Third Culture Thriving

Hi friends. It feels so incredibly good to be back on here with you, after a quite long unplanned hiatus from the podcast. I feel like I owe you some explanations, so, here we go.

I am fresh off of a month of messy travel, and today I want to do a special travel edition of everyone's favorite episode: what's saving my life. Because travel is a big part of our lives as global workers, whether we travel often or we travel infrequently but very long trips, and having some tricks up your sleeve can make or break your time. So, here's some of my favorites.

Today's episode is an intensely practical one: we are going to explore three different techniques you can use to ground yourself when you are feeling overwhelmed or panicky or even just OFF. Of course, this isn't just something that global workers struggle with, these things apply to everyone, but it certainly does seem to come up for us, doesn't it?

Today, I want to take some time to chat a bit about some of the books that have been released in the last few years, specifically targeting global workers. I have read all of these books and they have each blessed me in different ways, and I hope they will bless you, too.   Grit to Stay, Grace to Go (Eenigenburg and Burkholder) Raising a Family Overseas (Danforth) The Grief Tower (Wells) Sacred Siblings (Eenigenburg and Grumelot) Yet Still We Hope (Hilkemann and Beck) Liturgies and Laments for the Sojourner (Fallis, Boyce, and Rubinski)

This week, I want to do something a little different than I've done before, and guide you through a time of reflection and processing, in hopes that the next few months can be joyful, intentional, and leave you feeling exactly as you'd like to as the year ends. We'll go through a series of questions and prompts for you to name and think about. You can go at your own pace stopping and starting as needed, or listen all at once and then refer back.

Hey friends, welcome back to Third Culture Thriving. I'm your host, Karli Von Herbulis. I'm a wife and mom living in Kigali Rwanda, where I serve in my local congregation, run this podcast and online ministry, study spiritual direction, and recently was selected to serve as a Regional Director for my sending agency, New International, based in Ft Myers, FL.   But- if you had asked me to write that bio at the beginning of this year and predict what I would be doing for this school year? I would've given you a very different picture of my life.   Back in the pilot episode for this season (episode 101) I alluded to my new positions changing my long term plans for Third Culture Thriving, and I want to get into a bit of that today. But first, I want to ask you: have you ever had a dream or calling or vision you were confident in, only to have it change as time goes on and n ever come to fruition quite the way you thought it would?

I didn't plan to do a sabbatical over the summer, the way that some people plan years in advance when they'll take an intentional season away from certain professional or ministerial duties. No, my idea to take a sabbatical was born out of the depths of trauma and burnout, and it felt like the only path forward. The last year has been an intense one for me personally, wrought with trauma and conflict and change and challenge. By April, I was completely exhausted and couldn't fathom what the next months would look like. So I cleared my schedule the best I could, took as many responsibilities off my plate as possible, and gave myself a lot of permission to rest.   The problem was- I didn't really now what I was doing. I had guidance from my spiritual director and my therapist, and I am grateful for those, but I also was missing one element I have some to believe is key for setting up a meaningful and effective sabbatical: I wasn't coming from a place of solid Sabbath practice. I work for our church, so Sunday's aren't restful for me at all. The weekend is often spent getting ready for Sunday, or doing household chores. I didn't have a weekly day of rest in my life: how was I supposed to pivot into an entire season of rest?

Yes, I'm saying “summer off” instead of a “sabbatical” for a reason. Because when it came down to it, my sabbatical didn't go as planned in a number of ways. Today, I'm sharing some reflections and updates from the summer, as well as some of the small rhythms I've developed that I'm increasingly grateful for. I hope this will inspire you to reflect on your own last few months with both clear eyes and a thankful heart, whatever life threw your way.

Life feels like a lot right now, both in some overwhelming ways and some great ones, so I feel like it's best to give you kind of a “state of the soul” today. Both for your information, and my own need for processing. And then, to give you a bit of a manifesto as I enter a summer sabbatical of sorts. Thanks for being here.

We love WSML episodes! Here's my top 10 as we head into the end of the podcast season.

This morning, as I was again ruminating on this, coffee in hand, I heard a gentle whisper: “Why don't you instead ask: what do I desire FOR you?”   My breath caught as I let the question linger quietly in my spirit. Am I asking the wrong question?   What could the Lord desire FOR me, instead of FROM me?

Today, I want to take the time to walk you through resource that we've provided for free on our website for over a year now, but we haven't really devoted a lot of energy to here on the podcast. I hav e heard from a number of you that are making the difficult decision to transition from your host countries back to your home countries this year, and still others who are shifting assignments from one country to the next as is the norm in your field. Many of you are about to go through a major shift, and I want to support you through it.   Last year, we released a resource called “The spaces between nations: a transitions workbook.” This document is over 40 pages of lists to make, journalling prompts, memories to capture, timelines to make, themes to identify, and even packing tips and travel tricks to support you on your journey. It's a resource that I poured a ton of time and emotion into, as I have watched many of my best friends make these transitions in the last few years. I pray that it will be a blessing to you, too.

In this life overseas, we all journey through these seasons where life feels like too much, but being able to step away and bring it to God feels like just another impossible thing to add to our never-ending to do list. We might even have tools at our disposal, but often we just need something that's already done and prepared for us. Something we can just plug and play.   So, today, I want to give an unsolicited and unpaid recommendation to the forthcoming Velvet Ashes Online Retreat. The Velvet Ashes team does a really incredible job crafting a beautiful retreat for expat ladies every year, and it's always a highlight for me.

Today's episode topic is deeply personal to me, because it's been a constant battle in my home really since I got married. Today, we're talking about practically valuing and protecting your family and prioritizing it over your mission. Let's get into it.

Today, we're talking about something that you're all told me is heavy on your hearts and something you don't always know how to handle: money requests from staff or local friends.

Most of us can make a list of “great things to have in our country” pretty fast by now. Seasoning mixes, seasonal teas and treats, Ziploc bags, essential oils, Western candy and snack foods, makeup and sunscreen and bug spray, passport holders, decaf coffee. We fill our suitcases and our visitors' suitcases with these things with ease.   But what about some items to really make your life easier? That maybe you haven't thought about before? Let's get into it.

Last week, we chatted about different questions you could ask a prospective or current sending agency. On Instagram, you all shared so many more, so I wanted to give you a part 2 episode. In addition, later this week we'll have a beautiful download on our website of all these questions, organized for you to used. It's been a great thing to crowdsource, and I'm hopeful that it'll be useful for our community for years to come!

I've adapted the original 30 Days of Prayer and Learning into a Lenten guide, including journaling prompts, sabbath practices, and opportunities to write your own prayers for your host country. Each day, we'll pray together for a facet of your host country or a relevant topic: for example, for the government, for the lonely, for single mothers. There are also questions top help you dive deeper into this topic with further research into what that looks like where you are serving. What resources are there for single mothers? What is the government really like, and how does it function within the region, or globally? You'll also have the opportunity to partner with local friends who can add depth and dimension to your understanding.

Here's the number one thing I want you to keep in mind as you go through this: more than anything else, your supporters need to feel connected to YOU. Yes, they need to understand your ministry and believe in your “why”. But in the end, they need to know your heart, your personality, and be connected and invested in you as a person, as a family. And because of this, not every newsletter needs to be an impact report! I know, mind blowing, right?

Today, we're chatting about how to plan our weeks well. Between non-negotiables like school or meetings, self care time, and goals we are working towards, it can be hard to know what to prioritize. Let's figure it out!  We're also talking about what to expect from TCT in 2023. Plan to join us for our FREE Lent of Prayer and Learning ommunity experience, starting Ash Wednesday, Feb 22.

This year, I've been challenged by several wise, older people in my life to move away from a faith that relies on routine and checked boxes, and more towards a faith that is more intuitive and spirit led. Sounds easy, right? But in reality, I relied heavily on very strict rhythms in almost every area of my life to keep myself afloat, including in my faith. And while it worked at a base level, it wasn't the liberating, life giving faith experience I knew God wanted to give me. So, as I go into this Advent season, I'm considering what to fast or what to adopt with this intuitive, spirit-led faith in mind.

As we get to know how the church operates in another culture, it's to be expected that we find new ways that the Gospel manifests itself, often that are very different from how we have seen the gospel presented in our own cultures. Some things that are only tangentially important to our culture's interpretation of the gospel are much more important and central where we find ourselves now, and other central parts of our own faith become secondary in our new culture. Of course, there are the basic tenants of christianity that shouldn't change from culture to culture. But often, there are “grey areas” that are more nuanced and can look very different ways in very different places!

The last time I put out a call for episode topics, I got a number of responses about having realistic expectations for ourselves, how to grieve the loss of our capacity and ability to whip through a to-do list, and reframing success. Friends, today I'd like to introduce you to a little something I call the “minimum successful day.”

Much of this life is just not absolute. There are lots of uncertainties, lots of grey areas, lots of things changing all the time. We find one rhythm that feels like it works for us, and then something changes and throws that off. We think we've found the right house staff, but our needs change. Flight prices go up, roads close, your favorite cereal isn't imported for a few months, pandemic regulations shake up your plans. It can be easy to feel a bit unmoored *often* in your life overseas. Things rarely stay consistent.   So today, I want to encourage you to do something: just, try things out. Experiment. Explore. Don't commit to a certain rhythm or make decisions quickly. Take time to see what feels good. See what sticks.

Today, I want to do something a little different. I want to give you three metaphors that I've found useful as I've traveled through similar phases of acedia myself, that you can use for personal meditation, prayer, or journaling. My hope is that these metaphors will help you see your host country as the gift that it is for your journey, and that you would come to appreciate the beauty in the Lord's bringing you here in this timing, for his purposes and delight.

Today's episode is part book review, part hearty book endorsement. I first read the book The Wisdom of Stability by Jonathan Wilson-Hartgrove fairly soon after it's release. You may know his name from his association with Shane Claiborne and the New Monastics movement, and as such, he is a truly perfect person to write a book about staying put.

Today is a big one, friends. If you'll permit me,  I want to gently and graciously tackle one of the biggest questions I get in my work with Third Culture Thriving: should I stay, should I go? How do I know when it's time to leave my host country? I want start by saying that I do not intend to give your any kind of answers or even framework for finding answers here. Simply, I want to give you some questions to think through and remind you of some truths as you journey through this difficult question.

Finding time to quiet ourselves and process our lives can be a challenge. Our lives overseas can be chaotic, unpredictable, and demand so much from us. And when we do find that space, often we find ourselves so overwhelmed with all of our thoughts and feelings, it can be difficult to figure out where to begin.   Our lives feel like one big jumble in our brains. Where do we start?   Introducing the Third Culture Thriving journaling and reflection deck A simple, beautiful, intentional tool to help guide your times of processing and quiet.

The status quo, the way it's always been done is only helpful if it's truly helping everyone. If it's not? Remember your agency. The health of your family and ministry are the most important, and from that will flow the goodness of the Lord's calling for you in your host country. Remember your agency, and make the shifts you need.

In keeping with our September Intentions Project theme of Patience, a replay of a popular early TCT episode. 

To set the tone here, what constitutes a dirty home and what clean will mean to any of us is entirely subjective. So rather than outlining a cleaning schedule for you in this episode, instead I'm going to talk through some principles that you can think about or questions that you can ask yourself, that will help you create your own plan off action. Ready?

We talk often about the tension between wanting to be as generous as possible and also needing to maintain healthy boundaries. While this is a worthwhile conversation to have, it's one that is centered solely around our comfort and ability to be healthy and continue to give. It's necessary to also look at the other side of this situation- how our generosity affects the people on the receiving end.

Is stayng or going constantly on the table for you, because you don't have any specific term commitment? Consider instituting your own terms of commitment and times of reevaluation!

Today's episode is a quick and practical one- 5 quick health tips for you, wherever you find yourself in the world, no supplements or equipment or crazy things needed. Let's go!

In keeping with our monthy Intentions Project theme of Rest, a replay of one of TCT's popular early episodes. 

Many of us have just slogged through the emotional minefield that is leaving season. Hard goodbyes and identity crises abounded for us, but we've made it.   But for some of us, this season brings new adventures. It's arrival season! Families transitioning to new countries are settling in and finding their footing. So, hey! Today's episode is for all of you. Here's five things to do in your first month abroad.

A quick episode about what leaving and loving well can look like- from the stayer's perspective. A collection of thoughts on what I've seen people do well over the years, and how a "leaver" can be kind and thoughtful to their inner circle as they go.

In keeping with this months Intentions theme of REST, we're replaying a favorite episode from very early on in the podcast. 

Over the years, I've shared my story of struggling living abroad and coming out the other side (as much as one can, I guess) in bits and pieces. Most notably, the pilot episode talks about this in a lot of detail. It was a lot of really strategic intentional work that got us to this place, and a number of intentional choices were made that increased out longevity on the field- and today, I want to talk specifically about those things.

Maybe you're finding yourself in a trying season this year. Maybe it's like mine, where you're grieving the departure of friends or colleagues. Maybe you're grieving the death of a dream of some kind, or an unwanted shift in focus, or something you've been praying for that isn't coming to fruition. Maybe you're leaving the field, but it's the last thing you want to do. I encourage you, dear friends- grieve these things. Feel them deeply. Let them shape you. But also- lean into where God is clearly moving around you.

I feel like nobody really talks about how difficult the re-entry back to your host country can be. Yes, jet lag can be brutal, but theres also an emotional wall we can hit when we return, and it can be incredibly challenging and discouraging- and it can hit even if we are incredibly happy and ready to be back in our host country. Today, I want to share some thoughts about re-entry, both practical and philosophical, to hopefully support you and your family for a smoother time when you return!

After a brief hiatus for summer travel, TCT is back with a fun episode about the 10 things saving my life right now. I'd love to hear yours! 

As we wade through the many places where we can be generous and have profound effects on the people around us, may we be lead by the Spirit and walk in obedience to his calls. May we be wise and discerning, seeking to build up the people around us rather than solve an inconvenient problem. May we be creative and insightful, understanding the implications of generosity and seeking the best way to help those around us, even when it isn't obvious. And may we always look to the example of Christ, who gave himself up for us, because it was the only way.

On today's episode, we are discussing the idea of "borrowing prayers", plus I'm sharing my favorite prayer books. 

What if strength of faith isn't shown in having all the answers or blindly moving forward, but in the ability to doubt and question and wrestle and beat our chests,  in communion with Christ and acceptance of his goodness and love for us? What if the growth of our faith depends on this honestly and vulnerability, instead of running away from it?