Heavy Hands

Meet the new Apex card, somehow worse than the old Apex card. That's why, after discussing the only two good fights, we decided to give each of the UFC's 11 weight classes a nice, thorough checkup. There's another yokozuna in the world of sumo--our second new grand champion this year. Join us on Patreon for a breakdown of Onosato's historic rise in the latest episode of Heavy Henka: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands  Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u   

Michael Morales is already good, it's only a matter of time till he actually learns to fight. Sumo is back, which means Heavy Henka with Miguel Class is back too! Experience peak male performance with us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u

Jack Della Maddalena earned the belt the right way: by winning one hell of a good fight. Sumo is back, which means Heavy Henka with Miguel Class returns in just ONE WEEK. Experience peak male performance with us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u

The everyman champ, the action hero, the evil queen, and some French lady. What a lineup! My in-depth breakdown of Alexander Volkanovski's brilliant win over the terrifying Diego Lopes: https://facepunching.substack.com Hear us talk about Sandhagen-Figueiredo and some UFC 315 undercard action (JOSE ALDO) on our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u

Ian Garry finally remembered what made him a good fighter in the first place. My in-depth breakdown of Alexander Volkanovski's brilliant win over the terrifying Diego Lopes: https://facepunching.substack.com  More on Anthony Smith's laughable tribute, Bo Nickal's quest to become the most hated man in the sport, and JELLY ROLL--on our latest bonus episode: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands  Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u 

In this case, the nerd is the cool guy chain smoking at the bar. My in-depth breakdown of Alexander Volkanovski's brilliant win over the terrifying Diego Lopes: https://facepunching.substack.com  Support us and get access to bonus episodes and more on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands  Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u   

Now come the days of the king. May they be blessed. More of the finer points of the facepunching: https://facepunching.substack.com Support us and get access to bonus episodes and more on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u

Miguel Class steps to help break down the UFC's shocking decision to put on some decent fights. How the UFC has squandered the potential of Steve Erceg, possibly forever: https://facepunching.substack.com Yair Rodriguez vs Patricio Pitbull and more UFC 314 breakdowns on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands  Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u 

This Steve Erceg kid is really going places. The bottom of the Marianas Trench, for example. A closer look at Steve Erceg's struggles coming soon to the Finer Points of Facepunching: https://facepunching.substack.com It was a soul-crushing month of sumo for those of us who like a man with a little body hair. Miguel Class returns to talk about it on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u 

A few words about the passing of George Foreman, and then we talk about an Englishman getting mugged by the Brady Bunch. Move over Magomed Ankalaev, there's a new choke artist in town. My latest at the Finer Points of Facepunching: https://facepunching.substack.com/p/move-over-magomed-ankalaev-theres?r=evbq Wood vs Charriere and more from UFC London on the Heavy Hands Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u 

Just one more title shot, sir? It's not so much to ask. Move over Magomed Ankalaev, there's a new choke artist in town. My latest at the Finer Points of Facepunching: https://facepunching.substack.com/p/move-over-magomed-ankalaev-theres?r=evbq Sumo is back! The first of two episodes of Heavy Henka up now on the Heavy Hands Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u 

Alex Pereira beat Magomed Ankalaev at his own game (fighting with as little effort as possible).  Move over Magomed Ankalaev, there's a new choke artist in town. My latest at the Finer Points of Facepunching: https://facepunching.substack.com/p/move-over-magomed-ankalaev-theres?r=evbq  New episodes of our sumo recap series Heavy Henka coming to the Heavy Hands Patreon next week: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u 

Magomed Ankalaev has been frustrating us for nearly a decade. But does he have what it takes to frustrate Alex Pereira? In our latest bonus episode, Phil explains Grappler Baki. I thought it was a comic about fighting, but it turns out it's more about watersports: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u 

We're not angry, we're just disappointed. In our latest bonus episode, Phil explains Grappler Baki. I thought it was a comic about fighting, but it turns out it's more about watersports: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands  Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u 

Will Song Yadong turn a corner against an aging Henry Cejudo? Will Anthony Hernandez become just another victim of Brendan Allen's anti-grappler mojo? Will I come up with a third rhetorical question to wrap up this description? Talking Youssef Zalal, Angela Hill, Elijah Smith, and more in our latest bonus episode: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u 

Thank goodness we got to see it a second time.   More like SharabullSHIT Magomedov, right? For more jokes like this, please listen to our latest bonus episode: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u 

Dricus Du Plessis returns to run back the only boring fight he's ever had. HYPE. More like SharabullSHIT Magomedov, right? For more jokes like this, please listen to our latest bonus episode: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u 

The ant thing is crazy but I'm still stuck on how perfectly smooth they made Anthony Pettis. No human being is that glossy.  BIG THINGS HAPPENING in the world of sumo! A wild tournament, a three-way playoff, and a new yokozuna! All of that in the latest episode of Heavy Henka: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u 

What with Merab Dvalishvili's internal combustion engine and Islam Makhachev's positronic brain, it looks like curtains for humanity. January has been one hell of a chaotic month for sumo. Miguel Class returns to break down the action in the latest episode of Heavy Henka: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u 

My dead body don't burn it, don't bury it just leave it in the field and with it, fill the belly of some hungry dog Sumo is back for January, and Connor and Miguel Class will be breaking it down in this season of Heavy Henka: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u 

Shit man, I'm not even going to apologize for how late this is. This shit took forever. I'm going to go to sleep now. Sumo is back for January, and Connor and Miguel Class will be breaking it down in this season of Heavy Henka: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u 

Back at last after a long (and not entirely planned) holiday break, this week on Heavy Hands we've got the GOAT himself back to talk about a heavyweight fight that doesn't even suck.  Our boy Hoshoryu looked like yokozuna material this tournament, but fellow ozeki Kotozakura was even better. Sumo talk in the latest episode of Heavy Henka with Miguel Class: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u 

No, you idiot, I said sell Rakhmonov! SELL Rakhmonov! Sell, sell, sell! Our boy Hoshoryu looked like yokozuna material this tournament, but fellow ozeki Kotozakura was even better. Sumo talk in the latest episode of Heavy Henka with Miguel Class: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u 

What if Rudy sacked the quarterback and everyone booed. Our boy Hoshoryu looked like yokozuna material this tournament, but fellow ozeki Kotozakura was even better. Sumo talk in the latest episode of Heavy Henka with Miguel Class: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u 

What if we both get worse in different ways but at exactly the same rate? Could be fun. SUMO TALK. New episode of Heavy Henka with Miguel Class on our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u   

Keep things I disagree with out of sports.  Talking more shit about Bo Nickal and glazing Jim Miller on our latest bonus episode: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands To all those pitying Michael Chandler: NOTICE TO CEASE AND DESIST: https://open.substack.com/pub/facepunching/p/to-all-those-pitying-michael-chandler?r=evbq&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true  Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u 

I feel so alone, gonna end up a big old pile of them bones. Heavy Henka returns soon! Join Connor and Miguel Class in appreciating the beauty of fat bodies, and also the sport of sumo: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u   

A solid card in which everyone except Brandon Moreno came out looking slightly worse. Magomed Ankalaev accidentally had a fun fight and Shara Bullet delivered a stunning contender for Worst KO of the Year. Our latest bonus episode: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u 

A little crunchier than Volkanovski, but tasty nonetheless. Magomed Ankalaev accidentally had a fun fight and Shara Bullet delivered a stunning contender for Worst KO of the Year. Our latest bonus episode: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u 

Ilia Topuria has a lot to prove if he wants to find his place in the greatest championship lineage in MMA history. Talking mad shit about Magomed Ankalaev in our latest bonus episode: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u 

Wait... was this thing not plugged in? Big is beautiful in the latest episode of our sumo show, Heavy Henka: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands Breaking down Daniel Dubois' shocking win over Anthony Joshua: https://facepunching.substack.com/ Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u 

It turns out chess matches don't have to suck. Nobody tell Joe Rogan. Big is beautiful in the latest episode of our sumo show, Heavy Henka: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands Breaking down Daniel Dubois' shocking win over Anthony Joshua: https://facepunching.substack.com/ Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u 

Excuse me sir, do you have a moment to talk about Alex Pereira? Breaking down Sean Brady vs Gilbert Burns and more on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands Yes, pivots work in MMA. Don't believe me? Free reading on the Finer Points of Facepunching: https://facepunching.substack.com/p/yes-pivots-work-in-mma Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u 

Daniel Dubois defeated Anthony Joshua in a shocking upset, but what does that matter when the UFC is going to France! Breaking down Sean Brady vs Gilbert Burns and more on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands  Yes, pivots work in MMA. Don't believe me? Free reading on the Finer Points of Facepunching: https://facepunching.substack.com/p/yes-pivots-work-in-mma Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u  

What could be better than two of the dullest, most one-sided title fights in recent memory? How about two dull, one-sided title fights... with LIGHTS! Breaking down Sean Brady vs Gilbert Burns and more on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands  Yes, pivots work in MMA. Don't believe me? Free reading on the Finer Points of Facepunching: https://facepunching.substack.com/p/yes-pivots-work-in-mma  Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u 

The UFC commemorates Mexican Independence Day with a fight between an American and a Georgian, brought to you by the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia. Breaking down Sean Brady vs Gilbert Burns and more on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands Yes, pivoting works in MMA: https://facepunching.substack.com/  Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u 

Is Team Evil's sweet baby boy getting put out to pasture? Dricus Du Plessis - The Punisher: https://facepunching.substack.com/ Support us and listen to bonus episodes on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands  Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u  

We knew Caio Borralho was good for a middleweight, but is he, in fact... Actually Good? Dricus Du Plessis - The Punisher: https://facepunching.substack.com/ Heavy Henka! Miguel Class returns to discuss the epic conclusion of the July 2024 Grand Sumo tournament: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u 

For too long has the middleweight division been soiled by "technicians" and "good fighters." No longer. Dricus is here. Dricus Du Plessis: technique isn't everything, read the breakdown on the Finer Points of Face Punching: https://facepunching.substack.com/ Heavy Henka! Miguel Class returns to discuss the epic conclusion of the July 2024 Grand Sumo tournament: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u 

If the style you developed led you to this... of what use was the style? Dricus Du Plessis: technique isn't everything coming SOON to the Finer Points of Face Punching: https://facepunching.substack.com/  Miguel Class returns to discuss the epic conclusion of the July 2024 Grand Sumo tournament: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u  

First mistake... last mistake.  Heavy Henka! Miguel Class returns to discuss the epic conclusion of the July 2024 Grand Sumo tournament: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u 

Belal Muhammad and Leon Edwards conspired to deliver the most predictable upset of all time. Arnold Allen vs Giga Chikadze and lots more from the UFC 304 undercard on our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands  Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u 

Will Leon Edwards rest on his laurels against lifelong overachiever Belal Muhammad? Will Tom Aspinall rest on his two working legs after rematching Curtis Blaydes? This week... on Heavy Hands. Heavy Henka is BACK! Miguel Class returns to discuss the first half of sumo's July 2024 tourney: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands Bibliotech - breaking down the basic jab: https://facepunching.substack.com/ Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u 

Rose Namajunas is officially a crusty old veteran, ready to teach these whippersnappers a thing or two about the MMA. Discussing practically everything from the Whittaker-Aliskerov card on our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands  Bibliotech - breaking down the basic jab: https://facepunching.substack.com  Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u 

Rose Namajunas' quest for flyweight glory continues. And the rest of the card is pretty good too! Discussing practically everything from the Whittaker-Aliskerov card on our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands Bibliotech - breaking down the basic jab: https://facepunching.substack.com/ Listen/subscribe to the podcast: Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u 

Alex Pereira felt the need to summon the aid of dark forces in order to beat Jiri Prochazka. Shame on him!  Discussing practically everything from the Whittaker-Aliskerov card on our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands  How Gervonta Davis beat Frank Martin with a simple, efficient, and effective strategy: https://facepunching.substack.com/  Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u 

A solid card gets a much needed boost from a new, magically augmented main event. Discussing practically everything from the Whittaker-Aliskerov card on our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands How Gervonta Davis beat Frank Martin with a simple, efficient, and effective strategy: https://facepunching.substack.com/ Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u 

Even legends can lose to a random Dagestani dude. Kelvin Gastelum is back! And a few other matchups from the undercard: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands MMA's Marvin Hagler--the unique footwork of Dustin Poirier on the Finer Points of Face Punching: https://facepunching.substack.com/ Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u 

If we've gotta go back to the Apex... at least they're not middleweights.  Breaking down the latest grand sumo tournament with Miguel Class on episode 2 of Heavy Henka: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands MMA's Marvin Hagler--the unique footwork of Dustin Poirier on the Finer Points of Face Punching: https://facepunching.substack.com/ Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u 

Thank heavens for Islam Makhachev and Dustin Poirier. Breaking down the latest grand sumo tournament with Miguel Class on episode 2 of Heavy Henka: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands MMA's Marvin Hagler--the unique footwork of Dustin Poirier on the Finer Points of Face Punching: https://facepunching.substack.com/ Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u 

All too happy to see Dustin Poirier get another shot, but it feels like we've been here before.  Lerone Murphy vs Edson Barboza on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands MMA's Marvin Hagler--the unique footwork of Dustin Poirier coming soon to the Finer Points of Face Punching: https://facepunching.substack.com/  Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u