Dollspace

MAMA Annie and MAMA Sam reminisce on how fun going out used to be before we met our fucking husbands. Oops! One Sunday, we didn't even know it was our LAST Sunday morning debrief after a night out. We didn't even know. Because I foolishly went on hinge and met "the one" and introduced Annie to her husband a week later. IDIOTIC. Anyway, these are the kind of fun thoughts you have when you're postpartum - romanticizing a hungover morning in your cockroach infested apartment. I miss those roaches. Those roaches were my boyz. 

With zero warning or marketing whatsoever, we are back! And believe it or not - we barely talk about our children in this episode. We mostly give harsh advice to the ONE question we answered. The rest of the episode is talking about the Tommy Lee / Britney Furlan drama and me doing a really good Annie impression - so to recap: we answer one question on our advice podcast, and then talk about internet drama from 2 weeks ago, and then I do an impression of my friend. DON'T ACT LIKE YOU DON'T LUV IT SLUTS!

Finally we hear from the elusive LUKE. Sorry this is a shorter one, we simply have no time anymore!!! I, for one, can't wait for Sam's return. It just ain't the same with out my fellow MAMA. And y'all know I'm not bringing the same kookiness to the descriptions. She is the backbone of this whole operation. Though I did learn to edit this week so that's a win. Oh no, don't tell Sam that. She might make me split the work with her...ha ha ha.

Todays episode is hosted by Degrassi's Annie Clark and her sister, The Quiet Beatle herself, Ali - (A sophisticated treat for all, as these sisters know the Queens English!) - while Sam enjoys her mat leave. (And by ENJOYS, I mean she lives in a COT at the hospital with a gaping stomach wound,  but anyway I'm not supposed to even be writing this, I'm just doing it because I had a free moment in my weird hospital dorm room, and Annie is putting Bennett to sleep. I'm NOT EVEN HERE). Today the girls answer questions about a sister being a bitch about her sisters wedding and also something about parenthood? Idk I haven't listened yet. Gonna listen now from my COT. LOVE Y'ALL!

Ok who's reading the description? Who's the lucky fucko who's reading this who gets some TEA before even listening to the ep? Sam here, posting this at 5:39 AM because I have to go to LA SHPITAL (which is what my Italian sister-in-law calls the hospital) - to see wtf is going on with my puffy body. Will I get induced? Will I get sent home? It's anyone guess. All I know is my face is fucking huge and my blood pressure is through the roof, but that's showbiz baby. Enjoy this (possibly or really possibly not) my last ep before giving birth. KEEP Y'ALL POSTED AND ENJOY! XO 

IMAGINE we got political on main. We only do that occasionally on the Patreon where you have to pay to hear our half baked ideologies (SPOILER: if you're not a member, Annie is practicing Scientologist. She hooks Bennett up to random machines that monitor his soul and makes her whole family pray to XENU or whatever). In this episode we have a fun CAMEO from THE Katie - yes, that Katie, deranged Katie. A treat for the ears, a rot for the brain. CHEERIO!

Why do people in relationships love to say "I didn't know we were keeping score" when you bring up an issue? This is something that has haunted Annie and I both for YEARS, it's actually all we talk about. We haven't talked about anything else since we became friends (17 years ago). Should we do something for our 20th friendship anniversary in 2028? Like go to MEDIEVAL TIMES, a subject that also gets a lot of air time in this episode? Don't ask how many times I tried typing "medieval" before I had to google it. Another stupid word. OK BYE!!!!!

Well, I'm not surprised we are releasing an unhinged and not well thought out episode for our 60th (a milestone we had no idea we were hitting, and Annie still doesn't, just me who's typing this after counting what number to put at the end of the title). I guess..... congratulations to us. 60. Wow. What an accomplishment. I'd like to thank the academy of FREAKS who listen to this, and my grandmother, who always said "go to law school, you'll make money." It really pushed me to say "No, I'm going to marry up and do 60 episodes of an unpaid podcast instead". Idk who Annie has to thank for that mentality, but god bless us both for having it! 

Annie and I sit on her couch and take turns breastfeeding her child while we unpack who we would be married to in a parallel universe and also discuss how to discourage the younger generation from doing party drugs. A fascinating spectrum as usual! 

In this episode of Dollspace, we are at the mercy of a BABY. Baby Bennett that is! Bennett rightfully dictates when Annie is allowed to speak, and when she must SHUT THE FUCK UP and FEED HIS ASS. I love this kid, he's a total tyrant. I feel like I could learn from him. We should all be vocal about our boundaries and needs. When we are allowed to speak, we discuss when it's ok to get back with an ex, and if we could get over finding out our BF is on some other girls OF from years ago (I could). Happy listening dolls! xxxxx

Been waiting over a year to say: THIS EPISODE IS BROUGHT TO YOU (FOR REAL!!!) BY OVRY! A CANADIAN COMPANY THAT MAKES PREGNANCY, OVULATION, AND SEMEN TESTS  - ALL IN CANADA! CODE IS dollspace15 if you want to try them out!This inspirational episode also features Annie bouncing a baby the ENTIRE time - but you'll be none the wiser, because my perfect nephew was a silent bear for this entire 1:30 episode (except for a few COO'S). Enjoy!

HERE YE HERE YE - The queen has returned, with a bundle of joy on her breast! In this episode of Dollspace, we answer 3 pregnancy / postpartum related questions, so not our usual content, but hey, one of us just became a FUCKING MOTHER so what did you expect! Back to our usual cornucopia of topics next week! Happy to have my queen back on the pod

Sam is back with her twin brother / husband Joe! Fans of getting 2 birds stoned at once, this episode also doubles as a counselling session for themselves. Some topics: how to watch TENET without fighting (we don't know), how much sex you should be having in your relationship (we also don't know), how to tell your significant other they smell like shit (listen to find out). I love having an advice podcast!!!

Hope you're hungry, because MS. STELLAR EATS COOKING HERSELF, THE EMMA KULA is on the pod today. Emma is a crucial member of the pigs, because she keeps us fed, (and she keeps us humble as she is currently the hottest pig. Like, we take turns but this is definitely her time to shine). Weirdly enough, I don't think we have EVER given so much advice on this podcast. Emma rly set the tone here and we took the advice thing RLY SERIOUSLY. BONE APPLE TEET!

OINK OINK PIGGGGGIES ASSEMBLE! Since Degrassi's Annie Clark is still in the throws of maternal bliss (which hopefully she remains in, since I think this decision she's made is for life!) - I got a couple of our STY-MATES AKA 2 of the PIGS, Katie & Liz on the pod. They were very nervous but I assured them everything would be fine. And it kind of was, but also, the sound quality is kind of shit. Oh well! Give it up for my 2 favourite police officers! 

If you're not living under a rock, you know that Degrassi's Annie Clark has formally changed her name to MAMA ANNIE CLARK. Which I thought was extreme, but she's a method actor so it kind of checks out. Her beautiful baby boy is HERE and ON INSTAGRAM, Zuckerberg saw him and said "holy crap, the God's have blessed us with a real one. I love men!" Anyway, this episode I bring in a SUB - and the SUB is my fkn husband, Joe! We had such a good time honestly I think this ep brought us back from the brink of divorce. I recommend anyone in a relationship do a podcast together.

Something was in the water last night because Annie and I were on some type of GIGGLE BEAT. I can't listen to this episode, because I laugh so hard, I shake my baby up and my OB told me that's bad for it! JK, she didn't say that, she actually doesn't give me the time of day. I went in today and she didn't even sit down, she just went "everything good?" And I went "yeah?" and she said "Ok, see you in a month!" and left the room before I remembered to ask her if it's ok that I switched from Camel Crushes to Marlboro Reds. Guess I'll bring that up in Feb.

Wtf - it's our 50th episode? We didn't notice because as pregnant women, we are constantly losing the "grey matter' in our brain, or at least that's what "EXPECTING BETTER BY EMILY OSSLER" told us. It also told us we could get hammered if we want to. What is grey matter? I'm picturing wet cement. What are you picturing? Just kidding, don't answer that. In this episode, we help a seriously confused listener pick between the 2 most pathetic men we have ever heard of, and then we tackle... politics? Ew. Bye. 

DOLLSPACE? On a TUESDAY? Not like anyone would notice, but Dollspace is usually released on a THURSDAY! Thursday is named after Thor, God of Thunder. Sunday is named after the Sun and Monday is named after the Moon. Saturday is named after Saturn. The rest of the days are named after random norse Gods. Trudeau resigned. BING BONG I can do whatever I want here!!!

Another humiliating day in Canada for Sam, as her father once again comes face to face with a cock ring that doesn't belong to his wife (he wishes!) but instead, his pregnant daughter. Yuck. Times like this I thank God I don't have a child to traumatize me - oh wait, I have one coming in May. I'm an idiot. (Also, we answer your questions AND you get to hear someone hammering a baseboard in at Annie's house. Because this podcast is an immersive experience!)

Ok naughty listeners, not enough of you wrote in so we had to talk about RECYCLING this episode. But don't worry, as usual we spiralled into a fascinating conversation that lead to what I believe is a world changing idea - shooting garbage into a black hole (or Jupiter's red spot) - but ah! I've said too much. Listen for yourself and decide if you think I'm a genius and if Annie should have any stock in this project. Kiss!

Peasants? Is that you peasants? Sam here with another unhinged episode description - let's see, what did we cover... Annie wants all of you to watch her movie Ghosts of Christmas past (her words, not mine!), a girl asked us if she should have bridesmaids who don't text her on her bday, and I reveal that I once hit a man with my car - never turned back to see if he lived or died. Jk... or maybe not? Only listening will tell!!

Ding dong! If you're reading this, please know that we know the first 12 minutes are kind of boring, ok? WE KNOW THAT. But we kept it in because if you get through them, you get some tea and gossip. Tea and crumpets. We wanted to know who the real ones were. Real recognize real. Listen to us talk about our home rennos and be rewarded with a little GOSSIP. 

A week late - WHY? Because I'm punishing you, MEOW! *Spanks you with paddle* XD -  Jk, it's because I got too sick to look at a screen for an extended period of time this week. I think we might be in the market for an editor - any takers?? Anyway this episode is really ramble heavy - not to the point where you shouldn't listen, but to the point where you might think "Why did she take a week to edit this just to leave all this irrelevant and slightly boring crap in?" That's for me to know, and you to suffer through. FELIZ NAVI DONUT! 

Aloha fuckers. I'm writing this as I have an existential crisis because Al Pacino just did an interview where he said he died and saw no afterlife. Had to spend the morning restoring my faith in the supernatural while trying to figure out what consciousness is - anyway, here's a podcast where you can hear us talk about wheres sperm goes and also listen to Annie talk to the people measuring her windows. Riveting! 

Sorry for the hiatus friends, I simply lost the ability to speak without gagging, and as an emeteph0be, I couldn't have that on the world wide. ANYWHO today we talk about how I exposed myself at my 12 week ultrasound, and also answer some questions about your lives even though the biggest question here is when will I stop feeling like a shell of a woman? I wish to god a podcast could answer that for me! ha ha... 

Gobble Gobble Canadian cucks! You'll notice today's episode is late - maybe that's because Sam had some logistical problems figuring out how to record it from the PITS OF HELL. Just kidding. Pregnancy is beautiful...For Annie. Why does everything always work out for her? Is it because she's beautiful and kind? We don't unpack that in this episode, but maybe I'll unpack it in therapy. 

For the big 4-0, Annie and I go to Niagara on the Lake where I can't stop yawning and we have to stop so I can eat. That's because I'm pregnant, although we don't talk about it in this episode. We will probably cover it in the next episode - so unless you're reading this you'll never know, UNTIL next week. This is why I encourage everyone to read the descriptions. Sometimes I'm waxing poetic, sometimes I'm sharing life changing news. Also, I am SO FKN SICK, which is the real reason there was no episode last week. What else should I reveal here?? This is so liberating. I once hit a man on my snowmobile in Penetanguishene. Never turned around to see if he lived or died. God this is great!

dollspacepod@gmail.com That's it. That's our email. So for those of you who are over our janky website that I personally coded on WIX, you can feel free to write into us using our gmail. Also, sorry this episode is late, I encountered a tech error like I do every week - and with that, I BEG you to  ENJOY ANOTHER EPISODE WITH AUDIO LEVELS ALL OVER THE PLACE.

YO YO FAITHFUL HOMIES - SO sorry we couldn't give you your weekly fix of 2 best friends yapping on a podcast last week, we know there aren't enough of those circulating rn. It's an untapped market, and that's why we are going to make millions. And when we do, I'm buying reconstructive surgery to look like Annie (brown hair, blue eyes, BBL). 

Ok sorry today's episode was late - like one of our PERIODS. I was desperately trying to edit Annie's weird audio - but since they only use Cogeco (sp?) internet in St. Catharines - it was inevitable that one of these days her sound would be crap. Sorry for the glitch glitch, we are going to troubleshoot and fix for next week. In the meantime, enjoy this janky episode. ONE LOVE!!! 

No seriously, wtf is girl code - this is urgent guys I just slept with Annie's husband - did I break girl code??? I honestly have no idea so turning to the internet - is this reddit? NO??? It's the Dollspace description? shit shit shit shit

Annie makes some BOLD CLAIMS about emotional unavailability and about how men use it as an excuse. I said to her, I said "Annie - why bring gender into it??" Call me Tana Mongoose because I'm throwing my co-host under the bus in this description! But actually, I agree with her - men love to lie and women love to bake and be perfect. In other news, I have been crying A LOT lately - I don't talk about this in the podcast (because if I talk about it I'll start crying) so just letting you know here. What else, what else....some colds and flus going around. Stay safe out there! 

Since it's all Annie's fault that we missed last week, which I can say because I write these little blurbs - I needed to catch her up on what is going on in the TikTok world ie: Australian chick that vlogs a baby's funeral, Brooke Schofield and some other shit I forget about now but I'm sure is interesting! Back to our regular scheduled programming next week

I love when the guy I'm dating suddenly realizes we're dating and then decides dating is too serious so then we break up even though we never made it official in the first place. It's times like this I turn to astrology. The idea that I was dating a non committal man child who doesn't want to work on himself seems too reductive - It must be the random alignment of stars and planets *EYEROLL* Was this my most cohesive description yet??

Welcome to our Baskin Robbins Episode - lucky number 31 - and for all the kids listening, know that your 31st bday is something to look forward to because that's the bday when you get to eat an entire ice cream cake IF YOU WANT. No pressure. That's just what I would do. Annie would never, because she "values the vessel that is her body" - not me. I like to smoke hash and do stick and poke tattoos. Anyway, tons of good advice in this episode for sure. 

I've never met a guy friend I haven't wanted to f*ck! Just kidding. And if I'm not kidding, I have a lot of explaining to do. Because I'm flush with male friends. I'm like... one of the guys. I play COD, I eat burgers in front of the boys, I crush brews. Anyway here's our advice podcast. Annie wrote this one. Lol what a pick me. 

NOT THIS CRAP AGAIN - you don't believe in marriage, but you believe in long term monogamy? Walk us through that my guys - or rather, we will walk YOU through it because this is a Podcast where WE talk and YOU listen, SIMPS! Anyway, we also discuss what colour each month of the year is - and yes, in Canada we spell colour with a U. Same with favOURita. Zed. Hoose. Aboot. Bye!

Honk....shoooo.... mimimimi-- what? Where am I? TYPING THE DOLLSPACE DESCRIPTION? Insane, I thought I was taking a depression nap on my couch, but that's human perseverance for you! Today we have a really LOW ENERGY episode which is still somehow really funny and good. I don't know how we do it. I think later in life we're both gonna try for an EGOT.

NOT THIS CRAP AGAIN  - you don't believe in marriage, but you believe in long term monogamy? Walk us through that my guys - or rather, we will walk YOU through it because this is a Podcast where WE talk and YOU listen, simps!! Anyway, we also discuss what colour each month of the year is - and yes, in Canada we spell colour with a U. Same with favOURite. Zed. Hoose. Aboot. Bye!

Wow, 2 girls who have never committed to anything seriously in their lives make it to episode 27. Will we make it to the 28 club???  Guys, a side note that has been plaguing my mind lately is that Dr. Dre used to make like electro weirdo 80's synth rap - listen to Surgery by World Class Wreckin Cru - you'll be like THATS DR DRE? I want people to know that, but didn't know where to say it so HERE, TAKE IT. Annie and I solve people's problems, yada yada yada.

In this episode, Sam accidentally reveals that she was once an absolute psychopath who stalked her ex for.... 3 years? Whatever, what are you gonna do about it, CANCEL ME? The entire male population of Toronto tried to cancel me before they realized this gorilla grip Pu$$y cannot be beat!..... Annie wrote this description by the way. What a weirdo. 

Annie is finally back from here pilgrimage - I MEAN HONEYMOON - so the girls are gabbing again. We discuss Annie's Royal Wedding, and what's more - this episode was recorded on Annie's birthday, so there's just a hint of birthday FODER. I am NOT googling how to spell that, I just hope that's right. If it's not, just know it's pronounced "Fau-der"". Come to think of it, is that how you would spell it? FoDDer. I'm not checking. 

SO sorry for leaving you guys hanging for 2 weeks - as you may know, Degrassi's Annie Clark was busy getting married - and then she was busy on her honeymoon, and then she was busy getting her flight home cancelled and driving home instead, thus missing our recording session. So just me today folks. TW: I sound like the Joker having an unhinged pep talk to himself in the mirror this whole episode. BACK TO OUR REGULAR CONTENT NEXT WEEK!!! So excited :) LOvE YaLL!

Sam and Annie break down the types of guys they've come across, as well as plot to have a falling out for clout. I would write more, but I got a paper cut under my nail yesterday and the pain isn't worth bringing you up to speed here. Just listen to the ep pls I cnt type nomore ,.. @@!!

Is it cheating if it's at Tao? Is it cheating a boat? Is it cheating on a moat? What is cheating? Who is cheating - and who...am I? Are these my hands?... uh oh I'm disassociating while I write the podcast description, it's almost like I should stop typing  and come back to this when I'm of sound mind but *Ghoul Voice* IT'S  TOOOOOOO LATE I'M ALREADY UPPPPPLOADDDDINNNG! We have fun here. 

Are we the only two podcasters in the world who can't figure out how to do this remotely? Perhaps, - but are we also the only two podcasters in the world with a quirky best friend dynamic? No? Ok --- but SURELY we are the only 2 podcasters that gives advi- oh - that's every podcast? BUT TELL ME THIS - what other podcasters do you know who are unpaid but keep fucking delivering - a lot? Ok maybe just unsubscribe. 

Annie and Sam never claimed to be Women in Tech, which is why they missed last week (We were trying to record "remote", which ended with Annie in tears. Actually we both have been crying a lot lately, but no need to get into that here in the Episode Description).....Tune into this FUN ep, where we discuss Annie's Bach in VEGGGGY, Sam's intolerance for ballet, and of course, we solve the worlds problems (NOT WORLD HUNGER - WE HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO FIGURE THAT OUT YET AND THANKFULLY NO ONE HAS ASKED). 

Annie bravely continues to make a podcast with Sam, even after her massive TikTok scandal. Sam considers hiring a security team. Meanwhile, someone who wrote in might have to have a sleepover with her boyfriend and his dad? And FINALLY, we launched our Patreon! Join for the tea :) xoxo

Annie got her extensions back - which means she's pretty again. Unfortunately, she is was both hungry and late when she got to my studio, and therefore not on her A game for this pod. I can go on and on about the ways she leaves me to pick up the pieces,  but I won't. Not here. We will fight publicly on our patreon. I LOVE WRITING THE DESCRIPTION!!! ALL HAIL ME!!!

Annie and Sam FURIOUSLY discuss TikTok drama "DRESS-GATE" - where a bride was forced to spend SIX THOUSAND DOLLARS ON A DRESS THAT DIDN'T FIT HER. I'M STILL SO ANGRY EVEN TYPING THIS!! I shouldn't be in charge of the episode description. Badabeep badaboop honk honk.