Probably Poly

We're diving into a reader question on creating effective community spaces.  This episode we discuss safer spaces, braver spaces and creative interventions.  Is the ban hammer the way to go or are there compassionate ways to manage safety concerns? What does success look like for a harms process?  References: chrome-extension://efaidnbmnnnibpcajpcglclefindmkaj/https://www.creative-interventions.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/CI-Toolkit-Final-ENTIRE-Aug-2020-new-cover.pdf https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DARVO

Episode 69 (Over Rated Sex Acts) is now live! Join us as we discuss how to navigate common events in polyamory communities.  What difficulties do attendees experience engaging in new spaces? Get a better understanding of how community leaders approach community events.  Learn ways to become more involved and how to create a space that fits you best. Don't forget to subscribe if you want notifications when we post new episodes. Citations: - Photo by Inga Seliverstova from Pexels #NavigatingSocialEvents #EventBurnOut #ProbablyPoly #Awkward #ENM

Laugh with us as we giggle and guffaw in our 69th episode discussing overrated sex acts. We normally bring you heavy topics, but this episode is all about fun. We would like to caveat that the information presented is based on our own experiences and opinions. C*m and celebrate with us getting to number 69. Don't forget to subscribe if you want notifications when we post new episodes. Citations: - Photo by Daria Sannikova from Pexels - The Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus https://books.google.com/books/about/The_Ultimate_Guide_to_Cunnilingus.html?id=yk9p4FqmJqwC - The Ultimate Guide to Fellatio https://books.google.com/books/about/The_Ultimate_Guide_to_Fellatio.html?id=X8T0sglLnrAC

You asked for an episode on the ethics of Unicorn Hunting and we gave it to you! Listen to Michael, Mandee, and Sarah discuss the defining factors for Unicorn Hunting. What are the red flags and prep work needed if you are considering this relationship style or being approached to join a couple? We also discuss how to address Unicorn Hunting as a group leader. Citations: - Photo by Daria Sannikova from Pexels - OPP Episode: https://www.probablypoly.com/post/episode-33-the-one-eggplant-policy - Closed Relationships:https://www.probablypoly.com/post/episode-63-closed-relationships-ethical-otherwise - Couples Privilege Episode: https://www.probablypoly.com/post/episode-61-couples-privilege - Consent is Not Always Enough: https://www.probablypoly.com/post/episode-58-consent-isn-t-always-enough

Join us as we welcome back Sarah and introduce a method of creating durable, modular, and ethical agreements to help you meet your safer sex goals. Once a much talked about concept fluid bonding agreements have fallen out of favor in ethical non-monogamy for being often problematic and hierarchal, and we can't help but agree. However, there were some valuable concepts we wanted to salvage and continue to polish into more useful and more ethical forms. Merchandise Website: https://www.etsy.com/shop/MandeeMakesMerch

In this episode we look at building up trust and open honest communication, especially how to build trust with people who have experienced betrayals in the past, from yourself or others. We also look at the power of gratitude and communication tools to make it all work.

Episode 65 (Crystal Byrd Farmer on The Token) is now live! We are very lucky to have Crystal Byrd Farmer drop by this week to talk about her book. “The Token” is a practical guide, including workshops, on how to look critically at majority communities wishing to increase diversity across any axis as well as common mistakes, how well meaning people are often still doing harm, and the best ways to avoid those harms. Citations: Crystal’s Website: https://crystalbyrdfarmer.com Buy the Token from the Publisher: https://newsociety.com/books/t/the-token

We have the amazing honor this week of interviewing five of the people who spoke up about their experiences with Franklin Veaux, who have gone collectively by the name "the Franklin Veaux survivors" (although they don't all individually identify as survivors) — Melanie, Rose, Celeste, Eve and Marissa. We talk about what went right and what went wrong during the harms process and ways in which we can apply these lessons to our communities and culture going forward. Citations: Survivor Archive: https://www.itrippedonthepolystair.com Jiji Judges: https://twitter.com/jijijudges Crystal Farmer on Reid Mihalko’s harms process: https://medium.com/@crystalbyrdfarmer/on-accountability-and-reid-mihalko-12bcb8afbb21 Rose on community response to Harms: https://ourbetternatures.wordpress.com/2019/06/08/community-response-to-complaints/ Survivor Statement about the Harms Process: https://link.medium.com/8g9lXLxeXbb

In this episode explore the ethics of closed relationships. This includes explicitly non-monogamous closed relationships (often called poly-fidelitous) as well as how unintentionally closed relationships that represent or see themselves as open form. Visual Resource for Boundaries, Wants & Needs Visualization: probablypoly.com/resources

In this episode we invite therapist Dr. Daniel Stillwell on the show to discuss the difference between the ways in which he applies the theories of boundaries, needs, and wants in his practice and common ways these theories are discussed or talked about in relationship help texts and the poly community at large. We separate multiple functioning ways to apply different versions of these theories for different scenarios and discuss the importance of defining your terms in discussions with partners. Join Our Next Chat Saturday November 7th from 5 to 7pm EST: meet.google.com/ftw-gpod-adc Get a copy of the visual from the episode complete with map key at: https://www.probablypoly.com/resources Check out Dr. Daniel Stillwell at StillwellTherapy.com

Episode 61 (Couples Privilege) is now live! If you have at least one relationship then you have couples privilege. In this episode we look at what causes couples privilege, why it is so hard to see in yourself, and what we can do to help alleviate the sorts of harms that couples privilege is likely to cause. Join Our Next Chat tomorrow Saturday November 7th from 5 to 7pm EST: meet.google.com/ftw-gpod-adc

We attempt to provide both theory and application advise in relationship ethics. One of the best ways to do that is to take information from one or more of our theory episodes and apply them to a detailed case provided by a listener. This is the first of our case study series and it looks at a very difficult and intertwined situation of a person realizing they are non-monogamous after 17 years of marriage and investigating what options they have in the bounds of ethics if their partner is unwilling to open their marriage. Join Our Next Chat tomorrow Saturday September 26th from 5 to 7pm EST: meet.google.com/zta-qeiw-kbn

One of the most common confusions we hear in Ethical Non-Monogamy is, what exactly are boundaries, needs, and wants. How can you tell them apart? How can you tell if your partner really has a need or if it’s just a want? In this episode we tackle these questions and more as we attempt to clearly explain boundaries, needs, and wants. Join Our Next Chat on Saturday September 26th from 5 to 7pm EST: meet.google.com/zta-qeiw-kbn Citations: First Video Episode at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKjr-doAGKk&t=36s Donate at: https://www.probablypoly.com/donate

Consent is one of the most difficult and important topics in interpersonal ethics. Join us as we try and work out some of the more difficult questions associated with this tangled topic. What exactly do we mean when we say “consent”. What sort of consent can we give? When is consent alone not enough to guarantee that an interaction is ethical. Citations: First Video Episode at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKjr-doAGKk&t=36s

Sharing emotions with the people around you is a cornerstone of authenticity but its easier said than done (especially in a culture which unfairly praises apparent objectivity), and much easier said than done to do it ethically. This week we look at all the benefits of that emotional content, the myth of the neutral “logical” position, and how to engage that content as ethically as possible. Next Group Chat will be August 22nd from 5 to 7 pm est. on Google Meets Link: meet.google.com/nyk-uzex-wkf Citations: Episode Referenced for Manipulative Emotions: https://soundcloud.com/probably-poly/gatekeeping-and-shame Episode on Holding Space through the lens of Mourning: https://soundcloud.com/probably-poly/mourning

This week we look at the origins of shame and other judgmental moral emotions. What role they played evolutionarily and the ethical problems they present and how these harmful emotions are bound up in the desire and problems with gatekeeping the term polyamory itself.

While everyone deals with mourning, as non-monogamous individuals we also need to be able and willing to support our partners through the loss of other partners. In this episode we deal with loss and how to mourn losses and integrate those adjustments into your own life as well as some of the best ways to support others do the same. All forms of loss cause morning and being able to morn and help those we are in relationships with mourn is one of our most important abilities. Next Online Chat Saturday July 25th from 5pm to 7pm. We’ll have more details for you soon, but we are changing platforms (shockingly for ethics reasons). But also going to a monthly format because our children return to activities bi-weekly meetings are no longer reasonable for us. Citations: Jail Support Arrests: https://www.wbtv.com/2020/06/18/deputies-arrest-more-than-people-jail-support-sit-in-outside-mecklenburg-county-jail/ Black Militia as Stone Mountain Park: https://www.newsweek.com/armed-black-demonstrators-challenge-white-supremacist-militia-georgias-stone-mountain-park-1515494

Join us this week for a lighter, but still socially responsible, discussion of how to use relationship games to improve your long distance relationships by adding depth and allowing emotional bonding on par with in person relationships. This episode is of course a little more explicit than our regular content. This episode both introduces these concepts and explores the philosophy that undergirds their use and appeal. No zoom chat this upcoming week. We meant to announce that but forgot. More details coming soon. YouTube Link: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1NHcAWO10cYQQ5DBYIYGmQ? Sex Toy Link: https://www.lovense.com

I do not have a pithy teaser for you this week. This episode was difficult to record and difficult to edit. We explain why all of us who want to lay a claim to being ethical must participate in the Black Lives Matter movement to the best of our ability, why all oppression must be fought everywhere and every time we find it, and why ENM and Polyamory are fundamentally radical and anti oppression. If we made any mistakes in dealing with this extremely complex and sensitive material please let us know so we can correct them as fast as possible. Join us again next Saturday, June, 20th from 5 to 7 EST live on Zoom using the following link: https://us02web.zoom.us/j/82068272449 Citations: NPR details the history of Race and Policing: https://www.npr.org/2020/06/13/876628302/the-history-of-policing-and-race-in-the-u-s-are-deeply-intertwined CNN shows white wealth at 10 times black wealth and black income at only 60% of white income in the USA: https://www.cnn.com/2020/06/03/politics/black-white-us-financial-inequality/index.html NYT describes the history of the racial wealth dived in the USA and how it has been maintained: https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2019/08/14/magazine/racial-wealth-gap.html?mtrref=undefined&assetType=REGIWALL&mtrref=www.nytimes.com&gwh=75B09384540BDF2327841A1263870EE4&gwt=pay&assetType=REGIWALL “A Potent interaction of socialist, feminist, and antiracist radicalism converged with new conceptions of sexuality from the 1910s to the 1930s to produce a period of openness in the United States that allowed sex radicals to convey explosive messages about the centrality of sex to human well-being, about women’s sexual desire and autonomy, and about the sexual rights of African Americans and same-sex lovers.” Quote From: “Making Marriage Modern: Women’s Sexuality from the Progressive Era to World War II” by Christina Simmons

This week we made our first episode in a new series we are calling Probably Poly Particulars. This is basically a zoomed in topic done as a video and we were so fortunate to have Ash Williams of Charlotte Uprising, a local organizer working in the BLM movement on the show to talk about the amazing work they are doing in charlotte. The only problem is no one knows we do video's yet. So we are releasing it as a podcast as well to signal boost to as many people as possible. Check out the Video at: https://youtu.be/AdYsvxalOW0 And Connect with and support Charlotte Uprising at: Facebook @Charlotte Uprising Twitter @CltUprising DO NOT GO to CharlotteUprising.com Bail fund info Cash app: $MeganVanFleet19 Venmo: @Megan-Van-Fleet-19 (Edit: Donation Links Updated at @Charlotte Uprising's request) Jail Support Hotline Number: (980)224-2097

Join us as we look at common claims against autonomy inside of relationships and expose how we are likely not talking about autonomy and even if we are it may not be the most helpful lens to use. Along the way we troubleshoot what you are most likely dealing with and approaches to resolving those sorts of issues. Join us again next Saturday, June, 6th from 5 to 7 EST live on Zoom using the following link: https://us02web.zoom.us/j/87325747699

In this episode we break down the perceived barrier between doing and being and examine how what we do makes up who we are and how even those things that we might think of as being intrinsic are still projects whether we realize it or not. Join us again this Saturday, May, 23rd from 5 to 7 EST live on Zoom using the following https://us02web.zoom.us/j/83750233505

In this episode we look at the final update from the FV survivor pod and an update directly from the survivors, including the updated public survivor asks. We look at the process trajectory and think about take aways and say thanks for all the hard work. In polyamory we know transitions and partial endings are as important as beginnings so we hope you’ll stick with us through this difficult episode. Join us again this Saturday, May, 9th from 5 to 7 EST live on Zoom using the following link: https://us02web.zoom.us/j/83607396969 Citations: Survivor Pod Final Update: https://medium.com/@fv.survivor.pod/a-final-update-from-the-fv-survivor-support-team-f998c893a413 Update from the Survivors: https://medium.com/@fv.survivor.pod/a-message-from-the-fv-survivors-3c1ea629af78 Survivor Archive: https://www.itrippedonthepolystair.com/

We are very lucky to have polyamorous relationship coach and author Robin Beatch join us this week. We discuss a wide range of topic, including but not limited too, how proper sleep manages stress., how to reconcile various communication styles, and special gifts to help touch your partners from a distance. Join us again this Saturday, April, 25th from 5 to 7:30 est live on Zoom using the following link: https://us02web.zoom.us/j/81089120245 Citations: Check out Robin’s work and swag at: https://robinsnestcoaching.com Great Pink Noise Sound Machine (I suggest the travel size because its just as robust cheeper smaller and has battery back up): https://www.amazon.com/Sound-Fidelity-Non-Looping-Adaptive-Technology/dp/B0182L68NQ/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?dchild=1&keywords=sound%2Bsleep&qid=1587253192&sr=8-1-spons&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUE0TEY4VExENkczQ0YmZW5jcnlwdGVkSWQ9QTA0ODkzMDMxNFJVOFVJUjk4RzJLJmVuY3J5cHRlZEFkSWQ9QTA2OTM0NTFEQjdNOEg1RUZONUcmd2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGYmYWN0aW9uPWNsaWNrUmVkaXJlY3QmZG9Ob3RMb2dDbGljaz10cnVl&th=1

This week we dive into how large life changes outside of our control effect our sense of self and how we can reclaim that to the best of our abilities. We utilize the current events as a lens sharing how our lives have personally been affected and what our new normals look like, the difficulties, the profound causes for hope, as well as how to make it better. We also want to warn our listeners that we touch on depression and anxiety triggered by the virus. All that and we break down the new stimulus Cares Act that the government just passed, what we should know. Join us this Saturday, April, 11th from 5 to 7:30 est live on Zoom using the following link: https://us04web.zoom.us/j/855468883 Citations: NY Times outline of the CARES act: https://www.nytimes.com/article/coronavirus-stimulus-package-questions-answers.html

We recorded this episode about togetherness and celebrations before the Corona Virus decended on us, sorry about that, but its still full of good content about how to handle birthdays with partners, friends and metamores, as well as a celebration of Mandee Conant’s actual birthday (Happy Birthday Mandee).

This week we talk about the difficult but ever-present issue of sharing social spaces with ex partners, as well as navigating how to handle the possibility of getting back together with an ex years later.

This week Chanee Jackson Kendall cofounder of Black Poly Pride drops by to tell us about their Black Poly History push for Black History Month as well as tell us all about Black Poly Pride and discuss other issues about being black and poly. Please check them out on whatever digital engagement works best for you and support them if you can. Website:  www.BlackPolyPride.com Twitter: @BlackPolyPride  Facebook: www.Facebook.com/BlackPolyPride   Instagram: @BlackPolyPride   Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/BlackPolyPride

As Valentines approaches we discuss internet dating options, how to set up your profile to maximize matches, and why you probably don’t want to, as well as how to manage NRE for a safer more consistent ride at the beginning of those new relationships.

This week we had two wonderful listener questions but they were both too long to be an intro and not long enough to be full episodes so we paired them together to get one full episode. What do you say when someone asks you to tell them if they are poly or not? For that matter how do you know you are poly? Thats the meat of the first half of the episode and for the second half we have a very specific case study of STI disclosure ethics.

In this episode we discuss, well basically every facet of effort and reviving effort, or gratitude. We look at why we might be resentful of how our effort is received, how receiving too much effort might be difficult, how it’s likely that everyone in the relationship is working much harder than you realize and much more. So join us for a deep dive and if you have any questions left over throw them up on the facebook page or send them in via email.

In this episode we use the holidays as a framing device to do a pretty deep dive into when and how it is morally acceptable to lie. We hit the whole range from big potentially life saving lies down to little white lies and even if lies meant to improve the wonder of children like Santa Clause are really super helpful. We hope you are having a wonderful holiday with your families and we hope you enjoy.

This week Angel Kalafatis-Russell aka Professor Sex of ProfessorSex.com joins us to discuss the ethics of STI testing, treatment, and disclosure. As well as best safe practices for safer sex and STi testing. This super long pre-holiday episode features our new sound software made possible by the generous donations of our listeners. Thank you so much all those who have donated. Links: Professor Sex: https://professorsex.com PolyPages Guest Episode: https://anchor.fm/polypages/episodes/BONUS---Polyamory-as-Identity--Sexual-Orientation--or-Intimate-Practice-e9c5om Recommended Books Page: https://www.probablypoly.com/resources

However, I finished this episode after working at 15 hour shift installing tile, that is how much I love all of you. But if there are any mistakes or glitches please let me know and I will fix them ASAP because I need sleep far more than I need to review this episode right now. This week one of the other cofounders of Young Poly Carolina’s drops by and we discuss our organizational structures, why they are the way they are, how the infamous dating rule is working out one year later, and the rewards of working in your community.

One of the questions we get the most is what books we’d suggest for new listeners and for further reading. This week Mandee, Sarah and I bring our best book recommendations and discuss what we recommend and why. Later this week we will be posting this link and updating it in the future to be an ongoing reading resource. If we missed your favorite book lets us know, we’ll read it and it we think it works we’ll add it. Citations: books- link coming soon Unabridged The Second Sex: https://www.amazon.com/Second-Sex-Simone-Beauvoir/dp/030727778X/ref=asc_df_030727778X/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=312128284741&hvpos=1o1&hvnetw=g&hvrand=5717330611466804171&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9009991&hvtargid=pla-451002768223&psc=1

This week Sarah Neal drops by again to help us tackle our first stab at the topic of cheating. We look at why people might cheat and how that might be different in a non-monogamous setting. We also look at how to handle cheating if it happens to you or you are engaged in cheating. And as usual Sarah and I tend to disagree at first but find some consensus by the end.

This week we respond to a listener question about how to work with neurodivergent members of our communities in a way that benefits everyone. We are particularly excited to have my friend Louis who identifies as having Aspergers stops by to give some guidance and react to our suggestions. After we published this episode we were contacted by a concerned listener. This version includes a forwards and afterwords intended to address those concerns. Forward: 00:00 - 04:26 Original Episode: 04:27 - 42:24 Afterword: 42:25 - 57:46 Citations: Respectful Disability Language Guide: http://www.aucd.org/docs/add/sa_summits/Language%20Doc.pdf MTV’s Decode Episode on African American Vernacular Dialect: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l-VnitbeS6w&feature=youtu.be&fbclid=IwAR3XSX7w0cZYOFWVUwGknTWpUGe8B3njuIiphUqJZAa2jNcuVBX__9SY7XQ Obsidian Tea: https://obsidiantea.com Black and White Styles in Conflict: https://www.press.uchicago.edu/ucp/books/book/chicago/B/bo5960984.html Why I'm No Longer Talking to White People About Race: http://renieddolodge.co.uk/books/ So You Want to Talk About Race: http://www.ijeomaoluo.com/ The Racial Contract by Charles W. Mills https://www.amazon.com/Racial-Contract-Charles-W-Mills/dp/0801484634 “Hey, Beautiful”: On the Racist and Classist Implications of the Catcalling Video: http://www.bkmag.com/2014/10/29/hey-beautiful-on-the-racist-and-classist-implications-of-the-catcalling-video/

ost people say they have it, but have you ever asked yourself what you mean when you say you have free will, what it means, or why it might matter? These questions are extremely important and we hope you’ll join us in exploring them. Citations: Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy entry on Free Will: https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/freewill/

This week we talk in depth about the origins and functions of moral language, words like “good” and “evil”, “bad” and “good”. These sorts of questions are very important when thinking about how to judge others, how to forgive ourselves, and how to understand the burgeoning transformative justice movement. Citations: Article about the issues of believing in meritocracy: https://www.fastcompany.com/40510522/meritocracy-doesnt-exist-and-believing-it-does-is-bad-for-you

Short version: We’ve got a survivor pod update and we talk about the seemingly ever present one eggplant policy. Long Version: Its way past my bedtime and I can’t think of a teaser. So I’m gonna try something new and let the first person in our community who sends me a reasonable teaser text get their teaser used (with attribution and thanks listed or anonymously their choice). Citations: Survivor Stories: https://polyamory-metoo.com/intro-part-2/?fbclid=IwAR07BZcoG90qy3W2rayOkx68Ks4Y22EVxcfRoYHy05DRZBmD1rBoiM1IFTQ Pod Update: https://medium.com/@fv.survivor.pod/life-rewards-courage-more-survivor-stories-released-today-d796ebfb747c

oin us this week as we looks at why we explain why we don’t talk as much about metamour ethics as maybe you think we should, and what we mean when we say intentional metamours. In addition to the main topic we also spend some time answering our first international listener inquiry as to why we endorse the terms ethical non-monogamy as the main community umbrella term as opposed to consensual non-monogamy.

NRE With Multiple Partners by Probably Poly

Our 30th episode was taped live at APW with our fans. We discuss the structure of jealously and answer listener questions directly in this extra long extra live episode. Citations: - Handbook of Jealousy (book) Edited by Sybil L. Hart and Maria Legerstee - A Perfect Mess (book)Eric Abrahamson and David H. Freeman

This week we talk about how NRE (New Relationship Energy) highjacks your body and mind. We deal with questions about how you can lessen its effects, and if you could avoid it all together. Or if, you’re into NRE how to ride it in a safer more ethical fashion. We also discuss how NRE temporarily bridges the social energy gaps between introverts and extroverts and the fallout that causes. Harvard Page on Science of Love: http://sitn.hms.harvard.edu/flash/2017/love-actually-science-behind-lust-attraction-companionship/

(if unclear: meme meant ironically) In the last few weeks the first two responses from Franklin Veaux’s “accountability pod” and a veritable cornucopia of new material from Polyamory’s #metoo Survivor Pod has been released. Join us as we take a look. (new minute markers) 00:00 - introduction 00:18 - notes and corrections 04:35 - main story 33:29 - outré / next time on Links: Most Recent Update from the survivor pod: https://medium.com/@fv.survivor.pod/survivor-stories-from-the-game-changer-and-other-updates-for-may-68058dc3065b Franklin’s “accountability pod’s” first post: https://www.quora.com/What-progress-has-Franklin-Veaux-made-with-his-accountability-pod-following-the-Polyamorys-metoo-allegations Aida Manduley’s twitter responce: https://mobile.twitter.com/neuronbomb/status/1131628523326590976?s=21&fbclid=IwAR2ScNHv6mpIjCKUDxeKjosHrob57bd3gMWrJycbqgCKXR-Z-XQZdhvH50I New survivor story collection: https://polyamory-metoo.com/?fbclid=IwAR3fB5RR_qeXYklxo3z84x8rery6aKYF3_3QPErGn5JK7yS_C3ZvlXyqsBA Dr. Elisabeth Sheff’s “accountability pod” post: https://elisabethsheff.com/2019/05/29/sociological-analysis-of-three-veaux-survivor-narratives/?fbclid=IwAR3548GtE9W7SMxUhtwmXWC9BopyGh5CDdw0zBByzm91M_0b5Yt2QNIQwV0 Louisa Leontiades “How I Fucked Up (So Far): http://louisaleontiades.com/ways-i-fucked-up-so-far/ Samantha Manewitz response to Dr. Elisabeth Sheff’s post: https://www.beyondsafewords.com/polyamory-metoo-update-when-sociology-and-transformative-justice-collide/ Louisa Leontiades direct response to Dr. Elisabeth Sheff’s post: http://louisaleontiades.com/response-to-dr-elisabeth-sheffs-critique-of-voices-from-the-game-changer/?fbclid=IwAR07nJ43BkJsLi83J7q7XcycY6M2SHFPLvlAZApTRHec4ovyf3T1-tzW0Y0

In this episode we introduce our new format, discuss the newly released survivor stories from the polyamory’s #metoo survivor pod, and look at why we blame. Specifically, we look at when and how blame is useful and healthy, when it’s not, and why and how we can remove blame as much as possible from our relationships. Survivor Stories: https://polyamory-metoo.com/?fbclid=IwAR0OWVpDxB6zsdbYQF35m1RNjFuAa1Tz5Yv9eB-j45LoI5ixWnutmw9_LPk

Join us for our 1-year anniversary, as we discuss how members of leadership can more safely engage in relationships with community members. We are also very lucky to enjoy some words of wisdom from Samantha Manewitz, our guest on the last podcast, for additional depth. This is a great episode and we hope you all enjoy it. We also now have a donation button, so if you want to support future work check out the link: https://www.probablypoly.com/donate

This week we are incredibly excited to have had the opportunity to talk with Samantha Manewitz of the Polyamory’s Me Too Survivor Pod. Unfortunately, the master recording for this episode has some glitches that cause small pops and jumps. We apologize for the slightly lower then average quality of the recording but the content is well worth the glitches. We hope you enjoy. PayPal Pool (please donate): https://www.paypal.com/pools/c/8cEq8gX1q1?fbclid=IwAR2RUXo1ZYKSO76e_QGNPkQQc1xIC8hgk1bBtwd8D82NuK2McSh3tljjdEs Bay Area Transformative Justice Collective Article on Transformative Justice: https://batjc.wordpress.com/pods-and-pod-mapping-worksheet/?fbclid=IwAR3qCGLoyZFqU_mydpgoOgUykIYdpap6CbyoZPGu-HlcFWtHcqMBlo412cw Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy article on Plato’s idea of Justice: https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/justice/ RestorativeJustice.org article on “restorative justice” vs “transformative justice” from the restorative justice perspective: http://restorativejustice.org/rj-library/restorative-justice-and-transformative-justice-definitions-and-debates/11558/#sthash.McixXH4h.dpbs Everyday Feminism article on Transformative Justice: https://everydayfeminism.com/2017/11/me-too-transformative-justice/ YouTube on Fascism: https://ytcropper.com/cropped/bg5cd0959dc058d?fbclid=IwAR0E_sFHh9c6P87tmkYxffyBYP6AK3D3Eg_SBBteIcC3JKE328uQX5i-f20

This week we cover the newest Polyamory’s #MeToo Survivor Pod update. Then we address how to find the line between telling others about your own experiences and violating the privacy of others. March Update: https://medium.com/@fv.survivor.pod/march-updates-from-the-fv-survivor-pod-60ae06a97949 Harms List: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Jhk7nlq71dzRUsQKxlem35a40r2r6Pzz/view Tracking Document for the Continuing Story: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1IIZtz6HyI-bRZs26DwNTWwYtQ_l5R4Il9zj2PKEflas/edit?fbclid=IwAR1KJFDaoUAHNmMye9JD8xPTegMhd4oTiQzCbaf3-6dSJgic5EXMsoV1XKk#gid=0

This week we discuss evaluating who and when you should come out to with our guest Sarah Neal who provides a set of questions you can ask yourself as a framework to understand the risks rewards and options available to you around coming out.

This episode opens with a quick update to our Episode 21, following updates released by the survivor pod calling out Franklin Veaux (relevant links below). We then move into discussing how defining what we consider knowledge in the context of relationships helps create a shared dialogue and avoid common pitfalls of relationships. We hope you enjoy. Survivor Pod Update: https://medium.com/@fv.survivor.pod/light-shadow-and-movement-c970165e4b86?fbclid=IwAR3nt944mliiVQzDm32lEASn066z-pz3JwH8uC2Pp7yqS6MdweVzW9DcMcY Public Tracking Document: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1IIZtz6HyI-bRZs26DwNTWwYtQ_l5R4Il9zj2PKEflas/edit?usp=sharing Screenshot of Franklin’s Original Quora response: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1khw2k9JUfES3ymj5JE-TWNzE0SI4VYay/view Franklin’s Facebook Post: https://www.facebook.com/franklinveaux/posts/2451865108160282 Writing by Eve Rickert It Was Never About the Nail: https://brighterthansunflowers.com/2019/02/23/it-was-never-about-the-nail/ To the Next One: https://medium.com/consent-culture-a-conversation/to-the-next-one-e92f62915281 Public post from the Survivor Pod Explaining their choice of liaison: https://www.facebook.com/iwantlifeineveryword/posts/10162514616460354