Church of Lazlo Podcasts

How does $7,000 and some new grandparents sound? It can all be yours if you move to Greenburg! Or maybe it's Greensburg. I'm pretty sure it's somewhere in Indiana. *Police are worried about a surge in attacks against women at nightclubs involving syringes filled with date rape drugs. *Doomscrolling! Brian Laundrie's parents finally hand (what's left of) their son over to police. Mix and match your vaccine boosters! Vaccine boosters are here! Paris Hilton is trying to expose and end the abuse of children in boarding schools and behavior boot camps. *If your ex sent you a nude right now, what would you do? *Everyone on the show is supposed to confess one previously undisclosed secret today. Slim ends up being the only one. *Ten things required for true love. *Could this end up being the weekend Jeriney's mom starts to get along with Jeriney's boyfriend? *Nick Wright is on the show!! He'd like to promote his new business and give us an NFL preview for the weekend. *I gotta go! My Uber's here! Have a great day and please say hi on Twitter and Instagram @churchoflazlo -Everybody Wang Chung!!   See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

*Did you have a Fisher Price toy phone when you were little? You did, whether or not you remember. You'll soon be able to purchase one that actually works. (Nothing weird or scary about that https://bit.ly/3jjRoDQ)  *She's a tech junkie, a self proclaimed privacy advocate, but she loves tik tok and smart speakers. *Doomscrolling! Did they find Brian Laundrie's body today? A big airplane crashed in Texas but everyone got out alive. We finally have bulletproof evidence that ghosts exist and they hate dogs. You aren't a spy and you don't have Putin's contact info. Facebook is rumored to be changing they're corporate name next week. *Should you have sex on a first date? At least one girl on tik tok says yes and her logic is solid. *Do BDSM enthusiasts bring up their kinks at dinner or wait until they show dates their dungeon? * Something went wrong :(  A problem with Karen.exe was detected. *What is something that disgusts you but other people seem to like? *A local news channel in Spokane Washington inadvertently aired a few seconds of porn on a studio monitor. People called the cops. Cops said they're sending the Special Victims Unit (SVU). Not a joke. *America's biggest phobias by state. *Thanks for listening! Happy Birthday Snoop Dogg!!   See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Why do some people get canceled while others get to star in the new John Wick prequel series coming to STARZ? *Talk about yourself too much? No good. Don't talk about yourself enough? No good. Do you look angry all the time? No good. Do you smile too much? No good. Is there anything you can do that won't make people hate you? Based on this article, it sounds unlikely. *Doomscrolling! The FDA might be getting ready to say it's okay to mix and match vaccine boosters. People protest vaccine mandates in California. China's got a hypersonic missile and the pentagon says it's probably time to surrender. Trump is suing someone again. The Haitian gang wants $17 million to release the hostage missionaries. Two injured and one dead after two separate falls at a Phish concert. Apple is going to start selling something you can actually afford but probably don't want. A woman's house was sold without her knowledge but it sounds like she never owned the house to begin with and technically the house doesn't even exist anyway. (It sort of makes sense if you listen) *Did he stop texting you back? Why some guys love to ghost people. *Are you parent? Do you have parents? Did you used to have parents? If you answered yes to any of these questions, this segment is for you. *The lead singer of Ministry said he never planned on making it past 27. Don't lots of young people think like that? *Diseases that can kill you in a day. Why? It popped up as clickbait on my computer. *People share stories of unpleasant celebrity run-ins. *How would you feel if your teenager told you they want to start going to church with their friends? *That's it! Send it to the archives, we're out. Until tomorrow.... -Everybody Wang Chung!! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Laundrie's neighbors are allegedly charging the press money to park in their driveways and stand in their yards. Seems reasonable to us. *Am I the a-hole? A groom is upset that his fiancé doesn't have any female friends that she can ask to be in the wedding. To even things out, he asks his ex girlfriend to be his best man. *Doomscrolling! The suspect in the Texas school shooting has been arrested. Tesla gets hit with an enormous lawsuit. Gabby's family did an exclusive interview on Dr Phil. Your dog knows when it's about to rain. A man is attacked by an evil rooster while walking the streets of New York. The FBI raided NYPD union headquarters. *Two middle aged pals broke into a water park in the middle of the night, got hurt on the water slides, and now they want to sue the water park. *Forget about the 20ft Lowe's skeleton of 2020, this year it's all about the inflatable sex skeletons. *Ten things you might be doing right now that will kill you. *How long do you have to live somewhere before you can say you're "from there"? *Jeriney got baptized for sex. That's right folks. Baptized for sex. You gotta hear it to believe it. *Have a great day! Don't forget to say hi to us on twitter/insta @churchoflazlo and check out lazlo.church   See you tomorrow! -Everybody Wang Chung!! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Another Tuesday, another day Slimfast gets worried that Lazlo is dead. *30 year-olds dating 19 year-olds. Dogs living with cats. The world is nuts.  *Doomscrolling!! Facebook is back and so are the whistleblowers! Brain Laundrie's sister says she wants her brother to turn himself in. A former NASCAR driver was shot and killed over the weekend. Schools apparently have active shooter alarms and those alarms can be set off with frisbees. Cinderella would not like to meet you in your hotel room. Your shorts are making people sick. *Six different ways to love. Let's play spin the bottle and figure out which way best describes you. *The hot new Hollywood trend? Matching spouse toilets. *There's a rumor going around that uber charges people more if their phone is dying. There's a rumor going around that uber charges people more if their phone is dying. *Science has determined the 20 scariest movies of all time and Fatal Attraction didn't make the list. *If you're having trouble finding love, perhaps it's time for you to visit a Hyundai dealer. *Have a great day/night! I just can't thank you enough for everything! -Everybody Wang Chung!!! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

​Yes! The weekend is finally over! Hopefully you're having a better day than facebook employees. *We could spend a month coming up with all the different things that trigger our anxiety but few come close to the feeling of being stoned and not knowing why. *Doomscrolling! Facebook is still down and the longer it stays down, the more worried people are about the idea of using craigslist and myspace again. Move over ivermectin, Merck has entered the chat. Police and teachers warn about the felonious behaviors being promoted on tik tok. A couple on vacation in Arkansas find a huge diamond in the ground and Lazlo finds a huge hole in Slim's head. *A couple in D.C. claim they accidentally bought the house where the actual exorcist took place. *Julia's bf spent the weekend alone and he's finally feeling happy and whole again. *Been awhile? Here are some indications that you might be in serious need of romance. *It's just facebook and it was just down for a day but don't tell Lazlo and Slimfast that. They're both floating away on the river of conspiracies. *Another Monday in the books. Have a great day/night and please stop back by tomorrow. If our keycards still work, we'll be here. -Everybody Wang Chung!!! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

​It's Friday! Where my DFW crew at? *Jessica from Vegas tells us how to beat up a shark and I think that's pretty darn thoughtful of her. *Did you get COVID? Did you experience any of the strange COVID side effects? Lost of taste and smell? Restless anal syndrome? *Doomscrolling! We're running out of stuff to buy. A hs in Orlando voted for their first transgender homecoming queen. Brian Laundrie is still missing. Golfers attack pranksters with air horns and people get hurt. How to transport a large couch with a mini cooper. Deck the halls and punch his balls. Please buy this guy's catalytic converter so he can pay his bond. *Studies have shown that men are really bad at sizing up other men. Here's what to look for before throwing down with a stranger. *It's Friday and Nick Wright is on the program! He's got more surprises for us and he tells us everything we need to know about week 4. *A lot of people over 50 claim they're having sex five times a week! They also claim they're having the best sex of their lives and they're doing it all over the house. *October is here. That means cool nights, pumpkin patches, scary movies, and locked in syndrome. *Aloha! Have a great weekend. Talk to us on social media @churchoflazlo and check out lazlo.church Hope to see you Monday!  -Everybody Wang Chung!!!   See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Yo! It's free coffee day but who cares? Lazlo watched the multiple personality thing on Netflix which means it's time for him to yell at Slimfast for making crappy tv recommendations. *Careful guys! Just because she's giving you the look, laughing at your jokes, texting you first, and touching you, it doesn't mean she​'s flirting! *Doomscrolling! If more people don't get vaccinated, it's gonna be a long winter. Brain eating amoebas shouldn't be a thing and they certainly shouldn't be a thing at children's water parks. Britney is back in court today to finally put an end to her conservatorship. If you think you might have rabbis you should probably get treated. A man drowns with a winning lottery ticket in his pocket. The Kentucky Duel Oath is still a thing and I'm honestly good with it. *Do you think people feel sorry for you when they see you eating and drinking alone in public? *We here at COL take pride in being Soaking hipsters. *Millennials never asked for pinball machines in the office. *A quick round of GTK! What's the one unspoken rule you always follow? What movie do you always leave on when it pops up on tv? *Have a great day! If you live in DFW, please take a moment to head over to the station's facebook (https://www.facebook.com/alt1037dfw) and say something nice about us. Don't forget to follow us on social media @churchoflazlo and check out lazlo.church   -Everybody Wang Chung!! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

​Things start off a little awkward today. On Friday, Slimfast and Lazlo made plans to go drink at an art fair over the weekend. Slimfast was supposed to text but he never did. He did, however, go to the art fair without Lazlo. *Ten years ago, Lazlo and Slimfast got into an argument about hypothetical  women with hypothetical seal faces. It doesn't come up often but when it does, it still doesn't make any sense. *Doomscrolling!  Always buckle up on amusement park rides, an Amtrak crashed over the weekend, officials (and Dog The Bounty Hunter) are still looking for Brian Laundrie, mom's spaghetti looks delicious, rolling coal gone wrong, a Seattle driving school was on the take, and the neighbor from hell. *What happens to the women who use Lazlo's Magic Shower? *Lazlo is still salty about being stood up by Slimfast so he's taking friend applications. *The word "virginity" is on trial. Its potential replacement is a real show stopper. *An actor at a haunted house in Ohio stabbed a kid right in his Crocs!! *Something about makeup and Britney Spears and Slimfast being an idiot. *We're out of time. Lazlo's got a big show tonight and he doesn't want to be late. Thanks for listening. I think you're the best and you look great without a filter.  -Everybody Wang Chung!!!!  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

​Yo! Happy Friday! Lets celebrate by opening these GIANT cans of beer Lazlo brought! *Almost half of all Americans say they are working their dream job. That's a lot of people. How many dream jobs can there be? *Doomscrolling! Q Anon is allegedly spreading anti Semitism, fifteen people got shot at a Kroger in Tennessee, R Kelly's jury is deliberating, a Jet Blue passenger becomes violent when he can't get his cell phone to work,  kid kayaks to school because we've run out of school busses, a minister allegedly assaulted kids at a bus stop, an airplane got stuck in power lines, and an eleven year-old kid goes to work with his mom. *Nick Wright is on the show! He's got a big surprise for us and we make our NFL picks for the weekend. *Slimfast needs Lazlo's advice about how kids should respond to bullies. Lazlo suggests full prison rules for 4th graders. *Did you have family bonding activities when you were a kid? Do you have any with your kids? May we suggest random dance parties in your living room? *Is Lazlo getting paid by big pharma to promote vaccines? The answer is obviously no but some people are too conspiratorial to reason with.  *We read messages from @churchoflazlo instagram. Wow, a lot of you have had your houses raided by the police. *Have a great weekend! Stop by lazlo.church if you get a minute. See you Monday! -Everybody Wang Chung!!! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Lazlo's worried he's being a bad dad because he didn't make dinner for the boys until 9pm. I think 9pm should be the default dinner time for any person under 65. *There's a mom on tik tok who lost her teeth during pregnancy. Now she gets millions of views demonstrating how she makes herself over. The transformation is really something to behold and we all agree that it's cool. We don't all agree on whether or not someone in her position should divulge this information on a first date. Jeriney says there's absolutely no reason this woman should have to divulge anything about her looks to anyone at any time. This gives Lazlo an idea. He wants to start renting Lambo's and multi-million dollar mansions so he can make a good first impression on the ladies. Julia says Lazlo's comparison is garbage which leads to a full blown father/daughter fight. *Doomscrolling! COVID boosters for seniors, still no sign of Brian Laundrie, Biden says no more horses at the border, Reno says no more permitless whips downtown (?), a high school football player dies from head injuries, white water fountains, and nipples turning black and falling off. *Patrick Mahomes' brother tossed water on Ravens fans at the game last weekend. Do you hide any family members from your coworkers or are you the sibling being sent to stay at the cabin in the woods? *Science has proven several random factors can seriously impact your success as an adult. Oh, and it turns out everything we thought we knew about the popular kids in high school was wrong. *Americans waste a lot of money on a lot of things but how many of you bought beef liver pills in bulk this month? *Welp, bout time I hit the old dusty trail. I hope you manage to mosey on over here again tomorrow. Until then..... -Everybody Wang Chung!!!!  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

​Lazlo tried to have a quiet wholesome evening at home last night. He decided to find something new to watch and start binging. He went to bed angry and he appears he wasn't feeling any better when he woke up. We also talk about Britney's new documentary and American's missing white girl obsession. *Doomscrolling! Gabby's identity was confirmed, Abbott does not like Biden, McDonald's is going to save the planet by using less plastic in their happy meal toys, a man was murdered for complimenting someone's girlfriend, fentanyl is still showing up in cocaine so please be careful, and Prince Andrew is a wanted man. *Why is Slimfast still so scared of upsetting his mother and why is Lazlo telling his mother about his sex life? *What if he's just in it for the sex? Here's a few tips to help figure out his intentions. *I like pleasure spiked with pain and Julia reclines on every airplane. *Millennials are statistically the worst tippers because Slimfast brings down their average so much. *Have a great day! Hope you get railed!  -Everybody Wang Chung!!! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

We learned today that Jeriney does "adult dancing" with her mom. Then we learned that tap is considered adult dancing. Julia wants Lazlo to spend this fall learning a skill that would surprise and excite the women he meets. Now he's just gotta decide what he wants to learn. *A woman on tik tok is going viral for crying about her bad haircut. Have you ever cried about a bad haircut? Have you ever received an intentionally bad haircut from a guy because you wouldn't play his band on the radio? *Doomscrolling! Gabby's autopsy is happening today. September is about to be the deadliest month for covid since last winter. A man decides to take his own life by jumping off a building but he ends up taking a pedestrian out with him. *MGK is beefing with Slipknot and he's awfully quick to attack people for being "old". *Ever get the feeling that you're being watched in your hotel room or AirBnb? You are. *Liquor shortages are a real thing and we think the president needs to get involved immediately. *The best fast food chicken nuggets in the country. *Do you collect anything? Baseball cards? Watches? Old frozen pizza boxes? *Concert room concerts are about to return and we're gonna bring them to you. *Have a great day! Be nice to the free hugs guy! -Everybody Wang Chung!!! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Julia just got back from her hot country weekend. Slimfast couldn't pass a roadside sobriety test sober. *Doomscrolling! They found Gabby's body and it has been the biggest story of the weekend. Plus, vaccines for kids and motels with complimentary meth! *Berries and Cream. Why? *Older generations love to talk about how much better things were when they were kids but it's mostly bs. *Nick Wright is on the program and he's not in a great mood today. *When you're tired of complaining about mask mandates and critical race theory, why not complain about corn hole at the school board meeting? *Have a great day! Good luck to the Lions! See you tomorrow! -Everybody Wang Chung!!  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

It's Friday! Is anyone else tired? Like you sleep for twelve hours and you're still tired? What's up with that? *Julia feels attacked for being the healthiest and most responsible person on the show. It's not an attack, just an observation. *If you care about the new Jeopardy host or complain about city taxes, where did your life go wrong? *Doomscrolling! The South Carolina lawyer story is filled with twists and turns so we'll give you the Reader's Digest version and move on. Because we're living in 2021, hearing news that the white house reached out to Nicki Minaj and offered medical advice doesn't even seem that weird. There are so many fake COVID vaccination cards being imported, customs stopped trying to count them. A Michigan man is suing a school because a teacher cut his daughter's hair. Toilet paper shortages were inconvenient but no one wants to live in a world without Lunchables. The missing white woman is still missing but the first member of her fiancé's family has spoken out. *Nick Wright is on the show and it's time to talk football! *Lazlo caught Slim doing something he didn't like and confronts him on air. *Possibly the best part of being an adult is not having to ask permission to buy dumb crap. Slimfast talks Julia into buying some dumb crap during this discussion. *You can buy wine that comes in a wiener shaped bottle. Slim thinks it's proof that women are starting to behave more like men but Lazlo reminds him that it's all a big joke with the ladies. *Did your parents go to all of your little league games when you were a kid? Is that normal? Lazlo fears he's uncovered something sad about Slim's childhood. *It​'s Friday! Go do something fun! We can all meet back up here on Monday!! -Everybody Wang Chung!!! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Why do kids have to wake up so early to go to school? Why does does the school day last so long? Why do I still get so angry when I think about school? *Time has named the most influential people of 2021 and none of us made the cut. *Doomscrolling! Missing white woman is still missing but we have new police body-cam footage of the couple from August. A high school told students not to wear red white and blue clothing on 9/11 because it might offend someone. You buy a house and after you move in they build something new on your street. Something that makes living that house a living hell. Any guesses? *"Officer, the blood and knife are fake and so is Michael Myers. I just thought dressing up like a psychopathic murderer and taking a walk on the beach would lift people's spirits." *When were you walked in on during sex? Lazlo: "Never"  Slimfast: "Never" Julia: "Hold on, I'm still counting." *Of course habits that hurt your sex life life are all habits of mine. *Is there anything better than doing team building exercises at work?  *It takes a few minutes but we finally get Lazlo to come up with one positive thing about being in a relationship. *Things that terrified millennials when they were young that turned out to be totally harmless or fake. *Thanks for hanging out! Don't eat silica gel! -Everybody Wang Chung!!!​ See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

If you enjoy The Church of Lazlo, I think you'll enjoy today's show. Plenty of random conversations with no cohesive themes, just like the old days. *First up, Slimfast is going to see Bill Burr tonight which gets us talking about stand ups and how hard their job is. *Who in the hell schedules a break up date and tells their partner to be prepared? Just send a text or disappear. What is wrong with you? *Friends. How many of us have them? How many have you lost since the pandemic began? Fights about vaccines are testing a lot of friendships. *Doomscrolling! Gavin Newsom won and Caitlyn Jenner is not happy about it. Kids may be eligible for the vaccine soon. Missing White Woman is still dominating the headlines. Kids are getting drunk on hand sanitizer at school. The prominent lawyer is South Carolina who was shot in the head has a few things he'd like to get off his chest. *Have you ever been in a real fight? Yelling doesn't count, you gotta throw punches. Is it every okay to throw a punch? *Parents talk about their biggest regrets and we want to know if Lazlo shares their sorrow. *Are you a totally different person on the weekend? If not, why not? It's fun. *Teachers and administrators would appreciate it if you could tell your middle school kids to stop wearing collars and barking like dogs in class. Maybe it's time to take away their Tik Tok. *We are out of here but Slimfast has big news to share with Lazlo before we leave. This could end up being the biggest discovery of the last twenty years. Have a great day and stay lazy. -Everybody Wang Chung!!!! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

​Rest in Power Norm Macdonald. *How would you hit on yourself? How would we hit on each other? Slimfast is an easy nut to crack. *Doomscrolling! We've seen our fair share of 'Missing White Woman' stories but this one lacks some important details. Police say they'll be better prepared for this weekend's far right rally than they were on Jan 6th. Man with the letters ATM tattooed on his neck commits predictable crime. Another naked woman appears in another storm drain in Florida. Hot dryer bad for the baby. Grenade fisherman snags the catch of his life. *We've all been scammed at some point. Maybe you got tricked into sending someone your AOL login info or sent your tax returns to a fake IRS agent. But have you ever been tricked into shaving your head over the phone? *A guy on tik tok is getting roasted for trying to pick up women by flashing his bank account balance. People laugh but I'm willing to be it eventually worked. *Why are you single even though you're such a great catch? *Live from New York, Nick Wright is on the program as he tries to overpower a pack of rowdy teenagers in the park. *Boom! That's a wrap! If this dive is still open tomorrow, let's meet back up again. We had fun.  -Everybody Wang Chung!!!! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Aren't Mondays the best?! I hope you're fully recharged and ready to go! Football started this weekend which means we're wearing long sleeves and drinking pumpkin spiced everything. *Lazlo doesn't believe in love. Scratch that. He doesn't believe in lasting love. *Britney's getting married and we aren't the only one's who think she needs a prenup. *Doomscrolling! Biden says his patience is wearing thin with the anti-vaxers. Some right-wingers are angry about the prosecution of Jan 6th rioters so they're planning another riot on September 18th. North Korea got some new toys. Onion fumes do not cure COVID. Kids shooting kids on a haunted hay ride. Humans being bros at a college football game. https://bit.ly/3z2VuoY *Lazlo has some predictions about MGK and his explanation is pretty compelling. *Pop Punk bands of 2000's all hated one thing. How did we not notice this sooner? https://bit.ly/3k7tVqp *How often do you "let your hair down"? You're supposed to do it four times a month. Get at it! *Sounds that trigger happy memories or just make us feel calm. The list is long but the top answer by far is music. What's your happy song? *Nick Wright is on the program! We recap old discussions from this show and Nick shares his thoughts on week one. *Have a great night! I don't know if it's a scam but I applied to participate in a study that claims to pay $1,300 to watch 13 scary movies. https://bit.ly/3lpEogj​ I just wrote them the best resume of my life! Fingers crossed! Have a great day and don't forget to let your hair down. -Everybody Wang Chung!!!  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're on a desert island and you only get one movie about a bachelor party in Vegas, what do you choose?  *Life Pro Tip: When trying to determine whether or not meat from your fridge is still safe to eat, feed it to a loved one first and wait an hour. *Yahoo News published an article about a wanted murderer from Missouri and it includes two photos of the suspect and one photo of Slimfast. *Righteous anger. Righteous douchebag. *The Matrix Resurrections trailer is out. For some reason this got us thinking about the worst movie sequels of all time. *We take a break from our regularly scheduled programming to look back on the Grown Ups films. *A man died in a freak accident at a McDonalds drive thru. Kind of makes you question every decision you've ever made. *Football starts tonight! Nick Wright is on the program to discuss the game but not before he clears the air with Lazlo. *Happy Birthday! If it's your birthday today, you gotta admit it's kind of weird that I typed that. I've never typed that in a podcast description before. You and me are on some sort of astral plane together or something. Thanks for stopping by and don't forget we're open again tomorrow. See you then.    -Everybody Wang Chung!!!!!   See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Yo! Can you guess which of us didn't get enough sleep last night? Sometimes you gotta party on a weeknight. *California is about to make "stealthing" illegal. Don't know what that is? Neither did we but we'll explain. *Doomscrolling!! America has the most kids with COVID since this whole thing started. Texas is gonna catch all the rapist. A judge in Kentucky wouldn't grant a couple their divorce and instead sent them to counseling. A lawsuit says Bumble discriminates men by only allowing women to send the first message. ​A couple of 10/10 Florida stories today too. *Get To Know Us!! GTK! GTK! What do think people only pretend to like? When were you caught naked? What's your teen comedy? *Fifteen things that were better back in the day. *A new list of good paying jobs that don't require a college degree. I gotta get my CDL. *Nick Wright is on the show and football is back!! Time for picks, arguments, and putting some money on the line! *Have a great day! Check out lazlo.church and don't forget.........-Everybody Wang Chung!! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

​Welcome back! Kids are stupid.  Kids say stupid things. Kids say mean things. Kids say things they're gonna regret later. Why do we let kids have social media? *Remember when you were a kid and you'd push your friend down a hill in a truck tire or jump off a sixty foot cliff on a dare? Most of us did tons of dangerous stuff but some of it stands out above the rest. *Doomscrolling!! If you know how to make micro chips, GM would like to speak with you. A South Carolina lawyer is making national news as he puts the finishing touches on his Lifetime Movie of the week. A six year-old girl died on a ride at an amusement park in Colorado. Experts think our three day super spreader weekend will end up being a big success. The Satanic Temple is taking on the abortion ban in Texas. Rikers Island is hiring. Would you like to give a dollar to charity? Just kidding, we already took your money. *Would it be more embarrassing to die in the shower or to have one of those medial chairs in your tub? Asking for a friend. *Slimfast has been going to casinos and playing scratch offs for years. He finally hit a jackpot. *How's my wittle cutie puddin pants? *If you miss Discmans, VHS, Spice Girls, and Game Boys, you be a Jeriney. *What sucks about being your age? Don't tell me you're just grateful to be alive and you don't have any complaints because I don't want to hear it. *Thanks for listening. Tell a friend, call your mom, call my mom I don't care. I just hope you have a good day.     -Everybody Wang Chung!!!! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

​Yo!! If your significant other asked to use your laptop, would you feel comfortable handing it over? *Everyone should have at least one dance move. You never know when you're gonna find yourself in the middle of a dance floor with a beer in your hand. Time to get some tips on YouTube. *Doomscrolling!! Biden says we should ignore the jobs report and focus on taxing the rich. A Florida school district is no longer accepting mask exemption letters from chiropractors. A man shoots his elderly mom to "put her out of her misery". A mother loses her 13 year-old son to COVID but she's still not comfortable getting the vaccine. Can boobs grow back? Yes. Grimace from McDonald's is a taste bud apparently. ABBA has new music. *Men who do more chores than their wife/gf are more likely to split up. *Olivia Rodrigo allegedly paid Paramour and Taylor swift millions. *There's an international penis size chart. Rates each country by average size. I think I brought down our average a bit and I apologize. *What are the most overrated tourists attractions in the world? *Everything is better on TV. *That's a wrap! Have a great weekend and hopefully we'll see you Tuesday.   -Everybody Wang Chung!!!! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

​Are humans capable of breathing through their butts? I don't know how to do it but scientists think they could be close. *Are you a party pooper? A new study says party poopers are basically unhappy and unhealthy. This was an actual study done by an actual school. *Doomscrolling! Is the FTC really looking into McDonald's broken ice cream machines? Flash flooding in New York looks post apocalyptic. More and more kids are showing up in the ER with COVID but scientists are optimistic that they'll be eligible for the vaccine soon. The supreme court is allowing the Texas abortion ban to stand, for now. Florida could fine business that require proof of vaccination. Joe Rogan just threw a kitchen sink. A man calls 911 to report that his dog grabbed a gun and shot itself in the head. A DQ employee asks an anti-masker to cover his face. Anti-masker responds by urinating. *Why are so many people adamant about getting revenge on their exes and why does that revenge almost always involve vandalizing their car? *Julia surprised everyone today with some very big news involving a friend of the show! I don't want to give it away here but let's just say this friend is looking to make out with someone. *You're doing it wrong! Boomers complain about millennials while gen-x sits back, laughs, and watched the world burn. *Is your cat smarter than my cat? Is your cat smarter than me? Who's cat is this? *His Holiness, The Q Goat or whatever says he's done with Q'Anon and his lawyer would like to remind everyone that his client is a moron. *You're almost there! The finish line is so close! Only one more work day seperates you from that three day weekend. Unless you work in retail, the service industry, health care...      -Everybody Wang Chung!!!! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

​These lips have never been kissed. That's because I have COVID lips and Lazlo says I have to put on a mask before we can cuddle. *Five habits of highly ineffective dumb people. *Doomscrolling! America is on track to break our own hospitalization numbers for COVID. China limits the amount of time kids can spend playing games online. Abortion is basically banned in Texas now. The pentagon says military dogs did not get left behind in Afghanistan. Ohio judge orders a doctor to give a patient Ivermectin. *Get To Know Us!! GTK! GTK! GTK! 1) You win $1 billion if you can start a family fight at the dinner table. What's your move? 2) In school, what were you known for? 3) Your sexual experiences are now trading cards. What's your rarest card? 4) What are you nostalgic about? What will you be nostalgic about in 40 years?  *Comedy Central has decided not to air reruns of an old network sitcom because it's too raunchy. *Does your drink order anger your bartender? Yes. *Pink started beef with a teen YouTube star or something. Julia has to explain the story. *That's it! So long! Hope to see you tomorrow! Don't forget to take the trash out tonight unless it's not trash night. -Everybody Wang Chung!!!  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Fact of the day: There's such a thing as a cow-bison hybrid. It's called a beefalo. You're welcome. *The entire cast reunites for Tuesday's show! What's the best way to get fired? Do you play it cool? Throw something at your boss? Ask for a box of tissues to dry your tears while someone from HR steadies you as you walk to your car that's about to be repossessed? Or do you get revenge? A woman in Florida decided to go the revenge route and it could cost her serious prison time. *Doomscrolling! We are officially out of Afghanistan. COVID-19 decided one variant wasn't enough, meet COVID C.1.2! Lightening strikes, and a lifeguard dies. A man brings a table leg to a machete fight. A Virginia school board gets the Bart Simpson treatment and goes swimmingly. https://bit.ly/3kFTjCB *Who's the coolest person you know? What does it take to be cool? Turns out, you need more than used a Scion and motto pants. *Jeriney is living the ultimate nightmare. The biggest, baddest, scariest people in the world are trying to find her. *Does he actually like you? Does he want to be your boyfriend? You can tell by the way he "loves" you if he's in it for the long haul. Is it really so bad to ask questions "during"? Asking for a friend. *You! I love ya! Don't forget to say hi on twitter https://bit.ly/3Bs8eXR and Insta https://bit.ly/3tfNT5n​ Hope to see you tomorrow!   -Everybody Wang Chung!!!  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

YOOO! It's Friday and we are amped! *Kanye did Kanye stuff last night and he managed to still surprise us. *Slimfast claims he's found a way to never work another day in your life. Turns out it's a garbage idea. *Doomscrolling! Biden's gonna hunt down some terrorists. COVID numbers in the US are astonishing. A man high on mushrooms shot and killed a young father. Some schools want athletes to wear ankle monitors at school to make sure they are socially distancing. A Christian OnlyFans star says Jesus would love sex workers.  During an early morning walk, a man is attacked by two dogs and the whole thing was captured on video. A St Louis man was striking out on dating apps so he came up with a clever idea. A judge says parents must pay for their son's pornography that they threw away. *Who are the top three bands, dead or alive, that you wish would make new music? *Remember the days when you could get in a fight at school and no one filmed it and it wasn't on the internet? Lazlo remembers. *With all this talk about Nirvana's Nevermind album this week, what about people on other famous rock albums? *What's a perfectly reasonable sentence that would make no sense 20 years ago? *Have a great weekend! See you Monday!! -Everybody Wang Chung!!  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I did some terrible math I believe Lazlo and I have done almost 5,000 shows together. So keep that in mind on those days when we sound a little bored with ourselves. Today was not one of those days! Everyone is in a great mood and we all want to be little kids again. *Doomscrolling! Deadly explosions in Afghanistan. COVID is trying its best to kick America's ass. The best school board speech we've ever heard. Restaurant owner gets stabbed in the neck by an employee and there's video and the thing went through his neck! Guy stabbed him in the back of the neck and the knife came out the front!! He didn't even know he got stabbed!! shorturl.at/eiEHN​ A sheriff in Oklahoma gets pulled over and refuses to show his license. The whole thing is on video. shorturl.at/uHJMS​ *Girls on Tik Tok are listing themselves like used cars. Number of owners, miles, year, condition and notes. We do are own it's pretty depressing. *How may beers do you have to drink before you get tipsy? I always thought it was the four-beer buzz but most Americans get tipsy on slightly less. *What change did you make in your life that you wish you'd done sooner. I'm telling you, using two clean towels after a shower in stead of one is life changing. *Who are the celebs you can't stand for no particular reason? *Let end things on a bang. I found a list of things women do that turn men off. Lazlo and Julia decide how accurate it is. *Hey! I appreciate you. We'd love to see you again tomorrow. Hit us up in insta and twitter @churchoflazlo and swing by lazlo.church if you get a chance. Ciao!  -Everybody Wang Chung!! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

There's never been a better time to write a brief recap of today's show than right now. Jeopardy is still having a hard time finding a host who's lived a sin free life. *The baby from the cover of Nevermind is 30 now and he's suing Nirvana for using that picture. *Doomscrolling!!! Johnson & Johnson is getting your booster ready. Cuomo's dog is up for adoption. Pop Tarts are getting sued for some dumb reason and I want in. A police officer hits on a married woman and punches her husband but it's cool because he's a cop. Are you a nurse and you don't want to get vaccinated? Nebraska would like to talk to you. *It's Wednesday and we finally remembered to do Get To Know Us! GTK Wednesday! 1) What's something you know is true but you don't have proof? 2)What was the hardest breakup with a TV show you ever had? 3) What were you warned about as a kid that turned out be exaggerated?  *A woman in Belgium is in love with a chimp at the zoo but the zoo says she can't come around anymore. *The mayor of a town in Missouri would really appreciate your prayers, as he tries to sneak some horse medicine to his friend in the hospital. *Julia wants to know what makes men feel manly. Actually, so does Slimfast. *What movies had the worst lessons? And why haven't I seen Grease? *Thanks for downloading this turkey. We'll dish up another one tomorrow. Until then,  -Everybody Wang Chung!!!! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Yo!! How's everyone doing? Good? Great! We'd like to introduce you to the newest member of the show, Mr Moneybags. *I don't expect Americans to start putting on three-piece suits or formal dresses every time they leave the house but do we have to be the “Show Me Your B***H**E” country? *Doomscrolling!! Biden's got a week to get people out of Afghanistan. China says COVID probably originated in the US. Why carry a vaccine passport when you could get a QR-Code tattoo? How do you incentivize prison inmates to get vaccinated? Florida man caught with his pants down. Something something tik tok, something something milk crates. It's August and a thousand degrees outside which means we're all craving Pumpkin Spiced Lattes. Congratulations, if you're reading this, you've outlived one of the Rolling Stones. *Why are men so bad at everything? They can't even grocery shop without a picture book and map. Or do men pretend to be bad at everything because they don't want to be asked to do it again? If that's the case, men should pretend to be bad at more stuff. *Twitter says movies like Fight Club and Joker are relationship red flags. Now they've come up with green flag movies. *What makes you undateable? What makes your perpetually single friend undateable? Bad tattoos? Hard on the eyes? Unemployed? Too picky? Know-it-all? Yes. *What do Jeriney and carnival mirror prizes have in common? Remember, the simplest answer is usually correct. *That's a wrap! Go home and get some sleep. Thanks for listening! We'll try to remember our energy powder tomorrow.  -Everybody Wang Chung!!! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Yo!! Today we'd like to talk about Booth Floosies and the impact they can have on your career. *Let's discuss the perks and drawbacks of a little quality alone time. *Doomscrolling! Alabama hospitals are full, dad's ashes are missing, aliens are killing hikers, and more! *Lazlo needs to find a way to get back at his neighbors. *The weirdest things you saw at a friend's house when you were a kid. *Which name-brand product is worth the extra money? *Helluva show everyone! This week has been a blast and we owe it all to you! Have a great weekend and -Everybody Wang Chung!!! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

​What would you do if you came home and caught your spouse in bed with someone else? *How much is your time worth? Americans spend a lot of money trying to make life more convenient. *Doomscrolling! R Kelly's trial finally begins, get your booster, capitol bomb threat, save your powerball tickets, and stop surfing on top of your car. *Lazlo wants to get a snake tattoo. *Julia has been sneaking out of the house and getting picked up by dudes or something. *Would you stop seeing someone if you found out they'd recently stabbed someone? *Slimfast is still trying to find someone to sue. *Who's doing the chores in this relationship? You. *Have a great day! TTYS! ;)  -Everybody Wang Chung!!   See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

​Lazlo's son starts his last season of flag football tonight. After this, it's either tackle or nothing. Lazlo is torn. *Netflix released a mysterious trailer for their new Bob Ross documentary. We learn that Julia has a Bob Ross board game and Jeriney wears Bob Ross pajamas. *A women in Ohio noticed a man in a parking garage who looked warm. She offered him a bottle of water. As a token of his appreciation, he presented himself to her. *Doomscrolling is almost totally gloom free today! A deer goes trick-or-treating, Scottie loves KISS, Jeriney and Slimfast matched on tinder, and Julia didn't give anyone COVID this summer. *Nick Wright is on the program! He's on a big "No guts, no glory" kick. *You can learn a lot about a person by going through their phone and hiding microphones around their house. You can learn a little bit about a person by how they cook their eggs and steak. *Why won't he sleep with you? He will. The end. *Adidas released Ned Flanders shoes and they're okay but Julia's Pizza Hut shoes are still cooler. *A woman says she was fired from her job as a nurse because of her OnlyFans account. *Julia's dad is the real MVP. *Put a fork in it!!!   -Everybody Wang Chung!!!!  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Yo! You are spending way too much online! It's important sometimes to just stick to the necessities like Pizza Hut sandals and wearable neck fans. *Doomscrolling! Knock knock. Who's there? The taliban. If you're gonna pretend like someone tried to threaten you by sending a muzzle to your house, don't order the muzzle with your own credit card on your own amazon account. Have you had your booster? Teslas seem to dislike emergency vehicles. If you're gonna throw your kid's birthday party at a Tails and Scales, you might have to wrestle an alligator. United Airlines has decided not to duct tape passengers. Possibly the strangest way to die on an amusement park ride just happened in Utah. *Today's episode of The Best Way to Fight Your Partner is brought to you by two divorced guys. *Ladies, you're not the only ones confused about men's behavior. *What are the greatest movies you only need to see once? More importantly, what the hell happened to Jeriney growing up? *When someone asks you if you'd like to round up to the next dollar for charity, how do you say no? Lazlo's got you covered. *Great seeing you! Don't forget to tip the bartenders.   -Everybody Wang Chung!!!! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Our last show before vacation!! We are totally checked out! Lazlo is angry that his kid keeps doing well on placement tests. Think back to when you were young and still had that spark for life. Any idea where you lost it? Lazlo has a pretty theory. *How the hell did people survive living in America with no air conditioning? Seriously, how did they not die? *What do British people hate about Americans? Is this something British people think about often? Are they aware how little we think about them? *Doomscrolling!! The military is probably going to force all active service members to get vaccinated. California is still on fire. Biden gave Congressional Gold Medals to the police who worked at the capitol on Jan 6. Someone lost their pet cobra in Texas. A women honked at a group of ATV/Dirt Bike riders so they pulled her from the car and beat her. A woman is accused of wrapping her dead mother's body in newspaper and hiding her in the house because she wanted the social security. A business owner in Washington decides to pick a fight with trans people. Apple is gonna start scanning your photos to make sure you aren't producing child pornography. *Mustard flavored hot dog buns. Why didn't we think of this sooner? *Eight little things men can do to impress their wives/girlfriends. *A shockingly high percentage of Americans think they could compete in at least one Olympic sport and hold their own. *A listener asks Lazlo if she's a jerk just because she wants to date someone who makes good money.  *Who or what has the worst fans? Rick & Morty? Swifties? *Retro junk is in right now. Check your attic because you could be sitting on a goldmine. *Thank you for listening! We are off for one week but we will be back on August 16th. Until then, Everybody Wang Chung!!! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Slimfast had to leave to go dogsit for his mom....so I'm gonna take a crack at this description thing! It's National Underwear Day and Lazlo demanded that we show him our undies.  Some jerks on Twitter were mad about a sign language interpreter going viral.  Doomscrolling, exactly what you would expect, COVID and confusion from Slimfast.  We learned what are some of the most attractive jobs.  Slimfast tested us to see if we have ever been in love.  What were some of the mistakes you made as a teenager that still effect you today?  Slimfast gets the maddest I've ever seen at Lazlo....two words...MOM JOKES! Enjoy! - Jeriney See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

​Julia got worried for a second and thought Father's Day was this weekend. So she forgot what month is was by a couple months. How would that have anything to do with further proving she is Lazlo's daughter? Just listen because it's super weird. *Jeriney says life is harder for beautiful women. Specifically, professional life is harder for beautiful women. More specifically, one lawyer on Tik Tok is saying this. *Doomscrolling! Dems tell Cuomo it's time to throw in the towel. The United States has donated more than 100 million vaccines around the world. The FDA is close to approving that vaccine you already took. Arkansas governor says he regrets banning masks in schools. Video shows a woman trying to fight off an aggressive coyote with a stick. *Alvin has the plague. *Some people think you should let a fussy baby cry it out on the floor at the mall. Some people don't *Only Slimfast could find a way to make late-night conversations with strangers weirder. *He's back! After losing to Phil Helmuth on tv, Nick Wright is on the show to tell us what went wrong. *Lazlo is interested in using his future AMC money to buy a "shadow yacht". *Boooom! That's another show on the books! Reach us after hours on twitter and Insta @churchoflazlo , check out lazlo.church , and    Everybody Wang Chung!!!!  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

​YOOOOOOO! The entire gang is here today and we've never been more excited to hang out with you! *Julia was at Lollapalooza last week. She gives us the Reader's Digest recap. Just like Woodstock 99, it sounds like Limp Bizkit stole the show. *Doomscrolling! The pentagon is on lockdown and an aircraft hit the world trader center building? Workplace shooting at the Smile Direct Club warehouse. The iceberg from the Titanic is still injuring people. Spirit and American Airlines canceling hundreds of flights. In some parts of the country, COVID is now the worst it's ben since the pandemic began. A cop responds to a noise complaint about a band performing live. Instead of telling them to shut things down, he steps in as drummer. *Andrew Cuomo responds to accusations of inappropriate kissing by releasing a montage of him kissing strangers. *A lyft driver is chased down by a man begging her for a ride. Some of the internet seems upset that she didn't give him that ride but we all agree that she did the right thing. *The internet votes on the most overrated bands/artists of all time. (These conversations only create new enemies, never friends) *The Honey Challenge on Tik Tok seems harmless enough but "experts" are calling for caution. This made us think, what were the dumbest internet trends of all time? *A Grand Rapids man robbed a bunch of ice cream joints and got arrested. Police release him with a tether and he proceeds to rob more ice cream joints. Is he stealing ice cream? Do ice cream places have a lot of cash or something? *Where's everyone going for vacation? Why are we discussing Slim's undesirable body hair? *As always, THANK YOU for hanging out with us today. We'd love to see you again tomorrow. We got the next round.  -Everybody Wang Chung!!!!  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

It's Jeriney's birthday and we actually remembered it!! Birthdays can be a bummer but they don't have to be. *Slimfast says his parents once forgot his birthday and Lazlo is stunned. *Doomscrolling! Just get vaccinated already! This delta crap is ravaging the country. Simone is going to compete again! Multiple mass shootings over the weekend. Stop shooting each other! High jumpers share a gold medal and Lazlo is not impressed. A 74 year-old women allegedly shot and killed her husband after a night of drinking. Slimfast recalls one of his worst nights of drinking but Lazlo thinks it sounded like fun.  *Why don' men have more birth control options? Condoms and surgery are the two options. Well, China may have come up with another option and Lazlo is all in. *Most Americans claim to have a bae on standby. Unfortunately, most of those back burner lovers are exes and they say that's not good for you. *Is toxic femininity a thing? If so, it's a touchy subject. *Actors who are embarrassed by movies they did. *Can Lazlo name ten summer Olympic sports without looking them up? *Monday is done! Send it to the archives and get ready for Tuesday. Happy Birthday Jeriney!! We LOVE  you!!!!      -Everybody Wang Chung!!!  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jeriney and Julia are both out today. Let​'s see if we can keep out of trouble. Did you watch Nick Wright playing poker last night? We have to admit, he looked pretty damn cool. *Don't have an opinion about all this Simone Biles stuff? Well you better get one! How else are we supposed to know where you stand politically?!?! *Doomscrolling! Suni Lee wins gold! CDC says it's mask season again. Lasers on drones zapping clouds. The US government sold a Wu Tang album. Lazlo loves ZZ Top. *You think your job sucks? Wait til you hear about our slightly warm studio! *Anyone else watch Relentless on Discovery? Slimfast didn't like the ending so Lazlo suggest they go fix it themselves. *Got a loud neighbor? Just leave it be. *Guys, how do you let her know you're in the mood? If you said booze, well, you said the same thing as Lazlo. *Lazlo has been trying to get Slim to invest some money in the stock market. Stocks and bonds just sound alien to Slim. *We're out! Have a great day and don't forget to follow us and reach out on social @churchoflazlo and check out lazlo.church   -Everybody Wang Chung!!! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

YO! How ya feeling? Good? Good! You been watching the Olympics? Neither have we! But everyone seems to have Olympic fever and we're not immune. What is the hardest sport in the Olympics? Gymnastics? Boxing? Water polo? Experts seem to be divided. *The biggest news of the day was Simone Biles. A woman in Kentucky kills a man with a bb gun. Add jet fuel to the list of stuff we're running out of. A woman in Seattle finds a dead lizard in her salad. *Live from Vegas, Nick Wright is on the program! Add 'world's greatest poker player' to Nick's resume. *A mom on tik tok goes viral for saying kids don't owe their parents anything, ever. That might be true but we all owe Slim's mom something. *Did you know that you can get in trouble for saying you have a nuclear bomb, even if you don't? *Slimfast discovered a little slice of heaven in Louisiana. *Who are the top ten coolest guys of all time? Top ten coolest gals? *Jobs that sound cool but actually aren't. *Boom! Thanks for listening. Have a great day and don't forget -Everybody Wang Chung!! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.