I'm F*cked Up

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Hoping to find healing in the midst of ruin. Hosted by Pastor Josh Evans of Borderland Mission in Nashville Tennessee. On this show we seek to hear peoples stories of brokenness and their journey to find healing in the midst of their own brokenness.

Joshua Evans


    • Apr 18, 2023 LATEST EPISODE
    • monthly NEW EPISODES
    • 1h 20m AVG DURATION
    • 54 EPISODES


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    Latest episodes from I'm F*cked Up

    IFU Episode 54 Rebecca Lesesne (therapist) is Effed Up

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 18, 2023 77:19


    Rebecca is a therapist, artist, yoga instructor and all around beautiful soul who sits down with us and we discuss and try to solve all the worlds problems.  haha It's a great conversation and you will appreciate her insight!

    IFU Episode 53 Derek Zanetti of The Homeless Gospel Choir is Effed Up

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 9, 2023 90:14


    We had a great time hanging with Derek Zanetti of The Homeless Gospel Choir.  We chat about everything from punk rock, faith, touring and everything in between.  Mostly we just had a really good time and we think you will as well!  

    IFU Episode 52 Anna Pohnert is Effed Up

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 13, 2023 97:07


    We sit down and have some real talks with Anna.  She talks about growing up in the Appalachian Mountains and dealing with mental illness.

    IFU Episode 51Campfires are Effed Up

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 1, 2023 88:06


    ***WARNING*** There may be some stories in this episode that you're not ready for.  Stories of abuse and trauma creep into this fun time as some of our group really wanted to share something that was meaning and powerful for them.  What this has done is made this an incredible epsiode of about 20 or so different stories from about 15 different people.  Many are lighthearted and fun while some are carrying a little more weight.  Overall we had a great time and you are invited to join us for this fun hang around a roaring fire on a cold night in November 2022.

    IFU Episode 50 Levi The Poet is Effed Up (pt 2)

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 20, 2022 101:29


    Part 2 with Levi the Poet, first of all this episode starts with a real effin treat as levi brings us a poem not before recorded called Holy Ghost Campfire.  Its beautiful as well as this conversation as we introduce you to Levi a little more and see how he thinks and hear some of his story!

    IFU Episode 49 Levi The Poet is Effed Up (pt 1)

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 13, 2022 73:49


    We had a ton of fun with our bud Levi Macallister, aka Levi The Poet with a 2 part in studio interview! This first half we talk about meditation and get into a brief introduction to Levi and where he is in his work these days.  We had a great time and you will too so dive in fuckers!

    IFU Episode 48 Jason Marsden (aka MARS) is Effed Up

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 17, 2022 82:02


    Jason Marsden has been the voice of Max on the "Goofy Movies" from the 90's, Binx the cat on the original Hocus Pocus movie and a plethora of other tv shows and movies since then either as actor or voice actor.  We sit and talk about all of that as well as a few of the struggles that come along with that.  At very least this episode was a ton of fun to record and I think you will enjoy listening!

    IFU Episode 47 Jason Strong was EFFED!!

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 2, 2022 116:44


    Jason Strong was wrongfully convicted of a murder in 1999.  He served 15 years in prison for a crime he was in no way connected with.  We hear his amazing story of arrest, release and everything in between as well as where is is now in life.  You do not want to miss this.  We are releasing this today on Sunday October 2 for Wrongful Conviction Day to honor all those who have been wrongfully convicted.

    IFU Episode 46 Podcasting is Effed Up! aka WE'RE BACK!

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 28, 2022 31:29


    After an unexplained 3 month hiatus we're back to chat and give some explanation behind our sudden vanishing! But WE ARE BACK! And we have some crazy stories coming your way!

    IFU Episode 45 Moses Campos is Effed Up!

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 25, 2022 118:46


    Old friend in the music scene Moses Campos, a member of the pop punk band "Thirtyseven" of Blood and Ink Records.  we talk with Moses about everything from music and faith to relationships and personalities.  We had a really fun time with Moses and we think yall will too.

    IFU Episode 44 Sonny Vega of 'Close Your Eyes' is Effed Up!

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 11, 2022 104:48


    We catch up with the bassist of the band "Close Your Eyes" and host of the podcast "It's Always Sonny Podcast" Sonny Vega!  We talk about everything from the rise and fall of Close Your Eyes, to Sonnys walk away from faith and how he is dealing with all of that.  We also chat about the upcoming Close Your Eyes reunion show at South By So What music fest!

    IFU Episode 43 Tiffany Elmergreen is Effed Up!

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 28, 2022 94:02


    We just had so much fun hanging out and laughing with Tiffany! We talk about music, and tattoos, and body image as well as a plethora of other stuff.  Tiffany is a 10 year tattoo artist and owner of Balm Tattooing as well as a member of the Grand Rapids based band Heartside Hooligans https://www.balmtattooing.com https://open.spotify.com/artist/0Ot0xCQ23aPgWleiRA6axD?si=IcJHNaPoSu-wDHqaWYHJyg   https://heartsidehooligans.bandcamp.com/     She is @tiffytuffington on IG

    IFU Episode 42 Hal Crossno is Effed Up!

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 14, 2022 95:57


    Hal Crossno is a vocalist, musician and straight up DIY Punk, (and we mean that in all the ways you can think of, good or bad, haha) we talk through a lot of things with Hal including "Straight Edge" growing up in a small town and growing up.  Its a great conversation and Hal is a phenomenal guy so dive in!

    hal straight edge effed diy punk crossno
    IFU Episode 41 Matt Long is Effed Up!

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 28, 2022 138:06


    We know this episode is super long but honestly we just had a good time talking about everything to beer, trauma, growing up in poverty, church, to how to love people without enabling them!  Its long but its a full episode with lots of laughs.  Matt is an artist with music on Spotify, Apple Music and Itunes

    IFU Episode 40 New Co-Host and New Producer!!

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 17, 2022 26:06


    Welcome to what is essentially part 2 of our last episode with Alex Miller! On this episode you get to meet the new cohost and Production Manager of IFU! Its going to be awesome and I can't wait for you to meet them!

    IFU Episode 039 We're BACK and more Effed Up than ever!

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 14, 2022 69:47


    We have a bomb to drop on you in this episode, but its really good and there are some stories shared by some of our best friends in this one!  So thanks for being here lets dive head first into 2022~!

    IFU Episode 038 Part 2 Daniel Hawkins is still Effed Up

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 21, 2021 73:30


    PART 2 with Daniel Hawkins of the late great hardcore band Take It Back!, and current owner and operator of The Digital Armoury talks to us about all things!  We talk about his story, his faith, his work and his newest endeavor which you'll just have to listen to find out!

    IFU Episode 037 Daniel Hawkins is Effed Up

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 20, 2021 95:53


    Daniel Hawkins of the late great hardcore band Take It Back!, and current owner and operator of The Digital Armory talks to us about all things!  We talk about his story, his faith, his work and his newest endeavor which you'll just have to listen to find out!

    IFU Episode 036 @RevTimoth is Effed Up

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 6, 2021 108:55


    Special guest co-host Joshua Stump of the Catacomb Podcast joins as we have a great conversation with Pastor Timoth! Timoth has an incredible story to share with you so dive in!

    IFU Episode 035 Dave Darr of Walrus Oil is Effed Up

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 22, 2021 97:58


    Dave Darr owner and founder of Walrus Oil a really rad company that gives back.  He shares his story of a childhood disease that was supposed to kill him and didn't, his conversion to Orthodox Christianity and a little more from his crazy life story. 

    IFU Episode 034 Lauren Gardenbelle is Effed Up

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 8, 2021 55:35


    We sit and chat with Lauren Gardenbelle who is an entrepreneur and artist who lives in a school bus with her partner Joe and their 5 dogs annnd she has over 1 million followers on TikTok!!  Her story is moving and inspiring as she seeks to get the most out of life despite the struggles she has endured.   www.laurengardenbelle.com/links to connect with her!  

    IFU Episode 033 Luke Sheafer (of Me Like Bees) is Effed Up

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 25, 2021 110:15


    Luke Sheafer front man (or "Head Singer" as his band refers to him, haha) of indy rock band Me Like Bees joins us for a conversation about "the church". We discuss all sorts of our and Luke's cynicism and frustration with the modern American church and discuss the importance of motive and drive as well as what our efforts toward helping homeless people should look like. It is a challenging conversation.

    IFU Episode 032 Mandy Middleton MMFT (the new IFU Therapist) is Effed Up

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 10, 2021 82:34


    The guys sit and chat with mental health professional Mandy Middleton a marriage and family therapist about all things mental health.  Conversations around healing and connection abound in this episode.  Def something you're going to want to listen to more than once, so buckle up! 

    IFU Episode 031 Nick Laparra of Let's Give A Damn is Effed Up

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 27, 2021 83:48


    Oh wow! such a cool guy! Nick is one of those guys that you meet who you actually feel Gives a Damn!  hah! Nick Laparra of the Lets Give a Damn podcast comes on and talks to us about everything!  Wait to you hear how this guy takes the edge off, its something NOONE else does! ;-)

    IFU Episode 030 @thatabbeysmith is Effed Up

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 20, 2021 80:35


    We chat with @thatabbeysmith of TikTok fame (find all her socials under that handle) and the queer pastor of Church In the Wild www.wildcovington.com We talk what it looks like to minister to the LGBTQ+ community, as well as past trauma and healing and even a whole bunch of laughs!  Abbey is a lot of fun as you will see! 

    IFU Episode 029 Alex Meraki is Effed Up

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 13, 2021 84:36


    Wow! Guest Alex Meraki is a true Renaissance Woman!! Talk about someone who has done it all already and is still looking to the future!  She shares her heartbreaking story of struggle and where she is finding hope and healing in her life today.  

    IFU Episode 028 Angelo Gonzales ( GalleryCat ) is Effed Up

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 30, 2021 119:23


    Josh and Alex sit and talk with rapper GalleryCat aka Angelo Gonzales about growing up as a christian rapper who was also living in gang culture from a very young age.  We also talk about laying down ourselves for the uplifting and reviving of others, and lots more! This is a big convo, so dive in!

    IFU Episode 027 Seth Webster is STILL Effed Up

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 16, 2021 99:44


    Back for round 2 with our good bud and yours the man bun himself Seth Webster!  Seth is the bass player for bands Oh Sleeper and To Speak Of Wolves, and formerly of the band Before There Was Rosalyn.  Just dive in its a big episode of Catching up with Seth you wont be disappointed! @solacejosh @alexandermillermusic @websterhappens

    IFU Episode 026 Luke Dewitt & Torey Smart are Effed Up

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 2, 2021 102:50


    Luke and Torey 2 of the 3 members of the band Granger (formerly Of Course Not) sit down with us for an entertaining and heart warming chat about tour life for small bands, trauma and recovery.  We also talk through their entire album "Dear Sam" where they give us a play by play of each track!  Very different and fun episode!

    IFU Episode 025 Carlos Salazar is Effed Up

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 19, 2021 82:49


    Author, poet, and former front man of the Victory Records band "Before There Was Rosalyn" Carlos Salazar comes on and talks about his immigration from Honduras to the US, family, success, music and how adulthood is a scam!  Great episode check it out!

    IFU Episode 024 Paul Swearengin is Effed Up

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 5, 2021 69:01


    Paul is a pastor in California with a big heart and a big brain! We talk deconstruction and what Paul's ministry looks like since leaving the church, as well as finding healing amidst all the mess.  

    IFU Episode 023 Front Porch Bonus Episodes are Effed Up

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 28, 2021 40:47


    Josh and Alex effed up their calendar and planned to record an episode but gave their guest another date . . . whoops.  So instead of a normal episode they just sat on the front porch with some cigars and whiskey to talk about life, this podcast and whatever else popped into their minds. It super meta bruh.

    IFU Episode 022 Biaka Zaidarhzauva is Effed Up (part 2)

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 21, 2021 47:59


    Artist, entrepreneur, musician, family man & more.  Biaka talks w/ us about the complexities of being AAPI and how that has become more difficult over the past year, also sharing his personal story of coming to the US & growing up as a "missionaries kid" (MK) in Tawian.

    IFU Episode 020 Biaka Zaidarhzauva is Effed Up (part 1)

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 7, 2021 71:34


    Artist, entrepreneur, musician, family man and so much more.  Biaka talks with us about the complexities of being AAPI and how that has become more difficult over the past year, as well as sharing part of his personal story of coming to the US.

    IFU Episode 020 Gallen Pierce Lackey is STILL Effed Up

    Play Episode Listen Later May 17, 2021 93:41


    Josh and Alex sit down AGAIN w/ Gallen Pierce Lackey and discuss standing up to people in authority.  Gallen is an artist and musician formerly of the band Sound the Ruin, he resides in Oregon with his wife Cassi and their 2 beautiful sons.  

    Episode 019 @kelleyatgrace the TikTok Pastor is Effed Up

    Play Episode Listen Later May 3, 2021 58:18


    As far as effed up people go Kelley has a way to go!  haha.  Her genuine empathy, love, and grace that she has for the world around her is contagious and humbling.  This show will challenge and encourage you to see God in the world and people around you!

    Episode 018 Myra and Jason Hess Are Effed UP

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 19, 2021 72:48


    Myra and Jason Hess share their heartbreaking story of Myra's double life she was leading for years.  As heartbreaking as this story is the hope and redemption that it lands on is even more moving.  Just listen to this inspiring story on your favorite podcast I'm Fucked Up.  

    IFU Episode 017 April Dawn is Effed up

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 5, 2021 108:10


    April Dawn recently released her first book which is a beautiful collection of poetry sharing the story of a lot of the effed up moments of her life.  Her book "Lungs Like Elephants" is a beautifully, transparent and moving collection of poetry.  She shares with us the story behind the stanzas and the joy, pain and tragedy that has existed thru her life so far. @lemondropinkshop @lungslikeelephants @artofapril

    IFU Episode 016 Pete Rifle is Effed up

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 23, 2021 80:14


    We sit down (in person!!! it felt so good to have another human in the studio) with a longtime friend of Josh's, Pete.  Pete is an incredible dude with a rough story.  But this episode will move you.  This episode is the very heart of what we are looking for at IFU, a tragic story of brokenness but as we come into it we meet Pete who is the beautiful product of the brokenness.  He is finding healing daily, and still dealing with a lot of his past (as you will hear) but his outlook and hope for the future is a contagious thing you will want to grasp onto.  This ones a little longer but we had a lot of fun and there is a ton of story so buckle up and get going

    IFU Episode 015 Father Trevor Buster is Effed UP

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 15, 2021 51:38


    We sit down with Catholic Priest Father Trevor Buster and discuss details of his life and why he see Priests as some of the most "effed up people there are".  This is a beautiful conversation with lots of laughs thrown in because Father Trevor is such a fun guy!  

    IFU Episode 014 Samantha Dowell is Effed up

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 28, 2021 62:31


    A friend of Josh's from High School comes to share her story of recently escaping an increasingly abusive relationship.  We discuss her story, her escape, some resources for others in this situation and where Samantha is now and how she is starting to move forward.   Here are a list of resources she shared with us. YouTube: Dr. Ramani, Dr. Les Carter (Surviving Narcissism) BOOKS:  "Power: Surviving and Thriving after Narcissistic Abuse" by Shahide Arabi "The Christians Guide to No Contact" by Sister Renee Pittelli "Healing From Hidden Abuse" by Shannon Thomas "No Contact" by H.G. Tudor

    IFU Episode 013 Twenty Twenty was Effed Up

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 29, 2021 64:15


    This episode was recorded in early December 2020 but because Josh is lazy it is just going up in January of 2021.  We talk about what a year 2020 was.  Enjoy.  Sorry its late , deal with it. ;)  ~josh

    IFU Episode 012 Seth Webster is Effed Up

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 16, 2020 79:50


    Alex and Josh sit down with and old friend of Josh's, Seth Webster!  Seth is the bass player for the band Oh Sleeper as well as several other bands we talk about.  We talk with Seth about brokenness and healing.  We talk about forgiveness and his struggles growing up as a human on planet Earth.  

    IFU Episode 011 Gallen Pierce Lackey is Effed Up

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 9, 2020 76:38


    Josh and Alex sit down with long time friend of Josh's Gallen Pierce Lackey and discuss brokenness and the role it plays in our faith journey.  As well as faith in the current political climate and the struggle that exists in that space.  Gallen is an artist and musician formerly of the band Sound the Ruin, he resides in Oregon with his wife Cassi and their 2 beautiful sons.  

    IFU Episode 010 Alex 'Animal' Vestal is Effed Up

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 3, 2020 57:40


    Solacejosh and Alexander Miller sit down with guest Alex 'Animal' Vestal of Joplin, Missouri.  Animal is a skateboarder, entrepreneur, musician, entertainer and so much more.  We have a candid conversation about his decision to stop drinking alcohol despite owning and running a bar.

    IFU Episode 009 Tornadoes are Effed Up

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 27, 2020 44:33


    Co-Host Solacejosh recounts his story from being a part of the May 22, 2011 F5 Tornado that cut a mile wide path of destruction through the town of Joplin, Missouri.  

    IFU Episode 008 Jordan Johansen is Effed Up

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 12, 2020 47:27


    Celebrity podcaster Jordan Johanson of the hit podcast Notable Nashville (which we barely mention, haha)  shares his story of coming to terms with his own sexuality and dealing with mental illness! Jordan is effed up and we love the crap out of this dude!  Give it a listen it's lots of fun!

    IFU Episode 007 Shawn Mark is Effed UP

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 12, 2020 79:09


    Shawn was born into a life of struggle.  His story is heart-breaking, up lifting and ongoing.  He is regularly speaking to people about the stigma around AIDS and helping to find resources and relief for those struggling through it.  Give a listen!  He is definitely an effed up individual and we love him!

    IFU Episode 006 Kelsey VonStrantz is Effed Up

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 31, 2020 98:13


    Such a good conversation and unfortunately the audio on this recording is as effed up as we are! Oh Well. crank it up to 11 and listen close!!

    IFU Episode 005 Joshua Stump is Effed Up

    Play Episode Listen Later May 18, 2020 78:41


    We sit down and talk to Pastor, Spiritual Director, Podcaster, Cigar Shop Owner, Councelor, Husband, Father and one of @Solacejosh's best friends for this fun and encouraging episode! Joshua talks about all the roles he operates in, his own life and the 7 stages of faith.  

    IFU Episode 004 Alex Miller is Effed Up

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 19, 2020 69:50


    Solacejosh sits down with Alex Miller musician and former producer of IFU to share his story as he also dives into being the new co-host!  While our buddy Shawn Mark becomes our new producer!  Alex is pretty fucked up make sure you check this out!

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