Not Models

This episode was recorded in February and contains no pandemic talk - we hope it's a lighthearted escape! This week Emily interviews Melissa, Emily dishes on new dog mom life and old car mom life, and the pair write their wills. Please share this episode with any lawyers you know!

Melissa has neighbor drama and creates a note to leave behind. Emily learns about the love letters of Melissa’s youth. Mel interviews Emily and they get 3% vulnerable.

Feeling fresh as a couple of daisies after the winter break Emily and Melissa are back with new goals, new news, new sponsors, and everything you've come to expect from these two long distance besties.

Melissa and Em talk holidays as we prepare for the rest of the season. Not sure what to do for your next holiday party theme? Can't remember if you know any Thanksgiving songs? Have a pet peeve for leggings that aren't thick enough to go to the gym with? If you answered yes to any of those questions then this episode is for you!

Melissa and Emily prepare for the apocalypse. They take a test to see how long they would realistically survive, and plan out the perfect bunker. Mel tells Emily how to protect herself from wild animals, and Emily nerds out a little too much on the Walking Dead. This episode comes with everything including a survival kit sponsor and various background noises.

Mel talks about the fountain of youth she discovered, and how you can do almost everything with two simple products. Emily updates Mel on all the odd news, including a story about bees attacking a plane and special agent animals.

This week we write hate mail to Melissa's arch enemy, learn about the health uses of cows blood, and catch up with Em and Mel in another week of their not model life.

Melissa & Emily try to decode mystery texts and review a new game. They talk about Melissa's trip to Nashville, trying out nude spas for the first time, and bizarre news Emily learned about construction sites (heads up minute 55 gets weird).

Em and Mel are full of ideas this episode from home improvements to fighting the counterfeit liquor industry. Music by Pip the PansySponsor: Not Models Design

Ever have a hard time meeting new people in a new area? We can help! This episode of Not Models has advice on how to be a good friend and what to avoid. Emily and Melissa also discuss birthday events, gators that are into wine, and sports bars that make promises they can't keep. Sponsored this week by homemade recipes sent directly to you!

After what feels like years apart Em and Mel are back with astrology news, airport DNA thieves, and the saddest turtle news of 2019. This episode dedicated to the memory of the windshield turtle. Drink some monk beer while you listen!

When you listen to this episode you may think, "Mel, what are you doing inside of a trash can?" Or, "Emily, get out of that well!" Don't be fooled, it's just bad sound quality. Just be sure to drink enough wine beforehand and it will sound like you're on the phone with some friends! In this episode Mel and Em talk about the Fourth of July, the meaning behind certain song lyrics, and what a handful of words mean in two different countries. Melissa responds to the world's longest email thread, and Emily creates a new drinking game for Mel.

Questions for Nurse?

What happens when Melissa and Emily take two weeks off from talking to one another? This episode. We learn that Mel traveled a lot, and had an interesting encounter with a business man at a bar. Meanwhile Emily explored her options in the bathroom during a California vacation. They dive into summertime, and discuss the do's and don'ts of attending a nude beach. Emily wins her first drinking game, and tells Mel about bees and cleanly crimes.

This week Emily and Mel dive into the daily life of men. From lots of balls talk, to the origins of chivalry, you heard it here folks. For men by women unqualified to talk about men's bodies but doing it anyway!

Emily and Melissa celebrate the joys and sorrows of lady issues. Emily explains what she refers to as the Melting Skeleton, and answers some etiquette questions on finding the perfect hair stylist. Melissa creates another drinking game and learns a little something about lucid dreaming.

Say hello to Toll Bridge Trolls and our Not Models community vacation to Russia. Emily and Melissa give it to ya straight this episode with their vacation and travel talk

Emily and Melissa welcome in the spring season! They discuss spring traditions, how to tell someone you love them with eggs, and Dingus Day. Mel creates a drinking game, and Emily learns she doesn't know much about pop culture rabbits.

Grab a glass of champagne and get ready to celebrate, because it's Melissa's birthday week! Em and Mel answer an Etiquette with Emily question, and talk about other April 9th holidays worth mentioning. Mel is tired of Emily keeping secrets from the podcast, and they both decide to confess a truth about a past life. This one may be short and sweet, but it's worth every Milano cookie you've ever had!

This week Emily and Melissa talk the history of Hen Dos, answer an insane etiquette question, and drink lots of wine. They also spend a lot of this hilarious episode working out the "kinks" on a genius business plan. Music as always by Pip the Pansy.

We kick the season off with discussion on skincare, setting standards, and cannibalism. All the while learning just how little Melissa knows about Egyptians. Emily has a bad experience on an airplane and Melissa gets a new product to review. If you want an episode that's just dark enough you think its Halloween, this ones for you!

Join Emily and Melissa as they take a trip down memory lane, revisiting some of their favorite moments from season 2. Music as always by Pip the Pansy.

If you were one of the lucky ones to listen to the terribly awkward recording of just Emily's voice as the "live finale" we sincerely apologize. If anything it will make this actual live finale sound even better!

Get ready for a wild ride of tips and tricks, patented songs, and millionaire dreams.

Mel may sound like she lives in a well this episode, but don't let that stop you from enjoying our conversations on overpriced subscriptions, emotional support wild animals, and how every car should come equipped with a pregnancy kit. Sponsored this week by the world of Oswald.

Secret confessions and advice, what more could you want?? This week Emily and Mel discuss using butter for beauty and what to wear to a country chic bachelorette party! They also go over the official rules of sharking your friends, and describe what it means to be dancing on all levels. If you like juicy information and are failing New Year goals already, this episode is for you!

Have you ever made a wooden statue? With a chainsaw? We haven't either. But we discuss what it might be like! This week's episode includes fantasy cults, hoarding appliances, and Etiquette with Emily!

The gift giving discussion continues, including advice on how to accept a gift you don't like. Melissa brings up the past, and Emily has to confess to one of the worst white elephant gifts in history. If you want a feisty episode then this one's for you! Sponsored by Tina's Tye Dye and Music by Pip the Pansy

Tis the season where all our friends and family don't tell us what they want for gifts! Don't worry, this episode of Not Models has you covered. Melissa and Emily review the many ways in which one can give a gift and have it be successful. Do you own a stuffed shark that you're willing to recycle? No? Well we advise investing in one, and if you listen to this episode you'll find out why. Sponsored by Safety by Standards products and music by Pip the Pansy.

This week we are recovering from Thanksgiving and prepping for the rest of the holiday season. Thanks to Pip the Pansy for the music.

It's that time of year again! The time where social gatherings rise while our desires to be social taper out. We get it. That's why this week we focus on small talk, and provide award winning questions that will ensure conversation flow for hours! If you're not including the word"gregarious" in all your sentences after this episode, then you truly are your own person! Sponsored this week by a pharmaceutical medicine we can't spell and don't recommend. Music by Pip the Pansy

Ever been invited to a holiday party but know deep down you'd rather stay at home and have a "me" day? We get it. Which is why in this episode of Not Models, Melissa and Em cover all the tips and tricks for being shy while attending parties! Want to hide in a corner, but also make it look like you're interested in the crowd? This one's for you! Need excuses to get from one event to the next? This one's for you! Sponsored this week by a new movie that will be released sometime before the end of 2018. Music by Pip the Pansy.

Thought Emily and Melissa were over the spooky stuff? Wrong. This week they dive into date ideas for October (which you can do with someone or by yourself), talk about different festivals to celebrate, and review a costume from the weekend!

This episode is for you, the lovely and spooky host of the Halloween parties across the nation. If you try to be Pinterest but can't, if you're throwing a party, or if you're hoping to find a happening house to trick-or-treat at you must listen to this episode. Full of the beautiful sounds of Pip the Pansy and the less beautiful improvised songs of Emily and Melissa, this episode will get you in the holiday spirit (Not the Christmas holidays either, Niles we are looking at you.) Thanks to Compost Clothes for sponsoring this spooky October episode and thanks to Goosebumps for just existing.

What's the best way to welcome in the best month of the year? You guessed it! With Melissa and Emily as they kick-off their four weeks of spooky themed episodes! Pranks, costumes, candy, and corn! Much is covered this episode, including Melissa's wine tasting adventures, Emily's new knowledge of Rugby, and a free guide to halloween costumes for all the parties this season. Sponsored by the one and only True Time Bakery, thank you for the sponsor True Time! Music by Pip The Pansy

As Emily would say, sit down and grab a bottle of wine! This episode is heavy with knowledge, clarifying football positions, reviewing hiking poles, and all the bee research you never knew you wanted to hear! Sponsors today include Pip Fizz and yet another tool that's not necessary to own.

It’s football season and you better believe Emily and Melissa are keeping you informed! Don’t miss this week’s episode of Not Models, where Mel discusses knee injury conspiracies, strip sacking, and the Cleveland Browns! Emily learns who to pick during her first ever fantasy football league, and Mel survives a terrifying life moment involving her bellybutton. Find out where the proper location to cook eggs isn’t, and whoever makes a guess at the number of profanities Emily uses, will receive a complimentary thank you card in the mail!

This episode is sponsored by moles and aphids. Just kidding, it's not, fuck those guys. Emily and Melissa catch up on the long weekend which includes almost poisoning friends and chilling with wedding crashers. Listen in for advice on how to handle work events, annoying wedding guests, and trips to some of the most photographed places in the Western USA (I'm looking at you Kite Festival!) Thanks to Pip the Pansy for the wonderful tunes!

Welcome back! We are excited to start Season Two with new and improved sound, even more crazy news, the highest of quality for product reviews, and more! Catch up with Emily and Melissa as they go over what breaching is, how to glue things into your fingernails, and why a bear decides to rearrange furniture! Music by Pip the Pansy

We had oh so many sponsors this season, we figured the best way to say farewell would be by remembering all the great ways we afforded to do any of this. From Windowless Rooms to Olden Times Floats, all of them are here! The only downfall to this episode is we don't have any NEW sponsors. Unfortunately we had to produce this episode with are own heart and soul and cash. If that's not a testament to how much we love our fans, then I don't know what is.

Our favorite moments from the first season of Not Models