddie Francis directing the '72 version with the legendary Joan Collins, Fred Dekker writing the '89 with unsung, alternative-Christmas-movie Queen Mary Ellen Trainor as our murderess being pursued by Larry Drake! The 1972 version is visually amazing and we really wish it was a full-length film and 1989 is campy fun! Merry Christmas!!!

Where have all the lynx gone? This week we're talking 2011 Yeti film SNOW BEAST!!! A research team and a delinquent teen head into the “Canadian” wilderness for their annual lynx-tracking but end up being tracked by the Yeti instead! Much like the footprints of the Snow Beast, Mormonism has its footprint solidly smushed into the snow that is this movie and Christopher has some thoughts! Overall this is pretty standard, milquetoast Sy-Fy fare of the period!

What happens when dynamite fishing awakens a primordial fish-monster? Lots of research. Lots and lots of research. This week we're talking about 1979 creature feature BOG starring Gloria DeHaven, Marshall Thompson and Aldo Ray as a trio of small-town authority figure types who have to unravel the mysterious blood-draining happening in their sleepy town. Is it a Dracula? Are the cells crystalline? Is the wind perfect? What defines a bog? This one teeters the line of being so bad that it's entertaining… but lands on the just plain bad side. BYE DUMMIES!

We're back and hitting the slopes this week with 1977 Bigfoot-in-the-snow TV movie SNOWBEAST!! This movie dares to ask the question, what if Jaws was cold? We've got a stuck-in-his-glory-days former Olympian, his television journalist wife and the manager of a ski lodge in a decades-long, amicable love triangle that could easily be solved with a poly relationship doing battle with a pissed off Snowbeast terrorizing a winter carnival! It's an okay creature feature with some fun actors involved but doesn't really bring anything unique to the table. SHE DOESN'T HAVE ONE!

Another year, another Halloween! We celebrate the holiday with the fifth instalment in the franchise HALLOWEEN 5: THE REVENGE OF MICHAEL MYERS! We talk about how awful Slayers (2022) was, try to guess what Christopher's costume is and Christopher defends and dies on the hill that is Tina Williams! We've got the return of Donald Pleasance, Danielle Harris, Ellie Cornell and Beau Starr alongside newbies Wendy Kaplan and Tamara Glynn as they face off against the lame plot that is The Black Thorn! This is one of Christopher's faves of the franchise! ROMEO, ROMEO!

We're headed to the museum of mid-00's fashion this week where shirts are long and hair is straight with HOUSE OF FEARS!!! Pretty standard steup here: group of teens goes to House of Fears after-hours and start getting picked off one-by-one. For a PG-13 it's not half bad though. The idea is interesting, the acting is good, it doesn't look awful… it's just kind of fine!

SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS! We saw Halloween Ends and we have some thoughts! Did We like it? Did we hate it? Neither!

What happens when your alcoholic father nearly drowns you while bobbing for apples on Halloween? You kinda become a serial killer I guess? This week we're talking about 1988 slasher HOLLOW GATE!!! 10 Years after the aforementioned apple-bobbing Mark blows up two “teens” in their car, then two years after that he assaults and murders a girl in a convenience store and then 3 years after that he's been released to his Grandmother's custody in the in-home psychiatric facility she had built for him. Oh, and he killed two kids and a couple of dogs in between there. Anyway, four teens wind up at his house to deliver some Halloween costumes and he starts killing them. It's fine! STEP ASIDE MICHAEL MYERS!

The Halloween season is upon us and we're kicking things off this year with 2002 slasher-lite Jon Keeyes' AMERICAN NIGHTMARE!! Genre icon Debbie Rochon stars as Jane, a mysterious serial killer who starts targeting a group of friends on Halloween Night after they call into a radio show. Debbie Rochon is fantastic in it, and Brandy Little as the final girl (?) does some great cry-acting but this is one of those ones where it seems like there's huge chunks missing and it was cobbled together with what they had. Totally worth the watch though! EVERYBODY WANTS TO KNOW WHY!

Stop whatever you're doing and go watch the clip of the sleeping bag kill from this movie! This week we're talking eco-horror from the director of The Manchurian Candidate and the writer of The Omen, PROPHECY!!! When a bunch of dudes get mysteriously unalived amidst tensions concerning a land dispute between the Indigenous people and a paper mill, some sort of Doctor and his wife head to Maine for the EPA to do an investigation and discover that mercury run-off has been causing the animals to mutate! This movie deals with racism, abortion, industrial expansion and features influential Canadian artist George Clutesi!

We're all ready to catalogue a gaudy estate this week with GIRLS SCHOOL SCREAMERS! Is it a slasher? Is it a ghost story? Unclear! Seven students (college or high school?) are tasked with taking stock of the estate of the recently deceased Tyler Welles where 40+ years earlier his niece died from a tragic fall - OR WAS SHE PUSHED!? She was. Anyway, there's some cool effects and everybody tries their best, its definitely entertaining! Yes it is I, Jennifer!

Crop tops! Werewolf! A biker gang! Crop tops! Kato Kaelin's mullet! Crop tops! This week we're talking about Randolph Cohlan's NIGHT SHADOW!!! This werewolf outing stars Brenda Vance as a young, successful anchor woman who returns to her small hometown in hopes of getting some R&R and hanging out with her crop-top-loving, himbo brother played by Stuart Quan. Unfortunately for them, they find themselves dealing with a series of mysterious murders! This movie is definitely wacky and feels like it's missing a chunk of plot somewhere… but with a collection of likeable side-characters, and LOTS of sassy one-liners it's a lot of dumb fun! We really enjoyed this one! Then again, you're not the Sheriff… are you?!

Audio improves at 06:20 when we realize the A/C was on! We've slithered our way back this week as we talk about 1976 snake movie RATTLERS!!! A herpetologist and a former war photographer are tasked with figuring out why these snakes keep killing people and I guess they kind of do? There's like 3 movies here that they're trying to make and none of them are particularly successful, social commentary that is muddied and unsure of its own messaging and most importantly, a ‘falling-in-love' in Las Vegas montage! How charming!

WARNING: SPOILERS!!! We saw Jordan Peele's NOPE, we loved NOPE and if you can believe it, now we're talking about NOPE(on the podcast)! Suuuuuunglllllllaaaaassssesssssssssss aaaaat night!

From the mean streets of Halifax to the wilds of New Jersey, this week we're talking about SOV gore-fest CANNIBAL CAMPOUT!!! Two couples head into the woods for some camping and cross paths with a trio of cannibalistic brothers, it does not end well for them! There's lots of fun effects, synth music and one heck of an audacious ending. We were split on this one! Its a small, small, small, small world!

We're back, but Christopher's voice isn't! This week we're talking/croaking about SIEGE aka SELF DEFENSE!!! When a gang of fascist cops attack a gay bar in Halifax and execute the patrons, the sole survivor escapes to a nearby apartment building where the residents hunker down and kill some fascists! There's violence, characters you root for and it's awesome!

Hello! We fully intended to have an episode out this week, but I've contracted some sort of laryngitis and lost my voice. Feel free to laugh at my very funny Kathleen-Turner-on-a-bender sounding vocals explaining! Sorry and we'll 100% have an episode out next week, voice or no voice!

From the Bayou to the Mountains this week talking 1985 snowy slasher BLOOD TRACKS!!! A hair band, some models, a famous actress and some crew heads into the mountains to shoot a music video where they happen upon a family that's been hiding out in this factory for 40 years(maybe)! There's a million characters and they're all incredibly dumb, like… really dumb. This whole movie is basically just a meat grinder. Anyway, it's still pretty fun and has at least one cool death. So, there's that! Highway or city?

We're headed into the Bay-AWOOO (because, werewolves.) this week and talking about the 1972 werewolf made-for-TV movie, MOON OF THE WOLF!!! When a young woman is found dead with bite marks, it's up to the Sheriff to determine which of these small-town folks is responsible. Is it the Doctor? The Socialite? Overall, this is a fun little movie with some commentary on classism, apparently only two French-speaking citizens in this Louisiana town and some fun throwback The Wolfman-style effects. I'm ambidextrous!

Our Aquanet is locked and loaded this week as we dip into MAY-de For TV movies with I SAW WHAT YOU DID! From Fred Walton, the director of When a Stranger Calls, and starring genre icon Shawnee Smith alongside Tammy Lauren and Robert Carradine; I Saw What You Did is a timeless tale of two new friends who prank call a man who happens to have just murdered his ex-girlfriend while in the throes of a psychotic break. It's great! JUSTICE FOR MEREDITH!

We're rising from the depths this week to talk about seminal 1976 slasher REDEEMER: SON OF SATAN!!! Six high school friends head to their 10-year reunion, only to be murdered one-by-one for their sinful lifestyles. What kind of sinful lifestyles? There's a Lesbian, a gay-coded vain actor, a woman who wears makeup(and should've lived), a skeezy attorney, a woman who married rich and an asshole! It feels like two movies mashed together that largely doesn't make sense. JUSTICE FOR CINDY!

Do you hear that buzzing in the air? It could only be PROJECT: NIGHTMARE!!! This is a weird one, one of our weirdest. Two men find themselves lost and pursued by an unseen force and soon things start disappearing, they have cabbage for dinner, a sentient computer that's trapping people in a program designed to make their thoughts corporeal and a giant digital talking head! It's wild! Must've been the wind!

Prepare to head to the 1970's this week for the first time in a while as we talk about Frederick R. Friedel's AXE aka LISA, LISA aka CALIFORNIA AXE MASSACRE!!! Axe stars Leslie Lee as Lisa, a girl who lives in a farmhouse alone with her catatonic grandfather, but when three on-the-run murderers take them captive Lisa kills the heck out of them! It's a very short, not-super-great-but-very-entertaining Grindhouse-y outing! Wisecracker!

We're back in the Emerald Isles this week for our fifth annual Leprechaun instalment LEPRECHAUN 5: IN THE HOOD!!! Written by Doug Hall and directed by Rob Spera this time around, Warwick Davis once again carries a movie on his back alongside Anthony Montgomery, Rashaan Nall and Red Grant as a trio of friends with dreams of making it big and decide to rob Ice-T in order to steal his magic flute. It's pretty joyless, Warwick is criminally under-utilized, there's very strange pacing issues and random cuts, transphobia, homophobia and more! A friend with weed, is a friend indeed!

WARNING: WE DISCUSS SEXUAL ASSAULT IN THIS EPISODE!! We wrap up Findlaybruary this week with the brutal, X-Rated TENEMENT!!! After the residents of a Bronx tenement building have the gang that's squatting in the basement arrested, the gang returns to seek revenge - but these tenants fight back, hard! There's an abundance of violence, imperfect heroes with substance to root for, kids with great ideas and lots of blood! Everything that was lacking in the other Findlay movies we've discussed this month is here in spades and is very successful! You are a terribly rude man Mr. Rojas!

Asshole fiancees, little ghost girls and pizza gunge! This week we're talking Roberta Findlay's LURKERS!!! Once again starring Christine Moore, Lurkers follows a similar trajectory with evil villains who face absolutely no push-back in achieving their goals. When Cathy was a child she saw visions of ‘Lurkers' coming out of the walls and haunting her - then her Mom killed her Dad and tried to kill her! Ahhh! Thirteen years later she's engaged and a successful cellist when she starts to see the Lurkers again… kind of. Really its just everybody in her life trying to get her to return to her childhood home where she was supposed to die because it's actually the gates of hell and everybody who lives there is damned. Is it all a metaphor about women leaving the home? Who knows! Diving into dividend death!

Findlaybruary continues this week with PRIME EVIL!!! Starring Christine Moore, Amy Brentano (Who is absolutely a gem in this), Ruth Collins and Mavis Harris, Prime Evil is all about Alexandra as the mysterious Father Thomas grooms her to be her grandfather's human sacrifice for the Winter Solstice, this movie is very, very disjointed with huge amounts of plot happening off screen and only told through exposition. The villains face absolutely no roadblocks or conflict until the climax and despite really solid acting… nobody is given very much to do other than Father Thomas who gets to make out with all of these much, much, much younger women, Ultimately this one is pretty ‘meh'. I love one-stop shopping!

We're back with another sorority slasher this week as we kick off Findlaybruary with BLOOD SISTERS! Written and Directed by Roberta Findlay, Blood Sisters is about a sorority initiation that goes awry when a night at an old brothel leads to spectral encounters and MUUUURDER!? It has some interesting elements that it seems to abandon for a more run-of-the-mill slasher, but overall still very enjoyable! SOMEONE STOLE MY WATCH!!!

We're back and we're more silent and mad than ever! This week we're talking 1984 3-D slasher SILENT MADNESS!!! This slasher stars Belinda Montgomery as Dr. Joan Gilmore, a committed and idealistic psychologist from Brooklyn who discovers that her hospital has accidentally released a notorious mass murderer (or have they?) and travels to a small women's college with hopes of finding him and saving the Sorority Sisters living where the murders occurred. We've got some genre icons in this one with Sidney Lassick as the shitty Sheriff and Elizabeth Kaitan in her first role! Overall, Silent Madness isn't terrible, kind of just very middling, particularly with so many superior additions to the genre coming out at around the same time with similar plots. But, we still liked it! Blood and guts and everything!

It's that time of year again, in that it's time for a New Year and SLASHER ONE-AND-DONES(THE ONES WE'VE DONE)!!! Continuing our tradition of brackets on brackets, this year we've pitted slasher movies without sequels(that we've covered on the podcast) against each other to determine which one is our favourite from Blood Lake to Bay of Blood and Blood Rage! As always, this is just for fun - and just our opinion! Happy New Year!

Christmas and also Prom is in the air today as we celebrate the holidays with a movie that features snow, catholicism and has at least one scene with Christmas lights, PROM NIGHT IV: DELIVER US FROM EVIL!!! This fourth instalment is really its own thing; this time around it's Directed by Clay Borris and stars Nicole deBoer, Joy Tanner, J.H. Whyman and Alle Ghadban as two couples headed to a mansion for a Prom Night of sex and terrible furniture. Prom Night IV is a great standalone slasher with likeable characters (Justice4Laura) and an interesting story critiquing the church and its hypocrisy. We love it!

We're off to the Rocky Mountains this week as we talk Jim Makichuk's atmospheric Canadian snowmobile horror GHOSTKEEPER!!! Featuring one of the most insidious asshole boyfriends we've ever seen, Ghostkeeper is about three pals who end up at a defunct lodge in a blizzard where the mysterious caretaker is also the guardian of an ancient creature! Despite its production problems, this movie is an atmospheric and contained movie that is very enjoyable and kooky. How can the mountains be dangerous when they're so beautiful?

The aliens have landed this week as we talk about Larry Thomas' MUTILATIONS!!! A group of students, their professor and his compadre venture out to search for a crashed meteor but find themselves targeted by cow-mutilating, human-eating ALIENS! This is an interesting one, its reminiscent of 50's B-movies and has good cinematography and death effects… but there's no denying this is a very silly movie that barely has any plot - but with a runtime of just over an hour, it's very charming! How's my favourite professor today?

We've wrapped ourselves in plastic and hidden our cat this week as we talk about Nathan J. White's THE CARRIER!!! In a sleepy little town, the downtrodden Jake is attacked by a mysterious black thing that imbues him with a strange ability; if he touches an object, it becomes cursed and dissolves whoever touches it. It's a fantastic movie with lots of interesting story and unique plot that was obviously very thoroughly planned. We love it! We don't have friends out here either, so what the fuck does it matter?

Happy Halloween! We finish off our run of themed features with Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers! Resurrecting our masked embodiment of evil this time around are writer Alan B. McElroy and director Dwight H. Little with Donald Pleasence, Danielle Harris and Ellie Cornell. This is an enjoyable but relatively middle-of-the-road entry to the franchise with a good cast and does a decent job at creating atmosphere!

WARNING: SPOILERS!!! We give our stream-of-consciousness thoughts on HALLOWEEN KILLS! The Strodes are back this time around and they've got all of Haddonfield hunting Michael down with them. There's returning survivors from the original, lots of tie-ins and lots of kills(as one would expect)! This movie has obviously been really divisive among horror fans, but we both really like it!

In this DFBShorts we're talking about Andrew Murga's 2005 Zombie/Ghost film THE DEAD HATE THEIR LATE FEES!!! When employees are locked in their video store on Halloween night in order to solve a string of employee deaths and become manager, they have to contend with the undead!