MASH Minute

Character analysis! Credits! Controversy! And TWO final jokes! For the last minute of the film, this is a jam-packed episode. The gong and loudspeaker are united at last as guest Pete Mummert realizes this means Duke and Hawkeye are just living in Japan now. Enjoy the long goodbye talking about our final thoughts on Altman and Altman’s final thoughts on endings. Leave with the Jeep that brung ya!

Didn’t you ever go to Sunday School? Today Rene Auberjonois finds a prayer for a Jeep, Pete Mummert explains who is and isn’t going to Ethiopia, and we debate if any of these guys have been transformed by their experiences in the MASH. Being sad about the lack of goodbye between Duke and Margaret, we make it worse by imagining what that scene would have been like. Yikes. The only way to cheer ourselves up is to listen to the last movie announcement… and, hey, wait a minute! WE’VE been watching MASH!

As Duke and Margaret realize their relationship is over, MASH Minute experiences its first Beautiful Eyes Alert. Right after this silent emotional exchange, Altman cuts to the Swampmen saying good-bye because he hates Tierney and wants to make her cry. Pup Pup whimpers, for god’s sake! We recover by discussing Trapper’s stunted emotional maturity, debating the merits of the TV show’s spinoffs, and investigating deployment lengths. #LetColonelPotterRetire #TakeCareOfTheSquirrels

Hawkeye, put a mask on! Donald Sutherland interrupts an operation to let Duke know they can go home, prompting a fantasy… or a flash forward… or what was an alternate ending. Megan is predictably cynical about Duke’s happy homecoming with his wife. Tierney predictably wishes she was excitedly leaping around on this tarmac too. And guest Pete Mummert is predictably worried about the dog running so close to the road. It’s all going to be okay (maybe) as we begin the last scene of the movie.

After a victory celebration in the middle of the MASH unit, the scene changes to a poker game. Perhaps they’re spending all their winnings. Perhaps they’re drinking stolen beer. All we know for sure is that it’s NOT Ho Jon’s body being loaded onto a truck outside. Come for the confusion over what Trapper’s hand means, stay for the love of Margaret’s style and competitive instincts. Oh, also Megan, Tierney, and guest Dan Hoisington write the perfect sequel aka “AFTER MASH, The Movie: The Brotherhood of the MASH Vets’ Traveling Car”.

Welcome to Chaos Minute, where we analyze the end of this football game in all its glory. From the referee’s overenthusiastic gun shooting to Vollmer’s end zone “celebration”, from Mulcahy poppin’ bottles to whirly sound rings, we embrace the hectic energy of MASH winning the game (much to Hammond’s dismay). Dan Hoisington-McArthur is back to help us unpack what it means that the EVAC players are busy smoking a joint while poor Vollmer is left out of the locker room party. That’s him in the corner. That’s him out of the spot light, putting on a band aid. Trying to fix up his boo-boo, and I don’t know if he can do it. Oh no, I’ve said too much.

It’s the beginning of the end as Jones announces to the team huddle that he has a trick play to win the game! We’re joined by Dan Hoisington-McArthur to discuss the mysteries of Radar’s missing water bottle, the power of inflation, and how these crazy football plays actually work sometimes. As Vollmer becomes the most important person in this movie, we teach our guest about the O.G. mumblecore.

After realizing Houlihan just needs to play Powderpuff Football (and that Nirvana is now “classic rock” and we are all ancient), we dig into the 3-angle replay of a vicious tackle. Jen Deaderick isn’t a super-fan of football but she IS determined to get Tierney prescription goggles and to convince the world of the greatness of babies wearing hats. A real life Hot Lips and a real life pro footballer Deaderick end our week, but nothing will stop the fighting in this football game.

Oh, hang on a sec, Hammond needs to objectify this cheerleader real quick. Today a nonsensical insult from Blake leads to us to conclude that everyone is just meat, guest Jen Deaderick manages to connect Hammond and his aide with Charles and Ray Eames, and Megan chairs a meeting of the Elliott Gould Fan Club. We get political but tie it back to the atmosphere around MASH and the Cold War, so it’s relevant! Listener, you incredible nincompoop, we are finally getting through this football game.

After Jones explains the old pro trick EVAC 88 (Mr. Bastard) has played on Judson, MASH 69 takes his revenge and it is indeed divine. His insulting of the guy’s sister reminds us of Slap Shot, which makes us think about Paul Newman, which is dreamy. Jen Deaderick joins us in admiring Altman’s use of sound and this movie’s comedic editing, which makes us think about Marcia Lucas, and it’s also dreamy. And we round out our analysis of this minute discussing Patton and George C. Scott (who some people think is dreamy). The only question left is: popcorn or sno-caps?

Jen Deaderick brings the insight to this football game and how it stands in for war in this movie. The men are busy trying to prove their manliness via sports, which is why they’re so rude to the cheerleaders, and Houlihan is letting out her animal side watching them. We ruin The Wizard of Oz, try to make everything Blythe Danner, and appreciate Margaret’s DGAF attitude. On screen Judson gets into a fight and off screen Tierney is coming around on Robert Altman as a director!

You will never hear a more pure reaction than the moment when Gary Roby is told about the nicknames in this movie. Poor Gary was not expecting football, but luckily his grandpa was a Panthers fan AND a veteran of the Korean Conflict. Between bouts of nostalgia, we admire the cool camerawork as the football game starts getting out of control, discuss genre fiction (Y not try some YA today?), and learn the origin of the phrase “How do you like them apples”. Surprise: apples are not involved at all. Apparently. Maybe. How do you like them apples?

Guest Paul Francis Sullivan returns to bring it with trivia about the actors from MASH—and his analysis of why we feel bad for Radar in this scene prompts a deep dive into how this story was adapted for the tv show. But, really, how could we not feel sorry for Radar as EVAC Number 88 literally just spits water all over him? Hammond and Blake double the bets, Johnny Mandel’s “The Football Game” kicks in, and Jones dominates on the field (and earns a new nickname) as the second half begins.

After Super Bug takes out the cheerleaders (in a joke that has always and will always get a laugh), the teams retire to their locker rooms. Blake’s inspiring halftime speech is cut short when he has to go press the bets. Our pal Sully learns a heartbreaking fact about the MASH cheerleaders. But no one can be sad too long with MASH pajamas, Father Mulcahy sipping a beer, and the firm knowledge that MASH and Jaws are forever linked.

This is a confusing minute, and not just for EVAC football player Smith, who now believes he’s at a track meet after being drugged. Mike thought he was talking about Harold Ramis, Tierney never took physics, and Megan is swept away by her Norwegian Long Jump Lover. Also, the 220 and 440 are not track events, but the broad jump is. Also, this is the first f-bomb in movie history, but not really.

Radar gives a lot more than water to the players: he delivers a needle of… something that instantly messes up our dear Super Bug after he is (safely) injected with it. We debate whose plan this was, how football teams are assembled for movies, and spoil the ending of Varsity Blues. Really, I cannot emphasize enough how blatantly we give away every major plot point of Varsity Blues. You’ve been warned. Mike Logerfo is back and he is definitely NOT encouraging us to commit crimes to get a copy of S*P*Y*S.

A lineman is not supposed to have the ball. Dads love to give history lessons about Nixon. Coffee is good. These are the truths Megan and Tierney hold to be self-evident as they watch Judson fall down, Trapper get mad, and the center sending the ball way over Duke’s head.

This minute features all things football: old sports newsreels, actors pretending to be athletes, athletes pretending to be actors… There’s also plenty of fashion talk thanks to Houlihan (in a sporty look) and Jones (in the worst possible disguise!), and the popularity of Griffith Park for filming movies. We hear some of Fred Williamson’s thoughts on Dr. Ollie Jones. All that plus Ben Davidson and Super Gnat!

Blake has a great idea: maybe they should have some plays. Guest Mike Carlucci has a great idea: let’s introduce the idea of a movie about a mule that plays football. That will keep us on topic! We talk about Jones as an off-field team leader, The Washington Post March by John Phillips Souza, the classic film Little Giants, and Lindsay Lohan. (Yes, again, back off.) Come for the argument that everyone should play flag football instead of tackle, stay for us convinced that’s Colonel Flagg hiding in plain sight by disguising himself as Hammond’s aide.

Mike Carlucci joins us to watch football and cheerleading practice. Nobody looks very good, but the important thing is to have fun! Megan asks Tierney about her “vast football knowledge” which turns out to mostly be the names of dogs associated with the Cleveland Browns. From Everything You Know Is Wrong to My Favorite Spring, from pro athletes in the Korean War to M.D. football players now, we embrace a “very Altman-y” minute.

In this tough minute, we learn about “Spearchucker” Jones and meet him as he starts football practice. We love Fred Williamson while hating his character’s nickname. Each of us finds some solace though. Tierney realizes Duke should be called “Augie”. Guest Jennifer Levasseur admires the parking skills of a Jeep driver in the background. And Megan fills us in on the amazing Dr. Alvin Blount, Jr. from the IRL MASH 8225th.

This minute is a doozy: it introduces a new important MASH character. But instead of using his given name, for some inexplicable reason, he is “nicknamed” a racist insult. This in the same 60 seconds where Hammond dismisses Houlihan’s charges with “Screw her”. So you can understand why Megan, Tierney, and Jennifer Levasseur needed to take a detour and talk about college football. But things get really interesting when discussion turns to the historical accuracy of this movie, the tv show, what the feelings of people in that time would be towards the Korean Conflict, how history is studied… it’s very deep and thoughtful but still with plenty of jokes about Indiana Jones.

This episode came very close to being named “Ah, Toledo!” because native daughter Jennifer Levasseur is back and she has lots of stories about Jamie Farr, golf, Mud hens, and Walleyes. On screen, someone is manipulating someone into playing a football game, but we are as confused as Duke about exactly what’s happening. We continue trying to read the room as Hammond joins Henry in his office and inches closer to our sports spectacle while playing with a model helicopter and ignoring Blake’s speech.

Let the football begin! And the sexism continue. Today Hammond arrives at the 4077th (in an unidentifiably weird Jeep) along with his mysterious aide. After he and Vollmer exchange some of the world’s worst ADR, we dig in with guest Jennifer Levasseur to try to make sense of a few things. Like why everyone is on a first name basis with the brigadier general… or why there are all these jet planes flying overhead… or how this investigation into Houlihan’s complaints turned into a conversation about football with the Swampmen.

Have you ever heard the tragedy of Colonel Henry Blake trying to regain a sense of normalcy in Korea by keeping up with his fishing? Today Alex Robinson joins us to watch Blake and Radar work together in perfect harmony. General Hammond follows up on Houlihan’s report, although he doesn’t get very far. We get very far afield as we talk about the Battle of Old Baldy, bobbins and culottes, Winona Ryder Halloween costumes, Dirty Harry… But it all comes back together when Alex issues us the challenge of naming Hammond’s aide.

This minute is not going to go how you think it will. It starts in the O.R. and ends with Henry’s fishing habits, but really this is a minute about torturing your college roommates. Today we discuss important things like how do you lock a tent? If you say Maugham enough times, will he appear in your bathroom mirror? Does Margaret have a shot in the 1952 Hide-and-Seek Championship? Paint a Moorish symbol on your door, wear a blue bathrobe with army boots, slip into your muscle tank scrubs, whatever it is that makes you comfortable, and watch as Hawkeye and Trapper find out Duke has a new paramour.

Crack yourself open a cold grape Ne-Hi, sit back, and make like Mulcahy by ignoring Trapper’s rudeness in this minute. Returning guest Chris Callaghan is here to discuss Robert Altman’s favorite part of the movie. We debate the practicality of golf shoes in the O.R. as well as the cast list for The Halls of Montezuma, the entrancing visuals, some subtle (and not so subtle) digs at religion, and the talents of both William Christopher and Rene Auberjonois. Even Socks, the Clinton’s cat, becomes a part of the MASH universe! He joins Arlene Chu in the pantheon of “characters you didn’t even know were in this movie but now we are incredibly invested in their backstory”.

Colonel Merrill may feel as firm as the Rock of Gibraltar but that’s no match against being gassed into a coma. When he comes to, he finds himself in bed with one of the ladies of the NEHWH… and the focus of a rather suggestive photography session! Jen Struzziero is back to talk about audio books, Sam Hills, and the amazing camerawork in this scene. Don’t be fooled into thinking all is well though: we uncover a golfing scene from the script that was mercifully cut.

Let’s get clinical, clinical… Today Me Lay asks the guys for help treating a newborn who’s have trouble and plans are quickly laid for getting him into the hospital for surgery. While Tierney and guest Jen Struzziero of The Big Brown Chair fawn over this adorable infant, Marston worries about getting caught by Colonel Merrill. We dig in to the hospital’s duty to this kid and the nonsensicalness of “mid season finales” in modern television shows, and still find time to teach Jen about MASH. #11seasonsandamovie

Sean German joins us one more time as Hawkeye and Trapper escape the Colonel’s court martial and head for dinner at the NEHWH instead. In a minute that really rewards reading the closed captioning, we instead talk about Boston real estate including The Glass Slipper, Ruckus noodle shop, and the old Combat Zone. While Megan is startled at the sight of Hawkeye without a hat and Tierney bemoans the long list of uncredited actors from this film, we all band together to debate the difference between a pro shop and a place where you shop for pros.

The Korean War is the top news story of 1951, there continue to be no consequences for the doctors, and Sean German is back for another episode! Maybe you didn’t think you needed head cannon for who decorated Colonel Merrill’s office or where these guys got their golf balls—but you did and you’re welcome. Move over Maslow, Trapper’s hierarchy of needs is in full swing this minute as Hawkeye explains how they’re going to get out of this latest jam while they practice their putting in the colonel’s office.

Hawkeye is having the BEST trip to Japan: he has an in in Kokura after running into Ezekiel “Me Lay” Marston. Trapper just wants to get out to the golf course, but they are waylaid by the MPs. After being corralled into Colonel Merrill’s office they surrender and surely learn an important lesson in courtesy. Guest Sean German is just kidding, of course. No, Hawkeye and Trapper now pretend to be part of a totally different type of movie and they even enlist the movie’s score in helping them.

It’s a small war after all: the gas passer for this operation in Japan is an old friend of Hawkeye’s. After a little more identity subterfuge between New Englanders, Trapper fills us in on “Me Lay” Marston’s unusual nickname and Marston fills us in on why he doesn’t have time to golf. Sean German joins us to help appreciate the genius of the New Era Hospital and Whore House—the NEHWH—a less problematic place than you might assume. We share strong opinions on what to do in a library, in the privacy of your own home, or outside, and Tierney shares the story of that time she watched MASH with Michael Murphy.

If you think this episode’s title is odd, just brace yourself. Today the tangents are flowing fast and furious between Megan, Tierney, and Jim O’Kane. This is an iconic minute of MASH where we see Captain Peterson bested, ask Trapper how he wants his steak cooked, start an operation on the congressman’s son, AND meet Colonel Merrill and his boss mustache. But if you think having that much to talk about will stop us from also discussing astronauts, Mr. and Mrs. Radar’s autumnal Ottumwa Iowa retirement, Groucho’s tv career, Jack Armstrong All American Boy and his progeny, townie license plates, the CBS Saturday night lineup and what it meant to American culture, and Jim’s massive crush on Jo Ann Pflug, well, then you don’t know MASH Minute. Make yourself comfortable because Grandpa has a lot to tell us about the ancient history of the early 1970s and you won’t want to miss his story of sneaking into the movie theater to see this for the first time.

We have an absolutely packed episode of MASH Minute today. Onscreen, the fight with Marion Peterson escalates to the point that she calls for backup: Captain Peterson. Played by Cathleen Cordell, she quickly becomes a favorite of Megan, Tierney, and guest Jim O’Kane. Jaunty hats, good posture, and a last minute movies-by-minutes miracle all help us move on from “thirtysomething syndrome” and the terrible dialogue Trapper was spouting in the hallway.

What do Jim O’Kane, Julie London, and Harold E. Stine all have in common? They’re all incredibly important to this minute of MASH. As the trip to Japan begins, we meet Bobby Troup and his boss ring before being whisked into the hospital to find the congressman’s son. In this vignette, the role of the loudspeaker will be performed by a gong. Side discussions: the sideburn wars of Emergency!, wedding rings on All in the Family and The X-Files, and the startling realization that they made a tv series out of Casablanca.

Adam Liebreich-Johnsen rejoins the gang to debate the appeal of golfing, because while Hawkeye and Trapper are very excited to hit some balls in Japan, we would rather be mini-golfing. Everyone agrees two Captain John McIntyres is a terrible idea and that Vollmer’s awkward exit is superb. This is also a great minute if you want to realize that Richard Hornberger totally used the “pro from Dover” ruse that he included in the novel. Take two golf balls and call Elliott Gould when you get to Kokura.

Today Megan and Tierney are joined by Adam Liebreich-Johnsen for an actually fun minute! Vollmer is confused, Trapper teases this lieutenant by acting as if he’s a patient, and Hawkeye sounds a bit like Doc Brown from Back to the Future. What are they gonna do next? They’re going to Tokyo Disneyland! Ok, not really, but Trapper is to proceed to Kokura, Japan.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, especially if you throw some of it at his back. The Korean doctor tells Hawkeye “Nice try” and takes Ho Jon with him. (Ho Jon Lives! should be spray painted on the subway walls.) We are all whisked back to the 4077th to move on via golfing. We get a fun anti-war announcement, learn about Sedalia and their VFW post, conduct some fashion analysis, and realize that Mike basically lived MASH one evening on a rooftop.

Chris Callaghan and Mike Logerfo join the ladies of MASH to talk about the results of Ho Jon’s medical exam. We’re all shocked at how bad a liar Hawkeye is… although no one is surprised that Tierney noticed the dogs in this minute. What do Burl Ives, Nova Scotian slang, and Sudafed have in common? Press “y” to find out! (Note from Tierney: I don’t know if that video game joke actually makes any sense.)

Who needs a guest when we have such a charming story about Donald Sutherland’s dad watching MASH for the first time? After dropping Ho Jon off for his medical exam, Hawkeye returns to the Jeep to wait. He recaptures our hearts with his goofy antics, heartfelt line readings, and a lot of adorableness as he’s suddenly interviewed by a reporter driving by. Everything about this is fantastic and we have to give Altman his due; as Megan says, this minute is “annoyingly good”.

Christy Porter of Indiana Jones Minute is used to protagonists who make it up as they go along, but this is out of control: did you know this was supposed to be Houlihan’s last scene? But Altman didn’t yell cut when expected, so Kellerman just kept going and… the rest is movie history. We put more thought into her character arc than probably anyone who made this movie did, realize that Leslie is the only grown up in this camp, and are unsettled by a chillaxed Henry Blake. After a transition that doesn’t transition, we find ourselves in a busy city street, having apparently moved on from the shower scene with literally no consequences!

Margaret Houlihan has had it with these finks, bastards, and twerps. She bursts into Henry Blake’s tent and has one of the best meltdowns ever captured on film. Christy Porter wants to know if she’s ever been this mad before in her life; Tierney does some script consulting; Megan has strong opinions about who should and shouldn’t read audio books. Get ready to ride the emotional rollercoaster of Houlihan’s speech AND the realization that perhaps Henry is more of a dog than we thought possible.

Today Megan, Tierney, and guest Christy Porter tackle THE shower minute aka the cruelest minute of the entire thing aka the nudey part. We talk about both the onscreen trio of scumbags who lift the side of the shower tent so the entire camp can see Houlihan naked and the behind-the-scenes filming of this scene. Piecing together interviews with Sally Kellerman, Robert Altman, and Gary Burghoff, we’ve come up with one perfect piece of advice: guys, if your plan to help a woman be more comfortable naked in public is to also get naked, don’t help.

Beer and binoculars. Nuns and nurses. Intimate Matters and matters of intimacy. Today Sally Kellerman starts blowing our minds with how good her acting is in this scene and Prof. Christy Porter blows our minds by sharing the best worst idea a Catholic high school drama club ever had. We also ask some really tough questions. How do you balance the idea of a powerful female who just isn’t liked from the pervasive misogyny in our culture? Are these other women complicit? What’s the best way to combat “The Matilda Effect”? Did Mulcahy just take a shower with a dog? Everybody’s in bathrobes and we just want to share a lousy cup of coffee.

The bro-fest by the river continues as Duke stakes $20 on his belief that Houlihan dyes her hair. Bandini volunteers to find out, but there’s going to be a much more elaborate plan than that! Liz Whitaker points out the possibility that Trapper’s protestations are not in earnest. After playing with an inflation calculator, we change scenes and embrace the return of the real heroes of the movie: Ho Jon the bartender and Radar the quick-thinker.

After Radar the Vampire saves the day, we leave the OR to watch the boys bro out by the river. Thanks to a real-life helicopter crash, Altman got a really cool set for this scene. We compare the real crash to the one they discuss in universe, and Tierney has a horrible realization about all the jokes the TV show made regarding Margaret’s roots. Liz Whitaker keeps us guessing: is this bad acting or drunk acting… or both? And it took over an hour into the film, but Megan finally gets a chance to unleash her inner Top Gear Geek and compare James May’s Liberty shirts to Trapper John’s paisley boxers.

MASH Minute is on vacation. How often do you get to go to Japan with your clubs? We'll be back to our normal Monday-Friday release schedule on October 7th. That is all!

This minute is more surgery and Megan, Tierney, and Liz Whitaker are here with the world’s finest medical advice. We know so much about keeping calm in high pressure situations. And surgeons’ emotional temperaments. And how patients can be like chicken. And decision making. And what flavor anesthesia to get. We would be such good doctors. Ok, that’s a lie and we all know it. But we also know that Trapper’s “compliment” to Houlihan doesn’t add up, that Ugly John is cool as a cucumber, and that spurting is a very good technical term. The minute ends on a cliffhanger as Hawkeye and Trapper argue over how to treat a patient.

This one’s for you, babe. Megan and Tierney are joined by Liz Whitaker of Mean Girls Minute to talk about… surgery and having blood drawn. Very different type of movie. The heroes of this minute are the closed captioner and Radar the Vampire. Meanwhile, Trapper operates on a prisoner of war and tries out his best dad jokes. We discuss the importance of admitting when you don’t know what you’re doing and also the importance of admitting when you did something wrong. There are several stories of woe about donating blood; just a heads up in case you aren’t into phlebotomy.

Trigger warning for rape. Because according to Painless, he just slept like a doll last night. So… Megan, Tierney, and guest Kathleen Mocklin have all reached the same awful conclusion. Painless enjoys breakfast, Hawkeye smugly cleans his glasses, and Dish all but shouts “K THX BYEEEEEEE” as she takes off in the helicopter. Lucky her, she’ll never have to deal with these boys again. Meanwhile it’s up to Mom Vollmer and Sandy Koufax to keep us from giving up on males entirely.